#but there's definitely moments (esp early on) where he wishes he could take it back | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

parrishh · 4 years ago

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i'm like, 90% sure all of the anons in my inbox right now are actually the same person so, if that's you, i'm just going to answer all of your mister impossible questions in this post since there are a lot of them and this is going to be really very extremely long

"Wait what why is Jordan awake?"/"Is the sweetmetal of declans picture helping jordan stay awake?"

i don't know why she's awake but i don't think it's the painting, because at the end of the book she's outside declan's apartment, not her own. i guess it's possible that she succeeded in making the painting a sweetmetal powerful enough to sustain her even there, but i feel like there's probably a different explanation. i've seen theories that she's inadvertently made herself into a sweetmetal by finally seeing herself as her own person rather than just a copy of hennessy, which is interesting

"And the things about the ley line Idgi? Hennessy wants to stop the power but for what"

i think hennessy thinks shutting down the ley line is the best (or even only) way to get rid of the lace. she hates herself for the lace to the extent that she doesn't even want to live anymore, so of course that's her primary motivation. she feels hopeless so long as the lace has power. she's desperate

"Why did he think adam was in on declans plan? I think the "oh" was more like oh you want to come with bryde of course...."

the "oh" is in response to ronan saying "i'm calling now. i need to see you", before there's even any mention of bryde. adam says "you're here? oh", not "you're here? why are you here?" the fact that he didn't ask why ronan was in town, the fact that he said an "oh" of realization instead, implied that he already knew why ronan was in town. and he could have only known by speaking to declan. i think it was a reasonable conclusion on ronan's part

"Ronan are you being serious????? Why should Adam/Declan drop everything and come fight with you - they didnt even know where you are, they don't know the plan. Then you accuse them of that Moderators plan without questioning them. And I mean, yes, Ronan is easily manipulated and he thinks everyone is against them and Bryde is the only one who cares but come on!!!!!!! Seriously, doesn't he get that he might be in the wrong????"

i mean, i think you hit the nail on the head when you said "he thinks everyone is against them." for a long time, he's been struggling with feeling alone, like he's a burden, like the people he loves don't really understand him. he's never had a healthy relationship with another dreamer, so it makes sense that he feels so isolated from literally everyone he cares about. and now he just found out two of the most important people in his life went behind his back to conspire against him (even if he doesn't have confirmation about adam, declan does admit to it over the phone) which is just...salt on a wound he's had since he was a kid. i'm not saying he's in the right, but i do understand why his immediate reaction was what it was. when you've been hurt like that, it takes some time before you can like, calm down and reconsider your own role in the situation

"Ronan basically dreamt Bryde in his worst dream right? Why does he still trust him"

i mean, i don't know how much we can believe what bryde says, but when he reveals himself as being ronan's dream he basically says that everything that he (bryde) wants, ronan already subconsciously wanted before he even dreamt him. that bryde wants it because ronan wanted it. to admit that bryde is in the wrong, ronan would have to admit he, himself, is in the wrong, too, and that's not easy. especially because a lot of his motivation is saving matthew and not wanting to live with the weight of matthew's life on his conscious anymore. especially because he's felt alone for so long, and now he just found out the first dreamer to truly make him feel less alone is his own creation. he's hurting. a lot. he will admit to being wrong in the third book, i think, but like i mentioned above, that kind of growth takes some time

"I think Ronan actually doubts Brydes plan too bc he thinks stuff like people built the dam, there are living things here, it cost a fortune..... and i personally never see a purpose in what they're doing bc bryde never tells them and ronan obviously doesn't know or he thinks he doesnt. I think he doesnt and he just trudts bryde blindly for now and his insecurities aka bryde take over and rule over ronan. Thoughts?"

i mean, i think ronan sees the purpose. here are his thoughts, directly quoted from chapter 17 when bryde is talking about restoring the ley lines:

"A world where Matthew could just live. A world where Ronan could just dream. A world where every dream was clear and crisp and easy to navigate, so there were never accidents or nightmares. He wanted it."

he wants, as i mentioned above, for matthew's life to not be reliant on his own (which i understand. that's a really heavy knowledge to live with.) he also just wants to be able to exist wherever he wants and with whomever he wants (thinking, for example, about how he wasn't able to get an apartment in boston in cdth), without constantly worrying that the nightwash is going to kill him. poor guy just wants a normal life

"Also did we ever actually see bryde get something out of a dream? Most work did Ronan"

this is interesting. now that you mention it, i don't think we do. supposedly he dreams the orbs, but i can't recall ever seeing that happen? i could be wrong, though

"And why is the nightwash mostly ronans problem? I mean hennessy and rhionna (?) had it very little and who knows if the other dreamers have it"

i think ronan is a much, much more powerful dreamer than any of the others. there's something...More about him. something special about being the greywaren. i don't know what it is, specifically, but i anticipate that's something we'll find out in the final book, and i expect it'll explain why the nightwash affects him more than it does the others

"Who the hell dreamt the mods"

i don't know! i think the most popular theory right now is that it was nathan farooq-lane. i'm not sure how that works, though, since they killed nathan and bryde took the sweetmetal off of lock pretty early in the book (unless nathan isn't actually dead, somehow) (or bryde is nathan, which is another popular theory). another theory is that it was ronan. like, he was feeling so alone and misunderstood that he accidentally dreamt his own persecutors? or it's possible that they were all just dreamt by random dreamers and that's why they felt strongly enough about the "cause" to become moderators, but that's kind of boring

"And why are R B and H so dangerous? Bc of what they're doing?"

yeah, and, i mean, according to liliana's visions, they have the power to end the world

"Can I point out that Idk what everyone is talking about, I dont get pynch possible breakup vibes at all from this book"/"Am I trippin or did I read another book? Because some fellas say there's no pynch"

i think when people say there's no pynch, they just mean that there's very minimal pynch interaction, specifically. because, yeah, even though they're both constantly thinking about each other, it is true that we only get one moment of them actually interacting (the phone call), and it's obviously not a positive interaction

i don't think anyone actually thinks they'll break up. at least, i haven't seen anyone say that and i've been feverishly reading everything under the mister impossible tag, so

"What struck me as really odd was that Adam bought this stupid 14$ waffle which he would have never done a few months back and I dont think he would do it now? 14$ is a lot of money esp for a waffle so why spend it on something as useless as this? And why do the others need Adams money? Are they all on scholarships? Was it just bc he had cash and the others didnt? And why is he treating them like his followers and they treat him as their guardian or whatever like he clearly needs to be honest with them"

okay, first off, i will say, as someone who grew up poor and, like adam, absolutely busted my ass in high school to get a good scholarship so i could go to college, the relief of actually getting that scholarship is...powerful. my financial anxiety definitely didn't disappear once that happened, but there was, at least in my experience, this feeling of "i made it, it's going to be okay now" that made it a little easier to spend money. i don't think it's that unrealistic that he, now having the security of a harvard education, would spend fourteen dollars on something he doesn't need every once in a while. it would be completely out of character for henrietta adam, yes, but it's a bit different now. plus, it wouldn't suit his faux Harvard Adam persona to refuse the waffle because of how much it costs

i think his friends are all a lot more well-off than he is. it was just that they didn't have any cash on them and the waffle truck didn't take card (also realistic, i never have cash on me so i always have to ask someone to spot me when a place turns out to be cash-only)

i think (a) they all look up to him because he has this really calm, cool and collected persona. more importantly, we can assume that they were all struggling with something when he met each of them, since they were all crying. now in swoops this guy who saw them upset and came to comfort and befriend them. of course they see him as something like a hero. and (b) i think he likes that. in high school, he was the one being rescued, not the one rescuing. i think he enjoys being the kind of person he used to wish he could be (ie. gansey. he's being gansey)

"I thought it a bit funny in a weird way that Declan talked about marrying Jordan…I can't imagine he was being too serious about it?"

no, i mean, i don't think he was literally proposing, not yet. he's just really happy for the first time in a long time (maybe ever) and, after a lifetime of pain and trauma and more responsibility than he ever signed up for, i don't blame him for wanting that feeling to last forever, even if he's not really thinking clearly

"Also I think it's amazing they make each other so happy but the ending makes me a bit sad or surprised bc shouldn't Matthew be his nr1 priority now?"

we only have jordan's perspective at the end, so when she thinks that it was clear declan had come out of his apartment looking for her, i don't think that necessarily means he wasn't also looking for matthew. i don't think it's fair to say that, in that moment, he should prioritize either matthew or jordan. he loves two dreams, so he can and should be concerned for both of them equally. i don't think one love is inherently more important than the other just because it's lasted longer or because it's family

#WHEW THIS TOOK FOREVER #thanks for the questions! sorry i don't know what i'm talking about half the time!#mister impossible #mister impossible spoilers #mi spoilers #w's mi asks #answered #anon

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zmediaoutlet · 4 years ago

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Hey I'm super intrigued by your halmanverse stuff (just finished reading your most recent mpreg fic and also timelapse and also the omegaverse explanation post) but I'm still kinda confused, maybe because I'm in general already overthinking gender like 95% of the time. I have a lot of questions but mainly I was wondering what specific differences you imagine between halman Dean and male Dean? Mostly physical/presentation-wise, but also in terms of personality/emotion/emotional expression/etc?

oh wow, I’m glad you’re interested! (and even went back to that ancient post! bro!) I related to the overthinking part--I’m not that interested in gender qua gender but I am super interested in trying to figure out how a three-sexed civilization might actually work, and what gender expression results from there, etc etc. It’s a conundrum! My friend can attest to the hours I’ve spent moaning and flailing over how tf fashion would even work, much less everything else. But--it’s easier to think about if we start from a few basic premises:

1. I don’t want to write it as a dystopia; 2. I want it to feel semi-familiar as a setting; 3. I want Dean still to feel as much like himself as possible; 4. I want things to feel as naturalistic and realistic as possible.

All of which are kind of connected. I didn’t want to write it as a sex-crazed ultramating fuck-ciety, so heats get calmed down and ‘omegas’ (halmen) aren’t wee sex dolls who pump out seventy puppies per litter. (What do they even do with all those babies in omegaverse fics? Eat them??) The fact that I’m still using “he” pronouns means that halmen are still mostly masculine-presenting, but there are tells that mean that everyone can recognize a halman vs a man vs a woman (unless, of course, there’s some passing activity going on--much like in our own culture, where you can pretty much get a sense at a glance how someone is operating, and it’s exceptional if someone says, ‘actually, my gender identity is [x].’)

