#but whatever. every aspect of my life is miserable so it doesnt really matter the absence of it just aches

[bunnihearted]

life really is so dull and colorless without having someone to pour affection into and then also receive it from them..

[buoyantsaturn]

13 17 21!

hiiiii katherine!!!

13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

relationship angst is actually very difficult for me bc like. i dont know whats reasonable for couples to fight about bc ive never been a part of a couple lmao. like whats a disagreement and whats a fight and whats enough to break you up like yeah i know the red flags and whatever but i genuinely am the last person who should be writing romance fics lmao.* easy is usually anything where people are just like joking around and picking on each other although i WILL say that i take a million years to workshop jokes and yes my mutuals suffer from it. that being said the ass eating joke in the camp counselors au is still the funniest thing ive ever written and i still cry laughing every time i go back and reread the conversation that made that joke happen in alabanda

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

my CURRENT wip (technically 2 most current wips) are secrets. the things that i Can tell you include: wip #1 is an extension of something i absolutely ADORED writing but continuing it makes me nervous bc like. you know how sequels are rarely as good as the original? i suffer greatly from that syndrome in my writing imo so it might be 1. worse for people to read (and yes i know i know yall will read whatever i write and will love it with your whole hearts but thats not the point) and 2. less enjoyable for me to write :/ but im having fun planning it right now at least!! i even got a new idea for it right when i got home from work so that was just jotted down in the planning doc :3

and wip #2 is a surprise! it is a very very new idea that is also technically not even My idea but i Got the idea by reading two entirely different fics (like not even both by the same author, and i doubt the two people even know or know of each other) and it was kind of like. what if i take THIS aspect of this writing decision and incorporate it into THAT storyline to explore how things might differ. and i have no idea how the end result is going to turn out bc i did Most of the planning at 11pm last night after working a 9 hour shift and then practicing my bass for like 2 more hours so. i might have to rework the whole thing anyway and may not even post it at all <3 we shall see <3

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

i will admit i have Thought about quitting. I could never quit writing Altogether bc like ive said before ive been writing fun little stories literally for my entire life but like. right after i graduated college i was like. i should really stop paying so much attention to fandom and fic writing and focus more on like. finding a real job that isnt at a tourist trap that doesnt respect me and i kept telling myself not to plan too much further ahead in the year with my fics because who even knows if i'll be writing fic come october or november of 2021 (lmao) so like. i kind of did try to at least slow down my writing and that. failed miserably lmao. but i have decided that actually no i do not want to stop! writing makes me happy and its something that i enjoy doing and i think it keeps my brain active and gives me something worthwhile to do while im relaxing on the rare chance that i get a day off from work. i DO wish i could write more of my own original stuff but i simply do not have the brain space for creating original characters and relationships and such which is why i feel so comfortable putting the pjo characters into so many wildly insane new situations. at least that way it FEELS like i'm being original and creative even if im just playing around with the same puppets in front of a bunch of different cartoon backgrounds <3

thanks for asking!!

send me numbers!

[coolingdownanddrawing]

heres some idea’s for redesigns along with some bulletpoints on what I was thinking for story stuff involving remaking the series

Im having trouble reading off the screenshots so Im gonna write it out under the cut along with probably adding some ideas or expanding on the bullet lists (future me here: I wrote a Lot)

Sam Manson:

-Rich Activist, meaning she’s kinda blind to some troubles going on or doesnt full understand how others are doing financially, along with being raised in a house with people who arnt exactly empathetic and more focused on appearances then worker rights, sam can come off as shallow to others doing activist work.

 it could be a really interesting character arc for her to realize some of the things going on outside of her school and plants that she can help with, along with dealing with that sense of helplessness she feels at being to normal to help anyone she expresses in the show.

-Goth, but cheery? One thing i noticed in the show is how overall cheerful sam can come off while toting goth ideal’s, which may be a part of why she isnt shown to have many goth friends with them seeing her more as a poser becouse their teenagers and teenager Be like that sometimes.

 It’s not a problem in my book but it could be fun to see tucker or danny question it when in goth spaces and sam basically saying the truth that you dont have to be miserable to enjoy dark subject matter. maybe with tucker and danny getting a small interest in some of the “lesser” goth stuff sam introduces to them.

-fights everyone, becouse teenager with boundless energy and Ghosts attacking all the time. sam didnt fight much in the original series and thats a shame.

