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doomstypewriter · 5 years ago

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Warmth

I’m back with some Moceit because, god, the new video shook me.

AO3

Summary:

Patton wants to say something very important to Janus.

What anyone can get from that in the end is that he is very gay and in panic and should probably just talk things out with Roman.

It would have made it easy if Patton had clearly taken a side in his and Roman’s vicious back-and-forth. But he’d mostly maintained himself neutral. Not to mention how laughably good it had felt to hear him imply he was right. And now that. No implications. Outright appreciation. Why did warmth feel so unbecoming? “What?” he answered in a tiny voice shoved in the middle of an exhalation. His face puckered ever-so-slightly. Yearning. It would have been more useful to keep it as a thought

Word count:

1690

TW:

Maybe unsympathetic Roman, but this is all from Janus' point of view (the general posture is neutral), Janus being a sarcastic bitch, a mention of Remus doing some whacky stuff but nothing mayor, mild arguing but gets sorted out. (Nothing more I can think of, still, if you do find something, please tell me).

Warmth

“So, Janus…” Patton began to speak feeling his way around.

He saw a change coming, on Thomas’ position regarding the dark sides and how that would affect them all. He had already taken a chance with Virgil at the time. He’d never regret that choice. Maybe that was the reason why he had gone there.

“Yes, that’s my name, don’t wear it out so soon, you just found out about it” answered Janus, leaning his elbow on the back of his left hand, while the right one bent in a dramatic gesture, almost touching his shoulder.

Janus looked everywhere except at him. In all honesty, he found everything about that situation perfectly comfortable and, no, the interaction was not at all forced nor the silence awkward.

“By all means, do stay there just standing” after hearing this Patton made a sound of confusion, as if he was frowning with his voice. Because, heaven knows he’d sooner pass out than frown in public. As amusing as that mental image was, he had to clarify it, otherwise Mr. Nice over there would never cut to the chase. “By that I mean that we both got stuff to do, and, even though I enjoy your company so, so much, I have complots to plan and Remus won’t get unburied by himself; I imagine you’ll have cookies to bake, camp songs to sing or something equally vital for this world”.

Patton took a breath. For a moment it seemed as it a confession was about to happen, something trascendental, information of a caliber that changes lives, ideas. Not yet.

A small, apparently unrelated, laugh escaped him.

“I didn’t mean to make you nervous”.

This time, Janus did look at him straight in the eye. Patton felt he had been shoved under the bus of his gaze, it was not painful, but quite intimidating. Which was weird because, if Virgil was anything to go by, Janus had the tendency to shove people down a flight of stairs, not busses. Still, he played dumb and kept his goofy facade on.

“Nervous?” the eyebrow of Janus’ human side raised to a height that could have been a mile, in a road trip straight to an expression of dubiousness. What a time on the cat-bus, or, well, snake-bus.

He could have explained he’d come to realise that Janus had the pesky habit of deflecting with sass and not-so-subtle melodrama when confronted with something he did not like or when he got nervous. After all, his way of acting centered around getting what he disliked out of sight. Patton knew this first hand. Not because he knew Janus well, rather, due to the fact that he knew himself well enough. There are things one prefers to ignore.

Patton had preferred to ignore the familiarity in Janus’ purpose and his, their personalities and motivations; which wasn’t exactly neat, being a dad and all.

Perhaps it was time to step forward.

To grow up.

“I didn’t say it before and I think it’s not right for me to not let you know--”.

Pursing his lips in an almost duckface, the reptile looked done with everything, and he hadn’t even heard the entire sentence. He rolled his eyes and raised his eyebrows, surprisingly proving that more of a bitch-face was indeed possible.

“The entire interaction has been a delight and all, but let’s cut it here. If this is about Royal Pains then you don’t need to ‘let me know’ anything, he made himself clear, contrary to popular belief snakes are not deaf”.

“That was not what I wanted to say” and, in all honesty, he would have rather not have Janus mention it. Now he was morally compelled to address the elephant in the room. He placed his hands on his hips to give himself an air of authority. “But both Roman and you said pretty nasty things and should go apologise each other”.

“What a pity, there’s something in all of that jazz about talking to playground bullies that does not appeal to me. If I wanted to speak to children I’d just sit with Remus all day”.

Patton frowned.

That didn’t throw Janus off, and, by no means it made him want to comfort him to stop him from being upset. To suggest that would be ridiculous. But, if, let’s say, he did want to provide him with some degree of support, and this is one hundred percent hypothetical, he would hug him. Not that he’d ever wondered about how that would feel like.

“Do you think it is okay to just leave Roman feeling awful because you feel awful too?” Patton’s tone was kind as always, but his words did not tell the same story. “It might seem ‘fair’ but it’s not right. Using some other people’s vulnerabilities just because you’re angry, it is not even making you feel better. It only makes everyone more angry and sad. You too. Specially since you need to hear an apology as badly as Roman does--”

“What would you know about me? I have told you my name, that’s about it. And.what.a.party.that.was. I am so thrilled that when I am at my most vulnerable, when I let my guard low cause I think: come on Janus, maybe it’s worth it, you could finally be heard and actually do your job… sorry, NO!” as if to further his point, or, most likely, his anger, he added a single fake laugh. “Someone has to barge in and make me feel like an absolute idiot for not hiding something for once. How is it that when Roman repeatedly uses others people’s vulnerabilities against people, for the sake of satiating his own need for self-importance, you turn a blind eye on it; but, when I do it I must be reprimanded? You’re all so self-righteous. Let me be the villain if needed be. I don’t need no apologies because neglecting the validation of the importance of my role is something I have always been able to handle. I don’t want your praise. Telling you my name is the last thing--”

“Thank you”.

The air left his lungs in a rush. All determination carried within his words deflated like a soufflè that had had the oven door opened too soon. A part of him bent to the gut punch of that sentence. He wanted to pry the mask of his eye caps. Cry. Always thinking that hearing it would leave him satisfied, proud, not disgruntled. Nevermind that quiet voice in the back of his head, screaming: yes! Finally! Finally.

“What?” he answered in a tiny voice shoved in the middle of an exhalation. His face puckered ever-so-slightly. Yearning. It would have been more useful to keep it as a thought.

“That is what I came here to tell you. I forgot to say so before, with all fuzz, taking care of Roman and Thomas… I’m a busy dad, but I have to give an example, and when someone does something nice for you, you say thank you. I apologised so many times I forgot to say it more”.

“You don’t need to thank me. I didn’t do it for you. Caring for Thomas… I was just doing my job”.

“Yeah, but you did one snek of a job,” Patton laughed in a poor effort to break the tension between them. Only to fall back into the saccharine section of his disgustingly and not-at-all-endearing registre.“Janus, and it’s not okay to ignore that. Also… you kinda saved me”.

Validation was something, huh.

“You’re welcome, I guess”.

It seemed that almost giving him a heart-attack was not enough. Patton had zero self-control and simply threw himself at Janus to capture him in a constraining hug. Who was the albino boa constrictor here?

Not only did Patton smell like vanilla, cinnamon and a taint of chocolate, he was also oven-level of warm. The pillow-like feeling to his embrace would have made anyone sink in like a baby.

Holy shit.

If it hadn’t been so sudden Janus would have lost any shred of dignity and poise he’d hope to keep.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you nervous again” Patton disentangled himself from the other, seeing no reciprocation occuring. Maybe he should just change the subject and leave.

That had been horrible. Janus would forever deny the impulse to just melt Patton had so thoughtfully gifted him with.

“I know Roman isn’t always... the kindest, but he really doesn’t mean it. He’ll change his mind about you eventually. I hope you can forgive each other then”.

Janus looked at him with intensity.

“I… need time”.

“That is okay” he paused, considering. He might as well just take the second cookie. Fingers extended, because crossing them would make it really hard for him to grab the cookie, heh. “I’m not the smartest one, but if you ever need anything, I make really good muffins and always listen. You don’t even have to talk if you don’t want to, you can say you came over because it’s warm”.

“Only in for white lies. Lacks style, but it might make you slightly tolerable”.

It was a bit sad to hear. Patton had hoped for a different kind of answer, but if Janus didn’t want to confide in him that couldn’t be forced. He’d have to give him some space and prove his good intentions one little step at a time.

“Well, this frog is getting back to his pond. I’ll let you get back--”

“I won’t consider your offer”.

Oh?

Oh!

Patton’s face lit up in the brightest of smiles.

‘Great timing’ thought Janus. So opportune to just keep on nagging him towards a heart-attack. Wonderful.

“Oh, Janus” said Patton, just before he left.

“What?” he asked, yet again.

“It is a lovely name”.

Taglist:

@girl-with-many-fandoms , @what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me , @snek-snacc , @oddpopsicle , @your-boi-leon , @many-fandoms-trash , @rubixn , @theantisocialghost

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medeafive · 4 years ago

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I'm curious about Cruise!

Oh, thanks very much for asking about that! That’s actually a covid fic. In the early days, there was this one cruise ship where covid broke out and they weren’t allowed to land in Japan, I think (I think it was called Diamond Cruise). So, the fic is essentially a fake-dating mission where Natasha accompanies Bucky on the cruise because of some Hydra thing only he can recognize. And then covid breaks out and Natasha catches it (Bucky is immune because he’s a super soldier), so he has to nurse her while she’s sick and even after she gets better, they’re still stuck all day in their cabin and they get veeeery close. I wrote a solid beginning (which I’ll post below a read more) and then skipped all the fake dating to jump to the end and it’s basically abandoned now, though I hope to catch motivation again some day.

"Hell no. You can't make her do that."

Her doesn't even twitch, feet on the table, chin propped up on her palm, elbow propped up on her hip. She waits, lurking, and at some point she's going to come out swinging, whichever way. And she won't miss.

Fury rolls his eyes, except he doesn't. It's a skill Bucky admires. "Make her what, Barton?"

He used to find her kind of unremarkable- she's only human, after all, and a small one at that. Now he doesn't understand how she could ever not make the hair at the back of his neck stand. She exudes danger. It's on another frequency just out of earshot but it's deafening once you get attuned.

"Make her play cuddly with- no offense but maybe you should get out for this. With the guy who tried to murder her multiple times."

He doesn't get out and nobody seems to care. Nobody pays him any mind at all. Her still hasn't moved an inch. Like the mafia boss while everyone around argues and fights. He's seen some movies, it's just all a wash to him.

"I'm not making anyone do anything," Fury returns. "It's a fucking cruise. That's just the obvious cover. And I'm not letting a fairly new agent run a weeks long undercover operation without experienced backup."

"And how exactly do you imagine that going?" Barton asks. "Is she supposed to sleep in a small, windowless room? With him?"

"I'm sure we could work something out," her suggests surprisingly, not taking her chin out of her palm. "Build some trust."

