#but was nevertheless incredibly similar to our present

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

I bet pretentious weebs would throw up if they found out that, in the Japanese silent film performance I went to tonight, the subtitles called a child "Tetsu" instead of "Tecchan" like the performer doing the script and voices clearly said, because you lose so much nuance about the characters if you don't leave the honorifics on and ACTUALLY it's technically an incorrect translation because the words are different and a correct translation would actually just be Japanese subtitles and if people can't just deal with that then they're lazy

[anghraine]

I had seen this post before, but not the actual episode in question, "The City on the Edge of Forever." However! my bff and I are currently watching TOS in our closest approximation of chronological order, so now I have seen it and it's only wilder in the context of that specific episode. So for those who don't know:

In the episode, McCoy accidentally gets high for plot reasons, which results in him stumbling through a portal back in time and screwing up history with horrific ripple effects throughout the universe as the other TOS characters know it. Kirk and Spock follow him into the past (1930s NYC) to try and fix whatever he changed. After some shenanigans, Kirk takes up work for a hopeful, anti-war lady activist with dreams of humanity getting past this 20th-century nonsense and going to the stars. Kirk really likes her and seems to be finding peace in this quiet life lost in time (other episodes reveal that Kirk was a youthful survivor of a truly horrific atrocity before his time as a bullied nerd, so this tracks) even as he and Spock are secretly trying to determine what the original change that destroyed their timeline even was.

Kirk and Edith (the 20th-century pacifist lady) are very obviously super into each other, but what makes this interesting on a Spirk level is that Spock is visibly jealous and concerned about it. This is really unusual for Spock—in general, he seems mildly amused or baffled at Kirk's flings, but basically indifferent—and his jealousy is used in the episode to signify that this Kirk romance is different and special.

They discover that McCoy's effect on the timeline hinges on whether Edith lives or dies in the near future (for present Kirk and Spock, so c. 1930). And in the end, Spock finds out that McCoy zapped their timeline by saving Edith's life. She is not only ahead of her time but disastrously ahead of her time because of her highly competent involvement in anti-war activism ... but she's living just before WWII. It turns out that the cascading end result of her efforts would be the Nazis winning the war via atomic bomb, an obvious disaster that would derail the entire course of history.

(Edith is not ever suggested to be a Nazi sympathizer, btw, just a hardline pacifist in a terrible time for it. Joan Collins later remembered Edith as a sympathizer, but as far as anyone can tell she just misremembered this element of the story; the episode never suggests it and afaik there's nothing like that in its incredibly fraught script history.)

Kirk, though at first in denial and clearly horrified, nevertheless helps Spock physically restrain McCoy when she's randomly hit by a car and McCoy is about to rush over to give her medical care. She dies and their timeline is restored. (In Harlan Ellison's original script, though, Kirk actually tries to help McCoy save her and Spock alone is the one who prevents it.)

So there's this whole tragedy that is partly about the sacrifice of this woman's life because her aspirations, while noble, are completely ill-suited to the realities of her time. The better world she's working for will come to exist—but not for her. But it's also about the loss of this life of quiet purpose and happiness that Kirk was building in that pocket in time. Spock isn't gleeful or anything about events removing his rival (as he clearly saw her!), to be clear, just compassionate about the weight of what they just did. But an offer of a similar life on Vulcan where Kirk could find that kind of comfort and rest, without the pressure of very literally running out of time, with Spock taking the role of Edith—uhhhhh there's a whole lot happening here.

i am constantly thinking about the part of the city on the edge of forever script that didn't make it into the episode

[seosquad07]

Introduction to PPC Marketing: What Beginners Need to Know

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[cannabis21a]

Cannabis 21 - Aberdeen Dispensary

Marijuana 21 examines the recreational cannabis market in Grays Harbor, Washington in this article. Our constant goal is to make superior cannabis products available to every dispensary, and we won't give up on it. Aberdeen, Washington Visit one of our three locations—Aberdeen, Hoquiam, or Ocean Shores—at your convenience to peruse our extensive collection. It would make us very happy if you could accept our gracious offer. We are aware that when we collaborate, we can produce amazing outcomes. Your ideal wedding will become a reality thanks to their positive attitude and willingness to assist. We really value your in-depth analysis. All county residents are welcome to utilize our services. Elma and Ocean Shores, two of the town groups that make up Hoquiam and Montasano, as well as Westport, are located here. Our goal in providing you with this option is to make things easier for you. There may be a lot of excellent dispensaries in the Twin Harbors area. When it comes to dispensaries in Twin Harbors, nobody does it better than us. We have been able to successfully hold the title of "Best on the Twin Harbors" for the last five years.

Dispensary Aberdeen, WA

Making contact with the farmers by someone from our procurement staff was also beneficial. Once you eat this salad, you won't believe how much work went into cooking it. They went above and above to build trustworthy relationships with the farmers. The majority of glassware owned by collectors is completely original. For most individuals, vaporizers, grinders, and silicon are just beyond of reach financially. This is actually happening! The 98520 zip code and the neighborhood are serviced by the vape shop located at Ten18 E Wishkah Street. They have an attitude that rivals that of our highest-ranking admirals. precisely where you mentioned.

Don't ever plant seeds on unmodified soil. There are farmers living in this area. Spending time with them could be exhausting.

Fundamentally, the cannabis plant is just like any other plant. The farmer's market had a plethora of beautiful seasonal produce, even with the broken glass. Why? Why? If there are plenty, I can at last unwind. Before they can be eaten, meat, eggs, and fruit must have traveled at least 100 miles from Aberdeen, Washington. Those that attend these events are typically nicer and more laid back. Similar scenery can be found in eastern Washington. Not even scientists and bakers utilize robots to choose their ingredients. Working together with these people was a privilege.

My studies and interviews indicate that I will never lack anything. In every case, the gracious staff came to the rescue. Their reasoning is so complicated that I cannot even begin to understand it. I got the absolutely fantastic idea not so long ago to invest in a competitor. Thankfully, I was presented with an incredible opportunity in the cannabis sector. I'm still going shopping. Even though I have never experienced anxiety or trouble sleeping, this nevertheless happened to me. I can unwind and enjoy myself while I'm here. After our conversation, I felt like more than simply a client. You ought to stick with your current strategy because it is working (C21). Permit me to share some wonderful news with you. Go to Trevor's Church to get the supplies you need to finish this quest. Everything you could have imagined, it seemed, had materialized.

The answer is rather obvious! Everyone was staring at Jolene Deboer.

It is unlike anything else in the cosmos.

They are also a wonderful, encouraging family. I just ask for their advise when they ask if I need anything else since that's all I need. I have everything I could ever want right here. The mix of intense heat, intense stomach dryness, and overwhelming thirst was the worst pain I had ever experienced.We shall continue till the object returns to its original bright color.If all else is equal, we have already determined that I should introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. Please allow me to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. I'm happy to introduce myself. Greetings, I'm Matthew Siegel.

I shall never waver in my commitment to the goals of the organization. Giving back to a great cause is one of life's most fulfilling experiences. Reaching out to clients to inquire about their well-being is one of my favorite aspects of my job as a customer service manager. Our key goals are to keep the workplace tidy and to minimize the amount of time customers must wait. These are just a handful of the many possible ways that the MINDI function can be interpreted: First of all

Among our numerous triumphs in 2020 was being named the finest marijuana business in Aberdeen and the Twin Harbors. Even thinking about it makes me nauseous. Dispensary Aberdeen, WA Each and every band member has extraordinary talent. We have been given these distinctions. Since no other Twin Harbors company offers cannabis liquor, we are even more honored to have received the "Best of Twin Harbors" award. This is what we owe to our total success. The most bothersome aspect is our customer service, which is the reason why our voters chose us for the position.

Smiling Smiles provides an amazing assortment of products and goes above and above to reward devoted consumers. Numerous well-known figures in the medical marijuana industry hang out at this beach café.

Shaney Frame's second cousin is actually a well-known Crosby relative.

When I landed in Aberdeen, this magnificent work of art was waiting for me. We are very grateful to the personnel for their generosity and kindness. In my opinion, it's excellent from the standpoint of the client.

[notmuchtoconceal]

GOD ANDROMALIUS

Contact: from 16th to 20th of March

Candle: Indigo

Planet: Jupiter

Material: Iron

Element: Air

Polarity: Night/Yin

As soon as we speak of this magnificent God, we immediately think at his sigil. Levels of consciousness, perfect alignment of the first and seventh chakras, points of concentration and the four watchtowers, both S at the right and the left or Ida and Pingala and above all, the Big impressive, powerful and revealing S: the Grand Sacred Serpent or Kundalini:

SHIVA

This sigil is the synthesis of secret teachings. It represents rigor, righteousness, I would even say, doggedness that is necessary to live the incredible epic that opens doors towards Magnum Opus.

Andromalius, like Andras ( I ) and Andrealphus, has the same root andro ; warrior, invincible, unalterable. Each one taking action in his own way for Truth and Freedom. Andromalius infiltrates. Example of courage and dedication, he sneaks into abysses of Evil to better impact it from inside.

"Divine Spy", Andromalius hates thieves, cheaters, swindlers, thugs, those who attack vulnerable people.

Andromalius reveals the hidden wickedness of people, their craftiness and duplicity because he asserts himself as a great god of justice, truth and dignity who avenges denied and forgotten victims. He reveals dirty plots, unhealthy secrets, but also the place where important documents are hidden, where belongings, money, jewels, are buried.

He reveals these [tidbits of] information to those who deserve them and plan to make good use of them.

Andro-malius. Yes, the second part of the word evokes evil, bad: the evil -- mal-malus. (Latin) We could wonder, for whom is he the bad, the evil? Because it is sure that for people fearing neither god nor man, he represents a danger, and thus, from their point of view, he is bad, evil. The twisted evolution of our language that is skillfully orchestrated since millenniums brings us to confuse everything and especially to forget our true origins, including the linguistic ones: the Sanskrit.

In truth, it is really difficult to find out the authentic reality of syllables, suffixes and prefixes, especially when these could help to do justice to our Goddesses and our Gods.

.

Nevertheless, without having to go back up very far in time, in antique Greece and even in ancient India, peoples with very similar names appear: the Malians-Malieis. (With no direct connection with the present country Mali.)

They were people of Andromalius, in other words, his Legions. We are told that these people gave their name to the Malian Gulf in Greece, circa one or two centuries BC. This gulf, the most fertile of the country, Auguste Felix (II) speaks about it in his book centuries later.

Almost all of our Gods lived in Greece, in present Turkey and in the whole Europe, especially the south. Great travelers, they settled almost everywhere. Moreover vestiges of their settlement spread throughout the Earth. I shall pass over the historic trips between tribes of that time to focus on the Mallians of India, nicknamed free people, the bravest people of India.

Andromalius and his legions infiltrated the tribes which lived on plunders and on robberies, which sowed terror, raped women and children, they made collapse their "brotherhood" from inside.

At that time, the proselyte and irascible leprosy of monotheism was already invading the Earth since a long time. So the old sacred places were plundered and destroyed while wars and religious rivalries were proliferating on our planet, deliberately giving good place to Evil.

GLORY TO ANDROMALIUS!!

MAY JUSTICE BE DONE!!

