#but then the priest in session gets a little too fucking happy and starts begging for you to Go To The Dark. Go To The Catacombs. With Them

[jabberwockprince]

ophis portrait to match the other ones i made of the main cast

something about characters who keep their eyes closed all the time, and only open them when shit gets weird <3

[spaceskam]

92 or 98 for malex? 💗💗💗

92. “I want you to be happy.” & 98. “Take a deep breath.”

ao3

For a king who had been hailed as a genius, Alex found that Michael was a goddamn idiot.

“What is wrong with you?” Alex breathed, tears already covering his face as he stared at the man he loved more than anything. It was late and the rest of the castle was asleep aside from a few guards, leaving them stuck with speaking quietly over candlelight.

Alex Manes had been found as a toddler, abandoned and hungry with an infection on his leg. The queen at the time had taken pity on him and brought him home, letting a doctor do what he needed so he could learn to walk again. With a specially crafted leg funded by the royal family, Queen Nora gave him to her staff as sort of a side project. He grew up inside the castle as the son of 20 different women who doted on him like their own and 20 different men who thought it was their duty to teach him to be a man. It made him skilled in a vast number of trades as the king and queen watched. 

By the time he was 10, they realized how intelligent and capable he was and began letting other, higher staff members teach him things like how to read and write. He was 15 when he was granted tutoring sessions alongside Prince Michael where they became close friends, but things didn’t start becoming complicated until they were 16.

King Heinar died, leaving the throne to Michael who was panicked and sad, but he took on the duty. Alex took it upon himself to help him to the best of his ability, but they soon found that their attraction ran deeper than simply friendship. They talked through royal plans while naked in bed most nights, sharing thoughts and ideas and it never bothered Alex when Michael passed them off as his own.

At 17, Queen Nora suggested that, for appearances' sake, it would be best if Alex officially became a Gentleman of the Bedchamber. It would explain why they were so close without stirring the wrong kind of gossip. There had already been publications of drawings with Michael as a giant baby with Alex spoon-feeding him political ideologies. People were already assuming, so he agreed.

Alex’s duties for the last five years as Gentleman of the Bedchamber was to be Michael’s closest companion, to help him dress, to wait on him when he ate, to guard his chambers when he was most vulnerable. He quite typically did none of that. His sword and prosthetic leg usually laid beside them on the bed for easy access, but no guarding or servent-esque duties took place. Alone, they were equals. That was their rule.

Which worked quite fine until Michael had to begin courting a young princess. He needed heirs after all and that was something Alex couldn’t provide. It made it harder to steal time alone with him, harder to show affection, harder to stop his heart from aching in a way he couldn’t heal. Because as of tomorrow, Michael would be married and he would need to begin working to provide heirs. Loyalty was no longer an option.

“What is wrong with you?” Alex repeated, feeling disgusted not for the first time as he stared at Michael. He looked sad and lost like he did most days lately. “How dare you ask that of me? I know you are a king, but I am not your plaything. I never have been and I refuse to let you treat me as if I am.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Michael insisted, struggling to keep his voice down, “I just need you there, beside me, to give me strength.”

“Do you hear yourself?” Alex scoffed, “What we have is ending tomorrow morning for good and you want me to stand beside you as it happens? You want me to stand in front of everyone as you rip my heart out of my chest?”

Michael stared at him, bottom lip quivering as he let his tears flow freely. Alex assumed he didn’t have any control over them. He gasped a desperate little breath and wiped at his face, but Alex didn’t back down from staring. He knew he had no right to be angry, he knew what he was getting into when he first laid with a king, but, God, he was.

“It’s normal for kings to have mistresses,” Michael said weakly, the same argument he brought up every single time they’d spoke about this since it came apparent that he would need to get married, “It’s normal. We can still be together. I don’t love her, it’s pure politics. I’m sure she’ll have her fair share of men as well.” 

“You don’t understand,” Alex said, shaking his head, “You simply don’t understand. Mistresses are normal because you have power. This is all power. The fact that I am forced to have a title simply to be close to you is all power. And I don’t want a love that has any sort of fucked up imbalance in it any more than I’ve already accepted. I refuse to be some sort of mistress. You either have only me or you don’t have me at all. That’s how it’s been for years and that’s the only way I’ll take you.”

“Alex,” Michael begged, coming closer. Alex took a step back. “Alex, this isn’t an option for me. I have to produce heirs.”

“I know,” Alex said, sniffling as he wiped his eyes, “Which is why I can’t stand beside you at your wedding. I’ll attend, I have to, and I’ll take up duties as the Gentleman of the Bedchamber, but I no longer can be anything more. I can’t take it.”