She's not looking at him but he knows she's watching him. They're on the same frequency. The one for murderers and psychopaths. He doesn't get the feeling she's talking about her trust in him, like it's not her issue, which is eerie.

"Are you serious?" Barton questions in disbelief. He gets the feeling he wants to give her an easy out most of all, so she doesn't have to be the one who says no. "Come on, Nat. That's a swimming prison. Nowhere to run."

"I'm just saying," she adds casually, as if she hasn't already made her decision. "Who goes on a cruise with his sister? Separate cabins? It just doesn't make sense."

"You could go separately," Steve suggests carefully. "Without connected covers."

Maybe it was when she went off the comms that one time, off the grid, and Steve said she would be fine and Barton said she was exactly where she wanted to be- and then she later walked out of the bunker, with the thing they'd been looking for the entire fucking time, crooked smile. Maybe that flicked the switch, maybe that's since when he can't see her as anything else than what she is, which is all sharp edges, all teeth, all danger. Maybe that's when it was.

"He has no experience," she points out, as if she needs to argue. "Fury is right, he needs supervision. And I can do the talking part."

Not his strong suit. "And you can sell that," Barton remarks dubiously, not specifying that.

"Sure," she replies, shrugging non-committedly. "And if he can't, I will."

He starts doubting he's actually here, with how they're all talking around him. "And I'm not making you," Fury remarks.

She grins, letting the sharp and blank shine through. "Have you ever?"

"That's settled, then," Fury finishes. He wonders if anyone ever asked him. "We'll work out the details. Ship leaves next week and then you're on your own."

They all get up and so he does, too, following Steve towards the elevator, but the hair on his neck signals to him she's there, right behind him, even if inaudible. He turns and she rolls to a stop, smoothly. "Scared?"

He shrugs. As if he would tell her. Throw her that kind of meat. "Well," she remarks, rocking up on her feet. "Better get used to it."

She's all up in his space all of a sudden, pressing his head down to her lips, and he just goes with it. There's nothing else on the other frequency than before, not that he expected it to be. It's weirdly silent around. At least he didn't startle.

"Mhm," she makes, pulling back. "Try again."

He leans down, thinking about the sharpness, nothing but the sharpness, like he's making out with a Kalashnikov, weirdly apt metaphor. But she's not that blunt an instrument, of course, more like a scalpel. A dagger. Anything that can cut someone's heart out.

She's grinning when he pulls back, sharp teeth. "Okay. I can work with that."

Barton looks half worried and half amused. He just gets on the elevator with Steve who looks at him weird, of course. Closes his eyes as soon as the doors glide together. Man. A fucking cruise. Just because he's the only one who's ever seen the stupid key they're after. And the book. Now he has to play a fucking tourist.

"Sure you can handle it?" Steve asks, sounding awfully worried, now that they're alone.

"It's just a cruise, Steve," he replies. "It's just a fucking cruise."

They figure out a thing for his arm, they do his hair and they write him a comprehensive cover. He gets to pick what business school he went to, not nameless but not too famous, gets to pick his family background, his pet peeves. They try a few different things and end up sticking to glasses. He shaves.

He gets a briefing about her cover, too, and immediately, one of the photos slips out of the folder. She's on the cover of a magazine, supposed to look soft but he only sees the sharp edges. There's a handwritten note from her, in nice cursive, that he doesn't have to learn it by heart, that it's actually more convincing if he doesn't know everything. He reads the whole night.

She's… he's actually not quite sure. Something between a model and an actress and the kind of person a rich guy would call if he needed some arm candy. She's on Instagram, too, with a remarkable amount of followers and posts going back over three years. Nice to have such a machine at your back. She probably has fucking sponsoring deals. He read about that kind of thing.

They quiz him about his cover until he can recite the whole thing forward and backward and sideways. They quiz him about hers, too, but when he mixes it all up, the woman smiles and says that it's maybe even better this way. Better explain superficiality than try to fake it away.

He has to learn about his supposed job, too, daytrading and the commodity markets and fintec and junk bonds and all that kind of shit. That's probably what he's going to fuck up first. They teach him stupid managerial speak and quiz him about the political views he's supposed to have. When he's not talking about work, he needs to know everything about his fancy hobbies, tennis and mountain climbing and sailing. God, he hates himself.

When they travel to Okinawa, where they will board, he's so full of it, expert information and biographical details and mannerisms, he's never going to get all of that straight. Someone's life pressed into a week. How is he supposed to remember all of that, not mix it up? He'd have to be a totally different person.

"You know, I'm not particularly picky about who I make out with," she remarks. "If that helps. Not a big deal."

Of course. She'll just get it done. She's just worried he'll be difficult about it. "I'm not worried about that."

"Yes, you are," she replies seamlessly. "But I really don't care. You know, I even made out with Steve once."

That immediately sears itself into his brain, whether he wants it to or not. "Yeah. Okay."

"Different thing," she adds, starting to go through her handbag. "Sleeping arrangements. We could try shifts but that's probably not going to work. Are you claustrophobic?"

He shakes his head. He's scared of many things, though. Probably couldn't name them all if he tried. "Okay," she says. "Then it's probably easiest if one of us locks themselves in the bathroom overnight and we switch every day."

Great. Sleeping in the bathtub. "It locks from the inside, though."

"Yeah, but I'll definitely wake up from that," she replies. "You too. I considered the balcony, too, but that looks super weird if one of us sleeps outside."

Oh, no. Not at all. He wonders how long she thought about that until she felt safe with it. With him. "Okay. Bathroom."

"I'm sure it's fancy so we'll be fine," she says. "It looked fancy in the pictures."

There are so many people. All getting on one ship. And she's talking the whole fucking time while he's just trying to find out where they're supposed to go, getting mad at him when he doesn't listen or reply or whatever shit, and at once he snaps at her. She pouts, sort of duckface if that's still a thing, turning and starting to complain to random people around them, which is fine by him as long as she leaves him alone-

It scares him to realize he's really angry, he didn't want to, certainly not to the point of losing control, snapping- yet he snapped perfectly in character. Without even trying. A few people around look at him sympathetically. It's weird but it feels sorta… good?

"Oh honey," she interrupts his calm. "Don't we have priority boarding? It's so humid out here. I'm sweating like a pig, I really need a shower. Do we have the suite with the bathtub? I'm dying out here, really. We should go for the pool first. No, shower, the shower with the…"

He stops listening after that, rolling his eyes before he even thinks about it. Wow. But he spots a sign soon after, different line, hopefully priority, the sign's golden-

She's talking with an elderly lady about the horrific heat. He takes a deep breath and just drags her that way, through the crowd, not letting go of her wrist because then he'll definitely lose her. He hears her giggle as she wiggles through the crowd. "Oh my. Oh my. You are certainly very hands-on today."

He has no fucking patience for that. Or Benedict has no fucking patience for that. Or both. "Could you just, for a second, shut up?"

She opens her mouth, gasping for a brief moment, but out only comes an angry hum. Sure, her lips are moving but he can tune the words out perfectly. The golden sign comes within reach and it's indeed their category, thank God. Now he just has to find the end of the queue. Benedict has studied in England, he would never cut in line.

They finally come to a stop, at the end of the quickly moving line. She pushes her gigantic glasses up her nose, huffing. "They better not lose our baggage. Once, on a flight, they lost my suitcase even though it had a new exclusive shawl by Hermes in it! Can you imagine? I was phoning after them for weeks and I never got anywhere, they just lost it. Never showed up again. I bet one of those shady flight attendants stole it. She was staring at me so jealously, you know, even though I barely had any makeup on, just a touch of rouge and-"

"They won't lose our baggage," he interrupts.

She stops and smiles, behind her enormous glasses, should be hard to make out but it's not, gets on her toes and quickly presses her lips to his, but he catches her head and keeps her there and- until someone clears their throat behind them, right, right, the queue, must move. He apologizes backwards, without really looking. She's smiling, moving forward, mood changed so quickly.

He doesn't really get why they would go on a cruise together when they already get so annoyed with each other. Why he would take her. He's pretty sure he's taking her, though no one told him that explicitly. The usher is staring at him expectantly, she's staring at him expectantly, and he fumbles for the tickets while she complains that he never keeps his things in order.

The usher's smile widens when he sees the price category on the ticket. "Oh, welcome on board, Mr. Darkwell, Miss Bigard. Let me escort you to your suite."

#buckynat #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #winter soldier #black widow #my writing #sorry I can't do breaks somehow

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doorsclosingslowly · 4 years ago

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snippet time

I'm having way too much fun. at 3.3k and no-one's even cuddling yet

“Also, I notice it fits me, not Inej. Not Nina. Not Matthias. Not even Haskell, I bet. Me. Almost like it was made for me.”

Kaz ignores his insinuations. The answer’s obvious, anyway: yes, he did take clothes from the main washing pile in Jesper’s room and measured them. Yes, he used the measurements when he ordered a bondage suit. Yes, that’s creepy. Yes, a decent person would have asked. No, he’s not sorry. Jes knew who Kaz was when he moved in with him. And it’s not like Kaz is the only one keeping secrets.

“Even attempted theft is illegal, Jesper. I cover my tracks, but you… you should be careful what you say now.”

“Inej’s gonna cut off your head if you try. It’s like you never read her hoodies. All cats are beautiful, et cetera, Kaz. Thirteen-twelve. Keep up.”

Sometimes, the only thing that keeps Kaz from tossing Jesper out of the Slat is that Inej hates landlords and landlord-adjacents just as much as the pigs. “I’ll never mention anything about tonight again if you don’t either. Forget it. It was a bad idea. A failed plan. That’s all.”

“Without even trying it?”

“I will zip your mouth shut,” Kaz rasps. “I’ll lock it. I’ll throw the key into the harbour. Fuck you.”

Jesper, though, somehow got even mouthier when he put the bondage suit on. Less respectful. This isn’t how it’s supposed to go. “Come on, Kaz,” he says. “I put it on, right? So I’m fine with it, if you’re worried. Aren’t you curious? If our places had been reversed—well, if you’d found it in my room you’d have murdered me, so we’re not exactly identical, but still. Come on, sit down next to me. This is—PVC right? Good job choosing me. Inej would hate it. So much plastic.”

“It’s less like skin than leather.”

“Not complaining, Kaz. I have some juice with a straw over there to keep me hydrated in case I sweat like a pig, but I haven’t, yet. I can probably camp out in this for a few more hours.” He tries a patented Jesper I’m flirting in an over the top way to make you laugh which is my flirting style for when I’m worried about the reaction look, probably with fluttering eyes, but since Kaz can barely make them out through those open zippers and the rest of his face is a complete mystery, it falls flat. It looks ridiculous, though, so it also works, and Jesper has the nerve of complaining about Kaz’ eight-dimensional chess plans. He’s worse. He’s worse, and animated by Jesper’s ridiculous, familiar movements the bondage suit doesn’t look like a pathetic attempt anymore. Not like the desperation of an emotional cripple. It just looks like Jesper, with an extra layer on his skin. Jesper, probably making a duckface, purring, “Don’t you think I’m sexy?”

