#but when he’s drunk he gets bigoted. idk why. it’s just weird.)

[spaceshipkat]

.

[thorne1435]

First of all, I'm only going to mention songs that seem like they could be gay. I'm listening to 22 songs, here, counting Anti-Hero(it wasn't) and Lavender Haze(it...was? I guess?) so be grateful I'm giving you the highlights instead of the full commentary...

High Infidelity: Oh! Hey, this one could be-- welp, she said 'he'... Nevermind, I guess. Unless that was how she "bent the truth" I guess? Saying "he" instead of "she" to refer to an experimental lesbian lover, and that's why she's doing it on "April 29th" except...she forgot about May...so it's probably just an actual date that something happened on in her life. I feel like you'd have to go into this with the idea that she's gay to get that kind of interpretation, because otherwise she just cheated on a guy. With a guy. And that's w/e.

Would've, Could've, Should've: Found it! This is the gay one. Particularly, this seems like the perspective that a (fundamentalist)Christian has when they learn that they're queer. I remember, more or less, thinking these things. If I hadn't met my boyfriend--if he would've abandoned me like he fucking should've when I was toxically bigoted, I never would've questioned my hatred of men, I never would've accepted that I was bisexual, and I never would've let myself become a woman. And all of those things sparked a ton of regret when I was in the process of changing, because I still clung to those traditional values and I still thought I was inferior for them and that I was going to Hell if I tried to act on any of them. And, well, I found myself "wish[ing] [he]’d left me wondering."

I can understand why someone would view this song--particularly this interpretation of it--as a negative depiction of queer discovery, but personally...this hits really fucking close to home. And I might be reading too much into it, but...well, that's why we're still going. I'm going to listen to the rest. I just think this one was a hit.

Vigilante Shit: This one's kinda cool. I don't think this is intentionally a gay one, but I think that the idea of getting someone's wife to leave them and then just being friends with her is kinda weird. Especially since the whole thing is about revenge, and she keeps bringing up how both "shes" here don't dress for attention, they dress to piss people off, particularly whoever this man is. IDK. It just sounds like they hooked up to me. Like, that was the act of revenge: "You pissed me off (no elaboration), so I(fem.) stole your wife! Bitch! Love wins!" And I imagine that internet-lesbians would find that to be a Bad Bitch interpretation, so... I just thought I'd throw it out there.

Moving on.

Glitch: Okay, I think this one is gay. Like, I think it's about experimentation again and not expecting it to be so meaningful. I think what makes this one seem gay to me is the bridge: "A brief interruption / A slight malfunction / I’d go back to wanting / Dudes who give nothing" Isn't it kinda weird that she said she'd go back to "wanting / Dudes"??? Like, she stopped? What was the alternative? Perhaps the alternative was one Dude in particular, but...idk about that. At the start of the song she establishes distance between herself and the subject so it's clear that she thought it wouldn't mean anything but the way she sort of makes herself sound foreign is a strange implication. "You don’t live in my part of town but maybe I’ll see you out some weekend / Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I’m in / And what’s in my system" makes it sound like she was just toying with some girl when she was drunk or high or just in an experimental mood, and she didn't think it went past that, and then it suddenly did. It's also worth noting that she keeps saying it was a "glitch" as if there is something new and unexpected, but...she's not a teenage girl anymore. She knows how sex and love work, and I find it hard to believe that thirty-somethin-y/o Taylor Swift is this surprised by growing attached to a boy she's been fucking. But if it's a girl...well...that would be something new and surprising, wouldn't it? Manipulation aside, I mean...

Since "Would've, Could've, Should've" sounds so regretful towards what I'm interpreting as being gay, I think this is the next stage in her discovery. It sounds like it was a shitty thing to be doing if true, but Taylor Swift is not really a stranger to portraying herself as a heartless bitch, to be fair. And, uh, y'know, the roads of self-discovery are winding and unkempt or...w/e...

Bejeweled: I didn't really wanna mention this one. I like it, it's one of my favorites so far, it's catchy. But it might be gay. It might be her reminding a man taking advantage of her that she can always go back to bi-"questioning" and like...idk its just a weird way to say that she could replace him. Like, "I don’t remember" is a weird response to "Do you have a man?" don't you think? Which means it's probably meant to imply that she can still say that she's some kind of gay if men piss her off, and that she's trying to find the right girl or w/e, which is a pretty shitty perspective since, as I understand it, that's never worked for any other bi people, and it's sort of treating the identity as a tool to be used and discarded, though, I think in context it sort of makes sense as a way of threatening the man she's with, like, as a way of saying "Maybe I'll start working on me again. Maybe I'll figure out what April 29th was about." remember april 29th? the random ominous date she dropped. i didnt forget.

I also think the fact that she uses so much jewel-imagery, knowing that queer people tend to use sparkle emojis and shit to glamorize the queer lifestyle a bit, might not be a coincidence. Especially, this line:

OOPS SHE'S STRAIGHT I FORGOT THAT SHE'S STRAIGHT SAPPHIRE AND GEMSTONES AND EVERYTHING IT WAS ALL A COINCIDENCE BECAUSE SHE WAS STRAIGHT THE WHOLE TIME AND IT'S A MAN AND THE AESTHETIC SIMILARITY BETWEEN SAPPHO AND SAPPHIRE IS NOT RELEVANT...apparently...

so now you see how this has been going for me...

