#but the minute Howard says 'had him' all the joy just ends

[waugh-bao]

Keith talks with Howard Stern about recruiting Charlie to join the Stones (2023)

[iam93percentstardust]

🎄 Another sneak peek at the annual Christmas fic! 🎄

~

“Look,” Christine says gently as soon as the door closes. “Tony. I don’t think this is working out between us anymore. I think we need to call off the engagement.”

She can’t be serious. They’ve had a great relationship (okay, well maybe not a great relationship, but definitely a good one) for five years, and she fucks off to rural Montana for a week and decides that she doesn’t want this anymore? No way, this has something to do with Jake the flannel mountain.

She’s still talking, saying something about how she doesn’t feel like he’s ever really supported her hopes and dreams, which is absolutely ridiculous and he tells her that.

“You met your editor at a business dinner that I hosted. I invited him just because you said it was your life’s goal to work at that magazine. Did you forget that? Did you forget that your job is in New York? What are you going to tell them when your vacation time is up?”

She gives him a vaguely pitying look that makes him want to throw something. Possibly her. “Tony, there’s more to life than just your job and work. Not that you’d know that because you spend all your time in that workshop of yours.”

Like what? The vacations she wants to go on that he’s always made time for? The clothes she wants him to buy for her that he always does because he wants her to be happy? The date nights that he always leaves the workshop for, no matter how busy he is, because she gets so sad when he forgets about them and he hates it when she looks that way?

He asks her exactly that, genuinely curious to know what more she could possibly want out of him. “What else is there?”

“That’s so sad that you think that’s all there is,” she says, and that wasn’t his point at all, but before he can say that, she continues, “Like Christmas, Tony. You know, we’ve never once celebrated the holidays together? How are you okay with that?”

Well, yeah, they’ve never celebrated together. Growing up, Christmas, for Tony, was a time of photoshoots and Howard locking himself in his office for last-minute business deals before the end of the year and getting left behind as his parents drove off to yet another rich people’s Christmas party. Christmas wasn’t a time of joy and family, and he’s had no reason to change that as an adult. Christine had always said that was one of the things that she liked about him because it gave her a chance to get one up on her coworkers who always took the holiday off.

“Christmas is important, Tony. Jake spends every Christmas volunteering at the animal shelter to give the unadopted animals the best holiday they could have. And you just spend it in the office.”

Sure, but the Maria Stark Foundation’s Holiday Gala raises enough money every year to keep the New York soup kitchens fully stocked for at least six months, so he thinks he’s doing pretty well on the charity front.

“I know we used to have the same values,” she says. “But I’ve changed since I met Jake again.”

He has the sneaking suspicion that she’s getting ready to justify the fact that she absolutely cheated on him this last week.

“He gets me, and he loves me, more than I think you ever did.”

Wow. That one really hurts. He has done so much for her, but because he couldn’t fly out with her this one time, he suddenly doesn’t love her. What right does she have to tell him his own feelings?

“He makes me so much happier than I was with you.”

“I get it,” he says abruptly. “You don’t have to twist the knife. He’s perfect and everything you ever wanted, and I’m not. I get it.” He pauses and takes a deep breath. He can be mature about this. He can be a grown-up about this, just like Pepper is always begging him to be. “I only wish you the best of happiness with Jake. I hope you guys build a great life together.”

Tears shine in Christine’s eyes, which is so unfair. Tony’s the one who’s getting dumped. He should be the one crying. “Aw, thank you, Tony. Your blessing means the world to me.”

Yeah, that is absolutely not what’s going on here, but sure, anything to get him out of this situation faster, because if he has to stand here for any longer, he’s absolutely going to break down about the fact that his fiancée cheated on him, moved halfway across the country without telling him, and then dumped him all because he… doesn’t celebrate Christmas?

[starkdirewolflove]

Only Murders in the Building

So that last episode had a lot going on with 3 separate couples, a flashback of the opening night and the return of Sazz Pataki.

I love when Sazz shows up randomly to wind Charles up and help him with his personal issues, it was so funny when she said the killer might have meant to kill Charles but got Ben by accident and weirdly she’s dating Jan (Charles’s crazy killer ex from season 1) in prison and they talk about Charles and all his idiosyncrasies. So Sazz acts as therapist/game show host for Charles to help him realise that Joy obviously is not a murderer, she’s just a kooky make up artist that actually loves him and is a bit of a nympho and he’s sabotaging their relationship because he doesn’t feel worthy of love. All these revelations are too little, too late for Joy especially after she finds out Charles didn’t mean to propose to her and he talked to everyone else about their relationship but her. There was also the reveal about what Charles was talking to Ben about before the curtain call on opening night. Charles saw him grabbing Loretta and her struggling away from him, calling for help (she also called him a “fucking pig”), then Charles punched him after he pulled Ben away. That was the make up emergency that Howard called Joy backstage for and how she lost her lipstick. When Ben called Loretta a “consummate professional” and a “snake” after he got back from the hospital I think she had staged that fight to make Ben look like a bully and her the helpless victim. She may be more involved in the murder than I thought.

Mabel went on a stakeout/date with Tobert, his suspect was Howard’s boyfriend Jonathan but not really since he tricked Mabel into going on a date with him instead of just asking her out which I found to be shady rather than charming, then he starts talking about wanting to have a partner to settle down with, like he’s known Mabel 5 minutes and that’s coming on a bit strong. I know all Mabel’s love interests have been suspicious in the past but I don’t trust this guy and I don’t think she should’ve shown him the murder board. Also he’d been following Jonathan for a week, decided he was innocent and then on the night Mabel was with him they happen to see Jonathan handing an envelope of cash over to this fixer type that Ben used to meet behind closed doors known only as Doctor C.

Oliver was so good in this episode, from his nerves at his date and asking Mabel for advice: “It’s been a while since I dipped my quill in a woman’s ink pot. Any new moves I should know about?” to the awkwardness in Loretta’s apartment when he accidentally pulled down the Murphy bed and lost a tooth trying to eat a pork chop. Loretta was extra suspicious tonight like bringing Ben up at dinner, calling him “a fucking pig,” saying he was an asshole to everyone, toasting his death and then trying to change the subject like she didn’t bring it up in the first place. Their date ends up going well with a trip on the ferry to throw Oliver’s tooth away, sharing a 30 year old joint and back to her place for “dessert.” That’s when the twist for this episode happens, when Oliver finds a hidden book filled with articles and newspaper clippings all about Ben charting his career and personal life. Lots of stalker/murderer vibes from that book.

So my new theory is: what if Loretta is actually Ben’s estranged mother? And her and Dickie plotted his murder because they were sick of Ben being in the spotlight and they were always in his shadow.

Ben said his first job on Brazzos he was 8 years old and supporting his mom and brother. What if Loretta was a show mom? She couldn’t get any acting jobs herself so she puts her kid into show business to live vicariously through him, make money and pressure him that their family relies on him to survive. So when Ben turns 18 he cuts ties with his mother, takes Dickie on as his manager to keep some family around but he is running his own life and treats him more like staff than family cos that’s the way his dynamic was with their mother when she was in charge. Then when they cross paths at the table read they pretend to be strangers but there’s all this tension bubbling beneath the surface, she gets close to Dickie playing the loving mother (she called Dickie a sweet boy when talking to Oliver about him) and the two start plotting to get rid of Ben and advance their own careers away from him.

[doctorhelena]

first line tag game

Rules: Post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to ao3. if you have less than 10 fics posted, post the first lines of all your fics 

Tagged by: the wonderful @theawkwardterrier!

Tagging: @roboticonography, @littlereyofsunlight, @broadwayqueenregal, @formerlyir, @behindthelabels, @buckywiththegoodhair86 and anyone else who wants to do it!

One Hundred Words to Say "I Love You" (A Collection of Steggy Drabbles) (Steggy)

Howard smirked. “You two lovebirds left the party before me, but I beat you home by at least ten minutes. Enjoy my car?”

2. "I’ve Got the Shield. You’ve Got the Sword" (A Collection of PeggyNat Drabbles) (PeggyNat)

“Kiss me,” said Natasha. Peggy, having already had the same idea, immediately leaned down. The angle caused the locks of hair escaping her baseball cap to partially obscure their features, and besides, public displays of affection made people - hopefully including Rumlow - very uncomfortable.

3. A Stutter in Time (Steggy)

Tony and Bruce were still trying to understand exactly how Peggy Carter had stepped through the door of Howard Stark’s lab and ended up in Tony’s instead. There had been no warning, nothing out of the ordinary - she’d just appeared in a flash of blue light, took a staggering step forward, and thrown up spectacularly all over Tony’s shoes.

4. Between the Acres of the Rye (Steggy)

Steve gave Bucky a fond, if exasperated, look as he and Peggy slid into the back seat of the jeep, Howard vaulting gleefully over the front passenger door. “What the hell did you steal a jeep for, you idiot? Anyone with a pulse and a uniform can just requisition one from the motor pool.”

5. Comfort and Joy: The Lost Chapter (Steggy)

It wasn’t at all unusual for Peggy and Steve to be called into Phillips’ office simultaneously - Peggy was the Howling Commandos’ official liaison, after all, and Steve was their leader. So, perhaps foolishly, neither was particularly alarmed that morning when they found themselves arriving in his outer office at the same time.

6. Caps Out of the Bag (Steggy)

“That’s your phone,” Steve said into Peggy’s ear. When she didn’t move he reached across her to snag it off her nightstand, handed it to her, then flopped back down onto his own side of the bed as she blinked sleepily at the screen before reluctantly swiping at the green icon. 

7. All I Want For Christmas (Steggy)

“Well,” said Peggy, surveying the damage, “I can’t say this is quite how I’d imagined our first Christmas together after the war, but it is rather fitting, I suppose.” And suddenly, she and Steve were both laughing so hard that they had to lean against each other, tears rolling down their cheeks.

8. Life, Uncovered (Steggy)

It had become a private joke between Peggy and Steve, during the war, that any time Steve got naked, Peggy was bound to stumble across him almost immediately. Of course that was a bit of an exaggeration, but she really had gotten an accidental eyeful a truly improbable number of times by the time the war had ended for him in the wreckage of the Valkyrie.

9. The SSR Supply Closet Crisis (Steggy)

Private Lorraine Anderson had been a bit nervous around Agent Peggy Carter ever since the morning when Lorraine had made an unabashed pass at Captain America, and Peggy, unexpectedly coming across them in mid smooch, had reacted by shooting him. Well, shooting at him. But still. The point was, she’d fired a gun in his direction. Four times in quick succession.

10. And Thus With A Kiss (Steggy)

It was the kind of thing, Steve told himself firmly, that would just get harder and harder to bring up the longer he waited. And he didn’t want to have secrets from Peggy - especially not the kind he was only keeping because he was worried about her reaction, and not because they weren't actually his secrets to tell.

[haberdashing]

so, i just finished watching the last episode of this is us (i know, i'm late to the game), and now that i can confidently say that they didn't address this, let me say the one thing i wish the show had gone into more:

randall's run for senator.

not how he wins it, because c'mon, randall pearson can do anything he puts his mind to, we know that. and not the nitty-gritty political stuff either, that's not really the kind of thing this is us does.

but what this is us does do, but didn't in this case, is go over how such a big life change affects randall and the family.

show me more of randall weighing the pros and cons of running--not just how it would affect his mother, but how it would affect his entire family.

show me the randall pearson family sitting down to unwind at the end of the day with some mindless tv only to be shown an ad for randall's campaign--or worse, an attack ad by the opposition.

(show me randall taping his campaign ad, second-guessing his every move and fretting about how he's taping something that will be on display to millions of tv watchers, and then calling kevin and half-jokingly saying that acting's harder than it looks)

show me tess trying to decide whether to go to homecoming with alex, or her latest not-cis-male beau, and fretting hard about how it might affect her father's campaign because obviously a senatorial candidate having an openly gay daughter still isn't a value-neutral fact. show me tess telling her father she'll hide her relationship and her identity away until after the election, and randall hugging her and telling her that that's not what he wants, of course not, she just needs to be who she is and the rest will work itself out.

show me deja writing college admissions essays about going from taking care of herself as a child to being the daughter of a senator: not just a blase rags-to-riches story, but talking about the different freedoms and limitations of both, then reflecting on how college fits into that same scheme of freedoms and limitations.

show me their other daughter... hell, show me their other daughter period, i don't even remember her name off-hand! but she's gotta have her own story, if this show taught us anything it's that everyone has their own story. and how is that affected by all this?

show me how this all affects beth's dance studio. do supporters of the opposition candidate drop their dance classes en masse when randall announces his candidacy? do people come there trying to suck up to senator pearson by way of his wife? (not that beth would entertain that nonsense for one minute, of course, but they don't know that.)

show me randall driving in to d.c. does he drive by howard, where he almost matriculated a lifetime ago, and reflect on what almost was and what might have been? hell, has he even been in d.c. since then? and that's gotta make him think of jack, too, who brought him there back then, right? show me that.

show me randall's inevitable moment of doubt just before he starts his first day as senator, and beth talking him through it, reminding him how amazing he is and how he'll do just as well here.

show me how the family adjusts to randall living in d.c. it sounds like he's gone several nights a week at least, and while philly to d.c. isn't the worst senatorial commute, it's not chump change either. how does that change the family dynamic?

show me the handwritten note from a black girl in a white family who says she now has the role model she always dreamed of, show me randall's campaign manager mentioning that his openness with his own adoption and that of deja has led to a statistically significant uptick in adoptions in the state of pennsylvania.

show me randall tearing up, and when a concerned beth asks if the stress is getting to him, him telling her that they're tears of joy as he realizes that he's really making a positive difference in the world the way he always dreamed he would.

show me more of that.

