#but then every platform that made it work got shut down for unrelated reasons so yeah

[kradogsrats]

tbh my shipping experience is one of three things happens:

"oh, I don't read X (niche and/or problematic thing)" and then proceed to read a shit-ton of X for inexplicable reasons and/or out of boredom

"wouldn't it be funny/devastating if X (crackship/rarepair)?" and then three hours later I'm genuinely 1500% invested

someone makes up a crackship as a joke, I see a reference to it three years later and am disappointed that the content doesn't actually exist

[calpops]

reverse revival | c.h.

Calum didn’t have the right words to restore the past. He couldn’t reverse time and make himself realize what he knew all along any sooner. There would be no going back and fixing the moment; there was no way to make it come before the night where nothing went right. Just one night was able to bring back all of the defining moments in Calum’s relationship. The good and the bad, the love and the heartache, the maybes and the somedays.

6k words

Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be posted by anyone else on any platform in any format (translations included).

<< >>

A seething silence sat in every inch of Calum’s home. A winter moon was just a sliver in the sky, every empty corner inside echoed back words said in the heat of the moment. His back pressed to the hallway wall, head thumping lightly against it as his hands came up; fingers tangled in his hair. His palms pressed into his forehead and his teeth sank into his lower lip; brown eyes burned without remorse and an involuntary sob that built from his chest up escaped. He fought off the urge to slide down the wall, collapsing in on himself and warding off problems. It was innate to Calum to shut down and close off when the world became too much; he thought he had broken the self destructive habit when he met her, she was one of the few people who could shatter the self imposed silence and make him open up.

Calum took in a shallow breath though he intended for it to be deep. His chest was tight and his throat felt as if it was closing, body pushing off the wall and moving on instinct to the door at the end of the hall. He didn’t knock though it stood closed with reason. His tense hold on the doorknob faltered, his shoulders rolled back and he gathered courage. She was behind the door, waiting in her own world of self imposed silence that would warily welcome Calum and bring him to a sudden stop. The door swung open and Calum stood motionless, her back was to the door, chin resting on her hands and elbows atop her knees, legs hanging off the bed and body still.

Calum managed to get out her name though it was bittersweet as it rolled off his tongue.

There was still a deepset burn that ached through his chest, a night of harsh words and miscommunication haunting them both. She turned to take a peek at him, tired eyes watery and nose twitching. Her hands were shaking and restless, fingers digging into the sheets and eyes flickering away from Calum’s gaze. Calum furrowed his eyebrows, forehead creasing and hand coming up to pinch at the bridge of his nose. His breathing was thought out; forced and painful as his throat continued to feel as if it was closing in.

She licked at her bitten raw lips; in times of distress her teeth sank into her lower lip, leaving reminders of peril in their wake. “What?”

Calum let out a huff and dropped his hand. The one worded question was enough to prompt him to go to her side. The word was softer than those exchanged just minutes earlier. It encouraged him to sit on the edge of the bed, inches between them and uncertainty clinging to his next words.

“Let’s go for a drive.”

An incredulous look crossed her face, one that had doubts plaguing Calum’s mind, regrets running rampant over five small words. Maybe his plan was foolish. Maybe the time he spent behind a closed bedroom door in silence had concocted nothing helpful. He swallowed nervously and waited for her response though he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it anyway.

“Alright,” she said between a strained breath with eyes that pooled tears and hopes and fears for all that a silent night turned to a drive were worth.

Calum nodded; too scared to speak and break the delicacy of agreement. He was too nervous and unsure to reach for her hand as he usually would, but he could almost feel her fingers locking with his, could almost trace the lifelines on her palms and knew they matched his. Instead, he put one hand in his pocket and stood, the other timidly guiding her with a separation; it stayed in midair, too overwhelmed to press to the small of her back to lead the way. They stumbled around each other and to the bedroom door, sneaking glances as they walked out; taking deep breaths and keeping them in with chests and hearts wound so tight they didn’t know if they’d ever be able to let them go. Only when they reached the front door did a blast of cool air force their exhales; lungs crying in relief and harmony, hearts hanging in silence and tandem.

They reached for their shoes and coats and pulled them on over pajamas; hers reached lower past the short nightgown clinging to her body. Calum’s was leather and smelled like her—so often it found a way to her shoulders on nights when he told her to bring a coat but she never did. Calum stayed silent as they got in the car, only the click of buckles and the hum of the engine coming to life accompanying them. Headlights cut through the night, small flurries of snow lit up and glimmered in the distance. She stayed quiet in the passenger seat; slipped on a mask that bid glossy eyes goodbye and shrouded her in a facade of calm. Calum couldn’t do the same. He couldn’t keep his grip on the wheel from white knuckles or the plummeting feeling from crashing through his stomach. His jaw was set and terse. Eyes distant and yet they took in every minuscule detail of the night; contemplating all that was ahead and all they could leave behind. He wore his heart on his sleeve and emotions on his face. Only with her. Only for her.

They drove on, minutes passing in a blur of headlights and hums. Calum was rigid and unrelenting in his resolve to fix what was breaking. He knew his emotions were heavy and diluting rationale. He knew his heart was yearning for an easy way out and simple fixes to bigger problems. He still felt tight and breathless, winded and uncertain he should let go. From the corner of his eye he saw her shift, saw the mask of calm crack with concern.

“It’s okay. We’re going to figure it out, we’re going to work through this.”

Her comforting words collided with Calum’s hopes. Knowing she wanted the same eased some of the aches, took away some of the uncertainty and helped to build more hope in stained glass walls around his heart.

“Breathe,” she reminded in a whisper and everything bottled up inside of Calum began to let go in fractured pieces that caught the light.

Pressure released slowly; first with a breath, then with dropping shoulders and a relaxed jaw. The road was desolate; the late hour and cold temperature keeping people inside. The path Calum drove was familiar. Turns led to a place that was once considered home to them both. A small apartment complex came into view as Calum eased on the breaks and stopped the car. It stood lit up by the headlights; old stone and ivy climbing the building brought back memories in droves. But one moment stood out in Calum’s mind more than any. It was a night filled with hope and doubt and fears drowned out by desires that a question he’d been dying to ask finally fell from his lips.

“What are we doing here?” She asked and Calum could hear the hitch in her voice and found nervous eyes taking in the old building.

“Remembering,” Calum mumbled and shrugged as he put the car in park and undid his seatbelt; hoping it might alleviate the task that breathing normally was becoming. “I never officially lived here with you, but I realize now that it always felt like our first home.”

The crack in her mask of calm expanded, breaking away entirely as she took in his words and softened; once hardened gazes melting into something much more familiar and welcoming. She nodded, understanding the feeling that Calum was trying to explain. Reminiscing in much the same ways. Missing times when their world was confined to a five hundred square foot studio apartment. Before complications. Before miscommunications made them breathless from words exchanged and hearts finding uncharted doubts.

“I felt that way too,” she said in a whisper and finally met his gaze.

He laughed at the insistent memory forcing its way through his mind. The scattered pieces laid out in a gleaming and familiar pattern, yet it taunted him, was daunting and left his skin prickling with ambivalence.

“It took me months to finally ask if you wanted to live together,” he admitted and noted the way her fingers curled into her palm. He shook his head at the intrusive memory but accepted it into his mind anyway. “And I didn’t even do it in the way I wanted to. My whole plan failed.”

“You had a plan?” She asked, voice teetering on calm and intrigue.

Calum had never shared the failed plan with her; tucked it away into the recesses of his heart and mind and left it alone with the shadows. Her question begged to bring it into stained glass light; to see the reflections of color and failure in dazzling bursts of a past that never was. Calum sucked in a shaky breath and ran a hand through his hair before clearing his throat. He took in her curious and waiting eyes, the way they didn’t falter when finding his gaze and wouldn’t let go.

“I was going to make it a big thing to make up for the last attempt at a romantic gesture,” he explained and watched as recognition flickered in her eyes and turned a taut frown into an easy smirk. “I had the whole night planned. I was going to surprise you when you got home from work; but a storm brought you home early and knocked out the power. There would’ve been string lights and music and dinner. It would’ve been perfect. Instead it was what it was.”

She smiled, hand releasing and fingers relaxing as she too became immersed in a moment neither could forget.

“I thought it was perfect,” she said in a low tone, hand daring to reach for his; always being the first to cross uncharted territories and reach for the things they both wanted. He reveled in her touch and words; felt himself let go of pieces of the past. “I don’t think I could ever forget opening the door and having you immediately blurt out ‘let’s live together’ when I thought we already kinda were.”

Calum laughed through a tight throat and burning eyes. “You’re always one step ahead of me.”

“That’s the problem,” she mumbled and Calum felt those words cut through him.

Though she meant it in a way to paint a light of fault on herself Calum took it to his heart and let it glimmer against the things he felt were his fault instead. They were fine tuned to each other but always running on different circuits. She was a step ahead, a second before him, a plan to a fleeting thought. Sometimes he couldn’t keep up; not in the ways that mattered. Five words came as a revelation to them—even though they both knew it deep down it shocked them both into silence. Instead of saying something, anything, to help bring them back to the moment and the struggles they were facing—Calum falling behind as she watched with what he assumed was silent resentment—he peeled out of the parking spot and headed further into their past.

<<

The night was cold and the streets were lined with fresh snow from the small storm the night was bringing. Calum drove them away from the apartment building, past a failed attempt at a question and to a place of admission. They exited the car, tugging coats closer around them as winter wind bit at their skin. Lights that would usually flicker with life were dulled from the storm.

“Do you remember?” Calum asked into the thick silence; his body was tense and unsure, waiting for a response that could make or break him.

“Of course I remember, Cal.” She was soft spoken, voice drifting to a time long past.

Calum let out a small laugh, one that slipped through the cracks of his resolve at the absurdity of the memory. It wasn’t funny, yet he stood with her by his side, frame shaking from the guffaw that spilled out of him. “I messed it all up.”

The sentence brought Calum back to the first time they had walked through an imposing wooden door. He had showed up forty five minutes later than he should have though he was the one to pick the time. He’d been held up at the studio, been pushed back even further by the snow that began to fall from the sky. There’d been an apprehension in Calum as he had made his way towards the restaurant, he contemplated if all those mishaps had been signs. If maybe what he was going to say was better left for another day. But he had stopped short as he entered and she sat waiting; one hand was pressed to her cheek, lips puckered and patient, her hair was perfectly disheveled from the winter wind and impatience for styling and Calum’s heart skipped a beat. All the inhibitions and second thoughts melted away as she turned and caught his eye, her eyes were bright and gleaming against the lights; content to pull him in and keep him under.

“I was late. You were patient,” Calum started again, recounting the misfortunes the night had brought them. The added meaning weighing heavily in the air between them. “The waitress hit on me. You laughed it off. I hated what I ordered so you offered me your plate. They were out of dessert. You said you’d make cake at home. And when the time came for me to finally say what I should’ve said months before; I messed that up too.”

She shuffled her feet and let out a tight giggle, it was strained and Calum could hear the attempt to replace tears with laughter. She pressed the smallest bit closer to Calum and let out a breath to recollect herself before they would forge their journey onward and deeper into the past.

“You love me?” She repeated Calum’s words verbatim, only her voice had gained confidence and control after laughter that threatened to break them both. Calum’s voice had cracked and spluttered as he realized his mistake.

Calum shook his head in disbelief, breath leaving his body in a plume as it collided with the cold. “I couldn’t even tell you that I loved you right. I said ‘you love me’ instead and all you did was nod. I did it all wrong with the right person.”

She sighed, smaller than Calum had and grabbed his hand with a timid reach. “It wasn’t wrong. You did everything you could, the best you could.”