Question...?: im just gonna put this here...

it speaks for itself I think. and i dont have the patience to unpack it right now. It's not explicit it never is, but y'know it's...implying that she could be a little gay. Maybe.

listening to taylor swift music trying to find the gay

i guess...like...lavender haze is trying to invoke the memory of the lavender scare? Y'know, that 1950s shit?

I'm going to assume that Taylor Swift is trying to very marketably imply that she might be bisexual.

But...i'll keep you posted...

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

5/27/17 1:20am - oh shit oh fuck oh shit quick update rq

So everything has changed really quick.

Harem strats dissolved pretty quickly. After I got cucked by smokeahontas I pestered her to come over when she had a chance, and she finally showed up at my place to smoke the morning I was supposed to go out with NCSU girl (Katy. That name is gonna be important, she’s not gonna be NCSU or textiles girl anymore). What ended up happening was she strolled up to my apartment appearing as if to be a land whale and I realized I wasn’t careful enough to get her to take snapchat pics of herself below the shoulders. Soooo what happened with her was we smoked a little, and for some reason Dylan’s girlfriend was chilling with two of her friends, so we spent the whole evening smoking cigarettes and talking about shit and laughing and whatever, while I pretended that I just wanted to be friends with smokeahontas and hadn’t totally invited her over to bang. We had a nice awkward little goodbye, and then she texts me saying that “I really wanted to fuck, tbh” and I tried my fucking Hardest to play it off with a “sorry, just wasn’t feeling it.” but then she dragged it out of me asking why and whatnot and I eventually had to tell her that I wasn’t attracted to her because she was too heavy. Tried to be very like... nice about it, saying that I just wasn’t attractive to heavier women. She called me a bigot. So I said well sexual preferences are not a choice but a reflection of an individual’s experiences, and that she shouldn’t have to change herself for me or for anybody and that she should be happy about how she looks, but I also told her that obesity reminds me of work and sick people and so it’s just not attractive to me. So idk I was probably a bit of an asshole. A lot of an asshole. whatever. I deleted that text convo because it got kinda heavy but so it goes.

After that I kinda pondered what the fuck I was doing with myself trying to go on all these dates and kinda wasting my time or whatever, so instead of tryharding to go out with Katy I decided to see if she’d hit me up (she didn’t) figuring that she’d probably be celebrating ncsu graduation with ncsu people and that it’d be weird anyway (yeah probably), and so I got to chill with Maya and watch a couple anime episodes with her. Showed her some rezero, she showed me some jojo, we drank a bunch of pbr and chilled with fonzi it was a great time. 

Since then my love life has gone a little crazy so that’s gonna need another post, but here’s some more quick hit updates.

Just weighed myself. Been eating a fuckton lately, but currently at 148.8 in clothes.

Just got my vasectomy done. Crazy how fucking quick it was. Fonzi and I were only there for like an hour. I took him to chic fil a for driving me. Pretty great. I might have a scrotal hematoma rn kinda worried about it hopefully it’ll just go away, it doesn’t hurt or anything but I’m super happy that I followed through with this. excited for september when I’ll be confirmed infertile lmfao.

Got rejected to take the RPSGT exam, emailed them about it, got it fixed within a day, so I finally got approved two days ago!! I’m gonna be taking the exam the wednesday after I get home from florida, so about 10 days from now. Fucking crazy, I’m finally making it. Super excellent. 

Season’s over for melee so I’m gonna be working on my other combo video. 

Went to lake week this weekend, it was pretty amazing broing out with everybody. Had this weird phone call with my dad while I was drunk while he was telling me he might want me to move to cali to work for him. Mostly was really drunk and ate everything in sight for 4 days, nude tanned and skinny dipped a ton, played a bunch of frisbee and a little bit of risk and a ton of flip cup and beer pong and just had good catchup talks with all the fam.

There was one talk I felt a little awkward about with scandy and brian where I was drunkenly trying to explain to them why I blew up on everybody after the fallout with pinelli happened. I really didn’t give a fuck about everyone being a buzzkill on the trip because I had a great time. I couldn’t really find a drunk way to explain that I wanted to blow up on everybody so that I could make a clean break from the friend group because in my mind it was either me or Pinelli who had to go, and I chose me, because at the time I wanted to stay with Kailey. Because I loved her. Idk.

I also want to write down that I got grace to hit her first last cup in beer pong and we kicked ass. Also was super flirty with alex’s date all weekend because she was cute as fuck and had the most gorgeous tits, but didn’t actually make any moves because I really do think I wouldn’t do that kind of thing. I know I drunkenly said that I wouldn’t, and if she like propositioned me when I was drunk... well... Idk yeah man probably who knows. 

Didn’t do any hard drugs so no real crazy lake week stories this time around. A few people did molly but those assholes didn’t get enough to share so I didn’t really feel like hanging around them. [hrmph. only trying to be a dick because i know you’re reading this. :P ]

Fantastic time though, man.

But the whole weekend I was spending time snapchatting and drunk dialing this Katy girl so I’m gonna try to get to a big post on her even though she’s reading my blog as I write this right now ugh i’m an idiot.