#but then you get closer and you see he has the kind of age lines that look as though he's been sliiightly shrivelled by the sun

[praggmatic]

Some slight adjustments to my Cutter design to fit better with Dr Pryce

[pucksandpower]

Never? Never.

Day 14 → Innocence Play 💋 Lewis Hamilton

Warnings: 18+ content

Kinktober Masterlist

The office feels charged. There’s a weight in the air, one that sits low on Lewis’ chest as he waits. His arms are crossed, and he leans back slightly in his chair, fingers tapping a slow rhythm on the armrest.

He’s not impatient, exactly. More … curious. A steady line of candidates has been moving in and out all morning, but none of them have made much of an impression.

Then the door opens.

You step in, and for a second, the world seems to shift. Lewis sits up straighter, the tapping on the armrest stops as his hand stills. It’s subtle, but something inside him clicks.

You’re standing there, blinking up at him with wide, innocent eyes, dressed in a way that shouldn’t catch his attention but does. There’s something about you — something that feels out of place, but in a way that demands his attention.

You look young. Too young, maybe. But your resume … he remembers it well. It was strong, impressive even, especially for someone your age.

That’s why you’re here, why you got the interview. But now that he sees you — sees the way your lips press together nervously, the way your hands fidget at your sides — he knows. He’s already decided.

You’re the one.

He clears his throat, motions toward the chair opposite him. “You can sit.”

You hesitate for half a second, then move quickly to take a seat. Your movements are precise but careful, like you’re hyper-aware of the space around you.

“Thank you,” you say softly, your voice almost a whisper. Lewis has to resist the urge to lean in closer, as if proximity could make you louder.

For a moment, there’s silence. It hangs in the air between you, but it isn’t uncomfortable. He watches you, studies the way your fingers lace together in your lap, the way your gaze flickers between him and the floor.

“So,” Lewis finally says, his voice deep, smooth, breaking the stillness. “You’re younger than I expected.”

You look up sharply, and there it is — that nervous energy he noticed the moment you walked in. “Is that … a problem?”

Lewis leans back in his chair, watching you carefully. “Not necessarily.” He lets the words hang, lets you sit with them for a moment. Then he adds, “Your resume says enough. But you know, experience counts too.”

You nod quickly, like you’ve rehearsed this. “I’ve worked hard to gain as much experience as possible, despite my age. I did an accelerated program, internships, and I’ve had hands-on experience in sports therapy.”

He smirks a little, not unkindly. “That’s what the resume says. But I want to know if you can keep up. My schedule is … demanding.”

“I can handle demanding.”

Lewis raises an eyebrow, intrigued. There’s a quiet strength in your voice now, something steady beneath the nerves. It draws him in. “You sure?”

You nod again, a little more confidently this time. “I’m sure.”

For a moment, he just looks at you. There’s something about your determination, your innocence wrapped in a quiet kind of fierceness, that makes him want to test you. Push a little further. See how far you’ll go.

“You know what I do, right?” he asks, voice low, almost teasing. “How intense it gets?”

Your lips part slightly, eyes wide again, but you don’t look away. “I know.”

“And you think you can keep up with that? With me?”

You hesitate, but only for a fraction of a second. “I do.”

Lewis lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, and there’s a flicker of something — something he can’t quite name — that runs through him. Maybe it’s the way you sit there, unwavering under his scrutiny. Or maybe it’s the fact that you’re still so young, so innocent, yet there’s an undeniable strength beneath it all.

“You don’t look like you belong here,” he says suddenly, the words slipping out before he can stop them.

Your cheeks flush, but you don’t back down. “Maybe I don’t. But I can do the job.”

That makes him smile, really smile this time. “Confident.”

You don’t respond, just look at him with those wide, innocent eyes that make something inside him twist. He’s always liked control, liked knowing where everything stands, and right now, he’s trying to figure out where you fit into that. Because you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t affect him like this. But you do.

“Okay,” he says finally, breaking the silence again. “Let’s say I believe you. What makes you think you can handle me?”

You blink, clearly caught off guard. “I-I mean, I’ve worked with athletes before. High pressure, fast-paced environments.”

Lewis shakes his head, leaning forward now, arms resting on the table between you. “No. What makes you think you can handle me? It’s not just about keeping up with the physical demands. It’s about knowing what I need, sometimes before I even know it myself.”

You swallow hard, and he watches as you process the question. It’s not fair, not really, because how could you possibly know what he’s asking for? But he wants to see how you’ll respond, how far you’ll go to prove yourself.

“I … I think I’m good at reading people,” you say slowly, carefully. “I can pick up on what they need, even when they don’t say it out loud. I don’t know everything about you yet, but I’m confident I can learn.”

There it is again — that quiet strength. The determination that makes something inside him tighten. He likes it. He likes you.

“You’re not what I expected,” he says after a long pause, his voice softer now.

You blink, unsure how to respond. “Is that … bad?”

Lewis shakes his head, a slow smile spreading across his face. “No. It’s not bad at all.”

There’s a beat of silence, then he adds, “You’ve got the job.”

Your eyes widen in surprise. “But … you didn’t ask me any real questions. You haven’t seen what I can do.”

“I don’t need to,” he says simply, standing up from his chair. He walks around the table, stopping just in front of you. “I already know.”

You stand too, a little more slowly, still looking at him like you can’t quite believe what’s happening. “But … why?”

Lewis steps closer, close enough now that he can see the way your breath hitches just slightly. He lowers his voice, eyes locked on yours. “Because you’re the only one who walked in here and made me feel something.”

Your breath catches, and for a second, neither of you move. There’s something electric in the air, something that crackles between you, and Lewis feels it in his chest, in the way his pulse quickens.

“You’re going to learn a lot,” he says softly, his voice barely above a whisper now. “About me. About what I need. And I’m going to push you, test you, see how far you can go. But I think you’re ready for that.”

You swallow hard, and he watches as you try to steady yourself, try to keep up with the intensity of his gaze. “I … I am.”

Lewis nods, satisfied. “Good. We start tomorrow.”

With that, he steps back, giving you a little space, though the air between you still feels charged, thick with something unspoken. You seem unsure of what to say, how to respond, but Lewis doesn’t need words right now.

He turns, walking toward the door, but pauses just before opening it. Without looking back, he says, “See you at 6 AM sharp. Don’t be late.”

Then he’s gone, leaving you standing there, breathless and wide-eyed, already wrapped up in something you can’t quite name yet.

But Lewis knows.

He knew the moment you walked in.

You were always meant to be his.

***

The penthouse feels warm, alive in the afterglow of celebration. Outside, the city hums in the late hours, but inside, it’s just the two of you. The clink of glasses and quiet laughter fills the space as you sit on the plush couch, facing each other.

The race earlier had been electric — Lewis on top of the podium again, his smile wide and genuine, the energy of the crowd still buzzing in his veins. Now, it’s quieter. The adrenaline has faded to something softer, and there’s a comfortable ease between you that hadn’t been there in those early days. It’s been months of working together, and you’ve found your rhythm.

Lewis leans back, his long legs stretched out in front of him, one arm resting lazily on the back of the couch. His other hand holds a glass of Almave and he swirls the liquid idly, watching the way the light catches in the amber liquid.

“You’re quiet tonight,” he says, his voice low, cutting through the comfortable silence.

You look up at him, blinking a little as if pulled from your thoughts. “Just … taking it all in.”

Lewis smiles, a slow, crooked thing that makes your heart skip a beat. “Good night, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nod, a soft smile tugging at the corners of your lips. “It was … perfect.”

He watches you for a moment, studying the way you say it, the way your eyes seem to sparkle just a little more tonight. You’re both a little tipsy on the high of the win and the celebratory toasts that followed. The Almave is smooth, the evening smooth, and everything feels just a little softer around the edges.

“You’re getting better at this,” he says, leaning forward slightly, eyes still locked on you. “The whole celebration thing.”

You laugh softly, shaking your head. “I don’t think I’m supposed to be the one celebrating.”

Lewis raises an eyebrow, smirking. “Why not? You’re part of this. Part of me.”

His words hang in the air for a moment, heavier than you expected, and you don’t know what to say. Lewis is always like this — direct, confident, never afraid to make you think, to push just a little further than you’re comfortable. It’s why you’ve grown so much since you started working with him. He makes you better, challenges you in ways no one ever has.

“You don’t have to keep quiet when things go well,” he continues, his voice soft but firm. “You’re allowed to enjoy it.”

You nod, but there’s something in your eyes, something guarded. He notices it right away, the way you pull back just a little, and he doesn’t like it. He wants to break through that wall you still keep up sometimes, even after all these months.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks, leaning in a little closer now, his voice low and gentle. “You look like you’re holding something back.”

You shift uncomfortably, eyes darting away for a second before you force yourself to look at him again. “Nothing. I’m just … tired.”

“Liar.” He says it with a teasing smile, but his eyes are sharp, focused on you in that way he has, like he can see straight through the layers you try to put up. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

You nod, but there’s a hesitation, a flicker of something that passes over your face. Lewis doesn’t miss it. He never misses anything when it comes to you.

“You don’t believe me,” he says, voice softer now, almost coaxing.

“I do,” you protest, but it’s weak, unconvincing.

Lewis sets his glass down on the coffee table, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. “Tell me something,” he says quietly, his eyes holding yours. “Something you’ve never told anyone before.”

You blink, the request catching you off guard. Your eyes widen slightly, and Lewis can see the panic flash across your face, just for a second.

“I don’t know if-” you start, but Lewis cuts you off.

“No.” He shakes his head. “No deflecting. You can trust me.”

There’s a beat of silence, and he watches as you wrestle with yourself, weighing whether or not to let him in. He’s patient, though. He knows you need time. And he knows you’ll tell him, eventually. You always do.

“I don’t …” you start, then stop, biting your lip as you look down at your hands. “It’s … personal.”

Lewis leans back again, but his eyes stay fixed on you. “That’s the point. I’m asking you to let me in.”

You fidget in your seat, your fingers twisting in your lap as you avoid his gaze. “I’m just not sure if it’s … the right time.”

Lewis lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “If not now, when? We’ve been doing this — whatever this is — for months now. I think we’re past the point of secrets, don’t you?”

You stay quiet, your eyes darting to the side, and Lewis can see the internal battle you’re fighting. He can almost feel it, the way you’re teetering on the edge of letting something out that you’ve kept hidden for a long time.

“Hey,” he says softly, reaching out to place a hand on your knee, his touch light but grounding. “It’s just me. You know that, right?”

You finally look up at him, your eyes searching his for something — reassurance, maybe, or understanding. And Lewis holds your gaze, steady and unwavering, waiting for you to decide.

“I don’t know if you really want to hear this,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper.

Lewis tilts his head, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Try me.”

There’s a long pause, the air between you thick with tension. Then, finally, you take a deep breath, your shoulders rising and falling with the weight of whatever it is you’re about to say.

“I’ve never told anyone this,” you start, your voice shaky but determined. “Because it’s … it’s embarrassing. And I don’t really know how to-”

Lewis cuts you off, his voice gentle but firm. “Don’t overthink it. Just say it.”

You swallow hard, your eyes dropping to your hands again as you fidget with the hem of your shirt. There’s a long pause, and Lewis can see how hard this is for you, how much you’re struggling to get the words out. But he stays quiet, giving you the space you need, his hand still resting on your knee, a steady presence.

Then, in a voice so soft he almost doesn’t hear it, you finally speak.

“I’ve never had an orgasm.”

***

There’s a stillness in the room after your words hang in the air. Lewis watches you, his eyes sharp, but his expression softens — careful. He wasn’t expecting that. Of all the things you could’ve said, this isn’t what crossed his mind. But there it is. Laid bare between you both.

“You’ve never had an orgasm?” His voice is quiet, but there’s something darker beneath it, something that makes the air feel heavier, charged.

You don’t look at him, your face flushed with embarrassment, your hands still fidgeting in your lap. “I don’t … I don’t really know why,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper. “It’s just never happened.”

Lewis leans back against the couch, his arm sliding across the backrest, fingers just brushing the top of your shoulder. He’s processing this, taking his time. He’s no stranger to intimacy, but this is different. This is you.

He glances at you from the corner of his eye, sees the way you shift uncomfortably under his gaze. “Hey,” he says softly, his voice low, pulling you back from wherever your mind is racing to. “Look at me.”

You hesitate, but finally, your eyes meet his. There’s vulnerability there, a kind of rawness that makes his chest tighten. He’s used to seeing you composed, in control of yourself, even when you’re nervous. But now? Now you look small, like you’re afraid of being judged.

Lewis doesn’t judge. Not you. Not ever.

“First of all,” he says, a slow smile tugging at the corners of his lips, “there’s nothing embarrassing about that. Understand?”

You nod, but you don’t look convinced. He can tell this is something you’ve been carrying around for a while, something that’s weighed on you.

“And second,” he continues, his smile widening just a little, “I may be vegan, but I’d be more than happy to devour you.”

Your eyes widen in shock, your mouth parting slightly as his words sink in. “What?” You whisper, like you didn’t hear him right.

Lewis chuckles, low and deep, leaning in closer. “You heard me.”

He can see the confusion in your eyes, the way your mind is working overtime to process what he’s offering. He likes seeing you like this — unsure, but curious. There’s something about the innocence in your gaze that stirs something primal in him, something possessive.

“I-” you start, but you cut yourself off, clearly unsure of how to respond.

Lewis tilts his head slightly, watching you carefully, his voice soft but firm. “You don’t have to do anything. Let me take the lead.”

Your breath hitches, and he watches as your lips part again, eyes darting away from his. You’re nervous, he knows that. But there’s something else too, something that feels like anticipation. You’re intrigued, curious, maybe even a little excited by the prospect of letting go.

“I don’t know what to do,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper, your fingers now twisting the fabric of your shirt again.

Lewis shifts, closing the space between you, his hand moving to cup your chin gently, turning your face so that you’re looking at him. “You don’t have to know,” he says softly, his thumb brushing against your jaw. “All you need to do is trust me. Can you do that?”

You hesitate, your eyes searching his, trying to find something, some kind of reassurance. But there’s only certainty in his gaze, the kind that comes with confidence, with control. He knows what he’s doing, knows how to read you, and he wants to show you just how good it can be.

“Yes,” you finally breathe, the word barely audible but enough for Lewis to hear.

“Good,” he murmurs, his thumb grazing your bottom lip now. He watches as your breath catches, your lips parting just slightly under his touch. There’s a shift in the air between you, something electric, and Lewis feels it deep in his chest. He’s been patient with you, kept things professional, but there’s always been this undercurrent, this tension.

He’s not interested in waiting any longer.

His hand drops from your chin, trailing down your neck, fingers brushing over your collarbone. He watches the way your chest rises and falls, how your breath quickens just from the lightest touch. It’s intoxicating, watching you respond to him like this, and he knows you’re feeling it too — the pull, the anticipation.

“Let me show you,” he whispers, his voice low, almost a growl. “I want you to feel everything.”

You bite your lip, clearly still nervous, but you don’t pull away. You’re trusting him, even though you’re unsure of where this is going.

Lewis leans in, his lips just inches from your ear as he whispers, “Relax. Let me take care of you.”

Your body stiffens for a moment, but then he feels you melt into his touch as his hand moves to the small of your back, pulling you closer. It’s slow, deliberate, the way he moves, as if he’s savoring each moment, each small reaction from you. And that’s exactly what he’s doing.

He pulls back just enough to look at you, his eyes searching your face, gauging how you’re feeling. There’s still that uncertainty in your gaze, but there’s something else too — desire. It’s subtle, but it’s there, and Lewis can feel it in the way your body leans into his, the way your breath hitches whenever he touches you.

“Don’t think,” he murmurs, his lips just brushing against yours, teasing. “Just feel.”

You nod slightly, and that’s all the permission he needs. He closes the distance between you, his lips capturing yours in a kiss that’s soft at first, almost testing the waters. But as soon as he feels you respond — feels the way your lips part under his, the way you sigh into the kiss — it deepens. His hand moves to your waist, gripping you tighter, pulling you even closer as he takes control, guiding the pace, the rhythm.

You’re tentative, unsure, but you’re following his lead. And that’s all he needs.

Lewis pulls away just slightly, his forehead resting against yours as he catches his breath. His thumb brushes over your cheek, and he can feel the warmth radiating from your skin, the way your body is buzzing with something new, something unfamiliar.

“How are you feeling?” He asks softly, his voice rough but tender, his hand sliding down to your hip, holding you steady.

Your eyes flutter open, and you look at him with a kind of awe, like you can’t quite believe what’s happening. “I … I don’t know,” you whisper, your voice shaky. “I feel … different.”

Lewis smiles, his thumb brushing against your bottom lip again. “Good different?”

You nod, biting your lip again, and he can see the way your body is responding, even if you’re not fully aware of it yet. You’re relaxing into him, letting go of that initial hesitation, and he loves seeing it — the way you’re starting to trust him, to trust yourself.

“Let me keep going,” he whispers, his lips grazing your ear again, sending a shiver down your spine. “I want to make you feel good. Just … let me lead.”

You hesitate for a second, your breath catching in your throat, but then you nod. It’s small, almost imperceptible, but it’s there.

Lewis doesn’t waste another second. His hand slides down your side, slow and deliberate, tracing the curve of your waist, your hip, while his other hand cradles the back of your neck, pulling you closer for another kiss. This one is deeper, hungrier, and he can feel you responding, your body leaning into his touch, your lips parting for him.

He’s in control. And you’re letting him be.

And as the night stretches on, Lewis knows one thing for sure — he’s going to show you everything you’ve been missing.

Lewis deepens the kiss, feeling the way you respond, how you melt into his touch. He moves with a slow, deliberate intensity, his hand exploring the curves of your body, memorizing every line and contour. There’s a purpose to his movements — he wants to show you what you’ve been missing, and he’s determined to do it right.

“Just relax,” he murmurs against your lips, his voice a low, soothing rumble. “Let me take care of you.”

You nod slightly, your breath hitching as his hand slips under your shirt, fingers brushing against your skin. The sensation sends a shiver down your spine, and Lewis feels it, the way your body reacts to his touch. He smiles, a dark, satisfied smile, knowing he’s already starting to break through the walls you’ve built up.

His lips leave yours, trailing a path down your neck, his teeth grazing your skin lightly. He can feel your pulse quicken, the way your breath comes in shallow gasps, and it only fuels his desire. He wants to hear you, to feel you lose control, to know that he’s the one making you feel this way.

“Do you trust me?” He whispers, his lips brushing against the sensitive spot just below your ear.

“Yes,” you breathe, the word barely audible, but it’s enough for Lewis.

“Good,” he replies, his hand moving lower, tracing the waistband of your jeans. “Just let go. Let me show you what it’s like.”

You nod again, and Lewis feels a surge of satisfaction. He wants to take his time with you, to savor every moment, every reaction. His fingers deftly undo the button of your jeans, and he feels you tense slightly.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs, his voice a soothing purr. “Just breathe. I’ve got you.”

You take a shaky breath, and he can feel you trying to relax, to trust him. He slides your jeans down, his hands trailing over your thighs, his touch light but firm. He wants you to feel every sensation, to be completely aware of what he’s doing.

He looks up at you, his eyes dark with desire, but there’s a softness there too, a tenderness that surprises even him. He wants this to be good for you, wants to show you how it should feel.

“You’re so beautiful,” he says softly, his hands moving back up, caressing your skin. “You have no idea how much I’ve wanted this.”

You bite your lip, your eyes locked on his, and Lewis can see the mix of emotions there — nervousness, anticipation, desire. It’s intoxicating.

He leans in, capturing your lips in another kiss, his hand slipping between your thighs, finding the soft fabric of your underwear. He can feel the heat radiating from you, the way your body is already responding to his touch.

“Just let me lead,” he whispers against your lips, his fingers teasing you through the fabric. “I promise you’re going to love this.”

You nod, and Lewis takes it as his cue. He slips his fingers under the waistband, finding the soft, wet heat of you. You gasp, your body arching into his touch, and he smiles against your skin.

“That’s it,” he murmurs, his fingers moving in slow, deliberate circles. “Just feel.”

You’re breathing harder now, your hands gripping his shoulders, and Lewis can feel the way your body is trembling. He watches your face, the way your eyes flutter closed, your lips parted as you try to catch your breath.

“You’re so responsive,” he says, his voice low and rough. “I love how you’re reacting to me.”

He increases the pressure slightly, his fingers finding a rhythm that has you gasping, your body arching off the couch. He can feel you getting wetter, your arousal slick against his fingers, and it drives him wild.

“Do you like that?” He asks, his lips brushing against your ear.

“Yes,” you gasp, your voice breathless. “Oh God, yes.”

“Good,” he replies, his fingers moving faster now, the pace increasing. “Because I’m not stopping until you come for me.”

You moan, your body trembling as the pleasure builds, and Lewis can feel you getting closer, your muscles tensing, your breath coming in short, desperate gasps. He wants to push you over the edge, to see you lose control completely.

“Let go,” he murmurs, his voice a rough command. “I want to feel you come.”

You’re close, he can feel it, and he moves his fingers faster, his thumb finding just the right spot. You cry out, your body arching off the couch, and Lewis can feel you clenching around his fingers as the orgasm crashes over you.

“That’s it,” he says, his voice a low growl. “Let it out.”

You’re trembling, gasping for breath, and Lewis doesn’t stop, his fingers still moving, drawing out every last bit of pleasure. He wants you to feel it completely, to know what it’s like to lose yourself in the sensation.

As the waves of pleasure finally start to subside, he slows his movements, his touch gentle now, soothing. He watches you, the way your chest rises and falls, your eyes still closed, a look of bliss on your face.

“You’re incredible,” he murmurs, his fingers slipping out, his hand moving to rest on your thigh. “Absolutely incredible.”

You open your eyes, looking at him with a mix of amazement and exhaustion. “I … I can’t believe that just happened,” you whisper.

Lewis smiles, a slow, satisfied smile. “Believe it. And trust me, it’s only the beginning.”

He leans in, kissing you deeply, his hand still resting on your thigh, grounding you. He can feel the way your body is still trembling slightly, the aftershocks of your orgasm making you shiver.

“How do you feel?” He asks softly, his lips brushing against yours.

“Amazing,” you reply, your voice shaky but filled with wonder. “I didn’t know it could be like that.”

Lewis chuckles, a low, satisfied sound. “Oh, it can be even better. I promise you.”

You bite your lip, looking at him with a mixture of desire and uncertainty. “Really?”

“Really,” he says, his hand moving up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing against your skin. “I want to show you everything, make you feel things you’ve never felt before.”

