#but then id have to consider u may steal him from me in the afterlife

[socksandbuttons]

what if

what if KC was totally canonically married to me :3

id have to kill you

[a-panda-reads-act-omega]

ACT OMEGA PART 24

THE 04/02/17 UPDATE

Hey look at that, I’m bored and I can’t urge myself to close that act omega tab. You know what that means. I’m doing another part today, w o o o o o 

Alrighty, last time. Aranea showed up, and I reacted in a perfectly calm and orderly fashion. Let’s see where this goes!

Yup. Nobody’s happy. Put that grin away Aranea.

MEENAH: serket?? MEENAH: HOLD the GLUB up MEENAH: i thought you like MEENAH: got owned or w/e

She did indeed get owned or w/e. By you, in fact. You from another universe in which you became a giant hot troll wearing a goddamn skintight outfit.

Oh yeah, and she is currently destroying the hell out of the kiddo’s back at the lily pad.

ARANEA: ... Nice to see you too, Meenah.

Pssst.. it’s not nice to see you aranea...

ARANEA: Just as anxious to get to the point as ever. 8ut as per usual, I encourage you to exercise a 8it more p8tience. ARANEA: All your questions and concerns will be addressed eventually, I assure you. MEENAH: UUUGH MEENAH: i cannot B-ELI-EV-E this MEENAH: you go all crazy and try n pull off some ridiculous timeline divine intervention stunt MEENAH: prolly kelped actin like a hotshot all the way up to getting fuckin WAST-ED MEENAH: im out here thinkin i aint never gonna sea you again cause you got it in your head you had ta be the ultimate magnanimous blowhard just like your STUPID ALT S)(-ELLF MEENAH: AND T)(-EN MEENAH: you reappier outta NOW)(-ER-E MEENAH: lookin just as smug as you got no business bein MEENAH: and you tell me i gotta put up with whatever sanctimonious salmon youve prepared before i get any answers?!

LET ‘ER HAVE IT MEENAH. Can Aranea get the idea out of her head that SHE has got to be the one everybody looks up to? Because everytime she’s had an effect on this story, it’s made everything completely horrible. Honestly, she just tries too hard to be worthy of admiration. If she were like Vriska, she’d care more about doing what needs to be done instead of being admired by all. Merely because Vriska isn’t so dependent on the approval of others, and is happy with doing what needs to be done just so she can brag to herself and others. Alright, I kinda feel like getting deeper into this. How Vriska and Aranea differ and parallel eachother, because it’s a pretty thin line that doesn’t feel obvious. But here’s a very simple way of putting it:

Vriska wants to be the hero Aranea wants to be seen as the hero

Vriska wants to force dead weight to carry itself Aranea wants useful people to depend on her

I feel like that sums it up fairly well, really. Maybe I’ll start making sideposts of character analysis if I feel like getting deeper into these topics.

ARANEA: Sanctimonious what? MEENAH: OH MY COD I M-EANT S-ERMON

GET MAD MEENAH. IMPALE HER WITH YOUR POKEY FORK.

And here we find Porrim, in her natural state of “tired of everybodys shit”

PORRIM: Meenah. Yo+u might want to+ reel yo+urself in for a mo+ment.

S)(-ELL NO

MEENAH: >38( PORRIM: Maybe try to+ avo+id making the same mistakes as the yo+unger Serket.

DONT BRING VRISKA INTO THIS 

VRISKA: Excuse me???????? PORRIM: O+h, hush. Yo+u’ve spent far mo+re energy externalizing yo+ur frustratio+n than you+ have do+ing anything pro+ductive. PORRIM: We can o+nly take so+ much o+f this. We're here to+ try and do+ so+mething with o+ur afterlife o+ther than willfully subject o+urselves to+ its infinite echo+ chamber o+f teenage drama.

Porrim

porrim, baby

i love you, i do

but this is n o T JUST TEENAGE DRAMA? I mean, Aranea killed EVERYBODY.

PORRIM: I myself have had eno+ugh o+f that fo+r at least two+ lifetimes. PORRIM: So+ if either o+f yo+u are ultimately o+nly go+ing to co+ntribute to+ the endless caco+phany, rather than fo+cus o+n getting results, I suggest yo+u mo+ve it to+ so+me o+ther bubble. PORRIM: If no+t, then co+nsider jo+ining the rest o+f us in seeing what Aranea might have to+ o+ffer to+ o+ur cause. ARANEA: Why, thank you, Porrim. That was very eloquently put. I promise you won’t 8e disappointed. ::::)

Goddammit Porrim, you gave her a reason to be smug. Just because Porrim is tired of the arguing, doesn’t mean you’re somehow at all justified in anything you’ve ever done ever.

ok im salty

PORRIM: Hmmm. We’ll see. ARANEA: Really, I was well prepared for my reappearance to cause something of a stir. It’s completely understanda8le to want an explan8tion.

