#but the other half of the time i'm experiencing a horror genre thing and really should've seen this coming

[coolcattime]

What types of series do you most find yourself getting into? Do you prefer the more fun-with-friends type series, a more lore-focused, something that is a specific genre, etc...

So, my investment in any series kinda comes in two waves of:

Characters I can get invested in

The ability to emotionally devastated me

The character one is important to actually get me into a show, like I can’t think of any series where I’m not invested in at least one character, and I think a lot the times I don’t like something it’s because I don’t get a shit about any of the characters (best example I can think of is Telltale’s The Walking Dead: The New Frontier - in a game series where I can name nearly every single character from all three other seasons, I could not tell you the names with certainty of some of the major players in this season. AND I remember nothing about it other than being so frustrated that me and my friend who I played with didn’t play Season 4 - a season I ended up loving - for over a year).

I cannot think of a single form of media that I have gotten into where I’m not somehow invested in the characters. Basically as long as I enjoy the characters, it doesn’t NEED to be emotionally devastating. For example Spy x Family hasn’t emotionally devastated me yet but the silly vibes of these characters somehow still believing they are not a real family despite their love for each other and THEIR VERY REAL LEGAL TIES has gotten me so into that silly world (note: I am only part way through season one - like right after where the seasonal break would’ve been - so like there’s still potential for me to be emotionally devastated but it’s the best example I could think of of just a pure silly show because even fecking Bluey is fully of emotional devastation in a /pos way

To get onto Point B - basically everything I get obsessed with has Moments™ that wring my emotions through a grinder in like a /pos way. This is tv shows, this is youtube series, this is books, this is anime, this is musicals, EVERYTHING.

This doesn’t mean the shows can’t be silly, Oxventure Deadlands managed to really fucking get me because they’re silly TTRPG people surely nothing serious will happen and that lead to being genuinely shocked by a moment and the most tense card moment of a playing card being turned that I’ve personally experienced in media.

Hell, I got really into JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure which is typically an extremely silly show, but is the only media besides Your Turn to Die that has made me feel very emotional for the death of a character I didn’t actually like very much. 

Like I think everything I have any sort of hyperfixation on has emotionally devastated me, there is a reason I have a playlist called Sad Vibes that has at least one song from every musical I’ve ever been into (and two video games - though being two of three songs on my whole spotify not from musicals or musical based content). If it wouldn’t be the most spoiler filled list in existence I would make a list of the examples from everything I can think off (though if you want to know, I would be so happy to make one), but for now I’ll just say there is a reason I became absolutely hooked on Capsize and Redbeard as characters and it’s that the Mianite Season One finale got its hooks into my mind forever.

[miss0atae]

4Minutes a science-fiction story with near death experience and time travel (Ep 1):

I recently watched the first episode of 4Minutes. I finally found how to do it. I was really anticipating this series. I thought I knew what the story would be. I read the synopsis, I read other posts about it, I saw the pictures and the gifs and I made my own story in my mind. I don't know for you, but I can never stop myself from imagining what the story can be. As long as I have few information about a story, my mind is already working and trying to convince me about how the story will be told. After watching the episode there is one thing that it's true: I knew nothing. Let me explain, what I imagine it would be, wasn't what I watched. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate what BOC is trying to do with its BL stories. Kinnporsche was this revisited mafia story, Dead Friend Forever played with the tropes of teen horror movies and now 4Minutes is showing us a mix of noir fiction and science-fiction. I wasn't expecting it and I find it truly interesting to see what they can do. I appreciate how they never use the same formula story for their projects and how they try to give us something different. So I'm not going to review the episode because so many people did it better than me. I just want to talk about why I consider 4Minutes to be a noir science-fiction story at its core and how the link between near death experience and time travel make sense together .

Let's start with saying what is a noir fiction and what is science-fiction and then we'll see why I think it works for 4Minutes. A noir fiction is a genre that really changed a lot. However there are some recurring characteristics: a corrupt system, corrosive effect of money, absurdity of the existence and psychological instability. I would also say that you can also find a mix of violence and sex too as it's often links to the Human condition. In 4Minutes, Great our main protagonist comes from a family who runs a company that serves as a cover for their illegal business. In this first episode, the patriarch of the family is entrusting his first son, Great's older brother Korn, into the “investment department” where most of their illegal business is occurring. We learn that the family has made their fortune through this means. Korn doesn't reject the idea. He is only fearing the difficulties to manager this new job. Is he accepting it because he believes it's right or because he doesn't have another choice… it remains to be seen. Korn and Great's family environment isn't really good. The two brothers, despite being half-brothers are close, but Great is avoiding his parents. As for Korn, he seems to hide them a part of his life such as his relationship with Tonkla (is it because it's a man or because they have this vibe of sugar baby/sugar daddy, we don't know yet). About Great, we know he is drinking and smoking, so mostly he doesn't have a healthy lifestyle and his parents usually have to save him when he mess up. At the beginning of the story, Great is experiencing his first 4minutes time travel that will remain the central plot of the story. This experience puts him in a psychological distress as he can't find a rational explanation to it.

Which leads me to why I believe the story is also from the science-fiction genre. Great is experiencing precognition and time travel and those are topic of undiscovered scientific possibilities you can usually find in science-fiction. It allows the characters and the viewers to experience speculative events. The premise of time often involves changing history or the future. As for now, Great can go back in the past 4 minutes. He only experienced it few times in the episode so he and us, don't know yet how everything is working or why is he experiencing it. Usually, time travel is about altering the past and see how it changes the future to create an altered present or future. The first time, it happened to Great he didn't avoid the woman, but she wasn't as hurt as she was supposed to be. The second time, it changed his first meeting with Tyme. Will Great do more change when he'll accept his new power or will he tries to avoid it? How is it really working? We'll have more answers in the next episodes. I wonder if the story will focus on the paradoxes and alternate timelines or if it's going to be more about contemporary and social issues. The latter works well with the noir fiction, but it's still too early to draw any conclusion. The first episode just set the plot, but also showing us some characters and their links together. I feel we still haven't seen everything.

Then we have another part that was developed in the story and it's near death experience (NDE). I believe it links together the number 4 (Great goes back 4 minutes in the past with his time travel power) and the idea of a time warp as an imaginary spatial distortion. Through this spatial distortion the character could possibly change the past and therefore change the present and the future. I will try to make it simple because it seems easy in my head, but I'm not sure I'll be able to write it properly. So firstly, the number four is considered unlucky in Thai culture, as it is in other cultures too. It is associated with death and bad luck. The Thai word for four, “si,” is also a homophone for the word “death.” Then, we have Dr. Den (a co-worker of Tyme) who is working on NDE by interviewing people who faced it. Their comments are common traits reported by NDErs: a bright light above, a sense of awareness, an out-of-body experience, being(s) dressed in white, receiving a life review… Most NDErs when “coming back” feel a change of attitudes and behaviors. It doesn't mean all of them are positive (I feel like it could be associated with Great's psychological answer after discovering his power). It's also important to notice that Great started to get his power of going back to the past 4 minutes ago, after he hit a woman who wanted to die. So his power of “time travel” is linked to death. I wonder if the series is questioning the paradox of Time: is death the end of time and does time has any end? If we can manipulate the time, can we manipulate death and consequently life too? Maybe I'm trying to find something too complicated in here, but I like that it made me do all these researches. I'm sure it's not a coincidence between all these plot sets, but we'll probably get more answers in the next episodes.

