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mirkwoodshewolf · 1 year ago

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A departed farewell; Eddie Munson x reader

*Author's note*

To all out there, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!! Okay so this one is kinda heavy but after getting reintroduced to the great film known as The Crow, this little fic was born and I wanted to post it up on Halloween night. But there is also some heavy warnings which I will say below, so to the faint of heart or those at are easily triggered, I won't be hurt if you decide to skip this fic. Have a happy Halloween (and if you don't celebrate it, have a good day/afternoon/evening).

Warnings: Eddie's death scene, drug use (not just weed, I'm talking hardcore drugs shown and mentioned here), depression, angst, some fluff, Vamp Eddie(? You decide), death.

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@gay-and-ready-to-cry

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queen-paladin

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Dustin Henderson and Steve Harrington walked out along the wooded trails all the way to Reefer Rick’s boathouse. In his hands, Dustin held some wild flowers that he had picked before he had Steve drive him up here. They stopped before the boathouse and Dustin placed the wild flowers amongst the pile of already decaying flowers that had been placed there throughout the year.

“I still can’t believe it’s been over a year since it happened.” Dustin said weakly. “He didn’t deserve any of this. And he deserved to have a proper burial. Why did I have to break my damn leg?!”

“You didn’t break it. But you can’t blame yourself for what happened Dustin. You didn’t know Eddie was going to do what he did.”

“I just……I just still can’t believe he’s really gone. He of all people didn’t deserve what he got. I mean the people we lost when all this started, they didn’t get any of the shit that Eddie got. This town—hates him. Still hates him. They really think he did all of this and we can’t change that.”

“It sucks, I’ll admit that. But small minded people can never be changed, no matter how hard we try. At least we know the truth that Eddie Munson went out a hero. A hardcore, metal hero.”

“Have you and Robin tried talking to (Y/n) recently?” asked Dustin.

“Do you really need to ask?”

“Right, dumb question.”

“As her twin brother I know we’re supposed to rag on each other at times, but now I really mean it when I say it. She looks like she’s been through hell, chewed up and then spat back up. She’s not sleeping, she’s barely eating. And what’s worse are the drugs.”

“You mean…..”

“I wish dude, she’s been at the hard stuff. Don’t know where she’s getting it but I’ve seen the syringes and rubber bands. I can’t stand to see her in that much pain. She needs help but everytime I try to talk to her about it she—”

“She was right there with him when he died Steve. Those bats literally held her back just so that she could watch as they devoured him alive. On one hand I don’t blame her for falling like that, hell if I were in her place and I saw Suzie die like that, I’d probably fall that hard too.”

“Don’t you ever say anything like that you little butthead! I don’t ever want you talking about drugs again understand?!”

“On the other hand, she isn’t grieving properly. And that’s on all of us, we were too focused on how we had to move on with the rest of the town after the earthquakes happened that we completely ignored (Y/n)’s feelings. And it’s not just your fault Steve.” Steve shook his head, stroking his fingers through his hair anxiously.

“I’m 12 minutes older than her. I’m her big brother, and—I wasn’t there for her. Not ever since we entered high school. These last couple of years we’ve managed to rebuild our sibling bond but now I……I’m losing her again man.” Tears started to build up in Steve’s eyes. “I can’t….I can’t lose another person.” He thought back on Max and how he had failed to keep her safe.

She was a sarcastic child who suddenly came in when she and Billy came by but after reading her note, she had admitted to him that he was the big brother she had hoped Billy could’ve been for her, and it all happened ever since he stepped forward to keep them safe when Billy came looking for her. Sure he got his ass beat but he was willing to keep himself in the line of Billy’s rage and not let any of the kids get a single punch. Now—now when she needed him most, he failed her.

Dustin looked up to see that Steve had buried his eyes behind his right hand and saw how his shoulders began shaking as he choked on his sobs. Dustin gave Steve a one armed hug.

“We’ll get her back. We’ll get them both back.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I’m not. But it’s all that’s going through my mind. And I’m not gonna rest until we finally find a way to kill Vecna and send that son of a bitch straight to hell.”

“You’re a tough kid Henderson, hell of a lot tougher than me.” Steve ruffled his hair then the two of them left Reefer Rick’s boathouse and drove back to town.

*Halloween 1987*

It was Halloween night and unlike in the years before, Hawkins wasn’t celebrating Halloween this year. There was no yearly town hall Halloween party, no trick-or-treaters going out and about to get candy, not even the high schoolers dared to try and host a party of their own.

At Forest hill trailer park, the crack that had spread from this part of Hawkins had actually driven most of the trailer homeowners to leave Hawkins all together. Most took their RV’s and fled, while others just packed whatever they could and skipped town or ended up homeless and were currently staying at a shelter on the other side of Hawkins.

A hand suddenly shot up from the cracks and began crawling out from the earth. Groaning and grunting in agony as he pulled himself out from the red light of the Upside town glowing from beneath the earth. Once he was free, he lay there on his back exhausted and stared up at the night sky. The stars shining like diamonds high above the abandoned trailer park.

Suddenly the man heard a meow and when he opened his eyes, a long haired black cat stared down at him with piercing green eyes he could make out from the light of the full moon.

“Loki?” the cat let out a purr as his eyes squinted but then he licked the man’s finger before nuzzling into his hand. He lifted his hand and stroked through the cat’s long soft fur and asked. “Wha—what happened here?” suddenly something flashed before his eyes. A flash like seeing the tv suddenly go static after a power outage. He gripped his forehead before he found himself standing up and walking forward.

He stumbled about, falling a couple of times but as his vision kept flashing he kept standing back up and trudged onward. He saw himself standing on top of his trailer, shredding on his guitar. A swarm of bat-like creatures surrounding him and two other people, he then found himself falling down once more but he also saw himself falling, this time off a bike and he had been attacked by one of those bat creatures.

He saw himself stand up wielding a spear as well as a trashcan shield with nails sticking out and he stood up getting into the same position as he saw himself in that vision. He then saw the girl from before coming toward him calling his name.

“EDDIE! EDDIE!!!”

“(Y/n)?! What are you doing here?! You weren’t supposed to come back!”

“I made a promise Mr. Frodo! A promise! Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee. And I don’t mean to, I don’t mean to.” She told him. He shook his head and found himself saying as he heard himself in his vision say.

“Into the fires of Mount Doom milady?” She nodded and together the two of them stood as the bats swarmed around them before charging head on, the two of them using their trashcan shields to block off the attacks.

He copied his fighting movements of spear and shield, as he saw the girl, (Y/n) use a bottle of hairspray and with a lighter, she had created her own flamethrower to burn any bats that came near her. He then felt and saw himself being choked by one of the bats and felt himself being pulled to the ground.

His arms and legs were pulled outward and he saw the bats beginning to feast on his flesh. He saw and remembered the pain of their teeth piercing his skin and digging out chunk after chunk of flesh. All the while he could hear (Y/n) screaming out his name as she was forcefully held back by the bats. Their tails wrapped around her arms, legs, neck and stomach, even as she pulled to free herself, they pulled harder until suddenly they dropped dead.

She crawled over to his bleeding body whimpering out his name and picking him up into his lap.

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no baby! Teddy-bear! Don’t you leave me don’t you die like Boromir did!”

“Bad huh?” he choked up. Soon another voice spoke up, this time a younger man’s voice assured him.

“No, no you’re gonna be fine we just need to get you to a hospital okay?”

“Okay.” He choked up. Together (Y/n) and the young man tried to pick him up but the pain in his body was too great as he pleaded.

“I-I-I think I just need a second, I need a second, okay?”

“Okay, okay we—we’ll give it to you.” (Y/n) assured him as she rested his head on her lap, stroking through his hair. He looked up at both (Y/n) and the young man and strained out as blood started coming up his throat.

“I didn’t run away this time right?”

“No. No baby, you-you didn’t run. Though I wish you did. Whatever happened to having no shame in running?” she asked him.

“You both are gonna have to look after those little sheep for me okay?” he told them.

“No! You’re gonna do that yourself!” the young man said but he found himself saying along with his vision.

“No man. Say you’re going to look after them. Say it Henderson.” He saw as the two of them were sobbing over him. (Y/n) took his left hand and raised it up to her face, the blood along his arm seeping into her hands but she didn’t care.

“I’m gonna….I’m gonna look after them.” Henderson choked out. He then found himself looking up at (Y/n), only at her even through his hazy vision as he asked her.

“And you…..fair Ravenna.” She choked out a sob. “Please smile for me…….please.” with as much strength as he could, he managed to move his index finger along her jawline. She kissed the back of his hand and gave a small, sweet smile. “Good…..cause I…..think I’m actually going to graduate. I think it’s my year sweetheart—Hen-Henderson. I think it’s finally my year……” he remembered feeling the blood starting to rise in his throat, preventing him from speaking full sentences but he did manage to make one last statement before he fell silent.

“I love you guys.”

“I love you too.” Henderson wept.

“This belongs to you Eddie Munson, and always will.” He felt her hand cup the side of his face, watched as she leaned forward and felt the soft touch of her lips on his bloody ones. Even with the taste of iron that was now seeping between her lips, she dared not move as she kept the gentle, loving kiss going until she separated from him.

And it was at that moment he had felt himself slip into darkness.

He remembered who he was. He was Eddie Munson, three-time senior of Hawkins High. Dungeon Master of the Hellfire club, and the love of his life was (Y/n) Harrington.

Eddie stood up and walked towards a trailer that had somehow miraculously survived the earthquake. He opened the door and knew that no one was home as the place had been ransacked and just left behind for anyone to have. Loki followed him inside, racing into the bathroom and hopped on top of the sink.

Eddie stared at himself in the mirror as memories of him and (Y/n) together flashed through his mind. Them cuddled on her bed when he’d sneak over to her house. The times they’d both try to cook something only to end up nearly burning the trailer down and his uncle having to stop the flames from spreading cause the two of them would be panicking too much.

Seeing her read all her favorite fantasy books from Tolkien to C.S Lewis and even J.M Barrie’s Peter Pan. Him hovering over her as she would be sitting on a chair while she read and kissing her neck and face, pleading for attention. And even though she tried to fight it, giggles would come out from her lips until she ended up succumbing to his will and they’d end up making out, or even going further beyond that.

The love he felt for (Y/n) both filled him with joy and agony. How could he leave her like that? He knew that she had many people in her life abandon her. Her parents, her friends, even her own twin brother had left her behind. He was all she had and he left her. His anger rose until he snapped and punched the mirror with his bare fist, breaking it in half.

His knuckles bleeding until he saw them heal up in the blink of an eye. He turned to Loki who merely looked at him and slowly blinked before letting out a throaty meow. Eddie dug through the cabinets and drawers of the bathroom until he had found some white base makeup and black lipstick. He dipped his fingers into the white base, rubbed his hands together and covered his face in white makeup.

With the black lipstick he drew down from his eyes what almost resembled tearstains, as well as covered his lips black and even drew a line upward at the corner of his lips. He stripped out of his torn and bloody clothes and managed to find a skin-tight along-sleeved black shirt, a long leather jacket, black pants and some old black boots. He donned on the new look before turning over to Loki who raised a paw at him letting out a small meow.

Eddie rubbed Loki’s head before picking him up and walked out of the bathroom.

