#but today i drank a pot of coffee applied to jobs

[thehardkandy]

genuinely not only does caffeine seem to make focusing easier, I am building up a case of anecdotal evidence that i also seem to be less anxious

[felix21im]

"Ice Cold", a Leon Kennedy x reader fanfiction

As an Art and Design student all you want to do is just knuckle down and finish that one goddamn piece you've been working on for months. Too bad your time is constantly stolen by your Waiter job with minimal pay, but hey, at least the tips are good if you unbutton your shirt that one more time.

Masterlist

Chapter 6: The Bar

“You have to be kidding me right now!” You couldn't believe what you were hearing. “It was the first time I haven’t shown up to work, I always did my job exactly how you wanted me to and this is your thanks? I told you what happened and you don't even care at all! I was literally unconscious and in shock after what occurred that day.” You exclaimed and shook your head, not believing what you were hearing.

“I'm truly sorry, but you know how we handle things here. I'm sure a young and outgoing person like you will find a new job without any problems. We will send you the money for the last days you were working. Now, if you will excuse me, I’ve got a restaurant to take care of.” Your boss, well ex-boss, went through the door and left you standing in his office in disbelief. You picked up all your personal items before then heading to the front door. You looked around once more, thinking about all the years you were working here. You said one last goodbye to your coworkers before heading out the door, leaving this part of your life behind.

You went to your own car - finally having a driver's license after Leon made sure you got your private lessons - ready to drive home. But as you were sitting down you realized that that wasn't what you really wanted. The best thing to do now was to see Leon, so that's exactly where you were going.

You pulled into Leon’s driveway and parked in front of the front door. “I didn’t know you were going to be here today.” Angel greeted you as you stepped out of the car.

“Neither did I.” You answered and walked to the door, letting yourself in. You found Leon in the kitchen and he was leaning over a bottle of whiskey. “Leon?” You raised an eyebrow, thinking it was kind of early to drink but didn't say anything to him.

You must have scared him as he shot up to look at you. He looked rough, his hair was a mess and his grey clothes were stained. “Buttercup!” He smiled as he walked over to you. “I didn’t know you were coming over today, I thought you were at work.” He planted a kiss on your forehead and rubbed your arms.

“I got fired.” You simply blurted out, rather than trying to avoid it. “Since I didn’t go to work that one day last week my boss seriously wasn’t happy.” You lightly waved Leon off of you and sat down at the kitchen counter. “I’ve never missed a day for like three years but one day! One day! Is enough to get me fired.” You placed your head in your hands and groaned.

“Well fuck that guy.” He pulled a cereal box out of a cupboard under the kitchen island and placed it into a bowl.

“Fuck that guy…” You replied. “Now I need to waste the next week of my life trying to find a new job.

Leon finally put some milk into the bowl too. “You’re a college student, you don’t need a full time job.” He placed the bowl in front of you as you looked up at him. “Eat up, Buttercup.”

You looked down at the cereal and you pushed it around with your spoon. “I’m not really hungry, Leon.” You pushed the bowl back towards him and you brushed your hair with your hand. “It’s not that I need a job, I just like having one, it keeps me busy and the extra money never hurts.”

“But wasn’t the pay terrible?” He raised his eyebrow as he began to eat your food. “And super sexual? Your co-worker Mimi told me about how you would unbutton your shirt and wear super tight pants so that the customers would tip you more…”

“True.” You admitted. “So I’ll look for something different. Maybe I can be a personal assistant like Angel and Daisy.”

“They’re more than just assistants y’know.” Leon continued to eat. “Those two have joined me on a job, saved my life once or twice.”

“It’s four in the afternoon, why are you eating cereal?” You eventually asked.

“We don’t have any food, Angel wasn’t able to go shopping this morning.” He said as he placed his empty bowl in the sink. “How about an office job?”

“That’s a bit boring, dontcha think?”

“Umm. How about that internship you were going for?”

“I still have three months left of college, once I'm done with that and I have the grades for it, I can apply.” You admitted as you got off the bar stool, not having eaten any of the food Leon gave you. Leon watched you while you were filling your glass with water and some ice to cool down. You drank it and watched Leon do the same, just with his glass of whiskey. “Isn't it a little too early to drink?” The words left your mouth before you were even thinking about it. Now it was Leon's turn to raise an eyebrow at your comment.

“Are you my mom or what now? I think I know when or when I cannot have a drink.” He snapped at you, which really surprised you.

"Obviously I am not. But that's not really responsible of you, is it? I just don't get it, why you're drinking at this time and so often in general the past weeks." You thought about what you were saying, realizing his drinking behavior dates back to the first time you even met. "I get that your job isn't easy and stuff but day drinking? Really? Seems kind of low to me, Leon."

Leon let out a laugh and shook his head. "If all you want to do now is complain you can leave. That's not what I wanted you here for."

You looked at him again with big eyes. "So you don't wanna talk? I don't know what it is that’s between us, but it can't always be good and fun. I'm literally just worried about your health!"

"Worried? I think I know what's good for me much better than you do, I'm not the child here." He spat at you as he drank from his glass.

"So if you’re not ‘the child’ does that mean that I am?” You looked at him speechless. “That's how you see me? I understand that I'm a lot younger than you but I'm not a child! And just because I'm trying to talk about something serious? What is going on with you Leon?" He didn't even look at you. Instead he poured himself another drink and took a sip. You shook your head and let out a scoff. You then grabbed your jacket and went to the door. Before leaving you looked back to Leon, hoping he would apologize or stop you from leaving, instead you got nothing. You slammed the door behind you shut and you heard something break. “A fucking mansion and his front door cant even handle a slam..” You muttered to yourself as you went over to your car. Angrily you left his driveway and drove in the direction of home.

Your roommate was home for the holidays, leaving you in your apartment alone. Rather than sitting on the couch feeling sorry for yourself you tried to get some work done.

Looking for jobs was much harder than you remember. “Host. Nope. Grocery store worker. Eh, I guess that could work. Stripper?! Hm, if I'm desperate enough, maybe…” You spent hours looking and applying to jobs, most of them being just over minimum wage but any money is better than none.

Eventually you gave up and just began to watch TV on your laptop, endlessly flicking through the channels available to you. Since none of it looked interesting you put on something random and picked up your sketchbook. As the noise played in the background and your pencil ran across the paper your eyelids became heavier and heavier, those combined with the fact that it was now eleven at night.

The sound of your phone vibrating on your wooden desk ripped you from your sleep. At first you ignored it, being far too tired to want to actually open your eyes. It started to vibrate again. You rubbed your eyes, trying to see clearly in the dark and waking yourself up. You looked at your phone confused, wondering who wanted you so late at night. You unlocked it and looked at the time first. “Almost two in the morning... damn”, you muttered to yourself. After that you checked your notification and let out a sigh. Multiple messages from Leon just in the past few hours you were asleep. You didn't even bother looking at them, knowing that he was drunk. Most of the messages didn't even make sense and there was no way to read or understand them. Before locking the phone again, an unknown number called you. Unsure about who it could be, you waited for the call to end. But soon after the same number called again. You let out a sigh, answering the call. "Hello? Can I help you?" You asked tiredly. You didn't recognize the voice talking to you, but you could hear Leon mumbling in the background. The person told you something about Leon being totally wasted and that he requested for you to come and pick him up. Unsure about what to do, especially after the argument you had earlier, you still agreed to picking him up. You ended the call and put your phone away. Putting your head in your hands, you let out another sigh and shook your head. You quickly went to your kitchen and put on a pot of coffee, needing caffeine otherwise you would fall asleep before you even got to Leon.

As you grabbed your jacket, phone and coffee you looked at your car keys and shoved them into your pocket. You knew you couldn’t take your car as you didn’t want to leave it at the bar considering it was twenty miles from home. “Why couldn’t he have gone to a local bar?”

You waited outside in the rain for a taxi to come and pick you up. You’d be sure to charge this cost on Leon’s credit card.

Faint music was in the background as you walked through the door to ‘Billy’s Bar’ and it only took you a second to find Leon. “Buttercup!” He waved and blew a kiss at you the second he spotted you.

“Hey Leon.” You somewhat smiled as you sat down next to him at the bar. “What mess have you gotten yourself into?” You muttered as you waved over the bartender, them giving you the bill. “How can you rack up eighty dollars in one night?”

You searched Leon’s pockets for his wallet but came up empty. “Woah there Buttercup, let’s go home first before you start to pull my pants off.” You simply rolled your eyes at his drunk comment.

You groaned as you gave up the search for his wallet and eventually you just placed your own stack of cash on the bar, giving a little extra for the bartender as a tip. “Come on.” You got off the stool. “Let’s get you home.” Leon got off his stool and he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, giving you a kiss on your forehead. “Jesus Leon, don’t do that…” You wiped the kiss off of you and shook your head as the two of you left the bar and into the pouring rain. “Keys?” You held out your hand and he placed his keys in your palm. The keys to one of his fancy cars that you don't even know the name of but you were pretty sure that it was an Audi of some sort. It had four doors and four wheels, good enough.

“I can drive Butterc- cup.” He hiccuped as he talked, proving just how much he shouldn’t drive.

“I’ll be fine…” You clicked the keys and the lights on the car flashed. You took Leon to the passenger side of the car and forced him off of you as you opened the door for him. He leant on the roof to help himself into his seat and you then closed the door behind him. “Alright, it’s just like my car… just a lot quicker and a lot more expensive…” You mumbled to yourself as you hopped in the driver’s seat and started the engine. The loud roar was enough to make you almost pee yourself due to your nerves.

You gripped your hands on the steering wheel and put the car into drive. The car immediately shot forward and you instantly slammed on the breaks, causing Leon to bash his face on the dashboard. “Oh fuck!” You put the car into park and looked at Leon’s nose. “I’m so sorry.” You carefully brushed your hand on his nose and luckily it didn’t feel as if it was broken.

“I’m fine…” Leon’s eyes rolled back in his head and he leant back in his seat. You simply huffed at him and leant over him, grabbing his seatbelt. As you went back to your seat you sighed at him as you looked at him sleeping.