-facinated by ghost, becouse duh

-I was kinda thinking of her and tucker being introduced by them competing for class president, becouse that seem’s like a position both would be interested in and it be more interesting then having tucker face dash

Tucker Foley

-Likes to influence others is a general statment, but its true tucker likes to be involved in other peoples lives and generally have his oppinion affect people in possitive (or negative) ways. he likes seeing that his involvment matters and he suffers when people ignore him or take his oppinions for granted and id love to see stuff centered around this trait

-level 1 leader/planner, sorta connected to the influencing people thing I think tucker really would thrive in leadership roles that danny just isnt suited to handling, big mobs of people and sam on his side and he is a force to be recond with. Tucker thrives in getting big groups of people to side with him esspecially since technology profficientcy isnt a sign of weakness in this day and age. 

plus him working on his public speaking lines up with his motivation of wanting to be attactive to ladies. 

also Having him working on public speaking stuff and general people person scenario’s gives a lot of reason for the group to interact with the A listers in a less hostile scenario

-tech god I guess, becouse tucker foley

Dan Phantom

-Incarnation of discomfort being the unintentional (At least the first time) fusion of a stubborn 14 year old and his crazy 40 year old father figure with very different morals and oppinions makes existing very, very akward for dan, but great comedy fodder!

-dan is able to have legs or a ghostly tail whenever he pleases unlike vlad or danny, becouse I figured it be a good way to make fights more interesting and their fighting styles different becouse I want more vlad involvement and having  them be extra different types of ghosts makes watching either of them fight much more interesting

-wishes to not exist, esspecially in the presense of either danny or vlads love interests becouse WOW thats akward

-WAAAAY more powerful then danny and vlad, partially becouse making dan a final everything is going to hell desperate final action for danny and vlad would make dan’s appearances more interesting but also becouse of difference’s about vlad plasmius and danny phantom I will talk about when I get to them. 

Dan Discomfort Masters

-“Vlad’s nephew” becouse if you’re meeting this guy stuff has gone horrible wrong on the de-fusing front  and he needs a reason to be in either fenton on masters house hold to get whatever he needs to fix the ghost catcher 

- big ol liar pant’s, partially becouse danny and vlad are Huge Liars but also becouse of the whole, I need shit to stop existing 

-Trying to keep it together becouse he’s probably made to interact with people vlad and danny have Opinions On and honestly he cant decide if he wants to viciously prank jack at every oppertunity or punch himself for thinking of being mean to jack, among other such mixed feelings.

Vlad Masters

-Certified genius due to a number of thing’s including his obession, and becouse being smarter then jack makes him happy and if jack ever expressed interest in a subject He Must Be Better, he might not be trying to kill jack becouse he doesnt want to deal with a ghost hunter ghost for who knows how long but he wont be lesser then jack in ANYTHING.

-fruitloop, still has some backwards logic and morals such as having valarie become a ghost hunter to offer a sparring buddy to danny and whats a better motive to shoot at someone then they ruined their life right but he’s generally such a over the top bird brain trying to show off to everyone that fruitloop is the only description he can be given.

-less evil is a Big Thing, he’s still objectively not a very good man but I want him and danny working together and sharing a roof on the weekends but that means not shooting first and asking questions later on site, so a less evil vlad is needed, plus it just generally makes there interactions more fun and less dangerous which is what im going for, since walker can take over a lot of vlads antagonist role in the story plus danny and vlad making agreements to get stuff out of eachother sounds like a hell of a lot of fun, i liked eye for and eye vlad sue me.

- as a side not I want vlad to be a lot less physically fit and practiced with doing things as a human, seeing him as a man who lords his power over others when he can he prefers relaxing and working as plasmius more then masters, which affects his health and serves a purpose in story for a lesson id like made after watching phantom planet last night

Vlad Plasmius

-loving guardian in that he really, really does want to be a good father and mentor figure to danny even if their relationship is rocky due to long standing lies he’s been feeding him and how tight a grip vlad has on his familys financial health. as well as the whole snatching partial costody as soon as costudy was called into question after dannys accident (Ill get to that) vlad’s babysat in the past for the fenton which is part of it, along with his desire to be better at jack in every aspect.

-great implorer, in which he likes to get minions when he can and usually only grumbles if his minions already have plans when he calls for them, pays great by ghost zone and human standards and usually offers a full health plan, though skulkers case that full health plans is for when he gets his head up his ass and thinks he can actually get either danny or vlads pelt, one of skulkers suits is on vlads lab wall with a nice hole where its face should be as a reminder to those who cross him.

-only legs,  meaning he uses 100% more kicks and ground based attacks then danny and can kick below the bet where danny cant, this plus his fire core making him have to get creative lest he burn his surroundings to the ground has him fighting in a very different way to danny, along with his 20 years of experience. vlad tends to fight ghosts with less reason to leave the ghost zone, and invading lairs to get what he wants, leading to more serious encounters then what danny faces in the begining.

-loves dramatics, becouse vlad plasmius everybody he’s a cookyier villian here

-less evil and more ruthless and efficient to those who get in his way, that arnt who percieves as family 

-Plasmius’s obsession is teaching people lessons, in all the good and horrible ways that can imply. halfa’s have more broad and less restrictive obsessions then other ghosts which makes them more dangerous and able to ammas power.

Danny Fenton

-Fenton works heir, which is played up a lot more in this with vlad backing his family and giving them chances to disgrace themselves on public telivision and get shamed out of wherever their currently living, leading them on a series of moves throughout dannys life before amity park show off their inventions to the world! Since Jazz aggressively refused the role it fell on danny and he actually takes it pretty seriously, believing as a little bab in ghosts and being convinced of their evil from a young age by his parents which you can only imagine does great things for him when he becomes a halfa and learns unkie vlad is one as well.

