#but the only other nuclear song i can think of is goodbye mom which is going on the mrs. nate howard playlist (my nora playlist)

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

continuing to make my nick valentine playlist (hesitantly called "nicky v's sick traxxx") and god frank sinatra is everywhere. you look up any jazz song and there'll be five renditions with at LEAST one of them being sinatra.

[v-t-holmes]

1D songs rated by how much I want to hear MCR cover them

wmyb - I’m actually lowkey wondering how that would sound tbh, 7/10

gotta be you - if gerard doesn’t have the vocal range for the chorus, I would rather have him not strain himself, 2/10, but if he does, 6/10, I’m intrigued

one thing - I wouldn’t mind a cover of this one, 4/10

more than this - ooh yes, but there’s a 90% chance i’d cry, 7/10

uan - the way this song is, an mcr cover would probably sound lit, 9/10

i wish - and make me cry and drown myself in tears? 3/10

tell me a lie - change screwed up to fucked up and it’s a deal, 6/10

taken - the only reason i don’t start feeling Sad while listening to this song bc I’m so used to it, if mcr covered it i would be Ugly Sobbing, 5/10

i want - okay that would sound lit, 7/10

everything about you - okay this song is kinda boring ngl, mcr could spice things up, 9/10

same mistakes - this one already gives me existential crisis without thinking about an mcr cover, 7/10

save you tonight - I’m indifferent, it would probably sound lit tho 5/10

stole my heart - dunno if it would work as well while being sung by a guy literally the same age as my mom as it does while being sung by a (in the recording) group of boys aged between 17 and 20 - 1/10

stand up - SO PUT YOUR HANDS UP COZ IT’S A STAND UP, basically it’s an armed robbery, 5/10

moments - the subtle hinting at the fact everyone in this song dies,, fun fact that would just instantly kill me, 100000000/10, I would Cry but it would be worth it

another world - I rather would not be taken to ‘another world’ ‘every day’ ‘in every way’ by mcr, thank you very much 0/10

na na na - the cover would be worth it just for the title confusion, so yes, yes please, 10/10

i should have kissed you - the regret in the original’s is not Expressed At All, 7/10, fuck me up mcr

lwwy - i mean it would probably sound good, but lets be real, mcr doesn’t exactly fit the vibe of this song, 4/10, just because it lowkey has danger days vibes (i listened to it three times in a row before, I know what vibes danger days has)

kiss you - i’m torn between the fact that this is targeted at teen girls and sang by barely not underage anymore boys, and the fact the cover would probably sound lit 5/10

little things - it’s,,, too soft for mcr,,, 0/10

c’mon c’mon - eh, I’m indifferent to that one, 5/10

last first kiss - this one gives me an existential crisis and makes me Sad already, 8/10

heart attack - just for the ow! part, and also for the 1D just doesn’t do emotions right in this one, 7/10

rock me - in summer ‘09, they were literal babies, I’m fairly certain 16 year old harry styles did NOT fuck, mcr did shit other than going to school in 2009, and they probably fucked and this song is just one big innuendo, 7/10

change my mind - ah another song that would probably make me cry, 6/10

i would - idk, a song about high school drama? 1/10

over again - stabbing me would be more merciful than an mcr cover, 10/10

back for you - this one hits differently when you hear 1D promising they’ll come back for the fandom, And with the reunion rumours going around, it wouldn’t sound right if mcr did a cover, 2/10

they don’t know about us - unlike the original, it would make me cry, because it remind me of my gf, 3/10, covers of songs that remind me of my gf that would make me cry are illegal

summer love - the 1D version didn’t kill me, but the mcr version definitely would, 5/10

she’s not afraid - I’m actually kinda curious about what the cover would sound like, 8/10

loved you first - another one I kinda want to hear mcr’s cover of, 7/10

nobody compares - this one is either boring or it’s getting late, either way, mcr would spice it up, 7/10

still the one - it’s a bop already, 5/10

truly madly deeply - soft and tender and,,, can mcr do soft and tender? I mean, probably, but their songs that sound soft and tender end up in people in the song dying, 2/10

magic -THERE’S A 99.99999% CHANCE THE MCR COVER WOULD BE LIT, 219833/10

irresistible - mcr’s cover would make me cry and i’d thank them 8/10

bse - despite the title, not the best song ever out there (home is the best), and mcr could definitely improve it, 8/10

soml - the chorus starts, but with more SCREAMING, 8/10, sometimes you just want a soft song to have more yelling

diana - could be good, but really, I’m indifferent to it, 5/10

midnight memories - the fact 1D says 'same old shhh' instead of 'same old shit' is so unsatisfying, mcr would fix that, 10/10

you & i - yeah, just make me cry or whatever, 6/10, I’m already feeling like a trainwreck

don’t forget where you belong - that would be nice but it would also make me cry, 7/10

strong - the intro keeps reminding me one of the mcr songs and idk which one, probably famous last words, and it’s bothering me, 5/10

