#but they're special to me and i'm trying to be careful with them and my brain

[bomberqueen17]

middle-aged stuff

This is the time of year when I have determination and free time so i do all my medical appointments. This year I'm old enough that they want to screen me for colon cancer.

it's funny because current events, so i'm like, ah, it's the downfall of the western world. my taxes are funding genocide and man-babies playing dolls have decided that cruelty makes their enemies squeak satisfyingly and I get to watch babies starve about it. Meaninglessness blah blah. Oh and I have to get all these cancer screenings, and petition my insurance company about having them covered since they're supposed to be. And oh yes this and that. Mundane. Boring.

Also in current ongoing things, my most politically-active IRL friend, who lives over near the farm and dedicated her life from 2016-2024 to the Run For Something kind of aesthetic of trying to reform local politics first, recently (this week) succumbed to a prolonged fight with cancer, and it's incredibly sad and depressing and at least I know she's not seeing what's happening now, but I'm like. Well.

Well I'm taking my cancer screenings seriously I guess. Hers was a special case with many contributing factors but oh my gosh it was brutal and they tried everything and she fought so hard and god, how draining. I said goodbye to her in November, and she was so cheerful about it because that's the kind of person she was. My sister and BIL were taking some of the shifts to sit with her toward the end, so her family could sleep sometimes. It's just so brutal. So.

One thing: this is only the second time I've managed to go get a mammogram, but the form is the same. on the form, they want you to attest: I am not pregnant. And then they give you three boxes you can choose from, for how you can prove to them that you are not pregnant. One: I am postmenopausal. Two: I use an effective birth control. (List it here.) Three: I have undergone surgical contraception/sterilization (List date of procedure). None of these is the extremely, incredibly common scenario that happens to be my scenario, which is My partner has undergone sterilization and I am monogamous. Which I understand is not foolproof-- if you are lying or in some other way not actually living up to the second part of that statement (I myself have in idle thought exercises fallen victim to the extending my I-can't-get-pregnant-by-accident relief to scenarios that of course would not be covered by it; I'm sure many people over the ages have absentmindedly forgotten that their Foolproof Birth Control that affects only their partners actually makes it *more* important that they avoid all contact with anyone else.) But good Christ if I am lying, even to mysef, then this form is void. It kind of drives me nuts every time and I know they don't really care it's a CYA form but oh my god. (There's also no option for I am not sexually active or I am not sexually active with a partner who could impregnate me, which are also both foolproof and common scenarios!)

But as for colon cancer screenings, I'm gonna put that behind a cut.

There's this newfangled thing right. You can either go in for a colonoscopy, which is a routine and basic and fine normal thing people do all the time don't even worry about it, OR they can send you a kit where you submit your uh relevant excreta for testing and they look at it and find out if you have the DNA or other markers of cancer in that, and it's good for only 3 years instead of the 10 that a colonoscopy is good for, but I was like well, I will try that and see how it goes.

Friends. Friends. I thought, I am a person who, due to my lifestyle, quite often shits in a bucket in the woods, I am not precious about my toileting facilities, to be perfectly blunt. But I discovered that it is extremely difficult to contemplate shitting in a box in your own house, and then taking that box, nicely-packaged as it is, and sealing it up all nice and bringing it to a UPS store to drop off, and the outside of it has the testing company's logo and slogan, which mention the colon, prominently emblazoned.

It was not trivial. And at one point, as I struggled with my body's reluctance, I thought, it would probably have been better to take the turbolaxatives they give you, and the indicator liquid, and go and get buttwanded in a hospital. So I will do that next time.

All this is just to say, when you reach the appropriate age for such a thing, do not fall victim to thinking "shitting in a box at home sounds way easier than shitting for twelve hours and then going and being sedated in a hospital" like, by default. It may well be, you may well have really good reasons to think that, but my gosh. It was not as much easier as I'd expected.

(It's not really shitting in a box they send you a whole kit with the collection container and a sample thingy and preservative and a sealing lid and a hundred pages of instructions and a video you can watch that's sort of disturbingly clean and smiley but like. In the end. It's you, and this box, and your sense of self.) (Actually it would have been significantly easier for me to have done this in the woods than in my own house, now I think back on it. Context is king.)

anyway. anyway.

oh and. am i insane or did doctors used to be able to send prescriptions/referrals straight to the other facility? I showed up for my mammogram having left the piece of paper the doctor gave me about it on the kitchen table at home, and said as much to the receptionist. "Should I drive home and get it?" I asked-- 22 minutes each way-- and she said no no, i'll call them, but i have to call them, I can't go ahead and do the test without the thing. Best if i can speak directly to them and get a verbal approval. (What? do we not have emails anymore?)

She came to me and was like "they're not picking up and I have to check in other customers, can you call them" so of course when I called them I got right through, and they said oh we can send it, but the fax doesn't always work, so if you need a verbal, call right back and we'll pick up. I wanted to hand the phone straight to this receptionist but she was checking in a disoriented 84-year-old and I felt I really couldn't break in. So I hung up, the receptionist then said the fax thing hadn't worked, so I called back. The phone rang until it automatically hung up.

The confused 84-year-old who'd arrived after me went in for her screening. The sixtysomething with a cane who'd come in after her went in for her screening. The thirtysomething with impeccable nails who'd come in later than either of them went in for her screening.

20 minutes on hold later, I finally got through, to a different person at the doctor's office who could not understand what I wanted, did not know what to do, I finally handed my phone over to the receptionist at the radiology clinic, who managed to convey to this person what we needed.

God, I miss the like. halcyon good old days of 2012 when they could actually electronically send one another forms. And when not everyone was so horrifyingly understaffed that the prerecorded phone thing had twenty minutes of material on it because they know they won't get to your call.

Nobody wants to work anymore I guess????

Ugh. It was incredibly stressful and time-consuming and meant that I was so sweaty by the time the tech was trying to take images of me that she yelled at me for having put product on. (No ma'am, that's just stress sweat, you told me I couldn't have deodorant remember?) Had to baby-wipe myself off and then dry off on the ludicrous hospital gown. Ay yi yi. But I got my squashed glamor shots, and I am here to reassure you that all those horror stories about mammograms hurting are really for itty bitty titty types, if you have gazongas you can just plunk up there & it's a ton easier for them to get good pictures. So don't worry. It's not pleasant but like, i can basically stand outside the room while they're doing it. (No, this is hyperbole. I did take ibuprofen afterward but there were other contributing factors. My first time, when I was not so sweaty and stressed last year, was much easier.)

i am getting a lot of writing done. much of it is The Wrong Thing but it's all good. it's all good.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

(( HAI IT'S ME THE LIME LEAF ANON WHO ALWAYS TYPES INSANELY LONG SUBMISSIONS AND ONLY TYPES IN CAPS . SORRY THIS IS REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY LONG BUT I PUT MY ENTIRE HEART AND SOUL AND MANY MANY HOURS INTO WRITING THIS SO I THINK IT'S WORTH IT ))

(( AND JUST WANNA CLARIFY, I'M AWARE THAT EMPATHY , SYMPATHY , COMPASSION , GUILT , AND CARING ARE 5 DIFFERENT THINGS BUT ALTHOUGH THE DSM ONLY REQUIRES LOW EMPATHY IT'S SUPER COMMON FOR PWNPD TO LACK THE OTHERS AS WELL. SO WHEN I REFER TO "EMPATHY" I'M USING IT AS A CATCH-ALL TERM FOR ANY KIND OF SADNESS OR FEELING BAD OVER SOMEONE'S SUFFERING AND WHEN I REFER TO "EMPATHS" I MEAN PEOPLE WHO CONSISTENTLY, NATURALLY AND APPROPRIATELY FIND OTHERS' SUFFERING UPSETTING ))

NPD CULTURE IS WISHING THERE WAS ACTIVISM SPECIFICALLY TARGETED AT NARCISSISTS. BECAUSE TELL ME WHY 90% OF ACTIVISM IS JUST "IF YOU DON'T FEEL AWFUL AND MISERABLE FOR THESE STARVING CHILDREN THEN YOU'RE A TERRIBLE DISGUSTING SUBHUMAN CREATURE AND DESERVE TO DIE. BUT IF YOU DO FEEL BAD AND HELP THEM YOU'RE JUST NORMAL AND DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING SPECIAL" LIKE TRYING TO APPEAL TO EMPATHY 99% OF THE TIME ISN'T GONNA WORK ON US BECAUSE WE'RE NARCS.

AND LIKE WTF. I'M SO TIRED OF EVERY ACTIVIST I SEE DEMONISING A LACK OF EMPATHY AND NEVER SHOWING APPRECIATION TO THOSE WHO DO CHOOSE TO ADVOCATE.

MY FRIEND WITH NPD LITERALLY GOT A CALLOUT MADE ON THEM ON TWT FOR SAYING THEY ARE UNABLE TO FEEL EMPATHY OR CARE FOR THOSE SUFFERING IN PALESTINE ON DISCORD IN A LITERAL VENT CHANNEL . LIKE WE HAVE SERIOUSLY GOTTA START NORMALISING SELFISH ACTIVISM BECAUSE YOU GUYS CAN'T JUST PICK AND CHOOSE WHEN YOU WANT TO SEE PEOPLE WITH LOW EMPATHY AS PEOPLE

I BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE NOT WANTING TO ADVOCATE DOESN'T MAKE THEM A BAD PERSON, THEY JUST AREN'T BEING ADVERTISED THE RIGHT MOTIVATION. AND DEMONISING + DEHUMANISING PEOPLE WHO DON'T DON'T PREACH YOUR ACTIVISM IS GENUINELY NOT GONNA HELP YOUR CAUSE AT ALL PLEASE FIND A HEALTHY WAY TO MOTIVATE PEOPLE 😭 AND AS PWNPD WE HAVE A LOT LESS EMPATHY THAN OTHER PEOPLE. SO THAT'S NOT REALISTICALLY GONNA MOTIVATE US TO HELP

AND THIS IS WHERE MY CONCEPT OF NARC-TARGETED ACTIVISM COMES IN. BECAUSE OF HOW OUR MINDS FUNCTION, APPEALING TO EMPATHY IS NOT REALISTICALLY GONNA WORK ON US. BUT HELPING PEOPLE IS GOOD AND AWESOME AND NICE AND I THINK EVERYONE SHOULD DO THAT SO WE NEED TO FIND OTHER STRATEGIES TO MARKET ACTIVISM TO NARCS

IT IS HUMAN NATURE TO ONLY DO SOMETHING IF IT BENEFITS YOU IN SOME WAY. EVEN WITH EMPATHY, YOU'RE STILL BENEFITTING FROM SHOWING SUPPORT AND CARE TO OTHERS. IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER TO SHOW COMPASSION AND SYMPATHY BECAUSE YOU'RE MIRRORING THEIR EMOTIONS AND YOU CAN FEEL THEM TOO. HUMAN NATURE IS INHERENTLY SELFISH BECAUSE WE ONLY FEEL DRIVEN TO HELP OTHERS WHEN WE CAN FEEL THEIR PAIN. TAKE AWAY THE ABILITY TO FEEL OTHERS' PAIN AND THE ONLY WAY TO MARKET ACTIVISM TO SOMEONE IS TO TELL THEM HOW THEY CAN BENEFIT FROM IT. CLASSIC ADVERTISING :)

YOU'RE STILL TREATING THEM LIKE A HUMAN AND YOU'RE HEALTHILY MOTIVATING SOMEONE TO BE AN ACTIVIST!!!! GOOD JOB! EVERYONE IS HAPPY AND EVERYONE IS GETTING THEIR NEEDS MET 👏👏👏👏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

AND IN A WORLD WHERE SHOWING EMPATHY IS SEEN AS SOME MANDATORY MORAL LAW AND A LACK OF IT IS VIEWED AS DEPLORABLE AND EVIL, FOR SOME REASON KINDLY ASKING FOR SUPPORT WITHOUT GUILT TRIPPING OR DEHUMANISING PEOPLE WHO DON'T HELP IS SEEN AS..... DEGRADING YOURSELF?? ????? ? !!? I'M SORRY THAT YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE ENTITLED TO EMPATHY AND COMPASSION BUT IF YOU SERIOUSLY NEED HELP THEN YOU HAVE TO CONSIDER THAT NOT EVERYONE FEELS EMPATHY LIKE YOU DO AND Those PEOPLE ARE ATILL PEOPLE ???! AND THEY'RE CAPABLE OF HELPING TOO !!! IF YOU CAN PROPERLY ADVERTISE TO THEIR DESIRES WITHOUT USING SUCH AN EMPATHY-CENTRIC APPROACH !

“I AM IN AN UNSAFE ENVIRONMENT AND NEED TO ESCAPE BEFORE I DIE. YOU NEED TO FEEL TERRIBLE OR ELSE YOU'RE A BAD PERSON. IF YOU DON'T DONATE OR REBLOG YOU'RE AND DISGUSTING AND NOT HUMAN”

“I'm suffering and in pain and I would never forget your kindness if you helped me. just a reblog or donation would mean the world to me. you could be the person I thank for making it to tomorrow.”

ME PERSONALLY AS A PWNPD I THINK IT IS SO MUCH MORE MOTIVATING IF YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M SPECIAL AND IMPORTANT AND CHARITABLE FOR CHOOSING TO HELP RATHER THAN TREATING EVERYONE WHO DOESN'T HELP LIKE THEY'RE REPULSIVE AND NOT HUMAN WHILE SHOWING ZERO APPRECIATION TO THOSE WHO DO BECAUSE THEY "DON'T DESERVE PRAISE JUST FOR BEING A DECENT HUMAN"

LITERALLY WHAT IS UP WITH PEOPLE AND DEHUMANISING US I HEAR IT CONSTANTLY IN ANY ACTIVISM LIKE I'M NOT FUCKING EXAGGERATING THAT'S ALMOST ALWAYS THEIR TALKING POINT

AND YOU SHOULD NOT DO THAT ACTUALLY !!!!!!! #1 IT'S ABLEIST #2 GUILT TRIPPING ACTIVISM MIGHT WORK ON EMPATHS BUT IS TOTALLY INEFFECTIVE ON PW LOW EMPATHY AND DEPENDING ON THEIR LEVEL OF GUILT THEY'LL EITHER FEEL LIKE A SHITTY PERSON FOR NOT CARING ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING . OR THEY'LL GET PISSED OFF . OR THEY WILL JUST SIMPLY NOT FUCKING CARE AT ALL AND NGL I DON'T THINK YOU WANT ANY OF THOSE TO HAPPEN !!!!!!!!!!