“I blame myself for wrecking your home Loki. I’ll bet it hasn’t been easy for god knows how long it’s been. But I’m going to make this right.” Loki meowed and as Eddie sat him down, Loki ran out the trailer and he followed the black cat.

At the Henderson household, Dustin had been pretty much kept under his mom’s tight thumb. He wasn’t allowed anywhere unless it was school and back home. Hell he was lucky if he was able to even get to visit Max once if not twice a week just to see how she’s doing or if anything had changed (even though nothing had. She had been in her coma for over a year now).

As rain now began to pour down heavily on this Halloween night, he looked at his old Ghostbusters proton pack from three years ago and thought back to simpler times. He wished that those days would come back, long before the whole Upside down and he and his friends were the four weirdos who loved to play DnD all day and night at each other’s houses.

He heard a gentle rap at the window and when he turned around he saw Loki sitting right outside his window.

“Loki?” he remembered seeing the long-haired black cat over at Forest hill whenever he’d go to visit Eddie. He opened the window and allowed the drenched cat inside. “I thought you had gotten caught up when the Upside down opened up, guess (Y/n) was right to name you after the Norse god of mischief.” Loki let out a meow. “Oh yeah, think you can let me dry you off?” Loki let out a merp (a mix of a meow and a purr) and Dustin left to get a cat-sized towel that his mom uses on their cat whenever he got out.

When Dustin returned with the towel, he gently dried off Loki then allowed the cat to lick himself clean.

“What are you doing all the way over here anyways?” Loki paused and turned to the corner of Dustin’s room and there he saw a figure hidden within the shadows. Dustin jumped back fearfully and Eddie said.

“You know you gotta learn to shut your windows Dustin Henderson. You never know what freaks lurk in the night.” Dustin narrowed his eyes as he heard the voice.

“I can’t believe it…….Eddie?”

“Nice to see you again butthead.” Dustin took large strides across his room and embraced Eddie, tears falling down his face. Eddie hugged the young boy back and Dustin looked up at him.

“How did—I mean how is…..I saw you die. How are you alive? Does (Y/n) know? When did you get back? How long have you been alive? What happened?”

“Henderson, you’re rambling like a mad man.” Eddie stopped the young boy’s frantic question asking.

“Sorry.” Dustin said meekly.

“I honestly don’t know how it happened. One moment I was dying in (Y/n)’s arms and next thing I know, I’m crawling out of a gateway from hell. I don’t even know if I’m really alive or not.”

“What do you mean?” Eddie walked over to Loki and stroked down his chest before trailing his finger towards his right paw. He knew that Loki once had been attacked by another stray cat and his right paw never fully healed, so now anytime someone goes to touch that paw, he’ll bite since he had been declawed by his previous owners.

After Eddie got a nasty bite and Loki went over to sit on Dustin’s dresser now, his tail twitching.

“Eddie what the hell did…..”

“Just watch.” Eddie showed Dustin how the nasty bite wound now began to close up, just like what happened to his knuckles after he had punched the mirror.

“Holy shit.” Dustin muttered.

“But that’s my least concern right now. I need to ask you some questions. How long has it been since that day?”

“It’s been over a year. It’s 1987 now, Halloween. Of course no one really celebrates that holiday here anymore ever since the gates opened and split Hawkins in four ways.”

“I take it we didn’t kill Vecna?”

“Nancy, Steve and Robin definitely laid one on him. But there wasn’t a body after Nancy gave him one last shot to the chest. Will even says he can still feel him, that he is weak but bidding his time.” Eddie looked down grimly. “We…..also lost Max. I mean we sorta did but she hasn’t woken up yet. And I’m sorry Eddie, I’m really, really sorry. But the town put all of this mess onto you.”

“No surprise there. Last anyone knew of me, I was wanted for Chrissy’s and Patrick’s murders. Once the satanic freak, always the satanic freak.” Eddie plopped down onto Dustin’s bed.

“I’ve tried to get Hooper to work with the government to clear your name but they’re still in the processing phase, which is basically them saying they’ve got too much on their plate right now to deal with this specific request.” Eddie perked his head up. “Oh yeah, apparently Hooper was alive in a Russian gulag and Joyce brought him back along with Murray the conspiracy maniac.”

“All be damned. One of the only cops in this town I actually liked back from the grave. Guess we have that in common.” There was a brief moment of silence before Dustin said.

“Eddie……” Eddie looked up at Dustin and knew what the kid wanted to say.

“There’s nothing you can say Henderson. What happened, happened. Me being associated with you had nothing to do with my death.” He stood up and walked over to Dustin. He placed two firm hands on Dustin’s shoulders, looked him square in the eye and continued, “It was a shitshow there’s no question about it. But the fact that you were the first and only one to truly believe I wouldn’t do this besides (Y/n), I couldn’t ask more of a friend. Hell even a little brother. But don’t go getting a big head about it, okay?” Dustin slightly chuckled as tears fell down his face. He wiped them away and choked out.

“I’ve missed you Eddie.”

“Missed you too yah little shit.” Dustin immediately held onto Eddie as tight as he could. Eddie rested his head on top of Dustin’s as he patted the young man’s back.

“Eddie, there’s something else you should know.” Eddie separated from the hug and Dustin told him, “It’s about (Y/n). She…..she’s really spiraled ever since you—well you know. And I’m scared she’s going down a path she can’t come back from. It’s more than just shutting herself in or not talking to us. Steve told me she’s been getting into drugs. And I don’t mean the light stuff.”

“And what has Steve done?”

“He’s tried everything. And I know he doesn’t want to admit it, but she’s not just hurting him emotionally. I saw the faint scratch marks on his left cheek. I know she’s not doing it on purpose but…..I’m scared we’ll lose her too if she keeps going down this path.”

“I’ll get the info I need from Harrington. But this meeting never happened, understand Henderson?” Dustin nodded.

“Thank you Eddie. Love you man.”

“Love you too butthead.” With a loud boom of thunder and a bright flash of lighting, Dustin found himself once again alone in his room.

Over at the Harrington’s place, Steve was cleaning himself up in the bathroom. Once again he and his twin had their daily screaming match of (Y/n)’s wellbeing, this time she had given him a hard punch to the nose and he had finally managed to get the bleeding to stop.

He walked into the kitchen and got out a beer, needing to take the stress out of him.

“Might wanna take something a bit stronger if you wanna take the edge off after a fight, trust me.” Steve jumped back but saw no one there.

“Who’s there?” Steve called out.

“Surely you know, after all this isn’t the first time I’ve snuck into this house.” Steve’s eyes widened and he immediately raced up the stairs and opened up his sister’s room and saw Eddie stroking his hand along (Y/n)’s acoustic guitar which sat at the corner of her room.

“This-this—that’s not possible. How are you—”

“Henderson asked me the same question.”

“Wait you saw Henderson? I swear if you’re one of Vecna’s tricks I swear to god……”

“One way to prove it’s actually me is that back in 81, I snuck in here to be with your sister after she had failed the SAT’s. Poor thing was so devastated she wouldn’t come to school for nearly a week cause it happened to be the time your parents came for their daily check in and she had a screaming match with your old man. So I came here that night and stayed with her. Then you barged right on in and said to me ‘Get out of my house freak! And don’t show your face around here again!’”

“Jesus Christ…..it really is you.”

“Nice to know when it comes to your sister you’re not that clueless anymore Harrington.” Eddie couldn’t help but mock with a smirk.

“If you’re here to mock me for being a horrible brother I already know that Eddie.”

“No, no I didn’t come here to gloat or to mock. Henderson gave me a brief summary on all that happened, but I want to hear your perspective.” He fully turned towards Steve holding up the locket necklace he had given her for a 16th birthday present their junior year. “What happened to my best girl?” Steve sighed heavily. He sat down on (Y/n)’s bed and confessed.

“(Y/n) was amess. At first it started off with her barely eating, then it was the constant nightmares of seeing you die over and over again. Then I noticed how she’d end up disappearing at night. I didn’t know where she was going until I caught her sneaking back in and her nose was bleeding. But not in the way where she’d been in a fight, and I didn’t want to believe it but I swear I thought I saw some white powder under her nose. Then it was the injections on her arms, I’ve been trying to get her to get some help but she’s lost it Eddie. Your death seemed to really fuck her mind up.”

“Jesus Christ.” Eddie mumbled solemnly.

“Now I don’t blame you, no way in hell am I blaming you. I just….It just pains me to see my twin sister like this. It’s like I’m feeling her pain like some weird twin telepathy if that shit’s even real. But I can’t stand to see her in that much pain, and for her not to know that she still has people here for her. Hell Henderson was there when you died too, and she’s acting like he wasn’t. You don’t think he’s feeling the same pain as she is?”

“She always did tease that we should’ve just grown a pair and shared custody of the twerp.” Eddie softly chuckled.

“She’s always struggled with depression ever since middle school. Our parents chose to ignore it and kept telling her to get over it or smile more. You’re not depressed, you’re just being dramatic. When she met you, that was probably the first time I’ve ever seen her truly happy.” Steve walked over to an old picture of her and Eddie together at the junior prom. “Deep down I guess I also grew jealous of just how happy she was around you, and not me. Now I see that it was because of my selfishness that I drove her away. And even when I got our relationship back to the way it was before, I knew she’d put you over me in a heartbeat.”

“Your wrong.” Steve turned to him.

“What do you mean?”

“You remember how we were on Lover’s lake to find that gate where Patrick was killed?” Steve nodded. “And you remember how you were dragged under the water, and I told you that Wheeler didn’t hesitate to dive in after you?” Steve nodded again. “She wasn’t the first. In fact, the second you went down, your sister dove in straight after you. Even for not being the best swimmer, she dove straight in after you. She does love you Steve. Like you said, twin telepathy is a serious bond. Now old King Steve, he wouldn’t have dared try to help (Y/n) in her grieving stage. But you’re not him anymore, you’re her twin brother Steve Harrington. The one she always believed was still somewhere deep inside of you.”

Steve scoffed but Eddie came up to him and placed a hand over his chest.

“You’re still trying, still fighting for her. But before you can save her, you have to save yourself. Not just for what happened to me, but for all that happened. That includes Mayfield.” Steve’s eyes slightly widened. “I’ve seen how you are with her Harrington. Ever since that mall fire, I’ve seen how you’ve come around to check in on her, how you’ve always tried to be there for her at school, and how you’ve been with her since I found out about this Upside down and Vecna shit. How can you even try to help your sister when you’re clearly not ready to forgive yourself?”

Steve couldn’t believe it but Eddie Munson was actually making sense. Ever since he had been knocked back into reality since all of this began, and ended up forming a bond with the kids who started it all, he’s been trying to be the big brother he naturally was to the kids who began it all. He knew none of the adults (minus Joyce and Hooper) wouldn’t understand and that the kids needed someone to protect them whenever no one was around. So he ended up becoming the ‘babysitter’ as he was deemed at first.

And at first it was an annoying title but now, ever since their first big failure, he began to truly understood why he was called that. He felt a strong need to protect these kids because who else was going to when Joyce had moved, when Nancy decided to try and return to her normal life, who else was there to talk to about all this stuff? Only him.

“She’s been dealing with Daniel Thompson.” Steve told him.

“Daniel. If there’s any drug dealer that should be in jail it’s that prick. At least Rick and I never dealt to pre-teens.” Eddie hissed as he felt his teeth starting to grow a bit sharp before they receded. “Does he still live in Hawkins?”