Kaz looks away. “Are you serious right now?”

“Of course,” Jesper replies instantly, as if there was never any reason to doubt him. As if he doesn’t blame Kaz for doubting, simultaneously. As if Kaz is allowed to try. To fail. To fuck up, risk hurting him. There is a reason why Kaz never even considered someone else for the suit. “Come on, get on the bed.”

“We have to talk with Inej first. And with Wylan.”

“One-track mind,” Jesper replies, and just like that Kaz is ready to murder him again. “We’re not fucking. We’re not doing more than normal, except maybe touch. We don’t even know yet whether this helps you. I’m not risking it. We’ll just try touching, and if you think it’s triggering, we stop. We’ve got all the time to work up to more. Until this city sinks into the ocean and the grid collapses from heat, which might be tomorrow, so. Or the fascists win.”

“You’ve been listening to Inej.”

“I do try to keep up.”

“Well, stop. Or listen more carefully, until the end, when she gets to the doomerism is the opiate of the masses part.”

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graphicabyss · 5 years ago

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?人 NEWS

I wrote an enormous post, or rather an essay, concerning NEWS, Tegoshi, and everything that went through my mind in the past month. Honestly, it’s mostly my way of coping, getting it out of my system and sorting out my thoughts and feelings. But I decided to also post it here for those who might want to read.

It was a long time coming. The rumours were lurking around for years and a month ago they bloomed. And yet, the full realization is yet to dawn on me. When something devastating happens, our mind tends to shake off the pain by either exonerating the beloved person who hurt us, or blaming them and distancing away from them. It's really hard to stay objective. But I'll try.

Coming into this fandom, I prepared myself for disappointment. Once I was a TVXQ fan. You know, the 5-nin TVXQ that was going to be "together forever" and all that. So I wowed never to get that invested in a pop band. When NEWS came along, I tried not to get too attached. I knew it would hurt me, sooner of later. And for awhile, it worked. But, as years went by, I knew I lost the battle. We humans need to cling to something. Thus, nearly 7 years have passed.

To me, Tegoshi has always been a key component. He was the one that led me to NEWS. Or rather, how pretty he looked in a dress. Tegoshi always kept me interested. Sometimes he excited, sometimes he annoyed, but he was never ever boring. He was made of contradictions, both in words and in actions. Nothing ever adds up with him. He made me want to understand him but I could never quite grasp it. Thinking about it now, perhaps it was because he doesn't really understand himself either.

In these years, I had several crisis points where I considered leaving the fandom, all caused by something shitty Tegoshi said or did. But every time I bounced back. Of course, I didn't do it for him. I did it for myself. However, his selfishness has always been offset by his kindness. The last time was him crying at the end of Neverland tour and how sorry he looked. Till the end, I wanted to believe that his common sense and loyalty won't let him do something reckless and stupid. Yet, here we are. The interview he gave to Bunshun led me to believe that he would do the right thing. He said he would show his gratitude to JE and would definitely make his fans happy but now it's the furthest thing from the truth. The fandom is disappointed, confused, angry.

Some people say to get over it, that Tegoshi was meant to leave or some shit. But I think those people fundamentally misunderstand the heart of the problem. It's not that he left that infuriated the fandom. It's how and when he left. Most fans would support his decision to leave if the transition was done properly. He owed us that much. A proper apology. A proper gratitude. A proper farewell. The announcement had me in disbelief. I expected him to at least finish the contract, do the Story Tour, no matter how long it takes, and show the members, staff and the fans the respect they deserve. To cut it short feels like a violation. At the very least, we need a closure. The last goodbye. The last concert. The last something. He just left JE after 17 years like it was nothing.

More than anything, what he did seems so stupid. He had it so fucking good. He was always in the spotlight, both on stage and in TV shows. The other members did most of the offscreen work allowing him to shine. He was supported by endlessly patient members and staff. He had the freedom to choose and all the work he wanted for each of his passions - ItteQ, Soccer Earth, OpenRec. And he had fans that always supported him, no matter how many scandals he had.

What was so important that he had to give up on all the amazing benefits he had? To betray all this trust? And on top of it, at a time like this? When all world is going through so much shit? When the fans need moral support more than ever? What were the "dreams" that he talked about?

The ability to rant on Twitter? Making duckface selfies? Fucking around? Assembling a shitty rock band? Performing with strippers? Some kind of unique business opportunity? He talked for years about wanting to perform overseas or hosting fan events but right now these things are offlimit anyway. Why couldn't he at the very least explain his decision properly? Just that alone will definitely hurt his further career in the long run. The press-conference lasted 2 hours but it answered none of the questions that really mattered and there was no remorse. Though at this point, I can't trust anything he says anyway. He created his Twitter account the the evening it all went down and didn't bother explaining himself. He just jumped off the ship and let other people deal with the damage.

Even now, it all seems like some kind of bad dream. Then again, all of the 2020 does.

When I first saw "手越退社" trending on Twitter back in May I felt like I was spinning into a downward spiral, like all air was sucked out of me. And it wasn't the "oh, no! what will the band do?" I never went to a NEWS concert and never brought any merch. To me, it wasn't really the feelings of a fan whose band faces a crisis but rather that of an entrepreneur who invested too much money into one asset and watched it plummet.

Fandom stuff is a currency that can devalue in a blink of an eye. Its valuable as long as its core message is intact. This is why I can't stand people being petty over scans or videos. I share when I can knowing it will make someone happy because I know that tomorrow that someone might move on. When I stumble upon old closed journals with password-protected downloads they feel like ancient abandoned temples. The treasures in them turned to dust.

4nin NEWS were based on unity, the combination of 4 unique characters. Four components, each of them essential. Now that concept failed. It's like standing in front of a collapsed building. I try to assess the damage. How much of it can I salvage? Repurpose? How much is lost and needs to be cleaned up? Should I even bother?

What do I do with hundreds of live performances and TV shows, in HD, lovingly downloaded and stored?

What to make of thousands of scans, magazines, pamphlets, almost each image edited and sorted? Thousands more stored neatly in folders, waiting to be posted. Countless screens and gifs.

What of the member ai fanvideos that gained over 100k on Youtube bringing joy to so many people? I already got the first heartbroken comment saying "we won't ever see them like that again, will we?"

What to make of my unfinished stories? Honestly, it's one of the things I'm most proud in my entire life. Now their future is uncertain.

Do I take down the poster on my wall? The CDs on my shelf? Soon I will have to looks at my enormous stash and decide for each item. Things that once brought joy now cause pain.

NEWS weren't selling music, they were selling ideas and dreams. The cute band photos now cause hurt and anger. The uplifting songs about unity won't be convincing. All the concerts lost their charm.

Am I being too dramatic? Probably. Perhaps the issue itself may seem trivial to an outsider but our grief is real.

Tegoshi keeps saying he loves NEWS and adores the members. But to me, loving is doing everything you can to avoid hurting the ones you love. Perhaps he means it, but that love will never compare to the love he has for himself. Despite what he says, I doubt we'll even see them together again and I'm not even sure I want to. I knew apart from Koyashige, the members aren't really that close personally. Tegoshi is shallow and seeks popularity more than anything. I'm sure than now he'll hang out with even shadier characters than before. The members used to provide him with the much needed tough love. Now, with nothing and noone holding him back, he'll give in to his overblown ego.

I'm not sure how I feel about NEWS continuing as 3. I mean, I support their decision and that's probably what most fans want but to me, I don't know if it'll work out that well. They were already a band with a lot of luggage and now, just like in 2011, they are a band that induces pity. They would have to rearrange so much to try and fill this huge gaping hole. Not to mention they will struggle vocally. No songs, no choreography can be unaltered. It might be better to go on within the agency doing their own things. But then that would just mean Tegoshi was indispensable and all the work they put in will be wasted. The Story must be competed.

In the past week I went through various stages of grief. The anger was strong and so was disbelief. Now it's finally subsiding, giving way to acceptance. It won't come soon but I'll let all the emotions run their course. The fact is Tegoshi remains very entertaining and the temptation to keep following him and rant about him is strong. I probably wouldn't even fight it if he were to leave with at least a shred of dignity. But with the way things are, I refuse to support him in any way. And I will at least try to phase him out as much as I can as I realize that even my anger is playing into his hands as he wants nothing more than attention, good or bad. Instead, I'll try to focus on those who do deserve support.

I'm not yet sure how to proceed with the blog and everything else but I'll take my time and figure it out. The truth is Tegoshi was one of the two major things that have kept me here for so long. And no, the second reason is not Shige. It's the people. Out of all the fandoms I've been in over the years this one really felt like home. I met so many amazing people here, even though many of them have since moved on. I felt accepted and appreciated.

This week has been an emotional roller-coaster. But today I feel fine. I have a dozen reasons to be depressed. But I'm not miserable right now because of the fandom. I've had about 10 people write to me within several days. Some of them I haven't talked to in months, some I've never talked to before, and some from other fandoms. They reached out to share their thoughts and feelings, and I appreciate it so much. I felt less alone. I felt a sense of solidarity, a sisterhood. Many agreed with me and it was touching but even more touching were the people who didn't necessarily agree with me and still wanted to hear what I had to say.

Perhaps it's patronizing but I feel like right now the best I can do is stay connected and go through this together. If I can help others, through informing, making someone smile, or supporting emotionally, it's all worth it.

#musings

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 5 years ago

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03. Animals

AU Grace and Simon story. Takes place in the instance that they never got on the train, but crossed paths and became friends. But, for the sake of anyone who wants to view it as a series, I’ll number them. 2095 words TW: violence

Grace got out of the car and strutted to the music shop. She looked around thoughtfully until her driver left, then she left too. Simon was waiting for her at the train stop. Whenever her driver came back in an hour, no, she wouldn’t be there, but this adventure was gonna be worth it. Simon’s dad recently went back to the military and he had made sure his mom had everything she needed for a bit. He and Grace were going to go on a hike around the creek.

Simon had a map and showed her the areas where there were certain animals, certain bugs and stuff to look out for. She had been hiking many times, just not out here. It was such a nice journey, too. The scenery was pretty and green. She liked water and she and Simon had a play fight where they splashed each other before she took off running and he gave chase. She picked some flowers for them and began tangling them around. “You know, whenever you pick flowers, you shorten their lifespan,” he said.

“I know that they’re just flowers and I don’t care about their life span,” she said.

He laughed, “There are people whose lifespans I don’t even care about, if I’m being honest.” She smiled and nodded. They didn’t need to elaborate. Adults were awful and their parents were the worst and nothing anybody could say would change that fact for them.

