#but the third time I realised he isnt horrible

[weewoow-2060307]

Steve> Jonathan

Jonathan>Steve

A character who messed up in S1 but has since apologized and made an effort to be better = A character who messed up in S1 but has since apologized and made an effort to be better

[safetycar-restart]

hiii!! i come to you with a logan and oscar idea, poly or separate, idc. so it’s established that what leads to oscar joining logan and his dom is logan finding him in subspace but alternatively going with the past d/s au, what if logan knew that oscar had this horrible dom and it shattered his heart everytime he thought about it like “i have a good dom, why can’t oscar? oscars good too, why can’t he have good things?”

so this leads to Logan talking to his dom about oscar and his dom saying yes because well all oscar and Logan really want is to be good, at their cores they are good boys. so logan finds oscar and that time and brings him with him back to his dom and at this point they are both sobbing, oscar from his bad drop with his (team assigned) dom and logan because once again he can’t really rationalize in this headspace that oscar can’t have as good a dom as he does. so you end up talking with both of them when they are out of subspace and coming to an agreement that oscar is now your sub. i think that with logan being collared it might cause some issues like internally for oscar, especially when he enters subspace like “am i not good enough to be collared too?” :(. which of course he is and you end up having to have a long conversation with oscar about how you love him just as much as you love logan. and thought number 2 which is far less developed: what do you think logan is like as a little? cause i personally see him as being more laidback, kind of like max but with less trauma. but he still has his moments unlike when he’s not little, little!logan is wayyyyyyyy more hurt by you (his mommy/daddy) talking to other littles. ESPECIALLY ones he feels like are better than him. he’s always afraid you’re going to leave him for a “better” little. feel free to add any of your thoughts (also sorry for any mistakes, english is my third language) -love 🎾anon

Firstly, please know that you guys can always send ideas that don't merge with the 'canon' of our verses! Nothing is set in stone and I love exploring different ideas. Anyway, I love this so much.

I love how pure Logan is about it? He's really just there like 'I good boy, I have good dom. But Oscar good boy? Why no good dom for Oscar? MUST FIX" and that's it. That's far as the plan goes.

He's long since decided that when it comes to anything to do with scening and dynamics, it is your problem. Ever since you collared him, he kinda just tells you his vague thoughts and lets you do the rest cause you're his dom and he trusts you.

So with this, he thought no further than the fact that Oscar deserves a better dom and you are a better dom therefore you must dom Oscar and him together.

Of course you say yes when Logan brought it up to you. Not only because you would do anything to make Logan never look so sad again, but also because you genuinely love Oscar and it breaks your heart to know he's not getting what he needs.

You except Oscar to be upset when he comes to you, but you don't Logan to also be in a breakdown. Logan is just crying and hugging Oscar, mumbling that it isnt fair! Oscar should be with you and him, not some terrible mclaren dom!

Of course hearing this makes Oscar cry even more, because he wants what you and Logan have so bad.

You don't actually scene with them properly, because you havent been able to talk to Oscar about his limits yet and because they're both far too upset. Maybe you let them kneel for you? They get to kneel right next to each other, their legs pressed against each other and they can even hold hands. Within ten minutes they've formed a cuddle pile at your feet and honestly it's just the cutest?

You've got two good boys cuddling at your feet, looking up at you for praise and reassurance.

Oscar spends the night, cuddles between you and Logan and has the best sleep he's had in a long time. You discuss everything in the morning and all of three you realise that Oscar needs to also be your sub.

So that's what happens.

But yeah Oscar definitely has a problem with Logan having a collar, and it's actually so difficult for him to workout what his problem even is? Because he's not upset that Logan is collared, he's happy! He loves watching you and Logan together, and his heart would break if you took Logan's collar away.

But at the same time, his heart just aches sometimes? Cause he... he wants a collar too. He wants to really feel like he belongs to you.

And I think Logan feels really guilty about that? He can see that it's upsetting Oscar and he doesn't know what to do. Oscar just joined, so he knows it's too early for Oscar to be collared, but he also knows that there's no way in hell he's going to take his collar off around Oscar. He hasn't been without a collar for over three years and he's not about to start now, it would break him.

Maybe you get Oscar a play collar? A collar that he only wears during scenes and that he can request to wear around the house too. He can't put his own play collar on, it has to be you that does it and if you aren't there, then it can be Logan but you must order Logan to do it.

Oscar ADORES his play collar, and pretty soon he's always wearing it around the house.

Within two months he's gotten his own day collar, because once he knows what it's like to wear your collar, he doesn't ever want to stop.

Maybe Oscar and Logan get each other bracelets? So it's like they've kinda collared each other too.

LITTLE!LOGAN:

I'm not gonna spend too much time on this because of how long the d/s au idea was, but I do want to say this: I love the idea that he's jealous?

He's actually a pretty independent little, happy to watch cartoons and drink from his sippy cup while you work or chat to another caregiver but the moment you even look at another little, he's pouting and whining and fussing. HE'S your baby boy, no one else!

(Except... except he doesn't mind when you look after Oscar.)

[sningo-prompts]

Random idea but what if Sningo had a nightmare about fighting alpha Pokémon in Hisui and he wakes up in a blind panicked frenzy and Emmet has to calm him down?

Maybe for angst factor Sningo accidentally scratches Emmet and that’s how he snaps out of it?

I actually think i have this almost exact scenario somewhere on here. But honestly i like hurting the man so i dont mind doing it again! I also dont think Ingo fought many alphas since Lady Sneasler had been with him since he arrived. She found him and like instantly adopted him. But thats ok because who cared about any of that.

It had been a good day Emmet thought. Having been the third day he was able to return to the battle subway with his brother. Plus seeing Ingo so happy to watch the battles. Emmet was glad this change is pace was doing them some good. Emmet hadnt realised how much he missed the station till he came back. The trainers could tell too. Many spoke to him how glad they felt to see him in such high spirits. All in all the day had been a good one. Now back at home he and his brother had a good evening. Dinner and watching some battles on tv, side by side just like old times. Then they retired to Emmets room for the night. Ingo hadnt spent one night in his old bed. Emmet didnt think much of it, he would rather Ingo by his side than to stay up all night worrying about it.

…

Ingo is running from something. He doesnt know what but he has to get away. No not away he has to go somewhere. He has to hurry. He stops. Ahead of him is Emmet with his back to a tree. Ingo goes to call out but he cant speak. Oh oh no an alpha is approaching Emmet. Ingo has to help him. He cant move. His body changes and hes a sneasel. Finally he can move hes running but he isnt going anywhere. No no he has to hurry he has to help Emmet. Hes calling his brothers name. Shouting. The alpha is almost upon Emmet. Emmet calls out for him. Hes shouting for Ingo, the panic in his voice. He keeps calling for Ingo, he has to make it.

… Emmet pov?

Emmet had been awoken by his brother tossing and turning next to him. He didnt quite register he was awake till he heard the soft whimper from his brother. That jolted him awake. Quickly he turns on the lamp and looks over at Ingo. His brother is next to him fretting back and forth. Soft whimpers are pouring out of Ingos mouth. Emmets heart drops, hes frozen jn place as he watches, his brother his having a horrible nightmare. He snaps out of his stupor once Ingos whimpers get louder. Quickly Emmet sets to waking Ingo up. Calling out to Ingo and gently he tries shaking his brother awake. Which turned out to be a mistake. The moment Emmet spoke Ingos name made everything worse and when Emmet touch his brother Ingo had lashed out, scratching Emmet on the hand. Not caring at the moment Emmet continues to try and wake up Ingo.