I think BOC is really putting a challenging story and I can’t wait to see how they will do it.

[zoophagist]

Oh! I am desperately waiting your review!

ooc;; alright, i held off since i saw it a day before it was wildly opened and didn't want to detail thoughts about the thing no one had really experienced yet. i'm hoping the renfield girlies are all unhinged enough to have gone opening night and now we'll be on the same page.

overall take - it was fine. just pretty middling. i had some laughs, and there were a few scenes i thought were really solid. it didn't do anything deep and it really didn't want to, and that's the vibe, fair enough. mostly i had a feeling of like... that's objectively renfield but is not recognizably renfield to me. i said this to a friend and i'm upset that the tumblr nonsense words are the best way to articulate it, but basically they made him a wet cat when they should have made him skrunkly. i'd say 6/10, didn't change my life, not my renfield, but a some silly fun!

more thoughts below cut, but i'm not doing a blow-by-blow, lads, simply too tired from real life. but if you or others have specific questions i'm happy to answer :) spoilers below!

went into the theater worried the pop psych angle all about 'narcissism' and everything would be overbearing (i'm begging people to relearn how to use any other, non-therapizing language to talk about mean or unpleasant people. like did we need the psych angle? did it enhance the story in a way saying 'dracula is just an asshole' wouldn't have done? mini rant over) but when i watched it i will say the second half of the movie (underrepresented in trailers) moved away from that and was more fun for it.

i saw a themed costume screening so the audience was obviously at a higher level of investment and more willing to have a good time. the movie seemed to go over really well with the group there

the love story wasn't as big a focus as i feared it would be, and that was very nice. rebecca as a character also did meaningfully play into renfield's character drive of wanting to stand up for himself. she just. well. i just didn't like her that much. the cop thing didn't help because it made moments i imagine were intended to be quirky fun for her read to me as "cop points gun at person in rage to cow them / cop has anger issues / cop disrespects or demeans others on the job." especially with her particular backstory and her tension with her fed sister, i think she'd have been a more fun character if she was just some lady, outside the system, trying to solve her problems. but anyway. yeah, not as huge a problem as it could be, but wasn't rooting for it

they needed to let nicholas hoult of the leash they kept him on this whole movie. he is capable of so much more unhinged energy and they really had him "i'm just a little guy"-ing his way through the whole thing. the 5 minutes where he got to beat dracula's face in and got a little too excited about it were the best for his character in the whole movie

what was the LORE? i love lore, and this movie was lore-light, playing vast and loose with vampires. vampire blood is a heal-all, so drinking it can't turn you into a vampire i guess? nor a familiar? in the course of the movie several people become familiars but we never see how it's done and i wish they let us play with and understand the magic there a little more! especially if you're just going to hand-wave away the bugs = power thing. i craved more lore. in general the writing was always like... there were just enough bits of development to get a job done but i kept wanting something deeper? maybe it's just the genre priorities since i'm not an action/horror fan.

i said it before and i'll say it again - teddy lobo was more renfield-ish than renfield was. i think his desperation to please, his manic energy, and his "i need you to know i'm dracula's favorite or i'll DIE" swag were very fun! everyone said nicolas cage would steal the show, but i honestly think ben schwartz as teddy was the show-stealer to me. if you like any other iteration of renfield's character, i really think teddy will be more interesting to you than the I Just Want To Be Normal edition of renfield this film is serving.

action and gore was fun sometimes. i'm not squeamish and none of it bothered me, but not being an action fan the fights weren't that much of a draw for me. just not my taste, but they looked pretty good!

there's one scene where dracula confronts renfield about betrayal, and honestly i thought that was the best performance both nicks gave in the whole movie. i thought it did a great job really driving home what this take on the drac/renfield relationship is like and how good dracula is at twisting renfield's will until it snaps. the one sour note about it was how it of course hinged on the whole 'narcissist' thing and like.... so, here's my hot take. the film and this scene spceifically would have been better if they didn't lead so heavy on all the group therapy jokes about narcissism. if you had just framed it as dracula's a selfish jerk who knows how to make things about him and let the writing/interaction tell the story (good ol' show, don't tell) this scene would have said EVERYTHING we need to know about this drac by being descriptive instead of prescriptive. (i hope that point makes sense. like i said, we're tired out here fellas, trying to make the brain do words right.) but as it stands, the scene is really good, sheds new light on their relationship, and makes renfield doubt his victimhood which is good for the plot.

renfield bought those clothes from a macy's and babyboy should not be allowed to shopping by himself is all i'm saying

renfield had a wife and daughter pre-31!dracula?? canon?? barbara hambly is somewhere out there feeling so valid for her book rn. for me it was just like... you really want us to think this man is straight, huh? but all you've done is make him a man who left his wife to be with a sexy male vampire so. the gays stay winning with renfield.

generally i was surprised by how mild and complex by reaction was to this. like with all the build up i really thought it was either going to suck or catch me off guard by being really good. but it really, truly, is just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ okay! i think i was harder on it than most general audiences would be though, and again i'll reiterate the audience at my showing was really having a good time with it! on the whole, i'd call it a fun, silly little vampire romp, and say it's for popcorn viewing but not for deep thinking.

that "last voyage of the demeter" trailer tho 👀👀👀 that looks sick as fuck.

[teagrl]

Some tl;dr on Lord of Naberrie post finishing and its relationship to my other junk :

I've been on a coming of age story kick for a while now though I didn't set out to write Lord of Naberrie as that. Frankly, I started just wanting to write a "capital G" gothic where Luke would have responsibilities forced upon him and a very complicated relationship with his family. From there, I started elaborating Pooja and her troubled issues and sticking Mara-undercover in as a destabilizing element and we were off to the races. River of Stone (another w i l d SW AU of mine) shares surprising kinship in the coming age angle and I've always thought of Stone as a gothic (captivity, mysterious male figure, etc), just in a different way (jungle gothic?).

The largest similarity to River of Stone comes in how in Naberrie Luke has been kept ignorant of his background (and kind of infantilized? Basically held under the shadow of all these female figures, Sola/Ryoo/Pooja). Obviously by the end where we see Luke in the throes of a non-con mindlink, suffering from Mara drawing from the Force inelegantly (she doesn't know how) and his own concerns over whether he's experiencing some kind of psychosis, we most clearly see the link to River of Stone (another story where a non-con mindlink is presented as a horrible thing, but there *Luke* knows a little better what he's doing being a full Jedi and all), I think.

In Stone, while Mara is aware of her talent and is obviously somewhat trained, the narrative flows from her ignorance on what all of that means for future her (the fact that she's essentially condemned to die which is what Luke is trying to change through time travel). In Lord of Naberrie we learn in the finale that Luke has been similarly condemned to die -- at his sister's hand (which is a thematic star wars-y thing imo, from Luke being sent to kill his dad right down to the questionable ST,). It's that terrible knowledge of what she might have to do that drives Pooja Naberrie's own shaky mental stability as she shudders under the weight of HER responsibility to keep Luke from being taken.

I didn't mean to mine the similarities although I am interested in narratives where the characters get put in a box and there's no (obvious?) escape. I ended up feeling a lot of empathy for Pooja and while I'm not pleased that she died, I think she had to for the narrative I was trying to tell about loss and coming of age (and here I think of Citadel of Shattered Mirrors which is yet ANOTHER capital 'G' gothic, coming of age, damn I'm just repeating myself ad nauseam *facepalm* I just have obsessions INTERESTS okay?).

