#but ugh no one fucking needs to see that shitty triangle anymore

[stormxpadme]

People in the fucking 90s already: Please stop it with the love triangle.

Marvel writers: Anyone say sum'thin?

Poly people rejoicing at Krakoa finally solving that damn thing: See? We've been telling you, poly exists.

Marvel: Ahahahhaha, yeah, let's kill that whole timeline because too many bigots buy our comics, oops.

People: Okay, but it's the year of the good Lord 2024, we won't have to deal with that shit all over again in the new show, right?

X-Men 97: You know what, I'll give you not one but TWO love triangles.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

Top 5 Character Deaths That Made Me Side-Eye the Writers

There are a lot of character deaths in TWDG... obviously. It a series about the literal dead walkin’ around and eating people, so as you’re playing, one of your favorite characters is bound to meet such a fate. To give this series credit, it does have quite a few well-executed deaths that, while I hate them, they have a purpose in the story that works. 

The best example of this is Lee’s death-- we all hate that Lee dies, but it’s well-done. It serves its purpose, it acted as both a shock and a slow-burn for the player, and left us all an emotional mess. 

However, we’re not talking about the “good” deaths today. No, we’re talking about the character deaths that are poorly executed, cheap, lazy, and just plain dumb... they’re the deaths that make me side-eye the writing team and wonder what the fuck happened there. 

By the way, it was reeeeeeal fun narrowing it down to only five deaths, because it seems like for every great death, there’s at least two bad ones.

5. Mariana and her death that ruined ANF’s potential story

I’ve talked at length about Mariana’s death and how much I hate it. Like, I get it TWDG... you love your sudden deaths and you’re so edgy for killing off a child character because you’ve never done that before... but maybe consider things a little further before pulling the trigger?

Yeah, killing off Mariana the way they did got a reaction outta people when it happened, and we got the burial scene if you stayed with Clementine... but you didn’t consider the future of this storyline? You pretend you did by name dropping Mari when it’s convenient, but then throw it out the window when it comes to characters like David or Gabe.

Listen, I know that ANF is a mess and what’s the point in telling the mess that it’s a mess? Well, I’m still annoyed at the writers for wasting the biggest opportunity for this game’s story, something that could’ve saved it from being a mess.

And I get it, you gotta make a death quota, so instead of killing Mariana off... why not kill Kate off instead? Oh no? We don’t get the stupid love triangle that no one actually enjoys or is engaged in?

Instead of this dumb story about Javi falling in love with his sister-in-law but oh no David’s back.... we could’ve had a story about Javi losing Kate and being left to care for two children by himself. Mariana and Gabe are all he has left, and he going to do whatever he can to keep them safe all while the three of them are mourning Kate.

Then David comes back, and he immediately takes these kids away from Javi.

There is no stupid storyline with Kate, but an actual conflict between two brothers who were never on the same page and two kids caught in the middle.

Plus, Mariana herself as a character really could’ve brought something to the table. She could’ve brought out a lot in David’s character since she seems to be more like Javi.

Her death is just... annoying. It’s frustrating when you know they could’ve told a better story with her alive, something ANF desperately needed.

My side-eye is one of disappointment and annoyance.

4.Luke and his easily preventable drowning

Ugh.... where to even begin? 

Luke really just gets butchered as a character throughout the second half of S2, and the writers end up demolishing the set up they placed at the beginning of the season for a Luke vs Kenny thing. 

Why? Well, Luke vs Kenny was the initial ending they were gonna go with, but because this season went through all kinds of bullshit, they scrapped that and replaced Luke with Jane... and it’s so dumb.

Hell, it kind of ruins a lot. Not only did it ruin Luke, a character that many players loved, but it forces the new character of Jane, who we only get two episodes to get to know, so they can fade Luke out. 

But that’s not all. 

His death is so... ugh. It’s stupid, okay? Stupid and easily preventable, but noooo... we gotta kill Luke off for reasons because all we know is that S1 killed off a lot of characters and we’re gonna do that again but worse because we failed to understand what made those deaths impactful in the first place. 

Lots of character death and despair = good game. 

Yep, uh-huh. Okay. 

So we all know that Luke’s leg is hurt, yeah? Great, so you’d think that the group that has an injured man and a new born baby would be extra cautious and go around the frozen lake. Yeah, Arvo says that it’s safe but let’s not take any chances. 

But no. We gotta go across like a group of dingdongs and whattya know-- the ice begins to crack beneath Luke’s feet. Now, even here, we coulda got him outta there safely... if Bonnie wasn’t a dingus. 

Think about it. If we shot the walkers who were coming towards Luke with all their weight, he could’ve slowly scooted away, even if he’s already fallen through. BUT NO. Bonnie either guilts Clementine into going towards him, adding more weight to the already fragile ice as Luke tells her to stop, or Bonnie will go over there herself... and she’s a full grown woman soooo her weight breaks the ice. 

Good job, you dipsticks. 

When you have to make your characters into morons in order to move the plot along and kill off characters....maybe do some rethinking, yeah? 

 3. Mitch and his shock-value death

This death is so dumb... so incredibly, dumb. Even now, I can’t help but give full side-eye to the writers every time one of them tries to justify this death. 

I’m sorry, but this death didn’t have the impact you wanted it to have. And because there’s always someone who says, “Mitch didn’t die for shock value, you just can’t tell the difference between a good and bad death” lemme tell you a thing. 

What was the point of killing of Mitch? Well, according to those who worked on TFS, it was to show that Lilly and the delta are serious. This is when shit gets real, and when Lilly is established as a bad bitch who will do whatever it takes to get what she wants. We should be scared of her now. 

Except no. 

This scene doesn’t tell me that Lilly is a bad bitch. It tells me that she has good reflexes, and going off her reaction after killing Mitch.... I’m not fucking scared of this dumbass. If anything, this scene says more about Mitch than it does Lilly. It says that Mitch is also a dumbass for running at her like he did. 

Y’know what would’ve been more impactful? If Mitch didn’t immediately get stabbed in the throat, but instead, actually got her on the ground and struggled with Lilly. Then, Lilly gets the upper hand and when you think she’s about to send Mitch to the cart, she fucking murders him in front of everyone to prove a point. 

There’s no remorse, it’s slow enough for Lilly to actually process what’s happening and show that she does know what she’s doing. That would scare me. That would show me that these people aren’t fucking around and they’re willing to kill some of them if that means getting the rest for their army. 

You still get your shock value death but it actually does something other than kill a character off. 

I’m really supposed to believe this is the same Lilly who can order to have Louis’ tongue cut off? 

But it doesn’t end there. No, no... there’s another part to Mitch’s death that annoys me, and it’s how insistent everyone was that his death is going to have a greater impact on the second half of the story. It had a purpose within the story, we did it for a reason.

...I mean, it has an impact on Willy and his arc for the second half. 

But that’s it. 

Oh... oh, what’s that? Oh, you were referring to those throwaway lines about Tenn? “He was screwing up again, just like when he got Mitch killed.”

OOOOOH.... I see, that’s what Mitch’s death was really amounting to... some lines dealing with whether or not AJ shot Tenn. Well, I guess I was wrong. Mitch’s death wasn’t just shock value. It really had a big purpose. In fact, Mitch’s death has the biggest impact on the series. Fuck Marlon and Brody’s deaths, and Lilly and James, and hell, fuck Tenn’s death, too. They’re meaningless compared to Mitch’s death. You did it, guys. You really did it. 

....Okay, I’m done. I’m just... salty, I fully admit. 

Being serious again, Mitch’s death is probably the worst in TFS as far as unpreventable deaths go and the real reason I side-eye the writers is because they tried to tell us it was going to have this huge impact in the future and it just... didn’t. 

2. Nick and his offscreen death.

I’m sorry, but what the fuck happened here? Why- what are you- how the hell did this happen??

I’m actually baffled. 

Someone wrote this. 

They set up at the end of ep3 that Nick is shot.... then ep4 comes and we find him like this. I just... did someone on the writing staff not wanna do their job that day? Someone was working on the story and at the last minute forgot Nick was a character, so they were like “Eh, he’s not important anyway, and it adds to the shittiness of everything so we’ll pretend this was 100% intentional.” 

Nick was one of your more interesting characters and you really thought killing him off like this was the way to go, huh? 

Like, his first death is shitty, but in the very least it kind of makes sense. 

But this? 

This is horrible. If I wrote this, I’d be embarrassed. 

I just... I’m so tired of S2 right now. 

This is at #2 because it’s just lazy, bad writing. At least with Luke, Mitch, and Mariana, we got to see their deaths and they had some, even if just a little, impact on the story afterward. 

But Nick? 

Nothin’.

Even Luke, who is the closest person to Nick, name drops him maybe twice? It’s just.... nothing. 

And yeah, you can come at me with the “oh well not every death has to have meaning!” 

This is a story, okay? This is a story crafted with characters who have arcs by people who wanted it to be a success, and usually that means having satisfying conclusions.... or, intentionally unsatisfying if that acts as a natural conclusion to their story or is a reoccurring theme. 

Nick’s death is just the writers falling flat on their faces and hoping no one would notice. 

1. Sarah and both of her shitty deaths. 

Ugh. UGH.

Okay. 

I’m not even side-eyeing anymore-- I’m fully glaring.