Finally Ingo jolts up right. His fur is a mess and hes panting. Franticly he starts looking around til his eyes land on Emmet and he lets out a breath of relief. Hes still trembling horribly, but he slowly makes his way to his brother. He reaches out and pats Emmets arm. Emmet knows this gesture, they both did this when growing up. Ingo is checking if Emmet is real.

All of a sudden Ingos eyes go wide. Emmet doesnt get it till he follows Ingos gaze ans the both look down at Emmets hand. Oh shoot Emnet was trying to hide it but you cant get anything past that sneasel nose. Which sends Ingo into a fit. He quickly rushed out of the room and returns with medical supplies and an Pecha berry. He nay only have teo claws now but he can still help Emmet wrap this up, he forces the Pecha berry into Emmets hand. He sets to work and silence falls over them. The only sound is Emmets soft chewing, and maybe Ingos sniffling joins the silence. Emmet doednt know what to do so he just sits there and lets Ingo treat him. Once Ingo finishes Emmet sets the medical supplies a side and pulls his brother back up into the bed. Instead of setting Ingo down next yo him he sets into on his lap. He just pulls him into a tight hug. He may. Ot be able to comfort Ingo much but this he can do. Ingo finally allows himself to cry. Gently Ingo hugs Emmet back. This isnt the first time one of them had hurt the other and it probably wouldn’t be the last but at least they had each other.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Steph, got any good old (maybe new?) bedsharing fics for a fanfic obsessed lurker?

Thanks 😘

Hey Nonny!!

Hahha! I actually just did a list recently of my old ones, but I just double-checked my offline lists and I actually DO have some fics on my next Bed Sharing list, so GUESS WHAT? Your ask is the one to start the next Bed Sharing one, LOL.

As usual, if anyone has any they’d like to add, especially if they’re brand new fics, let us know! <3

BEDSHARING Pt. 5

See also:

The Speckled Blonde / BedSharing

BedSharing Pt. 2 and Insecure Sherlock

Bed Sharing Pt. 3

Bed Sharing Pt. 4

Bed Sharing “Just Happens”

Soft. Happy. Content. by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 223 w., 1 Ch. || Sleepy Cuddles, Bed Sharing, Slice of Life, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Spooning, Morning After, Sherlock POV) – Sherlock reflects on his state of mind.

And When The Night Is Over by Simply Isnt On (K, 329 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Platonic Bed Sharing / Not Slash) – Sherlock and John sleep together.

I Knew You Loved Me by inevitably_johnlocked (T, 743 w., 1 Ch. || Morning Cuddles, Fluff, Clingy Sherlock, Idiots in Love, Slice of Life, Morning After, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Declarations of Love, Pet Name, Bed Sharing, Snuggles) – John and Sherlock share a lie-in the morning after their first time. So fluffy and gross your teeth will fall out. Part 4 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Sleep Tonight by Jenn1984 (T, 1,220 w, 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Bed Sharing, Worried Sherlock, Sick John, Hugs/Cuddles, Touch Neediness) – Fingers begin prying open his jacket looking for a wound and John would really like to swat at them. No, he's not hit anywhere, he's just damn sick.- John Watson has a fever.

Loved. by inevitably_johnlocked (G, 1,231 w., 1 Ch. || First Sherlock POV, Slice of Life, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Nose Kisses, Morning After, Love Confessions, Morning Cuddles, Emotional Sherlock, Sentiment, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock reflects on his relationship with John. Part 5 of I-J's Tumblr Ficlet Collection

Here to Stay by MockJayPhoenix12 (K, 1,574 w., 1 Ch. || Post Reunion, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Headache, Bed Sharing, Care Taker Sherlock, Hand Holding, Fluff) – On Sherlock's first day home, John wakes with a migraine.

The Perfect Place by SilverSmile (K+, 1,955 w., 1 Ch. || Humour, Romance, 5 and Ones, Fluff, Experiments, Bed Sharing) – Sherlock attempts to find the perfect place to sleep, but his little experiment proves to be far more difficult than expected.

Insomnia by TheSingingGirl (K+, 2,635 w., 1 Ch. || Friendship, Humour, Bed Sharing, Sleepy Sherlock) – Sleep is merely the next frontier in what has become the battle to keep Sherlock alive. It's because of this that John ends up in bed with a sociopath.

Human Body Pillow by Lunavere (K, 4,122 w., 1 Ch. || Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Five and Ones, Sleepy Johnlock, Bed Sharing) – A story about the five times John fell asleep on Sherlock, and the one time Sherlock fell asleep on him.

The Myth by AGirloftheSouth (M, 4,329 w., 1 Ch || Sex Toys / Anal Beads, PWP, Romance, Bottom John, Prostate Stimulation) – Sherlock believes something to be a myth. John proves him wrong.

When We Sleep by PrincessNala (K+, 6,660 w., 1 Ch || Post-TGG,  Alternating POV, Bed Sharing, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Hurt/Comfort, Hugs) – Sherlock needed to feel every beat of his heart, every rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. It was the only way to completely assure himself that John was alive and right there next to him, and not dead, no, never dead…

To be loved by Strange_johnlock (E, 12,436 w., 8 Ch. || Post S3, Established Relationship, First Person POV Sherlock, Pet Names, Soft Sherlock, Mild ADHD, Protective John, Captain Watson, Body Appreciation, Bottomlock, Rough Sex, Travelling for Holidays, Introspection, Sherlock Loves John So Much It Hurts) – John is so deeply integrated into the work, both as my conductor of light, and as a great shot with a vicious right hook who tackles men -and women- no matter their size all in my defense. He protects me with all he can without question, and this loyalty is surely more than I deserve. Or: Sherlock is counting his blessings.

There's So Much Labour Just in Breathing Lately by Susan (E, 12,708 w., 1 Ch. || Post-TRF / Mentions of S3 Events, Romance, Angst, Grief/Mourning, Grieving John, Mutual Pining, Meddling Mycroft, Therapy, Ambiguous Hopeful Ending, Infidelity) – The dreams he hated most – the ones that left him a sweating, shaking mess when he woke – were the ones in which Sherlock was just Sherlock. Laughing or drinking tea. Sitting across the table from him at Angelo’s eating pasta. Trailing his open hand behind him on the way to the bedroom. “C’mon, John. I’m about to have my way with you.”

Kintsugi by distantstarlight (E, 14,772 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Regret / Remorse, Loneliness, Separation, Drug Use, Healing, Protective John, Sad Sherlock, Dev. Rel., Complicated Relationships, Love, Angst With Happy Ending, Sherlock is Called Freak, John’s Penance, Voyeurism, Doctor/Caretaker John, Guilty John, Detox, Fingering, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Slight Non-Con Turns Enthusiastic Consent, Virgin Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes becomes estranged from the man he had once considered his best friend after John lets him down horribly in public. It seems that the world's only consulting detective will be on his own once again...or will he?

The Burning of the Leaves by blueink3 (M, 15,915 w., 3 Ch. || Post S4, Angst, Reichenbach, Parentlock, Past Jolto, Idiot John, Sherlock’s a Mess, Puppies, Fluff, Possessive / Jealous Sherlock, Pining Sherlock, Sherlock POV, Matchmaker Sholto, Melancholic Feelings, Emotional Sherlock, Domesticity, Love Confessions in the Rain, Kissing in the Rain, Pet Names, Panic Attack) – After the events of series 4, Major Sholto invites John and Sherlock to lunch one day. It nearly proves to be too much for their tenuous relationship as the past haunts the present, putting the future that Sherlock so desperately wants at risk.