-has been haunted by the creepy ghost boy title his whole like due to his situation and the fact he is usually made to assist in showing off his parents weapons publicly as a apprentice ghost hunter, one such invention was the fenton portal that had a wire loose during the presentation, when he went in and put it back the doors automatically shut him in and jack and maddie didnt notice he was in there still until the screaming started, this led to some public outcry over weather jack and maddie are fit to raise kids and vlad swooping in for partial costudy of both fenton children “to ease the masses, and besides he’s basically helped raise them anyway whats garenteed weekends at one of vlads places going to do?”  it was a sucky situation.

-bad reputation due to general protectiveness of his parents along with terrible social skills, along with his new trouble of hiding and controlling emerging ghost powers.He doesnt leave a initial good impression on sam and tucker when he first meets them as fenton, and people tend to avoid him to keep away from his parents wierdness anyhow.

-is less good in the traditional sense but wants to keep people safe and happy if he can help it, though its argueable if thats simply a manifestation of his obsession or if its just becouse he’s a sweet kid, once he gets it into his head that ghosts arnt always evil he tries really hard to be nice to ghost too and even tries to save them from his parents when he can. putting his neck out for them.

Danny Phantom

-just wants a lair is a shorthand for wanting to just experience regular ghost things when he’s going ghost, he’s less inclined to fight every ghost he see’s unless their actively hurting people and tries to talk them down, not wanting his afterlife filled with enemies when he officially keels over. 

he has big dreams for a super cool lair of his own that are explored upon the one time he’s split apart by the ghost catcher, mostly becouse phantom rips the  door to his room from its hinges and zooms into the ghost zone as soon as he’s out, found aimlessly wondering helplessly looking for the PERFECT location to start building. he tends to day dream about the lair of his dreams in class.

-no leg’s leading to more air combat and trying to immobalize people with his tail, usually fighting fairly though with his moments of cheap shots in partiicularly deadly battles,, he usually fights people like johnny 13 who mess with people then he does generally harmless ghosts like box ghost in the begining, plus with his in development abilities that include a versatile ice core his fights are more strategy  then sheer beat down or creative weapon making (or heating whatever metal the ghost is wearing to the point of insanity) 

Danny also has this little problem where he “died” in a anti ghost hazmat suit made of stuff to weaken and harm a ghost who comes in contact with jack and maddies little boy and it means its harder on him to access his powers, taking more energy to do things that most ghost would find easy like intangibilty and invisibility, which is a major problem for him esspecially at first, danny’s only made aware of this though vlads help and their working on a way to trick the hazmat suit into changing material with what danny was wearing under the suit, since its being difficult with changing on dannys command, he can put stuff over and under the suit but the suit itself is hard to make budge.  the outfit shown above is after danny learns how to at least add stuff over it with vlads help.

dan does not have problem’s with the material of his costume making him have access to all dannys abilities easily, along with vlads experience and power and dannys creative thinking dan gets the nickname of the ultimate enemy with good reason

- Loves exploring, esspecially the ghost zone its so interesting and full of enteraining characters and the food is Amazing at least in ghost form and vlad’s show him some pretty incredible places in the zone when they agree to work together in the sense of vlad stealing madde and jacks thermoses at the end of fenton fights and danny helping him spelunk in the ghost zone,  its a guilty pleasure to be able to show sam and tucker around when they become friends, natural portals are a tempation danny has a hard time ignoring when he see’s one, much to his loved ones annoyance.  wolf is a terrible enablr of a friend.

- due to his obession with proving himself (its the wording i go with now i might change it to something like control or being loved) danny tends to want people to like him and seeing a opertunity to get them to like him sorta throws him off balance and out of fight mode, usually leading to him cuddling up to them, in phantom form dannys a great cuddler. take caution though he’s been known to trick enemys into thinking he’s gone out of fight mode and either shove them into the nearest portal/thurmos or later freezing them where they stand.  dannys terrible with crowds, esspecially crowds of people who dont like him he freezeses up.

Danny to-tired-to-function (school and not working with parents danny)

-cant wait to to graduate, with no plans to go to college becouse he’s not paying for more hell

-is really in a bad place socially and mentally in the begining, but will become a lot happier once he befriends sam and tucker, though before that he tends to do some pretty desperate and embarrasing things to get attention and has a problem with letting people drag him into trouble on the promise of friendship.

