#but then again they fuck a mid twenties Dude who likes to fuck 19 year olds

[mcrrox]

Not my exes Partner texting me that's stupid lol

[icecream-and-gadreel]

I miss randomly dumping life changes into the void so imma just update you dudes!

I’m going to be living in Japan and other countries in Asia for a minimum of six months, and a maximum of a year before I move to Manhattan for work.

Now, there is a big part of my stupid brain that kind of assumed that literally no one would care. Seriously, I planned on telling my parents a week before I left, throwing up a peace sign to my friends and family, and just kinda disappearing into a new life. But, upon speaking with my wifee and a couple others, it FINALLY dawned upon me that maybe, MAYBE, people actually care. Annnd they do.

So now I’m having two separate going away parties, I’m going to have my parents and sister escorting me to the gate, and people are genuinely telling me they’re gonna miss me. Now, this may sound braggy, but I grew up as a bullied and outcasted kid. I was one of ten black kids in an all white and prejudice school wayyy out in the sticks. I also changed schools almost every year because my dad had to move for work.

So, usually when I left, no body cared because they either didn’t like me or didn’t know me. And goodbye would just be me disappearing. It’s such a weird feeling realizing that yes, my presence is important to some people. I impacted people and my absence WILL make people sad! Hell, I’m still shocked about some of the people who are sad to see me go. This is a as bittersweet feeling. I want to keep impacting people in such a positive way, I want to make people as happy as I apparently made this new group of friends and coworkers!

So yeah anyways I’m finally starting to realize the dreams that I wanted to make happen at 19 years old. I think that waiting until I was in my mid twenties was a great idea, because I have more critical thinking skills and common sense. I also started writing again, you guys have been sending in some awesome fucking prompts pals!!

[isekaisyouwithmyforearmlaser]

just watched wigfrid short few comments below

1. STUNNING animation. i would kill for them to keep animating dst shorts until i die.

2. i always thought wigfrid was a like 14 year old, though clearly she isnt, shes just very short. i think i partly thought this because hardcore theater kid vibes. i still see her as younger than say wilson or willow, so id say shes like 18 or 19 ish in my brain now, which is believable if you consider the possible time period and the fact shes clearly wealthy. (in my brain i consider wilson/willow to be in their mid to late twenties)

3. maxwell dick bag ruiner of dreams. fucking hate this prick i hope they still let him be an asshole even if hes doing this because he has to or whatever. i hope hes never nice.

4. if all of these disappearances take place in the same area, which im assuming is europe (like germany or the UK) in like the early 1900s-20s, then i wonder if wigfrids accent is just part of the role she played. partly i want to say its her real voice, and another part of me thinks it be interesting if she went just a tad bit crazy due to the fame her role landed her and in a desperate attempt to regain the high of her career she fully adopts the personality of her most popular role. clearly shes troubled by it, as its enough for her to literally follow a magic shadow man to god knows where. either way if its real or not i still like her vid and her hair.

5. i like to think all of the characters a a bit unhinged in their own ways at least desperate enough to again, follow literal magic monster demon lookin ass dude. take wilson desperate to further his own knowledge by any means necessary, willow literally pyromaniac, wendy grief stricken morbid child whose suicidal at a very young age, webber, who may or may have not have died twice, once by being eaten by the spider the size of a dog. i like dst so much because it takes all of these normally very heavy things that could be blown way out of proportion but they all get back burner because literal physical survival themes. the humorful way they color in this pretty depressing picture a la tim burton but way cooler imho and more consistent in quality. its creepy, but funny.

6. i already thought wigfrid was cute, but now im really in love w her character, she needed this lore soooo bad!

7. webber is next hopefully. i hope and pray. i wont be mad if we get robot first i just really love webber.

[sterek]

lols legit i just love me my fluff and mutual pining and just all types of that wonderfulness, even with light angst tbh and i love me my HS Aus or college Aus or Human Aus or anything inbetween lmfao XD Ur brilliant and hope this isn't too much of a bother =D

Sorry it took so long, I got distracted! Here are some recs :) [Sorry if I don’t have a lot of light or human fics, most of my bookmarks are heavy werewolf angst oops. I went through half my bookmarks and this is already too long lol enjy!]

I’ve Been Everywhere With You by Leslie_Knope [61k, E]

“Dude, you should totally come with me.”

“What? Like on the road trip?“

“No, come with me. To Austin. Get out of Beacon Hills.”

Derek paused. “What?” he asked again.

He’s Not Mine by Sunnee [68k, E]

Derek comes home to find an abandoned werebaby on his front porch and Stiles volunteers to help him out. Surprisingly, that is just the beginning of his problems.

302, I Love You by paintedrecs [4k, T]

It was a beautiful summer morning—mid-70s with a light breeze, ideal weather for soaking up the sun without fear of overheating. If anyone asked, that was why Stiles was sitting on his balcony with a book he hadn’t touched in the last half hour and a mug of coffee he’d been absently sipping from, his gaze fixed on the parking lot several stories below.

Coincidentally, one of his neighbors—Hot Dude From 302, not that it was relevant—had chosen the same morning to wash his stupidly flashy Camaro.

Shyft by paintedrecs [6k, T]

Derek finally gave the driver more than a passing glance.

He was roughly Derek’s age and surprisingly handsome, despite the ugly plaid shirt he’d rolled up past his elbows. He had broad shoulders, honey-dark hair, a line of moles trailing enticingly along his cheek, and thick eyelashes framing dark eyes that glittered with humor. And he was laughing at Derek.

***

At the end of a long work day, all Derek wanted was to get home as quickly as possible. When his scheduled ride showed up—distractingly good-looking, driving a beat-up Jeep, and full of interesting conversation—Derek felt like his evening might turn out a whole lot better than he’d expected. Until his trust issues flared back to life, telling him "Stiles” wasn’t everything that he’d seemed.

Lovebitten by LunaCanisLupus_22 [10k, M]

The one where Derek gets bitten by a lovebug and Stiles is the first person he lays eyes on. Hilarity ensues.

Bricks by paintedrecs [8k, T]

“Mornin’, love,“ Derek says, and Stiles freezes in his arms. They haven’t exchanged official I love you’s yet, and Derek seems determined to derail Stiles’s plans to say it first. With fireworks. Or bubble baths. Something epic.

The point is, Derek barely even seems to realize he’s doing it, and it’s driving Stiles crazy.

Or: My first time writing a 5 + 1 fic.

remember my love by bleep0bleep [23k, T]

Stiles wakes up and suddenly the war is over, he’s no longer a penniless mage, and living in an exquisite manor married to the man he’s been in love with for far too long.

“It’ll be fine,” Stiles says gallantly. “I am certain I will just fall in love with my husband all over again, and I will find plenty of joy doing that.” He winks at Derek for good measure.Derek blinks.

ritten in the Stars by Quixoticity [26k, M]

Derek Hale is a lucky guy. He’s got a great family, good friends, and a fulfilling job as a tattoo artist.

He’s also one of the twenty-five per cent of the population born with a soul mark.

He likes his life, but he’s waiting for his soul-match. The odds of meeting them aren’t great but hey, Derek’s a lucky guy. He has faith.

He can’t believe how good his luck really is when one day his soul-match wanders right into his studio, all long limbs and copper eyes. There’s just one problem: Stiles is there to get his soul mark covered up. Permanently.

No Homo by RemainNameless [84k, E]

Stiles’ sophomore year starts something like this:3 FourLokos+ 1 peer-pressuring cat- 1 best bro to end all best bros= 1 Craigslist ad headline that reads "str8 dude - m4m - strictly platonic”.Derek is the fool who replies.

Cross our bridges when we come to them by RemainNameless [103k, M]

The five times Derek called the Sheriff “Dad” on accident and the first time he did it on purpose.

Our Hearts Are Tigers by skoosiepants [7k, T]

This is what Stiles figures out after a week of harboring Isaac: he’s kind of a dick, for a ten-year-old.

Turn a Little Faster by skoosiepants [3k, T]

He shifts back and forth on his feet and tries to psych himself up. He can do this. He’s a badass werewolf, he can totally tell Stiles that they accidentally got werewolf married because—because Stiles was thinking about him, and happened to give him a token of his, uh, affection under the silvery light of the last full moon. Platonic affection, Derek thinks sourly, so he doesn’t get why his wolf feels all warm and fuzzy and bonded all of a sudden.

Honestly, it’s like—why aren’t people accidentally getting werewolf married all the time, if it happens this easily?

Filter Out the Starlight by skoosiepants [12k, T]

“Why are you not more curious about me?” Stiles says when Derek’s got the door half open, sun spilling over the dark wood, dust motes spinning about his legs. Stiles is wearing fabric that hasn’t been invented yet, he’s clutching a smart phone to his chest, and he appeared out of nowhere, like an angel.

Softly, Derek says, “We all have our secrets,” and closes the door.

Or-

A heartbroken Stiles accidentally travels back in time to find his one true love. A harlequin-ish Christmas romance.

Under Yellow Moons by skoosiepants [17k, T]

They stare at each other, half-grinning, and Derek knows it’s definitely the absolute wrong time for this, but he wants. He wants to grin at Stiles over dinner every day for the rest of his life, baffled over yams and Moon Pie Day, and, god, crap, goddamn, when the fuck did he have time to fall in love?