AND NOW ...... BEHOLD ... THE NARC–FRIENDLY NARC–TARGETED ACTIVIST POST YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR . ...... . ..

BTW PLEAZ TELL ME HOW MOTIVATING IT IS FOR YOU GUYS IN THE NOTES I NEED FEEDBACK AND SUGGESTIONS TO BETTER MARKET ACTIVISM TO MORE DEMOGRAPHICS OF NARCISSISTS

╞════════════════════╡

NPD CULTURE IS ADVOCATING AND SPREADING AWARENESS OF PALESTINE TO BE A GOOD PERSON FOR SELFISH REASONS. NPD CULTURE IS BELIEVING THAT BEING A GOOD PERSON FOR SELFISH REASONS IS STILL BEING A GOOD PERSON.

I DON'T CARE HOW SELFISH YOUR REASONING IS, YOUR GOODNESS IS VALUED IN THIS WORLD AND SOMEONE OUT THERE ADMIRES YOU FOR IT.

MAYBE YOU'RE AFRAID PEOPLE WILL CRITICISE YOU FOR BEING SILENT.

MAYBE YOU FEEL SUPERIOR TO OTHERS FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD PERSON.

MAYBE YOU'RE DOING IT JUST FOR OTHERS TO LIKE YOU.

MAYBE YOU'RE DOING IT BECAUSE ALTHOUGH YOU DON'T ACTUALLY CARE, YOU KNOW IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND OTHERS ADMIRE MORALITY.

OR MAYBE YOU'RE JUST DOING IT CAUSE YOU'D FEEL LIKE A BAD PERSON IF YOU DIDN'T.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT IF YOU CAN BARELY FEEL EMPATHY OR CARE FOR THE PEOPLE OF GAZA, OR EVEN IF YOU FEEL NONE AT ALL. THAT DOESN'T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON.

BUT DOING YOUR BEST TO HELP THEM IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO, AND TRUST ME, DOING THE RIGHT THING BENEFITS YOU A LOT.

I DON'T CARE IF YOU GROAN IN YOUR HEAD EVERY TIME YOU REBLOG AN AWARENESS POST OR FUNDRAISER. I DON'T CARE IF YOU GENUINELY COULDN'T CARE LESS AND HAVE THE URGE TO JUST SCROLL.

DO IT ANYWAYS. DO IT SO YOU CAN FEEL SUPERIOR TO EVERYONE FOR BEING A GOOD PERSON. DO IT SO EVERYONE THINKS HIGHLY OF YOU FOR BEING SO ALTRUISTIC AND CHARITABLE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. ANY REASON IS A GOOD ONE TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

STILL DON'T REALLY FEEL LIKE IT? JUST IMAGINE WHAT EVERYONE WOULD THINK IN THEIR HEADS ABOUT YOU IF YOU DID.

“... WOW, THEY'RE REBLOGGING SO MANY POSTS ABOUT PALESTINE. EVEN I DON'T REBLOG THAT MANY ACTIVISM POSTS. SUCH A HUMANITARIAN... I REALLY ADMIRE PEOPLE LIKE THAT.”

“WAIT. HUH? THEIR BIO SAYS... THEY HAVE NPD.”

“REALLY? WOULDN'T THEY STRUGGLE WITH EMPATHY THEN? OR SYMPATHY, COMPASSION, AND GUILT?”

“WHAT IF... THEY DIDN'T FEEL A SINGLE OUNCE OF CARE OR EMOTION FOR THOSE PEOPLE...

BUT STILL MADE THE CHOICE TO HELP THEM ANYWAYS?”

“CARING AND FEELING BAD HAS ALWAYS COME NATURALLY FOR ME. I MEAN, I'VE MADE THE CHOICE TO HELP PEOPLE WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE TO BEFORE, BUT THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE I FELT SOMETHING.”

“I FELT THEIR PAIN AND SADNESS. I FELT AWFUL FOR THEM, LIKE I NEEDED TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER.”

“THIS PERSON DIDN'T HAVE ANY OF THOSE FEELINGS... YET STILL MADE THE CHOICE TO BE GOOD.”

“MAN, THAT'S BETTER THAN I AM.”

“IF I DIDN'T HAVE ANY EMPATHY I'D BE SUCH A DICK.”

“THEY PUT EVEN THE MOST ALTRUISTIC PEOPLE TO SHAME — BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE DAY, THEY'RE ONLY BEING THAT KIND BECAUSE THEIR FEELINGS DRIVE THEM TO DO IT.”

“TAKE AWAY ALL THEIR EMPATHY AND THOSE "ALTRUISTS" WOULD PROBABLY ALL BE DICKS TOO.”

“JUST IMAGINE SOMEONE HAVING A DISORDER THAT DETERS THEM FROM DOING THE RIGHT THING...”

“BUT GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO DO IT ANYWAYS”

“MEANWHILE EVERYONE ELSE NATURALLY DOES THE EXACT SAME WITHOUT TRYING.”

“IT'S FUNNY,”

“EVERYONE PLACES FEELING EMPATHY ON THIS MORAL PEDESTAL”

“BUT WILL NEVER SHOW EMPATHY TOWARDS SOMEONE WHO LACKS IT.”

“AND WE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE KIND WITHOUT FEELING EMPATHY”

“BUT THEY DO.”

“THEY HAVE TO LEARN”

“THEY HAVE TO PUT IN EFFORT TO BE KIND.”

“BUT WE DON'T.”

“THEY'RE A BETTER PERSON THAN ANY OF US.”

“NARCISSISTS MUST BE THE ONLY TRULY KIND PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD...”

“I ADMIRE THAT PERSON”

“I'D GIVE THEM THE WHOLE WORLD IF I COULD.”

— 🍋‍🟩🍃

PS

(THIS APPLIES TO EVERY CAUSE OF ACTIVISM, I ONLY SPECIFICALLY TALKED ABOUT PALESTINE SINCE IT'S SUCH A COMMON EXAMPLE + EXPRESSING IT VAGUELY WOULD GREATLY WEAKEN MY MESSAGE.

ANY REASON THAT MOTIVATES YOU TO BE KIND AND HELP OTHERS IS A GOOD ONE.

I BELIEVE ALL THIS STRONGLY BUT UNFORTUNATELY I COULD NEVER POST THIS ON MY BLOG OR ACTUALLY SAY THIS TO ANYONE EVER OR ELSE THE EGOTYPICALS WILL TRY AND HUNT ME DOWN LIKE THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS BECAUSE I GUESS SEEING LOW EMPATHY PEOPLE AS HUMANS IS TOO WOKE OF A TAKE FOR THEM

I LOVE YOU ALL PLEASE SPREAD KINDNESS AND JOY)

PPS

(( MY BIGGEST FEAR IS ADMIN GOING "I'M NOT READING ALLAT" ONE DAY AND STRAIGHT UP JUST NOT POSTING A SUBMISSION 💀 I'M SO SORRY MAN I'M HYPERVERBAL I CAN'T HELP ACCIDENTALLY WRITING AN ESSAY FROM TRYING TO CONVEY A SINGULAR IDEA I WANTED TO SAY 💔💔💔💔

(( BUT LIKE I SPENT Actual Fucking Hours WRITING THIS LIKE LITERALLY THE ENTIRE DAY !!!! /vsrs GUYS I'M NOT EVEN GETTING AN ENGLISH GRADE FOR THIS GUYS PLEASE APPRECIATE THIS EXTREMELY INFORMATIVE AND CONCISE AND BENEFICIAL ESSAY GUYS PLEASE PLEASE I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER AND KISS THE GROUND YOU WALK ON YOU WOULD BE SO AWESOME AND AMAZING AND SUPERIOR IF YOU INTERACTED WITH THIS POST BECAUSE I'M BEING VULNERABLE AND DESPERATE SO IT'S LIKE GIVING MONEY TO THE HOMELESS IT'S SO ALTRUISTIC AND EVERYONE WILL ADORE YOU FOR IT . PEOPLE IN THE NOTES PLEASE GIVE PRAISE AND GRATITUDE TO EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO INTERACTED WITH THIS POST FFOR GOING OUT OF THEIR WAY TO BE SO GENEROUS AND ALTRUISTIC 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 ))

(( I'M USING MY SELF AWARENESS OF NPD COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS TO MANIPULATE EVERYONE INTO BEING NICE TO ME USING THE SAME EXACT LOGIC I'D USE TO CONVINCE MYSELF I'M ALWAYS RIGHT AND I'M ALWAYS BETTER THAN EVERYONE EVER NO MATTER WHAT ))

(( BUT GUYS THAT'S HOW YOU KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY #TRUE OKAY I'M USING MY MARKETING STRATEGY TO ADVERTISE HOW SUPERIOR IT'D MAKE YOU AND I LOVE MY TITLE OF BEING SUPERIOR BUT I'M ACTUALLY GIVING IT TO YOU FOR REBLOGGING SINCE YOU DESERVE IT FOR BEING SO NICE TO ME AND YOUR KINDNESS MAKES YOU BETTER THAN EVERYONE ACTUALLY AND I LOVE YOU ))

PPS

(( ALSO HEY UH ADMIN . WHEN YOU'RE ADDING THE ID TEXT COULD YOU PLEASE HIDE THE PPS UNDER A CUT CAUSE I DON'T WANNA SCARE AWAY MY POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS WITH TOO MUCH UNNECESSARY YAPPING . THE MARKET IS QUITE PICKY !!! YOUR ADVERTISING COULD BE OTHERWISE FLAWLESS AND THEY'LL STILL ALL FIND SOME SILLY REASON NOT TO BUY LIKE ADDING TOO MANY UNNECESSARY THINGS . TOUGH LIFE OUT HERE FOR A BUSINESSMAN (FEMININE) ))

(( OH .. OH SHIT ADMIN I JUST REMEMBERED YOU WRITE ALL MY ID TEXT MANUALLY I'M ACTUALLY SO FUCKING SORRY 😭 ))

(( IF I REALISE THIS HAS ANY MISTAKES AFTER I SUBMIT THIS I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL MYSELF BRO 💞💞💞💞🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 /not literal ))

(( BTW TO THOSE WHO READ ALL OF THIS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I WILL SMOOCH THE GROUND YOU WALK ON YOU'RE SO AWESOME FOR BEING SO NICE DON'T LET ANYONE TELL YOU OTHERWISE ))

[pt: (( hai it's me the lime leaf anon who always types insanely long submissions and only types in caps . sorry this is really really really really long but i put my entire heart and soul and many many hours into writing this so i think it's worth it ))

(( and just wanna clarify, i'm aware that empathy , sympathy , compassion , guilt , and caring are 5 different things but although the dsm only requires low empathy it's super common for pwnpd to lack the others as well. so when i refer to "empathy" i'm using it as a catch-all term for any kind of sadness or feeling bad over someone's suffering and when i refer to "empaths" i mean people who consistently, naturally and appropriately find others' suffering upsetting ))

npd culture is wishing there was activism specifically targeted at narcissists. because tell me why 90% of activism is just "if you don't feel awful and miserable for these starving children then you're a terrible disgusting subhuman creature and deserve to die. but if you do feel bad and help them you're just normal and don't deserve anything special" like trying to appeal to empathy 99% of the time isn't gonna work on us because we're narcs. and like wtf. i'm so tired of every activist i see demonising a lack of empathy and never showing appreciation to those who do choose to advocate.

my friend with npd literally got a callout made on them on twt for saying they are unable to feel empathy or care for those suffering in palestine on discord in a literal vent channel . like we have seriously gotta start normalising selfish activism because you guys can't just pick and choose when you want to see people with low empathy as people

i believe that someone not wanting to advocate doesn't make them a bad person, they just aren't being advertised the right motivation. and demonising + dehumanising people who don't don't preach your activism is genuinely not gonna help your cause at all please find a healthy way to motivate people 😭 and as pwnpd we have a lot less empathy than other people. so that's not realistically gonna motivate us to help

and this is where my concept of narc-targeted activism comes in. because of how our minds function, appealing to empathy is not realistically gonna work on us. but helping people is good and awesome and nice and i think everyone should do that so we need to find other strategies to market activism to narcs

it is human nature to only do something if it benefits you in some way. even with empathy, you're still benefitting from showing support and care to others. it makes you feel better to show compassion and sympathy because you're mirroring their emotions and you can feel them too. human nature is inherently selfish because we only feel driven to help others when we can feel their pain. take away the ability to feel others' pain and the only way to market activism to someone is to tell them how they can benefit from it. classic advertising :)

you're still treating them like a human and you're healthily motivating someone to be an activist!!!! good job! everyone is happy and everyone is getting their needs met 👏👏👏👏🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

and in a world where showing empathy is seen as some mandatory moral law and a lack of it is viewed as deplorable and evil, for some reason kindly asking for support without guilt tripping or dehumanising people who don't help is seen as….. degrading yourself?? ????? ? !!? i'm sorry that you feel like you're entitled to empathy and compassion but if you seriously need help then you have to consider that not everyone feels empathy like you do and those people are atill people ???! and they're capable of helping too !!! if you can properly advertise to their desires without using such an empathy-centric approach !