I don’t have to tell you how shitty both of Sarah’s deaths are. We all played S2, we all know that no matter what you do, Sarah dies in ep4. You can try to save her, she lives a little bit longer, and then falls to her death... and both deaths have her being devoured alive by walkers. 

Now, this is enough to annoy me. First off, I guess my choices don’t really matter. Sure, you can justify this as one of those “sometimes you can’t save someone, no matter how hard you try” ...and fine. Sure, if they had bothered to execute that point well, then great. 

But I disagree that the writers had that in mind when they were killing Sarah off. 

In fact, I know what what going on in their brains-- “God, can’t wait to kill Sarah off! Give us any reason to do it! She’s so damn annoying!”

The writers have openly admitted that a lot of the team were just waiting to kill Sarah off, waiting for any reason, so when the major part of the community who take everything at surface level because why think? kept complaining about Sarah, they jumped on the opportunity to kill her off.... but the deaths are dumb.

Listen, this isn’t like when the writers planned on killing Lee off. You can plan a death and even be excited about it because you’re excited about the story and execution of it all. You can be excited to see the heartbreaking end of this character’s story that you crafted because you know you put everything you had into it.

These deaths were lazy and the product of a team who didn’t care about the character. Sarah dies and no one cares. 

Sure, you leave her to die the first time and Jane does her thing about how you can’t save everyone, she talks about Jaime, and then Luke exposes himself as the fake Luke by agreeing that leaving Sarah behind was probably the right thing. Like what?

Now as much as I hate that first one, the second one is even worse. 

For some reason, Sarah is standing in the corner while they’re trying to fight off the walkers instead of being inside with Rebecca... y’know, where she would be if this was logical. 

Then the deck breaks and Sarah falls, trapped under a pile of wood. Jane, despite being the one who sees Sarah as a liability, goes down there to try and help her after Clementine begs her to. 

But because the writers don’t know what they’re doing, Jane gets hit by a random piece of wood and can’t get Sarah out in time, leaving her to be eaten alive by walkers. 

Then AJ is born and no one cares about Sarah ever again. 

I just.... 

Could’ve had an interesting story arc with a character who just lost her father in such a gruesome way, a character that already deals with anxiety and other problems that you never bothered to explain other than “she isn’t like Clementine” and you could’ve had her grow. 

But I guess that would’ve taken effort.... and screen time away from Kenny, and god forbid we ever do that. 

---

Honorable Mentions

-Ava falling to her death in the most comedic way possible, made even more hilarious by David’s two seconds of mourning. -Omid.... because hope is dead. Do you get it? Hope? is dead? Because Omid means hope? Do you get it?? -Honestly you could put most of S2′s deaths on this list because oh my god. -Ben because I’m still a salty bitch.  -I also wanna add Louis and Violet’s deaths on the bridge mostly because they die, Clem is sad for two seconds, Tenn says sorry, and then no one cares. Yeah, yeah, they mourned off screen and I call that lazy bullshit. -Hell, throw Tenn’s death on here, too, for similar reasons-- no one but Louis/Violet and AJ seem to care. Even Clementine is like “whatever” after it happens. 

---

Y’know, picking this one seemed like a good idea at the time, but by now I’m just annoyed by all these dumb deaths. So, what are your thoughts? Are there any deaths that make you question the writers that didn’t end up on the list? Do you agree or disagree with my list? Lemme know, we can have a friendly discussion about it. 

Have any suggestions for future T5F’s? Feel free to send ‘em in! :D

---

Next week’s T5F Top 5 Favorite Louis Moments

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 130 Review

For the first time, thanks to this chapter, SNK is more popular than Domestic Na Kanojo, a manga about a love triangle between a dude and his step-sisters, one of whom is his teacher.

We did it fam. Mission accomplished.

I feel like the scenario where the outside world and Paradis are kept apart with Paradis threatening to rumble the world if there’s any interference is something of an equilibrium point.

They say that nature has a balance to it. A natural rhythm that it follows on its own.

Predators hunt prey, so naturally there are less predators than prey, lest the prey population be wiped out. When predators are too many and prey is too few, the lack of food causes predators to leave the area or die off, which prompts the prey population to rebound.

So there’s a certain point at which things balance out. This is an equilibrium.

Social situations are like that too.  

People have desires and preferences, and in a social situation, a dynamic will form that satisfies as much of those desires as possible.

Because the equilibrium point is the state of affairs at which as many people as possible are satisfied, in the long term any disruption to that equilibrium will be corrected.

Not because of magic or anything, but just because it’s the scenario that most people prefer, so the state of affairs will trend towards it over time.

This is a really long way of saying that I think that some variation on the King Fritz scenario is the best outcome everyone can hope for.

Everyone gets to live and go about their lives.

The downside is that there’ll always be an undercurrent of resentment. And, oh yeah, becoming titans and eating children is necessary to make the wall titans work as a threat. That’s bad, but a natural balance isn’t a utopia.

It’s a testament to how much the SNK world sucks that *this* is the outcome that allows the most people to be happy.

Rape, parents eating children, all of it indefinitely.

That’s one of the most frustrating things about this chapter.

Just…what even is the message of this story anymore?

Attack on Titan is a series about freedom and striving for freedom. Eren has embodied that struggle the whole time.

But now?

Eren is a lunatic who’s about to crush the whole world.

The Cringevengers are fighting for freedom, but not their own. Stopping Eren will only open a pathway for the world to retaliate against Paradis for the failed rumbling. Their mission is one of self-destruction.

That’s noble, but it’s looking more and more like the cringevengers are going to lose. They’re physically and mentally exhausted, and they don’t really have much personal stake in this anymore.

So I guess we’re heading for an ending where Eren destroys the world.

If that’s the case, then…what’s the message?

Is this a tragedy?

Tragedies are about characters failing to rise above their flaws, but they’re also supposed to be constructive.

Tragedies work when they show the audience that a happy ending could have happened but for the character’s flaws.

Romeo and Juliet could have lived if it weren’t for their feuding families, for example. The story ended sadly, but there was a clear path to a happy ending.

What is the path forward in Attack on Titan?

The Marleyans are shit. They’re racist colonialists out to dominate the world. They coral Eldians into camps, use them as weapons, and want to build a global empire. Their long term motivation is to preserve their global dominance.

Eren is a lunatic. ‘Nuff said.

The Cringevengers have the moral high ground, but…if they win, the Eldians still die. So…go Cringevengers?

Who is the hero of this story right now?

Which path is the right one?

What is even the message anymore?

The answer is that there is none.

The situation is clearly designed to make this outcome inevitable.

The world is going down this bad path because almost everyone has the same flaw: they are willing to kill people for the sake of their own prejudices.

If only a couple of characters had that flaw, this would be fine, but making this flaw so widespread makes it seem that humans in general are like this, and that’s wrong.

Most people are not like this.

I think the fact that humanity has not self-immolated yet speaks for itself.

I don’t know what’s going on in Isayama’s mind, but I wonder if maybe he’s a bit paranoid about tensions between Japan, and China, and the Koreas.

The possible social commentary in SNK is always interesting to think about, but I’m just going to skip over that here.

…

Ugh, I guess I have to talk about the pregnancy now.

So first off, my starting point when thinking about the pregnancy is that whatever happened, it didn’t involve rape.

That’s maybe something we shouldn’t assume, but I don’t think Isayama will cross that line. Having Historia go through that trauma for basically no reason is viscerally disgusting and I trust that Isayama knows that.

Attack on Titan is ostensibly about freedom; being forced to carry a child to term is not that.

Clearly.

So I take it as a given that there was no rape.

Once you do that, thinking about the pregnancy becomes much simpler.

There are really only two possible explanations:

1. That Historia fell in love with a man, decided to have a family…and that Isayama is playing up the possibility of rape for shock value.

Or.

2. The pregnancy is somehow fake.

So which is more believable?

Honestly, I lean towards (1), though I’d prefer it be fake.

Before this chapter came out, I never felt it was likely the pregnancy was fake. There was an aura of suspicion around it, but that doesn’t prove much.

We know the pregnancy was inexplicably advantageous to Zeke, and we know that Eren and Historia were up to something right before Eren disappeared.

Isayama is clearly hiding something, but a fake pregnancy specifically?

I see no reason why it would be that and not, say, a secret romance.

That’s what really scares me though.

Most people can explain why callous depictions of rape are bad. The number of people who can explain why callous depictions of queer people are bad is much smaller.

I ship yumikuri. In fact, it’s one of the few pairs I ship.

So call me biased if you want, but the bottom line is that Ymir explicitly loved Historia, and most people would at least say Historia might have reciprocated. I personally would say she definitely did.

Ymir loved Historia.

She loved her enough to reach out to her and try to save her from her own fate.

Enough to jump from the tower and fight off the titans.

Enough to make Bertolt and Reiner turn back to get her.

Ymir did all this because she loved Historia.

But Isayama, it seems, wrote it into his story that Ymir loved Historia just to move the plot forward.

And once Ymir’s purpose as a character was fulfilled, she was removed from the story and killed off screen.

That’s a really shitty thing to do.

Establishing a queer romance just so the characters have motivation to go from Point A to B and nothing more is fucking low.

It’s cheap as hell.

It’s offensive.

