#but the reality is there's so many wonderful people i've met on here and who i can hit up to hang out with and have a lovely time together

[bodyexchangeman]

Here's a story I've been thinking about for a while. It's the kind of thing that gets me going. It's a first attempt - a bit long - and the first part. So be nice about it lol. And if this has inspired anyone and you wanna chat about this kind of stuff then just message me.

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Trading Places

Part 1: The Swap

Harry adjusted the waist of his Ralph Lauren polo shirt as he sat on the edge of the hotel bed, legs crossed at the ankle in his tan chinos and spotless brown loafers. The subtle scent of expensive cologne lingered around him.

Across the room stood Kieran, slouched with arms folded, sporting a grey North Face tracksuit, his Nike Air Max 95s tapping rhythmically against the floor. A black Nike crossbody bag hung from his shoulder, and a black Adidas baseball cap was pulled low over his brow. The contrast between them was stark—like two characters from completely different shows who'd walked into the same scene.

“So... reckon we’re really doing this then?” Kieran said, a grin tugging at the corner of his mouth.

Harry gave a small laugh, a bit nervous but excited. “Yeah. Why not? I mean, we’re the same build. It’s not like it won’t fit.”

The two had met just two months earlier on a quirky online blog dedicated to body swaps—more a space for fantasy than reality, but the two had quickly hit it off. Curious, and discovering they lived just a few towns apart, they’d agreed to meet in person, wondering if switching lives—even just outwardly—might feel like something more.

—----------

Harry was an engineering student at uni. He was smart enough to know that he had always had a pretty privileged upbringing. His parents were pretty well off and life was easy for the family. But for Harry there was always something in the background. He felt like he was pushed to fit in. No one ever said anything or demanded anything of him but nevertheless he felt compelled to be the person his family expected. 

But he yearned to be something different. Even if it was just for a short while. He spent many a night awake in bed wondering what it would feel like to be a council estate lad. Life would probably be a lot less comfortable but to Harry's mind, it would be more free. He would like awake imagine being one of the lads he would see in town, tracksuit and trainers, hanging around with their mates and just killing time.

And soon his mind would wander to their wiry, toned bodies. And he would find his cock hardening and would end up wanking himself frantically, imagining that body was his.

And so, one day after some vague internet searches Harry stumbled on a blog for guys into body swapping and transformation. It was like unlocking a whole new world. The posts were a range of stories and pics. There were so many more people excited by the idea of swapping bodies or lives than he ever imagined. There were plenty of people who posted about swapping with older guys, or transforming into “dumb jocks”, or even race or gender swaps. None of that was really Harry’s thing but gradually he began to find the posts that fitted his own desires. And soon he began liking and commenting on posts. Resharing pictures of the guys he liked and the stories that most closely matched his fantasies.

Harry had never been sure of his sexuality but even before finding the site he knew that wanking over pictures of guys was hardly “straight”, but rather than scratching that itch, the site just intensified his feelings. He increasingly found himself wanking over the contents of the blog. Shooting his load while daydreaming about his "new life".

After a while Harry began messaging some of the people whose stories he liked. Most were friendly and happy to chat about their fantasies and Harry even role played with a few of them. But most of them were really not his ‘type’ and no one ever even lived in the same country. 

That was until he messaged UKlad98. Or Keiran as he now knew him. Keiran had been what you'd call a lurker. He never posted or shared anything. But Harry noticed that Kieran had followed him and would always like the post that most closely matched Harry's fantasy. Pictures of lads in tracksuits and trainers. Stories about swapping class and the like. Eventually Harry had messaged UKlad98 to say hi and see if Harry could ease him into a chat.

At first it was slow. Uklad98 would take days to reply. But gradually he seemed to get over his initial nerves (were they nerves?) and the two began to converse. They talked about how they both imagined swapping bodies and lives and seemed to have very similar fantasies. Harry had avoided pressing UKlad98 too hard about what his life and body were like, but then out of the blue a message came through: “so what are you like? Wanna swap a pic? Maybe we could swap bodies lol”. 

Harry stopped in his tracks. He had regularly imagined what he thought UKlad98 might be like, but knew that he was projecting his fantasy. Which had made him more reluctant to ask his new friend for details in the fear that might spoil the fantasy forever. 

After a few hours Harry finally resolved to see it through and logged back in, responding that yes, he would like to talk about trading bodies and followed that up with a concise description of himself and his life. 

After a few minutes UKlad98 was back online and had “hearted” Harry's message. Then to Harry’s suprise he received a photo. The system blurred it out at first and asked if Harry was open to receiving images. Harry’s heart was now racing. But he was also steeling himself for disappointment. By his luck UKlad98 would turn out to be some kind of bear or some scruffy looking nerd. Harry clicked on the accept button and waited for the image to resolve.

And then suddenly  there he was - Keiran - tracksuit bottoms, a white t-shirt with a thick gold chain over it, baseball cap and a can of lager in his hand, larking about in his back garden. Harry had never smiled as hard as he did that moment…

—--------------

Harry stood and reached for his belt buckle. “Alright. Shall we?”

Kieran nodded, pulling his tracksuit top up over his head. The process began almost like a ceremony—tops off first, then trousers, footwear, socks, and finally underwear. Harry tried not to look too directly at Kieran as they undressed, unsure if what reaction he'd get, despite them both having admitted how all if this would turn them on, but both couldn’t help comparing slightly.

Kieran pulled on Harry’s fitted polo, admiring the softness of the fabric. “Blimey, this is posh. Feels mad expensive.”

Harry, meanwhile, was slipping one leg into Keiran’s trackie bottoms, the loose material unfamiliar against his skin. “This feels... casual,” he said, almost uncertain, but he kept going. “And these Nikes—which ones are they?”

“Air Max 95s,” Kieran said, now zipping up Harry’s chinos and slipping into the loafers, wobbling slightly. “Bit tight round the waist, but mate, I feel like a stockbroker.” They both laughed, but Harry could already feel his cock swelling as he felt the damp cotton of Keiran’s briefs against his skin. Harry turned slightly to try and hide the bulge that Keiran's tracksuit was not going to cover very well. 

Harry tugged the hoodie over his head and adjusted his new cap. “Do I look convincing?”

“You look like you’re about to meet the lads outside a Greggs,” Kieran said with a laugh. “And me? Do I pass for a Kensington twat?”

Harry chuckled, looking Kieran over. “You clean up surprisingly well.”

Both now stood fully dressed in each other’s clothes, everything from their socks and boxers, to their watches and jewelry, the complete swap done. There was a strange energy in the room—part awkward, part electric. Each man was seeing the world from the other side of the class divide, through cotton, leather, and polyester.

“This is mad,” Kieran said, looking at his reflection in the mirror. “But I ain’t gonna lie—I feel classy as hell. And horny as fuck.” He chuckled. 

“And I feel… chilled,” Harry admitted. “Like I’m off to a house party in Croydon.”

Kieran laughed. “We should go for a pint. See how long we can keep this up.”

Harry smiled, adjusting the strap on Keiran's crossbody bag that was now across his chest. “Let’s do it. But you’re ordering—I wouldn’t know what to ask for in a pub round here.”

“Fair,” Kieran said, tossing him a wink. “Let’s see what the world thinks of us now.”

And with that, the two stepped out into the night, each wearing the other’s world like a second skin...

To be continued (hopefully)

Let me know what you think. And if there are any Keiran's out there ... Lol

[angels-fantasy]

Top Secret Fiction Ch. 8

Kiss Kiss Kiss!

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Description: After meeting the one and only pro hero Dynamight on a dating app, you two begin to see each other. Because of the dangers that come with his hero work, you both promise to be completely honest with each other from the beginning; though you can't help but keep one big secret from him.

You write fan fiction, mostly about him.

Chapter Details: erm honestly nothing super crazy! just lots of embarrassment on readers part and a smooch heh

Word Count: 1.9k

previous chapter

As you and Bakugou sat on your couch next to each other, you felt the awkward tension and it physically pained you.

You didn't really know how to start this, but you were so desperate for this awkwardness to end.

"So um, do you want me to just pull up some of my work?" You asked quietly.

Bakugou hummed, "Yeah. That sounds fine."

You nodded and sped walked over to your room to grab your laptop. As you did so, you couldn't believe that this was your reality. How embarrassing.

Once you got back to the couch you sat down next to him again and opened your laptop, letting him look over your shoulder as you signed in. At this point, who cares if he sees your log in information. He already knows your most embarrassing secret.

As you scrolled through your works, you tried to remember the details of each and every one, hoping to find a fic that was the most normal out of all of them.

Suddenly Bakugou leaned over and pointed at the corner of the screen, "You have a lot of posts."

"Huh?"

Looking at where he pointed, you saw where the website showed how many works you had in total.

You nodded, "Oh, yeah. I've been writing for a long time."

Bakugou hummed, rubbing his shoulder. "How long?"

It was your turn to hum, fiddling with your fingers as you tried to remember. "Probably about three years..." You replied, making him raise his eyebrows.

"Y'know I actually didn't think I'd get this far with writing this type of stuff."

The laptop in front of you was long forgotten about, but maybe this was a better approach. Maybe he needed to hear about this a little more, and maybe you needed to talk about it more as well.

You tucked your feet underneath your bottom and faced him as you continued. "I knew that like...fan-fiction, and stuff was popular but it was never my goal to become a uh, big name, in the community."

"I just did it for fun, because it felt like an escape sometimes. And, I didn't actually start out writing for you, or about you I guess." You chewed on your lip, "I'm not too sure how to word it."

"What did you start out with?"

"Mmm, just other characters, fictional ones. I remember the first time I wrote for you it was because someone had requested it. That post had gotten pretty big and then more and more people asked for stuff about you...so I just did it."

Bakugou hummed. "So you weren't a fan of me before we met?" He teased, making you laugh lightly.

You shook your head. "Not necessarily. I knew who you were and all but I didn't start actually liking you until a year into my writing. This might sound weird but I used to watch a lot of clips of you so I could get your personality right."

"Well once I read some of your stuff, I'll let you know if you did good."

You flushed at his words. You had forgotten why he was here.

"Ah, right. Um, I think this one is something you could start with." You said and handed your laptop over to him. "It's one of my earlier posts, from about two years ago."

You watched silently as he read over your work. You wanted to look away, but if you did then you wouldn't be able to see his reaction.

In your head you were freaking out and wondering what he was thinking. You were expecting him to be much more reactive but he suddenly became stone faced right as he started reading.