“i am in an unsafe environment and need to escape before i die. you need to feel terrible or else you're a bad person. if you don't donate or reblog you're and disgusting and not human”

“i'm suffering and in pain and i would never forget your kindness if you helped me. just a reblog or donation would mean the world to me. you could be the person i thank for making it to tomorrow.”

me personally as a pwnpd i think it is so much more motivating if you make me feel like i'm special and important and charitable for choosing to help rather than treating everyone who doesn't help like they're repulsive and not human while showing zero appreciation to those who do because they "don't deserve praise just for being a decent human"

literally what is up with people and dehumanising us i hear it constantly in any activism like i'm not fucking exaggerating that's almost always their talking point

and you should not do that actually !!!!!!! #1 it's ableist #2 guilt tripping activism might work on empaths but is totally ineffective on pw low empathy and depending on their level of guilt they'll either feel like a shitty person for not caring enough to do anything . or they'll get pissed off . or they will just simply not fucking care at all and ngl i don't think you want any of those to happen !!!!!!!!!!

and now …… behold … the narc–friendly narc–targeted activist post you've all been waiting for . …… . ..

btw pleaz tell me how motivating it is for you guys in the notes i need feedback and suggestions to better market activism to more demographics of narcissists

╞════════════════════╡

npd culture is advocating and spreading awareness of palestine to be a good person for selfish reasons. npd culture is believing that being a good person for selfish reasons is still being a good person.

i don't care how selfish your reasoning is, your goodness is valued in this world and someone out there admires you for it.

maybe you're afraid people will criticise you for being silent.

maybe you feel superior to others for being such a good person.

maybe you're doing it just for others to like you.

maybe you're doing it because although you don't actually care, you know it's the right thing to do and others admire morality.

or maybe you're just doing it cause you'd feel like a bad person if you didn't.

it's not your fault if you can barely feel empathy or care for the people of gaza, or even if you feel none at all. that doesn't make you a bad person.

but doing your best to help them is the right thing to do, and trust me, doing the right thing benefits you a lot.

i don't care if you groan in your head every time you reblog an awareness post or fundraiser. i don't care if you genuinely couldn't care less and have the urge to just scroll.

do it anyways. do it so you can feel superior to everyone for being a good person. do it so everyone thinks highly of you for being so altruistic and charitable.

it doesn't matter. any reason is a good one to do the right thing.

still don't really feel like it? just imagine what everyone would think in their heads about you if you did.

“… wow, they're reblogging so many posts about palestine. even i don't reblog that many activism posts. such a humanitarian… i really admire people like that.”

“wait. huh? their bio says… they have npd.”

“really? wouldn't they struggle with empathy then? or sympathy, compassion, and guilt?”

“what if… they didn't feel a single ounce of care or emotion for those people…

but still made the choice to help them anyways?”

“caring and feeling bad has always come naturally for me. i mean, i've made the choice to help people when i didn't have to before, but that was only because i felt something.”

“i felt their pain and sadness. i felt awful for them, like i needed to make them feel better.”

“this person didn't have any of those feelings… yet still made the choice to be good.”

“man, that's better than i am.”

“if i didn't have any empathy i'd be such a dick.”

“they put even the most altruistic people to shame — because at the end of the day, they're only being that kind because their feelings drive them to do it.”

“take away all their empathy and those "altruists" would probably all be dicks too.”

“just imagine someone having a disorder that deters them from doing the right thing…”

“but going out of their way to do it anyways”

“meanwhile everyone else naturally does the exact same without trying.”

“it's funny,”

“everyone places feeling empathy on this moral pedestal”

“but will never show empathy towards someone who lacks it.”

“and we don't even know how to be kind without feeling empathy”

“but they do.”

“they have to learn”

“they have to put in effort to be kind.”

“but we don't.”

“they're a better person than any of us.”

“narcissists must be the only truly kind people in this world…”

“i admire that person”

“i'd give them the whole world if i could.”

— 🍋‍🟩🍃

ps

(this applies to every cause of activism, i only specifically talked about palestine since it's such a common example + expressing it vaguely would greatly weaken my message.

any reason that motivates you to be kind and help others is a good one.

i believe all this strongly but unfortunately i could never post this on my blog or actually say this to anyone ever or else the egotypicals will try and hunt me down like the salem witch trials because i guess seeing low empathy people as humans is too woke of a take for them

i love you all please spread kindness and joy)

pps

(( my biggest fear is admin going "i'm not reading allat" one day and straight up just not posting a submission 💀 i'm so sorry man i'm hyperverbal i can't help accidentally writing an essay from trying to convey a singular idea i wanted to say 💔💔💔💔

(( but like i spent actual fucking hours writing this like literally the entire day !!!! /vsrs guys i'm not even getting an english grade for this guys please appreciate this extremely informative and concise and beneficial essay guys please please i'll love you forever and kiss the ground you walk on you would be so awesome and amazing and superior if you interacted with this post because i'm being vulnerable and desperate so it's like giving money to the homeless it's so altruistic and everyone will adore you for it . people in the notes please give praise and gratitude to every single person who interacted with this post ffor going out of their way to be so generous and altruistic 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 ))

(( i'm using my self awareness of npd cognitive distortions to manipulate everyone into being nice to me using the same exact logic i'd use to convince myself i'm always right and i'm always better than everyone ever no matter what ))

(( but guys that's how you know it's actually #true okay i'm using my marketing strategy to advertise how superior it'd make you and i love my title of being superior but i'm actually giving it to you for reblogging since you deserve it for being so nice to me and your kindness makes you better than everyone actually and i love you ))

pps

(( also hey uh admin . when you're adding the id text could you please hide the pps under a cut cause i don't wanna scare away my potential customers with too much unnecessary yapping . the market is quite picky !!! your advertising could be otherwise flawless and they'll still all find some silly reason not to buy like adding too many unnecessary things . tough life out here for a businessman (feminine) ))

(( oh .. oh shit admin i just remembered you write all my id text manually i'm actually so fucking sorry 😭 ))

(( if i realise this has any mistakes after i submit this i'm gonna fucking kill myself bro 💞💞💞💞🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈 /not literal ))

(( btw to those who read all of this i love you so much i will smooch the ground you walk on you're so awesome for being so nice don't let anyone tell you otherwise ))]

[duelinthesun]

hi! what about phil ochs makes you love phil ochs? why is he so great? oh, and have a wonderful week!

hi! i know i post about phil so much, but i'm actually terrible at gathering my thoughts and writing anything coherent. but i'll try

i love the humour and wit in his songs, writings and interactions with the audience, he would often introduce songs (like Cannons of Christianity, Ringing of Revolution) in a very funny and entertaining way and you can just see how much he loved music, writing and getting the right message across. everyone that knew him said that he was a very genuine and honest person, i've read a ton of comments from older fans that said they managed to meet and talk to him after the shows, because he would just sit by the bar to grab a drink and was very "available" to the people, yk? i remember reading memories of a guy that was a student in the 70s, whose flatmate approached phil after one of the shows to invite him over to watch an episode of the midnight special, in which phil performed. he said yes to these random kids, went to their flat and sat there, watching the tv and talking to them. i love this story so much. also, like jerry rubin once said, phil was simultaneously very shy and vulnerable, but also a great, angry showman. he did have these two, seemingly very contrary, sides, but at the same time somehow it always felt like he was true to himself and that's very, idk, admirable? actually, i'm gonna put the whole jerry quote here, because it's great and i really relate to him haha: "[...] and Phil was amazing, because he had this very sensitive side of his personality that's almost feminine, and then in a second he would turn into the most incredible male show-business angry person, and then he'll go right back to being so sensitive and shy you wanted just embrace him like a little child"

and obviously i love this angry-activist side too. him writing all those protest songs, organizing the benefit for chile concert, the war is over rallies, conducting interviews with politicians - he really was taking action, not just talking about it. He would sometimes even cancel commercial shows overnight to fly out to perform at a protest on the other side of the country. idk if this sounds lame? corny? but his music made me care more and taught me more about history and politics, esp of the united states, but also something new about chile, china. anytime i listened to one of his political songs, i had to google the names and events mentioned (which made me terrified at how little i knew ngl), but it's a very enriching experience. i appreciate not only the message, wittiness and sensibility(?) of his lyrics, but the melodies and his quite unique voice too. and like, i honestly love listening to his live recordings/demos and hear him get raspy or not hitting the right notes sometimes, it's just so human and endearing (not post 1973 though, he was mugged in tanzania and his vocal chords - and spirits in result - were crushed. so, listening to him after that incident is often saddening)

i often see people complain, that phil only knew how to make one type of music and didn't evolve as an artist at all. this is baffling to me, because i'd say that half of his albums are totally different from what people associate him with (protest). he wrote so many experimental, retrospective, and even country songs! his career was short, but actually very diverse. those more retrospective and personal songs, like "i'm tired" and "alone" are some of my favourites. They're sad, but relatable, and relating to someone's sadness is more powerful than relating to one's happiness, yk? now i don't want to write a whole paragraph about phil's struggles, because conversations about him often focus too much on this aspect of his life imo, but i'll just say that they hit very close to home.

the last thing i'm going to mention, so this whole post isn't 200k words long, is his fangirlism! the same way we love him, he loved elvis, buddy and john wayne, and would be happy as a cloud watching them on screen or on stage. which is, once again, very relatable and cute. he was a nerd haha

this is incredibly long, but at the same time very, very superficial. i hope it's readable though and answers your questions. have a great week too<3 (and excuse my english)

[woodcrownedlexi]

Hiiii everyone! I've decided to upload my ranking of the new JD+ Fitness pack AND do pixel coaches for them as I rank them. BUT! I wasn't able to find any clear images of any of the backgrounds for this, so hang tight with me please 😭 6. Feel So Close

This map was just okay to me. There's nothing really special about it. The song is kind of basic as well. The lines in the background during the drop are kinda ugly. Cad's design feels like they just put random shapes into shirts and pants. Maybe it's just not for me, but this routine is just so... Boring. Like I don't feel the need to know more about Cad or get invested with this choreo. 3/10 5. This Is How We Do (Fitness Version)

(wow the background really botches her earrings) Anyway, I feel the same way about this as I do about Feel So Close, although not as much. While it is somewhat boring, it's not in the sense where I feel like it's missed potential, and we could've gotten much better. I do appreciate the routine for what it is, though. But what it is isn't a lot. 5/10 4. Juice

This routine is cute! I love it! Random headcanon: I feel like Brezziana knows these coaches. Maybe P2 also is an influencer. I had a lot more fun playing this routine, and definitely felt the 'I wanna see more of this!' feeling that Feels So Close and TIHWD didn't really get for me. 7/10 3. i like the way you kiss me

LOVE the coach designs here!! But... I'm not the appeal for this song. I don't have the 'runaway car band' aesthetic this map is going for, but I still appreciate it! I don't mind the choreo being repetitive, but I do wish they switched up after the first chorus, since all the moves are the same after it. I think they could've at least changed the outro a little. Oh well. 8/10 2. Rabiosa (Fitness Version)

Yasss queen! I love the flow and energy of this map. The background is a little quirky, but in a good way. It reminds me of those self-care note apps, and this is a fitness routine, so... I guess it works? But it works WELL! I wish they gave the other 2 returning maps a name, but I get why they didn't... It's because they're lazy! I'ma catch them

8/10

Apple

UGHHHH! I loveeeee this one! The teen mall aesthetic, the brat shirt (even though the fitness text is a little cringe but who cares), Julia, everything decorated in her room, the way it gets digitized, the second part when she's in that pixel field, the intro with the planes, the outro with the the apple outline, it's just so great!!! I do wish they used the TikTok dance, but I understand why they didn't. It's probably a nightmare to try and license and that's okay lol

10/10 Overall: Our first song pack for Just dance!! The songpack is great, but... I miss the hype seasons had. We'd have a buildup, things to look forward to, actual trailers... Now it's just a lifeless "take it all or leave it" cash grab. We didn't even get achievements for any of the maps or anything. I guess I'm not surprised, I hope the budget ubi has is doing okay. I also think that none of the new maps have anything to do with Fitness, except Feel So Close... and we saw how that turned out. :( But I still have hope for the future! I believe everything will go well.

[silkpages]

i miss trini, jason and zack </3

[im2tired4usernames]

I hate that I literally just do not trust any of the older folks in my family to do right by anyone

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

i haven’t giffed anything else yet, i’m still somewhere between deciding what the next one will be and being in one of my 0 attention span things, it might take a little while

[cathymee]

discourse is wiiiild

who is this

so true bestie

[sunvylovebug]

A bath together

↬Warnings: There are mentions of nudity but this is NOT NSFW, Y/N is a killer, mentions of murdering …⁠ᘛ⁠⁐̤⁠ᕐ⁠ᐷ

↬ Gender Neutral!Reader, they/them pronouns and third person narration (⁠*⁠˘⁠︶⁠˘⁠*⁠)⁠.⁠｡⁠*⁠♡

↬Author Note: He's such a green flag, such a sweet boy, I want to give Me. Crawling a big hug. Btw finally posting something that has warnings lmao.

↬Summary: Y/N teaching Mr. Crawling about something basic in the daily routine; a warm bath.

↬ Word Count: 1,435 Words

Masterlist

"Mr. Crawling please. I promise you it'll be fun! Fun? You like fun?"

Y/N's question was answered with a vigorous shake of the head. "No... Me no like. No like there. Not going."

"Please? Would you do it for me?" Of course they were gonna try to convince him that way, Mr. Crawling couldn't say no to that look after all.

It's been some days since they left that mysterious world. They went back to their usual activities like going to school and killing people, just the usual stuff for a human their age, right? They have been teaching Mr. Crawling about the human world and the routines that generally develop over time, a very important part of the daily routine is cleaning the body but Mr. Crawling was so hesitant to enter the tub, it was filled with warm water and soap, of course it looked comfy but then why was he acting that way?

Mr. Crawling stood firm in his decision. "Not going."

They sighed. "Would you enter if we did it together? Would you agree that way? You, me, together?"

He smiled and nodded, so he was throwing that whole tantrum so he could be with them. They weren't surprised really, he was a clingy being.

They took off their clothes with some hesitation, how would Mr. Crawling react? Would it be a good reaction? Now they were the one hesitating. And he noticed. "You okay?"

"I'm okay, it's just..." They shook their head. "Nothing."

Once the two were without clothes they shivered a little. "I already took a shower today, taking a bath is not necessary for me..." Y/N said to themselves as they stepped into the tub. "Your turn. Come here"

This time Mr. Crawling stepped into the tub without protest, a happy smile on his face. After feeling the temperature, he giggled, he looked happy. "Fun fun." He said, splashing a little of water.

"See? Told you it was fun... But you usually take a shower first, then get in the tub to relax, you know? The problem is that my shower is too small for someone so tall like you... I mean, this tub is also pretty small but I guess it works, not that bad hopefully. I hope you'll enjoy it." Indeed, it wasn't that big of a bathtub so they were pretty close, his cold back pressing against their chest.