“After the earthquake he moved over to the next county about 20 minutes’ drive from here. You know what, screw it.” Steve raced over and grabbed his keys as well as his bat with nails. “C’mon.” Eddie followed close behind them and Steve started up his BMW and drove out of his driveway and through the storm to get his sister back by any means necessary.

With Eddie’s abilities, they were able to track down exactly where (Y/n) had gone to see Daniel and to Steve, it looked exactly where a drug dealer would live. A very run down apartment complex in what appeared to be an unsafe part of town. The rain still pouring down as Steve grabbed his bat.

“So what, you gonna come with and we bust his ass open?” Steve asked.

“This isn’t West side story Harrington. Daniel isn’t one to be messed with especially if he’s using with her. You go in there ready to bust his ass in, he’ll have you shot dead before you can even blink.”

“So what’s the plan?”

“Just follow my lead.” They exited the car and crept towards the fire escape on the side of the building. Steve then watched in shock as Eddie leapt up and across the railings of the fire escape with ease.

“That would normally scare the shit out of me but I’ve seen freakier shit than that to be surprised.” He climbed up the fire escape until he stood by Eddie as he looked into a darkened room. He placed his hand along the window and said.

“She’s in there. They’re both high as kites right now.”

“How can you tell?”

“I can smell the burnt spoons and blood inside.”

“Blood? Eddie are you—are you some kind of vampire or something?”

“Or something.” Eddie slowly opened the window and slipped inside like an assassin on a mission.

Once he was inside the room, he saw (Y/n) passed out on the bed while Daniel was up against his headboard staring up into space after getting his high. Eddie scoffed before letting out a low whistle that seemed to stir them both from their high. (Y/n) let out a groan and opened her eyes slowly raising her head while Daniel looked on ahead.

“What the…..fuck?” As Eddie continued to whistle, he noticed a lightbulb just hanging above him and trailed his head around it like a dazed man. He then once again felt his canine teeth grow into fangs as a sudden primal instinct came over him. He slowly walked towards them then once he got to the bed, he let out a leopard-like roar, baring his fangs which scared Daniel but startled (Y/n). “JESUS CHRIST MAN!! You nearly gave me a fucking heart attack!”

“Are his…..eyes glowing red? Damn his costume is like…..all in.” (Y/n)’s tone was slurred. Eddie couldn’t believe that this was the woman he had fallen in love with. She had fallen so far and so fast ever since his death, but he was going to make it right. But first he had to get her away from Daniel for good.

“Just the morphine yah dumb bitch. This is just some….freak looking for some kicks.” It was then Daniel withdrew his gun out from under his pillow. “Time for you to get out of here psycho. I ain’t got no more stuff, me and the girlie here used it all up.” Eddie withdrew his fangs and his glowing red eyes turned back to his normal dark brown as he pulled up a chair and sat down. He pressed his palm against the barrel of the gun and dared him.

“Take your shot Thompson. You got me dead flank.”

“You are seriously fucked up.” Daniel said. (Y/n) laughed in her high as Daniel continued, “Like you really need psycho-therapy help you sick fuck.” It was then Daniel pulled the trigger making Eddie jump back holding his hand in pain.

Daniel stood up and cheered in his victory on a bullseye but after his brief cries of pain, Eddie soon began laughing as he showed them both his hand and he then let out a cheer as the bullet hole healed instantly. Daniel’s joy soon turned to panic and fear as he muttered.

“Jesus Christ.”

“Jesus Christ. Stop me if you’ve heard this before; Jesus Christ walks into a hotel.” Daniel shot Eddie in the shoulder which made him lurch backward a bit but he recovered and started walking towards him, continuing with the taunting joke, “He hands the innkeeper three nails and asks,” another shot rang out this time to Eddie’s stomach.

(Y/n) got out from the bed staring at the figure in fear. At the second gunshot she ended up tripping over the bed sheets trying to get away but for some reason she couldn’t help but stare at the figure before Daniel.

“Don’t you ever fucking die!?” Daniel demanded.

“Can you put me up for the night?” in a flash, Eddie had forced Daniel to point the gun down at his own leg, the gun went off firing straight through Daniel’s femur, blood splattering everywhere. Daniel cried out in agony, clenching his bleeding thigh between his hands. “Hurts doesn’t it? When someone takes advantage of your weakness? Imagine what she’s gone through before you coaxed her into your web. In fact I’ll let you feel it.”

Eddie extended his hand and placed it over Daniel’s eyes and with a deep growl, Eddie allowed Daniel to feel every ounce of pain both he and (Y/n) felt on that day. Daniel let out a scream before he fell still and stiff as a board.

Once Daniel was taken care of, Eddie heard the bathroom door shut. He dropped the gun and slowly walked toward the bathroom. He opened it and saw as (Y/n) was waving her arms back and forth meekly holding what appeared to be an old razor. Her screams of fear piercing the bathroom echoing as she pleaded for her life.

“STAY AWAY FROM ME!! STAY AWAY!!” Eddie grabbed both her wrists and got the razor out of her hands. He pressed her back against his chest as he dragged her towards the mirror, her wailing making his heart ache but he had to fix this. He had her stand before the mirror, one hand holding out her arm that had been filled with old and new puncture wounds, while his other hand held her across her forehead.

“You once said; What is grief if not love persevering? It is okay to cry and mourn for those we lost,” she then saw as the veins in her arm suddenly began to move and she felt the morphine slip down her arm. “Drugs however is not the way to grieve.” (Y/n) soon felt her mind starting to clear up and when she turned to the man, she swore she was seeing Eddie looking at her. He cupped her face between his hands and he said to her, “your brother is outside willing and ready to help you.”

(Y/n)’s lip trembled as tears poured down her face and she fell to her knees as she wept hysterically.

“Harrington!” Eddie called out and soon enough Steve came in and immediately he knelt down beside (Y/n) and held her in his arms. Even as she felt him drenched from the rain, (Y/n) gripped onto her twin brother as tightly as she could all the while weeping out Eddie’s name. As Steve rocked his little sister back and forth, he looked up at Eddie in sorrow but also gratitude while Eddie looked down at the sibling solemnly.

Eventually (Y/n) passed out from her hysterical sobbing.

Steve had taken his sister to the hospital to help get whatever else could’ve been in her system and she ended up sleeping all throughout the night, all throughout the rest of the next day up until it was nearly sunset. She stirred away to hear machines beeping and the sound of voices speaking over intercoms.

She looked over and saw Steve along with Dustin talking with one another in a hushed manner. When Steve noticed (Y/n) waking up, he came over to her saying.

“Sleeping beauty awakes. You okay?”

“A bit.” She said groggily. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital. Had to bring you here to get all that crap out of your body.” (Y/n) leaned up against her pillow shamefully.

“I am so, so sorry Steve. I am so sorry and ashamed of what I did. I know it doesn’t excuse me for my behavior, and I don’t expect you to forgive me. But I…..” Steve stopped her heartbroken confession by hugging his sister as tightly as he could. “How can you forgive me so easily? I thought you’d never wanted to speak to me again?”

“I was never angry with you for turning to the drugs. I was upset because I was afraid you were losing your way.”

“I did lose my way Steve.”

“But you found it again. And I swear, I’m gonna be there for you every step of the way. No matter what it takes to help you get back on your feet.” The Harrington siblings smiled at each other softly as they embraced one another as (Y/n) said.

“Thank you Steve. You really are the best big brother.” After a few visits from the kids, as well as the older members of Hellfire, (Y/n) would soon be on her way to recovery. After speaking with her doctor, he prescribed that she would need to go up to Indianapolis to their rehab center where she would get the coaching and help that I needed.

She and Steve signed a few forms and it was settled that after a couple of more days here for observation, she would take the first bus up to the capital for her rehab treatment.

Later that night as the hospital had closed down their offices to visitors and the night shift staff were doing their rounds. (Y/n) lay there on her bed watching the Golden girls on the tv. She was just about to fall asleep when she felt a cold brush of wind blow across her cheek, she turned and there she saw Eddie’s silhouette appearing from her window until he finally made himself known to her.

“Hello milady.” He greeted her with a warm smile and a gentleman’s bow.

“Eddie?” she softly whispered as her heart meter began to spike. Eddie raised a finger to his lips softly shushing her as he walked up to her.

“Guess when you say your heartbeats faster everytime I’m in the room, you’re not lying. But it’s best we don’t alert the staff about my presence sweetheart.” He stood at the foot of her bed.

“Is it…..is it really you? Were you there that night? Or am I going crazy again from the drugs?”

“It’s not the after effects of the drugs, nor is this a trick from Vecna. I am here sweetheart.”

“I…….” (Y/n) was speechless. “I’ve thought over a million, trillion things to say when I’d—” her breathing was shaky as she gasped softly, “How?”

“I had a mission to help three grieving souls who needed my words of wisdom. And you were the last one that needed saving.”

“So you’re…..you’re leaving again?” she asked sadly.

“Sweetheart I’ve heard and now seen just how my death has affected you. But there’s something you must understand. The Eddie Munson you once knew and loved has become someone entirely new. And I can’t let him near you until I’ve figured him out for myself.”

“But I…..I just got you back. Eddie I…..I see it happen every night when I sleep, and everytime when thunder rumbles, I’m back down there with you. Seeing those things rip you apart, not able to free myself or save you. Why must you leave me again?”

Eddie walked closer to her and hovered his upperbody over hers. He leaned towards her left ear and whispered to her.

“This belongs to you, and always will.” He came back up, cupped the left side of her face. His dark brown eyes staring down at hers as he leaned in closer to her face and captured her lips with his in a soft, hidden kiss. (Y/n) raised her hand up and stroked along Eddie’s face with the back of her hand and buried her hand underneath his curls.

As the clock by her bed chimed midnight, Eddie separated from the kiss and took her hand into his.

“Where can I find you again?”

“You know that place between sleep and awake? That place where you still remember dreaming?” he asked her. She softly nodded, “That’s where I will always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.” He told her in a soft, loving manner. His eyes soon glowed red as he told her, “Sleep now meleth nin, sleep.” A feeling of exhaustion came over her as she soon fell asleep. “Sleep until dawn.”

Eddie placed into her hands her necklace he had taken from her room and rested her hands over her chest. He gave her one last look, almost as if he were taking a mental picture to keep forever in his mind before he forced himself away from her bedside and with the last chime of the clock, and a wave of the curtain, Eddie Munson disappeared from the hospital.

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jhsdcugsdvbsdaviheq · 4 months ago

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We Can't do This to Him!

About: Nick, Chris, and Y/N go to Taras Yummys party, and Y/N and Chris get EXTREMELY drunk. Chris starts to confess his feelings for Y/N despite her being in a 2 years relationship with his brother Matt. Things begin to get heated sexually until Chris says something that makes you think about Matt and you change your mind last minute.

Background: Nick reached out to Y/N on her workpage to see if she can give him some tattoos which she said yes to. You started to become friends with Nick after that and he introduced you to his brothers. After 3 months of being friends with them all, Chris admitted to you that he has feelings for you. You rejected him and told him you actually have your eyes on Matt. Chris went and told Matt about it and after that, Matt asked you on a date. Now it has been 2 years since then.

