#but the one bright side about remembering this stuff is it makes me even prouder of myself for not committing suicide when I was younger

[sapphosboy]

Having repressed memories unlocked very suddenly, is a really terrible experience by the way. Like did not need to see a video of an incredibly traumatizing moment show up on the family digital slideshow but thanks :)

[kindahoping4forever]

I Don’t Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You // Poly!Cashton

@cal-puddies​​ and I want to thank everyone who read/liked/reblogged/left us feedback during our Hoe For The Hoe-lidays event. We keep saying we can’t believe we pulled this off: between our 10 solo fics and this co-write, we posted over 30k words this week! I’m proud of not only that impressive feat but also the work we produced, these have been some of my favorite pieces in recent memory.

We knew we wanted to close out with a Galaxybrain co-write but we weren’t sure which of our lanes to feed. We figured, hey it’s the season of giving: why not both? 😏 In true Cass & Crystal fashion, this started out with us just being thirsty (we wrote the smut first lmao) but ended up being super heartfelt and emotional? Please be sure and let us know what you think, we couldn’t be prouder of this one!

Warnings: Reader x Calum, Reader x Ashton, Calum x Ashton; a relatively new throuple trying to figure out how to express their feelings for one another, filth but make it fluffy, unprotected sex within a triad relationship, oral sex performed on both a male and a female, manual stimulation of both a male and a female, cum play 

Word Count: 9150

Cass & Crystal’s Masterlist  // Hoe For The Hoe-lidays Masterlist

Let  us  know  what  you  think!

“Food’s here,” a voice quietly announces with a rap on the door.

You turn to see Calum in your bedroom doorway, sheepishly mouthing ‘sorry’ when he realizes you’re on the phone. You step over to him and whisper, “I’m almost done, bub,” reassuring him with a quick peck on the lips.

A few minutes later, you follow the sounds of loud laughter and conversation to the living room; you smile when you see Ashton standing there, in the midst of an animated story while Cal sits on the couch, hanging on every word, laughing as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever witnessed. You honestly wonder if maybe it is.

You bounce over behind Ash, throwing your arms around him, nuzzling his back; his leather jacket feels cold against your face so you assume he hasn’t been here long. “I didn’t know we were seeing you tonight,” you chirp.

He chuckles, slinging an arm around you. “I was texting with Cal when he was ordering dinner and it sounded good so I invited myself,” he explains, kissing your forehead.

“Bullshit, I absolutely invited you!” Cal insists, smiling eyes betraying his words of protest. You giggle at their banter and untangle yourself from Ash to serve yourself some dinner. Cal continues his teasing, “The food sounded good, just admit you missed us and move on.”

Ashton sits down on the couch next to Cal and nudges his knee tentatively with his own. “Of course I missed you,” he says simply. The two men exchange sweet, almost shy smiles and you feel your entire being light up with affection as you watch them.

It’d been four months since you and Ash had asked Calum to be a part of your relationship and while the three of you were still individually and collectively deciding exactly what all that means, you were happy and that’s all that mattered to you.

In the year and a half you were with Ashton, it was as intense and meaningful a relationship as you’d ever had - but it was never quite right and you’d split up a handful of times. During one of your “breaks” last year, a friend of a friend suggested that Cal might be the answer to your search for a new roommate. You met for coffee one day and immediately hit it off; you’d be lying if you said you didn’t quickly develop feelings for him but more than anything at that point, you needed a friend and Cal was there for you when it really counted.

It came as no surprise that when Ash started hanging around again, he bonded with Cal as instantly as you did and the three of you became inseparable. You and Ashton reconciled once again and couldn’t help but notice how much more communicative and at peace with each other you were with Calum around. It’s like he had been the missing piece all along, he made everything feel right - and you eventually told him as much.

Which is why you’re struggling so much with the bad news you have to deliver to your boyfriends. You sit on your living room floor, picking at your dinner, going over the dilemma in your mind for the 100th time, trying to find a different solution.

“Darlin’?” Cal’s gentle but firm voice shakes you out of your thoughts and you look up blankly. “Ash asked if you wanted another soda.”

You blink a few times, as if that will reset your mind and bring clarity. “Oh. No thank you, love, I’m good!” You call out towards the kitchen.

“You feelin’ OK?” Cal asks, reaching across the coffee table to stroke your arm. “We’ve been talking about this food all day and you’ve barely touched it.”

You look into his dark eyes, full of care and concern and know you have to be honest with him. “I need to talk to you both about Christmas… it’s not great,” you admit.

Ashton searches your face as he sits back down. “Is your mom alright?” He gently asks, remembering a health scare your family was dealing with when he went home with you last winter.

You offer him a faint, loving smile. “Everyone’s fine… great, even. Uh… my sister is getting engaged,” you share, chewing your lip.

“Oh! ...Oh,” he responds, starting to understand the issue.

Calum looks between the two of you, baffled. “I don’t understand, why is that bad? I thought we liked her boyfriend?”

“We do,” you start, carefully. “It’s just… With this news in mind, I don’t know if it’s really the right time to tell everyone about our relationship now.” You can’t bring yourself to look in Cal’s eyes yet, not wanting to see if he’s as hurt as you fear he may be.

He sits back on the couch, trying to process. “I thought you said your parents would be super understanding and chill about us?”

Ash sees you struggling to find the words so he tries to help. “They would be. They will be,” he reassures Cal with a warm smile. “I think the concern is that an engagement might seem kind of mundane compared to an announcement like ours. What’s more exciting than a daughter bringing home one son in law? How about the other daughter bringing home two?”

“They’d spend the whole time doting on us, making sure we’re comfortable, Facebooking all the extended family who’s coming to visit to make sure no one says anything that might offend us… her moment would get totally overshadowed,” you explain. “And I’d hate that, this is a big deal, she deserves to be The Story.”

Calum listens intently, nodding. You finally catch his gaze and are relieved to see nothing but understanding and compassion on his face. “OK. Well, wouldn't it be better if I just didn’t go at all then?” He offers sincerely.

Your exclamation of “Bubba, no!” blends with Ashton’s soft sigh of “Cal…” and you all have to laugh at the outburst.

"That's not me trying to be dramatic or anything, I just don't want to cause any trouble," he shrugs.

You scoot around to come sit next to the couch. "I've really been looking forward to us spending our first Christmas together," you insist, squeezing Cal's knee. "If you're uncomfortable with coming under these circumstances, I understand but for what it's worth, I would like you there."

Ash places his hand on top of yours, reassuring Calum as well. "The family's already expecting you, just as a roommate," he points out. "Plus… trying to keep our secret could be kind of fun." He winks at Cal, who can't resist breaking into a wide grin.

Your “fun” holiday couldn’t be off to a worse start the next morning when Ashton arrives bright and early to pick you and Cal up only to find you still in your pajamas, rushing to finish getting your bags together. After a few minutes of Ash stomping around, huffing about getting a late start, Cal, peacemaker that he is, offers to help him pack the car while you finish up.

You meet them in the driveway a few minutes later, dragging your suitcase behind you. Ash promptly snatches it away from you without a word and you glare at him fiercely.

Calum appears at your side and holds you by the waist. “You can’t blame him for being irritated,” he says quietly, rubbing your arm. “You knew what time he was coming, you should have been packed.”

“Yeah… but,” you start.

Cal is already shaking his head. “No, darlin’, there’s no excuse. We had a plan, you should have been ready.”

“See!” Ashton says, coming up beside the two of you.

“Well, you don’t get to gloat, babe, you could have handled it better,” Cal chides.

“I don’t like it when you don’t pick sides,” Ash says, coming over to peck Cal’s cheek. He presses his lips to the top of your head. “I’m sorry I was a grouch.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t ready and delayed us 15 whole minutes,” you reply.

Cal pinches your hip. “Passive aggressive much?”

Ash shrugs at you. “It’s coming out of your breakfast time. It’s a 6 hour drive, love.”

“I’m aware, love,” you fire back, helping yourself into the back seat. He sighs as you pull the hood up on your sweatshirt and stuff your hands in the pocket.

Ash huffs as he shuts your door. Cal gently grabs his arm. “Give her a few minutes. We’ll make breakfast quick, coffee and bagels; smother hers in cream cheese, get some caffeine in her and she’ll forgive you,” he reassures.

His prediction is spot on and by the time you’re halfway through your cup of coffee, you’re leaning into the front seat to run your fingers through both of your boyfriends’ hair. “I’m so glad I get to take you both home with me,” you say warmly. “I’m sorry it can’t be exactly what we wanted, but I know it’ll still be special, because we’ll be together.”

The rest of the drive goes smoothly and when you arrive at your parents’ house, the family is waiting at the door for you; after introducing Calum, you’re immediately whisked away by your sister, gushing about the recent trip her boyfriend took her on for their anniversary. You listen quietly and hope your smile doesn’t give anything away, you love that she has no idea what’s coming in a few days.

Your dad loves Ashton and couldn’t be more thrilled that you brought him home again; he offers to help him unload the car and makes a big show of pointing out how similar their leather jackets are, going so far as to make a “like father, like son” joke.

You sneak a few apologetic glances over at Calum, who you hope isn’t feeling too left out in his role of “your roommate” as he makes small talk with your sister’s boyfriend. You feel endlessly grateful for your mother when you see her sit down and start showing Cal all the gourmet vegetarian recipes she’s bookmarked on her iPad, asking what he’d prefer for Christmas dinner; she’s clearly charmed by his shyly polite responses and you fight the urge to go over and kiss over his squishy, crinkly face as her attention continues to make him more smiley and flustered.

While your mom and sister set the table for dinner, your dad and Ash carry the luggage to your respective rooms for you to get settled; you take advantage of the opportunity to break away and check in with Cal, under the guise of showing him the trick to operating the shower in the guest bathroom.

You turn the overhead fan on to help drown out your conversation. “You doin’ OK, bub?” You ask, massaging his shoulders.

He squeezes your hip. “It was hard at first but your mom’s sweet,” he gives you a sad smile. “Guess I didn’t realize how weird it’d be to see you and Ash act like a couple again, since I’m used to seeing you be… whatever we are.”

“The best thing that’s ever happened to me, that’s what we are,” you easily respond, drawing him in for a quick, soft kiss.

He holds you by the hips, resting his forehead to yours. “Thank you,” he murmurs. “You better get out of here before people get suspicious.” He presses his lips to your forehead and you step out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind you.

You spend the next few days trying to make sure Calum doesn’t feel left out. Your dad invites him to join some of the “future son in law” activities he’d planned but Cal is easily swayed to stay with your mom and help around the house. His height and muscle mass are highly desired for decorating or carrying in groceries and he’s so sweet and well-mannered, your mom is just tickled to have him around. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think she had a crush on him.

The day before Christmas Eve, Cal agrees to join the men for lunch and last minute shopping; your mom encouraged him to go because she wanted to make a secret shopping trip with you so you could pick out a few gifts for the family to give him so he didn’t get left out.

From what Ashton tells you when they return, the outing seemed to go well; you chatted with Cal a little that evening and he seemed to be in good spirits, happy with how things had turned out. But you can still sense him needing the affection you haven’t been able to provide; aside from a stolen kiss here and there, you’d barely touched him since you arrived and he and Ash had been keeping their distance so as not to raise eyebrows. What weighs on you most is knowing Calum hadn’t slept alone since the three of you became the three of you and you can see it wearing on him.

Ashton climbs in bed next to you. “Love… who’re you texting?” He asks, already knowing the answer.

“I just want to make sure he’s OK,” you say sheepishly.

“He’s fine, love,” he murmurs, kissing your cheek, then letting his lips trail down to your neck. “You’ve said he’s had fun with you and your mom and I saw him have a great day today. He’s good… now, me on the other hand? I could use some attention.” His lips firmly attach to your jaw and he’s practically laid himself on top of you, hovering.

You giggle at his lack of subtlety. “When do you not want attention?” You tease, pulling him into a hungry kiss. “I’ve been missing you too, Ash. I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you much, I’ve just been worried about how Cal’s handling things and I love my family but being around them is kind of draining…”

He cuts you off with a sweet kiss. “I know, baby… ‘s why I thought we could use a little stress relief,” he flirts, leaning in to mouth at that spot behind your ear that makes you crazy.

You hum with interest and brush his hair off his forehead. “We’d have to be quiet, we can’t have another incident like last year,” you say with a smirk.

Ash pulls back to playfully glare at you. “We’ve gone over this, technically that noise I made was your fault. If you hadn’t done that thing with your tongue, I wouldn’t have cum so suddenly and the incident would’ve been avoided,” he argues, tickling your side.

You try fighting him off to no avail. “My sister did think it was pretty funny… after the initial horror wore off,” you giggle, batting at his hands, trying to get him to let up.

After another minute or so of play fighting, you “win” by wrapping your legs around Ashton’s body and using them to draw him back over you. He kisses you with a little more emotion behind it than last time, pulling away to whisper, “I’m very happy I get to be here with you.” Your stomach flips at his sincerity and you wrap your arms around his neck, letting your kisses tell him how much you appreciate him.

Things start to heat up and Ash’s hands slide up your sweatshirt and over your hips; his hands are slow to tease you the way they usually do and when you rock against him, you’re slightly surprised you don’t feel him straining against his sweatpants yet. Your fingers travel under his long sleeve tee and dance over his abs to meet his waistband. You’re just about to dip your hand in when he stops you.

“Does this feel weird to you? This feels weird to me,” he sighs, flopping over onto his back beside you. He runs his hand through his long, dark hair, distressed. “Why does this feel weird to me?”

You roll onto your side, curling up next to him. “Well… we haven’t been intimate together, just the two of us, since Cal happened,” you say gently, stroking softly at his chest. “Do you think maybe you miss him being with us?”

“Yeahhhhh, I think so…” He lets out a long exhale, playing with your hand on him. “I just… it’s silly, you and me had sex a million times before we met him and now… I pull away from you and expect to see his eyes smiling at me while he kisses your shoulders. Expect to feel your skin already warm from his touch… expect to feel him warm next to me. Want it, even.”

“Ash,” you pout, touched by how he’s opening up to you, how open he’s being with himself about his feelings for Calum. “It’s not silly, you care about him. It’s not that you and I are suddenly uncomfortable with each other, it’s just that we’re used to more than this now. Need it, even.”

You rest your head on his chest and lay together, quiet and understanding while you both evaluate your feelings. After a while, you decide to lighten the mood, lifting your head up to tease, “A million times, eh?”

Ashton laughs loudly, clamping his hand over his mouth to muffle the noise. A beat passes and he meets your eyes for the first time since this conversation started, giving you an almost shy smile. “Think we could slip him in here undetected?”