UUUUUGHHhfadjnkms SHuuut uppp

ARANEA: I’ve 8een lying low for quite a while now. Gathering inform8tion, drawing conclusions, revising and perfecting plans... All of which will certainly prove invalua8le for you all in your current predicament! ARANEA: It really is a shame you’ve landed yourselves in such a 8ind! It was ultim8ly inevita8le, 8ut unfortun8 all the same. ARANEA: Isn’t it lucky, then, that I’m here to put this tr8n 8ack on its tracks?

Im gonna die from salt poisoning help

PORRIM: SIGH...

SIGH...

PORRIM: If yo+u have any interest in keeping that pro+mise o+f yo+urs, I suggest yo+u skip the preamble.

Thank you Porrim. I’m trying to find somebody to latch onto here, but everybody is starting problem’s n s t uf f . 

Everybody looks so

VRISKA: Hold the fucking phone! Why should we listen to ANYTHING you have to say?

YOU sHOULDN’T

VRISKA: Your track record isn’t exactly stellar! And from what I’m seeing right now, you haven’t learned from your colossal fuckup one iota!

WOAH, VASKA... who the hell says iota????

VRISKA: I have a8solutely ZERO interest in letting the same washed up has-8een whose mess *I* had to clean up waltz up here and act like she’s my goddamn s8vior!!!!!!!

YEAH TELL HER VRISKA! EVEN THOUGH IM PREEETTY SURE YOU DID NOTHING AND TEREZI DID EVERYTHING...

And, oh god my memory of the timelines and stuff are getting me confused. I’m sure I’m probably wrong about this, but y’know what I’m gonna talk about it anyways. Would this Vriska really even know about Aranea? I mean, she didn’t die, so... maybe just in her dreams or something. or. gdi im confused.

ARANEA: Come now, Vriska. You of all people should know that there are 8etter times to choose for throwing hissyfits!

This isn’t a HISSYFITS. This is clear and rational thought. And I don’t get w hY NOBODY ELSE IS QUESTIONING THESE THINGS.

ARANEA: And 8esides, what a8out your little plan? We can all pl8nly see how well that turned out. You were smacked down just as unceremoniously as I was, so don’t act as if you’re suddenly the only person who can pull their own w8 around here.

Yeah, but you know what? Her plan didn’t revolve around dooming EVERYBODY. Her plan had essence of COMPETENCE.

ARANEA: You may 8e incredibly stu88orn, 8ut you can’t 8e so foolish as to dismiss common sense purely for the s8ke of your ego. I’m your 8est shot at m8king it out of this alive. While your army was 8eing eradic8ed, I was 8usy uncovering the truth. ARANEA: If you would just allow me to expl8n, perhaps you could finally reg8n your wits and 8e a8le to focus on what TRULY matters.

oh god i hate her h e l p.

pLEASE.. DOUBle DEATh HER.

VRISKA: I already HAVE my wits! And I was just a8out to use them to whip this 8unch of losers into sh8pe 8efore YOU and your 8loated delusions of grandeur showed up! ARANEA: Is that what you were a8out to do? I never would have guessed. Considering from my perspective, you were in the middle of some sort of mental 8reakdown 8rought on 8y 8eing utterly incapa8le of comprehending the magnitude of your own failure!

At least she DAMAGED HIM. SHE INFLICTED SOME FORM OF HARM TO THE UNKILLABLE GOD TRYING TO FUCK THEM OVER. You literally just got everybody killed with no positive result, you cannot claim that you are A N Y better than her.

ARANEA: If you had been p8ying attention, you might have t8ken note of when I mentioned that this outcome was inevita8le. There was hardly anything I could have done to prevent it. YOU, on the other hand... ARANEA: The mishap with your dice could easily have 8een avoided if you had simply realized how thoroughly outmatched you were. Did you actually try your little luck-stealing trick on LORD ENGLISH?

FIRST THE  F U C K OF ALL... If this outcome was inevitable, then that literally makes EVERYBODY IN PARADOX SPACE JUST AS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS DISASTER. NNGH YOU CANNOT PIN THIS ON VRISKA JUST TO MAKE YOURSELF LOOK BETTER

VRISKA: Yeah! I did!!!!!!!! That’s kind of what I DO? VRISKA: 8ut... it didn’t WORK. ARANEA: Tsk, tsk. Of course it didn’t. Lord English is hardly on the same level as the 8lack king, or the myriad low-level imps, hapless trolls, and pitiful ghosts from which you’d previously acquired your ill-gotten fortune. Your a8ilities aren’t even close to developed enough to stand a chance against such an opponent! ARANEA: 8ut say, I think that perhaps we can strike a deal. We all know that time has 8een kinder to me in that I’ve had enough of it to refine my powers considera8ly. 8etween the two of us, I am clearly the superior Hero of Light.