[nyortor]

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[sepublic]

Arcane and Castlevania

            Watching Arcane is a very similar experience to Castlevania for me. They’re both animated Netflix adaptations of a video game series, but they go in very different directions; Each show takes a nuanced route with its characters, involving multiple sub-plots and storylines in the same world that occasionally overlap with one another, yet still manage to stay relatively rooted and isolated in their own independent way. There is no ‘bad guy’ in these shows, even the most clear-cut antagonist is humanized with a lot of emotional depth as a real person, as someone with their own goals that you can understand.

            Arcane and Castlevania aren’t conventional stories about good defeating evil, instead they tell much more complex stories of different people trying to navigate around one another, with clear-cut motivations and perspective to each. Likewise, there’s an exciting unpredictability to both in that they take canon more as a guideline than a hard and fast rule, so it’s fun trying to see how much either show will adhere to canon, if at all; Characters and designs aren’t just adapted but often updated too, with quality-of-life improvements, to be more than the character and gaming tropes they started off as and were initially just meant to be.

            Arcane and Castlevania both start off at the relative beginning, as we see characters before they reach a particular state they’re readily identifiable by in the games. So in a lot of ways, it’s like we’re seeing the origin stories for these game characters, a humanized look into their backgrounds and the paths they took to become the icons and symbols we recognize them as. So part of the intrigue then comes from seeing how they eventually reach that point, if they ever do, and to what extent; Will they follow in the footsteps of their source material, or not? How much inspiration will they take? And will we see others from the source material show up; Is this foreshadowing and setup for another to appear? For a storyline to be adapted or referenced in some way?

         It’s very compelling and a lot of fun, guessing how much canon is going to guide these shows; Will they follow the rules or not? Will the characters break free from their destinies, will they inevitably reach that point no matter how hard they try, and will they still be themselves when it happens? Will we see these two best friends become adversaries like they are in the games, is this character still doomed to their role as the villain that they’ve resigned themselves towards, in an almost meta self-awareness of their source material? And while we get moments of humanization and hesitation, it is nevertheless a tragedy they won’t return from; Still an antagonist, just given these moments to be more nuanced and tragic, rather than saved at the last second? This influences our speculation, wondering if something present in the games will be, and/or already is, relevant to the adaptation.

         Arcane and Castlevania are just so heavily invested as shows about interactions, being mainly character-driven and happily introducing new characters to flesh things out; But they’ve also got gorgeous animation and the occasional, beautiful fight scene where the animators and soundtrack really go all out, usually at the climax, as if they’ve been saving the budget by otherwise keeping things grounded for most of the season. Even the ‘villains’ are people who interact with each other as people, and have real relationships and discussions with each other; It’s sublime. And with Castlevania finished, I feel like Arcane really fills the incredibly-niche hole it left in the most wonderful way; I would not be surprised if the writers of Arcane were somewhat influenced by Castlevania, or even that a few DID work on it! Both are produced by Netflix, after all.

        What’s also interesting to me about Arcane is that its source material video game is still ongoing, and thus liable to be influenced by the adaptation as well, as it already has been; Whereas the Castlevania games have happened a long time ago and the gaming franchise is basically dead thanks to Konami, set in stone. We won’t get new installments that might inform the adaptation later down the line or vice-versa, but that IS the case with Arcane, which is even more fascinating. Thus, some of the new characters that Arcane introduces are liable to be promoted to its source material, such as Sevika for example! So there’s that added real-world intrigue, two versions of the same story and world growing next to each other, the adaptation becoming its own source material, etc.

[cafedanslanuit]

♡   —   pairing: jumin han x reader

♡   —   tags/warnings: fluff overload <3

♡   —   a/n: This is part of @mysme-rbb​ ‘s event MysMe Reverse Big Bang! I had the opportunity to work with Maryellen, this great artist. Please check her work here, it goes along this story! <3

♡   —   length: 1.8k

♡   —   masterlist

“Are you sure this is a good idea?”

You looked back at him, arching an eyebrow.

��Of course, honey. You said you wanted to experiment new things with me, right?” you asked with a smile.

“I know and I do, my love. I just don’t know if a roller coaster is the way we should do it.”

You sighed and put your hands on your hips, looking up at your husband. A couple of days ago, you had commented on the photos Yoosung had sent to the RFA chatroom. There, he was at the theme park, a wide grin on his face as he had his arm around his girlfriend. He talked on and on about how much fun they had, how many things they ate and that it had been an incredible date. Everything was fine until Jumin dared to ask what Yoosung's girlfriend was holding in her hand.

“Cotton candy?” Yoosung replied.

“Is it derived from cotton? That’s actually interesting.”

The rest of the RFA erupted in laughter, mocking Jumin’s question. You were sad Jumin wasn’t there with you in that moment as you could have avoided that awkward moment.

“I actually have never tried cotton candy either,” you stepped in but the other members were far kinder to you, explaining what the candy was made of and how it tasted. “No, I know what cotton candy is,” you corrected them. “But my mom never let me have some as a kid. My nutritionist was against it.”

After Saeyoung’s joke about both you and Jumin having nutritionists since you were babies and how “rich people were just different” and “you and Jumin were made for each other”, they moved on to another subject.

Usually, you would have let it go. Coming from an accommodated family like Jumin and being a heiress of a company you had very similar experiences as your husband and found comfort in that. But Yoosung’s picture roamed around your head the entire day and it was so obvious Jumin asked what you were thinking about as you brushed your teeth in front of the bathroom mirror.

“You know me too well,” you chuckled, mouth full of toothpaste. You spat on the sink and then washed your toothbrush as well. You left it on the small vase and then took your night face cream, putting a small amount on your fingers and then massaging your cheeks with it.

“You’re my wife, of course I do,” he replied. You handed him your cream and he imitated you, applying it to his face as well.

“Don’t you ever feel jealous about not having the same childhood as everyone?”

Jumin paused, considering your question a couple of seconds before shaking his head.

“No.”

“I do,” you sighed as you massaged your forehead. “Sometimes I wished I didn’t have to learn Economics when I was eight. It would have been fun to be a kid at a theme park, you know? Eating cotton candy and trying out the different rides.”

“Is this about Yoosung’s photo?”

“Yes,” you admitted, drawing gentle circles on your jaw with the cream until you were satisfied with the result. “I just think when you’re a kid, even if you’re rich, you should get to enjoy things more, you know?”

“I don’t know why but if you say so, then I agree,” Jumin said, leaning over and kissing the top of your head. You smiled sweetly at him through the mirror. “If you’re really upset about it, I can accompany you to the theme park.”

“Really?” you asked excitedly.

He nodded. “I told you long ago. Be as greedy as you want with me.”

Jumin was deeply enamoured with you. He couldn’t picture his life without you in it and if there was anything you wanted, he would find a way to give it to you. He knew you were more than capable of buying yourself pretty things but there was nothing else he adored more than to see your eyes sparkling as he handed you a new present.

But he had miscalculated when he offered to take you to the theme park. Even with two security guards following you, for the first time in many years he was unsure for his safety.

“I just don’t think it looks safe.”

“Jumin, it’s just a rollercoaster. It’s the smallest and shortest one here- look, even five year olds are allowed,” you said as you pointed at the sign, “And with these VIP bracelets we can avoid the line, c’mon. Please?” you asked, sticking out with lower lip,

It worked like a charm.

You could see how firmly Jumin grabbed the handles as the roller coaster got faster and faster. Your arms were firmly looped around Jumin’s right arm, screaming gleefully during the first fall. In retrospective, sitting on the front line hadn’t been your brightest idea but you wouldn’t have changed it for anything. You were surprised you didn’t hear him scream so you looked up to him, holding back a laugh when you saw his lips pressed in a thin line as he had his eyebrows furrowed.

“Are you okay!?” you asked loudly but he just nodded.

When the ride was over, you stepped away and did your best not to comment on Jumin’s wobbly legs as he led the way, holding your hand tightly in his. His hair was a mess and you pulled him closer, stepping on your toes and grabbing his face sweetly.

“I love you so much,” you grinned, pressing a small kiss on his lips. Despite his shaken state, he accepted your touch and leaned into you, his muscles visibly relaxing.

“I love you too.”

As you walked around you decided to wait before you asked Jumin to jump into another ride with you. Never letting go of his hand, you walked to the different stands and were delighted when Jumin and you bought matching cat ears. You made sure to take several selfies of you both to share with the other RFA members.

You kept on looking at the different stands, being amused at magic tricks and children playing along with the parents to win different prizes. You got your eyes on a pink stuffed bunny and once the competition was over, you walked to the young man as you took out your wallet from your purse.

“Hello, how much for the stuffed bunny?”

“Those are prizes for the game, Miss. It’s not for sale.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Jumin interjected. “It must have a price.”

“It does, but…” the man paused, slightly confused. “That’s how the game works. You shoot three cans and you can get the bunny.”

Jumin and you looked at each other with a confused expression, trying and failing to understand how this worked.

“You pay $3… and you get three shots. If you take down three of those cans,” the man said, ponting at a tower of cans behind him. “You get the bunny as a prize.”

Jumin handed him the money and was given one of the guns. You smiled as the CEO of C&R wearing a pair of cat ears held a gun, squinting so he could get the cans.

But he almost hit the man.

Nevertheless, Jumin was a relentless man. Before you could notice he was trying out his luck for the fifth time but hadn’t managed to take down a single can. As Jumin paid for three more shots, you put your hand on his arm gently.

“Honey.”

“Yes?”

“Why don’t we let John try out his luck?” you said, leaning your head towards your bodyguards. Jumin shook his head.

“I think I’m capable of doing this for my wife.”

“Jumin, this is you taking photos again. Your hands are a little shaky,” you chuckled. “How about we try together?” you offered. Jumin’s silence gave you the green light to stand closer to him, holding the gun with him and pointing it to one of the cans. “Okay… shoot!”

Jumin pulled the trigger and one of the cans fell to the ground.

“Yes!” you screamed in excitement, jumping up and down.

Two more shots of teamwork and you held your stuffed bunny in your hands. You grinned widely as you walked with your husband across the theme park. A warm feeling crept on your face as you watched him eat cotton candy at a slow pace. You had already devoured yours faster than you wanted to admit.

“Thanks for coming with me here,” you said.

Jumin squeezed your hand gently. “Of course. Anything for you.”

“I just think it’s important we get to experiment these things, you know?”

“I’m not quite sure about that,” he confessed. “But if it makes you happy, then it is important for me as well.”

“But didn’t you have a good time?”

“I did,” Jumin nodded. “I just don’t understand how this experience is vital for our lives.”

“How are we supposed to try and give our son or daughter a normal childhood if we haven’t experimented it beforehand?

Jumin chuckled. “We’ll have plenty of time to worry about that.”

“What if we don’t?”

“What do you mean?” he asked with his eyebrows furrowed.

“What if… we have to worry about it right now?” you continued, a timid smile forming on your lips.

Jumin stopped in his tracks, forcing you to do so as well.

“Are you… Do you mean you’re…” he asked with an uncharacteristic quiet voice, his eyes darting from yours to your stomach.

“Four weeks,” you beamed, feeling tears forming in your eyes as you broke the news. 

Jumin’s lips parted and you watched him struggle as he chose his next words. You waited in silence, giving him the time he needed as he took all the information. It had been a week since you had been late and after an inconclusive home test, you had gone to the doctor, wanting clarification. After an ultrasound, she had confirmed you were pregnant and since then you had been planning out the perfect way to tell Jumin the good news. Initially, you had decided on telling him later during dinner but your feelings got the best of you, not being able to refrain yourself any longer.

The next thing you knew is that Jumin was dropping the cotton candy on the floor and pulling you into a tight hug. You hugged him back, burying your face on his chest with a wide smile as you let happy tears stream down your cheeks.