Still, halmen are, for lack of a better word, baby carriers. So, while they’re stronger/bigger/taller than women for the most part, they’re also given a slightly feminized role just by virtue of how this culture treats baby carriers. That translates into job choice, fashion, expected behavior. To delineate, halman!Dean:

Basic physical stuff: - he’s about 5′10, which is a little taller than average for a halman (much as real!Dean is a little taller than average for a man) - slightly rounder features, to go along with enticing mates to treat you well -- still very recognizable as Dean (esp with his lips and eyes already being Like That), but a very slightly softer jaw, probably. - high testosterone gives him good muscle structure and broad shoulders; high estrogen gives a soft subcutaneous layer of fat (which, ahem, Jensen already has) and less body hair; wider more feminine hips; flat chest (until pregnancy). So, the silhouette is a little different--sort of an hourglass, sort of an upside down triangle. - downstairs, you’re getting a very large clitoris (small penis-sized -- think of hyenas), which is also where the ureter is; no testicles, obviously; anus/birth canal hybrid, because that’s just fun tbh -- probably translates into that area being cleaner than usual, but let’s be honest, babies get poop on them half the time anyway, so. - heats are twice-yearly, ish (I think I said 25 weeks in one fic?) -- no crazy compulsion, no one’s gonna die if they don’t get fucked, but an actual body temp increase and definite horniness, and this is pretty much the only time all year that halmen can get pregnant. The hormones they’re putting out are also what triggers men to knot, so. It’s a special time. :)

Fashion: - Hair could be really anything (much like women can get away with most anything), but a pretty classic hairstyle would be something akin to Sam’s prettier bob haircuts. Dean keeps it above his shoulders, but not long enough that it could have a ponytail, probably. Side part, tuck behind the ears, done. - Makeup is minimal--halmen wear just as much as women if they feel like it, and in professional settings some effort is expected. Dean tends to stick to just eyeliner, but playing FBI might include a small amount of lip color. - Clothes -- THIS KILLED ME, but I came up with some options. Again, like 21st century women, they can kinda get away with anything, but they don’t mess with cleavage-baring (since they don’t have any, until they have a kid) and instead go with bare backs and shoulders to be sexy. (Why? Nice muscley backs, that’s why.) A very traditional outfit would be a tunic-length top (to cover the minimal bump from the big clit) paired with slim pants or tights. Short skirts over tights is also a really common look. Half the time, Dean’s going to be wearing a loose plaid shirt, a tank that dips just low enough to look halman-y, tight ass-hugging jeans, and boots.

Cultural stuff: - Sexuality: Dean vastly prefers men, because he’s pretty conformist when it comes right down to it. He probably experimented with a halman or a woman in his early twenties, but let’s face it, he likes dick. - Halmen could always get physical “men’s jobs” -- farming, factory work, mechanic, etc -- but the intellectual “men’s jobs” -- doctor, lawyer, head chef -- weren’t as common. They would’ve had a similarly hard time to women, breaking into those categories. So, while Dean can fake being an FBI agent just fine, sexist people will probably defer to Sam as the ‘senior’ agent. - Hustling pool: still likely, but Dean’s going to change up his style a little. He can probably take any of these trucker men in a fight, but it’s easier to flirt his way through it, and with that ass--yeah, he can get away with it. - Hooking: definitely possible too, but his client base wouldn’t be weird closeted dudes like real!Dean, it’d be people who’d expect to treat him more like a female sex worker might be treated. More dangerous, in its way, but at least he almost certainly wouldn’t get knocked up.

Personality/emotional expression: So, this is the big one. A large part of it is that, as a more female-typed caregiver, John’s expectations for how his Dean should act aren’t as subversive as in canon. Halman!Dean cooking/cleaning/taking care of his little brother--that’s what daughters are expected to do, after all, and Dean isn’t that far off from a daughter in this treatment. But that also means that the weird ways that, in canon, Dean is a little... overly macho, how he acts too butch, etc, those don’t really come into it. As a halman, he’s completely fitting into the role society/culture expect of him, and he doesn’t need to pretend otherwise. His issues, then, would be less of canon!Dean’s insistence on being a Cool Steve McQueen Dude, and more in the ‘there are certain cultural markers I’m missing by being a transient hunter, and I regret them.’ This gets touched on in ‘timelapse’ when he reflects about how he’s never been on a date with a nice boy before Mark-from-Blockbuster -- and I think we get a sense of wistfulness, wishing that maybe nice boys would ask him out more than the other guys like to finger him under the bleachers -- and again in the recent fffr fill, where of course he wanted to have kids, but knew that was never an option. He wants to hold babies, man. He just wants to really, really badly.

Related to that--in just his day-to-day, especially with Sam, he can afford to be... a little softer. Obviously he still gives his little brother a hard time, because that’s his job, but he also probably kept giving Sam good-night kisses until he was like 8--they probably argued a little less, because Dean didn’t feel the need to be a hardass just to emulate their dad--John was probably a little more soft with him, but Dean’s obedience would also be completely expected. I bet that there wasn’t ever one of those moments per canon where John would “send Dean away” for arguing too much, because I bet Dean didn’t argue that much.

The nurture of it all is so much of what shapes Dean--and he’s still loyal to a fault, of course, and still cracks jokes, and still loves his brother more than anything. But it’s the little softened edges that interest me--the places that canon!Dean fights against, that halman!Dean can just accept and be. Distinct from a Deanna, though, even if the changes are incremental. It’s just these little tweaks.

That... got really long, haha. Still, I hope it was helpful. Also, as a bonus:

I mean, the hair’s too long, but honestly, it... doesn’t take much imagination, haha.

#Anonymous #my writing #halmanverse

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lichfucker · 4 years ago

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9, 16, 22, 30 for ingot, and 2, 6, 8, 15 for andy!

9. where does your character look when they're the only one walking down a road?

everywhere, but mostly forward. they’re slowly getting used to looking back to make sure they’re not being followed, but their instinct is to make sure nothing’s coming up ahead

16. what does getting flustered look like for your character?

ingot’s got terrible foot-in-mouth syndrome lmfao. they get stiff and uncomfortable and say the exact wrong thing in any given situation. if they’re really upset they’ll just straight-up leave sldkfsd

22. what's your character's ideal way to wake up? what usually wakes them up?

I think I’ve mentioned before that I think of ingot as a very disciplined sleeper, esp since he always had such rigid schedules. he’s the kind of person whose internal clock just wakes him up at the same time every day. it’s nice to wake up with the sunrise, though. it would also be nice to wake up with z’ress but since z’ress only needs to trance for four hours they’re usually already gone by the time ingot wakes up :/

30. how has your character's first impressions of their party members changed since they met them? have they stayed the same?

hooo okay

saube: ingot’s first impression of saube was “you are Like Me but backwards, you are everything I’m not,” and I think that’s still true but it feels different now? ingot also thought that saube was too hesitant and naive and out of their depth, and it’s been really nice to watch saube become more strong and self-assured and decisive

whitlock: well right away whitlock was ingot’s favorite and that hasn’t changed lmfao. they thought that whitlock was very grounded and practical and not afraid to get his hands dirty, and all of that is still true, but whitlock is also far more relaxed and easygoing and FUN than ingot initially assumed

rae: ingot thought that rae was. a lot. and she is. sldkfsd ingot also thought that rae was very frivolous and kind of just there to have a good time, but it turns out that rae actually is very thoughtful and passionate and cares very deeply about justice in a way that ingot definitely wouldn’t have guessed

eun ha: I don’t think ingot knew what to make of eun ha at first. in the very beginning she was just “somebody who’s also here now, I guess.” this is not to say that I think ingot understands eun ha very well, because he doesn’t, he knows her the least well out of anyone, but I almost feel like at this point ingot wishes he understood eun ha LESS, because ingot is very comfortable disagreeing with people (especially with people who are relatively new), and it was... easier to disagree with eun ha in the beginning. I feel like I’m not explaining this well hhh :/

thank you for asking about andy 🥺 🥺 I love you

2. would your character carry around a tiny bath and body works hand sanitizer? if yes, would it have a specific scent?

they wouldn’t, because a) they don’t want to leave behind any identifiable scent that could be traced back to them while they’re doing Shady Things, and b) they’re of the “I wash my hands, that’s clean enough, fuck you, I’ll never get sick” mindset re: hand sanitizer lmfao

6. what parts of your character's voice/manner of speaking are distinct, if any?

andy’s got a THICK new york accent (which is FUN considering the game takes place in texas). they also tend to slur their words a bit, like they don’t enunciate very clearly, and they say “fuck” maybe ten times per sentence. I literally said to jd the other day “the word ‘fuck’ is like breathing” sdlkfsd

8. how did your character feel when they left home for the first time?

bad lmao. they moved from nyc to rural texas right before their senior year of high school and have been extremely bitter about it ever since. they’re a freshman in college now and they’re going somewhere that’s only like two towns away from where they moved to w their dad, and it kind of sucks in a number of different ways, bc in an ideal world they’d have gone back to ny, but they wouldn’t necessarily be able to afford it, plus they couldn’t in good conscience go that far away from their dad, and even this is a weird distance that feels... too close to feel like they’re actually Away At College, and close enough that if they could drive they probably would be still living at home and just commuting to school, but since they ARE living on-campus they feel detached enough to like worry about what their dad is up to without them sflkd

15. have you ever said something as your character that stuck with you for a while after? what was it?

it’s early enough in the campaign that we really haven’t had any like big emotionally poignant moments yet (and esp since I played a different character for the first couple sessions before andy came in), so I don’t really have any Dope Quotes to drop, but I will say that after the last session the gm told me that we basically speedran the module and are currently at a part of the story that was supposed to come way way later bc andy and lorelei specifically figured shit out way sooner than we were supposed to lmfao. no quotes yet but “the duckduckgo search that broke the campaign” definitely stuck with me sldkfs

if you wanna pick your own favorite andy quote, listen to ravens roost radio ;) ;) ;) (andy shows up in episode 6)

#army of bee assassins #army-of-bee-assassins #long post #thanks joyce #bluh bluh #ingot #andy #ravens roost radio #g-d these KIDS #ty for asking abt andy I owe you my LIFE

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phoebehalliwell · 4 years ago

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So I LOVED your Sheridan and Warren fic!! The two of them are hilarious because that are just trying their best those poor boys! I had a hypothetical, so like in all those AU where Prue is wished alive in I Dream of Phoebe, what would happen in this situation? Would Prue go see her sisters or would she go find her kids? ALSO Prue as the boys magical (deceased) guide is Perf 👌🏻

