#but very very little esp compared to when i was first discovering my gender identity
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every day i ask myself “am i genderqueer or do i simply not percieve gender in relation to myself”
#i have such little physical dysphoria#although i used to have way more#and sometimes i wonder if it’s because i simply dont naturally percieve physical features as associated with a certain identity#because back when i had a ton of dysphoria about my body i was still thinking of gender a concept everyone was a part of#and that i couldnt be exempt from; that i had to choose my place within the set layout instead of carve a place that fits me uniquely#rather than how i view it now#which is as an optional form of self-definition that just doesnt really apply to me#or like someone in the recording studio as a song is being made#not quite outside of it but not really a part of it in an important way#gender is something that exists that isn’t important in my life the way it used to be#and as it gets less important i get less and less dysphoria#still not none and i doubt it ever will be (without physical transition)#but very very little esp compared to when i was first discovering my gender identity#and another thing#and i cant figure out if my dysphoria is due to how i know my body is percieved#or if it’s actual personal feelings about my body that i would have regardless of society & gender expectations#THAT is my daily struggle#who am i and does the answer even matter anyway#gay kid posting gay shit#gender stuff
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