happily - I have no objections to this one, 9/10

right now - it would probably make me cry too much to handle, 2/10

little black dress - I’m kinda curious about this one honestly, it’s already a lot more rock than some other songs and I wouldn’t mind a cover, 6/10

through the dark - idk why, but I would definitely pay for an mcr version of this song, 10/10

something great - this one already gives me Feelings, I don’t think I could handle the mcr cover, 1/10

little white lies - it’s an okay song but really, I don’t need an mcr cover of it, 0/10

better than words - mcr wouldn’t censor fuck, 5/10

why don’t we go there - i’m actually running out of ideas of how to express what I want to say about this song, but basically, it would sound good but I don’t think it’s on the priority list, 2/10

does he know - i learnt that gerard is the same age as my mom so I legally can’t listen to him sing about sex while addressing the listener like that, 0/10

alive - it would be a headbanger, 10/10

half a heart - and make me cry even more than I cry while listening to the original? 2/10

steal my girl - not really something I’d want or need covered by mcr -10/10

ready to run - this song made me make this post, a clear 10/10

where do broken hearts go - I mean I’d probably cry, but I’d love to hear a cover, 7/10

18 - it makes me feel similar as songs from bullets or three cheers do, but on the other hand, this song already makes me sad and is crying so much I fill the ocean with my tears worth it? 5/10, probably

girl almighty - it would probably sound fun, I wouldn’t mind there being a cover, 5/10

fool’s gold - do you want me to cry? because that’s how to make me cry, no but also please/10

night changes - an existential crisis sounds nice in these trying times (not), 3/10

no control - it would be okay, I guess, 3/10

fireproof - why not, 5/10

spaces - another one presumably about the break up, it just wouldn’t Hit the same if mcr covered it, 2/10

stockholm syndrome - oh, please, that sounds like it would make a lit cover, 8/10

clouds - why tf not, I’d love to hear what mcr would do with it, 9/10, fuck me up

change your ticket - I can’t think about this song without thinking about that one tik tok where 1D members pop up in the girl’s room when their parts start, imagine that with mcr, I would scream (in a not good way), 0/10

illusion - I wouldn’t mind a cover, but really I don’t know what I’d do with it, 1/10

once in a lifetime - this song already makes me cry, I wouldn’t be able to handle an mcr cover, 3/10

act my age - heheh why not, it would make a fun cover, 8/10

hey angel - I wouldn’t mind a cover, so why not, 6/10 (would I cry? you can’t prove anything)

drag me down - I can see it being a good cover now that I think of it, 8/10

perfect - kinda curious how that would sound, 8/10

infinity - only if mcr is willing to pay for and play at my funeral, 8/10

end of the day - I wouldn’t mind an mcr cover if this one, but mostly I’m just indifferent, 5/10

if i could fly - the intro is too similar to cancer, and the original already makes me Cry, i would straight up get dehydrated and die from mcrying, but also, please 9/10

long way down - more mcrying, a whole party, 7/10

never enough - the cover would be probably pretty good, 6/10

olivia - it’s already a fun song to listen to, I wonder what the cower would sound like, 7/10

what a feeling - it has the potential to make me cry, 7/10, also it hits different in these times

love you goodbye - wanna see if they can be as tender as 1D is with this song,, 6/10

i want to write you a song - i don’t dare sending my gf mcr songs with the caption ‘that made me think of you’ in fear of the song having undertones of murder, collective death, nuclear winter or other dying stuff I haven’t noticed yet, this song is too soft, sorry mcr -10/10

history - it would most likely sound good, but it has a sentimental value that mcr just wouldn’t be able to capture, 1/10

temporary fix - HECK YES, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SONG THAT WOULD SOUND GREAT AS AN MCR COVER, 475475837/10

walking in the wind - I wouldn’t mind a cover, 5/10

wolves - it would be worth it just for the confusion between this song and house of wolves in search results, 10/10, bc i enjoy chaos

am - the original is soft and there’s really barely any instrumental background for most of the song other than acoustic guitar, so I’m wondering what mcr would do with it, 6/10

home - how much do I have to pay to hear mcr cover that one? 1000/10, it’s my fav 1D song

[burritodetodo]

Fare You Well Adventure Time - Final Review

On Monday September 3rd 2018 at 19:00 (EST) the 2010s Animation Renaissance era was over after Adventure Time ended. It was the foundation stone of eight years in which a generation that grew up watching cartoons could meet them again thanks to a great story. One of the tales from the mythical Enchiridion that became a worldwide cultural phenomenon.

Pendelton Ward’s creation was born on 2007 as a short on Nickelodeon, but that network didn’t think it was material for a full series. In a very clever move, Cartoon Network, where Pen was working on Flapjack (the mothergum of 2010′s animated series) on those years, did think it was a good series and gave Adventure Time green light.

In eight years Adventure Time went from the adventures of a 12 year old boy, Finn Mertens, and his magical shapeshifting dog, Jay T Dawgzone Jake, on a post apocalyptic world to a coming of age story that has nothing to envy of John Hughes movies.

