#but there were a lot of photos and overseas friends and its all just... ugh

[pertinax--loculos]

Ughghgh as time goes on I'm just discovering more that I've lost with the drowning of my old computer. There's documents I don't even want to open because I can't remember the last time I updated them and I don't wanna see how much I've lost. :(

Still waiting on hearing back from the repair guys, but I'm not expecting good news.

Annoying. Devastating. Everything in between. It's certainly killing my creative vibe right now.

[fndmxreader]

fandom: harry potter. pairing:  remus lupin x reader | the reader simps for lupin because isn’t that all what we do daily ?  summary:   connected to the self indulgent series where the reader is a slytherin muggle born witch working alongside the teachers at hogwarts.   note: this series will bounce around a lot involving timelines, but a lot of them don’t really have a coherent story line anyway.  movie setting:  prisoner of askaban.  pov:   she/her pronouns.

you were looking off into the distance in a daze, end of pen in mouth as your writings came to a halt and instead getting caught up in thoughts.  your summer hadn’t been great,  if you were being completely honest :  your muggle friends were getting on your case regarding being missing for a year,  you knew at some point you had to pick : the wizarding world or the muggle one,   living two lives was absolutely exhausting,  living them meant being two types of people - like one example,  you had accidentally used a levitating spell to put a cup back and last minute your friend walked in, smashing on the floor as your hand flinched down to your side.

“ what was that crash ? “  “ i put the mug too close to the counter, “ you had laughed nervously, quickly walking towards the glass to pick it up “ it fell off as a result ”  “you’re clumsiness is going to be the death of you “    

that was only one of the close calls,  there were far too many to keep track of,  including dropping hints to the wizarding world in conversation, only to stutter and try and say you were referencing a bizarre indie movie from overseas. at this point you were trying to pick would it be even possible to choose a side ?  it seemed impossible just to pick one over the other,  especially knowing that no matter what route you take it would result in an empty, hollow feeling left inside of chest.    you’re not sure who you could go to for guidance,  you weren’t familiar with any muggle borns your own age,  and talking to a pureblood or half blood would go in vein,  the latter would understand to some degree,  but ultimately it’s not the same and with it being so complicated,  listening to people who barely got it would be a waste of time and only twist the knife in gut. 

 “ everyone,  i would like to introduce you to remus jo - “     that was all you really heard dumbledore say before ears blocked out the world like static,  everything beyond the screaming in your head made everything else seem like a distant hum with no tune,  a crackle of a tv that can’t quite catch signal.  your pen tapped against your bottom lip,  perching against it as you eyebrows knitted together in deep thought.   

maybe professor dumbledore could help,  he wouldn’t get it but maybe he could shred some light on the situation ? he was always good at that. 

“ miss l/n - “

perhaps it’s all just being blown out of proportion,  work leave would surely be something the muggles would understand that.  even if they are after photos, work gossip and other details - 

“ y/n “  between the firmness and the sudden block of your view as the men stepped into eyesight causes you to flinch,  reeling away from nothing in panic as you try and grasped your surroundings once more,   blinking up in a rapid succession that causes concern to flash on the two men’s faces.  it takes a moment to register where you were,  the surroundings,  what the hell was going on in general... 

“ huh ? “  your tongue pokes out to roll against your bottom lip,  eyes wide as you stared up at dumbledore,  only for sight to break away from the one your most familiar with to the new guy...    you won’t lie to yourself,  you weren’t ready for seeing someone like him,  especially in your state.  his eyes were beaming with life,  amusement dancing behind dark hues as a faint smile tugged at lips,  hands pushed far into pockets as eye contact seemed to lock,  your lips part to say something,  anything but much like before your brain seemed to short circuit,  this time for an entirely and much more embarrassing reason,  “ huh ? “ you repeated again,  cheeks coming to life with colour as you kept looking at the new guy.

“ this is professor lupin, y/n.   the new defence against the dark arts teacher - “  speaking slower now,  and you’re rather grateful for the approach because you really needed things to stop going by so quickly,  the whole world seemed to flash in front of you at lightening speed.

