#but uh yeah if capitalism crumbled i could probably fix all those things a lot faster

[vampire-eros]

genie in a bottle they grant me 3 wishes, even 1 wish, i wish for tonio from jojo's bizarre adventure part 4 aka diamond is unbreakable to be real and for his stand Pearl Jam to be real and function exactly how it does in the show

i long so much for tonio's cooking.

i don't care if i fucking explode into a million gore in really terrible and uncomfortable ways i want my wisdom teeth fixed, my cavities cured, my back hump straightened, the fungus on my 1 toe cured, my eye floaty dissipated, i fucking want tonio to be real so goddamn much. goddamn. fuck. i want to eat those food. eating tasty food and being cured. i don't care if i bleed or scratch off all my skin or if my eyeballs pop or my spine comes out of my back or i experience so much pain i pass out i wanna be cured. i wanna be fucking cured.

[alya-bug]

When your friends are traveling

Alya and Nino are very loyal friends. Even when they are on a trip, they are always ready to drop anything for a phone call from their best friends. Ao3 link.

I finally wrote the story from this post. It is a series of short, silly scenes. Alya and Nino are secret badasses but they always put their friends first. 

“Hey, bro, what’s up?” Nino’s voice came from the cell phone.

“I’m sooo bored!” Adrien moaned, falling back against his bed. He had been so lonely ever since he graduated lycee six months ago. He wanted to go straight to University but he struck a deal with his dad. If he modeled full time for two years, he could study whatever he wanted. He had been managing it until Nino had left two weeks ago for a two month trip around Europe with Alya. He was happy for his friend but he missed him. Life was so boring without him.

Nino laughed. “Sorry bro. It must be so boring being a supermodel.”

“It really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” Adrien laughed. “I’m surprised you have time to talk to me. When is Alya going to drag you off somewhere?”

“Don’t worry.” He paused for a moment. “She’s busy.”

Adrien laughed. “What’s she doing?”

“Just making a deal with the mob. I’m keeping watch.” Nino said casually.

Adrien hesitated. “Should she really be doing that?”

“You know how travelling is. Sometimes things go sideways and you have to do what you can to fix it.”

“I guess. . .”

“But bro, you should hang out with Marinette. She’s around and cool.”

“I don’t know,” Adrien sighed. “She’s cool but I feel like it’s always awkward when we hang out one on one.”

There was a faint slamming door and muffled voices speaking what sounded like Russian. “Oh fuck. Gotta go bro. Text Marinette.” The phone clicked off and Adrien sighed. He still wasn’t sure about texting Marinette. He liked her but she didn’t really seem to like him much, even after the four of them had hung out all though lycee. Maybe he would in a couple of days.

--

“So, what do you think the text means?” Marinette asked, leaning back in her desk chair.

“Probably that he wants to hang out some time?” Alya said, and then grunted.

Marinette laughed. “What are you doing?

“Uh,” Alya paused. “Not much. I have to scale this tower.”

“A tower? Why?”

“Nino’s inside.” There was a sound of crumbling and a faint crash. “Whoops.” There was another grunt and then Alya spoke again. “Yeah, there’s some lady who kidnapped him ‘cause she wants to marry him. It’s dumb, but if I don’t get to him by midnight, the marriage is binding.”

“Oh.” Marinette said, confused. “I guess I should leave you to that.” “No way, girl. I know you can’t compose a response to a text like that by yourself.” Marinette could hear a loud bang. “Shit. They saw me.” There was a scuffling sound and another grunt. “Look. Text him ‘Sure’ with a smiling emoji. Just the regular smile, not the big smile.” Another bang. “No period, no capital. Don’t want to look like you are over thinking it with punctuation.” Another bang and then a grunt and a crash. “Whew. I have to deal with this. I’ll call you back once I get a chance.”

“Wait, what do I do if he text back before --” but Alya had already hung up. Damn. It sucked when your best friend was travelling.

--

“Marinette’s really great.” Adrien said, smiling. “We had a really great time.”

“Awesome.” Nino said, enthusiastically. “I knew it was a good idea.”

“Yeah, she is pretty cool.” He sighed.