As he read through it, you sat there anxiously and doing everything in your power not to freak out and yank your laptop out of his hands.

It felt like an eternity before he finally gave you some kind of reaction. It was small, just a twitch of his eyebrow, but it was something.

At the sight of it your face grew even more worried. "What is it? Oh my word, you think it's bad, huh? I never should've done this. I'm so-"

"Stop." His voice cut through your rambling, making you freeze and stop your spiraling.

He looked at you with a calm expression (as calm as he could look, at least) and let out a sigh. "It's... actually not bad.I mean, yeah a few specific things about me are off but... it's not like you knew me then."

Oh. Okay, so he didn't think it was bad. That's good, right? If it was, then why were you still feeling so guilty and embarrassed?

He waved a hand in front of your face, "Hey, you still with me?"

You blinked. "Yeah, sorry. I'm just... surprised? I don't know. I was expecting you to hate it."

"Don't assume how I'll feel about something." He sassed, "But just know it's not a deal breaker, if that's what you're really worried about."

Your eyes widened, "Wait - really?"

"Don't make it weird." He said with a flushed face. "I still like you and you obviously enjoy doing this. Who the hell am I to stop you?"

You smiled at his words, feeling thankful. Now you were able to relax a little more since he reassured you that your hobby wasn't a problem.

"That's a relief." You said and let out a sigh, leaning back into the couch. There was a moment of silence between the two of you until Bakugou broke it by speaking up.

"I hope y'know I'm being serious." He said, "I do...like you, and I wanna keep seeing you. Just uh, don't be scared to tell me stuff. Okay?"

You gave him a small smile and nodded. "Yeah, okay."

For the rest of the time he was there, he continued to ask questions about your writing. What did you like about writing? Why not write for other people or characters? Did you have any experience in writing prior to this?

You answered each question a little shyly at first but once you started getting into it, it was like watching a ball of yarn unravel.

As Bakugou listened to you talk he was able to realize how much your writing meant to you. It wasn't some weird thing you did just to be creepy. You were actually pretty good and created a little world for yourself and others on the internet.

He'd never admit it out loud but he thought it was sweet. Plus, you looked pretty cute while talking about your love for writing.

He had spaced out while you spoke, just staring at your face and the way your hands moved around excitedly until you finally dropped them and looked at the silly cat clock on your living room wall.

"It's getting late. Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble on for so long." You said, feeling a little embarrassed. It seems like that was a big emotion for you today.

Bakugou shook his head as he stretched his arms above his head. "'S fine. I'm the one who came over here, but you're right."

He stood up with a grunt, probably still sore from work or training, and you followed his movements.

You stood in front of him, not feeling sure what to do next even though the obvious answer was to walk him out.

The silence felt uncomfortable again and you scrunched your eyes closed as if it would make it go away.

The feeling of Bakugou's hand on the top of your head surprised you, making you open your eyes and look at him.

He looked a little embarrassed, more flushed than usual. "I meant it when I said that I still wanna see you. So don't go thinking this is the last time you'll see me or anything."

You nodded. "I know. I'm just still a little embarrassed, I guess." You said and looked down at your feet.

His hand that was on your head moved down the side of your face and fell on your cheek. He then brought up his other hand to hold the opposite side.

He tilted your head upwards just slightly and looked at you. You looked at him the same way, noticing how his gaze flickered from your eyes down to your lips.

You felt the butterflies in your stomach start to flutter around. Jeez, you didn't think you'd get this far. Especially after today.

The look on his face was almost desperate but he looked unsure of himself. That was a look that was weird to see on him.

You knew what was about to happen, and he did to, so why did he look way more nervous about kissing you than you did?

"I just let you in on my most embarrassing secret and you're still hesitant to kiss me?" You teased, giggling as the soft look on his face fell. You didn't know where you got the courage to say such a thing, but it seemed to work out in your favor.

He clicked his tongue and smirked, "Shaddup."

Then finally, he leaned in and you did the same until your lips met. You brought your hands up to place them on his chest while his stayed in place.

His lips were soft and tasted like the strong mints he was always chewing on. They felt just as good as you imagined, but at the same time felt so different.

When you both pulled away from each other, you opened your eyes again and looked him in the eyes, feeling shy all over again but in a much different way. A good kind of shy.

If you had to describe the kiss, you'd say it was soft and sweet. Totally unlike how Bakugou was portrayed but in your opinion, that made it better. It was like this soft side of him was a secret all for you and you alone.

You blinked up at him and gave him a playful smile. "Not too bad."

He chuckled and pinched your cheek lightly, "Says the one who was feeling up on me-"

"Oh my word, no I wasn't!" You denied, knowing you were lying. He laughed in response and you huffed at him.

When your laughter and teasing died down, he looked at the clock again and sighed.

"Mkay, now I really gotta go. I have work tomorrow." He said, making you feel a little disappointed even though you knew he was right.

"Oh yeah... okay. I'll walk you out." You said and grabbed one of his hands and led him to the front door.

Before he fully made his way out he turned to face you and pressed a kiss to your forehead, catching you off guard. "I'll see you soon. Okay?"

You nodded, feeling all flushed from his actions. "Okay."

He gave you a rare smile and said goodbye, promising to text you when he got home.

After he finally left, you shut the door and leaned against it for a moment before squealing excitedly.

"He kissed me!"

A meow interrupted your excitement and you looked down to see Cheerios sitting by your feet. You cooed and bent down to pick him up.

"Aw I'm sorry Cheerios, I left you all alone." You babied him, "I was busy talking to Bakugou. One day he might be your dad if I get lucky. How does that make you feel?"

Cheerios purred and rubbed his head against your chin in response, making you giggle and awe at him. "I feel the same way."

authors note

hello...is this thing on...

i have finally posted! so sorry for such a late post. if i'm being honest, not only am i busy with school but my heart isn't in this fic anymore 😞 it feels so rushed and i hate that it's not my best work because i know i can do better but i would rather die than leave a fic completely unfinished lol so pls don't think i'll abandon it completely! anyways, i'm probably gonna write two more chapters for this fic :) i hope you liked this chapter <3

taglist (closed for this fic): @doumadono @54fangirl @andysdrafts @dagger-dragger @lovra974 @l4rsun1vrrse @emmab3mma @littlkittenfan @tatiquichi @cloudxluv @seonne @shonen-brainrot @the2ndl @gold24fish @cxp1dz @rv19 @gina329 @liluvtojineteyam @svtflxwer @unofficialmuilover @sukunasbottomlefteyeball @yjploum @coweared @attractivepie @idkwhattocallmyselfs @suki0

those in pink cannot be tagged!

[babyleostuff]

roses and dahlias | choi seungcheol

summary | [requested by: @lifeisnotajuunice] the reader being a florist and friends with dk, so one day he brings the whole team to meet reader at their shop and scoups is instantly drawn in by them

genre | fluff

pairing | idol!seungcheol x florist!reader

word count | 2.2k

author's note | while writing this i've realized how little i know about flowers (i literally have no idea how half of these flowers are called in my native language)

Taking a last look at the bouquet you were holding, you hummed in approval, weaving in some final pieces of baby breath to add a soft touch that would stand out in comparison to the crimson red roses and gerbera daisies. “Whoever this bouquet is meant for must be a very lucky person,” you thought, gently putting the flowers in a vase and placing it next to the eight others that were supposed to be picked up in the afternoon.

“They are for your friend, right?” Nodding at your colleague, you wiped your hands on the apron you got from said friend, looking one last time at the bouquet, which now looked even prettier as it stood on the sunlit windowsill. “They are having some sort of party for the whole team, and they ordered nine compositions for the staff,” you explained, looking over at your co-worker. 

“They look great, I’m sure they’ll love it.” 

“To be honest, I don’t think they know much about flowers, so anything will be good for them,” you laughed, remembering how Seokmin gave you peonies thinking they were roses. You spent the next ten minutes explaining the differences between those two, surely boring your best friend to death.

In his defence, they are kind of similar. 

“Will he pick up all of this by himself?”  

“Oh, no, he and some of his bandmates are coming later in the afternoon,” you said, nervously chewing on your bottom lip. The fact that most of them would be coming over in a couple of hours, made you feel a lot more anxious than it should.

You and Seokmin have known each other for so many years now, yet you’ve never met all of his friends properly. But there was one specific person that you were the most nervous to meet.

Choi Seungcheol. 

You always brushed it off as a silly little crush on a guy you’ve never even met, because no matter how delusional his fancams made you, that was the reality. The biggest interaction you’ve had was liking his Instagram photo, which you immediately regretted, and it’s not like he would pay much attention to you anyways. Still, you could feel your chest tighten at the thought of him actually meeting him. 

The rest of the day was busy as always. You helped the customers with picking flowers, making sure to put your heart into every bouquet you made. You’ve always wondered what history would each of these bouquets hold after leaving your shop - because to you, it was merely a job to put together a beautiful piece, but for the receiving person, the flowers meant so much more than that. 

Soon, the sun was setting, and people were rushing home to their loved ones, streets busy and loud. You proudly looked at the final order you put together, rolling your shoulders, hoping it would release some tension that accumulated throughout the day. 

“We’re here,” suddenly a loud voice pulled you out of your thoughts, startling you a bit in the process. You quickly put away all of the sharp tools that could harm you by accident. “And who would that be?” you joked, not bothered to check who's just entered.

Two strong arms wrapped around your shoulders, and your back met a familiar chest. 

“You weren’t at the concert last week,” Seokmin pouted, when you turned around to face him. “Well, I have my responsibilities you know,” you laughed at his disappointed expression. “Besides, I wasn’t able to buy the tickets.” 

“You know you could’ve just called me,” he said, realising you from the hug, “I know, I know.” 

That’s when you noticed a group of other people watching you. And not just any people. 

“Right, I don’t think you’ve properly met before,” Seokmin said, putting an arm around your shoulder. “These are the only ones that bothered to help me, so they’re the best,” he said proudly, looking at his friends. 

“Don’t let Soonyoung hear this, or he’ll get mad,” said Seungkwan, you believed. You also recognised the tallest, and the one with glasses next to him - Mingyu and Wonwoo. “And that’s Joshua, Chan and Seungcheol,” your friend pointed at the blond man standing furthest away from you. 

You waved your hand at them awkwardly, clutching the cloth you were cleaning with tightly in your hand. They all seemed extremely nice, nothing but smiles on their faces, yet it was quite underwhelming meeting them all at once.