“ oh “ a pause,  then it really began to register “ OH ! “  it was the most beautiful example of a pin drop ever to grace hogwarts’ walls  (  yes,  dumbledore will be thinking about it years to come  )   -  you jump up rather clumsily and hold your hand out to the man  “ hi,  sorry  -  i was just ... never mind,  hi  ! “ you repeated again,  the embarrassment settling deep within bones,  making itself at home in the creases of mind that would take weeks to weave out.  but regardless of the mocking in head, you do your best to not feed it and give it anymore attention... at least for the time being.   lupins much bigger hand wraps around yours,  a firm but gentle grasp as he finally takes the moment to speak himself. 

“ that’s quite alright,  i can tell that we disturbed you.  in fact i believe we should be the ones apologising, however professor dumbledore here insisted on the introduction - “ it came easily,  between tone of his voice and the warmth of his hand, you’ve never felt safer, it was like being in a warm hug beside the fire on the night of winter;   you mentally slap yourself for acting like a teenager towards a complete stranger.   your eyes however, narrow towards dumbledore,  in a way blaming you own pathetic display on him.  a faint smile on his lips as he made up some excuse to leave the pair of you alone,  not at all hiding the way his eyes twinkled with amusement at the scene that played out. 

your hand flexed around remus’,  far too busy sending daggers at dumbledore walking away than the fact you were still holding the older man hostage,  not helping the murmured   “ ugh,  he can be such an arse sometimes - “ 

“ i believe that’s apart of the charm “ remus chimed,  your eyes moving back to his as you smiled up at him once more,  less tense than what your face was previously  “ um,   miss l/n ?  your hand - “ 

“ oh, fuck, sorry - “   instantly your arms folded across your chest,  the blush only darkening your cheeks “ i promise i’m not this socially inept,  well,  at least to this extent - “ 

“ oh,  don’t fret.  i’ve met much worse people,  i myself tend to panic in social situations.  they’re not my forte “   you shoulders relax,  though you can’t help but note that he seemed surprisingly at ease even with the confession. your eyes dance around the staff room,  much to your own relief they seemed to be back to focusing on their own work. 

“ well,  you’re doing much better than me if that’s any help.  so,  you’re teaching dark arts -  ? “ then the conversation seemed to spark to life without much spluttering after that,  eventually both sitting on the couch and bonding over lessons;  including how you got your position in the first place,   your arm rested on the back of the furniture as your body turned fully to him,  the longer the pair of you were sat there,  the more they progressed beyond work and more into personal ones, about experiences outside of hogwarts and within the walls, not helping the fits of giggles that bubbled in your chest. 

“ being a slytherin comes with the natural title of ‘dark pranks,’  most of us tend to live up to the name.  people demonise us,  so we give them a reason to continue it.  that certainly doesn’t end at our humour, i think it shows more than ever in that aspect - “ you giggled again, head shaking  “ i remember my friends putting a real snake in one of the gryffindors bed covered in animals blood, the girl panicked for weeks  -  but they started it  ! “   

“ i must say being a gryffindor myself,  i feel like i should be offended on behalf of them.  then again,  my friends here were trouble makers as well.  their pranks could... “  wrist rolled in the air,  and while there’s a hint of pain twisting in features and a haunted look that seemed to cover bright eyes,  there was still a fondness in how he spoke  “ extremely, well and truly out of hand ? “

“ ahah  ! “  it’s like a triumph,  finger pointing at the others face   “ you can hide behind the fancy wording all you want, professor.  but you gryffindors can be just as over the top as the rest of us,  if not more so ! “  he knocks your hand away from his face playfully,  grin widening as mock offence does its best to take over features.

“ firstly,  you may call me remus,  second of all,  i will agree with nothing you say,  i would never stoop so low. “ 

your heart skipped a beat at the notion. 

“ you may call me y/n, only when you admit i’m right - “ 

a nice joke to push down the giddiness of calling him by his first name the short hours of knowing him. 

