#but then we eat at fucking Popeye's for lunch twice a week

[blunderpuff]

put on tshirt after doing yardwork (cuz i got hot) and my mom immediately commented "look at YOU in bArE aRmS"

so i put on my long shirt again

[halfgclden]

Catch You on the Flip Side | Jordan&Devin

date: May 8th

summary: fight night, hot chip, weird bosses, big apples

Jordan opened his laptop, tucked his hair behind his ears, and then mussed his hair up again so it looked shaggy. He sent a quick confirmation message and clicked the call button on the Discord chat. He smiled as the call was answered, and rested his chin in his hand. “Hey. What’s going on?”

Devin flopped back on her bed and held the phone over her face as she answered the call. “Hey!” She grinned back at him and rolled onto her stomach. “What’s up? How’s your freaky delinquent camp?”

Jordan gave a small wave and raised his eyebrows at her. “I mean, same old, same old, I guess.” He wasn’t really sure what he could tell her that would interest her of the affairs at camp. “There’s this fight night thing going on in a few.”

“Fight night? The fuck is that?” Devin’s interest was peaked. “Say more right now.”

Jordan rolled his eyes but looked more amused than annoyed. “Man, it’s some shit you’d be really into, honestly. People are just going to some place called the ‘Rat Cage’ which is some creepy, unlit basement, and they’re just totally brawling it out.” He sighed. “My roommate’s going, and he’s this jacked dude, but I’m still kinda scared he’s gonna get brained and I’ll have to inherit two tiny birds and a giant raccoon.”

“Ugh, I want your life. The Rat Cage? The fucking Rat Cage? I’d kill for a good murder basement right now.” Devin turned her phone to show the sunlight streaming in through her bedroom window. “Literally kill, look at this shit. The walls are painted yellow like I’m a genderless baby and the only food Gene buys is like, fucking carrots and protein shakes.” She shook her head and turned the camera back to her. “Roll it back though. Giant raccoon?”

Jordan clasped his hands below his chin and looked at the room that seemed very warm and appealing. “And here I was thinking I was talking to a genderless baby this whole time. You’re telling me I’m wrong? False advertisement.” He exhaled a small laugh and nodded. “Big Spenca,” he said in his best mock-Australian accent. “He’s this big raccoon statue that my roommate got… somewhere? I dunno, I like to keep the mystery going. I think Tai’s working on a whole hat collection for him now. I’ll take a pic for you once I’m his father.”

Devin snorted. “RIP to your roommate and all but when he bites it can we take joint custody of this fuckin’, uhh, Aussie raccoon?”

Jordan raised an eyebrow. “Are you seriously asking if you can help raise a big ass raccoon statue with me, A) without seeing him, and B) without even being here? You don’t even have to go out to get cigarettes, you can just stop answering my calls.”

“Yeah? Duh?” Devin grinned at him. “You trying to tell me I’d be a shit raccoon mom? Asshole.”

“Um, yeah, duh?” Jordan made the Gavin Face™️. “For one, you’re a human.”

“Bigot.” Devin rolled onto her side. “I can be whatever I put my mind to.”

Jordan snorted and shook his head, covering his mouth with his hand as he smiled. “Fuck you. What’s up there? Just had your protein shake-and-carrot soup for lunch?”

Devin groaned. “Fuck, literally. There were so many peas in it. And kale, Gene’s trying to kill me.”

“Peas and kale, damn, dude.” He shook his head and grinned impishly at her. “You guys are like modern Popeyes.”

Devin shifted the phone to just one hand so she could flip him off. Immediately afterwards, she slapped her forehead and groaned again. “We are. I need to go get a burger the second this convo is over. Chop chop, let’s get it moving.”

“Damn, alright, asshole. I’ll hang up then?” Jordan raised his eyebrows but didn’t move to hang up the call.

“Do it.” Devin didn’t move to hang up either. “Been up to much lately or do people think you’re too weird?”