Or

The life and times of Deputy Stiles and Supernatural Foster Dad Derek Hale

Lord knows it would be the first time by uraneia [12k, E]

Stiles is home from Berkeley for the summer, but only because he promised the pack. He’d rather not see Derek, because whatever the thing was that they were doing, they’re not doing it anymore, and it sucks.

Unfortunately, he doesn’t have a choice. The betas tried a magical remedy for Derek’s melancholy, and now Stiles has a three-year-old who looks like Derek. Stiles doesn’t know how to deal with that, and he definitely doesn’t know how to tell the betas he and Derek were secret fuck buddies for a year and a half.

You Smell Like Mine by bleep0bleep [13k, E]

People talk about the alpha instinct, an alpha’s head being swayed by a nice-smelling omega, or the desire to drop everything and show off. Derek’s never felt any of that. He’s just not that kind of alpha.

Then he meets Stiles.

The Prince and His Painter by Dexterous_Sinistrous [8k, G]

Stiles was always a sick child. He was never supposed to live beyond his infancy—shocking many when he reaches adulthood. With his inevitable death looming over his country, Stiles chooses to accept a successor through marriage. His advisors commission a painter to capture the prince’s likeness in order to advertise him to potential candidates. Only, Derek Hale isn’t like most painters—or humans, for that matter.

Certain Kind of Fool by saraubs [36k, M]

Derek, who has been dragged against his will to the same resort his family visits every summer, is determined to spend the next two and a half months sequestered in his room. His only friend, his sister Laura, is preoccupied with her newly-bonded mate, and doesn’t seem to care about anything but making him happy.

When Derek meets Stiles Stilinski, a sharp-tongued waiter, he thinks that this summer might not be a complete waste of time. There are only two problems: First, Stiles is human. Second, he doesn’t believe in mates.

Painful Maneuvers by saraubs [11k, T]

Still, whether or not the nurses want to hear it, Derek has some serious issues with the way Stiles skates around the ward, upending instruments and scattering papers and chewing on pens. His scrubs never fit right and are always riding up to show patches of smooth, pale skin and his hair is frankly pornographic. It’s just so…unprofessional.

Stiles is a hyperactive Obstetrician. Derek is a grumpy Midwife. It’s true love (and babies!).

little spoon by bibliosexual [6k, T]

To save money while attending college in NYC, Stiles and Derek decide to rent one tiny apartment together. With one bed.

you know you’re on my mind by bibliosexual [16k, T]

If there’s one thing Derek’s learned in life, it’s that crushing on someone who lives on an entire other fucking continent is probably a bad idea.

Put Down in Words by paintedrecs [203k, M]

“Oh,” Stiles said, his voice coming out low and breathy, “fuck me.”

“I don’t think that’s on the syllabus, but we can check to see if there’s a spot open in any of his classes,” Scott said, grinning.

“This isn’t an actual professor, though,” Stiles insisted, unable to resist brushing his thumb over the sharp line of the man’s bearded jaw. He was laughing at something off-camera, the shot taken in three-quarters view, his coat collar casually rumpled and opened to reveal a sliver of a simple grey t-shirt. The whole thing was deliberately calculated to lend him a more accessible feel, and god help him, Stiles was falling for it.

*

When Stiles signed up for Dr. Hale’s intro to history class, he had two goals: knock out the credits his advisor was bugging him to complete before he graduated, and spend a few hours a week daydreaming about his sexy professor’s salt and pepper beard.

Derek, a few months away from turning forty and not sure when his life had started feeling so damn lonely, had never encountered someone like Stiles before. Bright-eyed, sharp-tongued, determined to throw Derek’s carefully cultivated world into disarray…and absolutely the last person Derek should be falling in love with.

Somewhere Else, Someone Else by megxmas [19k, T]

They’re sitting in the car, and Stiles’ dad is poring over the scans, gesturing violently at the air. ‘I just don’t understand!’ he says. ‘There’s never been anything out of the ordinary on any of your tests, and yet you always have seizures! How come nothing ever comes up?’

Stiles shrugs, has heard his dad complain about this a dozen times before. Stiles is pretty sure that he and Derek are some kind of magical soulmates and this is the way the world has decided to connect them, but somehow, he doesn’t think that’ll fly as an explanation.

Cupboard Love by mklutz [32k, G]

He’s carefully balancing the sandwiches and the two biggest tupperware containers he could find that both had functioning lids when the front door opens and he almost drops everything right there in front of the stupid fountain.

If that’s Derek Hale, he’s definitely not a mountain man.

The Epic Love Story of Wolf and Twister by KeriArentikai [11k, E]

Stiles has a tiny adorable hyper puppy. Derek has an awesome huge Malamute mix. They both go to the dog park a lot.

So, obviously, Sterek ensues.

One life stand by Vendelin [84k, E]

Stiles is used to selling himself to make ends meet. But it’s getting harder to keep those ends meeting, and there’s only so much of Stiles to go around. Until a too-fancy car shows up in his neighborhood, and he meets Derek Hale.

All Derek wants is Stiles’s time, someone to stay on his arm for events and smile for the cameras. It’s the easiest job Stiles has ever had, the best-paying one he’s ever had, and he’s more than happy to sign up.

Derek is everything and nothing Stiles expects him to be, with his tailored suits, sharp mind and his quiet way of caring. But it’s just a job and Stiles never meant to fall in love.

only fools rush in by decideophobia [13k, T]

Is it an imaginary date?

No. I met him in a coffee shop.

When?

This morning. It was love on first sight.

Millstone by eleanor_lavish [31k, E]

Derek waits until the door is shut behind him before he turns around. He holds out his hand, plants his ‘if you’re not weird about it, I won’t be’ smile on his face and says, “Nice to meet you, Stiles. I’m Michael. What kind of a good time are you looking for tonight?”

In Other Words, Baby, Kiss Me by primroseshows [61k, E]

Stiles has simple goals in life. To successfully complete his secret radar project without getting fired, to get a cottage on the Moon, and to untangle his mess of feelings for Moon Station 3 deputy, Derek Hale. Heck, he’ll even settle for two of the three.

i have always been the storm by stilinskisparkles [25k, E]

“You’re all headed out to Oklahoma in a week.”

Derek snaps his head up, stares at him in horror, “No, boss.”

“Yes,” Finstock insists in a steely voice. “The NSSL have been on at us for a year about some decent exposure, and I think you’re just the team to do it.”

“I haven’t done weather since college,” Derek protests.

Boyd snorts again, presumably because he’s thinking back to the time when Derek and the weather last collided and he…. well, did the guy into the weather for a brief, wonderful, terribly foolish time. But, Boyd needs to shut up before Derek punches him on the nose.

Abominable by Revenant [20k, T]

Where Derek buys a secluded cabin halfway up a mountain, meets a yeti and falls in love with Stiles, but not necessarily in that order.

The Cintron Hall Situation by dragon_temeraire [3k, T]

Stiles is freezing and miserable in his dorm, so he decides to knock on his hot neighbor Derek’s door for help.

nothing ever promised tomorrow today by preromantics [11k, T]

Grocery shopping, waking up, lasagna, and parallel universes. / When Stiles jumps the last two stairs and turns into the kitchen he’s got his mouth halfway open around “Morning, Mom,” before his dad folds down his paper at the kitchen table to look at him.

In a Straight Line Down by standinginanicedress [40k, T]

“So you want to go to Prom with me just so you can get a plastic crown and a fifty dollar gift card to Outback Steakhouse.”

Stiles sets his jaw. He wants to go to prom with Derek because he wants to go to prom with Derek. But, of course, he’s stubborn and prideful and can’t admit to Derek how it’s barely been twelve hours since they officially broke up and he’s already barely handling it as it is, so he just raises his chin in the air and says, “yes.”

Our Puddle is Deceptively Deep by calrissian18 [10k, E]

They start out in a literal tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

In This World or the Next by Lissadiane [20k, T]

Derek wakes up to the smell of frying bacon and brewing coffee on an ordinary morning in his ordinary life, but he can’t help but shake the feeling that he’s forgotten something important. It probably has to do with the three wishes he’d been granted by the fae after saving the life of their fairy prince, and possibly also the sheriff’s missing son.

In which Derek Hale learns that sometimes being given what we want more than anything else has disastrous consequences.

The Socioeconomic Repercussions of Mutually Assured Destruction by alocalband [15k, E]

"The trouble with having the kind of brain that likes to write essays on male circumcision for an Economics class, is that it also likes to turn PowerPoint presentations for Biology into odes on the perfection of notorious bad boy Derek Hale’s backside.”

Five Times Derek and Stiles Kissed For Practice (And One Time They Didn’t) by mikkimouse [5k, T]

In which Derek and Stiles grow up together and practice kissing, roughly in that order.

Little Promises by crossroadswrite [2k, G]

Derek doesn’t really know what happened. He just knows there was a lady and she was pretty but she was also really mean and she was trying to hurt his friends.

“Holy fuck,” Erica mutters and is harshly shushed by Isaac.

“Don’t swear in front of the kid.”

“It’s not a kid,” Erica counters. “It’s just-“

“Derek?”

King of the Road by Stoney [30k, E]

Derek sees the guy–all long lines, furtive glances, hungry–leaning against the diner out in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, Derek’s hungry, too.

tide pulls from the moon by paintedrecs [45k, M]

hen Derek left Beacon Hills, finally ripping the tether free and remembering how to breathe, how to live again, it was Stiles who came after him. Stiles, who showed up at his door with blazing eyes, looking like he wanted to punch him in the face, but wrapping his arms around him instead, making him grunt in surprise at the raw strength of his embrace.