Contains: Kissing, FIngering, Alcohal use, Cheating, spit kink, and more that I'm prolly forgetting.

We Can't Do This!

It has offically been 2 years since Matt and I have been dating. The 2 years have been truly breathtaking. He was the sweetest, most animal-loving, sassiest man you knew, and I loved everything about it. Being with him has brought me one of my 2 closest best friends, Nick and Chris.

We met when Nick followed my tattoo page and asked me to give him some tattoos. At first, it was awkward but after about 30 minutes of me giving Nick his tattoo, we started to warm up to each other. After that, we would hang out constantly which is how I became so close to his brothers and even started dating one.

Matt isn't a very social individual unless he knows you well and he prefers quiet areas with not too many people there, so it wasn't a surprise Matt turned down Tara's invitation to her party. However you on the other hand wanted to go since you always heard how magnificent her parties are.

"Matt come on! Victoria can't go since she has work that day.!", y/n said in a whiney voice, trying to persuade him, knowing that he was still going to say no.

"No, I'm not going to that party!", Matt spat at me as he walked over to me and sat on the couch next to me. "I don't even see the point of me going anyway. I don't drink, I don't smoke, or do any type of hardcore drugs and I don't dance in front of randoms. All I would do is stand there and watch people make a fool of themselves", Matt said as he grabbed the remote from coffetable and turned on the TV.

"Nick and I are going. Wanna come with us?", Chris asked from the kitchen as he was eavesdropped on our conversation. "You know Nick wouldn't mind.", Chris stated as he stuffs his hamburger in his face.

"See you have a solution to your problem already!", Matt said as he went on to Netflix and started to type in Bojack Horseman

"Shut up!", I said in a playful tone and slightly nudged him away from me, causing him to laugh a little. "Of course, I would like to go with you guys. Thanks for letting me.", I said to Chris as I smiled at him. He just put his thumb up since his mouth was full of his hamburger that he took a massive bite out of.

Matt scooches closer to me and rests his arm on the top of the couch. I leaned my head back onto his arm and leaned my body to the left a little to lay on Matt. He gave me a peck on my head as he turned on The Vampire Diaries.

Before the Party

I heard a knock on my door as I put on my right earring. "Victoria, could you get that for me! I think it's Nick and Chris!", I screamed out to my roommate who was in the kitchen.

I hear Victoria start walking towards the front door and open it. "Hey Nick, Y/N is still getting ready in her room.", Victoria states as the 2 boys walk into her house and close the door for her.

"Hey Vicky!", Nick said as he went and wrapped his arms around her to give her a hug. "How are you? I haven't seen you in weeks. I've missed you so much." Nick stated as he let go of her and stepped back.

"I've been doing good for the most part just been working my ass off recently.", Victoria answered as she tried to avoid eye contact with Chris since she could tell he was giving her his stank face. No one knew or understood why Chris and Victoria didn't like each other but they just didn't. It's the weirdest thing too because they used to get along great when we all first met. Hell, I'd even say that they were like the duo of the group till their falling out.

"How much longer till she is ready?", Nick asked as he walked deeper into Victoria's and my apartment. Just then I opened my door and walked out into the living room.

"Sorry for taking a little long but beauty takes time and patience," I said. I was wearing a tight, dark blue dress that stopped a little above my kneecaps, that outlined my curvy body. I had my gold septum nose ring, golden hooped earrings, and a golden bracelet with a pair of blue high heels.

"Wow!", Chris exclaimed quietly enough for you not to hear but not so quietly that Victoria and Nick couldn't hear. Nick slightly slapped the side of Chris's arm.

"That is your brother's girlfriend, pull yourself together and act accordingly!", Nick whispered passive-aggressively in Chris's ear causing him to look back at Nick and shoot him the same look he gave Victoria when he first arrived. "You look beautiful in that dress y/n. Blue really suits you.", Nick said ignoring the look that he is receiving from Chris right now.

"Thank you, Nick! You guys don't look too bad yourself", I said as I looked at the outfits they were wearing. Mainly Chris's outfit. Chris was wearing an all-white suit, with a light blue tie and some suspenders. Chris had looked extra sharp today.

"So uhh are you ready to go or what?", Chris asked as he started to repeatedly tap his foot against the ground to stop his boner from forming.

"Yes I am, come one lets go!", I said excitedly as I started to walk over to the front door and opened it. "Bye Victoria! I'll see you when I get home.", I stated before leaving Victoria all alone.

"Bye guys, hope you guys have fun and don't get too lit," Victoria said walking up to the door. "But still take a shot for me guys!", she yelled out as she closed the door and locked it.

"Jesus she is so fucking annoying. I don't know how you can live with her y/n", Chris said as we walked to the car, making a statement that pissed me off.

"If anything Chris, I don't know how Matt and Nick could live with you when you leave all your shit-stained underwear around the house!", I said in defense of my roommate. He had no right to talk about her or her being annoying since he is the yapper of all yappers and doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.

"Damn she got you there Chris", Nick said instigating Chris and me into a big argument about Victoria the entire drive to Tara's party.

At The Party

All 3 of us got out of the car and closed the door. Nick made sure to leave 6 bottles of water in the car for when Chris and I try to sober up. Lucky Nick doesn't drink, so he is our driver for tonight.

"Look I don't care or wanna hear your opinions on Victoria! Just shut the FUCK up and let's go get fucked up!", I said as I started to walk towards her house.

"You only want to stop now because you know I'm right and that you'll never be able to prove me wrong," Chris said as he followed behind me trying to get another rise out of me.

"UGHHHHH I DON'T CARE GOD!", I screamed out as I started to speed walk to Tara's front door, leaving Chris and Nick behind. I opened the door and saw all the different influencers here. And more importantly, the amount of alcohol and weed that was there.

I walked into the house and started taking as many shots as I could. Once Chris came into the house he quickly followed behind me. I lost count of how many shots we took after our 12th one.

....

It has now been 2 hours since we first arrived I am truly and royally fucked. My vision was now blurry and my words were all scrambled. I could barely hold myself up without falling all over the place and Chris wasn't looking much good either. He was jumping up all over the place and calling it dancing which was definitely not what he was doing. He fell all the way from the top of the stairs to the bottom in front of everybody. It was just flat-out embarrassing and hilarious.

As I was looking for a bedroom or a bathroom... or maybe it was the kitchen? I don't even remember what I was looking for but I know it was something with a door. I made my way up the stairs without completely falling all the way down, before realizing, I hadn't seen Chris in a hour since he fell.

"My head and stomach is fucking killing me," I mumbled as I'm stumbled down the hallway. As I keep walking down the hallway, I open one of the doors only to see 2 girls making out.

"Ahhh!", one of them screamed out when they saw me in the doorway kneeling over while holding my stomach.

"Oh ughhhh.... Im so .... fuck ugh.... I'll just leave," I said as I realized there is nothing to say to make the situation any better. I then close the door and stumble into the next room. To my surprise, Chris is there just in the dark pitch black room staring out of the window in silence.

"Chris? What the hell I thought you fell downstairs", I said making a statement that made me chuckle as I remember what he looked look like falling down.

"Fuck!", Chris shouted as he turned his head a little startled. "You have....to like knock or something before you interrupt a person!", Chris said trying his best to not slur his words but doing a terrible job at it.

"What am I interrupting even?", I said as I went to turn on the lights and examined the room. "What are you even doing in Taras room anyway? Are you like depressed or something? Do I have to get Nick ?", I asked as I walked over to the bed and sat next to him.

He didn't respond to any of my questions. It concerned me. Instead he just sat there and rested his head on my shoulder. This was weird would've been weird if we were sober but we're not and it's not like Chris and I would do anything. Im in love with his brother.

"You know.... I really appreciate you y/n. Like truly", Chris stated as he pulled out his Fryd Donut and took a hit. This wasn't the first time Chris has told me how much he appreciated me but it alway touched my heart when he did.

"Thank you Chris. I appreciate you too", I said as I rested my arm around his neck but just then he took his head off my shoulder and sat back up. He turned his head and just look at me. His eyes were so beautiful. My favorite thing about the triplets were always their eyes. I feel like I could get lost in them forever. It's like looking into a lagoon .

"No I don't think you understand me when I say that", he says which causes me to give him a confused look.

"Chris what do you mean by that?", I asked hoping that what I think he meant isn't what he actually means.

"You've really been there for me these past 2 years and you have no idea how much that has helped me", Chris says as he grabbed my hand and just kept staring at me. "But how much it hurts to see you with Matt. To see you two cuddled up on the couch the other day, to hear you guys fucking from my room".

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I must've drunk too much or something cause Chris would never do this to Matt. He loves Matt. I love Matt. He was the best thing to ever happen to me.

"Chris I don't th---", I was about to speak untill Chris interrupted me.

"No please just listen to me, I've wanted to say this for 2 years now", Chris states as he lets go of my hand and moves it to the left side of my cheek. He slowly started to caress my face. "I wanted you first but you wanted my brother and that really fucking hurt y/n. And the reason it crushed me so much was because.... well IS because I love you."

I was now speechless. Completely and underly speechless. I didn't know how to react or if I should take his hand off my face. I'm just in pure shock right now.

"If you don't say anything back, I'm taking it as a sign that you want me to kiss you right now", Chris says causing you to try to speak. You start to open your mouth but you don't even know what to say. Now I'm just sitting on Taras bed with Chris's hand on my cheek and him just staring at me. I really should've just stay home and spent the day with Matt. At least then I wouldn't have anything surprising coming my way.

I feel my head being pulled into Chris lips. I don't make an attempt to try and pull away. I dont know why but I didn't. Our lips now gently pressed together . Chris's lips are extremely soft, even softer than Matts. I've always wondered if Chris and Matt both kiss the same or not. I don't know why I wondered it but I did.

Chris deepens the kiss as he opened his mouth against mine and grazed the tip of his tounge against my lips, asking me for entrance without saying it. I allow it and open my mouth. My mouth now full of Chris wet, slimy tounge . I could tatse the Casamigos on his breathe and loved every molecule that I was tasting.

The kiss quickly turned from a gentle kiss to a kiss of desire and despreatiness. Chris was tryna fuck and me being drunk.... I'm 110 percent behind it. Chris pulled away from the kiss and started to unbutton his white suit. As I wait for Chris to take off his shirt, I can feel my inner core start to become wet.

Chris's shirt is now off and he climbs on top of me. "Open your mouth", he demands as he grabbed my jaw to help me open my mouth. I listen to him and open my mouth as wide as I could and stuck my tounge out. "Ugh Fuck your so fucking hot baby", Chris says as he admires how sexy I look as I wait for his hot spit to go down my throat.

"Hwak Tuah", Chris spat into my mouth and then smirked. I took my fingers and put them in my mouth and start to suck on them. Getting my fingers all nice, wet, and slimly turned Chris on even more. I could tell with the way his hard-on was pressing against lower stomach. I pulled my fingers out of my mouth and brought them to the thong. I pulled to the side and slowly started to circle around my clit, teasing myself. I moaned a little to get a rise outta Chris and it was working.

Chris grabbed my hand and pulled it away from my pussy. "I don't want you to have to do any work. Just lay back and let me make you feel good. Okay y/n?", Chris said as he lowered himself a little and started kissing your neck softly, causing you to whimper.