Danny’s Chore’s list:

-deadly laundry with ectoplasm contaminated laundry machines to content with

-helping whoever wants to cook, cook, or being in charge of dinner most nights unless someone else wants to cook (breakfast is jazz’s job, maddie and jack are gently discouraged from cooking, jazz and danny usually or use to just grab take out for lunch if they had time)

-cleaning the lab

-dishes with ecto contaminated dishwasher are always a little dangerous damn appliances and their wills to reak havoc, jazz likes to help make sure it doesnt hurt anyone since its more dangerous then the laundry machines

-assembling weapons with parents for the vault, or incase of a huge ghost invasion so everyone has a chance at a weapon, danny usually just assembles the less dangerous stuff that doesnt require a lot of welding

-general house maintense, vacuuming and window cleaning while jazz mops and dusts 

-jazz cleans the weapons vault after learning dannys secret becouse its a lot less dangerous for her then for him and hes infinitly grateful

AND DONE thats some of my thoughts on what could be done with a re design of the characters and story beats listed, im tired of writing now but enjoyed getting this out

[welcometoyournewhell]

It’s Not Always Sunshine and Lollipops

(A lot of swearing, talk of sex life)

“Keith?” Shiro knocked tentatively on the bedroom door. “It’s open,” a meek voice croaked. The older of the two entered the room, a frown replacing his worried features. He shut the door behind him before climbing onto the bed. 

Keith didn’t protest. He quickly threw himself into his brother’s hold, sobbing like crazy. “Sh, it’s okay.” Shiro didn’t know what was wrong, he was a little surprised that Keith was crying so harshly. 

Rubbing his arm the older tried to soothe Keith. “No... it’s not,” the black paladin hiccuped softly. He left the Blade of Marmora due to Lance’s depression worsening and his anxiety of Keith dying growing stronger.

That and they had two children now and he didn’t think Lance could do it alone. Jerome was eighteen, he wasn’t hard to look after. The only problem was his PTSD, axiety and depression. He could take care of himself in every other aspect though.

Olivia was only six. They weren’t sure if she had PTSD or just awful nightmares about when the Galra destroyed her world. The odd thing was there were Galra inhabiting the planet, but that didn’t seem to matter to Lucius. The small Galran child was also starting to re enter he attachment stage and Keith wanted her to recognize him as a parent, her parent. 

But now he might not be able to share such love, depending on how Lance was feeling.

Lance, it seemed anyway, was starting to flirt with other people. He’d wink at random girls, flirt with them at parties. He’d hit on cute boys, allow them to hit on him. It was something he hadn’t done since before Keith and him hooked up, around twenty years ago!

As Keith explained this to Shiro he could feel the other becoming tenser. He was waiting for the “I warned you” but it wouldn’t do any good at this point. “Are you sure your not just feeding off Lance’s paranoia,” the white haired male asked as he looked into Keith’s blood shot eyes. 

Yes, it was true, Lance had grown rather paranoid over the years with Keith away. He was afraid Keith would find love else where. But Keith wasn’t imagining things! 

“I’m not. He does it every party lately. When we go to the space mall he does it too, or any coalition thing. I mean... maybe he’s not serious. He doesn’t do it when the kids were around.” That didn’t make it any better! Shiro was rather shocked by all of this, but Keith’s reaction was the most surprising. 

“Keith are you serious? Your just going to brush it off like that?” He raised him better! Okay... .Adam raised him better in this aspect. “No, or course not! But if he,” he couldn’t say the words. A loud sob left his mouth instead. 

Shiro knew what he meant. Pulling Keith closer he kissed his head trying to soothe him the best he could. “Keith he still loves you. He’d start sleeping else where if he was upset.”

Keith shook his head. “He’s been going to bed later than me. When he used to do that I’d be woken  up from him getting on the bed. He’d kiss my cheek and say good night. Id’ either be spooned or he’d shake me awake until I agreed to spoon him.” 

Childish, but Shiro nodded. “And he’s stopped?” Keith looked back up at him. “He doesnt even say goodnight now, let alone cuddle me.” His eyes watered up again as he pushed them away. “He doesn’t hug or kiss me anymore. He doesn’t even try to hold my hand or flirt with me.”

Shiro sighed before running his floating hand through Keith’s extremely long locks. “Maybe his paranoia is getting to him. He might think you’ve already moved on and he should too.” Keith let out a loud wail. “I don’t want to loose my husband! I don’t wanna loose my kids Shiro!” 

Shiro wanted to throttle Lance at this point. He kept his feelings down as he slowly rocked Keith back and forth. “Well Allura is throwing another party tonight, maybe you could talk to him about it.” He doubted Lance was coming back to the room until after the party. 

Keith shook his head. “Why? He’s just going to try and hook up with random girls,” Keith cried. 

But for some reason he allowed Shiro to drag him down to the party when it was time. He was supposed to make an entrance anyway as he was now part of Voltron again. 

But leaving the Blade meant leaving his mom, which added to his pain. 

Now he stood leaning against a wall, sipping whatever Coran created. It started to taste better with each sip. That was until he noticed his husband on the dance floor. And of course, he wasn’t alone. A few different girl from different races were trying to hit it off with him. 

His goofy cocky attitude was showing as he tried to use his “Lover Boy Lance” charm. Tears filled his eyes as he looked around. Olivia was dancing with Amerix by Shay and Hunk, while Jerome was no where to be found. 

That bastard was actually...