“You asshole,” Stiles said, slapping him heartily on the back as he extricated himself, his voice rough under his bright smile. “You couldn’t have made yourself harder to find, could you?”

The Summer of Snow Cones and Not-Dates by clarkoholic, skywardsmiles [38k, M]

Summer is really boring. Like, mind-numbingly boring. Except for the part where Stiles can’t figure out if Derek’s his boyfriend, or why every werewolf in town keeps approaching him in the bathroom.

Teenage Dream by matildajones [58k, M]

“I’m married. I’m married to Derek Hale,” Stiles says. Everything seems to hit him at once. He pushes aside the fact there’s a celebrity sitting right next to him, and then thinks of why the fuck he can’t remember him, why he doesn’t know who he’s married to, and how much time he must have lost.–After an accident, Stiles wakes up to what can only be a dream. He has money, he has fame, he has award winning actor Derek Hale as his husband. It quickly seems more and more like a nightmare because Stiles doesn’t remember getting any of it - and it’s hard to accept the reality that Derek can still love him.

You look like my next mistake by Vendelin [15k, T]

“So, are you dating someone new? Someone who doesn’t mind that you’re frigid?” Kate cocks her head to the side, smiling as though she just asked him about where he bought his shoes.

His entire body sighs in defeat as his shoulders grow square. Just as he opens his mouth, someone comes up to stand beside him, snaking an arm around his shoulders. When he glances to his side, expecting to see Isaac, his brain seems to malfunction. Because it isn’t Isaac. It’s Stiles Stilinski, the lacrosse talent of the year, a senior who Derek has seen multiple times from far away, but never ever talked to.

In which Derek is a nerd jock, and Stiles is a frat guy, and Derek falls for him even though he knows he shouldn’t.

A Problematic Loyalty by alocalband [4k, T]

The problem isn’t that Stiles is stubborn. The problem is that people keep hitting on him.

Not Quite Lost (Not Quite Found) by alocalband [25k, E]

A year after the nogitsune is defeated, Derek is living a quiet life in the mountains above a small town in Colorado.

Then Stiles shows up.

‘Till You Make It by standinginanicedress [46k, M]

“I’m saying – let’s fake it.”

Derek blinks at him. Hard. Stiles never knew that someone could physically make a blink look hard, but there Derek goes, slamming his lids together like he’s fucking exercising them. “Fake it.”

“Pretend, dumbass,” he backhands Derek lightly on his upper arm. “Pretend like we’re doing as well as our parents want us to and then they’ll be off our backs, right?”

“We don’t have to pretend anything, Stiles,” Derek says evenly, in a tone that suggests he’d much rather be yelling. “We’re literally soulmates.”

“That’s the beauty of it! It’s going to be so fucking easy. I can’t believe we never thought of this before,” he runs his hands through his hair and shakes his head in amazement, grinning from ear to ear. “Holy shit. I can’t believe I just solved all our problems for us, man.”

Kindred Spirits by Stoney [104k, E]

Stiles is the adopted son of the Sheriff, brought to Beacon Hills to hopefully stay for good. A family, a best friend, school, Jackson as Josie Pye (because who else could he be?) and the mystery of a dark haired, green-eyed boy which leads Stiles to discovering a secret within himself.

we’re catching bullets in our teeth (it’s hard to do but they’re so sweet) by prettyasadiagram [12k, M]

Stiles says he’s a Web Developer. Derek says he an Internal Auditor.

They’re both liars, but you can’t exactly tell your significant other that you kill people for a living, now can you?

Insane Chemistry (with Derek Hale) by theroguesgambit [13k, M]

Derek is the popular, varsity jock, prom king of the school, and Stiles is not going to be the cliche that ends up falling for him. (It’s not a cliche if no one else knows about it, right?)

Strut on a Line, its Discord and Rhyme by xiaq [61k, T]

“Carry me,” Stiles says.

“No.”

“But I’m injured.”

“You have a rash,” Derek says. “On your arm. Your feet work just fine.”

“Please?”

“No. You weigh almost as much as I do. And you ate a pound of chicken at lunch.”

"Well, yeah, but I pooped like an hour ago, so.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“Don’t play, you love me.”

I do, Derek thinks, relatively horrified. I really do.

But Then What… by Stoney [24k, E]

Senior year is almost over, and all Stiles needs to do is keep his head down to survive. A teacher calls in a favor, leaving him stuck tutoring Derek Hale, one of the most popular jocks in school and a member of a group of douchecanoes who have bullied Stiles for years. He’s someone Stiles totally hates. Totally. Like, doesn’t like him even a little bit. DEFINITELY isn’t attracted to him.

Except that is a total lie. Fuck his life, seriously.

The Great Pretender by talktowater [45k, E]

Stiles is the new kid at Beacon Hills High, class of 1958 and he’s trying to make an impression. Derek can’t figure out why this kid is so set on making such a bad one.

Here’s to the Static by matildajones [80k, T]

Stiles spends most of his college break in a coffee house where he stares after Derek Hale. For some reason, Stiles is unaware of the fact he’s quite the musician, and Derek amuses himself at Stiles’ obliviousness.

Cross a Canyon (with a broken limb) by theroguesgambit [18k, T

“You never graduated,” Stiles says, just to say it. To test it out in the open air. That’s… huh.

–

Stiles spends his senior year battling troll-gremlins, taking on an unexpected tutoring job, and definitely not falling for a certain sourwolf (even though everyone else seems to think he is).

The Rest Is Unwritten by mikkimouse [6k, T]

Once upon a time, the werewolf king and queen invited five fairies to the christening of their only son. The fairies bestowed the boy with gifts—beauty, grace, wit, and the most adorable teeth in all the land.

But before the fifth fairy could give her gift, a wicked fairy from the other Court arrived and cast a terrible curse on the baby prince. He would have a life full of tragedies, she declared, and die young, of a broken heart.

The king and queen were beside themselves with grief. It was very old, powerful magic, so there was little they could do to break it. However, the fifth fairy had yet to give her gift. The curse could not be broken, she told them, but it could be altered.

She bestowed upon the prince the gift of perseverance, so that he would never lose his will to live, even in the face of countless tragedies. And when he found the one who would stand by his side and face those tragedies with him without fail, that is when the curse would be broken. Because the fairy knew there was nothing in all the world more powerful than true love. Not even a wicked fairy’s curse.

Laying Groundwork by LunaCanisLupus_22 [10k, E]

His expression isn’t much to go by but the entire clubs howling gets louder at his appearance and Stiles literally pops a boner watching the guy’s big hands wrestle with the microphone stand.

Or the one where Scott and Stiles go clubbing and there’s this broody Bouncer out to get Stiles-

Or get into his pants. Thank God it’s the latter.

By a Law Divine by mirrorkill [23k, M]

Okay, so, kissing Stiles. That’s a weird thing that Derek’s doing now. He has no idea where it’s even coming from, especially considering bickering and fighting is their usual state of existence.And then he does find out where it’s coming from: A curse that’s making everyone in town kiss someone they have mutual feelings for. …yeah, Derek’s not even sure why he’s surprised by that.

Friends of Early Theory by Nanoochka [23k, E]

In which Derek is a gruff, struggling executive for his family’s sprawling, wealthy company in New York, and Stiles is his quirky, offbeat intern who brings him cold coffee each morning and wears stupid T-shirts to work and generally succeeds at being a thousand times more charming than Derek could ever hope to be. To the outside observer, their relationship is combative but fond, although in private Stiles and Derek have a great deal more secrets, anger, and painful history between them than Derek is prepared to acknowledge or reveal. In retrospect, that might be half of the problem.

The Way to My Heart (French Insults) by KuriKuri [10k, T]

Letting out a long sigh, Derek turns away and braces himself for the next hellish filming segment. After all, apparently he’s going to have to smile while greeting twenty-five contestants. Shit, what if they try to hug him? Or, god forbid, kiss –

He doesn’t get any further with that thought, because a limo pulls into the driveway. He braces himself for the worst. The worst, who… actually doesn’t look that horrifying.

“I’ve been dying to meet you!” she exclaims as she catches sight of him.

Then, she flings herself at him and ensnares him in a bone-crushing hug.

Scratch that – she’s completely horrifying. And Derek’s pretty sure he can hear errand boy what’s-his-face laughing in the distance.

(Or: In which Derek gets roped into being the 'eligible bachelor’ on a dating show and instead falls for one of the show’s interns.)

How I Met My Werebunny by Moku [19k, T]

“This is going to end in tears,” Scott told Derek while he watched the man easily lifting Stiles’ desk up with one hand and driving nails into the ceiling with the thumb of the other. “Probably mine.”

Or:

When a Stiles and a Failwolf love each other very much, they’ll engage in a prank war. Basically, it’s a mating ritual for dorks in love.

Wild Tonic by officerstilinskihale [11k, M]

Stiles nodded and smiled again, his teeth flashing brightly and he signed something again, before looking frustrated with himself.

“You’re welcome,” Derek told him, feeling a wave of relief when Stiles’ face brightened. That would’ve been awkward if Stiles hadn’t been trying to say thank you.

