#but this girlie had to feed her own delusions

[heygreyyart]

Hello!! It's been ages I wrote something this long in my second language and holy. shit. This was hard you guys, i think i'll stick to drawing lmao. This only fuels my admiration to you, writers!! also, enjoy this art wip in the meantime (●'◡'●)

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For Janna’s sake -- if she could shut up for only five seconds.

Calloused fingers run through the curly back of his chestnut hair, as Viktor shut his eyes attempting to pace himself down.

An exasperated sigh escaped from his pursed lips, the slender scientist had been unknowingly trapped against the desk from his own laboratory as the small, freckled frame against him defied the towering height between their bodies, thin arms positioned around him menacingly.

In a way, he found this endearing - Viktor knew she was trying to compensate for the lack of physical height between them by cornering him...little did she know, the scientist enjoyed it behind his unamused facade.

On the other hand, he hated the loud and dramatic antics Ella constantly played whenever they didn’t agree on anything – an unfortunate daily occurrence. 

“You’re making a scene, again. “ He muttered, his hoarse, tired voice lacking patience. He spent the past thirteen hours tinkering and testing some new calculations for the Hextech crystals. Just like his co-worker, the blue gems frantically reacted out of proportion. Dark eyes locked into his golden gaze, demanding him to continue speaking. Plump lips huffing as her arms slowly backed away, crossing around her chest in a swift motion. He noticed the red swelling in her eyes. Viktor assumed Ella spent the afternoon crying – a habit he once witnessed only because he found her wrecking her own sketches and cursing in a language he didn’t quite understand a night after sharing a meeting with council Medarda and the rest of that godforsaken rounded table. The little firecracker hated it when someone else had so much control over her… so of course, the most obvious route of action was to crawl back to him for a rematch. 

“You interpreted everything I said earlier in the worst possible way. As usual.” The red haired woman took a deep breath, puncturing eyes silently stared at his now perplexed features. If looks could kill, he knew for sure he’d end up laying cold dead for being too blunt for his own good. The grasp in his cane strengthened as he embraced Ella's impact.

Hot or cold and no way in between, that’s how it had always been. Ella would either ignore him for a couple of hours (or maybe a day or two if he was lucky enough), then she’d return to the lab in the middle of the night, angrily slam the door while making everyone around aware she was pissed as hell and curse him in every colourful and possible way.

Viktor didn’t care too much, he’d gotten far too used to her explosive attitude after spending six tortuous months working together. “Now it’s a good time for you to say whatever you actually meant to say today during our meeting.” She spat. 

What Ella lacked in height she manifested with her threatening attitude. For once she decided not to call him by his name. “Viktor” had a nicer ring in her ears but he didn’t deserve her sugar coated purrs.  

“You do realize what you did today will basically, fuck me and my team all over. Right? We need the funding. Jayce was this close to close the d–” “I am aware.” Viktor snapped quickly, dark eyebrows furrowing with frustration. 

“What you were not aware of, is the fact we do not need these businesses to use –exploit! – what we are doing here. We have enough resources to allow them to turn this revolutionary step for all humanity into a pathetic sponsor deal." 

The slender man got up and backed away from the bomb exploding right in front of him. He noticed the redhead clamped her hands furiously and impulsively slapped the hard and cold surface of the desk. 

“So fuck the rest, right? As long as you and Jayce have enough toys to play in your lab. Is that all you care about, Viktor? This funding would have allowed us to display this project everywhere in Piltover, all of Runeterra even! Alas, improving our chances to continue what we’re doing for at least two more years.” The artist let out a frustrated, resigned sigh. Manicured hands covered her face in a fruitless attempt of self soothing. White spotted fingers quickly moved to the immense hair bun to remove one thick brush that kept the hairdo from falling down only to re-do her characteristic hairstyle. Viktor had noticed that this was another habit of hers, a routine to avoid descending into madness. Nothing this woman did went unnoticed by anyone– especially to his attentive eyes. “I understand you never actually had to go through cutting expenses, the academy has a tendency to only reject the art department’s projects and practically fire everyone... “

She started, eyes wandering around the laboratory looking for anything to distract the angry and loud pounding of her heart. “Excuse me? You don’t have the faintest idea what I had to endure to get where I – “ 

Viktor raised his voice, his accent thick and rabid. His slender figure drew near to her, and for a moment he fantasized of whacking the brat’s head with his cane. “--But we’re required to explain every little spending we do.” Ella cut him off defiantly. 