A hand clamped down on Keith’s shoulder. “Keith?” He didn’t realize he was crying again. Handing his cup to Shiro he strode out of the castle into the lush grass of whatever planet this was. He’d stopped paying attention. 

Back inside the castle Lance was laughing as he enjoyed the girl’s company before feeling a tap on his shoulder. Figuring it was another girl who wanted to join the party. “Just a moment,” he tried to charm. He had his lover voice in play. 

“Lance.” Uh oh. 

Turning around the other was met with a harsh glare. Adam had his arms crossed, eyes narrowed. He looked like he was trying to beam holes in the boy. Shiro was standing behind him with a kinder, but stern stare.  He held two cups filled with “punch” in his hands. 

“Lance what your doing is completly ina,” Adam cut him off. “I’ll spare you the lecture. Take these,” he took the cups from Shiro before forcing them into Lance’s hands. “Now go beg your husband for forgiveness.” He eyed the girls dangerously. 

They backed away before Adam started pushing Lance to the exit. “The hell has gotten into you,” he grumbled before letting Lance walk the rest of the way. 

It didn’t take long to find Keith. He was sitting along the pier edge. It looked to be around an eighty foot drop into jagged rocks and harsh purple waves. 

Fear took over Lance as he set the cups down and wrapped his arms around Keith. The other yelped in surprise before feeling his body being pulled back. “We’re just not going to do that,” Lance commented. 

Keith’s eyes watered at the voice. “Let me go,” he demanded quietly. “I will when we’re far enough away from the edge.” Moving him to the base of a steep hill he ran off to retrieve the cups. 

“Sir, your beverage,” he goofily offered. Keith shook his head, turning to look away from Lance. “I’m not thirsty.” It was a lie, his throat was screaming for liquid. “Oh um... alright.” He reached across Keith to place the cup down before sitting next to him. Taking a sip from his own cup he sighed leaning back. 

“I’d say something about the stars but... we see them everyday. They start to loose their beauty... ya’ know?” Keith grunted softly on understanding. His arms were crossed as he looked down. The tears started to streak down his face. 

Lance frowned a bit. 

He yawned before going to wrap and arm around him. “Don’t.” Okay, maybe not. Keith reached out for Lance’s cup. Before the other could protest Keith was drinking greedily from his cup. 

“Um... I got you your own cup.” He laughed a bit. “What, you think it’s poisoned or something,” he joked. “Cheaper and easier than divorce.” Lance’s face fell. Moving Keith’s hair out of his face he was a bit shocked. Keith peered up at him with blood shot purple eyes. His face was soaked from hours of crying. 

“Don’t touch me,” he mumbled. Pulling his arm away Lance felt himself start to cry. “Keith I would never try to poison you, see?” He reached over for Keith’s cup. Taking it he drank slowly. “It’s fine. Adam poured them anyway.” 

Keith threw his cup. “Are you fucking kidding me Lance? You really don’t care, do you,” he roared. Tears were gushing down his face. Lance sat up in shock. “What did I do?” Keith’s eyes were starting to turn Galra as he looked over at the other. 

 “W...What did you do?” He shoved his braid aside to see Lance’s face better. “What did you do? Your fucking cheating on me! You don’t love me anymore, but you can’t just tell me you want a divorce? I left my mom’s side to be with you! 

“I thought you actually loved me for years Lance! You were my first real boyfriend, I gave you my virginity you prick! A...And all you can say... is ‘What... did I do?’.” Keith brought his hands to his face as he sobbed miserably. “I’m keeping the kids. I could care less whee you go, but they are staying with me.” 

Lance felt his heart shattering. “Keith, hey.” His voice was soft. He refused to let the other push him away. “Let me go,” Keith screamed. “Keith would you shut up for two minutes! Can I explain myself?”

Keith looked up in disbelief. “Explain why your cheating on me? I’ve been that awful to you? Really Lance?” Lance huffed softly. “Okay for starters I’m not cheating on you! I may have been flirting... a lot. It really has nothing to do with you.” 

Keith looked at him in utter confusion. “What?” He wasn’t protesting to the touch at this point. He needed it, it felt so familiar too. “Well...I just... I always feared you’d find someone better in space.” Keith cut him off. “Is this about Acxa again?” 

The other shook his head. “No, your gay, I know. But I... I feel like there are Galran men that can take care of you better than me. That can make you feel better, and I know we don’t... that... often but... I just. I guess I just needed to reassure myself I’m also still date able, in case you ever leave me?” 

He sighed looking down. “Now that I’m saying this out loud it sounds.... so stupid.” Keith shoved him a bit. “Cause it is.” He curled into his knees, leaning angrily against Lance. “So you won’t kiss me, say goodnight... or cuddle me because you think I’m leaving you? Thought I left my mother’s side for you, for our family. Olivia was in there tonight Lance. What if she saw you?” 

Lance frowned a bit. “I... I really don’t know Keith. I’m sorry. I just felt like our love had gone.” Keith suddenly sat up. “You don’t love me anymore?” Hands instantly grabbed onto him again, he pulled his husband back into a hug. 