(I always ask myself to what end am I killing/making characters suffer. There's no doubt I am more interested in Pooja as a complicating factor in the narrative though I tried to give her an inner life and make her a valid engine of the story. I had the same question with respect to original!Mara in Stone, I can go on a huge lit crit tangent wrt dead women in narratives, partially influenced by this amazing text called Over Her Dead Body so this is an issue that I constantly ponder for better or worse).

In writing such an obviously gothic story, I doubted myself a lot re Star Wars elements. I did a lot of Naboo noble worldbuilding, but The end is a typical horror ending where the suggestion is that Luke's pursuit of vengeance now WILL make him into a monster.

The ending is half filtered through Mara, who while she starts slippery (and might end that way too), gets a little more complicated in the end. She did get attached to Pooja, she does hurt a lot with Pooja's death. This was something she didn't anticipate in her single minded goal to survive.

I ended up really fascinated by this Luke Naberrie character and his potential. That "choosing violence" is a beat I liked a bunch in Burn Up My Heels too, but Burn ends in a far more stable shipper place. Naberrie is such a genre story though, that I feel a little bad for the tonal whiplash to follow when/if I continue, but the plot threads are so juicy, I continue to be intrigued.

[shisica]

rewatching pmmm...

6 eps in!

damn this is good. half of me is like damn when i first watched this i didn't appreciate it. the other half is like well it's been a decade perhaps the impression has just faded.

perhaps that's why it does feel fresh still? i remember the main story beats and moments but i wasn't SO into it at the time that i remember all the details.

i like watching knowing the full story bc it makes the foreshadowing and blatant kyubey evil shenanigans so extra scream and rage inducing.

horrible piss creature really takes ANY opportunity (and probably made a lot of them tbh) to go hey madoka 😇 it'd be the PERFECT TIME TO TURN NOW...

but then i'm also like... whenever i rewatch something it's experiencing media in easy mode. i already know the main story so the work has been done, i'm just noticing the smaller stuff now. not that watching media should feel like work - i think i just tend towards rewatching media when watching something new seems kind of daunting.

mami's death was so fucking awful??? she just wanted to happy and not be alone, even though being a magical girl gave her life again she had nobody besides the piss creature. the shock in her expression when it happens. AWFUL.

SHE JUST WANTED SOME FRIENDS...

kyoko might be the fave honestly??? i love a bristly spiky exterior girl where u kno that armour is up for a reason but don't know why yet. i can't wait to see the conclusion of her and sayaka's arc i don't remember it well

i really like sayaka as well. i do find the bluster of her kind of character archetype a bit grating but it works here because it's in contrast with the tragedy they're living in. and she's that combination of very strong minded AND will fight you about it which makes the conflict feel so inevitable and hard to get out of.

the tragedy really is so good because it just. i don't know. feels fully inevitable. madoka is too pure hearted. too kind. there's no way for homura to save her because she'll make the sacrifice when given the choice and when she has to. even after knowing the horrors she will do it.

perhaps this is also being older - it is extra depressing that these kids are like yes this is my lot in life, i can sacrifice it all to keep my loved ones and town safe. y'all should not have to deal with this, just learn your algebra and be a teen!!! tbh this also just Is The Genre and media geared towards children is gonna have child heroes for them to relate to etc. but pmmm isn't that audience so the horror is built into the premise with intention so it makes it all the more wonderfully awful. yay!

i wonder if i'll watch the movies... i don't know. i watched one of them during college but don't even remember what happened besides Gay. i just don't like watching movies for what I first experienced as TV episode style stories. i want things to either be episodic or be a standalone movie.

ALSO i was totally tricked by the first ed that was used for the first two eps. i was like huh i don't remember this ed! that's weird, i usually remember both the op and ed bc i don't skip them. THEN IT CHANGES AFTER MAMI DIES FFDJDJD--

ALSO ALSO the fact that mami is presented to madoka and sayaka as this older sister mentor figure (she lives alone! has tea sets and tasty dessert! so knowledgable about magical girl stuff that she can take them along) but she is just ONE YEAR OLDER, she may be a "senior magical girl" but she's just as young as they are!!! also deserving of a normal ass teenage life!!! but then w/o the piss creature she would be dead. So

[notebookmusical]

Hi! It was my mom's bday yesterday so that's why I didn't reply. That's so cool that you're going with someone who didn't get to go and experiencing it for the first time and to bring your mom to the other show. I didn't think to bring my mom but that's way too long for her in a theater but might eventually watch it if it comes to streaming...and I hope it does! I think it will sometimes eventually. Also..I ordered the pink vinyl! I think it was a good cover and I didn't want to miss out this time. I hope you knew about it cuz I know Taylor didn't post it on her account. I love the color too! What do you think of the new beach aesthetic for the album? I know some people said it's so different than big city album..but I always kinda thought it was both too in a way. Or like..the city was just because that's where she was living at the time in her life more than the actual songs on the album. But I still love all the covers!

Did you get a chance to listen to Guts yet? I did and I liked it! I also think bad idea right is just okay and sounds a lot like brutal to me but vampire did grow on me a lot! I think there's a mix of pop punk and ballads in this album though and you might still enjoy it. I feel like half of my favorites were the pop punk ones and some were also the ballads. I noticed she has more relatable or different topics in this album compared to sour which made me think I liked it more. Like I was explaining, I think I just prefer that in songs and liked it more than Maisie's album on the first listen but it could be a little similar..maybe? Some people also compare Olivia to Billie Eillish and also Taylor. But I'm not trying to compare too much and they do have different styles..in lyrics and music, and I like both! I also prefer lyrics to music in songs since I like every genre..so usually the sound will eventually grow on me so maybe it will for you too. Also with lyrics, I listen to a lot of alternative music and there usually aren't very specific detailed lyrics most of the time so it's probably just a genre thing and sometimes more about the feeling. But my sister also said some of the songs were lacking emotion compared to sour and I kinda agree with that too. I'd be curious to know what you think but overall I liked it! Totally agree about Vertigo and it's cool that Taylor posted about it!

Ya I love dance heavy shows too..especially the ones you mentioned..and how well those revivals were, compared to the movie too. I'm so sorry you didn't get to see it..I had actually only seen the movie so I loved seeing it on stage and how different and exciting it was since the movie cut stuff out, and the acting was good. That video looks very cheap with no effort in set, acting or costumes so that really sucks! Ooh I have not looked at it yet but I totally will and I have only briefly heard of Marie Dancing still but that's good to know. I just realized most Sondheim shows have barely any dancing..lol. Also I am excited to listen to the Sweeney cast recording that just came out too!