You grin at him as you reach for your phone. “I don’t think the three of us would be able to keep it down, so no funny business,” you warn, texting your boyfriend. “But at the very least, we’ll get some alone time, even for a few minutes.”

Ash gets up and cracks the door, waiting for Cal to make his way down the hall; when he appears in the doorway, you see Ashton’s shoulders instantly relax. He gently closes the door behind him and wraps Calum in a tight, warm embrace; you can’t tell what Ash murmurs in his ear but whatever it is, it casts a soft, lovestruck glow across Cal’s features when he hears it.

His eyes meet yours and you open your arms wide. “Come lay with us, bubba,” you invite him.

“But…” He motions to the door, looking unsure.

Ash shrugs, “We can say we’re watching a movie.” He rests his chin on Cal’s shoulder from behind. “What do you say, babe? We miss you.”

Calum relaxes, gently reaching up to scratch at Ash’s scruff. He moves toward the bed but clearly doesn’t know what to do.

“Lay next to me, bub!” You smile, patting the bed next to you.

Ash lets a soft smile cross his face. “Why don’t you get in the middle?” He suggests.

Cal lays next to you and you instantly snuggle into him, throwing your arm across his body while Ash settles in on his other side. Cal wraps his arm around you and kisses your forehead; you look up with a pout and he presses his lips to yours. He pulls away from you when he feels Ashton nuzzle his cheek; Ash looks at him lovingly and gently plants a chaste kiss on his lips.

“Thought we were cuddling, lovers,” Cal whispers against his mouth.

“We are… just wanted to give you affection too,” Ash murmurs.

The three of you lay quietly for a while, Ash’s head next to Cal’s on the pillow and you draped across Cal’s body. His arm is tight around your back while he and Ash shyly play with each other’s fingers.

Ash looks over at you and you watch as his eyes take you in. “Our girlfriend sure is beautiful, isn’t she, Cal?” He whispers, lips gently pressing to Cal’s jaw.

“Gorgeous,” he agrees, turning his eyes to you, sweeping your hair back. Ash leans in to you first for a kiss, with Cal wanting one right after. You sigh, scooting up so you can rest your head in the crook of Cal’s neck, and let yourself drift to sleep. Calum knows immediately, he’s felt your even breath on his neck many times.

“She sleeps so easy with you,” Ash comments, brushing his fingers against Cal’s for the umpteenth time. Cal finally laces his fingers with Ashton’s, looking over at him. They stare at each other for a few moments before Ash speaks again. “I’m so glad you decided to come with us after all… I know it’s not perfect and not what we talked about, but I don’t think either of us would enjoy this without you.”

“I’m really happy to be here,” Cal responds quietly, squeezing Ash’s hand and your sleeping body gently. “I was definitely missing all of this though... thanks for bringing me in tonight.”

“We needed you,” Ash confesses, a faint blush coloring his cheeks. “Weird when you're not here now.”

Calum turns his face toward Ashton’s, nuzzling in and enjoying the warmth of his boyfriend, his rough hand wrapped with his; he grins against Ash’s cheek and Ash responds with a kiss to his forehead.

Cal stays, wrapped in the both of you, for another 45 minutes before the men agree it’s time to call it a night. He tries his best not to wake you as he slips out of bed but he fails, leading to an extra 15 minutes of your soft whines and insistence that he stay. He finally leaves you with a passionate kiss and a kiss on the cheek for Ash.

The next day, Christmas Eve, goes by fast. Various family and friends are in and out of the house all day, stopping by to share their holiday greetings. Continuing your family’s tradition, the men head out in the afternoon to pick out and haul home a Christmas tree and after dinner, you all decorate it together.

Like you’ve done since you were kids, the lights in the living room get turned off for a dramatic “reveal” of the lit and decorated tree when you’re all finished. The multi-colored lights get plugged in and brighten up the room, illuminating your sister’s boyfriend down on one knee. You squeeze Ashton’s hand and subtly brush your pinky down the back of Calum’s hand. Her “moment” is perfect and you silently thank your boyfriends with your eyes for understanding why you wanted this for her.

After some dessert and celebratory cocktails, everyone is exhausted but happy to be together. Your dad gets a fire going and your sister puts on the old Rudolph special you loved as kids; you plop yourself in Ashton's lap on the couch, with Cal sitting close by, close enough for you to keep throwing him little glances undetected. You know it must’ve been hard for him to go back to bed alone after the time you spent together last night and even harder today, having to watch you and Ash continually couple up and be gushed over by your holiday visitors.

Halfway through the show, your dad starts snoring so Mom decides it’s time for them to head up to bed. Your sister and her fiancée make it through to the end of the show but when you suggest following it up with Frosty The Snowman, they decline and tell you and the guys goodnight.

After such a long day, filled with so much unspoken emotion, it's surprising how quiet the three of you are now that you're alone. Sitting with your men in a room lit only by the warm glow of the fire and the soft colored lights of the tree - this was the type of scene you imagined when you envisioned your first Christmas together. But the feeling's not quite right.

You peck Ashton on the cheek before sliding off his lap, moving to sit on the other side of Calum, putting him in the middle of you and Ash. You run a hand through his hair, tentatively at first, just in case everyone in the house isn't quite settled yet. "How are you, bub?" You ask softly.

He closes his eyes, leaning into your touch and you feel your heart both swell and break a little at how badly he was clearly needing your affection. "Good. Tired. Happy I can finally do this," he replies, leaning in to give you a short but needy kiss.

When he pulls back, he grabs your hand out of his hair and brings it up to his lips for a kiss; he waits a beat then reaches for Ash’s hand and kisses it as well. “Missed you too, bub,” you murmur with a smile.  

Ash looks at both of you, adoration in his eyes. You recognize that look on his face, the one that means he’s searching for the right words, trying to line up his emotions with his nervous tongue.  

You squeeze his other hand that’s resting on the back of the couch behind Cal, sensing he needs encouragement and he glances at you, grateful.

"We both missed you, Cal,” he starts, shaking his head as he decides to go all in. “I’ve missed you, is what I mean actually. Not being able to have you close the past few days has me realizing how much closer I would like you to be."

He cups Cal’s face, stroking gently with his thumb while he waits for his words to sink in and his nerves to settle. He inches forward and gently kisses him; it’s brief but Ash is purposeful in the way their lips slot together. When he gets bold and slips in his tongue, Cal visibly tenses and Ash pulls away gracefully, not wanting to push.

You stop yourself from obviously reacting but your heart feels like it might burst out of your chest. You've watched them both struggle to navigate their feelings for each other over the past four months and you couldn't be happier to see at least Ashton take a step towards clarity. You gently rest your palm on top of their intertwined hands and squeeze twice; a supportive one for Ash and a reassuring one for Cal.

Cal, dazed, turns to look at you briefly before his eyes briefly widen as if a light bulb has gone off. He grabs Ash’s neck to pull him in for another kiss, this one more desperate, with daring tongue and teeth.

You quietly pull your hand off theirs, not wanting to intrude on the intimacy of their moment. You can't deny that witnessing their hunger for each other has you feeling needy yourself but you know how important this exploration is for them, how important it is for the three of you, so you patiently sit and watch.

They eventually pull away from each other, panting. You see them exchange a look of some sort and then Calum is reaching for you; he kisses you feverishly while lifting you over his lap and fitting you in between him and Ash. His lips move down to your neck and suddenly Ashton's tongue is slowly tangling with yours; you can tell by his kiss he's still in his feelings and you do your best to match his energy, letting him know you're there for him.

You break apart, one of your hands in each of your boyfriends' hair. You all look back and forth between each other and quietly laugh, ecstatic to be alone together and ready to take advantage of this opportunity.

Ashton gives you another lingering kiss, massaging your breast over your sweater before pulling away and immediately drawing Calum in for a kiss; they sit up on their knees, making out over you and you watch how they lose themselves in it, yet keep their hands occupied in each other's hair, almost as if they're unsure if they should go further. They each let out a quiet groan and you note the tents forming in both of their pants; you decide to help them out and reach to palm their straining cocks while they kiss.

It surprises Ashton more than Cal; he stops their kiss to look down at you. He runs a hand over your face and smiles at you briefly before his mouth is back on Cal’s.

You turn toward Calum, gently lifting his shirt and kissing on his stomach. He lets out an appreciative moan for your touch and you take that cue to unzip his pants; he eagerly cooperates in helping you pull him out of his boxers.

“Oh god,” he moans against Ash’s mouth as you use yours to slick him up before stroking your hand over his now wet cock. You’ve missed him: his sounds, his taste, the way he feels against your skin, the way he appreciates you and the attention you give him. You press sloppy kisses to his length, grinning to yourself as precum beads at his tip, moving to kitten lick at it.

Ashton gently tugs on your hair, wanting attention for himself. You continue rubbing over his bulge, adding in a few squeezes, buying yourself a little more time with Calum. You finally pull off and look up at your boyfriends, still lost in each other, though Cal steals a glance down at you while Ash’s lips are pressed to his jaw. He gives you a little grin and pushes his hand under Ash’s shirt.

You notice Ash falter for a second in reaction to Cal touching him that way but he quickly recovers from his hesitation, moaning quietly and tucking a hand in your hair. You pull at the button on his pants, taking his cock out and slicking him up as well; you swirl your tongue around the head, enjoying the soft groans you hear coming from him, thrilled that you're not sure if they're being caused by you or Cal. You notice that his hand has left you and has begun unbuttoning Cal's shirt; Calum reaches down and yanks at the shoulder of your sweater, gesturing for you to take it off.

Ash quietly sighs at the loss of your mouth but is quickly distracted by kissing over Cal's now exposed chest; you pull your sweater over your head and tug your leggings down while you're at it, leaving you in your bra and panties. You give a small whimper of relief as you press your thighs together before reaching for the cocks on either side of you, shiny and red, begging for your attention. You stroke them both evenly and firmly, watching with pride as their expressions change in response to your actions.

Calum is the first to glance at you and notice your new state of undress. "Fuck, darlin', look at you," he rasps, leaning down to kiss you, sneaking his fingers inside your bra to play with a nipple. "Look so pretty under all these lights." Cal smiles against your lips as he feels Ash's hand stroke through his hair while he kisses you.

Ashton pulls his own shirt off and then his hand snakes between your legs, tracing over the front of the lacy, damp material. "Mmm, so wet for us, baby,” he teases lowly, dipping his fingers underneath your panties to tap lightly at your clit. “Think you’ll be able to keep quiet if we decide to do anything about it?” Cal groans as he sucks just below your earlobe; he loves how responsive you are when Ash taunts you like this.

Proving his point, you let out a whine before quickly biting your lip to fight back any other sounds that might come out. Ash chuckles, suddenly rubbing hard and fast at your clit just to see how much restraint you have. You screw your eyes shut, determined to remain silent. “You’re one to talk, most of the noises I’ve heard tonight have come from your mouth, love,” you point out once you catch your breath. You squeeze his cock and he breathes out a deep moan, proving your point.

Cal chuckles at the exchange and Ash shoots him a glare, pulling him back over to him. “Laugh it up,” he smirks, kissing his neck to distract from his hand traveling to thumb over Cal’s nipple; Cal loudly gasps, body rigidly jolting like he’s been struck by lightning. He grabs Ash’s face with both hands and muffles his moans with an intense kiss.

You turn your focus back to Ash’s cock, knowing Calum is already dealing with a lot of stimulation from the nipple play. You bob your mouth on him a couple times, just because you feel like it and then work on building a steady rhythm with your hand. You bite back another moan when Cal’s hand moves down to cover yours, essentially helping you jerk Ashton off.

Despite their obvious attraction, your boyfriends have never gone beyond the occasional kiss during sex with you so tonight had already been a big step for them. You look up and see Cal, Ash’s lips firmly attached to his neck, looking curious but confident as he watches his hand move with yours. Your eyes meet and you nod, understanding; you drop your hand from Ash’s cock, leaning back to watch Cal seamlessly take over, continuing with the rhythm you started.

Ashton immediately reacts to the difference in touch: the unknown grip, the new sensation of rough calluses running over his shaft, the unfamiliar feeling of a hand much larger than yours stroking him. “Cal,” he shakily breathes, pulling back to look at him.

“Is this alright?” Calum whispers, hoping the quietness of his voice will mask his nervousness.

Ash closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Cal’s, breathing deep, trying to ground himself, trying to process all the thoughts and emotions swirling in his brain right now.

“Don’t stop,” he states with certainty.

Cal’s hand swipes over the tip of Ashton’s cock, spreading around the precum he’s coaxed out, expertly keeping with the established rhythm. You watched Ash’s expression change from confusion to curiosity and now you see it switch to the confidence you’re used to seeing from him, especially in the bedroom; you see his hand fidgeting at his side moments before he clenches his jaw and reaches out to touch Calum’s cock. His strokes aren’t nearly as precise or measured as Cal’s are but his boyfriend doesn’t seem to mind; Cal lets out a throaty sigh of his name and you swear it’s the most erotic thing you’ve witnessed yet.

The men lock their mouths into another heated kiss while they continue to explore pleasuring each other; with them distracted, you slide yourself up and off the couch, moving down to the floor to give them some space and to give you some space to spread out and really enjoy the sight before you. You tug at your nipples like Cal would and slide your hand down your stomach and into your panties to swirl your clit like Ash would. You miss their touch but you’re more than happy to wait your turn for it this time.

Your eyes don’t leave them for a second as you make slow, careful work of pleasing yourself. You watch as Ash boldly tugs at Cal’s jeans, trying to pull them down more; he gets them just below his ass and his free hand grips it tightly. You let out a little moan and Ashton reaches his hand out for you, finally realizing you’re no longer between them.

They pull out of their own little world, searching for you. Calum spots you on the ground first. “What’re you doin’ down there, darlin’?” He teases, moving down next to you.

You press a quick kiss to his lips while he undoes your bra; he quickly moves his mouth down to your tits, lavishing your nipples with much needed attention. “Just enjoying the show,” you confess, looking directly at Ash.

Ash moves from the couch, grabbing a blanket to lay in front of the fireplace. He discards his jeans before beckoning the two of you over to join him. You both crawl over to the blanket and before you get settled, Ash helps your boyfriend out of the rest of his clothes. He wraps a hand around Calum’s cock; he pauses to look at you briefly and then back over to the beautiful man naked in front of him. His tongue darts out of his mouth and before any of you can process it, he’s licking the tip of Cal’s cock.