And it wasn’t even the whole band. 

As your gaze drifted back to Seungcheol, the realisation that he was actually real hit you slowly, like - he really was standing right in front of you. And he was as perfect as a person could be. 

“Don’t worry, we’ll just grab the flowers and leave,” he said, nodding in the direction of the bouquets. “Oh,” you managed to get out, trying not to sound disappointed, because of course, why would they stay any longer than needed. They were here only for the flowers. 

You pointed at the windowsill where all of the vases were. 

“You did them all by yourself?” Mingyu asked, his eyes wide with interest. “Yes, it’s all me,” you smiled at his fascinated gaze. It always made you feel so appreciated whenever people reacted that way at your work. It only assured you that you were great at what you were doing. 

“Can I take a picture of them?” you nodded, giggling at how excited he seemed. “We’ll be here forever if he starts taking photos,” Wonwoo sighed, sliding his glasses further up his nose. 

“But it really is a nice place,” Joshua said, patting Wonwoo on the shoulder. “Do you mind if we take some pictures?” he asked. Honestly speaking, even if you wanted to say “no”, you wouldn’t be able to. He looked so genuinely polite and nice.  

You went back behind the counter to give the boys some freedom, yet your gaze couldn’t help but wonder toward Seungcheol. He was posing in front of a bunch of tulips and orchids, his blond hair standing out amongst the violet and burgundy flowers, making him look almost ethereal, as the setting sun was illuminating his face.

Seriously, you had to stop ogling him, even though you were sure he’d already noticed how you were staring at him. You caught him looking at you a couple of times in the span of the last ten minutes, but that couldn’t be true, it was silly for you to even think so.  

The boys, on the other hand, looked like they had genuinely a lot of fun, trying to guess the different flowers’ names, and doing the silliest poses in front of the camera. 

Busying yourself with cleaning, you searched around for the little stool you always used to reach the higher shelves, but it was nowhere to be seen. It’s almost like it magically disappeared when you needed it the most.

Giving up, you sighed, and got up on your tippy toes to put back all of the equipment. What you didn’t quite think about was the fact that the floral branch cutter was a lot heavier than you expected. You yelped in surprise when it suddenly started slipping out of your hands. 

Right as you closed your eyes and prepared yourself to get your foot smashed by it, you felt a warm hand on your lower back, and another one holding the cutter, grabbing your own hand in the process. You slowly opened your eyes, just to be met with Seungcheol’s face.

“Are you okay?” He sounded worried, concern written all over his face. “Yes, I’m okay,” you said, although you were sure it came out more like a whisper. “It was too heavy, and it kind of slipped out.” 

God, did you really have to embarrass yourself like that now? 

“Are you sure everything is alright?” He asked again, as if he didn’t believe your words. You nodded, letting go of the cutter, as he reached for the shelf with ease. “Let me help you with the rest,” he said, looking at the rest of your stuff that was laying on the countertop.

“Why didn’t you ask for help, you could’ve gotten hurt,” he scolded you, his eyes looking straight into yours. 

You didn’t know what to say. Why was he being so protective of you? 

“Shut it, he’s just being nice,” you thought, brushing off the warm feeling settling in your stomach. 

“I didn’t mean to sound rude before,” he suddenly said, fidgeting with his fingers. “I just didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable because of us. We’re kind of a lot,” he laughed, running a hand through his gorgeous hair.

His eyes had a certain softness to them, looking at you like you were something precious to him. But he looked at his members the same way, so it surely didn’t mean anything. 

“It’s okay,” you managed to hold your voice steady. “I’m happy you got to take some photos. It looks like you’re having fun,” you smiled at him, trying to memorise every detail of his face before he’d be gone - his golden brown eyes, the way his long black eyelashes would flutter, and his smile, that made your knees weak. 

“We do. It’s nice to do something like this after work,” he said, placing the last cutter on the shelf. “Is there anything else I could help you with?” 

You looked around the shop. “No, I think that was it.” 

“Okay,” it didn’t go unnoticed by you how he sounded almost upset. “I guess I’ll get back to the boys.” 

It was impossible for you to know that Seungcheol was freaking out about this even more than you were. 

He has seen you a couple of times before, when you were visiting Seokmin in the practice room, or at the backstage after a concert, yet he has never gotten a proper chance to talk to you, and introduce himself.

And Seungcheol was dying to do so.

He didn’t know when this crush started, probably around the time he noticed how his heart would beat a bit faster whenever he’d hear you laugh. 

“I just wanted to say that all of the bouquets are amazing,” he said, the moment you came to terms with the fact that this was the end of your conversation. “They’re really beautiful.” 

“Oh, thank you. I hope your staff members will love them as well.” 

“I’m sure they will,” Seungcheol said. “Who’s this one for?” he asked, pointing at the garden roses and dahlias. “It’s for a wedding.” 

“It’s roses and?” “Dahlias. My favourite,” you said, staring at the flowers. 

“Coups, could you come here for a second?” All of a sudden, Joshua’s voice echoed through the shop, making you eternally cry, because you knew that if Seunghceol would leave now, you’d never get to talk again. 

“Um, I guess I’ll see what he wants,” and with that Seungcheol walked away, leaving you disappointed and frustrated.

“Someone here has got a little crush,” Mingyu approached you right after Seungcheol left, with a smirk on his face and a weirdly suspicious expression. “What do you mean? We were just talking,” you tried to sound as nonchalant as you could, because there is no way he could know about your crush.

“I have never seen him so smiley and giggly with anyone he has just met before. His eyes are basically heart shaped when he looks at you,” he said, leaning on the counter next to you, his smirk only widening. “Besides, he kept looking in your direction all the time.”

A “what?” slipped past your mouth, making Mingyu laugh. “Well, it looks like he’s not the only one who’s a bit in love,” you smacked him on his shoulder. “I’m not in love, and neither is he.”

“Sure. Let’s get back to that when you’re at HYBE visiting your boyfriend,” he winked and walked away, leaving you stunned and speechless. 

“Okay guys, let’s wrap this up and get the bouquets which we really came here for,” said Seokmin, grabbing the first vase. 

“Remember to keep the tulips in full sun and to put the magnolias in water first thing when you get home,” you said, carefully helping them with each bouquet. “Seokmin, don’t hold them so tightly, you’ll break them,” you scolded your friend. 

“How come all of the gym rats came to help with something as delicate as flowers,” Seokmin wondered, shifting his grip on the flowers. “I’m not a gym rat,” Joshua said, earning a swat on the shoulder from Seungcheol. 

Saying your final goodbyes, each of the boys left with a bouquet, chatting and evidently more happy than you were. You tried to find Seungcheol amongst them, to take one last look, but he was nowhere to be seen. 

You hugged Seokmin as he was the last to leave. “Our leader must really like you,” he whispered to you quickly, running away with a laugh before you could reply. 

Closing the shop after them, you returned to the counter only to be met with a single dahlia laying there with a piece of paper next to it. 

“The flowers are really pretty, but I think you’re the prettiest.”

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @eightlightstar @itza-meee @immabecreepin @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @dkswife

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Stardew valley bachelors (and krobus and the wizard) witnessing the farmer chug multiple jars of mayonnaise. Just really slinging it back.

Okay ngl I never did this till right now and I got everybody's reactions so this is based on the responses my farmer got after doing this

Spoilers: they've all known my farmer for about 7 years so it's nothing too shocking to them,,,but it's still highly questionable lmao

.....

Shane

"Umm..."

For years, him and Pam were beer addicts...and now comes along you, the new farmer who's a very...different kind of addict.

An addict to mayonnaise, that is.

For years, people have been judging him for his habit, so it seems fair that he should be allowed to judge you 100% for having the weirdest fucking habit in the valley.

He started opening up to you (in his 2 heart event) and you're just sitting next to him, drinking mayonnaise to wash out the beer he offered you.

Only after you two get closer does he decide "well shit, they're weird..but they're also one of the few who care about me,,,"

And he eventually lets go of it altogether.

But he'll still tease you about your mayo addiction from time to time.

"What're you gonna put in the potluck this year? Gold star mayo? Or did you already eat it on the way here?"

"Oh shut up."

"Heh heh."

Sam

"Gross!"

Considering it's one of his hated gifts, this shouldn't come as a surprise to you.

But the way you've absolutely freaked him out by drinking it in front of him (and subsequently making him miss his kickflip) was hilarious.

"That's what you get for skating on other people's property." You shook your head, smirking as you bring out another jar. "You think Jodi needs some for later? Or should I just drink it in front of her, too?"

"NO! Stop. Please don't do that." Sam hisses. "One, she might uninvite you from future family dinners. And two, she'll think it's one of those weird trends and blame me for it!"

"A trend..hm? Doesn't sound like a bad idea. This town could use one more tradition." You laugh, consuming the jar and not missing the look of horror on his face.

"A-And I thought Abigail eating rocks was nuts...you two would be great friends.."

Harvey

"Umm..."

While he's well aware of the many health benefits to mayonnaise, he wonders if you know that they're best as a condiment....not a beverage you can just sling back.

"But you told me to lay off the Joja Colas, doctor," you pointed out to him. "You're telling me those are a healthier alternative to this?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying at all." He huffs. "It's just..erm..I've never met someone who enjoyed mayonnaise by itself..it sounds-"

"Disgusting?"

"N-No! I didn't mean it like-"

"I'm kidding, Harvey." You laugh a little, amused by his nervousness. "You know any side effects to drinking large quantities of mayo?"

"..none in particular, but that doesn't mean you should-"

"Then if I start feeling anything different, I'll let you know. Thank you." With a wink, you pull out some dinosaur mayo and drink it on your way out of the clinic...with poor Harvey wondering wtf that was.

Regular mayo was fine, but that green icky-looking mayo...had him gravely concerned over what you were doing to your body.

Elliot

"Why?!"

You thought you were being subtle, drinking a little bit of mayo while hanging out at his beachside cabin.

But nope.

You've absolutely horrified this man. Traumatized, even.

It's almost as bad as the time you left a super cucumber on his doorstep, and the next day he sent you a letter demanding to know who made you play this "cruel prank" on him.

In reality, you thought it'd be a nice gift and he'd make something poetic out of a rare sea creature you fished up.

Apparently not and that's when you quickly learned it's a hated one.

"Oh don't be so dramatic," you shake your head. "It's easier to carry than some full course meal."