“And unfortunately…I can’t say “science happened” like Jayce and you love to tell Heimerdinger whenever you spent last three month’s expenses for just one test.” “Science happened?” Viktor repeatedly exasperated. Speechless.

[lcandothisallday]

auston leaving the arena and noticing you and your friends waiting outside to meet the players or sum and he’s literally like love at first sight and starts flirting and gets ur number 😭 lmao for us realistic toronto girlies obvs - ⛽️

hehe obvs😋❤️ thanks for feeding into my delusions🥰 Auston Matthews x f!reader

You stood next to your friends, your hands in your jacket pocket as you shivered from the cold. It was near the start of the season and the weather in Toronto was getting colder by the day--fitting for the sport, but not for you as you stood outside the arena in hopes of meeting the players.

"Guys--I don't know if it's worth it anymore--"

"Y/N I don't think you get it," your friend Emily started. "If I don't meet Mitch Marner before I go back to BC--I'm gonna dig my own grave," she said with such seriousness in her voice--yet her teeth were also chattering from the cold. Emily had moved to BC soon after she got her masters and she was only back in town for a little bit for her mom's birthday and to watch the game.

She was a huge fan to say the least. Growing up watching the NHL and even playing for her local girls team. Unlike you--you had only got into it recently, never having that same influence while growing up.

"You can't reason with a girl in love," your other friend Olivia mused with a laugh. You merely roll your eyes and dig your hands further into your pocket.

"I just don't think they're gonna come ou--oh my god," you breath our, your jaw dropping as you see two men resembling Mitch and Auston in the distance coming out of a back door.

"Oh my God!!" Emily screeched, jumping up and down. "Miiiitchhh!"

Mitch being the ever sweet golden retriever he is, excitedly walked over while Auston begrudgingly dragged behind him with a sigh. He was tired, his body aching from a harsh slam he took and all he wanted was to grab dinner with Mitch at their favourite restaurant before going home and collapsing into his bed with Felix by his side.

Mitch with a wide smile, approached Emily, feeding off of her excitement as he spoke to her and entertained her with a selfie.

Meanwhile, Auston was about to let out an annoyed breath when his eyes wandered over to you, unable to tear his gaze away. He was captivated by your beauty, your warmth radiating even in the chilly evening air. As Mitch continued chatting with Emily, Auston excused himself, making his way toward you where you stood off to the side watching your friends interact.

"So you're not a fan of Mitchy's?" he teased in question playfully, causing your eyes to widen in panic.

"Oh no I--I am!" you stutter in defence, your cheeks burning up at the accusation. "I'm just a new fan and didn't wanna seem like...a fake one," you admit bashfully, looking away.

Auston smirked, his confidence radiating off of him as he watched you squirm. If he was honest, he thought it was adorable and he loved how sincere you sounded.

"You didn't grow up with the game I'm assuming?" he asked, wanting to know more about you.

"Yeah...my parents are from a hot country...hockey is probably the last sport they'd be interested in," you say with a laugh. "So that's why my knowledge is limited."

He laughed and gave you a slight nod. "Well, you don't have to worry about that with me," Auston replied, leaning casually against the wall next to you. "I won't judge you for being a new fan. In fact, I think it's great that you're getting into the sport."

You couldn't help but feel a mix of nervousness and excitement as Auston continued to flirt with you. His charming smile and the way he effortlessly carried himself made it hard for you to resist his charm.

"Thanks," you replied, trying to hide your growing smile. "You're a lot more cute in person," you breathed out, your cheeks heating up immensely at your admission.

Auston's smirk widened, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Oh, so now we're moving on to compliments, huh?" he teased, his voice laced with playful sarcasm. "Well, I have to say, you're not so bad yourself. Actually, you're more than just cute. You're downright stunning."

Your heart fluttered at his words, a blush spreading across your cheeks. You had never expected Auston Matthews, a professional hockey player and known heartthrob, to flirt with you so openly. It was an exhilarating feeling, and you found yourself getting caught up in the moment.