“Oh,” Cal moans, tucking his fingers into Ash’s hair. Ashton, feeling emboldened by that response, wraps his lips around the head, continuing to test the waters. “Yeah,” Cal mutters. “That… that’s good.”

Ash’s other hand pushes up your thigh and you interlace your fingers with his. You watch as he tests circling his tongue around the tip before pulling back to turn his attention to you. He pulls your panties down, kissing your thighs and up over your lips, letting his tongue spread them so he can tease your clit. He pulls up as Calum settles in next to him, wasting no time in getting his turn at flicking his tongue over your clit.

“Been so good for us, think it’s time we repay you,” Ash murmurs, kissing up to your hip. He watches you tangle your fingers in Cal’s hair and groans when you do the same to him. His hand travels down between your thighs and he pushes two fingers into you. “Cal’s tongue feel good for you?”

You bite your lip, trying to hold in a moan. “Yes, love.”

Cal continues working over your clit while his hand reaches up your body, giving attention to your nipples once again; Ashton’s fingers continue pumping inside you, mouth settled against your jaw, unceasingly affirming his and Cal’s affection for you.

“So patient tonight, love,” he whispers, mouthing along your neck, careful not to leave any marks. “Lettin’ me and Cal play while you’re over here so wet and needy.”

You take a deep breath, overwhelmed at all of the sudden attention. “Wanted it for you, could tell you both needed it,” you admit, digging your nails into Ash’s arm as Cal’s lips enclose your clit and start sucking. “Didn’t mind watching either.”

Ashton grins and plants a sloppy kiss on you; he pulls away to lean down and run his hand softly through Cal’s hair before pulling him up from between your legs to kiss him passionately. Both men groan at the realization that Ash can taste your arousal on Cal’s lips; Ashton takes it a step further and removes his hand from your pussy, sinking his drenched fingers into Calum’s mouth. Cal hollows his cheeks and sucks Ash’s fingers deep into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them, bobbing back and forth on them, wondering when he’ll get to give Ashton’s cock the same treatment.

For what feels like the hundredth time tonight, your jaw drops at the erotic sight before you and you reach out for one or both of your boyfriends to tend to you. Your head lolls back as you whine, “Please... babes… I need you so bad.”

Calum promptly pulls his mouth away with a lewd pop and lays on his side next to you. “Need you too, darlin’, you have no idea,” he murmurs as he grabs your hip, easily turning you to your side and slinging your leg over him. “Can’t remember the last time I went this long without having you.” He takes his cock in hand, running it up and down to coat it with your wetness before easing himself inside you, silencing your soft, relieved exhale with a kiss.

Cal softly rocks into you, sucking gently at your bottom lip, stroking your hair back with his hand; you feel Ashton lay down behind you and begin running his fingers down your back, quietly showing you his care while respecting the moment you and Cal are having, much like you respected their time together.

Your hand moves down to grab Cal’s ass, attempting to bring him even closer to you; you feel his muscles tensing and flexing under your hold as he pumps inside you and you bury your face in his chest to keep from crying out. You hear the slick sound of Ash’s hand working his cock as he watches you two together and you reach for him, wanting him near.

“I’m here, love,” he reassures you, nibbling at your ear, massaging over your breast. “You two look so fuckin’ good together, couldn’t help myself.” He extends his arm, reaching to squeeze Cal’s bicep.

Your hand searches behind you until it finds Ashton’s cock, throbbing against your ass; you give it a squeeze and he whimpers into your skin.

“Ash needin’ you too, baby?” Calum asks, voice scratchy with desire. “Know you’re gonna make him feel so good, just like you’re doin’ for me.” He gives you a couple more slow thrusts before he pulls out and helps you onto your other side where Ashton lays waiting.

You smile hazily at Ash as he lifts your leg over his hip and taps his cock against your clit. “So generous with your body, love,” he praises you, hissing as he slides into your wet heat. “Treatin’ us both so good tonight, thank you, baby.”

You caress his cheek as he starts slowly thrusting into you; you press your lips to his and you both lose yourselves in a slow, intimate kiss. Calum hangs back, watching you two communicate what you need to; when Ash breaks the kiss to moan into your mouth, Cal reaches over and begins to play with your breasts.

Ashton’s large hand grips your ass to pull you closer, getting a deeper angle that has you seeing stars. You twist your upper body toward Cal and he kisses you briefly before moving his lips back to your nipples. You push your hand down his body to find his cock, getting in a few strokes before he stops you. “Trust me, darlin’, I’m not needing any help right now.” His hand slips down your body to rub soft circles on your clit. “Let us focus on you.”

“Babes,” you sigh in the form of a soft moan, raspy as it leaves your lips. The sound is so sensual it causes Ash’s hips to lose rhythm and he lets go of your ass, giving a few shallow thrusts before pulling out.

“You gotta take Cal, baby, I need a minute,” he pants, clearly on the edge of losing it. He nuzzles his nose against yours, helping you turn back to your other boyfriend.

“Hey, darlin’,” Cal coos, grinning as he enters you again. You immediately pull him as close as possible.

“Want you both close,” you announce, looking over your shoulder at Ash. He scoots in against your back, kissing over your shoulders. You sigh, “Thank you.”

You give Ashton a short kiss before turning to press your face into Calum’s chest as he works his hips a little faster, harder. You feel a moan reverberating in Cal’s chest but it’s muffled when it spills from his lips; you look up to see him kissing Ash hungrily.

You moan, getting lost in your own world, letting Cal have your body, feeling his body on yours, Ashton’s body at your back, the strength in their frames as you lay between them.

Calum pulls out and turns you back towards Ash. Ashton is still breathing heavy and his kisses are needy, almost frantic, as he pushes into you. “I’m sorry, love, I’m s’close,” he chokes out. “Between you and Cal…”

You cut him off with a kiss. “Nothin’ to apologize for, love,” you murmur. “Want you to cum for me.”

His fingers dig in and hold on to your ass hard, pulling you tight against his body. “Cum for us, Ash,” Calum whispers as he slides his hand down to grip Ashton’s ass, causing Ash’s hips to stutter and jolt against you. You watch Ash pull on Cal’s neck so he can sink his teeth into Cal’s plump lower lip as he spills his cum into you, shuddering in your arms. You let out a loud moan and you all hold your breath waiting to see if it’s woken anyone up.

Once Ash comes down, he tenderly kisses you. “Love,” he murmurs. You give him a few more sweet kisses before you feel Calum’s eager fingers on your skin.

Ashton helps turn you around and his lips shower your shoulders and neck with affection as Cal sinks into you. He groans at the new sensation of Ash’s hot cum surrounding his cock, making you feel even more wet and warm to him.

Ash pushes his hand between your bodies and starts rubbing your clit in time with Cal’s thrusts. “It’s your turn, love, been so good and selfless tonight. Let Cal feel you cum,” he coaxes. “Look at you, look at Cal, look at how good you feel to our boyfriend.”

Cal’s eyes are screwed shut, his lip between his teeth as he tries to hold in any noises. “Calum,” you moan softly. His eyes open to find yours and you lean in for a feverish kiss, a kiss that becomes all tongue as you work your body against him.

Ashton mutters “Fuck” behind you and Cal lets out a guttural moan as you start to squeeze around his cock. You whine helplessly, “I’m cumming.”

“I feel that… let it go,” Cal encourages. You press your face into his chest to quiet yourself and without thinking you start biting and sucking his skin. Ash keeps rubbing your clit through your orgasm until you gently push his hand away, too sensitive to let him continue.

When Ash pulls his fingers up, it’s immediately noticeable they’re covered in both your arousal and his cum that leaked out of you. As soon as that registers to Calum, he grabs for Ash’s hand and takes his fingers into his mouth again, cleaning and sucking them like before. Once he’s done, Ashton takes the opportunity to explore a little more, pumping his fingers, treating Cal’s mouth like he does your pussy.

You shift yourself slightly back, leaning more into Ash so you can watch Calum come undone. You feel his hips continue to drive his cock into you as you watch the obscene way Ash fingers his mouth. You could almost cum again from the visual alone.

“Gonna cum for us, baby?” You breathe, out of your mind with desire. Cal glances at you with a question in his eyes but you answer it before he has a chance to ask. “It’s OK, I want you to.”

Ashton pulls his fingers from Cal’s mouth and pushes your bodies tighter together. He wraps his hand around the back of Cal’s neck, thumb caressing his cheek. “Need you to cum for us, handsome.” And that seems to do it for him. Cal’s hips falter and he clings to you, groaning deeply as he pumps you with cum. It’s the first time you’ve ever let him cum in you and it couldn’t feel more right. His body is tense for a few more moments and then he relaxes, first pressing his lips to yours and then to Ashton’s.

“You’re gonna make a mess,” he chuckles as he gently pulls out.

“We’ve got plenty we can clean her up with,” Ash shrugs.

Cal considers that point and sits up, lifting your thigh to watch in awe as his cum - at least he assumes it’s his - starts to leak out of you. “Incredible,” he murmurs, leaning in, pressing kisses along your thigh.

Ashton sits up to join him and his eyes ping pong back and forth between watching you drip and watching Cal’s reaction to it. He swirls his fingers in the cum that’s now pooling on your thigh. He pulls back a little, drawing your and Cal’s attention. You watch in shock as he pushes his fingers into his mouth, tasting all three of you together. He moans and repeats the action, only this time, pulling Calum in for a kiss, sharing the taste with him.

They break apart and the three of you smile at each other, basking in the intimacy of everything that’s just happened. Cal lays down next to you, stroking over your hair as Ash reaches for his shirt and cleans between your thighs. When he’s done, he curls up next to you and Cal kisses him and then you. “So lucky to have you both,” Cal murmurs.

“We’re the lucky ones,” Ash smiles, grabbing Cal’s hand, interlacing their fingers and letting them rest on your hip.

“I hate that you have to go to bed alone after this,” you pout, kissing on Calum’s jaw.

“I’ll be just fine, this was worth it. Thank you both,” he whispers sincerely. He squeezes Ash’s hand and kisses your forehead.

You’re practically asleep, warm and naked, feeling safe with your loves when they finally decide it’s time for bed. The guys quickly pull their clothes back on and help you into yours. Ash takes the blanket to the laundry room while you put out the fire and turn off the Christmas tree lights. You hold their hands as you navigate the dark house, pulling them up the stairs.

You stop at the guest room to say goodnight to Cal. “You should come to bed with us,” you whisper.

Calum smiles at you but shakes his head. “I think we’ve already pushed our luck quite a bit tonight, darlin’.” He looks to Ash for backup.

“Your sister got her perfect engagement, we pulled off the world’s quietest threesome… we should take the win,” Ashton chuckles quietly.

You pout but know they’re right. Cal pulls you into him by your hips and kisses you, slow but passionate. “Get to bed, darlin’.”

You walk to your room and stand in the doorway, waiting for Ashton. You smile as you watch your boyfriends flirt, easily the most comfortable they’ve ever been with each other. Ash actively reaches out to pull Cal into a kiss and you decide it’s a moment for them; you lay in bed and close your eyes, letting the memories of the evening wash over you, filling you with warmth and contentment.

Ashton quietly enters the room, unsure if you’re awake; you feel the bed shift as he climbs in and you turn over to gaze at him dreamily. “How you feelin’, love?” You ask, carefully, wanting to encourage him to share with you without seeming like you’re pressing.

He lays on his side and gives you a loving, appreciative look. “Happy. Excited. Very, very grateful to have someone like you by my side,” he reflects, gently tracing where your t-shirt has lifted to expose your hip. “I know it’s taken me a while to kind of figure out what I need from this relationship… even back when it was just us, honestly. You’ve just always been so patient and open with me and I hope I’ve made clear how much I appreciate that. And you.”

You scoot in closer, resting your head on his pillow, your face inches from his. “Even before Cal happened, I’ve only ever wanted you to be happy, Ash. With me, without me… with me with someone else…” You both giggle and you peck his lips sweetly. “I’m glad you’re finding your place in all this. And I’m happy to do whatever I can to help you find it.”

You know it takes a lot for Ashton to share with you like this and you savor it when it happens. You lay yourself on his chest and he strokes your hair as you quietly talk some more. You’re starting to drift off to sleep when you hear your phone buzz on the nightstand. You look up at Ash, concerned, before reaching for it.

“It’s Cal, asking if we’re awake?” You shrug, quickly responding that you are.

Seconds later, your bedroom door slowly opens and Calum carefully closes it behind him. Unlike the previous night, he doesn’t hesitate to help himself onto the bed and snuggle into your back, resting his hand on top of Ash’s on your hip.

“Couldn’t sleep. It just… I don’t know... didn’t feel right being without you both after that,” he explains, kissing your neck.

Light kisses and soft touches are exchanged between you all and then there’s a brief discussion about how long the cuddle session should be. You push to have Cal sleep in bed with you and Ash and though they’re reluctant at first, you eventually convince your boyfriends that the family will be none the wiser as long as you set an alarm to get him back to his room before everyone is up and around for Christmas morning.

Ashton untangles himself from you both to set both the alarm clock on the nightstand and the alarm on his phone, just to be safe. You turn towards Cal and peck his nose. “Feelin’ OK, bubba?”

He smiles, brushing your hair back. “Me? How are you? Tonight was kind of a lot. This week was kind of a lot, I feel like I haven’t checked in enough…”

“Bub, I’m so good,” you promise him, snuggling into his chest. “I’ve got you, I’ve got Ash… I get to wake up with you both on Christmas morning. It seems crazy to say but I actually think this all turned out perfectly.”

You feel Ash press himself tightly against your back, stretching his arms out to hug you both, sandwiching you between the two men. It’s sweet at first and then it quickly becomes silly and the three of you giggle quietly, giddy with exhaustion and affection.

“Plus, now everyone has an idea of what we're all like together so it won't come as too big of a shock when I post a picture of me kissing you both at midnight on New Year's Eve," you grin back and forth between the two.

Calum chuckles, "Oh is that the new plan?"

You wrap their arms tighter across you and contentedly say, "New year, new beginning. Let my sister have Christmas, New Year's will be ours."

Your words hang in the air as you all consider the weight of them. Ash breaks the silence by laughing to himself, causing both you and Cal to look at him with inquiry.

"Care to share?" You ask, using Cal's hand to playfully jab Ash's side, causing him to laugh more.

Ashton looks at you both and smirks, "I was just thinking… if tonight was Christmas sex at your family's house, the fuck are we gonna do to celebrate New Year's Eve at home?"

Calum snickers beside you, a naughty look on his face making you wonder what's running through his mind.

"Well," you start, playfully nipping under each of your boyfriends' jaws. "We've got a whole week to figure that out, now don't we?"