“I had a really good time, so yeah. I’m glad you came with me,” he said, feeling his face grow hot. Derek wasn’t usually like this. He wasn’t confident. Sure, he had the looks and he could flirt shamelessly when he got hit on, but he always got shy around the people he genuinely liked, not that there was too many of those.

But Stiles didn’t let him dwell on that. He gripped Derek’s arm, grinned cheekily and pointed at himself before lifting two fingers. It took a while for Derek to get it but when he did, he couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face.

Me too.

Practice Makes Perfect by blacktofade [21k, E]

In his sophomore year, Stiles gets dragged to lacrosse tryouts by Scott and ends up practising alongside the senior captain, Derek Hale. Stiles just wants to live long enough to become a junior.

Feline Persuasion by rensahannou (asmalltigercat) [15k, T]

Derek doesn’t need to worry about the cat living under the porch at his family’s old house, it’s just—Derek’s just used to worrying about things.

Hot Single Dad Derek Hale by WhoNatural [13k, E]

Wherein Derek is a Hot Single Dad, possibly with a little case of martyrdom, and Stiles is the newest client at his publishing house who really just wants to make him happy. Preferably while they’re both naked.

He doesn’t get to talk to Stiles a whole lot - and it’s fine, it’s professional and polite, but there is a little something that lights up in him when he thinks about him, sees him. Derek’s life has been mostly about preschool and Big Hero 6 and extra-curricular activities for so long now that it’s a shock to the system when he finds himself pre-occupied with something so… adult.And there are many, many adult things on his mind where Stiles is concerned.

I Call You Names Because I Love You by Rawren (Zimothy) [13k, M]

Years of touring with Stiles would never have prepared Derek for the day his beloved techie fell in love with someone else.

Maybe Someday (I’ll Be Home For Next Year) by ofherlionheart [16k, T]

AKA, the Grandma Stilinski fic. Derek Hale meets a Mabel Stilinski while living in New York. He learns that she has a grandson. There are miscommunications, scarves, stealth-matchmaking plans, and cookies. Many, many cookies.

my wings a hurricane by kellifer_fic [20k, T]

Stiles had been like any other kid growing up in the era of dragons. He’d watched the cartoons, the news stories, had the lunch box. When his screening at Beacon Hills High had come up negative, he’d been disappointed but unsurprised. His positive results were returned three years too late for it to be in any way convenient or cool.Or, the one where they ride dragons.

Thrill (like white-hot wire) by raisesomehale [4k, M]

Stiles made the decision that Derek was his new best friend (and that he’ll one day marry him) the day he shared his dinosaur chicken nuggets with him.

The Newlywed Game by Captain_Loki [19k, M]

Stiles is (still) single when the pack’s getaway to the Caribbean comes by (oh misplaced optimism); lucky for him Derek is committed to being uncommitted and even after all these years is still powerless against Stiles’ unique forms of persuasion.

Cue a romantic getaway for two: sun, sand, and sarcasm abound…and the two roped into competing in the Resort’s version of the Newlywed game. Only it’s completely obvious it’s going to end in disaster. Probably homicide.

Most probably homicide.

Plot twist: It doesn’t.

[Sleep]Walking After You by relenafanel [59k, M]

Derek is a sleepwalker who keeps wandering into his downstairs neighbour’s bedroom.

Stiles is pretty sure the hot guy from the park is going to kill him in his sleep. He knows he shouldn’t have been so obvious about objectifying the guy’s really fine ass.

Too bad it turns out Derek is easier to get along with when he’s sleeping.

[ithisatanytime]

   You know it has to be said, i reached out to skye because i felt like i was losing my mind, but not in the “im so stressed out” kind of way, because i literally lost my fucking mind for three months, bouts of complete psychosis, mania, absolutely lost touch with reality. it was the scariest most surreal experience of my life, and i have nothing to compare it to, and i cant even really talk about it because no one really has a frame of reference for this kind of shit, not even me. she was the only one who called back, i reached out to a lot of people, and nothing. even though we hadnt spoken for ten years, and back then the kind of shit we were putting each other through is just unbelievable, a lot of regret and resentment on both sides, yet she called me back.

  there is something special about her, i cant believe this fucking happened. i wish either we just didnt get the chance to talk that day, when i was losing my goddamn mind, or i wish i would have just stayed in the dream. what the fuck is the point of waking up from that nightmare the day after we stop talking again? just in time to deal with the shame and regret of what i said to her, luckily i dont remember most of it, i could go back and read the texts but man i cant even stomach it.

  it wasnt all the phenibut. my estrogen being out of control for a good four months or so played a part, but i have always struggled with anger issues. i definitely learned to manage it better in my mid twenties, to the point that i only really lost my temper a handful of times, when i was dating laura and that was pretty much it, but even that shocked me and filled me with shame. again though, a few incidents over the course of a decade is definitely progress. but the phenibut rage is its own fucking animal, maybe estrogen rage or a combo of the two i just dont know. i woke up furious, i was shouting from my room, they could hear me, all i could do was keep myself in my room but i was yelling so loud they could hear me for sure. they basically cleared out of the house. i was yelling at everyone, my grandpa even for god sake, he doesnt live with us, but i love my grandpa with all my heart, again caroline polachek from chairlift, etc.

 i very briefly got a hold of myself, i think because skye had texted me or something, i quickly left my room to try to make ammends, i told my sister i hope she didnt hear any of what i was saying, i started to explain that it was just the phenibut withdrawal and she stopped me saying she knew, she had read quite extensively about it. early on in this thing, when i realized suddenly i was physically dependent on phenibut, just how much phenibut i was on, and what that meant for me, i was destroyed. my sister was the only person i could confide in, and she could see how scared i was. i knew that my behavior was about to become erratic to say the least, that our living situation wasnt well suited for what was going to happen, that it would make me feel crazy, make everyone think i was crazy, make us hate each other. frankly i was certain i wasnt going to make it this time, i had gotten myself in over my head. i also knew my behavior would make it nearly impossible for my family not to go to the system for help, but i knew from my own research that the system really cant help with high gram per day phenibut dependence. the end result would almost certainly be a medically induced coma, and intubation, the outcome of which we all knew from my mothers experience being put into a medically induced coma and contracting pneumococcal pneumonia was not a very good option. so she just read and read and read, because she loves me. my mom on the other hand shouted from the other room “is he being dangerous?” to which my sister responded “NO!”  she said “im calling the cops” and suddenly the rage started coming back again. it was literally like static electricity crackling along my back and arms, all my hair stood on end, the hair on my head, the hair on my arms and legs, like a cat i guess. i told her to call them and id be ready for them when they got here, she picked up the phone and started dailing, i watched her, and then she put it down.

 it was at this point that skye called me. i dont remember what exactly sparked it, to be honest, i think that phone conversation was pretty tame except for my energy.i remember shouting that i needed a cigarette in a demonic sounding voice before hanging up on her, i briefly remember asking her “what do i have?” because since that dude killed himself, and she was married in florida, the last ten years of my life have been a joke pretty much. and then i just destroyed my room, i needed to destroy something, i prayed literally for something to destroy, and i remembered that dresser i got from the super market and just started punching it, which was awesome because it was rigid plastic so it exploded into shards, very satisfying. i punched it into a million pieces. i threw the pieces, then proceeded to punch every framed piece of “art” in my room, chuck stuff around, basically throw a tantrum. i was not really myself here, i dont do this. ive literally only ever destroyed one thing in a fit of rage, and it was a portable cd player when i was like 13 and i regretted it immediately. i proceeded to text vile things to skye, the sweetest person ive ever known, eventually i fell asleep. when i woke up literally surrounded by debris, i still needed a cigarette and proceeded to just pick up where i left off, just kicking debris off my bed, throwing shit, its like i had fucking rabies. but i managed to roll a cigarette finally and that calmed me down IMMENSELY.

 the next day, i took my usual dose of phenibut in order to continue tapering, i forget where we were at, but we started at thirty grams per day, which is fucking absurd, i cant find another example of anyone using that much phenibut for that long, but we got quite low. the dose hit me very weird, and i got “stuck on my bed” where i was standing on my matress, without any sense or consciousness i guess, for around seven hours. the clock on my laptop froze at 1:19 AM when i picked it up with one hand and crunched something internally, and when i came to my senses still standing on the bed, the birds were chirping and the sun was up. from that day, i couldnt really feel the phenibut at all anymore. no more cartoon vision, no more rage, no more waking up like a scared child, unable to recognize my own room or remember anything about my life. just nothing. this also correlated with the time my aromatase inhibitors arrived finally so my estrogen was being brought back into check. it was like waking up finally from a dream. to be honest, i despise it.  i dont care about the shame, the regret, the people i hurt. if me and skye arent talking anymore, and the only time we talked in ten years was when i was at my absolute lowest and meanest, fuck it. i want back in the dream, or in the ground. i just cant handle that.

[snufflesmajor]

TAGGED BY: @scvedbylove TAGGING:    @mestoselenophobia @thatmudblood @the-defected-one @miss-marlene-mckinnon @prongsboy @pettigrown i’m sorry i always tag the same people but i just don’t know who to tag lmao. hold on, i’ll have a looksee in my notifs and im’s... @achaserbutakeeper @extremelyxshabby @chasingxprongs OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY IM’S I JUST HAVEN’T RESPONDED TO I’M SO SORRY i’m so bad at this jfc lisTEN I WILL TRY. probably, god. lbr i’ll probably forget BUT I’LL TRY NOT TO jusT

if u can’t get me but u want me ask for my discord or smth and WHEN I SEE THAT REQUEST i will give it to u. good lord, sorry my dudes.