As you go to respond, Mitch walks over and interrupts. "Hey--I made the rounds. We can go now."

You reluctantly tore your gaze away from Auston, feeling a mix of disappointment and anticipation for what could have been. Mitch's interruption reminded you that this encounter was likely just a fleeting moment, and you had to make the most of it.

"It was nice meeting you," you smiled.

Mitch looked between the two of you with an amused smirk and a raised eyebrow, catching on to the flirty tension. "Wait--aren't you gonna introduce me to your new friend?" he teased.

At that, Auston's eyes widened. "Shit--I never caught your name," he pointed out with a bashful smile. Mitch rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Y/N," you giggled in response.

"Did you at least get her number?" Mitch asked, Auston shaking his head no. "Dude! It's like you have no game!"

"I was working on it!" Auston exclaimed.

Mitch scoffed and shook his head in feign disappointment as he snatched Auston's phone out of his hand, unlocking it and opening up his contacts. "No clearly you've lost your skills and I gotta be your dating coach now," he continued to tease, before he handed the phone to you to put in your information.

You continued to giggle as you did just that while Auston blushed madly.

As you entered your name and number into Auston's phone, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement. Mitch's playful teasing added to the lighthearted atmosphere, and you found yourself growing more comfortable in their presence.

"There you go, Auston," you said with a mischievous smile as you handed the phone back to him. "Now you can call or text me anytime."

Auston's cheeks turned a deeper shade of red, but he flashed you a grateful smile. "Thanks, Y/N. I'll definitely be in touch."

Mitch raised an eyebrow and nudged Auston. "See, buddy? It's not that hard."

Auston rolled his eyes, but there was a hint of amusement in his expression. "Yeah, yeah, Coach Marner. I'll try to step up my game."

You looked off to the side, noticing your friends were now the ones waiting for you. "I think I've gotta go...like I said, it was nice meeting you," you smiled, taking the courage to step forward and press a light kiss to his cheek. "You guys played amazing tonight," you say softly and with sincerity.

As you pulled away from the gentle kiss on Auston's cheek, you noticed a flicker of surprise in his eyes, followed by a genuine smile. "I'll text you."

"I'll hold you to it, Matthews."

[negrutou]

I think I finally get the Mononoke: Noppera-bo arc. I think I got it. (I've watched this series like 6 times in English and 6 in Japanese,,,, could it be insanity? 😏)

No, I don't think the Mononoke is Kusuriuri in disguise, and no I don't think Kusuriuri loved Ocho. The Noppera-bo are faceless yokai who are known to steal faces and cause tricks. They also can be Tanuki or Kitsune in disguise (could that mean Kusuriuri can be a Noppera-bo? Maybe that's how he knew to dispel all those tricks). This Mononoke could just also happen to be another nameless Tanuki or Kitsune. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Regardless of all that, Ocho obviously killed every desire she had and thus those desires were her different faces, in which created the Noppera-bo that fed off the pain of her sacrifices. She wanted to be a good daughter for her mother so she killed her playful side, she wanted to be a good wife so she killed her disobedient side. She sacrificed herself. She sacrificed her many faces.

And we've all been there. We gave up so many pieces of ourselves and gave up energy to keep the status quo in some way, form, or shape (reason and truth!!!). And it's so easy to hide away from reality and picture the "what ifs" if we kept to our honest selves or jumped into our impulsive/intrusive thoughts. And Ocho had done the same thing.

She is literally feeding her own negative thoughts by picturing what would happen if she decided to kill them all. Or if she stayed in her prison some faceless man (the Noppera-bo) will come and save her and build her a palace and love her despite the flaws. Like literally, the scene where they get "married" and all the masks are soooo jealous?? Like c'mon... That's Tumblr girlie sleepytime scenarios 101.

The Noppera-bo fed into her delusions, for lack of a better word. For her trial was fake in my honest interpretation. The trial was a metaphor for her final face. If she killed her final self, the self she had now, the obedient, selfless, demure Ocho, she would lose her identity once and for all. Who would she be after? Her face would have been stolen, and the Noppera-bo would have succeeded in stealing her, keeping her trapped in the prison she thought a palace.