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA tysm !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love my boys so much i’m really trying to keep them like. like as removed from proper magic as possible bc i just think it’s really fucking funny to just follow two bimbos around as they try their best. i’ve also def like tinkered w canon a lil bit as explained in this post here only to keep them further away from aunts who could explain everything like they don’t even have a whitelighter bc paige was supposed to fill that role really the only person they have is prue who gave them a crash course when she unbound their powers as explained in this post and they will occasionally summon her but even then it’s less for advice and more bc like. they want 2 talk to their mom. and i do think prue will occasionally try to make like guest appearances on their birthday she’d def be a presence kinda like how grams was a presence for the girls if they had a book of shadows prue would do the flipping. but they don’t. she did guide their familiar to them!! the cat’s name is swizzlesticks and yes it is just kit again lmao. But. Ur Question. so basically in w&s’s origins jack raised them post prue death and like he kinda fucked off to japan for the rest of the show (sidenote both warren and sheridan are quasi fluent in japanese like jack the only difference is while jack uses his bilingual talents for business the twins almost exclusively use this ability to multitask while watching anime) so i think piper and phoebe had like Zero contact w their nephews and paige actually has never met them like she didn’t even really know they existed bc deadass just no one mentioned them. so like if prue is wished back to life in i dream of phoebe for starters she’s gonna know chris is piper and leo’s son bc she’s been keeping an ear to the ground and Heavily monitoring this chris situation before she assessed that he was good she spent a lot of time trying to figure out if a ghost should beat the shit out of an alive witch so idk who’s wishing prue alive in this specific au tbh u know what richard’s kinda off the shits this ep he’s probably wish prue back to life to try to prove to paige that she doesn’t have to be a charmed one she can just be paige :) and paige would lose her SHIT bc like oh my god that was not what she wanted and she’s so not ready to meet prue but here she is lmao and chris is freaking out bc now he really knows he’s altered the future in Major ways i think piper would see prue and immediately pass out and while i think prue would really really want to see her kids her first task would definitely be fixing the future and she would entirely dedicate herself to making sure wyatt doesn’t become evil but i think like she would pull chris aside and be like hi in your future where are my kids and chris would be like who? and prue would be like my sons?? warren & sheridan???? and chris would be like what?????? bc this whole time if wyatt was indeed not the eldest son like are you Fucking Kidding Me????? but no he’s never even heard of warren and sheridan bc in the dark future their powers were simply never unbound and they just continued to live as mortals and may or may not be dead depending on how good the witch finder bots are but like. i don’t think even if wyatt knew they existed he would want to find them bc that just draws attention to the fact they existed and he’s not the firstborn of the next gen so either they’re doing fine-ish all things considered or they just like died lowkey. but chris didn’t even was remotely aware of their existence. and i think this would kinda send prue into a bit of a tailspin bc her boys are so far removed from their legacy and their family (and they’re being raised by jack yikes!!) and she’s like no these are my kids but if she wants to get where they are she either needs to book a fight or find a whitelighter so i think this would specifically be a prue/paige adventure which is also nice bc paige is omnilingual and prue does not speak japanese so like. idk cute adventure. probably use some monster from japanese mythology to save either some smallish town or alternately a major city bc both of those r fun. i think if jack saw prue again he would start throwing things at her and stuff bc he’d be convinced this is some demon here to kill his kids just like they killed her bc haha that’s not a recurring nightmare lmao so i think prue would cast the truth spell right then and there to prove she’s really her which also leads to some good comedy and character development bc jack paige and prue are all under a truth spell and there is a lot unsaid between all of these characters with paige’s inferiority complex and prue and jack’s true feelings for each other and issues caused by prue’s death y’know blah blah blah but i think prue would really use this opportunity to bring warren & sheridan back into the fold so to speak and bring them to the manor and properly train them in the craft and tbh in this specific au i think prue and jack would actually end up together. bc in any other world i’m saying they literally just coparent like they’re fond of each other and will always love the other in like some way but it’s not like Love but i think here specifically it’s like. like the time spent apart where jack just like fucking wishes prue was there and realized what an absolute sap and hopeless romantic he is bc yeah he always like grand gestures and clowning around but like. warren and sheridan’s first steps? and jack was just fucking alone like ngl he almost cried bc he just wished. like prue should have been there. she would have been a great mom. she was a great mom. and his kids deserve their mom and like. he just wishes he could have shared that moment with her. completely unbeknownst to jack prue actually does like you know watch over them all and she’s just like. like blown away by jack. like never in a million years would she have thought he was capable of doing what he did. like. like wow man. and i think the combination of those two like actually having them together again and raising their kids i think romance would blossom again. and i think it would be this insane slowburn bc i think y’know like. like it only happened the first time bc jack pursued prue and was like stubborn and stupid and he like knew she was outta his league but it didn’t matter bc that relationship was just for funsies it was a fling it was never meant to be permanent but if jack were to pursue it know it’s be like. permanent. you know? and jack just doesn’t think prue feels the same way like jack’s a fuckin idiot he knows that and prue’s like a witch? like an insanely talented with and a successful photographer back from the dead don’t worry about it lmao and she just like. she takes the world by storm she balances her career and motherhood and saving the motherfucking world like how could she ever. she would never want to be with someone like jack like that’s just. it’s not in the cards. and prue on the other hand keeps waiting for the penny to drop she keeps waiting for like. jack to realize he doesn’t have to be here anymore. she’s convinced he’s gonna hop town and continue being the man she knew while she was alive now that he doesn’t have to keep watching over the kids now that he’s free in a way but that just never happens because jack doesn’t want to leave like those are his kids also he’s in love with prue lmao but she just can’t. she doesn’t get it. men leave. that’s what they do. that’s what they’ve literally always done she can’t like. she can’t open herself up to something serious only to have jack just ditch and leave her kids with the memory of his back walking out the door so she lowkey starts to push him away put her walls up which only furthers jack’s belief that this is never gonna happen but sometimes it’s like they’ll accidentally fall asleep on the couch together in the middle of the afternoon with the sunlight on them and they’ll wake up like Horribly Embarrassed like oh my god which they’re like this isnt weird okay like we have kids together they’re right there like. we have had sex multiples times before piper walking in on up taking a cat nap in the living room is literally it’s nothing!! oh but it so is something meanwhile phoebe the empath is about to lose her Fucking Shit like guys!!! guys!!!!!!!!! and piper’s just trying to reign her in like no don’t interfere bc piper knows prue’s fear of abandonment and she does not know this new iteration of jack she just remembers what he was like and she doesn’t want to see prue get hurt paige is on the opposite side bc she has literally never met any previous iteration of jack or prue and she’s like hello?? they’re in love?? and chris is like hi okay but like. the task at hand? and the girls are like no shh like trying to covertly spy on prue/jack/warren/sheridan/wyatt all playing in the solarium prue’s doing the telekinetic mobile thing again and jack’s expression of wonder is the same as his sons like !!!! and chris is like deadass i do not get it okay evil wyatt tho. but blah blah blah slow burn i think prue and jack would get married like s8. their wedding would replace paige and henry’s bc as mentioned before paige and henry having a wedding esp a wedding that early was like. dumb. but yeah. prue x jack brainrot. i’m mentally ill i love them so much.

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quinlinkin · 5 years ago

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take it from me ( i’d be lost without you ) ↳ Q’s twdg writing challenge

character(s): mitch, louis ship(s): louitch ( louis/mitch ) word count: 1749 author’s note: ahhhhh, so i finally fell behind. but hopefully only for these couple of days! either way, this fic is based around a short louitch comic i started making in xnalara a couple of months ago that i never ended up finishing. though i do hope to get it done soon, esp if this ship starts to make some traction?? who knowssss

have a lil preview of that comic anyway!!

[ ao3 link ]

*credits to the wonderful @stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale for creating this challenge! you can view the entire prompt list + further details here. happy writing!!

― ☼ ―

day fourteen ; night sky.

“Makes you feel small, huh?”

“Hmm…?”

“Like… the universe. When you really think about it, we’re just so- insignificant. A puny, meaningless speck that doesn’t keep everything else from existing. It wouldn’t even matter in the grand scheme of things if we all disappeared one day.”

Pulling his gaze away from the blanket of stars above them, Mitch quirks an eyebrow at Louis. It’s become somewhat of a routine for them to find themselves right here, seated upon the roof of Mitch’s house as they stargaze and talk endlessly. They’ve occasionally even stayed put long enough for the sun to begin to rise, peeking over the horizon as a startling reminder for Louis that he needs to get home before his parents wake up and realize he isn’t where he’s supposed to be.

A crooked grin starts to tug at his lips, and he can’t help but to lightly tease, “Jesus… Deep, much? Y’know, I think you’d better quit that damn drama class before it’s too late, it’s obviously starting to get to your head.”

Louis rolls his eyes and scoffs, yet the unmistakable signs of his own subtle grin are plainly visible in the moonlight. “I’m just saying. When you put things into perspective, it’s pretty wild to think about.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Mitch shrugs, green eyes flicking back up to the inky black sky. Truth be told, he hasn’t spent a lot of time contemplating their existence like Louis apparently has. It didn’t really matter to him.

Except for aliens, of course. Aliens were real, the government are hiding the truth, and he’ll gladly fight anyone who tries to disagree.

“Well… What do you think, then?” Louis asks after a beat of silence.

Again, Mitch gives an offhanded shrug. “I dunno. Not much, I guess.”

He can feel Louis’ eyes on him without having to look. It makes his skin crawl, his cheeks tingle.

“No opinions on life beyond earth? No theories about our existence? Figured you’d be all about the conspiracy theory life.”

“I ain’t Shane Dawson.”

Louis laughs. “No, you’re definitely not.”

Mitch gives a breathy chuckle of his own, his elbows shifting against the shingles. “Yeah, I mean- conspiracies are fun to think about. But I wouldn’t go as far as… whatever all that was that came outta your mouth just now.”

“What, you didn’t like my awesomely philosophical speech?” Louis retorts. Mitch can hear the smirk present in his airy tone. “I should be offended.”

Mitch is forced to redirect his attention back to Louis’ face, where sure enough, that classic Louise-esque smirk is spread across it. His eyes linger for longer than intended. “I think you’re better off leaving all that shit to Aasim.”

With another brief, joined laugh, they both turn their attention back to the sky. It’s not uncommon for them to fall into comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other’s company. Sometimes, Mitch will light up a cigarette that Louis always decline to share. Other times, they’ll take turns with a bottle of alcohol snagged from his father’s liquor cabinet until their heads are warmly fuzzy and boundaries become just a little bit thinner.

Tonight, however, there’s nothing but the two of them, no distractions or obligations to be anywhere other than right here.

It’s also not uncommon for Mitch’s mind to wander during these bouts of silence. He wishes he only held positive thoughts for this odd, indescribable bond that’s formed between him and Louis.

He’s unable to understand why Louis would ever want to show up whenever Mitch decides to text him late at night, why he ever gives him the time of day or humors him when they have just about nothing in common. While it’s no exaggeration that Mitch could produce quite the lengthy list of reasons why Louis is so great and interesting, he’s yet to find a single reason why the opposite would prove to be true.

Mitch glances at Louis while his focus is directed above them. There’s a gentle smile on his face, his expression blissful and carefree. He looks positively at peace, and Mitch doesn’t get why.

He suddenly feels guilty. He’d called him out of bed at nearly two in the morning, after all, and while Mitch never dares to admit whenever there’s an underlying problem that prompts him to want Louis’ company, he suspects that Louis already knows.

Louis makes him feel better, plain and simple. Perhaps it’s his shining personality or his positive way of thinking, though whatever the true reason, Mitch never fails to feel his mood lifting from as early on as seeing Louis typing back a message despite immediately regretting sending his own in the first place.

“You don’t have to be here, y’know,” he suddenly tells him. Out of context, it’s entirely unprompted, yet in Mitch’s mind, they’re words that have to be spoken.

Louis immediately turns his head to look at him, his brows pulled together with a keen mixture of confusion and compassion. It’s more than enough for Mitch to be quickly looking away, that too-sincere expression tugging at his heart in a way that makes him feel queasy.

