#but there were larger plot-holes afoot

[thirst2]

Jude: They're cis? Jude, joking: Baby, what do I always say? We have to stick to our own kind. Me: But I'm cis…? Jude: Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh Jude: …I forgor

[ailelie]

I am derailing this entirely because I love the commentary above and don't want to start a new post and just link this post etc etc etc.

Previous option died and so we have to use the apprentice is such a fun idea.

So to utterly just spitball an idea b/c I don't want to focus on spreadsheets for the moment--

Let's use generic Western European fantasy setting so that I don't fall down the worldbuilding rabbit hole at the moment (if ever really written, this would be revisited, but for now I just need something to write on).

And let's go full-on LotR/D&D/etc-inspired fantasy with multiple kinds of people, evil overlords, magic, the whole nine yards. Going to do something campaign-y here.

Note: Now that I've written the below I'm not terribly fond of it. Alira and Heath are bit too pushed along the path. I want more of them making choices. Also, I think Alira should get caught up in the political unrest at the ground level, while Heath gets caught up in it at a higher level due to the man he's turned into his temporary mentor. But this is all just initial brainstorming with zero prep/etc so.

So here's what happens:

Alira is 15 years old, just fourth months (and six minutes) shy of 16. (Those 6 minutes are ones Heath, her twin brother, never lets her forget). Alira lives with her aunt and brother in a small village just a few days travel from the nearest town and on the edge of a forest. Alira's father was conscripted into the war. Her mother abandoned her and her brother when her father left.

Her aunt isn't really their aunt. She is the village wisewoman--a healer, midwife, and whatever else the people need. Alira is her apprentice and learning to heal. Heath is studying for the magical exams as he wishes to become a wizard.

And then the forces of an evil person attack the village. Many die. But heroes come, too! And they fight the forces, protecting even more. (They were on their way to the town so that they could transport easily to a larger city where Things Are Afoot). The battle is unending and people are getting tired. Alira's aunt was injured earlier on, losing consciousness so it has been Alira alone trying to heal and help people.

Then her aunt comes to. She is in pain. One leg is completely destroyed. She demands Alira and Heath help her to see the battle. She then does a greater magic than Alira knew she could. And the evil forces are forcibly teleported elsewhere or turned into frogs or something.

The leader of the heroes then recognizes the aunt as the long lost Veranya. He demands she go with him and the heroes to deal with the Things Afoot. But she refuses. She is weak. She will likely need to amputate her leg. She has people to help here. This is her atonement.

But she pulls a chain from her neck. On the chain is a small coin and a key. She removes the key and gives it to Heath. Then she gives the chain and coin to Alira. "My apprentices will help you. I charge you with their safety."

The leader refuses, but Veranya is resolute. And, eventually, he folds. And so Alira and Heath travel with him and the rest of the heroes to the town and then take the great transportation circle to the city.

And in the city, they are mostly forgotten. They're not released on their own since people know Veranya had a Secret and apparently now the twins are the only way to access said secret, but they aren't included either.

Alira starts working in a city clinic, I think, to continue her apprenticeship. Once she realizes how many people cannot afford the clinic, she steals supplies and starts making her own medicines using what herbs she can forage or buy. She distributes medicines among people and eventually meets a group of former soldiers/deserters who are now plotting rebellion.

Heath loses himself inside the library, continuing to study while also being very angry at Veranya for never teaching him magic even though she was one of the best and knew how badly he wanted to learn. (He has no idea just how much she actually taught him. Stuff he thinks are basics aren't really).

While in the stacks, he meets an assistant librarian who was once a fifth year in the magical academy, but ousted for his unorthodox ideas. The assistant librarian makes a mistake of correcting Heath's notes one day. Heath, pulling the story out of him, quickly makes the assistant librarian his new, temporary mentor. New mentor is not pleased, but then gets caught up in how Heath charts a spell because it isn't standard.

And then, of course, there is a Quest to get Veranya's Secret. And so the twins must go. One of the former soldiers (a man who has realized that Alira and Heath are his children, though he's not told them that yet) volunteers to join the Quest (he will keep his children safe) and Heath volunteers the assistant librarian because he refuses to fall behind in his preparations for the exams (he refuses to believe he's already prepared enough).