[dontcallmecarrie]

an idea I had on my commute, because this trope is a personal favorite:

Justin Hammer blinked the stars out of their eyes, not even bothering to move before they got their bearings because last thing they needed was to get motion sickness on top of whatever had been in that weird laser gun Ivan and Victor had been messing with went off.

Ugh. They’d told Ivan to secure his projects better, told them someone’d end up in the hospital, why did nobody listen to them?!

Well. 

At least Winter’d tear them a new one, they could count on that much. If only because they were his meal ticket, but still.

Justin cautiously tried to sit up, and now that the ringing in their ears was going down they caught the last few snatches of whatever the people around them had been saying. 

Because there was now a crowd now, apparently. Joy.

“—ell is going on here, how did he even get here?”

“—rgy readings are all wrong, this makes no sense—”

“—plain to me how a civilian got into one of the most secured locations this side of the Mississippi? Anyone?”

“—ot to be kidding me,” a familiar voice said, “how did Hammer of all people get here? Oh, hey, he’s alive. Hey, Hammer? How’d you get out of Seagate?”

One of these things was not like the others. 

Not that Justin knew what the hell was going on, not when they’d been in a safehouse not two minutes ago, but...this was the first time in their life they’d heard that note of derision in Tony’s voice. 

Aimed at them, anyway, because goodness knew how many rants about Howard they’d talked him through after the accident. 

“Anyone get the number of that truck?” Justin asked with a groan, and didn’t even have to pretend to be confused by the truly impressive number of guns pointed his way as he sat up. “Hey, easy there, when’s the last time you got certified to carry with that type of grip?”

The looks Justin got were...less than welcoming. 

“How’d you get out of Seagate?” Director Fury said more than asked, and just like that, Justin knew what that gun had done, even before an agent looked over with a frown after tapping away at their tablet.

“Sir? Justin Hammer’s still in custody.”

Winter had better be kicking everyone’s ass for this, this was not what they’d signed up for when they’d stopped by with takeout.

.

aka NHDD!Justin crash-lands the MCU, and it goes about as well as expected.

...but to be honest? I’ve been playing with several permuations of this, just can’t decide which would be the most fun to mess with because, I mean, here’s some of the others:

NHDD!Avengers meet canon, wonder wtf is up with this ticking time bomb of a team and canon!Tony’s almost unrecognizable because they’re used to a Tony with very clear boundaries and may not be as heroic, but he’s theirs and seeing a version of him who’s been through the wringer is. Something not great. 

50/50 odds on who picks a fight, because NH!Tony will push back if someone tries to start something, but NH!Steve has even less chill than canon because he’s caught up in a goddamn love dodecahedron and anyone looking at his team wrong gets to deal with all the pent-up stress that entails.

NHDD!Justin meets canon [see above]. Rocky start due to obvious reasons, while Cabal’s scrambling to figure out a way to get them back, Justin immediately latches onto canon!Tony and they may not be a therapist, but tbh they’re pretty damn close sometimes. 

canon!Tony gets a concentrated dose of All the Feels™, feat. “your feelings are valid” and “you are not alone, asking for help isn’t being a burden” and “even if other people think poorly of you, that’s on them, you owe them nothing” and Tony’s very, very sad to see him go.

...this could also be pretty painful for canon!Justin, for reasons seen in this next scenario:

canon!Justin meets NHDD. Cue All The Self-Worth Issues. Because I tried to hint at it in NHDD, but long story short, canon!Justin was kinda set up for failure, between his poor excuses for parents, terrible role models, and the whole “growing up constantly compared to Tony Stark” thing is just asking for a major inferiority complex somewhere in here. So you take this Justin, and present him a world that could be summed up as, “I’m you, but better”? Who has everything he ever wanted, was taken seriously and treated with respect? He’s not going to have a good time.

irony is, it’s absolutely not his fault, either: NHDD!Justin is different not because of his circumstances, but because they’ve got echoes of a past life [...even if they don’t remember the specifics anymore].

on the flipside, the NHDD crew would get a better idea of just how unusual their Justin is, and their secret might get discovered somewhere in this

Cabal meets canon. Cue explosions, and a lot of dark hilarity because this League of Supposed-to-be-Evil-but-mostly-Just-Vibing has way better teamwork than the elite team of superheroes assembled to protect the Earth.

Victor’s probably the snarkiest here, once the shock of “holy shit I knew I hadn’t expected to survive Latveria’s civil war but is this what would’ve happened to my homeland? thanks I hate it” wears off.

NH!Bucky gives absolutely no fucks about shit going down anymore, splits his time between hunting down HYDRA [which seems to be even more of a problem in this hellscape, ugh] and avoiding this universe’s Steve Rogers because self-care is a thing and he has no idea what this universe’s Bucky is up to but he knows he’s probably in not as great a place as he was. 

[omegas-spaghettios]

Ranking MCU Captain America figures

Before I begin, I want to clarify this is about my enjoyment of these characters and NOT who i think are the best morality or power wise. I specify because I think my first two entries will upset some people and I want to say, this list is NOT in order of how much I agree with these characters' values. I have a heavy favoritism towards theme and character interaction and that is where a lot of my enjoyment from media comes from. So, let's begin.

6. Captain America: CW, IW, and Endgame

I'm separating Steve into two because around CW he starts making decisions that really frustrate me.

Now I do think there is a lot to like still! His conviction to his morals during the Accords and continuing arc about government distrust is great, his stand against Thanos in IW is amazing, he is a lot of fun to watch during the New York part of the time heist, and lifting Mjolnir was legit my best theater moment ever and i will NEVER forget it.

However, in CW he starts making some awful decisions. In CW, he kisses Sharon like, days after Peggy's funeral. While on it's own it's already kinda creepy, Endgame retroactively makes this even worse. It goes on to also have grave consequence because he and Sam asked Sharon to break the law for them and never followed through to help her, which was pretty awful of them. At least Sam tries to make it right in TFATWS, but since Steve left that wrong on Sharon never gets reconciled from him.

I also think that his decision to keep Bucky and Howard's history a secret from Tony was really, really stupid. While I side with him during the fight, the fact that Steve "doesn't like when his teammates withhold information" Rogers didn't tell Tony this then walked into a Winter Soldier facility with Bucky and Tony during the most strained time of their relationship was just begging for that conflict.

He is barely in IW and while his stand against Thanos is a great moment, his decision to not let Vision kill himself is very frustrating. "We don't trade lives" then he goes to Wakanda to let thousands of soldiers die while they try and get the stone out, really dude?

I don't think going back in time in Endgame was inherently a bad ending but things he does to make it happen really frustrates me. He shows no signs of mourning Bucky or Sam at all. And then for the sake of surprise for the audience, he never tells Sam what he's doing and that is so awful. Sam dedicates 4 years of his life helping Steve with a good portion of it being on the run. Sam was with Steve more during the present than ANYONE else. Then Steve just leaves without telling him and shows back up to drop a ton of responsibility on Sam that he didn't ask for. Now Sam is an amazing Cap but it's frustrating to see that a lot of TFATWS is fallout of Steve's bad decisions in these three movies.

5. Captain America: John Walker

Now hold on, I hate this man. I think he does some awful things, so why is he above anyone else? Just because he isn't frustrating to me, he fits thematically and has good interactions with others in TFATWS.

His character really adds to the themes and discussions of white privilege, Supremacy, as well as how the US military treats their soldiers like shit, and I think he is an interesting character to watch as he starts out edging the line of evil and by the end of episode 4 crosses it. While I think Bucky was overall a bit too chummy with him in 6, I think it was all mostly in character for them. Sam and Bucky were up against 6 super soldiers and Batroc in a highly crowded city with lots of important people, it makes sense to me that they take his help in this scenario. They also never leave him alone which indicates distrust.

I also really like the moment where he drops the shield to help the truck. He is a shitty person but he is shown as a person who at least wants to do good, even though any challenge to that he goes off the rails. It is such a black and white scenario, help the truck of innocents, and I like that he does it. It also adds to the hatred of him as a person because it shows he clearly knows better but chooses to ignore it, which makes him even more despicable.

I think it is very important that a man like him bore the title of Captain America because it reminds us all that yes, it is very easy that a man like him represents America as it is and that we need to do better than him.

I like watching him and that's why he's above CW on Steve because he isn't making aggravatingly out of character decisions all of the time and he works very well within the themes of the show.

With me loving him in the context of TFATWS, in later appearances he does have a lot of potential to drop to last pretty easily, but as of now when he just is in that show, I appreciate his character a lot.

4. Red Guardian

I kinda like this character and idk how to feel about it

He doesn't fit Black Widow very much so he is kinda low but I mean, he's just kinda fun. His story about Captain America and the USSR is pretty non-related to the others and rather undeveloped which is frustrating, and he does very little plot significant things. He leads Nat and Yelena to Melina and that's about it. He distracts Taskmaster for a while but he kinda is just getting tossed around until Melina shows up. He isn't very important.

But I do like what I see and do hope we see more of him. They never pretend he's a great person and I do appreciate that he gets called on it constantly. His knuckles having Karl Marx on them kills me and overall he's pretty humorous and fun to watch. He also has a few great moments thematically that I love. When he comforts Yelena after the dinner scene and sings her favorite song as a kid? So heartwarming. When he took Taskmaster's shield when fleeing the Red Room I laughed at his ridiculousness but it lead to a pretty great moment, when he throws the shield through the windshield without hesitation to save Melina. It's a great moment to show how he's letting go of his past and obsessions to be there for his family.

I hope we see more of him, his overall lack of importance and stereotypical behavior kinda holds him back but I see so much potential in him.

3. Agent Carter

As of today she has been in exactly one 30 minute episode, but what I see I really like. Her laughter of surprise when she takes the tesseract is really endearing, her sword and muscles and height make my wlw heart patter, and I do like the difference in her relationship with Steve in this universe, where they both are of incredible capabilities but neither are given any respect for how they were born. We get that in TFA too but I really like that it is a constant theme in this iteration while in TFA it gets dropped a bit after Steve receives the serum.

There is very little of her so I can't really put her higher yet, but given more time she very well may rise up on this list but she had an excellent first showing.

2. Pre-CW Captain America: Steve Rogers

This man is a joy.

He is such an endearing scrappy little guy in the beginning of TFA and I love his commitment to doing the right thing. He still very much acts like a guy who just gained 120 pounds of muscle during that movie and it's endearing. The way he grows into his own skin in TWS is amazing as we see him really step in to what he can accomplish physically as well as his authority and leadership.

His Whedonisms in the first two Avengers films kinda bug me, they treat him like an old man when he isn't. Biologically he's like, early 30's at most here. He grew up as a fighter in Brooklyn then served in the military, he wouldn't care if his teammates swear, but overall it's tolerable.

I LOVE this man's commitment to transparency. He struggles when allies are not transparent and he shows nothing but transparency and I love that that is a constant for him (which is why I separate him from CW on)

Everyone loves this guy and over 90% of criticisms I see for him come after AoU, and that's for good reason, this guy is so loveable.

1. Captain America: Sam Wilson

He's so good, guys

I want to talk about Sam before the suit because he is amazing before it. He runs counseling for veterans, a profession very becoming of a superhero and it speaks to his incredible empathy and compassion that is on full display. I also think the fact that he dedicated 2 years to finding Bucky is not appreciated enough. Sure he was following Steve but he still spent 2 years trying to find Bucky, a person who tried to murder him. Yet he understands it isn't Bucky's fault and tries to help him anyway. I also really like that he is the first to speak out against the Accords. He doesn't wait for Steve or anyone else, he sees red flags and he is out and I really, really love that about him.

Then I love how long it takes for him to choose to become Cap and how much he contemplates it. He has to contemplate the legacy of Steve, if he wants to wear the symbol of this country, the pressures of being a black man as Cap, the legacy that John added to it, the pressures from Bucky and the pressures from Isaiah, and also his own legacy he carved for himself as the Falcon. It's a huge decision with a lot of weight and so many people pressuring him but he takes his time and chooses what is right for him, and I really love that about him. These other characters are all Caps from near the start but he transitions into one after years of knowing him as the Falcon and I love that he doesn't take this decision lightly.

Also as Cap he's just really cool. His decisions to not take the serum as well as try like hell to get Karli to step down speak to his humility and compassion. And while many describe his speech as bland it's still uniquely him. Yes the speech doesn't solve any problems but that isn't what he's doing, he's asking America and the world to get to actually solving them and that is an aspect of him we don't see much since Steve's propaganda days, his direct relation to the public.

Also his suit and wings are just awesome, I argue his action is the most fun to watch out of any of these characters.

Anyway yeah that's the list, I know people won't agree with me so let's try and keep discussion civil, alright?

[3pirouette]

Fic: Six Dates, Times, and Places (1/1)

Title: Six Dates, Times, and Places By: TriplePirouette/3Pirouette Spoilers: Endgame Disclaimer: They're not mine. Word Count: 3488 Distribution: AO3 Anyone else please ask first :)

Story Summary: The night before Steve leaves to return the stones, Bucky gives him one last mission.

A/N: Check out THIS POST for links to a guy on Tik Tok who says it about Steve and Bucky better than I ever could. This was inspired by his posts, and this satisfies the “Bucky Barnes” square on my Steggy Bingo Bash card.

~*~ The Night Before

Bucky sat across from him, quiet. Steve was waiting him out, and Bucky was thankful, for the millionth time, for his best friend. He scratched his head, eyes squeezed shut. “I just… I don’t know how to say it, exactly.”