“I know,” Louis speaks quietly, steadily. Careful, as if saying the wrong thing will cause Mitch to freeze up and bolt. It wouldn’t be the first time. “But… I want to.”

The outward confession instinctively draws Mitch’s eyes back to his face, just for a second, before he’s forcing them away again. His eyebrows furrow, searching for words well beyond his grasp to say.

Naturally, Louis picks up on his uneasy silence. “Do… you not want me here?”

“What?” Mitch’s head snaps back towards him, eyes slightly rounded before he’s firmly shaking his head. “No, I - of course I do.”

While he hadn’t quite expected Louis’ response, he supposes he should have. With his standoffish, blunt nature, he can only imagine that he must come off as disinterested in Louis’ company from time to time. He curses his unapproachable demeanor, wishes it wasn’t so difficult for him to open up.

Apparently, Louis decides to push things a little further. Mitch doesn’t blame him for wanting answers, though once again, he’s no longer able to look at him as his expression grows more sympathetic. His voice is incredibly timid when he speaks up, and Mitch feels even worse.

“Then… why say that?”

Mitch sighs. “Ah… I dunno, I just- most people wouldn’t want to, I guess. Most people… wouldn’t care.”

He can feel Louis shifting closer, trying to crane his neck in order to meet his eye.

It doesn’t work until he speaks again, barely above a whisper. “Well… I do. I care.”

Mitch simply can’t control the troubled look that crosses over his face, displaying his every conflicted emotion and his perplexed thought for Louis to see despite the fact he doesn’t want him to.

There’s nothing he can do to stop himself from asking, “But… why? ”

Louis instantly falls quiet. For a moment, Mitch regrets asking, assumes that there’s nothing that Louis has to offer in response to his question. Of course there isn’t, his mind bitterly taunts. He only said he cares to make you feel better.

He’s proven entirely wrong in the next second.

“Because…” he starts, seeming to choose his words very carefully until they’re spilling freely from his mouth. “You’re worth so much more than you think you are. Yeah, you’re a little devious, and yeah, you’ve got this whole ‘tough guy’ act nailed down. But under all that, you… you have a good heart, Mitch. I can see it all the time. Even if you don’t.”

Mitch blanks. There’s nothing that could ever describe the whirlwind of emotions that instantly overtakes him, no amount of understanding that could hope to make sense of it all. Impossibly, he feels gut-wrenching sadness and heartwarming inspiration at exactly the same time, a melting pot of conflicting feelings coexisting with each other, relentlessly battling for the top spot within his mind.

Ultimately, sheer disbelief wins.

“I… think you give me way too much credit…” he mumbles, a rather pathetic reply to Louis’ meaningful expression of his self worth.

Louis doesn’t miss a beat. “Maybe you just don’t give yourself enough.”

Mitch can feel Louis’ eyes practically boring holes into his skin as he grows distressingly silent once again, their shoulders brushing in a way that has him tensing up despite himself. Yet as undeterred as ever, Louis is piping up again before he knows it.

“I see you for who you really are. Whether you like it or not.”

There’s no denying the phrase sums everything up better that Mitch could ever express, himself. Yet he’s unable to think about it for much longer after those words are spoken, for in another, completely unexpected turn of events, Mitch can feel Louis shifting even closer.

A brief pause ensues, before Louis is leaning in the rest of the way. He kisses Mitch’s cheek, and Mitch is blown away how such as simple action can bring forth such an intense response. His heart ricochets inside his chest, his thoughts all but exploding inside his head. He can’t think, can’t speak, can’t breathe.

Then, he’s turning to gawk at Louis as if he’s grown at least five extra heads. Louis bears a similar expression, seemingly shocked at himself, leaving them both staring at one another like two deer within the glow of the same headlights.

“I - I’m sorry, I-”

Maybe it’s instinct. Maybe the rapidly multiplying emotions within him take over, blinding him and masking all the rational common sense he already lacks.

Whatever the reason, there’s no stopping himself, no controlling his own actions. He doesn’t care if Louis regrets it, if he’s apologizing because he didn’t mean to.

Mitch closes the distance between them again, and kisses him.

Louis freezes, but for only a second. Mitch thinks that same emotionally fueled instinct must be taking over him, too, for faster than his mind can process, they’re quite literally kissing each other senseless. It feels as if a slowly cracking dam between them has finally broken, and with it, everything comes effectively pouring out.

He doesn’t know how long the kiss lasts. All concept of time becomes lost upon him, and the only thing that eventually separates them is the burning need for oxygen.

And, as they pull away, in some cheesy, embarrassingly cliche passing thought, Mitch swears the stars above Louis’ dazed, smiling face shine brighter than they ever have before.

#twdgdrabblechallenge #twdg #twdg mitch #twdg louis #twdg louitch #louitch #Q writes

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svechnikoffee · 6 years ago

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take me back to where i belong

take me back to where i belong – nokantrol for @babrielandeskog

words: 6k, last time i checked?

warnings: language & one brief, brief mention of the blackhawks. beyond that, nothing I can think of beyond a gratuitous love letter to whataburger with a side of tyler seguin/jamie benn

notes: a belated happiest of holidays to you, b! thanks for your patience on this wild behemoth of a fic. the holidays are just as good a reason as any to bring together dumb colorado boys and dumb dallas boys, esp over airplanes and biscuits & gravy.

as one of my favorite writers ever, it was an absolute honor to be able to write for you—hope you enjoy!!

title taken loosely from “home” by morgxn, which I only came across after it played in the background of a dylan larkin video haha

It’s dawning on you that you definitely should’ve taken up your mom on her offer of earplugs and a sleep mask as you were hurrying out of the house this morning. It’s been a headache of a day—you’d woken up early to help her cook Thanksgiving lunch, then spent the rest of the afternoon catching up with your cousins and tickling the little ones while their dads sat around the TV watching football.

You’d even managed to slip away into your old bedroom to FaceTime with Tyler and Jamie, and Jamie’s friend Tyson. He seemed nice enough, though clearly unprepared to meet new people given that he was in the middle of shoveling down a DQ Blizzard when Tyler turned the camera to him. You might’ve been preoccupied with stuffing your belongings back into your suitcase, but you were genuinely relieved that Tyler had found someone to hang out with during the brief holiday.

Tyler had straight up begged you to stay in town for Thanksgiving, claiming he needed your company to get through the loneliest holiday for a Canadian in America. You just snorted and patted his head, which had been in your lap like always, shushing him with a finger to his lips.

“You’re so full of shit, you know that Ty?” He waggled his eyebrows in response. Part of you did feel sorry for him, though. He’d spent last Thanksgiving with Rads “going stag”, as they called it, but the older man had worked out a visit from Makar and his parents over the long weekend and looked like he was going to keel over from excitement. Which wasn’t really a stretch from his normal self, but still.

Last you’d heard, Jamie was having a BC friend visit, and even Jackie had booked an Alaskan cruise with her girlfriends after Tyler insisted he’d be fine on his own. Now, you just feel bad for the poor guy. He’d been taking a break from going out—I’m just trying to look out for my liver, (Y/N)—and you knew he’d be a sad sack and spend the night in with the pups.

So you compromised and took the beginning of the week off to spend with your family in Chicago, and promised Tyler you’d be back by Thursday night at the latest. It all worked out perfectly since he and Jamie didn’t have a game again until Saturday…which brings you to this moment right here, sitting in a darkened plane with the hottest guy you’ve ever laid eyes on. And you regularly find yourself around some pretty fucking beautiful people. Klinger still won’t tell you what he uses for his skin.

The worst part about flying from Chicago to Dallas is there are never any direct flights with a legitimate shot of you getting on. You can’t complain, considering the fact that working for an airline means you fly for free, but after a jam-packed day like today, you’d like to put your feet up and skip the layovers.

Luckily, the flight you’d managed to get on flew through Denver without a plane change, which meant you were peacefully out for the count while the second batch of passengers got on. You’d been on so many flights for work within the past few months that falling asleep was just second nature to you now. Plus the luxury of a window seat? Score.

Of course, things don’t always work out like they should, so you were jolted from your nap with a loud snort and slurp before spotting the straight up god sitting at the end of your row. Seriously, you’d taken enough flights to know that meet-cutes just didn’t happen, but here you were now.

The blond man has his reading light on, which is a definite faux pas in your mind, but you pause at the fact that he’s actually reading a physical book. Not just any book at that, but you recognize the dark purple cover and intricate detailing of one of your favorite reads of the year. He must notice you staring, because he just turns the page and smiles before asking, “See something you like?”

You blush and scrub at your cheek before realizing the man hasn’t even lifted his eyes from the page.

“Actually, I do.”

That’s enough for him to raise his head and give you a full look at his face. He has gentle eyes that you can just bet are a blue you could get lost in, given what you can see in this lighting. The man’s beard is cropped clean and short, and you wish you could send a photo of his face to Tyler with a message reading, Real men don’t leave spaces in their mustaches.

“And what might I interest you in?”

“The book you’re reading, it’s one of my favorites,” you admit. You know you’re not the type to play coy and charm the pants off this guy, so you decide to do the best with what you’ve got. If he doesn’t like that, it’s not your problem.

It must be a good open though, because his eyes light up in response.

So it begins, from talking about how good All You Can Ever Know is, and how the author makes the nuance surrounding adoption and racism so poignant and real to their audience. You find out the man’s name is Gabe, and there’s a barely noticeable lilt to his words that he attributes to being from Sweden. Gabe glares at you when you jokingly ask for help setting up the new IKEA bookshelf in your living room, and in turn you offer him the extra cookie you’d saved from your earlier flight.

He tells you his plans got derailed last minute and that he was planning on crashing a friend’s Thanksgiving, because there just isn’t enough time around this holiday to head all the way back to Sweden. After a few hours with him, you’re not sure you want to let him go just yet, so you offer to drive him to his friend’s place since you’d left your car at the airport anyways.

You cringe inside when you realize how creepy that must sound and are a second away from laughing it off when he looks you in the eye gratefully and accepts.

After telling him about your travels, which is something you have in common, Gabe probes deeper and asks about the things that make you you, and something stops you from giving him the canned answer you give everyone else who asks.

“I’ve always wanted to be a writer. Walk into a bookstore and see my name on the shelves, you know?” You sigh wistfully at the dream you’ve had since you were a kid toting around a notebook and pen everywhere you went.

“Imagine that: (Y/N)… what’s your last name?” He quirks an eyebrow at you.

“You’re not getting that out of me—you could be a stalker, for all I know!” You laugh when he rolls his eyes in response. “It’s (Y/L/N),” you finally offer. “(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” Worst comes to worst, he’ll probably just find your LinkedIn and ask to connect or something.

“Wait…(Y/N) (Y/L/N).” His eyebrows scrunch up and you can see some kind of gears turning in his head. You’ve never seen this guy before in your life (you definitely would know if you had), so you wonder how he could suddenly be so familiar with your name. There’s nothing to do but laugh again when his face literally bursts into a sunbeam in recognition, the smile overtaking his eyes. You want to take a photo of it; it’s too much to take in with the naked eye all at once.