You buckled your own seatbelt and started the car again, now more carefully. You checked all the buttons and hoped for the best as you left the parking spot slowly. Before you stepped on the gas once more to drive onto the street you looked over to Leon, who was now half asleep. Just sometimes he looked up again or out the window without saying anything. Which was probably better because he wouldn't say anything useful anyway in his state. You drove on the main street and gripped the wheel, concentrating on the dark and rainy road before you. You tried putting on some music but soon shut it off again because it just irritated you. So you just drove around silently trying to find a way to Leon's house. Every now and then Leon muttered something, more to himself than to you. You shook your head blaming yourself for his behavior. Letting out a sigh you concentrated on the road again and silently went on.

You drove for around five minutes before Leon began to get bored. “Buttercup?”

“Hey Leon…” You replied to him, keeping your eyes on the road because you didn’t want to swerve into a ditch.

“You’re the best.” You could see him smile at you in the corner of your eye. He held out his hand and you simply ignored it. “Please?” He wiggled his fingers, wanting you to hold his hand. You scoffed as you dropped your right hand from the wheel, placing your hand in his. “I love you, Buttercup.” He smiled at you again but you simply ignored it.

“You’re drunk, Leon.” You took your hand back from him, in annoyance.

You wanted him to say that he loved you, but not like this, not in a drunk slur. “I’m serious.”

"Yea, sure you are." You rolled your eyes and looked straight to the street, not giving him anymore attention.

"You're so mean, Buttercup." He began whining like a little child which made you laugh sarcastically.

"You’re behaving like a child now, Leon. I told you earlier today that it doesn't have anything to do with ages." You shook your head, thinking about the argument from earlier.

"I'm sorryyy..for snapping at you like that earlier.. do you forgive me? Pleaseeee Buttercup.." You raised your eyebrow at his apology, not thinking much of it.

"I can't forgive you when all you do is lie when you’re drunk. Say sorry again when you're sober and we'll see." You felt him moving in his seat, now directly facing you. You gave him a short look and tried pushing him back into his seat. "Leon, please sit down correctly. I can't concentrate like this."

He had a smug smile on his face now. "Am I all you can concentrate on now?" Leon came closer to you and you backed up, now shoving him away with your right hand. The road in front of you was still slippery and dark and you couldn't drive like this. In a short motion you stepped on the brakes and stopped at the side of the street. Now facing Leon as well you tried pushing him back into his own seat, hoping he would leave you alone now. He still resisted and even though he was totally drunk he still was stronger than you. He grabbed your wrists and came closer to you, almost sitting on your lap now. You were able to keep some distance with your legs but it wasn't an easy task. "Buttercuuup.." He began again as he started playing with your fingers. "I'm serious.. I loveee you, since the first time I met you." You looked at him, searching his face. People always say that drunk people speak the truth but a part in you didn't want to believe it. Not because you didn't have feelings for Leon, but this whole situation seemed wrong to you. You realized it wouldn't get you far when arguing in this state so you just let him talk, not giving it much thought. Leon continued talking but he soon noticed you didn't even listen anymore. As soon as he came closer to you again you snapped back to reality.

You unfastened your seatbelt and got out of the car. You walked through the rain to Leon's side of the car and also opened his door. He looked at you confused but didn't say anything. You loosened his seatbelt and almost threw him out of his seat and out the car. He just about caught his balance, looking at you perplexed. You tried finding the right words but didn't even know what you were doing here. Leon leaned on the side of the car, already totally soaking wet. "Leon, I don't know what's going on with you but I can't continue driving when you keep on annoying me like that! So please just shut up or we're gonna stay out here until you're sober again, I don't care!" You shouted towards him, hoping he would even hear you through the loud and heavy rain. You came closer to him again, waiting for an answer. It seemed like hours passed, but Leon didn't say a thing. You groaned and opened the back door. You grabbed Leon's arm and pushed him inside. Overwhelmed by the sudden force, he fell into the backseat taking you with him. So now you lay on top of Leon, both of you totally wet. You felt Leon's warm breath and also the smell of alcohol. You suddenly felt hot and everything around you seemed to stop, all you saw was Leon. He looked you deep in the eyes and you into his. Without even thinking about it, you felt Leon's big hand on the back of your head, pulling you closer to his face. And the next thing you felt were his lips on yours. For a split second you leaned into the kiss, before realizing what was happening. In an instant you shot up and pushed yourself away from Leon. He looked at you, confused and heartbroken. "Leon. Let's just get you home now." You helped him put on a seatbelt without speaking another word and then went back to the driver's seat. The rest of the drive home neither of you spoke a word but every now and then you felt Leon staring at you from the back.

Finally you arrived at his home. Even though it was raining you could still make out the driveway and main door. You didn't bother parking the car in his garage, so you stopped in front of the door. You took the keys and before leaving the car you looked back at Leon. He wasn't asleep. He looked out the window, like most of the time during the ride. It reminded you of a child that wanted to stop at the local McDonald's but his parents didn't want to. You shook your head and tried hiding your smile. After that you left the car and also helped Leon out. Both of you didn't say a word as you walked to the door. Leon's arm was around your back for balance but you didn't mind it. It was better than letting him walk alone and him ending up injuring himself. You opened the front door, which was unlocked to your surprise. Apparently no one in this house thinks it could be possible that a thief would come here to say hello. You took off your own jacket which was totally drenched and hung it up. You then did the same for Leon, without any words exchanging either.

"I should probably get you something dry to wear. You're gonna get sick otherwise." You said more to yourself than to Leon but he still heard you and agreed.

"Let's.. just go upstairs and change there. It doesn't matter if the house gets dirty." Leon already started walking towards the stairs but you soon followed after noticing how he couldn't even walk straight. You then helped him upstairs and you went into the bathroom.

"I'll get you something to sleep in, just.. sit here and don't move. Can you do that for me?" He nodded silently and you left the room. You went into his bedroom and got some pajamas for him and also something for you to wear. As you entered the bathroom you found Leon sitting in the bathtub, naked. Even though you've seen him half naked before this wasn't what you wanted to see. Covering your eyes you threw his pajamas over. Obviously he didn't catch them so now they were lying next to him. "Jesus, Leon. What are you doing? I asked one thing of you and-"

"Sorry, Buttercup.. I just didn't want to freeze." He put his legs closer to him and rested his head on top of them. You shook your head and even though you didn't want to, you had to agree with him. You were also cold and wearing wet clothes didn't help. You sighed and looked at him. "Are you gonna shower by yourself or do you need help?" You felt like his caretaker right now but you also couldn't leave him hanging now. He looked at you with big eyes, which basically begged for you to help him. You sighed once again before walking over to him. You started the shower making sure it was warm enough. It was just a quick way of warming him up, not wanting to spend any more time with a naked and drunk Leon. After you were done you helped him out of the bathtub and put him into a towel. After drying him a little bit you helped him get into his pajamas and walked him into his bedroom. You watched him get into bed and before taking a shower yourself you saw him drifting off into a deep sleep. Closing the door behind you silently you went back into the bathroom and took a shower and changed into some of Leon's clothing. Nothing too special but at least it would keep you warm. After you put all the wet clothes away you went downstairs to try to get some sleep as well. You entered the living room and lay down on the big couch. Just a few minutes later you felt sleep take over and take you into a world of dreams.

You woke up the next morning to Angel's voice. "Hey there. Sorry to wake you up, I just wanted to see you before heading out again." You sat up and stretched, looking at Angel. "Thank you for bringing Leon home. I wasn't home yesterday and.. I'm sorry you had to see him like that." You shook your head, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder.

"Don't apologize for that. It's no big deal.. I think. Does this happen often? He was so.. weird yesterday." You looked down, feeling guilty for snapping at Leon like that yesterday, maybe being the reason for him ending up drunk.

"It's, well, it happened before. He always likes to drink but I'm not sure what's going on to be honest. But don't worry, okay? It has nothing to do with you or anything. Chances are high he's just fed up with work, I don't blame him." You nodded, smiling at Angel now. She then stood up and gave you a small smile before turning to leave. Before leaving though she turned back to you. "I prepared some coffee for you and Leon. Maybe try waking him up. And.. try not to be too mad at him, would you?" She waved to you one more time before leaving the room and soon the house.

You got your two mugs of coffee and you went up the stairs to wake up Leon. As you put your hand on the doorknob you could already hear his snoring so you made sure to be quiet. He laid face up on the bed and his hair was extremely messy, so rather than waking him up like you originally planned you just sat on the chair by the window and drank your coffee. The rain from last night was still just as terrible, if not worse to the point where you couldn't even look out the window, you needed some other source of entertainment. You picked up one of the books that Angel had placed in there as decor and began to read it. It was only a small book, something about a knight in shining armor there to save the princess, just like all the other fairy tales. As you were reaching the end of the book you could hear Leon beginning to stir, his breathing had become a lot lighter and his snoring had stopped, meaning he was pretty much awake now. You took another sip from your coffee and you could see Leon sitting up in bed. He had his hand on his head and you could tell that it was pounding. “Good morning, Sleepyhead.” You gave him a faint smile as you tapped the table, another mug of coffee waiting for Leon.

He groaned as he waved his arm at you, wanting you to bring the coffee to him. At first you just shook your head at him and clicked your tongue but he wouldn't give up, you were too tired to argue about it so you just sat on the side of the bed, your back facing him. “You’re mad."

“You think?” You snapped at him, still looking forward, at the blank wall in front of you.

“I’m sorry, Buttercup.” He sat up properly and shuffled towards you, being careful not to spill his cold coffee. “I was being stupid. I had a bad morning and I just wanted to chill out for the rest of the day, have a nice drink and just relax by the pool or something.”

“Oh so me arriving for a surprise visit, that's what derailed your day?” You turned to face him and you could tell that the two cogs in his brain were working overtime.

“What? No!” He shook his head as he tried to get a grasp on the situation. “I overreacted to you asking about my drinking problem-”

“Oh so now you admit that it's a problem?” You interrupted him, by now your body was fully turnt to him, just by your body language he knew that you were more than just pissed at him.