"Okay Chris", I say in a whipering voice as I run my hand through his hair with my spit and pussy juice on it still. Chris began to nibble and suck on my neck which started to form little marks. I push Chris's head away since I can't let him give me any hickeys. "Don't suck on me or you'll give my a hickey". I say as I rub the wet mark off my neck.

"Sorry I got too carried away", Chrs said in a excited voice. He began to move his hand above my mouth and stuck his middle and index finger in it. "Suck on them baby", he said in a seductive but dark voice. I obeyed and sucked on them. Once I was done, he pulled his fingers out of me and brought them to my pussy.

He softly grazed the lips of my pussy causing me to shudder. He then used his thumb and started to rub my clit in a circluar motion. "oh fuck", I quietly moaned as I wait for more. Chris then uses his middle and index finger and jams his finger inside of you without warning.

"OHH FUCK CHRIS", I screamed out at the sudden feeling of him inside me. He started to make a come here motion, pressing his fingers against my tight, sticky walls while examining my body.

"Tell me how fucking good I make you", Chris demands in a harsh tone, while still slurring his words.

"You make me... feel so fucking ..... good baby", I say in between moans and gasps. I start to feel a knot in my stomach from the way Chris is handling me. My body can no longer stay still from all this pleasure.

"Tell me you love me", Chris says in a voice of desperation and desire. This demand caught me off guard. I mean sure I love him, but like friend type of love. I don't think I could ever love Chris the way he wants me to.

Why am I doing this? I don't love him, I love Matt. Oh My God. MATT! I am getting FINGERED by his brother in Tara's bed. How much of a horrible person can I be?

"Wait, Chris get off me", I say as I grab his arm and push it away from me, causing his fingers to slip out of me. I sit back up while Chris sits back on the bed.

"What's the problem? Was I aggresive or something?", Chris asks while having a confused look on his face.

"The problem is that I'm dating your brother and I'm getting fingered by you!", I yell out as I stand up and back away from him.

"You didn't have a problem when I kissed you, or took my shirt off, or when I stuck my fingers inside of you, so why now? Lets just finish", Chris says in a loudly, angry tone. He now has gotten off the bed and grabbed his shirt to put back on.

"Look we can't do this. We both love Matt so much and he would be scarred if he ever found out", I state in a shaky voice.

"He isn't going to find out y/n. He would only find out if one of us told him which we won't", Chris says in a voice that makes me feel dumb.

"No Chris. Your just saying these things because your drunk. We both are drunk ok? We just made a mistake but we don't have to continue this mistake", I say trying to get Chris to see how wrong this is.

"I may be drunk now but I have always felt this way about you. I just never told anyone", Chris announced as he grab my hand. I pull my hands away immediately and take 2 steps back.

"Well keep it that way and don't ever mention it again. To anyone. EVER!," I say as I start to walk out towards the door to walk out before turning back to say one last thing to him. "Look I'm sorry and I wish things were different but they aren't. We both drank too much and it got the best of us. Lets just go find Nick and dip and never talk about this night again okay?", I say softly as I know it might hurt to hear in his shoes.

"Yeah lets do that", Chris responded in a sad tone as he walked out the door with me to go find Nick. His face now slightly red and his eye now watery.

It hurt to know that I am the cause of Chris pain right now but what can I do?. I just hope that this was a result of him having one too many shots tonight and not him actually being in love with me.

Authors Note:This is the first fan fic I've ever written so if you have any tips to help me write better, im all ears.

#matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #y/n #matt x y/n #chris x y/n #smut #drinking #smoking #party #fan fiction #matt x reader #chris x reader

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spiteslucanis · 5 months ago

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was tagged by the ever lovely @zhalar to share 9 albums i've been listening to, thank you for the opportunity <3 i've included my self-indulgent commentary on each, and i tried to mostly pick ones that i've specifically been listening to recently! (ps. thank you for songs you shared in the previous tag game we had, several ended up on my playlists)

lazily tagging anyone who sees this and wants to do it! just say i tagged you. i love hearing ppl talk about music

my album commentary under the read more cut bcs i ended up elaborating a lot

i. chappel roan, "the rise and fall of a midwest princess" — ALBUM of the YEAR. to me. i know it came out last year but still. no skips, love her and this album so so dearly. i need it on vinyl stat. inject that shit into my veins etc. current faves: guilty pleasure and super graphic ultra modern girl, but i did also recently listen to california for like a week non-stop

ii. ethel cain, "preacher's daughter" — again i'm LATE to this one, but as far as concept albums go, this is. the peak. like just. screaming crying throwing up, even. i made a powerpoint presentation abt this just so i could share its story with a friend. INSANITY. faves: american teenager, ptolemaea, sun bleached flies (i forgive it all as it comes back to me............. kill me)

iii. taylor swift, "tortured poets department" — i went to the eras tour earlier this month. speechless! wow. i still haven't recovered OR finished listening to all of anthology but i sure have been blasting who's afraid of little old me and but daddy i love him

iv. metteson, "look to a star" — actual album of the year for me. saw him live this spring and he was so so sweet (was manning his own merch booth afterwards and complimented my make up <3 also signed my vinyl) ANYWAY insane voice? like simply unbelievably beautiful. and this is just the debut album??? future records might simply eviscerate me i'm afraid. faves are second heart (!!!), naturally (but nothing comes natural to me / nothing comes naturally...... augh) and heavier than a heart

v. pet shop boys, "nonetheless" — breaking news my favourite old gay men are still releasing bops and bangers and heartbreaking melodies. this released close-ish to my birthday so i've claimed it as a birthday present. what more can i say, they're my favourite band of all time <3 faves rn: new london boy (skinheads will mock you, call you a fag / last laugh is yours, there's a brick in your bag!!) and bullet for narcissus

vi. orville peck, "stampede: vol. 1" — i adore this cowboy beyond measure. as i think i said in a different post, i don't usually care for features and duets, but this does indeed fucking slap. insane vocals as per usual. love the concept. can't wait for vol 2, and also, mr. peck PLEASE come to europe. faves: miénteme and cowboys are frequently secretly fond of each other <3

vii. sea power, "disco elysium" — this is FINALLY on spotify!!! the game of all time, and the soundtrack is equally heartbreaking and hardcore (to the mega). i was going Through It at some point this spring and replayed DE and then just listened to burn baby burn outside whilst smoking. european depression core. faves rn: burn baby burn, saint-brune 1147 (small pinewood church) and precinct 41 major crime unit

viii. jan valta + adam sporka, "kingdom come: deliverance (OST)" — finally bought this recently when it was on sale and my god i'm so glad i did. an immensely entertaining game that you can tell was made with much love. henry of skalitz my SON. been listening to the soundtrack on/off, currently absolutely obsessed with the song poverty and famine (and särmä if you're reading i think you might vibe with this one?)

ix. alkemie, "pentiment (original soundtrack)" — rounding up with another video game soundtrack because i'll simply never get over pentiment. stole my heart in a major way. this soundtrack is STUNNING. can't do it justice with words. my faves rn: sic arsit historia kiersis and rüdeger's rehearsal

#thanks for the tag dear!!#category: tag games

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captawesomesauce · 5 days ago

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It's hard to be my (girl)friend... (GIS Day edition)

Yesterday was GIS day and W went representing her organization which meant she was expected to tell her group what she saw/what she learned, stuff like that. Real show-and-tell stuff.

She has 2 co-workers who recently went to different things, and one basically just said "It was fine," while the other gave a detailed long interactive multi-media presentation.

Here were my helpful tips on what W should talk about when she asked me late last night:

How loud it was.

How badly spaced it was.

Lack of ADA

Traffic sucks

Parking sucks

Out of order machines suck

Most maps people make are ugly maps and they should feel sad

That was the first batch. It was insanely loud in the booth area so no one could actually talk or hear or function. It was insane. There was no way anyone in a wheelchair could participate, the ramps were actually blocked to the stage/seating area!!! Traffic was... a bitch, parking was insane and pricey, and the pay machines didn't even work! The last point... well they had a map gallery and honestly, most of them were awful. Just straight up ugly as fuck and lacking basic information.

W's was nice though.

Everyone loved my mappy dress

Look at my pretty certificate

JPL mentioned Goddard

Did I mention how cute I looked????

W wore her mappy dress and EVERYONE loved it!!! She was the Belle of the Ball for sure. People kept coming up and commenting on how cute it was and how pretty she looked. She also got a certificate for presenting her map which was cool. But mostly her cuteness stole the show lol

Everyone thinks it's cool I work for NASA.

everyone loves my maps

MEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

This basically sums up the whole day lol.

What did I learn? Parking is expensive

What else did I learn? Some people know me by sight, some people know me by name … But bitch I'm famous and everyone knows me!!!!

Parking was $20... that's a lot. But it was funny how many people knew her from her linkedin posts, and many recognized her face, even with a mask on, others saw her name tag and knew who she was. She's an influencer you know :)

What did I learn? Some people are really fucking short and they probably make tiny maps

People don't look the same irl compared to online! Some people we met today were seriously hurting for height lol. They probably make tiny maps.

What did I learn? PCI scores are bullshit

What did I learn? It's cold in the morning hot in the afternoon and I get sleepy ... sleepy and hungry

PCI scores are road quality and they're straight up lies. Absolute lies. They only do one lane in each direction and it's all just a straight up lie. You could have 100s of potholes but if none are in the one lane, it's good to go! LIES!!!

The 2nd point is just straight up TRUTH.

Things to talk about: Crazy ladies and their scarfs

This was an OOF! My crazy magnet went off hardcore with this one lol. W commented on the ladies pretty map scarf, and it got us sucked into the weirdest 5 minutes of the day. She was rambling about this and that and all sorts of strange shit, but the kicker was that she "HAS A PERFECT MEMORY!!!" and never forgets a face or voice and she remembers mine from last year and what we talked about and this and that, and especially how perfect her memory is that it's also a curse because she can never forget any of the bad stuff too and on and on and on.... thing is... we didn't go last year. I've never gone before at all. We just politely nodded and tried to get the fuck away lol... oof.

Things I learned: my dress is longer than I thought it was!!!! And it's ok to wear leggings under it

It was super cold in the morning, and I had no idea if it'd get warmer so I suggested she wear leggings under her dress and she fought me a bit on it because it wouldn't look cute... until she tried it out and realized OH... it is warm and still cute! She even said that she could have sworn the dress only went to her thighs, but no, this thing is almost ankle length lol.

For work:

People like our iotd but like my linked in posts more

Coworker #1 says it was nice

Coworker #2 will present a 6 part docudrama on Hulu with both narration and animation in 3D

I'm still laughing about this but the the first thing is true lol, and I explained the next two points above... W came in somewhere in the middle with her pretty collage she made lol

Things I learned: not enough swag 0/10

Things I learned I spent 20 bucks and didn't get enough swag but I did get a pretty certificate and everyone loves me

Things I learned: red lights are suggestions

The whole point of going to these things is the free stuff you get... there wasn't much... but the certificate and fan's were great. 20 bucks was still a fucking lot.