You blush, the color rising in your cheeks, and Lewis feels a surge of affection for you. You’re still so shy, so unsure, but you’re trusting him, and that means everything to him.

“I want that,” you say softly, your eyes locked on his.

“Good,” he replies, his voice filled with determination. “Because I’m not done with you yet.”

He kisses you again, his lips moving against yours with a hunger that takes your breath away. His hand slips back down, finding the heat of you once more, and he can feel the way your body responds, the way you’re already getting aroused again.

“I want to taste you,” he murmurs against your lips, his voice rough with desire. “I want to make you come with my mouth.”

You gasp, your eyes wide with surprise and anticipation. “I … I’ve never …”

Lewis cuts you off with a kiss, his hand moving to gently push you back against the couch. “Trust me,” he says, his voice a low growl. “You’re going to love this.”

He moves down your body, his lips trailing over your skin, leaving a path of fire in their wake. He takes his time, savoring each moment, each reaction, until he’s settled between your thighs, his hands gently spreading you open.

“God, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs, his eyes dark with desire. “I can’t wait to taste you.”

You’re trembling, your breath coming in short gasps, and Lewis can feel the anticipation radiating off you. He leans in, his tongue flicking out to taste you, and the sound you make — the soft, desperate moan — drives him wild.

He starts slow, teasing, his tongue moving in gentle, deliberate strokes, wanting to savor the taste of you, the way you respond to his touch. He can feel your body tensing, your hips arching towards him, and he holds you steady, his hands gripping your thighs.

“Just let go,” he murmurs against your skin, his tongue finding a rhythm that has you gasping, your fingers tangling in his braids. “Let me make you feel good.”

You’re moaning now, your body trembling as the pleasure builds, and Lewis can feel the way you’re getting closer, the way your muscles are tensing, your breath coming in short, desperate gasps.

“Oh God,” you gasp, your voice high and breathless. “Lewis, please …”

He smiles against your skin, increasing the pressure, his tongue moving faster, more insistent. He wants to push you over the edge again, to feel you lose control completely.

“Come for me,” he growls, his hands gripping your thighs tighter. “I want to taste you.”

You cry out, your body arching off the couch as the orgasm crashes over you, and Lewis doesn’t stop, his tongue still moving, drawing out every last bit of pleasure. He wants you to feel it completely, to know what it’s like to lose yourself in the sensation.

As the waves of pleasure finally start to subside, he slows his movements, his touch gentle now, soothing. Lewis pulls back slightly, watching you as you lay there, your chest still rising and falling from the aftershocks of your orgasm.

The look on your face — blissful, flushed, and so vulnerable — makes something twist deep in his chest. You’ve just experienced something new, something he’s given you, and the knowledge of that fills him with an intense satisfaction.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, his smile slow and full of heat. “You taste incredible,” he murmurs again, voice rough, letting the words hang between you. “I’ve never tasted anything better.”

You’re still catching your breath, but your eyes find his, and there’s a spark of something there — nervous, but … curious.

Lewis can see the way you hesitate, the way you’re trying to form words but don’t quite know how. He leans in, brushing his thumb across your bottom lip. “What is it, love?” He asks, his voice soft, coaxing. He’s patient, not wanting to rush you.

You bite your lip, your cheeks flushed with both the intensity of what’s just happened and the thought clearly forming in your mind. “I … I want to …” You hesitate, glancing away briefly, embarrassed. “I want to do the same to you.”

Lewis raises an eyebrow, intrigued, but he doesn’t say anything. He waits, watching the way your gaze drops to his chest, avoiding eye contact.

“I just don’t know … how,” you admit, your voice barely above a whisper.

His heart stirs at your shyness, the vulnerability of your admission. There’s something so genuine about you, so unaffected. He can see the innocence still lingering in your eyes, even after everything that’s just happened. It makes him want to be gentle, to guide you, to show you that there’s no pressure here — just a shared experience between the two of you.

Lewis shifts his weight, sitting up and leaning back against the cushions. He reaches out, his hand cupping your cheek, forcing you to meet his eyes. “You don’t have to be nervous,” he says quietly, his thumb brushing across your skin. “You don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

You shake your head quickly, your hand reaching out to touch his chest, your fingers splayed against his skin. “I want to,” you say, the words coming out more firmly now, but still tinged with uncertainty. “I just … I don’t want to mess it up.”

Lewis chuckles, the sound low and warm, easing the tension in the room. “You won’t mess it up,” he says, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. “Trust me, you can’t mess this up.”

You glance up at him, your eyes searching his face, and he can see the resolve settling in. Slowly, you shift, moving closer to him, your hands tentatively sliding down his chest, tracing the hard lines of muscle. Lewis watches you carefully, his breath slowing as your touch grows more confident.

Your fingers dip lower, brushing the waistband of his sweatpants, and you pause, glancing up at him again. “What do I … do first?” You ask, your voice small but filled with curiosity.

Lewis reaches down, his hand gently covering yours, guiding it to the drawstring of his pants. “You start by taking these off,” he says, his voice deep, steady. “Just go slow.”

You swallow hard, but you nod, your fingers trembling slightly as you untie the knot and slowly pull his pants down. Lewis helps you, lifting his hips slightly to ease them off, and soon, they’re discarded on the floor. He’s left in just his boxers, his arousal evident beneath the thin fabric.

You bite your lip again, your eyes widening slightly as you take in the sight of him. “I don’t … I don’t know if I’ll be good at this,” you admit, your voice wavering with uncertainty.

Lewis reaches out, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch soft, reassuring. “You don’t have to be perfect,” he says gently. “Just listen to me, and I’ll tell you what feels good. Okay?”

You nod, your nerves still there, but there’s a determination in your gaze now, a desire to learn, to please him the way he pleased you. Slowly, you reach for the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down carefully, and Lewis lets out a low breath as he’s freed from the confines of the fabric.

For a moment, you just stare, your hand hovering uncertainly above him. “It’s … bigger than I thought,” you murmur, and Lewis can’t help but grin at your honesty.

“Don’t worry,” he says, his voice laced with amusement. “You’ll get used to it.”

You look up at him, biting your lip nervously, and Lewis reaches down, taking your hand in his. He guides it to him, his breath hitching slightly as your fingers wrap around him, tentative but curious.

“Like this?” You ask, your voice small, unsure.

Lewis closes his eyes briefly, feeling the warmth of your hand around him, the softness of your touch. “Yeah,” he breathes, his voice rougher now. “Just like that.”

You start slow, your hand moving tentatively at first, feeling your way through the unfamiliar motions. Lewis watches you, his breath deepening as you grow more confident, your movements becoming more fluid. He can see the concentration on your face, the way you’re so focused on getting it right, and it only makes him want you more.

“Am I doing it okay?” You ask, glancing up at him, your eyes wide, seeking approval.

Lewis groans softly, his hand moving to rest on the back of your neck. “You’re doing perfect,” he says, his voice thick with desire. “Just keep going.”

You bite your lip again, nodding slightly as your hand moves faster, finding a rhythm. Lewis’ breath hitches, his body tensing slightly as the pleasure starts to build. He’s trying to stay in control, to guide you, but you’re learning quickly, and the way your touch feels — tentative yet eager — is driving him wild.

“You’re so good at this,” he murmurs, his hand tightening slightly on the back of your neck, encouraging you. “Just like that.”

Your cheeks flush at his praise, and you seem to grow even more confident, your movements more sure. Lewis can feel his control slipping, the pleasure coiling tight in his gut, but he doesn’t want to rush this. He wants you to feel how much he’s enjoying it, how good you’re making him feel.

“Do you want to use your mouth?” He asks, his voice low, rough with desire. “I can show you how.”

You hesitate for a moment, your eyes widening slightly at the suggestion, but then you nod. “Yes,” you whisper. “Show me.”

Lewis shifts, adjusting himself so that you have better access, and he cups your cheek gently, guiding you closer. “Just start slow,” he says softly, his thumb brushing over your lips. “Don’t worry about being perfect. Just take your time.”

You nod, your breath coming in shallow gasps as you lean in, your lips brushing against him tentatively at first. Lewis groans softly, his hand tightening on the back of your neck, but he’s careful not to push you too hard. He wants you to move at your own pace, to find your own rhythm.

You open your mouth, taking him in slowly, and Lewis’ breath hitches, his body tensing as the warmth of your mouth surrounds him. “Fuck,” he murmurs, his voice barely above a whisper. “You feel so good.”

You look up at him, your eyes wide, and he can see the uncertainty there, but also the desire to please him. He groans, his hand guiding you gently, showing you how to move, how to take him deeper, how to use your tongue.

“Just like that,” he breathes, his voice thick with pleasure. “You’re doing so good, love.”

You follow his lead, your movements slow and tentative at first, but you’re learning quickly, finding a rhythm that has Lewis’ breath coming in shallow gasps. He can feel his control slipping, the pleasure coiling tighter with each passing moment.

He’s never felt anything like this — the combination of your innocence, your eagerness to learn, and the way you look up at him, eyes wide and full of curiosity — it’s intoxicating.

“Fuck,” he groans, his hand tightening on the back of your neck as you take him deeper, your mouth moving in perfect rhythm with his guidance. “You’re gonna make me come if you continue doing that.”

You pause for a moment, looking up at him with wide eyes, and Lewis chuckles softly, his hand brushing through your hair. “Keep going,” he says, his voice low and rough. “I want you to finish me off.”

You nod slightly, your lips sliding back down over him, and Lewis can’t hold back the groan that escapes his lips. The pleasure is building fast, and he knows he’s not going to last much longer, not with the way you’re moving, the way you’re looking at him like you’re determined to please him.

“Just like that,” he murmurs, his hand tightening in your hair as the pleasure coils tight in his gut. “Fuck, you’re so good at this.”

You take him deeper, your mouth working in perfect rhythm, and Lewis can feel the tension building, the pleasure crashing over him like a tidal wave. He groans loudly, his body tensing as he reaches the edge.

“God, I’m gonna come,” he gasps, his hand tightening in your hair. “You should stop if you don’t want to swallow-”

But you don’t stop. Instead, you push even further, taking him deeper into your mouth, your movements growing more confident, more determined. Your tongue swirls around him, your hand stroking in time with your lips, and Lewis feels his control shatter.

He’s never felt anything like this — your eagerness, your willingness to please him, the way you’re pushing yourself to learn and to give him everything he needs. It’s overwhelming, and it sends him spiraling over the edge.

“Fuck,” he groans, his head falling back, his eyes closing as the pleasure crashes over him in waves. His body tenses, his muscles locking up as he comes, the intensity of it almost too much to handle.

You don’t pull away. You keep going, your mouth and hand working together to draw out every last bit of his orgasm, your movements steady and sure. He can feel the way you’re trying to take everything, the way you’re pushing yourself, and it drives him wild.

He’s gasping for breath, his body trembling with the aftershocks of his release, and he forces himself to open his eyes, to look down at you. You’re still there, your eyes locked on his, a mixture of determination and curiosity in your gaze.

“God, you’re amazing,” he breathes, his voice rough and unsteady. He gently pulls you away, his hands cupping your cheeks, guiding you up to his level. “You didn’t have to do all that, you know.”

You bite your lip, a shy smile tugging at the corners of your mouth. “I wanted to,” you say softly. “I wanted to make you feel good.”

Lewis’s heart swells at your words, the sincerity in your voice. He leans in, kissing you deeply, tasting himself on your lips, and it only makes him want you more. He pulls you into his lap, wrapping his arms around you, holding you close.

“You did,” he murmurs against your lips. “You made me feel incredible. You’re incredible.”

You blush, the color rising in your cheeks, and Lewis can’t help but smile. There’s something so genuine about you, so unaffected by everything that’s happened. It makes him want to protect you, to show you that you’re safe with him, that you can trust him.

He pulls back slightly, looking into your eyes, his expression softening. “Thank you,” he says quietly. “For trusting me. For letting me be the one to show you this.”

You smile shyly, your fingers tracing patterns on his chest. “Thank you for being so patient,” you reply. “For making me feel … good.”

Lewis chuckles softly, his hand brushing through your hair. “I’d say we both came out of this feeling pretty good,” he says, a teasing glint in his eye.

You laugh, the sound light and carefree, and it’s like music to his ears. He kisses you again, slow and tender, savoring the moment. There’s a warmth between you now, a connection that wasn’t there before, and it feels like the start of something new, something real.

As the night wears on, you stay wrapped in each other’s arms, talking and laughing, the intimacy of the moment lingering between you. In the back of his mind, Lewis knows that this is just the beginning, that there’s so much more to explore, so much more to learn about each other. And he can’t wait to do so.

[verysium]

BLUE LOCK REVERSE ICKS 😳

😭 i read this as blue lock icks and was about to drag them all through the dirt with a brutally honest character review. but anyways, reverse icks is still a good idea, so here you go anon:

rin has abandonment issues. now before u come for me, let me explain. ever since sae left him, he's been hesitant to let anyone back into his heart, and that's why you mean so much to him. his hand automatically reaches for yours in the crowd so you don't get separated. when he has nightmares and dreams of you leaving, he wakes up, patting frantically on your side of the bed until he finds your body and relaxes. hugs you as if he'll never let go and buries his face into the crook of your neck and just whispers "thank fucking god." and you can see his chin wobbling as he struggles so hard not to cry, but deep down you know he's a very sensitive soul and you're quite literally his whole world.

sae's entire character is a reverse ick. have you not seen that man? he is beautiful. but i'll give u a little scenario: sae attends a charity gala, and you're invited as his plus one. you're busy getting ready in the bathroom, and he just leans against the doorframe, breath hitching when he sees you all dolled up in your fancy dress. coughs to hide his blush when you turn around and ask him for help. creeps behind you silently, his hot breath grazing your nape as his deft fingers reach for your zipper. his hands are callused and gentle when they clasp the back of your necklace (the one he bought for you), and the cold metal contrasts with the warmth of his hands on your shoulders. his heart is beating so fast that his fingers tremble and struggle with his tie, so you fix it for him but when your gaze travels back up his face, you catch him staring down at you, his eyes filled with an intense emotion. your gesture of kindness reminds him of his mother and how he hasn't gone back home in ages and how blessed he is by the gods to have you in his life.

kaiser does the hair tuck thing where he kisses a strand of your hair and smooths it behind your ear. he tries so hard to be a suave and charming gentleman, but honestly he's just an awkward loser. screams like a girl when you watch horror movies together and hugs you so tightly you think your lungs might burst. but then he gradually quiets down and falls asleep in your arms, and you think maybe he's not so bad. he canonically is not a morning person, so when he wakes up, he has the homeless cut 2.0 with the wild bed head and groggy facial expression. also has a weird habit of walking around the house naked. in any other situation, you would've yelled at him to put some clothes on, but his physique was looking extra good today, and you sort of got distracted. he definitely noticed and not-so-subtly flexed his biceps. always tries to make you laugh even though his pick-up lines are terrible and he can't tell a good joke to save his life.

nagi sometimes wakes up before you and pulls your body closer to him. on most occasions though, it's you who wakes up before him and he drags you back to bed. he hates it when you work late and hovers above you like a phantom, waiting for you to finally finish and go cuddle with him. if it gets to the point where you fall asleep while working, he will tuck you into bed and kiss you goodnight. the next morning, you find all your work finished, albeit in poor handwriting. in all honesty, nagi is a genius, and he tries hard for you and only you. if any other person asked them to finish their work, he would've flat-out rejected them.

isagi is good with children but often at his own expense. unsuccessfully tries to make a baby laugh but ends up getting distracted and slamming face first into a telephone pole. now that made the baby start giggling, and he just smiled through tears with a red bump on his forehead, insisting that he was alright and didn't just knock his two front teeth loose. whenever he babysits your siblings/cousins, he ends up doing all the grueling work like changing diapers, taking out the trash, cleaning up after the gremlins. and yet the children will still favor you and not him. tries to act like he's not heartbroken but boy did that sting a little too much.

barou buys you flowers. has a big stupid blush on his big stupid face and refuses to admit that his heart skips a beat every time you look at him. does that thing where he looks the opposite way to pretend like he's not interested before shoving a bouquet into your hands. he's also very protective. holds your hand when you cross the sidewalk so you don't get run over. holds the door open for you every time. tried to make those origami hearts for you, but his fingers are thick and stubborn, and he stayed up all night in a fit of rage because he's not used to delicate work like this. you ended up getting a lopsided piece of crumpled paper that barou insisted was a heart, and you agreed because why would you hurt his feelings?

chigiri knows how to braid your hair. makes you sit in front of the mirror while his slender fingers carefully brush the soft strands. he can get complex too. dutch braids. french braids. fishtail braids. also does that cheesy couple tradition where he braids a piece of his own hair with yours as a symbol of love. most people don't know this, but he's actually a crackhead. sometimes when you're walking down the street, he'll do impersonations of the various people he sees. the old lady at the laundromat. the two aunties at the flower shop. the fisherman near the boardwalk. he even imitated your dad once, and you nearly lost it. he's too funny guys, but you need a sophisticated sense of humor to understand him.

and that's about it. sorry this was so short anon, but my brain is dessiccated this week.

[luimagines]

Maybe a scenario where the chain is female hero's Era and they meet her era's link which is her little brother of like 6 and she confesses that the quest was actually for him.

LITTLE LINK!?!!?!?!? MY LOVE, MY LIFE, MY SON!?!? ABSOLUTELY!!!! XD

Everybody get ready for more Lucky. I will never have enough of this boy. ^.^*

Side note: Reader is written as Gender Neutral per the rules of the blog, but this isn't really about them anyway. :D

Masterlist

Content under the cut!

"Just a little closer." You say under your breath as you push aside the surrounding foliage. You step into a well beaten path. there's roots sticking out of it and the dirt is bare and dry, but you know that it's safe to travel along and that it'll take you straight to your destination.

"We've been walking for hours." Legend groans. "Are we there yet?"

"Almost." You hold the branch open for the others to pass through.

"This Link of yours must be a pain in neck to get to if his lives this far out into the middle of nowhere." Hyrule spits out a leaf.

You snort, keeping it vague for the sake of keeping him safe. They'll know the truth soon enough and frankly, you're scared to see the aftermath. "It's just up the path."

"Finally!"

"Come on! Let's go!" Wind cheers and takes off running, following swiftly by Wild, Wolfie and Four.

You try to keep a leisurely pace, knowing you're going to need all the energy you can reserve for when you arrive. You want to run just as much as the others, but you know better.

Time seems to have caught on and gently smacks your shoulder. "You never said how you happened to meet him."

"I didn't?" You smile, playing it coy. "Strange."

"This is it?" Four asks with a skeptical look.

Just beyond the hill is a run down cottage. There's holes in the roof and the fence is broken in many areas. The forest and meadows around it are about to over take the small house and return the woods of its skeleton back to where they came from.

You try to hold back a bitter smile and the way your heart swells at the familiar sight. You pat Four on the shoulder and keep walking towards the cottage. Putting your fingers to your mouth, you let out a shrill whistle and keep walking.

A beat passes, setting the young men behind you on edge before the door of the cottage all but bursts open. You can feel some of the boys reach for their weapons but they hesitate when you start hollering in excitement.

Your calls are answered back by a small body that comes running out of the cottage at full speed. It comes out like a shot and b-lines for you with the intent to tackle. You catch the familiar mop of blond hair and laugh, peppering the small boy with kisses and tickles.

The group behind you is stunned.

"Bubbah! You're home! You're home!" The child cries.

You smile, getting a little teary as you hold the child closer. "I get to stay for a little bit this time before I travel again. I wanted you to meet some friends of mine. They've been very excited to meet you."

The little boy looks over your shoulder and gasp, a bright grin covering his face. "New people! Hello! Welcome to my house!"

You set him down with a proud smile as he runs to the Chain. He stops in front of them, holding his hand out like the polite gentleman he's growing up to be. "My name is Link, what's yours?"

Twilight bites the bullet and kneels to his level, shaking his hand. "Why- My name is Link too! It's great to meet you!"

You sighs and look back to the house. Your grandmother must still be inside. Age has not been kind to her.

The introductions are going on behind as your brother gets more and more amused that they all share the same name. He laughs, bright and joyfully and still the child you've fought so hard to keep. "No wonder you wanted to meet me too!"

"Yeah.... That's why." Legend clenches his jaw in a tight smile. He catches it quickly, the mark of the Triforce of Courage already on his little hand. Legend points to his hand to show that he has the same mark. "You have that too?"

Link, your brother, nods and proudly shows it off. "Bubbah says it's because I'm special. They had to leave home after it showed up though. They saved me from the monsters and told me to take care of grandma."

"Then I'm sure you're doing an incredible job." Time says gently. "That mark is special. I'm sure your grandma is very proud."

Warrior makes it a point to step aside, roughly grabbing your arm as he speaks in a hushed voice. "What is the meaning of this?"

"This is my home." You try to keep the growl out of your voice. "Link is my brother."

"Tell me you're joking."

"I wouldn't be the one traveling with you if I was."

"Bubbah!" Link calls for your attention. "Can they stay for dinner?!"

You slap a grin onto your face and wave back to him. "That was the plan, short stack! You mind going to tell grandma we have company?"

"Oh yeah!" He grins and runs back to the house right as your grandmother has reached the door. She sees you and sighs of relief that you've returned safe and sound.

You wave from where you are and blow her a kiss. You try not to look at the other boys around you.

You can feel them staring holes into you head as it is.

This is going to be a long story.

[cannibclheart]

Light Yagami NSFW headcanons

Here are some NSFW headcanons I have for these this dumbass. I’m back in business baby, please feel free to send an ask! Do not read/interact with this post unless you are over the age of 18.

cw: afab!reader, dubcon, oral, fingering, imbalanced power dynamics, edging, physical marks/restraint, rlly bad @ tagging but lmk if there is anything else i should include

— Light is manipulative and charming in that order. This is a fact. He is attentive when he presses your back to the wall, unyielding when he forces your hips closer to his, and seemingly desperate when he grabs your jaw and traces the line your neck with his gaze. More than the taking, it’s the withholding that hurts.

— He takes great care in memorizing every touch that elicits a breathlessness from you. His thumb in the hollow junction of your neck and shoulders, his lips against the butterfly-thin shell of your ear, his face between the soft curves of your thighs.

 — And when he has you at the edge of his bed with your legs thrown over his shoulders, and he genuflects to perhaps the only person worth worshiping, Light is methodical.

— His hands would move slowly up your leg, grabbing and massaging where he can before pulling your legs apart to reveal a dark spot clinging to the contour of your cunt. Devastatingly slow, he would run his fingers across your twitching form, making sure to rub slow circles along your slit until you’re shaking.