The first three seasons the Finn wants to be a hero no matter what the consequences. On fouth and fifth seasons, our little dude falls into love games of infatuation, teen love and broken hearts. Family and existential dramas are shown on its sixth season, in which the tone is darker and deeper. The final three seasons show Finn discovering who he is, why he has a heroic behaviour, learns to cope with depresion and anxiety with his other part, Fern, and, different to his younger self, learns that not everything has to be solved with violence.

Alongside Finn we have a cast that grew up with him and were key to the main story:

Bonnibel Bubblegum: an 827 year old princess that looks like a 19 year old one that learned not to be manipulative all the time and has to lean on her friends to solve her problems and chill out.

Marceline Abadeer: a +1000 year old vampire queen (that also looks 19) who survived a nuclear war and heir to the Hell throne that realises she can’t escape from her troubles all the time and need her friends beside her. Especially her loved one, PB.

Simon Petrikov/Ice King: he used to be an archaeologist cursed by a magic crown with antediluvian magic that turned him into mental insanity and looks for his fiancée/princess to say one last goodbye.

BMO: they have the purpose of entertain a young boy, the possible son of their creator that didn’t have because he also didn’t have time to make one, who have some journeys where they found out where they come from and learns about life and death.

Jake: a magical dog who efusively lives under the YOLO rules and skips way too much some important moments like his children breed. Through seasons he learns he needs contention and tries to be a better dad by supporting his pups.

The fight between good and evil can’t be absent from this epic tale. A bunch of major enemies appear such as The Lich as the personification of Evil on Earth, a Grass Curse that brings lots of problems in later seasons, the Vampire King that awakens after a thousand years, a wacky scientist who did hideous experiments on animals and humans and a primordial god that seeks destruction. There’re also other enemies who were defeated in one or two episodes.

Love is a fundamental element of the series. Finn went through infatuations and teen love, satisfy himself through a fantasy that pulls a break up with Flame Princess (his first girlfriend), his unloving dad and loving virtual mom and the spiritual conection with Huntress Wizard towards the end of the show. That feeling can also drive someone mad, like Betty trying to save Simon and almost destroying the world twice.

But the most notorious demonstration of love of the series was the one between Marceline and Bonnibel. Shown distant from the begining because of a mutual distance, they were getting closer and closer as long as the series was reaching the end and the climax was with a long awaited kiss during the end of the world after Marcy went bersek when she saw Bonnie almost dead after a GOLB monster attacked her. That LGBTQ kiss was very important for inclusive representation in animation, a taboo that is luckily disappearing little by little.

We can’t leave behind the crew who made Adventure Time possible. Pen Ward was in charge for four seasons until he stepped down. Adam Muto replaced him with profit the creator’s project. Storyboarders and writers staff that were in the series left to create big hits:

Patrick McHale: part of the core of what was Adventure Time on its first seasons, he did in parallel the extraordinaire Over The Garden Wall. A 10 part miniseries themed in Halloween that was an instant hit and every October is revisited by fans.

Rebecca Sugar: the best alumni for many fans. They left on Season 5.1 to create Steven Universe, CN’s powerhosrse nowadays.

Ian Jones-Quartley: he went with their girlfriend, Sugar, to Steven Universe. His short, Lakewood Plaza Turbo, was greenlit and it was renamed to OK KO. An awesome cartoon with 90s spirit on its own.

Julia Pott: she created a short that was premiered in Sundance festival called Summer Camp Island. It got an award and the network gave it green light for a full series. With her, many members of Adventure Time crew went there and has a tone that’s familiar with AT’s first season.

Voice actors were also a key role in their interpretation of characters. Big names such as John DiMaggio or Tom Kenny mixed with the aging Jeremy Shada that grew up alongside Finn so the production didn’t have to change his voice actor as it happens in many shows. And, as I did in previous reviews, Olivia Olson was amazing playing Marceling but also by singing: from mourning about the last fries on Earth to doing a terrific Mitski cover back on Season 7.

Of course, a big hit series can have big guest actors voicing characters. Names such as Ron Perlman, Neil Patrick Harris, Maria Bamford, Mark Hamill and many more also gave life to Ooo’s big characters.

We say fare thee well to an epic story. Nine seasons, or chapters, that explored with creativity real life situations ambiented in a post-apocalyptic world. A story that gave us back faith on animation, despite network’s mistreatment in the final seasons. A show that wasn’t only child’s game, because animation is for everybody. Listening to the Music Hole sing sweet songs, she rock our souls while we ask what time is it.

If you liked this post, not only like it. Hit reblog.

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[staticscreenwriting]

thinking only autumn thoughts - Billy Hargrove

Synopsis: Autumn is magic. Billy is soft. 

A/N: I don’t even know what this is I just liked writing it. Please let me know what you think. Thanks :)

“October Country . . . that country where it is always turning late in the year. That country where the hills are fog and the rivers are mist; where noons go quickly, dusks and twilights linger, and mid-nights stay [...]