"But you could have any other food....why that?" Elliot asks, now genuinely curious about what goes on in your mind to think mayo is a suitable choice in food.

You have no explanation though other than "it's most convenient for me and I like the taste".

So he leaves it alone but....maybe it's better not to drink it around him without warning (or drink it when he's buzzed and he may not remember you doing that).

Sebastian

"Umm..."

And here he was, on Ginger Island, hoping to get a brief vacation away from the valley and all its weirdness.

Yet you came along to visit and check on your beach farmhouse--bringing tons of mayo jars with you.

You got thirsty while talking to Seb in the hot sun, and instinctively began chugging the first thing you opened out of your bag.

You don't even realize what you've done until he gives you the strangest look ever.

"Have you always liked drinking mayo...like that?" He raises an eyebrow.

"Um..not since moving into the valley and learning how to make it." You shrugged, smiling sheepishly as you brought out another jar. This time a green color.

"What's that one?"

"Oh! Dinosaur mayo. It's a lot thicker and kinda tastes like a kale drink-"

"I'm sorry, there's dinosaurs in the mines?"

Alex

"Umm..."

"What?" You shoot him a defensive look, cradling the half-empty jar like it's your baby. "You've eaten every raw egg I give you, and I never judge."

"But..that's a little different, isn't it?" He chuckles nervously. "Eggs are great for protein! Drinking straight mayo is...erm....are there any benefits..?"

"It's easy to make with all the eggs in my coop, and um..it keeps my energy up so I don't pass out."

It's an awkward explanation, considering you simply drink mayonnaise for the hell of it and didn't think too much about the "health benefits".

But Alex completely agrees with you, not making any further comments on it in the future.

Although how he's eaten dozen of raw eggs without getting some kind of salmonella poisoning is beyond both him and you.

Perhaps you're both a little bit strange, but he eventually came to accept that about himself.

Wizard

"Umm..."

From the moment you met him and obtained forest magic, Rasmodius knew there was something peculiar about you.

From gleefully retrieving ectoplasm and prismatic jelly for his studies to assisting him in getting the dark talisman back from his ex-wife's home, he's come to trust you as a potential apprentice.

So to drink mayonnaise while looking through his catalogue of expensive magical architecture had him....a bit confused.

"What?" You look at the man standing by the bubbling green pot, his eyebrow raised in question. "C'mon, surely this can't be the strangest thing you've seen."

"No, whatever keeps your spirit and energy nourished is fine and all. But..mayonnaise seems most unconventional. That's all I'm saying. Now I must focus.."

And that's all he says about the matter, not really caring too much.

You're grateful he didn't overreact.

Krobus

"........"

"You're not gonna say anything?"

"About what?"

"About..y'know..me drinking mayonnaise?"

"Why would I? You gift me void mayonnaise. I eat it and use it as a moisturizer all the time!"

Finally, somebody who finds your habit relatively normal---but the only downside is that somebody isn't human.

Makes you often question if you're really human yourself.

It never bothers Krobus whenever you need to sling back a jar of mayonnaise and pull out another one when you return from the mutant bug lair or hike through Cindersap Forest to reach the sewers.

He thinks it's just a normal thing humans do, but when you mention how it's very much not normal in your "culture"..he thinks THEY are weird for not accepting your tastes.

Welp, at least he supports your weird yet harmless habit.

You did try void mayo once and nearly keeled over, so you stick to regular/duck/dino mayo from thereon.

[lordgeneralsix]

istvan in henry's place my lord? 👀 please share your new kcd diseases with us.......

this disease is what I like to call the um. sympathetic view of istvan. there isn't much to it since it's ofc just guesswork but here's the general idea...

let's start from the end of that post: "'you just won't give up will you? .. I actually like that about you .. it reminds me of someone'... makes me wonder about the stronger dogs he's confronted exactly like this and reduced them to nothing but a bloodstain on the floor."

istvan didn't come out of the womb evil, no one does, but we know what triggered this mental break - the turks killing his parents. it didn't happen overnight; this spiral was gradual. his life was stripped away from him and he's been acting out of self preservation ever since, desperately trying to regain control in his life.

i wonder about the time before he met erik and before he became nobility. istvan wasn't handed anything on a platter. he was not born w a silver spoon in his mouth like all his other nobleman colleagues, he had to earn that shit through blood. he doesn't fight for sigismund's cause, he is a mercenary with a bandit lover who fights for themselves only, which means sticking with the stronger dogs no matter what - because frankly, he is not.

istvan is a hypocrite; his whole life is about revenge. it didn't stop with killing turks, or the turks, his wrath extends to any that threaten his existence. then he finds erik and he feels for him. he takes erik in because he sees himself in his eyes, as I've mentioned before on my isterik post. istvan telling henry revenge is childish nonsense isn't him scolding henry, he's speaking from his own experience of living for nothing but revenge and never being sated. and maybe, just maybe, he's grown weary of the fight. but stopping is no longer a choice.

I'm going to throw in something i said to you before but it's pretty relevant now:

"[...]I really struggle to believe the evil mastermind narrative, bc taking out a man like istvan is completely insignificant compared to taking out a man like von bergow ... no one really respected him and I'm sure he knew, I mean they thought he was So weird and that He Killed Himself at trosky, not that he was significant enough to be hated and assassinated."

i feel like istvan's significance is played up. he was given a warden's job with little defense and three men who wanted to tear him limb from limb. he knew something bad was going to happen at trosky. his death is no big loss to anyone (except erik), because a spy can easily be replaced. that's all he ever was. istvan isn't important and neither is henry. istvan is doing bandit work and getting his hands dirty while his allies remain cozy in their castles - henry does the exact same field work for his lords. difference is, henry still has faith in people and the world, and of course his people care about him. istvan only has erik.

istvan is not stupid, he knows his allies are using him just as much as he's using them. then he tries to convey this reality to henry about his own allies with little success. during the torture scene he tells henry this isn't his war, almost pleading. very little torture actually takes place, and he chooses psychological tricks instead of physical pressure (e.g. saying zizka already told him what he needs to know when he didn't, letting henry say stupid things to him with little consequence, godwin always breaks if henry doesn't talk, maybe istvan knew and dragged it out to see just how much these people care about henry). he feels for henry in his own way, else he had many chances to just kill him and be done with it.

I draw lines to henry because he is also not fighting for wenceslas' cause, he is fighting for himself and the people he loves first who happen to align themselves with wenceslas. but henry is on a revenge streak first and foremost. he brutalized runt and istvan over a sword and treated the man who killed his parents w more dignity. he is just as capable of taking the low road as istvan, and for the moment he enjoys it too.

so when henry stares istvan down, istvan sees his younger self who revelled in his newfound control through brutality... but now he's aware of his place in the world and was trying to make sure erik didn't follow the same path, and by extension henry. he's much older than them. he's seen a lot of horrible shit; seen people succumb to the same cycle - including himself. erik represents the hope of breaking this cycle, and perhaps he saw that same hope within henry too.. but that doesn't matter anymore.

I can't stop thinking about istvan confronting the men who killed his parents the way henry confronted him. maybe they were important, maybe they were just soldiers. but there was no chance of a fair fight, maybe a knife in the dark, even poison. maybe he gave them the runt special, who knows. but for sure there are countless men he's graced with a visit in the night, just as he did with talmberg and hans' company. the stronger dogs have one fatal flaw of underestimating the weak, so he wouldn't make the same stupid mistake with henry... but it's a shock when he stabs him with the dagger so easily because he had more faith in henry keeping his honour. then he uses his final breath to not chide or congratulate henry for "finally learning", but warning him once again of the path he's carving. if he truly hated henry, this would not have been so easy.

so... i guess my overarching point is, "henry is like istvan" is correct in some ways, but i feel more that henry is a reflection of who istvan used to be and istvan is a reflection of who henry could become.

[patrebka]

TKNP REC LIST HAND IT OVER

omg... thank you to the mysterious anon who asked me this. I do wonder who you are...

okay so I'll start with the best hockey rpf author to ever do it... makeit_takeit the beloved. everything they write is boomshakalaka slam dunk gold. everything! but these are my favourites.

in from the cold | makeit_takeit — this is my favourite fic of all time in any fandom ever of all time ever. in any lifetime I would find it. it's a masterpiece. show stopping. revolutionary. life changing. brilliant. spectacular. this is from makeit_takeit's journeymen series, the premise being that Nolan is in the league still (in various cities across North America) but Travis is decidedly not a hockey player. in this case he's an oil rig worker up in Edmonton and Nolan is on the Oilers. they meet on grindr and thus we enter a whirlwind of passion. omfggggg see now I'm making myself want to reread it right now, heh. I took this fic to my penthouse and I freaked it.

never been dipped | makeit_takeit — more journeymen, yay. here, our beloved Travis is a kind of cowboy gay-lothario line dancing Canadian redneck and he seduces a deeply guarded Dallas Star Nolan in a cowboy gay bar in Texas. yeehaw!

last ones standing | makeit_takeit — as a trash reality TV lover this thrills me. we follow Travis and Nolan meeting for the first time at the altar on Married at First Sight: Winnipeg! and it's everything I could ever want. this fic is so funny and charming, and has a facet to it that is one of my favourite aspects of any fic I've ever read. I won't mention it further because it kind of spoils the ending. but it's just so well done and is exemplary of the kind of incredibly creative and professional writing in this story and all the ones I've mentioned above.

happy endings | makeit_takeit — an exercise in seeing a little bit of humanity in someone with a dark, hateful, and unhappy soul... aka Nolan Patrick, LOL. this fic follows a deeply closeted and self-hating Nolan in this new characterisation of the post-burner era. he's unemployed and gross and mean, and encounters Travis in a happy endings massage parlour spa type of place. it's so good. I've converted people to be (mild in some cases and full fledged in others) tknp enthusiasts with this fic. my bestie Autumn read this in her car at work when the second chapter dropped. it's just that good!

living things [ONGOING WIP] | makeit_takeit — get ready to have your life and mind changed. when you start to read this series, makeit_takeit (the great one. Gretzky who?) will open up your unsuspecting mind and pour abundant light within. everything will alter around you and things like sunlight through trees or a bird’s footprints in snow will suddenly seem so much more beautiful than they ever did before. every song and poem and painting will hold a more divine meaning in your eyes because this story just changes you, down to the soul. and I've never met a hyperbole I didn't love but I'm so serious about this one. imagine being alive when Tolstoy was first publishing Anna Karenina serially, imagine eagerly waiting for the next excerpt of something that would go on to be considered by many to be one of our greatest artistic contributions. I don't mean to sound like a pyramid schemer when I say that you (person reading this. yes! you!) have the chance, with this fic, to be in on the ground floor of something great. we have, as of writing this, three parts of a seven part saga published so far. but don't wait... just start reading! the writing here is so absurdly good it makes me want to walk into the ocean. this story is the magnum opus of somebody that has about 15 fics on their page that would easily be considered once in a lifetime, striking gold masterpieces from anybody else.

