#but this is something i've been fighting with since I choose the bisexual label

[wwaddless]

i've recently come to the conclusion that i'm somewhere on the asexual spectrum but not fully ace and it's the first bit of my identity that i haven't felt the need to truly label and it's so?? freeing idk

i love labels, i love being able to fit myself into a little box but sometimes it's so difficult to try and explain why i use this label and such. because people are curious and that's fair because i am too. but idk, there's just something so good about not forcing myself to be in a box. i just am and that's great :)

[lady-bess]

Feeling proud during pride 🏳‍🌈

*rips off the uncomfortably tight band-aid which has stopped me talking about this for far too long*

Ouch! *incomprehensible swearing*

Wow, that hurt. But now that the wound is exposed, it can heal. Right?

If you're wondering what the heck I'm talking about - Hi, I'm Bess, and this June I came out to my mother and partner as gay.

The mentality of ripping off a band aid to get things out in the open has been the only metaphor I could accurately use to describe how this whole ordeal has felt.

But Bess... I hear you begin, You've had "bisexual" in your bio since you started on social media. What's different?

Dear reader, you're totally right! I have! So, sit back, relax, and let me tell you why this pride means so much more to me than it ever has. And, in doing so, I hope I can resonate with someone out there who might have been going through something similar. To show someone that you're not alone, no matter how much it might feel like it.

This Pride month started out the same as most for me. I'd scoff at all the big corporations slapping a rainbow on their logo to show solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community, and people around me would wonder why I personally cared about what these businesses did, as someone who is in a long term relationship with someone of the opposite gender (because we see y'all Pink Washing, don't get it twisted..).

But deep down, I felt like this year things were going to be different. I had this looming sensation that my life was about to change, and it would be something to do with my sexuality.

A lot has changed this last year. I've had three different jobs, I've come off birth control, hit my mid-twenties, and I've been through a bought of cheeky depression. Any of my nearest and dearest friends could tell you that I've been three or four entirely different people this last year, but I feel I'm now finally at a point where the storm has quelled, the clouds have passed, and we are now travelling in much calmer waters. Like the version of me who has come out the other side of all these toils is who I'm meant to be.

And I owe it, to her, to be my true self.

Throughout all of these life changes though, one thing held me back. At every hurdle I've overcome this last year, I've constantly felt like there's another bigger fight waiting for me to face one day. And no matter what I do, it's coming, regardless. The older I've got, the harder it has become to keep it hidden. And that is how I feel about my sexual identity - the months and years of questioning myself, wondering "just how gay am I?" (which, spoiler alert, if you're having to ask yourself that question then you're probably a bit queer).

Because, even though I've been comfortably 'out' as bisexual to my friends since I was 14, this last year I've felt a shift. For the first time, I felt like my sexuality mattered. For the first time, I didn't want to hide who I was. It took me over a decade to get there, and I still haven't got it all figured out. But honestly? I no longer think that matters.

I haven't a clue if I'm still bi, pansexual, or a lesbian. Every time I think I might have figured it out, that I am a lesbian, I see a GIF of Pedro Pascal as Jack Daniels and it sends me into a frenzy (look, I'm still gonna be Jack's doting wife, even if I am being very raw and emotional right now. I have a brand to maintain, after all).

For now, I just choose to label myself as gay/queer as a blanket term, which I'm essentially using as a way for me to go, "look, I haven't got a f*cking clue, can we move on?".

I came out to my mother just over a week ago. I am so eternally grateful for that woman, because if I could have written the perfect reaction to accepting someone coming out, it would have been what she did. It makes me regret not telling her sooner. I openly admitted to her that I was scared to talk to her about it, that I worried how she'd react to it (for context, she has put a lot of time and resources into helping my partner and I with the house we currently live in. It would not be as nice as it is without her help over these last two years. I was petrified she'd be disappointed and see her contribution as a waste).

But to my genuine shock, she gave me a hug, and said, "I don't care who or what lives in this house. As long as you're happy, that doesn't matter to me".

I messaged my friend after I did it, saying how relieved I was, and that also, "I have my mum in my corner now. I'm quite literally unstoppable".

Now, I know that having a supportive parent puts me in a massively advantageous position with what comes next. I, unfortunately, know far too many queer people who don't have the same love and acceptance that I've received from my mother, and to anyone in that boat I am so sorry.

I'm sure, over time, there will be family members of mine that will cut me off for this. But I tried to make peace with it as best as I could - I had my mother's support, and that was all I decided mattered.

So, what's all this to say? What changes?

Well, a lot of stuff. My partner and I are in the process of separating. For as much as he doesn't want to accept the truth, it's there, and it's never been more of a pressing issue between us. There's no going back from it now - the wound is on show, and it wants to heal. We can't cover it back up.

But the main thing that changes, for me at least, is that for the first time in my life I'm so proud to be queer. That was something I never imagined being, and the fact that I am now makes me almost cry. I genuinely thought I'd go my whole life as a closeted bisexual, who never felt "gay enough" to label myself as queer; stuck in heteronormative relationships, always a bit envious of those brave enough to live their truth - the ones who I would pass in the streets, hand in hand with their girlfriends, and I'd hear a little voice in my head shouting, "I'm one of you! Accept me!".