A Silver Sixpence by _doodle (NC-17, 16,400 w., 2 Ch. || LJ Fic || For a Case / Case Fic, Fake Relationship, Humour, Romance, Marriage Proposal, Awkward Idiots, Cuddling, Touching, Kissing, Love Confessions, Bed Sharing, Friends to Lovers, Fake Until It’s Not, Schmoop and Fluff, Bottomlock) – “John, we need to get married. It’s for a case, not any romantic notions on my part pertaining to our partnership,” Sherlock said, with brutal honesty, and without even looking up.

Division by MrsNoggin (E, 19,542 w., 11 Ch. || Coffee Shop AU || First Kiss/Time, Fluff, Barista Sherlock, Clingy Sherlock, POV John, John’s Limp, Bed Sharing, Fluff, Sleepy Cuddles, Sensuality, Touching, Virgin Sherlock, Insecure John) – John likes mysteries. And every morning he dips into the local independent coffee bar with his newspaper and ponders another... one Sherlock Holmes.

Out of the Woods by SilentAuror (E, 20,471 w., 1 Ch. || Post S4, Romance, Slow Burn, Flirting, Drunk Sex, Practical Jokes, POV Sherlock, Bottomlock, Possessive John, Pining Sherlock, Frustrated Wanking, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, First Kiss/Time, Virgin Sherlock, Love Confessions, Soft Sherlock, Dancing, Bum Appreciation, Hanging out with the Yard) – Sherlock is fairly certain that John has taken to flirting with him of late, but can't be entirely certain of it. At least, not until a case takes them into a forest, along with Lestrade's team and something happens that will change everything about their lives...

Insanity in the Middle by DotyTakeThisDown (E, 28,010 w., 8 Ch. || Equestrian Sports AU || Alternate First Meeting, POV John, Pining John, Bottomlock, Clueless Sherlock, First Kiss/Time, Passionate Kisses, Hand Holding, Caught Making Out, Bed Sharing, Spooning, Blow Job) – John is a world-class eventing rider with a gold medal and several four-star wins to his credit, but he's never won at Rolex. Sherlock is an up-and-coming rider taking the sport by storm.

A Home for Us by sussexbound (M, 30,581 w., 12 Ch. || Scars, Bedsharing, Grief, Doctor John, Hurt/Comfort, Post-TRF, Implied/Referenced Torture, Sherlock POV, Pining Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation, Heavy Emotions, Clingy Sherlock, Hallucinations, Disassociation, Emotional Turmoil) – He has been on the road for two years, and he is exhausted. He’s almost accepted that he will never see London (John) again—almost. But then there are nights like tonight, where he is weak, and all he can think of is the warmth of the flat they once shared, the crackle of the fire in the hearth, the teasing smile playing at the corner of John’s lips, the boxes of half-eaten Chinese takeaway balanced precariously in their laps. He aches at the memory of it, at the realisation that it is something he may never experience again.

Anchor Point by trickybonmot (E, 49,856 w., 80 Ch. || Truman Show AU || Psychological Drama, Suspense, Slow Burn, Dark Characters / Fic, Alternating First/Third Person, Protective John, Anxious/Worried Sherlock, Tender Moments, Love Confessions, Hand/Blow Jobs, Cuddling, Jealous John, First Kiss/Time) – The world tunes in nightly for Sherlock, the ultimate in reality TV: Sherlock Holmes, a real person with a legendary name, unknowingly lives out his life in a staged setting contrived by his brother. Things get complicated when a retired army doctor joins the show to play the part of Sherlock's closest friend. This fic borrows its concept from the 1998 film, the Truman Show. However, you don't need to have any knowledge of the movie to enjoy this story.

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse by SilentAuror (E, 50,635 w., 1 Ch. || Post-S4/S4 Divergence, Case Fic, For a Case / Reverse Fake-Relationship, Conferences, Marriage Equality, Travelling / New York, Pride, Homophobia, Bottomlock, Marriage Proposal, John POV, Sexuality, Love Confessions, Emotional Love Making, Public Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Passionate Kissing, Needy/Clingy Sherlock, Virgin Sherlock, Touching / Hand Holding, Bed Sharing, Little Spoon Sherlock, Intense Orgasms) – John and Sherlock go to New York to attend a conference run by the National Defence of Traditional Marriage Coalition in order to investigate the potential bombing of the annual Manhattan Pride parade. As the conference unfolds, John finds himself repulsed by the toxic ideology being presented, which becomes relevent to his own unacknowledged issues and his friendship with Sherlock...

A Goose Quill Dipped in Venom by Polyphony (M, 52,748 w., 16 Ch. || Celebrity John AU || Alternate First Meeting, TV Host John, Supermodel Mary, Character Death, Mystery, Romance, Case Fic, First Kiss/Time, Meddling Mycroft, Drug Abuse, Doctor John, PDA, Deductions, POV Sherlock, Toplock, Sexual Tension, Angry/Rough Sex, Hopeful Ending, Asperger’s Sherlock) – Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, is called in to a very ordinary although brutal murder. Something is badly out of tune with the whole scenario and Sherlock finds himself becoming more and more obsessed with the crime - and also with the victim.

Isosceles by SilentAuror (E, 56,609 w., 7 Ch. || Post-S4, POV John, Original Male Character / Sherlock Dates Another Man, Love Triangle, Jealous John, Virgin Sherlock, Sexual Coaching, Angst, Romance, Domesticity, Unrequited Feelings, Miscommunication, First Kiss/Time, For a Case, Friends With Benefits, Bottomlock, Love Confessions, Spooning) – After solving a case for a major celebrity, Sherlock gets himself asked out. When John asks, he discovers that Sherlock has no intention of going, at least not until John agrees to coach him through whatever he might need to know for his date...

Lunar Landscapes by J_Baillier (M, 57,046 w., 21 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || S3/TAB Fix-It, Slow Burn Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Confessions, Drugs, Pain, Medical, Injury, Sherlock Whump, Mental Health Issues, Panic Attacks, Romance, Secrets, Tragedy, Trauma, BAMF John, Doctor!John, Drug Addict Sherlock, Injured Sherlock, Grieving John, Idiots In Love,  Protective John, POV John Watson, PTSD Sherlock, Sherlock is a Mess, Medical Realism) – An accident forces John to face the fact that Sherlock's downward spiral had started long before his flight to exile even left the tarmac.

Repairing the Broken Things by BakerTumblings (M, 75,252 w., 15 Ch. || S4 Compliant, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Trauma, Hospitals, Big Brother Mycroft, Misunderstandings, Realizations, Severe Accident, John Whump, Pneumonia, Medical Procedures, Bed Sharing, First Time, Healing, Happy Ending) – "I'm calling today to notify you that there's been an accident."