RULES: answer the questions in a new post and tag some blogs you wanna get to know better!

A - age: 27... for a bit longer. Look, listen--listen. The ‘late twenties’ are a lie. It’s a myth perpetuated by the media. I am in my mid-twenties, and will be until I am... not any longer. )8< B - birthplace: sydney, australia C - current time: 19:17 D - drink you had last: iced coffee E - easiest person to talk to: tbh these days it’s probably @mestoselenophobia lmao, but yall on discord seem to know i have zero filter sO.  F - favorite song: i don’t have one BUT HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS?! LINKLINKLINK G - grossest memory: pls no. look, i have lived a long life and i have Seen Some Shit and no one wants any of those stories. they will haunt ur nightmares. H - horror yes or horror no: reading about it? yes. watching it? only if i am sick. if i’m sick, obviously no one has it as bad off as i do? so that’s the only time i can watch horror movies. though i do really like the concept? that sounds so odd but i have Thoughts ok I - in love? with myself ; )))))) also sirius ; ))) not really sirius at all, that’s gay. or myself, that’s gayer. BUT, okay you know that Cliche Question about cloning? Would you, wouldn’t you? i’ve thought about this and i think both the clone and i would say yes but just get into an argument instead? what even is romantic love anyway, i have no idea. i like to think of it as being Electric Love, or that song by The Academy Is... that i can’t remember rn but??? we just don’t know. sounds hella gay though. J - jealous of people: nah. that sounds fake but?? the only one with my skillset and level of skill is me, so it’d be rather pointless to be jealous of someone else, no? but i get suuuuper competitive with myself? i’m constantly mocking past versions of myself. it’s fantastic and not at all something i should seek therapy for. K - killed someone: yes, but--okay not physically and not literally but i’ve been told i’ve killed people. as a compliment. or, well, i take it as a compliment and everything is a compliment if you’re conceited enough. or even if you aren’t! “you’re the worst,” well that makes me the best in my field, doesn’t it? “you look like crap today,” thanks! you noticed me! u just have 2 believe and everything is good. L - love at first sight or should i walk back by again? i am 90% sure i’ve said this to someone at work sometime in the last year. M - middle name: i tell no one my security question sry N - number of siblings: 3. well, 4, but it’s a bit of an explanation. actually, there might be five? listen, family is complicated, okay? O - one wish: tell me what i want out of life, what i enjoy, and what my passion is. or; tell me what my hearts desire is. i haven’t the faintest idea what any of the answers to these are. P - person you called last: i think it was a doctor’s surgery. Q - question you’re always asked: “why aren’t you studying something?” aaaahaaaaaahaha R - reason to smile: so you get the nice sort of wrinkles, the ones that make people trust you, rather than the grumpy set. S - song you sang last: oh fuck, uhhh, this i think? T - top 3 fictional characters: you can’t make me choose. U - underwear color: something with dots? i’m fairly certain dots are involved. V - vacation: BOOM. KNEW I MISSED ONE. i’ve never been on vacation but i wouldn’t mind hanging out in a hotel room somewhere. that seems charming. W - when’s your birthday: october 18th X - x-rays: no thank you, but i appreciate the offer. Z - zodiac sign: libra

[justanothercinemaniac]

Epic Movie (Re)Watch #149 - The Bounty Hunter

Spoilers below.

Have I seen it before: Yes

Did I like it then: Yes, but I didn’t have the best taste in movies then.

Do I remember it: The basic plot, yes. The details, not really.

Did I see it in theaters: Yes.

Was it a movie I saw since August 22nd, 2009: Yes. #32.

Format: Blu-ray

1) Okay, try too hard not to judge me for not only having seen this film but owning it. Yes, I know it got scathed by critics. Yes, I know it was nominated for Worst Picture, Worst Actress, Worst Actor, and Worst Screen Couple at the Razzies that year. But this isn’t even close to the worst film I’ve seen in theaters (I think either Furry Vengeance or Transformers: Age of Extinction takes that spot), and it’s not even the worst movie I own (I own Valiant, Underdog, and Batman & Robin). And you know what, the last time I saw this film (between six and seven years ago) I do remember liking it. We all have our weaknesses.

2) I have always enjoyed the music for this film. It’s hardly Hans Zimmer, but I like George Fenton’s work on Groundhog Day and after seeing this movie in 2010 I bought the three main themes it had (“Italia/Milo’s Theme”, “Nicole’s Theme”, and “What We Had”) and listen to them a lot in April (I listen to music based on month; I’m weird). I get a little nostalgic when I hear them used in the film.

3) Okay, from the very first scene of the film I’m starting to see how maybe I was a little off in judging this movie when I was younger. Because as Nicole gets out of the trunk of Milo’s car and runs away, only for Milo to tackle her, I’m just sitting there thinking, “Am I supposed to laugh?”

4) Gerard Butler as Milo.

I like Gerard Butler. I really do. I like him in Olympus Has Fallen, I like him in How to Train Your Dragon, I even like him in The Phantom of the Opera. I do however, think he’s miscast here. Gerard Butler is not exactly known for his charisma when it comes as a COMEDY actor. An action hero? Sure! The lead in a supposedly romantic comedy? He comes off as a little more rough and abrasive than maybe the audience would like. I think the best way to illustrate this is if you picture someone like early-to-mid-200s Will Smith in the role. Robert Downey Jr, James McAvoy, even Jude Law. I don’t really think Gerard Butler’s performance in the film deserves a Razzie nomination, personally, but I do think his tough guy charisma doesn’t really work in what is meant to be a rom-com.

5) Jennifer Aniston as Nicole.

She’s playing Jennifer Aniston. She’s playing it like she plays all her roles. Which isn’t necessarily bad (and not worth a Razzie nomination), there’s nothing lazy or half baked in her performance in the slightest. She does commit. But she plays it like she’s playing Rachel Green or Katherine from Just Go With It and sometimes that performance is interesting to watch and fun. But I think because she has a little less to work with in this film in terms of interesting script and such, it just is what it is here. I hope some of that made sense.

6) Jason Sudeikis is in this film, and honestly he adds a nice bright spot. Yes his character is creepy and borders on stalking, but Sudeikis is a great comedian and his ability to commit to the role and the oddity of Stewart as a character elevates the film (and the scenes he’s in) just a bit. Also he’s got nice chemistry with Anniston, as seen in their later film We’re the Millers. Again, nothing against Gerard Butler, but now that it’s seven years down the road and we’ve seen more from Sudeikis as a film actor I’m curious as to how this movie would have turned out with him as Milo. 

7) Is anyone else weirded out by the fact that Christine Baranski is playing Jennifer Aniston’s mother? She’s only twelve years older than her and looks even younger than that. I don’t know, now that I know who Baranski is it throws me off a bit more.

8) This lawyer is super unprofessional, and he’s not funny enough about it for me to be okay with it.

Nicole’s Lawyer [leaving her a voice message]: “I hate being your lawyer and you’re killing me.”

9) Like Sudeikis, Jeff Garlin as Milo’s boss/friend is a nice bright spot in the film. There’s not that much of him and he’s definitely tailored to Garlin’s style of comedy, but the latter means he got me to actually laugh later in this film.

10) This film’s attempt at including a mystery subplot never felt right to me. It feels out of place almost, just a contrived way to get Milo and Nicole interacting. That could be because it is wildly underdeveloped, with more focus being put on the childish antics of the exes than the mystery. This means when the film does attempt to be a mystery film or an action film, it kinda fails spectacularly.

11) Dude, I don’t care if your a bounty hunter...

That is aggressive and creepy and scary that you’re pointing your gun at a harmless idiot. Like come on man, that’s not funny. That’s uncomfortable. Geez, this could be a horror movie depending on how you played it.

12) You have so many potential interesting relationships to explore in this film:

Milo and his friend Bobby

Nicole and her friend Bobby (same Bobby)

Milo’s familiarity with his ex-mother in law

But nothing happens there. The film just tries to develop the Milo/Nicole relationship, which is probably a smart move if it weren’t for what I’m going to say next...

13) There isn’t really any chemistry between Aniston and Butler. Of any kind. Not when they’re bickering, not when they’re attacking each other, not when they’re all lovey dovey, they just don’t feel like they’re together.

Maybe I have too high standards after seeing such chemistry as Andrew Garfield/Emma Stone in The Amazing Spider-Man, Krysten Ritter/Mike Colter in “Jessica Jones”, or any other movie where the couples actually have chemistry, but whatever merits these actor shave on their own they do NOT mix together. At all. In a movie where the focus is on the relationship between Milo and Nicole, you should at least find a couple with better chemistry. And not even necessarily oozing chemistry. This isn’t Titanic. But again I point to We’re the Millers, which had Aniston playing off of Sudeikis in a fun and interesting way. THAT chemistry would have been good. But this just falls totally flat for me.

14) The film is able to juice some nice humor and fun out of just how much Milo is enjoying messing with Nicole. The antics they have with each other actually make the film interesting to watch, until about thirty-four minutes in when it’s gone on too long and their relationship needs to develop. But up until that thirty-four minute mark (when it gets boring, honestly) it’s pretty good.