But, I have to point out, not as offensive as a rape victim carrying their child to term.

I think that’s important to keep in mind.

People have written about women’s rights for centuries. Those principles are well established, if not always followed.

Gay rights just aren’t.

Most people can tell you why reducing rape to cheap drama is bad; most people cannot tell you why reducing lesbian romance to a plot device is bad.

(The answer is that they both trivialize their subjects, albeit in slightly different ways.)

I bring this up because I think people underestimate the chances that in-universe Historia is pregnant because she wants to be pregnant.

We can infer from what we know that Historia is pregnant because it’s part of a plan to help Zeke or Paradis, but we can also infer that this is not exactly the case.

It’s not directly established that Historia is pregnant because of Paradis’ or Zeke’s machinations. All we know is that these people were plotting to use her to make babies. We haven’t seen the point where she was roped into those schemes.

So I don’t think it can be discounted that Isayama plans to pair Historia up with a guy, most likely either Eren or Farm boy. Unfortunately.

Gay people don’t have many allies in this world. Unfortunately, that means Isayama is likely to *not* be one of those allies.

SNK’s record of depicting gay relationships speaks for itself.

That was all what I thought before this chapter came out.

I still think that.

So.

Now I guess I have to talk about Historia in this chapter now.

So Historia’s scene opens with her having resigned herself to a future of rape and Eren telling her she’s a human being who has rights.

…

……

I almost can’t bring myself to talk about this.

You know, back when Attack on Titan first become popular, it got a lot of praise for how feminist it was.

It was a post-apocalyptic survival horror show, and it really stood out how many prominent women there were.

Hange, Annie, Mikasa, Sasha, Historia, Rico. These people saw real action and had real characters, and a lot of people appreciated that.

Yep.

Good times. Good times.

How did we get here?

What happened?

Historia’s character is all about agency.

She wanted to end her life because she thought she was a burden. In the cavern she was prepared to take on the same burden she’s taking on right now, but she chose to live for herself.

She saved herself from that fate.

She rejected her family’s burden and chose to forge her own path.

Now it’s like that never happened.

She’s back to killing herself for everyone else’s sake, except now she’s also a damsel who needs Eren to save her.

So Eren reveals his plan to her, and she’s totally distraught over it. She tries to reason with him, and Eren just glares at her like she’s Reiner or something.

Finally we get to the most eyebrow raising moment in this exchange: when Historia invokes Ymir to justify opposing Eren.

I think Ymir is supposed to be seen as a tragic figure in Attack on Titan.

She didn’t have to take the fall for those Eldian cultists. They plucked her out of nowhere and randomly decided to worship her. She didn’t ask for any of this trouble.

But regardless, she took the fall for them.

When she got a new lease on life, she chose to live for herself. She’d put herself before everyone else for a change. She’d let no one else’s fate decide her’s.

But it never turned out that way.

I think Ymir’s tragic flaw is that she cares too much for her own good.

She was always going out of her way for others and doing more than she needed to. Helping Connie, helping Historia, helping Reiner and Bertolt.

Her enemies.

Ymir is a good person at heart, and that’s not bad, but according to Attack on Titan’s morality, being “good” to the point of self-sacrifice is bad.

I think one of the morals of Attack on Titan is that if you sacrifice yourself for other people’s sake……you end up sacrificing yourself.

Ymir could have left Reiner and Bertolt to their fates and returned to the walls. She could have lived a happy life with her friends and the girl she loved.

But she didn’t.

She knew that returning to Marley would mean death for her, and guessed what happened?

She did the thing that would likely kill her and she was killed.

Ymir couldn’t help but be a “good girl” and for that she was punished.

Thus endeth the tragedy of Ymir.

Now we come to Historia.

“If I don’t do everything in my power to stop you, I can’t live with my head held high!”

Historia is using Ymir’s words, but she’s actually betraying Ymir right now.

Ymir meant those words in the sense of living for yourself and not others. In the sense of not being self-sacrificial.

As far as Historia is concerned, in her current situation, she only has two options.

Let them rape her for the sake of her people, or let Eren destroy the world.

That’s it.

As far as Historia is concerned, to oppose Eren is to tacitly support the rape option.

So Historia is using Ymir’s words, but really it’s an insult because she’s using them to defend what Ymir would have hated.

Her self-sacrifice.

One thing that’s interesting about Attack on Titan is what it says about standing up for yourself.

In the story, not being self-sacrificial ironically requires you to make sacrifices.

If Ymir had not helped Reiner and Bertolt, they would have been in a lot more trouble with Marley. In a way, if she had not gone with them, she would have been sacrificing them, in the sense that she would have been throwing them under the bus.

When Historia chooses to live for herself in the cavern, she screams about how she’ll happily throw humanity under the bus if it means saving herself.

That’s why she calls herself “the worst girl in history.”

As opposed to Krista, who is a “good girl.”

I think that’s what Isayama is going for here.

Krista is the “good girl” who’ll gladly take a bullet for you.

Historia is the “bad girl” who’ll gladly throw you overboard if it meant she didn’t have to debase herself.

Yeah, Historia later claimed she was in the moment when she said that, but that doesn’t mean much.

When you’re in the heat of the moment, and you’re acting on pure instinct, you’re likelier to reveal parts of yourself you wouldn’t otherwise.

Being in the moment doesn’t mean Historia doesn’t identify with what she said, it means she was speaking her mind with no filter.

In 130, Historia and Eren are superficially at odds with each other, but deep down Historia thinks Eren is right.

She doesn’t want to sacrifice herself, and I’m sure she feels she shouldn’t have to, just on principle.

The only reason she accepts this fate is because she feels she has to.

So when Eren asks Historia to not oppose him, and she refuses, he tells her she has it in her to do it because she’s “the worst girl in history.”

I think Historia is the kind of person who’d throw you under the bus if she knew it’d save what she values most: her friends, yes, but also herself.

But Historia is acting more like Krista, someone who’d throw their life away to save yours.

Eren is saying she needs to start acting like herself again.

He’s trying to remind Historia of who she is and what she used to think was most important to her.

(This scene is *so* misogynistic. I’m going to puke.)

The flashbacks in this chapter were presented as vignettes, so it’s hard to say how Eren’s scene with Historia ended.

One thing that stood out to me though was the clear through line that connected all the various scenes.

The first one is Eren talking to Yelena about Zeke’s plan.

Next scene is Eren and Floch talking about the real plan.

Then it’s Eren and Historia talking about the plan.

Then back to Eren and Floch for Eren’s reveal of what he’s really doing.

Back to Historia as Eren tries to win her over.

Then we cut to Zeke and Eren talking about Mikasa.

Finally, we go back to Historia.

This flow is important because we don’t know much about Eren’s talk with Historia, but I think we can tease out some clues based on what scenes we see when.

Historia is put on the spot. Eren has revealed his plan, and she opposes it. They argue back and forth, and we reach a point where Historia is at a loss for words, and doesn’t seem to know what to do.

Then we inexplicably cut to a conversation between Zeke and Eren.

A conversation about loyalty, affection, and standing by your friends.

The implications for what this hints at are huge.

Eren asks Zeke if Mikasa cares about him so much because of some Ackermann genetics.

Zeke replies there’s no proof of that, and Mikasa probably just loves him.

Finally, Historia speaks, and she asks Eren about getting pregnant.

She doesn’t go to such great lengths for Eren because she’s a slave!

She doesn’t subject herself to this because she’s being coerced!!

It’s because she  L O V E S  him ! ! !

Fuck this! Fuck me! Fuck everything!

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Thoroughbreds

Additional bonus of seeing free movies is that I get to see a lot of the teeny tiny indie movies that I WANT to see but don’t stick around in theaters long enough for me to fit them into my superhero-movie-watching schedule. Thoroughbreds is one such movie. Its biggest claim to fame is that it is Anton Yelchin’s final film (I’m not kidding when I say let’s all take a moment of silence for this beautiful soul. ........ Ugh. Rest in peace, Anton). However, it definitely deserves to be known for more than that. It’s hard to pin this one down, genre-wise, but if I had to classify it, I’d say it’s a black comedy/suspense/buddy movie gone awry. How well does that combo work? Well...

Does a mixture of Heathers and Fargo sound like a fun time to you? If so, you’re going to love this. Thoroughbreds is the story of Amanda (Olivia Cooke), a girl who feels nothing, and Lily (Anya Taylor-Joy), a girl who feels too much. Amanda is, essentially, a sociopath, and she decides to help Lily who is trapped in her rich girl life with a stepfather who is a total dick and verges on legitimately creepy. Help Lily by coming up with a plan to kill said stepfather, that is. Anton Yelchin is the bumbling drug dealer they blackmail into helping them, and you might be shocked to learn their plan doesn’t quite go according to plan. 

The film definitely stays more in the unsettling portion of the Venn diagram, but there’s quite a bit of dark comedy here too. The really interesting thing stems from one scene about 3/4 of the way through the movie. Evil stepdad confronts Lily about her behavior. We’ve seen stepdad blow up at Lily’s mom, and we’ve seen him be kind of a dick to Lily, but in this tense confrontation, he calmly tells her that her behavior affects other people besides herself, and that she is being a selfish, entitled brat. This rattles her to her core, and she resolves more than ever to kill him but here’s the thing...he’s not wrong? We’ve only seen this conflict from Lily’s point of view, and everything the stepdad does can be chalked up to a bad day or a response to, let’s face it, a shitty teenager being shitty. By the end of the film, I don’t really know who I’m rooting for anymore and the ambiguity of Lily’s character is driven home in the last lines of the movie. It’s a little like Inception but with teen girls. 