Calum shook his head solemnly, no matter how many times he thought back to that night it never sat right. No matter how many times she had reassured him it was okay it never felt like it was. He couldn’t count the times he had wished for a do-over; for a second chance at a first confession.

“It was snowing,” she spoke up, catching Calum’s attention once more with a squeeze of the hand and never wavering eye contact. “You left the studio as soon as you possibly could. Inspiration couldn’t wait—I could. You were worth every minute.”

Calum shrugged, eyes burning and throat tightening as she continued justifying a night that always sat like the weight of the world on Calum’s chest.

“You couldn’t help but be charming, it’s in your nature. It’s part of why ‘you love me’ had me nodding. I didn’t even question it. Because I did—I do. And I knew what you meant when you said it. Someday had arrived. You finally loved me too.”

Her choice of words ripped the breath from his lungs, scattered it into the cool night air and let it hang with hurt and doubt and months of guessing. He knew well before he said those words that she loved him. Could tell by the way she looked at him, by the things she did and the patience she wore on her sleeve. She was ahead of him again, waiting for him to catch up—left to wonder if he ever would. Or if he would leave her ahead, veer off course and find a new path and pass her at a parallel. He couldn’t imagine those months of uncertainty and wonder. He didn’t want to try to comprehend the pain that must have sat with her as she knew what was in her heart but questioned if the same was in his.

Calum didn’t have the right words to restore the past. He couldn’t reverse time and make himself realize what he knew all along any sooner. There would be no going back and fixing the moment; making it come before the night where nothing went right, he couldn’t change the circumstances. All he could do was tell her how he felt. Try to make up for the spaces between them and the paces he fell behind on.

“I know you say it’s all okay,” Calum began, nervously licking his lips to buy time he wasn’t sure they had and brushed his thumb across her knuckles. “But I’m sorry for how it happened.” That it didn’t happen sooner.

She nodded, expression contemplative and calm. “There’s nothing to apologize for. I wouldn’t change any of it; even if we could.” They couldn’t.

He interlocked their fingers and led them back to the car. Away from a piece of their past made of jagged edges and transparent regrets. They drove away in a somber silence, Calum dove head first and trench deep into the reasons for the complications as a winding road took them further into their past. To a place that highlighted all that was wrong and spun their emotions with whirlwinds of mistakes. To a place of the past that Calum hoped would help them heal their present and keep them together in the future.

<<

The car was parked and the headlights lit up Calum’s old house. They had spent years there together. Her place was more of a home to them but Calum’s still made way into their memories; moments burned with regrets and lessons learned. They discovered many pieces of themselves and each other within the walls of the house. It stood empty now; on the market to be sold again. Through the glare of the headlights on the windows Calum could see shadows dancing along the hardwood floor and painted walls. But all he could remember was one certain night; stepping around each other and away from their problems.

“Why did we come back here?” She asked and Calum knew the memory in his mind must have worked its way into her thoughts as well.

She was still in the seat next to him and couldn’t tear her gaze away from the house; couldn’t get her mind off the moment that almost broke them. A moment just like this night had brought them; silence and uncertainty was entangled in their past so intricately they couldn’t be forgotten. Words were left unsaid and emotions ran so high they escaped them completely.

“I don’t think we ever really worked through it,” Calum mumbled and she sighed in a knowing way. “Maybe we wouldn’t be here right now if we had. Maybe we need to now.”

Pain flashed through her eyes; nose twitching and forehead creasing as she considered his words. She nodded, hand now gripping the seatbelt as hard as his hand had gripped the wheel at the beginning of the night. Heat poured through the car but an icy feeling washed through Calum’s veins. Snow still fell in flurries outside and Calum could recall leaves drifting in the night air years ago. It wasn’t a night he wanted to remember or revive. They had brushed it away, left it in a corner of the house to be forgotten when they finally moved in together. Their problems sat abandoned in empty spaces and hollowed hearts. Digging up broken pieces of their past was a necessary pain. If they didn’t, they may never be whole again.

“It’s my fault,” she said and shocked Calum; his mouth hung open in his surprise and his body went still.

He faltered at her admission. Neither had ever taken blame for that night. They were both much too stubborn and content to let fault and blame simmer and boil between them with silence and heartache. Calum stole himself and shook his head; tried to come up with words and a way to shift her feelings but came up empty.

“I shouldn’t have—I can’t—expect you to be on the same page as me. To feel the same as me. I need to give you time.”

Calum’s chest was tight and he couldn’t help the shaky breath that escaped him in a painful force. He looked at her; took in her form highlighted by white winter moonlight and yellow headlights. Her eyes fluttered closed and stayed shut; pained breaths lifted her chest and shook her body. Calum shook his head, refusing to let her take the blame though he knew she couldn’t see the motion. His fingers curled into his palms and dragged across his sweatpants; hands clenching and jaw getting tight.

It had been a night of harsh words exchanged and questions going unanswered. She had wanted more than what he was giving; a promise, an inclination that they were going somewhere, anything more than what already was. More than dates Calum tried to write off as casual, more than hookups and half assurances and lingering wonder eating at her. Calum always knew she deserved more than that. Before the tears and screams and self doubt plagued them on a night when the world was too calm and quiet for such an event. She just wanted to know it was more than what she thought; or at the least that it might be someday. She only ever asked about someday.

“I shouldn’t have made you wait,” he began and knew she would jump in if he spared even a breath. He shot her a glance as her eyes opened and begged silently for her to stay quiet so he might speak his piece. “It wasn’t fair for me to want everything except commitment from our relationship. I didn’t want anyone else. I was being an idiot. Maybe I was just too scared to really have you… because if I had you I could lose you.”

“I wasn’t going anywhere,” she soothed and reached a hand out for his, the touch punctuating the meaning of her words. “I’m still not.”

<<

The night brought them back to a memory that first defined them. A first date was now desolate in the winter weather where once it had been vibrant and abundant with life and hope. They stayed in the car this time, letting the heater keep them warm as the memory of awkward brushes of their hands and blushing cheeks made way into their thoughts. Calum knew they needed the contrast of a time so simple and sweet to the haunting memories of a fight that bit with venomous teeth. They could hear the waves lapping against jagged rocks in the distance, and took in the foreboding height of the lighthouse standing on a rocky cliff. Night clung to the sky but brightened by a roving light. Fights melted away in favor of first experiences. Heartache eased with memories of fluttering nerves and breathless conversation.

Calum tore his gaze away from the foreboding image of the roving light calling out to life and cutting through the spattering of snow the coast was receiving. The air was thick in the car but nothing compared to when a door separated them. They had ventured through the darkest parts of their story, dove head first into regrets and came up to the surface with hearts and lungs seeking breaths of relief and comfort. They found all of that within each other; in reached for hands, forgiveness and promises. With hope for a future together looming on the horizon of an ocean guarded by rocky edges and happy moments. Calum finally felt he was able to breathe without a crushing force of guilt sitting on his chest and weighing him down; without anxiety that the night might be their last.

“How long has it been since we were here?” She asked and Calum saw her eyes glossed over, highlighted by moonlight that rippled off the waves and shined when tears finally fell.

“A while,” Calum answered; fully knowing it’d been years since they first and last visited the lighthouse.

“You always said we could come back,” she reminded and quivering lips forced a smile. “I’m glad we finally could.”

Calum nodded his agreement and let a moment of silence and contemplation sit with them. It was his idea to go to the lighthouse for a first date—he tried to think outside of the usual dinner and movie first date cliche. He wanted something scenic but the likes of a picnic in the park seemed too ordinary for her. He wanted to impress but not admit the thought and effort put in; he wanted it to seem effortlessly perfect in a sense. He thought with all of himself, sometimes with too much of himself and for too long; often dubbed an over thinker, and sometimes finding it coming back to bite him. He overthought their first date and everything after that. Every moment and aspect of them. He questioned and writhed over answers that only time could give him. He realized now—with eyes on her lit up by their first date years after it happened—that he should have been living every moment with her and not questioning what the next would be.

“Should’ve been sooner,” was all Calum could say in response. A lot of things should have been sooner. “It’s hard to believe it’s been years.”

She laughed; less strained than before but still with a touch of melancholy in the rise and fall of the giggle. She wiped the tears off her cheeks and sniffled. “Sometimes it feels like yesterday… I can still remember everything.”

“Remind me; about all of it?” Calum requested; knowing he was too inside his own head to remember the finer details. He wanted to know the moment and see the memory from her point of view.

She had a way of taking things in and recalling them; words outside a closed restaurant easing Calum’s woes and instilling a sense of safety and love inside him. She let out a small sigh from the passenger seat, neck slightly craning to look out the driver’s side window and to the once grassy area just off the structure and rocky paths. She looked right past Calum but he knew she was conjuring up images of him from that day in her mind. Another small smile begged at the corners of her lips, a great contrast and compliment to the tears that had fallen moments before. She was somber and serious but her touch to his shoulder was soft and light and a reminder of all their times past.

She licked her lips and let her teeth sink into her bottom lip for just a moment. It was less peril that drove the motion and more a feeling of helpless want; a want that couldn’t be met, she couldn’t actually go back to that moment made only of happiness. Her lip sprang free and she finally turned back and caught his eye.

“It was such a nice day. The sun was out and the water was calm. I showed up and you told me you’d been waiting for me for a while; I don’t know if you actually were but I remember it got me to blush. You’ve always had this way of saying things that are so ordinary but feel so much more than that. I guess that’s why I fell so much faster than you. You never gave me time to slow down.”

Calum’s eyebrows furrowed and his mind spun. He could remember that moment and those words, in the moment they were fleeting and reactionary, a way to see her get flustered and note her reception to him. Looking back now he realized they were true; he had been waiting, in more ways than just at the lighthouse for a first date. He’d been waiting for someone like her, someone who could shatter his perception of what he had always known, challenge him and his heart. It was unfortunate she was the one to wait in the end.

“You planned everything. The view, the food, the flower you gave me,” she started to regale again, voice lost in the memory and drifting in and out of the moments they lived and were living. “It all seemed so perfect. I’d never been on a first date that had so much thought put into it.”

She saw through his facade of effortlessness and seeing the truth. He considered that might be why he could never get away with brushing off his feelings and hiding from his own heart with her. She knew him, could see through cloudy stained glass and straight to his heart. She knew before he did.

“And then it started raining,” she said through a laugh and threw her head back to the headrest of the seat. She let out a breath and let her hand trail from his shoulder and down his arm, slowing where she knew tattoos stained his skin before lacing their fingers together. “You accounted for everything—except the weather. One moment the sun was out and you were leaning in to kiss me. The next it was downpour and I was laughing against your lips.”

Calum warmed at the memory though he could almost feel the bite of unexpectedly cold summer rain against his skin. He nodded to himself as the memory broke like the storm clouds in the sky. Snow still fell in light flurries and the night was starting to fade, tinged of deep purple trying to rise on the horizon. Calum didn’t say anything else as he put the car back in drive and headed off once more. There was one last place to visit. One last memory to relive and one more question to be asked.

<<

Their last destination of the night had them climbing out of the car and tugging their jackets closer to them, standing pressed together for warmth. They parked down the block and walked through a haze of snow to familiar windows with remnants of flowers left from a season passing. This was where Calum first spotted her, through the windows in just a glimpse. He had stopped in his tracks as she disappeared in a split second. He did a double take and she came back to him; flowers in her hands and hair and a smile worn so brightly it rivaled the beauty of bouquets. It was days before they officially met and time stood still when he caught the first sight of her. He didn’t know it then, wouldn’t understand it through most of their time together, but now—stood with a night of memories floating through his mind and heart—he realized it was love at first sight.

“You came in with the worst excuse for needing a bouquet I’ve ever heard,” she mumbled and Calum laughed; knowing his reason was a thinly veiled excuse to have a conversation with her. “I forget; was it your mom or sister that ended up with it?”