“No! Well... Keith you are the longest I’ve been in a relationship with. They used to last a few months but we rushed into way too much shit, we’ve been through hell and back and... I miss you. I love you.”

Keith sobbed softly. “Then act like it! Stop just going with your paranoia and look at reality! I came back for you, I wanted to be with my family. Do you really think I’m out there doing some random guy?”

Lance shook his head, “Of course not. Your not like that. Your,” Keith finished his sentence. “Trustable?” Lance’s mouth closed as he nodded slowly. “Starting to click?” He nodded again, looked more pained than before. “I thought you were too. But.. I guess you never really changed.” 

After a few moments he apologized. “I’m sorry. That was childish, you never acted like this during our what, two decades of marriage.” The last part was meant to sting a little. “Keith it was nothing serious. I promise, I love you.” He began to unbraid the long hair. 

“Stop,” Keith mumbled softly. His heart was aching. “No,” was Lance’s reply. Untangling the long locks, he began to massage Keith’s scalp. “You braid too tight.” The black paladin shook his head. “Please stop hurting me. Your just leading me on now.” 

He started to giggle when he felt a finger playing under his chin. “Pulling back he huffed in annoyance. He looked exhausted. “Lance.” The red paladin followed him back, pinning him to the grass. 

“Keith I’m not leading you on. I’ll stop, I promise. Before you say it, I know, I know, I shouldn’t have been flirting in the first place. I should have came to you about my fears. But don’t ever tell me I’m leading you on.” 

He moved to Keith’s ear. “You thought that our first time, was I serious then? You have two children and a ring on your finger. I don’t want to hurt you, I love you too much honey.” He kissed softly down Keith’s face to his neck. Keith giggled despite trying to stay mad, the kisses were too light. 

“Lahance, we’re in public!” He tired to push the other away, but it was no use. “What... it’s not like I’m... tickling you.” Keith’s eyes widened. “Don’t you-- DHAHAhehehre! Ehehe! N-Nhahao!” He started to laugh helplessly ask Lance tickled the his sides. The spandex was doing little to protect him. 

“Lance sthhahahp it! Shahaome one chchaould see us!” He gasped when Lance’ started to remove his armor. “Lhahance!” The other smirked as he continued. Keith wasn’t doing much to stop him, maybe he wanted to be tickled. 

He didn’t try to escape until Lance started working on his boots. “N-No! Lance get away from my feet,” he cried. “Keith seriously?’ The other nodded. “Finle I’ll just tickleeee... right... here!” He dove into Keith’s belly earning a mix of hiccups, squeals, snorts, and strangled heretical laughter. “Ghehet ahahahawahahay frhahaom mehehe yhahaou pervert!” 

Lance chuckled before moving in closer to the kill zone. He could feel the panic coming off of Keith as he screamed in laughter, rocking from side to side. His hands were blocking his ribs, which intern blocked Lance from his destination. 

“Ah, ah, ah, Keithy! Honey bun, love of my life, my ticklish little kitten,” he teased. Keith’s face turned a shade darker of red before he started to kcik his feet out. “Sthahahap it,” he cried. 

They both knew where Lance wanted to be. “S-Sthahahap! Yahhahaou knhow hahahaow ticklish I am,” Keith cried. Lance nodded in delight. “Oh yes I do. Now let’s just move these.” He lifted Keith’s arms to the grass above his dark locks. Bringing his head down, Lance grinned. 

“N--No,” Keith cried This was going to tickle like something awful. 

“Pffft!” Keith shrieked with laughter as Lance blew a raspberry into his underarm. “L-Lhahahance I’m gahahanonahaha pee! Sthahap it!” The younger pulled up with a quizical look. “Really, are you?” Keith nodded, fear and desire in his eyes. “Your eyes say your lying to me Keith. Besides, my Keithy loves to be tickled into a giggling puddle of goo.” 

Keith whimpered softly as Lance’s head came down for his other armpit. “Sthahap, dhon’t!” He was giggling in anticipation. But it never came. Sudenly five fingers were digging into each armpit earning worse laughter than before. 

Keith’s voice was starting to break as he screamed and begged to be let go. But Lance was enjoying himself. “Okay, Ohahahaokay!” He didn’t know what lance wanted from him. “Sthahap! I’m ghahahahaood!” 

The other stopped, resting his hands in the area. kisses were planted all over Keith’s panting, smiling face. “Did that feel nice,” Lance teased. Keith nodded a bit, giggling. Gathering Keith’s armor, he re dressed the other before carrying him bridal style back into the castle.   

The girls from before were a little shocked to see Lance holding a man, especially when that man was giggling like he was drunk. The blush on his face didn’t help. Adam tapped Shiro’s arm, glaring at the two. Bouncing Amerix slightly, Shiro was a little shocked to see Keith so happy. 

Walking past Coran, Lance leaned forward. “Can we be excused for the rest of the night?” The other was a bit shocked before nodding. “Why?” Lance nodded to Keith. “We need some bonding time,” he lied. 