But whatever I turn out to be, even if I never figure out exactly what label suits me the most, the fact that I'm out the closet publicly is like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

For the first time, I can see a future unfolding that I've only ever dreamt of - something I would fantasise about, but always grounding myself in the reality that it never would. The idyllic life I'd daydream about having, moving away somewhere remote with my wife and a couple of dogs, choosing to live a slower and more peaceful existence.

For the first time, I've been openly queer in the workplace. A few of my coworkers picked up that things weren't right with me one morning, and I spilled the beans. Because, for as necessary as this split with my partner is, that doesn't make it easy. We've been together almost half a decade - even though I don't love him like he needs me to, it's not to say that I don't still care a great deal for him.

For the first time, I'm supported in a way I could have only dreamed of.

To anyone in the LGBTQ+ community, however you identify, you are safe with me 🏳‍🌈 My inbox is always open 💕

And to all my friends who have seen me through this period of change in my life - I can never thank you enough. Getting my family's support was one of my biggest accomplishments, but I will never forget the friends who were fighting in my corner from day one. The ones who comforted me when I felt like I wasn't enough - the ones who sympathised with what I've been through this last year - the ones who held my hand and told me it would all work out.

I love each and every one of you ❤

If you're going through anything similar, the one thing I'd always tell myself was this; "It'll all work out okay in the end. And if it's not okay, then it's not the end".

Happy pride, however you identify. Stay safe, and much love to you all.

LadyBess xoxo

[youthoughtiwasserious]

Love having my sexuality invalidated by my queer friend group

So I'm bisexual & maybe bigender (still figuring it out), my friend is pan & genderfluid, & two of my other friends are bicurious.

One of our friends was showing us some characters from BG3, & he was like "oh so and so character takes being bi to a whole other level." I joked, "Bi? On another level? Can't imagine it, I'm already there."

My pan & one of my bicurious friends immediately were like "What are you talking about, that's just pan!1!1!" and started laughing. I had to try so hard to not to start something bc they know how I feel abt shit like that.

So I guess if you absolutely needed to """properly""" categorize me, I'm "technically" pan. I am attracted to people regardless of gender, & I have no gender preference. If I think you're hot, I think you're hot - end of story.

I choose to ID as bi for a couple reasons, but the main one is that I'm comfy w it. Plus I want to fight against biphobia/bi erasure by IDing as bi & showing people that it doesn't mean "bi ppl only means attraction to cis men & women."

My friends have heard my explanations about the different mspec labels numerous times. They know they're all different and nuanced but they're all under the same umbrella. I've even tried to educate my one pan friend to stop using pan to say "I'm attracted to men, women, AND trans people!1!” bc it implies that trans people can't be categorized under men & women.

It's just so hurtful to think that my friends have bought into the rhetoric that my sexuality is ""basic"" or "on a lower level" than pan bc it's "not woke." Because it "only includes 2 cis genders." That's not what bisexuality is, & it's never been that way since the term was coined.

I've explained this to them numerous times & it feels like it always falls on deaf ears - even though I'm always respectful & cognizant of their sexualities and exploration of such.

I sincerely wish it wasn't so painfully obvious that my friends still don't understand bisexuality - a fundamental part of who I am - and make hurtful comments that invalidate me.

[cat-sapphics]

So I just wanna ask you if you are really against mspec lesbians? because bilesbianism was always a big part of bisexual and lesbian history I’m not trying to sound mean or anything I’m just genuinely curious about if you are against them why and hear your points only if you want a obviously/gen

alright so i was going to just delete this ask at first out of assumption that you were gonna be like "why are you against us, it's QUEER HISTORY u pos exclus >:(((" but you seem genuinely curious and it seems i've misread, so i apologize and i'm glad i didn't delete it.

but anyway, you're right!! "mspec lesbians" used to be a huge part of our shared history, that's very much true. back before lesbian separatism was active, all women who associated themselves with women were considered lesbians, because the word "lesbian" was considered an act and not an innate orientation - hence why it was much more acceptable and even encouraged for (especially straight) women to choose to distance themselves from men and "go lez" by associating themselves with women more, not even romantically. we now call this political lesbianism, which is finally recognized as being lesbophobic. bi women who dated women were considered to be lesbians in lesbian relationships. bisexuality was not seen as its own valid entity yet.