Calum grinned. “I did, actually.”

There was no way he could give away a bouquet crafted by her. His shoulders slumped at the admission, finally feeling some weight lift from him; the air was cold but welcome against his heated cheeks. The snow had stopped but the biting chill of winter kept on. He wondered how she wasn’t shivering; her layers so minimal and legs completely exposed. Usually he shrugged off his jacket and draped it over her and she’d sink into the material with a smirk and a blush. He never realized she wasn’t cold and she never denied the offer. Wind whistled past buildings and trees; swept through the small town and curled around them, her hair blowing back and her jacket opening. She didn’t mind the breeze or the cold at all.

Red among darkened gray and timid spatterings of white caught Calum’s eye. A fallen flower sat in the snow; petals holding on for dear life. He moved to it, bent down to pick it up and held it in a loose pinch. His eyebrows furrowed as he turned back to her and saw interest run across her face.

“A peony,” she declared and reached one hand out to softly brush her fingers over the petals. “Just like in the bouquet.”

Calum wasn’t sure what it was—the night of memories, the warmth she instilled in him with just a look, broken stained glass barriers sitting in fractured pieces, or the coincidence of a flower laid in the snow. Whatever it was, thoughts that couldn’t be ignored screamed through Calum’s mind. With a breath and a heart made of hope he fell to one knee.

“Marry me?” Calum asked, knee pressing into the cool concrete below, sweatpants dampening from the slush lining the sidewalk. The flower he had picked up was now a symbol and an offering in place of a ring he’d been eyeing through a shop window. He held the flower out to her with all of his heart and hope etched into every petal.

“No.”

Her answer was startling and sure. Voice unable to be swayed and the one word enough to knock Calum forward, body lurching into the weight of his knee and his other leg giving, foot slipping on the sidewalk as he fell to both of his knees. Flower in his hand dropping to the ground.

“No,” she continued and the repeated word struck another chord deep in Calum’s heart. She bent down, settled with bare knees on the concrete to be directly in front of Calum. Gentle fingertips brushed through his hair and trailed along his jawline. “Not yet.”

“Not yet,” he repeated and was unsure if it was a question or an agreement.

She nodded, eyes glossy and shining against minimal light of new day. “Someday. When we’re both completely ready.”

“What if I am ready?” Calum asked before he knew if he was. Dropping to one knee and two words escaping him had been rash and not at all the way he might have planned it. Nothing had ever gone as he had planned.

“What if I’m not?” She wondered aloud and inched closer to him; trying her best to communicate without words.

“You’re not?”

“Maybe… I don’t know yet.”

“Isn’t that what the fight was all about?” Calum whispered with strained breath and burning eyes. “I thought you wanted this. You’re always a step ahead of me. You always lead. I thought I should this time.”

“Cal, I never expected a proposal. I just wanted to know if we want the same things. When we’re both ready. I just needed...” she trailed off and her nose scrunched as she contemplated the right word. “A solid answer. Something other than a maybe; to know if we were walking the same path—together. I just wanted to know if you wanted it to happen someday.”

“It will,” Calum promised, content to be the one to wait this time. A reverse revival of their love told him it would be worth it. “You love me?”

“You know I do. And I know you love me too.”

<<

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[sftd-official]

WARNING: This chapter is much like Ch13 of SFTD. Abuse and the effects thereof are shown explicitly.

With his vast library of definitions and simulations, Ref-Il could accurately describe the feeling he got, waiting in the Gathering Hall, as dread.

He knew exactly why he was in there. Ref-Il had started to test himself, recently, seeing just how optimized a force he could mobilize against threats. His most recent action saw him bringing, in hindsight, an underprepared force against a well-stocked Haven. He had thought he had run the numbers correctly, seen the outcomes, but it would appear he was incorrect.

Incorrect. Such a nebulous state of being. With his new hobby of engineering, being incorrect was minor. A setback that wouldn’t take long to fix, especially if he could pinpoint where he had made his error. But, in the field, using the resources the Elders had given him? Failure was so much more costly, and the first mark was always the worst.

But Ref-Il wasn’t afraid of the failure itself. The Elders’ forces were innumerable, and with what had happened, he could strike again as they were rallying back the resources spent recovering from his attack. It wasn’t as if he’d done no damage, either—he’d made his mark on that haven. Another strike would prove lethal, especially in such cold months as these.

No... what Ref-Il feared, in some measure, were the possible consequences. When code failed, frustration was bound to follow, and he would not blame Father for feeling as such. Considering he’d already made an unrelated mistake before, Ref-Il looked to alleviate the problem; he already had a second plan of action in place and was fully prepared to explain where he had failed and why. Streamlining the process should speed things up and bring about a much faster resolution, something He would look favorably on, as far as Ref-Il had calculated.

So here he stood, gazing long into the hollow center of the room. He’d already taken his time to analyze the rest of the area, since he’d never been here before. Now he simply waited, running over what he would say and how he would carry himself in his head.

A sound directly in front of him made him raise his view. Far at the end of the platform, Jax-Rai stood, standing tall even after a trip through the Void. His brother opened his eyes and looked to Ref-Il. “Brother. I would not suppose you would know why we have both been called here?”

The sight of his brother here was already throwing a wrench or two into Ref-Il’s visualization of the whole situation. If this was meant to be a private meeting between Father and child, why was he here? He quickly ran through a list of reasons and none of them really checked out. Unless he’d missed some memo that this would be another meeting he’d need to be concerned with, he couldn’t really fathom why Jax-Rai was here.

Ref-Il shook his head. “—as far as I had known, I was going to be talking to Father. Alone.” From the way Jax-Rai spoke, he’d been summoned here. “Did They tell you anything?”

Jax-Rai scoffed. “The Elders need not tell me anything but what They require of me. I come when They call for me and I do not ask why.”

That seemed slightly backwards. Asking questions was how you learned more about your mission. Asking questions led to further knowledge, things you could base hypotheses on and gain answers to. Jax-Rai must’ve been used to blindly following; Ref-Il was built to learn and execute on what he knew. The Elders—especially Father—would understand his need to know. “If that’s your thinking, I won’t tell you otherwise.”

Ref-Il’s rather simple reply led to Jax-Rai crossing his arms, walking forwards to what seemed to be his place in the Gathering Hall. He said nothing more, and Ref-Il found no problem with it. He dropped his gaze back to the hollow of the room and waited.

Though his patience was unlimited, Ref-Il found he didn’t have to wait long. The braziers in the room lit up and their spectral flames rose to impressive heights as he could see the shape of the Elders manifest in the center of the room. He dropped into a respectful kneel, watching as They appeared even to Sightless eyes. They appeared to face him—but he could see an afterimage of Them also facing Jax-Rai. An interesting trick, if nothing else. “Our children.” The voice further made him rethink how things were going to go. It seemed to be a blend of voices—Odin was in there, but He was not the only one. Was this a meeting of all three Elders? He was starting to think this really was about something unrelated.

His hopes were dashed as They continued. “While We have seen your successes in the field, We are also no stranger to witnessing your failures. As children of Us, We would hope you understand why We look so poorly upon unsatisfactory results.”

It felt as if weights were placed upon his shoulders as he could feel Their attention turn primarily to him. “Ref-Il Mordenna. We are certain you understand why you have been called here today.”

“I am,” he replied, looking at Them... where Their eyes should be, anyway. “I understand the last force I fielded was inadequate. But I already have solutions in mind and I know exactly why I have failed. You needn’t worry.”

The mood of the room seemed to shift from calm to cautionary. When the Elders spoke again, he could more clearly hear Odin. “We would not worry were it not clear there is reason to. Considering you have presented that you can fail so early on, We are not so certain We should heed your ‘suggestion.’”

Had they assumed he was making a generalizing statement? No, of course Ref-Il wasn’t meaning to imply They should never worry about him. Systems failed, and this was a reality. Were They truly expecting perfection from him? “—apologies if I’m speaking out of turn,” he began, “but I certainly don’t mean to say you should never worry about me. Father, you know no system is perfect—?”

Wrong answer. Ref-Il flinched back as he saw Odin break from the whole, rushing towards him and looming over him. Dissonant whispers tugged at his mind, making the hair on his head stand on end. “Ref-Il, are you to imply that I have made a mistake in creating you? Is that what you mean to say? Would you like to make Me admit in front of My fellows that I made the wrong decision in taking you from a life where you were nothing and granting you everything?”

This wasn’t looking pretty. All of Ref-Il’s predictions about how the situation was going to go down had been thrown right out the window, and he was struggling to pick up the pieces. One thing screamed at him; he shouldn’t respond. Not verbally, at least. It was clear he’d agitated the situation by speaking his mind and asking questions, though the notion that He would reject him doing so still threw him for a loop. Ref-Il cast his gaze downwards, shaking his head. Hopefully Odin would see he hadn’t meant to imply that, or anything else.

That didn’t seem to be enough for Odin. “Of course. That is what you say now. What spurs you into trying to undermine Me, child? How have I cut you in your mere year of living? Or... is it nothing at all?” He could feel Odin press closer, almost as if He were whispering into his ear. “Do you lash out for the pure sake of doing so? Is your life merely so fulfilled that you must create conflict? I cannot fathom where I have gone wrong with you. What do you have to say for yourself?”

Father’s last line was delivered dripping with venom, and Ref-Il flinched back. He clenched his fists, shaking his head. “I-I’m sorry.”

“Sorry,” He spat, rising back up. “A mere sorry. It’s clear to Me that you will not learn through words alone. I must apply a different approach.”

Nothing in Ref-Il’s life would have prepared him for what happened next.

One moment, he was kneeling and sitting still in the Gathering Hall. The next moment he could parse, a coursing, searing pillar of energy and psionics was striking his back, making him give a strangled cry as he fell on his front. Any efforts to get up or even flee were quickly dashed as the force of it pressed more and more against him. He felt as if his very bones were being bent well near breaking point, and it was next to impossible to breathe.

The pain continued and Ref-Il was mouthing fervent apologies, eyes squeezed shut as his fingernails scratched at the metal floor. He had never known pain like this. The closest he could come to was the pain of his Ascension, where he had endured being worked to literal death—but this was far, far worse. Beyond his eyelids he could see the flood of psionic energy peeling off of him as Odin continued His assault.

Why. Why? He’d stood down. He’d become subservient. Why did Odin endeavor to punish him so? Ref-Il couldn’t fathom a logical reason. Ref-Il could barely think under the punishing wave of energy he was put under. What he could process was the sheer emotional hurt of the situation. Father should’ve understood. He should’ve known.

Slowly, but surely, the pillar of energy lifted. Ref-Il was left shaking on the floor, tentatively propping himself up on an arm. He barely wanted to move—Odin had very clearly done damage, as his chest still felt compressed, and every breath in brought pain. His body’s natural regeneration felt slower than normal, languid in its pace to undo the damage done.

“Kneel, child.”

The expectation put upon him further made his chest squeeze, but he did his best to comply, planting his hands on the floor and shakily bringing himself to the best kneel he could muster. Taking in a shuddering breath, he clutched his chest and kept his head bowed. When he opened his eyes, his vision was blurry... and it was then he felt the hot tear tracks down his face. Crying. He’d been crying the whole time.

“Hopefully that has done enough in showing you how to speak to Me.” The vitriol in Odin’s voice stung with every word, and Ref-Il was barely breathing, fighting with everything he had to hold back sobs. “Consider yourself lucky that I do not entertain anything more lasting, seeing as you’re shaping up to be a problem child.” He wasn’t lucky. A knife had been shoved into his chest and Odin was just twisting it. “From now on, do not question Me. I am resolute in my decisions and observations, and always remember you are speaking to a god. Whatever feeble suggestions you can bring to bear I have already considered and ruled out. Is this clear?”