————-

Taglist issues again so my apologies if you get notif’d more than once (or not at all)

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@fedorable-killjoys​​​  @iamcalumswhore​​​   @i-like-5sos​​​  

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@crazyforcal​​   @neso-k​​   @deliciouslydisturbed365​​  @blxndeprincess​​

[moonyswriting]

Pride

Happy Pride Month everyone! Whether you queer or questioning, closeted or out, I am so proud of you, you are valid and perfect! Remember that you never have to come out if you don’t want to. You’re not lying to anyone if you don’t. You don’t owe them to come out. Only do it if you want to. Also remember that labels can stay forever or can change and both is perfectly normal. You're fantastic the way you are. <3

So, I managed to write a pride fic for the first day of pride month! yay me. I hope you like it :)

Thank you for the idea @moonofthenight

Characters by @lumosinlove

When Pascal came into their living room it had never looked more colourful, but it had also not looked this messy in a long time. There was tape on all four sides of the table, paper and little paper cut outs all over the floor and in the middle of everything, all his four children, looking like deer in the headlights.

“What happened?”, he asked slowly. There would be a reasonable explanation for all of this, he was sure. Celeste had probably helped and they would clean everything back up in no time, leaving no trace of a mess before the team came over for dinner tonight.

Adele shuffled over looking at the floor. “Um,” she stared before glazing back at her siblings, who nodded at her encouragingly. “So, we decided to make some things for the others. You know, since you’re having that Pride Party tonight? We thought we’d make little gifts for the team.”

Oh, Pascal’s heart was already a puddle. “You-”, he stared, but couldn’t continue. He had questioned a lot if he should have raised his children differently, more open to the rainbow or attractions and genders (or lack thereof) that was out there, but this made him feel like he and Celeste had at least done some things right.

Pascal only realised he hadn’t properly said anything yet when Katie rushed towards him, hugging his hip. “Please don’t be mad. I promise, we’ll clean it all up. Mama said she’d help us!”, the big eyes of his youngest daughter stared up at him, guilty, but hopeful.

“I’m not mad, mon chou.”, picking her up, he turned towards the other three, still standing in front of him. “Not at any of you. This is an incredible idea! The team will love them. Thank you so much, it’s really thoughtful.” Leaning down, he placed a kiss on each of his childrens’ foreheads, including Katie’s before setting her down to get back to the others. Celeste walked through the door the next moment, flowers of all colours in her hand.

“You found our little pride squad then?”she asked, walking past him and into the kitchen, probably to cut off the ends of the stems. “Don’t worry, I’ll help them clean up and we’ll be done before any of your teammates even leave their houses.”

His wife knew him too well. He hated when other people visited them and their house was messy. Of course there had been times where he couldn’t really keep it clean with four toddlers running around, but he still always tried and his family knew that and helped him. It wasn’t really that it bothered him that visitors could see that they were possibly not clean people, it was just the principle. He thought it should that they were prepared and anticipated someone’s visit. He never wanted them to think it was a bad time to visit because he would eventually excuse the mess. He always wanted everyone to feel welcome.

And that’s what tonight would be about. Making his team feel always welcomed and loved and accepted.

Celeste returned back to their dining room without the flowers, kissing Pacal’s cheek and then turning towards their children. “Did you show him what you made already?” they shook their heads but quickly climbed up onto chairs and sorted through the things they had made. “They’re all really cute, I already saw some of them.” Celeste whispered giddily into his ear, as excitement bloomed in his chest and they walked over to look at the crafts.

“Here!” Katie waved a piece of paper in the air and Pascal walked around the table to look at what she had made. SHe beamed up at him as she explained, “This is for Tremzy! And Harzy and Knutty! It’s a card and I drew Lo, Leo and Finn on the front, see!” The man took the card in his hands. There were three stick figures on it, the smallest with brown hair, the next one with bright red hair and the last, taller than the other with yellow hair. In the back there were blue, red and black dots. “Why did you use those colours, ma petite?” He did have an idea, but with the many coloured pens on the table it could have just been a coincidence.

He could see Katie look over to Adele and Marc, before her eyes met his again. “Del and Marc said that those are the colours when you have more than one love and Logan has Finn and Leo, so they said I should use those. They look good together right?” Pascal could see that he wasn’t the only one close to tears after glazing over at Celeste smiling brightly. “Yes, Katie, it looks beautiful. Lo, Leo and Finn will love it! Adele, Marc, thank you for helping your sister. I know that this will mean a lot to Logan.” then as if he couldn’t help but to add, “I’m also very proud of you for looking up pride flag colours. I’m really happy you're informing yourself about these topics. They’re important.”

They all smiled at him. Pascal went over to Louis next. “I made two! This one is a card for Olli and Del and Marc also helped me with colours, so it's black, grey, white and this really nice purple that Katie gave me. It didn’t really match the photo, but I liked it better than the really dark one. Do you think he’ll mind?” The fact that his youngest son actually looked concerned staring down at his work had a tear spilling over. He let out a wet chuckle. “Non, je pense qu’il va l'adorer, c’est parfait. For who is the green one?” Louis pulled it out from under his other one and now Pascal could see it was not just green. There were black, grey, white and purple stripes on it too. “It’s for Reg! See, it’s got these stripes and then I drew this heart above it, cause even though he doesn’t want a boyfriend like Siri, he still gets all the love he needs from me and Siri and you and Re and the rest of the team!” Celeste came over and placed a kiss on his cheek, “He loves you too, mon lapinou. They look amazing.”

He walked over to his older son, he didn’t know if he could be any prouder of them. “ I made one for Kasey, Nat and Alex.” Marc stated as he handed his father one of the cards he had made. There were three heads on it, one with long blond hair and hoop earrings, one with light brown hair to the shoulders and one with dark red hair, freckles filling up more of his face than the light pink his son had used for all their skin tones. Pascal was about to compliment it, when Marc gave him another one. “This one is for Nado and Kuny. I made it full of hearts in pan and bi colours, because you mentioned that once and I really hope it’s right.” before Pascal could even think his next thought a stack of cards was placed in his hands. “And then for some of then we didn’t know, but we didn’t want them to feel left out or asume, so I made some rainbow ones for Pots, Talker, Sergei, Timmers, Cookie, Bluey, Ringer, Volley, Wrangler, Sunny and Foxy.”

Pascal was a bit shaken, not only that his son even remembered everyone of his teammates, without missing a single one, but at him having crafted every single one of them a rainbow card. “They will all love them, I’m sure. They look incredible.”

He saw Adele look down at her cards and moving them slightly out of view. Frowning, he walked over to her, “Did you also make something, ma colombe?” She nodded, pulling out one of her cards and holding it up for him to see. It was beautiful. She had glued blue magazine cut outs on the top of the cards, which got lighter til they reached a white in the middle and to green ones at the bottom. Over it there was a heart which read “Some hockey players marry their PT, get over it” He didn’t know how she had thought of that, but it was true and funny and so Adele, Pascal had no choice but to love it.

“These are all perfect. Thank you so, so much for making them, they’ll all love them I’m sure. We can tell them to all sit down in the living room so you can give them their cards later, sounds good?” They all nodded, seemingly happy with the idea. “Now let’s clean up before they come here and don’t recognize the place, eh?” All of them nodded as they got up, Celeste telling them where to start and how to clean it.

Pascal moved to the kitchen with the tray of now empty glasses Celeste had no doubt gotten them earlier, when he heard something behind him. Once he had carefully placed down everything he turned around to see Adele standing in the kitchen, arms behind her back. He waited for her to speak for only a moment until she did. “So, you saw that we made cards for everyone, because they’re all great and we should let them know we love and support them, right?” Pascal nodded, letting her continue, “But there’s one more card I made,” Pascal had counted before, his children hadn’t forgotten a single one of his teammates, he had no clue what that last card could be for. “because it’s important that they know they’re loved right?” she continued, “that’s a really important part of all of this. So,” she slowly pulled out a card from behind her back, “this one is for exactly that. Just because someone’s not queer or questioning, doesn’t mean they’re not important this month. It’s not the main focus of it, of course, but having allies is a big part of being able to be proud of who they are for some people. I wanted to thank you for that. I could have gotten some homophobic dad like some of my classmates, but I’m really, really glad I got you.”

She handed him the card she had made, similar to the collage of magazines but in black and white stripes with a rainbow A covering it. He couldn’t help the wetness that gathered in his eyes again. And here he had thought the emotional stuff wouldn’t be until the team arrived. He walked forward and hugged his oldest daughter. “Thank you so, so much,” he whispered, since he didn’t trust himself with anything else to come out anywhere close to evenly, “Thank you, ma petite. I am so proud to have you as my daughter. You’re the best children I could have ever asked for.”

[fuwafuwamedb]

Baking Cookies (Kid Gil, Archer Gil, Hakuno, Emiya)

It was late.

Later than one would want, but that wasn’t going to stop him. His feet pattered across the floors of the hallways, his hands pressing against the walls as he would reach one corner after another. His bright gaze took in new path after new path.

Today was a good day for this morning’s task.

For too long, he’d held off, opting to wait and think of a time and a day where the forces and the elements would be just right. It had not been until yesterday.

Gil opened the doors to the kitchen, taking a full moment to look around at the room. Its stainless steel gleamed proudly on the counters and around the room on furnishings. There was a collection of ingredients both showing from corners of the counters and from a couple open cabinets. The room’s usual occupants were gone, leaving him the space for the plans to come into action.

The flour was pulled and poured wildly into a large bowl. Then came the salt and the baking soda.

Just a smidge of each, he’d been warned.

He went to the drawers, pulling cups for measuring. He needed the two sugars: both brown and granulated. They were poured and dumped into another bowl and, from there, the young king opened the fridge and pulled a couple rectangles of butter.

Cream it, he’d been told. The rectangles smushed and squelched in the bowl poorly, leaving his nose wrinkling and his brow furrowing. He added the egg for good measure, but it still didn’t ease the process of creaming the sugar and butter mixture.

He looked at the ingredients, tapping the counter before a light went off in his head.

Extra sweetness.

Vanilla.

The white haired faker used it often in his cooking. Glancing around, he began with the upper cabinets, pouring through the various labels until he could find the one he was looking for.

The little bottle just needed to be poured slightly into the bowl.

A few drops would be enough. The stuff was the essence of sweetness. Much like the recipient of this work was, this bottle’s contents was lethally sweet in high doses.

He stirred again, pouring the first bowl of flour in with the creamed mixture.

Ah, but they needed one last thing.

“This will set them apart from anything else,” Gil murmured, his fingers snapping to open the gates. His older selves would probably never notice. It wasn’t like they couldn’t get more of the fine quality chocolate that he let land on the counter.

A little slice and dice- then straight into the bowl.

And now to bake.

The oven was set, the mixed ingredients clumped onto pans properly.

He’d done it.

Despite how much Enkidu had teased him about being able to cook and despite the white haired faker saying that kings were probably too selfish to cook; he’d made a whole batch of cookies. Delicious smelling cookies at that, he thought, staring at the array of them as they soon began to fill the counters as they cooled off from the oven.

Great cooks deserved a break.

Besides that, it would probably be best to take a moment to go use the restroom.

He moved carefully, slipping out and down the hall. A small whistle now left his lips, smile prouder than ever as he pushed the bathroom door open.

It wasn’t until he returned when he felt the world come to a pause.

“You really made these?” Hakuno stared at the king nearby, munch on one of the cookies. Her body was perched on one of the remaining empty spaces on the counter.

“You may feel free to praise me properly, mongrel. Or do you intend to doubt me further?”

“They’re the best cookies I’ve ever had-“

“HEY!” The shout fell from his lips, his limbs trembling as he stared at the two. “I MADE THOSE!”

The archer nearby raised a brow, glancing to him. “Did you not hear her, child? She said I made them. Are you not a version of me?”

“That doesn’t matter!” Gil huffed, his foot stomping against the ground. “Hakuno!”

“They’re good,” she told him, mouth full of cookie.

“They’re for you. Don’t share with him!”

“Oh?” Gilgamesh Archer’s expression great only that much more smug, his hands moving towards the counter. “You think I want one of your meager sweets?”

“Don’t touch them!”

The man lifted one of the cookies, wiggling it in his hands before bringing it closer to his mouth.

“NO!”

It was moving so slowly towards his lips. The world was crawling through time, his body barely able to move before the whole scene began to unfold. And then he was left to stand with his eyes wide. The woman on the counter’s body was now moved, her mouth wrapped around part of Gilgamesh Archer’s hand and the cookie itself.

Her eyes looked up at Archer’s, the cookie practically crumbling in her mouth and in Gilgamesh’s hand.

“…Truly, mongrel?”

The woman hummed, eyes closing.

“It is not worthwhile for me to eat something that has already been partially eaten by someone else. I am not one for sloppy seconds.” The man pushed the cookie into her mouth, shaking his head. “You should get your own cookies, Hakuno. Your bad behavior will be remembered during training.”

“You make great cookies,” Hakuno repeated again, making the man roll his eyes.

“You’ve taken all the joys of harassing the boy meaningless. I will be in our chambers.”

Gil grunted as the man brushed passed, his arm swatting only to miss.

“Until next time, little pest.”

He hated him.

So very deeply to the very marrow of his bones, Gil hated that archer pest. He had no respect, no understanding. He took and he took; it was a wonder that Hakuno put up with him at all!

Speaking of the woman though-

Gil glanced to the woman still in the room, now picking up a couple more cookies.

“Do you mind? I’ve never had cookies this good before.”

“I made them for you,” Gil murmured.

Those honey-colored eyes widened, her smile broadening. “Really?”

“We’re friends, remember? That is what you told me. As my friend, you should be treated to finer things. You didn’t like the fabrics and the jewels, so I thought maybe food would be better.”

Hakuno’s face was simply radiant. Her eyes were soft, cheeks dusted a light pink. Her smile gave way to that all too nice pitter patter in his chest. She stood a little taller even, walking over to his side with his gifts for her in hand.

“I’m glad you like them,” he told her.

“I love them, Gil. Thank you.” Hakuno pressed her lips to his cheek. “I’m going to go check on Archer, but I’ll come back really soon for more cookies. They’re the best I’ve ever had.”

“I’ll box them up.” He had a great chest for them in his gates. He could wrap them in a nice fabric and place them in the box for her to indulge in as she saw fit.

“That would be great.”

Her soft perfume that was her natural scent lingered around him as she left. He watched the door, humming a little at her response.

She was all about sweets.

One way or another, he’d bake enough with his own two hands to steal her from Archer Gilgamesh. It was only a matter of time.