(Heath is the sort to consider and cover every angle. He's good with people, too. He's talented at getting people to talk--mostly because he loves to learn. Alira is more impulsive. She's also better at unraveling puzzles. That's how she was able to recreate so many medicines despite not having the right herbs).

But! The Quest is quickly derailed when they realize the Secret has been stolen by Evil and so now they must sneak into Evil Territory and steal it back before Evil finds someway to crack the secret without Veranya's key.

(The key Heath holds isn't for the Secret. It is for Veranya's study room at the Academy. The study room is more like a tower and chock full of interesting magic. The coin Alira holds is the real Secret. The one evil took is a decoy. It is a divinatory device. Flip it to make decisions. Place it in liquid to find poisons. Just by wearing it, Alira can sense who is and is not telling the truth. It reveals what is hidden. And, wielded in the presence of Evil, it will show them their own truth. That is how/why Veranya was able to repel the evil forces at the village prior. Those who could be shamed into leaving, were shamed. Those who were beyond redemption because the small creatures they despised most until the day they truly regret their previous actions and find some way to redeem themselves).

(That's why Veranya left. She refused to help continue the war).

But! They defeat the Evil and return to the king or emperor or whoever all triumphant. But Alira realizes the king is a liar. (And Heath finally gets into the study room/tower. Maybe he's the one who figures out how the coin works. Maybe he didn't go with Alira to defeat Evil.)

But Alira ends up wielding the coin's power in front of the king and he becomes a rat or something. As do some others nearby. And soldiers, blaming Alira, start to run at her, so Heath does magic and puts the entire castle in stasis except for the very small few he trusts.

They can't just keep everyone in stasis though (though Heath isn't sure how to undo it; library assistant finally gets a chance to shine as he coaches Heath through it). Hm. Alira's soldier friends help round people up and imprison the new vermin/etc. They announce to the people that the war has ended.

And the leader of the heroes is made the new king maybe even though he really just wants to go home by this point (arrogant man turned exasperated caretaker turned reluctant king). Heath and Alira return to Veranya.

Veranya apologizes to them for all the secrets and says she loves them. She encourages them to return to the city. Heath should finally go to magic school. Alira has so much more to learn about medicine and healing. She doesn't want to hold them back. So they go and promise to visit.

And things are fine for a while, but it turns out their mother isn't actually human (which is why Heath has so much magical power and why Alira can wield the coin so easily). Alira is abducted and Heath has to go save her (even though, he grouses, she's the adventurous one). Alira is stuck in a strange world where her ability to know the truth is vital for some reason. And Heath is basically sweet-talking a dream team into going and rescuing his sister. And, along the way, learns more about his own capabilities. One member of the dream team is his father (who still hasn't told them the truth. It isn't revealed until he meets their mother face to face for the first time in over a decade and calls her Wife).

(The vermin people should come back at some point. Someone is breaking the spell on them and they attack in force.)

Anyway. Thoughts.

I think one of the most fundamental plot failures I see across a lot of books is that the person chosen to solve a problem is not a person who it makes sense to choose to solve this problem.

This ends up being true for a lot of YA books where the teenager is the chosen solution to a problem because they need to be for plot reasons, but there is no actual logical reason why anyone would be relying on them to solve this problem (or often even letting them get close to this problem). No, this kid can't work for the FBI or the Secret Service. No, this twelve-year-old won't be a more accomplished soldier than a fully-trained servicemember. No, this kid isn't allowed to practice medicine.

And you can work around this by presenting a reason for them to be involved despite being less qualified--usually that they put themselves in a situation, despite the adults around them, but also that there is something else that makes them suited to a job/role despite their other lack of qualifications (we need someone who can blend in, etc.).

But it's also true for a lot of adult books. I'm reading a book where the ER doctor/medical professor First Gentleman is going to lead the response to a plane full of people who potentially have Marburg virus, and even ignoring the fact that he wouldn't be allowed within a thousand feet of that plane by the Secret Service, that also fundamentally just does not make sense with how U.S. pandemic and quarantine response work (or even how medicine works--an ER doctor is generally not an infecious disease specialist). It's waved away for plot reasons--but it also represents a failure of the plot as a whole.

Why is your character the one who is trying to solve this problem? Is it their job? If it's not their job, what does it mean for the story for them to be trying to solve a problem that they aren't qualified for, may not have access to, and/or aren't allowed to deal with?

If your only answer is "it works because it needs to work for plot reasons" then it doesn't work at all.