Steve kicked his feet up on the coffee table between them, “If it’s about me going tomorrow- it’ll be quick. Five seconds for you, not even.” Steve smiled and laughed lightly, trying to reassure his friend. “Doubt you could even finish taking a piss in the time I’m gone.”

Bucky couldn’t help but laugh, his eyes still shut tight. “Yeah, yeah, I guess.”

“I’m not worried. We did it before…” Bucky opened his eyes, watching Steve cross his arms. Bucky knew his friend was harboring at least a little anxiety even if he didn’t want to admit it. He could see it in the set of his shoulders.

Bucky couldn’t keep the smile off his face, but it was more from nerves and the gnawing feeling in his stomach that what he was about to do would somehow screw it all up. “Yeah, see, that’s the thing. It won’t be ten seconds for you.”

“A few hours—”

“Years.”

Steve tilted his head at Bucky’s correction, but didn’t say anything.

“You see, I thought I was going nuts, when they first got all that programming out of me. When Shuri insisted I could trust my memories, because they were…” Bucky stopped shaking his head. He’d told Steve some of it. His best friend knew what nightmares haunted him.

“But there were a few times…” he started again, leaning forward and running his hand through his hair, “There was this one memory that I just could not get to make any sense. And now?” He laughed, lightly at first, but it grew. It grew until he was actually smiling and he looked up at Steve with joy in his eyes. “Now I know it’s real, because time travel is fucking real.”

Bucky’s grin was contagious, and Steve couldn’t help but smile a little. “I don’t understand.”

Bucky nodded, his voice still light and anxious. “I know you don’t. But I don’t know if I should tell you, either. Won’t it like- mess up the space-time continuum or something?”

Steve shrugged. “Bruce and Strange say anything we do- did- in the past will be fixed when I put the stones back.” He leaned forward, kicking his feet back down and placing his elbows on his knees. “I don’t claim to really understand it, but Strange assured me that it will work out. That the things that have happened, that will happen, are supposed to and…” Steve spayed his hands, shaking his head. “I gotta trust these guys know more about it than I do.”

Bucky sat quietly for a minute, his hands interlaced, his flesh fingers playing over the ridges in his vibranium hand. He stood, pulled a small piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to Steve. He didn’t let the man take it, though, just held his hand in both of his, the paper between them, and looked down at him. His voice was low when he finally spoke, serious. Melodious Russian fell from his lips. “Now you,” he nodded down at Steve.

Steve was confused, but he tried to repeat it back, stumbling over the sounds.

Bucky pursed his lips and shook his head, still holding Steve’s hand tight. “You have to say it exactly as I say it, and you have to promise me you’re never going to forget it, ok?”

“Buck- what—”

Bucky’s dark look stopped Steve’s words. “Promise me.”

“I promise.” Steve’s reply was without hesitation.

They repeated the call and response a dozen times until Steve’s words sounded exactly like Bucky’s.

Bucky let go of Steve’s hand, satisfied. Steve unfurled the small folded paper, his brows furrowing as he looked back up. Bucky’s shoulders slumped, a memory he wasn’t ready to share taking over. “You’ll know,” he mumbled as he walked away, “you’ll know.”

~*~ 1948

Steve tried to keep a low profile as he moved down the path. It was a long and winding path along the riverfront, and he didn’t know what he was looking for, which made things worse.

Date, time, place. Six neat rows in Bucky’s blocky handwriting on a scrap of paper. He didn’t know for sure what they were, but he had guesses.

He knew the nightmares that haunted Bucky. He knew about some of the things he’d done. Steve wanted to help, he did, but he only had enough Pym Particles for one more trip. He picked the earliest date on the list and prayed he could find Bucky and stop him, find a way to save him, before anything else happened.

He prayed he figured it out this time, because in his heart he knew he’d use those particles to go to the next date on the list if he didn’t, and end up taking the long way back to his friends.

He wasn’t abandoning Bucky, not when he’d so clearly asked him for help.

It was the only thing that had made sense. Steve couldn’t quite tease out why the Russian phrase was so important, but he’d spent the night awake, lying in bed, repeating it over and over. Buck had asked for help without saying it, had given him the choice and the opportunity, knowing they were giving him a few more Pym Particles than he needed, just in case. He was going to overpower Bucky and… and help him. It was the only option he had.

He knew he couldn’t take Bucky back with him for multiple reasons, but maybe he could get him to someone that could help. It would be too early for Fury, but Howard, maybe, or Phillips…

The walk along the Potomac was buzzing with people, the crisp Spring air of ’48 a draw, the cherry trees in full bloom around them. It would have been a nice night for a stroll if he wasn’t so anxious. The cheap windbreaker he bought only barely covered the shape of the shield on his back, but it kept the chill of the wind off the water away. It would have been a beautiful place for a walk if he wasn’t so intently looking for any sign of the Winter Soldier…

He stopped in his tracks, eyes glued across the way. He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

There she was, just sitting under one of the cherry trees in a little nook away from the water, legs crossed, a cup of coffee in one hand and eyes on the folder in her other hand.

He watched for what felt like forever, his eyes glued to the way she sipped the coffee, the attention she was giving the file, the way she bounced her top leg and wiggled her toes to keep her shoe on just right.

He’d been afraid of this.

He’d been afraid of coming here and seeing her.

Peggy Carter. Alive. Breathing. Young and beautiful and within a few yards of him.

He almost hadn’t made it out of Lehigh last time. Tony never knew he’d seen her, never knew that he almost gave it all up for a chance to hear her voice say his name again.

He’d asked Tony to put it all on the line, and he’d been ready to throw the future of the masses away just to hear his name on her lips.

She was so much younger here. Still in the SSR. Still making a name for herself. Still working to build Shield.

Still two years away from a marriage to a man whose name he didn’t know, and didn’t think he wanted to know. He’d never asked her, and she’d never said. He was happy she moved on. Proud that she’d been able to do so much professionally and personally.

But as he stood, the cherry blossom petals falling around her, making her look like a princess out of some fantasy movie, he wanted nothing more than to march up to her and fall to his knees and tell her everything.

He wanted to rest his weary head in her lap and feel her red nails scrape through his hair and lull him to calm.

He wanted to hear the soft English accent tell him that he was alright. That he’d made the right choices.

He wanted her to know that he loved her, deeply, and he had never and would never stop loving her even seventy years from now.

His heart was pounding in his chest, the effort to keep his feet where they were monumental when he saw it: the tiniest reflection of light along her shoulder.

His stomach clenched and his mind raced. He knew that glint, he’d seen it far too often on the battlefield a lifetime ago. He’d never forget the way the light reflected off Bucky’s sharpshooter rifle as he adjusted it to get his man in his sights. He’d seen it too many times.

Steve was yelling and moving before he could think.

She looked up at him, already wide eyes growing comically wider as she saw him, but listened as he shouted for her to hit the ground. Her papers scattered as she dove to the concrete, tucking and rolling with him as he covered her and pulled her behind the bench as two silenced bullets put holes in the concrete in front of them.

He pulled her to her knees behind the bench. He shed the jacket he was wearing and pulled out the shield from his back, hiding her behind it. Her breaths were shaky, jaw bouncing as she looked at him, unable to form words. She reached up, a hand going to his cheek, disbelieving.

She was about to speak when another bullet ricocheted off the vibranium, the sound telling them both the shooter was closer than they’d thought. She scrambled, pulling up the side of her skirt and pulling a gun from her garter. “I expect answers,” she told him shakily as she turned towards the bench.

He nodded, refocusing. “Stay here I’ll—”

“Bloody unlikely!”

Another shot against the shield startled them, this one even closer. Steve didn’t give her a choice as he stood. “Cover me!”

He jumped over the concrete bench and dropped the shield just in time to raise it again and ward off another shot. He tried to stay calm, tried to think of him as the Winter Soldier, but all he could see was Bucky in his full tactical gear, face covered, mentally broken and twisted and aiming at Peggy with a chilling, myopic gaze.

Steve threw himself forward, knocking Bucky off his feet. The men grappled on the concrete as the people around them scattered, yelling. He could hear Peggy behind him, but he tried his best to keep his focus. Bucky had always been good in a fight, but Hydra and the Russians had trained him well. Steve managed to get the gun out of his hands, kicking it away toward Peggy for safe keeping as Bucky managed to get to his feet and ran at him again, this time a knife in his hand.

It was like deja vu, the way Bucky fought. The blows and parries were almost identical to the fight he put up years ago when Steve met Bucky as the Winter Soldier for the first time, fighting under the interstate. Steve was on the defensive as soon as they were up on their feet again, thankful for the shield he was able to keep between them. The crack of a gunshot filled the air and Bucky’s right knee collapsed for a moment, enough for him to lose focus as he looked back at Peggy.

Steve took the opening. He managed a spin, taking Bucky off guard and knocking him to the pavement, already off balance from the bullet wound. The victory was momentary: Bucky kicked himself back to his feet and pounced at Steve, despite the limp in his step.

After a frenzied moment of pushing, pulling and punching, Steve growled, pushed hard, and hit Bucky in the side of the head with his shield. “Bucky, stop!”

Bucky stepped back, pulling a small handgun from the back of his belt as he shook his head. His eyes cleared for a moment before the cloud of the Winter Soldier took them back over. “You are not my mission,” he growled out in English, the mask over his face slurring the words as he lifted the gun and leveled it over Steve’s shoulder.

“Steve, I don’t have a shot!” Peggy shouted from behind him.

It felt like time was standing still. Like he could step out of his body and see it all. In that moment, he understood exactly what Bucky had wanted, what Bucky had been trying to tell him.

Years, Bucky had said. But he’d said it with a smile.

Six dates, times, and places.

Not times and places where Steve could stop him.

Six times and places where Steve already did stop him.

Six dates, times, and places where the Winter Soldier would try to assassinate the head of Shield, Margaret Carter.  

He charged forward, jumping and catching Bucky around the waist with his legs, forcing his shot to go wild up in the air as he dropped the shield and locked his arms around Bucky’s neck. They both groaned, hard, as they hit the ground, but Steve didn’t let up his hold. He waited just long enough for him to slow his struggle, and he said it. Loud and clear, Steve repeated the Russian phrase Bucky had taught him, and the Winter Soldier went limp in his arms.

Bucky stopped struggling, his eyes clouded and unfocused. Slowly, Steve untangled himself, letting the man stand. He grabbed his shield as Peggy slowly got closer, gun drawn high. The Winter Soldier looked at them both, looked around, and without a word disappeared back in to the outcrop of bushes he’d come from.

Steve and Peggy followed wordlessly, but by the time they’d beat their way through the underbrush to the edge of the river, he was gone. Not a footprint, not a broken branch, nothing to give them a hint of the direction he went.

Peggy stopped a few feet away from Steve, staring at him in the setting sun, her gun still in her hand and only a second from being expertly aimed at him if need be. “That man was sent to kill me.”

Steve nodded, shield hanging limply from his hand, heart pounding. “Yes.”

He could see the shake starting in her hands. “And you stopped it.”

“Yes,” he nodded again, afraid to step closer.

She closed the distance, jaw clenched tight, stopping only inches from him. Her eyes roamed his face, looking for something that he didn’t know how to give. “Are you working for them, now?” Peggy asked cautiously.

“Them?” He tried to slow down his breathing, but found it was near impossible now that he could smell her perfume.

“The Russians,” she supplied, pursing her lips tight as she inched closer. “What you said to him…” She took a deep breath, “Though I suppose if I have to tell you…” Her smile was tentative. “You never were a good liar.”

He slipped the shield on his back slowly, never taking his eyes from hers, his voice soft but stern. “I’m not working with the Russians.”

Peggy’s hand reached out, slowly coming to rest on his chest. Her smile grew as she felt him, firm and real, under her fingers. “Where have you been, Steve? I thought you were dead.”

His hand covered hers, gently. “It’s…” He faltered. He’d never imagined actually talking to her, actually being forced to say all that had happened, all that would happen. He didn’t know how to get her to believe him, to trust him. He swallowed, hard, and took Peggy’s hand in both of his. “It’s a long story, and I’ll tell you as much as you’re willing to listen to.” He cleared his throat, emotion welling up. “First, I think I should apologize for missing our date.”

Her hand tightened her hold on his, but her eyes stayed sharp. “Copacabana Club at 9 in the evening.”

Steve smiled and shook his head, knowing she’d need to hear it from his lips. “Stork Club. Eight on the dot. I was gonna have them play something slow.”

“So you won’t step on my…” She let the sentence fall away and nodded, satisfied. Her smile was blinding, even though tears were welling in her eyes. “You’re late.”

He let his hand fall over her cheek and pushed the hair away from her face. “I won’t be ever again. I promise.”

~*~ Immediately After

Bucky waited until Sam stepped back, bag with the shield in it slung over his shoulder, to approach him. “Was I right or was I right?”

Bucky saw Steve’s shoulders shake with laughter. He wanted to say he looked frail, but he could tell despite the wrinkles around his eyes and the larger clothes designed to hide his frame that he was still strong and sharp.

Steve looked up at Bucky, smiling as he sat next to him. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

“Thought I might mess things up.” Bucky shrugged his shoulders, hands still stuffed in his pockets. “Wasn’t sure if I was supposed to or not, or even if my own brain was fucking with me, so I figured a few hints and your smart ass would figure it out.”

Steve nodded, his eyes tearing over. “We tried, Buck.”

Bucky lifted his right hand, pressing it to Steve’s shoulder. “I know you did.” He looked his friend in the eyes, and could see past the wrinkles and the grey hair to his best friend that he shared sleepovers with in the floor of his Brooklyn bedroom. “You guys tried really hard to get me out of it. And I’m convinced, now more than ever, it’s all gone exactly the way it was supposed to go.”