— And when you can’t bear it for one more second, one whimper away from anger, his mouth would be on you. Underwear pulled clinically to the side, he’d press his tongue into your folds and start his slow ministrations. He’d force you to watch as he circles the tip of his pink tongue around your clit, never quite giving you the satisfaction you deserve.

— Light likes to edge you, to see how long you can withstand him. He relishes in taking his time and forcing your hands above your head, made up in knots sometimes by his own weight, other times by his crimson tie..

— But after the kindness wares off and he immerses himself deeper into the game, his God-complex would start to get the better of him.

— One of his favorite ways of owning you is to take your jaw in his hands and face fuck you. Your whole body would be immobilized, forced to kneel in front of him as he shoves his thick cock into your mouth. He’d call you filthy for drooling and grab your hair by the roots to take him from the base. Of course you’d cry, tears converging with your spit, but the sound wouldn’t register as you gagged to the beat of his unrelenting pace.

— He’d take what he wants when he wants it. No God should have to wait after all and you hardly have the power to resist him. He threatened your loved ones after all.

— Despite his inherit need to hurt, Light doesn’t truly harm you. At least, not where anyone can see. Yes, his fingertips are a tattooed bruise on the inner parts of your thighs, and his teeth have left permanent scars on your ass, but he never gave you anything you couldn’t handle.

— Still, he’d tend to your wounds. He’d be distant and objective but at least he still cares. At least, until he returns to his desk and begins the work anew.

[yanderetheumbrellaacademy]

Five in a time line where reader doesn't know him? Kind of like Klaus and what's his faces relationship???????

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Haven't written this in ages

He doesn't take it well at all

He's never loved someone the way he loves you, so when he does go into a time line where you've never even met him, he freaks out internally

Though, then he starts to think that maybe this is a good thing

He knows everything about you. Your likes, dislikes, embarrassing memories, insecurities, hobbies, etc [I think you get my point]

^ He can use this knowledge and use it to make himself seem like the perfect guy/boyfriend

While you did like him in his timeline, there were moments where he wasn't the best boyfriend, but now he has a second chance

He'll 'accidentally' run into you and see you holding a book/sketchbook/notebook/journal [Whatever your interest is] and he'll pick it up before being like "Oh, you like ____? I like it, too. I can never find anyone else who likes _____"

He knows you're shy and easily scared/introverted, so he knows this is a hit or miss, but thankfully you take it really well. You were excited someone shared the same interest as you. You start babbling about it, while asking if he wanted to get a drink or food

He's quick to take up the offer. He didn't want to waste a second with you

You do think he moves incredibly fast. You never had a guy like him show such an interest in you, so you're taken aback by his enthusiasm

He doesn't want to scare you, but he can't help himself

He does begin to scare you when you realize he knows everything about you

He doesn't tell you about his powers, until you start to avoid him in fear

You're surprised when he appears in your room, going through your drawers, before tossing you your journal/diary

"You should put a lock on that"

"How- What are you- How did you get into my room?"

He sits on your bed, ignoring you

"Hello? Five?"

He looks at you, holding one of your stuff animals in his hands. If you had known he would sneak in your room, you probably would have hidden that.

"Why have you been avoiding me?"

"What?"

He gets off the bed, stepping closer to you, until your back hits the wall. He throws the stuff animal over his shoulder, before making direct eye contact with you. "Why. Are. You. Avoiding. Me?"

"I-I-I ha-haven't be-been doing that- Avoiding you I mean-" You stutter over your words, causing him to deeply frown

"Don't patronize me. I'm not fucking stupid."

"I've been busy," You quickly lie, mentally applauding yourself for coming up with that so quickly

"Doing what?" Five humored you, deciding he'd try and let you defend yourself. Maybe you weren't avoiding him. Maybe he was being paranoid

"Things?"

He groans, looking away from you, annoyed. Why were you really avoiding him? He thought things were going great? But apparently he was wrong...

What he didn't realize is that he was coming on to strong

There was silence in the room and you were scared, because he still hasn't said anything and he's not looking at you

Finally, after what feels like eternity, he speaks

"Can I tell you something-Well, let me showing something."

You were a little confused, but he pulls you towards the bed and pushes you down. He takes a deep breath, before making direct eye contact with you.

"You can't freak out. Promise me?"

"It can't possibly be that bad-"

"I'm serious. Promise me"

''Fine. I promise."

You think he's over exaggerating and blowing this out of proportion, until he fucking disappears

You look around the room confused and then he suddenly appears behind you, holding a soda. It was the one you had downstairs that you had been waiting all day to drink

"How did you do that???"

"It's complicated," He tells you, rubbing the back of his neck

"That's so cool!"

You ask him to do his talent over and over. At first he was annoyed, but then he realizes that you were probably going to break up with him, but now you were more interested in him than you've ever been

You practically become obsessed with him

He doesn't mind, in fact he finds it hot. His timeline version of you was never obsessed with him. You were just a lovely couple, but this version of you was practically as bad as him and god he loves it so much

He wants to keep you forever

And he will. You're never getting away from him

[cepheustarot]

What is people's first impression of you?

Attention! This reading is for entertainment purposes only. This tarot reading does not give a 100% guarantee that all the described situations will occur or being ultimate truth. You build your own life and destiny and only you know yourself best.

✧ Masterlist ✧ Paid readings

Pick a pile. Choose one or more pictures. Trust your intuition.

Pile 1: In general I can say that people's first impression of you is quite positive! I should immediately note that for many you stand out with your aura, you immediately catch the eye because you have a predominant vibe of a sunny person, kind, warm with whom you can easily find a common language and in general you are affable and friendly. Most people around you feel comfortable and easy to communicate, immediately after spending time with you their mood improves and a good mood remains for the whole day. At the same time many people see youf as a person capable of leading people, you have the traits of a leader, you are persistent, you know how to get along with people of any age because you know how to find an approach to any person even if he is the most sullen, taciturn and with a complex character.  Also many people see you as an intelligent person with high intelligence, you can probably quickly "get out of a situation" and come up with a solution in a matter of seconds, you can find solutions quickly and, in general, react faster than anyone in stressful situations. Despite the fact that you are kind and generous enough to many, you do not cross this line and in case of a quarrel you will stand your ground, do not let yourself be offended but at the same time you will not  fall downward to the level of the offender and will not insult him in return, put pressure on pain points. Many people may get the impression that you are a person who plans everything, not one of those who likes to improvise but strictly act as planned, because this way you feel more calm and you have a feeling that you are firmly on the ground, keeping everything under control.

Pile 2: People's first impression of you is the following: people see you as a very romantic person, perhaps you can often romanticize some situations in life, you are one of those who can find aesthetics in everything, you can often take photos just because you can find beauty in many things. Many people really like the way you take photos, your style and appearance and generally like your vision of the world. You are also seen as an open person, you are very emotional and speak directly about your feelings and share your thoughts. You are also open to everything new, you are characterized by curiosity, a desire to try something new and moreover, you yourself may feel the desire to bring something new into the world! You are a very gentle person who can often get sentimental, you are also very empathic and you have a high level of emotional intelligence, you will never be indifferent listening to someone's life story. You are open to new acquaintances and in general I can say that you like to communicate with people, learn something new about them, get closer but it is difficult to truly become your close friend or your lover because you are selective and careful about choosing your close environment.

Pile 3: First of all people get the first impression of you as a person who has achieved a lot in his life or at least you have an understanding of what you want to achieve in your life. You have probably already planned your actions for the coming years and you are one of those who brings what has been started to the end, nothing can break you and you will not be persuaded, you are very persistent in this regard and always do what you want, what you need without bending to the words of other people. People think that you are a sane person, you can really reason logically, you are not one of those who worry about trifles. You prefer to solve the problem right away without succumbing to emotions, I can generally call you a person of action, you are very hardworking, persistent and always moving forward. You also tend to think optimistically, you will find benefits in any situation, you will find something good and positive. People believe that you value family relationships very much, you love your family and your relatives, you can have quite warm and strong relationships with them, since they always support you and are always on your side, they usually do not condemn your decisions and your actions, because they see you as a mature and adult, an independent person.

Thank you for reading! I will be glad of any feedback 🖤

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Monster, Inc. 2

Warnings: this fic will include elements, some dark, such as age gap, noncon/dubcon, and other untagged triggers. Please take this into account before proceeding. It is up to curate your online consumption safely.

Summary: your boss is an asshole, you know this. But what happens when he turns his wrath upon you? (plus!reader)

Characters: Lloyd Hansen, this reader is known as Missie.

Author’s Note: Please feel free to leave some feedback, reblog, and jump into my asks. I’m always happy to discuss with you and riff on idea. As always, you are cherished and adored! Stay safe, be kind, and treat yourself💜

💼Part of the Bad Bosses AU💼

“Mr. Hansen,” you trill into the foyer, “I have your breakfast.” 

You ease shut the door behind you and pause to kick off your kitten heels on the mat. It’s one of those days your boss has decided to work from home but it doesn’t make your day any less jam-packed. You wait for an answer, not that you ever get one, and proceed. 

You go to his office and find it empty. You frown. You leave his breakfast on the oval island in the kitchen and bounce around to the bottom of the stairs, “Mr. Hansennnnn.” 

Nothing. You check your phone. By chance, had he changed his mind. Is he at the office waiting for his organic egg white wrap with spinach and feta? You don’t see any new emails or missed calls. You hum and teeter in indecision. You don’t go upstairs.  

You tap on Mr. Hansen, listed under your favourites, and put your phone to your ear. You wait and hear the distant ringtone. The line goes dead as the call is dismissed. You sigh and try again. What is he up to? The same thing. He declines your call and you shake your head at the echo of the curtailed ringtone. 

Fine, you can wait for him to come home. Sometimes, you feel like you’re looking after a spoiled child. He reminds you of your baby brother and how your mother would struggle to get him out of bed for school. Rami was always such a brat. 

If he takes a while, you’ll reheat the wrap in the air fryer. You surpass it and enter the laundry room. You put the dryer on fluff to refresh the load the maid left in there and pace around impatiently. You go through the RSVP requests for Mr. Hansen and decline those you know he’ll roll his eyes at. 

The dryer finishes its quick tumble and you fold the delicates into the waiting basket. You finish and carry the aromatic clothes out through the kitchen and to the bottom of the stairs. Again, you chirp up after Mr. Hansen. 

“I’m coming up with your laundry, sir,” you warn as you get no answer. 

You warily begin the ascent as you clutch the handles of the basket. You peer around the hall and continue on down towards the left. Slow, shuffling steps towards the slightly ajar door at the end. You go to set down the load by the door frame and the door swings open abruptly. 

“Missie!” Lloyd grabs you and pulls you inside as you squeal. “There the fuck you are.” 

“I called--” you choke as he keeps a hold of your arm and drags you across the bedroom, “sir, your breakfast is downstairs--” 

“Missie, shut up!” He snarls as he urges you on and you scramble to keep from tripping.  

He shoves you through another door and your hip hits the frame with a thump. You rub it as he lets you go and you turn to face him as he follows you in. The space is made brighter by the four bulbs under glass shades that shine over the mirrors. You reel as you try to steady yourself after his sudden seizure. 

You realise he’s in no more than a pair of silk black boxers, if you can call them that. They’re short enough that they barely touch his thighs. His thick muscular thighs. The elastic clings to his equally firm torso and you try not to show your discomfort. 

“Sir, what’s going on?” 

“Do you see it?” He turns and pulls a small round mirror closer as wiggles his upper lip. The mirror is attached to a bending arm and tilts all around. “Missie, tell me I’m seeing things.” 

He grabs your shoulder and points to his mustache with his other hand. Amid the sandy brown cluster of neatly trimmed hair is a single silver strand. It’s not very obvious unless you’re looking for it. 

“Uh, your mustache?” 

“The goddamn grey!” He snarls and shakes you, “this is all your fault.” 

“What?” You squeak, “my fault?” 

“That goddamn cake! Forty-six? Like you’re rubbing it in my face,” he lets you go and turns back to the large mirrors, leaning in to push out his upper lip with his tongue. He growls, “I hired you to lessen my stress so why the fuck is this--” He faces you again and points at his mustache, “happening?” 

“Sir, um, well, you could pluck it--” 

“Fuck off!” 

“Dye?” 

“Shut up! You stupid bimbo,” he snarls and crosses his arms, leaning against the marble counter, “I don’t need your stupid ideas.” 

“Yes, sir,” you nod, “ but, er, why... what did you need? I could bring your breakfast up--” 

He looks at you so sharply you swallow your question. He curls his lips and huffs. His eyes crawl down your body and he angles his head coyly. 

“You pull with that ass?” He scoffs. 

“Excuse me, sir--” 

“You heard me? Lotta of chubby chasers? Feeders? Weirdos?” He says. 

“Sir,” you resist a frown, your cheeks trembling, “that’s... not work.” 

“You’re on my dime, I’m asking, so it’s work,” he insists. He drops his chin and looks down at himself. He flexes his chest, “I know damn well you’re not getting grade A meat like this.” 

You avert your eyes and sniff, “sir, I’m single and not looking but I appreciate you asking.” 

“Ugh, are you always so annoyingly happy?” He sneers. 

“It’s a nice day, sir. Bright out. And you know, a lot of women would say that grey makes you more distinguished,” you suggest, “now your mustache matches your head.” 

His eyes dart back to you and he stands straight, “what?” 

“Well, er...” you gesture vaguely up, “you know...” you touch your temples. His are shaved but you can still see the lightness there, “er, nothing, sir. I’m just uhhhhh rambling. Anyway, I will go warm up your wrap--” 

He blocks you, jabbing you in the stomach as he corners you in the bathroom, “I don’t have gray hair.” 

“Sir, you don’t, I’m colour blind.” 

“I don’t,” he insists again. 

“No, sir, no greys.” 

“I fucking don’t,” he barks and turns to the mirror once more, touching the sides of his head. His eyes are fiery in his reflection and scale over to you again, “get the fuck out!” 

“Sir,” you smile and cheek twitches. Oof. It isn’t going to be an easy day. 

[joelscruff]

feelings on fire (joel miller x f!reader) 18+ PART 8.5 (JOEL'S POV)

previous chapters | so after the last chapter there were SO many people who really wanted to understand joel's actions, and i thought instead of him simply explaining to reader what happened, why don't i just write a chapter entirely from his point of view instead? hopefully this answers some questions, enjoy! and here's my kofi if you'd like to leave a tip 💕 chapter summary: you're not the only one who has a busy weekend ahead of them. one text changes the trajectory of joel's relationship with you - for better or worse. (this is essentially chapter seven and eight from joel's pov) rating: 18+ explicit warnings for this chapter: age difference (joel is in his 50s, reader is in her early 20s), innocent/inexperienced reader, discussions of child abandonment, mental health & cheating, alcohol, allusions to past sexual encounters between joel and his ex, brief flashbacks to smut from previous chapters word count: 13k ao3

He thinks about you so much more often than he should.

Your soft skin, your smile, your eyes, your hair, your little giggles, your shy and breathless whimpers.... your body, pliant and sweet beneath his touch, open and willing and waiting.

You're so perfect. You're so young.

He's never been with someone so much younger than him before. He's not sure you realize that. But that day on his doorstep when you'd wandered down the sidewalk looking like a bit of a lost puppy, that little frown line prominent between your eyebrows that he's come to adore, something clicked. You brought out a side of him he'd long since buried; he knew he had to have you. He just knew. Could feel it in the pit of his stomach when those gorgeous eyes had come to rest on him. Wide and innocent and sad. Something he saw there that made him pause.

He'd have had you that day if you'd let him, a fact that he's still grappling with. Long gone are the days where he'd meet a woman and take her home within a twenty four hour span - long gone are the days where he's so much as been interested in a woman he didn't know well enough, someone safe and secure and familiar. But he hoped you'd be back, almost knew you would, could see it in the way you shivered under his gaze, the way your eyes lingered on his face, on his fingers. He hadn't felt like being charming in a long time; he'd genuinely surprised himself with the flirtatious comments, the sly smiles, double meanings. But he couldn't help himself.

He'd wanted you so bad. The moment you'd disappeared down the street he'd gotten in the shower and fucked his fist for only a few minutes before coming all over the tiled wall at the very thought of you. He didn't even know your name but had already memorized the curves of your body, the shape of your lips, the smell of your skin when he'd gotten close enough. He'd practically limped back to his bedroom and collapsed on the bed in a heap, staring up at the ceiling with nothing but shock and confusion. Where the fuck had that come from?

He's such a dirty old man.

Old being the operative word. He turns fifty seven in a few months and the thought makes him feel physically ill. It's not that he necessarily hates the thought of getting older, of being one step closer to knocking on death's door, but more-so the fact that he's almost fifty seven and has almost nothing to show for it. His life is a mess, has been a mess for as long as he can remember.

But now... you.

You... full of life and eagerness and kindness. A soft and gentle angel in his bed, on his couch, in his kitchen. So shy and quiet, telling him what you think about, what you worry about. Letting him whisper the filthiest things in your ear while you whimper and moan, letting him touch you the way you deserve to be touched, the way you've never been touched before.

You bring something out in him he can't explain. He'd invited you inside that first day looking for a quick fuck and he admits it was a moment of weakness, the whole thing. He knows Sarah and Mish would kill him for even considering treating you that way, like an object, something to be conquered. The past version of himself who briefly felt that way about you makes him angry now.

Because now he really wants you. Not just a fuck - he wants you. He thinks about you all the fucking time and it scares the shit out of him. What started as something dirty and frivolous quickly turned into something tender and sweet the moment you told him you were a virgin, and he doesn't know how to handle it. You're so fucking lovely but so fucking sad and unsure, full of apprehension, regrets, insecurities, things he sees in himself. You remind him so much of himself at that age and he just wants to take care of you, be the person for you that he didn't have.

But you're so fucking young.

He tries to push the feelings down. He's purposely distant to you, especially during the week. You send him sweet little messages, tell him about your day, ask him about his. He stares at them for so long without answering them, and when he does answer his replies are short and vague. Because how can he say what he really wants to say? I think about you so much, angel. I want you to be mine. I don't want you to chase after any college boys or have any college boys chasin' after you. I wanna be your first and I wanna be your only.

How can he put you in that position? You're having fun, you're learning things, but there's absolutely no way you see any sort of future with him. The fact that he can already see one with you is the biggest red flag in itself - what the fuck is wrong with him?

But you're just so fucking sweet. So lovely. So gorgeous. He wants you in his bed and he wants you to stay there. He knows he'll be the first person to ever fuck you and that thought is enough to keep him going, yet he can't help but want more. But it's so selfish - you're young and bright-eyed and pretty and perfect, the promise of an incredible future ahead of you. And he's just... him.

He's old. He's grumpy. He's washed up. Became a father in high school. Got married. Got divorced. Has had more failed relationships than successful ones. Has been working the same job since he was twenty years old, a job he fucking hates. Loathes it with his entire being. Still doing the same work for the majority of his life with almost no breaks, no stops. He knows he should retire, should have done it years ago, but he's afraid.

He's always been fucking terrified of change. Earlier this year he'd moved into a new neighborhood. He'd gotten sick of the house he'd once shared with Mish, then Mish and Sarah, then just Sarah - the one she'd lived in sporadically 'til she was twenty six and finally felt financially stable enough to go out on her own. He'd stayed there about ten more years out of convenience, had another failed relationship with a woman who deserved far better than what he could give her, then finally pulled the plug and got something new for himself a few hours away, hoping it'd change his perspective. He'd picked a place with privacy, good acoustics, thought maybe he'd play his guitar more - focus on his music and slowly phase himself out of the contracting business.

But months later, he's still working it. The thought of being unemployed after working this hard his entire life, just ending up sad and alone in this new house, still not even properly furnished or decorated, makes him want to throw up. What the fuck would he do with all that free time? He's always wondered exactly how he'd spend it, how life could be enjoyable without the structure of his livelihood, but then he shakes it off and just keeps going because he knows the alternative has to be worse. But now... you.

You - who if you truly knew what a fucking failure he is, the boring bag of bones he pretends he's not when he's with you - would leave his bed and never come back.

You - who if you found out about his ex wife, his daughter, both of whom live adventurous and exciting lives while he's done nothing but stay still in the comforts of familiarity - would probably find him beyond pathetic.

You - who can do so much better.

He just knows that it can't last.

--

He gets the text from Sarah on Wednesday morning:

Hey Dad!! Me and Mom are doing our annual road trip, thought we'd stop down there for a bit and have a look at your new house!!

He tries not to notice the excitement of seeing his daughter being slightly dulled by the promise of being accompanied by her mother. In a way it makes him sad, because he loves Mish, has loved her since he was seventeen years old. He cares deeply about her and has always wanted nothing but the best for her, has always enjoyed her visits in the past - for more than one reason. But now...

No. He has to shake the thought away before he freaks himself out.

Kiddo!!!! That's exciting, when were you thinkin?

We'll be there by Friday afternoon!! Sorry for the short notice but we weren't sure if it'd be possible til today. We're actually trying to stick to a schedule this time believe it or not.

That's ok, you know it doesn't matter to me. Wanna see you any time. Miss you a lot.

Aw Dad I miss you too, I can't wait to see you!!! We'll text when we're getting close. Gonna check into a motel that night and we'll be leaving again the next morning, gotta stay on track.

He almost offers his guest room. Almost. But then thinks better of it.

Sounds good kiddo, see you then :)

Mish texts him later that afternoon. He'd been expecting it, knew she would want to double check that the visit was alright, but her name popping up in his notifications sends a jab of anxiety to the pit of his stomach. It's one thing for Sarah to visit on her own, but both of them together always adds a... different layer to the situation. A layer that needs addressing. A layer that he'd usually have more than a little excitement for, some anticipation - but not this time.

Sarah's got me roadtrippin again

She loves to make you suffer.

Don't I know it

He can't help but chuckle to himself, but his smile fades quickly as soon as the next message comes in:

Gonna be stopping by on Friday. You good for our usual?

He stalls.

Thought you were still with Elvis.

ALVIN. And no that's over

Sorry about that.

Like hell you are

He purposely doesn't answer her question, and she doesn't send anything else. The anxiety doesn't go away though - it spreads throughout his body until he's an absolute mess, shaky hands and ringing ears at the job site as he tries to stay focused, but ultimately fails to. His crew flits here and there around him without much direction and they end up going overtime, leading to an angry call from the boss, a call that leaves his hands clenched into fists by the time he gets to the bar with the crew. Fuck. This. Job.

He drinks too much, tries to calm himself, keep his thoughts steady. He pretends he doesn't know why he's feeling like this, pushes down all the reasons he wishes Sarah was traveling by herself this time. But deep down, he knows.