That country whose people are autumn people, thinking only autumn thoughts. Whose people passing at night on the empty walks sound like rain. . . . “

Hawkins Indiana isn’t a spectacular town by all means. It’s small and old and boring. It’s not particularly pretty to look at either with it’s peeling paint and rusty nails and dirty shop windows.

But there’s a certain time of year, just a few days almost over by the time you realize it, where things change. It’s a feeling in the air. A whisper in the wind. A scent that reminds you of childhood memories you thought long forgotten.

It’s when all is painted in the last hues of reds and orange but fall knows it’s time to go and let winter take over. The air is cold a crips and nips at your nose and blushes your cheeks but it’s still warm enough to take walks along the fields.

That’s when he met her. He was new in town and angry. Always angry. And sad. And she was — alive. Even now, years later, he’s not sure what he ever did right for things to fall into place the way they did that night.

He was hanging out at yet another party of yet another classmate he didn’t give a shit about. And he was miserable and bored and filled with teenage angst and repressed emotions. And there she was, in the middle of a crowd, ripped jeans and a madonna shirt and bright pink lipstick. Her hair was permed to the max and she wore the ugliest hoop earrings he’d ever seen. It wasn’t like he fell in love with her then, but there was something about her that intrigued him. She looked like a downright mess. Like she was the physical embodiment of how he felt inside. Hell, she was drinking one of those disgusting wine coolers. If that doesn’t scream misery to you, what does ?

He saw her again, a few days later. Sitting on the front porch of her house, just a few down from his. She looked sad again. Still beautiful. And when she caught his eye, she started to smile. Her hair was flowing in the wind and her cheeks were flushed and the tip of her nose was red from the cold and Billy, for the first time in his life, thought that maybe he was falling in love.

Things changed that day, when they started talking. About the weather and school and Hawkins and their shared hatred of the town and how all they wanted was to get out.

They spent that night together, at the playground behind their houses. Just talking. About the misery of a lost childhood and a fuck up youth. About their families and how messed up they were. About mother and the absence of those. About heartbreak and life. And love.

And since that night things were never the same again.

Every year for all the years he’s spent in Hawkins Indiana that was his favorite time. Because she seemed to come alive then. With her hair flowing in the wind and Halloween gone and forgotten and Christmas still a month away she was — almost weightless.

And every Thanksgiving, when the nuclear families stepped up a notch in pretending to be perfect, they’d suffer through a fake display of familiar love and comfort waiting for the right moment to slip away and meet up.

The diner was almost deserted that night, obviously. Families had better things to do than have their Thanksgiving meal at the local diner with the soggy fries and the burned burger patties. But to them it was good. It was everything.

He told her he loved her there. With the pink neon lights lighting up her face like she was a character in the Blade Runner movie.

And she told him she loved him back.

It was a good time in Hawkins, the bridge between fall and winter. Where things are cold but they felt so warm inside.

Only winter inevitably came. And it came with cold and fury and heartbreak.

It’s years later that he gets to witness another Thanksgiving in Hawkins. Another magical moment between fall and winter. Only it doesn’t seem to magical when he arrives.

The occasion isn’t a happy one to begin with. It’s not the long awaited bonding of his patchwork family. No. He’s not being welcomed with open arms.

He’s welcomed by a frail looking Neil in a hospital bed hooked to machines, connected by tubes.

His dad is dying. That’s the inevitable truth of it all and Billy has no idea how to feel about this. This situation is so strangely familiar but so very different.

When it was his mom, he was a kid and he didn’t know shit about life and death and mortality. He just knew that his mom was there one day and the next she was in the hospital and then she was dead and he was sad and angry.

This time he knows so much more but his head is still kind of empty. As is his heart. His mother’s passing hit him deeply. She was this wonderful woman who held nothing but kindness and love in her heart. Neil is an abusive asshole.

But he’s still his dad and no matter how much Billy tries to deny it, he’s still just a broken boy asking for a sign of approval, a hint of pride, a tiny sliver of love from his dad.

All he gets is a snarky remark about his new haircut and a snort when he tells Neil about his job at a center for troubled youth.

So he bids Max and Susann goodbye and goes to the one place that holds good memories for him.

Only when he enters the diner it’s not a good feeling that washes over him. There’s the nostalgia of what this place holds sure, but it all feels less magical and way more sad when he has to face it alone.

He asks for a piece of pumpkin pie, which he doesn’t even particularly like but (Y/N) always loved it and some stupid ass part of his brain thinks that maybe that can bring them closer even if she’s not here.

“ You look like you could use some company “ Clarice, the waitress says but Billy declines. Not because he doesn’t like her, in fact she’s always treated him nicely when im and (Y/N) came around, no he’s just really shit at small talk. And that’s what she’s gonna expect from him.

So she walks off and for a moment he’s left alone with his soggy fries and a U2 song playing over the stereo.