He was happily listening to their yapping, not understanding a lot of course, but Mr. Crawling just liked the way they voice sounds when they're speaking to him, it was a sound that made him feel nice and warm inside.

"I'm gonna wash your hair, okay?" Y/N grabbed the bottle of shampoo, Mr. Crawling didn't understand what they meant with that but he was happy to let them take care of him. It made him feel special.

They started to gently massage his scalp, Mr. Crawling tried to eat the foam and bubbles that the shampoo produced but after they told him it wasn't food he felt somewhat disappointed, it smelled so good, how is it not something he cannot eat? "No food?"

"No, it's not food. It doesn't taste as good as it smells."

Mr. Crawling didn't get what Y/N said but he understood that he can't eat that and he was a well behaved boy so he didn't try to eat it again.

They spent a lot of time just washing his hair, making sure the tips and roots were clean, his hair got dirty when he crawled around and they wanted to take care of it for him. "Your hair is so pretty." They whisper softly.

He giggles. "Me pretty?"

"Your hair. Your hair pretty. But you're right Mr. Crawling, you pretty too."

He smiled and giggled, wanting to hug and headpat them but not being able cause of their position, Instead, he just rubbed his head happily against her neck. They took care of cleaning his body as much as possible while teaching him the basics of how to do it himself as well. He was very cheerful, as usual, always giggling and smiling, enjoying the experience, the attention he received and the gentle touches, the nice words and all the spoiling and pampering they gave him. They made him happy.

They started talking after starting to scrub his legs. "Next time I'll try to kill someone with money... Maybe we could put soft carpet on the floors or something... Your knees get bruised cause of your crawling and... I'm sure you don't feel it that much and you heal pretty fast... but I don't like seeing you like that." They gently kisses his temple, Mr. Crawling smiled and giggled happily.

Mr. Crawling He was having the best day of his life, the warmth of the water, Y/N's body heat, the pleasant aromas of the soaps and shampoo, listening to them humming while they took care of him... It was perfect.

But eventually the water turned cold and soon they got out of the tub, they wrapped a towel around their body to help Mr. Crawling dry himself with another towel. He liked that, it was soft and it smelled good. Everything in that room smelled good, it was different from what he was used to in his world.

"So? Did you liked it?" Y/N asked.

"Yes. Me like this." He nodded his head, smiled happily. "Me like you."

"Thank you. I like you too"

It was time for a new lesson; getting dressed. Mr. Crawling wasn't used to clothes and how humans dress, so they got him a new robe and some underwear. He protested a little at first, something so restrictive felt weird at first but once he got used to it he even liked it. His new robe looked a lot like the old one he had, that made him happy cause he really liked that robe.

"Me pretty, me pretty." He repeated over and over again when he saw himself in the mirror.

"Yes, you're pretty. Very very pretty."

He loved their praises, now that they were dressed and out of the tub he could hug them and give them the headpats he wanted. That made them happy too. He was so clingy. It was new to have someone so in awe of even the smallest detail about them, Mr. Crawling was a faithful devotee and Y/N a deity that he would worship for life.

"Let's dry your hair okay? We're done here."

They went back to the room, having Mr. Crawling sitting down on the edge of the bed, they were behind him, dryer in hand ready to take care of that beautiful and silky hair that Mr. Crawling had.

"This is a little loud but it's okay. It won't hurt." They wanted to make sure Mr. Crawling wouldn't freak out cause of the noise the air dryer made. He nodded and Y/N started doing their thing. The hot air felt nice, it took a good amount of time to dry all of his hair but they did it happily, Mr. Crawling felt excited and that was enough of a reason to do it.

"I'm done, what do you think?"

Mr. Crawling grabbed the air dryer and held it in front of his face, the air was moving his hair back, making him giggle. "Fun fun! Me like fun!"

"I know you like fun." They looked at him tenderly, Mr. Crawling was easy to impress, even the smallest detail could make him very excited, it was refreshing to have him by their side. "You know, I wanna braid your hair... Want me to show you something? You'll look pretty, I promise."

He tilted his head to the side but nodded gently, giving them the hair dryer back. They braided his hair gently, once it was done they made him look at the mirror.

They smiled, he was so excited. "You look pretty."

"Me pretty!" He looks at them with a big smile. "Me pretty... Thank you..."

They looked at the clock, it was almost midnight. "I should sleep now, it's getting late."

Mr. Crawling nodded, understanding their need of rest. They lay down together in bed after turning off the lights. He was hugging Y/N as if they were a delicate piece of art made of glass, something he had to protect. "You pretty... Thank you." He said against their neck.

"This could be a part of our routine... I like it, I wanna do it again."

"Again?" He asks happily.

"Yes. Not now! But tomorrow... Again"

He giggles. "Again! Again! Tomorrow again!"

They kiss his forehead. "It's time to sleep for now, okay? Goodnight Mr. Crawling."

"Night night... Pretty."

[amazinglyashy]

Hello, can you do LADS men's reaction to MC/reader working too hard, to the point that she looks tired and drained? She also easily gets sick because of stress. And yes, it's based on me; right now, I'm so tired because of work, and I have dance practice almost every day for our departmental performance while I'm sick with the flu. Thank you 💜

Sorry for the delay, but I wanted to do this one justice as best as I could, because oh man did I feel this personally! Not the same at all, but I get heavy duty chronic pain, and I overwork myself often by choice or not, all the time. Feel better anon <3 I hope you enjoy, and make sure to get some Pedialyte or sports drinks, and rest whenever you can. Your health is extremely important!

Love and Deepspace Li's reactions to you being overworked and sick

Zayne -

He's a doctor, you can't even get into the realm of hoping to hide it from him for long, and you'll want to hide it from him if you're actually wanting to be doing whatever it is that's causing you to be overworked to the point of illness.

He will take a single look at you the first time he sees you once you've reached this point- routine examination, stopping by work to see you or vice versa, running something by your place he borrowed, even just you making the mistake of taking an offered ride home from him due to how tired you are. It was a lapse in judgement on your part in trying to keep this from him, but your beyond exhausted brain didn't process it at the time.

But you sure are processing it now that you've been 'kidnapped' and taken back to his place.

He has already filled out a formal doctors note- benefits of being your primary physician- and sent it over to your bosses and managers. There's no arguing.

"Zayne, I'm-" "If you are about to try a weak attempt at convincing me you are alright, I will accept it as you insulting my intelligence as a doctor."

You're in his bed, under his blankets, probably in his pajamas since he wouldn't let you escape home, and drinking the warm drink he made for you to have after taking medicine he had given you to help with your illness. He'll order food that will be good for you to eat as well, and if it's too late for takeout, he'll definitely be cooking for you as well.

Once you're done eating, he'll make sure you're properly cared for by massaging any tired or pained muscles. If that's your entire body, then so be it. Close your eyes, tilt hour head back, and relax even though it hurts in a good way sometimes, because he's not letting up.

Not until you feel better. No matter how long that takes.

Rafayel -

Genuinely, he's offended and hurt that you've overworked yourself this hard and haven't told him. And boy, is he going to let you know it.

He's carrying you gently from wherever he had found you looking so tired- no it does not matter if you were in the middle of working- while actively scolding you in his arms.

"Maybe I should just leave you there all day, come see you in the evening when you get a bad case of amnesia. Would you like that? Huh? No? Well, then stop being stupid."

He doesn't even want to dare set foot in your place right now. He's not in the mood to clean, and he knows if this is the state you're in, your apartment is probably so much worse due to just how busy and exhausted you've been.

He'll go clean it later, but right now he's just grumpy.

There is something about the fresh, oceanside air that helps your headache though- or maybe it's the light linen on his bed that he would have dropped you on had you not looked like the most frail thing he had seen all week.

He's muttering snarky remarks to you, but they're devoid of any bite due to his actions as he speaks them-

Getting you a fluffy robe to change into, putting something simple in the oven while you get comfortable, working special lotion into your muscles, making you lemon and honey tea, making it more humid so any sinus problems clear and help you breathe- he's being vocal through it all, but spoiling you as much as he can nonetheless.

"I don't care if you have a lot to do. Just- ask for help next time. And if I can't help with your work, at least let me help you relax once you're home. I don't mind you staying over either, so that I can make you feel better. Just promise me you'll do better next time, so I can help you before you get this bad."

Xavier -

He probably stopped by your apartment to return something he borrowed, and you made the mistake of answering the door directly after coming home. You were at your peak of tired, and your head had started pounding for some reason... and didn't you feel a bit hot...?

"Oh- You look- You don't look very good. Is everything alright?"

You can't even answer before he's reaching out a hand to hover in front of you, trying to decide between touching you and not, before deciding on the former. He can feel you're just the slightest bit unsteady from working so you're being scooped up in an instant and taken to the bed you had already been planning to go to.

"What have they been having you do...? Never mind. That's- not important right now."

Takes off your shoes and socks, murmurs something about giving you a massage in a bit, before tugging blankets and plushies around you. He'll leave to let you change into pajamas or something more comfortable, and he'll keep himself busy by making you something to eat or clean up your apartment for you.

He tries to cook you something, he really does try. But he definitely has more talent at talking on the phone to the restaurant he's ordering you takeout from. The pan he tried to use does not survive the attempt.

The takeout is good when it comes, though, and it helps that he gave you some medicine prior to help keep it down. Even if you're not currently nauseous, he's pretty worried about your state worsening quickly.

You won't notice until it's too late, but he's already finding out how to transfer some of your workload to himself. By 'some', it's definitely 'all'.

"No, I won't change my mind. Not until you're better. You're so tired, let me do this for you. You can make it up to me by getting me something in the claw machine later."

Sylus -

"I'm just going to go-"

"Go where, kitten?"

You had made the mistake of nearly falling over under the watchful gaze of Mephisto, who had decided it would be absolutely wonderful to relay the information about it and your current state back to Sylus as quickly as he could.

Which is how you had ended up stuck in the hallway the led to your apartment, practically pinned to the wall with Sylus's hands on either side of you.

That is also how you ended up slung over Sylus's shoulder as he unlocked your apartment door for you and went inside, carrying you like it was nothing.

To be fair, you couldn't do much to fight him off this time except utilize a few choice words. You were so beyond exhausted, and starting to feel pretty ill, to boot.

He's got you to bed as soon as the door is shut. You're allowed a hot shower if you promise him a few dozen times that you'll get straight to bed after. He makes sure to promise you that he'll come and make you get in bed if you go against that promise. For once, you don't want to call his bluff.

You're in bed soon enough, with a cool rag pressed on your forehead, some pain medication long since down your throat, and food already on the way courtesy of Luke and Kieran's special henchmen delivery service.

Lying in bed is like heaven on your sore muscles and aching joints, not to mention the pounding headache you've had since starting to feel sick and missing out on sleep. But what somehow feels even better is Sylus's hands on you.

They're just gentle touches, his fingertips ghosting over your skin to leave goosebumps at how nice it feels, and sometimes his whole hands moving slowly and lightly across your body. He'll massage your muscles later, but for now, he's just focused on getting you to sleep, even if just for a little bit until the food gets here.

He knows you need it.

[cutebat]

You know what, fuck it. I'm going to write my own neglectful yandere batfamily cause everyone else is doing it, but I'm going to do it in a different way.

Yandere Batfam x Neglected, but Defiant Reader

Prologue (Diary Entry)

Warning(s): Mentions of yandere themes, neglect, emotional abuse, mentions of physical abuse, forcing to drop out, attempted guilt tripping, reader is just venting out her feelings

(I made this in the reader's POV to make the whole 'diary entry' thing more sense.)

~~~~~

July 22, 2024

It's funny when someone tells their story.

Only to be told back that it's unrealistic.

Almost as if they're afraid to believe it's real...

Oh, God, that sounded dark.

~~~~~

For everyone who doesn't know,

Bruce is a billionaire who's also a shitty dad

Dick is a dick, like actually

Jason uses his trauma to let all his frustrations on me

Tim is a delusional bitch

Cass was okay until she knocked me to the ground

Damian is just a thing who you want to burn to ashes

Alfred... I guess is just Alfred

~~~~~

I was basically raised as what people would call a 'black sheep'. Kind of like... actually, I don't need to explain all that.

Basically, I was adopted by the infamous Bruce Wayne when I was ten for whatever reason. After the first day of living with him and the family and giving me the new role of Batgirl, everyone just pretended as if I didn't exist.

I tried to interact with every one of them and all I got were "sorry, can't talk right now" and "can you shut up".

Like, WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO THEM?!

Is it because I'm prettier than all of them and had barely any trauma in my past? Seriously, why are people so jealous about these kinds of things?

Bruce really signed all that paperwork for nothing.

Of course, my little ten year old brain would think that if I tried to impress all of them with what I could do, maybe I could gain their attention.

So by the time I was twelve with my ten year old mindset goal in my head, I did nine different after school activities, won over fifteen awards for my achievements, and went out to patrol at least six nights a week.

And none of that worked! Those fuckers wouldn't even spare me a glance!

~~~~~

After a while, you don't see a point in trying your best.

I dropped out of most of the clubs I regret joining, I just laid back in my classes, and most of all...

I quit being Batgirl.

I didn't want to, but like I said, where's the point in that?

So with that, I just gave up on everything and just... stopped trying.

~~~~~

But then one year all of that almost changed?

For the first time ever, I found myself suddenly really pretty, and after a month I entered eighth grade, I was suddenly asked out by one guy, then two, and all the way up to ten!

It was like really cool!

The popular girls became my best friends, more guys would ask me out, and the teachers started pointing out that I was their favorite student, even the ones who weren't my teachers.

It felt like I was on top of everything. That I was special. The world is revolving around me.

Finally, I was in a place to build a great reputation.

And then life was like FUCK THAT!

~~~~~

After the first semester of eighth grade, Bruce was weirdly in my room and he said wanted to have a 'talk' with me.

So, during this talk, he was basically talking about the last three years of me being neglected by him and his family. To be honest, I forgot everything he told me, but honestly, I don't really care.

He also told the others about all this and now they suddenly feel bad which I don't give a shit about. But, I knew he was doing all this to guilt trip me, which was honestly so stupid.

Now, after he dropped that bomb, he told me that I had to drop out of school to do some "bonding time" with the others along with him and the people who actually cared about me didn't really matter at all!