[creacherkeeper]

@astrophysiciann asked for some tips on a specific writing thing and i got kind of carried away because OH BOY DO I HAVE TIPS so it’s getting its own post 

i have taken a buttload of writing classes, got accepted onto the creative writing track at the best writing school in the US, ran a writing blog, finished an english degree, read writing books ...

do you know what has taught me more about writing than anything else?

WRITING THINGS AND PAYING ATTENTION TO HOW IM WRITING IT

im serious. nothing is going to teach you how to write except writing. want to write a good novel? WRITE A LOT OF NOVELS. HOWEVER, i have picked up on things over the years that i am very frustrated dont really get taught in writing classes. writing classes are a bunch of “here go write this and i’ll give you a grade” but like. there ARE things you can do to be a better writer

vary sentence length. absolutely important. a lot of one length is going to start to sound boring to the readers internal voice. if you cant do this naturally, take note of how many words are in each sentence as youre writing. each paragraph should have a little variety, and your paragraphs should have different numbers of sentences in them. if youre writing an action scene, trend towards shorter sentences. in my writing i tend to do a lot of “medium length. long length. long length. very short”

finish on the important information. put the important word at the end of the sentence. it keeps the reader engaged because they want to know WHATS happening and why its important. leave it for the end (this is especially true for comedy) 

adverbs aren’t bad but they really are easy to overuse. ask yourself each time “is there a better way to phrase this, and if not, does the adverb really add meaning to the sentence”. sometimes it absolutely does and thats great! a lot of times you can go without them. warning: taking the -ly off an adverb and just using the base word is valid! but your reader might interpret the speaker as uneducated and masculine, because that’s who typically does that verbally! (aka i took a linguistics & gender class and found out that i talk like an uneducated man!) 

are you starting a bunch of sentences with the same word? that sounds repetitive. major problem of mine. challenge yourself not to use the same sentence starter in each paragraph, or start the paragraphs with the same word. vary it! its harder than it looks, but you can practice

try to pepper in repetition with motifs! in my last fic i used the phrases “in the early days” and “as was mentioned” a few times each. it just helps the reader feel like they’re reading a cohesive work. one of my FAVORITE literary things is when a line comes back and means something different with repeated uses. LITERATURE!

rhythm is important. read your writing out loud and pay attention to how the sentence flows. things i use a lot to establish a beat: anaphora (repeated phrases: he thought blank1. he thought blank2. he thought blank3), syndeton (using multiple conjunctions: blank and blank and blank), and asyndeton (no conjunctions: blank, blank, blank.)

dialogue tags are your friend. the reader should know who’s speaking. when we go a long time with no dialogue tags it’s easy to get confused. HOWEVER. some tips. “said” is your friend. said becomes invisible. they’re going to see their name and that’s it and that’s fine. if you use something else, it should be justified. ‘“i love you,” he said’ is neutral. ‘“i love you,” he growled’ VERY DIFFERENT. if youre using a different tag, it should be because it adds meaning to the sentence. NO WORD WASTED! 

vary sentence structure. this includes dialogue! 

“blank” he said 

“blank” she said 

“blank” he said 

no!! boring! 

“blank” he said 

she did blank. “blank” 

“blank,” he started. he did blank. “blank” 

much more visually and audibly interesting! also - use actions with your dialogue! people move when they talk. a scratch on the neck might mean someone is embarrassed. your character might be nervous and fidgety. let people have body language!! and let them interact with their environment! 

AS FOR LARGER PROJECTS

i personally LOVE using the three act structure! if you’re not familiar, it goes like this:

ACT 1 

beginning (this is life in the BEFORE THE PLOT times)

INCITING INCIDENT (the plot is happening now! CALL TO ACTION)

door 1 (also called a “door of no return”. this is what pushes us into act 2 - what is this event that means the protagonist can never mentally or physically go back to how things were before?)

ACT 2 

midpoint (this should be the characters LOWEST POINT. they might not succeed!! how terrifying & engaging!) 

rising action! (stuffs afoot! the plot is gaining speed!) 

door 2 (oh no! they can never go back again!) 