“Thank you,” Jumin whispered against your hair. “I promise I will do my best. I will give them everything they need, I will- I will come back from work earlier, I won’t accept as many business trips. I will let them be themselves, I don’t care if they’re loud or quiet or popular or shy, I just- I will let them be happy. I swear, I will do my best.”

You nodded pulling away from his hug a little to press a kiss on his trembling lips.

“I know you will. That’s one of the reasons I chose you,” you reminded him.

Jumin wiped the tears from your face as you laughed again, overwhelmed by the knowledge you were about to start a family with the man you loved the most. 

[reversalsun]

Explaining Rainbow Drinkers

I’m a decade wiser and return to the Homestuck fandom with a degree in biology and a desire to use it for evil. Lets talk about Vampire Troll Girls.

We get very little from the actual canon of Homestuck about Rainbow Drinkers, just Kanaya, Porrim, and a few hints of lore scattered about. Still, they’re one of the most interesting parts of troll culture - rare and strange, feared but also obsessed over in fiction and mythology. They may be analogous with vampires in the pop culture fascination surrounding them, but I don’t believe that they’re all that similar in function. So let's speculate on how Rainbow Drinkers could function on a biological level and how they fit into greater troll society. 

Rainbow drinkers don’t seem to be literal undead, but rather a functional state that some Jadebloods have the potential to enter into. Yes, Kanaya only becomes a rainbow drinker after “dying”, but death isn’t strictly what made her a rainbow drinker. In fact, I’d argue that Kanaya never actually died - rather she reached a near death state. This state, I believe, did kickstart her transformation. 

The most important thing to zero in on here is rainbow drinker being an inborn trait. Contrast this with how vampirism in human mythos is treated like a pathogen - no one is born a vampire, you become one via infection. RD is hardwired into Jadeblood biology, but it isn’t expressed in their default state. This raises a question: what causes a Jadeblood to undergo transformation into a rainbow drinker? Answering this is a little difficult, as we have a pitiful data pool of one to draw from. Nevertheless, we can examine Kanaya (as well as some dubiously canon content) to extrapolate a bit more about sparkly troll vampirism. Kanaya undergoes transformation into a RD when she is blasted through the stomach and seemingly killed by Eridan’s science powers. Off screen she regains consciousness, begins glowing, gulps down some friend blood, then returns with a vengeance. How do we explain this without leaning on the supernatural? Let's start by drawing on real world bloodsuckers. 

Little may be known about Alternia, but planet Earth is abound with creatures that subsist on blood. Mainly the trait is seen in bugs and parasites - this lends itself to our cause, as trolls seem to be more insectoid than mammalian in nature. Hematophagy (blood drinking) is a trait that has convergently evolved in creatures across the planet - that is to say, hematophagic creatures aren’t genetically related. The trait crops up on its own because it's widely useful, not because of a shared ancestral nematode. Vital fluids, after all, are incredibly prevalent and are in sure supply wherever animals live. It’s not farfetched to say that hematophagy would appear on other planets - especially planets like Alternia that are host to carbon based lifeforms similar to Earth’s. 

We can safely assume that blood drinking would work in the same way on Alternia as it does on Earth. That means rainbow drinkers face the same difficulties that Earth’s vampires do. Blood is not only difficult to obtain, but it’s also difficult to digest. So how do rainbow drinkers solve these conundrums? 

First, the method. Most terrestrial bloodsuckers are nocturnal - and not just for the spooky aesthetic. Fluttering, crawling, and slithering in on a sleeping host lessens your chance of being swatted on impact. Almost all hematophagic creatures are stealth feeders, and Rainbow Drinkers are no different. Trolls are a nocturnal species, but Kanaya is stated to be diurnal upon introduction. It would make sense for her and other potential Rainbow Drinkers to have a natural proclivity for daywalking, as it's much easier to feed from a sleeping troll than a waking one. Kanaya is also able to withstand the fierce, burning Alternian sun - a force which is enough to blind Terezi, and leave any troll who walks out in it for too long with a scathing sunburn. Even Jadebloods that are not currently or will never be rainbow drinkers are likely to exhibit non standard troll sleeping patterns, as they live primarily in the brooding caverns - dark, underground caves where the sun cycle wouldn’t really matter to them. When they do leave their caves to hunt, the glowing, white skin of a Rainbow Drinker would likely be a large boon against the Alternian sun’s devastating rays. In Friendsim we’re told that Lusii’s bright white coats help to protect them from the sun. It’s likely the same for rainbow drinkers; the color white reflects all wavelengths of light far better than any other, thus their radiance and pale complexion provides them an extra level of defense when they’re out hunting. Friendsim also vaguely mentions Rainbow Drinker extract in Tagora’s route, where it’s used as a luxury skincare/beauty product that makes a troll’s skin look literally radiant. Very little is said about the product itself, so it may be a hormone or a secretion derived from Rainbow Drinkers. In the case of the latter… Kanaya and other Rainbow Drinkers might just be really greasy? 

Now, in canon Kanaya theorizes that Rainbow Drinkers glow because of their home in the near pitch black caverns. It’s true that even with trolls' natural night vision, more light sources would be a boon. Animals that thrive in the dark like cats and wolves can’t magically see without a light source, rather their eyes are specially adapted to reflect even scant amounts of light. Animals that live in true darkness, like those found in the depths of caves, are more commonly blind. If no light is present, even night vision fails. With the mother grub’s natural habitat being subterranean, her special attendants possessing an internal light source would make sense. 

We have to change gears now and reckon with the How of troll blood drinking and Kanaya surviving. First: how can a troll survive on blood? We know that all trolls - even Kanaya, subsist on diets of foods akin to what you and I eat. Is it even possible to suddenly switch to a blood diet? The answer is yes. Blood drinking comes in two forms: obligatory and facultative. Obligatory, as the name implies, refers to creatures like fleas and ticks who only consume blood, whereas facultative refers to creatures that have a mixed diet of blood and other foods. Mosquitos for example only drink blood when they need to produce eggs. Rainbow Drinkers are likely similar - mainly eating standard troll goodies, but being able to rely on blood if the going gets tough. Natural resources may be scant in the brooding caverns, and the ability to survive on blood would be incredibly advantageous for those living there. Blood would of course be in no short supply given the population and purpose of the caverns. The implication I’m getting at is well… not every grub survives the caverns trials, or even the caverns in general. Between imperial drones, hoards of lusii, and difficult terrain, the brooding caverns can be dangerous. It would make sense for the troll denizens living there to be exceptionally tough and capable of “recycling” the grubs that don’t make it. Horrible. I’m sorry. But that’s nature. 

The transformation into Rainbow Drinker could very well be triggered by shock or extreme physical duress. After undergoing the transformation and taking a nice sloppy drink from her friends, Kanaya begins to exhibit increased physical abilities. Natural durability and rainbow drinker abilities serve Jades well in their special role as mother grub attendants, and I think that’s in part how Kanaya was able to survive Eridan’s attack. That, and the noticeable difference in how she and Feferi were hit. Fef was hit in the chest while Kan was hit in the stomach. Assuming troll biology is comparable to our own, cleaving out the lungs and heart is a lot worse than cleaving out the stomach. Now don’t get me wrong, both are awful, But if one of the two was going to survive, it would be Kanaya - not only is she a durable Jade (see above), but as a facultative blood drinker, it could be possible for her to have a separate stomachs for blood and food. The digestion process of the two is completely different, so throwing all of it into one pouch might not be a good idea. Outside of durability and luck with the placement of the blast, this could be why Kanaya was able to get back on her feet. And she’s a Sylph, a natural healer class. But this isn’t a classpect analysis, so I’ll leave that discussion for people wiser than I. 

Jadebloods are stated to be the second rarest blood type out there, and those that are able to turn Rainbow Drinker exemplify how badass the whole caste is. It’s likely that they don’t possess these skills because they’re the chosen attendants of the mother grubs, but rather these traits are why the mother grubs chose Jades as their keepers in the first place. As much as I wish we’d gotten more info about Rainbow Drinkers from canon, it was fun to explore how they could potentially work, and it really cemented Jades as my favorite caste. Anyway, please excuse me while I go draw myself a Rainbow Drinker trollsona. 

[raviliuz]

"Here comes the sun" Blaise Zabini x Theodore Nott

Muggle, retro au

@lifesucksandiwanttobeamarauder I finally translate that fanfiction, I hope you like it 🥺

The dark-skinned boy has tried to sit still from three hours already. It is incredibly hard for him, because of his amazing hyperactivity. In all honesty, sitting here as a model doesn't count to his dreams or favourites activities but he couldn't deny to Theodore's asks.

Just because of that — his bloody weakness for the older boy — he must stick up there and pose to Theodore's new painting. Blaise perfectly knows that person on that work of art won't be even similar to him. But it will be beautiful, perfect as everything that has been made by gifted hands of Theodore Nott.

There's music, playing quietly at the background, played on a gramophone, restored by Blaise himself. He gifted it to his friend as a birthday present two years ago on an incredibly warm and short night, 22th of June.

He has so many memories with that slight, passionate boy.

"Theo," he says suddenly, breaking the silence. He sounds like a dissatisfied kitten and when he doesn't notice any reaction, he repeats meowing "Theo, I'm bored."

The other boy finally pays his attention to Blaise, not his reflection on painting, which is created on a canvas (too small in Theo's opinion).

"Blaise, you really can't stand it for a while more?" Theodore asks and there is a nuance of desperation and melancholy in his voice, "I want to end it."

And Blaise has already known, he loses again. He won't be able to deny his friend the pleasure that results from looking at the painting — finished, after hours of working.

"I'll stand it, Theo" he sighs and in his mind adds 'always for you'. At this moment all he can do is begging and praying that Theodore is not able to read minds, just like some characters in their favourites comics.

"Nah, Blaise" slight boy says suddenly and leaves his paint palette and set of brushes on the cupboard, promising himself that he will wash it carefully within a few minutes when paints won't be already dry "I know you don't want to."

"It's not like that" Zabini starts to explaining himself chaotically because he doesn't want hurt Theodore's feelings, "I love watching your painting and you while you're painting. And I love that you have a passion and you're so talented. I just... It's May Day and we are sitting in your room..."

"It's alright, Blaise" Theodore interrupts his with the most beautiful, in Zabini's opinion, smile — that carefree, happy and only a little faraway one.

"We should do something and bring Hope with us to take many photos and place them in our albums with dumb yet cute captions" Theo proposes with a light laugh.

The younger, but taller, better built and more mature, of boys, stands up and brushes off invisible pollen from clothes. He reaches his hand to Theodore to help him stand up.

"Wanna go?" he proposes and even if Theo doesn't know where he agrees without a single question.

It doesn't matter where they go, it will be awesome as always if Blaise is with him.

He catches Hope and puts it on his neck. Theo loves his polaroid camera with whole his heart, even if it isn't the newest and all the better photos were made by Blaise.

Blaise is still holding Theodore's hand in his (definitely larger and rougher), like he doesn't care about rubs of paints in many different colours on Theo's hand and now, also on Blaise's one.

He pulls his friends outside and enters the garage like he is in his own house. Theodore knows what he means without words and grabs his bicycle with a big smile on his slim face.

Meanwhile, Blaise grabs his skateboard, which, only in the form of rebellion against sentiment, he did not give a name. But he perfectly knows that by his skateboard, people could see a different side of his personality, which he doesn't show often — bloody sentimentalist who loves very clichéd books or movies and constantly remembering beautiful moments, and it doesn't matter if that happens a year ago or two hours ago.