“ how very slytherin of you - “ 

“ how very gryffindor of you to point that out, remus “ 

the back and forth banter eventually came to a halt, as minutes ticked by it was time to go to the great hall for food and to sort out the new years. you and remus walked in a comfortable silence,  a lightness surrounding you both as it showed in your steps, and showed in the way his lips remained locked in a subtle smile.  you were left with one feeling...  finally, dumbledore hired someone worthwhile. you would also give him a hard time for that awkward bow that he did at dinner. 

[babydolltheanimatronic]

Persona 5 origins: Kimika Hayashi chp 3

ok this one came out pretty long. so u had to put it under the read more bar.

Kimika panted tiredly as the song came to an end. Her instructor clapped her hands happily “great routine everyone! I expect this same energy tomarrow! Class dismissed!” she chirped. Children flooded out of the studio happily. Kimika stepped out into the warm sunlight.  It had been a few months since her father got back on his feet emotionally and financially. With this new sense of renewal and passion her father returned from his long term leave to continue running his company. Her father lead a very successful talent business. Seeking out all form of talent in japan and internationally. Singers, dancers, models and actors.

“hey Kimika wanna come to my house? My mom made her special peach pie!”  a boy asked

“sorry not today! My dad and I are going out for dinner!” she replied waving off her classmate “save me a slice for next time!”

~Meanwhile at her father’s compny~

“so Shiro how did your date go last night?” a coworker asked the man  who sighed with disdain. “lets just say I  wont be calling for  a second one.”

The  coworker cringed “that bad huh?”

“it just so hard to find a decent woman. Seems like every woman ive gone out with just comes across as a bad choice for Kimika. Ugh I wish I could just meet a woman  who’s sweet and kind and beautiful- ”

“like your late wife?” the coworker teased Making Shiro roll his eyes “no one could replace Kira” he scoffed. The coworker put a hand on Shiro’s shoulder“ I get you want a good mother figure for Kimika but don’t forget to look for someone who makes you happy too”

“I guess your right. Its not like the perfect woman will fall tight into my arms anyway” he laughed looking at his watch “I should get going, I promised Kimika id take her to that little bistro for dinner tonight”

Out in the waiting area Kimika sat happily. Her ear’s perked up at the sound of the door opening but was disappointed when only a woman with long black hair only came out. She was on the phone speaking coldly. As the same time her dad came out of his office, busying looking thru his bag  to see the black haired woman coming  around the corner

“I don’t care who her mother is, if I say she’s out then then she’s out! If she has a problem then Ill glady tell her here she can shov-”

Papers and  books suddenly went flying, the woman stumbled but was caught by her father. In reflex her father swooped the girl up in his arms. The woman looked like she was about to say something but stopped when she locked eyes with Shiro

“im so sorry! I didn’t see where I…. was going” Shiro stared to  apololgize but slowed to a stop. This woman was… beautiful. Long silken hair, fierce green eyes that just captivating the smokey make up only completed the look

“oh no the fault was all my own Mr. Hayayshi” she expressed as he set her down

That’s right.. this woman worked for him, in ran the modeling department of his company

“Natsumi Kono, right?”

The woman smiled and nodded. Shiro quickly went to pick up her things

“Miss Kono please allow me to  aplologize properly! I was on my way to  dinner with my daughter would you like to accompany us?”

Kimika froze when the woman turned her gaze on her. She wasn’t sure why it made her uncomfortable. Her mouth was smiling but her eyes weren’t smiling at all..

“I would be honored Mr. Hayashi. Especially with such a cute little girl” she  chuckled

 ~8 months later~

Bells chimed at rice and confetti filled the hair Kimika, now 13 watched her father and her now Step-mother Natsumi walk down the church steps. Its seemed a little fast to her but as long her father was happy so was she.

“lets get a photo of the happy family! ” the photographer called. Kimika too her position in front of her father and stepmother. As the photographer counted to 3 out of know where Natsumi dropped the bouquet. Helpful as always Kimika bent down to pick it up. Just as she grabbed the bouquet the flash went off. The girl looked up in confusion

“I think one is enough” she smiled at the photographer

~sometime later~

Kimika watched as movers ran back and forth bringing in item after item of Natsumi’s things

“she sure has a lot of stuff..” Kimika piped. There had to be a lot of  stuff moved to make make room for Natsumi.  Her farther moved his office to the basement while Kimika was forced to give up her playroom.