“It’s always been a problem.” He ran his hands through his hair. “I can try and explain it.” You simply huffed at him, wanting to hear his excuse but still wanting him to know that you're angry. “After Raccoon City I began to get pretty bad nightmares. Like really, really bad nightmares. You can guess why.” You simply nodded at it, feeling guilty now that you got him to explain. “I couldn’t sleep for weeks at a time, so I tried my best to just keep myself busy. Hobbies, people, anything. I would sometimes go out to bars and whatnot and I figured out that after a few drinks I would usually sleep better that night.” He adjusted himself in bed so that he was fully sitting upright, his full attention on you as he talked. “I’ve been doing it for years, Buttercup. It’s just a hobby I guess.”

You didn’t really know what to say. Sure you lived with college kids so you were around drinking fanatics 24/7 but an actual alcoholic? You didn’t have much experience.

“Buttercup, I’ve tried everything.” He leant forward and grabbed your hand, rather than you recoiling like the night before you accepted it and you shuffled yourself closer to him, sitting cross legged next to him on the bed. You hesitated before leaning your head on his shoulder and also grabbing his hand.

"I don't know how I can help, Leon. But you can't continue like this. I.. I didn't recognize you yesterday, you were so different. I don't want to worry about you, when you're out for a drink. I just-" You looked up to him with big eyes, some tears forming inside them. You felt so helpless and even bad for not noticing anything earlier. Leon squeezed your hand.

"Shh.. it's okay, Buttercup. After I met you, I tried to stop drinking, you can even ask Angel. But the nightmares never end. The only time I was able to sleep through the night was.. when you were here and slept next to me. Knowing I wasn't alone, feeling you next to me, it helped me." You blushed and gave him a small smile, but deep down you knew this wouldn't help long-term.

"Even if I stay here to sleep in your bed, you will always want to drink. And I can't be here with you all the time. You need.. we need something else to fix this problem." You took a deep breath. "Leon, I think you need professional help. Like, I don't know, medication to help you sleep?" You looked at him unsure of what you could do to help.

"I tried that before, Buttercup. I swear I tried it many times before but I also fell back into this habit. I can't change it anymore." You shook your head.

"No Leon, stop saying stuff like this. You may have tried before but.. now I'm here. I'll help you. I promise I will not leave your side, we will do this together. We can work in small steps, you hear me? Like.. you always drink your whiskey with ice, right? What about you trying to put in less alcohol and more ice? Step by step? It's worth a shot and this way it isn't cold withdrawal. What do you say?" You looked at him with big eyes, kind of proud of your idea. A small smile rested on Leon's face as he looked at you.

"It's worth a shot. But don't get your hopes up too high. This won't be easy and.. if things don't work out, I don't know who I'll be then."

"Leon. I am not leaving you alone now. We will do this together and no matter what happens, I'll be here. I believe in you." You lay your arms around him and hugged him. You felt his arms around your body and smiled. After a short while you let go of him. Both of you took a sip of your stone cold coffee and sat there in silence, the only sound being the rain outside the house.

You saw Leon fidgeting around and looked at him questioningly. Before you could ask what he was thinking about he began speaking. "You know, uhm, what I said yesterday. I meant it. Sure, I was drunk and all but…", he turned to you. "I love you. I have for a long time now but I didn't know how to say it. But I really do." You looked at Leon with big eyes, shocked that he would bring this topic up again. Unsure of what to say you stood up and walked around the room. Leon's gaze followed you and you felt bad for not saying anything. After walking up and down you finally sat back next to him again. "Leon, I.. I don't know what to say. I mean.. I. God. Leon. I love you. I really do." You let out a small laugh. This whole situation felt so bizarre to you. You saw a big smile growing on Leon's face and you had to return it. He grabbed you by your arm and pulled you to him. You looked each other in the eyes, knowing what both of you needed now. Leon closed the gap between you two and after so long you kissed him. Without being drunk. Just a real and honest kiss, both of you wanting it and knowing it was the right thing. “So what was the bad news that you got yesterday morning?” You asked him as you pulled away.

“I have to go to Italy for a job.” He smirked. “But I think I might drag you along with me, we can have some time together once I'm done with work.” You thought about the offer for a split second before agreeing.

"At least I don't have a job where I have to ask for permission anymore." You jokingly said, trying to make the best of the situation.

"Well then we have a plan. Sooo, you better get home and pack your things. We should be at the airport early tomorrow morning. I'll text you the time and pick you up. Sounds good?" You nodded before going for another kiss. You stayed at Leon's house for a while longer before eventually going home and packing your stuff. You were excited to be by his side at a job and couldn't wait for it anymore. God knows what you've gotten yourself into...

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Taglist: @trinswhimsys @dixanadu @oppsie--channie

[96harmony96]

Chapter 5

I had a vicious hangover on Saturday morning and figured it was no less than I deserved. As much as I’d resented Lauren’s insistence on negotiating sex with as much passion as she would a merger, in the end I’d negotiated in kind. Because I wanted her enough to take a calculated risk and break my own rules.

I took comfort in knowing she was breaking some of her own, too.

After a long, hot shower, I made my way into the living room and found Cary on the couch with his netbook, looking fresh and alert. Smelling coffee in the kitchen, I headed there and filled the biggest mug I could find.

“Morning, sunshine,” Cary called out.

With my much-needed dose of caffeine wrapped between both palms, I joined him on the couch.

He pointed at a box on the end table. “That came for you while you were in the shower.”

I set my mug on the coffee table and picked up the box. It was wrapped with brown paper and twine, and had my name handwritten diagonally across the top with a decorative calligraphic flourish. Inside was an amber glass bottle with Hangover Cure painted on it in a white old-fashioned font and a note tied with raffia to the bottle’s neck that said, “Drink me.” Lauren’s business card was nestled in the cushioning tissue paper.

As I studied the gift, I found it very apt. Since meeting Lauren I’d felt like I’d fallen down the rabbit hole into a fascinating and seductive world where few of the known rules applied. I was in uncharted territory that was both exciting and scary.

I glanced at Cary, who eyed the bottle dubiously.

“Cheers.” I pried the cork out and drank the contents without thinking twice about it. It tasted like sickly sweet cough syrup. My stomach quivered in distaste for a moment, and then heated. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and shoved the cork back into the empty bottle.

“What was that?” Cary asked.

“From the burn, it’s hair of the dog.”

His nose wrinkled. “Effective but unpleasant.”

And it was working. I already felt a little steadier.

Cary picked up the box and dug out Lauren’s card. He flipped it over; then held it out to me. On the back Lauren had written, “Call me” in bold slashing penmanship and jotted down a number.

I took the card, curling my hand around it. Her gift was proof that she was thinking about me. Her tenacity and focus was seductive. And flattering.

There was no denying I was in trouble where Lauren was concerned. I craved the way I felt when she touched me, and I loved the way she responded when I touched her back. When I tried to think of what I wouldn’t agree to do to have her hands on me again, I couldn’t come up with much.

When Cary tried to hand me the phone, I shook my head. “Not yet. I need a clear head when dealing with her and I’m still fuzzy.”

“You two seemed cozy last night. She’s definitely into you.”

“I’m definitely into her.” Curling into the corner of the couch, I pressed my cheek into the cushion and hugged my legs to my chest. “We’re going to hang out, get to know each other, have casual-but-physically-intense sex, and be otherwise completely independent. No strings, no expectations, no responsibilities.”

Cary hit a button on his netbook and the printer on the other side of the room started spitting out pages. Then he snapped the computer closed, set it on the coffee table, and gave me all his attention. “Maybe it’ll turn into something serious.”

“Maybe not,” I scoffed.

“Cynic.”

“I’m not looking for happily-ever-after, Cary, especially not with a mega-mogul like Jauregui. I’ve seen what it’s like for my mom being connected to powerful men. It’s a full-time job with a part-time companion. Money keeps Mom happy, but it wouldn’t be enough for me.”

My dad had loved my mom. He’d asked her to marry him and share his life. She’d turned him down because he didn’t have the hefty portfolio and sizeable bank account she required in a husband. Love wasn’t a requisite for marriage in Sinuhe Stanton’s opinion and since her sultry-eyed, breathy-voiced beauty was irresistible to most men, she’d never had to settle for less than whatever she wanted. Unfortunately she hadn’t wanted my dad for the long haul.

Glancing at the clock, I saw it was ten thirty. “I guess I should get ready.”

“I love spa day with your mom.” Cary smiled and it chased the lingering shadows on my mood away. “I feel like a god when we’re done.”

“Me, too. Of the goddess persuasion.”

We were so eager to be off that we went downstairs to meet the car rather than wait for the front desk to call up.

The doorman smiled as we stepped outside—me in heeled sandals and a maxi dress, and Cary in hip-hugging jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt.

“Good morning, Miss Cabello. Mr. Taylor. Will you need a cab today?”

“No thanks, Paul. We’re expecting a car.” Cary grinned. “It’s spa day at Perrini’s!”

“Ah, Perrini’s Day Spa.” Paul gave a sage nod. “I bought my wife a gift certificate for our anniversary. She enjoyed it so much I plan to make it a tradition.”

“You did good, Paul,” I said. “Pampering a woman never goes out of style.”

A black town car pulled up with Clancy at the wheel. Paul opened the rear door for us and we climbed in, squealing when we found a box of Knipschildt’s Chocopologie on the seat. Waving at Paul, we settled back and dug in, taking tiny nibbles of the truffles that were worth savoring slowly.

Clancy drove us straight to Perrini’s, where the relaxation began from the moment one walked in the door. Crossing the entrance threshold was like taking a vacation on the far side of the world. Every arched doorway was framed by lushly vibrant striped silks, while jeweled pillows decorated elegant chaises and oversized armchairs.

Birds chirped from suspended gilded cages and potted plants filled every corner with lush fronds. Small decorative fountains added the sounds of running water, while stringed instrumental music was piped into the room via cleverly hidden speakers. The air was redolent with a mix of exotic spices and fragrances, making me feel like I’d stepped into Arabian Nights.

It was this-close to being too much, but it didn’t cross the line. Instead, Perrini’s was exotic and luxurious, an indulgent treat for those who could afford it. Like my mother, who’d just finished a milk-and-honey bath when we arrived.

I studied the menu of treatments available, deciding to skip my usual “warrior woman” in favor of the “passionate pampering.” I’d been waxed the week before, but the rest of the treatment—“designed to make you sexually irresistible”—sounded like exactly what I needed.

I’d finally managed to get my mind back into the safe zone of work when Cary spoke up from the pedicure chair beside mine.