The skateboard has its best years far behind its. The picture which was printed on the underside of 'his love' (although, of course, incomparable to that of the boy just standing next to him) has almost completely faded and crumbled, peeling paint seems not so good, to put it mildly, but in Blaise's opinion, it adds the special character and charm to his skateboard. Every scratch and every cooked screw tell a story and Blaise thinks it definitely better than new skateboard — probably glamorous but without its own character.

Blaise isn't similar to Theo, not it that topic. He has never had boxes filled with various craps, which refer to many different events and happenings. He doesn't have special notebooks with tickets, a diary or millions of notes with quick sketches, created under the influence of a sudden flow of wen. He doesn't keep every notes and message on scraps of papers, which have been hand down on lessons, in hope that the teacher wouldn't see that. In first, even having a photo album was strange for Blaise. It shows, that he likes looking back at past and that feeling, which sometimes accompanies you right before falling asleep, when you remind yourself one of those pleasant situations from childhood, isn't foreign for him. It was all he was trying to defend himself against, but only for a time.

For a time when on his way stood that quite frail and nerdy boy. Theodore showed him being sentiment isn't something bad just as singing songs out loud in public places. As compensation, Blaise showed him the magic of comics and all these beautiful, charming in their area, which he discovered while taking a walk daily. Blaise pulled Theodore out of his room and dragged him away from the easel to lead him everywhere he can.

"To our place?" Theodore asks and gets on his a little too small, colourful bike. The seat creaks quietly under his mass but none of the boys pays any attention to this.

"Exactly, now ride, my carriage" Blaise screams and catches up on Theo's seat so the movement of the bicycle can drag him.

"Pff, flax" Nott giggles and Blaise find it as the most sonorous, melodic sound in the whole world.

They ride slowly through all that musty hole, also known as Torquay, or — their home. The road even if it's really old and it remembers when they as children drew chalk on a street, is not in a bad condition. A worse fate befell the road signs — some of them are smeared with sprays, and some are knocked off the ground, due to a car accident or a group of probably drunk but still strong young people.

There are many houses near the road. They are quite poor and definitely not as modern as houses in the capital. At some time, before he started taking daily walks, Blaise dreamed about living in London. Or rather, to be able to tell others that he lives in London. It's another thing which distinguishes him from Theodore — the older boy sees beauty everywhere, in everything and in everybody. Blaise envied him with this skill, for him the world has been boring or just ugly and people have been cruel sometimes.

The sun is warming their backs when they slowly ride on a well-known path. They pass Mrs Shermik, so out of courtesy from four meters away from her, they shout to the old woman joyful 'Good morning'. As they turn into a lane, which is fortunately dry as it hasn't rained much lately, Theo starts humming under his breath.

"Hey Jude, don't make it bad" he looks at his friend (nearly losing control of his bike) and Blaise quickly understands what he means.

Blaise joins to his singing and adds next line:

"Take a sad song and make it better".

Someday Blaise would have worried. He was worried about what people would think, he was afraid someone would hear them. But not now. Now he doesn't care when the words flowing from the depths of memory, and when the song ends, he starts another, definitely his favourite — "Blackbird". Neither of the boys has a perfect voice, singing is definitely not their hidden talent, but that doesn't matter. And that is wonderful, isn't it?

Here Blaise can no longer skate further — the ground is too uneven, even ploughed by the tires of wheelbarrows and carts of people from the neighbouring village. The dark-skinned man rejects Theo's offer to simply get his bike's rack and chooses to run next to the boy. The basketball team and two trainings a week are finally coming in handy — thanks to this, his condition is really good and he doesn't gasp like an old man with asthma after twenty meters run. Theodore, noticing how well his best friend is doing, accelerates, forcing Zabini to run, which he accepts with a groan. Nevertheless, he catches up with the older boy and promises himself that as soon as they get there, he will get his revenge.

After five more minutes, they are a destination of their travel. The place they describe as "their", although they are well aware that they are not the only people who come here, is exactly as they remember it — beautiful.

It was Blaise who discovered them during one of his walks over three years ago. He perfectly remembered how it happened.

That day he was trying to find a rather fast but shallow brook, which he remembered from his childhood. Before Draco's move to London, they told Draco's parents that they were going to the field, but in fact, they went to the brook and walked back and forth on a tree that had fallen over the river. He remembered just as well how Draco's mother, on her way to the store, noticed they were not on the field, prompting a search. When their parents found them by the brook — wet but in unusually good moods, they were already too worried to be upset with them.

After searching for more than an hour (during which he definitely fulfilled the daily, maybe even a week, step norm, but he didn't care) he found a place from his memories, although it was difficult to recognize its. The brook had dried up completely, leaving only a faint riverbed and tree roots washed out of the ground, but the place has definitely retained its charm.

Theo drops the bicycle, leaning it hurriedly against one of the roots, and lays down on the grass, staring at the almost cloudless sky, hidden only by tree branches. Blaise, slightly out of breath, rests his hands on his knees and stays like this for a moment. When his breath normalized he comes closer to Theodore. There is a snap and a Polaroid camera gracefully named Hope spits out a photo in which the image hasn't shown up yet. Theo enthusiastically grabs a small piece of paper and starts waving it so fast that it is about to reach orbital velocity. After a while, the picture clears up the silhouette of a younger boy, who was about to lie down next to his friend. Blaise looks at the photo and asks smiling, even though he already knows the answer:

"For your or my album?"

"Of course mine," Theodore replies quickly, grinning happily, "Why do you need your own photos? They will be much more useful to me."

The dark-skinned boy can't help but messes Theodore's hair in one move of his hand. However, Theo is not annoyed by that, he reacts to it like a cat, moving closer and silently demanding further caresses, which the younger one does willingly.

They are sitting like that (or rather, Blaise is sitting and Theo's half lying on him) till the sunset. There is a flower crown on Blaise's head, made by Theo with field flowers collected by him. And of course, Theodore took a photo of Blaise in his work of art.

It's getting dark. Butterflies, which were flying around them flew away and gave way for beautiful moths and fireflies. Theodore stands up energetically and starts jumping on protruding trees' roots, chasing insects to take a photo of them.

"Theo, please be careful," Blaise says attentively but the only response is 'don't worry' screamed by Nott.

Blaise unwillingly starts remembering his childhood. Times, when he wasn't Theodore's friend and all that connected them, was the same neighbourhood, chalk and short-term relationship of their parents. Then they found that as a stupid and loathsome. Nowadays, at their seventeen's, just as weird. But they weren't friends. After all, Blaise was friends with Draco and the teacher in primary had repeated that it's better to have fewer friends but true friends. So Blaise fraternizes with Malfoy till he moved to London.

It's not that now Blaise finds it as a mistake or holds any grudge with Draco. But nowadays he thinks that it is not good to withdraw from others.

When Draco had left and moved to London, Blaise had thought they now he stayed alone but on that moment, Theodore slowly crept into his life. Nott sat next to Blaise on school basketball pitch and started reminding happy moments from times when Draco lived in Torquey.

And later he showed his painting to Blaise and dark-skinned boy couldn't believe someone his age could do something that beautiful. A week later Blaise sat down with him in the canteen and sometime later also on most of the lessons so he could distract him from learning to read their favourites comics.

Now, Blaise would imagine his life without his always laughing and only sometimes a little faraway friend.

His thoughts are interrupted by a quiet scream.

"Ouch!"

Blaise, worried, stands up imminently and run through Theo. He is curled up in a fetal position between roods of the biggest tree. Zabini hugs him tightly and Theodore accepts that willing, cuddling to his chest while holds back tears.

"Ah, Theo" Blaise whispers, still cuddling the boy in his arms, "I asked you to be careful."

"I'm sorry, Blaise" he answers, sniffing.

"Don't apologize to me, silly" Blaise couldn't stop himself from nuzzling his friend's cheek.

"But you are worrying now and you warned me that I might get hurt..."

"Shhhh" Zabini interrupts him and places his fingers on Theo's mouth to shushes him "I always worrying about you, no matter if you get hurt or not" he admits truthfully and after a few seconds of silence adds "Please, stop crying.

He stops hugging Theodore, although he wants to do it forever. Blaise squats in from of him and gently grabs his friend's head. He wipes away tears, flowing slowly on fairy (although all that time, spends under the sunlight) skin.

He wants to not cry because of sadness or pain, wants him not to have reasons for a cry.

He wants him to be always happy, even if that meant that Blaise wouldn't be on his side.

Wants, wants, wants.

But the world isn't always beautiful, even if Theodore thinks so. Sometimes the world is cruel, ugly or just totally boring. The same about people who live in it.

Do it's really important to find your refuge. A place, a person or a hobby, which will be like an escape from all evils in that world.

Blaise thought that his escape is comics. Reading them has dragged him into the world of superheroes where he could use his imagination and think about meaningless things for hours such as what superpower would he choose (flying, of course). Besides that, the world in comics is just easier. It isn't hard to differentiate who is good and who's bad. Good people fight with bad people, that's all. The Justice League cares about Gotham and saves innocent people from Joker, Deadshot or Darkseid. In the real world, it would be an unsolvable matter with billions different threads and complications so even the best detectives wouldn't be able to decide who is guilty.

Comics world is just easier.

Lately, Blaise has got to understand that the whole beauty in that world is locked in its confusions, problems and ambiguities. Because the world is beautiful, even if sometimes it's cruel or ugly.

And the one who made him understand that is his only real refuge — Theodore Nott.

He is the one who makes reading comics even better.

He is the one with who Blaise could do anything and it would be incredibly good.

He is the one with who Blaise wants to talk about 'good old times' and makes new memories to remember.

He is the one with who Blaise wants to stay forever.

Theodore Nott is the one who Blaise bestow that hot and unique feeling which, no matter what since says, comes from the heart.

And that feeling, now makes him do something, he has been dreaming about for that long. Blaise gently and unsurely grabs the head of the person, who since a year isn't only a friend for him. He delicately raises Theo's head a bit upper to look him straight into his eyes. Their lips touch slowly and gently. Both of them don't feel so confident with what's going on but they will worry about that later. Now, Blaise doesn't have the time and desire to thinks about the consequences. Not now, when he feels the structure of soft lips of his love.

When the dark-skinned boy doesn't notice any objections from the older boy, he let himself do a light, carefully move with his lips. He doesn't want to scared Theodore, knowing how delicate and artsy person he is. He would ever forgive himself hurting Theo.

If he only knew how long Theodore was waiting for it and how much he enjoys that kiss, even if Blaise's lips are rough and chapped.

Blaise gently moves away and hangs his head down, looking at too long grass. He's afraid of seeing Theodore's reaction for what he has done because he's afraid of rejection and ending that important relationship.

However, Theo, likes he doesn't see his friend insecure, giggles lightly and grabs the younger boy cheeks, turning his face to him.

"Oh, finally. How long might I wait?" Theo says with a delightful smile.

"Really. You... Me..." Blaise mutters like he doesn't know what he wants to say.

"Yeah, silly" Theo chucked and hits an end of Blaise's nose with his "You're definitely my favourite person in that universe. And every other, alternative universe too."

Blaise, still can't believe what's happening, hugs his boy and kisses him quickly. The kiss is one hundred per cent cute and totally not sultry. Because feelings as sultry and desire don't fit Theodore, even in an alternative universe where Bruce Wayne become the Devastator instead of Batman. It just does not fit.