I JUST GOT SETTLED IN!

All I said was "FUCK YOU" and just stormed out of my room with the only thing that I took was my diary that I had for quite a while that I never used before.

~~~~~

So, yeah. I'm currently in the attic, venting my feelings all out on this stupid glitter diary with a random pen that I found on the ground.

But whatever.

It doesn't matter.

Nothing matters...

My life is just a game.

A sick, hopeless game.

[animamii]

Kiss Me Thru The Phone | Toji Fushiguro

Toji's been locked up for too long and misses his pretty girl deeply.

Was listening to Kiss Me Thru The Phone by Soulja Boy, which was always my go to song for my irl jailbird cougarrrr. But Toji is better so it's his song now c;

warnings; smut, duh. phone sex.

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This is a collect call from Tokyo Correctional Facility from

"Toji Fushiguro," his voice raspy and nonchalant as always, a stark contrast to the excitement bubbling inside you.

If you accept the charges, please press 1.

Like second nature you instantly press one. 'This phone call will be recorded and subject to monitoring...' the autonomous voice instructs. The line clicks, a soft trill signaling the connection, and then a faint beeping tone echoes through your receiver. Your heart pounds in anticipation, your grip on the phone tightening as the line goes silent for just a beat too long. A beeping tone goes off, and your heart beats heavily.

"Hey princess," Toji's voice, low and gravelly, rolls through the phone. A smile instantaneously forms on your face, it's been a while since you had spoken to Toji on the phone. His ass was always getting thrown into ad seg for one reason or another.

"Hi baby," your voice is soft and sweet, and Toji feels his heart swelling as he finally hears your voice in what feels like forever. No matter how hardened life makes him, hearing your voice always makes him melt.

“Damn, it’s good to hear you,” he mutters, his tone a little softer now. "They threw my ass in the hole cause some fuckface wanted to try and take the box of Honeybuns from the package you sent me last week."

"Of course they did," you reply with a light laugh, shaking your head. "You can't go a month without stirring up trouble, can you?"

"It's not my fault," Toji defends, the familiar cockiness in his voice making your stomach flutter. "You send me the good shit, princess. You think I'm gonna let some punk get his hands on my Honeybuns?"

You bite your lip to suppress a giggle, imagining him in his element, standing tall and intimidating, defending your care package like his life depended on it. "Well, at least now I know how much you appreciate my efforts."

"Appreciate?" Toji scoffs playfully. "Baby, I worship the ground you walk on for those packages. You should see these guys. They're practically drooling over the stuff you send me. It’s like I’m a king in here."

"Aweee babyyyy," you coo, biting your lip as your cheeks heat up. Toji always knew just what to say to make you feel giddy like a young girl in love for the first time. "Just for that I'll send you something extra special next week."

Toji lets out a low chuckle, the sound deep and raspy, sending a warm shiver down your spine. "You’re too good to me, princess. You’ve got me spoiled," he says, and though his tone is teasing, there’s a genuine softness beneath his words.

"Someone’s gotta take care of you," you reply, your voice playful but full of affection. "You’re lucky I love you enough to deal with all this drama."

"Lucky doesn’t even cover it," Toji mutters, his voice dropping an octave. "I don’t deserve you, but I’m not letting you go. Ever."

Your heart skips a beat at his words, the weight of his sincerity making your chest tighten. "You don’t have to," you whisper. "I’m not going anywhere, Toji."

"Good," he says firmly, the possessiveness in his tone sending a rush of heat through you. "Cause when I get out of here, you’re mine. Completely. No one else gets a second of your time."

"You already have me," you say softly, the vulnerability in your voice making him pause.

"I know," he murmurs after a moment, his tone unusually tender. "And that’s the only thing keeping me sane in this place. Knowing I’ve got you waiting for me on the other side."

Tears prick at the corners of your eyes, but you blink them away, refusing to let the sadness take over. "I’ll always be here, baby. No matter how long it takes."

"Enough about me though," he tries to change the subject, hearing the vulnerability in your voice. He hates knowing you're missing him like that, especially when he can't do anything about it. "How’s my pretty girl?” he asks, his voice dropping to that lower, huskier tone that always makes your stomach flutter.

“I’m okay,” you reply, leaning back against the couch as you let yourself sink into his voice. “But I’d be better if you were here.”

A low chuckle rumbles through the phone. “Trust me, princess, I’d do anything to be there with you right now.” Toji looks around his surroundings, the dreary cement walls and identical cell doors that go on and on. He leans against the divider that separates all the phones, metal phone wire feeling cool against his arm. It's late at night, most of the prisoners already in their cells asleep. Toji was lucky enough to know someone on the inside, getting the privilege to have late night calls with you, getting as much privacy as he could get. A single guard supervises him haphazardly.

The thought of him—of his rough hands on your skin, his lips brushing against your ear as he whispered all the things he wanted to do to you—makes heat pool low in your belly. The distance between you feels unbearable, but his voice keeps you grounded, tethered to the connection you share.

“What are you wearing?” he asks suddenly, his tone playful but suggestive.

“Toji,” you laugh, your cheeks flushing. “You’re ridiculous.”

“I’m serious,” he replies, his voice darkening with desire. “I need a little something to keep me going while I’m stuck in here.”

You glance down at your oversized t-shirt, wearing nothing but that and some panties. biting your lip as a grin creeps onto your face. “Nothing special,” you tease. “Just your t-shirt, the one I stole from you.”

"Just my shirt? Nothing else?" He clears his throat with a grunt, looking around to make sure nobody else could hear. Although let's face it, he wouldn't care regardless.

"Mmm that and some panties of course. Like I always wear to bed," you respond, playing with the hem of your shirt mindlessly. The shirt itself wafted of Toji's musky scent, piney with a dash of smoke and a hint of jasmine.

"What panties?" Toji tries to imagine you, all pretty and barefaced, ready for bed in one of his shirts that swallow your frame. No bra, the outline of your nipples showing through the soft fabric. The bottom of your ass poking out from under his shirt.

"The frilly lacy baby pink pair you got me from Victoria's Secret," pulling up your shirt just enough to see the panties you wear, Toji being oh so familiar with the pair. "You know, the ones I wore when we went to that fancy Brazilian steak house, and you made me keep them on as you fucked me in the bathroom?"

He groans softly, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. “Damn, you know what that does to me, don’t you?”

“Maybe,” you reply, your voice light but filled with heat. Toji started this little game, but you could play it better.

"Fuck I miss you princess," his voice is gravelly, needy as he bites his lip.

"I miss you too baby," your lip curls into a sweet smile, words sounding like sugar.

"No, like I really miss you," Toji looks down at the scratchy sweatpants he's forced to wear, seeing the bulge he now adorns getting bigger and bigger as he paints an image of your pretty self.

"Oh?"

"Wanna help me out ma?" The raspiness of his sultry voice has you weak in the knees and you could almost perfectly picture the wolfish grin he was wearing.

"Toji I don't know..." Feeling bashful, your teeth tug at your lip as you contemplate. Sure you've mailed him pretty pictures with way to much cleavage, some in revealing outfits and "bathing suits", but never have you ever had phone sex with him while he's been locked up.

"C'mon mama, I really need you right now. Miss you so much. Miss your gorgeous face. Miss your cute smile. That pretty pussy of yours." At this point he was rock hard, erection now prominent even in those baggy sweatpants.

"Aren't you in public right now, love?" Raising an eyebrow, you try to imagine Toji as he's in a corner of the public area, standing next to one of the phones that's stuck to the wall.

"Relax princess, it's already past curfew. I got special phone privileges courtesy of Shiu. Pays to know people inside," he clicks his tongue proudly, his smirk almost audible.

"Mmm okay, if you say so baby," sinking down more into the couch, obliging with a tint of pink on your cheeks.

"That's my girl." There's a slight pause, then a rustling sound as Toji leans closer to the phone. "Now, put the phone on speaker so I can hear every little thing, okay princess?"

"Okay, Toji." Turning on speakerphone, you set the phone on the arm of the couch right next to where your head rests. So, what do you want me to do first, baby?" you ask, your voice tinged with playfulness and a hint of arousal.

Toji's chuckle is low and husky, sending a shiver down your spine. "Well, for starters... tell me exactly what you're wearing."

You bite your lip, glancing down at yourself before responding, "Like I said earlier, just your old shirt and that pair of baby pink lace panties. Nothing else."

His mind was so foggy with lust and need that he had forgot he asked you that, causing that hard predicament that sits in his pants. "Oh, right. That pretty pink pair that I like to slide to the side and fuck you in."

Your breathing hitches, the heat pooling in your core at his words. Toji’s voice, low and laden with want, is enough to make your body respond instantly. You shift slightly, your thighs squeezing together as the familiar ache begins to build.

“You remember everything, don’t you?” you tease, though your voice comes out softer than you intended.

“How could I forget?” he rasps, his tone sending a delicious shiver down your spine. “You looked so fucking good in them. Still do, I bet. Are they wet yet, princess?” Toji reels his memories, thinking of your legs spread open, showing that cute little damp patch of arousal that would soak through the frilly material.

Your cheeks flush crimson, his bluntness never failing to catch you off guard. “Maybe,” you admit shyly, your voice barely above a whisper.

“That’s my girl,” he murmurs approvingly. “Touch yourself for me, baby. I wanna hear those sweet little sounds you make when you think of me.” A hand goes into his sweats, palming himself through his boxers. It didn't bother him in the slightest that anyone could see. His perfect girl was on the line, moaning and mewling just for him and he wanted—no needed—to get off to you.

“Toji,” you breathe out, the warmth spreading through your chest and settling low in your belly. You hesitate for just a moment before letting your hand slip beneath the hem of your shirt, your fingertips brushing against the lace of your panties. “I miss you,” you whisper, your voice trembling slightly.

“Fuck, I miss you too,” he groans, the sound of his restraint evident in his tone. “Keep going, princess. Tell me what you’re doing.”

Your hand slips beneath the lace, your fingers dipping into the slick heat between your thighs. “I’m... I’m touching myself,” you confess, your voice trembling with a mixture of embarrassment and desire.

“Good girl,” Toji growls, his words like a low purr that rumbles through the receiver. “You know how much I love hearing you, baby. Don’t hold back. Let me hear those pretty little moans.”

Your free hand clutches at the couch cushion as your fingers begin to move in slow, deliberate circles. The sound of Toji’s breathing, heavy and uneven, fills your ear and fuels the fire building inside you. Closing your eyes, you imagine it's him hovering over you, fingers teasing your clit just how he always does.

“Toji,” you whimper, his name falling from your lips like a prayer.

“That’s it, princess,” he encourages, his voice thick with need. “Keep saying my name. Let me know how good it feels.”

You close your eyes, letting his voice guide you as your movements grow more insistent. “I wish you were here; my fingers can't do what yours do,” you whisper, your words shaky as the pleasure builds. “I need you so bad, Toji.”

“Fuck, baby, you’re killing me,” he groans, the sound of rustling fabric on his end letting you know he’s just as affected as you are. “I’d do anything to have you under me right now. To feel how tight you’d squeeze me when I’m deep inside you.” His hand finally snakes its way inside his boxers, his calloused finger soothing his aching red tip. Palm wrapped around the top, squeezing it in imitation of your tight walls.

"That's all I can think about, Toji," soft, needy whimpers leave your throat, "Having my legs on your shoulders as you break me off. Hitting that one spot deep inside me that always gets me creaming on your cock." Flashbacks of Toji's large hands holding you down, fucking into you as he forces you to watch, that frothy white ring around the base of his dick forming as juice splatter from his impact.

"Yeah, princess?" Toji groans, his voice dipping even lower, roughened by his own need. "You always know how to rile me up, don’t you? Keep talking, tell me exactly how you'd want me to fuck you."

You bite your lip, the weight of his words sending a fresh wave of heat through your core. "I’d want it slow at first," your fingers circle your clit agonizingly slow. Almost torturous like Toji does. "You’d tease me," you murmur, your voice catching as your fingers dip lower. "Make me beg for it, wouldn’t you? Make me tell you how much I need it, need you."

"Fuck," Toji growls, his breathing heavy in your ear. His hand strokes himself in sync with your words, his rough palm sliding over his length as he imagines you beneath him, squirming, needy, desperate. "I’d make you wait, baby. You know I love hearing you beg for me, hearing that pretty little voice say my name."

A shaky whimper escapes your lips, the sound almost too loud in the stillness of your living room. "I’d be so wet for you," you whisper, voice trembling as your fingers circle faster, dipping between your folds to gather more of your slickness. "You wouldn’t even have to ask, Toji. I’d be ready for you the second you touched me."

"Shit," he groans, gripping himself tighter as he pictures it. "You’d be dripping down your thighs, wouldn’t you? Making a fucking mess of yourself while you wait for me to fill you up."

"Yes," you gasp, your back arching against the couch as your body reacts to his words. Your free hand clutches at the fabric of his shirt, grounding yourself in his scent, his voice, the memory of his touch. "I need you so bad, Toji. I need to feel you stretching me out, filling me up until I can't take it anymore."

"Dip those pretty little fingers of yours inside your pussy, princess. Imagine it's me curling them and hitting that soft spot in ya," he grunts, trying to imagine the feeling of your tiny hole enveloping his large fingers.

You let out a soft moan, obeying his request, slipping two fingers into your warmth. The wet sound fills the quiet of the room, mixing with his heavy breathing on the line.

“I... I’m doing it, Toji,” you manage between hitched breaths. “It’s not the same... I can’t stretch myself like you do.”

“Fucking hell,” he growls, his hand pumping faster now, imagining the way your body clings to him when he’s buried inside you. “Tell me how it feels, princess. I need to hear everything.”

Your cheeks flush, the embarrassment drowned out by the heat curling in your belly. “It feels... good, but not enough. I can’t reach as deep as you, baby. I need you here. I need your fingers, your cock... all of you.”

“Shit, keep talking like that, and I’m gonna cum before you do,” he groans, his voice thick with frustration and longing. His strokes become erratic, the image of you—the sounds you're making—driving him closer to the edge. “I’d have you spread out under me right now, pretty legs shaking while I fuck you open. You’d take me so well, wouldn’t you?”

“Uh huh~,” you whimper, arching into your touch, fingers moving faster as you imagine him over you, his broad shoulders, the weight of his body pressing you down. “I’d take you so good... like I always do. I’d make such a mess for you.”

“You’d be dripping all over my cock, wouldn’t you? So tight, so perfect for me,” he rasps, his voice hitching slightly as his own hand works faster. You can hear the faint rustle of fabric, the wet sound of his strokes, and it sends a thrill through you, knowing he’s as close to the edge as you are.