He gets a ride home with one of his buddies, limbs aching in a way that they haven't for a while. He always has days like this, days where the physical labor catches up to his aging body and reminds him that he really shouldn't be doing this job anymore, but somehow it's worse this time; the mental load from Mish's texts are giving him a discomfort he can't really describe.

He remembers only as he crosses the threshold that he promised he'd call you. Shit.

He does, but he can't remember much of what he said the next morning, only that he vented a bit. He hopes with every bone in his body that he didn't mention Mish, that his complaints focused solely on work.

Your texts that afternoon from the church bathroom prove this to be the case, and he breathes a sigh of relief when you agree to come see him that night. He knows he'll feel calm in your company, that the anxiety will ebb away in your presence.

He tries not to think about the implications of that.

God, he's fucked.

--

You had a horrible day.

You show up on his doorstep with tears shining in your eyes and that soft little line furrowed deep between your brows, the line he adores, wants to smooth with his thumb. He pulls you in close and breathes you in and finds that the anxiety, the worry, the uncertainty, all of it disappears in your embrace. You tell him you don't want to do anything, just want to be with him.

You have no idea how much it means to hear you say that to him.

He lays you in his bed and holds you for a while, listens as you tell him about what happened, confide in him. You tell him more about your upbringing and your family, your school years and friends, the pressure and scrutiny you've felt suffocated by your whole life. And god if you're not describing him. You have no idea how fucking similar the two of you are, how much he wants to wrap you up and protect you from the world and from all the people who threaten to dull the light in your eyes. Don't become like me, he wants to whisper, you deserve so much better.

He could listen to you talk for hours. That soft voice lulls him into a state of nirvana he's never experienced, body practically going numb with how in tune it is with your words, like he's become some kind of plant absorbing all your emotions, thoughts, feelings, as you bare yourself to him. You're so lovely. Please never stop talking.

It all culminates in the removal of your crucifix. He barely even thinks about it, just knows exactly what he has to do to calm you, to make you feel better, to steal back some of those worries from you and lock them away for a little bit where they can't hurt you. It's the least he can do. He wants to do it.

It's a gesture he doesn't fully realize the importance of, the magnitude - not yet, anyway.

He backtracks while you shower. It's just sex. This is not going any further than you showing her how it's done, preparing her for the real world, for the future men who actually stand a chance with her. The thought makes him dig his nails deep into his duvet as he settles under the sheets and takes a deep breath. She's not yours. She doesn't want you the way she thinks she does. She doesn't know the real you.

He can't help but picture you in his shower, standing naked under the hot water, in the exact spot he's gotten himself off to your very image. His dick twitches in his pajama pants and he has to adjust himself, cursing softly at his dirty thoughts and reminding himself that nothing is happening tonight, that you don't want to. He's not even disappointed, doesn't care that the sexting from earlier isn't coming to fruition tonight; just laying with you is enough for him. And he hates himself because he knows exactly what that means.

His phone vibrates while he's waiting and he picks it up from the nightstand - a text from Sarah:

Gettin closer! We should be there tomorrow, probably late afternoon. Do you work Fridays?

Yep, he wants to say, Monday to Friday, every week of my entire life since before you were born, but of course he doesn't. Would never.

I do but I'll be back around 5:30 or so. I'll give you a call when I'm home.

Sounds good!!!

Also:

An image comes in and he taps it, squinting his eyes to figure out exactly what he's looking at. He can make out Sarah and Mish sitting atop some statue of a bull they must have encountered outside a gas station. Sarah's arm is thrown back as she poses with her signature killer smile, while Mish grips the bullhorns and sticks her tongue out, braids peeking out from under a cowboy hat. There's something about it that's familiar, something he can't quite place as his eyes strain without the aid of his glasses - the ones he never wears. He pushes his phone away from his eyes, brings it back and hopes to bring the image into focus a little bit.

Oh. It's his hat.

And fuck, if he doesn't know how that makes him feel.

"You need glasses," he hears you say softly, and he looks up from the image of his daughter and ex wife to see you standing at the edge of the bed, clad in nothing but a towel.

He locks his phone and hopes you weren't standing there too long.

--

He doesn't know how to tell you that he won't be able to see you tonight.

He spends the morning in complete and utter bliss, waking up to your bashful request to give him a blowjob. You're so fucking sweet, even when asking for something so filthy. Your mouth is soft and warm around his cock and he feels like he's died and gone to heaven, wants desperately to spill inside and watch you swallow but knows it's not the right time, not yet.

He wonders what your face would look like covered in his come.

Dirty. Old. Man.

You burn his breakfast and furiously apologize, cursing under your breath as you soak the freshly burnt pan under the faucet and frown at your failure. But he doesn't view it as a failure; for him it's just another thing to add to the mental list of reasons he thinks you're adorable.

You ride his thigh. He makes you come, the most beautiful little sounds escaping your lips as you ride it out. He loves how that little worry line between your brows always returns when he's making you feel good, like he really is taking some of that worry away and replacing it with pleasure. He only wants to see that line when he's making you come. He never wants to see you sad again like you'd been last night, just wants to hold you in his arms and protect you from the world.

But then it's time to go and he still hasn't told you about tonight. He does not want to lie to you. He refuses to. But what else can he say? Just that he'll be out late? What if you ask him why? And god, it's not like he's gonna do anything. He's not gonna entertain Mish's offer, not this time. He shouldn't. He won't.

You save him the trouble. Your friend from college is visiting, a girl named Tasha - she's taking you out for the first time ever. He supposes that makes things much easier; no explaining or giving excuses, no revealing things he's not ready to reveal. He dodged a bullet.

Right?

So why does he still feel like such a prick?

--

He gets home from work and calls Sarah, just like he said he would. He only has a short window of time to do a bit of sprucing - fluff the couch pillows a bit, do a quick wipe down of the bathroom - before the doorbell is ringing and he's jogging to the door with excitement coursing through his veins. The anxiety has dulled at the mere promise of seeing his daughter on the other side of that door.

"DAD!" she squeals excitedly as he thrusts it open, and he's immediately enveloped in the warmth of Sarah's embrace, sweet and familiar.

"Kiddo," he breathes into her hair, feeling tears prick in his eyes like they always do, "Missed ya."

"Missed you too," she says into his shoulder, muffled and quiet, "So much, Dad, you have no idea."

They have their moment together, eyes closed as they sway on the spot and smile tearfully - it's been almost a year since her last visit. It didn't used to feel as palpable, those long periods of time between seeing each other, but as he's gotten older he finds that he misses her a lot; his little pal, not so little anymore. Thirty eight now, a full blown woman with a loving husband and a freshly solid career as an author, the life he always wanted for her.

"How're things?" he asks softly, "You doin' okay? Need any money?"

She laughs, "Things are good. I'm good, I promise."

"How's Jude, he good?"

"He's great, and the book's been doin' really well."

"I'm so happy to hear that, kiddo, really. Happy for both of you."

"Thanks, Dad," she murmurs, sniffling a little bit, "Couldn't have done it without you, hope you know that."

And then she's pulling away, wiping the tears from her eyes and waving to the purple convertible behind her, gesturing for Mish to get out of the car.

Here we go.

She steps out and god, she's gorgeous. Age has done nothing but enhance her beauty. She's never not been the most stunning woman in a room, soft skin a glowing deep umber, supple long legs and playful smile and those dark brown - almost black - eyes that practically sparkle when she looks at him. Like the way she's looking at him now... fuck.

"Hey," she says with a sly grin, shutting the car door behind her and making her way up the front steps.

"Hey," he echoes back, "How was the drive?"

"Long," she groans, reaching him and going in for a hug. It's nowhere near as long or as intimate as Sarah's, but the feeling of her body against his feels just as familiar and comforting. It's so easy to fall back into their rhythm. Too easy. "You been good?" she asks as they part.

He nods quickly, "Yeah, you?"

"Can't complain," she replies with a smile.

"Oh please," Sarah scoffs beside her, "All you've done is complain," she looks to Joel with a grimace, "Alvin's out of the picture."

"Sarah," Mish admonishes quickly, brows narrowing.

"Yeah, I heard somethin' about that," he says, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, "Uh - that's too bad, Mish. He was, um... he was a good guy."

"No, he wasn't," she sighs, rolling her eyes and giving Sarah another look, "But that's a conversation for another time, right?"

Sarah puts her hands up in defense, "Sorry, sorry, my bad. We've been in the car too fuckin' long," she peeks past him with a curious expression on her face, "Can we come in? I wanna see your new house."

He shows them around, though there's not much to see, something which Mish points out almost immediately.

"Where's the character?" she asks, raising an eyebrow as she assesses the living room, "Like where's your stuff, Joel?"

"There's not even pictures of us anywhere," Sarah adds with a frown, scanning one of the bookshelves, "It's like we don't even exist."

He grimaces, hands on his hips, "I know, I'm sorry. I still have a few boxes up in the guest room but," he sighs, "You know me, I hate gettin' emotional over shit from the past. And half those boxes got your old school stuff, and-"

"Your Dad's a sentimental guy," Mish interjects with a soft smile, giving him those eyes again, "It's okay, we'll unpack 'em for you."

He scoffs, "We ain't got time for that, Mish."

"I always have time to be sentimental," her smile grows wider and she throws him a wink - his heart stutters.

"Well I always have time for a movie marathon," Sarah suddenly says, turning from the shelves with an array of DVDs in her hands, "Whaddaya say, Dad? Curtis and Viper? After the bar?"

He cocks an eyebrow, "The bar?"

"Oh? Didn't you hear? We're takin' you out, cowboy," Mish says with a smirk, "Or - I guess you're takin' us out. Whatever, either way we're goin' for dinner and drinks like the well adjusted wholesome family we are."

"And then we're gonna eat too much junk food and pass out on the couch like the good old days," Sarah adds, tossing the DVDs onto the coffee table, "Miller family fun."

"And do I get any say in this?"

They both turn to him at the same time with almost the same expression on their faces, and he knows he's already lost.

He wouldn't have it any other way.

--

They have dinner at their favorite chain, practically inhale their burgers and fries as Sarah and Mish catch Joel up on the trip so far, where they've been, what they've seen. He's grateful that the conversation is still on them by the time they get the check and start heading to the bar; he really doesn't want to answer any questions about himself tonight unless he has to.

The bar is louder than usual, much more packed than he's ever seen it. He grumbles this to Sarah and Mish but they just roll their eyes and order their drinks, cozying up together on their barstools and laughing hysterically over things that certainly aren't that funny. They're exhausted from their road trip and he can tell, tries to urge them to head back to the house after about fifteen minutes of being at the bar, but they resist.

"I like this place better than your old joint," Mish calls to him over the chatter, "Smells better too."

"Am I supposed to say thank you?" he calls back with a grin, and she just rolls her eyes and orders him another whiskey.

They don't stay too long, just enough for the girls to get their fill and toss back a few beers, continuing to tell Joel about their trip. Sarah scrolls through the pictures on her phone and shows him the tourist traps, the stops they've made here and there, the food they've eaten. Mish chimes in every so often to add her own anecdotes, bouncing off Sarah's stories naturally like she always has.

He loves how easy it feels to be with them, how comfortable, how safe. He's missed them so much. He wishes things could just stay like this for the rest of the night, simple and light, but every so often he catches Mish looking at him from under her lashes, those dark eyes searching his for something in particular, and he remembers there's still something they haven't addressed.

"Oh my god, Mom," Sarah suddenly says with wide eyes, pointing toward the front of the bar, "Do you see that girl's hat?"

"Where?"

"Those girls over there, look at that purple cowboy hat. Fuuuck, we should be wearing ours!"

Joel rolls his eyes, not bothering to look in the direction Sarah's pointing to and instead focusing on his whiskey, trying to think of ways he can get them out of this bar. Curtis & Viper is suddenly calling his name.

"They're still in the car if you wanna grab 'em," Mish says with a laugh, tossing Sarah the keys, "If you can walk straight."

"Oh please, I've had one beer. We're not all lightweights in this family, ya know," she presses a kiss to her mother's cheek before sliding past to head back to the front of the bar.

"Well, now that we have a moment alone..." she leans forward a bit on her elbow, hand cupping her chin as she tilts her head, "You didn't answer my question the other day, cowboy."

Here it is, the conversation he's been dreading, the one thing he's been putting off talking about the most. And why has he been dreading it? Why has he been filled with so much discomfort and anxiety at the thought of telling Mish that even though he's technically single, he can't be with her this time? It's not like she'd be angry with him, like she'd misunderstand or throw a fit over it. So why can't he just say it?

He knows why. It's because he doesn't want to tell Mish about you. It's because the second he says no, she'll see right through him; she'll know. She'll know immediately that there's somebody else, and she'll clock his feelings - the feelings he's been forcing himself to bury - and then he'll have to confront them, what they really mean.

And as usual, he's terrified.

He plays dumb, "What question?"

She inches the stool forward with a smirk, eyeing him pointedly as he feels her bare leg touch his jeans, slowly drifting up and down along his calf. Fuck. She tilts her head, eyes falling to his lips and then going back up to meet his gaze.

"Playin' coy, are we?" she asks softly, "Need me to say it out loud, huh?"

He feels goosebumps rise all over his arms at the sound of her voice like that, low and sultry; it's the voice she reserves just for these private moments together, fully aware of the effect she has over him.

"You gonna fuck me, cowboy?" she continues, eyes falling to his lips again, "Huh? You been missin' me in your bed?"

Fuck.

He doesn't say anything, just watches as her face moves a little closer to his, the hint of his favorite sly smile puling at the corner of her mouth. She assesses him quietly, gaze raking over his features.

"You're shy tonight, aren't you?" she says, fluttering her lashes, "You need me to take care of you, baby boy? You need your mommy?"

Only Mish could get away with saying something like that to him. He can't help but let a grin cross his own face as he shakes his head at the words, feeling his cheeks flush. He's still unsure what to say, what to think, how to feel. Under any other circumstance they would already be fucking in a bathroom stall at this point, and in a few seconds she's gonna realize that and wonder why the fuck he won't give in.

She kisses him then. Softly.

And it's right. It's so fucking right in all the ways it's always been. Her mouth is warm, lips plump and wet and sweet against his, capturing his bottom lip between hers in that seductive fashion she's oh so good at. Without any thought, as if on instinct, his hand comes up to cup her face, holding her there for a moment as he breathes her in. He realizes how easy it would be to just fall back into this rhythm, this old habit they've been indulging themselves in for years. It just feels so right.

But it's also so fucking wrong.

It's wrong. It's so wrong. This is not the mouth he wants to be kissing. For years, he's always found comfort and safety in Mish's kiss, never once felt like what they were doing was incorrect or some kind of mistake. But now it's like every fiber of his being is telling him to stop. To pull away. To end this as soon as possible.

So he does.

He takes a deep breath as they separate, pulls back from her on his stool a bit and takes another sip of whiskey. No, this can't happen. It's not going to happen. But he's gonna have to tell her that, otherwise she'll take the next step and he's not sure he'll be able to reign it in after that. The thought of her naked body underneath him in his bed is admittedly a tantalizing offer, the thought of being inside her again after so many years apart...

But she won't be the first naked woman in that bed. In that house. Someone else has already staked their claim, regardless of whether what he shares with you is real or not. And that thought is what pulls him out of it.

"Sarah's right," he says with a smile, "You are a lightweight."

She cocks her brow, "You think I'm drunk?"

He chuckles and takes another sip, "I think you're only here for one night and we should be spendin' that one night with our daughter."

She doesn't say anything for a second, just watches him thoughtfully until he finally meets her gaze again.

"Joel Miller, are you gettin' laid?"

He almost chokes on his whiskey, unable to stop himself from snorting as he shakes his head and peers at her with that fond look he's always given her, the one that lets her know that despite everything, he fucking adores her. She leans a bit closer, tilting her head a bit more with intrigue.

"Seriously, you seein' anyone?" she seems genuinely interested, eyes alight with curiosity, "You got someone new?"

Before he can say anything - before he even really knows what to say - Sarah has reappeared at the bar, hats in hand. He looks down at them and raises an eyebrow as Mish grabs hers, or rather his, the ratty old brown one he used to wear sometimes in the eighties. She grins and winks as if to say yeah, I stole it, so what?

"Okay well, purple cowboy hat girl is currently holding her friend's hair while she throws up on the sidewalk," Sarah sighs, placing her own atop her head.

Joel and Mish groan simultaneously, "Been there," they both say at the same time, catching each other's eye before Joel turns his attention back to his drink, almost gone now. She doesn't ask him anything else, but he knows this conversation is far from over.

--

Sarah drops them off at his place, promising to be back in a bit with the much anticipated junk food - no point in them all going together. Joel almost tells her not to go, his heart in his throat as he and Mish climb out of the car. He can't believe how desperate he suddenly is to not be alone with her. But he can't bring himself to say anything.

Coward.

She walks into the house first, almost like she's leading him into the lion's den. There's no escaping her questions now, no more running away from the inevitable. He has to tell her before it's too late. The front door closes behind them and they stand frozen for a moment, not speaking, not even really looking at each other. He could cut the tension with a knife.

"So how 'bout showin' me those boxes?" she finally asks, turning to give him a smile.

They make their way up the stairs to the guest room, Joel's anxiety reaching new levels when they pass by his bedroom. He not so subtly grabs the knob and pulls the door closed, tries to pretend he doesn't notice Mish eyeing him as he does it.

The guest room is still pretty bare bones, only a bed and dresser occupying the space, along with about half a dozen cardboard boxes. He's been meaning to do it up for when Sarah comes to stay, do some decorating, but he's never been good at that kind of stuff - Mish and Sarah were always the creative ones.

They crouch on the floor together and Joel watches as Mish pops open the first box, digging her hand inside and immediately coming out with a framed photo of Sarah's kindergarten graduation.

"Aw, look," she murmurs, thumbing the glass lightly and turning it toward him, "Little bean."

"She was so excited you came," he says with a smile, "It was all she talked about for months."

Mish smiles back sadly, eyeing the photograph one more time before placing it on the floor. She reaches in again and comes out with another framed photo, this one of an even younger Sarah being pushed on a swing by Joel. She's probably almost two, chubby legs poking out through the holes of the swing as she giggles in wonder, Joel standing behind, squinting against the sun.

"I've always loved this one," she says quietly, showing it to him, "Always wanted a copy to keep."

"We can make that happen," he takes it from her and looks down at it himself, feeling a mixture of emotions flutter in his heart at his much younger self - freshly twenty - pushing his little girl. He'd been on his own for a while at that point; he can see the tiredness in his expression, the loneliness.

"Still mad I missed all that," she murmurs, sitting back on her heels and sighing deeply, "Hate myself so much sometimes."

He's not sure what to say, just puts the picture back down and reaches in for another one - Sarah's high school graduation this time. It's a backyard photo, one taken at the barbecue they'd had with about thirty people all crammed into one frame. There are smiles all around, beer bottles raised, and Sarah in the center wearing that beautiful purple dress she'd spent almost a year working on. Mish and Joel stand on either side of her, frozen in a moment of laughter.

What the camera didn't catch was that behind that purple dress, they were holding hands.

"What a party that was, huh?" Mish glances up at him from under her lashes, those dark eyes sparkling with nostalgia, "You remember?"

He smiles softly, "I remember."

--

The arrangement started in '03.

They hadn't seen each other in about three years when she showed up on his doorstep in the summer of '96. She'd been in and out of their lives before then, usually called every other week to check in and talk to Sarah but rarely ever showed her face. Sarah barely knew her but had a love for her that burned so deep that Joel couldn't say half the things he wanted to. Couldn't tell his daughter that her mother was unpredictable and unreliable, that she'd disappeared for almost two years after Sarah had been born, hadn't checked in once, had only begun to show up again in 1988 when Sarah was almost three. And then one day the calls just stopped coming and he had no other choice but to tell her the truth. She was only eight.

Mish showing up again out of the blue when Sarah was eleven was not something they could have ever predicted. He was angry. She was sorry. She'd been to a facility, had been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist for a solid chunk of time and was on medication. Sarah slapped her across the face and sprinted barefoot down the street until her toes were bloody and she couldn't run anymore. Joel found her and cradled her in his arms like he'd done when she was a baby, promised he'd make Mish go away if that's what Sarah wanted.

It was not what she wanted. She wanted a mom. She wanted her mom. She wanted them to be together.

After that, all they could do was try and heal.

And Mish tried. She did. She was ready. Joel was willing to listen. Sarah forgave, slowly. By Christmas of '97 they were living together again. They'd put their wedding rings back on.

But it couldn't last.

"Maybe this just isn't meant to work," she'd whispered to him tearfully on their back patio on a rainy day in March of '98, head in her hands, "I'm better in some ways but worse in others. I'm not meant for this kinda life, Joel. I just can't stay still anymore."

"Maybe we aren't meant to work," he'd told her firmly, "But Sarah needs you, Michelle. You can't just keep coming back into her life and then disappearing. If you do, you're never gonna see her again."

"I know," she'd whispered, quiet and scared, "I know, Joel. And I won't, I'll never do that to her ever again. But I just..." she'd hung her head, tears streaming down her face, "I just don't know what to do."

He'd suddenly felt a flash of deja vu, a reminder of a moment similar to this one twelve years earlier, when he'd held her just like this while she'd cried in his arms, hopelessness raking through both their trembling forms in the downpour.

"They'll kill me, Joel. They're gonna kill me. How am I supposed to be a mom? This can't be real. This isn't happening. What are we gonna do?"

"I don't know, Mish. But I'm with you, okay? I'm not goin' anywhere. You got me. I don't care what they think, what they wanna do. It's just you and me, you hear me?"

"You and me, Joel. Just you and me."

She left Joel and the life they'd cultivated in the year since she came back, but she didn't leave Sarah, not this time. She kept up with regular visits, called often, tried her best to be a mother in the only ways she knew how. Eventually Joel stopped worrying she'd disappear again, and she didn't. Sarah and Mish's relationship wasn't an easy one, especially during those first few years of being reconnected, but eventually they were mother and daughter again. The way it always should have been. They'd go on adventures together, road trips and concerts and trips to amusement parks, everything they could to make up for lost time.

As for she and Joel, they became friends. For the first time in a long time they talked again, really talked. They got to know each other from scratch without the pressures of trying to be people they weren't; she'd come to stay every so often and she'd be more than welcome in their home, a reassuring presence to Sarah and a comforting one for him. There were times he almost kissed her again, almost embraced her the way they used to embrace, but then he'd remind himself that they didn't work. Couldn't work. He'd push the feelings down and love her from a distance, the only way he could.

She came to stay for Sarah's graduation in '03. They had a big party, invited everyone they knew, got very drunk. The inevitable finally happened, something they'd been skirting around for the past few years every time they saw each other, the attraction and tension building and building the longer they went without admitting that they still wanted one another. They'd been through the ringer together and came out the other side and still looked at each other like they had in high school. It was only a matter of time.