Just To Hold You Close by sussexbound (E, 70,841 w., 18 Ch. || Alternate First Meeting, Sherlock POV, ASD Sherlock, PTSD John, Demisexual Sherlock, Bisexual John, Cuddling/Snuggling, Platonic Cuddling, Enthusiastic Consent, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, First Kiss/Time, Sexual Tension, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Cuddle Negotiations, For a Case Until It Isn’t, Hair Petting, Sexual Negotiation, Anxiety, Trust Issues, Slow Burn, Panic Attacks, Frottage, Hand/Blow Jobs, Referenced Self Harm / Abuse / Suicidal Ideation, First Kiss/Time, Anal) – When a woman is murdered and the last person to see her alive is recently invalided army vet turned reluctant (and prickly) professional cuddler, John Watson, Sherlock Holmes is pulled into a world of intimacy and intrigue he never could have imagined. John is a conundrum and mystery: frank yet reserved, tender yet angry, open yet afraid. Sherlock is instantly drawn into his orbit, and begins to feel and desire things he never has before.

Gold Rush by ShirleyCarlton (E, 71,783 w., 17 Ch. || Post S3 / No Mary, Friends to Lovers, Mentions of Past Sexual Abuse, First Kiss, Case Fic, Slow Burn, Alternating POV, Switchlock, Angst with Happy Ending, Marriage Proposal, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Abduction, Anxious/Insecure Sherlock, Miscommunication, Emotional Lovemaking) – John has divorced Mary and pops round to 221B one evening to find Sherlock in the middle of a case. As Sherlock tries to find the identity of a young woman’s stalker, John realises he can no longer deny his feelings for Sherlock – which then, to their befuddlement, turn out to be mutual. Shy kisses and tentative embraces ensue. But will Sherlock be able to cast off a shadow from his past that he thinks might prevent John from wanting to stay?

Thermocline by J_Baillier (M, 83,557 w., 14 Ch. || Scuba Diving AU || Adventure, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Marine Archaeology, Asexual Sherlock, Horny John, Relationship Drama, Technical/Scuba/Wreck Diving, Slow Burn, Underwater /  Medical Peril, Doctor John, Hurt Sherlock, Anxious Sherlock, John POV, Protective John, Body Appreciation) – John "Five Oceans" Watson — technical dive instructor, dive accident analyst and weapon of mass seduction — meets recluse professor of maritime archaeology Holmes. As they head out to a remote archipelago off the coast of Guatemala to study and film its shipwrecks for a documentary, will sparks fly or fizzle out?

Kintsukuroi by sussexbound (E, 91,823 w., 20 Ch. || S4 Compliant / Post-TLD, Grief / Mourning, PTSD, Internalized Homophobia, Therapy, Past Abuse, Alcohol Abuse, Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Anxiety, Bed Sharing, Love Confessions, Cuddling, Suicidal Ideation, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Sexting, Frottage, Inexperienced Sherlock, Rimming / Anal / BJ’s, Emotional Turmoil, Finding Each Other) – “I love you.” Sherlock sees the words hit John with almost physical force. He reels back a little, jaw twitching and eyes filling. “I love you,” he repeats, a little softer, a little more gentle, as earnest as he possibly can. Because they’ve been teetering on the brink of this thing for years, and it had become painfully obvious over the last few months that they were at a tipping point. This had to happen. Now it has. Now they can see where they end up. The tears in John’s eyes spill over, and he wipes at them angrily. “Do you even know what that means?”  

The Summer Boy by khorazir (T, 94,706 w., 6 Ch. || Post S3/Post TAB/Alternate S4, Friends to Lovers, Flashbacks, Sussex, Bullying, 1980′s Kid Sherlock, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Inexperienced Sherlock, Grief/Mourning, Pining Sherlock, Background Case Fic) – About half a year after the fateful events at Appledore, Sherlock and John embark on a private case in Sussex. For Sherlock, it’s a journey into his past, bringing up memories both happy and sad that he has locked away for almost thirty years. For John, it means coming to terms with the present – and a potential future with Sherlock. Part 1 of the The Summer Boy series

Northwest Passage by Kryptaria (E, 95,157 w., 27 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Canadian AU ||  BAMF!John, Canadian John, PTSD, Anal / Oral Sex, Rimming, Emotional Hurt / Comfort, Drug Rehab, Falling in Love, Pining Sherlock, Love Confessions, Sherlock’s Violin, Panic Attacks, Switching, Anxious / Protective Sherlock, Hugs for Comfort, Suicide Mentions, Healing Each Other) – Seven years ago, Captain John Watson of the Canadian Forces Medical Service withdrew from society, seeking a simple, isolated life in the distant northern wilderness of Canada. Though he survives from one day to the next, he doesn't truly live until someone from his dark past calls in a favor and turns his world upside-down with the introduction of Sherlock Holmes." Part 1 of Tales from the Northwest

The Bang and the Clatter by earlgreytea68 (M, 137,049 w., 37 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Baseball AU || Slow Burn / Dev. Rel., Possessive/Obsessive Sherlock, Jealous Sherlock, Mutual Pining, Body Appreciation, Depression, Closeted Sexuality, Family, Sherlock’s Mind Palace, Ogling Each Other, Anxious Sherlock, Panic Attack, Drunkenness, Talk of Forever, Big Feelings™) – Sherlock Holmes is a pitcher and John Watson is a catcher. No, no, no, it's a baseball AU. Part 1 of Baseball

Against the Rest of the World by SilentAuror (E, 151,714 w., 20 Ch. || PODFIC AVAILABLE || Post-TRF, Hiatus Fic, POV First Person Sherlock, Present Tense, First Kiss/Time, Big Brother Mycroft, Escaping from Capture, Soft Sherlock, Toplock, Insecurity, Infidelity, Travelling, Introspection, Pining Sherlock, Depression, Fantasies, Yearning for the Past, PTSD Sherlock, Suicidal Ideation) – Sherlock has been away from London for nine hundred and twelve days and counting, and has no idea what sort of reception to expect when he finally returns.

Proving A Point by elldotsee & J_Baillier (E, 186,270 w., 28 Ch. || Me Before You Fusion || Medical Realism, Insecure John, Depression, Romance, Angst, POV John, Sherlock Whump, Serious Illness, Doctor John, Injury Recovery, Assisted Suicide, Sherlock’s Violin, Awkward Sexual Situations, Alcoholism, Drugs, Idiots in Love, Slow Burn, Body Image, Friends to Lovers, Hurt / Comfort, Pain, Big Brother Mycroft, Intimacy, Anxiety, PTSD, Family Issues, Psychological Trauma, John Whump, Case Fics, Loneliness, Pain) – Invalided home from Afghanistan, running out of funds and convinced that his surgical career is over, John Watson accepts a mysterious job offer to provide care and companionship for a disabled person. Little does he know how much hangs in the balance of his performance as he settles into his new life at Musgrave Court.

[set-phasers-to-whump]

whumptober day 29

prompt: numb

whumpee: matt murdock

this got longer than it was supposed to be so im sorry if its a little tedious (also i feel like i didn’t touch on the whump a whole lot??? idk hope this isnt too bad)

“You’re gonna tell us what you know about our little operation.”

“I don’t think I will.”

“Oh, I think you’ll be persuaded.”

Matt was in a bit of a sticky situation, not an unusual occurrence. What was unusual was that he hadn’t even been looking for trouble. He’d just found himself in it. 

Well. He hadn’t gone looking for trouble tonight, anyway. He might’ve brought this trouble upon himself with a half-Nelson & Murdock, half-Daredevil investigation into some extremely shady real-estate deals that he was pretty sure had ties to the mob. But he hadn’t been out searching for anyone tonight. He’d just been walking home from the bar, and then he’d been ambushed by a pedestrian and dragged into an alley. 