Ref-Il shallowly nodded. “Good. Leave, Ref-Il. I’ve nothing more to say to you.”

Just before the tug of the Void shunted him from the Gathering Hall, he chanced looking up just enough to catch sight of his brother, who was witness to the whole scene. On Jax-Rai’s face he could register fear and... something else he’d never seen before. Whatever emotion it was, Ref-Il couldn’t study it for long before the Void roughly grabbed him and escorted him out.

That left Jax-Rai, immediately casting his gaze downwards again as the Elders moved to address him. What he’d seen, what Ref-Il had just gone through... “Our eldest child.” The Elders were back to speaking as one. “We know you to be absolute in your resolve and unwavering in your belief. Even so, hopefully your brother’s failures tell you of the consequences of straying from your path.”

“I understand,” he muttered immediately, not wanting to leave any ambiguity. If he didn’t want to ask questions before, he sure as hell wouldn’t, now.

The air in the room shifted back to calmness, and he could feel the Void rising around him. “Know that We love you, Jax-Rai. Go, and find success in your duties.”

With that, Jax-Rai willingly accepted the Void as it gently wrapped around him and carried him away.

  Ref-Il was practically thrown into his Inner Sanctum.

He landed roughly, tumbling over himself before coming at a stop in front of his Sarcophagus on his back. Laying on it brought even more pain so he curled up on his side, breathing carefully. That was all he did for a minute or so—silently trying to recover as he hugged himself and tried not to jostle anything too badly.

Eventually, what just happened hit him in force. Odin had struck him. He’d asked a question, a reasonable one, and asserted himself. That earned him the metaphorical belt, right in front of his brother. Simple reasoning earned him punishment. Ref-Il sucked in a breath through his teeth. His chest heaved and brought a stab of pain, and he hiccupped. Every breath brought agony and yet it couldn’t stem the oncoming tide of frustration and pain.

In his Inner Sanctum, alone, Ref-Il began to cry. He brought a hand to his eyes in an attempt to stem the flow, but it was largely worthless as his hand shook.

Worthless. Worthless, worthless, worthless. That was what he was. That was what he felt like as Odin had spoken to him, looked upon him with disdain. He had been nothing before and he would be nothing without His care. But was this what His care was? Beating him and then leaving him alone to cry without nary a comfort?

Ref-Il’s breaths were ragged and his sobs raw. Every prick of pain in his chest reminded him of what Odin had done, and his back still burned with the force of the punishment. How was he to know that just asking a question would bring something like this? True, the Elders may be gods, but... thinking on what had happened, Ref-Il couldn’t come up with a counterpoint. Why had he asked? Even so, why was that his punishment? Why was a first transgression met with such aggression?

The only answer Ref-Il got was the sounds of his own sobs echoing in his room. He was alone in his suffering. The minimal staff he had would not empathize with his plight, and there was always the chance that one of them might somehow contact the Elders about him. He’d been made an example of in front of his brother, so Jax-Rai would not want to interact with him so soon after. Even if he wanted to seek out the Commander for advice, one of the Elders was probably listening in to what she answered.

Worthless. Stupid. Alone. Those words and what Odin said throbbed in his skull and Ref-Il’s next sob was full of emotion, pushing his chest as far as it could stand to go as he vented his sorrow. What was he to do? Simply get up and act as if nothing had happened? Go about his business as if he hadn’t been brutally punished? He didn’t know what to do. Odin did this to him.

Odin did this to him.

In the middle of Ref-Il’s grief, something else arose, born of tenants Odin had drilled into him. Odin wronged him. Odin had slighted him. Odin had struck him and expected him to walk it off.

Leave, Ref-Il.

Odin referred to him derogatorily and expected him to take it sitting down, didn’t he? His sobs started to die down as the pain in his chest morphed into something different, something he grabbed ahold of and used to ward away his sorrow. Odin wronged him. The new feeling in his chest rose to his throat as his databases were able to identify just what it was he was feeling.

“Spite,” he breathed. “Of course. Why... why else but spite?” He gently sat up, not bothering to wipe at his tears. “He expects me to walk this all off as if he didn’t just beat me to a pulp. But... that ain’t exactly what He raised me for, is it?” Rising up, the Hunter stared long into the distance. “Of course. I’m sure the old man didn’t mean it, but I’ve learned, alright. He thinks what I did was embarrassing him? Oh, I’ll teach him what it’s like when I’m actually trying.”

Ref-Il. The way Odin spat it left a bad taste in his mouth just thinking about it. Stepping forwards, Mordenna shambled towards his Ascension Pad.

If he was going to be the problem child, so be it.

[lumifuer]

Unlikely || Chapter 2

Pairings: General Hux x Reader Words: 2237 Warnings: Violence, choking, angst A/N: It took me so long to post a second chapter but I’ve been meaning to write this story for quite some time and I wanted to make sure it’s polished. Hope you’ll enjoy!

Series Summary: As you rise through the ranks of The First Order you find yourself drawn to a certain ginger general. But when your deepest secrets see the light of the day in the process will it be your new beginning or a bitter end?

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2

The ride in the elevator was a silent one, the air tense with anticipation and subtle hints of anxiety that you could easily pick up in both yourself and Armitage.

As you were carefully building up your defences, the general once again tore his down in order to ask one more thing of you, his voice worn but still kind. "Whatever happens, my dear, I request you do not intertwine. I'm afraid it would only make the matters worse."

He turned his head to steal a brief glance at you and you offered him a weak but reassuring smile. "I will try my best, general."

He calculated the time he's got left before the door slides open and quickly took your hand, pulling it gently to his lips to place a soft kiss on your skin. His grip lingered and you were forced to pull away because the next floor went past already, delivering you dangerously close to the throne room level. A barely noticeable sign of longing and concern surfaced on his face before it was transformed back into his usual mask. You sighed, dropping your gaze to the floor stung by this all too familiar ache in your chest.

You could no longer see his face but you knew that his spread legs and hands folded on the back were his only means to hide a light shiver going down his spine with every passing level. It made you realise just how hard this conversation might turn out to be.

And you had a bad feeling about this.

The sound of the loud ding shot through the air, letting you know it was your stop. Armitage straightened up, preparing to keep his chin up and you took a long breath to rid yourself of the remaining doubts. Your secrets were kept under a heavy layer of fear that was only partially fabricated by you consciously, and another consisting of your admiration towards the ginger general.

It was hard to remember that when you first met him the boiling hatred aimed at him was almost too apparent to contain and after the handshake you shared you battled with the urge to wash your hands immediately.

The door slid open revealing a huge throne room you've heard so much about. You looked around in awe, seeing it properly for the very first time. Needless to say, it wasn't a particularly pleasant astonishment one might feel while looking at a work of art. This place was crushing your bones under its weight. The ominous red-lit space was almost empty, echoes of your steps bounced off the walls, creating a dream-like scenery. You felt tiny and insignificant but gravest of all - ambushed.

The throne itself was situated in the middle, placed on a small platform as if the surroundings weren't enough to make sure everyone knew who was in command. The chair was dark with subtle traces of silver and you could swear you saw old blood still staining its feet as if Rey had just sliced Snoke in half moments ago. His guards who had shared their master's fate were replaced by the Knights of Ren, clothed in dark robes and rare pieces of armour wielding weapons ranging from spears to blasters alike. You noted that not an inch of their skin was visible therefore making it harder to perceive them as humans, a blatant advantage in combat.

On the throne sat Kylo Ren, the mighty Supreme Leader, the self-appointed successor of Snoke's abhorrent legacy. But in fact, he looked anything but powerful on the chair. His arms were resting on his knees rather than the armrests and he was slightly bending forward as if the thought of his back touching the same place Snoke's had was unthinkable. His face was almost expressionless, his hair falling freely on his dark eyes. The scar left by Rey's lightsaber was in a strong contrast to his pale complexion. He was like a child sitting in father's seat trying to grow to be like his role model but something was bound to be awry.

Armitage stopped abruptly, keeping a distance between him and his superior. Everyone knew it wouldn't protect him if Ren decided to add a few new bruises to the collection but you allowed him to keep up appearances.

"I heard about the base, general," Ren begun, threat and displeasure clear in his voice. "Are you still going to try to convince me your pathetic troops are worth anything?"

"Supreme Leader, I assure you--"

"You," Ren pointed at you. You stiffed, feeling the heat sweeping over your body. Kylo's eyes were dark and impenetrable and you were sure you have just been discovered. "I want you to take notes of everything happening here today. I don't trust the droids."

He wanted to turn his head away from you but something else caught his attention. His gaze lingered and it took everything you had to withstand his mental attacks. Hux turned back to look at you, his expression filled with terror, and his fists clenched. He hated the very idea of Ren recognizing your presence as if the fact alone could put you in trouble.

Apparently, Ren failed at finding something interesting because his attention was once again focused on the general in front of him but still the twitch that was supposed to hide a smile didn't escape your attention. The green eyes were still fixed on you in a frantic attempt to search for any signs of discomfort or pain. You knew he wouldn't have been able to act upon his fantasy of overthrowing Kylo but witnessing you being tortured by his abilities could have still made him try.

"General, can I get your attention?" Kylo mocked.

Armitage's lips opened and you noticed a tremble dancing on their soft surface but soon enough he faced his leader without the shadow of fear.

"Supreme Leader," he began again. "The troops are in a flawless condition and I assure you that their next mission will prove to be a  victory."

Ren scoffed and you heard a grave tone in his voice. "I don't care about your poor excuses and declarations anymore, general."

"I do not wish to--"

But he was cut off mid-sentence. Soon his hands were desperately pulling at the invisible hand locking on his windpipe as if it intended to crush it. A sob tore from his throat and it hurt you more than you'd be pleased to admit. Hux was lifted off his feet which were now dangling in the air, searching for a spot to rest his weight on but with no success. You turned your head in distaste, adding another layer on the most precious thoughts buried deep within your mind. The room was quiet and the complete silence was interrupted only by Armitage's heartbreaking efforts to break free.

When yet another raspy sob tore out of Tidge's throat you closed your eyes only to regret it a second later. Without your vision, your mind replaced your surroundings with a mental image as if enhancing the strongest individuals in the room. You could sense Ren's energy and unrelenting passion, his guards' confidence and eagerness to fight if required, and you could even taste your own panic. And what's worst of all, Hux's spirit slipping through the fingers of the unseen hand.

You stole a brief glance at Kylo even though you knew you weren't supposed to. He wasn't driven by hatred or fury and his annoyance was kept under check, and yet he wasn't stopping himself, sending the general at the edge of consciousness and risking tossing him into the sharp claws of death. He had so many opportunities to finish his existence but for some reason, he was keen on keeping Hux alive until now. What changed? And what's more important - what were you going to do about it?

You wouldn't dare to look directly at Armitage who was all too quickly fading into the void. Besides, you didn't need to see to know how hopeless he was. Once again, you shut your eyes and tried to lock those feelings away, telling yourself that it was for the best and that there was a greater cause bigger than the both of you. But it took one mere memory of Hux's soft smile that he allowed himself to show during one of the few particularly bad nights to break you down.

Before you could further question your actions, the general fell to the floor with a loud thud. A slimmer, delicate hand seemed to have slipped under the grim hold locked on his throat and set him free. Armitage was a panting mess, kneeling on the floor constantly shifting between losing and regaining consciousness. The bloody marks left by his own fingernails were blooming with scarlet against his pallid skin. He was barely aware of the situation but he did feel it. The familiar touch that had tended to his wounds has now saved his life. His mind was still throbbing and he couldn't connect the pieces of information but deep in his heart he already understood everything.

And so did Ren.

"I was beginning to think you'd have me kill your beloved general," he spoke, folding his arms on his back. "Thank you for saving us a rather embarrassing show."