Then the clicking of heels catches his attention and it’s just ridiculous how fast his heart starts to beat when he looks up and is greeted by (Y/N) walking towards him. Like it hasn’t been years since they have last seen each other. Like they haven’t broken up a long time ago. Like their last meeting wasn’t yelling and tears and heartbreak and throwing clothes out of windows.

But it all feels like a lifetimes ago. Like it happened to two completely different people. And all that’s there right now is this immense warmth spreading through his body and consuming him.

“ Hi “ she says and smiles and suddenly the diner isn’t so sad anymore.

She looks so different. Her hair isn’t permed anymore and the lipstick is now red instead of hot pink and she’s wearing gold studs instead of pink hopps but there’s still that shimmer of wonder and passion in her eyes and she’s still smiling like the girl she used to be. She’s a different person now but she’s still everything good in the world. At least to Billy.

“ Hi “

“ Can I sit down ? “

What a question.

“ Of course “

They’re quiet for a moment but there’s a tension building. Like the air before a thunderstorm. Electric.

“ I like the haircut. It suits you, I always told you. “

She had. But the mullet was his thing. The physical rebellion against his dad’s stupid rules and restrictions. Also he looked fucking cool and anyone who says differently is clearly wrong.

“ Thanks. You look — “ Billy knows he’s biased.This girl is part of all his happy memories of the last few years. She could be wearing a paper bag and shave her head and dye her eyebrows green and he’d still think she is gorgeous.

“ — good “

That’s fucking lame, honestly. But his heart is beating way too fast to come up with a proper answer.

“ Clarice called me, thought you looked sad. Like you could use some company “

They just fall back into conversation, like nothing has happened. Like they’re old friends who don’t have a shit ton of baggage. Who don’t have a backstory. Who didn’t love too fast, too hard, too much.

“ … and he’s dying. We know it. He knows it. I just — I feel like I should be sad, you know ? Like I should feel something. But I don’t. I don’t even feel relieved I just feel indifferent “

By the time they get to his father’s condition they’ve shared 3 milkshakes and (Y/N) has finished his piece of pumpkin pie.

“ Does that make me a bad person ? A bad son ? “

When she places her hand on his in comfort, Billy thinks he might die of a heart attack. Also he thinks he’s being fucking ridiculous. What is this ? A stupid John Hughes movie ? Fuck no.

“ Absolutely not ! This man has been making your life a living hell, Billy. You don’t have to be sad about him dying. I mean I get why you’re not happy, he’s still your dad. But you don’t owe him sadness. You don’t “

He hasn’t realized until now but she’s right, he felt like he might be owing Neil a certain kind of reaction. Sadness or pity or a hint of gratitude for — well for what exactly ?

“ He might be your father but he never stepped up to actually do his job as a dad. You’re allowed to feel the way you feel about it. “

Life gets overwhelming for Billy a lot of times. It moves too fast and sometimes he feels like it’s all spinning out of control. Like the world is turning and he’s gonna fall off. And then his breathing gets fast and his heart starts beating and his palms get clammy.

A girl from the youth center, Emma, she feels like that too, she told him. She’s 7 and she’s smart and she’s dealing with a family so much like his own, it breaks his heart. “ But then I think of my sister and my friends and my favorite song and the feeling in my tummy when I ride the teacup ride at the carnival and things don’t seem so bad no more “.

Billy looks up at (Y/N) and thinks of what they’ve been through and kissing her for the first time and them dancing to time after time at the prom he didn’t even want to go to but did anyway and had a good time and about the feeling of holding her in his arms during those magical fall nights. And then things don’t seem so bad no more, indeed.

“ Why did we break up ? “

If he’s being quite honest with himself, he knows why. It’s not one specific reason but an amalgamation of so many things. They just seem so pointless and trivial in the grand scheme of things now that he looks at it all as an adult.

“ Because we sucked “

“ We didn’t “

“ Yeah we kinda did. Billy we were both so caught in our own teenage angst and felt so miserable all the time. We were toxic for each other “.

“ What are you talking about ? You were the only thing in my life that wasn’t toxic. You were the only good thing ! “

“ See ? That’s the problem. We were so dependent on each other. I was waiting for you to fix me and trying to fix you at the same time. That’s not healthy, Billy. “

It’s the truth now that he thinks about it. While they were together, Billy hasn’t really made a move on bettering himself, not really. Yeah he’d calmed down considerably but none of those positive changes he’d ever given himself credit for. It was her that changed him and her he changed for.

And maybe his love wasn’t what made her life better either. Maybe that was all her doing. Maybe it was just growing up.

“ Do you really think we were that bad ? “ he asks and he’s scared of the answer. He doesn’t for one minute think about her regretting their time together.

“ If you’re asking me if I would do it all again, knowing what I know now. Then yes. Because I loved you Billy and when we were good we were spectacular. “

A silence settles upon them again as Billy ponders about their relationship. He’s glad she doesn’t regret giving him a chance. He doesn’t think he could live another day knowing the one person that showed him love in the last decade regrets just that.