. . . . . . . . F U C K Y O U .

Can’t deal with this. Can’t TAKE this girl’s superiority complex.

God im turning into the human equivallent of a salt shaker.

VRISKA: Oh, yeah. Sure. 8ecause I’m totally interested in whatever 8ogus “deal” you have to offer. Especially when you phrase it like THAT! ARANEA: And yet you don’t deny truth of my words. A smart choice. VRISKA: Are you going to w8ste time gloating, or actually get to the point?! ARANEA: My point is that I would 8e more than happy to lend you my services. Allow you to maximize your potential in a more... expedient fashion, given the sizea8le constraints we are currently under. ARANEA: All you would have to do is ask nicely. May8e even apologize for raising your voice? A little more respect and deference would 8e appreci8ed as well. ARANEA: What do you say? A deal is a deal? ::::)

GOD. DAMN IT I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS. I REALLY REALLY R E A L L Y HATE HER. NOBODY WANTS YOUR HELP. Oh god this is turning into the worst liveblog ever, B U T SERIOUSLY I HATE HER AND THAT IS LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT RIGHT NOW.

VRISKA: How a8out this: I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!

YEs. PRECISELY 

OHFUCKHIKANKRI

KANKRI: *PHWEEEEEEEET!!!*

...

O k you know what. For once, I’m actually happy about Kankri existing. That fuckfest needed to end.

And jesus. I need to calm myself down.

Oh god poor Mituna is freaking out.

KANKRI: I think that is QUITE en9ugh 9f that f9r n9w. While I n9rmally endeav9r t9 enc9urage c9nstructive de6ate in the interest 9f inf9rming the ign9rant masses, this argument has 6ec9me far t99 pr96lematic f9r me t9 all9w it t9 c9ntinue!

Gdi I haven’t even read it yet, but it already hurts to look at.

Alright. So yeah, this is getting out of hand and he’s putting a stop to it with his space jesus powers.

KANKRI: There isn’t nearly en9ugh time f9r me t9 g9 9ver all 9f the deeply distur6ing c9mments disparaging n9t 9nly the magically disadvantaged, 6ut the mentally challenged, which I have just 69re witness t9. S9 I will settle with 6riefly chastising y9u 69th f9r y9ur cavalier disregard 9f y9ur inherent privilege, and enc9urage y9u to 6e m9re aware 9f h9w the nature 9f y9ur w9rds might affect the very imp9rtant feelings 9f pe9ple that aren’t here.

And people that ARE here. Like, you know. The mentally challenged Mituna right behind you. Though I’m pretty sure you’re speech his having a worse affect on him than they are. Also, how the hell did they even offend any mentally challenged people??

LATULA: ummmmmm, l1k3, not to b3 UN-r4d or wh4t3v3r, b3c4us3 th4t 1s TOT3S not my styl3, LATULA: but m1tun4 1s l1k3, R1GHT h3r3??

Thank you Latula, the poor guy is dying at all these words.

KANKRI: He is?

Oh my god Kankri, seriously? Were you too busy ogling at Latula to realize that their were handicapped people who needed defending in the area?

MITUNA: 1 H4T3 Y0UR FUCK1NG W157L3 KANKRI: 9h. Right, 9f c9urse. My mistake. Ap9l9gies, Mituna. I h9pe y9u d9n’t mind that I have taken it up9n myself t9 help speak 9n y9ur behalf, c9nsidering y9ur vari9us issues with speaking at all.

kANKRI. that is not how you speak to handicapped people. Is he just salty that he’s dating Latula? Yeah. he’s totally salty about latula.

MITUNA: UM KANKRI: Exactly. Y9u’ve 6een rendered n9n-ver6al 6y the sens9ry 9verl9ad caused 6y all this unnecessary sh9uting. Which makes the wh9le thing w9rse, really. Right, Mituna? MITUNA: WHY 4R3 7HR33 S0 M4NY W0RD5 MITUNA: 175 4LL MITUNA: 8UZZ1NG LATULA: dont worry 4bout 1t b4b3! 1ts 4lmost ov3r. MITUNA: 5H0U71NG 4ND MITUNA: 5TUP1D 8ULG3 WH1FF1NG WH157L35 MITUNA: FUCK

Latula is literally the best supportive girlfriend. Is she gonna cover his ears for him next?