"Yeah, and you're my fav person."

They sit in silence for a while, but it's nothing wrong. The silent can be calming and comfortable, it can say more than every word in the world.

The air is getting cooler and owls' chirps become more ominous, so finally, Blaise breaks the silence and says:

"Theo" mentioned boy turns to him and glance at Zabini, "Is your knee still hurting?"

"It's not that bad" Theo shrugs but Blaise quickly understands that it's not good either, "But can you ride the bicycle? I'll drive on its carrier."

"But what with my skateboard?" Blaise asks inconvenience.

"I'll carry it, please" Zabini's only answer is a sigh but not the irritated one. He doesn't know what would Theo had to do to irritate him.

"Alright, but please, be careful."

Blaise raises Theo's bicycle from the ground and helps the boy to climb up to the luggage carrier and then he carefully sits on its seat. Theodore holds Blaise's skateboard (which he has named against his will — Faith) with one hand and the other one is embraced around Blaise's stomach so Theo can stably stay on the carrier. Well, maybe not only because of that.

"To me?" Blaise proposes and slowly leaves their place.

Theodore automatically nods but then he understands that Blaise can't see him so he quickly says 'yes' some times.

Boys are leaving, slowly and without unnecessary haste, but that moment is different than every previous one, they have spent here. Now, they're leaving their place not as just friends.

From Theodore Nott's album:

"4th of May, 1984 —

My favourite day to remember"

[lichbarry]

A host’s perspective on Molly, Lucien, and approaching identity (spoilers for c2e117)

This is NOT going to be as eloquent as I want it to be and I can only speak for myself and my own opinions, but this is for @creativside and anyone else who wants to hear this particular perspective. Again, I’m speaking only for myself, not for every single system, especially not for Molly or Lucien fictives. I’m also referring only to DID systems here but OSDD systems, I see you. 

I don’t really advertise it on this blog (or anywhere), but I’m the host of a DID system. My relationship with the system is not quite the same as other systems we’ve gotten to talk to but nevertheless communication has greatly improved since our diagnosis and I dare say that I feel “valid” enough to try to sludge through how I’m feeling about the whole situation with Molly/Lucien. Put under a cut b/c it’s long 

For anyone who might not understand the connection I’m trying to draw: a situation where there is one body that has been inhabited by two different consciousnesses who are not otherwise aware of each other and who have different personalities, abilities, and ambitions is a situation that directly parallels the textbook DID experience. Having people call you by a different name, talk about things you supposedly did with them but have no recollection of, and having people ask or expect that they will be able to talk to this other person in your body whenever they want are all things that pretty much every system goes through. I’m not saying that Lucien has DID, but there are a lot of identical and/or incredibly similar terms and concepts being thrown around regarding him, so for the sake of this thinkpiece I’m essentially going to be acting like he does.

I’m going to make some bullet points and just try to give my two cents on how everyone is approaching this situation:

Molly was a real person, just as much as Lucien. This was discussed by some of the characters, but I’m just validating it. Lucien called Molly a “fragment” of himself-- fragment is a term systems use to describe a certain “type” of alter. DID fragments are alters who typically aren’t as “developed” as some of the others in the system, meaning that they may only exist to feel a particular emotion, store a certain memory, or carry out one very specific function. In my experience, fragments do have names just like any other system member, but likely don’t have much distinguishing personality beyond that. From what we know about Molly when he first “woke up”, calling him a fragment would be accurate. He was, originally, a consciousness who only knew a singular feeling-- emptiness. That’s all he was. But he was still his own consciousness, his own unique person, and as we all saw, he was able to grow beyond his emptiness and develop into a fully realized creation (to borrow a term). His being a fragment wouldn’t have invalidated him as being his own separate person in the first place, but the Molly we knew was no longer a fragment; he was just... a person! By the time we parted ways with him, he was just as complex and unique of an identity as Lucien is. He is not as simple as Lucien is making him out to be, we know this. 

Lucien implied that Molly integrated into him and is not dormant. What do these terms mean? Dormancy (or becoming dormant) is experienced a little bit differently for each system, but generally an alter becoming dormant means they no longer appear in the headspace/inner world, cannot communicate or interact with any system members, and will not be able to front/switch out (take control of the body). In our system, becoming dormant is equivalent to becoming comatose. Due to the way our inner world is constructed, we do know where the “body” of our dormant alter is, but we cannot interact with her in any way, nor does she interact with us or appear anywhere else in the headspace.  Integration, on the other hand, is better explained in the context of fusion from Steven Universe. A few years ago, I (the current host) integrated with our gatekeeper & primary protector (basically the one who managed the functioning of the system). Where once we were two separate consciousnesses who inhabited the same headspace, we are now joined together into someone who is a little bit of both of us, just like when two gems fuse in SU. I also happen to be the core (the consciousness who was in the body when we were born), so it could be seen as her simply “returning” to me, or fusing back with me after having broken off during her formation. Complete system integration is the end goal of some therapies, but there are some alters who view integration to be the same as dying, since the alter as a singular unique consciousness no longer exists but is instead “merged” into the consciousness of another system member.  Lucien said something along the lines of his soul having been fragmented but now fused back together. He appears to believe that he is the only consciousness currently in his body. This means that Molly is not “trapped” inside somewhere waiting to be set free. It also implies that it would not be possible to “get Molly back” as we remember him without finding a way to fracture Lucien’s soul again. Depending on your view of integration, you can view this two ways: 

Molly is Lucien, and/or Molly is dead. Matt’s slips of the tongue in continuously calling him Mollymauk further supports the idea that Molly is integrated, not dormant, and therefore is Lucien in one way or another. Molly was, after all, a part of Lucien all along, and despite having developed into his own personality in the wild 2 years he was fronting for, all that he was are now part of what Lucien is. That being said, it is clear that Lucien, just like Mollymauk, is his own person with his own goals, quirks, abilities, and personality traits. Aspects of Mollymauk do live in him, but being fused does not mean that we’re going to recognize all parts of who Molly was in who Lucien is now. Lucien (we’re assuming) is the core, the original consciousness of the body, and is thus far more developed than Molly ever had the chance to be. They’re the same person in the sense that Molly is no longer a separate entity, but not the same person in that Lucien has any of Molly’s memories or would suddenly feel compelled to start acting more like him just because they integrated. 

Mollymauk is not back; Lucien is. The Mollymauk we knew is not there anymore, and it’s a good time to mourn him. I don’t know what kind of DND fuckery Matt or the cast might be able to do, but from my perspective of what’s going on, Molly isn’t going to suddenly pop out or break free or anything like that. Mollymauk as an individual died when we saw him die, and I think the Mighty Nein are at least starting to realize that. Lucien even genuinely offered his condolences. Again, it’s DND, there’s always some chance that they might find a way to talk to their friend again, but by this point the idea is making me uncomfortable. Trying to separate Molly from Lucien again at this point feels... unnatural and disrespectful. No one has ever sought to de-integrate the alter that I integrated with, but I would be very disturbed if they did, and the idea of doing that even in this context unsettles me. Find hope in the possibility if you want to, but I’m probably never going to support it. Molly is a part of Lucien now and I think both we and the Nein need to accept that. Lucien may be evil, but he has just as much right to be in control of his own body as Molly did (arguably more, but I’m not getting into that debate). Whether you like Lucien or not, it’s his body, now only his, and no one has any right to take that away from him.  I know it’s not exactly the same and it’s probably not how people mean to come off, but I can’t help imagining me in this position. If someone was very close with the alter I integrated with and did everything in their power to try to make her split off again, even if it meant harming me or making me lose autonomy over my mind & body... you can see how that’s a very uncomfortable thought, at the least. Again, I’m not saying anyone is inherently bad for wanting Molly back or missing him, I’m just saying that the situation we’re being presented with is that it’s only Lucien now and we & the m9 should respect that. If you want to mourn Molly, now’s as good a time as any. You even have Lucien’s blessing. That being said...

Lucien doesn’t want to know about Molly, and that’s fine. As someone pointed out (I think Jester?), Molly didn’t want to know about Lucien either. As is the case with a lot of systems who don’t have well-developed communication, they’re practically strangers to each other. All they knew about each other is what was on their body when they woke up and what other people (also strangers) told them they supposedly did once. Again, parts of Molly exist in Lucien, and I’m sure aspects of Lucien existed in Molly, and even now there are some similarities to draw. But neither Lucien nor Molly have any obligation to feel kinship towards each other. In their eyes, they are two completely different people who have never interacted. Systems only start to feel like families after a long time of having good communication, of developing relationships, of working through trauma or the complications that come with having DID. From what we’ve been told, Molly and Lucien likely never even developed a headspace or been in a situation where they would’ve had the possibility of actually meeting. People are just talking to them about someone they didn’t know and honestly the typical response is to just nod along in the moment and decide if you really want to unpack that later. And not wanting to explore who this stranger who inhabited your body was is a completely valid response! Especially given that Lucien doesn’t explicitly have DID-- he doesn’t have the goal of trauma recovery, nor does he have any reason to find out more about who Molly was given that he’s now supposedly fully integrated.  Again, it’s more a matter of autonomy. Lucien is his own person, and to him Molly might as well have been something he called himself when he spent 2 years blackout drunk (which, let’s be real, is a pretty accurate comparison). Sometimes it’s fun to hear accounts of what other system members got up to when they fronted, but that’s only after years of therapy and working through my own feelings about having DID. Before that, there were times when it felt like a frustrating invasion of privacy, or an unnerving sense of losing control of not only what I did, but what it meant to be me. I don’t really see Lucien struggling with these things, but I’m just saying that there’s only so much he can be expected to care about who Molly was given his circumstances. 

This got super long and I’m never sure how to conclude these things, or if that’s even all my thoughts on the matter. Send me asks if you want to I guess, just please be respectful. I’m not trying to start any arguments, I’m just giving my perspective/how I feel about this situation as a system host. 

tldr; Molly integrated with Lucien and it’s more respectful/probable to assume that he’s not coming back the way people wanted him to. Getting Molly back the way people expected is incredibly unsettling to me because it takes away Lucien’s autonomy and basically says that Molly is more important than Lucien’s control over his own body because we like Molly more.  Their situation does resemble the experience of being part of a system in a lot of ways and I don’t know how to feel about it besides just kind of awkwardly going “ahaha” and looking around to see how singlets are approaching this. 

Again, not saying there’s a right or wrong way to feel about this, nor am I “diagnosing” Lucien with DID. Just talking about connections I’ve made and the things that I relate to/make me uncomfortable. Whether Matt is aware of how much this situation resembles DID or not, I think that he’s handling it incredibly well and have no complaints about Lucien or Molly’s characterizations. 

[spectralspices]

The possibility of a Resonance Cascade is never zero. 

It is, however, always nearly zero. The chances, day to day, of a Resonance Cascade, are approaching 5e-9. Not impossible. But about as low as a titanic pair of fingers reaching out from the void to snuff out our sun like a reading candle. 

But at Black Mesa, they were studying the dimensional barriers that separated this space from that space. Which is where the chances are raised dramatically. At the beginning, at the first discovery of the signals that indicated that some sort of “Border World” existed, the chances of a Resonance Cascade was raised to 6e-9. Still miniscule, but the simple awareness of another reality is enough to raise it.

When the first experiments into observing it occurred, Quantum Mechanics kicked in. The simple act of direct observation changes things-And so, the chances jumped suddenly. 6e-8 percent chance of Resonance Cascade. 

