#but there are secret buried instincts lurking at the bottom of the fish pond that is my heart

[itspileofgoodthings]

omg!!! just had a very self-involved revelation about my personality/whole deal!!! I think one of the reasons for the intensity of my love of the things I REALLY love is that it’s both instinct and choice? like. I am very used to choosing and used to being proactive about embracing things and finding things to love and seeking things out because I Have to be because my actual instincts and desires are too lazy and/or hard to parse (I don’t even understand my own desires or what they are) to actually be my guides so there is some part of me that is very, very active in shaping and responding to my own emotions and desires but sometimes/???? my desire to choose to love something coincides with a deep, deep, deeeep instinct and love for something that’s just, like, all guts and viscera and intuition so when I love that thing it’s the full force of my choice AND my natural desires