Steve nodded, looking away over the horizon. “I’m still sorry about it.”

“Don’t be,” Bucky moved his hand back to his lap, lacing his flesh fingers with his vibranium ones. “You got me out eventually. You stopped me when it counted.”

Steve’s jaw clenched, “Not every time.”

“Enough times.” Bucky was adamant, his voice sharp and brokering no arguments. “You know that if I had—" Bucky couldn’t say it, didn’t want to say it. Howard’s death was already heavy on his conscious, but if he’d managed to kill Peggy, too? He didn’t know how he’d be looking Steve in the eyes right now.

Steve softened, “I know.”

The comfortable silence between them was filled by the sound of a flock of birds taking flight, and he and Steve watched for long moments until the birds were gone and it was quiet again.

Bucky asked a question he’d been waiting years to know the answer to, “Who was that guy in ’86?”

Steve chuckled. “The one that kicked your ass?” Bucky nodded, amused by Steve’s mirth. “That was our son.”

“No shit!” Bucky smiled, clapping Steve on the back. “I guess we have a lot to catch up on.”

Steve nodded, reaching a hand out. “Help an old man up.” Bucky stood and pulled him up, and Steve finally asked what he wanted to know for so long. “What did those words do?”

“You never found out?” Bucky asked, his brow furrowed. He could See Sam and Bruce starting to come closer. He knew their time alone was drawing to an end, at least for now. Steve shook his head, and Bucky licked his lips, looking away. “Random string of words that formed a deactivation code. A failsafe one of my earliest handlers built into whatever they did to my brain. It effectively erased the last mission and sent me back to my handler. Always managed to screw me up so bad they had to scrap whatever they were doing. It was meant to keep them safe if I ever went off on them.”

Steve looked at him, eyes sad. “Did it?”

Bucky looked away, not wanting Steve to see the darkness in him. “I never gave them enough time to say it.” He looked back, shaking his head. “There was always some part of me that knew you, though. That gave you enough time to get it out.”

Steve reached out and hugged his friend, and Bucky let himself melt into the embrace. Steve had saved him, more times than he could count now, and he knew that those memories he thought had to be hallucinations were real.

Six dates, times, and places where Captain America had stopped the Winter Soldier, and six dates, times, and places where Steve Rogers gave Bucky Barnes hope.

~*~

A/N- So, this was conceived as a singular story, but now that I’ve written it I KNOW that if I were a reader I’d want to know about those other 5 dates. I don’t have anything planned for them AT THIS TIME, but I will leave this open to potentially being a series, and I’ll fill in those dates as I come up with compelling ideas.

[carelessannie]

here’s the last part of my Mermay Winteriron AU but I’m gonna be super honest, it’s the end, but with an asterisk for editing. Please read it, but know I’m completely aware of all mistakes.

while we’re devoting full time to floating chapter three: no time will be better

Rating: T (for now) Word Count: 4.5K Relationships: Tony x Bucky Warnings: Non-graphic violence, Alexander Pierce, implied smut, my poor editing Read on AO3 Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three

- - -

As he watches Tony leave the room, Bucky reclines on a nearby boulder, admiring his array of gifts in the mirror. When he’s completely alone, he faces himself in the mirror, closes his eyes, and tries to remember.

He had stopped doing this around Tony a few weeks ago, since every time he focused on the hazy, slippery memories, a sharp and crippling pain would pierce his temples, slamming the door shut on the places in his mind that had seemed so close, so accessible only moments before. Tony thinks it’s residual trauma, but Bucky knows that’s only half of the truth. He knows that something, or someone, is keeping him from his memories. And every time Bucky would clutch his head, riding the waves of pain and agony, Tony would worry and worry and worry.

So now, it’s only when he’s alone that he can try. He starts gradually, retracing his memories with Tony over the past weeks, focusing on the joy and the warmth they bring. Then he follows the warmth, remembering his brother’s smile, the rare laughter from Natasha, Alpine’s soft fur— fuck!

The door slams shut, erasing the feeling and memory completely, shocking the sensation right out of him— until all he can remember is pain, pain, pain. He breathes steadily and slowly comes back to himself, unsure of what led him to the painful recovery in the first place. In the mirror, his eyes are red and cheeks are flushed. Oh, Tony likes the flush.

Tony. Where’s Tony? Bucky looks around— he could have sworn they were just… they were…

As he turns to survey the room again, a dull, throbbing ache radiates from his chest. Oh! When he looks down, he sees… nipple clamps? They’re quite beautiful, floating a few inches in front of him and gently clipped to his already abused nipples. What could they have been getting up to with nipple clamps? Bucky pulls on them and groans— he’s never worn a pair before, but he could get used to this feeling.

Bucky looks into the mirror again. He’s never worn this much jewelry before, even when… when… He should probably take it off. They aren’t practical for…

When he blinks aware, Bucky can tell minutes have passed. There’s a pile of jewels and metals on the dressing table in front of him, but he can’t remember if they belong to him. Or to… Tony. Fuck, where’s Tony?

He tries to walk over to the bed and sit down, but crashes into the wall. Why did his legs— ow, fuck!— his tail…

Bucky settles on the bed and curls up, breathing deeply and wishing that Tony would come back. Maybe they could walk through the gardens together, eat more of the weird fish, forget about… forget…

“Prince James, would you come with us, please?”

Oh, that’s him. Bucky lifts his head and finds a few guards, armed and dangerous, floating near the doorway. They are all holding serrated weapons, and the one who spoke looks serious.

Carefully, he sits up and swims over to the guards, looking around in confusion, “Where… where’s Tony?”

“The Prince is otherwise occupied. It is by the King’s decree that you are to be escorted from the Kingdom, never to return.”

“Oh. Okay, can I just…”

The guard grabs Bucky’s arm, pulling him towards the doorway and motioning for the other armed guards to surround him. They push him forward and swim down the halls— halls that feel familiar, feel important, but are unknown to Bucky.

When they swim out into the courtyard, Bucky can see a group of Merpeople floating together by the gates. As they approach, he catches a glimpse of the two Mer in the center, locked arm in arm, and smiling at each other. They look so happy. The smaller Merman is familiar looking— handsome with dark hair, a glowing ring hanging around his neck and a ruby red tail. The larger Merman also looks familiar, but in a negative way. Bucky can’t place the yellow, almost white, hair and piercing blue eyes. Blue eyes that are reflected in the smaller Mer’s face, causing his irises to light up unnaturally blue where there should be deep chocolate—

Another shove to his back, and his concentration breaks. He glances back over, smiling to see two Mermen embracing, clearly in love. How sweet, how beautiful.

There’s another gap, and Bucky is picking through the sand, curious about the crustaceans underneath...

Another gap, and he’s in a cave, scraping his nails down the wall, digging for…

Another gap, and he’s floating on his back, watching little dots of light in a blackened abyss…

Another gap, and he’s inspecting patterns of soft fabric, woven together and perfectly even…

Another gap, and he can’t get free. His limbs are tangled and caught, and it’s a lot of effort to fight…

Another gap, and there’s a brilliant white figure in front of him, barking loudly and bathing his face with a scratchy pink tongue...

Another gap, and faces swim in his vision, sounds bombard his ears. He touches a face, soft and familiar, but it slips away. He’s lifted up and dropped, touched and turned. Gold and white and fiery red flash in front of him…

He blinks a few times, and feels soft fingers on his temples. There’s a low chanting in front of him, and everything is warm, radiating from his head, just behind his ears. Bucky takes a deep breath for the first time in weeks, sighing as Natasha presses harder, weaving spells of healing and sanctuary.

“James?” her voice stops chanting and speaks his name, finally allowing him to open his eyes and look at her fully. “Are you with me, James?”

There are tears in her eyes, and Bucky tries to smile, soft and reassuring, “How many times have I told you not to call me that?”

“Fuck, thank gods,” Natasha breathes out, pulling him close and kissing his forehead, wiping away quickly falling tears, “Clint—” she calls, pulling her familiar closer, “go get Steve, now.”

Clint shifts, folding down into his animal form and flying into the air. Bucky slumps forward, taking in his surroundings for the first time. It seems like he’s by the sea, half in the ocean and half clinging to the wooden dock above. He does a precursory check of his skin— he still has a Mer tail, Triton.

“Wait, Nat,” he grabs her arm, gasping as he’s suddenly, finally able to access his memories, weeks of romance and joy flooding in along with performing the spell, talking with Wanda, seeing Tony’s eyes for the first time.

Tony, fuck!

He remembers their last day together— Tony offering him jewels of engagement, confessing his love, and dipping forward for a kiss, before he was led away. And those last moments, where he could see Tony, arm and arm with…

“Alexander.” oh, hell no, “Natasha, what does Alexander want with Tony?”

He doesn’t wait for her response, flashes of memories where Tony was beaming up at Alex, the larger man— enemy of state, Alexander Pierce— adorned in courting jewels and transformed into a Merman as well, swimming with a midnight blue tail and all the favor of King Howard himself.

The most concerning memory is what Bucky can recall of Tony’s eyes, unnaturally blue and vibrant instead of dark and brown. His expression was serene, but Bucky knows exactly how powerful the other mage can be, how controlling Alex can be. He shivers remembering his former teacher’s hold on his mind, cold and stifling, years ago before Steve banned him from the Kingdom.

Why is he here? What could he possibly gain by controlling and marrying Tony?

“Buck!”

His head whips up and Steve is barreling towards him, dressed casually and face red with tears, “Bucky, holy shit! I’m so so sorry, Buck— oh my gods, are you okay? I can’t… are you…” his words break apart into sobs as he jumps into the water, throwing his arms around Bucky’s neck and holding him close.

Bucky has never seen his brother broken up like this, and returns the embrace, stroking Steve’s hair while he cries, “Hey, punk— it’s okay, I’m okay,” he soothes, pressing a few kisses into his hairline.

“I’m so fuckin’ sorry, Buck, I had no idea… when Nat came to me weeks ago, saying you disappeared right out of her house, I had the surrounding land absolutely scoured searching for you. I had no idea you were... turned into one of them. What happened? How do we… how do I get you back?”

“Shut up, Steve, gods—” Bucky chuckles, clapping his brother on the shoulder, “I agreed to this.”

“What?”

“Listen to me, for once in your life, Steve. I agreed to this— after you burned down my fucking boat— to show you that Merpeople are people, too. I made a deal with the mage who Natasha was banging, and she told me there was a spell over the sea Kingdom and their people, something blocking their minds from understanding anything above the shoreline. She said if I married the Prince, uniting the Kingdoms, the spell would be broken.”

Steve looks completely lost, so Bucky just continues, “Uh, the catch was I would have to go under their spell and give up my memories. After a few weeks, Tony was going to propose, but Alexander Pierce showed up and enchanted him away. And by that time, I had lost almost all of my memories and couldn’t stop him.”

“And then you washed up here.” Steve finishes, nodding distractedly. “Okay, and how do you change back?” he asks, motioning at the tail between them.

“Uh… I think I have to marry Tony.”

---

He’s never swam faster in his life. On the surface, Bucky can see the naval ships gearing up to sail, and he picks up his pace, diving down to find the underwater Kingdom.

Because of the ban against him, he’s going to need insider help. As he approaches the Kingdom’s Eastern walls, Bucky lifts his fingers to his lips, whistling once, sharp and piercing. He slows to a stop behind a few boulders and waits, hoping that Pepper and Rhodey could hear him from nearby.

“... Tony?” a voice whispers nearby— Pepper, thank the seas.

“Pepper, it’s me,” Bucky puts his hands up in surrender and rounds the stone formation, stopping when he sees her and Rhodey raise their weapons, “please, I need to talk.”

“Bucky?” Pepper calls, swimming closer and shrugging off Rhodey as he tries to stop her, “where have you been? What did you do?”

He shakes his head, keeping his hands raised, “Please, I think Tony’s in trouble. The man with him, Alexander Pierce, is an enemy of the state and powerful mag— witch. I think he has Tony under a spell. Please, I need you to help me—”

“If he’s such a threat,” Rhodey interrupts, lowering his weapon and crossing his arms, “why did you leave?”

“The King forced me out. My memories were almost gone, and by the time I was out of the Kingdom, I couldn’t remember my own name, much less Tony.”

“Triton, Bucky. How did you get back?” Pepper curses, swimming closer and putting a hand on his shoulder, “How are your memories back?”

Bucky looks over her shoulder at Rhodey before turning back to her, grabbing her hand, “I ended up back with my people. They healed me and restored my memories. Look, I don’t know what Alexander wants with Tony, but it’s not good. I think we can stop him.”

Rhodey swims forward to join them, placing a weapon in Bucky’s hand, “We know. Ever since you left, Tony hasn’t talked to us once— always in the company of Alexander and his father. He’s closed down our scheduled explorations and is set to wed the man today. We’ll help you stop him, Bucky. He has never been as happy as when you two were together.”

“Fuck, okay,” Bucky says, feeling the emotion well up within his chest, “show me where they are.”

The three of them swim around the walls, heading to the southmost side of the Kingdom borders. When they approach, Bucky can see a crowd of Merpeople gathered, surrounding a magnificent display of lights and color. The closer they get, the more Bucky can discern. Tony is floating underneath an ornate altar, wearing all the jewels and chains the Bucky dressed him in only days before. He sees red, and turns to Rhodey—

“Cause a distraction. I’ll take Alexander.”

They part, and Bucky aims for where Alexander is leaving the Kingdom gates, flanked by three or four royal guards. He can hear Rhodey and Pepper yelling near the altar, drawing everyone’s attention, and he attacks, diving down and plowing straight into Alexander.