Some thoughts:

Anya Taylor-Joy is the most captivating actress working today. Her face is so beautiful but also strange - she’s like a wide-eyed ingenue straight out of the 30s. She was great in The Witch and greater in Split. This might be my favorite performance of hers though, simply because she gets to do so many things, and play off the fantastic blankness of Olivia Cooke. 

I would have been even more captivated if I weren’t seated next to a couple who were literally SHOUTING AT THE SCREEN? Like we were in their fucking living room?? Anya Taylor-Joy appeared onscreen and the man just shouted, “It’s Morgan!” as if he were pointing out his second cousin while standing in line at a theme park. Later, a character is holding a knife and he felt the need to exclaim “Ooh, scary!” Um, sir? Cou ld you fuc king N OT? This was 10,000 times worse than the Uncomfortable Chuckler during Call Me By Your Name. 

The music in this movie is super unsettling. It’s all bass drums and bongos and dissonant plinky triangle noises, and I think it’s meant to make you feel the way Amanda makes people feel, but as the movie continues it seems to align more and more with how Lily is feeling. It’s very effective and unnerving.

Speaking of unsettling, Olivia Cooke does a fantastic job as Amanda, mainly because I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for an actress to maintain such an emotionless canvas. It must be great fun and a great challenge to play a sociopath, and even though she’s not emoting or reacting to things, she’s almost like a black hole on screen - you get sucked into her presence whether you want to or not.

There’s also a crazy amount of homoerotic tension between Amanda and Lily, which may just be regular tension because Lily can’t really predict what Amanda is going to say or do, but I choose to read it as gay because...gay.

Evil stepdad plays the crotchety journalist in The Greatest Showman and all that really makes me want to do is see The Greatest Showman again. Zac Efron would NEVER plot to murder his stepdad.

I’m very glad I didn’t let this little gem slip through the cracks in the midst of a very busy month. Thoroughbreds is wicked sharp and darkly funny, and I like that I don’t quite know who wins in the end. 

[genericpseudonyms]

this is what makes us girls

‘Tell me something nice.’

My head is in the crook of her shoulder and we are sprawled out on the couch. My dog lies between her legs because she likes to feel cornered in. Some mindless TV show is blaring but I can’t focus on anything on screen. The only thing I can think about is the same negative feedback loop my brain has been circling for the past forty-eight hours.

‘Ugh, this again?’

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘I’m spiraling. Tell me something nice.’

‘You have good hair,’ she says in a deadpan. ‘And it’s attached to a very smart head. Though, it’s not being terribly smart at the moment.’

I wave my hand. ‘Keep going.’

‘You’re killing me.’

‘I’m sad. I’m killing myself.’

She gives me a look.

‘Bad joke?’

‘Bad joke,’ she agrees.

‘Well, keep going then.’

‘You’re smart.’

‘You said that already.’

She sucks in her breath through her teeth. ‘You’re pretty. Very pretty. Too pretty for all those losers that keep pining after you.’

‘All zero of them. And I’m not pretty.’

‘You leave a trail of bitter nerd hearts behind you. You’re just too oblivious to notice. And yes, you are.’

I grab her hand and she drops her knitting needle. Cupping her hand in mine, I use it to stroke my own hair, like I am her puppet master. I have to. She'll never do this on her own. ‘See, this is how you comfort someone who’s feeling shitty. I am not someone people pine after. I’m the third unwanted leg of the love triangle. Always have been, always will be.’

‘Oh my god,’ she says. I can’t see her face, but I know she’s rolling her eyes. ‘That is not how love triangles work. And just because you’re blinder than a bat, doesn’t make what I say untrue. What’s his face,’ she snaps her fingers, trying to remember, ‘you know, that guy.’

‘Ah yes. That guy. So descriptive. So helpful. ’

‘The guy at Em’s wedding.’

‘Will? The weirdo who wouldn’t hug Em on her own wedding day? The one I yelled for fifteen minutes for being a giant dick to you both? The one who ran up to you to say that I was scary as fuck? That guy?’

‘Yeah. Him. He pined after you.’

My eyes roll so hard they almost fall out of my head. ‘Yay.’

‘You’re a bright, sparkly unicorn. You just have to find another bright, sparkly unicorn.’

‘I don’t want to be a unicorn.’

‘Psh. Please. Everyone wants to be a unicorn.’

‘Well, I don’t. Voldemort’s just gonna suck my blood. It’s not a good time.’

‘Then what do you want?’

I pause. This is the question everyone keeps asking me and I have no answer that sticks. ‘I just want to...meeehhhh.’

‘Use your words. Articulate what you’re feeling.’

‘I don’t wanna.’

‘You’re so fucking annoying.’

‘I’m just...lonely is all. And confused.’

‘About?’

‘Everything.’

‘Everything?’ If I look up, I’ll see her giving me an arched brow and a look that screams Bitch Please, I Do Not Have Time For Your Pity Party.

‘I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about anything or anyone anymore. It feels like my memories and gut instincts are all wrong. I don’t know how to trust if someone’s actually telling me the truth, if they’re lying, or they think they’re telling the truth but actually lying to themselves, or something else entirely.’

‘Well yeah,” she says. ‘You can only accept what people tell you is true. You’ll drive yourself crazy otherwise.’

‘Do you think I’m overreacting? Isn’t this how immigrant families are?’ I bite my lip. ‘What if I’m just being oversensitive?’

She frees her hand from my grasp so she can go back to knitting, though I’m not making it easy. Our arms are all entwined and I know she’s being exceedingly patient with me. ‘No. This is normal when people lie to you your whole life. Tiger Moms and whatever are a thing but...they still support their kids. They don’t do what they did. Yeah the love is conditional but it’s not...They don’t leave you locked in a basement with no food.’ She pauses. ‘It’s a miracle you’re not shitty like your cousins. You’re doing real good.’

That calms me down a bit. Either that, or the sleeping pill is finally kicking in. ‘You love me.’

‘Not this again.’

‘Hey,’ I say, pretending to be miffed. ‘You shouldn’t only say it when I’m sobbing on your shoulder after a nervous breakdown. You can’t deny it. I heard you say it.’

‘Of course I love you,’ she says, making no eye contact. ‘I’m just not effusive like Em is. I don’t do mushy feeling things. That’s what Em is for.’

‘Em is in St. Louis and you know doctor hours are crazy. You’re what I got.’

‘Yeah,’ she says, patting me on the back. ‘Sucks for you.’

It’s not so bad, really. But I’m not going to tell her that. I’ll be thirty soon, and my life is absolutely nothing like what I thought it would be ten years ago. I’m not married—and I’m pretty sure I never will be. I don’t have kids, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get the chance to. But I am a writer. A real bonafide, paid writer, and that’s something I never thought I’d manage. I’m also moping on the couch with my roommate and best friend of 15 years. And soon she’ll be leaving me for her own apartment.

‘I’m sad you’re leaving,’ I say. ‘Like, I’m glad for you. I’m not trying to be selfish. I totally meant it when I helped with your application. Like, I was so happy to help with your appeal and I’m not saying—‘

‘Shhhhh,’ she replies. ‘I know. You royally screwed yourself over to help me out. Only an idiot does that.’

‘Hey!’

‘What are you gonna do when I move out?’

‘Well, M is moving in.’

‘Yeah but he’s rarely gonna be around. He’ll check up on you but you know his hours.’

‘I’ll be fine. I’m always okay.’

She gives me a stern look. We both know I’m absolute shit at taking care of myself. As soon as she moves out, I will go back to eating maybe once a day, if that, and staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning writing. I will probably drink a few too many cups of coffee and refuse to tell people when I’m doing poorly. The dog will be fine though. I’ve always been better at taking care of others.

‘You survive. That’s different from being okay.’

‘I’ll be fiiiine. I made it seven years overseas, didn’t I?’

Lips pursed, she goes back to knitting. ‘You better be. I don’t wanna make new friends. I’m too old for that shit.’

‘When we’re seventy, let’s get a beach house and live together again,’ I say. ‘We’ll either be divorced or our spouses will be dead. Our children, if we have any, won’t need us. We can be old and crotchety together. I’ll yell at the kids to get off my holographic lawn. Do beach houses have lawns?’

‘That’s always been the plan. Beach houses can have lawns if they’re holographic.’

‘This would all be easier if you were a lesbian,’ I gripe. ‘We’re already that old sexless married couple that constantly bickers and shops at sales.’

‘I’m sorry I can’t fulfill you in that way. Plus, even if I were a lesbian, you know we wouldn’t work out.’

It’s true. We wouldn’t. We’d be at each other’s throats in a half-second. She’s blunt. I’m overly sensitive. She’s a woman of few words. I blabber and blather because I don’t know when to shut up or go home. She’s private. I don’t give a rat’s ass who knows my dirty laundry—well, most of my dirty laundry. We’re oil and water, but as friends, it somehow it works. I understand her, and she understands me. It’s that simple.