“It would seem someone made a mess of the kitchens.”

Gil froze, his eyes going to the white haired faker nearby.

“I do hope you have plans to clean these dishes and counters you’ve ruined. Otherwise, I will be showing our master your handiwork.”

[ficsandgiggles]

It’s Basic Dad Stuff

Happy Birthday to the lovely @babeyspidey​! I hope you’re having a wonderful day, and if not, I hope this cheers you up. Thank you for being such a great friend!

Although everyone around him was more than happy to treat the kid like family, there were times when Peter felt alone in the world. He missed his parents and Uncle terribly and he remembered being teased constantly about not having a mum and dad growing up. It especially hurt when it came round to Mother's Day and Father's Day, where there were adverts everywhere to advertise gifts for parents.

Today in particular, Peter was feeling incredibly down about this, he felt himself getting more and more upset each time Morgan played with Tony, or basically done anything which happened in a happy father/daughter relationship. He ended up shutting himself in his room for the night. Although he was happy that Tony had a family, he couldn't help but feel jealous that they had something he could barely remember experiencing.

His head was in another place for the next few hours. He completely zoned out, wondering about what would have happened if his parents were still around today. The different scenarios made him more and more upset until his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Kid? You still awake?" Tony asked as he opened the door, poking his head around to check on Peter, who sat up and forced a smile on his face.

"Hey Mr Stark. Yeah, come on in." He told Tony quietly as he sat up, moving over so Tony could sit next to him if he wanted to.

There were a few moments of silence between the two, but eventually Tony made the move by putting a hand on his shoulder. "So why did you come up here?" He asked the dreaded question right off the bat, making Peter sigh and put his head in his hands. There was no way he was going to say he was jealous of him and Morgan, that would probably be rude, but it was the truth.

"I just miss mom and dad." Peter admitted quietly, not noticing the ramble that was about to begin. "And Mr Stark, I'm really happy that you have such a sweet daughter and a loving wife, please don't think that I'm not but... it reminds me how I don't, and won't have anything like what you have, and it hurts to think about." He explained, tears brimming his eyes as he felt Tony wrap his arm around his shoulder, pulling him close.

"Pete, look at me." Tony told him, the bluntness in his tone immediately made Peter snap his head up to give Tony his full attention, so he continued. "Yes, I have the most precious family ever but guess what? You're a part of that family. I have always seen you as one of my kids I want us to have that father/son relationship as much as I want to have a father/daughter relationship with Morgan." He told Peter, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze as Peter gave him a confused look.

"So, no more of that 'Mr Stark' malarkey, okay? You're more than welcome to call me dad." Tony told him with a genuine smile after giving Peter's side a gentle poke, smiling to himself when he noticed him flinch a little.  

"Yeah, maybe... I'm just so used to calling you Mr Stark I guess." Peter replied, since that was all he could say due to feeling a little overwhelmed by what Tony had just said, also silently hoping that Tony didn't notice his flinch from the side poke.

Tony just smirked a little to himself edging closer to Peter as he slid his hand down to his side, nestling into there to get into position. "Well maybe you should try, because I'm gonna treat you like my kid even more now, starting with some simple fatherly tickles!" Tony announced before beginning to scribble into Peter's sides.

The unexpected Peter let out a shriek, he fell back onto the bed as he burst into hysterical giggles. His limbs flailed about everywhere in an attempt to stop the attack for a brief second. But that didn't stop Tony from slinging his leg over his waist to stop him from going anywhere.

"Come on kid, play along! This is basic dad stuff!" Tony teased, shaking his fingers into the kids tummy and smiling down at the care-free look on Peter's face. Despite his super-strength, the tickles easily weakened him into a childlike state, where all he could do was squirm around and lightly grip Tony's wrists. "I believe some dads' call themselves the tickle monster too, so I may as well go with that too." Tony grinned as he shot both his hands under the kids armpits.

"NOHOHOHO, MIHIHIHISTER STAHAHAHARK!" Peter yelped, arching his back as he screeched with laughter, not hearing Tony tut disapprovingly at his words.

"What did I tell you? It's either dad, or Tony." He replied, pinning Peter's arms up with one hand before drilling into his armpit with the other, smirking as he watched Peter laugh adorably and thrash around whilst attempting to pull his arms free. He shook his head helplessly since he was unable to respond.

"Also, Morgan loves these, maybe it's a Stark thing, shall we find out?" Tony asked casually as he pulled Peter's shirt up. He paused and looked at Peter a little sadly when he saw he looked genuinely confused. However, he chose not to say anything and just nuzzled his face into the kid's belly, blowing a huge raspberry on the super sensitive skin.

Peter screeched before breaking to a fit of laughter, he kicked and thrashed around as much as possible at the incredibly tickly feeling. It didn't help that Tony kept nuzzling his face in afterwards, the beard brushing into the skin to add to the sensation. He took in deep breaths when Tony sat up to give him a breather.

"Wow, sensitive one, huh?" He teased with a grin before burying his face back into his belly, blowing multiple raspberries until Peter's laughter went silent, when he stopped and let the kid go. Peter kept giggling for a good few minutes after that, he curled up on the bed with his head resting on Tony's lap without him realising. But Tony did notice, and smiled fondly at the kid he was happy to call his son.

"Thank you dad..." Peter mumbled sleepily, letting out a yawn and not even protesting when Tony shuffled him into the bed and tucked him in.

"You're very welcome kid, sleep well." Tony whispered with a bright, fond smile, he kissed him on the head, tears forming in his eyes as he crept out the room to let Peter sleep.

From then on, Tony was proud to say he had two adorable kids, and Peter was even prouder to call Tony his dad.

[goldandbluesmiles]

Bloody Courting

Summary: "There are two types of omegas that make it in our world and especially in Gotham. There are the ones like me that wrap Alphas, Betas and even other omegas around their finger, make them dance to their tune. You will not be that omega. You are too brash and forward to it. You will be the omega that goes ahead with the sheer force of will. They will respect you and if they do not, they will fear you,"

Jason had nodded, listening to him with rapt attention.

"And remember, if any of them think they are worth you, make them prove it no matter than their designation. Do not ever settle for less than what you want,"

These days he was really wishing that he hadn't driven the last point very hard. Because really the dead bodies were getting a bit ridiculous.

Ao3

Note: This is part 1. You can read part 2 here.

TW: Mention of body parts. Nothing graphic. It’s Earth 3 so things are a little messed up.

XXX

Jason was the only pup that was truly his.

Not that the others weren't but he couldn't call any of them just his own, all of them having responsibilities elsewhere, having ties to someone else. Dick was an Alpha and they usually took toward their Alpha mentors. Dick had grown into Talon and was now one of the most vicious forces on this side of the globe. Bruce was proud, so proud but Dick would always be more Thomas then Bruce, no matter how much the young Alpha hated the older Wayne.

Damian Al Ghul and Helena Kyle-Wayne were his little miracle pups. Born as fraternal twins and sired by two different Alphas. However, Helena was, again, an Alpha. And while Selena was much more lenient than any other Alpha about Helena being with her omega bearer, Helena was an Alpha and would naturally gravitate toward her Alpha mother. Damian was an omega but he was the heir to the League, so really, Bruce was lucky that Talia had stood up to her father, otherwise, he might not have gotten to know the little pup at all.

Tim Drake was another little pup he had held close, much like Dick, except that Tim's loyalty was to his parents. He was the only omega child to an alpha father and a beta mother. There were many parents that chose to have heir child mentored by another person if their designation didn't match and the Drakes had chosen Bruce to mentor theirs. Tim would always come to Bruce first with his achievements and grievances but it wasn't the same.

Cassandra was already trained in a certain manner by her biological father, one that Bruce did not agree with but could not change. He supported her when he could and completely adored her but she was a flighty dancer and had come to him while she was already grown.

Stephanie, Harper, Cullen, Barbara, more protege than children and really that was how it was always going to be.

But Jason. Jason was all his. He was a crime alley omega which meant that none of the Alphas around would take him under their wing and no one in Bruce's circle wanted to 'taint' their blood with an omega mate from the alley. He was Bruce's to raise, to cherish and to hold close. Bruce's to teach and mould.

It was Bruce's job to make sure the omega pup made it to the top of the world and he would do a damn good job of it. Their world bowed to the powerful and strong and he would make sure that Jason was the best.

He has told Jason that much when he has taken the little pup in.

"There are two types of omegas that make it in our world and especially in Gotham. There are the ones like me that wrap Alphas, Betas and even other omegas around their finger, make them dance to their tune. You will not be that omega. You are too brash and forward to it. You will be the omega that goes ahead with the sheer force of will. They will respect you and if they do not, they will fear you,"

Jason had nodded, listening to him with rapt attention.

"And remember, if any of them think they are worth you, make them prove it no matter than their designation. Do not ever settle for less than what you want,"

These days he was really wishing that he hadn't driven the last point very hard.

Because really the dead bodies were getting a bit ridiculous.

XXX

The first sign of what was to come had come when someone had asked Jason to the Halloween dance in his sophomore year.

"Hey B," said Jason while expertly hitting every target with his blades, "I need a costume for the Halloween dance,"

"Huh," said Bruce, "Don't you already have one? The pirate one?"

"Oh yeah, but I got asked to the dance by this really cute alpha girl and we're matching so we're doing Zorro,"

Bruce grinned at the young omega, "So someone asked you huh? How? Did they present you with a gift?"

"Yeah," said Jason, throwing the last knife and heading to where Bruce was standing, "Wanna see?"

Jason took out a small wooden box. Inside, nestled in velvet was a small white ring. Bruce had to admit it looked quite nice, strong and well crafted, the light barely touching-

"Wait," he said, "Is that made of a human finger bone?"

"Yeah!" said Jason, "Cool isn't it. We were talking about people keeping trophies from their kills and I said making something pretty out of it would be the best insult since they're still serving you in death and she gave this to me today and asked,"

"Huh?" said Bruce, not knowing how to feel about the thing, "It's an interesting gift,"

"Right," said Jason, "Some other people asked me too but hey all gave boring gifts so I ignored them,"

"Boring?" wondered Bruce

"You know. Flowers. Candies and stuff," said Jason, "This is much cooler. Now about the costume,"

Bruce shrugged as Jason started listing supplies for his costume. It was just a bone ring. Nothing to worry about.

He really should have thought better.

XXX

There was a box at his doorstep.

And it was dripping blood.

That could not be anything good. Someone had actually gotten close to their door to leave this here and from all the blood the message could only be a threat.

Bruce carefully opened the box and-

-found a perfectly cut heart inside with a note.

'Be my valentine?'

Bruce sighed.

"Jason!"

Jason came running down and grinned when he saw the box.

"Oh god, he actually did it,"

"Explain," said Bruce, having some idea where this was going.

Jason laughed, "He asked what it would take to get my heart and on a whim, I said 'a heart' and he actually did it,"

"Is the same person that asked you out with patches of tattoed skin?"

"Nope, new guy,"

"Of course," Bruce sighed

"Anyway Valentines tomorrow," said Jason, grabbing the box, "I have an outfit to get ready,"

"Watch for the blood!" he called out but Jason was already gone

"Human bone jewellery, tattoed skin patches, an actual bloody heart," muttered Bruce, "What's next? A severed head?"

He really shouldn't have asked.

XXX

There was a severed head in the box, eyes still open and tongue sticking out of their mouth.

The words 'Prom?' were carved into its forehead.

Bruce heaved a sigh and decided to take the box to Jason himself. He found the young boy sitting in the library, reading a book.

"You have an invite to prom," he told the omega

"If its another cake, I don't want it," said Jason, not even looking up from his book

"It's a severed head,"

That got his attention.

"Oh?" said Jason, "Who's is it?"

"See for yourself," said Bruce, handing his son the box

"Ah," said Jason, looking at the head, "Jeffery. He likes to mess with younger omegas. Or well 'liked' I guess,"

"Did he do anything to you," asked Bruce, the protective instinct rising inside of him

Jason snorted, "No. He wouldn't have had the balls to. Anyway, I like to deal with my problems on my own,"

"Right," said Bruce

Jason hummed and then looked at Bruce, "Do you think I could wear a dress to prom? I'm still pretty slim and it would look nice with my developing curves,"

Bruce looked from the head to the bright smile on Jason's face and resigned himself to seeing bloody gifts in the future.

"Sure Jay, you can wear a dress,"

XXX

Once Jason graduated high school, he got into Princeton and stayed there for the next four years, barely showing his face in Gotham. People started to wonder if he would ever come back.

Bruce knew better though. He'd seen his son's plans, the fire in his eyes and the blood behind his teeth.

Jason was a Gothamite, born and bred.

He would come back.

And come back he did.

Red X rose through the ranks of Gotham's underbelly with a viciousness that even surprised Bruce. The people of crime alley and the narrows worshipped him and those that opposed him feared him. He made everyone bow to him and his meetings with the rest of Gotham's big players, including the elite, were a sight to behold.

Really, Bruce couldn't have been prouder.

His son's newfound popularity also meant that there were a lot more people trying to gain his favours. And while Jason no longer lived with Bruce, he, however, did come to visit often.

And bring his gifts along.

"Look, Bruce! It's a torture wheel. Still has a bit of blood on it,"

"Here! Look! it was used to decapitate the rogue gang a couple of months ago. I think I might spend my heat with this one,"

"Another heart Bruce! You'd think I'd be over getting hearts by now but really, never gets old,"

"Dad! Dad! A skull!"

"Remember that Beta we were talking about, someone cut off his fingers for me. I think I'm gonna meet them,"

"Why can't he like normal gifts?" Bruce wailed, "I liked normal gifts,"

"I brought you stolen jewellery Lover," said Selina, running a hand through his hair

"And I brought you blades," said Talia, "There were flowers too but mostly weapons,"

"Still normal gifts!" insisted Bruce, "This one likes actual human hearts, and fingers and skulls!"

Talia laughed and gave him a kiss, "He's happy, Beloved. That's what you want for him, right?"

Bruce sighed. She was right of course. He wanted his son to be happy. He could put up with a few torture devices and clean body parts.

And then Roy fucking Harper happened.

[taka-oneokrock]

Hello my love,

do you remember the first time we met? We just randomly started to talk to each other. Even though the meeting was so randomly I instantly felt great around you. We didn't know each other one bit but it felt familiar talking to you. I felt like I've known you since forever. If love at first sight really exists, I'm sure it feels exactly like this.

Back then I was at my total breakpoint. I did a lot of stupid stuff, including trying to kill myself. I was ready to leave Hana behind. I was very stupid. And I told you everything right at the beginning. I thought "well, he won't talk to me ever again if he hears that. Fuck it. My life is already horrible. It doesn't matter."