“You already asked that.” Jordan leaned back on his hands and watched his screen. “I went looking for shit in some tide pools recently. I found a crab and dangled it it from my sweater sleeve. It was pretty cool.” He tilted his head back and forth. “I went chasing rabbits the other day too.”

“Okay, fuck off, you gave me new answers this time.” Devin blew a piece of hair out of her face. “Sweet, I’d kill for crabs. Not the STD, shut up, I heard it when I said it. Chasing rabbits? They don’t feed you anymore?”

Jordan had already been opening his mouth for a retort when he was told to fuck off, so her just grinned at her. “Nah, they never did. I’m withering away to dust.” He pat his stomach and shrugged one shoulder. “We don’t kill the rabbits, we just chase them, but not too much, so we don’t ’anger the spirits’.” He did air quotes at the last words.

“They say the camera adds ten pounds but you’re still a twig on video.” Devin pointed her finger at the screen. “Hippie man.”

Jordan flipped off the camera pointedly and then shrugged. “You never answered what you’ve been up to. Your life that boring?”

“Ugh, literally.” Devin climbed off her bed and stuck her head out of her room to double check the coast was clear before starting towards the kitchen. “All I do is work out, fight with Gene, eat hot chip and lie.” She opened the fridge. “Got a job working at the mall. The fucking mall, I shit you not. What should I eat?”

“Oh my god, does he have you on lockdown or something? Not allowed out of your bedroom for a snack? Since when do you let people control you, Dev?” Jordan flashed a teasing smile as his eyebrows shot up. “The fucking mall? What do you do? Please tell me it involves a dorky hat.” He smirked at her. “Eat hot chip.”

Devin rolled her eyes and put her phone face down on the counter. “Whatever, asshole, I didn’t want him to try and argue with you.” She pulled out the ingredients to start making a sandwich, then propped her phone up so she was visible on the screen again. She pointed the knife she was buttering the bread with towards him. “Selling sunglasses. I have to wear a polo shirt.”

Jordan watched the screen go dark with his cheek leant against his fist. “With me? Don’t you mean you don’t want him to argue with you while I put my computer on mute and watch you tackle your brother?” He snorted and shook his head at her. “Sunglasses? Desgostang. What colour polo?”

“Exactly.” Devin snapped at the screen and went back to making her sandwich. “Pink and blue. Like, both colours at once. I want to eat it it’s so gross.”

Jordan snorted. “Why would you eat it if it was gross, freak?”

“Fuck you, that’s why. Creative license.” Devin put the sandwich in her mouth to carry back to her room and picked the phone back up. “Mmf mm hmm mmf.”

Jordan rested his hand on his stomach as he laughed at her and shook his head. “Come again?"

"Devin, are you up for a game of screw your neighbor?” Gene’s voice came before he did, and he gave her a smile. “Oh, who’re you talking to?”

Devin stopped before her brother. She took the sandwich out of her mouth and held up her hand until she stopped chewing. “Jordan.”

Jordan sighed and got ready to mute his computer as Gene tensed. Why didn’t you just lie, Dev, Jordan thought with an eye roll.

“Oh.” Gene frowned. “Why? Isn’t it, like, Friday night for him? Doesn’t he have some camp stuff?”

Devin shrugged. “I dunno, I’m not his mom.”

“Yeah, that’d be weird, since you have such a big crush on him.” Gene rolled his eyes at Devin, then stepped back to avoid getting slapped. “So no cards?"

Jordan laid back in his bed and willed himself to die.

"Oh my god, Gene, fuck!” Devin hurled her phone at him. “Fuck off, no, leave me alone!”

Gene sidestepped out of the way of the phone and braced himself for if she came barreling after it. “Fine, whatever. Don’t be so dramatic. And maybe give Eli a call while you’re at it.” He turned and disappeared back into his room.

Jordan heard a crash on screen and then yelling, and propped himself up so that he could see. The call hadn’t yet disconnected, and he heard a door closing, so he thought the call might continue, and gave Devin a few minutes to decide.