^^ which is exactly part of why it's also biphobic to be acknowledging bi women as lesbians, even if they as individuals want to be recognized as such. we have fought long and hard to gain our own spaces as our own unique orientation and community, while still engaging in solidarity with actual lesbians simultaneously. to say that we can just be lesbians if we want to undoes all of that separatism, and it brings attraction to men back into exclusive spaces that were designed to keep that out. where are they to go if we just keep following them and refusing them the right to their own personal communities just like we have? and that's what makes it lesbophobic primarily.

i think a good source for you to read into would be [this carrd], and i know carrds tend to be frowned upon in debates but this one actually has a lot of time, effort, and research put into it. it is very gentle with its wording and does not demonize inclusive people who have used harmful labels at all before, plus it even offers alternatives that cat be used!!

there's another one that's been going around for a year or two (justsaysapphic), but it's short and doesn't really say much beyond "mspec lesbians are bad and lesbophobic." i just went to go find it for reference, but it seems as though the author has deleted it and replaced it with a link that shows that they are now in favor of mspec lesbians, which goes to show that they can't say the same about the previous one in terms of valid resourcefulness. i'm disappointed and in quite a bit of disbelief tbh and kinda wish i hadn't found that out now ?? oof. i mean... i'm always open to people changing their opinions as opposed to being unbearably stubborn so i guess i can't be a hypocrite, but it was such a big deal in the lesbian community so i'd be lying if i said i wasn't shocked. and i am gonna be critical about it too, because something about it all just strikes me as really... off... about how this person went from fighting lesbophobia to "hmm, no the radinclus queers were right actually, words have no meaning anymore" since i always see inclus turn into exclus but very rarely vice versa - i just can't quite put my finger on what. but anyways, not the point here.

i hope this helps, though. i didn't feel like typing up a long organized masterpost for it right now (as you can probably tell since this is not my greatest post ever written), especially when that link explains it better, but feel free to ask if you have anymore questions and i'm sure i could either answer them myself to my best attempt or find more related posts that i've saved somewhere before in the past!! :,)

[stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland]

Hi, Stuck! Same anon with the big post you liked the other day. I have another one I’d like to share if that’s ok with you.

So far from what I understand when the group went on hiatus Lauren signed solo for Columbia. Then she spent 3 years basically shelved with them to simply walk away to be independent. This got me thinking why would they release her so easily? Without profiting? Or it was just a short contract? Maybe they never intended to release her album and was just a away to Epic to keep her under control for the time somehow? We’ll probably never know.

But I was listening to her interview with Baazar and she mentioned that she choose not to use male or female pronouns when she writes so anyone can relate with the lyrics and that caught my attention. I mean, if she’s so free and also out of the closet and proud as a bisexual why not use both pronouns?

Yeah this could’ve been a matter of choice, but have you noticed this EP is kind of generic romantically speaking? I know it’s a Prelude, but still… After the podcast I was waiting for the story of how she was in love with the same woman for years. Or that narrative simply changed when she left Columbia?

All this adds s to my ideia about her independent era. Also the ‘Mix Rio FM’ interview when she cried talking about those years when she was told what to do and not do and how she didn’t want to be a part of the making hits techniques or play the industry’s games and how she really had to fight to be in this position she’s now.

If she had to fight she must definitely was still under contract, right? So if she was able to walk away maybe she gave them something in return. Like not using female pronouns on her lyrics. Like doing some PR. Like agreeing to that podcast back then. Like accepting and posting Yawn’s stuff on her stories. What if all this is already part of the walk free deal?

She already said the album is coming in 2022 and we will understand the complete story told by Prelude and some people think that when it comes she’ll have to do another PR, but what if she managed to give something they wanted (like support the circus) so she could walk away a little more free? Owning her masters and having at least the power to chose where she wants to go artistically is a huge deal.

I can’t help but think what the price was.

Thank you!!!

Hello dear anon! First of all, thank you for trusting my blog again to share your theories and how good they are, I'm going to tag you. From today you will be #anontheory. So whoever wants to read your theories can look for this tag and read directly what you have postulated.

Now entering your theory fully, the truth is that what you say is not something crazy. Ever since I entered this fandom in 2018, I've always been told that the girls had plans for their careers, but they couldn't get both of them out together. One had to be pigeonholed by the other so that she could succeed and it was really what we saw since Camila left the band and launched herself as a soloist.

Lauren sacrificed herself for Camila to succeed with CC1 and she did. From 2017 to 2018 and early 2019 we saw Lauren bad. She caught up in a fucking PR that she didn't do well for while Camila did her thing to her music. We saw that and I remember that it was the first thing I complained about when I joined the fandom, sending the bastards who were behind the artistic careers of the girls to hell.

What is happening now my dear friend?

That the tortilla turned and it's Camila who's caught in a shitty PR. It is Camila who sacrificed herself to make Lauren really free and that is what we are seeing now.

And if this is fully confirmed, then that sacrifice was agreed upon a long time ago.

Because we have always said it, the music industry is big business even if you are indie, you still sell your music, your art to your audience and we know that girls still have ties that tie them to the big labels. Especially Sony Music.

However, I also know that Lauren had to make her own sacrifices on her own to have what she has just as Camila did the same to have what she has. This is how she works in the shit hole dear anon. Adapt and fight for what best serves you and you can enjoy.

Even if the girls had different visions for their careers, I think that that bond they have of sacrificing for each other will always be there even if in the future they are no longer together.

Thanks again for the trust my friend, have a good day 🤗❤😘