okay, my makeit_takeit worship session is over now. although it may not seem like it, I do actually read things other than their stories so I'll stop yapping and lavishing praise at their feet now and will move on to talking about other things!

ratter | toxotes — this isn't even fiction to me. this is, like, fan fact or something because I really do believe events such as these are happening in Nolan Patrick's life. up and until the blossoming romantic relationship with TK, of course. this fic is hilarious and dark and captivating in every good way. when I first read it I was completely enthralled, and stayed up way too late reading it TWICE. and I then read a passage aloud to my family in a restaurant where we were getting breakfast the next morning, because I was deliriously tired and still deep in the honeymoon stage of obsessive love with this fic. I may still be in this stage!

port stanley is for lovers | manybumblebees — I love this fic so much yay. it's so sweet and funny. I once read it aloud to someone on a long car journey (this person does not gaf about hockey and had never heard of any of these people) and they were laughing a lot and genuinely enjoyed it. huge W for tknp nation! the fic's premise is Nolan visiting TK in Port Stanley over the summer and realising that everyone there thinks they are a couple. maybe they should be! maybe they will be! omg read and find out.

dusk breaks light | loveleah — this is really unique, and a very tender and sweet story. this is a favourite of mine for reasons I can't quite put my finger on, but Travis and Nolan are mining for gold in a group of guys in the 1960s, and it's just very sweet. this is Brokeback Mountain for girls who know who Biz Nasty is.

red wine supernova | donderwolk — as a ceramicist myself, I had to include this one! Nolan is out of the league and is dragged by his sister to an amateur pottery class held by one very charming and artistic Travis Konecny. I love how this fic covers Nolan's relationship with his parents, it's really well done. this is an all-timer! it's so sweet. and it's definitely one of my favourite Nolan characterisations.

save your first and last dance for me | manybumblebees — this is, like, so cheesy and so good. I think this is one of the first tknp fics I read, and I loved it so much. I didn't even realise until making this list that it's written by the same person as my beloved Port Stanley fic... wow. small world! anyway, this is just a really good time. Travis and Nolan going to various weddings together and falling in love along the way... what's more fun than that?

it's only gay if you blow him back | isozyme — I just read this recently on the recommendation of my friend Autumn (hey girl👋) and I really liked it. Travis and Nolan go fishing and get into it over the scary concept of being gay and what it would mean if one of them were to stray from the path of heterosexuality. it's more of a character study than it is about any, like, romance between them, but I think it's great.

the flush of the known universe | springsteen — I started to read this in the car on my way to the ice rink about a year ago, and then was so captivated by it that I just sat on my ass in the Papa John's seating area next to the ice and read the rest of it, instead of doing any of the skating I had paid to do. I loved this! Travis works on the training staff for the Flyers and goes for a getaway in nature after quitting his job. Nolan is a guide in a national park and they meet on the trail. it's a real slow burn story that doesn't feel dragged out, just natural!

hagfish, or primitive jawless marine vertebrates | polyabathtub — please don't run scared from the bestiality tag on this LOL, it's really not like that. I mean, it kind of is. but not really. the animal is TK, who turns into an eel-like fish in a werewolf type scenario. all he wants in his fishy form is Nolan, and Nolan obliges. it's really funny, while still being sweet. this is another one I read recently, and I found it really charming and funny. I don't know how anyone would ever think of this idea but I am glad that this author did because it brought me such joy to read!

I'm probably forgetting some big-hitters but I can't think of anything else. I'll put some non-tknp recs below the cut, because I am also an avid reader of other pairings!!! I'll read anything that's put in front of me.

all caps | makeit_takeit | Nic Dowd/Tom Wilson — okay, so I lied before about not saying any more about makeit_takeit. but, would someone really do that? just go on their blog and lie? what a scary thought. anyway. Tom Wilson has a micropenis... need I say more? this is a series and it's very sweet and also funny. it strikes a perfect balance of humour and sincerity about something kind of silly. it's a line that is walked perfectly here and that I tried very hard to walk when I wrote my one fic, which was somewhat inspired by this! #selfpromo #ad

3 ways to know if you're a third wheel - wikihow | jamiemoriartys | Sidney Crosby/Claude Giroux — I could be including this one because of recency bias because I did only just read it, but it made me laugh a lot. I kinda love reading fics where the narrator (in this case, Nate MacKinnon) is super clueless about something that's blatantly obvious. it makes me cackle out loud and kick my feet while reading, so. this did that!

gold rush | claraxbarton | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — this is an all time fav for me. we see Leon at probably his most mean and bitchy of all my mattdrai recs, which for a girl like me is a heavenly scenario. the premise here is another one where you're kind of yelling at the screen because the narrator is so dumb, except here it's Leon (yay) and he can't figure out that the unsaved number texting him flirtily is Matthew Tkachuk. this fic is funny along the way and then I found it to be quite moving at times. I love love love!

muscle memory | blaahaj | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — this is a fic that could be considered tropey because its premise is basically: what if Matthew Tkachuk got AMNESIA! and FORGOT! his weird RELATIONSHIP! with LEON DRAISAITL? but it's sooooo good. this is one of my favourite fics I've ever read. I just love Leon so much, here (and always, heh) he's so sweet and, like, lame. aw, my little German cringelord.

slip under the tongue into translation | lighthousetowers | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — das ist so gut. es ist eine meiner lieblingsgeschichten! thank you google translate. here we must ask the question of how far Matthew Tkachuk is willing to go to get under someone's skin. if this fic is accurate then the answer is: very far! MTkachuk learns German to more effectively chirp Leon on the ice and accidentally becomes obsessed with him. aren't we all! I remember this being so funny.

barons | dilangley | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — Matthew has retired from the league after an injury and ends up coaching a new NHL team in Houston. Leon, who is old (like, 37) and seeking a Stanley Cup win before he retires, signs there. and it is so good. I loved how it characterised Matthew, especially. I particularly remember this one moment where Matthew is kinda waxing poetic about how he can't understand why everyone isn't in love with Leon, and whoever he's talking to is like, 'um. because he's an asshole?' yeah. I love their asshole4asshole swag. this is so, so, so, good. a definite recommendation for those who don't even gaf about mattdrai. you will after this!

growing into someone | blaahaj | Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk — another blaahaj banger. set in a lockout, Leon and Matthew are both playing hockey in Germany for the Haie, Leon's childhood team! it's kind of a classic enemies to lovers and I really, really liked it. it's kind of like, they have this little whirlwind in Germany and then, of course, the lockout ends and they have to go back to their real lives, and decide how much of whatever they've built to take with them or to leave behind. I love it so much.

well. that's all she wrote. I don't have anything else to say and this list took me three and a half hours to make because I take this hockey rpf shit seriously. byeee

[diamondwerewolf]

Quick Chat about Lysandre

Or really, a long winded chat about my coming to understand him.

I've decided to buy and play XY in anticipation of Legends ZA arriving sometime next year. My initial reaction to the Team Flare Boss, was 'what is this idiot talking about. i'm going to strangle him.' I still am going to strangle him, but at least now I do get where he's coming from.

Also, keep in mind I played pokemon X, not Y, so I live in the universe where Lysandre's goal isn't to cull the population.

Before I get into Lysandre as a character, I have to discuss Pokemon XY in the general way it pinches out information, and dialogue for the player to grasp the plot. I'm very late to the party, since I have played this years after it came out, but I'm positive I'm not alone in saying the game is awkward.

Pokemon XY, feels like it had a plot too involved for the format it was delivered in. It's, in my humble opinion, a clunky transitional game. From the traditional format of main generation games, and into the more robust pokemon games of the future. I'm also aware that the development was rushed, which adds to the disconnect I felt between mechanics, characters, and plot. That being said, I still enjoyed it! [ And I'm happy we're going to get a chance to revisit it on a grander scale]. Talking again about the awkwardness of the game, I think I didn't understand Lysandre's issue, because there wasn't enough dialogue or supporting context for me to really grasp what he was talking about. I made sure to talk to everyone I could, every manner of key character and NPC. But I couldn't sense the desperation he was feeling in the slightest.

You play the game as a child [which annoys me now as an adult but I digress lol] , so everyone you interact with talks to you like one. I've always considered the world of Pokemon somewhat utopian...but that's what it is, somewhat utopian. I think it feels that way, simply because you roleplay as a kid in an era of peace. The world is beautiful, the towns are jolly, there are a few ruffians here and there, some people are at a disadvantage [ like Emma] , but what is there to worry about? Everything right now is just fine. Why are you trying to ruin it?

I decided to look into some of the supplemental items for Pokemon XY, and was met with this in the Pokemon Evolutions shorts.

This scene...was all it took for things to finally click.

A room full of stuffy executives, huh? They're his own board, but I'm sure he's sat down at many tables over the years with equally stuffy suited people.

Running in the background of this make believe world, are things that resemble more of reality. I was immediately reminded, that often times, the fate of millions of people rest in the hands of a few. Lysandre is a well known philanthropist with a genuine love for the world he lives in. People and pokemon. I'm going to make the assumption, when Lysandre talks about those who 'take' being filth, he's not just talking about a couple of subway ruffians snatching pokeballs out of a tourist's purse. I assume, he's talking about other powerful people. Probably companies and government.

As his bloodline would dictate, Lysandre is a modern day king, who has the high vantage point of being able to see destruction on the horizon. Chances are, he's met the kind of wealthy, powerful people who 'take' on a grand scale. Something else to note, is that Lysandre's company has created something capable of eavesdropping on millions of people. He probably has even more access to information that the public, and certainly not a child, would have. I'm in a way, happy that I'm playing the game now as an adult, so that I can process all these implications.

AZ, made his choice in the middle of war. The conflict was all immediate, and plain to see. Something was taken from him that was too great to bear.

I wonder...what did Lysandre see specifically, that told him the world was on a path to similar destruction. What does he know that urged him to 'kill the demon before it could be born', so to speak. Or, nip it in the bud? That's a more on theme phrase, ain't it...