Thanks for the recs! I will try to read as much as I can. I was really stuck on murder mystery and was originally just gonna do vague mystery but realized I own Arsenic and Adobo so that helps. I'm also not really into horror but do have something by Stephen King..I will try to find something else since it can be long.Also the witches one..but I liked your recs. I just realized I'll give you the Sun has a yellow cover..and you'll miss me when I'm gone does remind me of fall for some reason but I'm going to read it anyway. I did not know much about These Violent Delights and not really into fantasy but I heard good things and I do have both books. With autumn romance, I was wondering if Business or Pleasure counts..kinda? That's another book I still haven't finished. But if the Night Circus counts that's fine too! And ya..wuthering heights has been on my list for a while and now it sort of gives me a reason to read it..which is what's cool about the reading challenge..and also reading different books and genres. It keeps it interesting. Do you still read books at the same time for this or is it more one at a time for you? I'm trying to decide what strategy is best. I think reading one book has been working for me with Mistakes Were Made and I'll probably be finished soon, but with so many books..it also makes sense to start as many as you can..and I'm already in the middle of some of them so that's a good thing haha. I hope you are having a lovely weekend too and enjoy going to Vancouver!!!🩷🩷🩷

helloooo! i hope your mom had a lovely birthday and that you had a good weekend! i did get the pink vinyl! i was waiting for it!! i've ordered the pink one, and a friend was really kind and ordered me the yellow one. i also ordered the blue one, but i think i'll end up cancelling that one! i just don't have room for all of these vinyls haha. i really like the beach aesthetic for 1989, honestly! i think a good half of the songs do remind me of the city, and the other half remind me of the beach, so i think it's a fun! i can't wait to see what polaroids we get too!! which cover is your favorite so far? on another note, can i just say how lovely the vinyl colors are? i don't have a soft yellow or a pink vinyl in that shade yet so i'm super super excited to see how they look in person! some of my favorite vinyls are pink, so i'm just very excited!

i listened to guts a bit! i think it'll take some time to grow on me, but i was expecting that! i think a lot of olivia's stuff is very catchy, but i need some time to get into it! my top three currently are making the bed, teenage dream, and logical, but i also do like pretty isn't pretty a lot, and lacy is growing on me. i'm also very curious to see how olivia grows as a performer (i think she's really lovely, but i think she — like most artists that got big in the last three years — doesn't have a very strong stage presence, which makes sense given [gestures vaguely] everything). i don't listen to a lot of billie eilish but i really loved the song she did for the barbie movie, and i wish i got to see her at lollapalooza because i've heard she's a phenomenal live performer! speaking of vertigo, did you see the tiktok griff posted about vertigo/clean? it's so cute 🥺

i loved marie dancing still! it's one of my little musicals that i love very, very dearly (i saw it seven times in the span of three weeks — will never do that again for any musical + had a lot of lovely little circumstances/things fall into place that made it work out) but also a musical that i think should never go anywhere or at least needs very very heavy work before it should have another run! i haven't gotten a chance to listen to the new sweeney yet but hopefully soon!! i was at the bookstore today and didn't realize they released parade on vinyl, and then realized i also haven't listened to the new parade revival album yet either so i have to do that too! i just haven't been very good at listening to new cast recordings lately. i think the last thing i listened to was west end bonnie and clyde, and that was just because caitlyn kept posting about it! i will try to listen to the new sweeney todd soon and then we can discuss!!

arsenic and adobo is a very cozy murder mystery! i don't really read a lot of murder mysteries, unless they're cozy but i really liked it! i don't remember when business or pleasure is set, but if it takes place during the autumn months i'd count it as an autumnal romance! the witches one ... the very secret society of irregular witches (adult) is one of my FAVORITE books; it's so cozy and so lovely, but i also really liked the witch haven (ya) — some of my friends were let down by the sequel but i really liked how it ended! and the night circus is the loveliest autumn romantasy in my opinion!!! my friends and i are doing a traveling annotation book cub and one of them picked the night circus and i'm so excited because it'll give me a chance to reread (and to also count it for the readathon)!

i've been having the most chaotic reading schedule! i've mostly been jumping from book to book based on vibes, but sometimes i'll also just sit down and read a book in an entire sitting! so it really is just based on how much time i have/how i'm feeling that day. i also keep one book in my car, and one book in my mom's, and so if i have any time just waiting around i'll read a few pages of it (the book eaters is in my car, for the throne is in my mom's car) but that doesn't always work very well (and sometimes i'm in the mood to read it so i have to go to the garage to get it haha). i've got serpent & dove on audiobook, and then just started annotating seven year slip for traveling book club! i've been reading a chunk of les mis each month, but haven't felt in the mood for it this month yet, so i'm holding off! technically i started annotating the starless sea for a friend in january but then kept pushing it off, and i still have to get back into a fragile enchantment (arc) but it's not out for a few more months so i have time/have arcs coming out before that that i should get to! andddd i started harlem after midnight the other day but only got a chapter in and then wasn't feeling too well so i put it down and now i just want to get back to seven year slip haha!

vancouver was fun! and i've had a good weekend, health issues aside 🤍 hope you're having a good day and you have a great week!!!

[theharpermovieblog]

#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2023

I watched The Neon Demon (2016)

I wanted to see this when it came out, but it slipped by me.

A 16 year old girl enters the modeling world and begins a dark journey into sexualization and callous superficiality that may just be more dangerous than she knows.

Director Nicolas Winding Refn is a filmmaker who places his artistry and style over everything else. For this reason I quite like his films, even if they aren't always perfect. Whether it's Drive, Valhalla Rising, Bronson, Only God Forgives, etc... I have my minor issues with them all, but I'm also a huge fan of them. Especially the way Refn approaches and executes each film.

Like all Refn's work, what's first so noticeably excellent in this film is the visual style and the soundtrack. What jumps forward next is the sheer awkwardness of the interactions. It can be frustratingly uncomfortable.

This film deals with some intense issues. Death of innocence, the dark side of fame, self image and most uncomfortably, the sexualization of underage girls. Knowing the character is only 16 years old can make watching certain moments extremely difficult.

This film is disliked by some, but I think that dislike comes from the film being effective in what it's trying to do. It's supposed to make its audience, myself included, extremely uncomfortable. You're not meant to enjoy yourself watching it in the same way as other films. You're meant to be horrified at what you're seeing and experiencing.

Elle Fanning, plays innocence extremely well and it makes us, as the audience, feel a need to protect her. But, what makes this so hard to watch is that we know we can't and that this, most likely, isn't going to end well.

Most young girls are often sexualized in their lives. My female friends tell me horror stories all the time about how very early on they were basically taught that their self worth was tied into their looks and their sexuality. And, after being taught this, it was used to take advantage of them.

This film explores a young underage girl being swept up by all that and devoured by those taking advantage and those jealous of her. I think that the darkest things in this film is that even some of the villains are also victims of sexualization and a world which prizes youth and beauty over all else.

There are things here I don't love. Some moments can feel too melodramatic for my tastes and some of the performances suffer from having to deal with very cliche' dialogue. But, overall I very much appreciate the trippy wild highs and dark gritty lows throughout the film.

Refn has essentially made a horror film that sits outside the horror genre. Most of the horror here is deeply realistic. Whether it be emotional or violent. There's a rape in this film, which we do not see but we hear. We have to assume the victim is a 13 year old girl we've heard about from Keanu Reeve's character, a sleazy motel owner who might be the one raping her. It's so brutal sounding that it moves past horror into tragedy.

It's not till the last half an hour that the film really opens up into what's expected in a horror film. And, because we were made to wait for it, the moments are that much more effective.

It's a tough watch and not my favorite of Refn's films at all, but its effective and well made and it's something different.

Also, shout out to Jenna Malone. She's always great.

[sofipitch]

3 14 18 19 and a special personal question, do you prefer to read physical books or like ebooks and stuff? Hope you’re doing well 🖤

3. What is your favorite genre?

That is kind of a hard question bc I do read a lot of genre stuff like horror or historical but when you think of the big names, like Stephen King and Dean Koontz for horror, that's not really what I like. According to Storygraph my highest genre is fantasy but I hate high fantasy. So probably horror, historical, or fantasy but like usually the less hardcore versions of that genre if that makes sense

14. Do you ever mark/dog ear books you own?

Yes, I was taught to dog ear to save my place by my mom and I literally never knew it was a thing ppl hated until like high school. And it's just a piece of paper... I also will dog ear a library book (not write in tho) and I like seeing creases where other ppl have dog eared. I think it shows love. I also crack spines on hardcover and paperbacks. It's my book and I would like my hand not to hurt when holding it. The book I'm currently reading I got from a used bookstore and was in kind of rough condition and I dropped it and it split in half, it's currently taped back together, I think it looks cute.