And you know what? You didn't stop talking to me. You just looked at me, silently listening to what I told you. And in the end you invited me over to a little camping trip. You told me it was a great escape from real life for a while. To calm down. I was amazed by your words and I said yes.

Now I can tell you a secret. For a little moment I thought "maybe he's a serial killer and I'm his next victim." Well, obviously you're not a killer! You're the most amazing man in this world. And I knew it from the very beginning.

The camping trip was awesome. We talked, laughed and in the end we kissed.. a few days of knowing each other we already kissed. It was so intense, I could feel you already fell for me like I fell for you. It was magical. Thinking back now I guess you had this "love at first sight"-thing with me too, right? I still don't know how you could fall for me but I'm thankful you did.

You brought back so much light in my life. Hana already was my little ray of sunshine. I just was too blind to see. Maybe because the darkness in me was about to win. But you defeated it, completely. Little by little you blocked out that darkness in me. You are a real saint. Do you know that?

Our dates started very soon after this camping trip. I spent more time with Hana again. I valued every second with her again. And she enjoyed it. Hm.. maybe I should apologize to her properly. After her daddy left, her mom was about to leave too. I've put her into so much pain... and she is still so cheerful. We have such a strong daughter, you know that? But I really should apologize to her. She's in the age to understand it..

No matter how dark my days were you were right beside me and held me tight. You told me everything was going to be okay. You believed in me. You believed I was going to get rid of the demons inside me. Again you brightened up my life.

Hana accepted you immediately. I guess she is very smart. She knows what a great person you are. And maybe she understood you were doing me good. You were the healing potion I needed in my life.

Soon you became her daddy. After the marriage you adopted her. It made me so happy. You accepted me and Hana instantly. You willingly wanted to become her dad. Thank you so much!

And now look were we are now. We brought another little ray of sunshine in our life. Noemi-chan is such a happy little girl. Hana loves her a lot. And we are going to bring another little ray of sunshine in our lives. Do you know how much this means to me? You, Hana, Noemi, our little one, also Donald, Daisy, Mei and Jiji... you all mean the world to me. You all together are my bright and warm sun.

Thank you for existing. Thank you for being a part of my life. Thank you for being my sun. Just.. thank you for loving me..

I love you so much.. words can't ever describe how much.

Thank you, my savior.. my saint.. my king!

In love

Maki

                 ______________________________________________

Queen of my heart,

I know I’m not the best if it comes to expressing myself, but please believe me if I tell you that your letter truly touched me. I promise I will treasure this love letter forever and that I will re-read it from time to time. It touched me in a way I never thought was possible.

And I could never forget how we met and how our story began. It’s a love story that can only be written by real life. I’m not sure whether love at first sight is real or not, but I know we had an instant connection. This chemistry between us had something unique and seeing in that state in which you were, made me want to show you the beauty of live.

It felt only natural to invite you out to go camping with me. I was convinced that all you needed was someone to believe in you and stand by your side and to make you remember how beautiful life is. In your eyes I could see your true self that was trapped and maybe a bit like Sleeping Beauty I felt the need to kiss you awake. It may sound silly, but that was how I felt.

It didn’t take me long to figure out our feelings for each other were the same and that’s why the dates started rather fast after it. It was an honor to see you bloom step by step and leave your past behind. You found the strength again that had been in you from the start and I couldn’t be prouder.

And I also knew from the start that you and Hana were an unit. And she has so much of you in herself, that I started to love her like a father. I’m happy she did accept me as the new man at your side and I’m proud that I got to adopt her and make her my daughter for real.

And then the universe gifted us with our sweet little Noemi and we grew closer as a family. My three princesses are my world and I can’t wait to welcome another princess or prince in our lives. Having this little family on my own is the best that has ever happened to me, you’re the best that has ever happened to me. I hope you and our children are feeling loved every day.

I have to thank you for existing and showing me what a loving family looks like. Thank you for being my live partner, my soulmate. Thank you for simply being you and thank you for loving me and let me love you in return.

I love you just as much and the human language will never be enough to make me express my love for you properly.

Thank you my heartbeat, my queen and my personal angel.

In love

Takeru

[mrs-dragneel-stark-solo]

Unforseen Chasm (part 37)

Part 37 of Unforseen Chasm

Prompt: Two sisters fall for men that are absolute enemies. The love they have could tear all of them apart, or it could bring them together. Word Count: 2041 Warnings: Language, fighting,sad moment, ANGST!!!!!! the angst gets me sad so you know its good lol song for this part: Better- Betty Who Note: This is by far the longest thing I’ve ever written (including my other fic series). first major Collab with my best friend @thorne93​​ what was first a simple “what if” moment turned into a two year writing session and I’ve never been more prouder of myself than when i started my first series. goes through most of the MCU plots there are some changes to accommodate for what we wanted and there is a bit of a crossover between the MCU and other characters. I hope you guys enjoy reading this just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

As soon as Shannon’s parents left, you and Shannon head to the apartment. 

Once you’re there, memory lane hit you like a semi-truck. You took a look around the apartment you two purchased what seems like lifetimes ago. Your eyes traveled over pictures of you two graduating, the first day Shannon took a job with Stark, your first patent in physics… Pictures and paintings you two had bought together, that super comfy blanket you found at the mall… Every little item was a new memory. 

“Wow. I forgot just how good we were at decorating,” you said in a sort of amused, awe inspired tone. 

“Yeah, with your color palette and my great knack for finding unique items, this place really looked great,” she agreed. 

Next, you wanted to see your bedroom. You wondered if it would be exactly as you remembered it. 

When you opened the door, you were stunned to find it was. All the brainwashing and time away couldn’t even change that. The black and purple comforter was still on your bed. Your walls were covered with your favorite movie posters and whiteboards. The dresser was covered in papers and pictures of years past. 

“I had your bed sheets washed periodically,” Shannon suddenly said from behind you. You turned to face her.

“Ah, yeah, thank you.” You tucked your hair behind your ear and looked around. You went to your closet, surprised at how many bright colors were in there. Now, you mainly opted for black, red, green, and purple. “I don’t even know what to take… Actually…” an idea struck in your mind. “Shannon, you said that I could have this apartment, right?” 

“Of course, Y/N. There’s not much else I can do with it. I mean this is our home.” She waved her hands around the place. “I think it’d be more suited if you had it, it’s all paid off so no need to worry about much there.” She smiled knowing her friend would stay close to her even if it wasn’t a floor away. 

You chewed your lip, hoping this didn’t sound awful. “Well… instead of me taking stuff back to the cell -- because I’d really like to stay out of it, and making it feel like home feels awful -- what if… well what if you took some of your stuff back to the tower, with Tony? I mean, you’re engaged now, and Loki and I would like a place all to our own. I’m sure he’d want to go get some things… What do you think? I mean, I don’t wanna sound like I’m kicking you and your stuff out…” 

“Um… yeah sure I can probably get Stevie to help me pack my things and have it out in a few days,” she said trying not to sound hurt. “Well I guess I leave you to it then, I’ll be in my old room collecting my things.” 

Shannon walked out of the room slumping her shoulders a bit. She knew it was childish to feel hurt because she’s not living with her bestie/sister. But it hurt knowing she no longer had a place in their home. She entered her room and was flooded with emotions and memories of when it had been just the two of them here. Shooting a quick text to Steve, she got to work placing her things in her suitcases.  

Seeing your best friend this hurt made you feel worse than when you two were physically fighting in New York. You sighed and went into her room and sat on her bed.

“You know… you don’t have to just rip all your stuff out of here,” you said, looking up at her. You took the sweater she had in her hands from her gently. “What if… we did this? Loki and I will share a bedroom, we don’t need the second. You’re welcome to stay here any time, as long as you call ahead? Just to make sure you know… it’s a good time? This was your home for years, and I don’t want you to feel like I’m booting you out.” You reached over and gripped her hand, smiling up at her. 

Shannon had been concentrating on packing so she wouldn't let the little tear slip out. She looked up at the ceiling and then at you. “It’s okay, Y/N. I get it, you want a place to create new memories with Loki.” She stopped packing and sat down next to you. “I shouldn’t have assumed everything would be like before everything happened.” She went on to say how she understands that you’re both different people and that’s fine because you two are adults. 

The rest of the day was just you two talking and remembering things that were once forgotten and after eating dinner together and watching some movies like old times, Shannon excused herself for a moment.  She headed to her room and made a call to the tower.

“Hey babe, I’m still at the apartment with Y/N. I just wanted to let you know that we’ll be home soon and that she’s decided that she would like to live here in the apartment with Loki once he gets out too.”

“You had me worried for a moment. I thought you were going to say that you two will be staying the night there.” 

“And what if we had decided that huh? We’re adults plus I figured she wouldn’t want to sleep away from him.” She walked around looking at all the things she had left in her room. “I was wondering if you could have someone come help her redecorate the place to their liking?”

There was silence on the line. “If that’s what you really want then sure we can have that done once he gets out of the cell too.”

“I’ll see you at home soon enough.”

“See you here.”

With that Shannon went back to the living room. And they finished watching the last movie they had picked. 

You turned your head to Shannon lazily on the couch as the movie started to end. It was one both  of you had seen at least twenty times. “This has been the best possible day for me being released.”

“Yeah?” Shannon asked, happy to hear that.

“Of course. I became your maid of honor, we went wedding dress shopping, we went out to that great lunch spot, I got to see Lucky, and Diane and Tom… You and I got to spend the whole day together…” 

“Yeah, yeah it was nice, wasn’t it?” 

“Mhm. And I’m sorry about the whole apartment thing,” you apologized again. “It’s just…”

Shannon held up her hand. “I get it. You and Loki have never been alone. This is a place for you to start your lives together. Tony and I have the whole tower, and I have my old floor. If you and I need time away together, we can do it on my old floor.”

“You’re sure?” you asked, still worried you’d hurt her feelings.

“I’m positive, hun.”

At that, you smiled. As soon as the movie ended, the two of you picked up all the food and plates you’d accumulated during the day and cleaned the apartment. 

“Well, I better get back to Loki before he thinks I’ve abandoned him.” 

She laughed. “No, we wouldn’t want that.” 

--------------

Back at the tower, you and Shannon parted ways, bidding each other goodnight while she went upstairs to Tony and you ventured downstairs to Loki. 

As soon as your eyes landed on him, your chest filled with warmth, then a bit of chagrin when you remembered where you two were. You walked up to the cell door, put your hand on the scanner, and entered. 

“Hi, darling,” you greeted as you walked into the living room. It was odd, to say the least, having the freedom to come or go as you please in this place. “Happy to see me back?”

“I am,” he admitted to you. “How was your day out?” he asked, putting his book down.

“It was… a little overwhelming, but overall it was great.”

“Did they give you any stipulations or anything like that?” 

You got up and headed to the kitchen, readying to make some coffee for yourself. “Uh, actually, yeah. I have a parole officer. I have to report to him a few times a week, work with him… you know…” you said, dancing around the topic. 

“That sounds stressful.”

“Actually, my parole officer couldn’t be more laid back,” you assured. 

“Oh? Is that so? Well that’s good then.”

“He can have a bit of a temper,” you added with a bit of a smirk. 

“Well just stay on the right side of that,” he encouraged as he reached around you to grab a mug and pour himself some coffee. 

“Yeah, I think I can. We’ll be working in his lab. He wants me for my physics brain so…”

“Oh, he’s a scientist? I thought on Midgard they had officers dedicated to this sort of thing?” 

You slowly nodded. “Well.. Yeah, they do. But I’m sort of a special case. A normal cop can’t exactly control me if I get out of hand so--”

“Is your parole officer Bruce Banner?” he asked point blank suddenly, cutting you off.

Shit.

You pressed your lips into a thin line and that was all the answer he needed. A man as clever and witty as Loki would of course see through the thin veil of truth you’d weaved.

“Yes… he is but--”

“Are you serious? They stuck you with that animal?” 

“Bruce is not an animal,” you calmly retorted.

“I beg to differ, or do you not remember the broken ribs and mangled face I acquired last time we met?” he demanded.

“I do, but… my love, we kind of… we brought that on ourselves, did we not?” 

“I want you to demand someone else,” he ordered. “I don’t want you working with him.”

You stared at him in disbelief. “Loki, I’m not going to do that. Bruce is highly respected in my field and if this goes well, he could really get me back in. A foot in the door doesn’t even begin to explain just how much working with him would fatten my resume. I could work for virtually any company.”

“I don’t care. You would be willing to work with the man who nearly killed me? Your career means more than my life?” 

A bitch face clouded your expression. “Now, Loki, that isn’t fair. I’m not choosing one or the other. As long as you don’t piss him off, he won’t do it again.”

“Ah, right, don’t raise his blood pressure or we could all die. It’s amazing to me how I’m the one in a cell when he’s the one that can’t be around loud noises or he could kill hundreds of people because he got shocked.” 

“He can’t help turning into a monster but--”

Loki stared at you. “But what, darling? Go ahead and finish that sentence. Let me guess: but I can? Is that where you were going with that?” 

You stared at him, your face even. “No,” was all you said to him. 

“This is amazing. You’re out of this cell for less than twenty-four hours and you’ve already turned on me.”

“Turned on you? I came back to you. I came back to this cell, which I fucking hate by the way, just to be with you, to spend the night with you.”

“Well who asked you to do that?” he asked with a cold smile. “Please, don’t let me burden you,” he coldly replied before walking into the bedroom and slamming the door behind him. 

On that note, you let out a huge sigh. Well, what to do now… 

You went into the office and tapped on the tablet, pulling up your only contact and calling it. After three rings she picked up. 

“Hey,” you greeted, not hiding your sadness.

“Hey, hun. What’s up?”

“Can I come up?” 

“Sure thing… I’ll meet you on my old floor, yeah?”

You nodded and ended the video call. Leaving the cell for the second time today, but no intention of returning in your mind this time.

Unforseen Chasm Tag list- @reigningqueenofwords​ @oldfreakything​ @weclassygirl​ @adefectivedetective​ @dontbetooobvious​

Tag list- @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you​ @winchester-writes​ @winchesterenthusiast​ @georgialouisea​ @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog​   @sammysbuttcheek​ @misz-adrii​ @sandlee44​ @womanxofletters​ @natsuccs​ @childishhoebinoo​ @expecteddifferent​ @girl-next-door-writes​ @fanaticfanfiction​ @dakotapaigelove​ @sassy-spn-knight-of-hell​

[cleverbroadwayurl]

She Used to Be Mine (Jeremy Heere x Reader Pt 19)

Song: She Used to Be Mine from Waitress 

Need to Catch Up? tumblr has now officially takes things out of the tags that have lists. The link to every part and my masterlist is in my description for easy access! 