“But. . . ?” Nino said, leading. Suddenly he cheered. “Get him, babe!”

“What’s going on over there?” Adrien asked.

“Don’t dodge me.” Nino scolded. “Why did I hear a ‘but’ when you were talking about

Marinette?” A loud sound of metal clanging against metal rang in the background.

“But I know you want me to date her and I like someone else.” He said, distractedly. “Seriously, what is going on?”

“Alya’s just dueling a guy, it is fine.” He cheered again. “Yeah!” His voice turned serious again. “Really, dude? How many times has this girl rejected you now? You say she’s so great but if she doesn’t want to date you then you have to move on.”

Adrien sighed. “I know. But Marinette is too good of a girl to date just to get over someone, you know? I couldn’t do something like that to her.”

Nino sighed, exasperatedly. “Because you totally kind of like her but won’t admit it!”

Adrien sputtered. “No!” He said, defensively. “She's great, but no!”

Suddenly Nino yelled. “Honorless bastards!” There was a clattering noise, as if Nino had dropped the phone.

“Nino?” Adrien asked. He could hear more of those metal clanging noises, as well as yelling and noises of a struggle. He could make out Nino’s voice, as well Alya’s, among the voices.

Adrien couldn’t quite hear what they were saying but he thought he heard someone yell “Death to betrayers!”. It might have been Alya but he wasn’t sure.

After several minutes, the sounds calmed. There was the scuffling noises of someone picking up the phones.

“Sorry about that, dude.” Nino said, sounding out of breath. “Just had to deal with a few things. The terms of the duel was clearly a one on one fight.”

“No problem.” Adrien assured him. He was glad Nino seemed to be having a good time.

Alya said something incomprehensible. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” Nino said to her. “Look, I gotta go.” He said to Adrien. “But think about what I said!”

“Okay, I’ll think about it.” Adrien said, but Nino had already hung up. He leaned back in his chair. Did he like Marinette?

--

Marinette: I think he likes someone else :(

Alya: DONT EAT THE FOOD

Marinette: ???

Alya: ignore that

Alya: it was supposed to go to nino

Alya: its not important

Alya: don’t give up!

Alya: you are totally better than whatever dumb girl he may or may not like

--

Adrien stared at the picture, confused. It was a selfie from Nino, which was not unusual in itself. What was unusual was the other person in the picture. Was it a person? It must just be a really good cosplay. Maybe they stumbled across a con or something in their travels. That was the most likely explanation for the horned, green skinned person who was making a peace sign at the camera. Their fingers had claws on them and their mouth was filled with sharp teeth.

But they were smiling and Nino had an arm around their scaly neck.

Adrien smiled, thinking about his best friend. He really could make friends with anyone.

--

“Hey! Marinette! I’m glad you called.” Alya sounded out of breath.

“Yeah, how are you?” Marinette asked. She was eager to discuss the situation with Adrien as of last night.

“Oh, you know, breaking out of prison.” Alya said casually.

“What?” Marinette said, confused. “Why are you in prison? What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything!” Alya said indignantly. “It isn’t, like, a legal prison. Nino’s admirer is into some shady stuff and she threw me in here to be experimented on or something. They want to turn me into a brainwashed super mutant soldier. Or something like that. We fought a couple of them a few days ago, they turned out to be pretty cool. But yeah, it doesn’t really matter.”

“Okay.” Marinette was skeptical. “Are you okay?”

Alya scoffed. “Oh, yeah. This is nothing. How are things going with Adrien and that girl he likes?”

“That got pretty complicated.” She sighed. Discovering the girl that Adrien liked was Ladybug was definitely interesting. Not to mention the way he had almost kissed her as Marinette last night.

“Complicated in your favor?” Alya asked, slyly.

Marinette laughed, her face getting red. “Yeah, I think so.” A thought occurred to her suddenly. “How do you have your phone if you are locked up?”

Alya chuckled. “Girl, no one can take my phone from me if I don’t want them to.”

“True.” Her phone was pretty much glued to her hand. “Is, like, Nino coming to save you?” “Probably.” She sounded disinterested. “But, like, I got to at least meet him halfway, you know? Feminism and all that. You might be able to help me, though.”

