#but they did Branch dirty so I gave him a valentines outfit too

[artistmarchalius]

Will you be my valentine? 💖

[00sdisney-blog]

Lizzie McGuire Ranked! S2 Ep 32 “First Kiss”

We're starting off the ranking with Season 1 Episode 32 "First Kiss". This has always been my least favorite episode of Lizzie McGuire, mainly because I have never understood the attraction of the basic blonde hair blue eyed pretty boy, they always end up being jerks in the end. I prefer the bad boy types who actually have a heart of gold, but that's just me.

The episode starts with Gordo complaining about not getting an A on a project involving a bridge he built out of toothpicks. Lizzie & Miranda have absolutely no interest in this conversation, but can you blame them? Also I gotta point out Miranda's camo pants & purple New York Times t-shirt combination which screams early 2000s.  Honestly, this show gave me so many fashion goals. I wish I had been that stylish & on point when I was in middle school instead of looking like the crypt keeper. Oh yeah and Lizzie is wearing those infamous 90s/early 2000s butterfly hair clips. Since Hilary Duff always makes jokes about the butterfly hair clips she wore on the show in her honor we're going to keep a countdown of how many we can spot in each episode. Current Total: 1

The girls begin to notice that literally everyone around them seems to be paired off...well everyone except Lizzie, Miranda & Gordo that is. Let's be honest here, middle school dating is the most embarrassing thing like I'm so glad I never endured it. I watched friends go through it & thinking you're madly in love at 13 years old is beyond cringe worthy.

Our next scene flashes to Matt who is desperately looking for a Paul O’Neill baseball card. (I cannot believe people actually collect these things) When he strikes out (haha baseball pun) he tries to weasel his parents into giving him a raise on his allowance which instantly results in a big fat NO. Sam McGuire being a sucker for sports sneaks Matt some money for more baseball cards unannounced to Jo.

Moving on to Lizzie who is wearing an adorable cat shirt & on the phone with Miranda discussing the fact that everyone in middle school has apparently paired off. Miranda suggests this strange occurrence has happened because there might might be a full moon stating that her Mom believes full moons cause weird stuff to happen. This is great to me because my Mom has actually said something similar about full moons. Lizzie points out that it's probably because Valentine's Day is soon and God forbid a person not have a significant other on February 14th.

Then it begins...the doorbell rings, Lizzie goes to answer it & who do we find? Ronnie the paper boy! First off, who freaking has paper boys anymore? Don't you just go to the store & buy a paper? I don't have any memory of having a paper boy at any point in my life, you always went to one of your local stores to buy the paper. Where do the McGuires live? Ronnie is the stereotypical pretty boy of the 2000s...blonde spiky hair, one of those surfer necklaces and big blue eyes. I'm sure at the time every girl that watched the show instantly found him dreamy...except for me. (I was too busy being in love with Phil Diffy)

Ronnie overhears Lizzie telling Miranda that something must be wrong with her because she doesn't have a boyfriend. Lizzie notices the eavesdropping & gripes Ronnie out about it in which Ronnie replies "I'm sorry I forgot to turn my ears off" (w a t). Sam pays Ronnie & he leaves but Lizzie chases after him so she can continue to gripe him out for listening in on her convo. Ronnie tells her he thinks it's equally as rude to ignore someone when they're in your doorway. Lizzie doesn't think so because Ronnie wasn't there to see her but Ronnie smoothly replies "well how do you know I wasn't there to see you?" Ronnie & Lizzie continue to walk and banter. Ronnie then has to make another stop on his paper route and tells Lizzie that there's "definitely nothing wrong with her" referencing to her convo with Miranda about not having a boyfriend. You can pretty much instantly feel the butterflies that just happened in Lizzie's stomach. *CUT TO THEME SONG WITH BOUNCY BALLS & LIZZIE'S NON MATCHING OUTFIT*