A/N: Oh my god I finally posted! I went on vacation and had so many exams the weeks before, and I had so much other work, so I’m sorry that this is so delayed! I should be back to regularly posting soon after next weekend (I have another event coming up)! 

Taglist: @retrogarden @be-more-heidi-hansen @catatonic-kuragin @scarsonthecuffsofyourjeans @bluhimaweirdo @stargirl-murphy 

Trigger Warnings: Mentions of an abusive boyfriend, mentions of character death, mentions of abuse, mentions of injuries, mentions of math, sad Jeremy, IF I MISSED ANYTHING LET ME KNOW

He watches you walk away, off into the distance before realizing how creepy that probably is. Jeremy grabs his keys from his pocket, phone still situated where it had been before. He walks carefully back to his car, hoping, wishing, that this is the last date you’ll ever be on with your boyfriend.

Jeremy jammed his key into the lock, exhaustion seeping into his regular routine, the typical for Thursday afternoons after an hour and a half math recitation. His brain is a mess of grey matter, he can feel the dullness inside of his eyes, paler than usual skin, even though his day consisted mostly of sitting, he still felt the tiredness through his legs. His backpack weighed down on his shoulders more than it normally did as he opened the door and threw his keys back into his jean pocket. He opened the door to his and Michael’s dorm, his eyes scanning over the posters that had been hung there when the two had moved in, the two carpooling in Michael’s PT Cruiser while their parents drove themselves and the boy’s stuff in their separate cars.

He throws his backpack onto the left side of the room, trash only slightly littering his side—he didn’t have time to clean up before his Calculus I exam that day. Darkness enveloped him as you continued to step through his side of the large dorm room, Michael’s side untouched from this morning. His brain had instead been skimming over the extremely long related rates and optimization problems. As much as they logically made sense, the calculation of them always weighed him down, each answer ending up being some fraction or decimal he didn’t particularly appreciate. His brain went over the process once again, constantly refreshing and double checking his answer, worried that he’d made a minor error and messed the entire thing up. He toes off his shoes, leaving them askew for the moment—he’d clean them up and put them away later. His brain was too tired for any real coherent interaction for a while.

His eyes scan the room, stopping for a second on the TV and switch against the wall that perfectly split the room into 2. Of course, a gaming console was how the two thought it would be best to divide the room. Jeremy had been right at Red Robin all those months ago: the bean bags wouldn’t fit in here. As Jeremy turns to sit onto his bed, eyes scanning the white walls that consume him, his eyes fall onto the postcards, the posters, the notes that had been sent to him. Of course, almost monthly, Christine would send him a friendship letter, an update about how magical college was and all the friends she was making. She’d updated him a few times, telling him that she decided to go to counselling because the stress was too much sometimes, and he had never been prouder of her. His eyes continue circling around the room, taking note of the blue sweater that hung near his bed in case he got cold in the middle of the night or right before getting out of bed.

Jeremy swings his feet around and lays down on the bed, a little bummed that Michael isn’t there so he can vent to him about his answer that was a fraction his professor said it wouldn’t be a fraction but it was. So, laying down and taking in the glow in the dark stars that he’d transported from home and stuck onto his ceiling at school would have to do. Another 15 minutes or so pass, and Jeremy is still going over each pencil mark, each moment of erasing over and over again. It isn’t until he gets the same answer 4 or 5 times in his mind that he gives it a rest, deciding that it would be healthier to focus on something else for a little bit. The exam is over, 2 out of 4 done. With no other classes for the rest of the day, Jeremy also takes a second before deciding that homework could wait until his brain was more coherent that it currently was. That, and the only class he had the next day was calculus yet again. The only logical thing his brain can come up with is to watch something on Netflix while curled up under the covers until Michael gets back from his classes.

As Jeremy gets up and grabs his laptop, his phone vibrates. There’s a text from one of his newer friends on it, asking him how he thought the exam went. He supposed that the text was a good thing. He has friends—he was making friends, too. It wasn’t hard to once he’d kind of broken out of his shell and got more comfortable with himself. And that was of course after Jeremy realized that most of his peers felt the same things he did ever so often. Of course, he left out the part about the weird super computer that tried to take over the school; he assumed that wasn’t a universal experience.

But Jeremy ignored the text for the minute. His brain wasn’t ready to comprehend everything in a healthy way yet. He knew that he was going to obsess over that one problem up until the minute that the grade would be entered into Blackboard, which could be hours, days, even sometimes weeks. He sets his laptop onto his bed before crawling back into it, fingers gliding over the mousepad, searching for the one app and closing a certain web browser. He finds it easily, and the app launches. Two fingers glide over the mousepad once again, scrolling down and eyes skimming for something mindless, something that could easily take his mind off of the events of the day but not too mentally challenging. His eyes hit “Keep Watching” and he stops, looking into the subheading.

Finally, he feels okay enough to reply to the text.

Jeremy: I don’t even know, I got a fraction for the related rates thing. Didn’t she say that we were going to get a nicely worked out problem?

He sends the text before locking his phone and putting it on “Do Not Disturb” so that he couldn’t be distracted by the outside world for a little bit. His eyes go back to the Keep Watching subheading and the content in it when he freezes. Right there, in plain print, easy text, is the piece of media you and Jeremy had watched together all those months ago.

Fuck, he remembers that night instantly, his mind rewinding to you with that bright orange cup, head against his chest, eyes fluttered shut, calmness finally flowing in and out of you. It was the most relaxed he’d ever seen you. He knew that it probably wasn’t a wonderful slumber, given your entire situation that affected your entire life to the point that you couldn’t even keep it together, strong as you were. He can remember the way his stars glowed, the way his sweater draped around you and somewhat onto him. He can remember the way you’d shifted right before he’d fallen asleep, almost snuggling into him more than before, hands calmly gripping his body, reaching out for him like he was the only thing in the world that mattered to you.

With a shake of his head, Jeremy is brought back. It’s 3:43 on a Thursday, months after the event, you’re probably hundreds of miles away. His heart hurts inside of his chest, bad enough that he feels like with to sharp of an exhale, it would come tumbling from his lips. He has no idea what happened with you. He has no idea if you’re okay, no idea if you’d managed to get free, managed to get rid of the stupid, what his British Literature professor called, Separate Sphere ideology, the Angel of the Household falling into freedom. His brain replays the moments in the gazebo, the leaves clapping with gusto as the breeze passes through, the way you smiled at him, moments where he was able to actually help you instead of just guessing and praying that things were okay. The way you told him that you got lost in time when talking to him. The way your lips curled into a smile, the genuine laugh, the looks of desperation almost peering into freedom. They were things he couldn’t forget, things that stuck on his mind for hours at a time.

At least this was only a basic remembering, no sensory details completely throwing him for a loop, causing his stomach to work in tandem with his mind. Seeing you in social media posts made the memories worse, they stung with each second they passed through his mind as his limbs would tingle, hands shaking and gripping, waiting for the memories to pass. As much as he wanted to admit that he was okay with not knowing about you, letting you go, he wasn’t. Deep down, it was apparent to everyone. He would lie awake, toss and turn, dream about the good, the bad, and what he assumed happened to you. Of course, it was always the worst in his nightmares, something he didn’t wish to dwell on while the sun was up, and the best in his daydreams. You hadn’t posted about your boyfriend recently, but you didn’t really before either, especially after you’d started even talking to him, even less since the incident—which is what he called that one night in passing with others. The only people who really knew the details about the incident were his dad, Michael’s moms, and Michael himself. Everything was under lock and key—both you and the issues you had—he was really the only one who knew exactly how you were feeling, the things you had been, or maybe still were, going through. He can remember Michael’s surprise when he first told him about you, about your situation, about your strength, about your new life, how much you’d changed. From happy to struggling to understand what was reality and what was something that was gaslit and given to you on a counterfeit silver platter.

And you’d gone silent lately. You were almost completely off the grid, to him at least. It was painful, every breath sitting inside of him, heavier than any gravitational pull in the universe. His heart, his mind, couldn’t help but fill in the blanks. Had you died? Had you done something too rebellious and ended up worse than the last time he saw you? Did you need help to live? Did you need help to even survive?

He can remember the way your hand brushed against his, the way your breath evened in hugs, that very first night, the way his hands glided across your back and helped you clean up. He can remember how your hand felt in his, your head against him, soft calmness seeping from you and into him. He can remember you leaning against him and his entire body lit aflame as he helped you up and down the stairs of the gazebo, the way your smile felt against his lips—clumsy kisses that had managed to turn into something absolutely beautiful and worth craving nearly daily. He can remember that smile that was etched into your shining face as the sunlight created an aura around you, leaves fluttering in the background. Jeremy remembers your hand slipping from his, a final farewell, or something similar leaving your lips. He remembers watching you walk away—why didn’t he watch longer?

Jeremy reaches his hand out, shaking as he tries to move the cursor away from the piece of media. He stops. Sharply, quickly, he shuts his laptop and casts it aside. Rolling over, the tears that had been forming in his eyes now spill down his cheeks. He can feel his legs contracting, toes curling so hard that his muscles begin to hurt, hands gripping the blanket. You were okay. You had to be okay.

Right?

[littlepsychowonderland]

Loss (angst day)

She asked me son, when I grow old, will you buy me a house of gold?

He thought about her, the smile he has seen on so many pictures. About the bubbling happiness he connects with her image. And he wants it back, just for a minute, just for a second. He wants her by his side, wants her to take his hand and tell him “It’s gonna be alright, little puff”.

And when your father turns to stone, will you take care of me?

He leaned against the cold stone, begging for the tears to stop streaming, for the pain to end. He wish he could talk to someone, someone who understood him. But the only ones that would were his father and his worst enemy. He couldn’t decide which the worse option was.  

I’ll make you queen of everything you see

I’ll put you on the map

I’ll cure you of disease

He would have done anything to get her back. It just wasn’t fair. Why was he alive and she was dead? Why did she go? What would she think now? She would probably hate him. With all right, she would. Even he hated himself.

But he still wished, she wouldn’t. That she would be proud of him.

He laughed bitterly. He should stop existing, not wishing some foolish stuff.

Let's say we up and left this town

And turned our future upside down We'll make pretend that you and me Lived ever after happily

When he was young, like really young, he remembers asking Fiona if it’s ever gonna stop hurting. He remembers her face, so shocked, so sad. Tears filled her eyes and she had hugged him, but she never answered. Now he knows why, because it doesn’t. It doesn’t stop. It never does.

And even now, when his mind was filled with bronze curls and a bright smile, filled with moles and warmth, he knew, he would never get a happy ending. Happily ever after wasn’t his destiny. How should it be? He had become a monster.

She asked me, "Son, when I grow old, will you buy me a house of gold?”

If his mother was here, he would do everything for her. Hand the moon again, if he needed to. Would rip his heart out, make her proud, prouder then anyone was ever before.

But she wasn’t here, and he was just a pathetic whimp, too scared to end his miserable existence.  

[keithjmurphy]

I Can't Believe I Said That # 1

It was the morning of the 7th of March 2013, me and Carla had arrived at the Coombe Maternity Hospital around 8am. Today Carla was getting induced and we were going to be parents for the first time. I worked nights so it was the first time I ever seen 8am on a clock, I was absolutely shattered. I kept saying how tired I was until Carla completely lost it and grabbed me saying "I'm about to push a human out of my vagina, I don't give a shit how tired you are".

At 9am they set us up in a delivery room where they plugged Carla into all these machines and checked her bloods and vitals. Then they checked on the baby, a big thumbs up from the nurse and everything was perfect.

They broke Carla's waters at 10:30am. Now call me optimistic, but I was expecting as soon as they broke her waters that the baby would come flying out on a surf board with a pair of sunglasses and a boombox on the shoulder listening to Thunderstruck. If you haven't had a baby yet, I'm sorry, as fecking cool as that sounds, that doesn't happen. What really happens is the clock starts ticking in slow motion, your stuck in this horrible white hospital room holding the hand of a woman who would love nothing more than to beat you to death with a shoe for putting her through this. And you can see how much discomfort this is for her so all you can do is put your head down and feel guilty as hell for doing this to her. And don't mistaken these nurses around you for the ones in a general hospital, because these nurses hate you just as much as your wife right now. And whatever you do, don't ask the nurse if she knows the score of the match while your wife is in the height of labour.

Carla decided weeks in advance that she wanted to have a natural birth, so when the nurse offered her the epidural she bravely declined. All around us you could hear new borns coming into the world. You could hear the nurses in other rooms screaming "push, go on push, great stuff, now one more big push", then followed by the soft cry of a new born baby. But then from the room next to us we heard something really disturbing, "Ahhhhh fucking hell. The fucking pain, I'm splitting in half. Please, please, ahhhhh, my fucking vagina, get me the fucking epidural". At this point Carla had gone completely white in the face, so I told her it's not too late for her to get the epidural and it's not going to make her any less brave if she does, so she decided it's best that she got it.

It was getting late in the evening now, and the contractions were getting painful. Carla had being stuck in the bed for nine hours now. The conversations can get very weird very quickly when your stuck in a delivery room that long. It started off great, we were talking about baby names, if it's a girl or boy, who the baby will look like. Then when the contractions get stronger it turns to "you should be lying here with a finger shoved up your c***". Then you got back to talking about how your going to decorate the baby room, the little football babygrow that you seen in the shops. Then another strong contraction kicks in and the chat turns to "I'm going to burn all your clothes in the wardrobe, then I'm going to burn those clothes your wearing, with you fucking in them".

At 8pm we had been in the delivery room for twelve hours. The nurse came in and asked Carla to lie on her side, that the baby keeps falling asleep and we need to keep it wake. I asked the nurse if she had any painkillers because the bright lights in the room was giving me a headache, she just pointed at my wife and said "are you for fucking real", then left the room. She never came back with the painkillers so she must have forgotten them.

The delivery ward was absolute carnage that night, it was during the height of the babyboom. The ratio of patients to nurses was about 9 to 1 on the ward, so they had these students brought in to sit in each room and to just keep an eye on things. At 8:35pm the student nurse said "I think its time, I'll go get the nurse".

Ten minutes later the student nurse came back in and said "The other nurses are busy, looks like we have to start without them". I grabbed Carla's hand and said "are you ready?", and she replied with a nervous nod. Then the student nurse said "okay dad, can you grab your wife's legs and hold them up", I turned and looked at her like a meerkat, "excuse me? I thought I was meant to hold her hand, stand by her side, staying up this end of the bed?". The nurse didn't bat an eyelid at me, "change of plan Dad, now grab those legs".