18. Do you like historical books? If so what period?

Yes! I love historical fiction, I learn things and am entertained. I will read any time period except WW2. That time period is incredibly overused in the USA bc "we were the good guys!" It's often a propaganda machine and has extremely oversaturated the historical fiction section

19. Most disliked popular books?

Oh boy. This actually just came up at dinner so The Poppy War I don't think I can go into everything I hated in a reasonable amount of time so: bad politics and trauma porn. It also has a TON of overused tropes to the point I predicted a lot of the plot ahead of time. A Little Life, also trauma porn. A Thousand Ships, literally the worst Greek myth retellings. The whole thing is supposed to be feminist and will rub your nose in it too, not subtle, yet it still mostly summarizes myths about the male characters in a boring way. I don't think saying "hey the women deserve more attention!" And then not doing that makes sense. Also bad opinions on Helen, again #feminist yet enjoys slut shaming 🤔

For VC books, everyone knows I don't like books 4-10, however I have not read a lot of the worst offenders. So out of the ones I have read, Pandora and Blood Communion. Blood Communion had like 0 plot and what it has hinges on Lestat acting INCREDIBLY OOC. Pandora I was SO disappointed in. I liked her in QOTD so I thought I might enjoy her book, she is a 2 thousand year old vampire, this should be epic right? No it is extremely limited and only focuses on the part of her life involving Marius, basically anything that does not involve him is not included, like HUGE time skips. Even when we meet Pandora at age 30 before she was turned she had been previously married and we hear nothing of that. After her big fight with Marius when he abandons her, her life is just summarized in a few pages, saying she lived for thousands of years depressed bc of this one guy. Girl, get over him. Also I mentioned how I love historical fiction, Pandora not only has like accuracy issues but she doesn't experience a lot of events herself, she will summarize important events like gossip/AR reading a Wikipedia page. To me the appeal of historical fiction is to feel like you are actually there experiencing the event. Pandora telling me some previous emperor drama when she never interacts with them is not it. It was SUCH a huge let down and did not pass the Sofi Feminism test

Do you prefer to read physical books or ebooks?

If I read with my eyes I prefer a physical book, I like that I don't have to worry about charge or internet. I'm also just used to it, having to scroll on a page feels weird. I also accidentally tap and turn pages when I didn't mean to a lot

Thank you for your questions, this was a lot of fun 💗💗

[himitsu-luna]

Nct 127 - Creature series

File #6 - Jaehyun, the vampire

Genre: angst, supernatural, romance

Warnings: death of characters, mentions of killing methods, mentions of blood, pain, description of vampire bites and perfuration

Pairing: Jaehyun x reader

Featuring: Jeno

Word count: 2.7 k

Nct 127 creature series masterlist

The story

Jaehyun was born in 1797, as a normal human.

At that time, mankind and the vampire breed had a tense relationship. But, very strangely, everything seemed under control

When he was 24, because of a series of unfortunate events, involving conspirations and betrayals, a war broke out between the two races

Jaehyun, as a young soldier and leader of a troop, were sent to the battlefield.

Sad and bitter events happened, and he was turned into a vampire.

Since then, he lives for centuries and centuries, going from place to place, playing hundreds of roles, experiencing hundreds of lives, looking for one thing that keeps him going through his imortal existence

The powers

You either are born as a vampire or you become one.

You only become a vampire if you get bitten by one

However, when you get bitten by a vampire, it doesn't necessarily mean you will become one.

The cruel part of turning into a vampire is that it's not for free. In reality, it's an exchange of a life for another life.

The vampire transformation takes 2 hours to be completed, and it will only fully consolidate if the bitten person drinks a considerably large amount of human or vampire blood before the two hours end. Otherwise, when the time comes to an end, the person dies.

The person or vampire bitten by the incomplete transformed vampire inevitably succumbs.

In other words, the vampire transformation is always tragic, because someone always perishes in the end.

Vampires drink blood to survive, but it doesn't need to be human blood. They can survive with other animal's blood, but human blood is a completely different treat.

Jaehyun has an abnormal strenght, and over developed senses

He has basic telepathic and telekinetic abilities, which gives him great manipulation skills

He has the ability of quickly healing physical wounds

A few things are able to end his life though: fire, drowning, decapitation

– Report: Incident number 1

°°°

[year: 1821]

– "Jaehyun, do you really have to go?", you ask your husband for the 100th time at the doorstep of your house, firmly holding his hands, barely able to see him with your eyes blurred by tears.

– "Y/N, I do. I'm their leader. I need to fight. I need to protect everyone. And most importantly, I need to protect you. Don't worry, my love, I'll be back. I promise..." , Jaehyun responds you with a suplicant tone, his voice sounding deeper than usual, as he tries to hide the shakiness on it.

After a last passionate kiss, a last squeeze of hands, and a last long glance holding the desire of the two of you to freeze time, Jaehyun goes through the door without looking back. He has to admit he is afraid he may not live up to his promise. Vampires are scary beings. Powerful, almost untouchable. It's incredible how humans stand in this war against these creatures so far. Fortunately, some powerful vampires still side mankind, hoping the unlikely coexistence.

Taking a deep breath, Jaehyun jumps into the colourless truck that is going to take him and dozens of other soulless men to the battlefield.

...

[6 months later]

– "CHEERS TO JAEHYUN!!!!!!!"

– "CHEERS!!!!!!!"

– "Guys, guys!! Calm down!!! Hahahaha"

Jaehyun is being carried by dozens of euforic men, acclaimimg their leader for his bravery and determination to get every single one of his mates back to their families. The war is over. The last vampires retreated and, finally, peaceful days can be seen in the horizon. Tears are being shared, parties are being planned, but in the middle of all the deafening happiness, Jaehyun's only desire is to sink into your warm hugs again.

...

Turning around the last corner to reach his home, his heart racing madly, Jaehyun meets your comforting figure, that waited for him every single day at the door since he left, and that now is running to him with arms open. The vision of you completely blinds Jaehyun. He missed you so much. He can't wait to feel you again. But it blinds him so badly that he can't see the bloodthirst creature hidden in a dark alley, ready to jump on him. Still with his eyes glued on you, he watches your smiley face abruptly squirming into pure horror. He was given not even half of a second to process that scene, as he suddenly feels a piercing pain in his jugular, followed by his entire body landing on the ground, then a light breeze brushing his now even paler skin, as the treacherous vampire vanishes from the scene, releasing, with his gutural voice, an almost incomprehensible yet still powerful word: "Revenge".

Jaehyun’s senses are all messed up and his body convulses violently. But even imersed in chaos, his brain tries hard to not lose itself completely, as it percieves you getting closer and closer.

– "DON'T COME!!!" - he desperately yells, in his last effort to maintain his sanity.

But it's too late.