“You wrote that article in the inflight magazine, the one about the travel tips to Chicago!” You freeze, your grip running tighter on your phone.

“How do you even know that?” You exclaim, eyeing him suspiciously. “I was asleep for like 10 minutes before you started talking to me!”

“I get bored,” the man explains easily. “And I always check the Hidden Gems features because I travel a lot for work. It didn’t hurt that you wrote about one of my favorite cities.” He winks at you and you know you’re blushing now. Guys don’t really bother to flirt with you, let alone big, beefy ones with big, rugged hands and soft blue eyes.

“Oh, well. That’s quite a compliment, considering I write all of them. Thank you,” you manage to get out. Goodness, why did you have to be so awkward all the time.

“You’re welcome,” he replies earnestly.

“Listen, if you’re not in a hurry to get to your friend’s place…have dinner with me.” Something about Gabe makes you feel bold, like you’re the Sun and it’s up to you to rise and seize the day. You know you shouldn’t trust this stranger you’ve literally just met (your mind supplies that you were the one to offer him a ride in the first place) but the alarm bells aren’t going off in your head just yet, so you figure it’s worth a shot.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I know a place.” Actually, you can’t think of any places that might be worthy of housing Gabe, but you’ll act first, and deal with the repercussions later.

“Sure, let’s do it,” he replies easily, smiling up at you from his perch atop his carry-on.

Of course, you have to keep up the bravado from just moments before, all the while racking through every restaurant you can think of nearby. You’re not sure where Gabe’s headed, and while you’ll most likely stop by Tyler’s before heading back home, you want to stay relatively close by.

“How do you feel about fast food?” You blurt out, your mind immediately jumping to the Whataburger you frequent on your way to work in the mornings.

Gabe smiles wryly at you before nodding. Patting his stomach lightly, to which you vehemently fight against imagining the abs that must live beneath his sweater, he musters out a nonchalant, “I’m sure I can break my diet tonight, just for you.”

You roll your eyes and shove at his arm; you feel like you’ve known Gabe for years as opposed to the few hours you spent with him 35,000 feet above ground. Maybe time doesn’t exist that high up in the air.

“Your parents live in Chicago. You live in Dallas,” Gabe checks off as he shoves a spicy ketchup smothered fry into his mouth. “What’s the deal with that?”

“It’s not that complicated, really. I grew up in Chicago, loved it, got an internship in Dallas during college and loved the work, and I’ve been here since I graduated. I get homesick a lot though, so the flight perks come in handy.” You bite your cheek to keep from getting emotional; any mention of missing your parents still gets you teary.

“Wow,” Gabe breathes. You’re too preoccupied with trying to discreetly blink the tears away before he notices, that you don’t have time to gauge his reaction.

It’s the truth, though. You never thought you’d leave the Midwest, with its ability to shift through all four seasons in a day. But you did, and you can’t feel bothered to apologize for the fact that you’re still not sure where you would call home. What you loved about Dallas the first time around was that it was your space. Everyone you knew in Chicago had practically known you since you’d been in diapers, and you never realized how heavy that burden had been until you left.

You’re just about to say something when Gabe clears his throat to speak.

“(Y/N), I can’t believe you moved over a thousand miles away from home right out of college and have been sticking it out this entire time. You’re really brave.”

“Oh, um. Thank you?” You wipe your nose and sniff before taking a bite of your burger. No one had ever reacted like that before. You’re used to people ribbing you for your flight benefits or joking about how there’s no way you can go back to Chiberia after a few years in the South.

“I get it, though,” Gabe continues. “I moved to Canada when I was in, what do you call it, high school? Then after a few years, I settled down in Denver for work, and that’s where I’ve been ever since.” You quirk an eyebrow, wondering if his parents had been in the service given how he’d had to move all over the world. Now, your move seems small in comparison.

“And you mentioned you were born in Sweden, right? I’ve always wanted to go,” you say wistfully. One day, you’d get your backpacking trip around Europe. One day.

Gabe nods eagerly, and thankfully doesn’t comment on your blatant change of subject. He reminds you of a big golden retriever with how often he smiles and seems to enjoy every moment he’s in. He runs a hand through his hair before diving into what it was like growing up in Stockholm, and how he feels like he’s back home anytime he can smell salty sea air. It’s not all too different from Jamie’s childhood, you realize belatedly. You think they’d get on well.

The two of you continue to trade stories back and forth in the tiny Whataburger down the street from Love Field, and you can’t ignore the want bubbling up from deep within.

When Gabe inputs the address into Google Maps and holds it up for you to see, you have to blink and bring his phone closer to your face to get a better look.

“Wait. Gabe. Whose house are you going to?” Gabe pauses, looking uneasy for the first time since you met just a few hours ago.

“I told you, he’s like my best friend’s best friend. Jamie.”

“Oh. My. God. Oh my God. Gabe. Gabe.” You burst into peals of laughter and have to hit your steering wheel multiple times over because no fucking way. This cannot be real life, right now.

“(Y/N)?” He still looks hesitant, and you’re sure you know why.

“Gabe,” you wheeze. “Gabe. Oh my god. You’re going to Jamie Benn’s house right now? How do you even know him?”

His eyes narrow for a long moment, assessing your frankly embarrassing stature, and he shifts to take his phone back. You’re aware of how you probably look, like a huge Jamie Benn stalker or something, but this turn of events is just too ridiculous to wrap your mind around, let alone, stop laughing at.

“Do you…know him, too?” He asks warily.

“Gabe,” you repeat. “He’s one of my best friends here in Dallas.”

If real life played out the way it did in cartoons, you know you’d see a series of anvils falling from the sky or something equally ridiculous to depict his surprise. Gabe looks flabbergasted, and at a complete loss for words if his sputtering is any indication.

“No fucking way, (Y/N). You sure you’re not just messing with me right now?” He’s finally able to squeeze out right when you start wheezing again. You nod and wipe at the tears streaming down your cheeks; it’s unbelievable how this guy’s got you crying twice for two astronomically different reasons, all within a span of 30 minutes. Gabe must be just as delirious or amused as you are, because he joins you quickly after.

When your giggles finally subside and you trust yourself to drive, you slot your key into the ignition and get started on the drive over to Preston Hollow. You make this exact drive nearly every day, what with the airport being so close to work, but the drive from the airport to Jamie’s house is one you know all too well, having literally gone straight from various work trips to movie nights at his place numerous times over. Just a few weeks ago, Tyler had been walking Gerry over and you’d nearly run the puppy over when he bounded into the street at the sight of your car.

“So, (Y/N),” Gabe starts when you pull out of the Whataburger parking lot. “How exactly do you know all these Stars players?” You bite back a groan; Tyler always gets a kick out of how much you hate telling this story.

“I told you I interned here during college, right?” Gabe nods, and you just barely keep yourself from slamming on the brakes when he flits his tongue to swipe across his upper lip.

“I fell in love with Dallas, and with my line of work being what it is, it’s all about who you know. So after I moved back to Chicago to finish school, I knew I had to make some connections if I wanted to find a job in another state. There weren’t many networking events here, so I kind of had to improvise. My friends took me to a lot of Stars games when I was interning, and I remembered that Casino Night was coming up…” you trail off as you slowly come to a stop at the next red light.

“So I’m guessing you went and seduced some big, sexy hockey players, huh?” Gabe moves closer to dig his elbow into your arm.

“That’s exactly what happened, how did you know,” you deadpan.

“No, for goodness sake’s, Gabe, I didn’t seduce them. I’ve never followed hockey that closely, so I didn’t recognize their faces. Jamie talked to me for almost 20 minutes about working in the Metroplex before a random PR girl came to take him away.” You laugh at the memory of a bumbling Jamie Benn trying to talk to you about taxes and insurance benefits before Tyler had swooped in and hip checked him before winking at you.

With the help of alcohol and some distance from the cameras, Jamie was all soft excitement and fun innuendos while Tyler had just melted into a literal puppy after the event ended. Jamie had asked for your number after you shared some drinks with him and Tyler that night, and you’d always wondered what would’ve happened if you hadn’t had to fly back home the next morning.

Regardless, you kept in touch with the boys until you got a full-time offer with the company you’d interned for the previous summer. When finally making the move to the Big D, you suddenly had 15 fully-grown hockey players at your service when you pulled in with your giant U-Haul. No way could you have imagined any of that from your failed attempt at networking.

“So…your best friends are hockey players, then,” Gabe trails off. You’re not sure where he’s going, but you just nod.

“Yeah, I go to their games and I can finally tell them apart on the ice, but I’m more of a baseball girl myself.” It’s true, you’d grown up in Cubs territory and their World Series win ranked in your list of favorite moments from your entire life.

“Do you know any other hockey players?”

“Mmm, I don’t think so. I guess I know who Sidney Crosby is? But that’s only because Tyler’s obsessed with him.” Gabe laughs brightly and you hear an of course he is under his breath.

“Wait…do you know Tyler, too?”

“Um, yeah (Y/N). I kind of have to, considering I play hockey, too.” This time you really slam on the brakes, which is just fine because no one’s on the road, anyways. You’ve only got another mile or so until you make it to Jamie’s place, and you’d like some time to wrap your head around the fact that this dream of man regularly plays against your best friends.

“You’re a hockey player from Sweden…who plays in Colorado,” you utter our slowly. “You’re somehow friends with Tyson, who’s friends with Jamie, which probably means that Tyson’s a hockey player too, right?” Everything is wild and nothing makes sense.

Gabe at least has the courtesy of looking sheepish. He scratches at his neck and shrugs.

“Yeah, Tyson’s one of my best friends in Denver. You can’t tell him that, though, or else he’ll get a big head.”

“Okay, just give me a second to wrap my head around this. Also, get out your phone because we need to record their reactions when we walk in together. Good thing I have a key,” you whisper conspiratorially.

“I think I kind of like bossy (Y/N).”

You know Jamie’s already expecting you, especially since Tyler had texted he was still hanging out with the guys. Gabe’s already got the video rolling on his phone when you slide the key into the lock. You call out a hello as you slip off your shoes and gesture for Gabe to follow when you hear an “in the kitchen!”

Marshall and Cash come bounding up to you while Gerry takes a moment to survey the new guest. Gabe gives him a generous amount of pats, which has Gabe on his knees scratching the puppy’s belly in no time.

“And that’s why we gave a key to (Y/N) in the first place—she somehow always brings us free Whataburger.” You roll your eyes at Jamie’s bravado, he’s clearly raised his voice so you could hear him.

“Holy shit! Landesnerd!”

You turn and mouth Landesnerd? to Gabe in question, to which he shrugs and probably just zooms in on your face with the camera.

Tyson runs over to see Gabe, bypassing you completely. Jamie’s slower to stroll out and he raises an eyebrow at you before pulling you in for a squeeze. He smells like cedar and soap like always, and it’s so familiar to you now that it almost hurts. Tyler comes steamrolling out of the kitchen yelling your name and throws himself into your arms when Jamie finally lets go. This one’s all Aveda shampoo and Armani cologne, and you playfully bite at his shoulder, which has him yelping and jumping away as always. It’s only been a few days, but you’ve missed your boys something fierce.