AND WE'RE BACK.....Miranda is asking Lizzie why she hung up on her & never called her back last night. Lizzie tells Miranda she will tell but only in a cone of silence. (meaning it's a secret) Lizzie confesses she might like someone, Miranda tells Lizzie that not one soul on the Earth is unaware of her crush on Ethan Craft to which Lizzie responds "it's not Ethan!" Miranda gets excited & wants details which leads us to learn Ronnie's last name is Jacobs, he goes to a different middle school & does bunch of other stuff that makes him attractive. Gordo walks up & Miranda proceeds to tell him "Lizzie is in love with her paper boy" breaking the cone of silence she was sworn to.

Now going back to Matt, we see him & a group of friends going through their baseball card collections. Melina walks up to them bragging about having the "O'Neill" card. Matt pleads with Melina for the O'Neill card offering to trade her 50 cards for it or do her homework for a week to which Melina of course declines. Matt asks her to name her price & Melina tells him she'll get back to him on that.

Back to Lizzie's life,  it's apparently a bright & early morning in the McGuire house as Lizzie rushes downstairs to get the paper because as we see in the next scene Ronnie has hidden a note in it. Cartoon Lizzie gushes over how she has a "cooly cooly cool boyfriend" (wow that happened fast) Down in the kitchen Matt is working on a batch of brownies for Melina while also doing her laundry in the sink. Matt explains to his parents in order to get his baseball card he has to meet all of Melina’s demands. Jo finds Melina’s idea actually brilliant (which it is, women have to power to make men do anything let's be honest)

At the ole Hillridge Junior High we find Lizzie hanging up a picture of her boyfriend of 1 or 2 days in her locker, it's getting serious now guys. Miranda gives Lizzie her approval while Lizzie shows Miranda that she has Ronnie's shoelaces laced into her boots. (w a t) Lizzie continues to gush about Ronnie and Miranda's face in this picture says it all.

By lunch Lizzie is still babbling on about Ronnie while Miranda and Gordo look like they're ready to stab her with a cafeteria spork. Miranda & Gordo excuse themselves from the table to go get some pudding (as you do) which inspires Lizzie to start calling Ronnie "pudding" as a pet name.

Miranda tells Gordo that Lizzie is basically possessed by the love spirit of Ronnie and points out that she's even wearing his dirty shoelaces. (for real tho W A T) Gordo says he's known Lizzie his entire life but never thought about what it would be like if she had a boyfriend. For whatever reason Miranda reads that as Gordo being jealous to which he instantly denies even tho we all know he probably is.

In elementary school we find Melina giving Matt a list of things she wants him to do for her. His friends tell him the baseball card is not worth it but Matt ignores them & continues to meet Melina’s many demands.

Now we are at that roller skating montage set to Michelle Branch's "Everywhere". Because of this scene I always think of Lizzie McGuire when I hear that song. ALSO isn't that street the same street that random unexplained picture of Hilary Duff with the orange peels was taken?

(I mean for real it looks like the same street!! & SHE’S GOT ROLLER BLADES ON! oh & will we ever get an explanation for this picture??) Lizzie & Ronnie are taking pics of each other with those outdated long cameras because back then kiddos we didn't have the leisure of iphones. After frolicking on the street in roller blades Lizzie & Ronnie sit down & chat. Ronnie asks Lizzie if she considers them to be "boyfriend & girlfriend" (no...she just wears your filthy shoelaces, hangs your picture in her locker & rambles about your nonstop because you're a great friend) I also have to point out that Lizzie is literal hair goals in this scene, so freaking cute! Anyhow, Ronnie confesses that he told all his friends that Lizzie was his girlfriend which causes cartoon Lizzie to break into a chorus of hallelujah.

Ronnie then gives Lizzie a ring which more than likely came out of one of those gumball machines at the dollar store. THEN THE BIG MOMENT HAPPENS.....Ronnie & Lizzie look into each other's eyes, lean in & kiss. (I'm shocked considering the episode is called "First Kiss") You then see Gordo creeping in the background witnessing the whole thing...seriously tho....how long was he back there?