Oh and red lights... just suggestions! Seriously, it didn't matter if you were walking or driving, you had to be SUPER fucking careful because people kept running the fucking red lights. Not even slowing down, just zoom zoom motherfucker. Sheesh.

well that's it for the recap and fun ones, this one is not as fun:

What did I learn? I have to write "I will not wander off" 300 times in the blackboard

This was a not so good moment yesterday. When W talked to people, and she talked to a lot of them, I stood near her, always in sight and within reach. The moment I stopped to talk to someone, she waited until I was fully involved and then toddled off FAR and out of sight and had her phone on silent as well. That was NOT cool, and NOT acceptable. This was at a public park with a large amount of unhoused people who would wander in and out of the event, so when I realized she was gone, and I couldn't find her anywhere I looked, and she didn't answer her phone... I got worried. It was quite a bit before she decided to walk back from where she was. She didn't say anything, didn't let me know... she was just GONE. That was NOT ok. She's not a child, and I don't treat her as one, which is why I expect better... I don't need to hold her hand 24/7 or know where she is at all times, but a quick hey, I'll be over there, or a knock on my arm and a head tilt to let me know she's going to go exploring...all fine... but to just disappear... not ok.

And that folks, were all of my helpful answers to W's question of what should I tell my coworkers and boss about the event yesterday????

I kinda don't think she used any of them... *shrug*

#it's hard to be my friend #it's hard to be my girlfriend #thoughts #personal #w

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yanderefairyangel · 1 year ago

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First and last time I am doing this.

This tumblr has run recently yet I think I know who you are.

You are the same person as chaotic flower, graceful songestress and timerra lover aren't you ?

You still didn't learn after deleting at least 4 of your accounts ?

Yet I found you here still making weird takes about how F!Alear "is the canon one"!

She isn't. Nor is Male Alear. Neither is canon, they were purposefully made to be choosen by the player so that one can enjoy the adventure in the form they like most.

It has been like this for more then 10 years. THERE IS NO CANON AVATAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD AGAIN. Male Kris is not Canon, Female Kris is not canon, M!Robin is not canon, F!Robin is not canon, M!Corrin is not canon, F!Corrin is not canon, M!Byleth is not canon, F!Byleth is not canon, M!Shez is not canon, F!Shez is not canon, M!Alear is not canon, F!Alear is not canon. And there is NO canon Kiran.

Can you stop this weird cope ? You are still obviously upset she wasn't choosen for the manga when people already explain the why and also, now you are coping with the idea that in FEH she is used as an emote to say which character is from which world ? Guess what ? Even though in FE 7 Eliwood is the main protag, they use LYN's face. IS didn't choose her cause "she is Canon" but because she was there first and that it took us a long time for M!Alear to arrive as well. There was already 5 units : F!Alear, Céline, Alfred, Lumera and Etie. They had to choose one of them to denote the world and they choose F!Alear because Alear is the protag and that she was there first !

Also, stop whatever you're doing with the manga. It doesn't make the character ooc. Yes, there is some changes, but they never went as far as OOC. And while Kyo takes some liberties, he is working directly with IS because the manga is supposed to promote the game and to expand on its universe.

Youre bringing uncessary discourse to a quiet fandom because you want to feel validated in your choice of F!Alear and go as far as calling anyone who prefers the male one sexist or misogynistic because they like M!Alear more. Guess what ? Most of F!Alear's "stan" turns out to be male, most of M!Alear "stan" turns out to be female.

I know 3 hardcore fan of F!Alear on TwittX and they never sheeted on M!Alear once, they just said they care her more. Why can't you do the same instead of flooding the engage tags with uncessary discourse ?

Leave M!Alear alone; Leave F!Alear alone. Leave my blorbos alone.

#fire emblem #fire emblem engage #fe engage #fe alear #alear fire emblem

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chirpsythismorning · 2 years ago

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There’s something sort of patronizing and damn near infantilizing about the way stans (specifically stan twitter), will take something that isn’t that serious, or even is very serious, and will twist it as much as they possibly can, for pity and engagements.

I remember when that lie detector interview with Millie came out last year, and toxic stans of hers made it their mission to accuse the guy in the video of disrespecting Millie, when really it was all a bit? They were rushing to make posts saying, “this is so messed up! she doesn’t deserve this!!” And it’s like?? Are u guys serious rn??

And then there’s all that fucked up shit that happened with that grown ass man who groomed Millie and how a lot of hardcore stans of hers were making plot-twist edits with that horrid ig live he did??? All of that shit blew up and went beyond what it ever should have, and part of it was because a lot of those same toxic fans were out there low-key promoting a very private matter, for clicks???

Right after this happened, she deleted all of her old instagram posts (I think she’s returned recently), and still doesn't allow herself to be tagged in anything (again mostly hardcore fans there), and it’s pretty obvious to me that it's because at this point, not only does she have to watch out for people that hate her for no fucking reason and who actually mean to harm her, but she ALSO has to avoid so-called fans constantly acknowledging all the negativity surrounding her, for attention, with the guise that they support her.

Because like, do we seriously think she deleted all those sentimental posts from her past, to spite people that hate her?? No she did it to punish the so-called fans. That's the place where they could connect with her and she made a boundary that she couldn't let them into her life like that anymore.

Fans took something very serious, like as serious as it can fucking get, and were making it about stan wars. Anyone and everyone who makes one joke or one comment needs to be called out and brought down. Like it's just so obsessive and unhealthy and I get that a lot of these kinds of fans are children, and so there isn't much anyone can do. But still, it's ridiculous.

I support the notion that we should be calling out harmful behavior/language. But it eventually gets to point where it's like, what even is the point? Is there a point anymore? Or are we just speaking to speak, when no ones even saying anything? Are we seeing one negative comment and blowing it out of proportion as if everyone is saying that, to gain pity? Because it starts to get ridiculous.

In reality, people are gonna say what they want. Everyone with access to internet has the affordance of posting shit anonymously without any repercussions. That’s unavoidable. And these same people aren’t going to just be enlightened by someone calling them out. More often than not people like this want to upset others in the first place. They want a reaction. And so by constantly acknowledging their existence, and fixating on it, we're giving it to them.

And now ever since Noah has come out, we're sort of seeing something similar happening with him.

While he is getting unwavering support from a lot of people in his comments, there's undeniably a disgusting amount of homophobia being thrown at him as well.

And then somewhere in the middle of that spectrum, we have people making jokes, INCLUDING Noah.

And yet, the tag has suddenly went from unwavering support (as it should), to obsessing over any and every post/comment/joke that can be interpreted as somewhere between sarcastic, uninformed, mildly offensive and downright offensive, and we're acting like it's the end of the world.

There's no denying that all of this is overwhelming. It's a lot. And I don't blame people for speaking up when they truly feel that it's necessary. It's only natural to get defensive when you think someone is being wronged/harmed and you want to do what's right.

But again, to what point is it truly necessary to keep bringing attention to every single thing we come across that falls somewhere on that spectrum near negative?

Right now this space is filled with the negatives, even if it's coming from a good place. Do we think that Noah or Millie or any of the cast want to have to be confronted with negativity from all directions, even from the people that claim to just be fans trying to do the right thing?

It gets exhausting.

And now we're just seeing this stan twitter behavior create one big mess of delusion, with toxic Millie stans calling Noah a white sexist misogynist because he liked a TikTok referencing his coming out and the homophobic Millie meme?...

Is Noah only allowed to be open to unwavering support right now? Can he not make light of the situation, or are we just imagining that he's sitting there victimizing himself because of any and all of the negatives being thrown at him, that are never going to go away, no matter what he says or does? Because I honestly think that's the opposite of what he's doing or would even want to be doing.

And same with Millie, I don't think she sees anything and everything happening to her, and everything anyone is saying, and allows it to bother her anymore. Because how could she?? That kind of shit drains a person of their sanity.

Noah is out here not only liking TikToks joking about his coming out, he's still liking byler edits, still commenting on fans posts with a lighthearted positive attitude. He even mentioned Will in his post, so obviously he doesn't mind people making some comparisons between him and his character.

And yet here we are dwelling on everything negative we can get our hands on.

It's important to realize that the cast has seen the worst of the worst. And you can see that it's affected them. You can see they went from fairly public public figures to almost entirely private public figures, only interacting with fans when they have to, because they know a good portion of the trauma they experience comes from the fans themselves who just don't understand boundaries and common sense.

The most delusional aspect of all of this is that toxic stans are 100% convinced Millie and Noah hate each other... like they fully believe this lie they've told themself based on videos they've seen of them? Like they genuinely think they know her better than she knows herself I guess???

Now, I do want to say that I understand partly where these fans are coming from. Millie has went through absolute shit with this fandom. And it's mostly because she herself is known for saying stuff that causes people outrage. Whether it's a joke or a comment, that clearly just came off the top of her head, they'll flip it to something negative and use it as ammo to hate her. She doesn't deserve that. And I know a lot of her fans are coming from a protective place because they're so used to people hating Millie for no reason.

But even still, I don't think they realize they are a part of the problem themselves. And we are too whenever we allow ourselves to focus on the negatives, letting it practically consume us.

That sort of shit can make a person feel hopeless. 1 negative comment can outweigh 100 positive ones. And so imagine that by a scale of about a billion?

Again, I know a lot of fans mean well, but if you just take a moment to think about it, like really think about it, you'll realize that your energy would be much better directed elsewhere.

Instead of making dramatic intense posts that focus on all the negativity, BE THE POSITIVITY! Be someone that actually makes our community redeemable. Because again, we're no better than the worst of the worst if we're giving them all the attention, making the very people we're claiming to be supporting and defending, even more miserable.

And don't be surprised when s5 promo rolls around or any other event involves Millie and Noah interacting in a public forum, where they'll inevitably make jokes about all of this, arguably just as offensive as the ones we're getting worked up over right now

#stranger things #noah schnapp #millie bobby brown #tiktok #byler #i feel like this is controversial but it really shouldn't be #dude i remember when people were joking about mike looking at angelas boyfriend during the rink o mania scene #and milkvan stans on twitter were full serious #you’re shipping Mike with El’s abuser #who is shipping who? what?? like can we not just exist and talk about things without it being the most serious take on the planet??#or during noah's live recently he kept getting questions asking if he was friends with millie/the other cast or if they hated each other #and it got to a point where he was like #what is this? millie is my friend i'm friends with all my castmates #you guys are jut always trying to find the tea or stir the pot when there's nothing there #it's all just drama for the sake of drama and it's no wonder they don't interact with fans anymore #don't even get me started on bylers who get really condescending at random comments millie makes in interviews #it's not that serious i promise you #not to mention a lot of this stuff happened when they were kids so kids saying whats on their mind and being ripped apart for it is so?#gross #remember your online experience is whatever you want it to be #set boundaries with yourself if you have to #lord knows the cast is

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macleod · 1 year ago

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I haven't taken part in one of these chains in a long time. But, @n-talia-a tagged me in a "top 5 on repeat" chain and so here we go. This is all the more recent on repeat, not in totality.

1. 3TEETH - Slum Planet feat. Mick Gordon

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Do you like Industrial? NiN? Metal? Punk? Cyberpunk? and the music from Doom (2016)? Well 3TEETH has what you need, and this track was produced by the man behind Doom (2016). I am blasting this likely 3x a day, at a minimum. Warning: Video features flashing.

2. Yard Act - The Trench Coat Museum

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Found this one recently, and the bass line is just addictive. Video is pretty great as well, especially the ending.

3. TURNSTILE - UNDERWATER BOI

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Turnstile has been a group I've been listening to a lot since 2020 or so. Typically more hardcore, but this one is just a nice seaside vibe. They even just did a remake of their last album as a jazz album. Really good stuff.