“Jesus Christ,” Devin muttered to herself as she picked her phone back up. “He’s a fucking dick, sorry for yeeting you. I was aiming for the face. Fuck his fucking reflexes.” Her cheeks were red, so she scowled and flipped the camera so it was showing the hallway instead of her.

Jordan shook his head, smirking a bit as he sat up fully. “I’m really hurt, being yote. The bruises are gonna last for weeks now.”

“Shut up,” Devin laughed, slamming her door behind her so Gene would be able to hear it. “How’s school?”

Jordan shrugged. “I mean, dope, obviously, but also, I have so many fucking assignments. My profs are just like 'oh yeah, you totally have enough time to write thousands of words in this language, also watch this soap opera that’s mind numbingly boring’.” He rolled his eyes. “Also, have you ever watched Spanish shit? It’s literally all soft porn.”

Devin turned the camera back on herself once she had gotten her blush under control. “Nah, never have, but that’s a convincing argument for me to start.”

Jordan rolled his eyes in an exaggerated way. “God, I should have never brought that up. Actually, can you watch it all for me and then tell me what it’s about so I don’t have to sit through it? Then I can get through my assignments twice as fast.”

“Do I have to comprender el español? 'Cause Duolingo’s only taking me so far, dude.”

Jordan snorted. “Um, subtitles? Can you read, or is that past your level of education?”

Devin laughed. “I swear I’m gonna hang up on you. Sorry I didn’t realize your Spanish prof holds your hand and gives you the translations so you don’t have to learn.”

Jordan flipped off the camera. “Do it, you won’t.” He grinned. “Look, you watch one movie, I send you the questions, you answer them, I translate. Then I can watch another movie and do the same shit myself at the same time. Sounds like a great plan to me.”

“Fine, fuck. Only ‘cause you’re begging me on hands and knees.” Devin pressed her cheek into her shoulder. “Desperation is a sad look for you.”

“Thanks, I borrowed it from a friend in Victoria.” He smirked at her.

Before she could reply, the Discord call was interrupted by an incoming phone call. She pressed the decline button immediately and scowled at the screen as Jordan’s video returned. “My creepy fucking boss won’t leave me alone.”

Jordan snorted and shook his head. “They’re that taken with you? I bet you’re saying this and they’re just calling you like 'hey… so your shift started four hours ago’ and you’re like 'fuck off, Meg’.”

“Maybe I’m just that good at selling polo shirts. Fuck, I mean sunglasses.” Devin shook her head. “Nah, it’s like, weird shit. Saying I smell good and staring like she wants to eat me. I swear she licked her lips the other day, like, full cannibal.”

“Oh? Tell me more about how you’re great at selling…” Jordan trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows at her. “Your boss said she wanted to eat you? And you’re still working there? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“She didn’t say that, she’s just a fucking freak. She could grow six more eyes and a tail and I wouldn’t be surprised for a fucking second.”

Jordan hummed in thought. “Weird. Maybe you guys are like, meant to be.”

Devin gagged. “I fucking hate you.” She rolled her eyes and flopped onto her back. “But I miss you or whatever at the same time.”

Jordan shrugged, looking away from the screen as she got sentimental, however faintly. “Eh, we’ve been apart longer than we’ve been together.”

“You’re a dick.” Devin frowned at the screen. “I’m just saying I miss you.”

“Okay.” Jordan shrugged, not really sure why she brought it up at all. “And that you hate me, which evens it out.”

Devin ran her tongue over her teeth and considered throwing her phone again. “You don’t miss me?”

“What?” Jordan made a face. “I didn’t say that.”

“Didn’t say you did either.”

Jordan rolled his eyes. “Oh my god. Are you serious?”

“Am I– fuck you.” Devin tossed her phone to the side on her bed. “Sorry your new friends are so much better than me. Whatever.”

