#but then I remembered the whole 'friends with Blue Ben the Klive dragon' thing I established in Forgotten Vows

[victorluvsalice]

Valicer Not-Incorrect Quotes, Valentine's Day Edition

Alice: [seeing a Valentine's Day display in a store a couple of days after New Year's] Ugh, really?

Victor: [looking over] Oh -- uh, that is a bit soon, isn't it?

Smiler: [also looking over] Hey, it's not as bad as it could be -- Valentine's is only a month away! It's not like they're promoting St. Patrick's, or Easter.

Alice: True, but still -- you'd think they'd give us some sort of a break between holidays. [rolling her eyes] Of course, Valentine's Day is just an excuse to sell people terrible chocolate and useless tat anyway. Do we really need a whole holiday that says "oh, if you don't bury your partner in flowers or drag them out for an expensive dinner, you don't really love them and you should--"

Alice: [stops as she notes Smiler and Victor both looking very awkward]

Alice: ...you two like Valentine's Day, don't you?

Victor: [weak smile] I -- uh -- well -- i-it's nice to have an excuse to make a bit of a fuss over you two?

Smiler: I have an ugly sweater and everything.

Alice: ...you know, I really should have guessed.

--

Smiler: [dressed in a black sweater covered in bands of yellow and purple hearts, presenting a pink-wrapped box to Victor with a big grin] Happy Valentine's Day, Victor! I come bearing gift!

Victor: [dressed more soberly in a blue sweater, smiling and offering Smiler a yellow-wrapped box in return] Happy Valentine's Day, Smiler. Here's your present.

Smiler: Thanks! [takes their box and nods to the one they gave Victor] Go on, open it! It's a weird little novelty item, but I'm sure you'll like it!

Victor: [chuckling at their enthusiasm] All right, all right. [opens the box and blinks] What -- is this --

Smiler: A phone shaped like a piano? Yup! Found it online -- I know nobody uses landlines anymore, but I figured you could put it on your desk, maybe use it as a paperweight.

Victor: [grinning, pressing the keys] Oh, this is fun -- thank you so much! [a little shyly as he nods at Smiler's present] I-I hope you like yours -- I found it online as well, and t-thought it would be perfect for you!

Smiler: Hey, I'm sure it's great! [opens up the box -- and stops dead, staring]

Victor: [leaning over] So, ah, this is an antique alchemy set -- it's got all the original bottles, though I'm pretty sure none of the ingredients are any good anymore, and all the original measuring tools and such. And a really tiny grater, which I thought you'd think was funny. I just -- I know i-it's probably too expensive, but I really wanted you to have it, and --

Victor: [suddenly noticing Smiler's face] Are you crying?!

Smiler: [hastily wiping their eyes] No?

--

Victor: [with Alice now, handing over a smaller, thinner blue-wrapped box a touch awkwardly] Happy Valentine's Day, Alice. I, uh, I got you something.

Alice: [wearing a red sweater because she's not totally immune to dressing up a bit for the day, smiles and reaches into a bright red bag] Happy Valentine's Day! I got you something too. [pulls out a navy plush dragon with a turquoise underbelly and gold-colored head fringe, ear fins, and claws] Taa-daa.

Victor: [eyes light up as he sees the dragon, accepting it with a bright smile] Oh! Alice, this is lovely! Do they have a name?

Alice: Well, the Douglas Toys website called them Aragon, but you can call them whatever you want. I remembered you liked dragons from those stories you told us about imagining having "Blue Ben" from Klive as your friend as a child, and stuffed animals are the one traditional Valentine's Day gift that I myself like, so... [little shrug]

Victor: [hugs the dragon] It's wonderful. Thank you. [shoots a slightly-nervous look at his box] I-I hope you like mine just as much.

Alice: I'm sure I will. You know better than to get me something ridiculous. [opens up her box...and just stares for a moment]

Victor: [shyly, still hugging his dragon] So, um, I found out about this blacksmith who recreates all sorts of weapons, and I commissioned them to do your Vorpal Blade. T-that's why I was so intent on drawing it before -- I w-wanted to make sure I had it just right when I sent it on. I -- I know i-it's probably a bit m-much, but -- I know how much W-Wonderland, and that blade, m-means to you, and when I realized I could g-get you a real one, I just --

Alice: [leans over to silence him with a finger on his lips, a little teary-eyed but smiling] You have absolutely no sense of proportion and I love you.

Victor: [blushes]

--

Alice: Hey, Smiler?

Smiler: What's up?

Alice: I had a question -- is it usual for metamours to exchange gifts on Valentine's Day?

Smiler: Depends on the relationship, I'd say! I don't think there's any hard and fast rules -- some people might consider it too much, some people wouldn't. It's all about the vibes!

Alice: I see.

Alice & Smiler: [look at each other in silence for a moment]

Alice: [produces a yellow gift bag]

Smiler: [produces a heart-paper-wrapped box]

Alice: [snorts] Right, I don't know why I was worried... Anyway, happy Valentine's Day! [offers the bag]

Smiler: Happy Valentine's Day! [trades the box for the bag and looks inside] What -- oh! [pulls out a little plush yellow-banded poison dart frog] Where'd you get this little guy?

Alice: Found it online -- I very much wanted to get you a plush frog, but as you might imagine, most of them are green. So I started looking for someone who did them in more unusual colors, and happened to stumble across that. Very lucky accident, that.

Smiler: [petting it with a couple of fingers] Very lucky indeed -- thanks! Now open yours!

Alice: [does just that, pulling the paper off the box to reveal] A checkerboard cake kit?

Smiler: Yup! I know you like cake, so I was going to get you a basket of cake mix and frosting mix and sprinkles -- but then I happened to see this while in the store and thought it was definitely your thing! After all, you've got a chess-themed land up there to go with all the card stuff!

Alice: [smiles] I do -- and I've seen checkerboard cakes before, and always thought they looked amazing. Could never figure out how they did them, though -- now I guess I've got the chance to find out!

Smiler: Exactly! [winks] See, it's not all useless tat.

Alice: [sticks her tongue out at them] Yes, yes...

--

Alice: [walking to Victor's bedroom with Smiler] So -- an entire antique alchemy set?

Smiler: Yes, it's fucking amazing, I really gotta show you later. And he seriously got you the Vorpal Blade?

Alice: Commissioned it from an actual blacksmith -- I'll have to show you later. [shakes her head] Just -- it's incredible, and I love him so much, but -- it does make me feel a little bit bad for spending under forty dollars US on his present.

Smiler: Hey, no, don't be like that. I didn't spend that much on his either, but I'm sure he liked it. This isn't a contest we have to win. [small smile] Which is good, because he's the one with money and would win easily.

Alice: [laughs] I know, I know. But -- well, it would be nice to have a little extra reassurance that he liked mine too, you know?

Smiler: Yeah, I suppose I wouldn't mind that my --

Smiler: [stops as they come to the open door of Victor's bedroom]

Alice: [raises an eyebrow] What?

Smiler: [beckons her to stand next to them]

Alice: [does so, looking inside]

Victor: [is sitting at his desk, setting up his new dragon so their front claws are resting on the keys of their new piano phone, beaming]

Victor: [feels eyes upon him and turns around] Oh! [blushes a little, rubbing the back of his neck] I -- B-Benny wants to play the piano too.

Alice: [smiling warmly] So I see.

Smiler: [also smiling warmly] Good for Benny. [smile turns a little -- predatory] Though it's a good thing he's looking away, because I don't think we're quite done giving you presents yet...