“ So I told you why I’m back, why are you back ? “

If there’s one person that hates Hawkins just as much as he doesn, it’s (Y/N). Seeing her back here all grown up and mature, really surprises him.

“ I felt homesick. I know my family isn’t perfect but ya know, distance makes the heart grow fonder and all that shit. “

He might’ve not seen her in years but Billy can still tell she’s lying. Some things never change.

“ That’s bullshit. You hated Hawkins, what changed ? “

(Y/N) cracks a grin because of course he could tell that she wasn’t honest. It’s Billy.

“ I don’t think I hated Hawkins as much as I hated myself in it. It was just easy to blame everything on the town and the people except of taking a look at myself, you know ? “

“ Sure, doesn’t answer the question though “

“ Well, remember after prom when we sat by the quarry and you asked me what I wanted to do after school and I told you I wanted to write a book and you told me you wanted to help kids who are going through what you went through ? “

“ I do “

It was the first night Billy ever told anyone about his plans for the future. He wasn’t really one to spill his guts to people, still isn’t. So this meant a great deal. Especially since he didn’t really believe his plan was ever going to come true anyway. But she had been so honest and vulnerable with him then, it only felt fair to give something back.

“ I have been trying to write this stupid book for years and I just feel blank whenever I start a new idea. So I really started thinking about what it is that I want to write about, what makes me feel. Sad, angry, happy — just anything, really. And it all came back to Hawkins. Hawkins and you “.

Billy doesn’t think he’s the kind of guy people write books about. He’s not special or intriguing or even particularly funny. But this is (Y/N) and she’s always seen him differently.

“ So I came back here, for Thanksgiving. For the red leaves and the cold wind and that short time a year where things seem — lighter”

So it isn’t just his nostalgia clouded imagination that makes that time of year look magical to him, if she feels it to it must mean something. Anything.

“ You were always happier that time of the year and I could never figure out what it was “

“ It’s when I met you “

It’s like a thunderstorm rolling through his body. Lighting strike to the heart. He’s played this scenario over in his head for so many times but never has he thought he was the reason for her happiness. That he made such a difference.

“ I still love you “

That’s the fundamental truth of it all, really. He loves her and he’s never stopped. Not saying it out loud seems like a disservice to both of them.

He’s not become a better man for her, he did that for himself. But the better man he is now, he’s deserving of her love. He’s someone that’s good enough for the woman she is now.

“ Do you think we still stand a chance ? “

She softly takes his hand in hers again, her hands still so much smaller than his and way softer, way warmer.

“ The kids we used to be ? Absolutely not. We can’t go back to that. But the people were are now ? I don’t see why not. I like who you are now. I like that you went out and did what you always wanted to do. That you’re so soft on the inside and loving and that you put so much effort into helping kids. I like that you still show up here when your dad is sick even if you have every reason not to. I could love you now. “

Really that’s enough for him.

“ Can I kiss you “

She nods and leans towards him. And she feels warm and tastes like pie and cigarettes and her.

And suddenly the magic was back, full force. And no winter and no cold and no frost would take it from him this time.

It’s another late fall a year or two later when they sit on a swing set much like the one behind their houses when they were younger and more bitter.

Her hair is still flowing in the wind the way it always did and he cheeks have not lost the subtle blush brought on by the cold.

One gloved hand holds on to the chain of the swing while the other grabs tightly to the book she’s reading from. Aloud and with so much passion and love in her voice, it makes Billy’s heart grow 3 sizes at least.

It’s a special time of the year for a different reason now. All of the year is magic now that they’re together again with no underlying anger no repressed sadness, no misery. Just them.

It’s special now for it’s when she holds the finished product of many sleepless night in her hands. Of tears and frustration and more love and passion and longing that she could ever properly describe.

And Billy, he holds the other special thing in his arms. The one that graced them just a few weeks earlier when the air was still warm. She’s tiny and perfect and she’s all Billy and (Y/N) ever wanted in life. It’s her first fall, her first time on a swing, softly rocking in her father’s arms. Her first spark of magic.

“ … and as they sit on the porch, coated in the golden glow of a setting october sun, all is well and warm in their hearts. For maybe obstacles had to be overcome and mountains had to be climbed in order to end up here. Sometimes people meet at the wrong time in life when things are cold and bitter and filled with a sadness that is too much for two people to contain. But sometimes, and they both know how rare these are, sometimes there’s a right time. A second chance. For people who are meant to be together. They were granted such a chance and so they took it, reaching out and grabbing it and never letting go, ever.

So that october evening, with the red sun setting upon the horizon they were both so very aware that with all odds against them, they still managed to come out just fine in the end. Like boats against the current they managed to reach the shore, not unharmed but alive. Maybe more alive than ever before.

And with the waves it washed away the hurt and the bitterness and all that was left was them and love and magic. “

When she finishes reading she looks up at him with a shy glance. She’s nervous. This is the most vulnerable she’s ever felt. This is years of work and dreams she’s been harboring for a lifetime.