There was no point in playing your part anymore. You looked up at him, making sure that your face was showing no signs of fear in your time of dying. Because he was going to kill you, wasn't he?

For how long did he know, you wondered. Was it before the meeting or did you betray your true purpose upon arriving here? Did it even matter?

"I should kill you with the cruellest strike, you know that, don't you?" he said with a slight smile sending a shiver down your spine. His master was dead but apparently, his teaching was meant to live on for now. "But I think it would be a waste."

Gracefully and with no sign of the previous brutality, he outstretched his hand and lifted you up off the floor. Your whole body tensed preparing for the torture to come but it never did. Kylo was looking at you with a spark of curiosity in his gaze. He didn't take you for a threat and you knew that it could be his undoing but for know, he had the upper hand. "I think your heart, unlike someone else's, can be turned."

"I wouldn't count on that," you scoffed, your stubbornness originating in pure hatred.

"So you've already taken the side, then?" he asked.

But you weren't given a chance to reply. The shuffling could be heard from the centre of the room and you focused all your strength to turn your head and determine its source. You saw Armitage, crawling to where you were being held, struggling to hide his pained expression. It didn't take long for Kylo to notice as well and with an almost bored wave of his hand, your lover was tossed on the wall, the impact rendering him unconscious. Your rage was about to break through but you knew better than that. You concentrated on the brute force trying to sneak into your mind, almost grasping at your most hidden thoughts. You wouldn't let him have it, there was too much at stake and you didn't have the privilege to give in.

His attacks ceased and his lips parted in pure amazement. "Very well, then," your body was suddenly dropped to the ground. "I'll see you tomorrow during our very first training session. We'll see if you remain loyal to the defeated then."

He left the room without a word leaving you and Armitage in the company of his guards. You weren't sure what to do next. You had anticipated it could go bad but not nearly as tragic. Ren knew everything and yet you were allowed to live.

You crawled over to Tidge's limp body, hoping to find comfort in his presence. It was foolish of you to assume he'd still be by your side after all your lies but as soon as you touched his shoulder, his green eyes opened, filled with concern and bewildered. "Did he hurt you?" were the first words he spoke and you were about to burst into laughter at the irony.

"You're the one who barely survived the conversation," you reminded him. He tried to sit up and managed to do so only with your aid. You helped him get to the elevator and the guards weren't interested in stopping you at least for now.

"Would you kindly explain this to me?" Tidge asked once you left the elevator and headed towards his quarters. You tried to search his voice for signs of hostility but failed.

"Gladly," the word was spoken with an utter belief and it surprised you but it was the truth. After months filled with lies and hiding, you were almost happy to share a bit of truth with your unlikely lover. Or at the very least, the least harmful parts of it.

Thank you for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts on the story so don’t be afraid to reblog and add your comments! ♥

Tagging: @ayo-minty-jess @kylo-ren-is-my-supreme-leader @sophiasescape  @accio-zara @trelaney  

[tastesoftamriel]

Into Oblivion, part 4 (a long tale by Talviel)

We looked toward the path. “Lass, better idea. Let’s climb up those rocks and skip the path altogether. I’ve got an uneasy feeling about it.” I nodded, and we scaled the rocks easily, after years of thieving. Creeping along and looking down, the area was clear so far. A few meters along, I spotted an odd cocoon-like shape dangling in a small alcove. “Bryn, look. The journal mentioned those things and how they usually contain valuable treasure.” “Lass, as I said, we don’t know the terrain and I don’t want to stir up any trouble with the locals, let’s-” “The High King wants treasure, and if we’ve come all this way, so do I.” I said decisively, and not waiting for a response, leapt down towards the pod. I slashed it open and gagged on the foul stench that emanated from it, but grinned when I found my reward. Gold, gems, some valuable jewellery, and an expensive-looking yet pleasingly lightweight enchanted helmet lay on the ground scattered with bones. I shoved them into the sack slung over my shoulder, signalling to Brynjolf that I’d be right up. All of a sudden, I heard heavy thudding footsteps rushing towards me at an alarming pace. “Lass, look out!” Brynjolf screamed, as I turned around to see some sort of gigantic frilled reptile running on its hind legs toward me. I swore and drew my sword, unable to use the Thu'um to push it away.

I ducked as the creature’s gaping maw lurched toward me, and snapped shut where my head had been just a moment ago. I stabbed low and hard at its abdomen, and it let out an infernal shriek and kicked me backwards with its strong hind legs. I stumbled, and it came towards me again. I aimed my sword at its neck, when all of a sudden I heard Brynjolf yell “Incoming!” and the creature’s head split in two. It wobbled briefly, and fell to the ground. “What in tarnation were you thinking, Vi?” he shouted at me, reeling slightly from the force of the jump. “You almost got yourself killed and we’ve only been here a moment!” “I’m sorry Bryn, that was stupid and spontaneous of me. I won’t do it again. But look!” I opened the sack to show him my loot. He whistled under his breath. “Damn right you won’t be doing it again. We spot a pod, we go down together next time, understand? I don’t know what else we’ll find, but that alone is worth at least 5000 septims, which I’m sure the High King won’t miss if we keep this up.” I nodded in agreement, and we climbed the rock wall again.

Brynjolf vigilantly kept his eyes open for any danger, while I kept my eyes trained on the path for any more pods. Luckily for us, there were was one every couple of hundred meters, and along the way we only needed to dispatch a single storm atronach and a few scamps while collecting valuable loot. So far so good. The path came to an abrupt end at the mouth of a cave, sealed by a door. Brynjolf and I glanced at each other and leapt down, blades drawn.

We pushed the stone door open, and thankfully it was smooth and didn’t make a grating sound to alert anything inside. We slipped in, crouching and sticking to the shadows as we tried to navigate the cave. All of a sudden, an ominous voice rang out, and I heard the distinctive sound of an atronach being conjured. “I know you’re here, scum. You can’t hide from me.” Brynjolf put a finger to his lips and stopped creeping, hoping that the dremora would go away. The loud stomping and groaning of a frost atronach made its way towards us, the dremora in tow. I smashed angrily at the atronach with my blade, which was enchanted with a burning spell, and it crumbled within seconds. Brynjolf was fighting off the dremora, which was frighteningly quick and cunning with a blade. I ran in to help him, and we cornered the dremora with its back facing a small pool of lava. It laughed, swiping at us with one long blow, and Brynjolf ducked and simultaneously kicked it into the lava, which was deeper than we’d anticipated. It gurgled briefly before incinerating. “Well, that takes care of that.” He said, out of breath.

We returned to creeping along the walls of the corridors, running into more scamps and a spider daedra, which we picked off easily. For our efforts though, a few more pods hung on the ceiling and we smiled as we scooped the precious loot into our sacks. “If this keeps up, lass, the High King isn’t going to have a clue if we give him just a quarter of it.” He grinned. I held up a disgusting-looking breastplate made of what looked like human skin and bone. “Well, as long as we keep finding shiny things instead of crap like this. There’s another door over there, but before we head out let’s look at the map I drew again.” We leaned over the sheaf of parchment, and I pulled out the map. “Right, the next thing should be a tower called a ‘Spindle Shrine’, whatever that means.” Referring to my notes, they said to expect a number of enemies, but that we could replenish our health at ‘blood fountains’. Brynjolf made a retching noise as he read it. “I hope that doesn’t mean it’s literally a fountain of blood.” He moaned. I adjusted my armour and the strap of my loot sack, then looked at him. “Ready to go?” He nodded, and we cautiously pushed the door open.

We found ourselves back out in the open, with a daedroth along the short path with its back turned towards us. Brynjolf used the Guild signal for ‘run’, and we sprinted to the tower in front of us as quickly as we could, slamming the door behind us. “I hope that thing can’t open doors.” Brynjolf panted, as we pressed against the door and hoped the angry pounding on the outside would go away. Thankfully, it subsided after some moments, evidently having a short attention span. Unfortunately for us, the noise had awakened a few monsters, including another daedroth that we’d just narrowly escaped. “Ah, fuck.” I grumbled, standing back-to-back with Brynjolf. “Bryn, you take the ones on the left side, I’ll take the ones on the right.” “Aye, lass.” He said, and we ran forward in opposite directions, our weapons drawn and ready. I feverishly lunged towards two spider daedra, jumping over their small clones that I’d read would paralyse upon contact, which could be fatal for me. I beheaded one and impaled the other, then froze a flame atronach with a partial Thu'um to save my breath.

I ran towards Brynjolf, who was flailing at the daedroth in annoyance. “This fucking thing won’t die!” He yelled at me. “Get out of the way!” I called out, and he nimbly ducked and rolled to the side. I steadied myself, then shouted “Yol Toor Shul!” at the creature. It screamed as it was set alight, and Brynjolf and I took the opportunity to stab through its thick hide as many times as we could. Eventually, it fell to the ground, its corpse still burning. “Why did I get the big angry lizard thing?” Brynjolf asked, blood running down his cheek from a gash on his forehead. “Daedroth,” I corrected him. “And Brynjolf, you’re the big strong hero man that saves me, the poor damsel in distress.” “Fuck off, lass. You’re a thousand times more capable than half of the Imperial army assembled at once. Well, even though you’re bleeding.” “You’re bleeding too, my hero.” I laughed, and went to investigate the corridors where the monsters had emerged from. A single pod hung from the ceiling, and at the far end of the corridor stood what I only imagined could be a blood fountain. Curious, I went to stick a finger in, then thought better of it. “Nope.” I muttered, and swilled a mouthful from a bottle of a potion of healing instead. Brynjolf stared at the fountain with distaste, before motioning for me to pass the bottle. We cut down the pod at the opposite end of the room, whooping as fine gold jewellery and polished diamonds fell out.

We climbed to the top of the tower, and were faced with what looked like two heavy control switches. They were heavily rusted, and it took both of us to pull them down one at a time. Loud grinding noises echoed through the tower and the walls shook. “I don’t know what we just did, but judging by the size of those levers I sure hope it’s that big fat gate we saw when we landed.” “If it is, let’s turn back through that cave, go back along the path, and we have our destination.” Brynjolf said. We descended the tower once more and headed back to the cave door, the daedroth outside thankfully gone. We pushed and shoved at the door, only to realise with dismay that it was stuck. “Shit, this place is working against us.” Brynjolf swore. “No way but forward I guess. Come on, Vi.” We went back inside the Spindle Shrine, opening the door that we’d ignored earlier. Hot wind lashed our faces, and we were faced with a long stone bridge, broken in the middle and too far to jump across. Brynjolf opened his sack and pulled out a long coil of rope and one of the enchanted hooks the Guild used to climb basically anywhere with security.

“Mind your head, lass.” Brynjolf warned me, and I stepped back a few paces as he assembled the rope and hook with a tight knot, then swung the rope over his head several times before throwing it to the other side. He tugged it a few times to check that it was fully secure, then waved me over to grab on tight to the rope. “I fucking hate doing this.” I moaned, squeezing my eyes shut. “Are you kidding me? This is one of the best parts about thieving! Now hold tight, we jump on three.” He said, amusement in his voice. “One…two…three!” Brynjolf shouted as he pushed us off the ledge. I screamed as we swung into open air, my hands and legs clinging for dear life onto the rope. With my eyes still closed, I began to inch my way up, hoping that it would be a short distance. I felt strong hands grip me by the arms and lift me up onto the bridge. “Bloody hell lass, they probably heard that scream all the way in Sovngarde.” He spluttered with laughter, undoing the hook and throwing the equipment back inside the bag. I pouted and turned to the door in front of us.