They fucked all night and into the morning.

"Oh my god," he'd groaned into her ear, naked bodies splayed against each other in bed, entwined together for the first time in almost seven years, "I missed that. Jesus fuck, I missed that."

It was only meant to be that one time, a celebration of some sort that happened unexpectedly but never again. That was the case until she came back in '06, still single, still beautiful, and he couldn't help himself. They both couldn't help themselves.

The arrangement was simple: whenever they reunited with each other and they were both single, both wanted it, they'd have sex.

It worked. And it was good, so fucking good. Every time. They were wild with it, felt younger than they'd ever been whenever they were tangled up in Joel's bed, on the couch, in the shower. They tried new things together and had more fun than they'd ever had when they were actually in a relationship. Each time it was like they were playing pretend; pretending for a short while that their everyday problems didn't exist, nothing else existed but them. Just them - just this moment.

The last time he saw Mish was four years ago. He'd been fresh out of his last relationship, the only relationship that had really meant something to him since his marriage. Tess was lovely, beautiful and funny and exactly the person he'd needed after those tumultuous years with Mish; someone calm and collected, stable and secure. They were just friends first, for a while, but eventually developed a sexual relationship that was only ever meant to be casual. After about a year she'd confessed her feelings and he'd thought, what the hell, I might as well try. Unfortunately, his what the hell attitude had been a steady feature of their entire relationship, and he'd never been able to fully be what she'd needed.

It was his fault it ended, but that hadn't stopped him from feeling heartbroken over it. And when Sarah and Mish had visited she'd dressed his wounds in the only way she really knew how - sex. The sex was always good with Mish, regardless of the situation. It was always what they needed. But it could only ever be sex because their personalities were never meant to blend; she was flighty and wild and needed space - he was steady and serious and enjoyed the comforts of home. And those early years were something he'd never get back, something he still blamed her for, and she knew it. It could never work, as much as they may have tried early on.

She'd been on the cusp of a new relationship, this guy Alvin who she'd met in Philadelphia, but nothing was set in stone yet and she wanted Joel to feel good.

"Nothing else matters right now," she'd whispered in the darkness of their old bedroom, the one he'd shared with her countless times over the past twenty years, "It's just you and me, Joel. It's always been you and me."

"You and me, Mish," he'd repeated, hands firm against her bare back as she slowly began to ride him, "Just us, just you and me."

--

He's still staring at the picture of their younger selves when her hand slowly comes down to touch one of his. He swallows tightly, feels her eyes on him, senses her moving closer.

"Mish," he whispers; an acknowledgement? A warning?

He feels a finger on his chin, tilting his head up to meet her gaze, and then she's kissing him again. It's different than it was at the bar, much less soft, less reserved. She moans into his mouth as the picture falls to the floor, pushes him down so he's laying flat and then throws a leg over his thighs. She situates herself in his lap in the span of about five seconds and he barely has any time to register what's even happening.

But when he does... he's not happy.

"Stop," he mumbles against her mouth, bringing his hands down to grab her hips and carefully pull her off of him. Her brows furrow in confusion as he slides her away and sits back up, kneels and then stands with a groan. His fucking knees.

"Why?" she asks, peering up at him from the floor.

"'Cause... 'cause nothin'," he lies, shaking his head and sitting down on the edge of the bed with a sigh, wincing as his bones crack from being on the floor in such an odd position, "Nothin', I'm just tired."

She follows him up from the floor and onto the bed, seats herself beside him and leans in to mouth gently against his neck, hot and wet, "That's okay, baby. I can do all the work."

"I said no, Mish," he repeats, standing up again and walking away from the bed, "I don't want to."

"Why?" she repeats, adamant now.

He splutters, kicking his feet and not meeting her gaze, "Sarah'll be back soon, there's no time."

"Time has never been an issue before, you know that more than anybody."

"I just don't want you right now, alright?" it comes out much louder and angrier than he'd intended, "Jesus Christ, Mish."

That stops her short, the room plunging into silence as she stares at him from her place on the edge of the bed. Her lips begin to tremble, hands coming to wring together in her lap uncomfortably. She shakes her head slowly, tears welling in her wide eyes.

"I'm sorry," she whispers, voice shaky, "I'm sorry, Joel."

God dammit. He hadn't meant to make her cry.

With a sigh he walks back over to the bed, sitting down beside her again - but not as close this time. She continues to stare forward, still tugging at her hands as tears slowly start to make their way down her cheeks. He feels a familiar pang of pity in his heart, the urge to comfort her like he always has, hold her close and kiss her softly. But he doesn't do that; instead, he places a hand on hers to halt her movements, squeezes them gently.

"You wanna know why it didn't work out with Alvin, Joel?" she asks quietly.

"Why?"

She takes a shaky breath, "He had a wife. A fuckin' wife and three kids. Young kids, still in school, still livin' at home."

"Jesus," he mutters.

"And you wanna know how I found out? Because one night he was sayin' her name when he was fuckin' me; Sharon. Fuckin' Sharon. Repeatin' it over and over without even realizing. And then he had the audacity to act like he didn't know what the hell I was talkin' about." The tears are flowing steadily now, staining her cheeks and dripping down onto their locked hands, "I did some diggin', found out his real name, found his whole other life. I've been a fuckin' mistress for four years and had no clue."

"Michelle..." he breathes.

"Don't call me that," she snaps, turning her face away from him and trying to reign the tears back in but failing miserably, voice coming out in sobs now, "You know how long it's been since someone wanted me, Joel? Actually wanted me? I get that I'm a shitty person. I know I fucked up a lot in my life. I mean, maybe I don't deserve love, 'cause why the hell can't I fuckin' find it? Why does nobody want me?"

"Stop," he says firmly, squeezing her hands tighter, "Don't say shit like that, don't think that way."

"But it's true," she cries, pulling her hands away and bringing them up to her face, "I just needed to be wanted again, Joel. Just for a night, and now you don't even want me."

"That's- that's not true, Mish, come on."

"You literally just said the words two minutes ago," she's suddenly inconsolable, tears streaming down her face as she sobs beside him, "You don't want me, no one wants me."

His arms come up to wrap around her, pull her close to him as she cries harder. He doesn't know what the fuck to do, how to be what she needs without being what she needs. It's an impossible position to be in; how can he just walk out the door and leave her sitting there like this? Leave her so sad, so broken?

"Joel, I need this," she whispers, peering up at him through her wet lashes and leaning her head forward to rest against his shoulder, "Please. I need you."

God. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. What the fuck is he supposed to do? How the fuck can he say no when she's looking at him like that, begging for him?

"Please," she repeats, turning her head and pressing a wet kiss to the skin of his collarbone, "Please, Joel, please," her kisses slowly move up to his neck, warm and safe and familiar. His eyes start to close, lips parting as she keeps going, "It's just us, it's you and me."

Just us, you and me.

"Stay here," he finally breathes, thumbing the skin of her hip reassuringly, "Just - just stay here, okay? I'll be right back."

He finds himself thirty seconds later just standing in his bedroom, unmoving, unsure, thoughts going a mile a minute. He breathes in and out slowly, tries to calm the anxiety threatening to burst through the seams of his very being. What the fuck am I doing? What the actual fuck am I doing right now?

He goes through the motions without really feeling or understanding them. Goes to the bathroom and relieves himself, splashes cold water on his face and stares at his reflection for too long. Heads back to his bedroom and just stands there again, heart pounding. She's waiting for him. Time is passing and he's just standing there.

"Joel?" he hears her call out, voice still thick with tears.

He does not want her to follow him in here. He does not want to have sex in this bed.

With shaky steps he walks over to his nightstand and tugs it open, sees the box of condoms. Stares at them. Stares at them so long that she calls out again.

"Joel? You comin'?"

He feels like he's underwater, ears ringing as his hand trembles on the handle of the drawer, itching to just slam it closed again. What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing?

And then he sees it.

He'd completely forgotten it was there, has been doing his best this entire night to not think about you that he's already managed to forget what happened last night. But he remembers now. He reaches down, hand suddenly completely steady, and pulls the gold chain to entwine around his fingers. It's like he's touching you in a way, feeling you, sensing you - your tears, your sadness, your anger, your insecurities - all wrapped up in this one little cross.

He thumbs it carefully, eyes softening, anxiety ebbing away as the seconds pass. He pictures your lovely face this morning, all sleepy and pretty and perfect in the glow of the early sunrise, the way your hair framed your face, the way you bit your lip shyly when you told him what was on your mind.

He hears footsteps in the hall, knows she's coming, but he doesn't care. Just keeps standing there with his hand curled around your crucifix and warmth filling his chest.

He hears the door open, hears her step inside.

"I can't," he says softly, before she can speak.

Silence. Then -

"What's that?"

"It's..." he closes his fist around the crucifix and then shuts the drawer slowly, still looking down at it. When he finally brings his head up he sees Mish standing near the side of the bed, looking at him with confusion in her eyes.

He swallows tightly, "There's someone else, Mish."

He watches the realization dawn on her face, the confusion fading and acceptance flooding her features. She nods slowly, bringing a hand up to wipe the tears still trickling down her cheeks. "You coulda just said that," she breathes, closing her eyes, "Why didn't you just say?"

He doesn't reply, doesn't know what to say. Or rather, knows what to say but can't say it because then it'll make it real. And he's still so fucking scared for it to be real.

Mish slowly walks forward and sits on the edge of the bed, taking a few steadying breaths to calm herself. "Feel like a fuckin' idiot," she mumbles; she seems okay now, nowhere near as hysterical as she'd been before.

"You're not an idiot," he murmurs. God, he should have just fucking told her. He should have said something.

"So, who is she?" she asks quietly.

"She's..." he swallows again, taking a seat on the other side of the bed, facing the opposite direction, "She's a girl I met a little while ago." A few weeks ago, he mentally corrects. Almost a month. Barely any time at all.

She clocks that. "Girl? Or woman?"

"....Girl."

"How old?"

"Twenty one."

"Jesus," he's not sure what she's thinking when he can't see her face, not sure if she's angry or disgusted or just surprised, "I mean, wow. That's... that's young, Joel."

"I know."

"Never known you to go even ten years lower."

"I know."

Silence again. He's waiting for her to ask the question, the one he knows is coming, the one he's been dreading every since he got that text from Sarah on Wednesday. The one that will force him to admit what he's so desperately been trying to bury.

"So... is it just sex? Or is it..." she trails off for a few seconds, "Is it more?"

There it is.

"I don't know," he murmurs, putting his face in his hands and hunching over the side of the bed with a groan, "I don't know what it is but she's... she's in my head, ya know? She's everywhere, can't stop fuckin' thinkin' about her." The crucifix digs into his cheek, probably making an imprint in his skin, "She's so fuckin' young but, God, Mish, she's so fuckin' sweet. I wanna... I wanna take care of her, ya know? But-" he feels the tears flooding his eyes, tries to swallow his feelings as best he can, "I'm just.. I can't..."

"You're in over your head," she acknowledges softly, "You don't know what you're doin'."

"I don't."

"And that scares the fuck outta you, huh?"

"Pretty much."

They don't say anything else for a few moments, both absorbing the revelation in silence and neither really knowing what else to say about it. This night has gone in a direction that neither were prepared for and he's not sure they'll be able to fix it before Sarah gets back. Which reminds him...

"You'd think Sarah woulda been back by now."

Mish snorts, a welcome sound in the middle of so much tension. He turns around to look at her, finds her doing the exact same thing.

"I told her to give us forty five minutes to an hour, tops," she says with a half smile.

Of course she did.

--

Mish decides to get a cab back to the motel she and Sarah booked. He doesn't argue. He knows it's for the best, knows there will be another, better conversation some time in the future and that despite everything, they'll see each other again.

"She's lucky to have you," she tells him softly at the front door, wrapping her arms around him in a warm embrace. He can hear the sincerity in her words, knows she means it. "You'll take care of her, Joel. Like you take care of everyone."

He just closes his eyes, pulls her in closer and lets the tears fall.

--

Sarah gets back with the food, doesn't question where Mish is; she must have texted her and told her she wouldn't be here. There's no awkwardness or questions, just the same old familiarity and love as Sarah pops the first DVD into the ancient player they've had forever and settles in beside him on the couch. They only half-watch it, continuously getting distracted by each other's dumb commentary and random anecdotes about the past. This is what he wanted tonight to be. Just this.

He tries his best to be present with Sarah, but by the time they're halfway through the second film he can't stop thinking about you. He'd spent so much of today trying to push thoughts of you away and now your face is suddenly all he can see whenever he blinks, your soft giggles and whimpers echoing in his ears. He wonders what you're doing, if you're having a nice time with your friend, if you're being careful like he'd told you to be. You'd said this was your first time going out and he just hopes you're safe. Your crucifix sits reassuringly in the pocket of his jeans, almost like a part of you is still here with him.

He excuses himself to use the bathroom and sends you a quick text:

Hope you're having a good night, babygirl. You deserve to have some fun. I'll see you tomorrow. Be safe.❤️

He feels the urge to press a kiss to his phone and wonders when the hell he got so damn soft. He can practically hear Mish's voice telling him you've always been soft, dummy. She'd be right.

--

They both wake up the next morning still snuggled up on the couch, Sarah on one end and him on the other. He yawns and stretches, groans when he feels a searing pain in his lower back; fuck, he shouldn't have slept on the couch.

"Old man," Sarah mocks quietly with a glint in her eye, and he playfully slaps her leg.

He checks his phone when Sarah heads to the bathroom, hopes maybe you'll have replied to him when you got in last night, but there's nothing there. He frowns but lets logic soothe him, reminding himself that you were probably too tired when you got back and fell asleep right away. He sends you another text, just to be sure:

You get home ok? Let me know x

He'll see you soon for your lesson anyway.

After breakfast he walks Sarah out onto the front step, hand holding hers tightly, almost afraid to let go. She smiles up at him sadly and squeezes back, a silent promise.

"I'll visit again real soon, Dad," she says quietly, "Sooner than last time. I'll bring Jude too, y'all can watch football together."

He smiles with watery eyes, "I'm countin' on it, kiddo."

"You're not lonely, are you?" she suddenly asks, expression one of love and concern, "You got people here, right?"

Your face crosses his mind again, your lovely smile, that little line between your brows, "I'm not lonely," he reassures her softly, "Promise."

He means it.

They hug each other tenderly, basking in one last moment together before they inevitably have to pull away. She walks to her car and turns back with one final wave, tears glistening in her eyes. He waves back and then heads back inside the house quickly before she can see what a mess he is, hands coming up to cover his eyes on the other side of the door as he pulls himself together.

And then, just like that, he's alone again.

--

You don't show up to your lesson.

His first thought is that you're still asleep, probably hungover from last night and desperately in need of some rest. He doesn't blame you, has had more bad hangovers than he can even count. He checks in with you anyway, hoping he'll hear back soon when you wake up.

Another hour passes; he's already cleaned up the kitchen, vacuumed up the popcorn lining the couch and living room floor, rearranged the DVDs, and suddenly the boxes upstairs in the guest room are calling his name. Anything to make the time pass, anything to distract himself from the fact that he still hasn't heard from you.

He texts you again after two hours, after he's finished unpacking two boxes. He just sends some question marks this time. It's around noon now and he keeps trying to convince himself that you're just sleeping, probably still passed out in bed with leftover alcohol buzzing through your veins. The thought makes him wish he was there with you, taking care of you, bringing you glasses of water and cuddling with you until you feel better.

It's mid afternoon when he starts to question whether or not you even got home. He knows you're not home home, that you'd gone to an Airbnb with your friend for the weekend, but he has no idea where it is and if you're even there. What if something happened on the night out? What if you got lost or got too fucked up to figure out how to get back? What if someone you didn't know took you back with them?

He feels sick to his stomach. This time he does the only rational thing he feels he can do - he calls you. He sits on the edge of his bed, toes tapping against the hardwood floor as he waits for you to pick up, but you don't. It goes to voicemail. He hangs up and tries again. Same thing.

He texts you again, but something tells him you won't be reading them any time soon.

--

He leaves the house to clear his head, anxiously tapping on the wheel as he drives around the neighborhood. He passes by your parents' house a few times, eyeing the property and trying his best to see past the ridiculous fence they have blocking off the place. He makes out a police car in the driveway and almost has a panic attack before he remembers that your father is a cop and that's just the vehicle he drives.

He calls and texts you a few more times as the evening comes around. He pours himself some whiskey and tries to calm himself down, breathes in and out, practices the exercises he's had to depend on throughout most of his life. He's always had an anxiety problem, has been on and off medication for it for years. He briefly considers popping an Ativan before realizing that he probably shouldn't mix it with alcohol.

The alcohol messes with his head a bit as darkness falls. He starts to wonder if maybe you did get back safe, just with someone else, someone new. Maybe you met someone, had a connection, took them home and let them be the one to fuck you for the first time. Maybe the reason you're not reaching out is because you're afraid of what he'll say, afraid he'll be angry.

While the thought makes him feel sick and sad, he's even sicker and sadder about not knowing where the fuck you are. He sends you a text to reiterate this, hoping you'll read it and understand:

Just a text is all I need honey. I promise. If you're not feeling this anymore that's okay. Just wanna know you got home safe last night.

He's already unpacked all the boxes, peppered photographs and music memorabilia all over his house as the day came to a close, and now he has nothing else to do but just sit and wait. So he waits. And waits. And waits.

You still don't reply.

He calls you over and over again, wondering what the fuck he's going to do. He can't in good conscious just let this go on, just stop contacting you and let you come back to him on your own. What if something bad really did happen? What if you're really fucked up somewhere? What if someone took advantage of you? He can't just sit idly by and wait.

He lays in bed and stares at the ceiling, feels tears sting his eyes every time he comes up with a new concept as to where you are, what could have happened. All he wants is to have you here with him, warm and soft in his bed, close in all the ways he needs you.

I don't know what to do angel. Can't stop thinking about you. Wish you were here in my arms. Please be safe.

He's scaring himself the longer he thinks about where you could be, knows he has to take action. He decides that if he still hasn't heard from you by tomorrow morning, he'll tell somebody. Whether it be the police or your parents, it doesn't really matter - they're one and the same.

He sends you one last text before the whiskey puts him to sleep:

Please.

--

The doorbell wakes him up. At first he thinks maybe he's hearing things, especially when he tiredly unlocks his phone and sees that it's three in the morning, but then it rings again. And again. Over and over like someone is pressing the button repeatedly. He sits up in bed with a jolt and swings his legs over the side, heart racing as he practically sprints down the stairs.

He turns on the light, squinting with tired and bleary eyes through the frosted glass along the side of the door. He can make out something pink and his eyes widen. He grabs the handle and tugs the door open, only for his body to immediately collide with someone else's, a beautiful girl in a pink dress.

It's you. His beautiful girl. His angel. Standing there almost completely unable to hold yourself upright as you lean against him, arms coming up to wrap around his middle. He holds you close, momentarily frozen in shock.

"Are you okay?"

You're so out of it. He takes you to the couch and you can barely open your eyes, can barely get words out as you flop drunkenly against the cushions. He can't tell if you're drunk or high or both, trying his best to get your attention, desperately asking what you took, where you've been. It's terrifying to see you like this, so completely not yourself, loose and uninhibited in the worst way. You tell him you came here with Tasha and he waves her inside, hoping she can help shed some light on what the fuck happened to you.

Tasha is something else. She stands her ground, doesn't back down when he clearly tries to intimidate her, consistently tries to get past him and reach for you despite his attempts to block her. He's angry, so fucking angry that she could let this happen to you. How long have you been like this? How long has this "night out" been going on? Did it turn into a fucking bender?

"She knows what you've been doing, you asshole." The words mean nothing to him, he has no idea what the fuck she's even talking about. They're clearly both wasted - you more than her - and have somehow wound up at his house at three in the morning by some miraculous volition. He's not letting you leave with her, that's for sure.

Then you say the same thing to him and he's beyond confused, waiting to be let in on whatever sick fucking joke is being played on him right now. What do they think he's been doing? What do they think they know? What have their intoxicated brains convinced themselves of?

And then the other shoe drops.

"We saw you kiss someone else."

That feeling he'd had yesterday - that sensation of being underwater - returns in full force. He stares at you; not Tasha, you. Because as soon as she says it your eyes tear away from him to stare at the floor, lips trembling in sadness, hands shaking beneath Tasha's arms. He can see it in your expression, in your body language despite the alcohol - you're fucking heartbroken. You can't even look at him.

He tries to explain but the words aren't coming out right; he's sure he sounds absolutely pathetic as he just stands there in the middle of the living room, stumbling over his words like the absolute fool he is. You still don't look at him. You don't say anything, and it kills him.

That's when he realizes that Tasha is not the one in the wrong here. It's him. He's the one who deserves to be shouted at, intimidated, made to feel small. He's the one who fucked up. It's him.

And then - if the situation hadn't already been bad enough - Tasha informs him that you'd seen Sarah leaving this morning. His eyes go wide, heart racing like a steam engine in his chest as he shakes his head and wonders how the fuck this could be happening right now. The past few days he's been so unsure about letting you know the real him, didn't know if he'd ever be able to tell you - and now he has no choice. No choice but to drop a bomb on you in this sad and drunken state, otherwise leave you believing that he's been doing god knows what with god knows who.

"That was my daughter."

You register the words and finally look at him, and his heart swells three sizes in his chest when your gazes meet. Just for a moment you don't look as sad, don't look as broken. You peer into his eyes and he thinks for a moment that maybe you see him, really see him, for the first time. It's both terrifying and incredible and he doesn't know how he manages to get the words out, but he does.

He knows now what he has to do.

He has to tell you. He has to tell you everything.

Tasha apologizes and helps you back out to the cab. He watches her place you carefully inside, watches as you turn your head to look out the back window, still peering at him with that look on your face that he can't really explain. He stands and waits until you've disappeared down the street before going back inside, where he immediately collapses onto the couch, exhausted.

He reaches inside his pocket and tugs out your crucifix, brings it up to his neck with trembling hands and manages to latch it around his neck. He palms the cross, presses it into the bare skin at his collarbone.

She's safe, he thinks to himself, she's safe and that's all that matters.

--

In the morning, as soon as he wakes up, he sends you a text:

I'm so sorry. Words can't even describe how fucking ashamed and embarrassed I am. I can't imagine how horrible that must have been for you. I understand if you don't want to see me anymore, but I want to tell you everything, if you'll let me. I hope you're feeling okay today, angel. Drink lots of water, stay with Tasha. Text me whenever you're ready.