So. Not the ideal night. But he could make do. There were too many people to fight off at once, but he was fairly certain he could talk his way out of this-he’d been ambushed in his normal clothes, which meant these people only knew him as the lawyer Matt Murdock. 

“What is your little operation, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Murdock,” said a man from in front of him.

“Vince Romano, I assume?” Matt asked. He hadn’t yet run across Vince, who was supposedly the real-estate agent in charge of these deals.

“That would be me. And I’m gonna ask again. What do you know about my business?”

“Oh, not much,” Matt said. “You buy buildings, have a crew fix ‘em up, and sell them at higher prices. That is typically how this works, I think.”

Of course, he knew far more than that-these buildings being purchased were being used as a front, he just hadn’t figured out for what. And Romano had several connections to the mob. So it wasn’t typical real-estate business. Not that he’d let Romano know he knew that.

“I’m gonna ask you one more time, what do you know?”

“I told you all of it,” Matt replied, sounding bored. “What more do you want?”

“I told you what I want.”

“And I told you what I know.”

“Okay.” And Romano stepped back. The man holding Matt still, however, only tightened his grip. Matt heard something being removed from a container-not a knife, maybe…

A needle jabbed into his arm. He yelped in surprise. “What was that for?”

“For not telling me what I asked.”

“What is it?” 

“You don’t need to know. Now. You’re already blind, Mr. Murdock. What I’ve just injected you with is going to numb your entire body. You will lose the sense of touch, then your limbs will cease to function. I have another serum lined up here-” he tapped a glass bottle- “that will take away your other remaining senses after that. Now are you willing to talk?”

Matt shuddered as he felt the serum begin to course through his body. He needed a plan, needed to get out, but he kept thinking of what was about to happen to him-and then it happened, and suddenly his whole body was numb, and his legs gave out from under him. He couldn’t feel his limbs, couldn’t feel the arms that must’ve been holding him up wrapped around him. He tried to move his arms, but found they wouldn’t cooperate. Experimentally, he opened his mouth and said, “I told you what I know,” which came out fairly clearly. 

“You really wanna keep beating that horse? I’ll just give you the other serum now then.”

“No!” Matt shouted. “No, no, I’ll-” there was no way out of this- “I’ll tell you.”

“Do go ahead.”

So he divulged all of his information, his speculations, his suspicions. He knew it was a bad idea, but frankly, he’d been out of options-he couldn’t lose all of his senses. And he had no way of knowing if or when the serum would wear off. So he’d made a logical decision. He hated it, hated that he was willing to give up his information for his own sake, but he knew he had to. 

“Hm. Not as much as I would have thought. Sure you don’t have any more?”

“That’s really all I know,” Matt said, trying to keep his voice even. “I swear.”

“Funnily enough, I don’t believe you.”

And a second needle was pushed into his arm, and he screamed, but then he couldn’t hear himself scream, and the scents of the city faded away, and he couldn’t taste the slight tang of blood that’d been on his tongue from when he’d been grabbed. 

He was aware of being released, and falling to the ground. He didn’t feel the impact, didn’t sense the people leaving, didn’t sense anything at all…

How long he laid there, he wasn’t sure. He was fairly sure he was crying. He might’ve been screaming. He couldn’t tell. 

Slowly, however, his sense of hearing returned. Which didn’t help much, except that he could hear the tears dripping off of his face and onto the ground. Then his sense of smell returned, and he could again smell the city, the trash, the salt on his cheeks, the blood in his mouth. Taste then returned, which didn’t do a lot except make him wish it’d go back away, as the metallic taste of blood became evident at the back of his throat. 

He still couldn’t feel, couldn’t move. He started really panicking then. What if that first serum had been permanent? What was he supposed to do? He’d guessed that it was early, early morning, perhaps around 3:00. Few people would be out on this block. He couldn’t move, so he couldn’t call anyone...he guessed he was pretty far back in the alley, so nobody would see him. So there was nothing for it-he’d just have to make some noise and hope someone heard him. 

“Hello?” he tried calling. Nobody responded. 

“I’m in the alley!” he added. Still nothing. 

Then his phone rang-Foggy-but of course he couldn’t answer it, since he couldn’t move. He tried frantically to shift his body even a little, to get the phone out of his pocket, but it was hopeless. 

His phone rang again. What was Foggy even doing awake so early? Matt wondered. 

A horrible thought then occurred to him-what if Vince and his goons had done something to Foggy? What if they’d threatened him? Or worse, what if they’d hurt him, and were using his phone to contact Matt?

The phone rang a third time, then abruptly hung up. Matt sighed and decided to shout for help again. Still nothing.

It was a few minutes before anything happened. Foggy called yet again, and this time, he was able to move his leg-ever so slightly, but he heard it drag against the concrete. He hadn’t been able to feel the movement, which was an extremely strange sensation, but he’d moved! 

“Matt!” 

“Foggy?”

He heard Foggy’s footsteps as he entered the alley, quickening as Foggy presumably caught sight of him.

“Matt! Thank god you’re okay!”

“Did Vince come to you?”

“What? Yeah, he told me what he did to you, warned me to back off...are you okay?”

“Sort of? I can’t move much and I can’t feel anything, but other than that I’m fine.”

He heard Foggy crouch down beside him, his knees hitting the concrete. 

“I’m moving your jacket,” Foggy explained. “It looks...wet.”

Did it? Matt wondered. He hadn’t been able to feel himself get wet, obviously, but this was an alley, he could’ve landed in a puddle…

“Holy shit, Matt, you’re bleeding!”

“I’m what?”

“Bleeding, Matt! Did you not notice?”

“All my senses were gone, Fog. And I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Would’ve thought I’d have bled out by now.”

“It hasn’t been very long,” Foggy said. “Vince just came to me like ten minutes ago.”

Huh. He would have thought it’d been longer. 

“Okay, I’m gonna take you to the hospital, alright?”

Matt was often opposed to the hospital, and this occasion was no exception.

“No way. There are way too many things to explain. We don’t want to make Vince more angry at us.”

Foggy hated to admit it, but Matt had a point. “What do you want to do instead, then?” he asked. 

“You’ve stitched me up before,” Matt pointed out. “Plus, I can’t feel anything at the moment. So. Win-win.”

It was most definitely not a win-win, but it was something, at least. 

“Fine,” Foggy said. They weren’t far from his apartment, so he carefully hefted Matt into his arms, staggering against his weight but managing to stay upright. They arrived back at his house in a few minutes. 

Matt still couldn’t feel anything, but he had been pleased to note he could move his legs fully again. He swung them experimentally in Foggy’s arms.

“Stop that,” Foggy muttered. “I’m gonna drop you.”

“I can move my legs again,” Matt pointed out.

“That’s great, but please don’t do it right now. I’m about to climb some stairs and I really don’t need any distractions.”

“Put me down, then. I can walk.”

“Can you?”

“I can move my legs, can’t I?”

But it turned out that being able to move your legs and being able to walk were two separate things, and Matt’s legs crumpled beneath him.

Foggy sighed and picked him up again. The stairs were slow-going, but finally, mercifully, they made it into Foggy’s apartment. 

“I’m gonna get my first-aid kit,” Foggy said, setting Matt on his couch. He’d have to wash out the blood at some point, he realised. That would be fun.

Foggy returned with his supplies. He had indeed stitched Matt up before, so he knew what he was doing, and was quickly onto his first stitch.

Of course, the numbness had to wear off in the middle of Foggy’s stitching. 

