#but we very much do need to acknowledge that it started as a transmisogynistic caricature. as A Joke. A Gag. A Bit

[karmaphone]

yea yea cunty bugs bunny in a dress and all. do you acknowledge that that started as a transmisogynistic caricature tho

[transmisogyny-explained]

a genuine question.. dont answer if you dont want to. do you know how to.. somehow.. explain 2 someone how transmisogynistic the FB slur is when they refuse to believe you bc of. some reason??

It really depends on the person and their specific reasons for refusing to believe you.

Some TMEs argue that it can’t be a transmisogynistic slur because it “just means feminine boy.” Obviously, most transmisogynistic slurs, stereotypes, and caricatures blatantly misgender transfems. That’s part of what makes it transmisogyny.

Some TMEs argue that it couldn’t be harmful to call people f*mboys or identify as one because it’s just a word. This presumes that the issue is with the word itself rather than the way it’s used to enforce transmisogyny. Anyone who struggles with this concept probably doesn’t have a very firm grasp of how systemic harm works in the first place, so you’ll probably need to have more thorough, holistic conversation with them beforehand anyway.

Some TMEs argue that because different transfems have different opinions about what constitutes a transmisogynistic slur, that makes it okay to use. Of course, transfems are not a monolith, and it is important to listen to transfems whose experiences with the word might be different. However, the word still has a demonstrable relationship to the way that transfemininity is seen as inherently sexual and fetishized (particularly by cishet men, and particularly in porn made for them). Enough transfems, I feel, have come forward voicing not only discomfort, but outright trauma regarding the word and its surrounding subculture that I think TMEs at the very least really ought to be listening as we conintue having this intracommunity discussion, rather than deciding for themselves that the cultural phenomenon of f*mboys has absolutely nothing to do with systemic transmisogyny. (Additionally, transfems are also divided on whether words like “tr*p” actually count as slurs, but that’s not an invitation for TMEs to start using them freely.)

Some TMEs argue that every word which means “feminine boy” has been or can be used derogatorily against transfems, and therefore it’s okay to use. I don’t really understand this logic at all because the fact that there are a lot of negative ways which you can refer to transfems doesn’t make transmisogyny acceptable...? Also, not every derogatory term which can be used against transfems is necessarily a slur. It’s the association with the institutionalized sexualization/fetishization of transfemininity that makes f*mboy a slur.

I’ve said before that I don’t personally care that much if TMEs identify as f*mboys — For several reasons, but mainly because I think the refusal to listen to transfems about what is and is not transmisogyny is often symptomatic of some much deeper transmisogynistic attitudes, and as it says on my carrd, I’m not interested in changing the minds of transmisogynists. Do I think it’s possible for a TME to both identify as f*mboy and be an ally to transfems who fully acknowledges the term’s relationship with transmisogyny? Yes. Do I think that most authentic allies, when informed about its relationship with transmisogyny, will stop using the term altogether? Also yes. It’s a nuanced issue.

So, returning to your original question, if you want to explain to someone why it’s a transmisogynistic term, you have to root out what it is that they aren’t understanding and address that. And I think the best way to do that would be to show them what transfems have actually said about this topic and use that as a starting point for a deeper conversation with them.

Anyway, I hope you found this reply at least somewhat helpful. Sorry it took me so long to answer. Good luck!