“Here,” she said, and placed a flower crown on top of his head. He posed for her with a duckface and gave her a little shoulder action. “Dainty,” she said, with a smile. Simon plucked another flower and settled it into the side of her curls. Now, it was her turn to strike a pose.

The sunlight made her skin glow and the flower was the least of the beauty for him. “Beautiful,” he whispered, solemnly.

She giggled and nodded, “I know. Just GORGEOUS, I’m sure.” She pulled out a mirror to check herself out, adjusted the flower a little and turned to check her entire face. “Oh! Let’s take a selfie!” She grabbed her cell phone, and they began to pose together and snap photos. They took turns taking singles of the other too, and eventually stopped for lunch.

Simon laid a thin blanket down and Grace pulled out the containers of food. They were laughing and talking when Simon froze and Grace turned to see a couple of guys come through the bushes. She raised an eyebrow at Simon’s reaction, then continued eating, electing to ignore them, for now. SImon wasn’t doing such a good job of that, himself.

“Hey. Who’s this?” One of them asked.

Simon turned red in the face and Grace noticed his breathing increase, but she didn’t stop eating. Instead, she smiled at the guy and said, “The name’s Grace,” and popped a piece of honeydew melon into her mouth. She left off Monroe on purpose. There were times that she would mention it on purpose, but she felt like this was the kind of situation where it would do more harm than good.

The speaking bully came over to her, and she casually finished off her fruit, licking her fork while he moved into her personal space. Simon was furious. It was bad enough whenever they messed with him, but if they were going to try to mess with Grace too, Simon wasn’t sure what he might do to them.

“You ought not to be alone with this kid. Sometimes, girls don’t come back whenever they’re left along with him,” he said, reaching towards Grace’s face or hair or… something. None of them were certain what his plans were, but it was quickly looking like he was about to touch her.

Simon was ready to respond angrily, but before he even had the chance to react, Grace had stabbed the boy in his supporting hand with her fork, then elbowed him in the face with a loud groaning yell. Simon froze for a moment, as did the other two bullies. Everyone but her gasped.

Grace leapt to her feet, effortlessly, reached for her bag, swung it several times and slammed it into the dude’s face. He was screaming and fell, with his head spinning, unable to get up. She withdrew her fork from his hand, and beckoned his friends to her, but they took off running.

Simon came over smiling, as she reached for the head bully’s collar and pulled him to face her, “What you said about my friend was really mean. Do you see how that could be taken as mean?” He nodded. He was clearly confused and scared. She sounded super sweet in her tone, but what she had just shown him was that she was anything but... “Okay, cool! Then, you know that you did this to yourself.” The much larger boy began to pee on himself and cry. Grace and Simon started laughing at him.

Grace stopped laughing first and the abrupt way that she did and the look in her eyes terrified the bully even more. “I hate bullies. My dad is a bully. My mom is a bully. If I could, I’d drown them in this creek and hide their bodies. But, I can’t. However… Here YOU are…” Her sweet voice was gone. Her pretenses down. She looked terrifying. Simon was proud to be near her.

“Please… please… don’t…”

“Oh? Does death now somehow mean something to you? It didn’t a moment ago when you so blatantly disrespected the memory of my friend’s poor baby sister who lost her life way too soon. Now, it’s serious, I guess?” He nodded, crying and apologizing. She reached into her bag and pulled out a tube of lipstick. She drew a DO NOT sign on his face and promised him, “If you ever mess with Simon again, I’ll come after you, and next time, it won’t be lipstick. It’ll be my knife.” She opened her knife and stabbed it into the ground beside his head.

As soon as she let go of him, he crawled first, then pulled himself up as he ran. She watched and laughed. “Nice meeting youuuuu!”

Her adrenaline was pumping, blood was racing through her system and her heartbeat was loud in her ears and oh so quick. She had never stood up for herself before and it felt stupendous. It was such a rush to FINALLY not be scared or weak. She felt like she could take on the entire world at this moment.

Simon hugged her from behind and she enveloped his arms with hers, coming down only a little at the realization that he was still there with her. Nobody had ever done anything like that for him before, and even though they had been friends, there was still something so moving about her jumping so quickly to defend him.

“Do you think he’ll spread the message, or should we track down the other two?” She wondered, turning in his arms to look at him.

He looked super excited and they both knew in that moment that their hearts were in the same place. “I think seeing is believing, but experience gives it a little umph. We should track them down!”

She stepped back, took a few more breaths, with this maniacal smile that fit perfectly with Simons’s, turned, sputtered air through her lips, pointed her knife forward and said, “Let’s get them.”

When Grace finally got back to the music shop, covered in dirt and sweat and a few specks of blood from taking turns punching in the face of one of those boys, the driver was upset, but relieved. She had texted him that she got sidetracked, hours ago, but he hadn’t been convinced that she hadn’t finally decided to run away until he saw her and Simon coming back. Simon had a little bit more blood on him and the driver put up his hand and asked, “Do we need to call in someone to clean up after you two?”

Simon laughed and asked, “That’s an option?”

Grace said, “No!” in her most dismissive voice to the driver and slapped Simon playfully, “Simon and I went hiking and whenever we were having a picnic, we got attacked by a few animals.” The way that she said animals was a different tone than the way that she said other things. “We defended ourselves and all is good.”

Simon laughed, reminiscing. It felt good to finally get those guys back. He’d tried to fight them off before, but they were bigger and outnumbered him and he guessed that some part of him felt like maybe he must’ve deserved it. He fought back because survival instincts made him, but the thought that he didn’t deserve it didn’t even really occur to him until Grace told him so. And the thought of avenging himself probably never would have dawned on him. Grace was… a savior. He looked at her with a twinkle in his eye.

“We’re taking Simon home,” she said.

“We absolutely are not! It’s bad enough you’ve got animal blood on you. Simon has it all over him! He’s not getting into this car.”

“I’ll clean it out, myself!” She said.

“When have you ever cleaned anything?” the driver asked.

“I shower, every night!”

“That’s not the same!”

“Grace… I’m gonna be okay. Actually, I think I’m gonna walk home. Kinda feel like being with my thoughts a little bit.” He pulled his hoodie over himself and it covered up the blood, as most of it was on his upper body. “Goodnight.”

“Let me know when you get home safely!” She insisted.

“Will do.”

Whenever the driver opened the door for her, he said, “I find it hard to believe that you and Simon punched predatory animals. Whatever happened today… You need to be careful, Grace. It’s not like you to run off and come back looking like you’ve been in a bare knuckle brawl!”

“It’s not a brawl if they don’t get any shots, amirite? HEYOOOO!” She lifted her hand for a high five. He looked serious. “Look… Just… I’ll tell my parents that there was an impromptu concert, I made the bad decision to go, and I got knocked around in the mosh pit. I read it in a book, so it’s a thing. You don’t have to worry about me getting you into any trouble.” She got into the car and he shut the door. That wasn’t what worried him.

Grace opened her bag. She looked at a few items. A fork, a pair of glasses and an earring. She smiled to herself. Simon had given her two of those things that he snatched off of the boys… as tribute of sorts. She should’ve gotten something off of that big ox, too. The fork was gonna have to do. She was gonna keep these mementos in a special place.

Simon shoplifted a blank journal. Yeah, he could’ve saved up for it, but also, the owner of the shop was a rich jerk who thought he was suspicious, so in Simon’s mind, might as well give him a reason to hate. He spent a long time in the shower that night. He was sore and filthy. He put everything in the laundry, peeked into his mother’s room. She was snoring and Samantha was practically sitting right on her face. How did Samantha even get in there? Oh well.

He picked up the flower crown that Grace had made him. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to salvage it, but he took the flowers and wrapped them in wax paper. He’d be able to press them with an iron and have them last for a while. As for the stems, he started to strand them together with some twine and fashioned himself a little hair tie. He hadn’t actually brushed through his hair in a while, but he brushed it back and pulled it into a little tail.

Most of his hair fell out of the thing, but he didn’t care. Maybe he’d make a bracelet instead? Ugh. Not tonight. He was tired, but... satisfied. He couldn’t remember the last time that he’d crawled into bed feeling so fulfilled. He brought his journal with him and began to write in it about today, but also about Grace, who he also was drawing on the pages, and he was doing so whenever he fell to sleep and had the first night’s peaceful rest that he had gotten in at least two years.

#infinity train #infinity train fanfiction #Nesha Fanfiction #AU Infinity Train #fics #If They Didn't Get on the Train #Animals

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eldritch-elrics · 4 years ago

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4, 16, and 26 for the fic asks?

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

yo @wildehacked you made me think lots about nhs and mxy and want to write more about them so!

in terms of more stylistic inspiration, i’d like to thank duckface and sonnetstuck on ao3 for their absurdist metafictional homestuck works that made me try writing some stuff like that

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

hmmm... maybe first kisses, they’re very fun and sweet. also i do enjoy writing love triangles (albeit love triangles that resolve in a nonstandard way, or at the very least aren’t cliche), which is, perhaps, a little embarrassing

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

in terms of actual content, i don’t think so? “too scared to publish” would be an alternate question that i would answer with “some of my slightly smuttier ideas"

i’ve definitely had a couple ideas for particularly long, plotty fics that i like the concept of but am too intimidated by the length/complexity to start

#thank you!!#ask meme #fanfiction #the-golden-ghost #asks

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yridenergyridenergy · 5 years ago

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2019/11/20 (Day 2) Dir en grey at Shinkiba Studio Coast live report - This Way to Self-Destruction

Setlist

1. The World of Mercy

2. Ningen wo Kaburu

3. Rubbish Heap

4. Keibetsu to Hajimari

5. Celebrate Empty Howls

6. Merciless Cult

7. Aka

8. Zetsuentai

9. Downfall

10. Devote My Life

11. Values of Madness

12. Keigaku no Yoku

13. Ranunculus

Encore

1. Fukai

2. Followers

3. Gaika chinmoku, nemuru koro

4. The Deeper Vileness

5. Utafumi

Second Encore

1. Sustain the Untruth

Tonight's setlist was ordered very differently, and it turned out way more energetic, as in raw energy, whereas yesterday seemed more about the raw emotions and mood.

I had a love and hate relationship with Shinkiba Studio Coast today, but I definitely had two elbows in my back the whole time... The crowd was moving relatively well to the songs though, I did not otherwise feel crushed and somehow there were only people shorter than me in the front rows.

Starting with The World of Mercy, I thought that the mood would be very dark and heavy, but it just really spurred us on. During the song, Kyo seemed to take too long to loudly and exhaustively pull things from his left wrist and then proceeding to extirpate the red mic cord before he had to sing again, because he hastily threw the cord forward but it caught into his big golden lips belt buckle for a few seconds. Also, when he latches at his wrist, eventually he holds it up for the blood to drip into his other palm. He then dips two fingers into the 'pool' and spreads the 'substance' on his mouth but also on his eyebrows, which is very interesting.