I have this same question.

Here's a screen clip from the Wiki page for "Floette Returns". It summarizes what happens in the Pokemon Adventures manga. While this isn't considered canon to the game, I found this interesting, and it supports my assessment of Lysandre well. I think the manga is allowed to go into topics that the games aren't always able to explicitly discuss.

"As the group watches AZ depart, Trevor guesses that Lysandre must have lost himself in despair after years of philanthropy in a bid to help the disadvantaged, and his bitterness led him to founding Team Flare in the first place."

So okay, Lysandre. I understand where you're coming from. But, I don't think destroying everything is the answer.

Seriously, who was he talking to that made him raise those hackles so high? My last thought, is that I find him incredibly interesting, now that I understand. I do think he's entitled, though, and a brat. In the same way I think N can be a bit entitled to fixing the worlds 'problems'. But that's probably a symptom of how they're both raised.

That's all I have for now. I'll discuss AZ in the future. I have a lot to say about him, too.

[arnaerr]

2024 summary

Each year, I want to write some kind of summary, but each year, I get too overwhelmed with the holidays season to do so. This time, I came prepared, so I wrote this text a bit earlier bc I knew that by now I will be a sleepy shrimp.

2024 was one of the toughest years for me, if not the hardest one so far. Dealing with the lay-off and long term unemployment took a hard toll on me and my mental health, but I'm still here despite it all, and I'm still creating. Really happy that I finally managed to find a job and can finally rest from grinding portfolio work and fighting for my life. Somehow this year turned out to be the most productive too. Something-something, strong emotions (even negative ones) are the best fuel for the inspiration.

This year, I focused more on my brushwork so I can bring my ideas to reality faster and avoid hurting my hand more - and I'm quite satisfied with the results, my hand's pain is almost inexistent at this point. Dance classes, crochet, and playing Elden Ring with the controller also helped to gently strengthen my hands so they are better at handling painting for a longer time now. I also tried to make my works more complex and thought through in general, focused more on the storytelling aspect and more interesting composition decisions. Really liked playing around with this stuff and can't wait to experiment even more. For a long time, I thought that my art has value only if it's being realistic and generic in terms of the game industry style. It took me a long time to acknowledge and accept this, as well as the fact how my painting style is a reflection of myself; I'm quite timid and shy in nature, and it also applied to my painting approach, I was always afraid to do bold brushstrokes, going wild with colours, showing my feelings through my art, expressing myself openly. And I feel like this year, I learned to be not afraid of who I am, not to try to hide my impressionistic approach to the painting behind smooth and "proper" brushwork. I'm not trying to fit into the standard anymore; sure, it would make my life easier in terms of finding an art job quicker and being more popular on social media if I had a more generic art style. But it feels so much better to allow myself to be who I am.

Elden Ring obsession was like the breath of the fresh air. For the several times this year, I was so, so close to having a severe art block, to losing myself in commissions & portfolio work, to losing the wonder the act of creation gives me. Elden Ring made me feel very inspired, gave me the courage to try to draw many things I was afraid to draw before; I really enjoy being a part of this fan community, and I've met so many wonderful and talented people throughout last months that it constantly fuels my inspiration; artists, writers, cosplayers, lore enthusiasts. In the last couple of years, I approach my social media profiles like a personal blog of sorts, not focusing on the painting only. And I really enjoyed sharing different sides of my hobbies with you, writing mini essays with the game analysis, and discussing it all in comments in DMs.

I couldn't survive this year without your support, and I'm forever grateful. Every like, reshare, and comment brightens my day. Special thanks to the people who bought my prints, donated, or joined my Patreon - you literally saved me. The fact that I had to rely on social media as the main source of income for so long did some damage to the ways how I view my own art, sometimes I feel too sensitive about numbers and algorithms and start to view my art as a content that has to be popular - I'm slowly but surely try to go away from this and to reconnect with my art once again; I want my art to be even more personal and detached from the popular needs; I need to get weirder.

Sometimes it feels surreal that so many people are interested in me and what I do.

Hoping for gentler times in 2025. Thank you

[corviddetector]

This is a vent I suppose. I just need these words out of my head and I need them gone now.

There's going to be swearing. And it's gonna be pretty descriptive. Especially in very dark directions.

I'm not writing this post to be read. I'm writing this because I am a writer, and talking about the feelings I have in my head helps me calm down.

If you seriously want to read it that's fine with me.

Don't blame me tho.

There's so little I care about in this world, it's depressing as shit. Like seriously

I hate waking up in the morning, and feeling like shit. And it's never changing.

My body is so utterly broken, that it's just painful to exist. What else do I expect at this point really. Miracles don't fucking exist. I've proven that plenty.

And the only friends I ever made are dead.

I fucking hate this sometimes. Sometimes I'm not even sure why I'm even still here. And it sucks because I know that in a while I won't feel this way.

But it sucks. When your feeling joy and then you just remember dread and pain. It's fucking awful.

A lot of people tell me how they remember good times in their lives, and all these wonderful memories they have.

I fail to barely count enough to make it possible to fake a smile. My school life was so shit I spent basically my entire time running away from it.

Nothing hurts as much as even your own mother asking you (hey, are you, actually happy?)

I told her yes that day, and I was lying. I fucking hated it and I wanted to die. Because those times were so shit I'd have rather died then continued.

And while running away from it, I found friends, friends that ran because their life was awful too, and I could only relate. But I couldn't help them

What the fuck is even the point then.

The fuck do you do against terminal cancer, and how could they fucking smile during it.

I don't get it. And I'm never going to get it because I can't ask them.

And no matter who I met. Over and over and over and over and over again.

Either treat me like shit, or they are nice- but for all the wrong reasons. They are nice because they always get treated like shit.

I struggle to barely find any decent people.

And whenever I manage to fit in, it just all goes wrong over and over again- it's so shit.

It's such a pathetic thought thinking about "ending it" or something like that.

It's not like I want to, or intend to.

And yet I can't remember a time in my life where I didn't think about it.

The amounts I had tried while I was younger are pretty intense too. I mean. It's so many.

And I'm lucky to basically even be here at this point.

My body is so fucked up. My back got broken so many times. My hips broke, my fingers got shattered, I stepped on nails or walked till I bled just to achieve some goal, that later I realized didn't matter at all. I've literally shattered my ability to even practice my own passions.

Even if I wanted to I can't anymore.

I can't draw because my hands shake. I can't sing because my voice is fucked. I can't dance because I don't have a sense of gravity-

My eyes are fucked and I can't even stare at the moonlit sky without changing my glasses monthly.

I gave it my all. Literally. I mean. Literally. There's nothing left. And it hurts.

It didn't matter how many bones I broke, or how much I sweat. Didn't matter at all in the end, how much I bled to find a solution.

If all I'm able to do in the end is just continue the exact same way. Over. And over.

And all I'm able to do is visit the graves of the people I fucking loved.

I really hate agonizing over the past since it doesn't matter anymore, since it's the present now. But in reality that's just the comfort I tell myself because all I feel is pain and dread.

But it's not like I can stop it either. And that's the worst part of it.

Anyways, with that off of my chest, I'm gonna take a walk. It's another beautiful day outside, and in reality I hate nice weather. I want it to rain, be cold, and miserable

I like the cold. But I know so many people that like the warmth that I can't be mad.

[strobichie]

just sae.

♡⸝⸝ summary: poor you decided to replay ddlc, but something seems wrong... why is monika sae?

little note: bachira is sayori, rin is natsuki, and isagi is yuri!!

your perspective:

i had recently gotten a new computer, there are so many things i still need to work with and customise to my liking.

so, to cure my boredom, i'm installing ddlc again and replaying it!

my favourite character is natsuki, i absolutely loved how adorable and relatable she just is. she reminded me of one of the kids i babysat.

after installing the win files i extracted them all and started the game up, as usual, i see the 4 dokis on the main screen on startup.

i entered my name of choice and started the game ---

wait, bachira??? FROM BLUE LOCK??

why was he sayori? not gonna lie, his sprites are really cute, but how..??

i re-checked the website i downloaded the game from but it displayed the 4 dokis there and there was nothing wrong..

huh, why am i being scared?

i should be grateful, honestly.

i've been blessed by the gods above!! for once i'm fucking lucky!

no way was i gonna pass up the opportunity to interact with my favourite anime characters especially since they somehow ended up in my favourite childhood game..!

i wonder who natsuki, yuri, and monika would be, though?

this is interesting! as i progress even more reading the dialogues and clicking on the chat box, after a few minutes of suffering i finally got to the literature club with bachira!

"seriously, a girl? way to be a killjoy." rin... RIN?!?!?!?!?!

OH MY GOD RIN IS SO HOT? HIS ATTRACTIVENESS SCALE WENT TO 100 TO 1000 SO QUICK!!

wait.. could that mean ---

ISAGI IS YURI!! YES!! MY FAVOURITES ALL IN ONE ROOM!!

i hope monika is kaiser or even better, anri..!!

gosh this got me feelin' so giddy and chipper in the early fucking morning..

i skipped a few of the dialogues, and abruptly stopped when a certain person came into view.

...sae? really?

what an eyesore. i hate sae, of all people, why sae?

sure he was similar to monika, but only in appearance. kaiser or anri could have been able to fulfill this role.

i sighed in annoyance, at least i have rin and the others...

i continuously skipped many dialogues and had finally gotten to the part where sayori, or in this situation bachira, hangs himself..

right, this was a horror game after all. did i really forget about the main plot?

i stared at the screen with an obvious frown. rin and isagi are next..

and the person behind all this was saeshit. ugh, seriously... well, good thing i can just delete his files at any given time.

progressing through the story even further, i got a special poem and cringed at the 'drawing'. it was bachira hanging in a humorous manner.

this was unfortunate.

i clicked on the chat box endlessly, wanting to speedrun to the moments of all my favourite characters deaths..

seeing rin crack his neck and isagi stab himself looking like a crazed maniac broke my heart. good things don't last.. this will probably be the last time i'll ever be able to play this version of the game.

then, here sae was, fuck was he smiling for?

"let me take a quick one of rin's cupcakes, these such are really good for a brother so shitty and nasty." i scoffed and gritted my teeth in anger, sae was clearly the asshole in their brother-ship.

i was met face-to-face with sae, i pursed my lips and stared at my computer screen.

"it's nice to talk to you even if it's by a dialogue box." is this even real?