“Toji, I’m so close,” you whine, your voice trembling with the mounting pleasure.

“Good girl,” he groans, his tone commanding but filled with adoration. “Let it go, princess. Cum for me. I wanna hear those pretty sounds when you fall apart for me.”

His words push you over the edge, a broken cry escaping your lips as your body tenses and then releases, waves of pleasure crashing through you. Toji’s name spills from your mouth in a litany, each moan sweeter than the last.

“Fuck,” he groans, his voice a low growl as he follows you over the edge, his own release ripping through him. You can hear his breaths, heavy and uneven, as he murmurs your name like a prayer.

For a moment, the two of you are silent, the only sounds the soft hum of the line and your shared breaths as you come down from the high.

“I needed that,” Toji finally mutters, his voice lighter now, the teasing edge creeping back in. "Been so pent up, jerking off to those pretty pictures you mail me like I'm a horny teenager."

You laugh softly, trying to imagine a sexually frustrated Toji hunched over your selfies trying to get himself off. “You’re insatiable, Toji.”

“For you? Always,” he replies, the warmth in his voice making your chest tighten with affection. "I miss being able to bend you over and fuck you wherever and whenever I want."

"Mmmm, I miss that too, baby," you hum, walking to the sink to wash your arousal-stained fingers. "Miss having my man with me all the time. Gets so lonely without my lover."

"I fucking love you, you know that?" Toji murmurs after a beat, his voice softer now, filled with an almost boyish sincerity.

A smile tugs at your lips, your heart swelling at his words. "I love you too, Toji," you reply, your voice tender.

The automated voice interrupts the moment, announcing that the call will end in one minute. Your chest tightens at the reminder, and you clutch the phone, wishing you could hold onto him just a little longer.

“You better be ready for me when I get out,” he says, his tone turning serious, almost possessive. “I’m not wasting a single second. First thing I’m doing is coming straight to you, and you’re not leaving my bed for days.”

"I'll be counting down the days, baby," a honeyed mewl leaves your lips, feeling light and airy still from your orgasm. "Until then... Behave yourself Toji Fushiguro."

He chuckles, the sound low and rich, and you can practically hear the grin in his voice. "No promises, princess," he teases. "But I’ll try. For you. Now before it hangs up, kiss me through the phone, baby."

Your heart squeezes at his request, the playful yet sincere edge in his voice making your chest ache with longing. Pressing the phone closer to your lips, you whisper, "Mwah," letting it carry all the tenderness you can muster.

A low hum of approval comes through the line. "Mmm, that’s what I like to hear," he drawls, his voice dripping with satisfaction. "I’ll be dreaming about that one, princess."

The automated voice chimes in again, colder this time, signaling the end of the call in mere seconds. "I love you," you blurt out, the words rushing out like a lifeline.

"I love you more," he says firmly, the weight of his promise grounding you. "Be good for me, princess. I’ll be home before you know it."

The line clicks dead before you can respond, the abrupt silence leaving an ache in its wake. You lower the phone slowly, staring at the screen as if willing it to light up again with his name. His words replay in your head. You could hold it down for him, he'll be home before you know it.

[midnite-c6]

more pink guard!namgyu and thanos au thoughts :P

pink guard!namgyu and thanos who brings timid!reader back into the games after mingle happened, the survived players see you sitting on your bed with eating food that’s completely different to what they have to eat.

pink guard!namgyu and thanos that actually brought your bed closer to the door so all they can keep a better eye on you…

hehe YAY this request rlly made my mindblow cuz like WHY HAVENT I THOUGHT OF THAT KIND OF AU, SO COOL ANON!!

pink guard!thanos & pink guard!namgyu x virgin!reader imagine pt. 2💘

warnings: 18+, dark content, dubcon, gunplay (read at ur own risk!!)

after the last game, that you skipped (because of your two new friends!), they already sent you back to the original dorms of the players. you'd walk back inside, slightly limping as your legs shake... the other players couldn't care less though, infact, they're pretty bummed you're still alive, just means less money.

the two guards really found a favourite amongst the 456 players! they'd assign you a better place to sleep, they'd also give you much more delicious food, and whenever other players try to bother you about it, it's okay! they'll just unfairly kill them in the next round <3. despite being ranked as triangle guards, they're hella irresponsible, but atleast they found their purpose in these games, and that's... you! ❤️‍🩹

just right after lunch, after eating the delicious food they especially made for you, you've been escorted to go to another unfamiliar room, something kind of like a basement..

they'd already take off their masks, the purple-haired one starts to already show his excitement, the black-haired one was arranging the place, trying to make it more cozy despite how it's very far from that. "baby!! i missed you, nam-gyu made that special steak lunch just for you, did you like it, babe?" he'd look at you with puppy eyes, eyes that a lover would make, "uhm.. it was really good! but the players were really angry at me..." he pouted in response. "what?!" "they said it was really unfair. i'm the only who got to eat that type of meal.." his brows furrow, clearly annoyed. "buncha' whining bitches, can't they expect a princess like you deserves to eat deliciously?" "uhm.." these guards were surely good with their words..

"well, don't think about them anymore, baby. we'll make you forget." he shushes you up with his gloved finger, before smacking his lips against yours. fine, he was a good kisser, you admit.

nsfw below!!-> 🫶🏻

honestly, they were taking their time with you, taking turns to sloppily kiss you in the lips whilst grinding their suits against your core and fingering you without any release. it was a hassel to take the pink suit off, clearly. "dude, i've cooked her the steak, i should get to fuck her first!" "uhm.. who said that? i was the one who thought of it." you'd watch both of them argue over you as you lean back against the wall, your clothes stripped infront of you. your body was shivering from the cold un-tiled floor. "you tryna' piss me off, bro?" "nah nah, let's play fair then. rock paper scissors?" nam-gyu groaned, but he'd extend his hand to play a game, best to three. after a few rounds, the black-haired one was the winner, he'd cheer. "yes!! knew the world was fair. sucks to suck, bro." "whadda' fuck! you got to eat her out last timeeee..!" the purple-haired one complained. "just your fault you didn't." he smiled proudly as he started to unbuckle his pants, walking over to you. the other guard went to focus on getting a cross necklace underneath his shirt, popping a pill in his mouth.

you'd look up at the guard closer to you, quite worried in your eyes. "what? don't want to?" nam-gyu raises a brow. you don't answer, but you were definitely hesitant. "i've never.. uhm.. with an actual..." he immediately bursted into laughter. "seriously? you're a virgin? no wonder you were so tight. couldn't even stretch you with my fingers n' all." you lower your gaze to the floor, his eyes were judging you from above.. "a face of a slut, yet an attitude like an angel, i like that." he'd put on his pants again, though he was dissapointed. "don't worry.. i'll prepare you," you wonder if he'd just finger you again, but... he'd slowly take the gun from his pocket, lowering himself to place the barrel of the gun on your clit. you'd jolt from the hard texture, or how it was a literal gun against your cunt. "if ya' can handle this, you can handle me, okay?"

you'd whimper, how were you supposed to fit that? "u-uhm.." "don't be nervous.. hey dude, hold her down will you?" he'd call out for the other guard that was getting high. "why should i? i'm still salty." "i'm not gonna fuck her, she's still a virgin." the purple-haired guard immediately went to the both of you "we're the first ones to touch you?!", he places his body underneath yours so you were sitting on his lap. he'd place his hands underneath your thighs to carefully spread your legs open. "it's such an honor, cutie." the guard infront of you starts rubbing the front of the barrel against your clit repeatedly, the sensation was so weird!! but it was a good kind of weird... and to they're pleasure, you'd start letting out sweet moans, as the gun was being pressed against your sensitive bud, nam-gyu's other hand would spread your cunny open, "fuck, so wet, you'd take in this gun easily." he slowly moved the gun away from your clit... lowering it.. til' it was just right against your hole. "s-slowly- please.." nam-gyu tilts his head. "slowly?" before immediately pushing the barrel fully inside you. you'd let out a loud, shameless moan from how it slid in, or how it was quite longer than you were used to. "h-hey!?" "sorry, i'm a bit impatient." he grinned, sliding the gun in and out, a ruthless pace, even faster than how he was fingering you before.

& with the pace and all that pleasure... you get to release another high from that new experience, getting fucked by a gun, the guard underneath you was uncontrollablly smiling. "can't take it, babe? here..." he'd offer you a pill. "the next games a bit tricky, so you'd need some energy.."

"but if you're too scared to play don't worry, 'kay? just go to the bathroom during lights out and you can repay us while you're there!" every thing comes with a price, except, gladly you're the one cumming. 💘

[hellsslibrary]

Can I request what rin, sae and hiori would do on the reader's birthday (you know nsfw stuff ♡)

Happy Birthday to Me or How I Lost the Ability to Walk Even Though I'm a Top (This is a quote from some manga I can't remember the name of but it fits here).

MASTERLIST is here.

#a.n. : I have absolutely nothing to say but if anyone is reading this on their birthday then happy birthday to you sweeties!!

!!Warnings: male!top!reader, bottom!characters, they're all sub but Sae is a little bit of a dom (I'm just a sucker for the "pathetic" top trope or something, you don't get it), Hiori's scenario is very funny and weird, very. In Sae's mentions clothes (you know), in Hiori's mentions video games (yeah), Rin is nothing special, he's the most normal one in this scenario I swear. Otherwise just praise, a little teasing and a very enthusiastic reader here.

Hiori Yo

"Is this...? What is this, Yo?" you ask in incomprehension, staring at his computer screen, trying to figure out what you actually see here.

Well, more precisely, you understood what you were seeing, but you clearly didn't understand why he was showing it.

"This is us, in Sims 4... Having sex. What is unclear?" he answers by tilting his head to the side with a slight blush coloring his cheeks, looking first at the screen and then at you.

"So my gift is watching porn with us, or rather with toy models of us?" you laugh when two people who look like you change their positions in a game that looks very good... unrealistic, but who really cares.

"No," Hiori shakes his head slowly, removing the headphones around his neck and placing them on the table, then poking you in the chest. "They can do it on any surface and in any position... If you like a certain pose, then we'll try it in reality."

You just blink like an owl, not understanding anything at all, but taking the mouse from him and poking it on the countertop, choosing random poses from the list, watching how sim of Hiori literally bends in different poses, which looks pretty hot, even if stupid.

It takes about fifteen minutes while you're pointing at various pieces of furniture and looking at all sorts of poses from different angles, sometimes you both giggle at some strange animations until one catches your eye.

"It," comes out of your mouth, and Hiori stares at the screen, watching his sim sit on the table while the life is practically being fucked out of him, judging by the pace of the thrusting.

"Really? Dear, it's a little..." the word doesn't come out of his mouth when he bites his lip in embarrassment, but after hesitating for a couple of seconds, he gets up from his chair, taking off his sweatpants along with his underwear and sitting on the edge of the table. "I'm already prepared, so you can just slide inside."

You immediately smile like a child who has received the most coveted sweet, and you almost frantically undo your belt, which is not particularly possible because of the trembling in your fingers. So you just unbutton your fly and take out your dick.

"Really? Can I do it raw?" Hiori hums in response to this question, and then shrugs his shoulder vaguely, spreading his legs as an answer, and squeaks when you squeeze his hips right there.

Hiori's back arches when he feels your cock sliding in at a much more gentle pace than your sims, who continue to fuck behind Hiori's back. His fingers grip the edge of the table, his knuckles turning white as his feet lightly scratch the table.

"Wrap your legs around me, please?"

Yo silently obeys, grabbing your shoulders instead, absolutely spoiling the pose, but neither of you really care anymore. After all, today is your day, and if that's what you want, then Hiyori wants to obey.

He moans softly into your neck as his legs lock over your tailbone and an intermittent whimper escapes his lips when your cock finally touches the right spot inside him. A point that makes him see the stars and the moon, which only you can bring.

The blue-eyed man feels his cock twitching against his stomach, and his orgasm is approaching embarrassingly fast, he just wants to cum. Why is it so fast? Who knows... But obviously not from the disgusting sounds of the game in the background.

"Cum for me, come on," you whisper, sliding your lips over his neck, making him tilt his head back in bliss.

Your teeth outline his adam's apple, causing his breathing to stop and his nails to dig into you this time. He bubbles something unintelligible when he feels your hand on his cock, rubbing its current tip, making him cum almost at the same second, which makes you slow down the thrusts slightly, making them deeper to prolong his pleasure for a couple of seconds.

"... More, go on," Hiori mutters after a dozen seconds, licking his dry lips and lifting his half-closed eyes at you and exhaling. "I'm all yours today, so keep going... I'll tell you when I'm at the very edge."

Sae Itoshi

"Are you going to stare at me with that expression for a long time? At least close your mouth," Sae says, looking at your surprised face in the doorway while you stare at him for about a minute, still trying to figure out what's sitting in front of you.

"That's... you... wow..." something inarticulate weakly escapes from your lips until you finally leave the doorway, closing the door and approaching Itoshi.

Of course, nothing too surprising was sitting on the bed. It was just Sae. In your usual T-shirt. In regular shorts. With a normal expression on his face. With damn attractive thigh-high stockings that accentuated his thick and muscular legs too well. Yes, you know, the usual Tuesday of any person.

"Do you like it that much?" Sae asks when a slight smirk blooms on his lips, watching you sit down in front of him, spreading and sliding his legs as you please.

"Yes, it suits you damn well, it's simple gorgeous... Strangle me with them," you whisper, squeezing his hips and exhaling contentedly, feeling the elastic muscles under your fingers.

Sae's fingers lift your chin and he gives you a light peck on the forehead before kissing you on the lips. His kiss is slow, almost savoring, as he weaves your tongues together, tugging at your shirt to get you up.

You lower Sae to the bed, continuing to kiss him, and then pulling away, lowering your lips lower, kissing and occasionally sucking on the delicate skin of his neck, causing a soft sigh to escape his lips before he stopped you at the edge of the T-shirt.

"Too fast. Don't go any further than the neck... Today is your day, but you have to earn it," the Japanese man whispers against your lips and then you feel his fingers slide into your pants while his other hand unbuttons your fly and releases your cock.

Your breath catches when you feel his fingers wrap around your heated flesh, and your face immediately finds itself in the curve of his shoulder, causing him to briefly pat you on the head.