He wants to cry, thinking about how much he hurt you. He wouldn't blame you for wanting this to just be over now, to move on and pretend like you never even met him that day on his front step. He feels so fucking ashamed of himself, angry for not telling Mish the truth from the beginning, horrified that you'd seen him in a moment of weakness like that, a moment of cowardice.

The crucifix stays on his neck throughout his shower and breakfast. He's never been one to wear jewelry, and god knows he's never been one to wear jewelry with religious imagery, but somehow it calms him to have it on, soothes him. His anxiety feels better despite the circumstances, and he's grateful.

His phone buzzes around eleven and the force at which he picks it up almost sends it flying across the room. His brow furrows when he sees a text from an unknown number:

hey it's tasha. sorry about last night. that was a shitshow. she's awake and feeling better, just wanted you to know.

She didn't have to do that and he knows it.

Thank you. I'm glad she has you. I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you, I was just really worried about her.

that's ok. i know you're a good guy. she knows it too.

Do you, though? Do you really still think of him as being someone you can trust, someone you can talk to? Someone you can give yourself to completely?

i'm gonna send you the address of the airbnb. i think you should come talk to her.

The address follows and he puts it into his maps app; it's not too far, he can make it there in about forty minutes.

Thank you so much Tasha

text when ur here, i'll let you in.

--

He sits in his truck for a lot longer than he needs to after pulling up to the house. He knows he has to tell you everything now, that you're going to want answers and that he'll give them to you. But he's made a discovery in the past twelve hours that has his head reeling:

He wants to tell you. He wants you to know all about him. Suddenly, he doesn't mind that he's old and washed up and pathetic. He wants you to know that, wants you to see the real him, who he really is. The unpretty, uncharming reality of his mediocre life. He isn't sure that you'll want it, that you'll want him, but what he's sure of is that he's tired of pretending.

What Mish had said on Friday night - "You know how long it's been since someone wanted me, Joel? Actually wanted me?" - it had resonated with him in a way he hadn't been expecting. He knows that feeling, has been feeling it for years without actually saying it aloud because admitting it was too painful, too scary.

He's been putting on a front for his entire life. First, to his parents, then to Mish, then Sarah, then the select few women who'd come in and out of his life, then Tess, and now you. And he's tired. He's so fucking tired of pretending to be someone else. For the first time in a long time, he actually wants to be him.

I'm here.

Tasha opens the door to let him inside. The house is pretty cozy, probably one of the more inexpensive ones you both could find. He notes the leftover snacks littering the table and couch, the empty wine glasses. He hopes you had fun here, at least for a little while. Before he fucking ruined it.

"She's asleep," Tasha says, closing the door behind him and ushering him inside, "I wanna talk to you for a sec, before you go in."

He nods and she gestures toward the couch for him to sit. He takes his place on the edge, knees together as he looks up at her and waits for her to speak.

"I'm her best friend," she says firmly, hands on her hips - she means business, "I've known her for three years now and I know her better than anyone."

He nods slowly.

"She's really coming into herself right now," Tasha continues, "She's making big discoveries, figuring out who she is and what she wants. You know that."

"I do."

"And... well, we both know that what she wants most is you."

He swallows then, feels his heart begin to pound, clenching his fists at his knees.

"This thing with your ex, is it over?"

"Yes," he says immediately, "She'll always be my daughter's mother, she'll always be my friend, but that part of our relationship is over."

"And you mean that?"

"I mean it."

She assesses him and slowly nods, then curls her finger and urges him to stand back up. He does, suddenly towering over her in the small living room.

"First door on the left," she tells him, then walks to the front door, "I'll give you some space."

She's gone before he has the chance to thank her.

He slowly makes his way down the hallway, step by step. He reaches the door, heart pounding in his chest as he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath and lets the promises he made to himself flood through his mind. His past, his present, and his future... the future he sees with you.

He touches his pocket, feels for your crucifix.

I can do this, he thinks to himself. For her, I can do this.

[byechristopher]

⠀

I hate you, too.

– CHRIS STURNIOLO SMUT.

Author's note: okay so, I was listening to Les – Childish Gambino, and this idea came to mind because uhm, I love Chris, I love parties, I love angry, messy, toxic sex. So, sue me. I got carried away so, super long. Do not copy/steal my work. :)

Warnings: this, once again, is pure filth. Super long, didn't proof-read so fml, angry & rough sex, toxic sex, slapping, choking, semi-public. Just a mess. Minors dni!

The lights are so damn bright in here, I can see blue, red, purple, all kinds of colors, everywhere. Not that I'm really complaining, this place is so dark that I can barely see anything – only when the lights flash. I can see people everywhere, their silhouettes, dancing, kissing, drinking.

I quickly pour myself a drink, making sure I'm keeping it safe in my hand; I haven't been in a house party in ages. But I remember how messy they get, I know everyone will pass out at some point. I'm trying to search my friend group with my eyes but it is almost impossible – how big is this goddamn house?

"Hi! You made it!" a friend screams when she sees me and I smile. I try to greet everyone but my eyes meet someone's face that I really didn't want to see here. My ex.

"What is he doing here?" I groan, turning to glare at my friend.

"I'm sorry, babes, he literally just came. I texted you. He's friends with the host, Jake, I didn't know." she has an apologetic face and I check my phone to realise she did text me about it. Fucking hell.

I can feel his blue eyes on my body, burning it like daggers on fire. I try to avoid him as much as possible and the fact that he looks this good, doesn't make it very easy. His hands are shoved into the pockets of his jeans and I can't help but steal a few glances. He's already looking at me. He's smirking.

Fucking asshole.

"Hi, pretty." he is next to me now, dangerously close to me, as I take a sip of my drink.

"What do you want, Chris?" I roll my eyes.

"That's not how you treat your ex." he scoffs, looking around playfully before looking at me again. I turn my head to look at him, too.

"Let's not open that topic here." I try to push him away, his body doesn't really move.

"I agree. Let's talk about the car sex we had a few days ago." he smiles and you would think he's talking about the most innocent thing. His hands still in his pockets, he looks cool and unfazed by my angry glare.

"Shut the fuck up, Chris. Don't you have anywhere else to go, anything else to do?" I yell. Now I'm facing him, my body turned towards him.

"I'd like to do you." he comes closer to my ear and I sigh, downing my drink before turning my back on him. I am afraid I won't be able to hold myself back this time either.

"Well, I don't."

"Yeah?" his chin is touching my shoulder and I can feel his jeans pressed against my butt, "so if I touched you now, you wouldn't be wet?" he hums.

I am not wet. I am dripping. But that doesn't mean anything, right.

"You're not allowed to touch me anyway." I dodge his fucking question.

"Well, you weren't saying that when you were pressed against the car door." he chuckles, "you're wet, then." he whispers but it's enough for me to hear.

"Not for you. Maybe for your friend, Jake." I smirk, knowing this will stop his attack. He's always been extremely jealous. So have I.

"Fuck you." he almost growls in my ear, but the smirk still stays on. He turns me around and as soon as he says that, one of our favourite songs starts to play. Les by Childish Gambino, "fuck you.. can I have this dance?"

I can't help but chuckle a little, which I try to hide immediately. The timing, the line he used from the song, this songs specifically, him. Fucking Chris.

I quickly grab him and drag him in the center of the room that we're in, he holds onto my hand tightly and brings me closer, pressing my back against his chest. We dance to the music, he's not moving much but I can tell he's enjoying the little show I put on for him. My butt is pressed against him then whole time and I can feel the bulge in his jeans. Good.

I turn around and continue to dance with him, my hands traveling to his back to grip his shirt and pull him as close as possible. The part in the song that we love the most comes on and he cups my cheeks, pressing his forehead against mine as he looks into my eyes. We're both singing the lyrics.

"Oh, girl, I wanna know, are you ready to cry? 'Cause I'm no good, no good.." his playful smile never leaves his face.

"Oh, girl, I wanna try, I'm an awful guy and I'm always away.." my lips curl up into a playful smirk as well, my hands sneak under his shirt and I dig my nails into his lower back.

"And I'm tryin' to say, I'm a piece of shit.." he stops singing and the next second, he's kissing me. I fucking hate myself for kissing him back as hungrily as I did.

He grabs my hand and makes me follow him – nothing else matters, as the song says. Only us. We practically run up the stairs and I see a wooden door, he seems like he knows this place. My friend did tell me he's friends with the host.

He opens the door and then locks it once we're inside the room. It's a bathroom, not very big and the light is so dim, I'm not sure if it is there to match the party's vibe or if this dude just doesn't like actual lighting in the house. We don't waste anytime – Chris picks me up and sets me down on the counter next to the sink, my dress rides up just enough for him to move closer, pushing my legs apart with his body. We can still hear the music from here.

I take his shirt off immediately, throwing it somewhere behind him before wrapping a finger around his chain, pulling him closer for yet another hungry kiss. He grabs the hem of the dress to push it up, my skin meeting the cold counter but it is soon replaced by Chris' large hands. He squeezes my butt, pushing me forward so that his bulge rubs against me. He sneaks a hand in between us, his fingers rubbing my soaked panties.

"Is this for Jake, hm?" he grabs my bottom lip in between his teeth, biting it roughly.

"Maybe." I moan, leaning forward to take his nipple in my mouth, flicking it with my tongue.

He moans, "why are you here then?" he puts pressure on my clothed pussy and let go of his nipple, throwing my head back.

"Fuck off." I groan, moving my hips so that I'm rubbing myself on his fingers.

"You're dying to have my dick inside of you." he whispers, chuckling.

"And you're dying to have me in any way you can." I push him away, jumping off the counter and quickly pulling his jeans down together with his Calvin Klein boxers, "isn't that why you keep following me around, hm?" spitting on my own hand, I grab his dick, rubbing up and down while staring into his eyes the whole time. They're filled with lust, anger, passion. He moans.

"Fuck off." he groans this time, his head falls on my shoulder as I jerk him off, both of his hands grab the counter on each side of me. He thrusts into my hand.

All of a sudden, he slaps my hand away and turns me around, making me press both of my hands on the mirror in front of us, pushing my lower back down so that I arch my back and spread my legs. His hands are on my breasts now, pushing my dress now so that they're free for him to see and touch. With one hand he pushes the dress up to reveal my ass as well, the dress now only covering my stomach and a small part of my back. I don't dare to move, I only watch him as he pulls my panties down – he spreads my ass and spits, not that he needed that, I'm already dripping.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?" I groan, pushing my back against him.

"Beg for it." he slaps my ass a few times as he smirks.

"Chris, fucking hell. Fuck me already." I say but he's not pleased. He slaps my skin again and I groan, gently hitting the mirror out of frustration. His cock rubs against my clit and I lose it, "fucking.. Chris! Please, fuck me. I want you inside me." I whine. He smiles. Thank fuck.

He finally pushes inside of me and my eyes roll to the back of my head as I look at him in the reflection of the mirror. He pushes his cock all the way inside me and grabs my hair in a ponytail, wrapping it around his hand to push me back every time he thrusts in.

"Fuck.. fuck.." I moan, licking my fingers before dragging them down my body to rub my clit, always looking at him, as he fucks me roughly. My fingers touch his dick every now and then, it makes him moan a little louder. He leans forward to sink his teeth into the skin of my shoulder as he watches me cry out in both pain and pleasure – with his free hand, he grabs my hand that was rubbing my clit, bringing to his mouth to lick the juices off my fingers. I almost cum.

My breasts bounce with every movement, he thrusts into me and I push back against him. He pulls out of me and I curse under my breath. He turns me around and places me on the countertop again, wrapping an arm around my waist as he guides his dick so that he can start fucking me hard again. I grab a fistful of his hair, tugging it harshly when he pushes into me; it makes him lightly slap my cheek before wrapping his fingers around my neck, choking me. I gasp and slap him back, grabbing his throat with my hand, too.

"I fucking hate you." I moan, his eyes staring into mine.

"Yeah.. turns me on.. love it." he moans and smirks, and that's all it takes for me to come closer to my high.

"Chris.. Chris.. I'm gonna.." I whine and he lets go of my neck, hugging me close and pressing his forehead against mine as I let go of his neck as well.

"That's it, baby.. fuck.. will you cum for me? Hm?" he says and that's closest thing to affection that we showed tonight. I nod and moan loudly, holding onto him as tight as I can. I cum, trembling, and he does the exact same thing, moaning my name over and over again.

We stay like this for God knows how long – he's still inside of me and I almost pass out in his arms, his hand rubs my back soothingly.

"You okay?" he whispers, as if it was a crime to be affectionate with each other again. We used to be together after all.

"Yes.. you?" I whisper back, the feeling of not wanting to let go of him just yet comes back and I try to push it away as fast as I can.

"I am okay, yes." he mumbles and after letting me know, he slowly pulls out of me, earning a wince from me, "sorry." he mutters.

"Do you want me to take you home?" he says and I sigh. This is wrong.

"It's best if you don't." I whisper, looking at him and I can see the vulnerability in his eyes too.

"That's true." he nods and fixes my dress, pushing his boxers and pants up right after.

"I still hate you." I mutter. I don't want him to leave.

"Yeah." he wears his shirt, he grabs my chin and leaves a sweet kiss on my lips, "me too."

And with that, he leaves.

⠀

[just-dreaming-marvel]

Love That Burns ~ 10

LOVE THAT BURNS MASTERLIST

< previous chapter

Word Count: 1,645ish

Summary: You continue to struggle with Logan's reappearance.

Warnings: talk of nightmares, emotional

Notes: This is a shorter chapter. Hope you still enjoy it. Reminder: I DO NOT do taglists. Please don’t ask. Please follow and interact! I appreciate any reblogs, likes, comments, and asks! 

Jean called you down to the lab. When you got there, x-ray’s of Logan’s were lining the walls and screens. Charles, Scoot, and Ororo were already sitting in front of the screens. You pulled up a chair behind them, studying the x-ray’s. You had seen Jam—Logan’s metal claws briefly and you knew that Stryker had a big part of that but Logan was never able to explain himself to you. 

“The metal is an alloy called adamantium,” Jean explained. “Supposedly indestructible. It’s been surgically grafted to his entire skeleton.”

“How could he have survived a procedure like that?” Ororo wondered.

“His mutation. He has uncharted regenerative capability which enables him to heal rapidly. This also makes his age impossible to determine. He could very well be older than you, Professor. And you, Y/N.”

“He’s turning 169 this year,” you mumbled.

Everyone’s heads snapped in your direction.

“And you know that, how?” Scott asked.

You shook your head. “He’s— He was—I can’t… I’m not ready.”

“Who did this to him?” 

“He doesn’t know,” answered Jean, trying to get the pressure off of you. “Nor does he remember anything about his life before it happened.”

“Anything?” You squeaked, a tear slipping down your cheek. “He doesn’t remember anything?”

“Y/N,” Charles called, trying to ground your emotions. “Perhaps it’s time to explain.”

“No. I’m not ready.”

He maneuvered his chair over to you. “I know. But we all deserve to know the truth about who Logan… who James is. Including him.”

You took a shaky deep breath. “His name is James Logan Howlett. He was born in 1832. I meant him in 1972 when he joined William Stryker’s team, which I was already a part of.” You looked up, trying not to let more tears fall. “He saved me from that team… we ran away. Started a life… we… we fell in love.” Your voice cracked and you quickly stood up. “I’m sorry… I can’t do this.”

You rushed out of the lab before anyone could stop you.

~~~

You needed food. You also felt like you needed to finally talk some more about your past with Logan. It had felt like a weight being lifted from you, making your realize you shouldn’t carrying this on your own. Exiting your room, you heard voices in the room next door.

“Where’s your room?” It was Logan.

“With Scott,” Jean replied, “down the hall.” You moved closer to the room.

“Is that your gift? Putting up with that guy?”

“Actually, I’m telekinetic. I can move things with my mind.”

“Really? What kinds of things?” You heard the closet doors slam shut.

“All kinds of things. I also have a telepathic ability.”

“What, like your professor?”

“Nowhere near that powerful. But he’s teaching me to develop it.”

“I”m sure he is.” You peeked around the corner as saw Logan move closer to Jean. “So read my mind.”

“I’d rather not.”

“Come on. You afraid you might like it?” 

Logan’s flirting with Jean stung you. You glanced to your side as you heard footsteps, only to see Scott joining you.

“I doubt it,” Jean replied to Logan. 

You watched as Jean raised her hands on either side of Logan’s head. She closed her eyes and entered his mind. Almost as soon as she started, she gasped and opened her eyes. Logan grabbed her hands to steady them.

“What do you see?” He asked.

Jean noticed you and Scott in the doorway. “Y/N!” She greeted. “Scott!” Jean pulled her hands away from Logan. “Goodnight, Logan.”

Logan turned, making eye contact with you. His breath caught as a brief image of you smiling flashed before his eyes. Jean walked past Scott and over to you, grabbing your hand and pulling you down the hall.

“Jean?” You said, confused. 

“I saw you,” Jean stated, stopping in front of her and Scott’s room.

“What?”

“I saw you in his mind. You’re in there. His memories of you are in there.”

“Don’t…” you shook your head. “Don’t give me hope, Jean. I don’t want it.” You turned away and looked at the door that Scott had just closed. 

“The ring is yours, isn't it?” Your head fell, hands coming up to cover your face. “The engagement ring with his dog tags.”

“Yes.”

“Oh, Y/N.” Jean quickly went around and hugged you. You melted into her with tears. 

“I thought he was dead, Jean… for twenty-two years, I believed he was dead…” Scott came up from behind, resting a caring hand on your back. “He doesn’t remember me,” you sobbed. “I love him and he doesn’t even know who I am.”

Jean and Scott moved you into their bedroom as your cries worsened. Neither of them noticed Logan peering out of his room. He could hear someone crying. When he noticed it was you, he only grew more curious. But before Logan could hear what you were crying about, you were led into another bedroom. There hadn't been a time in his twenty-two years of memory, where Logan’s heart ached like it did now. None of this was making any sense to him. Who were you? And what were you keeping from him?

~~~

Eventually, you ended up in your own bed. Crying should have worn you out, but you couldn’t sleep. Not with Logan in the next room over, having a nightmare. You bit your lip as you struggled to not rush over there. You didn’t want to overwhelm him. But his grunting, moaning, and cries were tearing you apart. Suddenly, you heard the familiar release of his claws and his screams.

“Help me!” Logan shouted. “Somebody, help!”

You were out of bed and into the next room before you knew it. You stood in the doorway to see Marie—or Rogue—the girl who came in with Logan, touching his face. Logan was greying, struggling to breathe. From what you had heard, Rogue was not supposed to touch others, as it could be dangerous. Rogue pulled away before you could stop her. Logan fell to the ground, trembling. You were quick to rush over to Logan’s side, placing his head in your lap to steady him.

“It’s okay,” you whispered. “I’m right here.”

Scott, Jean, and Ororo rushed into the room. Jean and Scott quickly joined you on the floor with Logan. 

“It was an accident,” Rogue said to Ororo as students gathered in the doorway.

Scott, Jean, and Ororo rushed in and joined you on the floor with Logan.

“Jean, will he be okay?” You asked, trying to bury the emotions within you but clearly failing. 

“His mutation is kicking in,” Jean explained as she looked him over. “He just needs rest. Scott, help me get him on the bed.”

You watched as Scott and Jean worked together to lift Logan—and his metal skeleton—onto the bed. Jean carefully got him situated before you stood up.

“We should all get some rest,” Jean stated.

You shook your head. “I’m not leaving,” you said, pulling up at chair to the side of Logan’s bed. “Not until I know he’s alright.”

“Y/N—“ Scott tried, only to be stopped by Jean. 