“The hell—” Alexander yelps, drowned out by the commotion up front, and Bucky pins him to the sand, getting in a solid right hook before the guards are on them, pulling Bucky away as he struggles and fights.

“You bastard! The fuck do you want with him Alex?” Bucky screams, kicking hard with his tail to know avail.

Alexander just smiles, vile and knowing, “Oh, James. I thought you were smarter than this.”

As they start to drag Bucky away, he sees a glimmer of blue around Alexander’s neck, separate from the chains and jewels and headdress. Tony’s signet ring. Dammit. The gold of the ring is washed out in a pale, unearthly blue— similar to the blue in Tony’s eyes.

Alexander turns around, ignoring Bucky and heading back to the ceremony, and Bucky takes his chance. He whispers a small enchantment and feels the power run through his body— before clenching his fists, satisfied when all four guards burst away in a wave of light. Alex turns to defend himself, but it’s too late. Bucky lunges forward and rips the ring— chain and all— right off his neck.

The water around them shifts. Stilling and snapping all at once. He feels the power rush back into himself from the ring, stored away from weeks ago when he healed the love of his life. His head snaps up, looking for Tony in the crowd. Rhodey’s cradling his limp body, screaming for help.

With one last look at Alexander, unconscious on the ground, Bucky takes off.

“Tony!” he shouts, slowing down when he reaches the two of them, terrified of how similar this moment is to when Bucky saved him the first time. And similar to then, he takes the ring in hand, sliding it on his finger, before breathing the healing spell and enchantment into it.

“It was you,” Rhodey looks on in awe, pointing at the ring on Bucky’s finger, “you saved him from the shark attack.”

Bucky can’t respond, mouth working quickly as he finishes the spell. He looks down at Tony’s face, taking in his features with fresh eyes. Gorgeous, just as beautiful as before, but thin. Gaunt. Bags that never existed before marr his perfect skin, and Bucky can swear his skin is gray instead of tan and pink. Alexander was killing him, draining the life from him slowly.

“Tony,” he whispers, shaking his love, his friend, his betrothed— dammit, “c’mon, baby, wake up. Tony, look at me sweetheart.”

As he’s begging, he slips the ring off of his finger and onto Tony’s hand, securing it on his ring finger. Tony gasps awake, looking around frantically before his eyes settle on— “Bucky?”

“Fuck, baby,” Bucky chokes, feeling the back of his eyes heat up with unshed tears, “are you okay?”

“I…” he looks around, confusion settling over his features, “are we getting married already?”

Bucky laughs, helping Tony to sit up straighter, “As much as I’d love that— no. We’re not. You’ve been under enchantment by a man named Alexander Pierce. I’m not sure what he wanted, or how he found you, but he’s had you under for a few days. What do you remember last?”

Tony furrows his brow, concentrating, “I— I remember us in my room, putting on the courting jewels, and then… I promised I’d come back to you.”

“You did,” Bucky crowds into Tony’s space, pushing his hair back tenderly, “you did come back to me.”

Their eyes meet, longing and affection traded in a loaded gaze, before Rhodey clears his throat, “Uh, not to ruin the moment completely, but is he supposed to be doing that?”

All three of them turn to look as Alexander’s body unfolds, swelling and popping, bursting with tangled limbs, growing and growling towards the surface of the water. As a long, reptilian head emerges, Bucky’s eyes go wide with understanding.

“It wasn’t about me or you Tony,” he murmurs, reaching for a weapon, “it was always about him.”

The hydra monster screeches, terrible and loud, as it stretches out long limbs and three, snarling heads. One of them zeros in on the crowd, now screaming and swimming away frantically, and smiles deadly, horrifying teeth at them, “It’ sss alway sss been me,” it hisses, snapping just a few feet in front of where they float, huddled together.

Bucky straightens up, “What do you want, Alexander?” he bellows, opening his arms wide, “you’ll never have us, we won’t surrender to you.”

“I never wanted you, sss illy boy,” he sneers, “you were only the di sss traction. A sss we sss peak, my army is preparing to lay sss eige to your preciou sss Kingdom.”

“Steve will stop you,” Bucky yells back, grabbing Tony’s hand as they face the Hydra together.

“Oh, but you sss till don’t get it,” Alexander throws all three heads back and cackles, a sharp, nasty sound, “it was my sss pell that divided the Kingdoms, my enchantment that brought you two together, my plan to turn you to the sss ea.”

“Wanda—”

“My sss ervant, mo sss t effective in getting rid of you, Jame sss.”

Bucky reels back, trying to add everything up. Wanda’s spell— while a lifeline to Bucky— was just a trick to get rid of him. He was too knowing, too curious, and it allowed Alexander to do gods know what in the past month, culminating in taking over the sea Kingdom, enchanting the King and marrying the Prince. Now that everyone is free from his spells, it’s obvious how misled Bucky had been from the beginning.

And now, Steve’s not defending the Kingdom. He’s on his way here, and completely unaware of the threat converging back home.

“Tony,” he turns, urgently grabbing the Prince’s shoulders, “my brother’s on his way here. My Kingdom is vulnerable to attack with him gone. We need to kill Alexander now and stop him here before he’s able to unite land and sea.”

“Okay, okay… wait. Land?” Tony asks, looking confused, and Bucky remembers. Triton, t he spell is still blinding the Merpeople.

Bucky keeps one eye on the Hydra, still growing and thrashing in front of them, and takes Tony’s hand. “Rhodey, can you help me?” he asks, and the other Mer swims closer, looking between them curiously.

“Tony, do you trust me?” Bucky looks into Tony’s eyes, astounded to see only affection shining back at him, his own face reflected in his favorite dark irises.

“With my life, Bucky,” he promises, and Bucky grabs the ring, pulling it off and placing it in Rhodey’s palm.

He covers it with his hand, encouraging the three of them to link arms and put a hand on the ring. It glows brighter, gold and vibrant, and Bucky holds Tony’s gaze, “The only way to break the curse is for us to wed, Tony,” he begins, watch as Tony’s jaw drops in surprise, “we’ve only known each other a few weeks, so this spell will bind us in soul, temporarily husbands as long as my enchantment is on this ring. I can easily break it, so after tonight we don’t… you don’t… anyways,” he lowers his gaze, unable to meet Tony’s anymore, “for now, it will help if I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

Tony hooks a finger under Bucky’s chin, lifting it gently, “I trust you, Bucky, and I would be proud to marry you.”

They share a sweet moment, resting their foreheads together, before Rhodey clears his throat and interrupts them again, “Guys— the Hydra?”

“Fuck, okay. Rhodey, I need you to hold the ring tight— you are the conduit for our soul bond.”

Rhodey looks hesitant, but clenches his fist obediently, gripping the ring in his hands. Bucky clasps a hand on Rhodey’s shoulder, instructing Tony to do the same, and intertwines their fingers together. The chant is simple, short and brief. He feels a tug in his chest as he weaves it, feeling Tony’s soul reach towards him eagerly, until it slides into place, whole and complete.

Their eyes shoot open at the same time, and Bucky can see a golden ring shining around Tony’s iris. He knows his eyes look the same, and he laughs as he feels… whole. Feels certain. Feels Tony, solid and peaceful in his chest. Tony laughs in response, grabbing his chest and throwing his arms around Bucky’s neck.

“Uh guys…” Rhodey gets their attention, holding out his hand. He doesn’t need to finish the sentence— inside his palm are two rings instead of one, shimmering and pulsing with a light of their own.

Bucky hands one to Tony and slips the other on his finder— a perfect fit.

They turn to see the Hydra monster hundreds of feet away, heading back towards the Kingdom of Brooklyn, but the real spectacle is a dark cloud that starts to rise from Howard’s Kingdom. Wispy, black tendrils rise in the water, floating to the surface and releasing the Kingdom below. Bucky looks over the crowd nearby and sees the vapor physically seeping from each Mer, departing from their bodies and rising away.

He feels revelation and realization deep in his chest, and knows it’s coming from Tony. Shocked cries resound and he can hear the Hydra roar, but Tony swims closer to him, mouth open and speechless as he touches Bucky’s face, reverent and careful.

“You saved me.”

Oh, of course, “You remember?”

Tony laughs, bright and loud, “You idiot, of course I remember. You had fucking legs. A boat. Magic. How did I forget?”

Bucky just shakes his head, “Alex had everyone under a spell. We need to stop him, Tony, and later we can talk about everything, okay?”

Tony nods and they start to swim, gathering guards and other members of the royal army as they go. Howard is nowhere to be found, and they learn from a townsperson that the Hydra took him hostage, determined to unite the two Kingdoms under his own rule.

They swim faster. Bucky never lets go of Tony’s hand, anticipation and adrenaline thrumming strong through their bond together. That is, until Bucky starts to choke. He takes a deep breath, confused about the issue, and realizes that the water is flooding his lungs, no longer being converted into oxygen. He sputters, frantically looking to Tony, and clawing towards the surface, desperate for air. And then he starts to sink. It’s unbelievable pain as his scales recede into skin, and his tail rips apart, restructuring and rehealing into two, familiar legs.

No. Tony looks down, watching the transformation in horror, before hugging Bucky close and swimming rapidly for the surface. Bucky’s vision is dimming, oxygen lacking, and his ears pop as they break the surface, finally taking a desperate gulp of air.

Tony holds him still as he heaves, legs wrapped around the Merman’s waist to keep him above the water. They watch the Hydra move quickly away from them, but there’s a large mass in the distance, blocking Alexander from his goal.

“Can you get us there?” Bucky whispers, voice hoarse from the transformation.

“Hold on, sweetheart,” and it’s all the warning he gets before Tony’s shifting them, putting Bucky on his back, and swimming rapidly just below the waterline.

He watches, helplessly, as the Hydra strikes in the distance, smashing what Bucky can only guess is a naval ship. They close in on the fight, and Bucky can see the royal ship, Steve’s ship, sail around the Hydra and approach from behind. There’s a moment where the Hydra seems to avoid the rear attack, but then is caught, trapped between two other ships, and impaled slowly onto the bowsprit, piercing through its heart and ripping a guttural cry from the monster.

“Tony! Tony!” he yells, trying to get the Mer’s attention. “Tony, stop! I think he’s dead, Tony!”

He screeches to a stop and Bucky careens forward, almost losing his grip around Tony’s back, “What? What happened?”

“Look!” Bucky points forward, both of them watching as the Hydra not only falls back into the sea, but starts to shrink and shrink and shrink.

“We… he did it,” Tony says, breathless, and turns to hold Bucky, both of them facing each other again.

“We did it,” Bucky agrees, endless joy vibrating between them.

This time he doesn’t wait. Bucky swoops down and captures Tony’s lips in a kiss, both of them smiling into it, salty and sweet and tender. It tastes like victory. It tastes like relief. It tastes like home.

They stay wrapped up in each other— Bucky quickly aware that he’s completely naked pressed up against Tony— until Steve’s ship arrives, a flag of victory in the air, a symbol of hope on the sea.

---

It takes a while for them to rebuild. Even though Alexander didn’t do much lasting damage, and his troops were easily scattered without him, the wreckage he caused in the minds of both land and sea citizens is hard to heal.

Tony and Bucky are married before both of their people— a large ceremony that takes place in the cove where they first met. They keep the enchantment on their rings, happy to nurture their soul bond, and strengthen it with Natasha’s help.

King Howard was grumpy, but uninjured after the battle. His relationship with King Steve is slow coming, but both of them have plenty to bond over concerning their newly wed Princes. They establish several trading routes between their two Kingdoms, and there’s a quick exchange of several types of raw and baked foods.

Natasha presents Wanda to the King a few weeks later, the girl worse for wear and humble at Steve’s feet. She tells a convincing story of her own manipulation, and with Natasha as her character witness, the King is easily convinced to grant her a pardon.

For their wedding gift, Natasha works a charm into their rings to let them shapeshift at will. They spend the first week on land, showing Tony the joys of walking and baking and intercurral sex— and the second week in the sea, building their own cottage outside the castle and christening it with very adventurous Mer mating.

Pepper commissions a painting, done in the palace and reproduced on land, of their Princes—

Underneath, the inscription reads, “Separated by Ignorance, United by Love, and Victorious in Unity."

It’s a little dramatic, sure. But as they celebrate their marriage and love year after year, it’s decided that no words could be better to honor the two Princes, loved by both land and sea.

[defensefilms]

Embiid, Sixers And Everything Else In A Wild NBA Post Season

1. Sixers And The Joys Of The 1 Seed

This is it.

This is what it’s all about. I can’t remember having this type of optimism about the Sixers during any post season. The 2018/19 Sixers were close but they didn’t validate that optimism the way this year’s team has as far as regular season performances.

These guys have done that and then some.

We’re no longer a team devoid of shooting or ball movement. We’re no questioning what our best line-ups are and who our best player is. We now have an experienced post season coach with the cache to make demands of these players.

This is the best any Sixer team has looked in any post season. We put the mollywhopping on the Wizards. From the head coach Doc Rivers, his staff and then all the way down to Shake Milton and Mike Scott off the bench, no one even entertained the idea that we weren’t going to sweep these guys.

Now we’re facing an obstinate Atlanta Hawks squad.  The Hawks have no way to stop Simmons or Embiid 1-on-1 but they got shooters for days and Trae Young’s averaging 27.7 points on 48.4% from the field. We need to put some respect on his name. Get the ball out of Trae’s hands because he was doing too much in game 1.