"I'll give you what you want anyway. Just wait."

You bite your lip to keep from whimpering when Sae's thumb runs over your slit, and images of what he might let you do to him when the time comes are already spinning in your head.

Your hands are clutching the sheets on either side of his face, and his lips are lazily sliding over your neck, sucking on your skin, forcing you to push into his hand, which he freely allows.

"Sae... I will cum now, please," you exhale and feel only the nod of his head at your side as he speeds up his hand movements a little, making you come embarrassingly quickly with a groan.

Sae kisses you on the temple, removing his hand after a couple of seconds, when the buzz finally subsides and gently pushes you to your side, sitting up straight and taking napkins from the table, wiping his hand and your penis from the sperm.

"Good boy. Take a break and let's continue... There's a lot more under my clothes," Sae whispers, turning away to the trash can and deliberately bending over too much, exposing a thin strip of panties under his shorts, which makes your soft cock twitch in anticipation of the next round.

Rin Itoshi

"Is that really all you want? You can ask for more, you know," Rin whispers, leaning over you, shaking his head slightly and taking your condom-wrapped cock in his palm, stroking it a couple of times.

"Yes! Definitely, that's it. Please? I just want you to do this," you whisper, making Rin sigh, but nod and lower himself onto your cock slowly.

He exhales sharply as he takes you completely and places his hands next to your head, considering that he's almost lying on top of you and looking up at you with his turquoise eyes.

You just smile and kiss him on the cheek, which makes him frown slightly but blush, and he begins to gently move his hips. Of course, it's not very convenient in this position, but he promised.

"You're wonderful from this angle, otherworldly, Rinnie," Rin just tightening around you from the compliment, leaning in even lower and gagging you with a kiss, but hey, you're not complaining.

You put your hands on his cheeks, knowing full well that he's going to scold you, because he wants to take at least one round without your support, so you're not taking any chances.

Your tongues slide against each other, and then he pulls away with heavy breathing, resting his forehead on yours, maintaining his slow rhythm, looking down at where you connect.

"You're very deep, I want more," he whispers breathlessly, closing his eyes and focusing on his movements, trying not to rush too much, but to make it pleasant for both of you and not cum faster than you, not this time.

"Then take more, I don't mind," you close your eyes too, feeling his eyelashes lightly brush your forehead as his face slides forward a little and you squeeze his biceps, absolutely enjoying him.

"I love you. Happy birthday again," Rin says, forcing you to open your eyes and you are met with a surprisingly soft smile, albeit almost imperceptible on his face but fuck.... "...Did you just cum?"

"Uh..." You laugh shyly, grabbing Rin's hips to stop his movements, when they get a little painful from your sensitivity. "I love you too."

"The gods... Fuck me already, you're pathetic when I ride you," the younger Itoshi mutters, although there's no real mockery in his words, he just sighs when you flip you over, switching places and wrapping his legs around your waist.

[mcdynamite]

Kissing has never done all that much for Steve, if he’s honest.

It's just not really something he's ever given much thought to before - the way someone kisses - despite the fact that he's locked lips with plenty of people. For him, kissing has always been something nice, but not particularly special. It's never been earth-shattering. Never taken his breath away, the way people talk about in movies and books. It's just a way to be closer to someone, and it's nice, but it's never anything more than that.

Then, Steve kisses Eddie for the first time, and suddenly he gets it.

They're high when it happens, laying side by side in Eddie's unmade bed while the weed sinks into their bones. Steve loves the way it seems to slow down the world around them - makes everything syrupy and sweet, so he feels every brush of Eddie's fingers against his own in every inch of his body as they pass the joint back and forth.

The casual contact makes him long for more, and when he's high, Steve just...gives into the longing. He lets himself drift closer until they're pressed together so closely that Eddie can hide his face in Steve's uncharacteristically messy hair when he's trying to cover up a snort of laughter in response to Steve's deranged weed-induced musings.

Tonight, they meander their way through a directionless conversation - as they so often do when they get high together - until the joint is so small it nearly singes their fingertips. When Eddie finally sits up to stamp it out in the ashtray on the bedside table, Steve tries not to miss the feeling of Eddie's body against his own too much, knowing it'll be back soon enough.

"I'm thinking of handing over the DM throne to Will for the next oneshot, after we finish this campaign," Eddie says, speech slow and thoughtful as he puts out the blunt. "Think he'll be good at it."

Steve just hums, eyes heavy-lidded, gaze fixed on the curls he wants so badly to run his fingers through, just to know what it feels like. He's high enough to not care about the consequences when he decides fuck it, and reaches out to feel the soft ringlets beneath his fingertips.

"You're good at it," he muses - a delayed response to Eddie's comment. If Eddie is bothered by the way Steve is carefully petting his hair, he doesn't show it. Instead, he turns back to look down at Steve with a soft smile that makes Steve's insides feel all gooey.

"Yeah?" Eddie asks, a hint of a smirk overtaking the softness. "You ready to admit that you like watching me play my little nerd game, Harrington?"

Steve blames the quiet whine that escapes his throat on the weed, along with the way he honest-to-God pouts in response to Eddie's words. He tugs on a lock of Eddie's hair petulantly. "Don't like it when you call me that."

Eddie's face does something strange then, and Steve can't quite parse out what it means with the weed making his brain all foggy. He looks...surprised? Fond? Maybe both?

"Sorry, Stevie," he replies, teasing but somehow genuine at the same time. Steve smiles dopily, an expression that Eddie returns. "That better?"

Satisfied, Steve nods. Hums in affirmation. "Yeah. I like that one."

And it's true. Steve loves when Eddie calls him Stevie, because Eddie always sounds so fond when he does, and it makes Steve's heart feel too big for his chest.

"Oh, yeah?" Eddie asks, still grinning as he leans down until he's propped up on one elbow, hovering just over Steve on the bed. "What else do you want me to call you, hm? Stevie? Steve? M'lord?"

The last one makes Steve laugh and close his eyes, happy to bask in the sound of Eddie's voice as he floats along with their conversation.

"Sir Steven? Sweetheart?" Eddie continues, and Steve's heart jumps just a bit at the second one. Then, Eddie murmurs, "Baby?" 

And Steve's eyes fly open.

Steve stares at his friend with wide eyes - lips parted as a soft, punched-out oh escapes him - and it's weird, is the thing. Because Steve has been called baby before, lovingly by his grandmother when he was still a little boy causing mischief while his parents weren't watching, meanly by boys on the playground when he cried over something silly like a scraped knee…and when he got older, teasingly by the girls he took on dates.

It's not a new name for him, but it feels groundbreaking nonetheless.

Because the word sounds so much better coming from Eddie's mouth than anyone else's. It's soft, and fond, and knowing, and...

It's longing.

"Yeah,” Steve croaks. "Yeah."

"Which one? Sir Steven?" Eddie asks playfully, cocking his head to the side like a puppy. He grins maniacally when Steve huffs and shakes his head in disappointment. "No? Which one was it, then, that you liked the most?"

"Eddieeee," Steve complains, burying his flushed face into the pillow and avoiding his friend's gaze. "You know which one."

Eddie shakes his head in an almost scolding manner and Steve is convinced he must've moved closer, because Steve can feel Eddie's breath against his skin, and the air in the room feels about a hundred degrees hotter.

"Nuh-uh, Stevie," Eddie says, poking him playfully in the ribs. "You gotta tell me which one."

Steve hesitates, feeling more and more self-conscious by the second. He sort of wants to hide, but he also really wants Eddie to call him that again. It's probably thanks to his intoxicated brain that he allows himself to answer truthfully. "Baby," he murmurs, uncharacteristically shy.

"Yeah?" Eddie says, voice and smile softening in tandem. "You like when I call you baby, Stevie?"

Steve stares up at him with wide eyes, hardly able to believe this is really happening, and nods. "Yeah. That one."

Eddie is so close, now, that Steve can feel the warmth that emanates from his skin; can see the flecks of gold in his eyes amongst the molten chocolate brown. He's got freckles - Steve realizes. Tiny little dots across the bridge of his nose and the apples of his cheeks that form constellations on his skin. Steve thinks, maybe a bit deliriously, that he would be perfectly happy spending hours tracing them, the way astronomers of old once traced the stars.

"Eddie..." he breathes, heart pounding as he begins to feel more and more desperate for...for something. Anything to let him know that he's not the only one succumbing to the gravitational pull between them.

Eddie blinks slowly, and his eyes widen as though he's just realized something important. Steve watches his throat bob nervously before Eddie finally whispers, "Yeah, baby?"

Steve inhales sharply through parted lips - a soft, plaintive gasp that draws Eddie's eyes to his lips, and-

Oh.

That's what Steve wants, isn't it?

"I-" Steve tries, helpless to stop his own gaze from falling on Eddie's lips - pink and parted and just a little bit chapped, and so, so close.

"Baby," Eddie says again, and this time it's different. Unintentional. Like Eddie said it without meaning to. And maybe it's just the weed, but Steve swears he can feel the word burrowing its way into his chest and settling around his heart like a blanket. It makes his whole body feel warm - something only made worse by the hot coal of desire that begins smoldering low in his gut.

He's so lost in it all that he can't even bring himself to feel embarrassed when he whispers, "Please."

Steve waits with bated breath until finally, any remaining nervousness retreats from Eddie's eyes, and Eddie smiles in that way that makes Steve's stomach flutter. It's such a pretty smile. Steve can only watch as it grows closer, going cross-eyed for the briefest moment in his quest to to stare at Eddie's lips until suddenly his eyes are fluttering shut, because...because...

Because Eddie kisses him with lips still curled into a smile, and Steve thinks - utterly nonsensically - that feeling Eddie's lips against his own is so much better than just looking at them. The thought makes him giggle, just a bit, and he finds himself grinning into the kiss, too.

They part for a moment so Steve can let out another quiet giggle, and Eddie seems to pause for a moment, smiling down at Steve with poorly concealed affection. "Baby," he murmurs reverently, and then he's leaning down to capture Steve's lips in another kiss.

This time, Steve is ready for it, but it draws a muffled whimper out of him nonetheless. His nose fills with the scent of weed and cigarettes and cheap cologne - the smell of Eddie - and it's so overwhelmingly good. He lets his lips fall open on a gasp...doesn't close them when Eddie tentatively brushes his tongue against Steve's own. He shuts his eyes, because the press of Eddie's hand to his cheek and Eddie's chest to his own feel like so much more like that.

Eddie breaks the kiss to gasp in a breath, and inexplicably, that's what really sends every last bit of restraint in Steve's brain packing. It's so simple, so ordinary - the soft, quick sip of air Eddie takes in. It's a breathy little sound that Steve has heard from countless others before, but maybe that's why it puts him in this unfamiliar chokehold of wanting.

This isn't just anyone.

This is Eddie.

And Eddie is making those quiet, lovely little sounds because he's kissing Steve, and Steve is very rapidly realizing that he is utterly incapable of being normal about any of this.

He feels his cheeks go hot as he forces his heavy limbs to move so he can tangle his fingers in Eddie's curls, holding him close (because Steve thinks he might die if Eddie stops kissing him, now). And it's bliss. It's addictive. It's ruinously tender, and Steve feels himself unraveling from within. Feels the knots in his heart - left behind by absent parents, cruel friends, and distant girlfriends - turn to dust at the gentlest brush of Eddie's lips.

He whimpers into Eddie's mouth and clings to him even tighter, feeling his throat grow strangely tight as his eyes sting at the corners, and when Eddie pulls away he's got a small furrow in his brow, just under his bangs. 

"Stevie?" Eddie murmurs. His eyes dart to Steve's cheeks, and when he brushes his thumb along the skin just under Steve's eye, it drags a bit of wetness with it. Only then does Steve realize...he's crying.

And Eddie is wiping away his tears.

"I..." Steve croaks, eyes wide and spilling more tears with every blink. He drags his hands down from Eddie's hair to rest on his chest, beginning to curl into himself as the embarrassment sinks in.

Christ, he's crying. And all they've done is kiss.

Eddie's frown deepens, but he doesn't pull away completely. Instead, he lets their noses brush and breathes, "Baby..."

Steve's breath hitches.

"You're shaking, sweetheart," Eddie continues, still brushing Steve's tears away with gentle fingers. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" Steve gasps hurriedly, because as far as he understands, it's the truth. "Nothing's wrong, I just..." He closes his eyes. Swallows the lump in his throat and admits with a trembling voice, "I didn't know it could be like this."

He opens his eyes and sees Eddie's expression soften, but the concern remains. "What do you mean?"

"I just..." Steve tries, sniffling and letting out a quiet, distressed laugh. He slams his eyes shut again and rubs them roughly with his palms, trying to force the tears back into his body. "Jesus, this is fucking embarrassing, man."

"Steve..." Eddie murmurs. He sounds sad. Conflicted. Like he's not sure what to do or how to help - if he should stay or go - and that just won't do, because Steve is certain he'll drift away on the breeze without Eddie to ground him. He's got to try to explain, even with his thoughts still feeling syrupy slow from the weed.

He wants to tell Eddie that he's kissed dozens of people before, but kissing them never felt like this. He wants to explain that he's used to taking the lead, and that it's nice having someone else set the pace, for once. He wants to tell Eddie about the way most people he's kissed have done so - frantically...lustfully. Kissing has always been a simple means to an end. And it's never made Steve feel like this.

What he actually manages to say is slightly different, though.

"No one's ever kissed me like they love me, before."

His eyes are still covered by his own hands, so he can't see what is surely a stunned expression on Eddie's face, but he can hear the way Eddie gasps in response to Steve's words.

It’s too much, he thinks. He's said too much, fast-forwarded too far into the movie. It's too early to be talking about love. Steve knows this. It's just...

His stupid, floaty little brain can't envision a world where someone kisses the way Eddie does without being hopelessly, irrevocably in love.

"Shit," Steve breathes after several minutes of silence. Or maybe it's several seconds. He really doesn't know. Time feels funny, when he's high. "I know that's, like, way too much. I'm too much. I don't know why I-"

"Steve," Eddie interrupts, and Steve snaps his mouth shut. He feels Eddie's hands wrap carefully around his wrists to pull them from his eyes. Eddie is being so careful with him...like he can't see that his tenderness is exactly the thing that’s ripping Steve apart at the seams.

Steve wants to scream. He wants to cry. He wants to drag Eddie back down and kiss him until he can't breathe. Until Eddie's sweetness becomes warm and comforting instead of feeling like the scalding heat of jumping into a hot tub after a dip in the cold waters of the pool.