Especially during Rubbish Heap, man Toshiya was on fire today. He was stoic for the most part and even faced the back of the stage or Shinya often. But he had his cape outfit from the The World of Mercy release photoshoot, and he played with it a lot, swirling it whenever he could. He had a huge smile on his face from time to time and it looked as though he was very appreciative of this live and the tour in general.

At the end of Aka, when Kyo hung himself, damn, he raised the mic cord loop at the same time as he dropped a bit and the microphone smashed against the back of his head with a huge BANG. Ouch, it could have been done for dramatic purposes, but considering that it's made of metal, it sounded like it really hurt.

Kyo then proceeded to raise the mic higher and higher each time after letting it fall resoundedly on his crate through to the next song.

I could not see much, but I believe that Kyo was gone for some time during one of the breaks, and someone came to talk to him at some point, but he otherwise did sit on Shinya's platform to watch us most of the time from the dark.

For Keigaku no yoku, Kyo actually sang some of the original lyrics. At the conclusion, I heard him talking about something like: "it's a lie, right?" And then he said 'hayaku' very quietly twice, right before screaming 'HAYAKU SHINE' at the top of his lungs.

The calls for us to go on were plenty tonight, and Kyo asked us to become one together and with him. He also called out to 'kousou' a lot - I guess everyone on 'the floor'?

In the encore, everyone had changed at least their top. They started with Fukai and damn Kyo's sensual dancing is a lot to take.

At the end of the encore, this time the left fox (Kyo's left) bit back, and though the right one felt it had won and galloped again around Kyo's head, they left together, on each side of Kyo's head, while Kyo remained in his world, between serious and childish. They had of course been blowing kisses at the beginning too, with Kyo still doing the same with his own mouth (almost a duckface).

Kaoru and Shinya had some interaction as they went to spray the fans on the right side of the stage, but I could not see what exactly. Probably some splashing the other, or just a pat as one was passed by?

At the end of the first encore, Kaoru was the last to leave and beside appearing very smug and content, he left by pointing to the big screen. At first it was just showing the current tour title and the band's name, but then the venue turned black and the trailer started for the next March-April 2020 Japan tour with the "The Insulated World Final" / "The Insulated World - The screams of alienation", with the countdown of the last few tours.

We started calling for a second encore even just before the trailer for the next tour was shown. The band happily came back on stage mere moments later. Kyo was all smiles in the second encore. Since it was Sustain the Untruth that they played, from the start he did his traditional dance move in the centre where he swings his legs around, but quickly went to the right side as well, then to the left, coaxing us to sing 'the inside mind' every time. When he established himself in the left corner though, Kaoru came to tease him just as the chorus was starting. I remember Kyo never properly finishing his 'aaaaaaa' as Kaoru creeped up on him from behind and, back to back, pushed Kyo downward with his superior height. Kyo was taken by surprise at first but he essentially laughed so much that he barely sang anything afterward. Kaoru looked so proud/happy with himself, while acting as if this was all very normal. Kyo resumed his position in the centre very quickly after that altercation hahah.

Kyo had completely wiped his makeup at that point and it was pretty much a general consensus that he looked really cute, especially given how genuinely happy he seemed. His makeup had been the clown one for the encore and the mouth at least looked slightly cleaner than yesterday, sharper. He had a fake piercing between the eyebrows for the main set by the way, it did not look completely like makeup. And tonight, he was wearing a dual-tailed suit and a more fitted white dress shirt than yesterday. For the encore though, he wore a black version of it, so I am tempted to say MadaraNingen?

After the song, when Kyo saw that several of us were doing foxes with our hands too, he genuinely laughed more as if he was touched and had not been expecting this attention. He left with a wide but muted "bye bye" and then left for good. He had apparently changed all of his clothes and was wearing jeans on jeans (but a light colour and rather baggy jacket and pants, it looked good) with a white T-shirt underneath with a black logo.

It seems like both days weren't necessarily about crowd interaction that much except during encores and the second encore of course, but in no way was the band dissatisfied.

Man, this just shows that I should always write these reports before sleeping, because I thought I would have more than just the makeup and clothing to describe this morning hahah.

By the way, Penyu and the greyer Penyu (OK I am not invested enough into The Zemeckises to know what's up with that one hahahah) were inundated by the crowd and the manager beside them who was handing out the poster for the café kept asking everyone to be calm and slow. At one point, the two mascots gathered and appeared to kiss or just comfort one another as much as they could, and Penyu turned around and seemed to push the crowd back a bit with his back, which failed. What a marketing tactic by Kyo hah.

#Dir en grey #This Way to Self-Destruction #Kyo #Toshiya #Penyu #Zemeckises #the zemeckises #京 #tour 19 This Way to Self-Destruction #live report #Kaoru

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writeforloveff · 5 years ago

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Letters from the Past

Author’s note: Sooo this took me about an hour to write, after a silence of 8 years. I’m sorry about that. Hopefully there’s still someone willing to read this after all this time. I’ll try to start the two existing stories up again and maybe write some one-shots here and there. Enjoy

Chapter 2 Harry’s POV The Rumour-mill was turning again. Apparently, there were some stories going around about me dating some older woman I didn’t even know and to top that, Liam and Louis were accordingly cheating on their girlfriends, Zayn was leaving the band and Niall was feeling left out in the band. None of this was true, not even a little bit, and we were on our way to do a photoshoot and an exclusive tell-all interview with a new magazine based in London.

This magazine was called Rumour Has It, a wordplay on their actual goal, clever. They will only publish content which comes directly from the source. We even get the final read before things get published. Which is a first ever since we’ve become so famous and I can honestly say I’m quite happy with that. Lately I’ve found myself struggle more and more with being in the spotlight.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being in the band, I love the support we get from the fans, and being able to travel around the world touring with my best mates. The things I don’t love? The paparazzi, the rumours, the lack of privacy, not being able to keep up with my friends and family. That’s part of the job though, I know, and I’ll get through that. I’m just happy that we’ll get to tell our part of the story today.

“Boys, are you ready?” Simon Jones, our PR had us meet at his office before we were to go to the RHI-headquarters.

“Yessir!” Niall was the one to answer for all of us, the rest of us deep in thought about the things we had just discussed. Simon had gotten the main points of the interview beforehand so we could think about what we’d want to share on the way there.

I just couldn’t wrap my head around the things they managed to say about me, do I really give off such signals that make me seem to flirt with every older semi-attractive woman? These people don’t even know me.

_________

Upon arrival we were ushered into styling immediately. Shoot first, then talking, good, more time to think things through. Right before we had to go to the set there was a knock on the door, and a fairly young blonde woman walked in followed by a redhead whose face I couldn’t immediately see.

“Hello boys, I thought I’d come say hi to you and introduce you to my new intern. It’ll be her first big interview and I didn’t really want to throw her at the sharks you know? This is-” The blonde started but I was completely in shock when I saw the very familiar face that belonged to the redhead, the intern apparently, next to her.

“Hanna?” I couldn’t stop myself. Her eyes shot up to meet mine, but I wasn’t able to read them.

My Hanna, or well, I suppose I ruined that by distancing myself from her all those years ago. She and I used to be best friends before One Direction and I was so overwhelmed with everything changing that I forgot where my priorities should have been. By the time I realized how long we’d gone without speaking she had blocked my number and deleted me from social media. Which I deserved but hadn’t expected from her because she knew how much I wanted this.

“You two know each other?” The other woman, the interviewer, Cathy I remembered, asked Hanna. She mumbled something inaudibly and looked back at me with a stone-cold look in her eyes.

“Hi Harry.” She said softly. I was confused, she didn’t seem to know that she would be interviewing us. Judging from her face I think she would have refused if she had been told beforehand. Lucky me, maybe I’d get a chance to talk to her then outside of official business.

It was then that I saw the looks on the faces of the boys, who all seemed even more confused than Hanna and I combined. The interviewer noticed the awkward atmosphere and decided to step in going over the planning of the day, the shoot and then the interview. Which consisted of some set questions and then time for us to add anything we’d like. Could I use that to speak to Hanna? Alone, preferably. My mind was going a thousand miles an hour and this day was far from over.

As soon as Cathy the interviewer and Hanna left the boys were looking at me with curious and worried expressions on their faces. I had only ever told Louis about the best friend I had before our career took off and I didn’t even tell him her name, but I could see that the wheels had clicked in his head. I didn’t even know she studied journalism. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at the moment, let alone what I was going to tell the boys right now.

“What just happened?” Liam was the first to break the silence, before I could start to answer Niall and Louis stepped in almost simultaneously.

“Are you okay mate?” Niall asked.

“She’s the one you told me about, isn’t she?” Louis cut in. I looked at him for the answers they wanted to hear from me, but my mind was blank.

“She is,” I told Louis.

“I don’t know” I answered the others. I couldn’t think of anything other to say at the moment.

“Let’s just focus on the shoot and telling our story, I’ll tell you about this later. Give me some time please!” I had to take my mind off her for a while otherwise this shoot was going to be completely shit. Zayn seemed to be the first to understand my hint. He patted me on the shoulder and turned to the rest.

“Might be best for now indeed. Let’s practice our game-faces boys, smile and wave, duckfaces ready and let’s take some pictures!”

“Not. Ever. Doing. A. Duckface. Man.” Louis scrunched his face disgustingly, breaking the atmosphere and dragging us along to the set of the shoot. If I had ever smiled painfully in a photoshoot, it would be this one. Let’s get this over with!

#1d fan fiction #fanfiction #harry styles fanfiction #writing #Harry Styles #one direction #one direction fanfiction #romantic fanfic

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mashafootball · 6 years ago

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Idiot - Leon Goretzka Imagine

Requested: @itsqueenness I hope you like the imagine. Feedback would be much appreciated

Request: Y/N and Leon love each other, but he has a girlfriend

“You are such an idiot.”, you laughed hysterically, watching Leon trying to get the perfect selfiefor his Instagram, “and so full of yourself.”, you added shaking your head as you noticed he tried to pull off a sexy duckface. ”I hope you know duckfaces are already over again, you are late Kim K!”

“Stop being mean and stop judging me, Y/N!”, Leon groaned, dropping the big smartphone on his chest, “You should support me in whatever I do.”, he continued shooting you alook. “I should support you when you make a fool of yourself? God, Goretzka, pull that lip in,you look like Kylie Jenner.”, watching Leon take selfies was actually one of your favorite activities, the way he tried his best to look as irresistible as possible mainly involved him opening the first few buttons of his shirt, puckering his lips a bit. It was quite entertaining, but your also always felt a little ashamed on Leon’s behalf.