Scott sighed and the two of the left to go get the students who woke up back to bed. You sat on the chair, staring at Logan. He was your James in looks, but everything else was different. Including his personality. The years and memory loss had turned him into a rough man with walls up to protect himself. You suspected that he was also claiming it was to protect everyone around him as well.

~~~

“Logan?” Charles called, feeling the man lying on the bed begin to wake.

“What happened?” Logan wondered, looking at where Charles was beside him. “Is she all right?”

“She’s be all right.”

“What did she do to me?”

“When Rogue touches someone, she takes their energy, their life force. In the case of mutants, she absorbs their gifts for a while. In your case, your ability to heal.”

“I feel like she almost killed me.”

“If she’d held out any longer, she could have.”

Logan nodded, trying to place his thoughts together. He nightmare that he was in the midst of before Rogue came in was a familiar one. The flashes of the experiment they did on him. But there were some different scenes this time. Flashes of you. You crying. You laughing. You just talking to him. Turning his head, Logan finally realized that you were curled up in a chair, sound asleep. He looked at you with furrowed brows. Something inside of him hated seeing you asleep on the chair. You should be in a bed.

“She refused to leave your side,” Charles told him.

“Who is she?” Logan repeated the question from hours before. “I think… I think I knew her… Jean jumped into my brain and I think she did something. I keep seeing Y/N’s face.”

Charles sighed. “I suggest you talk to Y/N in the morning. She is the only one able to explain things.”

“Can you at least tell me how long Y/N’s been here?”

“Twenty-two years.”

Logan’s eyes snapped back to look at you. There was something you were hiding. Between the time frame being the same and your face appearing in his mind, Logan knew that you were some part of his past. You had answers to questions that Logan had been searching for. 

“Thanks, Professor,” Logan said, sitting up. “I’ll watch her.”

Charles nodded, heading for the door. He glanced back and saw Logan out of bed, heading for you. Charles watched as Logan picked you up and gently set you on the bed, tucking you in before taking his place in your chair. The Professor couldn’t help but smile as he left the room. There was some hope for you two after all.

next chapter >

[maiyami]

𝑷𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔 & 𝑪𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎

𝙋𝙧𝙤-𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙤 𝙆𝙖𝙩𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙞 𝘽𝙖𝙠𝙪𝙜𝙤𝙪 𝙭 𝙋𝙧𝙤-𝙃𝙚𝙧𝙤 𝙁𝙚𝙢𝙖𝙡𝙚 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

Minors Do Not Interact

All characters aged up, 21+.

One Shot

Warnings: Smut, fluff, pinning (Bakugou), mentions of fighting, mentions of blood, pheromones, breeding kink, lewd, mutual feelings, friends to lovers, mentions of Deku having a crush on you, jealousy, and more. (If I missed anything, my bad I did this half asleep.)

About: Number two hero Katsuki Bakugou just can’t seem to get you off his mind. Harboring a secret crush on you since your days at UA. But when you finally come back from a mission that took you overseas, he can’t help but want to keep next to you at all times.

It felt like forever since you step foot back in Japan, the United States needed the aid of some of Japans finest heroes on a year long mission. You had kept in contact with all of your friends during your time there, just making sure everything was going smoothly back home. You especially kept in touch with Japans number two hero, Bakugou Katsuki.

It wasn’t uncommon to have a conversation a day with the explosion hero before departing for your mission. You ended up becoming closer to him than ever before when everyone graduated UA. However, your conversations became longer once you left for the states.

It started off as little conversations about your mission, asking how long you’d be gone. How many heroes were taken for the mission. Which part of the states you’d be in. The main topic being about the mission, but somewhere along the way it morphed into something more. More of how has your day been? Did you rest enough? What did you have for dinner? Have you gone out at all since being in the states? You should have seen what happened to me today! I have to go to this stupid hero gala, pray I don’t blow anyone up! Just a subtle yet progressive movement of your friendship with the blonde. You didn’t mind it a bit, over the years you secretly looked forward to having these kind of meaningful and meaningless conversations with him.

He had been messaging, calling, and even FaceTiming with you all the way up to your return home. A chuckle coming to your lips as to saw his name flash on your phone screen the moment your plane landed in Japan.

Blasty (5:30am): “You better be fucking ready for everyone to flood you with welcome home messages. But I had to be the first to beat all those extras.”

You (5:34am): “Always aiming to be number one, huh Katsu?”

Blasty (5:35am): “Damn right! Welcome home, y/n.”

You (5:43am): “Thank you! My agency is throwing a massive ball for the return of all of us! You better be there.”

Blasty (5:44am): “Wouldn’t miss it for the world, Princess. Who ya take me for? Kaminari?”

You (5:59am): “LOL. Never. I can’t wait to see you!”

You pocketed your phone away after you saw the gif he send a second later, a guy giving a thumbs up with a deadpanning face. If anyone else looked at the messages between the pair of you? It would look like a couple just having a cheeky conversation. You sometimes wished it was that way. But you had long given up the idea of Bakugou looking at you in that type of light. Content of having him become your best friend. However, on the other side of the phone? Bakugou Katsuki couldn’t wait to see your beautiful face.

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“What’s got you smiling at your phone so early in the morning, Bakubro?” Kirishima's voice sounded out behind the fiery blonde. Bakugou quickly pocketed his phone away to give a glare at his best friend and roommate.

“Mind your business, shitty hair! I wasn’t smilin’…” Bakugou huffed, his nostrils flaring as his friend could only laugh at him. Making the blonde return more rage at his red haired companion. “What you laughin’ at shit for brains?! You got a death wish?”

Kirishima clutched his sides, pretending to wipe away a tear from his lash line. After he was done with his little laughing fit, he looked at his best friend with joy and happiness in his eyes. “She’s finally back home, huh?” He couldn't help the shit-eating grin that spread across his face. While his hot-headed best friend looked as if he stole the last cookie from the cookie jar.

Bakugou nodded back at Kirishima, shoving his phone back into his pocket before huffing out. "I wanted to be the first one to welcome her back..." He felt his cheek become hot, he knew that it was stupid to harbor this crush still. He could just be honest with how he felt. Somewhere deep down inside, he felt like you wouldn't accept him back. He couldn't bare the thought of losing you if that was the case. He was content to just be on the sidelines for you, something he would never do for anyone else in his life.

Kirishima didn't understand why his best friend would get so embarrassed by something like this. It wasn't like you hadn't seen every side of Katsuki before. You stuck around him through the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful. Just like he did. If anyone was perfect enough, or meant to be with Katsuki? It was you.

"Should just tell her, man. You look like a little puppy whenever you speak with her. It's cute." Kirishima laughed as he started to run off, hearing a pillow smack into the wall he rounded while Bakugou screamed curses at him.

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It wasn't even two days later when your hero agency threw this massive party to welcome back home all of the heroes that went overseas. Everyone who was anyone was attending, which meant all of your pro-hero friends were coming to see you. Sure, you were excited to see them all. Catch up face to face, but you were most excited to see Bakugou.

The stylest that was given to you, dressed you to the nines. Your sequence crimson dress was snug to your frame, hanging low at your back. A pair of black heels to match along with your black clutch, honestly you were a sight to behold. Anyone's imagination could run wild seeing you in this dress. It just made everything fit in the right place. Light make-up, nothing too distracting from your choice in formal wear. However, tonight you decided not to hide the scar that ran along the left side of your face. Right over your eye, it slit your eyebrow a little. You were tired of trying to hide it at this point, you weren't ashamed of it. Just a battle scar you picked up in the States.

You wouldn't say you were nervous, there was however a little hum that stayed in the back of your mind. Was this going to be overwhelming? Was it going to be too much for just coming back home? What if people didn't remember you? These thoughts flooded your mind the whole car ride to your agency. Only for them to be stopped as you saw the flashes of the shutterbugs waiting at the entrance to get pictures of the arriving heroes. Shouting question after question as you exited the car, giving them your best-practiced smile as you made your way inside.

Your agency didn't cut costs for how well they did the place up, it honestly didn't even look like an agency anymore. They turned a brick office building, into a stunning ball-like palace. With food that almost looked too good to eat, and music that made the place feel light and airy. It was refreshing, to say the least, it made your heart warm. It also caused your quirk to emanate off you slightly, the scent of peaches wafting into the air as you moved through a sea of people. Finally spotting a face that you had come to be very friendly with over the past year away. Rushing to get to their side and feel a bit of comfort.

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Bakugou Katsuki was never late for anything, but tonight was different. Since Kirishima promised that they would give Kaminari a ride, they were going to be late. Much later than Bakugou could tolerate at this point. He was antsy, shaking his leg in the backseat as they finally made their way to the agency. Thirty fucking minutes later than they should have been if only that damned Kaminari was ready on time...Bakugou would have already seen your pretty face. Hear your breath-taking laugh, and held you close to him. It was all that was keeping him sane for the car ride, that he will be able to do that soon.

Decked out in a tux, with a crimson red tie to match his eyes he finally arrived at your agency. Glaring and hissing at the shutterbugs as he pushed his way into the building. He had a set goal, finding you. Hastily pushing through the crowd, but what really caught his attention to find you was the smell of peaches in the air. That syrupy smell made his mouth water and filled his senses with nothing but you. If he was honest with himself, he used to hate it. It was so distracting, it would make his mind mush. Make his teeth ache with the smell alone while making his pants tighter around his crotch. After years of knowing you, letting that scent take over his mind again and again? He welcome it, he craved it in his daily life. Even went as far as buying peach rings or peach-flavored yogurt just so it would be like you were always with him. He loved the scent, following the trail that lead to you.

That's when he saw you standing at the bar, looking as beautiful as the day he first met you. He took you in for a moment, relishing in the way your nose scrunched up as you laughed. How you would tip your head back a little to stop that laughter, and how your cheeks were dusted pink from the drinks you already had in your system. You were a vision in his eyes, the most gorgeous thing he ever got the pleasure of being around. But that all faded for a second as he noticed who you were with.

Even though Bakugou had made his peace with Izuku, he couldn't help that little green monster of jealousy rear its ugly head within him. Watching you shower Izuku in your warmth and joy, sucked it right out of Bakugou himself. That was supposed to be him making you laugh, making you touch his arm for support. Not Deku. Anyone but Deku. He almost walked away, he almost went in a different direction. Not wanting to say the wrong thing as he watched his long-time friend flirt with the girl of his dreams. However, you had caught his eye. Excusing yourself from Izuku to practically run up to Bakugou.

"Katsuki! You came!" You yelled over the other people speaking and the music. Pulling the blonde into a tight embrace. Bakugou felt his whole body stiffen for a moment, his brain stalling. Before correcting himself, wrapping his arms around you. Taking a deep breath, he inhaled that sickly sweet scent that he loved. Basking in your presence a little longer than what typical friends would do. Before unraveling himself from your body.

"Course I did, Princess. Wouldn't miss it for the world." He rasped low, Keeping a hand on your waist as you beamed up at him. This is what he has been waiting for, for a year now. To just be around you, be close to you. Once he finally took all of you in, his brows furrowed a bit. Bringing a thumb up to rub at the tail end of your scar that hit your cheekbone. "When did ya get this?"

You paused for a moment, taking a deep breath before speaking back at him. "Maybe about a month or so into the mission." You brought your own hand up and over Bakugou's, rubbing the top of his hand for a moment before continuing. "I had to keep up with appearances over there, so my PR team made me cover it up all the time. I just...didn't feel like hiding it anymore."

"Why didn't you mention it to me? How ya get it?" He rasped again, a little bite to his question. Almost as if he was hurt that you didn't tell him.

"It was always covered with make-up, I didn't see the point of speaking about it when at some point I knew you'd see it." You bit back a little, not enjoying his tone. "A fight broke out within the mafia I had to be a spy in. A guy pulled a knife and I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Luckily I didn't lose my eyesight, Izuku was actually the one that got the guy away with the knife. So, honestly, I owe him a huge thanks."

Now that stung a little bit for Bakugou, not being the one to come to your aid. Not being the one to be on the mission with you. For you to owe a debt to Deku of all people. It made his jaw clench, and his free hand ball up into a fist. The light scent of caramel wafting into the air as Bakugou’s quirk was acting up. Most people wouldn’t really care that they could smell it but you knew what was happening.

“Katsuki…what’s going on?” You questioned as the scent of his quirk came to your nose. Causing you to hold onto his arm, trying to bring him back down to earth. Making him look at you for a moment. “What’s got you so upset?”

Katsuki took a deep breath, his crimson eyes finally leveling with yours before he grabbed onto your hand. Making sure his palms weren’t too hot to touch you. He led you out to the balcony, away from everyone else. At the bar, a certain green haired man was watching. A displeased look on his face before he chuckled to himself.

“Izuku, what’s gotten into you today? You haven’t taken your eyes off her.” Shinso finally asked his friend, watching him look like a wounded dog. His own purple eyes looking over to see Bakugou leading you elsewhere.

“I-…I got really close to y/n. On the mission that is. But I always knew I was coming in second. She’d speak to him daily…I saw it in the way her eyes would light up when his name came across her screen. I guess I can’t be number one in everything.”

———————————————————————————

Out on the balcony, Katsuki moved you both towards the small seating area at the far end of the balcony. But neither of you sat, Katsuki just leaned against the railing. His palms rubbing over his face once he let go of you. “What is going on.” You finally asked, holding onto your own arms.

He was silent for a long moment, his hands gripping the railing tight before finally sighing. His eyes never left yours, like he was staring into your soul. “I just…fuck. I don’t know how to say it, princess. Not without it fucking everything up.”

“What are you going to fuck up?” You would question while moving up to him. To grabbed his cheeks, making him keep his attention on your eyes before rubbing them softly. “Please, Katsuki…honey. I don’t know what’s going on.”

At the pet name you had given him so long ago, it felt like all his worries disappeared in a moment. Moving to rest his hands on your hips, letting his fingers dig there for a moment. “I-…I’m- shit! This is so hard…I’m so embarrassed. Goddamnit I’m in love with you, ok!” He finally huffed it out, making his eyes look down once more so he didn’t see the reaction on your face. “But that damn Dek- Izuku might have a place in your heart and I don’t know how to handle that.”

You gave his cheeks a little shake, making his eyes meet yours again. All yours showed was kindness and love, with the small smile on your lips. “Honey…Izuku doesn’t have a place in my heart. Maybe as a great friend but nothing more.” You said while stroking the sides of his cheeks, moving in a little closer. “Who have I been speaking to everyday even before I left? Who has seen every little ugly side to me? Who have I told everything to?” You asked, noticing the way Katsuki shrugged his shoulders. You chuckled a little. “You, dumbass. It’s all been you. I’m in love with you too.” You smiled at him brightly.

He couldn’t believe what he heard initially, his mind moving a mile a minute. He moved his hands quickly to your face, his thumb brushing at the tail end of your scar once more. “You do? You…love me? Princess, don’t bullshit me.” As you shook your head yes, Katsuki had the biggest smile that had ever crossed his face. He leaned down, pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was raw, passionate, and full of undying love. The way your lips moved together was like two people coming together to be one finally. It was breathless, it was sweet, and it was something you both had been missing for a long time now.

"Let's leave." Katsuki finally spoke after breaking the kiss, still holding onto you tightly. He wanted to take you away, he wanted to just have you to himself. Finally, he waited long enough and so had you. "Can we leave?" He pressed again as he pulled you into a tight embrace. "I just want you to myself right now, fuck everyone else."

You nodded your head softly, looking up into his crimson eyes. A smile was etched into your lips as you started to pull him towards the front of the agency. "Yeah, let's go. I have waited long enough to have you to myself."

The wait wasn't long to get a cab to pick you up, it was the wait for the drive home that was killing you both. Soft touches against legs, brushes of hands against hands, and let's not forget the smooth whispers coming from Katsuki that the cab driver needed to 'hurry the fuck up already.' It was actually really amusing to you, because what you didn't expect when you rolled up to the front of Katsuki's apartment building? Was him to basically throw money at the driver's face, and carry you all the way up to his home.

"Katsuki! You can put me down now!" You were laugh-yelling at him as he kicked in his door. Not caring that it was almost 1am in the morning and the door handle denting the drywall.

"No time..." He said softly against your neck, leaving a trail of open mouth kisses against your skin as he navigated through his apartment into his bedroom. Once he pressed you into those black silk sheets, everything hit you at once. Looking up at him over you, the desire and love in his eyes, you were finally going to be with someone you truly loved in this world.

The small little sigh you let slip past your lips as he nibbled on one particularly sensitive spot on your neck made him realize it too. Years and years of loving you in secret could finally come out in the open. He can finally express the way he feels about you, without even having to say anything. He just looked down at you, your hair all sprawled out in different directions, lipstick a little smeared, and the look of love in your eyes? You looked like a goddess to him.

"You're beautiful..." He said softly before moving back to kiss you again. This time it was more rushed, like he was hungry. He was hungry for you, slipping the straps of your dress down your shoulders. As your breasts finally became unclothed, Katsuki sucked in a breath. Your pretty perky nipples already standing at attention for him, causing him to lean down to blow cool air over one while he twisted the other with his fingers. It caused your back to arch into his touch, pushing a leg between his thighs as the top of your knee brushed against his already hard crotch.

He hissed a bit from the touch, having him wrap his lips around your nipple to give it a playful little suck. What piqued his interest the most was the way you reacted to his teasing. A high-pitched moan came from your throat before you slapped your palm over your lips. Your body was so sensitive, so ready for him. He moved his hands lower, bringing your dress along with him before getting rid of the offending object. Leaving you bare under him.

"No panties...fuck Princess...you'll be the death of me." He growled, something deep in his chest as he moved back. Stripping himself of his own clothing before moving back ontop of you. His hand slipped between your bodies so he could run a finger up your already moist slit. Katsuki's eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head when he felt your slick against his fingers, before slowly pushing two of them inside your sopping cunt. "Gotta prep you..."

You already felt full from just how thick his fingers were, working in and out of you at a slow pace. However, your eyes didn't leave his cock. It was so thick, and long as well. Veins in all the right places while his head was just a pretty shade of pink, dripping precum already. You didn't care about being prepped at the moment, all you wanted was to feel him deep inside you. You moved your hand to take ahold of his shaft, stroking it softly before bringing your palm up to his tip. But he quickly grabbed your hand and pinned it next to you.

"Don't...baby. I am barely keeping it together. If you touch me like that? I'll fold. Be a good girl for me, Princess." He said in such a husky voice it made you squirm under him. That granted you his smirk, all teeth. He was pleased with himself, seeing that you were so good at listening to him. So willing for him, such a perfect girl. You were so ready for him, but he wanted more. He wanted to taste you, to feel you quiver on his tongue. To see you lose your mind to the pleasure. But as he went to move towards your cunt, this time you stopped him.

"Please...I can't wait anymore. I want you inside me Katsuki...please? Can you please just make love to me already? I want you...I need you...Daddy...please." Well you didn't expect that to come out of your mouth, but you were so hazed over in pleasure and need that you didn't care. The name however made Katuski raise his eyebrows in shock. It made you close your mouth, eyes adverting his gaze now.

Katsuki felt his mind stop, felt it completely skip a beat at the sound of your voice calling him daddy. It unlocked something in his brain, it made him feral for you. His desire for you now went through the roof. Boy, were you in for it now.

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"Daddy? Oh...baby girl...you've done it now..." He smirked at you, moving his head back from between your thighs. Leaving a trail of open-mouth kisses against your torso, up your chest, and now to your neck. Literally you with every little mark he could leave on your body, claiming you as his. His tongue trailed against the shell of your ear before he whispered something lewd against it. "You want Daddy to put his fat cock inside you? I'd be you'd look so sexy with it bugling out of your stomach...hm?" He sucked on your earlobe a little before continuing. "Want Daddy to stuff you full of his hot cum...make you his?"

Your mind was running a mile a minute, it was so good, so much. As you felt his tip start to press against your slick entrance. "Please..." You moaned out almost breathless. "Please...fill me with your cum...Daddy." You begged him, while bringing your left leg over his lower back, trying to pull him into you more. "Will you fill me up?" You asked in such a sweet voice that it made Katsuki's whole body shudder a bit.

"Fuck, I'll do anything for you if you talk to me like that..." He said now somewhat out of breath. Moving his hand to take ahold of his shaft, to part your lips. The feeling of your slick already coating his head, made him see stars for a moment until he pulled himself together again. "Alright, I'm going to put it in Princess." He said under his breath as he slowly pushed his head past the first tight ring of muscle. He felt your walls making room for him, fitting the shape of him, as he slowly bottomed out inside of you. The pure sound of pain, mixed with a little bit of pleasure made his eyes roll to the back of his head. He fought with everything in his power to keep his eyes on your face, not wanting to miss a second of your expressions.

You were a vision under him, goosebumps littering your whole body. A slight arch in your back, the way your chest was raising and falling with a small pant in your breath. Your eyes screwed tight in pleasure, while your mouth hung open just slightly. You were beautiful to him. You always were, but in this moment you were ethereal.

As you felt him hit against your cervix, your legs wrapped instantly around his lower back. Keeping him tight against you while you caught your breath for a second. Your eyes opened slowly, marveling at the view you were getting. Katsuki's eyebrows pinched a little, lower lip snug between his teeth. A small bit of sweat on the side of his forehead, while his eyes looked at you with nothing but love.

Each drag of his cock within your tightened walls was like seeing the night sky lit up with stars. The feeling of him slowly thrusting himself in and out of you, so painfully slow had your eyes almost crossed. You were soaked, so much so that there was a lewd squelch every time Katsuki pulled out of you. The sound of skin hitting against skin was echoing through the room as Katsuki poured every ounce of how much he loved you, into your body.

As you felt your body coming to your climax, you accidentally set off your quirk. The scent of peaches and cream seeped into the air, almost like a thick cloud of desire and lust. You felt Katsuki shiver above you, hand gripping the sheets next to your head with such a tight grip. It made him pick his pace up, thrusting into at a back-breaking pace.

"Fuck- Princess...goddamn you smell so fucking sweet...so fucking good. Ahh, fuck!" He was losing himself above you, his face so screwed up in pleasure that it made you tighten around him suddenly. "Don't- shit! Don't do that Princess...I'll cum inside you..."

"Do it...cum inside me...please pleasee Daddy, cum for me?" You begged just as sweet as your scent. Batting your eyelashes up at him, holding him in closer as your tasty moans hit his ears like the best music he ever heard. Plus the way your cunt was clenching around him, sucking him in? Made Katsuki lose his mind.

"Ya? You want me to cum inside you? Want me to breed this tight little pussy? Yah...yeah you fucking do. Fuck ya, baby. Take it all, take it fucking all." He said while thrusting as deep as he could inside of you, holding himself there as he painted your walls a pretty white.

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As you both came down from your highs, Katsuki slipped out of you slowly. Taking a moment to watch how his cum was leaking out of you. It made his cock twitch for a moment before he let his fingers trail in the mixed liquids before pushing some of it back into you. At the way you squirmed in overstimulation, he chuckled. Moved to lay beside you, bringing your back into his chest. He was leaving soft open-mouth kisses on the back of your neck. Just enjoying how you hummed in satisfaction.

"I can't believe I finally got you..." He said in a groggy voice, the low grave in it making you shutter a little against him. That earned you a playful nip to the back of your ear. "Relax, woman. If you keep at it? We are going to go all night."

"Who says I wouldn't want that?" You playfully teased back, rolling slightly so you could face him. Your own shit-eating grin plastered on your face. You leaned forward to kiss him deep, letting the moment sink in before you were rolled onto your back once again.

"That a challenge? Oh...Princess...you have no idea what you have gotten yourself into now."

[zosanmylove]

Zosan's baby being just a mini girl Zoro is so dear to me and I don't even know why like?