"Baby, look at me," Eddie says softly.

Steve is helpless but to obey.

Eddie's gaze is sad but kind when Steve finally meets it with his own. He's got the barest hint of a smile on his pretty lips - the same ones Steve so desperately wants to feel against his own, again - and Steve feels his stomach swirl with something he can't quite describe.

"It's not too much," Eddie continues, voice steady. "And neither are you, okay? You, Steve Harrington, are never too much. Not to me."

The words settle over Steve like a blanket, and he can't decide whether it's comforting or suffocating. He just wants to stop talking about things so they can move on. He just wants Eddie.

"Eds..." he rasps desperately. "I don't- I just want-" He cuts himself off with the hitching breath of what may be a sob. He's not really sure, at this point.

"What can I do, honey?" Eddie says, and he really needs to stop with the pet names, or Steve might genuinely fracture into pieces. "What do you want?"

Steve is sunk too deep into the syrupy slow feeling of the weed - too desperate to feel Eddie pressed against him again - to do anything but tell the truth.

"Just want you," he says.

Eddie smiles - eyes crinkling at the corners - and Steve breathes the sight in like oxygen. "You have me, baby," Eddie murmurs. He's rubbing small, comforting circle into the sensitive skin of Steve's wrists now, and it's perfect. It's wonderfully, disgustingly perfect.

"I do?" Steve asks dumbly. His brain feels fifteen seconds behind everything, but he thinks that's probably okay. Eddie seems to be just fine waiting for him to catch up.

"Yeah, Stevie," Eddie chuckles quietly. "Had me for a long time, now. Just wasn't sure if you would want me the way I wanted you."

"You want me," Steve says breathlessly, more to himself than to Eddie. "You wanna kiss me."

Eddie's resulting laugh is a bit louder, a bit brighter, this time. "I do," he says. The sadness is fading from his eyes, giving way to something that looks an awful lot like elation. Steve remains still and watches, entranced, as Eddie carefully hauls himself up until he can swing a leg over Steve's to straddle him.

Still smiling broadly, Eddie leans down until their faces are mere inches apart, studying Steve with those big, brown eyes. "You gonna let me?" he asks Steve, a teasing lilt to his voice.

Steve nods, lips parted in surprise he can't quite seem to shake, and Eddie's expression softens.

"Gonna let me kiss you like I love you, Stevie?" Eddie whispers.

Steve's not sure when, exactly, his tears had begun to dry up, but he knows they must have at some point, because they're returning with a vengeance, now. "Please," he breathes.

Eddie shifts, and Steve expects Eddie to go right back to kissing him, but that's not what he does.

Instead, Eddie releases one of Steve's wrists and cups his cheek tenderly. This time, the feeling of his thumb brushing the tears away is a familiar one, and it makes Steve smile dopily.

"You know the reason I kiss you like I love you?" Eddie asks. Steve shakes his head and tracks Eddie's gaze as it drifts towards the place where his fingers are still wrapped around Steve's wrist. His lips quirk into a smile as he uses his grip to pin Steve's hand to the mattress, right beside Steve's head, and laces their fingers together.

Their noses are brushing, now, and Eddie's hips are resting on Steve's, and Eddie's hair has fallen around them like a curtain to keep the rest of the world out, and it's so much. Eddie is everywhere, and he's everything, and Steve is completely, unquestioningly in love with him - probably has been in love with him for ages, now, and just never let himself think too hard about it.

"I kiss you like I love you, Steve Harrington," Eddie breathes, and their lips brush as he speaks. "Because I love you."

And the thing is…Steve has spent his entire life wondering what it would feel like to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was loved. It's something that's eluded him for twenty years.

So it's all the more miraculous when Eddie kisses him again, and suddenly, Steve knows. He knows that Eddie Munson loves him. He feels it in the way Eddie kisses him slowly and deliberately, like it would never have crossed Eddie's mind not to. He feels it in their linked hands, in the way Eddie squeezes his hand when Steve makes a desperate, wanton sound into his mouth.

He feels it when Eddie brushes the hair out of his eyes and smiles before kissing Steve's forehead, then his nose, and then his lips again.

Feels it when Eddie's lips begin to wander down his neck.

When Eddie sucks a mark into the thin skin above his collar bone, just because Steve begs him too.

When Eddie pulls Steve's shirt over his head with careful hands, then lets Steve do the same, because Steve needs the intimacy of skin on skin.

He feels it when Eddie stops Steve's wandering hands from venturing too far south with a firm grip and apologetic eyes, because Eddie wants him - of course he does - but not when they've been smoking. Not when there's even the slightest chance that Steve might wake up and regret it in the morning.

And he hears it, too, later that night when they're laying in Eddie's bed exchanging soft, sleepy kisses, unwilling to drift off and let the night end, just yet.

Their legs are woven together - bare, aside from their boxers - and Steve has lost track of how long they've been tangled up in each other like this. He doesn't particularly care, though. He's pretty sure he could happily spend the rest of his life exactly like this.

"Love you, Stevie," Eddie whispers against his lips. They both smile into the next kiss, and Steve's heart is full to bursting, because he believes it. He knows, now, what it feels like to be loved...to be adored.

"I love you," he murmurs in reply, relishing in Eddie's sharp intake of breath. He giggles a bit, for no reason other than the pure joy that's been coursing through his body all night. "God," he laughs. "I fucking love you, Eddie Munson.

Eddie is quiet for a moment before his face splits into a grin that could rival Steve's own, and he's so goddamn beautiful that Steve almost feels like crying again.

He doesn't cry, though. He just watches adoringly as Eddie smiles and nudges Steve's nose with his own. "Yeah, baby?" Eddie teases.

"Yeah, Eds," he answers simply.

And he's pretty sure Eddie knows - is pretty sure Eddie can feel it - because Steve kisses him for the umpteenth time that night, and he pours every ounce of his heart into it. 

Steve kisses Eddie like he loves him, because he does. God, help him, he does.

And Eddie?

Eddie kisses Steve like he loves him back, and Steve gets it now, because it’s more than just a kiss.

It’s perfect.

It’s earth-shattering.

It’s everything.

--

Shout-out to @lyphyshard for the beta!

For more of my Steddie blurbs and one-shots, check out my masterlist!

[judesprincess]

NSFW ALPHABET – Jude Bellingham

note: hii babes, how are you? look, this is my first time posting something like this and English is not my first language so i ask you to be kind and ignore any mistake pls

ps: let me know if you like this, kisses 💋

a = aftercare (how they are after sex)

he would definitely be extremely careful and gentle after sex. constantly asking if he hurt you and checking your body; he knows how rough he can be (especially when he is frustrated), so he is quick to take care of you right after you are done having sex. he cleans you up while kissing you tenderly and repeating how good you felt; he always asks if you have cramps from penetration and if you do, he makes a nice warm compress to put on you. he holds you protectively and cuddles you until you fall asleep.

b = body part (his and his partner's favorite part)

he loves every part of your body, but besides that, I feel like he's the kind of man who likes curves, so I feel like he's obsessed with your ass, like he can't stop slapping and squeezing it... he also loves kissing and biting it and the sight of it all red from his slaps drives him crazy... I bet he would love your hips, he just loves holding them while he pounds you from behind

you see, when we talk about his favorite part of him i think that this man is definitely very proud of what he carries between his legs (those celebrations and demonstrations don't tell me otherwise), he just loves how impressed you are every time you see him naked (no matter how many times you've seen him like that) and how much you fight to take him every time... i bet he also loves his biceps, especially when he catches you staring at them shamelessly

c = cum (anything to do with cum)

he definitely loves cumming inside you. for him, there is nothing better than finishing inside you and seeing his cum dripping out;  he'd never admit it out loud, but you both knew it was primal, he just loved the idea of ​​claiming you like that and he loved even more the way you trusted him to let him do something so intimate

d = dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

he secretly wants to try anal sex with you, but he'll never ask you out loud because he doesn't want to pressure you into doing something just to please him

e = experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

let's be honest, that man is a hoe, he's definitely experienced (especially for his age), but i think he had to hold back in the beginning of the relationship to keep up with you, since you weren't experienced (let's ignore the fact that i'm basing this on my lack of experience) and he didn't want to scare you or overwhelm you with the dirty things he wanted to do to you

f = favorite position (this goes without saying)

to me there are two sides to him, one dirty and naughty and the other gentle and caring; so I think there will be nights when he will put you on all fours and fuck you until you beg for mercy and other nights when he will go in the classic mommy and daddy style and make love to you softly and lovingly while whispering in your ear how beautiful and special you are to him.

g = goofy (are they more serious now? are they funny? etc.)

i think he could be the kind of guy who always wants to make you comfortable and easy, so I think he would make a joke or give you a reassuring smile when he sees you are nervous or tense.

however, of course, there are days when he is not in a good mood and maybe he will be more serious and focused.

h = hair (how well-groomed is it? does the carpet match the curtains?)

honestly, he is very clean and hygienic, but I don't think he shaves;  at most, I think he trims it a little (but he's definitely well taken care of)

i = intimacy (how are they at the moment? the romantic aspect)

like I said, for me he has two sides, so it will depend a lot on the occasion and his mood. there will be days when he'll be more naughty and maybe even verbally degrade you, but there will also be days when he'll be soft and nothing but compliments and sweet words will come out of his mouth

i think he likes to set the mood beforehand, even if it's something simple and, even if you say it's old-fashioned, you secretly love how thoughtful he is about it

j =  jack off (masturbation headcanon)

he definitely does this, always thinking about you and your body;  You are far from each other and have no time for FaceTime and Jude can't stop thinking about the nights of sex he had with you and before he can even think, his hand goes up and down his cock firmly, even though he knows that his hand doesn't even compare to anything you were capable of doing to him. Of course, when you are together, he doesn't even consider touching himself, always wanting you instead.

k = kink (one or more of your kinks)

• size kink: jude definitely has a size kink, he loves how different you are physically (in every way), how short and small you are compared to him; countless times you've caught him comparing the size of your hands and smirking at how small your hand is compared to his. let me tell you, that man definitely loves how different you are down there too, he absolutely loves how tight the fit is whenever he enters you

• praisy kink: that man loves to compliment and be complimented; he just loves saying nice things to you and letting you know how great you're doing. he also loves when you compliment him, when you let him know how good he makes you feel or how big he feels or even how gorgeous he is, it drives him crazy

• innocence kink: i might be crazy, but i think he would love the fact that you have no experience or little;  he would simply love the fact that he was your first and had to teach you everything, the idea of ​​molding you to his will would make him dizzy

l = location (favorite places to do the activity)

I think he is a reserved guy and, although he may allow himself to tease you in public sometimes, he always wants to keep his intimate moments away from anyone; the bedroom or any place in his house or yours (as long as they are alone) is perfect for him

m = motivation (what turns them on, keeps them going)

slightly anything; but something about feeling that you need him moves him in an unmatched way and makes him crazy with desire

n = no (something they wouldn't do, turns them off)

definitely nothing that would hurt you; also, i think he would definitely say a big no to sharing you with someone (no matter who it is)

o = oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

that man seems like a spectacular pussy eater and he would definitely make you fall apart with those gorgeous lips

but he definitely loves a good blowjob, he just can't get over the image of your lips wrapped around his cock, he definitely loves to fuck your mouth

p = pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual?)

it all depends on his mood.  if it’s been a bad day or he’s really horny, he’ll definitely fuck you hard and rough (but always making sure the penetration isn’t hurting you), but on those days when things have gone well, he’ll go in slowly and gently, setting a pace

but I feel like no matter what the pace, he’ll always want to go deep, deep inside you so you can feel him completely

q = quickie (his opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

while he loves taking all the time in the world with you, he also loves quickies—anything to feel you around him—and will take you anywhere in the house

r = risk (are they willing to experiment? are they risk-takers? etc.)

he absolutely hates the idea of ​​someone catching you in such an intimate moment;  it would be the death of him to know that someone saw you as vulnerable and exposed as that must be for his eyes only

s = stamina (how many rounds can they go? how long do they last?)

let's be real, have you ever seen the way that man runs for 90 minutes on the field?? you consider yourself a warrior for trying to keep up with his stamina; no matter how intense it was, there he is, dying to have more of you

t = toys (do they have toys? do they use them? on a partner or on themselves?)

i don't think he'd be too interested in that, although he wouldn't bug you for having some (although he would secretly be a little jealous); however, if you begged him, i think he might allow himself to use something like a cock ring

u = unfair (how much they like to tease)

that man is a tease for sure, he would definitely tease you by blushing around him or being extremely wet and needy for him or even while you were struggling to get him

v = volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

he's definitely not the kind of guy who's going to be like a dead man while fucking; he'll definitely moan and grunt while mumbling dirty things to you

w = wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

jude definitely has a "hero syndrome". he loves being your hero, no matter how silly it is; if you can't open a can or something, he's there to fix it quickly. it can be the most trivial thing, he'll want to fix it for you. he just loves the fact that you depend on him in some way – even though he knows it's lame, he can't help but feel that way – he always wants to be the guy who puts a smile on your face and who makes you feel safe and protected

x = x-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

i think we have more than enough content to say that he's huge (and he's definitely thick too);  you are absolutely struggling to take it all in

y = yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

he is literally never satisfied. he always wants more and more of you and you just love how desired he makes you feel

z = zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

he will only fall asleep after you, only after he is sure you are completely comfortable and satisfied.

well, i really hope you enjoyed it and feel free to interact with me anonymously (or not), kisses 💋