“Oh my god, Devin.” Jordan ran a hand down his face as he looked at her ceiling. “Are you being this annoying on purpose?”

Devin glared at a spot on her wall as she talked herself out of just hanging up on the call. “Fine, whatever, I take it back. Thanks for the reminder, it’s great you’re gone, I don’t miss you at all. Since that’s so fucking embarrassing.”

“Fuck off.” Jordan was still looking at her ceiling, but he could tell what her expression was. “Whatever. Obviously I miss you. Who the fuck else is gonna annoy me this much? Self flagellation, bitch.”

Devin pressed her lips together and, after a few seconds, picked the phone back up. “You’re so weird. Did you just call me a bitch?”

Jordan raised his eyebrows at her. “Bitch is inflection used at the end of a sentence. But also, you are kind of a bitch, so it’s up to you.”

“Bitch is an inflection,” she mimicked back to him and rolled her eyes, slumping back against the wall beside her bed. “Fucker. I’m a ray of sunshine. ”

“And I’m the goddamn Queen of England.” Jordan snorted and pursed his lips. “So, like, are you ever coming to New York, since you miss me so much?”

“Buy me a plane ticket and I’ll think about it.” Devin brushed some hair off her face, focusing on the smaller video of herself. “Or say please. Maybe even please, Devin, I miss you so much I’m drowning in my own emotions or something.”

“Ew. Like I have money for a plane ticket. Okay, alright. Devin, please come here so that I have someone else to make fun of. Please come so that I’m surrounded not only by the freaks at this camp, but the special kind of freakazoid you are. Come here and break my stupid bones so I don’t have to listen to another fucking campfire song.”

Devin threw back her head as she laughed and whacked it against the wall. “Fuck, ow, fuck.” She pressed a hand to the back of her head. “I’m gonna sue. Also fucking rude, I only broke like, two of your ribs. By accident. Or was it?” She paused and raised an eyebrow, then laughed again. “You’re so skinny your ribs are like little chicken bones. They seriously make you do campfire songs? Are you twelve? Do you get badges to sew onto your scout uniform if you sing real good?”

“You’re gonna sue yourself for being a dumbass and losing more braincells?” Jordan laughed as Devin banged her head against the wall. “Fuck off, asshole, maybe I’ll hang up on you. I didn’t call to get bullied.”

“You expected anything else? That makes you the dumbass here.” Devin grinned. “Fine, hang up. I gotta go meet Eli in like five minutes anyway for– get this– pilates. I’m my own worst nightmare.”

“You know, you’re right. I call you so much, you’re rubbing off on me.” Jordan snorted. “Desgostang. You’re into that shit?”

“You rubbing off on me, or pilates?” Devin snorted. “It wasn’t my idea, I’ll tell you that.”

Jordan rolled his eyes exaggeratedly and shrugged. “You’re gonna end up living in one of the yoga studios there next I hear.”

“Maybe I’ll move to New York so I can bother you 24/7. Should I bring a tent or do you have buildings there?”

“Ew, no, leave me alone.” Jordan was grinning at the camera. “Buildings? In New York? Nah, that’s a myth.”

“Yeah, thought so, all this fucking media propaganda.” Devin’s phone buzzed and she swiped the notification away. “Fuck, 'kay, I gotta dip. I’ll look up flight info, yeah? I’ll gut my boss with a shovel to get the time off.”

"Yeah, you know, there’s not a single fucking apple here? Let alone a big one. Fucking waste of time if you ask me.” He ran a hand through his hair and smiled at the mention of her actually looking into flight information. “Nice job admitting that to the NSA, bro. Catch ya on the flip side.”

“Hey, they gotta catch me first. Talk to you later, bro.” Devin flashed a peace sign at the camera and hung up.

Jordan closed his laptop, threw himself back on the bed, and pressed his hands into his face. “Okay, cool,” he said to nobody at all. “Fucking... awesome.” He sighed and got up, sat at his desk, and opened a book.