Plus, it’s only a matter of time before they realize who you walked in with.

“Hold up, hold up, hold up.” Tyson finally pauses, literally scratching his head at the sight of you. “Do you guys know each other? Gabriel, how did you even get into this house?”

Gabe’s still getting everything on video, and you’re so glad it’s all getting caught on tape. Tyler tilts his head side-to-side, glancing between you and Gabe before finally turning and elbowing Jamie in the ribs. He makes a few contemplative noises before finally whispering to Jamie, who’s eyes shine with mirth when he lands his gaze on you, of all people.

“Hey, Landy, what’s up man? How do you know our girl (Y/N), here?” Tyler continues smoothly, pulling Gabe in for one of those complicated handshake turned bro taps. Jamie does the same, but you can tell from the way Gabe shoves at his chest that Jamie’s chosen to chirp him. Of course.

Tyler just waggles his eyebrows at you suggestively when Gabe finally responds, ruffling Tyson’s hair at the same time.

“It’s just gotta be fate, right? We were on the same flight over, we had Whataburger together, and here we are now.”

“You watch yourself, Landeskog, throwing around words like fate and together. Our (Y/N)’s too good for Colorado scum like you!” You lunge to tackle Tyler to the ground, which just begins an all-out brawl once Marshall and Cash get word of the fun.

Jamie just sighs all too knowingly, and stops in the kitchen to grab the bags of chips he only saves for special occasions. Something tells you it might be a Goon night after all.

When Jamie officially deems it too late for you to go home, he sends you to the guest room on the second floor to spend the night, just as you have numerous times before. You’re thankful he’s pulling the trigger and has a shit ton of extra rooms for everyone to stay in, one of which already has a new toothbrush and one of Jamie’s spare hoodies.

When you wake up the next morning, it’s to the smell of hazelnut which has you out of bed and downstairs almost immediately. Tyson doesn’t even look half awake yet, but Jamie slides over a mug of black coffee to you wordlessly. The shower’s going down the hall, which tells you exactly where Gabe is.

“Can we do breakfast,” you whine at Jamie. He’s become the big brother you’d never had, and you know he dotes on you as a result of being a lifelong youngest child. Jamie just grunts in response as Tyson flops his hands over his ears with a long, pronounced groan.

“Let’s do Norma’s, I want biscuits,” you continue. Jamie nods and pulls out his phone, presumably to check in with Tyler.

“It’s good, I promise,” you reassure Tyson. You pat his head of curls gently and get another sad moan in return. Poor guy, sleeping in must definitely be a BC thing.

You and Gabe are the first ones to arrive at Norma’s an hour later, Tyson texting that he and Jamie would pick Tyler up on their way over. You knew if you were to confront either of your friends about what they were trying to do, the big dumb cow eyes would come out to play, and you really didn’t have time for that right now. You just want to enjoy the time you have with Gabe before he leaves, and be able to keep moving forward without even more unrequited feelings weighing you down. Fuck, you don’t even know if it’s been long enough to characterize these feelings as feelings.

As Gabe steps into the bustling diner, you can see the exact moment everything begins to process in that big, blond brain of his. He opens his mouth, then shuts, just smiling down to himself. He stands off to the side while you give your name to the hostess, and make your way over to join him against the wall.

It smells like heaven, if the celestial beings cried tears of grease, and the diner itself is packed with people of all ages. There’s a booth just next to the bar that’s opened up, and you can’t suppress the giggle that erupts when you imagine yourself and four massive hockey players squeezed into it. Gabe calls your name quietly, and you look up to see mirth dancing in his blue, blue eyes.

Completely unaware of the image burned in your brain, he asks, “What’s with all the Texas flags everywhere?”

You have to chuckle at that. Norma’s is known for straight-up Southern comfort food, and their infamous booths decked out in full Texan attire. It was the first thing you’d noticed your first visit, after the giant pies up front that were easily the size of your entire torso. You still remember trying to take sneaky photos to send to your parents all those years ago. Now, they all knew you by name.

“G, it’s Texas,” you reply simply. There really is no other way to put it. “Sweet tea, Whataburger, and good ol’ American football—that’s the Texas way,” you drawl exaggeratedly.

It’s only a couple minutes before the rest of the boys make it to brunch, and if y’all didn’t stick out before, you definitely do now. Tyson’s the closest to you in height, but there’s no denying he’s just as capable as the others in easily benching your weight.

While the people in Texas can be a little softer in the middle, they’re that much kinder in spirit. The city boy in Tyler has slowly been weathered away over the years, and you can’t even pinpoint the Canadian in Jamie anymore. Which is why Gabe with his perfect face and eyes and hair and everything sticks out like a sore thumb in this establishment. It’s like trying to stuff the Sun into a one story home, and telling yourself you still need a lamp.

Tyler kicks at your foot lightly, and it snaps you out of your reverie. The hostess is already leading Jamie, Tyson, and Gabe to a larger booth in the back, so you and Tyler pull up the rear. He offers you his arm, just like always, and he leads you to your seat with a flourish. Jamie’s already saved a spot for Tyler right next to him, patting the cushion with his paw-like hand, which leaves you with the seat next to…Gabe. Of course.

Jamie’s smirking at you when you look up, so you pointedly gesture to the arm he has stretched out behind Tyler to get him to stop. His smirk turns into a shy grin then, and he just shrugs good-naturedly before turning back to his menu. You already know what you’re getting—a Number 7 with extra gravy, as always—so you turn your attention back to Gabe, who’s bouncing between studying the laminated menu and looking around the diner to see what everyone else is eating.

“The biscuits here are the best things I’ve ever tasted,” you offer. Gabe’s brow is still furrowed, eyes flicking back and forth between the menu choices.

“Okay, but can it beat Denver Biscuit Company?” Tyson all but yells from Gabe’s other side. Some other customers nearby turn their heads in interest, and the curly-haired guy is straight up lucky there’s no one with a fishing vest on in your vicinity right now. Don’t mess with Texas is right.

“Oh my god, Four, we can’t take you anywhere,” Gabe hisses, reaching under the table to pinch at Tyson’s thigh.

“Gabe! What the fuck! It’s a free country, Landesnerd!” Tyler’s straight up giggling now as he leans even further into Jamie’s side, and you’re always a sucker for his giggles.

“This has to be a Colorado thing, why are you guys like this?”

“Oh yeah, Benny? Wanna tell Tyler and (Y/N) about the shit we got up to in Kelowna? Don’t kid yourself, bud, you’re not that great.” Tyler’s eyebrows shoot to his hairline and he mouths over a what to you before turning back to Jamie, who’s huge eyes are looking extra cow-like with a side of feigned innocence.

This time, it’s Gabe’s turn to laugh and turn the conversation to shenanigans he and Klinger got into when playing at Worlds together. You don’t know for what, but you feel like you’ve been rewarded with something when he turns to give you a private smile after ordering an extra side of biscuits.

“For us to share away from the hooligans,” he whispers.

Jamie and Tyler had a quick practice over in Frisco after breakfast, so you’d brought Gabe and Tyson back to your place to hang out before meeting the guys again later. Tyson had holed up in your den to call his girlfriend Emma, and last you had checked he had fallen asleep on your futon. You hadn’t expected anything less. Now, you and Gabe are left watching Love Actually in your living room while sipping on some leftover apple cider you’d reheated on the stove.

“Hey Gabe?” It comes out as barely a whisper, but his eyes flick to yours as he murmurs in response. He taps your ankle with his toes, stupid fuzzy socks nudging against your bare skin. You wish you had the liberty of reaching over and tucking your hand into his, pulling him to wrap his strong, wiry arms around your frame. He looks like a scene on your couch, with your favorite throw strewn across his frame.

“Yeah, (Y/N)?”

“What happens now?” You’re scared to even utter the words, afraid he’ll just brush it all off. Luckily, he seems to have given this a lot more thought than you have.

“Well, I know I really like you, and I think you like me,” he replies easily. “We can be really good together, and I want to give it a shot—give us a shot.”

This is crazy. You’d met him only 24 hours ago, and here he was talking about a long distance relationship. Friends of yours had done this in the past, but you never imagined a whirlwind meet-cute like this for yourself. It was ridiculous to even wrap your head around—this legitimately only happened in rom-coms.

“You sound crazy right now, Gabe.”

“Here’s the thing, though. I’m all in. I don’t mean to sound cocky or presumptuous here, but I have the means to fly us both back and forth even if you didn’t get free flights. I don’t know how we got here over the past day, but I do know that I trust you and I’m willing to try. Are you?”

“Pinch me.”

“What?” Gabe barks out a surprised laugh.

“Pinch me, Gabriel. Prove to me that I’m not dreaming.” And because it’s Gabe, he does.

“Ow! Okay, I get it, I’m not dreaming. You didn’t have to pinch me so hard with your dumb big hockey player fingers!”

“(Y/N), come on. Seriously?”

“I have thin skin! Also…if you’re that committed to this, I can be too. I really like you, too. Also, mess with my heart, young Gabriel, and I’ll send the dogs after you.” You point a finger at his amused face and realize that yeah, maybe it’d be nice to allow good things to happen to you.

“Don’t worry, I can take Tyler in a fight. Jamie…maybe not. But you can’t tell him that.” You don’t get the chance to respond as he pulls you in for the first kiss of the rest of your life.

One Year Later – Chicago, IL

“I love Chicago—ever since a buddy of mine forced me to explore with him a few years ago, I fell in love with the architecture.” You expect the tips of his ears to go pink sheepishly or something equally indicative of embarrassment, but he sounds bold, confident. It’s always a turn-on when guys are unapologetic about their passions, but you never would’ve expected his to be architecture—even then, that of your hometown.

It makes you love him that much more.

“It’s the clean lines of all the modern buildings,” he continues, “and the way it contrasts with everything around it. Look at the Wrigley building or the Tribune building and compare it to the Sears Tower.” He sighs contentedly as he peers out the window of the train car, skyline still just about the size of your thumb from this distance.

“You really know your stuff, eh, Blondie?” Gabe’s head whips around at that, and you bite your lip to keep from snorting right then and there.

“Blondie, huh?”

“It figures, though,” you continue. “Big head must mean a big brain for all that random shit you know.” If anything, spending time with Gabe and the boys in Denver has only provided you with more material to help keep the big Swede in check. It must show, since all you hear is a muffled, “Fuckin’ Four” in response.

It feels good to hop off the Orange Line and feel the cold air on your face. Having spent the last few winters in Dallas, it’s disorienting to feel the pins and needles pricking your face again. Gabe slots his fingers through yours and smiles toothlessly as he presses a chaste kiss to the back of your gloved hand. This city might not be home for you anymore, but this smart, kind, hilarious, ridiculous human being next to you has proven himself more than worthy of that title.

“Oh come on, you sap. You said we had dinner reservations!” Gabe had, indeed, told you in explicit detail what he looked forward to doing to you that night, and it encompassed a lot more than just dinner plans. You’re glad it’s so chilly outside, because you can blame your cheeks flaming pink on the weather.