ACT 3 

climax! (everything is coming to fruition!! everything has been leading to this!) 

falling action (this is our new world order) 

there are variations on this, but this is the basic gist. if you’re struggling with the middle of your book, which a lot of writers do, think of the midpoint. think of your protagonist. what’s the worst thing that could happen to them? whats something they would never want? how are all their plans going to fail? 

another thing you can do with your midpoint, or just your characters in general, is this: 

what is one thing they would never do, and how are you going to justify making them do it? 

this pretty much guarantees you a dynamic character, which i think is a trap beginning novelists (like myself, back in the day) can fall in to. your character needs to change--sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse. if your character would swear up and down they’d never do one thing, OR if the reader THOUGHT they would never do one thing, what would that be? why are they now going to have to do it? 

another tip for big projects - figure out what kind of writer you are. do you write for the big stuff or the small stuff? 

some people are like “oh! i can’t wait for this big plot twist in act 2!” great! write everything to lead up to that plot twist 

i personally am more of a “oh i want to include this one specific line of dialogue/this one emotional beat/this one piece of imagery somewhere but x y and z would have to happen in order to make it make sense” and then i write in x y and z! 

basically, what are you EXCITED about in your story? write only for that 

another thing is wasted space. you might think writing four scenes of worldbuilding is a good idea, but aside for those worldbuilding nerd junkies out there, it probably isnt. every scene should move along the plot or develop your character. preferably both at the same time! i know everyone loves to be like “WE WERE ROBBED” about cut scenes, but like. a lot of the time those scenes were cut because they weren’t moving things along, and it was RIGHT for those scenes to be cut. sorry guys. pacing and development is important 

as far as motivation goes, find a HYPE MAN. or, even better, someone who is going to critically engage with your work. some people dont like to share their work until a full draft is written, but i need feedback as i go. find someone who’s going to tell you what they liked about it and what doesnt make sense in draft 1. these people are very important. too much criticism can kill a novel in the early stages. you need HYPE and a plot hole finder 

okay!! it’s getting late and i have work in the morning so that is all my Hot Takes for now thank you for listening 

[madwomenonly]

Season Finale Theor(ies): Liam is conning Robert and Robert isn’t the Big Bad of Season Four.

This is a really long post but if you bare with me, I’m going to explain how Liam could possibly be conning Robert, and how Robert maybe isn’t as evil as we’ve been led to believe. I want to caveat all of this by saying that it is highly likely that I am giving the writers WAYYYYY to much credit and this could all be incorrect. With that said, here we go down the rabbit hole... 

HERE BE (MINOR) SPOILERS. 

Ever since episode 5, “There's Daggers in Men's Smiles,” I’ve had a theory that Liam is playing a long con on Robert, possibly with Cyrus’s help. In the first five episodes, Liam was openly antagonistic towards Robert and it put Robert on the defensive. Liam’s credibility with the family was shot because Robert was able to play it like Liam was simply jealous of his big brother (which was kinda the truth...). It’s possible that Liam switched tactics in episode 5 and decided to make Robert believe that he wasn’t fighting him anymore. Liam could have done this in order for Robert to lower his guard and begin to trust Liam again, at least enough to get close and expose any secrets Robert might have. Liam could have decided to change tactics after he realized how destructive his behavior had been thus far, with Greta and his relationship with his mother and sister, and how little effect they were having against Robert (Robert actually took over the government at the beginning of episode 5!!).  

Katheryn could also be a part of the plan. While I am not a fan of Katheryn, I found it strange that she fell for Robert’s ruse that easily. It was all almost too neat for Robert. It’s possible that Liam and Katheryn decided to let Robert think he was seducing her and have Liam “find and expose her,” finally gaining Robert’s full trust. If you think about it, Liam agreed to that drink with Robert very quickly after finding him with Katheryn. Next week’s episode, “In the Dead and Vast Middle of the Night,” the synopsis says that Liam “proves his loyalty to his brother,” probably by beating up Cyrus; this could be the final step in Liam’s plan to gain Robert’s full trust and access to his secrets. If that’s true, Liam will probably expose them before the wedding in episode 10, since I can’t believe Liam would let Willow marry Robert if he knows she could get hurt. Episode 10′s description says Robert deals with an “uprising,” which could be Liam exposing Robert secrets. BOOM!! FIRST PLOT TWIST OF THE FINALE.

