#but uhm. yes. he gets to be a little evil and scheming as treat

[copiawife]

in my version of canon i really like the idea of copia being more directly involved with the deaths of the previous papas because i think it's more like. narratively interesting...like taking his fate into his own hands and revenge and stepping on the corpses of his brothers to grasp what he feels is truly his after being discounted and pushed aside,,,,proving that he's a force to be reckoned with....yeah yeah yeah yeahh

[katastroficwriter]

Headcanon about Santa Claus. Kiibo want to give away the children with presents until Ouma pops his dream saying he's a robot but he will help him anyway

Hiii! I’m sorry for taking so long to fill this prompt! I finally found my inspiration to work on my drafts again, so I immediately rushed to work on this. Once again, I’m sorry for being late!

“I have always wondered about the significance of this elderly man,” Kiibo speaks up out of the blue as he lightly tugged at the small Santa doll’s hat. “I see him everywhere around December, but I never really wondered about his origin until now.”

“You mean to say you don’t know anything about Santa Claus?” Ouma’s head perked up in interest.

“Yes,” replied the robot as he placed the doll back to its perch on the coffee table. “Can…you perhaps educate me on the subject, Ouma-kun?”

“Well, since Christmas is right around the corner, I guess I should be nice,” Ouma scooched closer to the robot and leaned close. “I don’t want Santa Claus to punish me for being naughty, after all.”

“P-punish?” Kiibo parroted, his ahoge shriveled with worry.

“Yeah!” The supreme leader moved back. “You don’t know this, but he is actually an international criminal known for breaking and entering!”

“A criminal?!” Kiibo’s ahoge jolted into an exclamation point. “That can’t be right. Then why is he everywhere during December?”

“That’s because it serves as a warning to children everywhere, since that’s his target demographic. Like, “if you see this man, he’ll break in your house.” And if you’re naughty, he leaves children a punishment to remember. It’s even worse if he catches you awake after he breaks in your home. He’s a disgusting criminal,” Ouma shook his head. “Why do you think children cry whenever their parents placed them on a pretend Santa’s lap in malls? They’re scared. They can sense his evil even though the mall employee is just playing pretend.”

Kiibo’s brows furrowed, as he thought back to the shopping trip he and Kirumi went on a few days prior. He did in fact see something like that in the mall, so it seems the supreme leader wasn’t lying after all. “I…see. I suppose that makes sense…”

“That was a lie of course~!” Ouma chimed in a sing-song manner, which got him a faceful of Kiibo’s orca plush. But not even the monochrome plush could stifle the raven-haired teen’s cackling.

Fortunately, the supreme leader did explain the proper origin of Santa to him. Kiibo appreciated the historical detail that he would have otherwise not known, up to the modern depiction of Santa which was widespread throughout the world. There was one thing that stuck out to the android during his friend’s entire explanation though.

“The protector of children and sailors, huh,” Kiibo trailed off with awe.

“Yeah, but that’s St. Nicholas of Myra. The fatty in red you see everywhere is a faker and a criminal!” Ouma punctuated his sentence with a huff, wagging his finger to emphasize his disdain for one of the most exploited icons of capitalism. “You guys keep going around saying how terrible I am for lying all the time, but here you are supporting the very icon that lets businessmen run off with money by selling his lie to middle-class families every Christmas season, too. Don’t you know how many children have trust issues now after realizing that Santa wasn’t real after all?”

“I-if you put it that way, that does sound bad…but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with granting children momentary happiness by having them believe in Santa’s existence,” Kiibo fidgeted. “I-it is as you said before…not all lies are bad…you know?”

Ouma tugged his scarf over his nose as he looked away. “Hmph. Of course you’d think that way. Cherishing fleeting moments created by make-believe…you were always so into cheesy things like that.”

“I wouldn’t call it make-believe,” Kiibo mumbled, trapping his chin between his index finger and a thumb in a thinking pose. “If you believed in something, that makes it real for you, doesn’t it? That’s why I…”

The supreme leader shifted his attention back to the android, tilting his head to the side–curious. “You what?”

Kiibo’s inner collar gated a little over his lips in mild embarrassment, his fidgeting becoming more prominent. “I…wanted to experience being Santa. J-just this once is okay!”

“And why is that?” Ouma tilted his to the opposite direction.

“I wanted to…uhm…” he clasped his hands together in an attempt to keep himself grounded. “I wanted to spread joy the way Santa does. To make children happy and seeing them smile. I thought that maybe I could learn something from the experience as well.”

“Ohhhh, I see!” Ouma tapped his finger against his chin. “But…you can’t be Santa.”

Kiibo stilled. “And why is that?”

The supreme leader moved to fold his arms behind his head. “Becauuuuse, Santa isn’t a robot! Ergo, robots can’t be Santa!”