“Mrs. Stanton, have you met Lauren Jauregui?”

I gaped at him. He knew damn well my mom went nuts over any news about my romantic—and not-so-romantic, as the case may be—relationships.

My mother, who sat in the chair on the other side of me, leaned forward with her usual girlish excitement over a rich, handsome man. “Of course. She’s one of the wealthiest women in the world. Number twenty-five or so on Forbes’s list, if I’m remembering correctly. A very driven young woman, obviously, and a generous benefactor to many of the children’s charities I champion. Extremely eligible, of course, but I don’t believe she's straight , Cary. She’s got a reputation as a ladies’ pleaser.”

“My loss.” Cary grinned and ignored my violent headshaking. “But it’d be a hopeless crush anyway, since she’s digging on Camila.”

“Camila! I can’t believe you didn’t say anything. How could you not tell me something like that?”

I looked at my mom, whose scrubbed face appeared young, unlined, and very much like mine. I was very clearly my mother’s daughter, right down to my surname. The one concession she’d made to my father had been to name me after his mother.

“There’s nothing to tell,” I insisted. “We’re just…friends.”

“We can do better than that,” Sinuhe said, with a look of calculation that struck fear in my heart. “I don’t know how it escaped me that you work in the same building she does. I’m certain she was smitten the moment she saw you. Although she’s known to prefer blondes…Hmm…Anyway. sHe’s also known for her excellent taste. Clearly the latter won out with you.”

“It’s not like that. Please don’t start meddling. You’ll embarrass me.”

“Nonsense. If anyone knows what to do with men, it’s me.”

I cringed, my shoulders creeping up to my ears. By the time my massage appointment came around, I was in desperate need of one. I stretched out on the table and closed my eyes, preparing to take a catnap to get through the long night ahead.

I loved dressing up and looking pretty as much as the next girl, but charity functions were a lot of work. Making small talk was exhausting, smiling nonstop was a pain, and conversations about businesses and people I didn’t know were boring. If it wasn’t for Cary benefitting from the exposure, I’d put up a bigger fight about going.

I sighed. Who was I fooling? I’d end up going anyway. My mom and Stanton supported abused children’s charities because they were significant to me. Going to the occasional stuffy event was a small price to pay for the return.

Taking a deep breath, I consciously relaxed. I made a mental note to call my dad when I got home and thought about how to send a thank-you note to Lauren for the hangover cure. I supposed I could e-mail her using the contact info on her business card, but that lacked class. Besides, I didn’t know who read her inbox.

I’d just call her when I got home. Why not? She’d asked—no, told—me to; she’d written the demand on her business card. And I’d get to hear her luscious voice again.

The door opened and the masseuse came in. “Hello, Camila. You ready?”

Not quite. But I was getting there.

___

After many lovely hours at the spa, my mom and Cary dropped me off at the apartment; then they headed out to hunt for new cuff links for Stanton. I used the time alone to call Lauren. Even with the much-needed privacy, I punched most of her phone number into the keypad a half-dozen times before I finally put the call through.

She answered on the first ring. “Camila.”

W that she’d known who was calling, my mind scrambled for a moment. How did she have my name and number in her contact list? “Uh…hi, Lauren.”

“I’m a block away. Let the front desk know I’m coming.”

“What?” I felt like I’d missed part of the conversation. “Coming where?”

“To your place. I’m rounding the corner now. Call the desk, Camila.”

she hung up and I stared at the phone, trying to absorb the fact that Lauren was moments away from being with me again. Somewhat dazed, I went to the intercom and talked to the front desk, letting them know I was expecting her and while I was talking, she walked into the lobby. A few moments after that, she was at my door.

It was then that I remembered I was dressed in only a thigh-length silk robe, and my face and hair were styled for the dinner. What kind of impression would she get from my appearance?

I tightened the belt of my robe before I let her in. It wasn’t like I’d invited her over for a seduction or anything.

Lauren stood in the hallway for a long moment, her gaze raking me from my head down to my French manicured toes. I was equally stunned by her appearance. The way she looked in worn jeans and a T-shirt made me want to undress her with my teeth.

“Worth the trip to find you like this, Camila.” sHe stepped inside and locked the door behind her. “How are you feeling?”

“Good. Thanks to you. Thank you.” My stomach quivered because she was here, with me, which made me feel almost…giddy. “That can’t be why you came over.”

“I’m here because it took you too long to call me.”

“I didn’t realize I had a deadline.”

“I have to ask you something time-sensitive, but more than that, I wanted to know if you were feeling all right after last night.” Her eyes were dark as they swept over me, her breathtaking face framed by that luxurious curtain of inky hair. “God. You look beautiful, Camila. I can’t remember ever wanting anything this much.”

With just those few simple words I became hot and needy. Way too vulnerable. “What’s so urgent?”

“Go with me to the advocacy center dinner tonight.”

I pulled back, surprised and excited by the request. “You’re going?”

“So are you. I checked, knowing your mother would be there. Let’s go together.”

My hand went to my throat, my mind torn between the weirdness of how much she knew about me and concern over what she was asking me to do. “That’s not what I meant when I said we should spend time together.”

“Why not?” The simple question was laced with challenge. “What’s the problem with going together to an event we’d already planned on attending separately?”

“It’s not very discreet. It’s a high-profile event.”

“So?” Lauren stepped closer and fingered a curl of my hair.

There was a dangerous purr to her voice that sent a shiver through me. I could feel the warmth of her big, hard body and smell the richly musky scent of her skin. I was falling under her spell, deeper with every minute that passed.

“People will make assumptions, my mother in particular. She’s already scenting your bachelor blood in the water.”

Lowering her head, Lauren pressed her lips into the crook of my neck. “I don’t care what people think. We know what we’re doing. And I’ll deal with your mother.”

“If you think you can,” I said breathlessly, “you don’t know her very well.”

“I’ll pick you up at seven.” Her tongue traced the wildly throbbing vein in my throat and I melted into her, my body going lax as she pulled me close.

Still, I managed to say, “I haven’t said yes.”

“But you won’t say no.” sHe caught my earlobe between her teeth. “I won’t let you.”

I opened my mouth to protest and she sealed her lips over mine, shutting me up with a lush wet kiss. Her tongue did that slow, savoring licking that made me long to feel her doing the same between my legs. My hands went to her hair, sliding through it, tugging. When she wrapped her arms around me, I arched, curving into her hands.

Just as she had in her office, she had me on my back on the couch before I realized she was moving me, her mouth swallowing my surprised gasp. The robe gave way to her dexterous fingers; then she was cupping my breasts, kneading them with soft, rhythmic squeezes.

“Lauren—”

“Shh.” sHe sucked on my lower lip, her fingers rolling and tugging my tender nipples. “It was driving me crazy knowing you were naked beneath your robe.”

“You came over without—Oh! Oh, God…”

Her mouth surrounded the tip of my breast, the wash of heat bringing a mist of perspiration to my skin.

My gaze darted frantically to the clock on the cable box. “Lauren, no.”

Her head lifted and she looked at me with stormy green eyes. “It’s insane, I know. I don’t—I can’t explain it, Camila, but I have to make you come. I’ve been thinking about it constantly for days now.”

One of her hands pushed between my legs. They fell open shamelessly, my body so aroused I was flushed and almost feverish. Her other hand continued to plump my breasts, making them heavy and unbearably sensitive.

“You’re wet for me,” she murmured, her gaze sliding down my body to where she was parting me with her fingers. “You’re beautiful here, too. Plush and pink. So soft. You didn’t wax today, did you?”

I shook my head.

“Thank God. I don’t think I would’ve made it ten minutes without touching you, let alone ten hours.” She slid one finger carefully into me.

My eyes closed against the unbearable vulnerability of being spread out naked and fingered by a woman whose familiarity with the rules of Brazilian waxing betrayed an intimate knowledge of women. A woman who was still fully clothed and kneeling on the floor beside me.

“You’re so snug.” Lauren pulled out and thrust gently back into me. My back bowed as I clenched eagerly around her. “And so greedy. How long has it been since the last time you were fucked?”

I swallowed hard. “I’ve been busy. My thesis, job-hunting, moving…”

“A while, then.” sHe pulled out and pushed back into me with two fingers. I couldn’t hold back a moan of delight. The woman had talented hands, confident and skilled, and she took what he wanted with them.

“Are you on birth control, Camila?”

“Yes.” My hands gripped the edges of the cushions. “Of course.”

“I’ll prove I’m clean and you’ll do the same, then you’re going to let me come in you.”

“Jesus, Lauren.” I was panting for her, my hips circling shamelessly onto her thrusting fingers. I felt like I’d spontaneously combust if she didn’t get me off.

I’d never been so turned on in my life. I was near mindless with the need for an orgasm. If Cary walked in right then and found me writhing in our living room while Lauren finger-fucked me, I didn’t think I’d care.

Lauren was breathing hard, too. Her face was flushed with lust. For me. When I’d done nothing more than respond helplessly to her.

Her hand at my breast moved to my cheek and brushed over it. “You’re blushing. I’ve scandalized you.”

“Yes.”

Her smile was both wicked and delighted, and it made my chest tight. “I want to feel my cum in you when I fuck you with my fingers. I want you to feel my cum in you, so you think about how I looked and the sounds I made when I pumped it into you. And while you’re thinking about that, you’re going to look forward to me doing it again and again.”

My sex rippled around her stroking fingers, the rawness of her words pushing me to the brink of orgasm.

“I’m going to tell you all the ways I want you to please me, Camila, and you’re going to do it all…take it all, and we’re going to have explosive, primal, no-holds-barred sex. You know that, don’t you? You can feel how it’ll be between us.”

“Yes,” I breathed, clutching my breasts to ease the deep ache of my hardened nipples. “Please, Lauren.”

“Shh…I’ve got you.” The pad of her thumb rubbed my clitoris in gentle circles. “Look into my eyes when you come for me.”

Everything tightened in my core, the tension building as she massaged my clit and pushed her fingers in and out in a steady, unhurried rhythm.

“Give it up to me, Camila,” she ordered. “Now.”