“Oh, hi Y/N!”, you heard Leon’s girlfriend’s voice all of a sudden, making you turn around in the lounge chair you sat on. “Hey.”, you said, trying your best to actually shoot her a real-looking-smile. It didn’t take long before you felt too awkward and useless after Leon’s girlfriend of the week showed up, strutting over the terrace, falling into his lap. You mumbled a pathetic excuse, telling Leon to text you whenever,before you fled the scene, leaving the two ‘lovebirds’one their own.

As you sat in your car, you couldn’t help out but let out a deep breath, your forehead quickly finding your steering wheel. You hated Leon’s new girlfriend and you even hated Leon a bit for getting into a relationship with her. The footballer and you had already known each other for several years and have built a solid friendship. But there were times where you wondered if it actually was ‘just’a friendship between the two of you, because from time to time it sure didn’t feel like it. Nonetheless, every time you felt like you two were heading towards something more intimate, something more serious, he introduced you to all sorts of girls all of a sudden.

It didn’t take too long after your arrival at your flat until your phone beeped, signaling that someone had sent you a message. ‘Sorry.’, it read, Leon’s name flashing above the short message. Sorry for what? Being an idiot and too blind to see there was something bigger between the two of you or sorry for posting another embarrassing picture of himself on Instagram? ‘What do you mean’, you texted back, throwing your phone on your nightstand, already deciding that Goretzka shouldn’t be the reason for another bad mood.

After enjoying a nice hot bath and a face mask, you bounced back into your bedroom, grabbing your phone. ‘Can I come over?’, Leon had texted you almost one and a half hour ago. ‘Sure.”, your replied just now, feeling a bit anxious about what was going to happen next.

Waiting for Leon to arrive felt like an eternity, you didn’t really expect a text back after your last message, you mainly expected him to just show up in front of your apartment. In order to kill some time, you changed into some comfy clothes, moisturizedyour whole body until you heard a bang at the door, the annoying ring soon following after.

“You made me nervous.”, you told the curly-haired boy as soon as you opened the door, letting him into yourflat, “What is it?”, you asked curiously, following after him as he marched towards your couch, not even greeting you. A sigh left his lips after he plopped down on your couch. “What is it?”, you repeated, feeling too tense to take a seat next to him. “You remember Lisa?”, he asked, pulling one eyebrow up. “The one from today or from last month?”, you replied, making him frown. “Today. “, Leon mumbled. “What about her?”

“We broke up.”

“So? You want to go out and flirt your way into another girl’s pants or what do you want me to tell you now?”, you sighed, walking into your kitchen to get yourself a cold drink. “That’s not what I meant.”, Leon shouted after you, almost sounding a bit angry. “What did you mean then?”, you fired back, deciding against asking him why he got all mad all of a sudden, “That’s what you always mean when you tell me about the ends of your relationships.”, you continued, growing quieter. You didn’t want to fight with him, you didn’t even know what a potential fight could be about because so far, the golden boy hasn’t said much since arriving at your place. “That’s not what I meant.”, he repeated, letting his head fall against your couch, “I broke up with her, because I think I’m in love with someone else.”, he said pinching his nose, a pained look washing over his face. “It wasn’t so serious, wasn’t it? She will get over it and be fine. Who’s the new target now?”, you asked already preparing for the worst. One on the first things you learned about Leon Goretzka was that his taste in women and potential girlfriends really su*ked.

“That’s the problem.”, he groaned, leaving youmore than beyond confused. You decided to take a seat next to him, stroke a little over his thigh, because that boy really seemed lost in that moment. “I still don’t understand. Leon, you know you can talk to me. Always.”, you tried telling him, but he continued to shake his head, hands over his eyes.

The both of you stayed silent for some time. While Leon didn’t really know where to begin and what to say, you wanted to give him the time he needed, not rushing him into anything. And it pained you, it really did. Only a few hours ago you were thinking about all the times the pair of you were closer to being a couple than just friends and now the footballer was sitting in your flat, about to tell you about a new fling of his.

“Have you ever felt like there is more between us than a normal friendship?”, Leon asked, breaking the silence. Your eyes widened, your hand immediately leaving his leg. “What do you mean now? Can you start talking to me in a way I can also understand?”

“You could just answer my question Y/N.”, Leon grunted, shrugging his shoulders. You let out a shaky breath. “Maybe.”, you answered shortly, trying to look anywhere but into his eyes. “Me too.”, he whispered, his hand already reaching out for yours. You flinched a little as you felt his warm hand wrap around yours. “I left her, because I came to the conclusion that I won’t find a better match for me than you.”, Leon confessed, his eyes searching for yours.

“What should we do know?”, you wondered, stroking your thumb across the back of his hand. This felt weird, but also right. “I know a lot of things that we could do now, you know?”, he sent you a wink, a big smile adoring his face. “You are still, such an idiot, Goretzka.”, you let out a laugh, but before you could say anything else, his lips already found yours.

#leon goretzka imagine #leon goretzka #fc bayer munich #leon goretzka fanfiction #leon goretzka one shot #football imagines #footballer imagine #football one shot #bundeliga imagine #bayern munich #schalke

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eviesmyspiritanimal · 6 years ago

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Girls’ Trip Part 3

Summary: Evie, Mal, Uma, Audrey, and Jane go on a road trip to the beach for a three-day weekend. Evie’s driving and has road rage, Uma constantly pesters Audrey, Mal thinks it’s all kind of funny, and Jane’s wide-eyed and lovably clueless as usual. Friendship feels plus Jaudrey, Huma, Jarlos, Bal, as well as Hades and Mal father/daughter feels.

“Wanna hear a story about a hitchhiker that I heard from some Auradon kid lately?” Uma asked and Audrey eyed her skeptically from her position beside the dark-skinned girl.

“Maybe? It depends,” Audrey replied. Mal turned in her seat to look at Uma.

“Go for it. We need something distract us after that fiasco earlier,” Mal told her, settling in to listen to her story. Uma grinned at them all before launching into her tale.

“So apparently this kid’s dad was on his way to Tangletown and it was pouring down rain,” Uma began, and Evie glanced at her through the rearview mirror as she listened while drove.

“The dad saw a hitchhiker on the side of the road, so naturally, he felt sorry for the guy and decided to offer him a ride.

“The dude hopped in quickly, all thankful and that crap, and pulled in a leather zip-up bag with him,” Uma told them, and even Audrey was starting to look a little interested as she lowered her phone ever so slightly.

“As they drove down the road, the guy was really strangely quiet. The dad couldn’t help but notice how odd he looked with his lanky legs and big hands on boney arms. His eyes bugged out and they had an almost feral look to them,” Uma described, and Audrey sat her phone down as she dedicated her full attention to the story. Jane leaned forward in her seat, watching Uma carefully. Even Evie was glancing into the rearview mirror more often in the midst of her curiosity.

“The dad suddenly heard an unzipping sound, so he looked over at the guy and saw that he was very slowly unzipping his leather bag.

“So the dad was like, ‘Yo, man, what’s in your bag?’ The guy immediately tells him, ‘It’s nunya business.’ And so they continue to drive a little bit farther.

“The guy starts unzipping the bag again and the dad goes, ‘Seriously, what’s in your bag?’ The guy once again tells him, ‘It’s nunya business.’ The dad is starting to get pretty dang mad at this point, and when he hears the guy unzipping his bag a little more, he immediately pulls over and demands that the guy get out of his car,” Uma explained, and everyone in the car had their attention focused solely upon the pirate.

“Of course, the guy’s all mad and he hops out of the car yelling and complaining and making a big fuss. As soon as he shuts the door, the dad takes off and leaves him there,” Uma narrated. “The dad’s really angry and he just can’t believe the nerve of this guy. He was kind enough to pick him up off the side of the road, and the guy won’t even do him the courtesy of telling him what the heck’s in the bag.

“But here’s the real kicker- the guy left his leather bag in the car.” Mal’s brow furrowed as she considered this plot development, completely drawn in by the story.

“The dad sees it’s opened just a little bit, and it dawns on him that he could just open it the rest of the way and figure out exactly what was inside that the guy was so intent on hiding from him,” Uma paused, and everyone felt the tension building.

“So he pulls over slowly and stops. Then, he reaches over to the bag ever… so… slowly,” Uma narrated with a dead serious expression, mimicking the dad’s movement by reaching over in Jane’s floorboard. Jane followed her hand’s movement, looking in her floorboard as she tried to imagine the scene.

“And he grabs ahold of the zipper, pulling it open to reveal,” Uma just stopped, and everyone gaped at her and her paused hand in Jane’s floorboard, hanging on the edge of their seats.

“What’s inside?!” Audrey finally demanded after a few moments of this torturous silence.

“Definitely a gun,” Evie murmured under her breath with a freaked-out expression on her face.

After a few beats, Uma spoke again.

“Nunya business,” Uma deadpanned, and immediately started laughing hard, falling back into her seat. Jane stared at her blankly, baffled by the way the story ended, and Mal turned back around to face the road with an exasperated expression. Evie’s brow furrowed as she considered the end and Audrey slapped her Uma’s leg in her frustration.

“You can’t end it like that!” Audrey protested, but Uma just kept guffawing.

“I can’t believe I seriously fell for that,” Mal spoke her thoughts aloud.

“I really want to know what’s in the bag,” Jane told them, completely puzzled.

After a few more moments of Audrey growing increasingly upset and Uma still chuckling, Evie decided she needed to divert them all from Uma’s little story.

“Why don’t we put on some tunes?” Evie suggested, trying to bring a bit of levity to a situation that only Uma found funny. Mal just looked at her with a raise of her eyebrow.

“Sure. It’s not like there’s anything better to do. I used up my best joke,” Uma told her, clearing her throat as she recovered from her laughing fit.

“Here, I’ve got a good one,” Audrey offered, reaching forward between Evie and Mal and pushing it in the CD slot.

Ooh whoa, ooh whoa, ooh whoa

“This crap’s gonna suck.”

“Shut up, it’s about to get good!” Audrey protested and Mal looked at Evie, thinking she vaguely recognized the tune.

You know you love me, I know you care Just shout whenever and I'll be there You are my love, you are my heart And we will never, ever, ever be apart

“Aww, poor girl,” Uma sarcastically commented, and Audrey elbowed her.

Are we an item? Girl quit playin' We're just friends, what are you sayin' Said there's another, look right in my eyes My first love, broke my heart for the first time

Mal immediately recognized that irritating high-pitched voice and she narrowed her eyes in dread as Evie suddenly looked way too excited for her liking as she sucked in a breath to sing along.

“This is a girl, right? Kinda sounded a little bit like a dude with how her voice got deeper in that last line.”

“It’s a guy!” Audrey shrieked in response, growing angrier by the second.

“Oh… I guess that explains it,” Uma shrugged, grinning wickedly at the look on Audrey’s face.