“Ghghk! I’m–I’m not trying to be Santa anyway!” the android frowned. “I simply wanted to…understand the ‘happiness’ of giving rather than receiving.”

Ouma stared at the android for a couple of minutes before letting out an impressed whistle. “I didn’t think I’d live to see the day where little ol’ Kiiboy would want to emulate humanity’s greatest criminal. Sounds fun! Count me in.”

“D-do not mock me! And I’m not little!” Kiibo fumed like he always would whenever Ouma’s teasing finally started getting to him. His eyes widened in surprise upon registering the supreme leader’s last statement. “W-wait. ‘Count me in’? What are you scheming, Ouma-kun?” He narrowed his eyes at the grinning demon in white.

“Oh. You’ll see~”

                               ————————————————–

“I-isn’t this breaking and entering?”

“That’s what Santa does all the time, I say we’re on the right track,” was Ouma’s response as he fiddled with the door’s lock using his trusty lock-picks. “Besides, if we tried the chimney way, the roof might cave in cause of your metal butt. That, and we don’t have magical flying reindeers.” Click. “…Or jetpacks.”

“While that’s true, I don’t think that this is the right way to go about this…” murmured Kiibo as he entered the orphanage right after the leader.

“What, you want to knock on the door and tell them, ‘do not mind me, I just want to drop off some presents’? You’d only come off as suspicious,” Ouma hissed his response. “Now shush. Keep yapping and we’ll get caught…!”

Kiibo frowned at his remark, but obeyed. What the leader said was true. It wasn’t meant to get a rise out of him like the usual robophobic remarks Ouma keeps regarding him with during their breaks. If other Ultimates were unused to the sight of such an advanced robot as he, what more if he was seen by unknowing adults? He’d scare them. Especially the children he sought to make happy in the first place.

Ouma gestured for the android to follow him to a hall without looking back. Kiibo wasn’t sure if he should be frightened with the fact that his companion seemed so used to the art of stealth which hopefully , wasn’t used for a crime which they were technically already committi–Kiibo shook his head. He shouldn’t let himself get sidetracked. They only have one objective, and that was to leave presents for the orphans residing in the orphanage located not too far from their school campus.

They didn’t have the funds to buy brand new gifts, but it helped them a lot when their classmates allowed them to hoard the stuff they were about to throw out in preparation for the new year. Other than clothing and reading materials, however, Ouma even threw in some of his old toy collection that were still as good as new despite the chaotic state of his room. That gesture coming from the supreme leader moved him. Despite Ouma’s off-putting remarks about Santa Claus, he actually took the holiday’s tradition quite seriously. That begs the question though…

Why does it seem like Ouma knows exactly where everything is?

As if on cue, the supreme leader beckoned him with a finger, “Over here. You place the gifts right under the tree.” He whispered.

“Ah, right.” Kiibo settled the sack by the tree and began stacking the gifts carefully. It was impossible for two people to deliver gifts to all the children in the world, but if they could bring smiles to the children living in this orphanage, that would be already enough. His eyes widened in surprise once he realized that the presents had names on it. How did…?

“You sure you have time to be gawking at every single thing you see, Kiiboy?” Ouma hissed. “We don’t have all night!”

“Wha–? You know things would be a lot faster if you help me with unloading the presents,” the android hissed back.

“Hey, you’re the one who wanted to play Santa, and that–” Ouma jabbed a thumb at the Christmas tree. “Is part of your job. Right now I’m just Santa’s lil helper.” He punctuates his sentence by biting on a gingerbread man.

Kiibo didn’t bother pressing the matter any further and sighed. Even he could tell that the supreme leader didn’t want him to ask about the names. At least, not now. Besides, he was right. They didn’t have much time. He could just ask Ouma about it later. Without further ado, he resumed his task of laying out the gifts while Ouma handled eating the treats left by the children since Kiibo was unable to do so himself. Once they finished, they left the orphanage as silently as they had entered.

Seeing his companion’s genuine smile stopped the android from asking his question. Ouma won’t be able to make fun of him for not being able to read the mood now. Without really thinking, he grabbed the supreme leader’s hand and smiled. “Let’s go back.”

Ouma’s eyes widened in surprise at the sudden gesture, but didn’t pull his hand away. His cheeks were flushed red from the cold. The cold. Definitely not because he was embarrassed or anything. “Carry me.”

“I believe we already established that I do not have the strength for that.”

“Tch. Laaaaaame-o!”

They were already too used to their bickering that they found themselves laughing afterwards.

                            ———————————————————-

They visited the orphanage together the day after. It was then did Kiibo discover that Ouma regularly dropped by this orphanage to play with the children. Everyone there was delighted to have them visit the children, although they didn’t expect to meet an actual robot of all things. The children happily regarded the two Ultimates, showing off the new gifts Santa gave them. Ouma and Kiibo shared a look with each other and smiled to themselves.