15) There is nice potential writing there between the relationship with Milo and Nicole, I just wish the chemistry would reflect it.

Milo [after hearing Nicole crying on the phone, after reminding her that they used to be married/in love]: “That means I know when you’re crying for real and when you’re faking it!”

16) I literally have no memory of the subplot involving Milo’s gambling debt. And that may be because it doesn’t really hold any weight in the film? The only way it actually effects Milo is when they kidnap Nicole, but he rescues her SO easily. And then it’s never resolved by the film’s end. It does lead to some actually funny scenes (or scene) with Jason Sudeikis, but honestly the movie is too long (it’s an hour and fifty minutes) and this could probably have been cut.

17) So Milo could take Nicole to jail for five thousand dollars but she convinces him to go and gamble with five hundred dollars by challenging his masculinity, even agreeing to let her go if he wins ten thousand dollars in there...

And while he’s in there he tells Nicole this:

Milo: “Why would I try to win five thousand if I’m getting that by bringing you in? That doesn’t make any sense.”

None of this makes any sense!

18) So Nicole escapes from Milo after tazoring him (not as interesting as it sounds) and gets in this bike pulled cart in Atlantic City for escape. And then...

Nicole [after realizing Milo has her money]: “I don’t know how I’m going to pay you.”

17-Year-Old-Kid [after glancing back at her briefly]: “You could who me your boobs.”

That’s just...so weird...and so random...and not that funny...I’m just...I’m going to move on...

19) There are a number of songs which are put under the action of the film and really they’re just there to be there. They serve no purpose. They don’t tie into the story. They don’t improve the pacing. There’s not a montage going on. Their existence literally serves no purpose for the film. They simply exist.

20) Again, there is some nice potential between Milo & Nicole in the way they’re written. Their relationship could be really interesting. It’s just...the chemistry...

Milo [after Nicole starts crying]: “Shit, that’s real.”

Milo had been an incredible jerk up to this point but as soon as Nicole is really hurt he stops. He goes to her. He tries to make it right. He likes to mess with her, to annoy her, he does NOT like to hurt her. That’s something I like.

21) The scene where Milo and Nicole are trying to sneak into the country club just falls totally flat for me. Again, the film is a bit too long, so did we really need five minutes of them trying to awkwardly lie their way into a country club?

22) Also, fuck the writers for this line.

Nicole [lying into the country club]: “I’m actually a former model.”

Woman at the Check In Desk: “Really? How long ago was that?”

Dude, Jennifer Aniston is fucking gorgeous. So what is if she’s not some twenty year old who looks like they belong on the cover of a magazine. THE GIRLS ON THE MAGAZINE COVERS DON’T LOOK LIKE THE GIRLS ON THE MAGAZINE COVERS! So don’t try and tell me Jennifer Aniston is too old or something. Fuck that shit.

23) When Milo and Nicole feels that they need to get off the road, this is Nicole’s reaction after she sees that Milo is taking them to the cabin where they had their honeymoon...

Nicole: “Really, here?”

Same sister. Same.

This is such a contrived and inorganic way to get them back together. The dinner scene at the cabin is actually a nice moment between the two, but that moment does not feel earned. There were no nice moments before building up to this, just bickering and fighting and then we plop down and, “Hey, I remember why I like you!” I like that attempt at honest but it just doesn’t work. At all. Especially with lines like this.

Milo [after Nicole says he doesn’t even like her]: “Are you kidding? I’ll always like you.”

So one night of nostalgia fixes all the shit that’s been happening? Even when they’re failing to communicate (as seen by them relating two very different versions of the dinner to their friends/family over the phone). I don’t WANT them to get back together. They have no chemistry, they just mess with each other (and not in a cute/funny way), they don’t communicate well. Just stop! Stop!

24) The first time I laughed out loud during this whole movie:

Jeff Garlin (yes, I’m calling him Jeff Garlin) [after he hears Milo turns on some sexy music, ready to seduce Nicole]: “Okay, you’re thinking with your dick! How many times I tell you NO DICK THINKING!”

25) So Nicole here’s Milo telling Jeff Garlin he’s just getting laid, not that he’s sweet for her again, and she gets offended but doesn’t tell him why so instead of them getting together they sleep like this:

And then Milo wakes up and Jennifer Aniston had handcuffed him to the bed, and I’m just like...you’re still taking her to jail. Why didn’t you handcuff her?

26) And then of course because the writers can’t think of any better way to do this, Nicole flirts her way and uses her body to get into a sketch tattoo parlor. There were so many other ways they could’ve done that but no. They objectified her.

27) And then when Nicole is IN the villainous Earl’s office there is literally zero tension. What so ever. No stress, no stakes, it just is.

28) I’m so confused.

One of the Goons Collecting Milo’s Debt [holding Nicole at gunpoint]: “You’re hair shimmers like sunlight on the ocean.”

There has literally been no poetic side to this character before. This is not an established trait, this is a random and creepy comment.

29) Okay, the fact that Nicole’s reason for arrest was that she grazed the side of a police horse makes me laugh. The moment in the car between her and Milo where she shares that story is actually one of their best moments together in the whole film. Too bad it didn’t carry through the rest of it.

30) So how did a “romantic comedy” end up having it’s climax try to be an action film, where the broken up/together couple of Milo and Nicole take down a crooked cop from stealing a shit ton of drugs?

31) I like that Milo does end up taking Nicole to jail, I like that he wants to get arrested so he can spend more time with her, I do NOT like that he punches an asshole cop to do it.

Like, they come down hard on assaulting an officer. That’s not some cute and funny thing that happened. Didn’t you see Good Will Hunting? You don’t get to hit a cop (no matter how much of a douche he is) and get to walk away scot free. Come on Milo...

If you’re a person who think The Bounty Hunter is a good film, awesome! I respect your opinion! I just don’t. I attach some nostalgia factor to it so I kinda enjoy it too, I just think it’s a very bad film. It was perfect for what I needed. I don’t care about the action or the characters at all so I was able to relax during it, but it also wasn’t so mind-numbingly stupid that it hurt to watch. There are nice moments. Sure, Butler and Aniston have no chemistry and the performances they give aren’t exactly their best. Sure, the action sucks. Sure, some of the plot doesn’t make sense. Sure, it’s way too long. But hey, it’s got Jason Sudeikis! And Jeff Garlin! Look honestly you shouldn’t watch this movie UNLESS you’re looking for something dumb and stupid to distract you from stress or something (although there are better dumb and stupid movies out there).

[thesinglesjukebox]

DRAKE - TOOSIE SLIDE

[2.67]

A meme-based, quick-spreading social media smash for which we really need a new metaphor.

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Since this site's inception, we have covered Drake 71 times. Every 51 days, give or take, an average of 8.8 of our writers sit down and review a Drake single. What's the point of it anymore? We're a decade-plus into both his career and this website, and while the highs were thrilling, especially the "Trophies"-"Worst Behavior"-"Hold On, We're Going Home" run from 2013-2014, those days are long past. We have entered the long nadir of Fucking Drake. "Toosie Slide" breaks through the monotony by being worse. It's imperially bad Drake, tyrannical mush that has consumed the pop attention economy. It's the kind of dance track that only works in an environment where people are legally barred from going out to dance, a rhythm-less, formless song that idles in sub-0PN synth work while Drake mutters some drafts about shooting dudes. He references Michael Jackson, but every one of Jackson's hits felt burdened with extraordinary effort. Drake, instead, managed to make something out of nothing for so long that he can no longer tell when he's making nothing out of nothing [0]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: Shamelessly Trying to Go Viral Drake + Sad Boy Toxic Masculinity Drake = the Cha-Cha Slide on Xanax. [2]

Thomas Inskeep: aka the Electric Slide for the TikTok generation. Only with Drake going on over top of it in his emo sadboy fashion, of course. [4]

Tobi Tella: The aforementioned slide must be a slide away from dignity or artistic ambition. I joke, but this has to be the least effort he's put into anything in a while -- and this is the man who released Scorpion. It's almost at Bieber levels of thirst for virality, angling obviously to be a TikTok dance when the best of those come somewhat organically from bored teenagers. The song isn't even fun! It's a mid-tempo with no sense of life or energy, where Drake calls out dance moves like he's on Ambien. The rest of the song is filled with throwaway lines of his signature call to arms for basic girls and douchebags (I'm sure SOMEONE has captioned an Instagram post "I could dance like Michael Jackson"). And despite all of this, it's a hit, because of course it is. [1]

David Moore: Why submit to this depressive Stockholm Syndrome-dependent excuse for a line dance when the Ciara remix of "The Git Up" is sitting right there in mint condition, still in its original packaging? [2]

Alfred Soto: The Auto-tuned falsetto bit aside, "Toosie Slide" compresses Aubrey Graham's lack of affect into four bloodless minutes. Most people dance alone to a better rhythm. [4]

Alex Clifton: Drake made his own TikTok music video with the most boring dance in the world. "Toosie Slide" is pretty bland just as a song, but the dance itself is foot up, slide, foot up, slide, and that's it. It's designed to go viral because the dance is so easy that you don't have to be Charli D'Amelio to learn these moves. At least the "In My Feelings" challenge was interesting -- I get that we're all social distancing, so dancing outside cars is not the best move currently. But Drake is meant to be an entertainer. Entertain us, then. [4]