I climaxed with a thready cry, my grip white-knuckled on the sides of the cushions as my hips pumped onto her hand, my mind far beyond shame or shyness. My gaze was locked to her, unable to look away, riveted by the fierce masculine triumph that flared in her eyes. In that moment she owned me. I’d do anything she wanted. And she knew it.

Searing pleasure pulsed through me. Through the roaring of blood in my ears, I thought I heard her speak hoarsely, but I lost the words when she hooked one of my legs over the back of the couch and covered my cleft with her mouth.

“No—” I pushed at her head with my hands. “I can’t.”

I was too swollen, too sensitive. But when her tongue touched my clit, fluttering over it, the hunger built again. More intense than the first time. she rimmed my trembling slit, teasing me, taunting me with the promise of another orgasm when I knew I couldn’t have one again so quickly.

Then her tongue speared into me and I bit my lip to bite back a scream. I came a second time, my body quaking violently, tender muscles tightening desperately around her decadent licking. Her growl vibrated through me. I didn’t have the strength to push her away when she returned to my clit and sucked softly…tirelessly…until I climaxed again, gasping her name.

I was boneless as she straightened my leg and still breathless when she pressed kisses up my belly to my breasts. she licked each of my nipples, and then hauled me up with her arms banded around my back. I hung lax and pliable in her grip while she took my mouth with suppressed violence, bruising my lips and betraying how close to the edge she was.

she closed my robe; then stood, staring down at me.

“Lauren…?”

“Seven o’clock, Camila.” sHe reached down and touched my ankle, her fingertips caressing the diamond anklet I’d put on in preparation for the evening. “And keep this on. I want to fuck you while you’re wearing nothing else.”

[pain-in-the-asguardian]

Pillar

Ch. 2.  Read on Ao3 here!

The good thing about drowning himself in alcohol was that he slept like a log, and if he had dreams he didn't remember a damn thing. The downside was that the mere act of opening his eyes was painful. His tolerance was much higher than his partner's, but it had its limits, especially given his existing injuries. Aside from the dull ache that ran through every muscle, the first thing Rude was aware of was the foreign combination of scents surrounding him. There was the sterile hospital smell from the salve covering his wounds, and a contrasting, clean tang of tea tree. A scent he always associated with Reno, though not one he was accustomed to smelling here, in his own bed.

Reno...  Last night...

Deep brown eyes blinked open, a low sound rumbling in his chest as wakefulness edged out the haze of sleep. He was met with the sight of a bright shock of vermilion resting in front of his nose. Sometime during the night, they'd gone from back-to-back to facing one another. Reno was still asleep, the swell of his chest slow and steady, the silky fabric of the pajama shirt flowing around him. This was a Reno that he wasn't used to seeing. His vivid hair fell loosely about his face, expression relaxed. The lines of tension usually present in his lean frame had melted away, leaving him looking almost... soft. It was still Reno, but sleep had smoothed all of his hard, sharp edges. The man might have a relaxed attitude, but Rude knew that most days, beneath that laid-back manner, he was anything but.

He caught himself staring, fascinated by the change. The events of last night were hazy, but.. he'd never forget the feel of those soft pink lips against his. Ifrit's horns, he had great lips, and.. And they'd kissed. Rude swallowed, feeling a rising heat in his cheeks. It had been one literal hell of a day, and... No, he didn't want to remember the rest of it. Not yet. That would come later, when they got out of bed and the world became all too real.  For now, he could allow himself a few blessed minutes to lay here and focus on Reno. The rest of the world could stay somewhere far away.  It wasn't long before the other began to stir, sheets rustling softly as pale blue eyes fluttered open. Rude watched as he sleepily took stock of the situation, yawning widely.

“Morning,” he said softly.

Reno blinked at him, lips slowly curling into a sleepy, unsure grin as the setting dawned on him. “Hey...” He paused. “...Guess that wasn't a dream... yeah?”

Rude managed to shake his head without actually lifting it from the pillow. Several moments ticked by in silence, neither one sure how to continue, both unable to look away. He was strongly aware of his own heartbeat. Taking a breath, he reached out, slowly, to wipe some sleep away from the corner of the other's eye. Reno didn't protest, and Rude, emboldened, dared to brush a thumb along the sharp edge of one cheekbone.

“Last night,” Reno began quietly, stilling beneath his touch.

“.... Yeah.”

“You mean what ya said, yo?”

“Yeah. You mean what you did?”

He breathed out a laugh. “Hell yeah.”

“How do you feel?”

“Everything's sore. Got a headache. You?”

“Same.”

There was a feathery shuffling, and Reno edged closer to him, draping himself across Rude's chest. Almost reflexively, he moved to wrap his arms around the other, to hold him closer.

“Ow...” they chorused, both wincing at the same time and pulling back. Damn bruises.

And then the moment, whatever it had been, was gone.

“Fuck, I need coffee, yo.”

“Water probably wouldn't hurt, either.” He should have made them both drink some last night, but... that hadn't happened. Rude pushed himself slowly into a sitting position, which his head strongly protested. That might be the most he'd ever drank in one sitting. He probably shouldn't do that again, ever.  Reno eventually mirrored him, sitting up with a groan. Rude couldn't remember ever seeing him so exhausted. He hadn't bothered to fully dry his hair before they'd passed out, and now one side was flattened against the side of his head from the pillow, while the other fell in a haphazard mess.  That got a corner of his lip to turn up.

“What're you grinning at, partner?” The other's tone was accusing.

“Major case of bedhead you've got.”

Reno ran his fingers through the bright mass, which did little to correct it. “Geez. I'm getting gypped here. You don't look any different.”

Rude shrugged.

With a final glare, Reno struggled to his feet, and Rude followed him toward the hallway. The kitchen seemed painfully bright after the darkness of the bedroom, even with the thick cover of rain clouds. His eyes couldn't help wandering to the cityscape outside, squinting while his vision adjusted. He felt a light pressure against his side as Reno leaned carefully against him, following his gaze. Just like last night, Sector 8 seemed unchanged. It was as if from here, it never happened. It seemed... unfair, somehow. No, that wasn't the right word. He didn't want more destruction, and it was reassuring that life was still moving forward in the rest of Midgar. But there should be something different. Some reaction. The world had changed.  Both of them jumped as sirens blared, a pair of emergency vehicles cutting through the rain-drenched streets in the direction of the Sector 7 boundary. That was something. There were people out there, trying to help contain the damage, to do whatever was in their power...  He'd seen the Urban Planning folks racing around back at HQ.  There were good people out there, yeah.  But the reason for that...

“Hey.” He blinked at the sound, chestnut hues sliding to Reno, who nudged him. “C'mon.... Need coffee, yo. You deal with that. I'll make breakfast.”

“N...no, I can do that. You should rest, you-”

“Aren't a tank, got worse injuries, look like crap, yadda yadda.” He waved dismissively, opening the fridge to poke around as if he owned it. “One, I need shit to do. Two, I've seen you make toast and it's a crime, yo.”

Part of him wanted to pick Reno up and deposit him onto the couch, but the rest of him knew it would be pointless. He was right, they both needed something else to think about right now.

Not that making coffee took very long. He set a full pot to brewing, figuring that between the two of them they'd finish it in no time. He also poured a cup of water for himself, and one for Reno, setting it by his side. Assigned mission completed, he leaned on the counter, watching his partner.

Reno moved methodically, prepping each item. It wasn't necessarily what one could call well-stocked, but Rude made sure to keep his kitchen full of the basics. Eggs, bacon, sausages, toast. He knew Reno liked to cook, but he rarely had the chance to witness it. He worked with the same focus he applied to his job, somehow equal parts intense and casual at the same time. It was one of the reasons Rude admired him. Yes, he had an attitude and a mouth to match, but beneath that he was dedicated. Rude was honestly still amazed he was standing, after the beating he'd taken.

It surprised him just how much Reno's slim shoulders could bear. He might say otherwise, but Rude saw him as the strong one. Stronger than he looked, and more intelligent than most people gave him credit for. That was why he was Tseng's right-hand man. It took something special to be a Turk, and even more to be a top Turk.  Today, though... That burden was taking its toll. Reno seemed smaller, more subdued. Rude's oversize pajama top only magnified the effect. It slipped off one freckled shoulder, the edges of the sleeves extending past his fingertips. He would push them back, only for the slick material to slide down again after a minute. His fiery hair fell in a long, loose cascade down his back. It wasn't much longer before the scents of cooking bacon and brewing coffee filled the space.

“Order up, yo.” Reno brandished the spatula at him. “You gonna get plates or just keep starin'?”

“Huh? Oh.” Oops, he'd been caught. “Was admiring the view. Can you blame me?”

“Not at all. But I haven't eaten shit since like... one energy bar before … the.. mission. Yeah. So I'm hungry and cranky.”

“Can't have that. Here you go.” He handed Reno a pair of plates, and proceeded to fill two mugs with fresh coffee. He didn't realize just how hungry he was himself until they sat down. He didn't even remember having an energy bar. Once he had some food and caffeine in him, he started to feel a bit more alive. Reno knew what he was doing, and yes, Rude had to admit that toast was better when it wasn't a blackened brick.

“Not bad. Wouldn't mind if you cooked for me more often.”

“Anything beats yours, yo.” Reno grinned salaciously at him over a forkful of eggs. “Ya got one of those fantasies of me in the kitchen in an apron and nothin' else?”

Rude nearly spit out his coffee. He might not have thought about it before but he certainly was now. And this was not a conversation they were having. He cleared his throat, setting the mug down. “That is not what I was implying at all.” He promptly shoved a strip of bacon into his mouth, nearly burning his tongue. Reno snickered.

Rain continued to patter against the window, the only other sounds that of cars racing by, and the occasional distant siren. Despite how ordinarily calm everything seemed here, in this small space, his stomach still knotted a little with every faint wail. They lapsed into silence, filling their bellies after what felt like an eternity. The events of the past day seemed so recent, and yet hazy.  Had it been one day, or two, or a week?  Eventually they finished, and Rude rose, collecting the plates above his partner's complaint.

“You cooked, I'll clean. You really shouldn't be on your feet more than you need to be.” They glared at one another, and Reno turned with an exasperated sigh, heading for the couch. Rude shook his head and began to tackle the dishes. He heard the television flip on, but paid it little heed until he recognized the sound of a newscast. Shit. Drying his hands, he walked over to the couch.