In my head Sanji's pregnancy is tough, not easy at all, nine months of Hell. And the birth? Well, he almost lost the use of his legs forever.

And then when he wake up from passing out after hearing the first cries, he finally see his baby in Marimo's arms. Zoro's focused on the child, but he knows that Sanji opened his eyes, so he naturally pass him is baby.

-She's perfect cook, you did great...

But he can't hear what the marimo keeps saying because he's totally mezmerises by the tiny human in his arms. She has naturally taned skin and green hair.

Sanji was about to blame Zoro for making his daughter herit of his dumb hair, but then she opened her eyes. They were as grey as her dad's...

By the night when the rest of the crew comes to meet the baby they ask if he's not dissapointed she looks nothing like him (really nothing like him, even her eyebrows are perfect straight lines) he says he's ABSOLUTLY sure her eyes will soon turn blue just like his.

And about a month later when the Roronoa family is all alone again, sitting in silence while watching their new member sleep soundly under the candle light, Sanji bring her closer and start to whisper:

-That's not fair...

-What's not fair? Zoro asked, looking up at his husband.

-I'm the one who almost died when having her... the swordman hears a small chukles, almost like a sob. Why do she looks like you made her all by yourself?

Then the marimo laughs himself, holding Sanji a little tighter against him.

-Jalous, huh? he teases him, as proud as a father could be.

-Jalous? Of what? I'm worried she'll have to so spend her whole life with moss growing on her head...

-To think that you almost died for that...

-Oh shut up...

Zoro held them both tigher, as his cook let it all out.

And as the baby grows, they're just soooo much like the swordman. Everyone already pointed out that they had the same sleeping face but when she start to walk and speak, and it is Zoro. From the mimic to thr grin, to the way of talking... Just like a clone. Oh, and she has no sense of direction. Of course. None.

Zoro could care less, but he notices and totally see himself in his daughter when he was her age. The only difference is that she was raised around Luffy, so she's more chaotic. Sanji pretends to be annoyed by it, but the whole crew's knows he's secretly sooooooo glad she's nothing like him.

But he actually get annoyed when the two mossheads team up to win any kind of argument against him. Both of them are lost cases.

[fillthattank]

How about a friend who has a crush on a jock and encourages them into a hot dog eating contest by claiming the jock couldn't do it. The result is a massive belching jock that headlocks his friend and admits he did it for him. Afterword it's the massive jock stuffing his face before bed to give his now boyfriend a comfy place to lay?

James had a crush. A boy who liked another boy. Perfectly normal, the kind of thing that happened to everyone, right?

Of course, that guy he had fallen for had to be Zack. 

Zack, the big bulked up jock, with dark hair and masculine features, who always seemed in a good mood and made a challenge out of everything. Zack, the guy who only really interacted with James when he needed his math homework done. Sure, Zack seemed to like him for it, but Zack liked everyone.

Perfectly normal for his crush to be on the hot popular jock,  he guessed, but not exactly easy. At least, he wasn't the only one crushing on Zack, that was for sure.

"Hey J, what's up!"

James felt a big slap against his shoulder. Before he could turn his head, Zack had alreast bounced into the chair in front of him, the massive jock completely filling the chair. James had spend more time than he'd be willing to admit looking at Zack, and he still couldn't process just how big that guy was.

"Uh, not much. I've finished reading your math paper- had to correct a few things, but you're getting there."

"Awesome dude! You're a real one!"

Zack jumped back up, and pulled James into a big bro-hug. The massive jock's arms pressing against him. Warm and firm. So close, yet so far...

Zack let go of him, then dropped back into the chair.

"You going to the fair Saturday?" He asked.

"Maybe?" James said. That wasn't entirely wrong. James had been wanting to go and watch Zack have a go at all the dumb challenges there. James also worried that spending a whole day pining over a guy out of his league might have a negative effect on his well-being. "You going?"

"Of course! Someone's gotta win all the games," he boasted.

"You think you can win all of them?"

"Nah. I know I can."

"Even the hot dog eating contest?"

"Especially the hot dog eating contest."

"You'd lose, you know?" James teased.

"What? No way J," Zack said, looking extremely offended. He was so cute with that puppy dog look on his face. Especially in contrast with his massive body.

"Yeah Zack, you'd get crushed. You can't be the best at everything."

"Bro that's so untrue," Zack said, on such a serious tone Jay had to force himself not to laugh. "You know I eat so damn much each day. I'm the biggest eater on the team. I gotta fuel these bad boys!"

Zack flexed one of his massive arms. He looked so masculine yet at the time so adorable. James wanted to hug him, but unlike Zack, he didn't dare get so touchy.

"Yeah, but that's a real challenge we're talking about. The amount of food you'd need to win, I don't think your stomach could hold it all. 

"J, my stomach is huge, you know it!"

James sure did. He'd seen how much Zack could put down. He'd seen how bloated he was after meals. Seen him rub that big belly, looking so comfortably full.

"And it's not just belly capacity, it's speed to. I'm not sure you'd do well."

So of course, when saturday came, James found Zack lined up with the other contesters, at the hot dog eating stand. It was a hot sunny day, and Zack had put on a lose fitting tank top, that gave a good view of his beefy arms and a few glimpes at his big pecs.

There had to bee at least 30 contesters, probably closer to 40. Guys, girls, all ages, all shapes and sizes, with a few other jock types like him in the lot. Some just there to have a good time, others clearly out there to win. James could see Zack eyeing up the competition, and he could see them eyeing him up too.

After a quick speech from the announcer, the contest began. Zack was eating like a wild beast. Just shovelling hot dogs into his mouth, barely chewing them, sometimes taking two or three at a time.

Some of the other contestants were using techniques, swallowing their hot dogs efficiently. Clearly, they were out to win as well, and knew what they were doing. Zack was putting up a real fight though, even holding onto a small lead, but his lack of precision had a cost: Zack's belly was bloating much faster than the other contesters. He was swallowing plenty of air.

After 10 hot dogs, Zack's loose tank top was hanging over the round curve of his abs starting to bloat. And after 15, it was clear he had the biggest bloat. Which really said something, as there was a lot more room to fill in the huge jock's beefy body than in the other contestants.

James was both impressed by Zack's performance, a bit worried he might get hurt, and turned on. He knew the jock was very competitive, but this was somethow more intense than what he was expecting.

Over half the contestants had dropped out by now. Some gracefully, others... less so. Some guys were sitting back, nursing a painfully bloated belly, others trying to deflate their overloaded stomachs one way or another.

The contest had become a two man race now, between Zack and another guy called Ethan. Ethan was about the same age as Zack, the same height, and clearly an athlete too, though not the same kind. While Zack was huge and bulky, Ethan was sleek and lean. A runner, likely.

Despite being much more slender, Ethan's long torso gave plenty of room for his stomach to expand. Through his tight shirt, you could see his bloated belly, tracing the outline of his ribcage and making a regular curve. His shirt had lifted up, revealing a comletely flattened belly button.

Most importantly, Ethan was downing it all neatly. He had a technique, that clearly didn't have him swallowing much air at all.

The two jocks were tied at 30, now. Ethan being clean and efficient, Zack brute-forcing his way through.

30 became 35, which became 40. They were both going steady, as their bellies were getting freakishly bloated. A stomach that full had to hurt, even on a big guy like Zack. Ethan's bloat wasn't as big - less air in there, probably, and less muscle than Zack -, but was at least as terrifying, on his lithe frame. At this point he was basically a huge mass of hot dogs and water with a guy around it.

Every extra hotdog was a herculean effort, but they kept going. The crowd was cheering them both on, at this point. Mostly, they were in awe that anyone could eat that much and enjoying the show. James could tell a fair amount were rooting for Ethan, and he couldn't blame them for wanting to see the skinny guy out eat the big massive jock, but he was 200% on Zack's team.

He wanted him to win, but he was also thinking about the aftermath. How would Zack be feeling? What if he hurt himself, or made himself sick? James loved the idea of comforting Zack after overeating, rubbing his overloaded gut, but wasn't that a bit selfish of him? Was he really going to make Zack sick just for his own pleasure? Would Zack even want to be with him after the contest ?

The crowd let out a huge cheer as they both crossed 50 at the same point. Ethan's belly was completely bare by now, sweat pearling on the huge balloon, and Zack's gut was filling up his once loose tank top like it was a compression shirt. Less than half an hour ago, both these guys had flat stomachs, now they looked 12 months pregnant, of that was a thing.

James had seen Zack get very bloated many times, but he'd never seen him - or anyone get this big. Zack couldn't be doing this just for James, he thought. Sure, he'd coaxed him on a bit, but Zack was a competition obsessed jock with a big belly capacity. Maybe he'd even forgotten James had started this by now.

The crowd gasped, and fell silent, making James jolt. Ethan had frozen, his 54th hot dog still in his mouth. Very, very slowly, he moved a hand towards his enormous stomach. It was full. Not full in the normal sense, no, full in the "defying the laws of the human body" sense. Harder than concrete, packed and stretched so tight that he couldn't even swallow his own saliva, let alone a hot dog. No amount of competitive spirit could change that, it was physically impossible.

Ethan grabbed a piece of kitchen roll, to dispose of that last hot dog. Staying neat and clean right up until the end.

The announced walked up to Zack, who had continued eating, getting up to 57, and held up his hand. After staying silent, the crowd broke out in cheers, shouting his name. James liked to think he was the loudest.

Zack was beaming with pride. The joy of victory outweighing having more food than any belly was meant to hold inside him. The jock triumphantly flexed his huge arms, but didn't slap his belly as he usually did after a huge meal. He gave a short victory speech, and shook Ethan's hand. Ethan then sat backon a reclining chair near the stand, as his girlfriend pulled some lotion out of a bag and started rubbing his belly. This looked like something they were used to doing.

"So, did you think I'd win?"

James jumped. As the competition was winding down, Zack had walked up to him.

"Did you really think I couldn't do it?," he said. "Or were you just saying that to get me geared up?"

Zack was towering over James, not just in height but in bulk. He was standing about two feet from him, but his musclegut was so stuffed it was almost touching him.

Zack was trying to look scary and imposing. And James would have been frightened, if it weren't for that smile Zack was failing to hide.

"Because I know why I did it," he continued, swinging one of his massive arms around James shoulder and pulling him into a headlock. James could feel Zack's giant musclegut pushing against him. Like the tire of a truck, firm muscle pushed out by a gigantic stomach filled with food and air.

"I did it to make you proud," Zack said. "And I think it worked."

Neither of them initiated the kiss, it just happened. James wanted to say he couldn't believe it was happening, but right now, he did. It all made so much sense now, and he was very happy for it. He felt so at home, against his big jock's bulk.

"I did think you were going to win," James said, after breaking the kiss. "But you still impressed me. I'm really proud of you."

Zack opened his mouth to speak, but instead...

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRP

It was loud, and long. James could feel the pressure inside Zack's stomach drop. When it was done, they both laughed.

"Duuude, that was crazy," Zack said, pulling James in a bit closer now that his stomach wasn't as cose to bursting. "I'm not sure I've ever burped like that ?"

"You know, I will say, while I never doubted that you were going to win, I was a bit worried at how much air you were swallowing!" James said. "You know you were only supposed to eat the hot dogs, right?"

They both laughed.

"It just happened ! I just knew I was supposed to eat really fast. I mean, it worked, right?"

"It sure did," said James. He shifted a little to the side, and placed a hand on Zack's huge stomach, slowly rubbing it. The tank top which had been so loose less than an hour ago was now so tight it looked painted over his gut.

"I really wanna take it off," Zack explained, "but it's so tight I-"

BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP

The next belch was somehow louder than the first, and way onger. Sam could feel his monster stomach deflate, as more of the air he'd swallowed was pushed out.

"How about now?" James said.

Zack gave it a go, bending around a bit, but it was still too tight. The sweat from the contest, the bloat, and the general heat had made the shirt sticky. Eventually, the jock ripped it off, making James laugh and fall for him like it was the first time.

"You look so good," James let out, now Zack was shirtless. "You look perfect."

Zack was. His extremely muscular build was on full display, and jutting out from inder his pecs was a huge firm gut. It was a sight, but it didn't look out of place. As if Zack's huge muscles were there to help carry the weight of his huge stomach. The only thing hotter than that belly on that body was knowing how and why he'd gotten so bloated.

"Hey now," Zack said, with a smirk. "You're not the only one here who likes someone."

He pulled him in for a hug, which turned into a kiss, and then another hug.

"How's that gut feeling?" James asked.

"Okay, now" Zack said. "Gonna be real, it was feeling really tight towards the end. Not too heavy, like the other times I've really stuffed myself, it was just so tight. Like, my stomach was just so bloated, but I've burped a lot of the g..."

On cue, another huge burp came out of the big jock. It went on, and on. By the end, Zack's stomach was sticking out a full 5 inches less than when he'd ended the contest.

"Wanna hear something crazy?" Zack said. Blushing a bit, but clearly knowing James was going to like what happened next. "Now that I've gotten all that air out of my stomach... I'm kinda hungry again?"

*

And boy was Zack hungry. They spent the rest of the afternoon at the fair, jumping from food stand to food stand. James didn't consider himself a particularly small eater, but even without having eaten anything so far, Zack still out-ate him 3 to 1. Sometimes Zack would order huge portions for both of them, and then "have" to finish James'.

Zack still wanted to participate in as many games as possible, even weighed down by a giant bloated stomach. Usually it got in the way, though he still managed to win the high strike. He let out another heavy burp after winning, which just made him hungrier.

That happened many times. Each time Zack's belly was starting to reach it's limit, he'd burp some more, and feel hungry again. They repeated the cycle a few times over, untill...

"Jaaaaaaaaaaaames I'm so stuffed," Zack said, falling back onto his bed. They'd stayed until near the end of the fair, and despite being already at his limit Zack had grabbed a bag of snacks to eat as they went to his place.

"For real?" James teased. The huge muscular jock was lying back, with a gigantic belly sticking up high, high into the air. Sticking out at a right angle from under his meaty pecs, curving as a perfect ball, down to his crotch. At the fair, he had looked so strong and masculine, carrying that big musclegut with ease, but now, weighed down by the massive volume of food inside him, he just looked so cute.

"For real. I think I need a belly rub," Zack said, with the biggest puppy dog look on his face. He was so perfect.

James pounced onto the bed, snuggled up against Zack, and kissed him as he started rubbing his belly.

[14dayswithyou]

💖 Slight 14DWY + Blog Changes! 💖

(16/12/23)

Leon will now move away from Corland Bay when he’s 10 years old. Originally, I never really put that much thought into it because it won't be explicitly mentioned in the game, but I figured I might as well make it more accurate now ^^;

Teo is now 26 (instead of 27). Again, zero thought went into this aside from wanting a wider range of ages for the cast — but now I want him to be closer to Jae and Violet’s age — especially considering they were all childhood friends and Violet was in the grade below them.

Elanor is now 30 and Kiara is 29. In the 2017 version, Elanor was originally the eldest sister, but it just didn't feel right to change it in the 2020 version. Day 3 will still be lore accurate, but everything on this blog will need to be retconned.

14DWY Purple (unofficial) will now be changing from #A14BF4 to #9D64FD.

Not a change, but adding more clarification: Angel will still attend university (and Jae and Teo will still be their university friend), but whether or not they enrolled will remain ambiguous! Day 1/2 kinda insinuates that they studied something ("Teo attended some of their classes"), but I wanted it to imply that they could've attended orientation and/or took "mock classes" after high school to see what it's like as well. I may change a few lines in the demo (in the future) to reflect that.

Egg

I'd like to (hopefully) try to remind everyone that whenever I write about Angel on this blog, they are gender neutral. Because if my ass had a dollar for every time someone assumed they were female because of the cutesy/pink themes or how "soft" I made the MC, I'd have enough money to fund voice actors, translators, custom soundtrack, and pay the $100 Steam fee /hj

Changed the crackpot theory tag into an actual tag!! About time sdghjdg

(07/01/24)

Also not a change, but to solidify Haruko's appearance + Ren's likeness a bit more... Haruko is supposed to be an anime character with pink/blue hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. He's a modern day "sorcerer" (a reference to JJK, not a literal fantasy wizard lmao) from an anime called "Attack on Giants" (another reference to "Attack on Titan"); and is very kind, ditzy, and empathetic. All Ren has copied is his hairstyle, vibe, and demeanour. Ren isn't outright cosplaying Haruko, and it'd take an avid anime enjoyer to notice that Ren is attempting to mimic Haruko.

I'll make a poll one day, but I might change Ren's left sleeve tattoo to the spoiler-free placeholder I used in this artwork. A lot of people seem to prefer it, but I'll wait until the poll to make any final decisions.

I might also make another poll to see if perhaps a new BGM theme would better suit the demo. Because in my mind, the "summer/beach location" = acoustic guitar (rather than piano) — and for some reason I get lo-fi vibes from 14DWY??

I don't think anyone has picked up on this subtle shift yet, but Ren will mainly use "he/him" over "he/they" now (since Haruko is a he/him enjoyer 👍). [REDACTED], however, will still greatly prefer "they/he", and will continue to use them interchangeably.

21/02/24 — or search through Obsidian. (Future Sai here.... I have no clue what this means???? What??? T_T)

I'm gonna cut down on the Teo and Ren bullying on this blog (and in general). I don't find it fun anymore, and it genuinely upsets me when people put down certain characters to make others look better (i.e. "Ren has no ass which makes Leon superior >:)" Just say you like Leon... I beg T_T). It also makes me doubt whether Ren is genuinely a good character or not, and it's gross seeing y'all tear down people who genuinely enjoy Teo. Be kind.

(11/01/24)

Eventually, I'd like to turn this meme into an event in the 14DWY Discord to help create an actual landlord for Day 3. The current landlord has always been a meme-y placeholder (I thought the idea would be funny), but looking at how the game is currently, I want 14DWY to be more "serious". The current landlord will eventually be turned into an easter egg!!

Whether or not Jae had bottom surgery will now remain ambiguous. Everyone is now free to headcanon whatever they'd like, so long as it's not offensive or too OOC.

From now on, I'll also try my best to remind everyone that Jae is gay and Kiara is lesbian. I tried not to bring it up frequently because I was afraid it'd come across like "being gay" was their only defining personality trait, but I'm tired of people sending in asks that don't apply to these characters ^^;

I might move all of the curiouscat questions to this blog and archive the account. It's becoming too much of a hassle for me to manage 3+ social media accounts sgkshjj

[suhnshinehaos]

growing pains : interlude ii

series synopsis : people say that you’ll experience three kinds of love in your lifetime. the first is an idealistic love, the kind that feels straight out of a fairy tale. the second is the hard love, the kind that will leave you with lessons about yourself and the love you want and need to experience. finally, the love you never see coming. this is the story of your three loves. pairing : svt 97 line x gn!reader genre/s : non-idol au, coming of age, angst, fluff, my attempts at humor interlude two wc : ~1.1k

interlude ii  ➤  live well

" and i know it's fine to end our time be safe, be true, and i'll think of you " from palace's live well

previous  ➤  act three, part sixteen next  ➤  act three, part seventeen growing pains  ➤  masterlist

“gyu, i swear to god if you get drunk i’m not carrying you back to your hotel.”

mingyu laughs, loud and unrestrained, his head thrown back and his eyes screwed shut, and it hits you just how much you missed the sound. or really, just how much you missed him. you tilt your head to the side, a small smile creeping up the corners of your mouth as you take a sip of your drink.

“it wouldn’t be the first time.” he speaks through his chuckles, shaking his head, and his eyes meet yours. for a moment, you have the same thought, and he’s the one to actually say it out loud. “this is nice.”

and it really is.

there was once a time when you couldn’t even imagine being in the same room as him, just the two of you, laughing like there hadn’t been years of shared history between the two of you. for a second, a memory flashes across your mind; the feeling of his arm slung across your shoulders, his alcohol laced breath mixing in with his cologne, muttering a drunken string of words that you couldn’t quite make out.     

and you look at the mingyu in front of you, cheeks flushed and a look of complete contentment now settled on his features. 

“crazy how life just,” you pause, and eventually sigh out- “works out, huh?”

under the pale moonlight, in a city both of you are relatively unfamiliar with, mingyu has never felt closer to you than he does now. strangely enough, it all feels right. he nods, “crazy. everything that happened had to have happened.”

a silence settles between the two of you, but not tense nor uncomfortable, as memories of the last couple of years, and eventually the last couple of months, fill both your senses. mingyu scans your face, noting for any signs of unease from being with him.

mingyu finds none, which makes him let out a breath of relief.

cutting through the silence, you ask a question you’ve been meaning to ask him for a while. 

“are you happy, gyu?”

you didn’t mean for the question to be so loaded but, in a way,  you only knew so much. you saw him every now and then, when he came to visit you, jeonghan, vernon, and soonyoung for a couple of days. you saw his instagram stories and twitter posts, travelling around the world, meeting new people, walking runways, booking several editorials.

“i am.” he lets out a breath and you see the tension in his shoulders fall, looking up to the clear night sky then back at you. “god it feels good to finally say that out loud, and actually mean it. you know?”

you blink back at him for a couple of seconds, it seemed like it was something he was just acknowledging himself, but a smile spreads across your face. “i’m so happy for you.”

and you mean it, with every fiber of your being.

just like that, you notice how much he has changed since your college days. gone is the tense, hesitant mingyu that you had once come to know. the one that lied on the other side of your bed in your apartment in new york, the one with the permanent crease between his brows. you see him now, calm and confident, and secure in himself. you had caught glimpses of it before, but now it radiates through him, engulfing you in his light.

“you seeing someone?” the words tumble out of your lips before you couldn’t even process them. curiosity got the better of you, and before you could take it back he simply shakes his head.

“ah no, i go on dates sometimes, but nothing that ever really lasted.”

you nod, and mingyu continues.

“and that’s okay, you know? i’ve just been doing eyes, heart, and arms wide open. being honest with myself and what it really is what i want, whether it’s in my professional or personal life. if things don’t work out, at least i can say i did my best. it took a while for it to feel sincere, and not like i’m just forcing myself to do it for the sake of it, but i’m happy with myself.” 

his voice grows softer as he ends his little ramble, and you part your lips to tell him that you’re proud of him, but he beats you to the punch.

“you taught me that, you know?” he smiles, “i mean, if we hadn’t gone through what we did- not like i’m saying that you were in my life just for a lesson because i really do value you as a friend, and as a person-”

“no, i- i get it, gyu.” you cut off his rambling with a quiet laugh, noticing his eyes become bigger and more panicked. 

he lets out an exaggerated breath of relief and holds a hand over his heart. “what about you, yn? are you happy?” 

your mind briefly flashes to reuniting with your maple drive friends, to the friends you’ve made at work, being able to see jeonghan, soonyoung, and hansol more often, to the shoots you’ve done and the work you’ve accomplished.

from all the stress you’ve gone through from moving so far away from home, from struggling to book shoots when you were freelancing after graduated, to where you are now.

a wave of peace washes over you, and you think of tea in the mornings and farmer’s market runs in the afternoon and impromptu shoots at night. 

mingyu didn’t near to hear your answer, he simply just knew.

he silently raises his glass and you do the same, clinking them together and downing the rest of your drinks. 

“continue to live well, yn.” he says gently, sincerely, looking right into your eyes so you knew he meant every word. 

you reach out a hand across the table rest your hand atop mingyu’s, “you too.” 

he glances at his watch and notices the time, “i should get you back to jihoon, he was already hesitant to let you go with me since you’ve got an early flight tomorrow.”

mingyu settles the tab, ignoring your insistence to pay your share, and you walk back towards your hotel. your shoulder brushes against his, and it doesn’t make his heart flutter in the way it used to. it simply reminds him that you’re still there, walking next to him, and for all his shortcomings, you were still in his life. 

if anything, he was simply just grateful.

even more so when you wrap your arms around him before entering the elevator, hugging him tighter as you whispered, “i’ll see you soon.”

mingyu’s lips stretch into a grin as he waves goodbye and the elevator doors close, “i’ll see you soon.” 

from reese, with love <3

oh yngyu.... ngl i choked up a lil writing that "i'll see you soon" aaaah they are so dear to me. at first i didn't know if i wanted to give gyu the seokmin treatment and give him a potential new partner, but if there's something i want you guys to takeaway from this, it's that romantic love isn't the be all-end all. if you happen to find it, wonderful! bec romantic love is a wonderful thing! but finding love within yourself, the company you keep, and the work you do is just as wonderful- and i'm glad this version of mingyu gets to have that :)

thank you for reading! asks/rbs/replies are always appreciated, i'd love to know what you think <3 hope you're all doing well!