“How? I am all the way over here you are . . . where are you?”

“I’m not really sure where I am? They knocked me out so I could be anywhere. But yeah, so, I have a thin blanket, a metal bowl, three marbles, a broken toilet seat, and a bunch of straw. You’re good at this sort of stuff. How do I get out of here?”

“Hmmm.” Marinette tried to get in the mindset she used during akuma attacks. “Are there any windows or doors? Any guards?”

“A door with a little slit and several deadbolts. And there’s a guard outside but it sounds like he’s sleeping.”

“Okay.” She spoke slowly, thinking as the words were coming out. “So, you could rip the blanket into strips and. . . .” She outlined her plan, imagining the room in her mind.

“Thank you so much.” Alya gushed. “I think it’ll work.”

“Be safe.” Marinette chided.

“Hey, that is my line, now that you are so close to bagging Adrien.” Alya said, laughing.

“Alya!” Marinette’s face burned with embarrassment.

“Well, I think I should do this plan sooner rather than later.” Alya giggled. “I’ll call you when I get out. Keep me updated. Love you.” “Bye, love you too.” Marinette said, but Alya had already hung up. She couldn’t wait until her best friend was back.

--

“Hey, Nino.” Adrien said as he picked up the phone, glad that he had something to distract him. “What’s up?”

“Hey dude. Not much, not much.” Nino said, sounding slightly distracted. There was a lot of noise in the background but Adrien couldn’t make it out. It sounded regular, almost like a siren. But Nino didn’t seem bothered by it. “What’s up with you?”

Adrien sighed. “I think I may have messed up big time with Marinette.”

This seemed to catch his attention. “Woah, wait. I thought there was nothing going on between you two?”

Adrien blushed, thinking about the previous day. “Maybe you were right, a little. It’s complicated.”

Nino laughed. “Sure, whatever.”

“Did you just call to tease me?” Adrien asked, with affected annoyance.

“No, actually.” Nino said, thoughtfully. “You know Chinese, right?”

“Uh, yeah.” Adrien said, confused. “Pretty well, at least. Why?”

“I’m in China and I need you to translate something.” Nino said as if it was obvious.

“I thought you guys were on a trip around Europe?” Adrien asked. He hadn’t heard anything about them going to China.

Nino laughed. “You know how traveling is. We got a little side tracked.”

That was not Adrien’s experience with traveling, but not everyone had Nathalie to keep them on a strict schedule. “What did you want me to translate?”

“Here. I’m gonna put you on speaker.” There was a click and suddenly everything was much louder. Adrien could make out the sound of sirens and a robotic female voice speaking in Chinese. “What’s the announcement saying?”

“Uh, something about 7 minutes? Destruction?” The voice repeated it’s message and Adrien was able to translate it. “I am pretty sure it is saying that it is going to self destruct in 7 minutes. And it keeps repeating ‘evacuate’.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Nino sighed in annoyance. “Well, I gotta go. Text me later about the thing with Marinette.”

“Sure.” Adrien said, still listening to the robotic voice. “It says the cages are open and to beware the mutants? I think that’s what it said, at least.” It wasn’t a word he often came across in his studies.

“That sounds about right.” Nino said, sounding distracted.

“Have fun?” Adrien said hesitantly.

Nino laughed. “Yeah. Talk to you later, bro.” And he hung up.

Adrien sighed, thinking of how he was going to face Marinette again.

--

“Alya!” Marinette exclaimed in greeting. “It’s been forever! Why haven’t I been able to get a hold of you? It’s been, like, over a week.”

“I’m so, so sorry about that!” Alya said, a layer of static over her voice. “I wanted to call you earlier but things were pretty crazy.”

“It’s pretty bad reception.” Marinette said, wincing at the static sound. “Where are you?”

Alya laughed. “We got pretty far off of our itinerary.”

“Weren’t you in China a week ago?” She asked. “Adrien mentioned it.”

“Ohhhh.” Alya said. “Hanging out with Adrien a lot, are you?”

Marinette blushed. “Yeah, things are going. . . really well, actually.”