First there’s the fact that we’ve had our struggles defending elite scoring point guards this season. Then there’s the fact that Trae Young has done us dirty a few times before. The Hawks gave us hands in game 1 of the 2nd round. We we’re down early and didn’t get close to coming back until it was too late buts its far from curtains in this series. 

One thing that has definitely been of huge concern is the health of Joel Embiid.

How is it possible that a man tear his meniscus on May 31st and then drop 39 points, 9 boards and 4 assists in the playoffs on June 3rd? How? He can’t be healthy and I don’t know if it’s smart for his long term health to play right now. He was one of the bright sparks of the game. It’s not just this specific injury either.

This season has been hell on Embiid’s body. You have to wonder how much their gonna risk it or if the team are even halfway considering giving him a rest. Embiid spoke about managing his injuries after game 1 against the Hawks. Honestly doesn’t sound good. He’s talking about managing the swelling in his knee. This on top of ACL injuries sustained towards the end of the regular season. He’ll have had five days rest before game 2 so hopefully that helps remedy what is way more alarming than the Sixers front office is making it seem.

2. Lakers Flame Out

It’s been a dramatic season for the 2020/21 Lakers and typically speaking I don’t think that a team seeded so low are worthy of a list or breakdown like this but this is a special case. These Lakers are likely a way better team than seeding suggests.

Injuries to their 2 best players, saw the Lake-show lose number 1 seeding and then slide further down.

Roster-wise the Lakers tried their utmost to replace the production that they got out of Javale McGee and Dwight Howard. Marc Gasol just can’t be an active defender anymore and his inability to cover the perimeter and post at the same time became a huge issue. Montrezl Harrell has averaged 23.7 minutes off the bench and Dennis Schroder stretches the court as a shooter and a tertiary scorer but is more turnover prone than Rajon Rondo was.

The signing of Andre Drummond was a great idea and his rim protection and big body offense are valuable assets but he was never on the court with the team’s top stars long enough for any kind of chemistry to develop. 

The big issue is that as a team they are not the defensive powerhouse they were last year. The issue with that is that this team doesn’t have the kind of offensive scoring and 3-point shooting that can allow them to rely on blowing teams out the water and outscoring the opponents.

The signs were ominous from pretty early on but stop lying to yourself. More importantly, stop lying to the people. Don’t pretend you knew the Lakers would lose this series to the Phoenix Suns.

Anthony Davis has had his well covered and documented struggles with injuries throughout the season. As a an on looker, I gave the Lakers the benefit of the doubt every step of the way. I felt like we knew how this goes and the team with winning pedigree would get it together. LeBron’s injuries were something I felt he could overcome because he’s LeBron. It just never happened. That moment when Lebron takes over like he did against Boston in 2017, just never happened. 

I’m hesitant to say it’s over for LeBron or anything even remotely similar to that. However it might be a wrap for him in Los Angeles.  

3. Brooklyn Looking Nasty

Are the Brooklyn Nets Nasty or are they playing against a team that lacks versatility?

I’ve watched a lot of this team since 2017 and you know what I realized, that they’re a well oiled, championship caliber team until oppositions shut down the 4-out-1-in strategy. The meltdown they suffered in the 2018/19 post season against the Toronto Raptors was bad but still left room for optimism. The massacre they suffered against the Miami Heat in last year’s second round was a signal for change.

Yet I don’t feel there has been a lot of change. So the onus falls on Mike Budenholzer to come-up with a convincing second act to his game plan. Two games in to the 2nd round series against these Nets, Bud has failed spectacularly.

Then there’s the flipside of the coin, which I hope just isn’t true.

The Brooklyn Nets are looking untouchable. Kevin Durant is among my least favorite players but he’s killing it. The confidence he’s showing taking defenders off the dribble and pulling up is incredible and to be fair he’s always been really good at that. 

Durant slapped the Bucks up for 32 points, 4 rebounds and 6 assists in game 2 and then had one of the snidest post game interviews you’ll ever witness from an athlete. 

The hope here is that Giannis and the Bucks can get it together because we need someone to take some of the steam out of this Nets squad.

4. Kristapz Porzingis Hates Being A Mav

There is an absolutely hilarious 5 minute clip of Luka Doncic just refusing to pass the ball to Porzingis throughout the 2020/21 season. Click here and witness basketball comedy.  

Luka Doncic absolutely dominated in a losing effort against the Los Angeles Clippers in round 1. However it was clear that he was only going to push the Clippers and the only way to do better than that would be to take the pressure off of Luka and some one else to help carry the scoring. If only the Mavericks had a big man to compliment Luka, you know, a guy that can create his own shot and still be a mismatch when Luka forces bad switches and he finds himself guarded by smaller guys. Oh wait.

The world has finally taken notice of everything happening in Dallas and most importantly everything that’s not happening in Dallas. Luka’s growth and development is something for the organization to be proud of but this was supposed to be complimented by the growth of Kristapz Porzingis and that just isn’t happening. 

The word on the streets is that Porzingis is frustrated with his role on the Mavs and may seek a trade but after some of his performances in that round 1 series, I think the Mavs will have a hard time convincing anyone to take on his contract.

5. The West Can Call Itself Wild Again

This here is by far the most open Western Conference playoffs in over a decade, 

I don’t buy the hype about how the Western Conference teams are better and more competitive but the record is the record and it can’t be argued with.

No so this year.

The Lakers falling out of the race has definitely gifted us a conference where we just don’t know who is going to emerge as the representative in the finals. 

The Phoenix Suns have definitely racked up the most street cred by beating Lebron’s Lakers in 6. Devin Booker is simply awesome and I don’t say that as a fan of his. He average 29.7 points, 6.2 rebounds and 5.0 assists against the Lakers and they also overcame an injury scare to Chris Paul. They have a very interesting 2nd round series against the Denver Nuggets, who lost Jamal Murray to injury and found a way to keep winning and also overcame a near super human scoring output from Damian Lillard in round 1.

Then there’s the 1st seed Utah Jazz, who will go down in history as the most disrespected and underrated 1 seed in recent memory. They’ve been matched up against the Los Angeles Clippers who looked like they were reeling in the early part of their round 1 series against Luka Doncic and the Mavericks, then Kawhi and Paul George composed themselves and took the series in a thrilling 7 game series. The redemption story is definitely still in progress.

That’s 3 different 2nd round playoff match-ups that will probably provide a high quality of basketball. Well worth the watch.

[nnnnoooooooooooo]

My Ballot for They Shoot Pictures, Don’t They?’s 25 Favourite Films Poll

The following is my ballot for They Shoot Pictures, Don’t They?’s poll for their readers’ 25 favourite films of all-time. It contains a dozen or so favourites, several compromises, and a handful of personally foundational texts.

Seven Chances (1925, Buster Keaton): It ain’t easy to only choose one Keaton. This is one of Keaton’s films with a racist blackface character, which gave me some reservations. Still, this is a solid contender as his funniest picture, and, more importantly, this is Buster as I love him the most. Keaton’s characters were always the most cerebral and lost, keen observers with no understanding. An inability to communicate one’s emotions drives the need to convert it into a physical experience; Keaton inevitably becomes the object that cannot be stopped. His full forced desperation and athleticism, he is a master of locomotion. Featuring the finalization of the chase gag, along with a generous serving of his brand of surreal.

City Lights (1931, Charles Chaplin): Comedically and emotionally devastating.

Trouble in Paradise (1932, Ernst Lubitsch): Lubtisch’s portrayal of Continental aristocracy on the cusp. Containing love, melancholy, desire, rivalry, loyalty, betrayal, criminals, and thieves-- all saved by his grace alone, achieving a rare bliss of comedy and romance. Normally, I’d say that, in a temporal world, perfection exists only as a process, but then how would I explain this?

La grande illusion (1937, Jean Renoir): In the best of Renoir’s films, I find a type of harmony I find lacking in the rest of the world.

La règle du jeu (1939, Jean Renoir): In making this list, I never doubted either of these Renoir films having a place. Now, trying to write about my list, I find myself becoming frustrated at not finding the words to explain why I chose them. I’ve never been a great communicator, and I doubt that’s Renoir’s fault. I think it’s best for me to move on before I start misplacing my frustrations with my inability to write onto the film itself.

How Green Was My Valley? (1941, John Ford): Possibly the greatest movie ever made under Hollywood’s Studio System, and perhaps the closest we’ll ever get to seeing what Hedy Lamarr might have seen in John Loder. More than any other actor, Sara Allgood carries this film, in her role as the matriarch of the Morgan household. This is chock full of great character actors and moments as you’d expect from Ford. It’s the magic of childhood, the safety of the womb, the cyclical nature of a town where nothing ever seems to change, and the devastation of entropy. I lost track of how many times I cried.

To Be or Not to Be (1942, Ernst Lubitsch): This is my choice for a comedy from the 1940s, despite stiff competition from Hellzapoppin’, and the 11 movies Preston Sturges released over the decade. I had the privilege of seeing this at my local Cinemateque with an introduction by Kevin McDonald. I was late, and the audience had already begun to talk back. He rolled, and we were soon laughing before the “projectionist” could hit ‘play’ on the Blu-Ray. My friend came later. It was a packed house, so we weren’t able to sit together. I enjoyed hearing the variances in people’s response*, and the timing of their laughter. Trying to pinpoint my friend’s laughter from the crowd, I couldn’t help but hear our host’s generous laughter throughout the film. What a joy it was for all of us to experience this film together. I guess I haven’t had a chance to share those other movies the way that I was with this one. *A nice change of pace, as this usually makes me self-conscious

Shadow of a Doubt (1943, Alfred Hitchcock): I find Hitchcock’s women’s pictures to be some of his richest texts. Besides which, any film asking me to sympathize with Theresa Wright already has a lot going for it. Alongside The Wrong Man as Hitchcock’s most tragic film.

Brief Encounter (1945, David Lean): My favourite romance, whatever that says about me. A passionate extramarital affair between Laura Jesson (Celia Johnson) and Dr. Alec Harvey (Trevor Howard), told in flashback. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this placed among noirs, but I think this could be an example of a women’s film noir. There’s a thick sense of transgression and fatalistic mise-en-scene, along with an inability to escape, which ends the film on an unconvincing return to safety.     After the two lovers part for the final time, Johnson returns home. Her husband, Stanley Holloway, asks for nothing, and expresses gratitude for her return. However, for all of that loveliness, Johnson has learned that the world is far more fragile than she ever dreamt. The husband is portrayed as a bit childlike, and, coupled with the affably stiff upper-lipped nature of their marriage, Johnson is unable to confess what’s occurred, which only preserves her turmoil. Unable to consummate, sustain, or forsake her romance with Howard, she may find some refuge with her husband, but salvation eludes her.

Out of the Past (1947, Jacques Tourneur): RKO Pictures, film noir, Jacques Tourneur, and Robert Mitchum– These are a few of my favourite things. As a prude, I don’t care to admit that I love cigarette smoke in B&W pictures as much as I do, and it’s deployed here to its zenith, courtesy of Nicholas Musuraca’s cinematography. Daniel Mainwaring’s script, along with Tourneur and Mitchum, use underplay in order to create a heightened effect. Mitchum’s somnambulism grants his portrayal of Jeff Bailey an omniscient cool, which extends to his character’s bisexuality. There’s such delight in hearing Mitchum, one of the best voices in movies, deliver the film’s lyrical dialogue in his disaffected baritone.

The Big Heat (1953, Fritz Lang): Perhaps Lang’s most cynical film? The culmination of all his conspiracies. The law vs. criminals, no longer as separate from one another, but as sides of the same coin: the establishment. Sergeant Bannion (Glenn Ford) engages in total war against Lagana’s (Alexander Scourby) crime syndicate. Those caught in between end up as collateral damage, pawns in their game. Each dismantles the family unit, Lagana disposes of Bannion’s wife (Jocelyn Brando), and Bannion displaces his child, so that both sides can carry on unfettered. The happy ending finds Bannion happily back at work in the homicide department, where they’re informed of a grisly murder. Oh boy, here we go again! Gloria Grahame, a sister under the mink, reigns as my favourite actress in all of film noir.

The Sun Shines Bright (1953, John Ford): It’s not easy to film a miracle, a feat for which I’d pair this with Carl Th. Dreyer’s penultimate film, Ordet. Speaking of Dreyer, if you have 15 minutes to spare, here’s a great video of Jonathan Rosenbaum discussing this movie alongside Dreyer’s final film, Gertrud. The responsibilities and limitations of society. Communities are built through sacrifice, as we give of ourselves, which accounts for the film’s sometimes funereal tone. One’s resting spot as the place to make a stand, but what good is taking a stand if it doesn’t lead anywhere? Our redemption lies not in preserving ourselves, but in guiding the world to a place that no longer needs us. Thus, not a dying world to save, but an understanding that we must pass in order to bring about renewal. Funerals become parades, and parades become funerals, as we walk the strait and narrow path between tradition and progress. Don’t take a stand while the world marches on, but lead us into thy rest.

The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T (1953, Roy Rowland): This is a musical written and designed by Dr. Seuss, which is to say that I think you oughta see it. Still, it’s hard to justify why I chose this over The Band Wagon. I’d probably better enjoy watching The Band Wagon, which I’d wager is Hollywood’s greatest musical, but there’s something about The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T that gets under my skin. I saw it on television when I was very young. Old enough to remember seeing it, but too young to remember more than three details: twins joined at the beard, the nightmare-inducing elevator operator, and a large piano requiring an exponential amount of fingers. This forgotten foundation, along with its Seussian imagery, grants the film a dreamlike feeling. Just as every good boy deserves fudge, every Hans Conried deserves a role like the one he has here, playing the titular Dr. T.