Baby, baby, baby, oh Like baby, baby, baby, no Like baby, baby, baby, oh I thought you'd always be mine (mine) Baby, baby, baby, oh Like baby, baby, baby, no Like baby, baby, baby, ooh

“I think you’re killing me, me,” Uma sang along, and Audrey scowled at her.

Oh, for you, I would have done whatever

“Alrighty, then, and that’s the end of that,” Mal told them, and stopped the CD, pulling it out quickly and handing it back to Audrey. Evie looked at her with a slightly disappointed expression, but she quickly returned to her usual neutral expression that she had throughout the car ride.

“That’s good music,” Audrey whined, and Uma let out a sharp bark of laughter.

“I think you need to get your ears examined or something because that’s crap,” Uma unashamedly told her. “That dude needs some testosterone or something, because puberty’s not treating him kindly.”

“I think he’s dreamy!” Audrey insisted.

“I think that if you go for idiots like that, I don’t know how you ended up with Jay,” Uma successfully ended the conversation and Audrey simply huffed as she looked out Jane’s window.

After a few beats of silence, something caught Audrey’s eye in the distance and she squinted, leaning forward a bit as she focused her attention upon it.

“Hey, there’s a hitchhiker! And he’s got a bag!” Audrey suddenly cried, pointing out the window at a figure far ahead.

“Revenge is not a good color on you, Princess,” Uma replied without looking, clearly not believing Audrey’s sudden announcement and thinking that she was simply trying to get back at Uma after the joke.

“No, really! Look!” Audrey pointed again. Bored, Uma shifted her gaze over in the direction Audrey was waving at, and her eyes widened.

“Well, son of a biscuit-eater,” Uma pronounced as she moved up to look between Mal and Evie. Jane leaned out her window a bit as the man was rapidly approaching.

“Evie, pull over, I want to see what’s in the bag!” Jane called. But to her chagrin, Evie instead hit the gas as hard as she could and sped by the man on the side of the road.

“What did you do that for?” Jane disappointedly questioned as she watched the form of the guy behind them.

“I didn’t want to be the butt of the joke,” Evie hesitantly admitted with a guilty smile, and Mal giggled in response.

“Personally, I’m glad she didn’t pull over,” Mal spoke up, growing more serious. “He could’ve been dangerous.”

“You’ve just been corrupted by my hitchhiker story. He could’ve been interesting,” Uma expressed, reclining in her seat and frowning as she dug Audrey’s pink sunglasses from underneath her. She examined them for a moment before putting them on her face curiously.

“Yeah, like put a gun to your head interesting!” Audrey told them, her brow furrowed concernedly as she pulled Jane so that her head wasn’t hanging out the window anymore.

“Check out my sick shades, y’all,” Uma suddenly spoke up, pursing her lips in and raising an eyebrow as she tilted her head to the side. Evie just snorted in response, and Mal laughed at Evie’s sudden random noise.

“Those are mine!” Audrey cried, trying to take them off of Uma’s face. She simply dodged Audrey’s invading hand, looking over at the pink princess.

“Then why were they sittin’ in my seat?” the pirate sassily questioned.

“Because they slid into it. Besides, you seriously need to work on your duckface,” Audrey snatched the sunglasses and poised them back upon her own face carefully.

“The heck’s a duckface?” Uma asked, her mind so stuck on Audrey’s use of modern lingo that she didn’t even attempt to win back the glasses.

“It’s stupid. Evie does it all the time,” Mal explained, looking over at Evie and noticing that Evie’s lips were pursed as she was driving. “See what I mean?” Mal huffed and Evie quickly relaxed her lips as she gaped at the other four who had begun laughing at her.

“What?! I’m focused on driving!”

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mylifeasaserver · 6 years ago

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Useless. Utterly useless.

Yesterday...or the day before, I can't fucking remember anymore - I was asked to come to work early because a scheduling error had been made.

Duckface was the only server on. Since I've been released to work again, I like money, and management as a general rule has been pretty ok with scheduling and whatnot, I agree to come in.

As I've said before, I am a dumbass. I knew I was making a mistake but I did it anyway. I show up to a mostly full section that cut servers were manning.

Duckface, in her infinite, unfathomable wisdom, pencil whipped their sign off sheets instead of checking side work. The result was a kitchen that was poorly stocked. Now at first that was fine, since we did still have stuff available.

Meanwhile, I start being sat and life is pretty ok. I'd have 4 or 5 parties come in, get the tables flipped and cleaned, rinse and repeat. Then, the time for Duckface to be cut approached so she quit cleaning her tables - an old server trick to be a dickbag and ensure you don't get more parties.

The hostess, who legitimately sucks at her job, gave zero fucks and just loaded my section up. After I got my tenth table - while Duckface had two - I had to ask WHY? "Oh it's because you have the only clean tables."

Meanwhile Duckface is standing around in the kitchen snapping with Satan and generally being in my goddamn way. Now you may be asking yourself, "Why am I still reading this?" and for that I have no answer. Others may be asking "Where the hell was your manager?" and to that I say he was in the office probably trying to find his penis under his gut roll. I can't stand lazy managers.

I get sat an 11th table - while Duckface is now down to 1 - while I have food dying in the window, no less, and what do I spy in the kitchen? Duckface on an actual phone call.

I poke my head in the office to tell the GM I need some help out here. He tells me to get Duckface to help me. I ask him if he'd like me to do this before or after I stomp her phone to death.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE** I guess I should tell you guys that I generally don't bitch much about coworkers (or anything else) to management because just like everybody else they don't want to hear it. When the occasion happens that I do bitch, managers seem to listen. Funny how that works.

Anyway, the GM confiscated her phone for the rest of the shift and told her she wasn't getting cut until A) her section didn't look like a trash heap and B) her coworker with the immaculate hair (ok I'm adding that part myself, but he knows I have great hair) is caught up and C) there's no fucking food dying in the window.

Now she's pissy because Satan gave a limited time offer for her shriveled soul or something. She storms around as though anybody gives a shit, complaining to the hostess that the manager is picking on her, and making catty comments at me - as though I'll suddenly see the error of my ways and apologize to her. Instead, I told her to try being less useless if she didn't want me to complain to the GM about her bullshit.

That went over about as well as one would expect.

Then, I run out of ice. Then, we run out of tea. Then, I run out of take home boxes. Then, I run out of ramekins. Then, we run out of butter. All stuff that cut servers should have gotten that they didn't because Duckface was too lazy to look at their side work.

Whatever. At least the guests were mostly cool.

I honestly never expected to have a server job where I hated coworkers more than guests. And yet, here we are. -J

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codeprint · 6 years ago

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giant rambling drablle for the crowns verse with @rexcrystallis while i try to get my mojo back

There are three lies Prompto Aldercapt Izunia has told himself across the years. Lies for his own good and for the good of his people.

The first is that he is Iedolas Aldercapt’s biological son. Born and bred for the crown when the Emperor’s health was failing, as a last ditch effort to secure the throne. Verstael Besithia, bastard half-brother to the Emperor as he was, had no qualms about foraging the birth certificate and backing up the story. Saying that he adopted the child to protect the boy, that the wedding was done in secret and his claim to the throne was true and genuine - though they didn’t believe the latter. The people would not accept the bastard of a bastard to rule them, but with no other option to turn to, they would accept a bastard of their divine emperor to continue the bloodline.

This lie is most commonly accepted as false. But without papers to prove it, without definitive proof that the child is not Iedolas’ - and with the Emperor’s own dying words being a claim to the boy as his own - they have no proof.

The second is that he is sick with a blood defect leading to a poor immune system and a heart disorder. That the reasons for his frequent hospitalizations is simply a byproduct of anemia and low blood pressure, passing the discoloration of his skin off as poor circulation and bruising from falls. The plague doesn’t hide itself in him as it does Ardyn, leaving him bedridden and coughing blood and miasma when it flares up. The people buy it, for what else can they think it would be? They’ve never seen someone suffering from the plague live so long, and the Prince lacks the madness that those afflicted with the scourge have. He may be ill, and he will surely be gone long before his time - but he is sunshine upon their dark land, and most love him for it.

Most. Not all. He’s sick and he is dying. Tabloids rush to speculate on how long he’ll live - will he see himself crowned at twenty-one? Will he drop dead in a ceremony, or slip away gently into that good night? Or will he fool all of them and survive well past their wildest dreams?

Photographs of the prince attached to oxygen and IVs circulate. They precede him when he visits Lucis, when watchful eyes track his movements and note the frailty of his build. Noctis Lucis Caelum escorts him personally to the hospital by chance, and through that chance they become friends.

His physicians recommend he summer in Lucis, to build his immune system in a warmer climate. This secret is kept well, for he has no outward signs of the starscourge - only shredded internal organs that heal themselves so long as he’s given time to rest. Noctis may question, but there is little to suggest that this is anything but a set of terrible genetic disorders from a child born too late in both his parents lives.

The third lie - the third lie is the most important of all.

Prompto tells himself that he is not in love with Noctis Lucis Caelum.

This is the most convincing lie, the most secretive one. One he doesn’t even allow himself to consider. Noctis is the first friend he’s had outside of immediate family and those who were paid to attend to him. The first person to both understand his struggles, and the first to not underestimate him for his health. He’s a worthy opponent in all games, in conversation and debate, and a trusted confidante unlike any he’s ever had.

Ardyn warns him to keep his wits about him. To not trust blindly, to not give himself completely to a smile and a kind word - and he does his very best to. They keep in touch, they arrange visits, they stay up all night on the phone - he becomes familiar with the soft sounds of Noctis’ snoring, and finds them lulling him to sleep even when his body aches so badly he wants to die. He goes to university in Lucis for a semester to study engineering and design and there’s scarcely a day they aren’t apart.

These secrets are an invisible wedge between them, but he isn’t fool enough to think Noctis doesn’t have secrets of their own. Being best friends does not mean that you’re entitled to all of the other. It means you’re privvy to whatever they wish to give.

He doesn’t know who starts it. Only that they’re both drunk and a little high on the floor of their dorm, a breath too close. Too comfortable. He is not in love with Noctis but Noctis’ touch feels grounding in a way nothing else does, and he is not in love with Noctis but he aches when they’re apart and calls him each morning to say good morning, and each night to say goodnight. He does not sleep until he hears the sleepy voice on the other end, complaining of how he never remembers the time difference.

Spring break starts tomorrow and they’ve talked of going to Altissa, or of visiting his cousins - but talking gets sidetracked by one of them leaning in too close and the other kissing. Prompto is inexperienced and bumbling, Noctis is smooth and practiced. It escalates quickly, one thing to another until they’re tangled in the sheets and sweating. Years of unspoken want culiminating in a drunken fuck on a too small cot. A scandal behind closed doors.

He is not in love with Noctis Lucis Caelum.

But their fingers are threaded together. Foreheads pressed together, panting as one. Prompto slides his arms around Noctis’ neck once their grip relents and drags him into a crushing kiss.