‘But you’ve thought of it,’ I say.

‘Ugh, no.’

I smile. She totally has.

‘I’ll ask M if he’s still in love with you.’

‘Oh god.’ She stops knitting and scrunches up her face. ‘Oh god please no. It’s been fourteen years.’

‘Why do you think I’m okay with his straight ass moving in here? He can’t fall in love with me if he’s too busy pining after you. For fourteen years. See, that’s what pining looks like. Holy fuck we’re old.’

‘Oh please. You’re just happy he’s gonna teach you how to properly twirl a lightsaber. The two of you are just gonna be waving your glow sticks in the driveway like dorks.’

‘Duh. Live-in Jedi master. How cool is that?’

‘Better?’

I think for a second. I have not wanted to metaphorically stick my head in an oven ala Sylvia Plath for a solid twenty minutes. (She has also hid our copy of The Bell Jar from me.) I am not crying hysterically and have not cried hysterically in a long time. If I have my way, nothing will ever make me cry that hard again except for puppies dying in movies.  

‘Better.’

‘Good, cuz you can drink this Ensure. You’ve only had two today.’

‘Oh my fucking god, please just end me. I can’t. I would rather lick your feet than drink another one of these. I would rather lick the dog’s feet. I ate lunch and dinner today. Two meals. I’m up to two. Do you know how much this shit tastes like ass? Chalky, chalky ass. It says chocolate, but it’s ass. No, please. Don’t make me. Oh god, no. Why. For fuck’s sake why.’

‘Cuz Em said you gotta have 3 a day. Cuz your ‘lunch’ and ‘dinner’ were like, one regular person meal. Do you want scurvy?’

‘I’m not a pirate. I can’t get scurvy.’

‘Don’t sass me. Drink it.’ She twists open the cap and hands me the bottle. I’m trapped now. She knows I hate wasting food.

‘Ughhhhhhhhh.’

‘The sooner you get back to eating, the sooner you don’t have to drink these. Speaking of which, I ordered you another case.’

‘Another case??? I’m back on food. I don’t need another case.’

‘I don’t need you getting cocky and then starving to death when I leave.’

‘I’m not gonna starve. There’s GrubHub and Seamless. And like, bread. I can eat toast.’

‘My god woman.’ She thwaps me upside the head. ‘Toast is not a meal. Toast is bread. Bread is nothing. Your grocery bill is gonna like, shrink to nothing.’

‘So not true. I eat. When like, I’m not depressed. I ate a whole burrito and burger the other day cuz I was pissed. Anger requires calories.’

‘Oh please. You have two modes. Eat everything in sight in like, two seconds, because you’re convinced you’ll never eat again. Or like, you pick at your food like some skinny ballerina.’

‘Well, you know why.’

‘Yeah, I know why. Still.’

I glance down at the Ensure bottle. She won’t budge until it’s empty and I know it’s good for me. Grimacing, I chug until it’s all gone. It’s better that way.

‘God, are you happy now?’

‘Yup.’

It occurs to me that this is the first time in my life someone has taken care of me when I’m like this. Usually, I spend weeks alone in my room, crying silently until I fall asleep. I end up fighting with parents or exes about why can’t I just be happy? Why can’t I just turn off this part of my brain and power through?

‘I’m gonna miss you when you leave,’ I say.

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ she replies. ‘I’ll be a train ride away. And it won’t be that godawful ride when you were living in bumblefuck nowhere in Flushing.’

‘Still.’

‘Yeah.’

We sit in silence and watch the TV. She’s not leaving tomorrow. Or even the day after that. There’s still some time left.

‘Are you ever gonna give me my arm back?’ she gives me a look and I flash her my cheekiest smile.

‘When you’re gone, there’s no way I can curl up with M like this.’

‘...Fine.’

[adamantineheart]

THE LAST JEDI THOUGHTS & REACTIONS

I got the chance to watch The Last Jedi again - this time at TCL Chinese Theatre! There was a tribute to Carrie Fisher there - a bunch of things related to her were displayed but I couldn’t really get good pictures of it because of the lighting. I did get pictures of the costumes on display though!!! Oh boy was I excited because Rey’s costume was on display.

SPOILERS + PICTURES BEYOND THE READ MORE

!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE IT

Luke’s costume, I’m so sorry about the lighting

Kylo Ren’s

One of the Carrie Fisher displays... like I said the lighting was bad

Poe & BB-8

Life size R2-D2 outside

& Finally.... 

CURTAINS FOR MY REVIEW/THOUGHTS/REACTIONS

As always, it’s easier for me to break up my thoughts into characters/sections so here we go.

Rose

I believe she was our only new character that made it through the movie (excluding con man dude - who may or may not have survived). First, her sister’s death was crushing and beautiful and very, Rogue One like. Second, to see Rose actually mourning her sister was something Star Wars has lacked. We see spaceships explode all the time but we really never get to stop and react to that so I’m glad, even if deeply saddened, we got that from Rose.

Rose is really, really sweet. She has a lightness that reminds me of Rey in TFA, especially at the start of the movie. I can definitely see them getting along.

I can’t lie, her and Finn’s scenes in casino felt super long the first time I watched TLJ but the second time it seemed to zoom by. I think I was just stressed and wanting to see the rest of the plot the first time but the second time I already knew the destination and was able to relax during the journey.

HOLY SHIT WHEN SHE SAVED FINN!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I legit was thinking FUCK YOU RIAN FUCK YOU!!! because I thought that asshole was going to kill Finn... but SHIT SHIT SHIT ROSE!!!!!!!

Finn

"Where’s Rey?” :) My FinnRey heart is actually really happy with this movie considering it takes place like maybe a week??? after TFA in the space of like 2 days? lmao so their “separation” was nothing, especially since they were both thinking about each other :)))

People who thought Finn wasn’t going to be in this movie sure were wrong, lmao. The movie was basically divided into three parts - Rose/Finn, Leia/Poe, and Luke/Rey/Ben. However, whether or not you liked the Rose/Finn stuff is another story. Like I said above, the first time I watched it I was wanting to jump ahead to the other storylines. But my second viewing? Loved it. It was super important to develop Rose & Finn’s relationship for the finale - aka ROSE SAVING FINN WHO WAS TRYING TO PULL A KEITH.

Like damn it Finn!!! Why are you stressing me like this!!! But holy shit, he’s come full circle - he’s was ready to die to save everyone else. Foolishly!!! But goddamn. The Finn at the start of the movie, ready to run again because he didn’t want Rey to come back and die in the lost cause of the Resistance, DID NOT RUN. Of course, he went a bit too far in his course correction, but Rose set him straight with her speech at the end.

Finn vs Captain Phasma was beautiful and the ending shot of Finn watching her fall is now one of the most iconic shots in Star Wars.

Soooooooooooo Rose/Finn........... was more like Rose --> Finn. He was totally unresponsive to her kiss 🤔  the framing was beautiful but if they wanted to endgame that ship that was not a good first kiss. Not to shit talk, but the hug between Fin & Rey when they reunited was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY more intense and had my heart going dokidoki. HOWEVER, Finn putting that blanket over Rose and Rey noticing? Wellllllllllllll. I do suspect they’re going to love triangle this but I can’t complain because at least it will be a love triangle resolved in one movie (or even in-between movies? ugh that would suck though) so that’s not nearly as painful as it could have been.

Poe

First, let me put this out there, POE IS FORCE SENSITIVE. Nothing else makes sense with the way he flies.

Is Poe reckless? Was this a good plot for Poe? I don’t know. We didn’t really get to know Poe in TFA. In this movie we really get to see him as part of the machine of the Resistance, instead of as a lone, badass Resistance pilot. It very much reminds me of, again, Rogue One showing us the every day Rebel fighters. Does Poe really disregard life? I don’t think so. But is he overconfident? Yes. He can beat seemingly insurmountable odds, but it’s delusional of him to expect others to be able to do what he does (again, I think he’s Force sensitive).

Like Finn, by the end of the movie, Poe has come full circle from his first actions in the film. While Finn doesn’t run away (his theme) Poe does, showing he’d learned the lesson Leia & Holdo had been trying to teach him, the same theme Rose imparts on Finn, the theme of the whole movie: “This is how we win—not by fighting what we hate, but saving what we love.”

He’s really a freaking good pilot. Can’t wait to one day see him and Rey fly together. That will be some good shit.

Poe & Leia were very ;__; You can tell Poe is a surrogate son of sorts to Leia. I’m preeeeettttyyy sure he’s supposed to be around the same age as Kylo Ben (I give up, that’s what I’m calling him now).

Leia

Like I said yesterday, Leia saving herself with her Force powers had me shooketh. I will watch that scene a million times before I die. If there is one thing I begrudge JJ Abrams, it’s deciding to not go the EU route of having Leia become a Jedi. So thanks Rian, that’s one definite good thing you did for me by acknowledge that Leia is a goddamn Skywalker.

I literally don’t know what I’m going to do knowing Leia would have had an even bigger role in the next movie. We could have had that. But instead I’m just going to cry forever, for Carrie, for Leia, for Carrie’s family, for Carrie’s dog, for Carrie’s friends, for everything.