“ Do you like it ? “

“ You wrote a book about us “ Billy says and smiles.

“ No “ (Y/N) replies “ I wrote a book about love, we just happen to have a lot of that in our lives. “

Hawkins Indiana isn’t a spectacular town by all means. It’s small and old and boring. It’s not particularly pretty to look at either with it’s peeling paint and rusty nails and dirty shop windows.

But there’s people here that can change things, that make it worth it. It’s a feeling in the air. A whisper in the wind. A scent that reminds you of childhood memories you thought long forgotten. It’s the smile on her face when she looks at Billy and the sound of his daughter’s heartbeat and the love that surrounds them. Always. He knows it sounds cheesy but there’s no denying that it’s all a little magical.

[shawnsgrowingpains]

For the best

word count: 1310

warnings:  some curse words i think? and suckish writing. 

also, i wrote this a while back but I edited it and fixed some errors. This was originally for Shawn Mendes but you can imagine it for whoever you’d like. ;)

I’d be lying if I say that you’re completely out of my mind. I could still feel something every time I hear the song that we’d usually sing in your car. It would still give me butterflies whenever I drive through the park where we had our first date. It was all simple, we both like simple. We we’re both pretty low-key. Movies and pizza, hikes with our dogs, playing pranks at each other, spontaneous road trips while having our own concert inside, midnight walks, binge watching bob’s burger on a school night, our little debates like how to properly peel a banana, or if pineapples truly deserve to be a pizza topping, or anything random or stupid. We were kids in love, the cheesiest high school couple. Unlike every other teen couple, we never had petty fights. Jealousy was never an issue. All we felt was love; pure love. We had our own little bubble. We really didn’t care about anything else, no matter how much we make our friends feel uncomfortable, or how much people are ‘cringing’ out of our clingy-ness—(if that’s even a word.) We were inseparable, and we we’re happy. So what went wrong?

One day, we were suddenly impatient with each other. We would call each other names, have unnecessary sassy, rude comebacks. Then suddenly we’re screaming at each other over the most ridiculous things. It was both affecting us emotionally, but we both didn’t want to admit it. Until it all got worse. Now we’re hurting each other physically. From slamming doors to throwing things at each other. It wasn’t a healthy relationship anymore. We were both toxic for each other. It lasted for another year, probably thinking we couldn’t live without each other. We really thought we had this all figured out. We chose to get over the fact that we were screaming more than having a real conversation. We denied the fact that we weren’t good for each other anymore; because we were madly smitten. I mean, the pain that we we’re feeling was normal. We needed some fight just like normal couples. Its normal to get hurt when we love, right? False, love shouldn’t be like this. It’s not supposed to hurt like this.

Then one night, you got mad at me for watching one episode of Bob’s burger without you. It was all funny and shit until it literally turned into shit. We started yelling at each other and bringing things up, until we’re now fighting about global warming and the nuclear bomb. We started blaming each other for the things that we didn’t have control over. We both managed to connect things and just put the blame on each other, which is freaking insane. Now, it’s about the universities that we’re applying in, and distance, and how time will affect us and then how we’re never going to reach our dreams because of how controlling we both are. It’s funny how these stupid arguments finally led us to our breaking point. It was a lot, it was too much stupid, petty fights and I had enough; but I still didn’t want to let you go.

You stood there and you asked “Do you think this is still working?” I shook my head and tried my best to fight my tears. I knew at that moment; it wasn’t going to end well. Frustrated you ask “Well, do you still want this to work?” I couldn’t speak anymore. I was tired and It was a lot. I couldn’t even look at you. I hate to see you like that. We’ve had several arguments but I have never seen you so stressed like that night. We we’re both silent for a minute, still feeling the tension, until you spoke “Well I guess this is goodbye now?” You faked a laugh as you fought your own tears. I wanted to say no. I wanted to shook my head no. “Please stay. Please don’t leave me.” No words came out of my mouth. I just stood there. I didn’t know why. I couldn’t get myself to speak or to move. With my silence, you took it as an answer. You took a step backwards, while muttering the words “Goodbye.” Although it hurts like hell, I knew it was for the best.   I could still remember the posters you had on your wall, the pun shirts that you always wore. I still remember how your voice gets so deep in the morning, and how you only drink black coffee. How you admired the simple things like the sunsets. How hilarious you look when you feel really awkward and how it would make me smile when you do your little happy dance whenever you win prank wars. We were both young at that time, but you made me feel things. This doesn’t mean that I regret letting you go—I don’t. This doesn’t mean that I’m still deeply in love with you—I’m not. Or at least that’s what I’d like to think.   I was surprised when you approached me just as I finished work and was about to go home. You’ve changed a lot, of course. You’ve grown so much. I couldn’t be happier and proud when you told me that you’ve been accepted in that dream workplace that you’ve always wanted to be in since we were in high school. You definitely reached your dreams and goals in life, and I felt like a proud mom. “How about you? How are you now?” “Well, I’ve been teaching since I graduated college, I mean, this is the dream.” I said as I glanced at the preschool building. You laughed lightly. “Of course, you have some kind of deep connection with kids. You couldn’t stop talking about wanting this since, what, high school?” He remembered. I felt my heart jump. “Yup, now I’m here,” I smiled and looked at him “Hey I have to tell you, your daughter’s a great student. I guess she’s a little too smart for her age. She’s creative and extremely participative in my class,” His eyes glowed and he gave a proud smile. “I mean, I’m not supposed to have favorites but…” I shrugged and we both laughed. “Well, what can I say. I mean, she’s my daughter?” We both genuinely laughed and smiled at each other.