Lizzie returns home walking on cloud 9, she talks about how amazing of a time she had with Ronnie. Sam goes all papa bear declaring he "did not like the sound of that". Jo tells Sam that Lizzie & Ronnie are just friends while Lizzie awkwardly looks away. Jo questions her and Lizzie shows her parents the ring Ronnie gave her citing it was a "friendship ring". Jo almost chokes on air and tells Sam not to panic. Lizzie tells her parents every girl in her grade has a boyfriend so she doesn't understand what the big deal is. Sam & Jo are still uncomfortable with the situation as any parent would be.

Flash to a new day, Lizzie is on the phone with Ronnie while Miranda sits there annoyed. Ronnie & Lizzie start that ridiculous "no you hang up first" crap and Miranda hits the button to end the call (don't you miss those days? can't do that on someone's cellphone!) Miranda tells Lizzie that she's basically turned into a crazy love slave. Lizzie denies it so Miranda pulls out the receipts which is Lizzie's history notebook full of pages with Ronnie's name written on it. Lizzie tells Miranda that she's just mad because she has a boyfriend while Miranda does not. Lizzie instantly regrets what she just said. A shocked & clearly hurt Miranda tells Lizzie that she "no she doesn't have a bf at the moment and she also doesn't have much of a best friend either".

*Cut to a montage of Matt doing chores for Melina*

Melina at last minute decides she has one more demand to be met before she can give Matt his beloved O'Neill card. The final demand was that Matt give Melina every one of his Dad's baseball cards, which Sam does not take well.

OHH HERE COME THE DRAMA YA'LL~

The doorbell rings & Lizzie rushes to answer it because of course it's Ronnie. Except this time he tells Lizzie that they "need to talk" which every person on the planet knows means "I wanna breakup".  Jo knows what's up & tells Sam that their daughter is fixing to get her heart broken. Lizzie & Ronnie walk outside & he tells her that "something happened" but he doesn't know if it's bad or not. (um well it's clearly bad for Lizzie dude) Ronnie tells Lizzie that there's a girl at his school that he has a crush on & that he's not sure now is the time for him to have a girlfriend. He then tells a teary eyed Lizzie that she can still keep the ring tho if she wants but she tells him no (you go girl!!) Ronnie pulls the ole "we can still be friends" bit & Lizzie runs away crying.

The next day at school Lizzie is in the library ripping out all the pages of Ronnie's name in her notebook, Gordo walks up tells Lizzie they missed her at lunch & brought her a chocolate chip cookie. Now that's a good & true friend right there! Lizzie tells Gordo that Ronnie broke up with her & Gordo replies "he's a loser!" Lizzie says that she's the loser & that the girl Ronnie likes is probably prettier, smarter & more fun than her. Gordo tells Lizzie that there's nobody prettier or more fun to be with than her. (He left out smarter because he was also including himself in that equation) He continues to comfort Lizzie & she tells him that he's a good friend. Gordo then gives the audience a subtle hint he may like Lizzie as more than a friend but plays it off. (even tho everyone knows)

They begin to walk out of the library & Miranda joins them so she's clearly forgiven Lizzie's blunder. The episode ends & all is restored in Lizzie's world once again.

Well folks, that's it! I completed my first ranking! FUN FACT! Hilary Duff has said in a few interviews that this is her favorite episode of Lizzie McGuire. This was a lot of fun & I'm definitely  looking forward to doing another one sometime this week. I hope ya'll liked it! Sorry if it was long, I like my writing very detailed. BUT if you actually read all of that you're pretty awesome! Sorry the screencaps are crappy but I'm also not because it makes it funnier.

Which one do you think I'll pick next!? Leave a comment & see if you get it right! I'll be back later this week for more ranking fun!

Butterfly Clip Count: 1