“Map time.” I said, digging out my parchment again. “Right. From that awful jump, it looks like we bypassed the equally awful sounding ‘Blood Well’ and ‘Caverns of the Abused’, probably missing out on some nice loot but saving our lives and time in the process. We should now be facing ‘Sigil Keep’. It’s apparently infested with dremora and other not-so-nice things, so I suggest we take a breather before heading on.” I said. We sat on the broken bridge, sharpening and recharging our blades and the hook with soul gems for the journey ahead, and I shared a potion of extreme stamina with Brynjolf to energise us. He stood up when he was ready, and pulled me to my feet. He pulled me in tight and kissed me. “Lass, thanks to you we just might make it.” He whispered in my ear, holding me tight. “Don’t hex it, we’ve still a way to go yet.” I replied, giving him a squeeze. We pushed the Sigil Keep door open and crept inside.

End of part 4

[classicrewind]

Tomorrow Never Knows

I was slightly less inebriated whilst writing this, so hopefully it’s somewhat readable! (Don’t know why my ideas come to me after I’ve a few (too many??))

ANYWHO here’s chapter two! Hope ya enjoy!!

Chapter Two September 1982

Anna woke to the sunlight streaming through the curtains. Checking her bedside clock, she turned on her side to face Paul’s side of the bed. Empty. Like she knew it would be. It was made perfectly, as if he was never even there.

It was Friday morning, which meant he was already at University preparing for the lecture he was to give at eleven. She let out a sigh, and got up from the bed. Walking over to the vanity that stood against the back wall of the bedroom, she stopped in front of it, observing herself.

She considered herself an attractive young woman.  She was only twenty-two, barely showing any signs of aging, yet for some reason she felt drained. She was petite and thin, something so many women her age would kill to look like. She was happy with her appearance, but she couldn’t wrap her head around why she couldn’t get Paul to notice her. Like he used to do.

She was twenty years old when she met Paul. In her last year as an undergraduate student, she was student. She fell for him as soon as her eyes met his. It only took a few weeks before they started to secretly see each other.  He used to look at her like she was magic. And there was this chemistry between them that felt binding, unrelenting. Maybe it was just the thrill of knowing it was forbidden, but she fell for him, hard.  In the beginning, he couldn’t get enough of her, making as many excuses as possible to see her. He had to touch her, hold her, just be with her. And she loved it, she loved the way he made her feel. When he asked her to move in, she was thrilled. She was happy to finally become a real part of his world.

But after awhile, things started to lose their spark. Paul became more and more invested in his work, to the point where he forgot dates, and missed phone calls. When Anna became his T.A., she figured it would solve most problems, as she would be by his side now both academically and romantically.  But it just made things more complicated.  He hardly ever paid attention to her, unless it was to ask about lectures, or grades. She missed him, craved his touch.  Even though they slept only inches apart from one another each night, he never felt farther away. Something went missing along the years and Anna had no idea where to find it.

Looking at herself in the mirror, she slowly slipped the straps of her nightgown down her shoulders, letting the garment fall to the floor. She let her eyes roam over her exposed body, wondering what it was about her that Paul no longer seemed to care for. She ran her hands softly over her breasts, trying to remember the last time Paul touched her this way. Or even just looked at her in her barest, purest state. She turned to the side, inspecting the rest of her body, running her hands up and down in a fruitless attempt to feel something.

She never considered herself a needy person, not by any means of the word. However over the years, she began to feel neglected. Paul was always in his own world, and he never let her in. Like somehow he kept himself locked up, and he never gave her the key. She loved him, and she knew deep down, he still loved her. But how was she to get him back? The Paul she used to know felt light years away. Things were so uncomplicated back then, and she wished more than anything she could go back.

Now, it all just felt like a surreal dream. She felt as if she was slowly fading from view. If Paul couldn’t notice her anymore, could anyone? Feeling depleted, she longed for, craved for some affection. She wished someone, anyone would notice her, just look at her, and see her. To tell her that she was, in fact, still there.

Glancing at the clock, Anna knew she had to be on the train to University in an hour and a half. Tucking a piece of auburn hair behind her ear, she bent down and gathered her nightgown before heading to the bathroom.

She had two classes to attend today before she had to head into the office. She worked part-time for a newspaper company, and was an arts and entertainment journalist. She generally liked her job, as if gave her access to attend interesting concerts, gallery openings, and events and report on them. Today, she would be handed the job of covering the AIDS benefit concert that was taking place in the city that night. She hadn’t done any research yet on what acts were scheduled to perform, she only knew the location and what time it started.

She was out the door and on her way to the train station in a half-hour. It was a beautiful day, like it had been all week. She made it to the station and quickly boarded the train, finding her favorite spot. She pulled out a copy of her favorite novel, “Ulysses” and began to read from the beginning.

Jimmy woke up crumpled in his sitting room chair, a copy of “The Book of Thoth” in his lap. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes before attempting to sit up. Too fast. He set the book on the coffee table in front of him and slowly stood up. The sitting room was dark, the curtains still pulled shut from days before. He was grateful to not see the sun at that moment.

Running a hand through his hair, he made his way to the kitchen to get coffee going. He had business to attend to in the city, not to mention the benefit concert tonight. He wanted to pick up the guitar he had been eyeing the last two weeks, maybe even debut it that night.

His head was pounding. He went too hard last night, from what he could remember.  Bonzo, Peter and a few others stopped over for a late night get together, and Jimmy knew he was done for as soon as the cocaine was brought out. It was his weakness. That amongst many others. Not to mention the whiskey, oh, all the whiskey he could imagine. He was gone before the night really got underway. Lately, he had lost a great deal of self-control. He found himself itching more often to just lose himself, lose his mind in a flurry of vices.

He downed a cup of coffee before heading to the shower and heading out the door.

“So, is this the one? Or are you gonna get the eight stringer?” The shop clerk asked Jimmy as he held it out in front of him.  Jimmy’s eyes scanned over the glossy guitar. It was gorgeous. He gently lifted it from the clerk’s hands and dropped the strap over his head. He began to strum out the chords to “Whole Lotta Love.” Perfection. He closed his eyes and let the guitar take him away for a moment.

When he finished, he opened his eyes to see the clerk smiling. “I think that’s the one, mate. Sounds bloody great.” Jimmy gave him a small smile. “The other one, please.”

Nodding, the clerk took the eight string of the wall, and handed it to him. Jimmy carefully took it from him, smiling at the guitar. Now you’re different. Easily overlooked by others. Jimmy once more began to strum away. He began to test it out, just like he had practically every day that week. He loved this guitar. It spoke to him unlike any of his other guitars.

Letting out a small sigh, he looked up at the clerk. “I’ll take ‘em both. I’ll have someone come by later today to pick them up.” Jimmy paid for the guitars and promptly left the shop.

Looking down at his watch he knew he had an hour or so before he was to head to Jonesy’s for rehearsal. Now he normally would take a car, but he began to really enjoy his train rides to Pangbourne. Particularly for one reason, the girl. He still hadn’t gotten her name, but he figured she’d tell him one of these days. It had been almost two weeks since he first set eyes on the pretty girl from the train, and he’d taken the train home practically every day since. In fact, he found himself looking forward to them each day.

She never said anything to him on their rides. They just looked at each other, gave a small smile, and returned to whatever they were doing. She always had a different book each day, and Jimmy liked to guess what it would be before he boarded. He loved their silent tête-à-tête, he was always wondering what was going on in her head. If there was anything she ever wanted to say aloud, to him, or to anyone. She never did though.

He headed to the nearest used bookstore, looking for nothing in particular. However, he stumbled upon lots of hidden treasures. He found a first-edition copy of Crowley’s “The Book of Lies” along with a rare copy of hand-written lead sheets by Howlin’ Wolf. To say he was ecstatic was an understatement. Jimmy spent a long time scouring stacks and stacks of books, looking for more hidden gems.

Leaving no stone unturned, he headed to the cashier with the two books and paid for them. Stepping out of the dark bookstore, he light a cigarette starting up at the sky.  It was a perfect day, really. Not a cloud in sight. It was quite warm for mid-September, but Jimmy wasn’t going to complain. He took a long drag as he made his way to the train station, making the journey he had done so many times these last two weeks.

He was early this time. Well, early by his standards. He quickly found his platform and boarded, looking forward to getting to rehearsal. He walked through the first cabin to the second and found her sitting in the same spot she always was. As if she never left from that spot.

He sat down across from her, like he did every other time before that. She didn’t look up. She was lost inside her book, deeper than she ever was before. He assumed she didn’t even realize him sitting down across from her.

Jimmy squinted at the book in her hands, trying to make out the title. James Joyce’s “Ulysses.” Never heard of it. But he knew she must really love it, because she was immersed in the book, as if the world out here didn’t exist. He envied her for that, her ability to do that.

He light a cigarette and watched her as she continued to read. She’s beautiful when she reads. Jimmy smiled to himself as he stared at the girl across from him. She began to start smiling at whatever she was reading and Jimmy felt himself grow weak. She was quite breathtaking to behold.

Soon after, she started chuckling. Jimmy looked around the cabin to see if anyone else noticed her. They didn’t. Turning his attention back to the girl, he saw tears were forming in her eyes as they rapidly scanned the words before her.  He was taken aback. Never before had he seen someone so affected by a book. It was so precious to watch, so pure.

He softly chucked at the sight of the girl in front of him. Hearing his laugh, she looked up from her book. Her amber eyes met his with astonishment, followed soon by embarrassment. She was so endearing to witness.

Anna didn’t notice Jimmy as he sat down across from her on the train. She was hopelessly lost inside “Ulysses.” Leopold Bloom was one of her favorite characters and whenever she started to read the book, it took something like the force of a hurricane to tear her from it. But today, all it took was one laugh and she felt herself yanked from the pages.

She looked up to see Jimmy watching her intently with a small smile on his face. She immediately felt her cheeks flush as she closed the book. Looking into his eyes, she felt the embarrassment start to slip away as she opened her mouth to speak.

“How long have you been watching?” She wasn’t annoyed, in fact, she was flattered.

After a beat, Jimmy responded. “Long enough to see you go through practically every emotion a human could possibly feel.” He chuckled once more, smoking his cigarette. She felt butterflies in her stomach.

“It’s my favorite book.” She said quietly.

“I’ve gathered that.” He said, taking a drag from his cigarette.

Anna opened her book and attempted to read once more. Jimmy followed suit, pulling the Crowley book from his bag and began to read over the words he’d read so many times before. This time it was Anna’s turn to watch him.

She barely lifted her eyes from her book as she gazed at the man across from her. His face was pensive as he scanned the page before him. He looked serious, focused. He was very handsome, although his eyes showed significant weariness. She found herself starting to smile at him, as he took another drag off his cigarette.

“Is it good?” She found herself quietly blurt out. “The book?”

He slowly looked up at her. “That’s subjective. What’s good to me might not necessarily be good to you. But to me, it’s wonderful. Have you ever read any Crowley?”

Anna shook her head no.

“He’s really quite good. Not everyone’s cup of tea, though.” Jimmy said to her.

“I’ll have to check him out sometime.” Anna replied, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

Jimmy returned to his book once again, his eyes scanning the page to find where he left off. Anna continued to subtly observe him.

“New guitar?” Anna blurted out again. Word vomit.

Jimmy looked puzzled. “Excuse me?”

“You’ve recently purchased a new guitar, within the last week or so. And judging by your constant picking at the callouses on your fingers, from the last few times I’ve seen you, I’d say they were new. So, I’m guessing this guitar isn’t a standard four or six string, judging by the location and size of the callouses on your fingers. Which, again, leads me to believe you’ve been playing with an eight or twelve string guitar. Specifically, one with steel strings, since nylon ones wouldn’t create such deep grooves on your fingers.” Anna states calmly.

Jimmy didn’t say anything for a moment, he just stared at her. Eventually he spoke, “Brilliant. That’s impressive. But to answer your question, yes.  I purchased two guitars, in fact. An eight string as well as a standard six. I’ve been eyeing them for a week or two, stopping into the shop to play on them almost every day.”