The two of you walk for a bit in comfortable silence, and the familiar streets make way for a slew of old memories. You remember running from campus to the old train station with your college roommate so you could catch the last train to Schaumburg, sitting in front of the Bean with a box of macarons crying over your ex-boyfriend, and even the time you’d somehow ventured into the shady part of town late at night and had called your dad in a panic.

They’re all fond memories, of course, crucial parts of the saga you call your life. But when Gabe tightens his grip and smiles down at you with so much warmth in his eyes, you can’t imagine ever looking back at this city without thinking of him and all that he adds to every moment of your life. You have all the tools and willpower to make your life yours—just like he pointed out that first night, you moved to Dallas on your own and made an entirely new life for yourself. But he adds so much color and meaning you’d never even considered before, that he makes everything more. If you were functioning on a solid 7, he’s the one that dials everything up to a 12.

And you’re struck with this huge revelation as you’re walking down Wacker in the freezing cold that you want this, want him, forever. It doesn’t make any sense, but your heart starts pounding in your ears, and you never really were very good at keeping a poker face, because all you want to do is tell him all of it now now now.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, babe.” Gabe chuckles and runs a thumb across your cheek. “But I have a feeling that’s not all you want to say.”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

His eyes widen almost comically, and if you weren’t so nervous about what you’d just said, you might be making fun of him for it.

“Seriously, (Y/N)? You couldn’t wait just three more hours?” His voice is suspiciously watery, and he sounds like you’d just sucker punched him in the solar plexus.

“Wait. What?”

Gabe shakes his head fondly. “Look up,” he whispers.

Too caught in your thoughts earlier, you hadn’t realized where he’d brought you. The sun’s just setting and the sky’s an inky violet lit up by the various buildings comprising your favorite skyline. You look up and gasp at what beholds you because, goddamn.

The first time Gabe had come to Chicago with you, he’d brought you to this exact building on his impromptu architecture tour of the city. Gabe had told you how it was urban legend that the architect of this building had scrapped all his original designs after the death of his fiancée, and designed the building to take after her engagement ring when looked at from the sky.

“No. No fucking way. Gabe.”

There’s no response, so you turn to grab his arm but he’s no longer where you left him. Panic comes over you for a brief second, but it all melts away when you turn to find him kneeling on the ground next to you. He has a huge smile painted on his face, and it almost distracts you from the little jewelry box engulfed by his huge hands.

“(Y/N), I should’ve known that you’d ruin the surprise somehow, but I guess it’s okay because it just brings you one step closer to being my wife. When we came here the first time and I told you that story of the architect, that was me promising you that one day you’d be back with an engagement ring of your own.

“You complete me in a way I never could’ve imagined—you’re it for me, you complement me in every way. You inspire me every day because I see how hard you work for every single thing, and I’m so damn lucky to have found someone that brings that kind of resilience into our relationship. I love you to the end of this earth, and there’s no one else I would rather choose to build my life with.

“Man, it’s really fucking cold down here, (Y/N). Marry me?” The tears have been spilling down your cheeks for quite some time now, so it should come as no surprise to Gabe when you nod and throw yourself into his arms.

“Of course, Gabe, of course. I love you so much.” Gabe presses a loud, wet kiss to your temple in response and laughs heartily when you groan.

“Thank you for choosing me,” he whispers before untangling your limbs and taking your left hand in his. Pulling off your glove and holding it between his teeth, as he does, he slips the ring onto your finger, and you know you’re crying again at just how perfect everything feels. So you pull your new fiancé close and press your lips against his, while Gabe sweeps his tongue in little kitten licks against your lower lip in an effort to deepen the kiss. It only serves to make you laugh though, pure joy coursing through your veins.

“I can’t wait to be your wife,” you say when you finally pull back.

“Don’t you mean, you can’t wait to be Mrs. Babriel Landeskog?” You shove at his shoulder as he smiles unapologetically, taking the opportunity to nuzzle his face into your neck.

Your ring finger suddenly weighs more than it ever has, your favorite human has his arms wrapped tightly around you, and you can hear faint remnants of the carolers singing just a few blocks away at the Christkindlmarket. But what really gets you is the promise of the future as you feel Gabe smile against your skin. A crucial part of what makes a home is having him by your side, and luckily, that’s where he’ll be for the rest of your lives.

#gabriel landeskog imagine #gabe landeskog imagine #colorado avalanche imagine #hockeynetwork #hockey imagine #first time posting in hockey tumblr #enjoy!!#happy new year!#babrielandeskog

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tassium · 5 years ago

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#TAYLOR SWIFT APPRECIATION LIFE

PART 3 - Speak Now

(part 1, part 2)

Hello and again, welcome to the Taylor Swift Appreciation Life. We hope your brief detention in the relaxation vault-- wait, wrong fandom.

This is probably getting posted in the middle of the night, which doesn’t bode well for anyone actually seeing it, but oh well. It’s time to hop in and see a little more from the amazing @taylorswift by taking the ride through her third album, Speak Now.

1. Mine

I really like this track, but I don’t have a whole lot to say about it. The storytelling in the lyrics is probably my favorite thing about it, and the way the instrumentation propels the song along. And.... I’ve heard varying opinions on the way it turns around and she’s “quoting” the love interest of the story. Personally, I like it. I like thinking of it as if he said that and it’s what inspired her to use the line as such a key part of the song.

And I’ve gotta be honest here, the POP mix bonus track version doesn’t really hit me that hard. I can’t pick out enough of a difference between the two that I really care all that much about that version.

2. Sparks Fly

This is one of my favorite tracks on this album. I like the understated instrumentation behind the verses and the way it just drops into the chorus in a way that feels like going over the first rise on a roller coaster - the way there’s nothing behind her voice for “Drop everything now” feels like that moment where you know it’s coming and you kind of pull in a breath and then you’re irrevocably In The Moment.

She does a lot of really cool vocal things - in the second verse I love the way she does that warble on “really wish you wo-ould”. Another favorite is the vocalization in the background of the last chorus. Instrumentally speaking, the solo before the bridge is one of my favorites because of how it’s just a little different from the main motif of the song, and I adore the strident guitar and drums behind the bridge itself.

This song also has the first of several mentions throughout her songs of green eyes! Same, Taylor, same.

3. Back to December

I’m just gonna jump ahead and talk about the acoustic version of this song that’s on the target deluxe version, because if given the choice, I’d pick that one to listen to any day. The strings are my favorite part of the original version, and so the fact that the acoustic version lets them shine just that much more is excellent in my opinion. I also like the way that the harmonies stand out a little bit more - usually I prefer the ones where it’s Taylor overdubbing her own harmonies, but in this one I really like how it sounds with that male voice in the background - it actually makes me think that this song has a lot of potential for being made into a duet song with that delicious aching kind of mutual regret feeling.

4. Speak Now

I don’t know about anyone else, but I really like this song. There’s a lot of really smart choices made, both vocally and in the instrumentals (like the way the drums don’t drop in until the second half of the first verse) and overall I think it’s a solid track.

Over the course of relistening to this early work of Taylor’s for these reviews, though, I’ve also had a thought - Speak Now is the culmination of an escalating pattern of Standing Up And Stealing Other Girls’ Guys that’s been going on through both of the other albums. You have Teardrops on my Guitar, where she just pines herself into oblivion over the boy - then you have You Belong With Me, where she actually does something about it, and now we have this, where she literally breaks up an engagement IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WEDDING in order to get her chance at the boy she’s been daydreaming about.

5. Dear John

Easily my favorite track on this album. This is an optimal example of Taylor’s ability to take a song and build it up until it just explodes, even beyond the chorus. The way the song just soars in the bridge, complete with the way her voice just goes a little ragged on "burned them out”.... man. I love it. I love it so much. Another of my favorite moments is when the harmonies slide in with “run as fast as you can” as if that’s the ‘they’ who said that to her.

I think Taylor’s voice really shines in this track in a way that was really foreshadowing of her current vocal talents.

I’ll also never be over the fact that John Mayer claimed this song for being about him. He could have just been like ‘oh yeah I dunno, a dear john letter is a breakup letter right’ but no. He brought it down on himself. “You should’ve known.”

6. Mean

Mean is a jam, and I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise. I’ll bop to this song anytime. I love the bending fiddle between the chorus and the second verse, probably my favorite musical choice in the song overall. The mandolin and the banjo are way up there as well, just in general. There’s something so delightfully vindictive about this track, such a clap back at the haters - and I get Taylor singing her own harmonies, which you already know I love to pieces. (Is it just me, or could Mean be the little sister of Calm Down?)

“Someday, I’ll be, singing this at the grammy’s…. and all you’re gonna be is mean”

7. The Story of Us

THE STORY OF US IS A BANGER, END OF DISCUSSION

…..

ok not really, because I have more feelings to express first.

Taylor’s vocals soar at the end of this track, and I honestly cannot get over the sheer improvement from Fearless to Speak Now when it comes to that. Those belted notes give me life. I love the ‘next chapter’ and ‘the end’ spoken lines, they’re the best for when I’m singing along and dancing around my kitchen. This song is nearer and dearer to my heart than I even realized coming into this review, and I will go to bat for it anytime anyplace any day.

8. Never Grow Up

It sure is a song, alright. It’s a pretty arrangement, and I like the harmonies, but I... don’t have much for strong feelings about this one.

9. Enchanted

Mmmmm, this one’s so pretty. The opening, I love whatever that is in the background, maybe it’s a keyboard? It’s beautiful and ethereal, at any rate, and I love it. The track builds so beautifully to an absolute monster of a chorus - the lead guitar up into that drum hit is a classic and I love it to pieces.

And don’t even get me started on the ending “please don’t be....” etc bit and the use of stereo - listening to this track in headphones is a treat and I love the high in one side and low in the other, accompanied by that soft vocalizing centralized that leads into the belting before we hit another chorus.

It wasn’t until I was listening to this song to write this post up that I noticed that if you really focus you can hear her singing that repetition behind the second half of the last chorus, but I think it’s only on the left. It’s a really nice touch.

10. Better Than Revenge

I’m just gonna go ahead and quote you a conversation my friend @defiantlywhole had about this track to explain my feelings:

Me: listen. listen. i fully agree with "Better than revenge? we don't know her" but. it's such a banger. i hate it. i love it. why

Her: SAME! Dude esp with the whole sb-squared issue. If we could just. Recognize that better than revenge is problematic and love her anyway?? Can you imagine the kind of cool shit the fandom coulda churned out last month? I just want graphics that yell THERE IS NOTHING I DO BETTER THAN REVENGE at them for trying to force Taylor to stay and then punishing her for leaving

So if you wanna know my opinions, there you go. there they are.

Also i’m never going to be able to unhear “she’s full of springs and she’s not what you think, she’s a mattress” from @stateofswiftpod (have you gotten the message to listen to their podcast yet? this is the last of her main albums they’ve talked about so. now’s the time.)