“does.. she have to have so much?” she questioned? Her father sighed putting his hands on her shoulders

“Kimika, I know this is a big change but once she’s  moved all it things will  be fine. Who knows before you know it you two will be best friends. ”

“I don’t know daddy.. something seems off..” she admitted in a quiet voice

“I just need  you to try ok? For me?” he pleaded

“ok, ill try.. for you”

Smiling her father kissed her forhead “hey im gonna go get us all some dinner, why don’t you get settled in?”

“hey were do you want this?” a mover called her was holding a box labled ‘notes” with lots of music symbols around it

“ill take it!” Kimika proclaimed taking the box

It was a box of her fathers music notes. She was sure he wanted them where he could find them later.

As Kimika  entered her father and  now stepmother’s room. Natsumi had so many things. A large mirror with detailed carvings,   more clothes then she had ever seen in her life and a large vanity with tons of jewelry , accessories and make up putting the papers down on her bed Kimika stalked over to the vanity. So many colors and pallets. Her picked up  a small container that seemed to be dilled with some sort of scented white powder. She sniffed it. It smelled like  flora

“well look who let themselves right in” a cold silken voice said. Whipping around she saw Natsumi, glaring at her. That gaze again. It made her feel so small, like she was an insect. Natsumi walked over her. Suddenly feeling embarrassed Kimika bowed her head

“i-i-I’m sorry stepmother I should of came in here without permission”

She said nothing. Only took the cantainter from her

“did you touch this?”

A short pause Kimika nodded. Suddenly  Natsumi threw the container to the floor. Spreading poweder all over. The womans hand snaked over grabbing Kimika but one of her braids. The child yelped put in suprise.

“I will only tell you this once…” she started pausing her face scaned over Kimika’s face. There was a quick flash of something Kimika couldnt recognize. realization? fear?

“stay out of our room. I don’t want you touching my things” she finish relinquishing her

“no get out” she hissed

Letting out a small hiccup Kimika rushed out of the room.

Kimika came down the steps in a huff, ballet shoes inhands “bye dad im going to  practice!” she called

“hold on sweetie we need to talk to you about something!”

“yes daddy?” “well we needed to discuss some things, since Natsumi lives with us  now-” he started  “darling why don’t you let me handle this?” Natsumi interrupted. Id like chat alone with Kimika,  yknow girl to girl” she requested sweetly

“oh alright your wish is my command ” he joked “ill leave you ladies to it” he called walking  out of the room. Natsumi turned her gaze on Kimika. that feeling of inferiority washed over her again

“come here child”

She wanted to move but not toward her, instead out the room

“I said come here!” she said harshly. This made Kimika come closer. Once in range Natsumi grabbed the girls chin and pulled her in to get a closer look. It seem like ages that she examined the child’s face. Suddenly she scoffed and roughly let go

 “you know when I look at you I see none of Shiro. Only your mother, that foreigner. Sure she was talented but never truly fit in our society” she said coldly with a laugh

“this all must me so difficult for you, the world seems to constantly spin for you” she spoke “you must know that I will never take your mother’s place and I don’t intend tot fill it. So lets get that idea out of your head shall we?”

Kimika fought back tears. Why was she so cold? She seemed to kind in the beginning or maybe she was never kind to begin with. “m-may I go now?”

“not just yet”

“last night you left this room a total mess, youre not a little girl anymore! Its time you stopped acting like a spoiled little princess and pull your own weight around here.” She growled shoving a broom into her hand “you will  do as  clean and do everything  I tell you understand?”

Conflicted Kimika could only nod “yes stepmother”

Natsumi smirked at the girl “good now get to it . you wont step a ballet shoe out that door until this room is spotless!”

“hmm not bad but there seems to be something wrong with this carpet”

“what?”