Anna blushed. “It’s nothing. I’m a sucker for details. I notice the seemingly insignificant details that usually go unnoticed by the everyday eye. They jump out to me, begging me to notice them. And I do.” Not unlike myself these days.

Jimmy considered her eyes, and saw she wanted to say something. Her eyes were asking him something but he couldn’t make out exactly what it was. “I think it’s genius.”

She smiled, slowly sticking her hand out. “I’m Anna.”

Taking her hand, Jimmy replied, “Lovely to finally get your name, I’m Jimmy.”

Chuckling, Anna shook his hand before retracting hers. “It does seem silly we’ve been sitting across from each other for quite some time now and haven’t properly introduced ourselves. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Anna. Listen, do you have any plans tonight? There’s a concert tonight if you’d like to accompany me.” Jimmy asked her, closing the book in his lap.

She felt cheeks grow red once again as she opened her mouth to speak. “It sounds wonderful, but I actually have some work to do tonight, I have a deadline I have to make. Perhaps another time, yeah? I’m very sorry.”

For a split second, Jimmy faltered. But he quickly recovered. “No worries, dear. It was just a thought.” Noticing that the train had reached the station, he placed his book back in his bag. “Besides, this is me. Have a good night, Anna.”

She gave him a small smile as he got up and left the cabin. She felt stupid for not throwing caution to the wind and going with him. Just this morning you were wishing for some company… And you run away at the first chance of it.

Shaking her thoughts away, she returned to her book.

Anna. Anna. Anna. A beautiful name. Jimmy found himself thinking about her on and off during set rehearsal. He missed a couple of entrances here and there and forgot a few chords, but overall, the run-through went well.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to the festivities that will take place after this a little bit more than the show itself…” Bonzo said as the guys headed off the stage to the back.

“Geez, Bonzo. The show’s for charity. We’re raising money for research, it isn’t always sex, drugs, and rock and roll all the time.” John Paul scolded him.

They reached the lounge area backstage, and Jimmy immediately headed to the bar, ordering a glass of whiskey. Robert sidled up next to Jimmy, ordering a gin and tonic.

“Where’d you go?” Robert asked, taking a sip of his drink.

“What do you mean? When?” Jimmy replied, lighting a cigarette, offering the carton to Robert.

Taking one, Robert lights it, taking a drag. “During rehearsal. I don’t know where you were, but you sure as hell weren’t here. Must have been somewhere special, if it made you miss your entrance on ‘Stairway.’”

Blowing out a stream of smoke, Jimmy shot Robert a look. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, honestly.”

“If you say so…” Robert teased as he took another sip of his drink.

“IT’S SHOW TIME!” Jimmy could hear Peter shout outside the door. Setting his drink down on the counter, he wrapped his arm around Robert as they made their way to the stage.

Anna wasn’t exactly ecstatic to be there tonight. The venue was packed with people pushing and yelling as Anna made her way to the front. One of the main perks of covering concerts is the great seats she always scored.  Tonight, was no exception. She looked down at the list of attendees and performers and stopped when her eyes flew over Led Zeppelin. Shit. So this was the concert he was talking about.

She sipped her beer as she waited for the concert to start. Her spot was way off to the left side, right where John Paul normally stands. There were a couple of roadies helping last minute with set-up. One or them dropped a stack of cords in front of her feet.

Stooping down to pick them up, Anna handed them to the roadie who was making his way over to her. “Sorry about that!”

She gave him a small smile. “No worries. I see you guys have a lot on your plate.”

He chuckled. “It’s not so bad, as long as the equipment arrives on time we usually have it up and ready to go in no time.” He stuck his hand out to her. “I’m Chris.”

Shaking his hand, Anna replied, “Nice to meet you, Chris. I’m Anna.”

“Well, enjoy the show tonight, Anna!” He called out as he disappeared back stage.

An hour later, and Anna was fully in the throes of Led Zeppelin. This was her first time ever seeing them live, and to say she was impressed would be an understatement. She had a perfect view of John Paul, Bonzo, and Robert, who kept weaving his way from the right side of the stage to the left. Jimmy stayed put mainly over on the right side of the stage, and Anna was quite grateful for that because if he had seen her in the audience she probably would’ve died. Especially because he thinks you’re at work, idiot.

She cursed herself for not realizing sooner that they were talking about the same concert. She was having quite a great time, as the atmosphere wasn’t nearly as rowdy as it was before the show started.

They were such a remarkable sight, all of them were so clearly in their element. Robert was flipping his hair back and forth as his hips moved side to side while he belted out the lyrics to “Heartbreaker.” He oozed sexuality with every breath he took. In that moment, she understood his charm.

Jimmy was a whole other situation. For him, it was just the music and his guitar. It was like the crowd, the lights, and the cameras weren’t even there. He was one with his guitar, and it was such a mesmerizing sight to witness. It was other-worldly. Anna was in awe.

The concert flew by in the blink of an eye. Anna grabbed her bag and jacket as she started to make her way to the exit. She was stopped by a hand on her forearm.

“Hey! Anna, how’d you like the show?” Chris asked her, exasperated.

“It was wonderful. This was my first time seeing them live, and now I’m regretting not seeing them prior to this. I had a great time.”

“Well, it’s not quite over yet! Robert’s having a party of sorts back at his home if you wanted to stop by with me? I have to drop off something to Jonesy. You could meet the band?”

Anna pondered the thought of “partying” with Led Zeppelin. It definitely wasn’t a plan that would readily come around again. Jimmy will be there, though. She wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.

Yet, Anna found herself nodding. “Sure. Do you guys need help loading the equipment back up?”

Chris nodded, and Anna followed him back stage to help pack up.

An hour later, Chris and Anna arrived at Robert’s home. She followed Chris up to the front door and inside. It was packed. People were mingling everywhere. Music was playing from somewhere in the house, while a large haze of smoke settled over everything. Anna was completely out of her element.

Chris seemed to be looking for someone as he peered into a few rooms before letting out a sigh. “There he is.” He led her into the kitchen where Peter Grant and John Paul Jones stood in conversation. Chris strode up to John Paul handing him a set of keys. “The equipment is all locked up and put away, it was a great show tonight.”

John Paul gave him a hug, clapping him on the back. “Thanks, Chris. I’ll let you know when the next gig rolls around.”

Chris turned to Anna. “Oh, and this is Anna. She’s a friend of mine, she was at the show tonight and wanted to let you guys know what a great time she had.”

Anna immediately blushed. “Hi, I – I uh, you guys were fantastic tonight. It’s really great to be meeting you in person.”

John Paul smiled. “Thank you, dear. I’m glad you enjoyed the show. Feel free to wander, I’m sure you’ll run into the other lads somewhere around here. If you hear Bonzo, the others shouldn’t be far behind.” He chuckled as he turned back to Peter to finish their conversation.

She stopped by the bar as she made her way from the kitchen to the main room. “Gin and tonic, please.” The bartender nodded, getting to work as she waited for her drink.

“Aren’t you happy you came? Are you having a good time?” Chris asked her, taking a sip of his beer.

She nodded. “Yeah, all of this is so surreal. It seems like a dream, honestly. I should head out soon though, I have a deadline to make for work. I do want to thank you for inviting me, it was really sweet of you.”

She grabbed her drink from the bar and they made their way into the main room, where Bonzo’s infectious laugh could be heard from all around. Anna entered behind Chris and stopped in her tracks. There he was. Jimmy. He hasn’t noticed me yet, I can still turn around.

Robert noticed Chris enter the room and quickly made his way over. “Christopher, my dear! It’s so great to see you! I must thank you for leading set up today, you’re a life saver.” Robert then noticed Anna standing awkwardly beside him. “And who’s this? I’m Robert.”

He extended his hand to her and she slowly took it. Robert Plant. “I’m Anna, it’s a pleasure to meet you. The show was fantastic tonight, you all were simply phenomenal.”

Robert brought her hand to his lips. “Thank you, darling. You simply must meet the others, they’ll love to hear what you have to say!”

Anna let out a laugh, “Oh, no – Uh, I don’t think they’ll –” Robert grabbed her hand and whisked her away to find Jimmy and Bonzo. She grew nervous as a pit started to form at the bottom of her stomach.

“Jim Jam, Bonzo! I’ve made a new friend! She’s just wonderful, you’ll love her!” Robert called out to them as he brought her over to a corner of the room where a few people were congregated. Jimmy sat in a chair nursing a glass of whiskey, while Bonzo was bent over the table finishing a line of cocaine.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. Tonight was good and all, but Knebworth was much better in my opinion. I don’t know we just hit a certain groove right from the get go, and we went with it. Tonight was quite good, but not exactly the same, you know?” Jimmy said to Richard Cole, taking a gulp of his whiskey.

Cole shook his head, “I’m not so sure. I think tonight was better. You guys have grown a lot in that short period of time and I think you could sense it in the air tonig-” Cole was cut off my Robert shouting something over the din of the room.

“Jim Jam, Bonzo! I’ve made a new friend! She’s just wonderful, you’ll love her!” Robert’s voice grew louder as he made his way over to the corner trailing behind him a small young woman.

Rolling his eyes, Jimmy took a sip of his drink. No one cares, Robert. Go fuck her and leave us alone with this. Oooh, let’s all pretend like we care what her name is or what her story is, she’s not going to last past tonight, anyways.

Robert finally made his way over with the girl. Jimmy slowly turned from his conversation with Cole to greet the stranger Robert insisted he meet. When his dark green eyes finally looked up into her warm amber ones, he nearly spat out his drink.

“Anna?” Jimmy quietly asked, slowly starting to stand.

She immediately turned red, nodding her head. Robert was confused. “Wait, you two already know each other?”

Jimmy ignored him, he was too busy watching Anna. She looked great, he couldn’t keep his eyes off her.

“Seems that way, Perce.” Cole said with a laugh. Bonzo came up from the table to see what the commotion was all about. He saw Jimmy eyeing Anna and subsequently stuck his hand out.

“Hello, love. I’m Bonzo, I see you’ve meet the rest of the gang.”

Anna nodded and shook his hand. “Lovely to meet you, Bonzo. I’m Anna. It was a wonderful show tonight, you all were incredibly good. I had a really great time.”

“Glad to hear it, love. We had a great time playing. If you’ll excuse me, I have a few white lines waiting with my name on them. Unless you’d like to partake, of course.”

Anna paused, probably pondering the thought. “Can’t tonight, I have a deadline. In fact, I’m sure I’ve overstayed welcome already. Maybe some other time?” Anna chuckled.

“Sure, love. Have a good rest of your night.” Bonzo said before ducking out of sight.

Jimmy turned to Anna. “Stay.” He stared deeply into her eyes. As if by staring, he could compel her into obliging.

She stared back for a moment before giving him a small smile. “I can’t, I have a deadline I really can’t be late for.”

“Stay for one more drink.” Jimmy said, pulling out his pack of cigarettes.

She paused for a moment before slowly nodding. “Okay, one drink.”

Jimmy grabbed her hand and led her to the bar, grabbing a bottle of whiskey before leading her out to the patio.

The night was equally as beautiful as the day had been.  Not a cloud in sight, giving one the ability to see all the stars that were out that night. It wasn’t too chilly, in fact, it was quite lovely for a mid-September night. The moon was almost full, but not quite, casting a beautiful glow over the pond that lay at the edge of Robert’s estate.

The patio balcony looked over the large expanse of Robert’s yard. It was a lovely view. Jimmy loved coming over here whenever he could. He led Anna to the balcony and cracked open the bottle of whiskey, handing it to her.

She took a small sip before handing it back to him. Taking the bottle back, he got a good look at her in the light of the moon. She looked breathtaking. The light reflected wonderfully off her skin as she turned to face him.