Ok, with all that said, there are a couple of loose ends to my theory. 1.) If Liam thought Robert was evil and dangerous enough to merit this elaborate plan to expose him to his family and the country, then why in the world would he allow Willow to become engaged to Robert and possibly even fall in love with him? If there is a plan, I REALLY don’t think Willow is apart of it. The whole season was dedicated to building up Robert and Willow’s love story, and there were a lot of scenes where Willow seemed to genuinely doubt whether she could be Queen. If she was a part of the plan then those scenes don’t make any sense since she would want Robert to trust her and would jump at being Queen. Examples, all those scenes are when she was alone and contemplating the fortune and staring at the music box. When she was jealous of Robert’s dates and worried about his safety in episode 5. Robert wasn’t around to be fooled, therefore those feelings must have been genuine. Plus, Willow has always been portrayed as an honest character (she refused to lie about her love story with Robert to the press in this past episode). So if Willow is not a part of the plan, then Liam really screwed her over and that’s a big plot hole for me and looks bad on Liam. Also, we know Willow walks down the aisle and if my theory holds than Liam would have already “exposed” Robert. Why would Willow show up to the wedding if she knows Robert is “evil”? If Robert is evil, he could force her but with what leverage? I don’t have a theory for that and it’s another loose end for me. 

2.) I don’t actually know what secret(s) Liam is trying to expose if he is conducting this covert plan against Robert. Does he know about the Black Out? How could he have found out quickly enough to see Robert’s press conference in episode 5, come up with a plan with Cyrus and then orchestrate Robert “overhearing” his conversation with Cyrus where he says he’s done going after Robert? Becuase if there is a plan, then that scene was definitely the beginning of it. Cyrus threw himself under the bus to get the heat off Liam and carry out the plan. So, if there is a plan, I just don’t know what’s the end goal for Liam. Does he still think Robert had something to do with his father’s death? I feel like that storyline has been put to rest already. 

Ok, so this is where my theory gets a little bit more interesting. The whole season, the writers have gone out of there way to make us believe Robert is the bad guy (promos, interviews, etc.) only for the episode or scene to air and show Robert actually wasn’t that bad. Examples: He didn’t cheat on Willow with Cassandra or Katheryn, he didn’t pay Ted Pryce to kill his father, he didn’t pay someone to shoot Jasper, etc., even though the promos were edited to make us believe he did all those things. Sure, Robert is CLEARLY manipulative, controlling and possibly power hungry. However, he also loves his family. The writers have made that clear as well. The writers have also made it clear that Robert has his own moral compass, which sometimes means a lot of the manipulative things he’s done since we met him could be chalked up to him protecting his family in his own way. An example is the whole Eleanor and Jasper thing last season/this season. We, the audience, know Jasper loves Eleanor because we’ve seen their whole romance play out, but Robert just appeared last year and only has Jasper’s history as a con man and Jasper’s shady father to form his opinions. Isn’t it possible that Robert really believes Jasper’s not a good guy and is genuinely trying to protect his little sister? In a really fucked up way but that’s how Robert rolls! And he did go out of his way to look for Jasper during the blackout in episode 4, “Black As His Purpose Did The Night Resemble.” If Robert was really evil, he would have just told Eleanor he looked for him and not have bothered. I bring this up because if it’s true that Robert loves his family but it’s also true that he has his own moral (shoddy) compass, then it’s possible that Robert might NOT be the Big Bad of the season. Robert could actually be a red herring for someone a lot more evil that we haven’t met yet. Liam could still have conducted this elaborate plan to expose Robert but in the end, all that is exposed are his dealings with Jasper’s dad and his part in the Black Out. I have another theory that Robert knew about the Black Out but didn’t actually orchestrate it the way we’ve been led to believe all season. That was another red herring to make us believe Robert is the Big Bad when actually there is a larger plot afoot that we, the audience, have not been made privy to yet. That could come out in episode 10 when Liam finally “exposes” Robert to the family, only to find out there’s been a larger plot in the works. BOOM! SECOND PLOT TWIST OF THE FINALE. By exposing Robert’s deal with Jasper’s dad AND the larger plot, the family can finally move forward with no lies between them and band together against the REAL Big Bad. Cue Season Five (hopefully).   

Ok, that’s all I got! Am I crazy? What loose ends am I missing? Can you guys think of any evidence pro/against my theories? Please no Robert or Liam bashing!! That is not what this post is about. I am really curious about how the rest of the season is going to play out and I want your theories in the Replies!