Matt gasped in pain. “Stop! Stop!”

“Not numb anymore?”

“No!”

“I’m almost done, Matt. Just hold on.”

Matt took a shuddering breath, focusing on the feeling that had returned to the rest of his body, instead. Foggy’s couch was soft, his hair was sticky, his clothes were wrinkled and uncomfortable. 

And his torso was on fire. Getting stitched up never got any less painful, no matter how many times it happened. 

Foggy finished his stitches and quickly disappeared to get some painkillers. Matt took them greedily and laid down, trying to take deep breaths and even out the pain, but failing. Being stabbed was one thing-he’d been stabbed plenty of times before. But losing his senses, being completely unable to do anything...that was new. It was scary. 

“It’s okay,” Foggy said softly, reassuringly. A gentle hand brushed his cheek. He hadn’t even been aware he was crying. 

“It was so scary...I couldn’t do anything, Foggy! Nothing, just...laid there. I could’ve bled out, and I wouldn’t’ve known a thing.”

Foggy had no words for his friend. He couldn’t imagine how terrible it must’ve been, to lose all sense of...everything like that. To be completely helpless. So he didn’t say anything. He stood up, grabbed a blanket from a chair, laid it over Matt, and sat on the floor in front of him, back to the couch. He reached up and grabbed Matt’s hand. 

“It’s over now,” Foggy said. “You’re not numb anymore.”

this kinda sucks, sorry!!! thanks so much if you read it!!

[fullsunhyuckie]

we grow up!

*here’s to mark’s graduation from dream! you’ve done well, mark.

slice of life!au

in which a group of strangers go for an adventure of a lifetime.

disclaimer: i know mark graduated yesterday but i wrote this story a long time ago and i feel like there isn’t a better time than now for me to post this. so here goes my tears :,) 

day0:

at 19, mark was unsure of his future.

it never crossed mark’s mind that the age, twenty, would come so early but boy was he wrong. it was as if it was only yesterday he just learnt how to chew gum.

mark was intending to go on a road trip for five days right before he officially becomes an adult. but you see, the downside of being a hardworking individual is that you simply have no friends. that’s how mark came up with the idea to invite 6 other teenagers around his age to follow him. he went to the local cafe right opposite his block. it was the place where teenagers often hang out.

there he met 6 other teens who were different yet he could connect with them easily. renjun, an 18 year old aspiring artist who left his hometown to pursue his dreams. he’s small but he can hit a bitch if he needs to. jeno, an 18 year old cheerful soul who will do anything to ensure that everyone is happy. he says he is no fun but he can turn on his funny button if he needs to. haechan, an 18 year old devilish boy who should’ve been born in the 80s. he picks on others but he sure is full of love. jaemin, a loveable 18 year old boy who could flirt for a living. he may seem a little odd with all the flirting but he’s the most loyal friend you can ever come across. chenle, a 17 year old loud loud child who is absolutely talented. he screams a lot but he definitely has a beautiful voice. and lastly, jisung, a 16 year old dancer who is insanely talented. he’s young but he is taller than you. a fact.

“let’s go on a road trip.” and that’s how their journey began.

day1:

mark thought this was a stupid idea. he was the only one who could drive so how was he supposed to fully experience his adventure. whatever it was, he still continued on. it’s not like he could find group of 6 other willing boys.

he borrowed his brother’s, johnny, red suv and drove right off. there was no plan, nothing. just 7 boys in a red suv ready to experience life together. it started off awkward. none of them talked. even haechan, the supposed moodmaker, was silent throughout the whole journey. there was just nothing they could talk about, they didnt know each other at all.

even as they reached the first pitstop, they were silent. probably just constant gag sounds from renjun because he disliked awkward situations. i mean it’s not like mark could do anything, he was driving. while they were having a cup of hot chocolate (weirdly enough, all of them ordered the same thing), mark blurted out a question about why they decided to follow him. they all had the same exact answer (well not exactly but you get it) and that is because they all have a dream,,,,,and then the awkward silence returned.

they all willingly agreed to pitch a tent and have a camp by the sea, the moment they arrived. well, at least it wasnt so awkward when they were asleep.

day2:

the next morning they drove off to have brunch. on the way to the diner, famous for their pancakes, haechan boosted his stereo to michael jackson’s bad and surprisingly all of them enjoyed it. they had more similarities than they thought they would. as they reached the diner, the mood was lighter than ever. it was as if sleeping together made them bond well. again, all of them ordered rather similarly. jaemin suggested they played a prank on the waitress to add a little spice to their morning. jisung decided that they should play a game and the loser has to sing the menu to the waitress.

as expected, renjun lost and he was forced to do the prank. he came up to her and before he could say anything the waitress said, “with voices as loud as you boys, you think i wouldnt know what you’re about to do? save yourself the embarrassment.” with that all of them ran out, leaving a red cheeked renjun standing in the middle of the diner. remember when i said renjun could hit a bitch if he wanted to? well this is what i meant. none of the boys left without a bruise. especially chenle who could not stop laughing.

they decided once again to stop by a park to take in fresh air. mark decided they should get to know one another even better. thats how they ended up playing a game of two truths and one lie. there were stupid lies and horribly dumb truths that came up and one that got mark thinking whether growing up was something he wanted. during haechan’s turn, he explained that his truth was that he was afraid of not having anywhere to go after being an adult. they all left what haechan said aside because truth be told none of them knew for themselves either.

they carried on playing other games and having dinner at the same diner because let’s be real, renjun’s pride comes after a good meal. but throughout the whole time, all of them started getting afraid of the horrors of their adulthood. even for jisung who still has 4 years left till his coming of age.

day3:

now, the third day was the most awful. they felt raw this day. but we’ll get to that. it has only been 2 days but the boys felt as though they had been friends for decades. or rather decade, none of them are twenty as of now.

jaemin and jeno went to the nearby convenience store to get breakfast for the boys. for the whole day they decided to just sit around and talk. and so they did. thats the reason why they felt raw.

mark sat without sharing anything. he was terrified. he was afraid that if anyone knew about it they would mock him and his innocent dream.

renjun began first. he talked about how he thinks that his dream is dumb. it has been 4 years since he came to korea and not once has he gotten an offer to further his art studies. whats the point he thought? anything he drew would never be approved as beautiful enough. and it sucks because when he showed his artwork, mark thought that it was a masterpiece. to him it doesnt matter how beautiful the piece was, it was the story behind it that counts. and that came mark’s first lesson, that nothing in life is ever fair.

jeno went on to talk about how he had no goal. nothing at all. for him, his dream is to live a life with no regrets. thats why he’s not pushing to do anything to stress himself out. he’s just gonna go with the flow. after graduating from his high school barely passing, he feels as though it doesnt matter. jeno believes that he’ll get somewhere one day. after all he’s still a teenager he’s got enough time to think about these things. but for now, he’ll just live in the moment. and that was mark’s second lesson, to live and let loose.

haechan was next. he had a dream to be a singer. and god that boy could sing. but for haechan he felt insecure. no matter how many people came up to him to tell him he was talented, he just cant accept that. that’s probably why he hides it with all the snarky remarks and the over the top compliments for himself. he never felt that he was good enough. but mark feels bad because haechan doesnt deserve to feel that way. haechan was full of love and he couldnt understand why he couldnt give himself any. this made him learn his third lesson, that only you can bring happiness to yourself.