Alya let out a small scream of delight. “Damn, girl. You just needed me to be gone for a little while and you can get him.” The static increased and Marinette could hear a voice in the background, but it sounded garbled. “I don’t care!” Alya snapped to the voice. “This call is important. We can focus on that when I’m done talking to my best friend.”

“Is everything okay?” Marinette asked, hesitantly.

“Don’t worry.” Alya assured her. “I just have to remind someone who’s the one who’s going to save their planet before they get their tentacles in a bunch.” Indignant garbled noises filled the background. “They sure look like tentacles to me.” Alya said to the unknown speaker.

“Uh, where are you?” Marinette asked, hesitantly.

“Just on a spaceship with some aliens, don’t worry about it.”

“Alien?” Marinette asked, incredulously.

“Yeah, yeah.” Alya seemed uninterested. “Tell me more about Adrien! What’s going on with you two?”

“Oh! Uh.” She hesitated. “We kind of kissed.” Things were going . . . interestingly ever since they discovered each other’s identities.

Alya screamed. “Why didn’t you tell me immediately? Oh my god!”

“I tried! But you’re in space, or something? How are you even talking to me?” She didn’t think cell phones worked in space.

“It’s some subspace portal thing, don’t worry about it.” She said dismissively. “But seriously! Tell me the details. When? How?”

Marinette laughed. “Well. . . .”

The garbled voice returned and Alya swore. “I’m so sorry. I have to go. The portal isn’t stable for very long and we are going into enemy territory soon. I will call you back, and soon.”

“Oh.” Marinette was disappointed. She really couldn't wait until Ayla got home.

--

Adrien and Marinette waited eagerly as the passengers departed the train, craning their necks for a sign of their friends.

“There’s Alya!” Adrien said, pointing. Marinette grinned as she caught sight of her best friend’s dyed red hair.

“Alya! Alya! Alya!” She jumped up and down, waving her arms.

“Brooooooo.” Adrien called out to Nino, who appeared behind Alya.

Alya turned to them and waved. She nudged Nino and pointed back to their friends. He grinned and the two of them started pushing through the crowd.

Nino rushed ahead and within seconds he was in Adrien’s arms, a chorus of “Broooooo!” emitting from both young men. Marinette laughed and rushed towards Alya, who swept her up in her arms.

“I missed you so much!” Marinette said, pulling back from the hug to look at Alya properly. Her hair was shorter, and she had a really badass scar on the side of her face, but other than that she was the same Alya.

“Woah, what happened to your arm?” Adrien asked. He held up Nino’s arm, which seemed to be made of metal and wires.

“I got a robo-arm now!” Nino said excitedly, waving it around to show it off. “It’s awesome.”

Adrien looked at it, concerned. “Wow. How did that happen?”

He waved his hand vaguely. “It’s a long story. I’ll tell you later.”

“Are you, like, okay with it?” Marinette asked.

“Oh, totally.” Nino responded earnestly. “I mean, sometimes I worry that I am more machine than man, but mostly it’s just super cool.”

“Wanna hear the story behind this badass scar?” Alya asked, pointing to the scar across her cheekbone. It did nothing to mar her good looks and actually made her hotter.

“Of course!” Marinette said cheerfully, as she grabbed Alya’s bag and they headed away from the platform. Alya animatedly told the story of fighting off an assassin sent by Nino’s admirer.

“And then he slashed and there was blood in my eyes and I couldn’t see anything. But I knew I couldn’t stop fighting, so I kept going. And just when I couldn’t take it anymore, Nino came out of nowhere, knocking him out of the plane and into the Arctic Ocean below.”

“I thought Nino was tied up?” Adrien asked.

“That’s the thing. One of the waiters slipped me a nail file. I managed to break the ropes just in time!” Nino said proudly.

“It was pretty sexy.” Alya said, giving Nino a quick kiss on the cheek. She turned to the other couple, eyeing their joined hands. “But enough about us. You guys are dating now! Finally!”

Marinette and Adrien blushed.

“I want to hear about your adventures!” Marinette insisted.

Nino laughed and Alya waved her hand dismissively. “Oh, it’s not really that interesting. We want to hear about how you two kissed! That is the real story here.”