Now I'm not good when it comes to blood, sure I got a paper cut in school once and passed out, even on Halloween I couldn't stomach to dress up as a vampire, just couldn't do it. But here I am with Carla's legs up in the air, shes screaming in pain, the nurse is beside me saying "your doing great, push". I just kept my eyes on the ceiling, I picked a spot on the ceiling and I fucking stared at it until I was told to stop. The nurse was saying to me "look dad, shes crowning, theres babies head". I remember thinking "just get fucking babies head and body out then I'll look at it". My eyes eventually strayed onto the clock on the wall, it was four minutes to nine when the nurse said to Carla "come on one more big push", and Carla like the warrior she was gave one last big push, it was amazing, a beautiful baby born at exactly three minutes to nine.

Me and Carla had made a little deal with each other, if it's a boy then Carla names him, if it's a girl I name her. Then nurse looked at me and says "dad do you want to cut the umbilical cord" and completely running on adrenaline I said "not a hope in hell, you can do that", when she cut the umbilical cord the blood squirted up and hit the ceiling, I almost fainted, but then she said "it's a girl", and handed her to Carla. We were so emotional and overjoyed, just looking at this beautiful baby we created, this beautiful baby that literally just came out of Carla's body. Carla said to me it's a girl so you get to name her, I looked at Carla, then i looked at the blood on the ceiling and said "after all that, I think I'll leave the name to you".

The main nurse arrived into the room and said "congratulations mammy, shes gorgeous", she never even looked at me. Okay the baby is out you think that's it, nobody told us that you have to literally give birth to the afterbirth. A little baby cot was wheeled in and the baby went for a little clean down. The nurse told me "dad go get yourself a drink of water up the hall, mammy needs stitches", she didn't have to tell me twice.

I stood at the water cooler for ten minutes barely believing I was now a brand new father, it was a life changing experience. I remember saying to myself "that's it Keith, your now a man, you've got big responsibilities now and it's time to grow up. No more being selfish, you've got three mouths to feed now". I walked down the corridor with a new lease of life, my head was much higher and I walked prouder than ever. As I got to the door of the delivery room the nurse was coming out, "dad there is toast and tea in there", I looked in the door and seen it on the table, "no thanks I'm not that hungry", she looked back at me with fire in her eyes "it's not for you, it's for your wife you idiot", oh right, I knew that.

I got in and there they were sitting on the bed, Carla was holding the baby in her arms and they just looked beautiful. As I got to the bed Carla said "Look Emily, here comes daddy".

[only1jinyoung-blog]

Grazia, September 2017 Issue

[Interview Cut]

Congratulations. On Hanteo’s Weekly chart, you ranked first. JB: Honestly, because it’s a unit that’s returning in 5 years, I paid a lot of attention to it. Rather than the results that are visible to the eyes, I am prouder to hear things like, “my heart is crying”, “the lyrics are good,” when people listen to the songs.

In this album, you’ve participated in the composition and/or lyric making of all tracks. JB: At first, it was merely the mindset that I/we have to work hard. But when we got down to actually doing it, the greed of “gotta make a good album” grew and as we went along preparations, I think we paid more attention to it. JY: There are many fans waiting for GOT7′s album but instead if we were to return with weird songs for a unit album, I would be apologetic. As GOT7′s representatives, we worked hard in order to make an album that does not cause harm or embarrass (the members). All these while, we’ve not participated in either the composition or the lyrics making of our title songs but in wanting to show that actually we are ‘people who can tell our own stories’, we worked together.

We met Mark last month and he strongly recommended JJ Project’s song. JB: Mark is currently JJ Project’s promoting king (laughs)

Listening to the album, I can feel that you’ve grown. I’m sure there has been a lot of changes in these 5 years? JB: I think I’ve been able to accept reality positively. In the past, I would insist on doing things my way but now I’ve been able to compromise to a certain extent?

You’ve become an adult.  JB: I’ve come to realize that not only my thoughts are the right ones. JY: I’ve become quieter compared to 5 years ago. Back then I spoke a lot but now I feel that it’s not necessary to talk a lot.

Is there any special reason behind that change? JY: Through various stuff, I’ve learn that ‘silence is the best medicine’. And unlike hyung, I’ve developed my own opinions. Back then, with an amateur mind, I was the type to accept others’ opinion but now I’ve realized the need to express my opinions too. As I developed my skills, slowly I began developing thing/traits of my own.

When do you feel ‘I’ve aged’? JB: Lately, as we head to music shows, there are many new (rookie) friends. When we look at their staged and we don’t go ‘wah so sauve’ but instead say ‘it’s really refreshing’. that’s when I realized I’ve grown older.

The trait that is unique to rookies is the overflowing passion, isn’t it? JB: I see that now. We too work hard when we stand on stage but I think the feeling is a little different. I thought that I did it with ease/in a relaxed manner when I was a rookie but to anyone else, that look alone was ‘Why is that kid doing it with so much force?” (laughs) JY: It’s the same for me too. When I see rookies stand on stage with their extremely bright selves, I feel the same way but on the other hand, I think ‘Ah these friends are going to regret this in 5 years.”

Why would they regret it (laughs) JY: After 5 years, those things will, in a way, be their shameful past*. No matter what you do, it looks a little overboard. Just like what we feel. *Shameful past meaning things that you would be embarrassed of when you look back on your past. 

At the same time of the album release, you opened an exhibition of the same name with the photos you took and the words you wrote. JB: I’ve always like reading and taking photos and when the company suggested it, I thought let’s try doing it. But still, I feel pressured. My skills are still not of a level adequate enough to be opening an exhibition.

Out of the captions that each of you wrote for the exhibition, is there any that left an impression? JY: There is one that hyung wrote that sounded like he was having a conversation with me; “Time passes really quickly huh, Jinyoung-ah?’. I got real shocked seeing that. I thought, ‘Hyung with this type of tone?” Haha.  JB: I was shocked seeing that caption too. It’s true that it is something I wrote but it was revised slightly. The original was “A time of 5 years have passed. Time passes by quickly Jinyoung-ah.”

The original is pretty open/direct. JY: Yes. But it transformed into a really sweet feel. JB: I too thought, “It’s the same meaning but why does this sound so sweet?” Because I decided to write (the captions) for the exhibition calmly. JY: The concept of this exhibition is ‘8th grade syndrome’*. So that everything can be taken lightly and enjoyably. JB: But I became a sweet guy overnight. Of course it means the same thing but there is a subtle (difference) in the nuance. *8th grade syndrome is the puberty stage where adolescents act out.

Therefore, which of Jinyoung’s caption left an impression on you? JB: In the scene/photo where I’m walking while looking at my phone, he wrote “There is a reason even if he’s looking at the ground.” I wasn’t looking at the ground but I was looking at my phone. I remember it because it didn’t fit the picture. JY: I wrote it like that on purpose. When people at their phone, they go around with their heads down. (The caption) meant that (the lowering heads) did not mean that there are was no energy/strength but everything has a reason to it. JB: The other one would be a picture of the sky and a barley field. He wrote “Sjy and barley, ah I’m thirsty” randomly. It was so funny hahaha.

Looks like not everything was written with an intention/meaning. JY: If everything was serious then there would be no fun in it. JB: We included random captions here and there. We wanted to share it enjoyably with the fans.

The title song for this album, ‘Tomorrow, Today’ is a song that talks about youth’s concern. What kind of concerns are the two of you having lately? JB: On which path to take, on how to be my own self- I think it’s always the same things. I also think of what to eat every day. A very light concern (laughs)

Don’t you have food that you like? JB: Of course I do. But I don’t experience things like I have to definitely eat a certain food, or craving for a certain food.

Alright, let’s now confirm that with Jinyoung who is always by his side. JY: This really... (looking at JB) Hyung, can I talk about this? I’m going to be honest about this (laughs). When we’re ordering food, hyung definitely say that he’s not eating. But just in case, I’ll order 2 servings and then he’ll come over and go “Is there food?”. There’s nothing that he would specifically like to eat but if we order, he will eat. Even if he says he’s not hungry. JB: Even if I do want to order, there are so many varieties on the menu. I honestly can’t choose. Since there’s nothing that I specifically want to eat. JY: Hyung has got to see it in real life in order to choose. JB: I can’t think of a menu (to eat) so I’ll say that I won’t eat but if I smell food. I get hungry. So I creep up. JY: Then I was naturally take out (his share). (laughs).

Looking at how long you spend overseas, don’t you get desperate for Korean food even if you don’t usually like it? JB: I eat Korean food even when I’m overseas (laughs). I’m a real Korean food mania so I must always have soup and jjigae (stew).

So what is Jinyoung’s concern as of late? JY: Although this may sound funny, I try my best to prevent my voice from cracking. There are many instances where we do rehearsals in the morning when our throats have not even warmed up. There are many singers watching so my greatest concern is in getting through that without cracking my voice.

That seems like a definite concern for singers. JY: Hyung has a great tone and he sings well but I have a rather low tone and I tend to strain my throat when singing high (notes) so it’s hard every morning. But because I stress about not cracking my voice in front of other people, it’s even harder.

Have you not been able to find a resolution for that? JY: There’s something. When I’m singing a high note, I pull my mic away as far as I can and pretend to sing. Hahaha

Can we include this is the interview (laughs) JY: It’s something I do only during rehearsals. I do well during the actual performance. JB: My voice cracks from time to time too. Even yesterday’s rehearsal too.. (laughs) JY: Hyung, you were really amazing yesterday.

Did something happen at rehearsals yesterday? JB: I sang a part and my voice cracked each time I sang it. JY: Hyung was so taken aback that when we ended, he said “Hello” instead of “Thank you for the hard work”. JB: Honestly, to singers, our throats is our most important instrument but even if we did the exact same thing at the same time, even if we sleep the same, our condition always differ. Therefore there are days when my voice cracks and there are days when it doesn’t. I used to get really stressed about it but now I just laugh it off. What can I do about something that has already happened? I just tell myself to do better next time. Thankfully I did well during the actual performance yesterday.

Is Jinyoung blood type A by any chance? JB: I’m type A. Jinyoung is O.

That’s unexpected. JB: For type A, we are unexpectedly optimistic when a huge accident/incident happens. But we keep worrying about the small things. JY: Cracking you voice in front of people is no small matter. JB: If I made an embarrassing mistake, I keep looking at it until I get used to it. And once I get used to it, I don’t want to be reminded of it again. So I put in effort in order not to make the same mistake.

What if you were faced with a choice? Are you the type to not have any regrets on the choice you did not make? JB: It differs depending on situation. And I think the feeling of regret is dependent on how important it is. Rather than saying I barely have any regrets, if my choice turns to be a mistake, I will just look back and say “let’s not make this kind of mistake again.” JY: For me, I’m the type to push forward with my choice and then turn back to have a look later on.

You’re the type to focus on your current choice, huh? JY: Because it’s something I already committed myself to and the ending is something I have to do/create. After that, I’ll ponder as to why I did it the way I did.

Is there a choice that you did you not make that left you with a lingering feeling? JB: I do think I should have worked a little harder back then, that it would have been great if I had this mind-set back when I was younger. JY: I’m the opposite of hyung. During trainee period, I came to Seoul and I didn’t have any friends so I practiced so much. I was not relaxed at all. It would have been nice if I took it easier and met up with friends. Back then I had a lot of concerns and because of the pressure to succeed. I didn’t close to my trainee friends.

The two of you have a history of being joint winners for the trainee open auditions with the same song. After that, you’ve been together for 8 years, is this fate? JB: There’s also another (type of) fate apart from that. Actually we were supposed to audition separately but the last contest in which we perform as a team, it was the company that paired us up. Ever since then we’ve been continuously together. JY: I spend my trainee period with hyung (in trying to see) who’s better and who’s superior. Then we did a drama together, debuted together, did GOT7 together. That’s how we spend the last 7-8 years.

 And I think that made your existence different (from others) to each other. JY: There’s trust. JB: Since we know what the other likes and dislikes, we don’t really collide into one another. We have a consideration for each other. JY: For me, in a relationship between people, I think the most important thing is not doing what the other person dislikes, rather than doing what that person likes. Because we already know what the other dislikes, we are considerate of each other.

What was your first impression of each other? JB: What should I say? Jinyoung was like this really clear, clean, pure water.

Is there any of that image left in him (laughs) JY: People change, it’s been 8 years. JB: No matter how clear the water is... (laughs) Rather than changing for the worst, I think he’s become a little more adept in keeping that image as it is.

How about Jaebeom’s first impression? JY: Really in the best sense of the word, I think he was like a ‘player’*. If I’m to compare to that time, he’s living more fiercely now but in the beginning he had this ease to him. *It means he had time/ freedom/ease in his life.

When do you think that the both of you match each other best? JB: We definitely match well in our usual times but we match really well when we’re working too. When we’re doing something together regardless of what it is, it gets done cleanly and efficiently.

What is something about the other person that hasn’t changed despite time passing? JY: From the first time I met hyung up till now, he has always like music. I’m saying that it’s time for you to change now (laughs). JB: Jinyoung has that feel of a man who lives right. It’s not that he has to live right deliberately. I think he’s just born like that.

When were you the most genuinely happy recently? JY: When JJ Project’s album were released. I received the album because I had to sign on them and the albums came out really well so I liked it. JB: Um... I’m not someone who feels great or happy well. Of course I felt great when the album were released though.

When what makes Jaebeom happy? JB: I don’t know. I just live life easily. I don’t live to feel happiness. I just think “Well life is just life”; I don’t think I’m someone who puts a huge meaning to it.

Again, we’ll need Jinyoung’s report. As someone who watches him by his side, when does Jaebeom seem happy? JY: When he’s watching funny videos on YouTube? Just yesterday he was laughing so much by himself; turns out he was watching videos of the rapper Desiigner and laughing so much. He sincerely looked happy at that time. 

Recently you asked GOT7 member Yugyeom for a one-liner comment on Verse 2. I’m asking the same question here. JB: A masterpiece. According to my standards, it is a masterpiece that was well produced. With the creation of every album, I work to make sure it turns out well but this album is a little more special. Compared to other albums, I participated a lot in this and as much as the hard work we put in, I like the track order and the album design as well. JY: I have no regrets. That feeling of putting my all in it. There was no relaxed (feeling) in making it together but it was a good time. I have no regrets. JB: Now when this (promotion) wraps up, we’ll have to work hard in making GOT7′s album too.

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