“Fine!” Michael said, falling to his knees and taking Alex’s hand to place over his heart, “Fine! I won’t touch her! I’ll marry her for appearances and I’ll only touch you. Fuck heirs, fuck it all, nothing matters without you.”

“And what if people find out that your marriage hasn’t been consumated? What happens when she asks you won’t touch her? And what happens when she is publically and ritualistically shamed by your people for not producing heirs? She doesn’t deserve that either,” Alex said, “The only way is to stop. You marry her, you learn to love her, you have children with her.”

“I don’t want that! I want you!”

“Michael,” Alex said, resting his hand on his wet cheek. His face was a wreck from crying and Alex assumed he couldn’t look much different. Still, he looked in his eyes and told him the truth. “I want you to be happy. For that to happen, you need to let go.”

“No,” Michael said, shaking his head, “I can’t be happy without you.”

He dropped his head forward, resting on Alex’s stomach as he wrapped his arms around him. He didn’t seem to have many intentions to let go. It was times like these that Alex realized that, although they’d grown up at the same time under the same roof, they were taught many different things. For example, Alex was taught that all good things come to an end eventually. Like when Sir Aubrey, the only other man he’d met with an artificial leg, died the night he told Alex he had a surprise trick to teach him at his next sword lesson. Years later, Alex still wondered what it was.

And, years from now, he’d wonder what it would be like to have had Michael to himself for eternity.

“I’m going to sabotage my own wedding,” Michael said into his stomach. Alex huffed a humorless laugh, losing a bit of inhibition as he dropped his crutch and combed through Michael’s hair for the last time. Michael held him upright easily. “I-I’ll insult the priest. I’ll forget what I’m meant to say. I’ll trip and need a doctor.”

“Your new wife doesn’t deserve that. Give her a nice day,” Alex insisted. Michael squeezed him.

“Stop it, you’re too kind. If you must push me away like this, you’ll have to make me hate you,” Michael stated firmly. Alex laughed softly, closing his eyes as he slowly started to get to his knees. Michael helped him, eyes still full of sadness as they found themselves face to face. Alex wanted to kiss him, to grab him and run away, to go somewhere that they could be together without consequence.

But Michael was a good leader, the best they’d had in years, and Alex played a crucial role in making that happen. Neither of them could leave for the sake of their country.

“I’ll make you hate me,” Alex promised, taking his face in his hands, “Just you wait.”

“Good luck,” Michael said, chin raised and jaw set in determination despite his wet eyes, “Nothing you could do would make me hate you. I lo-”

“Shh,” Alex said, shaking his head as he put his thumb to those lips that he’d kissed daily since he was 16 years old, “Take a few deep breaths. You need to calm down before you go back to your room.”

Michael shook his head. 

“I’m not leaving until I figure out a way around this,” Michael stated, “We think best together, we always have. If anyone could come up with a way to make this work for everyone, it’s us.”

Alex’s shoulders dropped as well as his hands, scared to touch Michael when he was speaking that way. It was too easy to fall into habits he hadn’t had the chance to break quite yet when he did. He still wanted to touch him, still wanted to find a solution, and it made it harder to stand his ground when Michael wanted to do the same.

“Michael, we’ve already tried. We’ve been trying,” Alex said weakly. Michael looked at him for what felt like an eternity and Alex stared back. It was easy to get lost in his face again and just think about what could’ve been.

But then Michael’s eyes widened.

“We haven’t tried one thing,” Michael said. Alex, refusing to get his hopes up, eyed him suspiciously. “We haven’t tried talking to her.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked hesitantly.

“I mean,” Michael said, already moving to get to his feet. He grabbed Alex’s crutch on the way before holding out his hand to pull Alex up as well. “We need to talk to my soon-to-be wife. Maybe she has someone I don’t know about that she had to give up for me. Or maybe we can have her fake a pregnancy and adopt. There are other options, but if she’s going to be my wife, she’ll need to be included. And I want to keep you, so we need to ask her. Come on.”

“Come on? Michael, it’s the middle of the night,” Alex said, though his heart was beating in his chest. He knew telling this woman would be a very risky thing and she could easily confirm the suspicions of people, but she was their only option. 

“Yes, and our wedding is in the morning. We’re low on time,” Michael said, pulling him just a little bit closer, “I refuse to lose you, Alexander. You are a gift from God himself and I don’t intend to give you back.”

Michael kissed him to seal his promise and Alex was couldn’t say no. This was their last chance to have a future and if that meant doing something reckless, well, it wouldn’t be the first time.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt as much to stand beside him as he married someone else if he knew he was still all his.