His concious falls apart completely. Everything gets red. Everything is too much, everything is overwhelming. He can clearly hear a rythmic heartbeat, that is not his own, resonating inside of his skull. He can clearly see the tempting purple path under a layer of skin, shining in high saturation in a waving hypnotizing motion. He can clearly feel his teeth landing on a soft surface and sinking deep into it. He can clearly taste the metalic flavor of blood spreading through his tongue. And after all of that, he can clearly smell your floral perfume, he can clearly feel hot heavy tears running down his cheeks, as he realizes what he has done.

Slowly getting his mind back as the sharp fangs retracts to the normal sized canines he is used to, Jaehyun is left in agony, all his face muscles contracted into profound sadness, looking at your fragile figure in his arms.

–"No no no no NOOO!!!! PLEASE NO!! Y/N, TALK TO ME!! Talk to me...please.....", he implores you, swinging his body back and forth, trying to keep you awake.

–"Jae.... It's ok.... It's o..k.... You... Are back... I'm so happy..." - you murmur, lifting your hand to wipe the cheeks of your beloved one.

You know how this works. You know that Jaehyun has become a vampire, and you know he won't die. You know he is safe. With that thought in mind, you smile relieved. You let your eyelids fall along with your hand, and, spending all of your remaining energy, you force your lips to move one last time : – "I love you...".

....

Standing in front of your grave, depositing your favorite flowers on the shining black marble, Jaehyun mentalizes his sorrowfull wishes over and over again, hoping they reach you:

– "I promise, Y/N, I promise you... I'll find you in whenever life you live, I promise I'll go back to you. I promise."

...

[Year: 2021]

–"OmG, I'll be late!! No no noo!!!! Stupid alarm!!" - you yell at the air, tripping on your cozy blankets, from your bed to your way to the ground.

A job like that would never fall on your lap again, for sure. You were a just graduated college student, visibly lost in the adult world, looking for a job so you can survive. You still can't believe that such a big company sent you this unexpected invite, willing to hire you. "I'm not mad, though.", you cheerfully think, while quickly spraying some perfum on the birthmark you have on your neck.

Shoving a piece of dry toast into your mouth while putting on your shoes, you rush to your first day at your new job.

....

You made it in time. Waiting for having a word with your new boss, you briefly look at yourself on the hand mirror you always take with you, fixing your messy hair and straightening your black blazer. Distracted in your own little world, you jump in surprise when an elegant man silently steps in the room, stands by your side without you noticing, and announces, with a resonant voice right into your ear:

– "Boss is ready to see you"

Having a look at the name tag hanging over the man's chest, you thank him:

–"Ohh, thank you.. hmm.. mr. Jeno! And I'm pleased to meet you!"

Jeno gives you a discreet smile, guiding you to a enormous poor iluminated room, in which a gorgeous and imponent figure stands behind an impressive desk. Your pupils take a few seconds to adjust to the weak lighting, but as soon as you exchange stares with that mysterious man, a weird wave of excitement runs throughout your whole body, like your blood is bubbling inside of your veins. You've never felt like this before, and it intensifies when you finally hear a deep, smooth, and weirdly familiar voice coming out of his mouth:

– Report: Incident number two

–"Hello, Y/N. Nice to meet you. You can call me Jaehyun".

–––

It has been five years you're working at Jaehyun's company. And it has been three years you stand beside him not only as his employee, but also as his lover.

Jaehyun is a fascinating man. But there's something very odd about him. You don't know if it's the way he seems to be able to go deep into your mind. If its the way he has the knowledge of an ancient person. If it's the way everything he does feels nostalgic. If it's the way he looks at you and you can see, along with a sincere love, deep sadness and sorrowfullness emanating from his eyes. If it's the way you are sure you knew him already even before your first encounter. If it's the way you feel like you've been waiting for him your whole life. –" Oh well, maybe there's something very odd about me as well." , you think in a dreamy state while watching Jaehyun sleeping peacefully beside you.

...

You are at Jaehyun's house, distractedly walking around and running your fingers through the fancy furniture, waiting for him so you can have the homemade dinner he's been promising you for weeks now. He finally found an empty spot in his busy schedule, and it has been good thirty minutes since Jeno let you know he and your boyfriend were at the supermarket, picking some ingredients. "Jaehyun must be so lost right now", you chuckle to yourself, wondering what weird things he would buy. But with the chuckle, you feel a light discomfort in your chest. You have a weak heart condititon since birth, so you're used to this sensation. "Ahh, not today! Today I have to be 100% good!" , you scold yourself, hoping the annoying feeling ceases soon.

But it's not. The light discomfort turns into a light pain. The light pain turns into a fierce pain. The fierce pain turns into and unbearable pain. Imersed in your suffering, you automatically massage your heart area and sustain your body stood by grabbing the nearest thing you can reach. And, before you lose your senses entirely, you can feel this thing moving, holding you tightly and carefully, and calling your name with that deep voice you loved so much : – " Y/N!!!!!!!!"

....

Staring at your motionless body on his arms, the dejavu Jeahyun is having is breaking him apart. After dozens of peaceful lives with you, he was not expecting losing you like this once more. Gradually and certainly, he is following your heartbeat on its crescent silence. He doesn't want to feel this pain again. If it's selfish, if it's benevolent, it's tricky – and even unfair – to judge the only thought that goes through Jaehyun's mind right now. With a decided and firm tone, he instructs Jeno:

– "Jeno, look after her, please. That's my last order to you."

With an almost imperceptible widening of eyes, seeing how his master determination even made his quivering less severe, Jeno answers him, trying to transmit in his voice the confidence and reliability he knows Jaehyun needs to feel.

– "Yes master, I understand. I will."

This phrase brings a peaceful expression to Jaehyun's face. Focusing completely on you, Jaehyun's fangs sharpen and he plants them into the flesh of your neck. You imediatelly wake up, as a wave of electricity runs through your body and excites every cell of it. You don't know what is happening, everything is so confusing with your blurred red vision. But you know you're thirsty. Your throat feels dry, and it claims something that is not water. You sense someone's body pressing itself on yours and, instinctively, you deep your teeth into the warmness, finding yourself satiating your needs with some unknown viscous liquid.

And a movie starts to play before your eyes. A movie staring you and Jaehyun. A movie showing all of your lives together. A wedding at a beach you've never been before. Jaehyun holding an unfamiliar happy dog you didn't know you missed so badly. You and him wearing antique clothes you've never owned, discussing about what to cook for dinner while watching the sunset. His crying face painted with red blots, his body swinging back and forth holding you in his arms, trying to keep you awake.

Drowning in an ocean of memories, you frantically attempt to resurface back to your present reality. Slowly pulling your teeth out of Jaehyun's neck, you gently wrap your arms around his cold body and sink your forehead onto his shoulders.

– "Jae... I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...."

– "It's.... ok, Y/N, it's ok.... I'm the one who is sorry"

– "No! It must have been so difficult for you... All these years, all this waiting... I'm so sorry... And... thank you so much."

– "I know... You... Would do the same... For me."

At this point, you are not trying to hold your tears anymore. At this point, Jaehyun's life is already hanging by a thin thread. Showing his dimples to you, his last words come faint, but still carry heavily the pure meaning of them:

– "I love you."

[Year: 2058]

– "Master, the apartment was rented successfully.", the serious and steady man says coming out of nowhere, getting by surprise your anxious and wondering mind.

– "OMG, Jeno! Are you a vampire or a ghost, please!! But ok, thank you a lot. Let's prepare everything then." , you respond, barely hiding your excitement.

Packing your things in an untidy chaotic way, you suddenly stop your actions. Hesitantly and avoiding eye contact, you ask Jeno something that has been bothering you for years now:

–" ....Hmm...Jeno.... Do you.... Do you think he will still like me?"