“you missed a spot, right.. there” she  said knowing over the large plant. Dirt spilled out

“Natsumi, im gonna run to the office- what happened  here?” her father questioned

“poor Kimika she got careless with the broom and knocked over the plant”

“oh I see, you need to be mor careful next time Kimi, be a dear and clean that up” he kissed Natsumi on the cheek before leaving. The woman gave an all knowing glance at her

“you heard him, clean it up” she chuckled turning on heel out of the room.

 From then on it was constant chores from down until dusk. She was so busy she never had the time (or energy to  even go to the neighborhood studio to practice dancing.  Kimika’s father soon started  doing more work out of the city and even out of the country

-3 years later-

It had been a long day, she had to go up to school all by herself to pick up her uniform. She would be starting high school soon at Shujin academy. Her father was still overseas for work so it was sadly her and her stepmother. To top it all off she had to practically go around town getting all  the thing Natsumi needed. She  was grateful to spend a few hours at the dance studio where Masayo and her practiced for a bit. Time got a away from her a little but she managed to get back before it was too late. Kimika entered the house and she could of sworn she heard giggling? It was cominf from  down the hall. Was her father back? Putting down all the bags she walked down the hall. The door was open with articles of clothes were  scattered about. The girl saw a pair of male shoes, an got a sick sensation in her stomach

~these aren’t dad’s..~

Walking into the the door way Kimika looked in horror.  Natsumi was on the bed entangled around a man that was definitely not her father. He had to be at least 20 years younger. Wait.. she knew him, he worked in the financials.  Natsumi let out a moan, kissing a strange man.  A sound of disgust escaped her lips before Kimika could stop it. The couple jumped at  the noise looking at her

“I thought you said she was out??” the man said in a panicked tone. He quickly scrambled off the of Natsumi  and the bed. Natsumi threw on a robe. Kimika tried to back out of the room but Natsumi lunged for her  grabbing her arm in an Iron grip. She struggled with all her might but couldnt get the woman to let go.

“let go of me! I cant believe youre doing this to my father, after everything he’s done for you!”

“shut up!!” she hissed

“this is bad! This is very bad!  When Shiro finds out ill lose my job!” he panicked “ not to mention what will happen to you!

“ stop your pathetic blabbering Koichi! Shiro will not find out and she wont tell a soul ” she  spat pushing Kimika into a chair. Koichi shrugged on the last of his pants before running out of the room “ Koichi wait don’t go!” she begged, looking flustered but only heard the slam of the front door. Natsumi turned to Kimika staring at her with so much hate

“Kimika im not sure what you saw but Koichi is a dear friend” she said in a comforting voice reaching for her but the girl flinched away. This woman was beyond disgusting

“I can see you two are very close” she muttered

“I cant even begin to process this… I need time to think”

“Think of your father. Things have been so good these past few years. His depression has become almost non existant, the company is flourishing with business and a wife he love very very much. Now what would happen If you go running your mouth hmm? he would never trust me again.  This marraiged would fall apart.. I cant imagine how a divorce would send him spiraling back into depression. You wouldn’t want that would you?

 Kimika thought about her father and his mental health. After her mom died he  was absolutely miserable but The last few years her father’s mental health have been improving. He still took medication and therapy but he was doing so much better. He was always happy and smiling just like she alwayed wanted him to be again

 “that’s what I thought. Now heres how its gonna go. You will act like you saw none of this.  You wont breathe a word of this to your father!”she demanded

“what makes you think ill keep quiet about this?” Kimika Excaimed , tears threatening to spill. This couldn’t be happening

“because if I divorce your father he will lose everyting and I mean everything. Its all in the paperwork. If your father dies or divorces me I get it all,  the house, the money and the company. You’ll be put out on the streets”

“what?? That cant be true! He’s always told me id take over ” she was told in private  that one day she’d take over the company. Why would he change it

“believe it  cupcake. Your stupid child mind wouldn’t understand how easy it is to manipulate men.“ she laughed coldly “ so I hope we have an understanding of each other. You say a word and ill drag your father thru the dirt to hell and back. He will never recover from this”

Kimika let out a sob, she never felt so powerless “you’re a monster..”