The Night of the Hunter (1955, Charles Laughton): A kid’s film featuring the personification of evil, not in Mitchum’s portrayal of the preacher Harry Powell, but in Evelyn Varden’s Icey Spoon. This movie is so full of indelible images that I sometimes forget LOVE/HATE tattooed on Powell’s knuckles. There’s a dreadful unease from the inability to fully save or preserve Ben & Pearl within a society whose systems turn on them so easily. Their safety is drawn and quartered at every turn, and so Ben & Pearl flee society, finding a guardian out yonder. Still, there’s a limitation to their newfound guardian’s protection. Their angel and their demon sing in harmony; evil becomes instructive to the children’s growth. It’s a hard world for little things, but there is hope. Mrs. Cooper (Lillian Gish) manages to find her redemption in protecting these children while she can. Perhaps we need them as much as they need us. This was Charles Laughton’s only film as a director, as well as the final of James Agee’s two films as a screenwriter. It isn’t right.

Sweet Smell of Success (1957, Alexander Mackendrick): This is my favourite film noir, possibly the nastiest as well. Of course, I cackle throughout the entire picture. Burt Lancaster and Tony Curtis at their bests; the tension between a malevolent god and his jester/would-be pretender played as flirtation, conducting assassinations as though they were composing poetry. Shot on location in New York by James Wong Howe, giving us a view of Babel from the gutters up. Also, I’m just a big ol’ softy for Emile Meyer, who plays Lt. Kello.

Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? (1957, Frank Tashlin): As I see it, this is the best sex comedy of the ‘50s and ‘60s. Tashlin previously worked at Termite Terrace, making Looney Tunes and Merrie Melodies, and did a brief stop making Screen Gem cartoons over at Columbia in the middle. After having brought feature film techniques to his cartoons, he brought cartoon imagery into his live-action films. This is a vehicle for Jayne Mansfield, who may have been the most cartoonish of the era’s blonde bombshells, and so it is a happy marriage indeed.

Playtime (1967, Jacques Tati): This is cinema. Ah! Tati, Ah!     Modernity

Out 1: noli me tangere (1971, Jacques Rivette & Suzanne Schiffman): Rivette’s movies feel alive in a way that I haven’t found anywhere else. The films I’ve seen are about conspiracy, games, and the development of theatre troupes: things that exist only in our minds, and are dependant on our cooperation with others. Things get so twisted that you wonder how they’ll ever untie it all, only for the shared illusions to be revealed as a complex series of false knots. I broke my rule with this film, in choosing a film that I’ve only seen once. I didn’t make the time to revisit this or Céline et Julie vont en bateau, my other favourite Rivette film, so I went with the larger labyrinth to lose myself in.

F for Fake (1973, Orson Welles): This is Orson Welles’s most playful film. I love Welles, the personality, almost as much as I love Welles, the director, so I chose a movie that features both.

Mikey and Nicky (1976, Elaine May): Perhaps the most tense and dark comedy I’ve ever seen. May reaches her highest levels of drama here, and does so without any cost to her usual standards for humour.

It’s a Wonderful Life (1946, Frank Capra): I wasn’t sure about including this, given that it’s not even my favourite James Stewart Christmas movie, but what can I do? It’s a Wonderful Life is an institution in my family, we’ve watched this every Christmas Eve since I was grade 6. There was a year or two in the early ‘10s where we might have missed it, but, otherwise, we’ve been devout. This is also one of four sources that laid the foundation for my love of movies, and, in particular, older movies. I hope to continue to watch this every year. It just wouldn’t be Christmas.     Growing up, my brothers and I used to be allowed to open one gift the night of Christmas Eve, which evolved into my brothers and I exchanging our gifts for each other. The first year my brother’s and I exchanged gifts, we happened upon CBC playing It’s a Wonderful Life in a 3-hour timeslot. Filling in the gaps of my memory with ego, I’d say that I instigated our watching it. I was always the biggest sucker for holiday specials, as well as being the most drawn to B&W. It was an instant hit with all of us, and so two traditions were born that night. For those curious as to what year this took place, I gave my oldest brother a 3 Doors Down CD. My older brother got me the Beast Wars transmetal Terrosaur figure. And. It. Freakin’. Ruled.     CBC continued to air It’s a Wonderful Life every Christmas Eve, and we continued to tune in. My brothers and I continued to exchange gifts on Christmas Eve for about another decade, but now my family has a better Christmas Eve tradition to pair with our holiday movie: Chinese food, and, less dogmatically, vegetable samosas. Leftovers become brunch. We’ve watched the movie, I think, twenty times now, which includes one viewing of the unfortunate colourized version, and once in theatres. It’s a great movie to come back to each year. There are lots of little moments, lines, and details to zero in on, and each year I get to internally test and brag to myself about naming and recognizing the various character actors and bit players that pop up.     Still, I sometimes find myself resisting its charms. A couple of years ago, my view of Frank Capra changed. I no longer saw him as the director I had previously thought him to be*. I wondered whether this movie stood on its own merits, or if I was holding onto it for sentimental reasons. I have since settled on this film being a genuine classic.      Another source of resistance is that I’ve never watched this on its own, there’s a lack of an individual foundation to my relationship with the film. I’m so accustomed to viewing films on my own, I think there’s a relief in a taking a private experience, and having it succeed in a public forum. The two support each other, which is part of why a couple of films ended up on this list. However, when it’s a film I’ve only seen in the company of others, I become suspicious of my experience. I believe in the power of cinema when it’s to my benefit, only to doubt it when I fear that it has the power betray me. I guess that I lack faith. *The director I once thought Frank Capra was, I now find Leo McCarey to be.

Doctor Who: The Lost in Time Collection (1963-69, various): This was a last minute decision that ended on a mistake. I ought to have chosen Daleks: The Early Years instead, which has the proper framing of a retrospective documentary. Daleks: The Early Years is a VHS release hosted by Peter Davison, featuring interviews with key people from ‘60s Dalek stories, cannibalizing clips from Dalekmania (another documentary on Daleks in the ‘60s), and orphan episodes and snippets from otherwise lost ‘60s Dalek serials. It’s also one of the VHS tapes that I grew up with, and my introduction to the fact that, at the time, over 100 episodes of ‘60s Doctor Who were missing and presumed lost. This was my introduction to the concept of lost media. Since then, a further 12 episodes have been found, and the number of missing episodes has dropped to 97.      Instead, I chose The Lost in Time Collection, which is a 3-disc collection of orphan episodes and surviving clips from otherwise missing ‘60s serials, not actually a feature in itself. It’s a really nice sampling of the Doctor Who’s best era, and the episodes and clips are sometimes more interesting without the rest of their serial for context. While I didn’t get this collection until I was an adult, I had managed to see most or all of its contents growing up, mostly on various VHS compilations, as well as some clips online. As the deadline for submissions approached, I chose the one I enjoy more, rather than the one that first changed me.     I suspect that Doctor Who was the first work of science-fiction that I got into, as it predates me in our household. My brothers and my getting into Transformers predates my memory, but it does not predate my being around. Doctor Who also served as my first exposure to B&W viewing. I was really into science-fiction growing up, and the genre was really my first interest in older films. The interest didn’t really bridge its way from my youth into my present. Heck, I wasn’t even particularly a movie person until into my twenties. In early adulthood, after fading for a bit, my fondness for science-fiction was more directed towards video games and books. So while it didn’t lead into my love of film and B&W, it laid a lot of the groundwork for what I’d eventually come to love.     My oldest brother remembers staying up late with our parents to watch Doctor Who, and my older brother has memories of trying to stay up with them, but it was no longer airing on any of the stations we had by the time I was kicking. Loved, but unseen, it developed a sort of mythic reputation in my young mind. Over the years, we managed to see a bunch of serials on VHS through our local library system, and we eventually got 5 VHS releases of our own before the decade ended. We got a book, The Doctor Who Yearbook, which had listings and synopsises of every serial ever made. The classic Doctor Who series lasted 26 seasons, consisting of 153 serials, and just shy of 700 episodes. No matter how many episodes of Doctor Who I managed to see when I was growing up, it was only ever the tip of the iceberg.     My younger self liked daydreaming about all of the adventures, planets, aliens, robots, and monsters, but that would begin to dissipate with age. While I loved Star Wars for the many of the same reasons as I did Doctor Who, the advent of more Star Wars wasn’t all that fulfilling, with Episode I: Racer for the N64 PC as a noted exception. More than the fact that I was caught up in the cultural backlash against George Lucas, the lack of a well defined characters and society in the original trilogy was a virtue. The toys and books really capitalized on this. I was the kid that wanted to know every weirdo and background character’s life story. I was such a mark.     The more movies they made that added to the lore, the smaller their galaxy seemed to be, in opposition to an expanded universe. Each piece promising to add to the larger picture only seemed to reveal a smaller whole. More movies telling the same stories with different versions of the same characters. A galaxy that once seemed so vast now revealed to be comprised of maybe two dozen people, many of which are related or connected to each other in some tired and unnecessary way.     Eventually, I got really into Jonathan Rosenbaum, and began to project my ego all over his preferences, to which Star Wars became a victim. I gave up on the series after sitting through a showing of Episode VII. Fires subside, and, these days, I’m mostly indifferent towards the series. Undergraduates can be a bit much, y’know?     While the new Doctor Who series also fell out of favour with me, it was easier for me to divorce it from the original series. Having seen the series only in disparate pieces, rather than a linear narrative may have helped. I have no illusions that the original series is anything more than a silly kid’s show that mostly takes place in corridors, which is a fine thing to be. It’s enough to be a delight. The deceit of nostalgia is that I can return to these works I once loved with the same feelings and wonder that I had as a child.     While I remain fond of Doctor Who, the whole of a serial is often less than the sum of its parts. After all, being a serial, half of the adventure is meant to take place in your head during the week between episodes. It’s the opposite of binge-watch material. It’s hard to commit to working your way through such a bulky series at a deliberately slow pace. Besides, even spacing the episodes out some, it’s still not going to capture my mind the way it would when I was a child. The virtue of the Lost in Time Collection is that you’re never seeing a serial as a whole, only as individual pieces.     The collection consists of 18 complete episodes from 12 serials, with clips and bits from an additional 10 serials. Only one serial has more than two episodes featured, The Daleks’ Master Plan, a 12-part epic, which has its 3 known surviving episodes on the set. Freed from the responsibilities of being part of a larger story, you get to enjoy the pleasures of each episode as its own entity. Charm exists outside of context, and what may have been stretched and strained over half a dozen episodes can easily be sustained in the single episode or two that remains. A piece of Starburst may not keep its flavour any longer than a piece of Hubba Bubba, but at least it has the decency not to overstay its welcome.     The less that remains of a serial, the more interesting it becomes. For some serials, the only surviving clips are the scenes that were cut by censors, and so you’re only seeing the juiciest bits. Protected by obscurity, just as recording in B&W protected this era of the series against its lack of budget, the childlike sense of wonder remains. Any missing serial could have been great. We lack evidence to prove otherwise. What little remains from these serials is enough to imagine what may have been, and it’s easy to give the benefit of the doubt to an old friend.      No longer just a science-fiction adventure, the series has grown into a larger and more engaging adventure in film & television preservation. Thanks to its cultural status and following, questions as to how these stories were lost, why years of episodes were junked, how they were returned, in which disparate places were episodes found, who has been hunting for them, what were their methods, to what lengths did they go, what places remain to be searched, what remains to be found, what’s trapped in the hands of private collectors, and what has been lost forever have all been thoroughly explored, though some answers continue to elude us. For those interested, Youtuber Josh Snares has an extensive series of videos that breaks down many of these questions as best as one can with what’s publicly known, and, despite being on yotube, I don’t think he’s annoying.     Doctor Who best represents my film lover’s sense of discovery, combining the joys of hearing about a film that piques my interest, trying to track a film down, discovering or rediscovering a new favourite, learning about film history, and the efforts of film preservation. Hearing about films I’d like to see can be nearly as rewarding as actually watching the films themselves. The more that I see, the more there is that I’d like to see. The harder something is to find, the more interesting it can become. Film is a physical object, so there is a battle against time for us to discover, recover, restore, and preserve works before they’re lost to time. The good news is that many efforts are being undertaken, both by professionals and by amateurs. The advent of crowdfunding has really helped to create more opportunities for completing these endeavours.     Following an Indiegogo campaign, Netflix stepped in and completed Orson Welles’s The Other Side of the Wind. Many of Marion Davies’s silent films have been restored in recent years. Thanks to the efforts of Ben Model and his team, I will soon have the pleasure of seeing eight Edward Everett Horton shorts that haven’t been in circulation since the silent era. Steve Stanchfield (Thunderbean), Jerry Beck (Cartoon Research), Tommy Stathes (Cartoons On Film), and their cohorts are doing God’s work in finding and restoring old cartoons, and giving them an audience once more. I don’t think there’s ever been a more exciting time to be so out of touch.