This is when Black Mesa had a visitor. He had all the proper credentials, never gave them a real name, spoke like a broken robot, and he always seemed to stare past whoever he was talking to-like they weren’t even there. A picture perfect G-Man type, here to give them lots of money nobody officially knows about to keep researching, so Someone Else didn’t know before America.

Well, they assumed it was for America.

7e-7 Percent Chance of a Resonance Cascade.

Director Breen met with him, and secured more than enough funding to develop the technology needed to transfer matter back and forth between this “Borderworld” that they had named “Xen”. He assigned some of Black Mesa’s best to the project. Isaac Kleiner, Eli Vance, Arne Magnusson, Richard Keller, Stan Rosenberg...the greatest minds in their field (and under Black Mesa’s employ. Damned Aperture, poaching Ratmann...)

Another massive jump. 9e-5 Percent Chance. And this was not just simply mathematic calculation that was determining these things-As the pieces moved together that would eventually result in a Resonance Cascade, the fabric of reality was actively weakening, making the process all the easier. 

Do you understand what’s being said?

The progress the Black Mesa Team made seemed exponential. When at first, the most they could transfer were simple probes...they soon discovered a frequency that would open holes in space. They sent teams-Ill fated as they were-to collect samples. Both Mineral and Biological. 

1e-3 percent chance. Or, in clearer layman’s terms, a Resonance Cascade had .001 percent chance of occurring. That number would be catastrophically high, if they had understood what a Resonance Cascade actually meant. 

Three men, around the same time, are promoted. Gordon Freeman becomes a Research Assistant on the Anomalous Materials team, working directly under his MIT mentor, Isaac Kleiner. Barney Calhoun is granted Level 3 Security Clearance and meets the previously mentioned men, becoming fast friends. Corporal Adrian Shepard joins the Hazardous Environment Combat Unit of the United States Marines, fast-tracked there by recommendation by an unnamed high ranking official. The HECU marines are ostensibly meant to counteract unconventional enemies in dangerous areas and tight corridors. While a heroic description to the outsider, the simple truth is they are meant to clean up any mistakes that could lead to deserved scrutiny towards what the military is actually funding.

The chances are .01 percent. 

Experiments begin to determine the composition of certain crystalline structures discovered in the Borderworld, and the nature of the energy they seem to hold. Doctor Rosenberg develops a variant of the more common mass spectrometer to analyze these exotic materials, under the watchful eye of that G-man. 

The Anti-Mass Spectrometer is theorized, developed, and constructed. 

There is a 1% chance of a Resonance Cascade.

Experiments begin. Incredible things are learned from the first samples- HG-1866, HP-1937, IA-1992 are all immediately replicated and put into use for the development of Tau Cannons, localized gravitational displacement through Zero Point Energy Emission, and further stabilization of the portal generation. Experiments continue on living tissue from the Borderworld. But a problem arises.

All of the samples have certain impurities, non-exotic matter that prevented certain data from being gathered. Namely, the origin of this matter-the way to make more, not just synthesize similar material.

Director Breen is approached by the G-Man. He has something to provide Black Mesa-A sample purer than any they’d ever gotten their hands on. Breen asks no questions, as the two had...come to an understanding.

The sample is christened “GG-3883″, a tongue in cheek reference to a phrase Doctor Breen’s son often repeated during his time playing the online shooter “Quake”. After all, when Black Mesa came out with the fact that they’d discovered free multiversal travel and near infinite energy, it would be the absolute end of their rivalry with Aperture. The director sent the sample off for analysis, no matter how unstable it may have been, with a self-assured certainty that he would go down in history as one of the most important figures in the field. 

If only he knew.

Chance of a Resonance Cascade had reached 13%, and was climbing as the sample was brought closer and closer to the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. Some work is done to prevent it, however-Safety measures are put in place in the time before the experiment. The chances of a Resonance Cascade are lowered to “only” 7%. 

Gordon Freeman wakes up late after snoozing his alarm one too many times, and must rush to get ready. He rides the Black Mesa Transit system. His car pulls into the station.

Barney Calhoun is locked out of the security office.

Adrian Shepard is finishing a morning jog.

9% of Resonance Cascade.

Gordon Freeman climbs into the Hazard Environment Suit Mark 4, a variant of Black Mesa’s advanced body armor systems that increased physical capability, featured modular ports for various pieces of equipment, and generated a low-yield battery powered energy shield for the partial deflection and absorption of small projectiles and other dangers common to the work they were doing. Everyone called it a “Hev Suit”.

Barney Calhoun is finally let in, pulling on his own variants that were developed for the security guards. Bulletproof vests and helmets, containing the same type of battery powered field generation...even if charge was less potent. At least it didn’t mean every single guard was walking around with a 127,000$ piece of equipment...

Adrian Shepard inspects his Powered Combat Vest, a military produced variant of the HEV suit’s technology, along with his other equipment. The others in his unit are joking around. He’s making sure that if their helicopter crashes, he won’t get impaled on the wreckage or suffocate from an improperly secured gas-mask. A grim man, that Adrian Shepard. But not a paranoid one. At least...not unjustly paranoid.

13% chance of a Resonance Cascade.

Gordon Freeman is shortly briefed, before witnessing a major equipment malfunction in one of the support systems for the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. The safety measures have been lowered to their absolute limit for a safe reading of the exotic matter present in sample GG-3883. Eli Vance and Isaac Kleiner stay behind to repair it as best they can, but doubts are expressed for the safety of this experiment. Not only was this the largest sample ever put through the analysis procedure, it was the purest and most unstable. The system cannot handle this. Nevertheless, Gordon descends, beginning the process to prepare the Anti-Mass Spectrometer.

27% chance of Resonance Cascade.

Barney Calhoun notices the lights flickering above, as the strain on the facility’s generators is too great to maintain everything. The air feels wrong, the people are uneasy, but they aren’t sure why. 

33% chance of Resonance Cascade.

Adrian Shepard showers alone once the others had finished, as he preferred the quiet. He steps out and stares into the mirror. Did he ever plan for a life other than this? Was he going to be a grunt, doing wetwork until he died? Would he ever grow old? Did he even want the chance?

These are the things a quiet man thinks when he trains to murder civilians for knowing too much, when he knows nothing at all.

49% chance of Resonance Cascade.

The sample is brought up. The Spectrometer is powered to levels that the system cannot handle for an extended period. Gordon Freeman pushes the sample in. 

100% of Resonance Cascade

At once, the machinations of two vast powers clash. A meddler who has carefully manipulated the pieces into position, who provided funding, who held authority and power despite not a single living human recognizing him. Who had changed things...made sure certain discoveries were made, and others were not. Who had done all this, changed the course of human history...Because his employers had a vendetta against Something Else Entirely, using the Resonance Cascade as a flare to bring them to this world. 

But at the same time, a vast psychic force, master of an enslaved race of enlightened psychics, creator of twisted weaponized flesh and guns that shoot bees at you, a creature that had harnessed its own power and the power of its thralls to peer into the world beyond them-and the worlds that were yet to be-and it knew of the meddler’s plans. A conflict with the force he had directed his enmity towards was not something the creature could allow, as an invasion of Earth...would pass through it’s Borderworld. 

So, the creature took control of the Cascade. In most situations, a Resonance Cascade occurred when an object begins to vibrate at the exact frequency required to begin “Resonating”, meaning it has started to emit energy that causes the same reaction in other matter, which then cause the reaction both in the original matter and the matter around them, massively weakening the fabric of space and the barriers beyond one world and the worlds that border them. This chain reaction was self sustaining, but did not spread laterally in the space it originated. Instead, it would spread to other worlds-Exchanging matter between them at random as the two spaces began to blend. 

The Psychic Force stopped the cascade in Xen, forcing it to focus on sustaining the reaction between just those two worlds, weakening its hold...but allowing it to send its forces (And hostile wildlife) to Earth, to destroy the systems that caused this-To stop the cascade with the death of every human in the facility. To this end, it maintained the cascade in a lesser form.  

The Meddler had predicted something of this sort. He had...preparations in place. Including two agents of chaos...

Gordon Freeman awakes to the destroyed remains of the Anti-Mass Spectrometer, dazed and confused. He has seen alien worlds, and nearly died several times. They won’t be the last for a very long time.

Adrian Shepard’s unit is alerted to their next deployment. They gear up, enter the choppers, and ride. A Manta Ray that shits lasers destroys their helicopter, and Adrian Shepard is glad he charged his vest that morning.

Barney Calhoun desperately tries to escape the deadly forces that were flooding the facility. He was not a piece in a cosmic game. He was just...some guy.

An unexpected enemy appears. Marauders that only seek to steal resources before greater threats stake claim on this newly opened world. They are repelled by the Meddler’s more trained agent, as Adrian Shepard trades one amoral faceless master that decided who he killed for another.

But the Psychic Force...The Nihilanth. Its death would come by a different hand. One clad in orange and black, swinging a bright red strip of metal. Gordon Freeman frees a race, stops an alien invasion, and was prepared to die in an impossible world for his troubles-all to save lives. But he did good work. He was the right man for the job. He’s “Hired”. 

In the end, the Meddler’s plans worked better than anyone could expect. His true targets were alerted, preparing their forces to take the Earth. The lesser marauders repelled and the psychic barrier dealt with, making the blue marble seem an even sweeter prize. Several agents obtained for his schemes, to be deployed when and where they would be appropriate. Dangerous alien life and Portal Storms-the aftershocks of a Resonance Cascade-prevented the governments from truly being able to prepare. 

The Combine arrive. The war lasts seven hours. Wallace Breen negotiates humanity’s surrender. Isaac Kleiner and Eli Vance firmly disagree with this course of action. Judith Mossman, another survivor of the Black Mesa Incident, is less sure. 

The last human child for the next two decades is born. The Combine establish a field that prevents human procreation. Other hostile alien life begins to take hold-Antlion Nests, hives of Headcrabs, Barnacles spreading, ichthyosaurs stalking the oceans and lakes. Combine weapons-made from heavily modified creatures from previous conquests-are regularly deployed, roaming the streets in shows of force. Humans are converted into their police, enhanced infantry, special forces...and lobotimized worker slaves. 

The Meddler waits for a red-letter day, and he chooses his agent carefully. To destroy a machine like the Combine, one needed not a precision implement. Military training would do nothing against a force that conquered worlds in hours. No, Adrian Shepard-a knife in human sheath-would be unfit for this.

What one needed to destroy the Combine was a blunt thing. A force of chaos that couldn’t be stopped. Whose strength was matched only by his luck. His intelligence, matched only by his willingness to do things like drive a muscle car into hyper-agile flechette-firing cyborgs, or throw a toilet at a man’s face so hard his skull is obliterated and he backflips twice before hitting the ground. Or fight a helicopter from an airboat equipped with a fully automatic plasma cannon.

To break a machine of World Consumption, the G-Man would ram a crowbar into the mechanism, just where it can cause the maximum damage-and keep causing damage to the entire thing. The right man in the wrong place.

Gordon Freeman wakes up on a train car, as it pulls into the City 17 station, deeply confused and disoriented. The moment he steps out, a floating camera photographs his face-which would soon enough be processed and identified as Anticitizen One, Gordon Freeman, the most wanted man on the planet-who had been gone for twenty years and looked identical to the day the Black Mesa Incident occurred. Minus the ponytail. His old boss is on a giant viewscreen. One of the aliens he used to fight is sweeping. Cops in gasmasks maintain a fascist state and he’s somewhere in Eastern Europe. His confusion and disorientation deepens severely.