 After a few seconds of silence, I finally had the courage to ask you. “hey, uh, If…If I had asked you to stay, would you have done it?” I saw your eyebrows twitch as your smile fell, but it didn’t take you two seconds to answer. “Well, I guess we’ll never know.” You smiled lightly. It made my heart beat fast. I’m glad that your daughter came running to interrupt us. She’s adorable and she has this charming smile that she got from you. We said goodbyes and we promised to catch up again soon. I stood there as I watch you walk your daughter to your car.

I still love you, that’s for sure. You made me feel emotions that I have never felt before. I have no regrets. You we’re in my life for a reason. You left for a reason, and someday I’ll appreciate that. I’m glad I didn’t speak that night. I’m glad that I just stood there. I’m glad that we broke up. Not because I hate you, but because I love you. It was for the best and we both needed it. It was something that we had to do. I’m trying to find that pain that I’m supposed to feel in my chest but I can’t. Hearing you say that today made me feel something, but seeing how happy you are with your life and your own family made me realize that 10 years ago, I made the greatest decision. It was all for the best.

[psychotherapyconsultants]

Talking to Your Children about the Threat of Nuclear War

On Nov. 29th, the Today Show reported on North Korea’s latest ballistic missile launch and then my 13-year-old son Tommy asked, “Is North Korea going to bomb us? Mom, is this going to be our last Christmas?”

I was struck by Tommy’s intelligence and lack of innocence in his startling inquiry. I was born in 1963, the year after the Cuban Missile Crisis, and grew up during the Cold War. But I would have never had the wherewithal to ask something such as this. Schools had stopped teaching duck and cover. I don’t think I even knew in junior high what a nuclear bomb was. The only hint I had that these types of weapons existed was the fact that my older brother had a poster on his wall which offered advice about what to do if a nuke bomb went off. It said, “Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.”

Now, it’s completely different.

Just yesterday, Hawaii reinstated monthly nuclear strike siren tests for the first time since the Cold War. Back in August of this year, the government released information for what to do in the event of nuclear war. It seems we’re getting ready as a country to suffer an attack.

Your children, like Tommy, might be concerned about an international threat this holiday season. The usual activities of making cookies, decorating trees, buying and wrapping presents, singing holiday songs might be overshadowed by what to do in the event of a nuclear war. What do you say to them to calm their fears? To offer hope in this time of political uncertainty? Below are some sentiments you can remind your children of if they’re scared of being harmed this Christmas. (The tips are arranged for the youngest children to the oldest.)

First of all, tell them that the world is full of good things and not-so-good things, that we as human beings must deal with the positives that life brings as well as the negatives. Put it in their terms. You could say something like, “It is fun to experience the good life has to offer like playing video games in your mini-man cave with your best friend Aiden, but you sometimes have to experience bad things like bad dreams and accidents. Remember that time you fell out of the tree and had to go to the emergency room?”

Engage them any way you can. Start a dialogue about something difficult they went through and remind them that they got through it. Be optimistic. You need to engender positive feelings in the face of their understandable negativity.

Next, tell them that they have strong parents or a strong parent who will take care of them in dangerous situations. 

Tell them that they themselves possess great inner strength and can persevere in the midst of catastrophe.

If you believe in God, tell them to pray for peace.

After this, put the pen into action. Tell your children to write to their members of congress about voting for the Restricting First Use of Nuclear Weapons Act of 2017. If this is passed, presidents would be unable to unilaterally start a nuclear war without congress’ consent. For more information about this act, go to this website: https://peacealliance.org/petition-restricting-first-use-of-nuclear-weapons-act-of-2017/

Tell them there are steps to take before there is a bombing, such as creating an emergency supply kit and having a family emergency plan.

Finally, you can explain that part of being alive is living with uncertainty. We can’t predict what might happen next, but it’s important to live with happiness and vitality despite this fact.

In conclusion, if your child is afraid of an international threat this holiday season, offer them age-appropriate conversation so that they can air their fears. If they’re old enough, enlist them in writing their members of congress and helping you put together an emergency nuclear supply kit full of, among other things, water and food.

What should you do now? Write and send letters to your members of congress about restricting president’s power during wartime. Then, read what the government published about surviving a nuclear attack — https://www.ready.gov/nuclear-blast.

And try to have a happy holiday.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/12/02/talking-to-your-children-about-the-threat-of-nuclear-war/