Even though he was caught off guard by your question, Jeno promptly replies:

– "I have no doubt about it, master. Thousand of years could pass, his love for you would remain the very same. I've witnessed it, trust me."

You bite your bottom lip, trying to conceal the wide smile forming on your red crying face.

....

*Knock Knock*

Lying on the couch of his living room, Jaehyun lazily raises only his head, wondering who could be knocking on his door. He definetely is not willing to stop watching his drama to answer the unknown visitor.

*Knock knock*

Finally accepting that staring at the door would not make something magically happen, he decides to get up and open it. However, he was not expecting that such a trivial thing would be so life changing.

– " Hi, I'm your new neighbor! My name is Y/N, nice to meet you!", you nervously say, extending your already sweat hand to the admired boy in front of you.

Jaehyun is astonished. He thought he had his whole life figured out. But, all of sudden, only now he can say that everything makes sense, that everything is where they should be. Only now he truly feels alive. Like a breath of fresh air, like he is living in a completely new world, he grabs your hand firmly, afraid you could vanish, and asks you in disbelief:

–" Do I know you from somewhere?"

–" Maybe...", you answer, with a mischievous yet tender expression painted on your face.

Jaehyun smiles at you softly, feeling the comfort and the sense of familiarity that only centuries of linked lives could bring him.

•° taglist - @soleilsuhh @dionysus-wine @cupidluvstarrz @kpopsnowball @kaepopsicle @purplepsycho03 @najatheangel @dundun-baby @haifengg @intokook @emuava @reallylikethevibeshere @cafemochi

* If you want to be added to or removed from the taglist, just send me an ask or a message (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

•° Main masterlist

...

[se0kie]

love me— myg (m)

pairing: yoongi x reader

genre: fluff, mild angst (if you squint), smut

undergroundrapper!yoongi, established relationship, boyfriend!yoongi

warnings: description of insecurity, unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it baybees), fingering, blowjob, light nipple play, really really soft fucking

based on love by kendrick lamar feat. zacari

summary: shaken by betrayal and riddled with insecurity yoongi questions whether you deserve to be with someone like him. it’s time you showed him how much he truly meant to you.

you had gone looking for yoongi after he had stormed out of the underground rap club and into the alley beside the building. what was supposed to be a night of excitement and hushed expectations had swiftly taken a turn and become one of the biggest shocks you or your boyfriend had ever experienced. 

yoongi was an underground rapper, he also wrote songs that he would sometimes sell to people he deemed worthy. every friday he would go to the local underground rap club with his rapper friends namjoon and hoseok, sometimes to take part in the head to head battles and earn a little cash but mostly just to chill. it was rumoured that this friday there would be talent scouts in the crowd looking to sign a new rapper to one of their esteemed artist management agencies. yoongi hadn’t wanted to make a big deal out of it so he kept it hushed but told you to accompany him on this particular evening. he was to participate in a freestyle rap battle with one of the house favourites to hopefully convince the scouts present to sign him. 

you had faith in yoongi. not only was he a lyrical genius but he also had immaculate flow and could rap at the speed of lightning. you knew your boyfriend would demolish whichever poor sod that was stupid enough to challenge him. you obviously agreed to go and show support. but what happened at the club was something you would never have dreamt of in a hundred years. 

yoongi had been challenged, his opponent standing across from him red cheeked listening to yoongi diss the life out him. but as soon as yoongi finished and the other boy started his rhymes you could exactly see the shock on your boyfriend’s face. his lips had parted slightly and his face seemed like he had been slapped right across it. the boy finished and it was yoongi’s turn again but to your horror he said absolutely nothing. he stood there for a few seconds staring at his challenger and then as if suddenly realising that he had an audience yoongi looked across the crowd, latched his gaze at you and then chillingly at namjoon who was standing right next to you. his expression was something you would never forget, it was a look of absolute disappointment and fury. if you had the mind to look at your friend beside you, you would've probably noticed the look of immense guilt on his face but your priority right then was yoongi who had proceeded to shove past you and your group of friends and right out the exit of the club. namjoon had promptly left right after him, presumably to follow him and explain himself. 

you had yet to understand what had exactly taken place. you turned to hoseok with confusion written all over you and questioned him, “what the hell was that about hobi?” hoseok had an uncannily similar expression as yoongi’s. he answered slowly as if trying to calm himself, “Y/N the guy going against yoongi, his name is younghyun. he just used yoongi’s lyrics from his upcoming song against him. it was a project me and yoongi were working on together and the only other person to know of it was namjoon.” you let out a shocked breath at hearing his words, realisation slowly settling in. namjoon had sold out his two best friends? he had been a friend of yours for years and you trusted him with your life but right now all you could feel was disgust towards the boy and pity for your dear yoongi. you decided that worrying about namjoon is not nearly as important as looking for yoongi so you muttered quickly, “I'm gonna go look for yoongi, okay hobi?” and left without waiting for an answer.

and here you were overhearing yoongi and namjoon’s loud conversation in the alley beside the club. 

the voices were rather quiet but the soft breeze in the air was carrying it towards you enough for you to barely make out what they were saying.

“...how could you namjoon? I trusted you with everything, hobi trusted you with everything. how could you steal from your own best friends?”

“I'm tired of you two being in the spotlight all the time that’s why!” 

you winced at the venom in the younger boy’s words. had he always felt like that? was he pretending this whole time? you were distracted from your own speculations as the voices grew in volume.

“I don’t wanna be like you, hyung. talented but jobless, in love but can’t express it. you’re always broke, hyung. I can’t live like that. you clearly don’t care about your financial situation that’s just pathetic. nobody ever even pays attention to me even thought i’m the only one out of your group that actually wants to make a name for himself. your lyrics can earn so much more for you, fame and fortune are waiting for you but you refuse to do anything about it. you live like a penniless college student and I don’t want that life for me.”

you felt as if someone had stung you. the insults heaping upon each other hurting you as if they were hurled at you directly. 

“when was the last time you took Y/N out, huh? when was the last time you spent money on her, showed her what a relationship is like. when was the last time you received a paycheck?”

“namjoon please leave.” you could hear the pain in yoongi’s voice. you knew how insecure he was, you knew exactly how much he worried about not having enough money and you knew that namjoon knew too. that’s why it hurt even more to hear him say these things. namjoon huffed in the distance and you could hear his feet crunching the ground indicating that he was walking towards you. you refused to look at him and instead chose to stare at the floor instead. he stopped when he reached you for a few seconds, it seemed like he wanted to say something but eventually decided against it and left. 

as soon as you were sure of his departure you half walked half jogged towards your boyfriend, when you stood in front of him you opened up your arms and your heart gave a little clench at seeing the soft tears adorning his full cheeks, his eyes glistening and lips pink and puffy. Another clench at how quickly he rushed into your open embrace and hid his face in the crook of your neck. this position was unfamiliar to you as it had always been yoongi comforting you. he was the strong one, the one who kept the both of you standing in the way of a storm. but you knew that right now out of all times yoongi needed you to be strong for the both of you, he needed you to be the pillar in your relationship this once and you would gladly do it again a hundred times, for him. you could feel his light shakes as he let himself cry in your hold, in his safe space. he let himself go in front of the one person he knew would never betray him