Katie Gill: 1. Who was breaking quarantine to film those damn outside shots? Get yo ass indoors. 2. Does a song going viral on TikTok really count if it's designed from the ground up to go viral on TikTok? 3. Does it even count as going viral when previous viral TikTok dances are these beautiful, intricate things and yet "Toosie Slide" is so basic that even the "Cha Cha Slide" has more complexity? This feels like something that was quickly pushed out to be timely it, the way that every single podcast you listen to quickly pushed out a COVID-19 themed episode in the past few weeks. Look, kids, Drake's self-isolating! Isn't that trendy? [4]

Katherine St Asaph: A thought almost as harrowing as "what would you have done during the Great Depression": what did you do, past tense, during the Roaring Twenties, which in this century were the Roaring Tens? How did you spend it? Would you have spent it with more roar? Nobody ever thinks they're thinking this will never end. Lately I can't stop listening to 2010s dance-pop -- the more viscerally nostalgic the better, the more love in this club seconds away, the more desperate Blackout death drive. It is a fleeting substitute for a unattainable rush, because now you and I are furloughed from rush, new career in global anhedonia cosplay (unless, of course, it wasn't cosplay for you). Not even Drake is immune. Probably I'm not the only one who recalls the 2010s as Drake's decade: soundtracking all yesterday's parties, making every year's memes, being appointed by millions as the liver of their vicarious best life. He defined the decade, which is to say he's a relic. What could a Drake song even be right now? An energy drain, Drake likening himself to Michael Jackson as if he hadn't already one-upped himself by sampling the man; bringing back YOLO as if these were remotely YOLO times; answering the chorus "don't you want to dance with me?" with "no"; dictating steps for a TikTok dance that already seems played-out, while pacing through his palatial Masque of the Red Death quarantine palace. He sounds as defeated as the rest of us. (A Billboard headline: "Drake's 'Toosie Slide' Turned Into a Springtime Pop Anthem." Springtime? Anthems? Did they lay off everyone who experiences real life?) It must sting Drake that his former protege Abel Tesfaye has outdone him once again, if not on the charts anymore then in the mood. The city is cold and empty. Another month of this and we'll all be turned on by just a touch. And we'll be on our own for long enough, sliding right foot, left foot into limbo. [3]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[justaguynamedbruce-blog]

Blink Blink

So yeah. I'm just a guy named Bruce. Yesterday I was in my early twenties, just got out of the Army, and by last night my mid thirties and this morning when I woke up I was 41. It's 8:37 p.m. on Nov. 6th, 2017 and I'm now 46. Holy F!@#$ S$#@. What the hell happened?

One minute I'm bumping chairs at a ski resort in Utah for a living, and living for the next powder turn and suddenly I'm holding my newborn son for the first time in Northern Cali. I traded my beloved drugs in for a baby? Really? Me? How the hell did this happen?

Blink.

Blink Blink. What's for lunch. Blink

I'm standing in line at some fast food restaurant and 2 strange kids are calling me Dad and they seem to be with a pretty milf who seems to think we know each other. Who is this? Why is her butt so big? Surely this isn't my wife is it? She's kinda milfy and all but a minute ago I was lovin' and leavin' the hottest strippers in town. This just isn't my style. Is it? Whoa, and she's pregnant?

Blink.

I walked out to my... WTF? A beige minivan? Where the hell is my badass racecar? Those kids and that lady all got in too along with my son who was no longer even slightly interested in me. He was enamored with the older boy and fighting with the younger girl that got into the car, er, minivan with us. Blink. And just how exactly did he go from a 3 year old to a 10 year old between breakfast and lunch I will never know.

Blink. Blink.

I took the left hard as if I'd done it before and hit the speed bumps as if they weren't there and pulled into the driveway of a big 2 story house within an upper middle class golf course community. WTF? I feel the bulge of something in my front pocket so I reach in and pull out a wad of money. I'm rich? Me? Really?  Where the hell was I when all this was taking place? Blink Blink.

What do I do for work these days? Blink. Oh shit, speaking of which, my phone is full of messages I have to deal with asap.

Blink.

I open the door and tell the lady, "I'm going to work, I'm freaking swamped!" She kisses me on the cheek and says "Me too...." She said a bunch of other things too but I wasn't paying attention. I headed straight for my desk, sat down and started making calls. I work from home? No WAY!! COOL!! Blink. I look over at my wife and she's sitting at a desk and on the phone too. Wait a minute. We BOTH work from home?

Blkink Blink. Blink. As I got off what seemed like the longest phone call of my life I'm brought back to reality by the incessant crying o a baby. That baby! The one halfway between me and the wife. Somehow I had my guitar strapped on and the lady, I mean my wife was looking pissed off. Oh shit. I got up and tried to calm the baby. only to be told that I was doing it wrong. Blink. In fact it seemed I was doing everything wrong. I felt miserable. The wife looked miserable and the kids were all alone in their own rooms plugged in to their various devices. "I gotta get out of here, I'm going to band practice, see ya."

Bye. Be safe.  Blink.

I will. I love you.

Good, at least I was still in a band. I need a good drink and a better jam tonight. Blink.

I hear the words of wisdom escaping my lips as I lecture a young man, maybe 19, about the folly of doing hard drugs, as I pound the last shot before barf time. My ritual. Drink until I barf every friday before resigning to another week of that crazy as fuck work from home right next to your wife the stranger and your baby. Brutal. Blink

It's next week and that young man has that pipe up to his lips. I think about lecturing him again, think twice and instead say "Lemme see that shit."

Suddenly this music flowing from my hands, whoa! I'm shreddin'! I get home, feeling sober and alert. Hyper alert. I write a couple of new songs, play with the kids and the dogs and go to bed wide awake and ready to make love to the wife. I can go all night!!

Blink.

The thing about circling the drain is that the ride is fun...Until you realize what's at the end of the ride. The drain part. Yikes.

Blink.

It's my wifes birthday, a little after midnight and I'm holding a knife and sneaking onto her driveway. I slash all 4 tires of her new boyfriends car and felt 100% justified and RIGHT in doing so.I may have turned the party up but I never cheated. Blink blink.

I'm out to dinner now with a hot little 25 year old , 18 years younger than me when some dude comes in and serves me. Restraining orders? Divorce?Supervised visitation? WTF? People must die. This isn't going to work.

Blink Blink. Courtrooms, judges, mediators, counselors.The earth is flat, My girlfriend shoots me when I kick her out for cheating on me. Pretty much everyone hates me and if they don't it's only because they haven't spent enough time with the wife to  convince them I'm satan.

Blink Blink. I'm asking strangers for cash at a gas station, even trying to sell a guitar. I'm only about 40 miles away from the rehab center. I can make it with less than $5 gas.

Blink. Suddenly I'm in the room telling all of these sober people how I was gonna clean up, go jhome and get my wife back. 100% certain this was true. Blink.

I'm home now for a couple months and today is moving day. Moving back in with the wife. What a miracle!

Blink. This is my house she says. I like it here." Okay I said, but we need a neutral home where I can be comfortable too. " No. She says. Not going to happen. Blink.Blink. A year of sobriety. You know what? I think I should celebrate!

The glass pipe hits my lips. Hello old friend! The songs, the sex, the music the...Getting caught red handed. The yelling. The screaming. The lying. The hardening. The arguing. The justifying. The ignoring. The dying. The defeat. Blink. Moving day. Blink. Fired again. Blink. Fired again. Blink. Blink Blink blinkblibnkblinkvblinkblink. Rent was due 6 days ago. I have nothing. I have started a business from a welfare check and it's just a matter of time before. ...Blink Blink. Blink.

Fuck. Tomorrow I'll be 62. If I'm lucky. Blink. WTF.

Blink.

[coloredgayngels]

1-8, 10, 13-17, 19-29, 31-43, 45-63, 65-85, 87-147, 149.

@nonrelativistic​ said: ALL THE NUMBERS YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY SNWERED MWAHAHAHAJA

i hate u so much

Everything under the cut bc this is gonna be long and you guys are gonna know so much more about me than you probably ever wanted to.

Ask sent on August 4, 2015; Finished answering 42-150 on March 5, 2017. Bolded portion of answers 1-41 is the current answer.

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

I think it was my friend Madison idk Lexy probably

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

I’m relatively outgoing I guess, just introverted. Ambiverted, so it depends on the situation and what I’m doing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

School starts on Wednesday so I’m looking forward to seeing Selena, Eric, Liam, sparklebattle​, and vivid-living-color​. We got tech tomorrow, so Lexy, Allison, Brittany, and a few others

4. Are you easy to get along with?

I dunno really. Kinda? Depends on if I like you or not.

5.  If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

Of course. They’ve said they would before. Most definitely

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

Nerdy and cute, similar to myself, preferably a girl, really nice but not afraid to speak her mind. Always ready to hit a dude. So basically I want Charlie Bradbury. This still reigns true but also Anna Kendrick or Rey 

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

Probably not. Well I sure hope so.