KANKRI: Even m9re sincere ap9l9gies, Mituna. Even if the use 9f the whistle was vital in the c9nstructi9n 9f y9ur safe space, I understand that it did upset y9u and that y9ur feelings 9n the matter are valid. KANKRI: 6ut thankfully, and despite the unf9rtunate side effects, it did its j96 9f helping 6ring every9ne t9 their senses. KANKRI: Really, this wh9le thing c9uld have 6een av9ided if y9u 69th had just listened t9 P9rrim's advice. PORRIM: O+h. PORRIM: Kanny, did yo+u just... AGREE with me fo+r o+nce? KANKRI: ... KANKRI: I 6elieve I have asked y9u several times n9w n9t t9 call me that!

what has this devolved into? What is this BICKERING. Can anybody remain on the same page for more than two sentences? Honestly, I’m surprised Lord English hasn’t just killed them all yet.

AND HERE THESE TWO ARE, indifferent as always.

SOLLUX: (well.) SOLLUX: (this is pr0bably the worst clusterfuck i have ever had the f0rtune 0f n0t seeing.) SOLLUX: (are y0u sure we can’t just leave?) SOLLUX: (as if whichever smug fuck that ends up running the idi0t brigade is g0ing to s0lve 0ur impending d00m. it’s alm0st starting t0 feel like the wh0le pirate crew bullshit all 0ver again.) SOLLUX: (except s0meh0w even m0re 0f a catastr0phe.)

Sollux, there’s one thing you’re forgetting. The pirate ship was a disaster, yes. but now you have one KEY FACTOR that will lead you all to victory. The power of F R I E N D S H I P. Can’t you just feel all the good vibes radiating off of these assholes?

ARADIA: (we cant go yet sollux!) ARADIA: (i have no intention of leaving) ARADIA: (and while i understand why you may want to this time it really is somewhat imperative that you stay) ARADIA: (we all have a part to play in the preservation of reality) ARADIA: (a mission which is even more critical now than it has ever been!)

Alright, so this team’s objective “SAVE REALITY” Team lilypad’s objective “DONT.. DIE” Team Lowas’s objective “THERAPIZE ERISOL”

SIMPLE ENOUGH.

oh god i just remembered Calliope already died and that’s s A  D ...

SOLLUX: (ugh. really?) ARADIA: (yes!) SOLLUX: (s0 i’m like. imp0rtant s0meh0w?) ARADIA: (does it help you feel better to think about it like that?) SOLLUX: (... kind 0f? bizarrely en0ugh.) SOLLUX: (where did that c0me fr0m all 0f a sudden?) ARADIA: (i couldnt possibly tell you) ARADIA: (but what i can tell you is that i think this brief setback will be over soon) SOLLUX: (fine, if y0u say s0.)

All setbacks can be overcome with enough  TIME. HAHA.... TIME JOKE. The hell am i doing with my life.

Oh shit is Davepeta here to drop some calm bombs on the group?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < man this is just getting sad DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but guess i oughta toss my two cents into this clusterfuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < beclaws honestly i KIND of agr33 with vwiskers a little? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < my subconscious is clawing at me that we totally cant trust aranea at all ever

THANK, you. 

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < cause shes seriously bad news DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dont have any real concrete memories or anything to support it but DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i dunno! thats just how i f33l DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < meow on the other paw DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we kind of are in some purrty hot water DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and i ALSO have the conflicting f33ling that whatever info she has fur us will be impurrtant DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so if anything we should just hear her out DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so long as you dont try to pull anything fishy!!

SIGH... I G U E S S. It still feels horrible to even let her get a word in, just because she’s literally gonna act like every useful information she gives is worth everything, and they have no right to blame her for anything.

ARANEA: Er... ARANEA: Thank you for the endorsement. And the warning, I suppose. ARANEA: If there won’t 8e any further interruptions? MEENAH: yeah sure fine whatever MEENAH: but u beta believe im gonna be gilling you later ARANEA: I look forward to it.

I’m gonna hope that was a fish pun, and what she meant was ‘killing’

TAVROS: i THINK VRISKA LOOKS LIKE, sHE IS READY TO STOP SHOUTING, TAVROS: sO WE CAN BEGIN LISTENING, TAVROS: wHICH IS GOOD, bECAUSE I AM VERY CURIOUS, TAVROS: eSPECIALLY SINCE, i SORT OF, aLWAYS LIKED YOUR STORIES, aRANEA, TAVROS: wHEN THEY DIDN’T RUN TOO LONG, aNYWAY,,,

N O B O D Y A S K E D Y O U  T A V R O S

putthatfuckingsmileaway

ARANEA: Don’t worry, Tavros. I will try and keep this as 8rief as possible. ARANEA: While also ensuring all vital inform8tion and context is provided, of course. ARANEA: Now, allow me to 8egin...

...gjdkgfignjfij

conflicting feelings about everything here. Alright. WELL, that is the end of this update. you can listen to my whine a bunch on the next part. SO. yeah.