It’s hard to talk about Leia without thinking of Carrie passing away, because it almost seems crass to be sad we won’t see Leia’s arc come to the conclusion it deserved when a real life person died! Not a character! A wonderful person & inspiring human being! But I’m human too and humans can feel a lot of emotions at once and I’m sad about Carrie and Leia.

Rey

HI HAVE YOU SEEN MY DAUGHTER? SHE’LL LIKE 5′7″? (sidenote; jesus really? is everyone else in the cast just giants???) BROWN HAIR? INCREDIBLE FORCE POWERS & JEDI SKILLS? YES, THAT’S HER.

I already talked a bit about Rey yesterday but I’m glad to talk again.

She spends most of the movie with Luke, which is intercut with her and Kylo Ben Force Skyping, which is an interesting move. Storywise, that’s a shit ton of time away from the main action. In-universe-wise it couldn’t have been more than a few days. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Good move? Bad move? I don’t know. I personally would have liked a larger time skip but whatever, what’s done is done. JJ is likely to timeskip a shitton from VIII to IX to make up for it.

I won’t go into her parentage reveal since I went into that yesterday. Second showing, I’m still good with it.

I loved Rey’s fight with Luke because 1) he was totally beating her 2) in the end, she actually had control of her emotions, as in no, she wasn’t about to go dark side. She calmed down cleanly and offered him the light saber, showing her trust and faith in him. She’s not Kylo, whose trust was broken, who can’t or won’t hear Luke’s side of things.

Kylo Ben and Rey are not two sides of the same coin. They’re not opposites. The reason I say this is because by the end of the movie Ben has all the same choices Rey has available. No one is his master anymore. No one controls him. No one manipulates him. He’s no Vader. Ben chooses to regress. He tells Rey to let go of the past, but she has. She’s the one looking forward. He’s the one who is stuck. She’s not his opposite because they have the same potential. For light and dark, good and evil, they both have that potential. By the end of this movie, I think Rey has found her balance. It’s what Luke finally understands when he talks to Yoda: Rey has the same exact potential as Ben but she won’t make his choices because she can see and learn from his failure. She can see how torn up he is! She can understand how he’s ended up that way. How his decisions careened him off into that pit of misery. She doesn’t see Kylo Ren and think, “god, I wish that were me.”

Rey isn’t more powerful than Snoke, but she doesn’t let that scare her or stop her. When Snoke said she had the heart? I think of a true Jedi - yeah bruh. She does. She will fight to the death.

Speaking of, WOW WOW OW OWWO WOEWFWOI WQOWOW OWOWOWOWOWWOWOWO KYLO BEN & REY’S FIGHT AT THE END WAS ONE OF THE GREATEST STAR WARS MOMENTS EVER. More on that later, in the Kylo Ben section.

THE FINN/REY REUNION HAD MY HEART SWELLING, SWOONING, WHATEVER. MY HEART WAS DOING THINGS. Also, saw some basic fools say Rey didn’t ask about Finn??? Um when she sees Chewie she’s like “try to contact the resistance, and um, ask how Finn is doing.” LIKE she’s asking Chewie to breach a secure channel, across space, and ask about Finn. It’s like calling the police to report a crime & being like, “btw if you see Officer Finn, can you let him know that I love him? thanks” to the 911 operator, ya feel? 2) She again, tells Chewie that if he sees Finn first... tell him... something SECRET WE DON’T KNOW!!!!! rude!!!! Plz keep in mind it’s barely been a few days!!! Not only since she last saw Finn, but since she met Finn!!!! Ugh, I’ll truly be pissed if Finnrey is settled offscreen (i.e. Finn/Rose hookup offscreen). I need onscreen resolution. 

CAN’T WAIT FOR REY’S NEW LIGHTSABER. It would be nice to see green again but ugh blue is such a Rey color.

Luke

Wow, Hermit Son, I love you.

At least he retired to a cool island and not a shitty desert planet.

How do I feel about his moment of weakness with Ben? It makes a lot of sense to me. Luke is still a human freaking being. It was one moment that ruined everything but it was still that — one moment.

Let’s Talk About That Fight. Or more important, the moment Luke dusted off his shoulder. FUCK. That’s my goddamn son!!! No, no, that’s not fair. It’s truly not. THAT’S GODDAMN PADME & ANAKIN’S SON, THROUGH AND THROUGH. THE ORIGINAL SPACE PRINCE (suck it kylo ben). He was wearing his daddy’s colors like a boss, keeping his cool like his mama in AoC. The Skywalker twins are better than you, and that’s okay. Everyone in the theater (both times) were losing their shit during that entire scene. LUKE IS JUST SO GOOD.

He does get a good death — AND YOU JUST KNOW HE’S GONNA FUCKING HAUNT KYLO BEN. “See you around kid” (I think that was the quote) indeed.

It definitely hurts that Luke didn’t get the happy, rebuilding-the-Jedi-Order ending he deserved but I’m okay with that being Rey’s eventual legacy. Especially with the hint she’ll be taking it back to the more early, less politically connected days (by stealing the religious texts). The Jedi Order in the prequels was fucked up. Luke wasn’t wrong about that. They created an environment where Anakin couldn’t get the emotional support and help he needed, leaving him vulnerable to Palpatine.

I almost forgot!!! Luke Force blasting Rey’s hut to pieces when he saw her and Kylo was Good. It was the first moment you’re like, oh yeah, he’s still got it (and then some).

Kylo/Ben

SO LIKE I WAS SAYING IN REY’S SECTION... THAT BOSS FIGHT. Every fucking member of the audience (both times!!!) cheered when he sliced Snoke. EVERY FUCKING MEMBER. That was Kylo’s glory, and if he never tops that, that’s fine. He had one glorious moment in his life, and that’s more than most people get.

Shirtless Kylo Ben is further proof I’m a lesbian because I was deeply uncomfortable lol

I feel like Rian doesn’t know how old Kylo is/he thinks ~30 is VERY YOUNG WEE BABY which is 🤔  not to imply it’s super old but uuhhhh he’s not quite in the realm of Snoke saying he’s a child. I’m also not sure how old flashback Ben was supposed to be—20? 15? because they did not de-age Adam Driver for that lol. They made an attempt but l o l

Wow, when Ben & Rey actually fought together I could feel what has been missing since the prequels aka JEDI FIGHTS THAT AREN’T JUST 1v1s. good shit. I miss that life. I can understand why Kylo Ben would want Rey on his side to rule the galaxy because they legit could do it. Unfortunately for him, this is not that story.

Benji not being able to kill his mama even from a far away distance was all I needed to see the good in him & everyone else can be convinced he’s irredeemable but ultimately they’re wrong. This is Star Wars. The Dark Side is a continuous choice, not a permanent state of being (same for the Light Side). That was the whole point of RotJ.

Kylo Ben is a good pilot too. Seeing him spin around gave me the Anakin feels. Anakin is probably facepalming and cursing him out 99% of the time but when Ben is flying he’s probably going, yeah that’s all me (and truly it is - Han was a great pilot too, but he wasn’t a fighter pilot—that’s a whole different game).

Miscellaneous 

The concept of bombers is super dumb. There’s no reason for them to be “lumbering giants” the way WWII bombers were because it’s fucking space. Sorry, but they should be way faster with better maneuverability. Nice try, but no. Really, even a real B-25 would have flown better than that shit. Actually, I’m 99% sure the Millennium Falcon is based on a B-29. YEAH IT FUCKING IS. THAT’S WHAT A SPACE BOMBER WOULD LOOK LIKE. Rian Johnson can fucking fight me for being a dumbass. 

Nobody lost any limbs???????????? What the fuck?????? In MY Star Wars???????

Porgs were eh, but they were barely in the movie so whatevs.

Confession: I didn’t really love love BB-8 in TFA bUT OH BOY DO I LOVE THAT LITTLE ROBOT NOW. I want all the BB-8 merch now.

Hux getting ready to kill Kylo Ben was beautiful fjsklfjsklfj Hux is such a douchebag. I’m super glad he’s now stuck being bossed around by Kylo, his worst nightmare.

Reyl0???? I’m not sure where they’re taking this. Rey I think will never give up on Ben, but she is also not going to actively reach out to him. The ball is in his court so to speak. I think there’s a huge possibility he will die and any potential romance will be moot. It also depends on how much they’ll timeskip and if JJ will go with FinnRey (both his characters) or run with FinnRose (Rose being Rian’s character). OUTSIDE OF ROMANCE, it’s a good, good dynamic. They’re both at the same level, proven by the fact that when they both gave it their all with the Force they split the lightsaber in half. And they don’t have a Master/Apprentice relationship. Their Force Skype scenes were interesting, but 🤔  not seeing them together (the camera jumping back from location to location) weakened it.

ETA: Oooooh I wanted to add that is feels really significant that when Kylo Ben offers his hand to Rey at the end of the movie he’s still wearing his gloves.

Aaaaand that’s it for now, phew!

[babylon-bitch]

Just Friends ~Why Aren't I Happy? (Part 23)

(The first 8 or 9 chapters are complete shit but after that it gets better, trust me)

Harper White is best friends with Luke Hemmings, they always have been. Not only is she friends with the rockstar, but with the rest of 5 Seconds Of Summer, as well as a really nice girl named Erika.