8. Who from the opposite another gender is on your mind?

Quite a few boys actually, a girl or two, and one other (I’m nb so there is no “opposite”, not that there is in the first place). I’m not naming names for reasons. Um, Kai, Vine, someone else

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

A bit

10.  Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

I think it was probably spoopycena​ but I don’t remember it well Kai ?? I think ???? @unlxckiest���

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“Carl said yesterday 9:30”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

How Far I’ll Go - Moana/Auli’i CravalhoIcarus (Born on Wings of Steel) - KansasSeven Nation Army - Melanie Martinez Voice PerformanceFreaks (ft. Savage) - Timmy TrumpetHow Far We’ve Come - Matchbox Twenty

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

Only if they have permission first, but absolutely Heck yeah

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

I don’t know. If anything like that has happened to me, I wouldn’t know. A little bit

15. What good thing happened this summer?

Good things have happened? I suppose. I got to do VBS with a bunch of my friends, went on retreat with the greatest group of people (including said friends), and then spent nearly 12 hours with that same group on Sunday, so those were all really good. I also changed my name twice and I feel good about that. There was a lot of stuff but all in all it wasn’t really great (i dont remember lmao)

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

404 Answer Not Found

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I wouldn’t doubt it. space mermaids on jupiter

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

No

19. Do you like bubble baths?

Yeah. Don’t ever take them tho

20. Do you like your neighbors?

John’s cool, I don’t know the other people, the girls across the street are adorable. Heck yeah

21. What are your bad habits?

I bite my lip when scared/nervous, I scratch at my wrists a lot, I stick out my tongue when focused. I pull my hair when anxious or angry, I click my pens, I tap my fingers and bounce my leg

22. Where would you like to travel?

Anywhere really.

23. Do you have trust issues?

Define trust issues, because I’m 95-100% open to a few people but then 0-5% with other despite how close we may be.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

Leaving the house, on a good day (school year)

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

My stomach and my chest

26. What do you do when you wake up?

When I don’t have anywhere to be, I hit snooze, sleep a few hours and then do social media rounds. On school days, I sit up right away so I don’t fall back asleep, do a quick check of emails, facebook messages, and instagram, and then get up. After five alarms, I check Q, delete other notifications, get dressed, and leave the house

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

This is a lil bit of a dangerous question, bc I’m already pale af, but I like it the way it is. Skin color is beautiful no matter what shade it is and nobody should feel the need to change it. A little darker

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

Like, talking, it’s nonrelativistic, shampoovevo, and probably insanity-universe but since they all live a bajillion miles away, I’m presence-wise most comfortable around Liam and Selena. HA @ all of those. Brittany, Allison, Ms. Taylor, Kai, Vine, Basil, KR, Riley, Dawn

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

In a way, yes, I suppose. Both will absolutely see this, so I’m a lil afraid to give a definitive answer.

30. Do you ever want to get married?

Heck yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?

It is, thankfully, but that’s about the limit of what it can do. I cut it from mid-back to my collarbone in January, and now it’s around the top of my chest. I do regret that cut tho… It’s long again !!! It’s up right now, and I love it

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

I could go on, but I’ll stick with Brendon and Sarah Urie for now. Anna Kendrick and Daisy Ridley

33. Spell your name with your chin.

jesus christ my entire family is in here teagan did i mention i hate you Once again, my mother and grandmother are in the room fuck

jhasmnerswa (James) jascer (Jace)

34.  Do you play sports? What sports?

To quote Patrick Stump, “I don’t sport.”

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

TV. I hardly watch it anyway. Besides, it’s all on Netflix anyway.

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

All the time these last few years.  holy shit

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

Nothing if I can help it.

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

See #6 above.

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

I don’t really have favorite stores…. i go to target a lot does that count

40. What do you want to do after high school?

No idea tbh, but kinda-ish. I want to work with kids but not teach.  I’m headed to college for ECE in the fall so uh, this answer has changed a bunch

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

I believe in second chances based on initial insult. I’m pretty forgiving, but do something bad enough and I won’t let you have that second chance (or third or seventeenth in one case).

42. If you’re being extremely quiet what does it mean?

I’m probably zoned out, anxious, depressed, dissociating, thinking, or angry. Either way, don’t talk to me.

43. Do you smile at strangers?

Yes, albeit awkwardly.

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

Jesus Christ neither

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

I’m not sure actually

46. What are you paranoid about?

Being murdered, being broken up with, adulthood, financial stability, failing school, being too anxious to teach

47. Have you ever been high?

Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

See #47

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

I don’t think so?

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

Grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

Quite often

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

My body

53. Favourite makeup brand?

lol

54. Favourite store?

See #39

55. Favourite blog?

@kaikev 

56. Favourite colour?

Blue!

57. Favourite food?

Lo Mein with orange chicken

58. Last thing you ate?

Part of a vanilla frosted long john donut

59. First thing you ate this morning?

Jelly donut wholes

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

I’ve won a couple Kahoots…. (Disney, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Africa)

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

I punched a kid in the stomach in the fourth grade and got suspended for three days

62. Been arrested? For what?

Nope, nothing

63. Ever been in love?

A few times

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

See #16

65. Are you hungry right now?

Not particularly? I might grab some leftover lo mein soon tho

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

Nah, I don’t have really any tumblr friends with the exception of Elaina

67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter hands down

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Both? I go on both equally

69. Are you watching tv right now?

Yupper, watching Worst Cooks in America

70. Names of your bestfriends?

Elliot, Allison, Kai, Vine, Riley, Basil

71. Craving something? What?

Lo Mein

72. What colour are your towels?

I use a white one with blue rain drops and a yellow duck for my hair, and my other is either blue, tan, or grey depending on what’s clean

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

*quietly counts* 12

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

Yep

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

Oh boy, 20-ish

75. Favourite animal?

Dogs

76. What colour is your underwear?

Pale pink

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

Chocolate

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

Strawberry

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

Katniss Everdeen green

80. What colour pants?

Brown

81. Favourite tv show?

The 100 or Timeless

82. Favourite movie?

Captain America: Civil War, Captain America: Winter Soldier, or Moana

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

Mean Girls

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

See #83

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

Janis Ian

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

Crush

87. First person you talked to today?

My grandma

88. Last person you talked to today?

My grandma

89. Name a person you hate?

matt delli

90. Name a person you love?

Kai 

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

Matt Delli or like Selena

92. In a fight with someone?

Nahh

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

1

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

Six or Seven

95. Last movie you watched?

Finding Dory

96. Favourite actress?

Daisy Ridley or Anna Kendrick

97. Favourite actor?

Jensen Ackles or Bob Morley

98. Do you tan a lot?

lmao

99. Have any pets?

We have two betta fish, a frog, a leopard gecko, two cats, and a dog

100. How are you feeling?

Nothing

101. Do you type fast?

Yeah

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

y e a h

103. Can you spell well?

Yupper

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

Yes

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

A few

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

Yeah

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

Yes. Never again.

108. What should you be doing?

An English project

109. Is something irritating you right now?

My mom’s presence

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

christ almighty yes

111. Do you have trust issues?

See #23

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

Allison

113. What was your childhood nickname?

no

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

Yes! I’ve gone to or driven through Washington state, California, Wyoming, Colorado, Arizona, South Dakota, Nebraska, Kansas, Texas, Iowa, Missouri, Wisconsin, Illinois (live here), Indiana, Kentucky, Tennessee, Ohio, Michigan, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Pennsylvania, Maryland, New York, Mexico, and Haiti.

115. Do you play the Wii?

I used to

116. Are you listening to music right now?

Unfortunately no

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

Yes!

118. Do you like Chinese food?

It’s my favorite

119. Favourite book?

Oh jeez this is a hard one. Probably Blood of Olympus or Deathly Hallows

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

Holy shit. Deathly.

121. Are you mean?

Yeah

122. Is cheating ever okay?

On a test in a boring class off a friend who may or may not be helping you? Maybe. On a person, ever? Never.

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

Nope

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Kind of

125. Do you believe in true love?

No

126. Are you currently bored?

A little bit

127. What makes you happy?

Kai, reading, writing, music, Chipotle, Starbucks, The 100, Timeless, Rey

128. Would you change your name?

I already have multiple times, but right now, no, I’m content.

129. What your zodiac sign?

Cancer

130. Do you like subway?

Yeah

131. Your best friend of the opposite sex another gender likes you, what do you do?

I’m in a relationship, but we can remain friends

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

See #10

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

"I'd die for you," that's easy to sayWe have a list of people that we would takeA bullet for them, a bullet for youA bullet for everybody in this roomBut I don't seem to see many bullets coming throughSee many bullets coming throughMetaphorically, I'm the manBut literally, I don't know what I'd do"I'd live for you," and that's hard to doEven harder to say when you know it's not trueEven harder to write when you know that tonightThere were people back home who tried talking to youBut then you ignored them stillAll these questions they're for realLike "Who would you live for?","Who would you die for?"And "Would you ever kill?"

-Ride, Twenty One Pilots

134. Can you count to one million?

I could but I’m not gonna

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

I lie about taking food all the time

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

Closed and locked

137. How tall are you?

5′6

138. Curly or Straight hair?

(treating 138-139 as preferences) Curly

139. Brunette or Blonde?

Blonde

140. Summer or Winter?

Winter

141. Night or Day?

Night

142. Favourite month?

September

143. Are you a vegetarian?

Been there, done that, didn’t agree with me

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

Dark or milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

Coffee

146. Was today a good day?

Meh

147. Mars or Snickers?

Mars

148. What’s your favourite quote?

“Stay afraid. Do it anyway. What’s important is this action. You don’t have to be confident. Just do it, and eventually the confidence will follow.” -Carrie Fisher

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

Somewhat

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“Circe,” (From my journal)