and then there’s jaemin. mark cant help but feel sympathetic for him. jaemin was a dancer, a really good one (from the videos jaemin showed). but the thing is he cant dance anymore. at all. he got into an accident and now he isnt allowed to dance anymore. but the weird thing is that it didnt stop him from being content with life. for he feels that everything happens for a reason. and mark looks up to jaemin because he never fails to put on a smile knowing that his dream of being a dancer is near impossible for him to achieve. that’s how mark learnt to smile even if failure comes.

well for chenle, he had already achieved his dream. well partially. he is currently a trainee singer at a well known agency in korea. as a child, chenle was a music prodigy in china. he went on talent shows and clinched first place in almost every one of them. it was as if chenle’s future had already been written for him to be a singer. but he never used his past to get a boost for an opportunity in the industry. he worked incredibly hard to get into the agency and never once did he take his place for granted. mark learnt from him that its important to stay humble.

and lastly, jisung, the dancing king. mark was amazed by how insanely talented this boy was. it was no wonder he became a famous child dancer, known all over korea. anywhere jisung went people would recognise him and mob him for his autograph or a picture. but as mark sees how jisung acts when he’s with those his age, he realises that jisung is in fact just a kid and he’s just trying to enjoy life as normal teenager. its a pity for jisung because he devoted his whole youth to dancing, and now even when he looks back, his childhood was all just a blur. he complains that if there was one regret he had, it was not living each day to its fullest. that was mark’s last lesson. to seize every moment.

by the end of it all, they were all starting to doze off. and before they knew it , they fell asleep. except mark because he cant help but wonder what will happen to these boys once they part. and in that same moment he thinks, thank god i met these people.

day4:

the next day they woke up in the late afternoon. all of them felt exhausted after spilling almost everything about themselves.

the moment mark woke up he felt awful. there were only two days left till he becomes an adult and that thought scared him to his wits. he began sobbing softly and the boys came running to him. mark explained.

mark was afraid of having a future at all. everytime he tried, he failed. mark wanted to be a rapper. wanted. because there were so many competitions that he attended and he failed. so many people told him that he’ll fail because as a rapper, there’s no future for him.

mark shared that his parents were supportive of him so that wasnt a problem. but you see he didnt want to burden his parents. he knew if he pursued this dream it would take a lot of money and none would be gained back. now mark’s left, all goal-less because he knows if he tried, he’ll fail for sure.

so that’s how mark ended up here in seoul. because he needed a breather. his parents advised that if he doesnt know what to do he should just enter college. thats a sure success because a degree can get you any job you need. but mark was sure it wont bring him happiness because he knows that he doesnt want to go to university, it’s just not him. mark felt empty as though no one understood him, until now of course.

as the 7 dreamers sat under the night sky they thought to themselves. the adults always say you need to plan for your future, you need to know what you want to do. but they never help you. they’d just leave you to figure things out by yourself.

the adults never tell us how hard the process of growing up is. they never prepare us for it. its like going into a battlefield without weapons. no matter how loud you shout or plead for them to aid you. its useless because now they’ll pull out the “it’s your life. it’s your decision” card. but if you fail, its all on you. and if you succeed then suddenly, the family’s the one who paid for the fees and give you moral support and all that jazz.

so that made them awfully afraid because they knew that one day they’ll be doing something and that they’ll get somewhere. but what if they arent happy? what if they’re miserable?

day5:

it was the last day. the 7 of them drove back. the whole drive home was silent. they knew that it’ll be the last time they would see each other. mark will be leaving. he didnt intend to grow so close with the boys but he did and now he hates it. his heart is heavy to leave them but he has to. he understands that people come and go. thats just the cycle. unknown to mark, this is part of growing up. he has to accept that, nothing in life is constant, no matter how hard it is.

as they reached the same coffee house, you could see how all their eyes turned crystal. but their egos are high, so fret not cause they’ll not cry. except renjun and haechan, they cried. hard.

all mark did was put a smile on his face and he said “yo dream. promise me you’ll remember me, alright. we’ll see each other soon.”

and with that he left. and never turned back. because he knew if he did, he wont be able to say goodbye.

day6 (the day mark turned 20) :

now, mark’s 20.

at 20, mark’s still unsure of his future. but he knows that all he wants for now, is to be happy.

-Z

[tumblunni]

Hi, I'm the anon who sent the messages about Rotom-Cyrus to TWJ. I wanted to explain myself. There are two books in Rotom's Room: one written by Charon where he says he found out about Rotom "by pure chance." So Charon is involved with Rotom (prob why he has that card) but he isn't the one who met Rotom as a kid. I don't want to spoil exactly what happens in USUM incase you haven't reached that part but it does basically confirm Cyrus is the one who wrote that account.