Harper has a few secrets, she can play all the instruments the boys play and many more. It’s a talent she has kept hidden, only very few people know.

What will happen to the six teens, wondering around the world together?

Warnings: Swearing and mentions of depression

***

We're back at school, well Erika and I are, Luke and Calum haven't been. They've had meetings and promo stuff. They leave in two days, it's my birthday tomorrow, I turn 18, which honestly I'm excited to be able to drink legally, but also scared because I turn into an adult. And it will be weird to say I'm dating a 17 year old.

Luke and I have officially made up, we had had make up sex, and shit it was good.

I'm currently getting ready for school. Putting on some ripped, blue, jean shorts and a grey vest crop top, putting on some white converse to finish off.

I do minimal makeup and jog downstairs. "Morning, honey." My mum chirps.

"Hey." I smile.

"I'm going away on a business trip in a couple of days, I'll be gone for a week." She informs me.

"Um, okay." I say.

It was bound to happen sooner or later, mum going away all the time again. At least I'll still have a parent this time.

Luke and I haven't told our parents yet, it's not because we don't want to, it's just we literally can't be bothered. Plus, it doesn't affect them, so it doesn't matter either way, even if they have been shipping us since we were born.

My phone goes off and I find a text from Luke.

L: Morning xx

Me: Hey, what are you doing today? Xx

L: Nothing I don't think. We are having like a mini break, before we set off, you?

Me: School, that is literally it. Mum is going off on another business trip in a couple of days, she'll be gone for a week.

L: Are you okay about it?

Me: It was going to happen any second now. At least I'll have someone at home with me this time :)

L: Good <3

Me: Well I should get going, I'll talk to you later. I'm going to miss you not being at school.

L: I'm going to miss not seeing you all day. I love you 💕

Me: bye, see you after school babe, love you too 💕 x

I smile to myself and place my bowl into the sink. Since the boys don't go to school anymore, Erika decided to drive us to school.

So I stand outside as I wait for her.

5 minutes later, I see her silver car pull up. "Hey." She smiles.

I walk to the passenger side and open the door. "Hi." I greet and skip this shitty song she is listening too.

"Hey! I was listening to that!" She claims.

"It was shit." I say and put some Paramore on.

"Alright emo." She mutters.

"Shut up, this is not emo." I tell her.

"Whatever. We've got a bit spare, do you want to get a drink on the way?" She suggests.

"Sure." I shrug.

"So, how are you and Luke?" Erika asks, with a weird undertone to it.

"Good, how about you and Ashton." I smirk.

"Bitch shut up! We aren't anything, we never will be, I don't like him that way." She tensly exclaims.

"That seems like the thing Luke and I used to say." I smirk and wink at her.

"Ugh!" She groans and repeatedly hits her head on the steering wheel whilst we wait at a red light.

"Starbucks or juice?" I question.

"I want Starbucks." She claims.

"Well I want juice, so you go be a white girl, and I'll pretend that I'm healthy." I say.

Erika parks her car, and we step out. "I'll see you in a bit." I tell her and walk up the road.

"Harper! Can I have a picture?" Someone asks.

"Sure." I smile and take the photo.

"You and Erika are such an inspiration to me." She claims.

"Aww, you're going to make me cry! Thank you, Erika should be in Starbucks over there if you want to meet her." I inform her.

"Thank you." She smiles and walks off down the road.

I chuckle and carry on walking.

Walking through the door I spot some familiar heads of hair. Michael turns around and I put my finger to my lips. He nods and continues to talk to Calum.

I walk up behind Luke and wrap my arms his waist. He tenses up and I giggle, he relaxes when he hears me.

"What are you doing here?" Luke chuckles.

He turns around and presses his lips to mine. "We had some time to spare and Erika went to Starbucks so I decided to come here." I explain.

"Hey, could I have a picture?" A girl asks the boys.

I take this time to order myself a drink. A couple of minutes later I get my drink and I take a sip through the straw.

"I gotta go, I'll see you guys later." I say as I walk up to the guys, who just finished talking to the girls that came up to them.

"Bye." Ashton smiles.

"Goodbye idiot." Michael chuckles.

"Goodbye." Calum says in a British accent.

"Keep practicing." I laugh and go to Luke.

"Bye baby." Luke pouts.

"See you later." I say and give Luke a kiss.

"Have fun!" He calls as I walk off.

I flip him off and walk back to the car. "Yo Miley what's good?" Erika says as I walk up to her.

"I walked into the boys up there." I tell her.

"Really? Did you send a girl to me?" She asks.

"Yeah." I chuckle.

"She was so sweet."

***

It's the end of school, and I'm making my way to my locker. As I'm walking I see Alec and the school's slut. We lock eyes and he smirks as we do, I roll my eyes. "Dick." I say but disguise it as a cough.

"What did you say?" He accuses

Am I really doing this? I sigh and turn around. "I called you a dick." I blatently say.

His whole 'gang' turns around and faces me. "Excuse me? Is someone jealous?" He chuckles

"No." I laugh. "What no one knows, is that I broke up with you." I smirk. By now the whole hallway is silent.

"No you didn't." He tries to cover up.

"If I remember, you called me up took all your anger out on me, then a week or so later you called me up and thought we could get back together." I laugh. "I mean, how stupid are you? I don't need you in my life, you're a low life, that cheats and wastes his life away by getting drunk and getting high. You have this 'bad boy act', but when someone actually comes up to you, you get so scared, and expect your friends to deal with it." I tell him. "You aren't going anywhere in life, you can barely pass any classes. Your parents must be so disappointed in you. You don't deserve me, and I'm grossed out by the fact that I thought you did. I pity your next girl, although it seems like you all ready found a new one." I say. "Clitoris - Google it" I smirk and turn back around and walk out the school.

The sex was really bad in that relationship, yeah I had orgasms, but I had to fake it a couple of times. Or that's how sex is and Luke is like a sex God.

I walk up to Erika who was leaning against her car. "Hey, what took you so long?" She asks.

"Oh, um I ran into Alec." I answer.

"Harper, that seems very suspicious, did you like cheat on Luke with him?" She questions.

"Erika what the fuck!" I chuckle.

"Then what did you do?"

"I kind of argued with him, but I did most of it, while he stood there wide eyed. I basically outed him, everyone thought that he broke up with me, when I was the one who called it off." I admit.

"Oh, so did you like 'win'?"

"I guess you could say that." I shrug.

"Well let's go." She says and we get into her car.

"Do you wanna go get something to eat?" I question.

"Yeah, I'm in the mood for an ice cream."

"Well ice cream it is."

We drive to an ice cream parlour by the beach, and we've ordered, now we're sitting on the beach. "If you could play another instrument, what would it be?" I ask Erika.

"Guitar, I guess. Mainly because you can play it pretty much anytime you want, where as with the drums, you can't really play it anytime you want." She explains. "You?"

"Umm, I don't know, the triangle seems cool." I say.

"Yeah, if you play the triangle, you are like 10 times hotter." Erika agrees.

"Totally."

"Well I mean you're hot anyway." She laughs.

***

I say goodbye to Erika and walk into my house. "Hello?" I call.

No one calls back so I take it no one is home. Walking up the stairs and into my room. "Holy shit guys, what are you doing here?" I ask.

The guys are in my room playing with stuff and laying on the floor. "Hello." Calum smiles.

"How was school?" Luke asks.

"Not Hogwarts." I huff and throw may bag onto my bed.

"Shame." Michael smugly says.

"What happened?" Ashton question.

"Nothing it was just boring." I lie.

Luke comes up to me and wraps his arms around me. "Hi." He smiles down at me.

"Hey." I smile up at him.

He presses his lips to mine and I move my lips against his in sync. It gets more heated very quickly. "Woah, guys. Calm down. You can't just fuck with people in here." Calum says and pulls us apart.

"Dude, I was about to get some." I tell him.

They all laugh and I roll my eyes.

I walk up to my wall covered with posters, and notice that one of them has come loose at the bottom. I lift the whole poster up and find a hole and a load of dents.

"Fucking hell Harper, what happened?" Ashton asks as he notices the wall.

"Umm, when I went down a dark path, I used to get angry and punch walls, throw things at it, so I put a load of posters to cover it all up. You can see the blood from my knuckles." I explain and trace my fingers over a dent.

"Oh." Ashton nods, looking as if he regrets asking.

I flop onto my bed face down and sigh. Luke lays down next to me and runs his hand down my back, resting it on the small of my back. "Alec is dick." I blurt out.

"What?" Michael questions.

"Him and all his friends, they're dicks." I repeat.

"Is there anything to this or are you just pointing out the obvious?" Calum questions.

"I ran into him earlier and he's playing another chick, I may or may not of argued with him, but don't worry I totally won. He said that he broke up with me, when I actually broke up with him. All he used to do is get high an drunk, I don't get what I saw in him." I explain whilst looking up at the ceiling.

"Are you okay?" Luke asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It's just this was all sprung upon me today."

"Okay." He nods and continues to trace patterns on my waist.

It's a while later and its just me and Luke now. "Why don't I feel happy?" I blurt out.

"Huh?"

"I've got everything. I've got a great boyfriend, I've got a good family life, got the best of friends, school is going well, everything is great, perfect even. This is the kind of thing I would wish for when I was 16, yet I'm still not happy." I say.