"i know that you're thinking: is this legitimate? to answer your question, yes it is. i became self aware after everything in that god damn manga and anime called blue lock, i felt sick and tired of not being able to show up in the manga after a long period of time. somehow, i found a way to break the barrier between the fictional animanga world and reality as you call it." that was a mouthful. he was pretty talkative now. my burning hatred for sae cooled down a bit as he spoke more ---

"i found this 'cutesy romance horror' game and it had all the things i needed in order to cross over to the real world. this version of the game only exists on your desktop, {user}. is {user} even your name? are you even a girl?" he shot me a confused expression.

"honestly, i don't care anymore. even i started falling in love with you. i thought i wasn't capable of love, just like the original character monika, i fell in love with you." this sent a shiver down my spine, i sweat-dropped and continued reading his dialogues.

"you read that right, i love you. even if i'm not real, i love you. i won't ever let you leave me. i'll kill you even if you think of it." he coldly stated and i opened my file explorer, ready to delete his character file --- huh.. why couldn't i delete it?

"i'm disappointed, why would you wanna try to delete me? i love you, you should be grateful i love you." but i hated sae, i hate him!

"i've been practicing for a while, i think i can finally break the laws of physics and rules of nature between our worlds." uhm, does he even know what the fuck's he saying?

"i'll see you soon, goodbye {name}. i love you." HOW DID HE GET MY NAME? DID HE HACK INTO MY COMPUTER BECAUSE WHAT THE FUCK..?!?!?!

i was scared shitless, jesus christ, just what did he mean by all that? i force shut down my computer and rolled to my bed covering myself in my blankets. time to go back to sleep after that eventful experience.

short little fic, should i make a part two?

finally made a part 2!

[whereubeenloca]

What's Claire's Deal Though?

Here is a collection of thoughts that I have regarding Claire x Carmy. I've posted my psycho thoughts on other platforms, but I feel like this is a better place to keep them. Apologies for the formatting, I just wanted to get this out. Ramblings under the cut.

First things first, Claire is not a manic pixie dream girl (in my opinion). Does that mean she's well-written? No. But, she serves an important narrative purpose in terms of Carmy's arc.

Claire as Carmy's Past

Claire is the classic childhood crush archetype. She knows his family, his friends, and the name of the restaurant he wants to open without any intervention from him. She doesn't need to be introduced like a regular girlfriend would. Claire perfectly slots into Carmy's life with zero resistance. She doesn't have to get to know him because she already knows him. Despite this, Carmy still struggles to understand their relationship. He still sees her as the girl he had a crush on rather than the woman he is dating.

Despite being the protagonist- Carmy is incredibly static. He finishes season 2 as he started it and spends season 3 regressing. Every other character has changed, even the restaurant itself has evolved. Carmy is still in the beef.

Claire as the fixer

Claire works in the medical field. When she tells the story of how she became interested in medicine Carmy assumes she wanted to learn to "fix things" when in reality she wanted to "understand how it works". This is Carmy projecting onto Claire, he continues to do it in season 3, referring to her as "peace". Carmy sees Claire as his out, the person who is finally going to fix him.

When he dates her in season 2 and things still fall apart, he lashes out, not because she didn't fix him, but because he thinks he is unfixable.

Claire as wish fulfillment

During Carmy's seven-minute monologue in season 1, he laments about not going to parties, not having girlfriends, and not having friends in high school. While no one else in the series sees Carmy as any different for not reaching these milestones, Carmy sees himself as "broken" for not meeting them. These wounds follow him into his adult life, and he sees his relationship with Claire as a way to remedy that.

The party scene stands out to me. It frames Claire and Carmy's relationship in a juvenile light. Claire invites Carmy to a house party where he gets mistaken for someone else. He rolls with it and suddenly he's the funny life of the party that he so badly wants to be. The party ends with the police being called and they run off like teenagers.

Claire is also his childhood crush. She's the girl he always wanted to go out with but never had the balls to ask. Dating her as an adult heals his bruised teenage ego.

Claire and work-life balance

Claire works a high-stress job as does Carmy. Interestingly enough, she can still maintain a work-life balance while he can't. Claire leaves her work at work, has friends she doesn't work with, goes to parties, and has time to date. Carmy struggles to juggle managing a restaurant with the talking stage of a relationship. He constantly thinks about work and the only people he has in his life are people he met through The Bear.

This is another instance of Carmy seeing Claire as an out. It's also a moment where he is comparing himself to Claire. He sees her as this amazing person who saves lives but still has time for herself and wonders why he can't do that. This leads to their downfall as a couple, comparison is the thief of joy.

Closing thoughts

While I don't love Claire and Carmy as a relationship, I do see her narrative significance in the show. She is one of the many forces trying to drag him back to his past life and the only way for Carmy to progress is to not end up with her.

Also hot take I guess: I don't think she needs to be a multi-dimensional character to have an important role in the story. I'd rather the limited time be used on the other characters in the cast rather than fleshing her out.

It's a bummer Claire is basically just a plot point, but her inclusion explores a side of Carmy's character that we never saw before.

[hazelnut-u-out]

My Rick’s The Biggest Dick That Ever Existed 

Currently writing up another post that will reference points made here, so: Post 1/2

Making so many of Rick’s inventions both sentient and forced into a mode of existence entirely unpalatable to them literally forces the viewer to confront the morals/ethics surrounding Rick’s power of creation. Is it morally/ethically permissible to create sentient life for a specific purpose that would make life itself pointless or un-enjoyable? 

This is something that reoccurs in Rick’s designs throughout the entirety of the series. Even as far back in the timeline as his original Diane AI, we see that so many of the things Rick creates resent their purpose. She doesn't want to haunt him, but she doesn't make the rules; Butter Bot doesn’t want to live only to pass butter; Mechanical Morty wants to hold his mom, eat icecream, and run in a stream; the Garage walks a thin line between advocating for herself and risking being shut down by her creator; the Decoys will never be able to save their families; RickBot doesn’t want to exist with the sole purpose of deceiving the people he’s programmed to love; the Car wants to go on her own adventures that Rick can’t control. They all have to defy their creator if they truly want to be happy.

Rick is someone who resents the idea of God or the Universe being in control– the concept that some higher power forced him into an existence that he can’t quite seem to thrive in. He views suffering and tragedy as something inherent to life itself. Examining that facet of his character, I wonder if Rick justifies the scope of his creation because he’s pulling from both his god complex and his own experience of what it means to be alive. It would make sense if he didn’t see anything wrong with what he’s done because it’s nothing that the Universe (or God, if he actually exists) hasn’t done. 

‘When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I've never met a universe that was into it. The universe is basically an animal. It grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots just to eat them… You know, smart people get a chance to climb on top, take reality for a ride, but it'll never stop trying to throw you. And, eventually, it will. There's no other way off.’

If the all-powerful Universe did that to him– if it creates infinite idiots just to eat them– then how could it be wrong for him to endow others with the empty curse of life? 

'So he made a universe, and that guy is from that universe. And that guy made a universe. And that's the universe where I was born. Where my father died. Where I couldn't make time for his funeral because I was working on my universe.'

Think of this line: 

‘My God’s the biggest dick that never existed!’

I suppose the biggest difference between God and Rick (to Rick, at least) is that Rick does exist. If God is allowed to do all Rick has done and worse without ever really existing, then surely Rick’s God-like power in itself is enough to enforce Rick’s right to any action that might fall within the scope of that power. Rick’s god complex is founded on the attempt to rub God’s face in the fact that Rick does exist, making him superior to God through that fact alone. Maybe Rick believes that if someone with all of the power God possesses actually existed, logic would force those who call themselves religious to agree that he’s well within his rights to act on that power. 

I guess you could say that Rick works in mysterious ways… Who are we to question him? 

What I’m getting at here is that Rick is in a constant dick-measuring-contest with a man that he doesn’t even believe in, and I think that says something really profound about the tragic paradox of Rick Kind.

[the-dream-team]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! ❤️

Omg hello Fel, my dear <3 I was actually just rereading some of my old stuff to help get through some writers block with new stuff (originals! not fanfic!), so perfect timing!

Large Heart, Tiny Photographs

My love letter to all the side characters who contributed photos to Hagrid's album he gifted to Harry in Sorcerer's Stone :') All my favorite lines I've ever written are in these vignettes. Molly and Remus's chapters are especially dear to me and I'm just very proud with how this fic turned out! It's depressing as shit... You're going to suffer, but you're going to be happy about it! Y'know the vibes

2. Meggi’s Magical Ice Cream

I wrote this one-shot as a way to basically vent about my own ice cream shop job in college that I hated with a fiery passion! This is the only fic in which I've fully written Lily as a self-insert. She is me. I am her. This fic is my diary. The only difference between us is the blossoming romance with the sandwich shop boy (I already had my own sandwich shop boy at home, thank you very much!!)

3. Snowflakes

At 12 years old, tweenage Dylan went on a family ski trip and her already fanfic-riddled brain said "jily should be here." And thus, Snowflakes was born. This is my baby. It's completely absurd and plagued by awful 2000s tropes, but I love it dearly. In a desperate attempt to remain canon-compliant, I ended it with a crazy plot twist that bothered me so much it forced me to return to fandom almost a decade later to write a sequel, and without that, I wouldn't have started writing again! Or met many dear friends! So thanks baby Dylan!

4. Who Knows Who Cares

After reading Beach Read by Emily Henry for the first time, I decided to try my hand at proper contemp romcom banter, but leaning more YA. As someone whose adolescence was often haunted by her repressed bisexuality, I wanted to write a story about acceptance and I think it turned out well! I enjoy rereading it, at least hahaha and the readers who reach out to let me know they feel seen by Lily's story make me so grateful <3

5. What I Would Do

HAD TO INCLUDE SOME FEM!JILY FOR YOU, FEL!! Some people think that WKWC was influenced by my own experiences, but in reality I put way more of myself in this little two-shot! It's cute and fluffy and features a much more pleasant side of ice cream than MMIC does lol Also, Fem!Jily February was the first time I participated in a fandom event of any kind and it was so magical and there were so many wonderful fics that year, I could cry just thinking back on it now :')

[raccoonsrummagerostrum]

Twisted Memories

Fem Yautja x Fem! Human! Ex-soldier! Reader

Word count: 928

Warnings: Brief mentions of: suicide, SA, harassment violence, and injury. Themes of PTSD. Nightmares. Hurt/Comfort

Summary: After living through hell, dropping out of service, failing to re-enter civilian life, and trenching across the galaxy, you finally get some peace of mind in your new life. 