They don’t say I love you. They can’t. They’re monarchs, the last of their respective lines as it stands, this isn’t permitted. Ardyn may not want to arrange him a wife, but the morning after he and Noctis thumb through the packages of potential brides that have gone ignored. Prompto’s half in his lap, trying not to mock the sour-faced princess who billed herself as adoring of all people while they rifle through her social media and find disparaging comments about the both of them.

“You’d think they’d learn to use an alt,” he laughs, fingers threading through his friend’s hair while the Lucian kisses his neck. “Seriously. Can you imagine being caught dead posting duckfaces with #saynotonilfs to your official account?”

They take a selfie for their instagrams (Prompto takes it, Noctis poses as if he hasn’t a care in the world) and settle for Altissa. Days on the beach, nights spent applying aloe-vera to sunburned skin and kissing new freckles where they form. They fuck and kiss lazily, wake up with teasing and good natured ribbing, and continue on as if nothing had changed.

Because it hasn’t. Not really. He feels no differently, no more strongly - he puts it aside, allows himself to believe that this is normal. That this is college fun, the kind Aranea has been insisting he needs to have. They go back to Lucis at the end of the week.

They do not stop having sex.

It becomes an affair once Noctis becomes engaged. There’s a pressure to spend more time together even through the courtship, though now they’re no longer college students with all the time in the world. Niflheim loathes the lack of progress under this new Emperor, they see him as weak willed as he is weak bodied and they threaten him with death every other day. He turns up at the party twenty-five and exhausted, but within seconds of being in Noctis’ presence he’s rejuvenated. When they disappear from his bachelor party up to his rooms, no one so much as bats an eye. Straddling him, his suit half undone and his mind fogged with drink, he bends down to draw Noctis into a deep, passionate kiss.

“Marry me instead,” he says, half-joking against his lips but suddenly realizes that he means it. He’s drunk, he’s tired, and so is Noctis. “Noct, you should be marrying me instead.”

It’s impossible. A king and an emperor of wartorn lands, diametrically opposed - destiny demanding that they fight. Prompto is a heathen who doesn’t bend a knee to the Six and fights against their destiny merely by being alive, and Noctis is their chosen one meant to bring it all to order.

They can’t.

Noctis pushes him off. Prompto doesn’t resist. They sit in the silence of the room together, it changes from tense and angry to something softer. A quiet yearning.

“I love you,” Prompto says quietly. A confession as much to himself as it is to his friend.

Noctis doesn’t say it in turn, he tilts his head and strokes a hand down his pale cheek. Conveys it in the look in his eyes, and the tenderness of his gaze. A faint smile - you just now realized this?

They don’t talk. They simply stay like that through the night, thinking how much easier life would be if they could tell the other all they knew. All they wanted.

Noctis’ wed the next day.

That doesn’t stop them from allowing themselves small pleasures.

They still meet. They do not stop the affair. But adulthood relegates these meetings to a handful of times a year, never for long. There may be no war, but that does not stop the world from being cruel. They say the words more through gestures than aloud, one afraid to be overheard, the other afraid to admit it - interchangably, inarguably, always.

The second lie comes undone next.

Niflheim is starving and the Gods have forsaken it. They loathe Ardyn and loathe his progengy for attempting to foster peace where they want war and corruption. Prompto spends long hours in the laboratories he was born in, coughing into rags and working tirelessly to solve the problem. To find a means to bring spring back to his homeland, and to keep the people fed in the interim.

And to stop the plague.

It’s little surprise that he collapses. That Ardyn finds him unconscious on the floor when he’d missed a meeting, gagging on blood and miasma and unresponsive to the touch. The Emperor is not yet thirty, but time is running short. His own research cannot benefit someone who was born with the curse embedded into the fabric of his being, and all Verstael’s attempts at cloning were not to make one immune. Only to make them last long enough to be useful.

He’s crossed that peak.

Without a miracle, he will die.

A call is placed to Lucis. Ardyn - who for all his willingness to tolerate Noctis, never dared to speak to him or look upon his face - on the other end, not Prompto. He heads off Noctis’ complaint of the time with the news of what he found. How they found the Emperor. Conveying that Prompto has taken a turn for the worse, and he should come to see him off.

Or to use what the Gods gifted him to buy them all enough time to defy their cruel plans.

#drabble.#this was supposed to be something and instead became this

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17mounteens · 7 years ago

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You need to relax (Soonyoung)

Request:

cranky & stressed out reader bc of school then bf soonyoung comes to the rescue, soothing her with cuteness and snacks and cuddles?

» hopefully this is soft enough hehe

Your alarm went off at 7pm.

You couldn’t even keep count how many alarms you had had today. You had been studying and doing school projects the whole day since the morning and now it was time for your dinner break, if you could call it a break really.

Your mind was filled with unnecessarily stressful thoughts - you basically couldn’t have a break until you were done with the semester. Am I going to get enough credits for the semester? What if I have to repeat a course and then fall behind? What if we’ll hand in the group project too late? All these thoughts were cramming your mind but quickly, the buzz of your phone shook you out of it.

If anyone took a look at your working table, they’d say it was a total mess with piles of papers surrounding your laptop and highlighters and colourful post-it notes lying about everywhere. Your phone buried somewhere under everything.

You fumbled to find your phone, only to see 5 new messages from your boyfriend Soonyoung.

“Hey Y/N, what are you up to?

“Oh yeah you’re studying. Do you want company? I could come there!”

“I’ll bring snacks and cuddles!”

“I think you need a break…you haven’t answered in 2 hours.”

“I’m on my way Y/N!”

“Almost there! I have the key you gave me last time too, so don’t freak out when someone walks into your house lol it’s just me!”

And that message was sent just now.

He was right. You did need a break - you were getting annoyed with all the group work you had to do especially. People were either not doing their part or not listening to your opinions. And above all that, you had to hand in a paper you had barely started tomorrow about a subject you were struggling to write about.

And not to mention that your finals were only a few weeks away. It was all getting to you for sure, but you weren’t sure if Soonyoung’s lovey-doveyness would help the situation right now.

You weren’t really in the mood for all that to be honest, but you knew that the more you would try to stop him, the more he would grow worried and try to help.

You weren’t the type of person to share your problems easily either, or at least show them. You only tended to get grumpy and anxious but you rarely talked about them. You just liked to keep your stresses all bottled up - they would pass eventually.

In a few minutes you heard the front door open and shut and a pair of footsteps enter your apartment. “It’s me! Boyfriend coming to the rescue!”

You were in the kitchen, basically hanging from the fridge door, staring into the bright light coming from there. You had some pre-prepared food but you really weren’t feeling like eating chicken for the 4th day in a row.

“I decided to not only bring snacks, but also some food. Your comfort food to be exact,” Soonyoung said and confidently walked into the kitchen and closed the fridge door for you.

“Thanks. Did you eat yet?”

“Yep, I ate with the members before coming. What’s up? You don’t sound too good babe.”

“Well, I’m okay. Just slammed. And you didn’t come during the best time, so…”

You weren’t really trying to hide the fact that you weren’t feeling your best and Soonyoung always noticed it anyway. “I think my timing is pretty good though.”

“Y/N, you need to relax. One night of not studying won’t ruin anything,” Soonyoung explained and after placing his bags on the kitchen counter, he wrapped his arms around you and took you in for a hug.

“I don’t need to relax. You don’t get it, I need to get stuff done or -”

“I’m not joking Y/N, I’m really worried about you being so stressed all the time, ” he mumbled, as he separated from you and moved his hands from the bottom of your back to your face. He placed a hand either side of your jaw and lifted your head up, planting a kiss on your lips.

You couldn’t help but grin with happiness that filled you up. He got you there.

“What?” He asked as he separated his lips from yours.

“Nothing,” you grinned again and shook your head. And here you were, five seconds ago you were getting angry at him for disturbing you and now feeling the whole range of soft emotions for him.

“You just look so cute.” You grabbed hold of the collar of his shirt and pulled Soonyoung’s face towards yours only to press another kiss on his lips.

“And you’re really fluffy.”

Soonyoung laughed and squished his cheeks together with his hand, causing him to have a ridiculous duckface. “Knew you liked my fluffy cheeks.”

You didn’t reply, you just placed your lips on his again. He pulled you in closer, as his hands moved to your back again. He rested them on your lower back, as you moved yours to the back of his neck, playing with his hair absentmindedly.

You got the hint that Soonyoung wanted you to jump up when he lowered his hands to your butt, so with a little bit of help, you hopped up onto the kitchen counter, moving the bags Soonyoung had brought with him.

“Do you want to cuddle on the sofa?” He asked with his hands resting on either side of you.

“Cuddling sounds amazing,” you nodded, letting a sigh escape your lips. A part of you still didn’t feel a hundred percent comfortable on just ditching studying for tonight but slowly Soonyoung was making it easier.

You unwrapped you legs from around his body, and he span round so his back was facing you.

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“Willingly giving you a piggyback ride.”

“Ohh,” you smiled, as you carefully got on to Soonyoung’s back. He rarely agreed on giving you one, or at least it felt like that because you asked for a piggyback ride almost every day. There was just something so relaxing about them.

He carefully carried you into the living room where he dropped you onto the sofa. You took your usual side and Soonyoung took his usual side, immediately sliding on the sofa like it was the most comfortable place on earth.

“Oh yeah, the food and snacks!” Soonyoung exclaimed and shot up, bringing the bags he had brought with him.

He placed it on the coffee table in front of the sofa, and returned to where he was sat minutes before.

You both decided to watch a film while eating the food he had brought, although picking one you both agreed on wasn’t as simple. You finally got your own way and decided on your favourite film. You’d made him sit through it that many times, you both could almost recite it word for word. He couldn’t do so for all the parts, since usually he fell asleep before the end of the movie.

Once you had finished eating and fully focused on the movie, Soonyoung shuffled over to your side of the sofa, stretching his arm around you and pulling you closer to him. You wrapped your arm around him too.

It was rare that you were the one snuggling up to him, it was usually him who was engulfing you into his arms at every chance he got.

You continued to watch the film in silence with one arm wrapped around Soonyoung and the other softly twisting his hair between your fingers. You snuggled up closer to him, your head resting against his chest. You found cuddling him to be a nice change to how it usually was and surprisingly relaxing - just feeling how calm he was next to you.

You felt Soonyoung move slightly, as he moved his arm to place his hand on top of yours. You moved a little as well, raising your head in order to look at him in the eyes.

“This was meant to be me cuddling you, not the other way around,” he said quietly, slightly pouting.

“We can switch if you want?” you smiled, you knew that was never going to happen.

“No. I’m comfy like this,” he replied to your surprise, closing his eyes and tightening his grip of your hand. “Good, because same,” you answered with a giggle.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too. Thank you.”

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