4. Drain - Feel The Pressure

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Following in the water-related theme I suppose (pretty apt for myself, personally speaking). This is a hard and heavy punk metal groove.

5. WARGASM (U.K) - Your Patron Saints

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Wargasm is by far my favorite band of the last several years. I found them at the tail-end of 2019, and went deep during the early pandemic and never got out. I am addicted to every song of theirs, this is an incredible act. I highly suggest everyone checking out their entire discography. Industrial meets nu-metal (with heavy prodigy vibes). Warning: Video features flashing.

Bonus: FIDLAR (anything and everything by them)

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If I said Wargasm is my favorite band of the last several years, FIDLAR is my favorite band of the last decade. I am playing their albums back-to-back multiple times a week.

Notable Mention: Seaway. Love that band. They were my most listened to in 2020 I believe. Classic pop punk style with a modern bend. I don't usually continue the chain, but I'll add @swordarmsaxelegs, @the-alex-xander, @oyeden, @tomandgeriatric @myfriendgoo94

#wargasm #turnstile #music #drain #yard act #fidlar #seaway #i would add so many of you but also i was already kinda considering not continuing it at all #if we're mutuals consider yourself tagged #mine #cyberpunl #industrial #punk #nu-metal #metal #doom #Youtube

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that-was-anticlimactic · 9 months ago

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haii!! 🦅💞⛔🎶

🦅 do you outline fics or fly by the seat of your pants?

as a teacher who actively tells kids to outline and helps then outline, i Should outline more... my outlining usually takes the form of "i'm going to write the fic out of order and in the parts that i know i want to have written" lol like... my tractor fic... i just wrote whatever came to mind in whatever order so i wouldn't forget what i wanted to include lol or like i'll leave notes in my fic that i usually forget about so after i post it, i'll see lines like "make dazai leave to talk to his boyf" which is what happened in my big kenji fic ijuhgyfgvhuji

💞 who's your comfort character?

okay well always and forever my boy kyan reki <333 he is so so so special to meeeeee!!! but recently it's been kenji (oh wow everyone is soooooo surprised). i also have a huge soft spot for writing tachihara and jun'ichirou... they're Very fun to write for <333 and sometimes i just really wanna squeeze kunikida in the most gentle way possible <333 but yeah! reki & kenji <333 (in case you couldn't tell based on the fact that most of my bsd fics are kenji-centric lol)

⛔ do you have a fic you started, but scrapped?

god SO MANY!!! the first one that comes to mind is a doc that's just titled "kenji ow". idk what it was supposed to be about. i have like 140 words and i think it was created bc my body was in lots of pain so my brain went "well if i have to hurt, so does kenji <3" lol

i also have a bsd wip that's titled something like "chuuya pretends to kidnap kenji to piss dazai off" and like. it is what it sounds like oiugyftgyhuij i have over 1k written but i don't think i will ever write anymore bc WHAT IS THAT IUYGVHJK

🎶 do you listen to music while you write? what song have you been playing on loop lately?

i actually don't usually! i'm not great at reading or writing with music playing or sound on, so i don't usually do it. but sometimes i can!!! like if the song vibes help me write or if i feel like i don't know the song well enough! i wrote a tachihara fic for grace's birthday last year and we always use titles from songs the other knows for birthday fics, so i was listening to noah kahan bc we were going to go to one of his concerts and i barely knew him, and listened to "dial drunk" on repeat for awhile! except i thought the post malone version was the og version so it was that one. oops. but the latest one i listened to a lot was "if i loved you" from "nerdy prudes must die" for my kunichuu fic if i loved you like i'm capable of bc VIBES were hardcore and i had been stuck with writer's block for MONTHS so i was SCRAPING for inspo lol anyways everyone listen to if i loved you - it's a kunichuuzai song & a bsd thesis song <333

#alistair tag #corey rambles:)#sorry for answering simple questions in paragraphs #i have a rambling problem lol #anyways ilyyy hope you're doing well!!!#thank you for indulging me!

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its-koili · 9 months ago

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hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

#vent

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videocookieseng · 10 months ago

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The next installment of Marvel Vs Capcom is here!

And it’s made by fans!

…Wait, what?

It’s been quite some time since the last game we got from the series. As many know, Marvel Vs Capcom Infinite left much to be desired; however, despite this slight stumble in the history of these games, everyone continues to enjoy the saga. Yes, everyone, there is not a single person who doesn’t love the MvC titles.

Due to this undeniable fact and the lack of new VS games, it was only a matter of time before a group of (super)heroes took control of the situation. Thanks to their great efforts and dedication, one of the best things that could happen in recent times manifested itself: mods! But not just any mod, these are for the favorite of many: Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3.

It hasn’t been easy to get to this point. Unlike other games, UMVC3 had too many restrictions, and creating a mod seemed almost impossible a couple of years ago. The tools were few, the options limited, and at most, only small aesthetic changes could be made, nothing that would catch the public’s attention outside of the most hardcore fans; not to mention that the PC version was released in 2017, six years after the original on consoles! Today, words are lacking to describe how much these dedicated modders have achieved.

In this post, we will review the timeline of UMVC3 mods, a task that started as a dream and is now a reality, and what a reality it is. Grab some popcorn and keep scrolling, there’s a lot to see!

For a better experience, I recommend reading and watching the videos in the order presented.

Level 1: Cool!

The first mods were simple. Not many changes could be made. As expected, the most basic was to change colors, textures, and music. In the following images, we can compare the original alternate colors of Akuma versus the colors modified by user BruicidalBleathMetal on Gamebanana, on April 13, 2017.

(Akuma, original alternate colors. Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom 3).

(Akuma, modified colors. Source: BruicidalBleathMetal, Gamebanana).

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Level 2: Great!

During this time, it was believed to be difficult to do anything beyond colors. Extra characters? New modes? Yes, sure… modifying the game was almost impossible. But then a light began to fall from the sky and it looked closer and closer and closer… No wait, it wasn’t a light, it was Doom doing a FOOT DIVE.

This is when it was discovered that some VERY small edits to movements could be made; as small as saying that if a projectile went to the right in the original game, now it could be changed to go in a random direction, wow!

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(Arthur’s projectiles here should go forward, but they were changed to be launched in any direction).

This discovery was important; being able to modify movement statistics meant making them better or worse. Where does this lead? To balancing the game! (something that Capcom didn’t seem too interested in, cough cough). UMVC3 is notorious for having very powerful characters. This inevitably resulted in the first major mods focusing on balance, such as UMVC3 Arcade Edition, Project Mahvel, UMVC3EX, among others; different mods with the same goal: nerfing Morrigan, Vergil, and Zero (lol).

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(UMVC3 Arcade Edition gameplay).

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Level 3: Awesome!

Well, we’ve modified movements, can we do anything else with them? Yes! We can alter their properties, swap them between characters, compile them into one. We can give Doom’s missiles to Chun-Li…

Chun-Li with missiles? That sounds familiar…

Here’s how the first “original” characters appeared: Shadow Lady over Chun-Li, Lilith over Morrigan, Orange Hulk over Hulk, and Evil Ryu over Ryu. Unlike previous mods, these characters were not the originals with balance alterations; no, these were unique characters and functionally different from their counterparts, a concept seen in earlier games in the series like Marvel Vs. Capcom 1. These became known as “palette swap” characters (or PS from now on).

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(The first developed Palette Swap characters).

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Level 4: Wonderful!

The beginning of greatness. Let’s get straight to the point; finally, we see our first completely original character*: Captain Marvel, created by Tabs, one of the most important modders in the scene.

*IgnoringthefactthatsheappearedinMVCInfinite,sonotTHAToriginal.

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(The first look at Carol Danvers, Captain Marvel, using the Phoenix model as a base).

This could be considered the true beginning of the scene. The importance of Captain Marvel was considerable, as it would lead to the discovery and development of techniques that resulted in the creation of other original characters like Ken, Cyclops, Thanos, and more.

These techniques involved taking animations and movements from other characters and putting them in one place since creating them from scratch was impossible. You can clearly see how we could have new characters, but still using resources from the same game:

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(First look at Cyclops, using C. Viper as a base).

However, by only being able to use these resources, some… interesting results occurred. C. Viper was used because she already has a movement in reference to Cyclops’ “Optic Laser.” After editing the model and some textures, this is how our favorite laser pointer turned out:

(Cyclops… your arms…).

But hey! If you squint your eyes, it kinda looks similar, right? (coping).

I can’t help but mention one of the most iconic side effects of this experiment: a hip movement that is quite…*sweats*.

(Shakira who?).

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Maximum Level?!: Viewtiful!

Cyclops and the others can now shed their old skin and show off their glorious designs they’ve always had. This is thanks to a model importer that was developed. Gone are the days of taking and editing existing models; now, everyone can look as we know and love them.

(Model importer announcement screenshot).

Here’s a trailer of how the game was looking at the time with all the aforementioned improvements:

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(Gameplay trailer of PS characters with their new models).

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Level 6: Uncanny!

Okay, okay, I know seeing these characters in this way is amazing, but calm down; we’re not done yet, there’s something very important missing in this journey.

Because the modified characters replace their original counterparts, pairs like Cyclops and Viper or Frank West and Ultron couldn’t exist on the same team. Is it because these pairs are enemies who secretly love each other and that’s why they can’t be together? Yes No, the PS characters use the space of an original character, meaning both cannot coexist within the game at the same time. Even if you wanted to have them together, it’s simply impossible.

Or it was! At this point in the timeline, modder Gneiss developed a tool called the “Clone Engine,” allowing him to create new spaces independent of those used by the original cast. Now you CAN have Frank West and Ultron together, the pair of your dreams.

A fun fact about this section is that YouTuber Maximilian Dood, known for his fighting game content, put a bounty for anyone who could develop this tool, and as you can guess, Gneiss was the one who claimed it. Here’s Max offering the reward and here awarding it to Gneiss.

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(Gneiss showing that it’s possible to have two characters using the same space on the same team).

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Level 7: Crazy!

We have everything we need, what more could be missing after so much?

Well… the PS characters are still based on movements from others. Believe it or not, the animations you’ve seen in the previous videos are still not created from scratch by the modders but continue to use the technique of taking animations from the base characters and combining and editing them to create new ones. In their early stages, this resulted in what happened with Cyclops, but after much trial and error, it was hardly noticeable that this wasn’t official game content.

This video from CaliKingz, another important modder for the scene, shows the immense progress made as months passed. He has created characters like Gambit, IceMan, Captain Commando, and many more.

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(Gambit gameplay).

However, now it’s no longer necessary to do this only, and the process is much simpler (at least in comparison), as we finally have:

(First trailer of PS characters with custom animations).

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Level 8: Unstoppable!

FINALLY! We’re almost at the end of our story, for now. The last thing to mention is that people are working on the next big barrier: creating a stable online mode using Rollback netcode.

Did you play UMVC3 online? Or maybe other games like Smash Bros. or Street Fighter IV? If the answer is yes, then you know that playing them online was like trying to fight underwater, unless maybe you lived near your opponent. That’s what this mod is trying to change.