aaaa that suuuuuckscos literally its fuckin a book signed by charon how was i meant to know that oh the other book right next to it isnt by charon alsoand the trading card has no meaning whatsoeverand we’re just giving more sad backstory to a guy who already had a sad backstory and nope charon has no backstory whatsoever and was just super evil and everyone was right for all these years telling me i’m a jerk for liking this characterand right when basically the same thing just happened with faba seriouslyharmless comedic villain in sun and moon, is shown apparantly redeemed in the postgame, but NOPE now its retconned and he was The Most Evil One and something something lusamine isn’t bad anymore and everything she ever did is now being done by faba in the animecos hey yknow thats what i get for giving the benefit of the doubt to ~ugly people~seriously fuckin everyone hated faba right from when he was first revealed, you had people predicting his ENTIRE PLOT based on just one picture of him and his name and no information whatsoever on his personality. we all just fucking knew what was going to happen because he’s a science man with an ‘ugly’ face and he’s ~flambouyant~and then charon fuckin literally existed to be the ~worse man~ who was added to make cyrus more redeemablethats how he was treated in both mangas. he was made more evil just so cyrus could be redeemed, which was POINTLESS because we all already believed he could be redeemed! and fuck we even all already thought he had cute moments with his pokemon as a kid, geez! there’s a hundred fanarts of that same scenario but with murkrow or zubat or magikarp or houndour or sneasel...just fuckin the pokespe manga wrote a personalityless charon who murdered a child and was outright shown not being friends with rotom and actually hating rotom and getting his ass kicked by rotomand then in DPA we get not only More Evil Charon Who Kills People but also he’s drawn really stupidly over the top scary while everyone else is big eyed shoujo dorks. and our protagonist believes that everyone is redeemable except charon. lets show cyrus committing far more evil acts than charon ever did in the game, lets show him being ooc as fuck and talking about murdering pokemon while surrounded by graves. but THAT IS OKAY and our hero will insist on saying he’s redeemable but NOOOPE charon just fuckin steals some money and has an ugly grandpa face and he gets no such sympathy. he just exists to make you forget that moment of cyrus being ooc double evil. cos we literally retconned that charon was responsible for all cyrus’s evil acts last arc, even though he wasnt even in the fuckin story yetand like now my only damn consolation here is that the character i connected with when i first played the game is AT LEAST NOT THAT EVIL. but all the potential signs of headcanoning him as not evil were all false and i just should have known it. and apparantly its a better and more worthwhile plot to just give sad childhood man another pokemon he knew in his sad childhood, and the thing i thought was Really Cool And Interesting Writing didn’t actually exist. like seriously i was fuckin literally suffering from the same abusive childhood cyrus has in his backstory back when i played dppt and i DO NOT KNOW WHY but i ended up connecting with this stupid grandpa more than him and it saved me in a dark time more than him. back then i was a stupid fuck and i hated cyrus cos i saw myself in him, like i didnt want to admit that i was in an abusive family and i wanted to hate him for daring to want to take revenge against the world that fucked him over. i felt he didnt have the right, like I didnt have the right..so yeah i didnt even fully realise cyrus’s backstory until i replayed the game as an adult, but the one thing that did hit me back then was how unexpected and cool it was to turn our opinion of this jerk grandpa on its head. like i mean whoa! i didnt hate him like everyone else did, i found him pretty funny, but still i wasnt a big fan or anything until i saw that diary entry. like charon does LITERALLY NOTHING in the plot there is no reason they should have added him in a third version, he has no reason to exist unless he was meant to be the guy who introduces rotom’s new forms also added in the game. and it was such a mind blown moment! it doesnt even make him less evil! like “whoa this evil guy used to be a good kid once” could still work even if it WASNT a sign of him having potential redeemability, like it makes him so much more personally evil and horrible if he abandoned his best friend or something. I was so dissappointed you don’t get a boss battle with him, cos i went and caught that rotom and was hyped to defeat him with the pokemon he once betrayed and like there’s NONE OF THAT ANGLE if it was cyrus. it doesnt make rotom any different than any of his other pokemon that he owns right now and we know he already cares about, cos he has a crobat.and it JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSEbecause the journal SOUNDS like charon!they both talk all smart guy style but it felt more formal like how charon talksand like how charon boasts a lot, but the journal has him boasting about his friend instead. it sounds too enthusiastic to be cyrus...and like we already know where cyrus grew up as a kid and it wasnt eterna city. and he doesnt have a secret lab in galactic hq also in eterna city, like charon does. and also he’s not like friggin fifty years old so why would his childhood poke-friend be in a wrecked abandoned house if it was just ten years ago or something. and also why would they give charon this trading card where they draw the 100% evil guy having a vaguely genuine smile on his face and not looking like rotom hates him and he’s got it caged up or anything and also why would the card’s effect be all about friendship and why would they define him as The Rotom Guy and why would they even bother to give a trading card to charon if charon is a pointless character who never did anything important and had no actual relevance to this rotom wifi event except apparantly stealing a bunch of diaries from some other guy who was really responsible for it all. and why would they bother to point out that someone signed the diary if it wasnt the guy who wrote the diary, and also we are not going to sign the diary by the guy who actually wrote it. like if it was meant to be cyrus whey didnt they make it clearer?? nobody could be expected to have figured that out!also why does charon have a second rotom room in silph co in HGSS which timeline wise means he would have had it before DPPT and he’s talking about finding a rotom by chance before he ever found this diary that doesnt really belong to him. like why would he build an entire lab of form machines if he didnt own a rotom yet? how would he know enough to make them actually work for rotom if he never owned a rotom yet?why did nintendo decide to do all this if i wasnt supposed to reach the conclusion that charon had ANYTHING to do with rotom???why didnt they make it fucking clearer. why couldnt i have been saved years of clinging to this stupid ass headcanon and basing a lot of my taste in stories on the whole concept of ‘wow that was so fucking cool how they took a one dimensional looking villain and then turned it on our head with a cool reveal and made me super eager to see future stories with him’ and hey we’re not ever gonna get those and also everyone else was right and i should just give up and agree that ugly looking granddads will always be eviland why the fuck did i somehow link my self worth to such a random ass headcanon for a random ass character like seriously could someone have properly explained cyrus’s plot to me as a kid so i could have had him stop me from committing suicide instead. like seriously if they’d just made cyrus’s grandpa less hard to find and explained the plot more clearly and explained that he was the rotom kid AAAAAAAAARGHand i really didnt fucking need this, usum, right after also people started telling me that lusamine is ~really good~ and her whole child abuse plot is gone now like ha ha ha ha fucking ha lets crush bunni on two damn levelsand what is my fucking luck that this happened to happen right on the same day when i got some stupid ass anon hate and also had a horrible nightmare about my abusive fatherlike seriously dude who sent me this ask im really sorry ive had such an incoherant babbling reply to it, its just been a really bad day for me and like.. im not freaking out because of this minor headcanon being proven wrong, its just like i was already freaking out and having some random irrelevant headcanon bullshit happen right now is REALLY bad timing to push me off the edgehopefully i can calm down and come back and give a more coherant response of like.. why i headcanoned the different thing and why I’m sad its not true, even though i’m happy for you that your personal headcanon did become true instead.but like it sucks to be told ‘nope you’re not allowed to have your favourite character, his one and only personality trait was just a misconception you had’ during such a really bad timing of such an already bad daynintendo could u give us like a sassy science villain gramps who DOES have a redemption plot? or at least a plot that isnt ‘exists to be worse than the main villain’? like seriously why did it happen twice. i was happy at original sun and moon cos it felt like faba as charon but better written but then NOOOOPEjust...god...what.what sort of fuckface up in heaven decided to throw all the bad shit at me today and not at least spread it out across the rest of the week?

[aparigrhaa]

Cant Deal

Unfortunately, I really do not like Windhoek. I find it really hard to deal with this place. It has a lot of colonial buildings and signs of new developments like high rise buildings which is such a weird mixture. And basically for a capital really bad planning of the city's layout and I find the whole place so out of place. I cant deal well with cities or towns that are in between developments, for example, Johor Bahru or Rabat. And I dont feel safe at all here. People stare at me even more intensely and even my hostel tells us not to bring any valuables or bags out when heading out to town. I only bought some money with me when I did. 

Just today some group of guys called out to me and as usual I would ignore and they started shouting at me. A while later I realised they were following me at an alarming speed, all three of them. I quickly crossed the road towards a mall nearby and thereafter the following stop after one last shout from them "run yea runnnn!" Immediately, I decided I'm gonna leave tomorrow morning.

Carrying my passport out to buy my tickets to Swakopmund and back into Cape Town was such a stressful task. I was so alert and ready in fight or flight mode. Bought the next bus out to Swakopmund tomorrow morning and also the return trip to Cape Town. I decided to head back to Cape Town because I dont have enough time to do Skeleton Coast and Namibia in general so why not use that time to complete the stuff I wanna do in Cape Town. In the first place maybe I shouldnt even have come to Namibia. What was I thinking?

To be honest I really wanna do Etosha National Park, Skeleton Coast & Sossusvlei but there really isnt enough time and resources - money and tours. Its so hard to get a tour here that goes to Skeleton Coast. I only found one, but when contacted, seemed like a non-existent company.

I feel horrible for thinking and feeling this way. For a while I felt like a privileged self-entitled kid that cant deal with third world environment. What was I even expecting? This is Africa. As much as Cape Town really impressed me, South Africa to the rest of Africa is like how Singapore is to the rest of the Southeast Asian countries. I guess there is still a little bit of a culture shock for me. I simply cannot understand or deal with how a country can be so vast but yet so bleak. There is simply not much here. It feels so industrious. I should have prepared myself for this.

Just had a quiz night at the hostel and it saved the day. I was so shitty but the people in the hostel created such fun I am so thankful. Unfortunately, I am super creeped out by this English guy who wears a shirt that says "Lesbian trapped in a man's body". He was doing some palm readings and the way he held my hand made me so uncomfortable. And the most creepy part was that seriously he could read my life. Whatever he said was kinda on point and that is scary as shit. Whatever happens, I'm getting out of here the first thing tomorrow morning, goodnight!