He was going to tickle Keith senseless, just how he liked it when they were alone. Coran nodded before the two lovers scampered off. 

At least they were able to keep their marriage in tact. 

[thetragicescape]

He’s really doing it and he loves you!!

This is seriously getting on my fuckin nerves. I am about to lose it if I hear this one more time. Please. Please stop!!!! I am really not trying to be rude here but I’m about to fucking explode. You have no idea how many people tell me the exact same thing when they don’t personally know him at all. Well I DO know him and he’s been “really doing it” for fucking ever. Saying he’s really doing it, anyway. Do you know how many millions of times he’s even said the exact same words you just said, just to go back on them 5 seconds later? Oh, and then get mad at ME for calling him out on the constant lies and promise breaking?! It’s called integrity, idk if he even knows what that means cause he sure as hell never cared enough to show it around me. He can say whatever he wants, but when all he does is the opposite it doesn’t mean anything. Actions speak louder than words and his actions have shown me the exact opposite of his words. Look. I was dumb enough to believe his lies more times than you or I can count, and all that my blind trust in him has taught me is that he can’t be trusted. Also someone who really loves you doesn’t put their hands around your neck, pull a knife on you, call you a slut whore skank hoe idiot retard dumbass fat ugly worthless pathetic bitch piece of shit etc. They don’t tell you to fucking kill yourself and you deserve to die because nobody cares about you and it would make everyone in the world happy… Now what horrible crimes did I commit to get this evil Mr Hyde to come out? LEAVING THE MOTHERFUCKING DOOR UNLOCKED. ACCEPTING OUR EX ROOMMATES FIANCEES OFFER TO BUY ME TAMPONS. SMILING. THROWING UP WHEN I WAS SICK. TAKING A FEW SECONDS TOO LONG TO PICK A MOVIE. SAYING ONE WRONG WORD. BREATHING WRONG. BLINKING WRONG. MOVING WRONG. WANTING TO SEE MY FAMILY. BEING HIGH, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ALWAYS HIGH WITH ME. BEING HIGHER THAN HIM WHEN HE WOULD PURPOSEFULLY GIVE ME MORE DOPE THAN HIMSELF (AND AFTER I TOLD HIM HE COULD HAVE MORE OF IT THAN ME). FUCKING EXISTING PRETTY MUCH!!! HE ONLY WANTS ME AROUND TO HAVE HIS GOOD OLD EMOTIONAL PUNCHING BAG TO ABUSE AND MAKE FEEL LIKE SHIT SO IT MAKES HIM FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIMSELF. Someone that loves you wouldn’t control every aspect of your life and force you to do what they want 24/7, ignoring your protests and cries. For example they wouldn��t wake you up at 5:30 in the morning and force you to go with them to the store across the street, getting mad at YOU and abusing YOU because you don’t blindly comply and want sleep. They dont go out of their way to pick at your insecurities just to hurt you more. They don’t tell you you’re really a guy who got a sex change operation to turn into a girl or that you have diseases you’ve never had in your entire life. Someone who loves you wouldnt accuse you of countless ridiculous things you never have done and have about a -1000000% chance of ever doing. They don’t create these huge intricate insane plots out of nowhere on how everyone in the entire world is against them and somehow incorporate you into the story (so they can make it okay in their mind to abuse you) when you’ve done nothing to them, never been against them a second of your life and love them more than anything. Constantly defending yourself against untrue and ridiculous accusations every day is fucking exhausting, especially when the person who “loves” you is completely committed to believing the accusations no matter how much evidence or proof there is against them. The fact that he would even think to accuse me of those things shows that he does not know the kind of person I am at all, which really hurt me because he should have known me better than anybody. Anyway… someone who loves you doesn’t tell you you’re a loser and you have an iq of 20 and they’re embarrassed to be seen with you in public… They don’t spit on you, flick their cigarette ashes on you, throw their burning cigarette butts and other objects at you. They don’t threaten to kill you or beat you up. They don’t break or threaten to break your stuff. They don’t threaten to call the cops on you even when they’re doing the exact same shit you are, they don’t blame their fucked up behaviors on you. They don’t destroy every shred of self worth you ever thought you had. They don’t lie to you pathologically. They don’t disrespect and ignore your boundaries, wishes and feelings. They sure as fuck don’t trade their wife’s WEDDING RING to a dope dealer for a 30 sack on VALENTINE’S DAY. Tina was his love before I ever was. Do you want me to keep going? Cause I could write a fucking novel of the horrible things hes said and done to me but then we’d be here all day. You have no idea what this man put me through. Mental abuse and hell and lying beyond your comprehension. I clung to his lies long after I actually stopped believing in them because I was so worn down and miserable that i hoped one day he would just decide not to be evil anymore and be the person he was when i first met him. I wanted so badly to kill myself and he was cheering me on. Telling me (because i was a cutter) that i wasnt doing it right and he would show me the right way to do it. You have no idea how it feels to have someone you love subject you to that. I am going to need fucking THERAPY to get over his abuse. I had to get the fuck away from the abuse or I would’ve fucking offed myself, no questions asked. I took as much of it as I could for his sake, but a person can only be pushed so much. Then I blocked him on everything which means I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO HIM. I WANT AND NEED SPACE FROM MY ABUSER. But of course he doesnt respect my wishes and boundaries and has a huge army of people measaging me on his behalf even after I told him millions of times to leave me alone and give me space and stop suffocating me. He has a new person every damn day. Hes good at charming and manipulating. They’re all likely brainwashed and manipulated with more of his lies. I know how he really is; i am married to him. So please kindly all of you stop getting involved in my business. I am not upset or angry with you but i have had it up to fucking here with people knowing only one side of the story and telling me to go back to the person who abused me. Do you guys know how fucked up that is? I wouldn’t ever tell anyone to go back to their abuser. Leaving him was vital self care that i need for my sanity and my life. Not only am I getting away from the abuse, I am now clean and sober, which I wanted all along and which it was absolutely impossible to do around him. It broke my heart because i love the person i first met and fell in love with, if he even truly existed (even after all he put me through) but I had to do it because his abuse was just too horrific for me to stand. I dont need or want people who know neither of us getting involed in this. This isn’t just to you but to all of his people messaging me: PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!