Reno was hunched against the corner, remote clutched in one hand while the other balled into a white-knuckled fist, beryl gaze fixed on the screen. Images flashed across it – fires, rubble, people running from the fallout, helicopters circling like vultures. Rude sucked in a breath, his own fingers curling into fists. It wasn't as if he- they hadn't seen it before.  The helicopter had been nearly back at HQ by the time it had happened in reality, and he'd been tending to Reno.  But... Images had been plastered all over the vidscreens at HQ, even in General Affairs. It was impossible to avoid. Reno had tried to, at first, collapsing on the office couch and staring at the ceiling, facing away from the screens as he chugged down energy drinks. Rude had known it was only a matter of time before his partner would go and guilt himself into doing something like this.

He eased himself down next to the redhead, carefully looping one arm around him to pull him against his side. Reaching for the remote with his free hand, he eased it out of Reno's grip and flipped the channel to something else, some old movie. Just something for background light and sound that wasn't … reality.

“Rude...”

“Don't.” He rested his head against the crown of vermilion spikes, ignoring the anger in his partner's tone. “Don't do this to yourself.”

“Damn it... How can... How can you...”

“It's done.” He felt chill, despite Reno's warmth. He was always so warm, even though he was a stick by Rude's standards. “It... It's over. We can't change it. Like any other mission. We complete it, we move on.” He had to think of it like that. Compartmentalize it, wall it off. It was put into a file, and that file was locked in a cabinet somewhere in the back of him mind. The lock for this one was broken, though, and he knew it.

“Fuck,” Reno snarled, curling against him, shoulders shaking. The hot dampness of tears fell against his skin. “You had to do it. You had to see it. I didn't... It's all blank. We unleashed hell and I don't remember shit, yo.”

“Even if you hadn't, result would have been the same. Stop blaming yourself. We're partners. That means you don't have to do everything by yourself. Even... no, especially the important stuff.” He preferred it to happen the way it did. He knew he couldn't say it, it would just set Reno off, but it was true. As far as he was concerned it was a small mercy, sparing his partner that horror. He knew Reno would never see it that way, and he wasn't in any mood to argue. There was no easy fix for this, and there shouldn't be. Even if he could somehow change the past, if Platefall was inevitable, then Rude would rather set it off himself again then put that burden on his partner's shoulders. He was designed to carry that sort of weight. Reno wasn't, even if he convinced himself otherwise. And shouldn't have to be. They each had their roles.

“Yeah...” Reno's voice was soft, shaky. “Partners. And Turks.”

“Damn right.” He leaned back, ignoring the soreness to keep Reno against him. They lay together, listening to the low sounds from the television and the drumbeat of rain in the background. Slowly, he felt the other relax, heartbeat steadying and breathing evening out. Good, he needed to rest again, but forcing him wasn't the right way to get Reno to do anything. Rude closed his eyes, tired again despite the caffeine. He didn't remember falling asleep, but when he opened his eye again the clock told him it had been two hours, and he was alone. He sat up carefully, scanning the room. He trusted Reno enough to know he wouldn't run off, not far at least, especially in the shape he was in, but that didn't mean the ginger idiot could just disappear on him like this. A quick look around revealed the shades covering the door to his tiny patio were half opened. Ah.

Sure enough, he found Reno out there, abusing the privilege of using a chair. Smoke curled around his head, rising from the cigarette dangling loosely in his slim fingers. The rain had stopped, though it was only temporary by the look of the dark clouds surrounding the pale blue break. Reno raised his head at the sound of the door sliding open, shooting Rude an almost apologetic glance.

“Thought you'd run off. This's supposed to be a non-smoking unit.”

“Sorry, yo. You were out cold, and... I know ya hate it, but just needed something... Remembered I had some in my suit pocket. Survived the ordeal, somehow. You'll be happy to know that I don't do it much at all anymore, yanno? Reserved for special, extra-shitty situations. Ya gotta admit, this qualifies.”

True, he hated the damn habit, but if ever there was a time for it... He briefly considered reminding the other that the pajama top was the one and only article of clothing he was currently wearing, but realized that he didn't feel like expending the energy. That, and Reno would probably find a new and even less convenient way to configure himself out of spite. At least the walls on either side kept the place fairly private. Rude settled into the other chair, realizing too late that it was damp, and held out a hand. Reno arched a brow at the gesture.

“Got another?”

“Hehe. What was that about a non-smokin' patio?” He pulled an open pack and lighter out of the pajama shirt pocket, ignoring Rude's scowl. “What, were else was I gonna keep 'em?”

Rude shook his head, taking one and allowing Reno to light it. Shit, it had been years since he'd smoked, and it was just as terrible as he remembered. Reno watched him with mild amusement. Well, at least he was almost smiling again. That was something.

“Whaddya think's gonna happen now?” Reno turned back to stare over the rooftops.

“I think..” He paused, still unused to the sensation of smoke, but he managed not to cough. “I think Rufus will be more reasonable. He's ambitious, we know that. But... within reason.” He sighed. “Our jobs aren't gonna get any easier. But, I don't think he'll ever go that far.” “Yeah. Shit, I hope you're right, yo.” He let out a humorless laugh. “Well, guess we got no choice, either way. Now we get to see what Shinra's like under the Boy Wonder.  Somethin' to look forward to.  A bright, shining new era or some such bullshit.”

Before Rude could respond, the sky opened again with a low rumble of thunder. There was an overhang, but once the rain started in earnest it would do little good. Snuffing the cigarettes, the two of them hurried inside once more. They stood by the door, watching the rain. Reno leaned against him, smelling of cigarette smoke and tea tree, messy cardinal's crest of hair tickling his shoulder. After a moment, Rude carefully looped an arm around the other's slender frame, mindful of his injuries. They didn't need a repeat of this morning.

“So, ya really didn't think I was into ya?” The question was sudden, but Reno's tone was maddeningly casual.

“Like I said, didn't think I was your type. You like to mess around. And I'm...”

“A hopeless romantic?”

“Nnngh. …. Yeah.” Ouch, called out.

Reno had the nerve to pout, pink lip jutting in offense. “How d'ya know I don't like hopeless romanticism?” He blinked up at Rude, and damn it even without liner he had incredible lashes. “You're fuckin' adorable, ya know that?”

“I am not... adorable.”

“Real convincin'.” Reno's pout turned into a smirk, which was almost worse. “I can do romantic. Fancy dates, candlelight, chocolates. It ain't rocket surgery, and I'll have ya know I clean up pretty damn well, yo.” He nuzzled Rude's chest. “C'mon then. Say somethin' romantic. Woo me.”

Rude didn't respond immediately, still trying to wrap his mind around rocket surgery. Wait, woo? “Uh...”

Reno breathed a laugh into his shoulder. “C'mon. Ya gotta have somethin', yeah?”

It was true, he did. Something he'd thought about often. Whenever Reno looked at him with those gorgeous stormy eyes. He'd never put it into words, though heaven only knows he'd wanted to.

“Your eyes,” he started slowly. “... They remind me of sea glass.”

“Sea glass?”

“Yeah. Used to find it a lot, growing up on Junon beach. Mixed in with the sand and shells, and whatever else washed up. Bottles and such that get worn down by the waves into these little smooth pebbles.” He carded his fingers through Reno's hair as he spoke, and the other hummed contentedly. “My siblings and I would go out and search for it. Get enough and you can fill vases and other things. It was kind of like a treasure hunt. If you were lucky you'd find brown, or red... that was even rarer. But the kind you'd finds most of … white, blue, and green. When I look into your eyes, it makes me think of it. Sea glass.” He paused. “Dunno if you know it, but... It's like your eyes change color in different lighting. Sometimes they're blue, and sometimes gray, and sometimes they even look green. They're beautiful.” There, he'd admitted it. And strung a lot more words together than he was normally wont to do.  And... If he didn't know any better, he could swear there was a dusting of pink on Reno's pale, bruised cheeks, but he buried his face against Rude's chest with a huffed laugh before he could be sure.

“God, ya really are a cheeseball, yanno?” The words were muffled against his skin.

“You asked.”

“So does that mean you're gonna ask me out on a date?”

“Might have to consider it. Once we're both back to our normal colors.”

“I don't know, purple's starting to grow on me, yanno?”

He couldn't help but smile. It had never been the most natural expression for him, and it would be even harder to do so, now. ...But if anyone could coax a grin out of him, it was Reno. He didn't know where he'd be without those flashing eyes edged in slashes of crimson. They were going to move forward. Even if it was difficult, even with the memories of Sector 7 on their heels. He wasn't alone. No, Reno would be there, racing ahead of him, that flaming hair like a beacon for him to follow after. Always in motion, always giving him a reason to keep looking forward. And he'd follow behind, just as always, ready to catch him if he stumbled. That was how it had been since the beginning, and that was how he liked it.