Wallace Breen receives notice that Gordon Freeman had been sighted. A pit forms in his stomach. He feels a familiar hand in this. Within a few days, he will be screaming high-concept threats from an ascending sphere of energy as a former research assistant flings tightly condensed plasma orbs at him with a gravity cannon.

The G-Man continues to meddle, despite the intervention of a hive mind of benevolent psychics. His plans are, for the most part, undeterred. However...

He begins to regret deploying Gordon Freeman. Chaos, while able to be directed, is quite hard to wrangle when it’s gotten loose. For now, Freeman continues to act in favor of the disruption of Combine operations. But...his personal connection to a secondary objective-another new agent to recruit-sours the G-man’s elation at a plan more or less well executed. The end of this, however, is still untold. 

Because who fucking knows when they’re making Half Life Goddamn 3.

[noshitshakespeare]

I would be interested in knowing more of how to understand/approach early modern dramas, Shakespeare especially, but other writers from his time too if you know more about them, fron the angle of race/other. Do you have resources/references on how to approach early modern drama this way? I do realise this might be a broad topic, I'm looking to expand my readings and the way I approach/read Shakespeare as a non-black POC who is very fond of his works.

As you’ve said yourself, this is a really huge topic. And as you may imagine, it’s one that’s been getting more focus now than ever (though it has existed as a topic of interest since at least the 1980s). I don’t think I could do justice to the topic in just Shakespeare, let alone in all early modern drama. But let’s see if I can make a reasonable start. 

Because the term ‘race’ didn’t signify what it does now, and because Shakespeare was living in a time before England established itself as a major centre for slave trade, the first thing to be aware of is the difference of understanding. We can’t unproblematically apply modern standards and notions of race and other any more than we can talk about Shakespeare in terms of our modern understandings of sexuality and sexual identity. This isn’t to say that people didn’t notice colour, as can be seen from the terms like ‘blackamoor’ that were being used, but the question of otherness was, then as now, caught up in the more complex issue of religion, and colonisation. Because the Ottoman empire was one of the greatest powers in the world at the time, and Islam was perceived as a major threat to the European countries, difference in skin colour could also denote a difference in ideology (I talked about this a little in relation to Othello once). But sometimes an equal threat was perceived in those who didn’t look different, but who didn’t hold similar beliefs. 

Given that your question is about otherness in general, this is very relevant, and broadly speaking, we can categorise otherness in terms of 

Those who come from abroad

Those who look different (black, brown, even a slightly different shade of white)

Those who have different belief systems (Jewish people, Islamic people, Catholic people)

Those who look different and have a different belief system. 

What to make of early modern treatments of this difference is very difficult, because there isn’t a homogenous viewpoint. There’s never been a time when everybody thought the same thing, and so one can find all sorts of perspectives on race and otherness in early modern writings. Some are missionary perspectives, seeing difference as a mark of heathenism, and wishing to ‘help’ them by converting them, which went hand in hand with those who considered them subjects to be colonised and ‘civilised’ (see for instance Richard Hakluyt, Reasons for Colonisation, 1585). But there were people even at the time who saw the colonial project for what it was, and denounced the cruelty of the conquistadores (Bartolomé de las Casas’ The Spanish Colonie, translated into English in 1583 is a very interesting read), and even people like Michel de Montaigne, who admired what seemed to be a state of prelapsarian paradise in the people of the new world (see ‘Of Cannibals’). In the other direction, looking from Europe towards the East, the great and far superior power of the Ottoman empire manifests itself in a kind of awe, fear, and Islamophobia, but less in a desire to civilise or convert. Often you’ll even find in military and conduct guides a favourable description of the Ottoman nations to the detriment of European cultures. Part of this might have something to do with the fact that Elizabethan England had treaties with the Ottoman empire, but it might be a tactic to shame to west into better practices too. 

Many scholars now attribute the notion of ‘otherness’ in the early modern period as part of the creation of ideas of ‘nationhood’ in a time when nationalism was really beginning to take shape. It’s an age-old notion and one that Shakespeare points out in Henry V that patriotism and national unity is made stronger by demonisation of others. By contrasting themselves with the Catholics, the Protestants could define their own faithfulness, by contrasting themselves with Jewish and Islam religions, the Christian nations could achieve a more unified identity, and by comparing themselves to the less ‘civilised’. In that sense, sometimes more fears are expressed in relation to those one can’t differentiate easily by physical characteristics, like Jewish people, or, for that matter, Irish people.  In fact, there are some very interesting depictions, for instance in The Merchant of Venice or Marlowe’s Jew of Malta in which the so-called Christians condemn the ‘other’ (Barabas, Shylock) for things they do themselves. Barabas, while playing the stereotypical bogeyman of a Jew, will criticise the Christians for their hypocrisy in the way they quote the bible to steal his money: ‘Will you steal my goods? / Is theft the ground of your religion?’ (I.ii.95-96). Shylock is accused of cruelty for essentially buying Antonio’s flesh, even though the Christians have ‘many a purchased slave / Which, like your asses and your dogs and mules, / You use in abject and in slavish parts’ (4.1.89-91). The same applies to more physically different characters. Aaron from Titus Andronicus is a problematic character, almost a cardboard cutout of an evil villain, but though he’s undeniably cruel, so are so many other characters in Titus, and strangely, while internalising the idea that black = moral blackness, he nevertheless shows more love for his child than Titus (who kills his own son), and questions ‘is black so base a hue?’ (4.2.73)

This is all to say that there���s no single approach to studying race and otherness in Shakespeare and other early modern writers. The treatment of the other will differ depending on the writer, the play, and even between characters in the plays, because it wasn’t a straightforward topic then any more than it is now. So the best thing you could do would be to familiarise yourself with the discourse that surrounds the subject without committing yourself too much to one view as being more correct than another (it’s a good scholarly approach to avoid bias as much as possible). Unfortunately, the books on the subject tend to be quite hardcore academic. But here’s a short list if you want to get started on something. 

Miranda Kaufmann,  Black Tudors: The Untold Story 

This is great for a more general readership and helps to break preconceptions about what the early modern period in England was like, but it’s not strictly about Shakespeare or drama

Catherine Alexander and Stanley Wells, Shakespeare and Race 

An essay collection, which is academic, but gives a broader scope than a monograph

Jonathan Gill Harris, Foreign Bodies

Quite hard, but very good for a wider approach to ‘otherness’ rather than being limited to skin colour. Does focus on drama alongside history. 

Ania Loomba,  Shakespeare, Race, and Colonialism

A classic. Again quite hard, and somewhat inflected by modern notions, but very useful. 

Miranda Virginia Mason Vaughan, Performing Blackness on English Stages, 1500-1800

Good if you’re interested in performance history and the actual presentation of blackness on stage, including blacking up. 

Kim Hall, Things of Darkness: Economies of Race and Gender in Early Modern England

Hardcore academic stuff, and more history-based about the beginnings of the colonial project and slavery. 

Patricia Akhimie, Shakespeare and the Cultivation of Difference: Race Conduct and the Early Modern World  

Covers that question of building national identity and deliberate emphasis of race or difference.

Mary Floyd-Wilson, English Ethnicity and Race in Early Modern Drama

Like the one above, this is broadly about the way English ethnicity is created by othering. 

Sujata Iyengar, Shades of Difference: Mythologies of Skin Color in Early Modern England

Deals with the ways early modern people understood colour in comparison to our own notions. 

Nabil Matar,  Turks, Moors, and Englishmen in the Age of Discovery

Looking eastward and southward at the relationship between Europe and the Ottoman empire as well as Africa

Daniel Vitkus,  Turning Turk: English Theater and the Multicultural Mediterranean

Another work on the relation between England and Islam, and deals very well with the British sense of inadequacy in comparison to the Ottoman Empire, as well as their fears about others who don’t have distinctly racial characteristics.

Jerry Brotton,  This Orient Isle: Elizabethan England and the Islamic World

A history book that charts the incredible trade and political relationship the court of Elizabeth had with the Ottoman Empire. 

Ayanna Thompson,  Passing Strange: Shakespeare, Race, and Contemporary America

Jumping to the present, this is more about how Shakespeare is used in America now, especially focusing on pop culture and the representation of racial issues.

For a more casual approach, and one that’s about as up-to-date as can be, you could check out the #ShakesRace hashtag on Twitter. All the scholars and theatres are using it for discussion, or for advertising new books, new conferences, talks and podcasts on this subject, though the focus is, as you may imagine, more on colour than otherness more generally. 

[nflstreaming]

NFL live stream: How to watch every 2021 NFL game online

Week five of NFL live stream activity ends tonight (as it often does) with Monday Night Football. But just how will the Colts vs Ravens live stream go? Can Lamar Jackson survive 4 in a row in Baltimore?

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[evermorehaikyuu]

Day 5

Title: Vendetta

Note: These days I’ve been sprinting through a lot of things and then I was like, “Romeo and Juliet, modern and with Vendetta as the background music.” Let’s see if this is good enough, see you on the other side. 

˜”*°•.˜”*°•.•°*”˜.•°*”˜

“And you? You’re just as bloodthirsty as the rest of them.”

Betrayal. Treachery. He thought she had been different from everyone else in her family. Hell, he’d fallen head over heels for her and been vulnerable around her because she had put up a mask for him to uncover. And what he saw behind the mask disgusted him. 

“Yeah? Stop acting like you’re innocent too, sweetheart, you know what you did.”

Oh, if only to be able to shut her up without violence or love. 

Let’s start from the beginning, where it all started. It was an ancient rivalry. You could see that the families hated each other’s guts, even going so far as to kill the head of the house. The head of the house was always replaced, either by someone smarter or colder. It stopped after a few generations, replaced by blackmail and false accusations. It was a game of cat and mouse. Yet, the only people that knew everything about the feud was the families themselves. Everyone else thought that it was just a competition. No, it went further than that.

For Futakuchi Kenji, he thought that the whole thing was stupid and worthless. He’d never tell his parents that, surely they’d disown him. There was no way that he should have been able to interact with any of them. If he interacted with any of them, his family would’ve been shocked. 

The other side of the quarrel was the L/N family. Fearless, reckless, bloodthirsty. There was no family like them. Incredibly cunning and charismatic, they had everyone under their spell except for the Futakuchi family. They were the ones they couldn't get under their control and that just ignited the sparks to the roaring fire that was now a battlefield. 

Nevertheless, Futakuchi proceeded to go on with his daily lifestyle, not really caring about the other family. After all, he was at a good school, he played volleyball and he belonged to what everyone assumed was a family of prestige. Nothing was suspicious, everything was fine.

Until it wasn’t.

Someone new came to his class in his first year and unfortunately, when he realized who it was, it was too late to say anything. He can still recall the memory.

Staring down at his desk, he started daydreaming of what he would be able to do after school. His class was utterly dull and paying attention would’ve been worse than him being hung from his toes. He’d rather deal with the L/N family than pay heed to the teacher.

“Can you present yourself to the class?”

“Uh, sure. I’m Y/N L/N--”

There it was. His eyes flew open from their half-asleep gaze and his head snapped up, staring at the girl at the front of the class with H/C locks and E/C eyes that had a glint in them as she stared around at the room, as if looking for the next victim to gobble up. She did belong to the L/N family, he couldn’t expect for her to be any different. 