Not to mention, ALL of this is happening in her mind. She is technically still in reality, picking up the broken sake bottle. And in order for the Noppera-bo to lose, Kusuriuri must bring Ocho back to reality and force her to remember her self worth, to remember her main face. The Ocho Kusuriuri kills in the end is the one that keeps her trapped in her daydream, the one that wonders why the Noppera-bo loved her, the one that wonders what her life would be like rather than the one who goes and does it.

I also wanna say that the Noppera-bo, the faceless man that would do anything for Ocho, is Ocho. Ocho is the Mononoke. I mean obviously they state it in the episode, but people still think the faceless man and Ocho are two separate beings. I treat the Noppera-bo as her imagination. Like your brain will do some crazy things to protect itself from self destructing, and that basically is what the Noppera-bo was. I can say from personal experience I dived heavily into fanfiction and fantasy because I wanted to escape the horrible reality of being homeless, depressed, and suicidal.

It's so apparent in the voice lines too that Kusuriuri didn't think the Noppera-bo was helpful at all.

"Why did he save me?"

"Do you really think he saved you?"

Like just because the Noppera-bo was trying to make her happy (and just because I dove in fanfiction to vent out my frustrations) didn't mean she was saved (did not mean I had the maturity to face my demons).

I think in the end, Ocho has the guts to leave. The medicine vendor saves her from her destructive self and she goes to run away like she intended.

I hope to God this dissertation makes sense. My brain is everywhere while watching these episodes for the 7th time.

[wishfulife-moved]

It’s almost 4 am and I wanna talk about my boy and his relationship with his parents. I’ve talked about it before, but it’s been a while since I got salty about how they’re portrayed. It’s occurred to me I got really in depth about how shitty his parents are that at first glance, it’s hard to notice just how awful they are (namely his mother), and yeah, I need a meta idea anyway.

So to start with his dad, please take note that in the early years of Timmy’s life, his father ADORED him. Back when Timmy was Sophia, his dad doted on his child so fucking much. It’s canon from Abracatastrophe that his dad spent all day and every day when he wasn’t working just recording moments of his child’s life. 

Much like his wife, though to a much lesser extent, he was upset that his then-daughter told them he was actually their son, he still adored his kid to the ends of the earth. He still spent large waking moments just recording whatever Timmy did around the house, refusing to let any babysitter watch his kid (which there in forced his wife to stay at home and record their child WHILE he was at work). 

That all being said, his adoration and obsession with his son certainly wasn’t healthy in the least. He got jealous should anyone take too much of his child’s time, to the point of home schooling him the minute Timmy said he didn’t like the kids at public school (he made it half way through kindergarten before the bullying just got too much for him). In said episode, his father even stated he barely liked sharing his time with his son with his wife (the woman who fucking birthed him), and it’s pretty clear had Vicky not been called, he’d stay just as obsessed with his kid, and possibly leave his wife now that he HAD said kid.

Don’t get the wrong idea, he loves his wife, but before he spent more time with his wife and actually REMEMBERED why he fell in love with her, should she have pressed further in them going on date nights, there was a high possibility he would’ve left her with Timmy going with him.

However, things didn’t turn out that way, and he and his wife went off and began their never ending vacations without their son. Over the two years after Vicky’s first job in babysitting Timmy, his father became more and more enamored with his wife and doting on HER that he couldn’t even fathom why he spent so much time on his child. That was also around when they both spoke about how “unfair” it was that they spent all this time hoping, wishing, and PRAYING Timmy would grow out of this “phase” and go back to Sophia. They played the “charade” to extreme lengths, going as far to changing his name for him on school records, and then legally changing it. Costly yes, but at that point, Timmy’s dad was willing to do whatever for his kid.

When they were home, it pretty much became apparent that his dad was just as apathetic towards his son as his wife had been. He’d forget his name, hence why he’d call him Tommy at times, being openly rude to him for asking simple questions, and stating his hopes and dreams were crushed the time Timmy was born. At that point though, those comments had become so normal to Timmy, he stopped taking them to heart and assumed that’s just how parents kid with their children. 

Then there’s his mom.