[mrkwonandmrchoibabygirl]

Bared to Him-Seungri PT.5

Part.4 Part.5 Part.6

Masterlist

Genre:smut(detailed)/angst/fluff(50SOKJY ..WILL BE UP TOMORROW)

Pairing:Seungri x Reader

Warning: Fingering,eating out(oral on a girl...i guess)teasing

Wordcount: 3,621

Part.4 Part.5 Part.6

Masterlist

I had a vicious hangover on Saturday morning and figured it was no less than I deserved. As much as I’d resented Seunghyun’s insistence on negotiating sex with as much passion as he would a merger, in the end I’d negotiated in kind. Because I wanted him enough to take a calculated risk and break my own rules. I took comfort in knowing he was breaking some of his own, too. After a long, hot shower, I made my way into the living room and found Hae on the couch with his netbook, looking fresh and alert. Smelling coffee in the kitchen, I headed there and filled the biggest mug I could find. “Morning, sunshine,” Hae called out. With my much-needed dose of caffeine wrapped between both palms, I joined him on the couch. He pointed at a box on the end table. “That came for you while you were in the shower.” I set my mug on the coffee table and picked up the box. It was wrapped with brown paper and twine, and had my name handwritten diagonally across the top with a decorative calligraphic flourish. Inside was an amber glass bottle with Hangover Cure painted on it in a white old-fashioned font and a note tied with raffia to the bottle’s neck that said, “Drink me.” Seunghyun’s business card was nestled in the cushioning tissue paper. As I studied the gift, I found it very apt. Since meeting Seunghyun I’d felt like I’d fallen down the rabbit hole into a fascinating and seductive world where few of the known rules applied. I was in uncharted territory that was both exciting and scary. I glanced at Rae, who eyed the bottle dubiously. “Cheers.” I pried the cork out and drank the contents without thinking twice about it. It tasted like sickly sweet cough syrup. My stomach quivered in distaste for a moment, and then heated. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and shoved the cork back into the empty bottle. “What was that?” Hae asked. “From the burn, it’s hair of the dog.” His nose wrinkled. “Effective but unpleasant.” And it was working. I already felt a little steadier. Hae picked up the box and dug out Seunghyun’s card. He flipped it over; then held it out to me. On the back Seunghyun had written, “Call me” in bold slashing penmanship and jotted down a number. I took the card, curling my hand around it. His gift was proof that he was thinking about me. His tenacity and focus was seductive. And flattering. There was no denying I was in trouble where Seunghyun was concerned. I craved the way I felt when he touched me, and I loved the way he responded when I touched him back. When I tried to think of what I wouldn’t agree to do to have his hands on me again, I couldn’t come up with much. When Hae tried to hand me the phone, I shook my head. “Not yet. I need a clear head when dealing with him and I’m still fuzzy.” “You two seemed cozy last night. He’s definitely into you.” “I’m definitely into him.” Curling into the corner of the couch, I pressed my cheek into the cushion and hugged my legs to my chest. “We’re going to hang out, get to know each other, have casual-but-physicallyintense sex, and be otherwise completely independent. No strings, no expectations, no responsibilities.” Haae hit a button on his netbook and the printer on the other side of the room started spitting out pages. Then he snapped the computer closed, set it on the coffee table, and gave me all his attention. “Maybe it’ll turn into something serious.” “Maybe not,” I scoffed. “Cynic.” “I’m not looking for happily-ever-after, Hae, especially not with a mega-mogul like Lee. I’ve seen what it’s like for my mom being connected to powerful men. It’s a full-time job with a part-time companion. Money keeps Mom happy, but it wouldn’t be enough for me.” My dad had loved my mom. He’d asked her to marry him and share his life. She’d turned him down because he didn’t have the hefty portfolio and sizeable bank account she required in a husband. Love wasn’t a requisite for marriage in Monica Johns’s opinion and since her sultry-eyed, breathy-voiced beauty was irresistible to most men, she’d never had to settle for less than whatever she wanted. Unfortunately she hadn’t wanted my dad for the long haul. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was ten thirty. “I guess I should get ready.” “I love spa day with your mom.” Hae smiled and it chased the lingering shadows on my mood away. “I feel like a god when we’re done.” “Me, too. Of the goddess persuasion.” We were so eager to be off that we went downstairs to meet the car rather than wait for the front desk to call up. The doorman smiled as we stepped outside—me in heeled sandals and a maxi dress, and Hae in hiphugging jeans and a long-sleeved T-shirt. “Good morning, Miss Y/l/n.  Will you need a cab today?” “No thanks, Paul. We’re expecting a car.” Hae grinned. “It’s spa day at Perrini’s!” “Ah, Perrini’s Day Spa.” Paul gave a sage nod. “I bought my wife a gift certificate for our anniversary. She enjoyed it so much I plan to make it a tradition.” “You did good, Paul,” I said. “Pampering a woman never goes out of style.” A black town car pulled up with Clancy at the wheel. Paul opened the rear door for us and we climbed in, squealing when we found a box of Knipschildt’s Chocopologie on the seat. Waving at Paul, we settled back and dug in, taking tiny nibbles of the truffles that were worth savoring slowly. Clancy drove us straight to Perrini’s, where the relaxation began from the moment one walked in the door. Crossing the entrance threshold was like taking a vacation on the far side of the world. Every arched doorway was framed by lushly vibrant striped silks, while jeweled pillows decorated elegant chaises and oversized armchairs. Birds chirped from suspended gilded cages and potted plants filled every corner with lush fronds. Small decorative fountains added the sounds of running water, while stringed instrumental music was piped into the room via cleverly hidden speakers. The air was redolent with a mix of exotic spices and fragrances, making me feel like I’d stepped into Arabian Nights. It was this-close to being too much, but it didn’t cross the line. Instead, Perrini’s was exotic and luxurious, an indulgent treat for those who could afford it. Like my mother, who’d just finished a milk-andhoney bath when we arrived. I studied the menu of treatments available, deciding to skip my usual “warrior woman” in favor of the “passionate pampering.” I’d been waxed the week before, but the rest of the treatment—“designed to make you sexually irresistible”—sounded like exactly what I needed. I’d finally managed to get my mind back into the safe zone of work when Hae spoke up from the pedicure chair beside mine. “Mrs. Johns, have you met Lee Seunghyun ?” I gaped at him. He knew damn well my mom went nuts over any news about my romantic—and not-soromantic, as the case may be—relationships. My mother, who sat in the chair on the other side of me, leaned forward with her usual girlish excitement over a rich, handsome man. “Of course. He’s one of the wealthiest men in the world. Number twenty-five or so on Forbes’s list, if I’m remembering correctly. A very driven young man, obviously, and a generous benefactor to many of the children’s charities I champion. Extremely eligible, of course, but I don’t believe he’s gay, Hae. He’s got a reputation as a ladies’ man.” “My loss.” Hae grinned and ignored my violent headshaking. “But it’d be a hopeless crush anyway, since he’s digging on Y/N.” “Y/N! I can’t believe you didn’t say anything. How could you not tell me something like that?” I looked at my mom, whose scrubbed face appeared young, unlined, and very much like mine. I was very clearly my mother’s daughter, right down to my surname. The one concession she’d made to my father had been to name me after his mother. “There’s nothing to tell,” I insisted. “We’re just… friends.” “We can do better than that,” Monica said, with a look of calculation that struck fear in my heart. “I don’t know how it escaped me that you work in the same building he does. I’m certain he was smitten the moment he saw you. Although he’s known to prefer brunettes…Hmm…Anyway. He’s also known for his excellent taste. Clearly the latter won out with you.” “It’s not like that. Please don’t start meddling. You’ll embarrass me.” “Nonsense. If anyone knows what to do with men, it’s me.” I cringed, my shoulders creeping up to my ears. By the time my massage appointment came around, I was in desperate need of one. I stretched out on the table and closed my eyes, preparing to take a catnap to get through the long night ahead. I loved dressing up and looking pretty as much as the next girl, but charity functions were a lot of work. Making small talk was exhausting, smiling nonstop was a pain, and conversations about businesses and people I didn’t know were boring. If it wasn’t for Hae benefitting from the exposure, I’d put up a bigger fight about going. I sighed. Who was I fooling? I’d end up going anyway. My mom and John supported abused children’s charities because they were significant to me. Going to the occasional stuffy event was a small price to pay for the return. Taking a deep breath, I consciously relaxed. I made a mental note to call my dad when I got home and thought about how to send a thank-you note to Seunghyun for the hangover cure. I supposed I could e-mail him using the contact info on his business card, but that lacked class. Besides, I didn’t know who read his inbox. I’d just call him when I got home. Why not? He’d asked—no, told—me to; he’d written the demand on his business card. And I’d get to hear his luscious voice again. The door opened and the masseuse came in. “Hello, Y/N. You ready?” Not quite. But I was getting there.