“I thought you had to work tonight.” Jimmy quietly said, placing a cigarette in his mouth.

“I did. I do. I’m a part-time journalist for the Times. I sometimes write some work for the arts and entertainment section. Tonight, I was assigned to cover the benefit concert. I honestly didn’t even realize when you asked me to the concert, that we were talking about the same one. I’m sorry.”

And she truly looked sorry. It made him uneasy seeing her like that. He placed his hand over hers. “It’s not a big deal. In fact it’s not a deal at all. I was just going to ask you out again, anyways.”

She looked into his eyes, smiling. God, she’s so fucking beautiful. Jimmy turned away, blowing out a stream of smoke. When he turned back to face her, something changed.

She looked pensive. Something was in her eyes that wasn’t there before. Some sort of desperation, ass if they were asking him to notice them. Notice her. How could I not? She’s in my head even when I’m not thinking of her.

She blinked and the look was gone. She smiled again.

“’I long for the truth and yet I cannot stay from that My better self disowns, For a man’s attention Brings such satisfaction To the craving in my bones.’” She whispered as she closed the few inches that separated them.

Yeats. Always fucking Yeats. Flicking his cigarette over the balcony, he turned to face her. Looking into her eyes, he finished the poem. “’Why those questioning eyes That are fixed upon me? What can they do but shun me If empty night replies?’”

Her eyes seemed to beg him to look at her, really look at her. To see her, to let her know that she was really there. That all of this was real, not some surreal dream.

There was nothing to speak of using words. It was all with the eyes. With her it was always the eyes. They spoke volumes to him without her ever needing to tell him a thing.

Tonight, they wanted something from him. They pierced him with this longing for something real. Something to grasp.

So, Jimmy grasped her, eliminating the distance between them completely. He could feel her breath on his neck as it started to speed up. Anna continued to stare up into his eyes, begging for what Jimmy knew was coming next.

He brought his face down slowly to hers, softly planting his lips onto her slightly parted mouth. Her arms immediately wrapped tightly around his neck pulling him down to her to deepen the kiss.

She slowly opened her mouth as Jimmy made his way in, familiarizing his tongue with hers. She was slow and sensual in her kiss. She kept things quite slow and steady, as if she was savoring every second of that moment.

Jimmy felt his hands move from her face down to the rest of her body. They found her breasts deftly, gently cupping one as she released the tiniest of moans into his mouth. He felt himself grow a little hard at the sound. Slow down.

She was slowly easing up to his touch and Jimmy knew if this went too far, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. He wanted her, bad. But he knew something wasn’t completely right, and he didn’t want to rush this. As bad as he wanted her, needed her, he knew better than to fuck it up by going too fast.

Anna slowly pulled away from his kiss, but stayed within his grasp. “I should go. Thank you for all of this. And you were magic tonight, by the way. I’ve never seen anything quite like it in my entire life. You are special, absolutely genius with that guitar and I just thought you should know. You’ve got something no one else has, a one in a million talent. You’ve got the whole world inside the palm of your hand. Anything you could ever want in this world is right there, yours for the taking. It’s magic, you’re magic and I just think you should know that. In case there are times when you might forget it.”

Jimmy felt himself grow warm inside, like he felt that first time she looked at him. He didn’t want to let her go. She felt good in his arms, it all felt right. Reluctantly, he let her go. “It was lovely to see you tonight, Anna.”

She smiled at him, placing a hand on his. “I had a wonderful time tonight.”

And like that, she was gone as unexpectedly as she came. 

Anna.

Chapter One

[actutrends]

10 things to try with your new Amazon Echo speaker

Amazon’s AI assistant Alexa is the voice behind the original smart speaker and the most popular choice in U.S. homes today, but with a voice interface it can sometimes be tough to know what’s worth doing, or even possible.

This holiday season, we’ve compiled some of Alexa’s most popular and advanced features to give you a taste of what you can do with your new Echo smart speaker or smart display.

The basics

This collection of features makes up the majority of tasks the average person uses an AI assistant for. You can do things like:

Make a phone or video call

Check the weather

Treat Echo speakers like a home intercom

Play music

Get the news

Set a timer

Create a calendar event

Add to your shopping list

Order from Amazon.com

Find out when your next Amazon order will arrive

For $1 you can also add the voice of Samuel L. Jackson to respond when you do things like set a timer, get the weather, or play music. Households that speak more than one language can choose a multilingual option so Alexa can respond to both Spanish and English, for example.

You don’t need to worry about direct voice commands because the natural language models Alexa uses are built to understand lots of ways users might phrase questions and express desires.

For more on how to get started, you can check the Get Started user guide or say “Alexa, what can you do?”

Activate Alexa Guard

Alexa Guard was introduced to the world in 2018 to let the Echo speaker alert homeowners or their alarm system provider to the sound of broken glass or smoke alarms. This year, Alexa Guard got even better at detecting events in the home with the ability to recognize the sound of footsteps, doors opening or closing, and — for some reason — the sound of chopping on a cutting board.

Don’t be surprised if this approach to event detection — together with Ring video doorbells and alarm systems — grows to include more events, related and unrelated to security.

AI for detecting frustration in a user’s voice rolled out this fall, and Amazon AI researchers are also working on detecting emotions like happiness and sadness.

Defend your privacy

Privacy has emerged as a priority for a lot of people, especially when it comes to juggernaut companies whose business strategies involve making predictions from your personal data. But concurrent with fears of mass government and corporate surveillance, smart speaker and smart display categories have become some of the most popular consumer electronics on Earth, a trend driven by dropping word error rates and great improvement in far-field voice recognition.

The two trends seemed to converge this year with reports that third parties hired to improve AI assistants and label data were hearing the intimate, deeply personal details of users’ lives.

As a matter of course, each exchange spoken after the “Hey Alexa” phrase is recorded and converted into text that’s transformed into an action. Whether and how text is reviewed for training purposes is another matter.

In response to public outcry over privacy infringements, Amazon in May introduced voice commands like “Alexa, delete what I just said” and “Alexa, delete what I said today.”

In August, Amazon gave users the choice to disable human review of voice recordings. This fall, the company introduced the Privacy Hub to make it easier to review or automatically delete voice recordings on a three-month or 18-month basis. The hub also gives users a way to control permissions granted to smart home devices and Alexa Skills.

Gathering data on a three- to 18-month basis allows the company to observe seasonal trends, Alexa chief scientist Rohit Prasad told VentureBeat shortly after Amazon rolled out its new approach to voice recordings in September.

Follow your favorite musicians

The Echo smart speaker became a favorite in U.S. households because of its ability to hear your voice across the room and do things like seamlessly set a timer, but the true killer app has always been music.

That’s why it was a big deal last year when Amazon introduced the ability for you to get notifications through your Echo speaker when a favorite artist releases an album or single.

New Release Notifications is far from the latest AI wizardry or natural language model breakthrough, but knowing when that new album drops is the definition of delight.

Music lovers can also set alarms using their favorite music streaming service.

Sample Skills

Not everything you do with Alexa comes from Amazon. There’s an entire universe of Skills and voice apps for Alexa from third-party developers.

With the Echo Show, some Skills utilize the Alexa Presentation Language to make visual experiences.

In September, Alexa passed the 100,000 voice app milestone. Granted, the great majority of these are garbage, but there are also gems like Jeopardy! or choose-your-own-adventure games like Magic Door. The Maury Show even has a voice app.

A glance at the Alexa Skills Store will help determine what fits your interests since it does a good job of categorizing Skills and highlighting popular voice apps.

This summer, Amazon rolled out Alexa Conversations, a way to batch Skills together into cohesive experiences to, for example, reserve seats at a restaurant, buy movie tickets, and schedule arrangements with a ride-sharing app. Conversations are designed to cut these kinds of activities down from dozens of steps to just a few. Combining this with machine learning to pair Skills in multi-turn dialogue is what Amazon VP David Limp calls the “holy grail of voice science.” It’s more a concept today than something you can expect to interact with in your daily life, but it gives you a sense of how the Alexa team is thinking.

Make Alexa Skills with Blueprints

The Alexa Skills Store has lots of noteworthy developer creations, but some things deserve a personal touch. Enter Blueprints, a way for homeowners to make their own Alexa Skills without code.

These templates range from a chore chart to a Skill that lets Airbnb guests or pet sitters ask common questions. You can even make a Skill for trivia about a family member. Each Blueprint template is designed to be created in a matter of minutes.

Amazon introduced Alexa for Business Blueprints earlier this year to let companies create personalized Skills for employees or customers.

Pay bills or make donations

Every AI assistant wants to be more than a basic bot. They want to become like a trusted friend, ready to tell you a silly joke or talk and capable of all matter of compute actions. A big one introduced in October: Alexa can now pay your bills with Amazon Pay and bill management platform Paymentus. You can also get notifications when you’ve got a water or electricity bill payment coming up.

In other money movement services, Alexa got the ability to make donations to charitable organizations and U.S. presidential candidates this year.

Check your email

This is one of those extremely useful ideas people tend to forget is possible.

Say “Alexa, check my email” to get a rundown of emails perceived to be important from the past 24 hours. You can also delete, reply to, or flag an email with voice alone. Say “Alexa, did I get an email from [contact]?” and set a notification so your Echo speaker and Alexa can let you know when you get a response you’ve been waiting for.

Email with Alexa works with major providers like Gmail, Outlook, Hotmail, and Live.com.

Get chatty

An easy way to recognize the limitations of natural language AI today is to try to carry on a conversation with your assistant. Despite great advances in word error rate reductions and other breakthroughs in recent years, assistants like Alexa are still rather limited in their ability to talk like humans. In 2017, Amazon started the Alexa Prize, a competition for teams of student computer scientists to create AI capable of chatting for 20 minutes. Thus far, the top-performing bots can last roughly 10 minutes.

To make things more conversational now, Alexa offers Follow Up Mode so you can continue asking questions after an initial query response in which the “Alexa” wake word is used.

Stump Alexa

As part of the company’s larger effort to get its question-answering capabilities to surpass the Skills of other assistants — like Siri, Cortana, and Google Assistant — Amazon made Alexa Answers generally available earlier this year.

Alexa Answers allows users to answer queries Alexa was unable to accurately field. Hundreds of thousands of answers have already been shared with millions of Echo users, a company spokesperson told VentureBeat, but as Kyle Wiggers discovered earlier this year, crowdsourcing this effort has drawbacks.

An AI assistant “IQ test” composed of hundreds of questions found Alexa to be lacking when compared with other AI assistants. Analysis related to questions about popular prescription medicine found similar results.

Make Routines

Alexa can set a timer for you or share the weather forecast, but in order to expand adoption rates, enable custom voice commands, and allow a single voice command to do multiple things, both Amazon and Google have introduced Routines.

For example, you can make an “Alexa, I’m home” Routine that turns on the lights, plays a news summary, and rattles off your to-do list, or you can make an “Alexa, it’s bedtime” Routine that turns off all your smart home appliances.

Location-based Routines are a great way to ensure your smart home devices shut off when you walk out the door, for example, without your needing to say anything. Email updates and Skills became attached to Routines this spring, and geofenced location-based Routines arrived before the holidays a year ago.

The purpose of Routines is to make assistants not only more powerful, but part of your daily habits to improve adoption rates.

In September, Amazon introduced “Routine recommendations“, a way for the assistant to suggest adding certain actions to the exchanges you typically carry out. For example, if you tend to check the weather in the morning, Alexa might suggest you also play music. As simple as this sounds, Routine recommendations that feed insights from Amazon’s wider array of recommendation engines could become a smart way to automate habitual use cases.

The post 10 things to try with your new Amazon Echo speaker appeared first on Actu Trends.