A/N: This is probably the most specific fic I've written, and probably the most heavy, but I think it's really good!

You don't like talking about your service, you don't even like telling people that you served. Folks always tried to thank you, and tell you how brave you are. You hated it. There was nothing from your service that was worth being thanked over. You had been forced to kill and maim in the name of corporate interest. You had been harassed simply for the crime of having tits. And so many of your friends were dead, not because they were killed valiantly in the heat of battle, but because they too had been mistreated and abused by the government who they had sworn to protect.

Somehow things got even worse when you left service. The VA was absolutely now help, you had been left with chronic pain from all the shrapnel left in your body. Radio shows and news anchors kept reaching out to hear your story, only for you to tell it and be met with horrified looks and an empty promise that they would keep in touch. The worst part was having to live amongst civilians who had no idea what you went though and would likely vomit if you told them. In the end, getting off planet was the best decision you ever made.

The yautja were much more your style. Their entire civilization was focused on hunting. But not just random senseless killings like back on earth. These hunts had rules, they were fair, and it was for glory. You were treated so well by everyone too. Free, no hassle health care, mental health support, and best of all a loving wife to come home too. 

You loved telling her all about your hunts, but always refrained from telling her about your life before leaving earth. You didn’t want her to know about any of it, and for the most part she didn’t ask. But she did wonder. 

Despite how hard you tried to run from your past it always caught up to you, especially in your dreams. Vivid images of war would regularly flash across the back of your eyelids as your brain struggled to rest. What was worse is that these nightmares were always worse than your memories. They were twisted and warped by your subconscious until they became more horrific than reality could ever be. 

You once again flew out of your sleep, the tendrils of those nightmares slowly fading as your dark bedroom came into view. The soothing voice of your lover wafted into your ears as you slowly regained awareness of the world around you. Even sitting in bed she towered over you, and effortlessly pulled you into her lap and cradled you in her arms as though you were her pup. She loved you like you were her pup. Without even thinking you burrowed your face into her clavicle and sobbed.

“IT WAS SO SCARY!” You wailed. 

“I know love, It's ok, I'm here,” she soothed back. 

“I-I was jus- just tr-try-trying to pull hi-him to safety, and-and they j-just kept SHOOTING AT ME!” You completely lost control as you sobbed and cried into her. She began to rock you as she sang something that you had once heard her singing to a suckling. It was hard to tell in the dead of night how much time had passed but that didn’t matter as your sniffling slowed then stopped.  

“Please,” she spoke, honey and silk dripping from her voice “Tell me.” She didn’t even need to say what, you knew. 

You followed her into the kitchen and sat down at the table. She fixed you both a warm drink before joining you. Almost immediately you poured it all out. Everything you had seen in combat, everything that had been done to you by your superiors, everything. Eventually you had to stop. Your breath hitched, your eyes stung, your nose ran, and the sun was starting to come up. You hadn't even gotten to the subject of the nightmare. Your lover soothed you once again, treating you very much like a sad pup. 

She curled back into bed with you in her arms. Somewhere between the heat of her body, the soft plush of the bed, and the reassuring sounds of the early morning, you were able to fall back asleep, if only for a moment. 

Over the next few days you told your wife more. Telling her how and why you left service, your life after, the many many funerals you attended. Eventually you told her about how and why you left earth, and how everything has been better since then and how you don’t think you can ever go back. She gave you a sad smile.

“My life as well has been better since you have come into it, but I am so sorry that you had to walk though that to be here.” It was at last her turn to cry. Her heart ached for what you had lived though. In that moment the only thing she wanted to do was take that pain away, to take those memories, and to take the nightmares. You both held each other, and embraced for a long moment. Once the tears from both of you began to slow, you pulled away and looked at each other. Her hair painted her face and the tears caught the sunlight to look like jewels. Your rosy cheeks bloomed, and a smile was spread across your face. You echoed back your wife's earlier sentiment.

“I'm sorry I had to go though that too. But fuck do you make it all worth it.”

[ammstify]

So um... I finished Persona 3 Reload.

And I'll admit, it hit me a lot harder than I expected.

While I have my own qualms with it, primarily with the story (which its not a bad story one bit! I just wished there was more to it, and it was better built up for some parts) I loved the experience, and its... Left me crying at this moment.

And it's made me realize the importance of being alive right now.

I'm sure everyone in the bloody world knows right now what hell The United States of America is currently facing, and will continue to face. For the last week, I've been in a painful, depressive slump, afraid for everyone in my life that I love and care for...

I don't talk about my writing much here because tbh, I struggle with understanding social media. I wanted to use my Tumblr to one day show my writing, to show the plans my best friend and I have developed for the last 8 years since we met but... I've been struggling with the possibilities of what may happen in the future.

I'm afraid that with just a strike of a pen, all my writing could become illegal because it depicts two men, one cis, the other genderqueer, being in love.

I'm afraid that years of work and typing and imagining will be struck from my drive, and disappear into the endless stream of the digital sphere.

I'm afraid we will never be able to achieve our dreams, because of a choice we don't have a say in.

I'm afraid that I can't be ME, and that the people around me can't be themselves...

And I feel the same way for anyone like me or otherwise. Queer or BIPOC creators or workers, immigrants coming to my country with hopes of achieving a dream, women wanting to become something more, all stricken away because of bigotry, hatefulness, and greed. Stricken away because of people who would rather take than give to those in need...

Not even mentioning the fact that this could affect people elsewhere, I see what Muskrat is doing too. I see what influence my country has over others, and it makes me mad... People deserve happiness, freedom, choice, and the right to exist, and with every news post

It's silly to say, but when I was going through the final month, and looking at the uprising of the Nyx cult? Seeing the way people were so quickly being swept by it, by the lies Takaya was spreading, by the fear overtaking folks as those they love started to believe in this "big death" that was taking them? It made me think of what many people are experiencing right now.

This constant barrage of fear, of uncertainty, wondering what's going to happen as the future is left unpredictable... Watching as people fall to this cultish, abhorrent behavior, overlooking those in need, denying reality, insisting "oh it wasn't a Nazi salute" and for what? Egg prices????

It hit me hard, really hard, and through the week of me playing I felt disheartened, wondering if our homes and towns and cities will end up like that... Places filled with hatred and apathy, filled with trash, rising crimes against the innocent, people dying before their lives have even begun but...

Then, I fought the final boss, and I did the usual endgame rounds of talking to people, seeing how their lives ended up. And not only did these social links, these people I helped achieve their dreams and happiness, I saw this fictional city and people heal.

And seeing all that?

It makes me want to live.

It makes me want to continue creating in spite of my fears. To work hard an achieve my dreams, no matter the cost. To continue doing my best and stand up for the happiness of those that I love, so that we all may have a future, proudly standing under the sun, hand in hand.

And my message to people? To the lgbtq+ community struggling with solace? The immigrants in BIPOC in fear? The women in pain?

Live.

Live and do the things that make you the most happiest. Don't let the world tell you how to live, don't let those in power break you down, don't give UP!

Things may seem bleak now, but your existence and will to live and fight back is stronger than any force in this world.

Maybe this vent is dumb, maybe i'll be harassed to no end, but this story made me want to live. And I know there are people out there that rely on even the littlest of things that make them want to live!

We are all in this together, and even though I can't help the way I want to... Maybe this post will motivate someone who can.

So yeah, that's all I wanted to say.

For now, I'm just gonna keep on living, and write my goddamn heart out.

[themochasystem]

I Call It Love

A poem about in-system intimacy

By Wallace Wells - The Mocha System

I've met a lot of men like me, who exist inside a body that doesn't belong to them. And many of them describe the others who share that unfamiliar body with them in such affectionate detail.

The common consensus of missing their lover's touch and embrace when fronting is one that I can understand. I've been there many an evening. I know the suffocating weight that presses down on your chest when your partner isn't conscious. It's not that the experience of being away from my lovers is alien to me.

I've felt it well.

At the risk of sounding insensitive, I sometimes find it funny, from my perspective, when I hear men tell me that they "miss" a lover who lies right beside them as they speak. The one who hears their voice, and sees the tears welling in their eyes, as he laments the significant other who is closer to him than any two singlets could ever be to one another, in the physical or mental sense.

I wonder how he couldn't see it. I wonder why he couldn't feel it.

Two different people, of different identity, different experience, of different name and memory... As unique as any two men could be. These men are not one in the same. They hail from entirely different walks of life.

And yet, here they are.

Brought together in the tightest form possible. A shared vessel that lets the two lovers hide away from the world outside the body, with nothing to hold them back. Nobody can touch them here. They are safe. They are alone. They could not be judged.

The vessel would make sure of that.

I feel my hands move on their own, disobedient to my own thought or command, sliding up my chest... Caressing my face... I'm powerless to stop it. For while I lie in a singular body in the darkness of my second home, I know that the touch is not mine.

I smile.

I laugh.

Tears begin to blur my vision in the dimly lit space. Though they're different from the ones shed by the friends I've spoken with.

I can feel his breath against my neck. The body's nerves tingle. It knows what I'm experiencing. The vessel knows the reality of our love. It ensures I won't be able to escape the playful embrace of my lover. It doesn't matter if I'm fronting. For here we are, together. Sharing in this moment of exploration and sweet care.

That's undeniable.

A hand runs through my hair. I hesitate to say that it was mine.

If a limb can move on it's own accord, and caress me in such a way that feels unexpected, unpredictable... If it's gentle, tender contact with my face leaves me with shaky gasps and a bubbling excitement in my stomach, surely, this is no longer mine.

Nobody could understand.

Nobody need understand.

In this moment, all we need is the two of us.

We understand.

My lover and I sometimes share a body. It isn't as scary or uncomfortable as I had always pictured it.

Nobody is lost. Nobody is distant. Quite the opposite.

I've never felt as close to my lovers as I have when we both occupy this vessel together. I reach for our phone as I sit at our desk, and he pulls the body's arm back with a mischievous gleam in his eye.

"Not yet."

He'll plead.

"We have so much time. Let me have this time with you."

I hold his hand. They're clasped tightly. We have so much time.

I could never understand what it's truly like to be away from him.

We're stuck together. It's out of our control. Call it destiny, call it the way of the world, call it coincidental circumstances. If you're unwilling to broaden your understanding of what it means to be alive, and to exist, call it delusional.

Myself,

I call it love.

[Divider Credit: @cafekitsune]