11. Innocent

This isn’t a track I seek out to listen to, like, ever... but it’s a pretty piece of music, and her voice is lovely. Honestly, there’s something about it that just makes me sad, which is probably why I don’t seek it out. Listening to it to write this, thought, I am noticing a lot of things about it that I’d forgotten or maybe not even noticed in the first place - like the haunting background vocalizations that I’d missed previously, and the choices in the instrumentals. There something about this song that just feels heavy, if that makes sense. It just sits right on my chest, and I’m not sure if I like it.

12. Haunted

Speaking of liking acoustic versions of songs better, this is definitely one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I love the original version, but...The piano just hits so much harder for some reason than anything about the original manages, and her vocal delivery is so aching and beautiful and just. Shivers, every time.

The backing vocals come across as very dark, almost, fittingly so to go with a song with the topic and title this one has. Her soaring vocalization in the bridge, and the way her voice breaks when she drops into the low note... man, I can’t even. I don’t have words for what this acoustic track does to me. The note after the last chorus is what gets me the most thought, the almost mourning wavering she sneaks into it and just... I love this song, okay.

13. Last Kiss

This track is so beautiful, but speaking of songs that make me sad. Good heavens. I hadn’t listened to this one in a while prior to this listen through the album and it hit me so hard. Legitimate tears.

I can’t even put it into words - this song is a masterpiece of emotion.

14. Long Live

This song also makes me cry, but for entirely different reasons. Somehow it has even more of an impact now, after seeing everything that’s happened for her and after having been privileged enough to see her live with one of my best friends. This song takes that weight still hanging on my chest from the last few tracks and pushes it aside, replaces it with a bursting pride for this woman who I’ve never met and probably never will. She’s done so well.

To be more specific - there’s some incredible guitar work on this song, and I adore the “THIS IS ABSURD” part - and “tell them how I hope they shine” will always make me cry. I love that she wrote this song, and I love that things have only kept going. That belted “fall” at the end of that post-chorus or whatever it is that then also fades and falls away. The ethereal Aaahs in the background of the bridge. The way she leans into the last “all the mountains we moved”. Gosh. It’s all too much.

Proper full bonus track time!

15. Ours

This is definitely my favorite of the bonus tracks. I’m a little sad it got relegated to a bonus track, since there’s definitely songs that I’d cut in favor of letting this one onto the list, but I’m just glad we have it in the first place.

I’m extremely fond of this song - it’s connected to playing music with my dad (who bought me my first guitar - well, him and my mom both) because we’ve teamed up to do this song, and so that gives me all kinds of happy feelings when I listen to this one.

I don’t have much for specific comments on this one, but it’s a Good.

16. If This Was a Movie

I love the guitar opening for this song, it’s on my list of songs to learn to play one of these days. The first few times I heard the song, I definitely didn’t hear “to me-e like” properly, but now that I know what it’s supposed to be, I don’t struggle too much, thankfully. Overall, I like the song - there are things about it that I’m not super fond of, but there are more things that I do like (the drop after the bridge is definitely one of them).

17. Superman

This one’s a bop. She’s a cute little number. Optimal dancing around my room (a la the you belong with me video) material. I won’t say this track is any work of genius or anything, but it’s a solid danceable pop song, and sometimes that’s all you need.

Whew! We’ve done it again. It’s 3am where I am at the time of writing this, so I’m going to go to bed now, but tomorrow we’ll start our transition into New Taylor. I don’t know about you, but I’m excited.

Next up: Red

#taylor swift #speak now #album review #Taylor Swift Appreciation Life #Our Lady and Savior Taylor Swift

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theroadfromustome · 6 years ago

Text

Mile 71

So never got on that followup post. That was Sunday night. It’s now Thursday morning and I do need to get my ass to the office, but I think it would benefit me to process some things first. For context, it’s production week, and I’m so weary. I feel like I could sleep for three days. I may also be moderately depressed? If that’s possible? Bc I feel low on motivation. I dunno maybe I’m just moping. Things are so...active...lately.... I dunno. Like I’m not even sure where I am anymore. I keep trying to go with the flow, but the flow is...so new and I sometimes feel like I don’t know how to keep up with it. It’s not bad necessarily. Just... I guess I’m still trying to sort out where I stands between the social, dating (I had another first date last night. what the hell?) woman and the homebody watching movies and hanging on her husband’s words. Ugh and I definitely don’t want to go back to her. But also I haven’t written much since I moved in; there’s S who has been sidelined more lately, there’s my professional development that has been shelved, I haven’t been spending as much time with my mom of late...these things are all not like me. But maybe they are? How to move forward and not lose the good parts of the old? The thing about dating is that I’m trying to represent who I am, and I’m not even sure who that is fully at the moment. It’s a bit confounding.

So first, there’s J. I saw him again on Saturday. It was rather different because I had to be back for my friend’s wedding that evening so I had a deadline and drove up in the morning and then back in the afternoon. So there was some element of rush to it. Also, it rained, and that mostly kept us indoors in his apartment. And it’s funny. Bc I certainly had a good time, as always. He was certainly as wonderful as ever. But I can’t think about it without unease, discontent, melancholy even. I can’t help feeling that I did something--not wrong, not wrong, not WRONG she says for her own self worth---that freaked him out a bit. Which I know, is his problem. But it makes me sad if this is going to end. Just because it seems so good. If he feels at all like I do then we generate happiness when together...and of course *clock clock fssssteam heat.* And then of course the less brave part of myself, the one I am always working to master feels like I was more vulnerable this time, more open, and that glimpse of me in my truest sense is what made him retreat; and that’s rejection--my personal kryptonite. So I wish I could say I haven’t wept over him this week; but that would be a lie. I wish I could say he didn’t affect me like this; that I was stronger and grounded enough that I could put this in perspective and lower the damn stakes. That I didn’t take three days to recover after seeing him and experience an emotional roller coaster after each date. But again, that would be untrue. Something I need to examine with my therapist when next we meet (next week at last!) is why I have such a pull towards romantic relationships; why I have this sick addiction, why I run full speed at them even if it means it will be too much too fast and then leave me with whiplash and overtax the engine or whatever. Much ado superquick about ultimately nothing because I couldn’t chill out and pace myself.

I keep telling myself this. But also this song keeps playing through my head:

“His eyes light up and how can I complain? I did not know the rules do not apply...”

The more I get to know him, the more I am endeared to all his little idiosyncrasies, as his strengths and weaknesses. I can gush here bc noone is listening, noone else wants to hear this. But yes, his smile makes little warm sensations bloom in my stomach. I like his chuckle and the timbre of his voice. I like the line of his jaw and his temple--I always want to touch it, run my fingers over the line of it. I love his overlarge polish nose, esp, when it is pressed to mine as she kisses me, as I gasp against his mouth. And then of course there is his mouth...such clever lips that turn me to complete jelly; but also I can’t explain, it’s not just when he’s kissing me...I love the way they shape around a jest or an explanation, his smile... He will yammer on and on about a point until its complete conclusion; he’s scientifically logical to a fault--he must accurately qualify things--and I find it delightful. He worries that he is an old man; talks wistfully about the days before his autoimmune started to limit his actions and energy and I just want to wrap him in my arms and kiss him all over and assure him that he isn’t old; that he can fall apart and I won’t judge him; that he can rest in me and I will be there as loyally as ever. I wish to help him find his way back to that self he misses, all the while adoring the current version of J.

He has a terrible patch of hangnails on his right thumb, and I find it endearing. Why is that? He gets droopy after he eats, and I find it endearing. What am I doing? When we are in the process of sex, he will catch my fingers in his and run his thumb along my wrist...and it reaches into my heart and tugs on it. But I know he doesn’t mean any of it the way my poor embattered soul takes it. I know he doesn’t feel the same way, that he’s not thinking about me right now, that he hasn’t memorized my expressions; isn’t obsessing about my fingers or whatever. The sex is great, because it feels like he lets down his guard some and that he wants me in some way. But once it’s over he pulls back again...it’s almost transactional. He’ll never admit to enjoying my company without me saying something first, he never compliments me, and if it weren’t for physical tells I wouldn’t know that he desired me either. I mean, in his manner he is amenable...but he won’t touch me, or kiss me, unless it’s related to sex. I cannot tell how much he actually enjoys my body as much as enjoys playing it like an instrument. It’s not like with other men who have told me how muh they want me...I tried this time to give him that; to be open about how much I desire him, how much I want him. If I tell him I like him or am fond of him one more time he may vomit.

At one point were making out, etc. And I thought “God I adore his smile. He’s so handsome,” and he saw this on my face and asked. And I didn’t want to be weird so I was trying to tell him and not be weird and I don’t want to scare him away, and he said “It sounds like you’re trying to tell me you’ve fallen in love with me but you don’t want to scare me away.” And I responded “Oh no! I’m not there...that’s...” (Very articulate. This is true though. Love is something I cannot swear to this early, and it’s a big ass deal after last time.) And part of me wonders...what would he say if I said yes? Was he trying to tell me something? “But all he said was” (Ragtime? anyone?): “We wouldn’t be here (having sex) if I wasn’t interested in you.” Right. Interested. That’s what a girl wants to hear. Conclusion: he is not where I am. He’s not over sentimental. He’s being careful and grounded, and also. I’m not the amazing person he is. So of course he’s not in my thrall as I am in his. I’ve known from the beginning that once he got to really know me, he'd realize I wasn’t for him. “Don’t you know that time is not my friend, I’ll fight it to the end, hoping to keep this best of moments when the passions start. Heaven help my heart the day that I find suddenly I’ve run out of secrets...” Another moment: He was...engaging in an activity that was very nice for me (don’t want to be cliche, but he touches me in a way I’ve never experienced before and...bloody hell...) and he was coaxing me with endearments and I know that was just sex talk, but some part of me wanted it to be real. I keep hearing the word “love” fall from his lips, and I think “wouldn’t it be wonderful to be cherished by such a man? I don’t know what I can give him in return, but it would be so beautiful to be loved by him.”

In some ways I just wish he could be candid. “Listen A, I’m not into you like you are into me, and your pushy oversentimentality is kinda freaking me out. I may want to bang you, but I don’t want to start calling you sweetheart. Ok?” It’s probably a good thing I can’t see him again for a month. (In the meantime I’m going to see S, so that’s a whole other bundle of what the fuck am I doing? “Look at your life, look at your choices.”) Anyway, this time I’m going to try (we shall see if I succeed) to sit on my hands and not contact him, not present him with dates; to let him ask me. And maybe he’ll decide he doesn’t miss my company and that will be that. Except that I will be left with his birthday present.

So that was Saturday, and that night I was at my friend’s wedding and I flirted shamelessly with one of her friends and then he got in touch with my friend and got my info and asked me to dinner which was last night. I said yes partially on principle--I need to remind myself that J is not the only man on the planet. This fellow, P, is nice, but there’s not the same crackle there that I feel with J. He may also be a bit more cowed by my recent history and child. But I may see P again. I would never have thought this would be me. I’ve never spent so much time flirting with different men in my life. Also, my libido is way up. That’s new. I blame J.

Parting song for today:

#gotta get to work #lord let my sanity return #i'm in so much trouble

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