“--yes, I do come from the L/N family. I hope we can all get along just fine.” The words were harmless, but as Futakuchi stared at her bright smile, all he could see was a disguise. The real words that she was saying was: All of you will get under my will and I’ll control each and every one of you; there is nothing you can do about it. 

Everyone already loved her. It was the curse of the L/N charm, everyone immediately sided with them for everything. 

“You can take a seat next to Futakuchi, thank you for the lovely introduction, Y/N.” The teacher nodded in Futakuchi’s direction. It was at that moment that he realized the chair next to him was empty and open for the newcomer.

Y/N’s eyes hardened and her lips pursed when she heard the name. So she wasn’t clueless about the battle between their families after all. With an air of elegance, she strode through the rows of desks before sitting down in her new desk, her body half turned away from him. Obviously she wasn’t going to look at him and he wasn’t going to look at them. Neither of them would talk to each other and besides that class, they would try to stay out of close proximity.

There was nothing either of them could do. But…their only similarity was about the fact that the bickering between both their households. They both thought it was stupid and maybe, just maybe, that would be able to set their differences aside and work together.

~

“Talk to your partner because you will be working with them for this project.” The teacher said.

“WHAT!?” Futakuchi and Y/N screamed, realizing they’d have to work together. 

Y/N glared at Futakuchi and growled, “I can’t work with someone like him. He’s arrogant and a bigot and he’d blame whatever went wrong on me!”

Futakuchi glowered back at her and said, “I can’t work with someone like her. She’s just like--” He paused. It was one thing to be angry at her for the family battle, but to expose her, not to mention him as well? He was too smart for that.

The teacher stared them both down and said firmly, “You will work together, whether you like it or not.”

After going over the project, Y/N scowled at Futakuchi and hesitated. “You can’t come to my house. I don’t want you messing my house up.”

“I didn’t want to enter a pompous house in the first place. Fine. We’ll meet under the cherry blossoms, got it? Don’t be late.” Futakuchi grabbed his stuff and left when he was dismissed. 

~

“You’re insane. We should do it like this.” Y/N snatched the pen out of his hand, X-ing out his idea and writing down hers. “We won’t fail if we follow what I do.”

“Yeah? We’re bound to fail.” He grabbed his pen back from her and shook his head. “Look, I don’t want to fail. We’re going to mash up our ideas, spit it out and present it.”

“Ew, that’s disgusting.” She sighed and nodded. “Fine. We can do that--wait, that’s one of your ideas? Oh, that’s actually kind of genius.”

And so, that was the start of their slow way up to putting aside their feud.

~

“Yeah, of course, we passed, it was your idea.” Y/N said, smiling lopsidedly at him. “Maybe you’re not as bad as your family then.”

“It took a project to do that?” Futakuchi joked, trying to backpedal when he saw a shadow crossing over her face before hearing a little laugh and relaxing immediately.

“You’re not that bad.” Y/N nodded at him before walking away, making him smile immediately. She was different then.

At least that’s what he thought.

~

As time went on, Futakuchi and Y/N started hanging out behind their families’ backs, sharing stories, inside jokes and even secrets. They made the other laugh, they were each other’s anchor and they started trusting each other. In fact, it made them both happy when they saw the other. It was easy to hide it from their families, they were all caught up in their own war. Soon, they had hit their second year and their bond was stronger than ever.

“So what, are we Romeo and Juliet now?” Y/N laughed as she bit into one of her snacks as they started walking along a path after his practice.

“No, because I know you wouldn’t drink poison like Juliet did and I wouldn’t do whatever it is Romeo did, we’re both smart.” Futakuchi nudged her with his shoulder, grinning.

“Oh, you know me too well, Kenji.” 

He stopped at her saying his first name and tilted his head at her. “Kenji?”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that--”

“No, I like it when it comes from you. I don’t mind.” He smiled softly at her and they both started walking along the path with her. The back of their hands were touching and he found himself taking her hand. To his shock, she was the first one entwining their fingers and not pulling away. It was lucky that the path they took was hidden and no one could follow them through there. 

“So based on how you reacted, you have feelings as well?” He teased, looking down at her.

“You can’t say it in that tone if you also have feelings, that’s hypocrisy.” She reached up to kiss his cheek and pulled him along, her tone mocking yet playful. It was a wonder how about a year ago they had been each other’s worst enemy and now here they were: letting their hearts on their sleeves around the other. “Well then, maybe I do have feelings.”

“Maybe?” He pulled her to him, leaning down and staring into her eyes with a glint. “I only get a maybe?”

“Yeah, yeah, I do have feelings for you, happy?”

“Very--” He got cut off by her pressing her lips to his and his eyes widened before immediately melting into her and wrapping his arms around her waist. The kiss was sweet and lingering, maybe a little ludic, but it just said what they actually felt towards each other. 

Something bloomed and it was love. That love would wither.

~

“Kenji. Look at me. Kenji, please--” Y/N grabbed his arm, trying to get him to look at her and allow her to explain.

“Why would I? You’re just like them. I thought you were different, you acted like you were different.” Futakuchi snarled at her, ripping his arm away from her and stepping back. Currently on the path they always took, the leaves around them seemed as if they were graying from each other’s words. “Why should I listen to you?”

“Because you know me!”

“Or I thought I did. Y/N. I trusted you!” Futakuchi cried, his voice rising in volume.

“And you still can! I’m different from them!” Y/N shouted, her fists shaking at her sides. She didn’t want for this to happen, she didn’t want for him to think differently of her. She wasn’t like her family but there was no way she could change Futakuchi’s mind, especially when he was on the other side.

“Are you really? Why is it then, that you’ve destroyed everything? Were you part of the plan too? Huh? Answer me!” Futakuchi demanded, but his voice broke at the end. He truly believed Y/N L/N was distinguishable. Never again.

“I had to! I’m supposed to be the next head of the family, I’m supposed to be the genius, but I didn’t want to do it, you have to believe me, Kenji--”

“Don’t. Don’t call me Kenji. In fact, don’t come near me ever again. We’re done. I don’t want you to even look my way and if you have to come near me, don’t talk to me. All right? How am I supposed to believe a liar who can scheme her way out of things? You are just like them.” Futakuchi spit, his voice shaking with ire. He turned away from her and with tears in his eyes, he left behind the girl who he had shared almost everything with.

Y/N could only stare at his receding back and waited until he was gone from her sight. She screamed and fell on her knees, clutching her hair as droplets started falling around her, petrichor already filling her nostrils.

Once you lost someone that had their doubts of you at first, there was no way to get them back. Their love was fragile and somehow they made it work. Yet, as fragile as it was, there was no way that that wouldn’t happen.

As she pulled out her phone, she realized she had an unread message from an hour ago. It was from him. The message made her break down again. She lost it all. All because she was a coward, she couldn’t stand up for herself. It was her cowardice that she lost the person she wanted to keep most, even though he was supposed to be her enemy.

Ich liebe dich.

I love you.

~

Taglist: @skyguy-peach​ @jovialnoise​ @versatilewindow​ @tsukiibaka​ @jaegersblogh​ @kodzuken-pie​ @sugusho​ @kara-grayson04​ @erialexerz​ @attixca​ @volleybloop​

[swtorpadawan]

Awakenings - Chapter 7 : Weaknesses

Author’s Notes: Just a short one this time.

Shortly after Kira Carsen had joined the Eternal Alliance, Vette met up with her. The two young women become friends, with similar backgrounds – both having grown up on the streets of Nar Shaddaa – and with surprisingly similar personalities, most notably with respect to their sense of humor. Literally within hours, it became the norm on Odessen to see the duo side by side, whispering to each other and giggling and laughing about one thing or another.

It was on that first day, however, that Vette had taken it upon herself to take Kira on a tour of the base, introducing her to everyone she needed to know.

It proved to be a qualified success. After her performance that morning in the sparring circle with the Commander – a story for another day – she’d built up a solid amount of credibility to go along with the natural intrigue people had for the ‘new girl’, people were far more willing to accept her given her relationship with Corellan Halcyon.

People were fast warming to the idea that the Alliance Commander, their fearless leader and invincible champion, had someone special in his life. It made somehow made him seem more like everyone else.

But Kira’s tour of the Alliance base nevertheless went very well… albeit with two minor incidents of note.

One of these took place in the cantina, and – perhaps unsurprisingly – involved Kaliyo.  

More on that one another time.

The second of these minor ‘incidents’ took place in the Force enclave.

Overall, it went quite smoothly. Kira knew several of the Jedi present, including Master Ranos, Leeha Narezz and Jomar Chul. None pressed the matter of her relationship with Corellan Halcyon; it was not their place to challenge whether Kira should continue to call herself Jedi. Sana-Rae, the enclave’s leader, and the other Voss had heard stories of Kira fighting at the Commander’s side in the defense of her home world years before, and Kira soon warmed to her. She was more reserved with the Sith, but even these encounters went surprisingly well.

This with the exception of her first experience meeting Xalek.

Xalek had been a valued member of the Alliance since his recruitment on Ilum months before. He had proven himself reliable on several missions and had fought heroically – if brutally – during the Battle of Odessen, when Vaylin’s forces had sought to annihilate the Alliance.

Having said that, the Kaleesh was something of a loner. Even the other Sith seemed to think of him as a blunt instrument, too focused on his own martial prowess to the detriment of everything else.

Xalek had sparred with the Commander at least half a dozen times since their initial encounter on Ilum. While he had given a good accounting of himself on each occasion, the simple truth was he felt hopelessly outclassed. Arcann (through personal power), Senya Tirall (through her experience and skill) and Lana Beniko (through sheer guile) were the only three members of the Alliance who had seemed able to challenge Corellan Halcyon in the sparring ring, and even they had proven unable to actually defeat him. Indeed, the Commander’s edge over his competition seemed to have only increased over time as he adapted to their tactics. Xalek had studied the Commander’s form (or forms) for hours on end, attempting to diving some weakness that could be exploited. He had been met by failure.

But that morning, Xalek – and most of the Alliance personnel on base – had witnessed Kira Carsen press Corellan Halcyon in an incredibly intense display of lightsaber dueling, with the Commander barely emerging victorious.

So it came to pass that Xalek, lacking any subterfuge or diplomacy whatsoever, boldly greeted Kira Carsen with a probing question.

“As the Commander’s mate, you must surely know something of his weaknesses.”

A moment of stunned silence fell upon the gathered Force-users. A few do gasp quietly while Darth Hexid clucks her tongue reproachingly. Vette – who had committed herself to making sure Kira’s ‘introduction’ ran smoothly – was horrified and started yelling at the tactless Kaleesh.

“Xalek! What are you even thinking saying something like that! Do you even – “

Before the Twi’lek can continue, Kira gently put her hand on Vette’s shoulder, then turned back to Xalek with a scrutinizing look and a raised eyebrow.

“Are you honestly asking me where he’s ticklish?”

Vette blushed at the remark, turning a lovely shade of purple. Xalek, for his own part, blinked.

Kira’s first day as a member of the Eternal Alliance went well. She had learned about the Alliance, and the members of the Alliance had learned about her.

But to this day, Xalek is still trying to chew over exactly what she was trying to tell him.

 Author’s Notes: Many of us know what its like to be the ‘new kid’ at school, and the challenges someone faces in that sort of situation. Most of us probably were just trying to keep our heads down while we tried to get our bearings. I was fascinated by the challenge of someone coming to a new school, being ‘known’ to everyone, but all anyone knows about us is that we are dating the star quarterback of the football team. Or the prom queen. Or whomever.

I think Kira and Vette are a natural fit. 😊