If you don’t know, in very basic terms, Rollback is a system that makes playing online feel the same as playing offline, without delay when pressing a button, no matter where your opponent is. The system instantly handles latency between both players, making “predictions” of where the characters are when a button is pressed. Yes, it’s somewhat complicated, but the important thing is that it results in a much smoother experience. Games like Mortal Kombat 1, Street Fighter VI, and many more use this system.

Not everything goes as one would like, however. Twitter user HkHaan96 was working on this mod, but then gave us the latest update on this project in November 2023. Despite having successful tests, he announces that he will no longer work on it, and other people would take his place. To date, we haven’t had any news about this, but let’s hope that someday we can have something that gives UMVC3 the online mode it deserves. We thank Hk for his dedication!

(Demonstration that both versions can be synchronized with Rollback).

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And thus, we arrive at the present, quite a long journey, isn’t it?

Now we can enjoy something that was only fantasies years ago. Remember in the ‘90s when you played MVC1 for the first time in the arcade, and that made you think, “What if in the future I could make Doctor Wily fight against Doctor Octopus?” No, just me? Well, but now it could happen!

It’s a matter of waiting and seeing what more these dedicated and hardworking modders do. Who knows, maybe you can become one and create that dream character. The possibilities are truly “Infinite.”

Thanks to:

- Tabs, for their help with information about the first PS characters. Subscribe to their YouTube channel or follow them on Twitter to see their latest mods.

- Marvel Modded, for their help confirming the mods timeline. Follow them on Twitter to stay updated on the biggest mod “Community Edition,” a project that aims to unite all mods made by the community.

- All modders in the scene, for their great efforts that will keep this game alive for many years to come. The list would be endless if we included everyone, but please know you are all extremely appreciated!

#marvel vs capcom #umvc3 #gaming #marvel #capcom #fgc #fighting game #youtube #writing #Youtube #featured #article

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jgroffdaily · 1 year ago

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Jonathan has recently been in Seattle after working in Vancouver, but here’s an interview from November 2013 about his favourite cities, holidays and travel memories. Including:

Q. Your “Frozen” character, Kristoff, is a mountain man. Are you an outdoorsman as well?

A. My mom’s a gym teacher and she and my dad were both athletes. So we were always an active family. Ever since we were little, we did long bike rides. I’m a runner and I hike and I love being outdoors and doing all that kind of stuff. But I’ve never been on a proper camping trip. I camped outdoors in our backyard! (Laughs) I’d love to take a week off and camp in Yellowstone. Maybe I could be a hardcore camper. But not the kind who doesn’t need an actual bathroom. So scratch the hardcore part. (Laughs)

Q. Do you like cold-weather destinations?

A. I do! Last year I went to Park City, Utah, with my family and we skied and stayed in a lodge. That was fun. I hadn’t skied in a while. My mom took me skiing when I was little. I was maybe in the fourth grade. A snowboarder hit me from behind! He was a grown man, so it hurt.

Q. What was the first trip you took as a child?

A. It was to Disney World when I was five years old. My mom did a 50-day countdown. Every day before the trip, she would videotape us and we could talk about our upcoming trip or sing a song from Disney. We were so excited. The trip lived up to our expectations 100 percent! I didn’t even mind waiting in the lines to go on the Peter Pan ride and everything. I have to say, I actually love waiting in lines at amusement parks with people who you like. It’s fun. I had a friend who came to visit me from London last year and we went to Disneyland. Anyhow, now here I am in a Disney movie.

Q. Where is the most romantic destination?

A. I’ve honestly never had a romantic vacation. I need to change that right away!

Q. What are your top five cities?

A. I lived in Chicago shooting “Boss” for three months and it was gorgeous. But if I was going to place the cities in my favorite order, it’d be New York for sure. It’s my absolute favorite! Then Lancaster, Pa., Rome, San Francisco and Chicago.

Q. What makes a memorable vacation?

A. Being able to travel by yourself and feeling at home. I went to Rome by myself and just had the most incredible experience there. I went in the summer and it was so sexy and the food was great. I love sitting outside and people-watching. The vibe in the city was amazing. And then to visit the Sistine Chapel was mind blowing. I have to say that when I was in Rome, I ate my face off!

Q. Where have you traveled to that most reminded you of home?

A. I spent some time in Portland, Ore., and the mountains there reminded me of the mountains in Pennsylvania. It was so pretty with the leaves changing.

#jonathan groff #interview #2013 #frozen

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abovetherainandroses · 1 year ago

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20 Questions for Fic Writers

Storm here! 🌩 Tysm for the tag @27-royal-teas! <3 I haven't done a tumblr meme thing in forever! And I don't really have any friends on this blog so I don't have anyone to tag, but if you're a writer who follows me, consider yourself tagged! (And also come be my friend)

This got long! I talk too much! Answers are below the cut!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

So I have two accounts lol, because for some reason I decided to make a separate RPF account even though I have other embarrassing things on main account anyway?? Anyway, I currently have 100 fics on my main and 5 on my RPF account.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Across both accounts, 379,693 words for an average of 3.6k per fic. Longfic? I don't know her.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I usually write for one fandom at a time, but I will revisit/cycle through fandoms. Currently it's Fall Out Boy. Previously, I was writing some MCU stuff (mostly Spider-Man). Also wrote a handful of Good Omens stuff back when S1 came out. I have the most fics posted for Haikyuu (volleyball manga/anime) lol.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Oops I only have 5 fics so far on my RPF account and I'm still debating whether I want this account directly linked to my main.

But I will take this opportunity to tell anyone who needs it not to put too much stock into kudos!! Kudos count relies on a lot of factors, but a big two are fandom/ship size and when you post the fic relative to the height of the fandom's activity. (Getting in early with a fic right after a new movie/season/etc. comes out so you're one of the first fics for the New Thing can be huge too.)

External validation is obviously very nice but if you rely too much on it, you're not gonna have a good time.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Comments make my entire life and I always want to respond to them, but I inevitably fall off because the brain energy isn't there, and I keep putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off, and then it feels too late. But seeing as I only have 5 fics on my RPF account, I recently went and responded to everything, even if it was years late. In the past few weeks I've actually gotten responses to some comments I left on fics like 3 years ago so it inspired me, haha.

I myself am not always good at leaving comments (continuous goal to get better at it), so I really appreciate the people who take the time to leave kind comments for me and I want to express that appreciation.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't usually write angsty fic... I'm too softhearted. That said, I have made a few forays into angst, but Your Mileage May Vary on which one is the angstiest. Is it the major character death? Is it the one where they're soulmates with the last words they'll say to each other written on their skin, and in the end it's not death that separates them, but their own inability to have a functional relationship with each other?

Or is it the one I didn't even think was super angsty and tagged "bittersweet ending" but then it made a bunch of people cry? I'm still like "...my bad" about that one lmao.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Fluff is my lifeblood and almost all of my fics have a happy ending. I couldn't tell you which was the happiest, haha. Again, I'm incredibly softhearted, and also a big sap. I cannot deny this!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thinking very hard... I have been posting fic for............. several years so it is possible I am forgetting something but nothing comes to mind! I have always felt too relatively unknown for haters, which is just fine by me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

"What kind" lol. What does that even mean. Listen, my kink is holding hands during sex and being ❤️ in love ❤️ (I mentioned I'm a softhearted sap, right??)

Sometimes I might explore some light kink but nothing too hardcore imo.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Again, I've been writing/posting fic for several years, so I could be forgetting something, but I don't remember ever writing a true crossover. Though in my personal definition of fandom terms, crossover = characters from fandom A meet characters from fandom B. I have written a few fusion AUs in my time (characters from fandom A existing in the world of fandom B), which you could say falls under the crossover umbrella. For example, I've written Kingdom Hearts characters in a Pacific Rim AU and Haikyuu characters in Dragon Age AU.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Though I did once see (this was a SUPER long time ago) someone repost my fic on tumblr the same day I posted it on FFN, even though I also posted the full text of the fic on tumblr myself. They credited my FFN account, at least, but like. Hey. Don't do that.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I've had some fics translated into various languages! It's definitely an honor that people want to share some of my stuff in other languages and take the time to do that translation work. I try to ask people keep translations on AO3 but it hasn't always succeeded so there are some translations of my works floating around on foreign language fic sites... Ah well.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I successfully co-wrote one (1) fic with one of my friends years ago. I've tried a few other times to co-write fics (including with the same person) but none of them ever finished... Co-writing fic is hard! Idk how to do it effectively. I've done a handful of fic/art collabs with my wife though!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I don't know that I have a single all-time favorite ship, but Peterick is definitely the current fave. I........ adore them. So much.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Listen, I am a hoarder of WIPs and a clinger to delusions that they will one day be finished. But okay, one of my peterick WIPs from 2016-2017 that I really liked but highly doubt I'll ever finish is a no-band, dating show AU where Pete is the eligible bachelor on a queer offshoot of the Bachelor/Bachelorette and Patrick (through machinations by Joe) ends up as a contestant on the show. Patrick is camera shy and does not want to be there, but he made a deal with Joe to stay til he was eliminated. Pete, who just went through a public and messy divorce with Ashlee, does not want to be there, but he was guilt-tripped into using his moderate fame to help bring viewership to the underfunded little queer show.

Pete finds out Patrick never wanted to be there in the first place and offers to eliminate Patrick. I will copy/paste the next bit from my gdoc:

"[...] pete’s like what if…i didn’t eliminate you and we just stayed friends and hung out and stuff and patrick finds himself agreeing bc pete’s a really nice dude and they have a lot of interests in common

But then Patrick keeps sticking around through the weeks and Patrick and Pete fall in love and both end up having separate private crises because they agreed to be friends. Patrick sees Pete spending time with other candidates and clearly being attracted to them and it sucks because now Patrick is in love with Pete and Pete isn’t considering him at all. Meanwhile Pete is having a good time with the other candidates and sure there’s lust there and even some like but he can’t stop thinking about how perfect Patrick is for him except for oh wait Patrick doesn’t even want to BE here and Pete was the one who convinced him to stay and now he’s fucking in love with him."

Blah blah blah, stuff happens, Pete eliminates Patrick in the last few weeks then when he has to make the choice between the final two candidates, calls Patrick and confesses to him instead, blah blah blah, happy ending.

Anyway. I wrote 11k of that fic and I was about 1/3 of the way through. It will never be finished. But now I've told you all about it and that's good enough, right?

16. What are your writing strengths?

Internal narration and emotions. Tightly focused fics that span 1-3 scenes. Spelling and grammar.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Longfic or fic with several scenes that take place over an extended stretch of time. Related to that, coming up with external plot events rather than just internal conflict HAHA. Describing the setting/environment so the characters don't just exist in a nebulous empty space.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

As with most of my preferences re: fic, it depends on the execution. It can feel clunky and maybe even cringey, or it can feel natural and realistic. Just be intentional about how you're using it. Also, it always helps if you know a fluent speaker who can review it for you but understandably you may not always have someone like that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Warrior... cats...

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

This is impossible to answer hahahaha. Certainly if we look at my main AO3. But if we're looking at my grand total of 5 (as of yet) RPF fics, I can say that I'm still quite fond of get us right (quitters never win), a fob AU fic where everything is the same but they all have minor superpowers, featuring empath!Patrick and telepath!Pete.

Aaaaand we are done! If you got this far, I am giving you cookies.

#why do i talk so much #storm talks #genuinely feel like i owe anyone who reads all my rambling something #come talk to me about peterick and give me fic prompts or something

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