The moment he spoke up to them that he wanted to be called Timmy, his mother felt a pure surge of disgust and disdain. Her mother couldn’t dote on her and treat her like a princess like she’d wanted, so her goal was to treat her daughter like a princess. To her, Timmy was supposed to be a perfect little doll she could dress up and later in life, show how to use make up and look pretty. In her eyes, her child was spitting in her face. Due to her husband’s compliance, and not wanting to cause major arguments between her and the man she loved, she bit her tongue and accepted the changes.

Not without a fight though.

Since his dad made the money at the time, and she was essentially forced to be a stay at home mother, she often times would tell Timmy he could only have certain things if he did this or that for her. Often it would be dressing up in clothes she’d bought him, going shopping for all sorts of stereotypical girly things, and for a while, making him take ballet, tutu and all. If he didn’t comply, she’d either ignore him for days, scream and cry at him for taking her daughter away, or in extreme cases, refusing to feed him/giving him food that would make him sick.

Even now-a-days, she’ll force him to dress like a girl, taking pictures so she could save and show her co-workers her adorable daughter. Most people are her job KNEW Timmy identified as a boy, but some didn’t. It was usually rumors about her child being strange, her being strange, and most people just not caring too much. She’d only ever show pictures of Timmy dressed femininely if she ever WANTED to show off her child. However, if anyone ever wanted to meet him (maybe arrange a hang out for their own kids) she would immediately shoot down the idea. In her mind, Sophia was being held captive by this “Timmy” person, and she knew no amount of screaming and crying would convince her son to dress effeminately in front of her co-workers.

I mostly base this concept behind Momnipresent, where Timmy is pretty much dragged along by his mom to do all sorts of feminine things he clearly has no comfort in doing. She forces him to go shopping, claiming “oh it’s just a kilt you’re wearing!” but you can bet she made him try on dresses too. She makes him get his hair done, and it’s seen his hair is a lot longer than you’d think, possibly stating he’s not allowed to have his hair cut too short and when wet or not plastered by his hat, his hair is pretty long for a boy. He manages to escape, but then feels GUILTY abandoning his mom. If I remember right, she says she just wants someone to do her girly things with, hinting again that she’s still bitter Timmy isn’t Sophia.

While Timmy will NEVER say he’s Sophia, since he feels overwhelming guilt when he sees his mom cry, he’ll play along with her delusions and do these things he’s not comfortable with. He’ll let her lie to her co-workers that she has a daughter. He’ll let her take pictures of him in dresses and his hair done up. It’s usually only for a few hours, and as it’s shown in canon, she’s hardly ever home.

As awful as them being neglectful is, Timmy almost loves the fact his parents are never home, and abandon him. The abuse he deals with makes so much dysphoria kick in that he feels sick. Of course, I say almost since the physical and mental abuse he gets from Vicky is draining. Honestly, Timmy’s shit outta luck regardless, and his Fairies are sort of the only thing keeping him sane.

Also, before you go, “Oh but in Channel Chasers, they go on live TV and beg him to come home!!!” Hey Susan!! Guess what!!?? Abusers can still be nice and sweet at times and want power over the one they abuse!!! I’m sorry, but I get that the joke is that they’re not bright, but like, it’s so PAINFULLY obvious Vicky is awful. Also, there’s clear times you can see Timmy is clearly being hurt, or was clearly doing the chores that were asked of Vicky to do. Also, after a while of their kid doing bad shit (which don’t get me wrong, Timmy acts out and can be a little shit) and getting “caught”, why would he ever keep it up? Obviously if he keeps blaming the babysitter every single time for two years, you might think, “huh weird that he hasn’t let that go yet...”

They totally know Vicky is awful, but Timmy’s dad is indifferent, and Timmy’s mom low key loves it. For her, it’s indirect punishment from her for Timmy being Timmy. She was the reason Vicky got paid extra. The only reason she got fired was because EVERYONE was calling them out (well, Chester and her parents TRIED to) for being idiots about Vicky, and they didn’t like this slander. Plus, they already outted themselves about being SORRY on television, so they sort of felt like that had to fire her. Only reason she has her job is because Timmy wished for her to not get fired, thinking continuing his abuse is a good thing because he got his Fairies because of her. Which........is fucked up.