[clev-rantblog]

Something very peculiar has been happening to me recently, and I appreciate the fact that its even happening at all but I am so fed up with everything, it’s a feeling of angst that is all to familiar and in it’s own way different.

I am well aware that I am at least bisexual, it’s still weird to explain but like I’m with that shit, I’ve known all my life, it’s nothing new to me. But I never felt an emotional connection THIS strong with anyone ever, and the fact that he’s a very recent friend idk, I have a lot of doubt and insecurity in my heart and it’s drowning me. I feel my heart is being gripped and squeezed, it’s a feeling of emptyness coming straight out of my chest.

I finished college, and I moved back to my hometown, and I’m happy to be with my parents and stuff, but I feel incredibly miserable regarding almost every other aspect of my life, just miserable, on the floor, my life is great, but I feel miserable. And I miss my friends, my college-long friends, some of the best people I have ever met in my life, but above all else I miss this one friend I like, it’s a brutal feeling, he stands apart from any other perso I have ever met and it’s enfeebling. I hate it.

I think he might be gay or bi or whatever, but that doesnt really matter. Even if I think he might like me back, I dont think anything will ever happen, and his friendship alone is so incredibly valuable. I am seriously considering risking it all just to put my heart to rest, for better or for worse. I don’t think he has any idea of how much emotional turmoil meeting and getting to know him has caused me.

I shared some of the most magical moments in my life with him, you have no idea, straight out of a fucking movie, I’m so deep in feelings with him because the last couple of months I got to know who he really was as a person and that’s where it all changed for me. He started checking boxes on my list of things I look for in a partner. He knows how to be by himself. He addresses his emotions. He understands me, I understand him. He has goals, aspirations, and dreams. He is geniune and has a pure heart.

I don’t think he sees me as anything other than just a friend, and that’s quite alright. And it’s funny because in the beggining of getting to know him I remember saying that it would never work, but now those reasons for not liking him don’t seem like anything noteworthy. Ever since I met him something called out to me, it was strange it really was, one way or another I knew he would be an important person in my life, for better or for worse. 

Writing this has eased my heart a bit, I think I’ll keep doing it, maybe I can manage to not think about risking it all just for a definitive answer. On the other side, could you imagine if he said he liked me back and felt the same way back? I could do anything in the world to make that relationship happen, I would change all of my plans and go tackle the world with him, but I guess that will just keep existing as a fantasy.

Either way, I have to learn how to manage myself again, this whole situation about ending my small life in Merida has whacked me out of balance, placing me in an eternal state of longing for everything, I think I am seriously depressed, I have thought about suicide, not as a valid method, just thought about it and acknowledged it, suicide has inmense power just as an idea alone, ignoring would be dangerous to some extent, I am fully aware of everything suicide entails, The pros of living outweight the pros of suicide by a ton, even with all of life’s hardships, even then life is still worth it. I know I’ll get through this but oh my freaking god, it is the absolute worst.

I feel horrible about my work, about myself at times even, it’s so odd how I forgot how to be with myself so easily, I feel out of my elemtn, my connection with myself was severed and that has also been driving me mad and ruining my life in various ways. I have never been needy, and this is something I do not want to turn into. The only person I need to be content is myself, sharing my life with someone else isn’t bad however. Dang, one real concern I have is the whole thing with my two crushes working together on the same team at school, it is every bi persons worst nightmare..... if they end up together I’ll be sad but also extremely happy for them, like a lot. They are such wonderful people and they do deserve each other, but man, I would cry a lot I think.

My life’s a mess, I need to re-learn a lot of things before I can even worry about my proffesional life, good lord this is not what I expected, I never sae this coming ever. 

RANT DONE, GET THIS SHIT OUT OF MY HEAD