                                                       ~~~~

you had driven yourself and yoongi back to your apartment in your old and battered car. the long silent ride exactly what yoongi needed to process everything that had happened. you had let him have his space, you knew what kind of a jolt it must have been to find out that one of your closest, most dear friend actually did not love him as you all had been led to believe. 

you reached home and could finally let out a breath of relief at being in your safe space. somewhere you knew it was just you and your boyfriend and you could be alone with your thoughts. you walked into your small bedroom and pulled out a t-shirt from the little collection that yoongi always kept at your place, because of the sheer amount of time he spent in your house it only seemed practical. you handed it to him and watched him pull off his t-shirt and put on the new one. without asking, out of habit he passed you his dirty shirt. you accepted it with a small smile and discarded your day wear and pulled on the soft material. it smelled like yoongi, fabric softener, coffee and his cologne mixed with the musky scent of his sweat. you brought the neck of the shirt up to your nose and took a deep inhale, “stop that, you look like a crazed puppy.” you scowled at his words but your gaze softened almost immediately at his lighthearted demeanour. “are you feeling better, sweetie?” you couldn’t help but ask, you needed to know how he was feeling, the urge to envelop him in your arms once again and kiss every wound of his deepening by the second. yoongi gave you a small nod, a few moments of silence followed and then he started with a burst of words, “I know I probably can’t show you off to the world Y/N, i’m not good at expressing my emotions, i’ve always just relied on the fact that you would know that i love you, I won’t be able to buy you designer clothes and take you on expensive dates, you deserve it all and so so much more but I can’t give you the joys that money can buy. all I can do is love you. I will always look out for you and take care of you. Will you still be with me knowing that i can’t give you diamonds and mansions? Will you still stay by my side?”

you could feel the damned tears prickling at your ears but you couldn’t wait to tell yoongi what you thought, “I don’t care that you can’t buy me materialistic shit yoongi. I have never cared about that, but what you do give me is happiness, and my world stops every time you smile at me. you love me and I love you and that’s more than what I can ask of from the universe. i will love you even if you don’t. all i ask of you is that you trust me.” you bit your lip, all of this being way too honest and sentimental for you than you were used to but you knew that yoongi needed this confirmation. “I love you the way you are because you love me the way I am. I would rather live in rags beside you than in a mansion without you min yoongi. I love you.” you could see the emotions burning behind your boyfriend’s eyes. you closed the distance between you with a few steps and soon you had your lips on his.

the kiss started out chaste and sweet but as the frustration and pain from the happenings of the day boiled through the both of you, heat added to the negligible space between your bodies. yoongi’s hands previously on your waist had now slipped towards your ass and were cupping the fleshy cheeks. he gave one a squeeze and you couldn’t help but moan into the kiss that still connected you. his expert tongue swept across your bottom lip. silent. soft. asking for permission. you granted and opened up a little to let him slip his tongue into your mouth. your hands were at the nape of his neck, fingers playing with the soft hair that curled at the end. you were overtaken by the need to show this man how much you truly loved him. you turned yourselves around so that yoongi’s back was now facing the bed and slowly pushed at his shoulders, wordlessly asking him to lie down. you whispered, “lay back and let me love you.” yoongi smiled softly and gave you a nod. you sat down on your knees, yoongi’s thighs in between the space of your parted legs. you fumbled with the zipper of his jeans and somehow managed to get his pants entirely off. the soft glow of the moon was the only source of light and you took a few moments to appreciate the gorgeous man you had the honour to call yours. his shirt long gone and the pale smattering of fine hair on his stomach shining in the glow of the night, highlighting his toned pecs. “you look so gorgeous. my heart belongs to you, yoongi.” you bent down towards his crotch and got his boxers off, his half hard cock slowly rising at your warm touch. you fondled his pretty dark pink balls and swept at the drops of precum forming at the slit of his head. 

you gave his cock a stroke and gingerly gave it a kitten lick at the top. “ungh Y/N baby please stop teasing.” yoongi moaned. you loved that about him, yoongi was never afraid of being vocal. you decided to end his suffering and took half his cock into your mouth. the feeling of the wet warmth enveloping his cock almost made yoongi cum right then and there, you were treating him so good. you hollowed out your cheeks and sucked at his dick like he was your own personal yoongi flavoured popsicle, salty and bitter and delicious. a few more sucks and you had yoongi tapping at your hand signalling you to stop. you gave him a few more licks to the pretty swollen head of his cock and finally released him from your hold. yoongi had sat up now and was at your lips attacking you with kisses, hungry to taste himself on your tongue. “lay down with your head on the pillow baby.” he was back to instructing you, the need to be close to you and pleasuring you building in his stomach. you did as he said and laid back on the bed. yoongi had come up to your chest and taken a nipple into his warm, wet mouth. the sensation causing you to arch your back. he suckled at your nipple and you could feel his hand make his way down to the waistband of your panties. you helped him take of the undergarment and swift as a cat he had his finger on your clit, giving it a tentative rub earning a string of moans from you. he teased at the outer lips of your cunt and played with the moisture gathering there. “yoongi please touch me.” you whined and whimpered for him to finally touch you the way you wanted to be touched. “patience, angel. I'll touch you, don’t you worry.” he made good on his promise and soon yoongi had two of his fingers shoved into your dripping pussy and eliciting sounds from you that would have made demons blush. he pumped your cunt with a few expert strokes, bumping against the rough, spongy spot he was more than familiar with. the outcome of years spent together. one stroke, a second, third, fourth, fifth and then suddenly he stopped. you let out another pathetically needy whimper. “why’d you do that I was just about to cum?” he lets out a chuckle and says, “I want you to cum on my cock baby. I can only go once tonight I need you around me when I do that.” you nod dejectedly and open up your legs, blunt and bold. you want his cock inside you and you will have it. 

yoongi crawls over you, hands on either side of your head and cockhead positioned at your red, leaking opening, waiting to swallow his length. he bends down to your face and kisses you, disctracted by his actions you’re taken by surprise when he enters you in one swift motion. your jaw goes slack and you moan into his mouth. “mm yes oh god i feel so full yoongi. i love it when you’re inside me baby, i love you so much.” “i love you too angel, so so much you have no idea. is it okay if i move now?” you nod in assent and in a matter of seconds you’re turned into a moaning mess. yoongi’s length is pistoning in and out of your sloppy hole but as rough as he is down there that much more soft is he in your kisses. his right hand is at your breast and fondling your nipple. you’re unable of stringing together coherent sentences so all you do is moan and whimper and revel in how good yoongi is making you feel. he rolls your nipple in between his fingers and he has his mouth down to your left tit, he takes it in between his lips and swirls his tongue across the hard peak. this added sensation along with his long hard stroked at your cunt builds a string of red hot pleasure in the pit of your belly that snaps when he flicks his tongue over your stiff bud. you’re cumming, hard, and clenching around yoongi’s dick. yoongi can’t hold himself back anymore. knowing he’s made you cum he now lets go and spills his warmth deep into your pussy and slumps down onto you, holding himself up with one hand to not crush you under his weight.

you try and catch your breath after the invigorating session and you’re met with tens of sweet utterings sent to your ears. ‘i love you’s and ‘i’ll never leave you’s making their rounds. “angel you did so good, you treated me so well, i love you so much.” you blushed at his praise and replied, “i love you too sweetheart. if i don’t have you i have nothing. always remember that please.”

you snuggled into yoongi’s chest and he pulled you as close as physically possible. you had each other and you loved each other. everything else could be dealt with as long as you were in each other’s arms. that was all the comfirmation yoongi needed.