After many lovely hours at the spa, my mom and Hae dropped me off at the apartment; then they headed out to hunt for new cuff links for John. I used the time alone to call Seunghyun.  Even with the much-needed privacy, I punched most of his phone number into the keypad a half-dozen times before I finally put the call through. He answered on the first ring. “Y/N.” Startled that he’d known who was calling, my mind scrambled for a moment. How did he have my name and number in his contact list? “Uh…hi, Seunghyun .” “I’m a block away. Let the front desk know I’m coming.” “What?” I felt like I’d missed part of the conversation. “Coming where?” “To your place. I’m rounding the corner now. Call the desk, Y/N.” He hung up and I stared at the phone, trying to absorb the fact that Seunghyun was moments away from being with me again. Somewhat dazed, I went to the intercom and talked to the front desk, letting them know I was expecting him and while I was talking, he walked into the lobby. A few moments after that, he was at my door. It was then that I remembered I was dressed in only a thigh-length silk robe, and my face and hair were styled for the dinner. What kind of impression would he get from my appearance? I tightened the belt of my robe before I let him in. It wasn’t like I’d invited him over for a seduction or anything. Seunghyun stood in the hallway for a long moment, his gaze raking me from my head down to my French manicured toes. I was equally stunned by his appearance. The way he looked in worn jeans and a Tshirt made me want to undress him with my teeth. “Worth the trip to find you like this, Y/N.” He stepped inside and locked the door behind him. “How are you feeling?” “Good. Thanks to you. Thank you.” My stomach quivered because he was here, with me, which made me feel almost…giddy. “That can’t be why you came over.” “I’m here because it took you too long to call me.” “I didn’t realize I had a deadline.” “I have to ask you something time-sensitive, but more than that, I wanted to know if you were feeling all right after last night.” His eyes were dark as they swept over me, his breathtaking face framed by that luxurious curtain of inky hair. “God. You look beautiful, Y/N. I can’t remember ever wanting anything this much.” With just those few simple words I became hot and needy. Way too vulnerable. “What’s so urgent?” “Go with me to the advocacy center dinner tonight.” I pulled back, surprised and excited by the request. “You’re going?” “So are you. I checked, knowing your mother would be there. Let’s go together.” My hand went to my throat, my mind torn between the weirdness of how much he knew about me and concern over what he was asking me to do. “That’s not what I meant when I said we should spend time together.” “Why not?” The simple question was laced with challenge. “What’s the problem with going together to an event we’d already planned on attending separately?” “It’s not very discreet. It’s a high-profile event.” “So?” Seunghyun stepped closer and fingered a curl of my hair. There was a dangerous purr to his voice that sent a shiver through me. I could feel the warmth of his big, hard body and smell the richly masculine scent of his skin. I was falling under his spell, deeper with every minute that passed. “People will make assumptions, my mother in particular. She’s already scenting your bachelor blood in the water.” Lowering his head, Seunghyun pressed his lips into the crook of my neck. “I don’t care what people think. We know what we’re doing. And I’ll deal with your mother.” “If you think you can,” I said breathlessly, “you don’t know her very well.” “I’ll pick you up at seven.” His tongue traced the wildly throbbing vein in my throat and I melted into him, my body going lax as he pulled me close. Still, I managed to say, “I haven’t said yes.” “But you won’t say no.” He caught my earlobe between his teeth. “I won’t let you.” I opened my mouth to protest and he sealed his lips over mine, shutting me up with a lush wet kiss. His tongue did that slow, savoring licking that made me long to feel him doing the same between my legs. My hands went to his hair, sliding through it, tugging. When he wrapped his arms around me, I arched, curving into his hands. Just as he had in his office, he had me on my back on the couch before I realized he was moving me, his mouth swallowing my surprised gasp. The robe gave way to his dexterous fingers; then he was cupping my breasts, kneading them with soft, rhythmic squeezes. “ Seunghyun —” “Shh.” He sucked on my lower lip, his fingers rolling and tugging my tender nipples. “It was driving me crazy knowing you were naked beneath your robe.” “You came over without—Oh! Oh, God…” His mouth surrounded the tip of my breast, the wash of heat bringing a mist of perspiration to my skin. My gaze darted frantically to the clock on the cable box. “ Seunghyun , no.” His head lifted and he looked at me with stormy blue eyes. “It’s insane, I know. I don’t—I can’t explain it, Y/N, but I have to make you come. I’ve been thinking about it constantly for days now.” One of his hands pushed between my legs. They fell open shamelessly, my body so aroused I was flushed and almost feverish. His other hand continued to plump my breasts, making them heavy and unbearably sensitive. “You’re wet for me,” he murmured, his gaze sliding down my body to where he was parting me with his fingers. “You’re beautiful here, too. Plush and pink. So soft. You didn’t wax today, did you?” I shook my head. “Thank God. I don’t think I would’ve made it ten minutes without touching you, let alone ten hours.” He slid one finger carefully into me. My eyes closed against the unbearable vulnerability of being spread out naked and fingered by a man whose familiarity with the rules of Brazilian waxing betrayed an intimate knowledge of women. A man who was still fully clothed and kneeling on the floor beside me. “You’re so snug.” Seunghyun pulled out and thrust gently back into me. My back bowed as I clenched eagerly around him. “And so greedy. How long has it been since the last time you were fucked?” I swallowed hard. “I’ve been busy. My thesis, jobhunting, moving…” “A while, then.” He pulled out and pushed back into me with two fingers. I couldn’t hold back a moan of delight. The man had talented hands, confident and skilled, and he took what he wanted with them. “Are you on birth control,Y/N?” “Yes.” My hands gripped the edges of the cushions. “Of course.” “I’ll prove I’m clean and you’ll do the same, then you’re going to let me come in you.” “Jesus, Seunghyun .” I was panting for him, my hips circling shamelessly onto his thrusting fingers. I felt like I’d spontaneously combust if he didn’t get me off. I’d never been so turned on in my life. I was near mindless with the need for an orgasm. If Hae walked in right then and found me writhing in our living room while Seunghyun finger-fucked me, I didn’t think I’d care. Seunghyun was breathing hard, too. His face was flushed with lust. For me. When I’d done nothing more than respond helplessly to him. His hand at my breast moved to my cheek and brushed over it. “You’re blushing. I’ve scandalized you.” “Yes.” His smile was both wicked and delighted, and it made my chest tight. “I want to feel my cum in you when I fuck you with my fingers. I want you to feel my cum in you, so you think about how I looked and the sounds I made when I pumped it into you. And while you’re thinking about that, you’re going to look forward to me doing it again and again.” My sex rippled around his stroking fingers, the rawness of his words pushing me to the brink of orgasm. “I’m going to tell you all the ways I want you to please me, Y/N, and you’re going to do it all…take it all, and we’re going to have explosive, primal, no-holds-barred sex. You know that, don’t you? You can feel how it’ll be between us.” “Yes,” I breathed, clutching my breasts to ease the deep ache of my hardened nipples. “Please, Seunghyun .” “Shh…I’ve got you.” The pad of his thumb rubbed my clitoris in gentle circles. “Look into my eyes when you come for me.” Everything tightened in my core, the tension building as he massaged my clit and pushed his fingers in and out in a steady, unhurried rhythm. “Give it up to me, Y/N,” he ordered. “Now.” I climaxed with a thready cry, my grip white-knuckled on the sides of the cushions as my hips pumped onto his hand, my mind far beyond shame or shyness. My gaze was locked to his, unable to look away, riveted by the fierce masculine triumph that flared in his eyes. In that moment he owned me. I’d do anything he wanted. And he knew it. Searing pleasure pulsed through me. Through the roaring of blood in my ears, I thought I heard him speak hoarsely, but I lost the words when he hooked one of my legs over the back of the couch and covered my cleft with his mouth. “No—” I pushed at his head with my hands. “I can’t.” I was too swollen, too sensitive. But when his tongue touched my clit, fluttering over it, the hunger built again. More intense than the first time. He rimmed my trembling slit, teasing me, taunting me with the promise of another orgasm when I knew I couldn’t have one again so quickly. Then his tongue speared into me and I bit my lip to bite back a scream. I came a second time, my body quaking violently, tender muscles tightening desperately around his decadent licking. His growl vibrated through me. I didn’t have the strength to push him away when he returned to my clit and sucked softly…tirelessly…until I climaxed again, gasping his name. I was boneless as he straightened my leg and still breathless when he pressed kisses up my belly to my breasts. He licked each of my nipples, and then hauled me up with his arms banded around my back. I hung lax and pliable in his grip while he took my mouth with suppressed violence, bruising my lips and betraying how close to the edge he was. He closed my robe; then stood, staring down at me. “ Seunghyun …?” “Seven o’clock, Y/N.” He reached down and touched my ankle, his fingertips caressing the diamond anklet I’d put on in preparation for the evening. “And keep this on. I want to fuck you while you’re wearing nothing else.”

[mywildloves]

I felled asleeps, made a fresh pot of coffee because my sister in law drank the first pot 😒 and now she's taking them out. And I am taking the afternoon off to Skyrim. I've applied for like eight jobs today. I've done my part. Don't you guys love it when I live-blog my days? I know... Im your fav.

[amytoday-blog]

20

I’m going to be 30 in less than two months.

I’m exactly where I want to be, shit-together wise.  I don’t live with my parents.  I am 100% financially autonomous.  I understand how my credit score is and how to maintain it but I’m not even remotely conservative.  

It’s weird to me though, how even though I’m exactly where I want to be, I still feel pressured to be doing more.  To be getting married, to buy a house.  I don’t know.  Humans will always pressure each other and it’s some bullshit.  I am going to try to make fewer comparisons.  

In an effort to write more on this blog, I am going to write bit by bit about my 20s.  Starting today, starting with 20.  This project has no other parameters other than that this document is for ME; it’s an honest depiction of what this decade was like for me.  It isn’t for facebook, it isn’t for you.  If I loved you I’ll say it.  If I didn’t I’ll say that too.

20 (December 15, 2008 - December 14, 2009)

I spent my 20th birthday drinking Chianti and eating salmon in Windsor, Ontario with my grandparents and my mom.  Then I came home and wrote in my LiveJournal about how I was quite content with my life.  I was on break between semesters, and this dude Josh had a huge crush on me and that made me feel important.

Josh ended up being a total fucking creep and I eventually figured out I was queer so like, whatever.  But it was fun to turn 20 with butterflies in my stomach.  It’s good to be excited about the unknown.

That March I interviewed for the position of editor-in-chief of Cardinal Sins, the campus art and lit mag, and I got the job (Josh had also applied so this victory was especially satisfying).  I remember applying for this job at the same time Travis and Tracy were applying for the Roberts Fellows: All the applications were due the same day, February 27th.  The night before it was pouring rain.  Tracy made us calzones for dinner and we stayed up late putting the finishing touches on our stuff.  There was nothing memorable about that night except it just felt like home to me.  I safe and dry and fed with my people, and we were all being our nerdy hardworking selves.  

Memorable people from 20: Britt, Sam.  Britt was 10 years my senior, and mentally we were in different places.  I was still young and hopeful, she no longer was.  Her contributor’s bio at the back of Sins said: “Britt is here in body only.  Mind and spirit have moved on ahead.”

I always wondered where her mind and spirit went to, exactly.  I still do.  I think about her often, although we’ve long since lost touch.  We met on the Cardinal Sins editorial staff, and to this day I don’t know what she saw in me.  Maybe i was who she used to be, who she still wanted to be.  She was freaking out about turning 30 and I wonder how she feels about 40 now.  Something about being where she was when we met makes me want to reach out to her but I don’t know how.  I get the sense she doesn’t want to be found.

We met for coffee in the mornings and drank a lot of wine at her house at night.  I smoked pot with her a few times even though I’m not really a smoker.  She lived in Bay City, on Fitzhugh Street.  I once said something to her about driving through Bay City, how the speed limits were lower than they were in Saginaw, and how I liked looking around at all the old buildings on Center Avenue.  

“I love that the speed limits are so high in Saginaw,” she said.  “It’s best to speed on through.  There’s nothing to see there.”

I disagreed-- I considered it Saginawesome moreso than Saginawful, if only because I’d chosen that place and wanted to believe in it, still.

But what she said still resonated with me.

Sam and I met in the spring of 2009.  She was also on the Sins staff, though she was into photography, not writing.  She had red hair and was an extrovert.  She drove a ‘95 Corsica and that fall we used to spend long breaks between classes at the apple orchard in Freeland.  One of the few things I loved about living in a cornfield was that I could just casually hit up the apple orchard on my lunch break; in Detroit metro it’s a fucking ordeal with a commute.

I still feel bad about how things ended with Sam.  She was good to me, even if she didn’t understand me.  Once I turned 21 I couldn’t use my underage status as an excuse to stay home anymore and that wouldn’t fly with her.  But I was tired.  I had to focus on other shit.  It hurts when I think about her because she was just one of those people I had to walk away from even though she loved me and I loved her.