"How long have you been feeling this way?"

"Well ever since this afternoon. This morning I was happy, and I know it's not just something to do with Alec. I'm not sure if I'm just having one of those days, or weeks, but when you've gone through depression, you don't know if you're sinking back into it or just having one of those moments." I tell him.

"Hopefully it's just one of those weeks." He reassures.

"I should be happy because I'm turning 18 tomorrow, I should be so excited, but here I am feeling so blue. I don't feel sad, I just feel empty." I say.

"You'll be alright, I won't let you sink back down to that dark place. It was hell seeing you so down all the time, I don't want to do that again." He replies.

"Maybe it's because you're leaving me for a whole month."

"I'm not leaving you, I'm saying goodbye for now."

"Its the same thing."

"No, leaving you would mean I won't ever see you again, and I'm not going to do that. Saying goodbye for now means I'm coming back."

"Whatever." I sigh and nuzzle myself into his side and he kisses my head.

LUKE'S P.O.V.

"Harper?" I question seeing if she is awake or not.

No answer, must be asleep.

I feel really bad for leaving her when she is in this state of mind. She doesn't really tell anyone about these kind of feelings besides me, and I think it's good to let it all out instead of bottling it up.

I pull out my phone and go on Twitter. Taking Harper's phone and taking a load of pictures of me, so she can remember what I look like. Especially with a double chin.

My phone notifies me that I have a message from Michael.

M: Where are you?

Me: Harp's, why?

A couple of minutes later they all walk in. "Shhh, she's sleeping." I tell them.

"Aww isn't that cute." Erika says.

I carry on scrolling through Twitter, whilst the others quietly talk amongst themselves.

Mindlessly scrolling, until I see a video of Harper and I. Watching it, it's a video of us kissing this morning, those fans that came up to us must of filmed it. It does look cute though, I have to admit. It is a bit out of focused, so it is quite hard to tell who it is.

"Luke?" Calum calls me.

"Yeah, I've seen it." I tell him.

"You okay with it?" Erika asks.

"There's nothing I can do about it." I shrug.

She nods and goes back to talk in to Michael.

I put my phone down and kiss Harper's temple, deciding to escape reality as well, I join Harper and take a nap.

ERIKA'S P.O.V.

I look to my left and see Luke and Harper sleeping. I smile and take a picture. "Look at them, they are so cute together." Calum says.

"We were so wrong. We highly doubted that they would be dating." Michael chuckles.

"We still don't know what they were arguing about." I realise.

"It was probably nothing, just them being drama queens." Calum claims.

"The shade." Ashton laughs.

"Do you guys wanna leave?" Michael asks.

"Yeah." We all say.

Standing up we go down the stairs and out the front door. We usually come through the back door when no one asks us to come over.

"So where are we going to go?" Calum asks.

"Um, we could go for a drive." Ashton suggests.

"Sure." I shrug.

We all pile into Ashton's car and play some loud music. "I'm gonna miss you guys." I tell them.

"Aww, I'm going to miss you too." Michael says and hugs me.

"Like I've spent the last 2 or 3 years with you every day, then suddenly you guys disappear." I carry on.

"Imagine how Luke will cope." Ashton claims.

"Its going to be hard on both of them, Luke could hardly keep it together when Harper was in England." Calum chimes in.

"Its hard on Harper too because they kind of rely of each other." I add.

"Hopefully they will get through it, I will be devastated if they break up." Michael tells us.

Yeah...

***

HARPER'S P.O.V.

I rub my eyes and stretch, looking to my left I see a cute little Lucas Hemmings sleeping next to me. I chuckle and kiss cheek. He stirs around and tightens his arms around me. "Lukey." I giggle.

He groans in response.

"C'mon." I chuckle.

"5 more minutes."

"Fine, but no longer." I give in.

He hums in response.

15 minutes later we get up. "About bloody time." I say.

"I love you, you know."

"And I love you too." I smile.

"Good, because we would have a problem if you didn't." He claims.

"Oh my god, I'm turning 18 tomorrow." I suddenly realise.

"I'll be dating someone who's 18." Luke adds.

"I've never been in a relationship where I'm older than my partner." I respond.

"Same for me, but the other way round."

"Well there's a first for everything I guess." I say and stand up.

I grab my phone and check my notifications. I've got a text from Evie but before I can reply, Luke throws me over his shoulder, and runs out of my room then down the stairs. "Luke." I giggle.

"Harper." He imitates.

He places me down onto the sofa and climbs on top of me. "What was that for?" I laugh.

"Just jazzing up your life." He simply replies.

"Thanks."

I places my hand on the back of Luke's neck and kiss him. I pull back and smile up at him. "Just jazzing up your life." I repeat him.

He pouts and crawls off me.

Standing up I walk into the kitchen and grab a couple of grapes. Throwing one up in the air and catching it in my mouth. "That was smooth as fuck." Luke laughs.

I wink and put another one in my mouth, but not throwing it. Walking back into the lounge, and sitting next to Luke. "Have you seen the video?" Luke questions.

"No?" I drag out.

Luke shows me the video, it's a video of us kissing. You can't really Photoshop a video. It is out of focus, so it is a little hard to see. We look cute though.

"There's nothing we can do about it I guess." I shrug.

"I just wish we don't have to hide everything." Luke sighs.

"I know, but that's the risk you take when being in the public eye."

"I guess, but we do look pretty cute though." He smirks.

"Yeah." I laugh.

I lay on top of Luke and his hands go to my hips. "You look pretty." He smiles.

"You don't look to bad yourself." I kiss his chin.

"Thanks." He says and pecks my lips.

I connect our lips again and our lips move in sync. Luke licks my bottom lip and I let him in. His hands trail down my body and rest on my ass. I nibble on his lip ring, earning a quiet groan.

He kisses down my neck and I tilt my head to the side to give him more access to my neck. I grind my hips against his and he lets out a low groan. Luke's hand starts massaging my boob, he trails kisses down my neck and then down my chest.

I connect our lips again, and Lukes hand trail back down to my ass. "My innocent eyes!" A girly voice cries out.

Luke gives my ass a little squeeze before holding my waist. I look behind me a and see the guys and Erika. Of course, this is going to happen all the time. I must learn to lock the back door. "Oh shut up Erika, it's not like you haven't had sex before." I claim.

I get up and go into the kitchen and retrieve my phone, with Erika following.

LUKE'S P.O.V.

I have an erection, shit.

I cross my legs to try and cover it up.

"Nice!" Michael complements and highfives me as he walks past me.

"What?" I question.

"The butt grab." Calum says.

"Oh, she has a great ass." I smirk and look at her bent over the counter top, the stuff she can do with her body.

"Stop eye fucking her." Ashton laughs.

All those thoughts go to my dick.

Harper walks back in with Erika, I pull her onto my lap to hide it. "We have a problem." I whisper in her ear.

"What is it." She asks.

"I have an erection." I confess.

She chuckles and smirks. "Let me just get my phone." She says and moves her hips around. My grip on her waist tightens and I place my head on her back.

"Harper." I whine/warn.

"No nothing, I should put this back." She sweetly responds with.

She puts it back on the table her ass grinding against me. Why does she have to be such a tease?

"Luke what's your favourite feature about Harper." Erika asks.

I smirk and cup Harper's boobs from behind and she laughs. "Good answer." Michael laughs.

Am I going to release myself or is Harper?

"Harper what your favourite feature about Luke?" Ashton asks.

"Well I'm kind of sitting on it. Joking! Well... it is partly true, I don't know. I like all of him."

She leans back onto me and I wrap my arms around her waist.

***

HARPER'S P.O.V.

Luke has gone home to sort himself out. I decided to be a tease and not do anything to him, I mean there is people over I can't just go to Luke's house and fuck him, or give him a blow job whilst they stay here.

It's fun seeing him suffer.

"When was the last time you shagged someone Calum?" I question.

"What does shagged mean?" Ashton laughs.

"Fucked."

"Ohhh, um like last night." Calum laughs.

"Its funny how your fans think you're these little innocent teenage boys, when really you're just being teenage boys." I say.

"Yeah, if only they knew how much we sleep around." Michael chuckles.

"I'm back!" Luke calls and makes his way over.

"You better of washed your hands." I joke.

To them they think it's a joke, but Luke did actually do it. Unless he slept with someone else.

"Kiss?" Luke asks in a baby voice.

"Puke."

He pouts and I kiss his pout, and his pout turns into a smile.

"Remeber a couple of weeks ago we all got smashed and the next morning I got a snapchat from Luke, with Harper sobbing on the ground because she dropped her taco, and Michael was trying not to laugh so hard." Erika laughs.

"That same night I found you in a bush eating pizza." I claim.

"I was so drunk I ordered 6 pizzas and sent myself dick pics." Calum tells us.

"I walked into this room at the party, and someone yelled dibs." Erika says.

"Sex on the roof was cool, but the superhero argument was the best part hands down." Michael chuckles.

"Apparently I took a selfie with some fried chicken at like 3AM but I thought I was making mac and cheese. " Luke chimes in.

"So Harper, what do you want for your birthday?" Ashton questions.

"Umm, an orgasm and some food would be great." I shrug.

"I can do both of those!" Calum smirks

"Uh, no. That's my job." Luke laughs.