The Muppet Movie (1979, James Frawley): The Muppets’ movies were a staple of our household growing up, and this ranks alongside The Great Muppet Caper as the best of them. This movie has a very self-aware humour to it, exemplified by the introduction. The camera wanders through a studio backlot, following a car carrying Statler & Waldorf, who provide us with the first dialogue of the film, announcing their intent to heckle the film. Inside, the Muppets are waiting for a private screening of The Muppet Movie to begin.     It’s a disaster. A monster tears out one of the seats, the visibly deranged Crazy Harry blows up another, people are dancing in the aisles, and chickens are flying about. Objects being thrown include, but are not limited to, popcorn, Lew Zealand’s boomerang fish, and paper airplanes. A full-sized Muppet looms in the background, a giant colourful bird with enormous unblinking eyes, leaning a bit from side to side. An acknowledgement that somebody has let the animals in charge of the zoo. Still, a coziness remains amidst all of the chaos.     Kermit attempts to introduce the movie to his peers, the lights go down, and he takes his seat. The movie opens in the heavens, where the credits and a rainbow appear. It clears onto a long, long shot of a swamp, slowly zooming in to reveal a frog on a log, playing a banjo, singing Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher’s The Rainbow Connection. We’re taken away.     One of the most vital aspects of the Muppets is that they exist in our world, something that gets lost in their 90’s trend of literary adaptations. An entire world of Muppets isn’t much of a utopian vision, but the idea that these animals, monsters, and whatevers belong in society alongside ‘real’ people is. This trend was part of a larger regression throughout the years with the Muppets. What began as a self-aware humour turned into a self-depreciating humour, and, eventually, a self-loathing humour. The Muppets used to take on the world, but, in later years, they seemed unable to dream of anything more than getting back together once more, so that they could reaffirm their lack of success. Bring them back to life so they can take one more dying breath.     This Muppet movie is filled with celebrity cameos, in part a tribute to their variety show, as well as to the vaudevillian origins of most of their shtick. Here, the cameos serve the Muppets. Later, the Muppets would take a backseat, and become vehicles for others, not even allowed to star in their own movies. I wish they were given better opportunities to shine. As good as this film is, I have to admit that this film’s treatment of Miss Piggy is embarrassingly sexist. While they don’t look like Presbyterians to me, at their best, I think the Muppets have almost as much hope to offer as any religion.

Transformers: The Movie (1986, Nelson Shin): Watching this movie gives me the feeling I always hope that I’ll feel whenever I’ve bought concert tickets. I don’t watch this so much as I sing along to it. I even knew Vince DiCola’s score down to a ‘T’. With all due respect to Storefront Hitchcock, this is my personal Stop Making Sense.

Air Alert V. 4 (late 2000’s, TMT Sports): First, and most importantly, I do not recommend Air Alert nor any other paid for vertical jump program. I cannot stress that enough. They’re not designed by people who really know what they’re doing, the marketing is predatory, they’re unjustly hard on your joints, and they’re methods are not in conjunction with their promises of wild vertical gains. While I hope to stop finding that people have also done Air Alert, I immediately feel a strong kinship with those I learn have also been misled.     Air Alert is a 15-week vertical jump program that makes the dubious promises of adding 8-14 inches to yer vertical leap to everyone, regardless of their current physical condition. It promises to add explosiveness to yer hops, but its means are an exponentially increasing amount of jump exercise repetitions. This is to say that, in practice, Air Alert actually builds jumping endurance, which teaches yer muscles to conserve energy, rather than to expend it in an explosive manner. Like all jump programs, it also fails to address that much of your jumping’s height comes from a combination of your core and upper body strength, as well as technique. The version I got also came with an advertised-as-new Air Alert Advanced, a further 6 weeks of yet more intensive exercise routine to add another 3-6 inches to yer leap.     I did the 15 weeks of Air Alert, and, like everybody else I’ve known, I got 2-3 inches added to my vertical. After the recovery week suggested following completion of the program, I tried dunking at the church. You had better believe that I told my dad to bring his digital camera, ’cause this was gonna be a big deal. Being able to dunk was surely going to usher in a whole new era in my life.     Now, I had been wrong about these sorts of things before. I had become skinny, I got a couple of nice shirts, I listened to what I though was the right unpopular music, and I had stolen some jokes, but my life largely remained the same. It seemed as though my life couldn’t be redeemed by vanity and trivialities, J still wasn’t dating me, but this would be so much more. This was dunking. This was going to be different.     We went to the church, and I had the same problems as before. I could get high enough, but I couldn’t throw down. The further you extend a limb from your core, the less strength it has at its disposal. I had little upper-body strength to begin with, and, fully extended, my hand is pretty far from my body. I’d always lose the ball on the way up, or lose height putting more of my strength onto the ball. Legs can only take you so far. At my best, I’ve brought the ball to the rim, lost it, and, thanks to momentum, had the ball go off of the backboard and in. A lay-up isn’t a dunk. My knees have been crunchy ever since.     After a further month of letting my joints recover, I tried my hand at Air Alert Advanced. After the first week, which consisted of 3 days of 2000 individual jumps, some of my friends reunited to play soccer at our old high school. I was proud to see that the goals we had rescued were still on the field. However, I found that my joints were so worn down that I could only run at a steady pace in a straight line. Turning, accelerating, and decelerating were all, sadly, out of the picture. I decided not to continue onto the subsequent weeks.     I was still a fatuous pauper, single, and working at a shoe store while friends had gone on to do other things, so what did I manage to accomplish? Well, for starters, I gained some athletic ability for the first time in my life, which was neat. I gained a lot of leg strength, endurance, and quickness, as well as the previously mentioned 2-3 inches to my vert, all of which I treasured. Despite being the skinniest guy on the court, my legs were strong enough to anchor me in the key, and contend with guys up to double my weight. I went from being a guy who showed up to Dunkball, to becoming a guy that people wanted on their team.     While others got tired throughout the night, slowly losing their vertical, I managed to jump just as frequently and just as high in my last game of the night as I could during my first. As both the tallest and the lankiest guy at Dunkball, my height advantage now increased in the air. I’d let people box me out, only to jump and reach over them. I felt so free. I was, and remain, Dunkball’s most improved player. Of course, it helps to have the advantage of having started out lower than everybody else. Once, somebody brought a friend who was taller than me. It was awful.     As for dunking? Well, I could dunk small balls at the church, if I could close my hand on them. I managed to dunk a flat soccer ball on an outdoor net at a school yard once, but I never verified its height. I could dunk at the Academy chapel with the rim fully raised, though that rim sags in the front, so I’m guessing that rim was about 9’10”. Still, that won me a game of H-O-R-S-E or two. Sometimes, when warming up for Dunkball, someone would instigate a dunk competition, and I managed to develop a trademark dunk which nobody could replicate or stomach: the underhanded dunk. Norm was the only person not to loathe it, bless his heart. While I never managed to dunk on a proper 10’ net, I was able to goaltend, which has no use outside of being a dick to a friend. I was smarmy enough to do it once.     Even at Dunkball, I never became much of a dunker, except on turnovers or tip-ins, or unless I had a guard who could do the work of setting me up. I’m more opportunistic than aggressive, besides, who am I going to beat off of the dribble? On my worst nights, I was still a tall guy who could jump, so I always drew the interest of a defender. I’ve always preferred defence to offence, and my favourite offensive play is to box out their post-player, either to be in a better position to rebound, or in order to prevent them from goaltending.     Defence is where Air Alert made the most difference for me. They either had to box me out in order to stop me from goaltending, or try banking it in. I could sit low enough to the ground to defend outside players without losing speed. With a lower net, some players didn’t arc their shots as much, allowing me to swat them away with ease.     There was nothing better than blocking a dunk. Some people took it personally, and would try coming at you on the next play; we all loved blocking Joseph. Still, the best was blocking Norm’s dunks, even if it meant landing on my back.     It was summertime, the final game of the night, with uneven teams and lopsided match-ups, but, somehow, it’s neck and neck. Not only are we still in it, we’ve had the lead. Will is shooting, Nathan is hustling, and I’m blocking everything. My greatest defensive game ends prematurely after I block one of Norm’s dunks, landing horizontally, with all of my weight squarely on my tailbone and elbows. I call it a night, and, in the morning, learned that we had lost immediately after I left.     At this point, I had memorized Air Alert’s number of sets and routines, and so I lent the DVD to Graham. He promised to return it soon. This was in 2010. I learned how to juggle that August, but that didn’t save me either. I kept up my jumping exercises, doing week 4 as maintenance, losing consistency once I started university that fall. Dunkball slowly lost consistency, too, and so I eventually took up the reigns of organizing it. People changed wards, got married, moved, and started families. It was hard to motivate people to come out without a guarantee.     At some point, I became one of the veterans. As Dunkball continued to lose consistency, and as I went through occasional bouts of burn-out withorganizing things, Dunkball changed from being year-round into seasons, and, later, patches, of activity. The benefit of being the one to organize Dunkball is that it allowed me to filter out the jerks between patches of activity. There aren’t a ton of rules, you can make a pass off the wall, you can charge, you can play it in the hall, and goaltending is a way of life, but life is too long to spend it with people who can’t play sports without yelling.     We weren’t as athletic as we once were, but the new players were generally pretty skinny, so we were still able to push them around. I stopped buying bus passes after my first year of university, which helped me to maintain most of my leg strength. While I was in university, I managed to keep most of my vertical, but my confidence became precarious, which affected my intensity. I wasn’t soaking through my shirts anymore, I started to let people push me around.     After I dropped out of university, I grew into a much more sedentary lifestyle. The leg strength I had used to define myself diminished. I’ve had a really hard coping with that. At times, the prospect of playing Dunkball felt more embarrassing than motivating. I felt lost out on the court. I didn’t feel strong enough to bump around in the key, and I felt sluggish trying to play on the outside. Still, I had now been around long enough that I was able to lead a team, if necessary.     I’d hide from my refuge until I felt strong enough to return. Volunteering and winter each got me walking again. Collin organized a soccer team the summer before the pandemic, which got me running and jumping again. I felt more determined, and began to feel better. No longer trapped by where I was, or where I felt I should have been, I was content with making progress.     I think that I handled the early months of the pandemic better than most people. With our usual routines in disarray, I stumbled out of the feedback loop I was caught in. Finding some self-compassion and focus, I created structure to my quarantine in order to work on some goals. I was going to come out of the quarantine dunking. I was joking this time, but I need to dream about something while exercising. Otherwise, I’m just jumping in place, staring at the door. I went through weeks 1-7 of Air Alert, ending with the rest week that marks the halfway point. After which, I returned to doing week 4 to maintain strength.    With churches closed, activities cancelled, and others on lockdown, I started secretly meeting Nik on Saturdays to shoot the ball around. This was back when we were allowed to keep small circles of contacts. The benefit of having keys. The only downside was that the building didn’t have any air circulation outside of facilities management’s offices.     Regarding the pandemic, our city still didn’t have any cases of community transmission. Two of us shooting the ball around became three, and soon we were playing 2-on-2. Dunkball was back, baby! Sans the titular Dunkball, which had gone missing, stolen by missionaries.    I knew that it was only a matter of time before they got rid of the Academy chapel, so I was really motivated to play as much as we could while it was still safe. It took us a little bit before we managed to get six players out on the same day, and we still ended up playing 2’s some nights. We weren’t getting many guys out, but we always had good games. Everyone who came out hustled and was a solid atmosphere guy. We’d mostly play best-of-5 or 7 game series, maybe switching teams up for a final game or two. The series managed to stay pretty tight, with nobody ever reaching a dynasty.     Facilities management leaves the building at 5:30, and, with nobody else around, our secret combination was free to schedule Dunkball whenever we pleased. We were playing twice some weeks. We were able to accommodate people’s schedule. Marvin, my favourite teammate, was able to come out. I hadn’t been able to play with him in years. A high percentage of our small group of players were relatively new to the game. It was really exciting to see them develop, even if Jason blocked me that one time.     I had found my place again, having regained some of my leg strength and quickness. My core and upper-body strength, elusive at the best of times, had become memories, but I worked around that. My game is mostly designed with those absences in mind anyways. Consequently, my play became much more lateral, rather than vertical, after the 4th and, later, 5th game, as Collin noted. I also managed a new trick or two, like learning to bait people into banking their shot, and then blocking it off of the backboard for a quick turnover. My intensity was up, or at least the A/C was down. I was soaking through my shirts again, and I was happy.     It was a hot and humid summer. I missed Jason’s birthday, so I brought some blackout chocolate banana bread to celebrate. As it turns out, a thick moist cake is not refreshing when you’re exhausted and sitting around in a hot and stuffy room you’ve spent the past 2-3 hours further heating up with yer friends. Collin became the MVP the following week when he brought a box of freezies with him. All my life, I had never seen their true worth or potential. I took them for granted in my youth, and turned my nose up at them as I grew older. Now I understood.     I had Dunkball, I had friendly players who responded when I tried organizing things, we had freezies, and, as the Ward Clerk, I had convinced my Bishop that we should buy a new ball (despite the fact that playing at the Church was still verboten.) I was grateful, but I still longed for a day where we had more than 4-6 players, so that we could have subs between games. It’s nice to be able to switch up teams between games, rather than trying to push Arles all night. It’s even nicer to sit down every once in a while, especially after failing to push Arles around.     Our province was still fairly safe, but that was beginning to change. Two regulars had at risk family members, and we began seeing community transmission. I planned to end what was to be the penultimate season of Dunkball after Labour Day. I was concerned what would happen once the school year started.     Before then, we had eight* people come out to Dunkball one morning. Four pairs of family members, in fact. This gave us rotations between games, and a variety of playing styles, leading to more interesting match-ups and dynamics. Whoever loses would get to take a break; excitement was in the air! I questioned Collin’s choice of shoes. He reminded me that I’m solely responsible for their condition. I lend Collin my shoes. He likes the shoes, and I like his freezies. *the ideal amount is 8-9 people     Shoot for teams: Graham, Collin, and I hit our shots. Collin has speed, Graham has range and strength, I have the height, and we all rebound. We win the first game easily, manage to survive the second, and win our third. Dynasty! Shoot for teams again, and I’m back on the floor with David and Marvin. David anchors the key, allowing me to cheat on defence, while Marvin generates offence and creates mismatches. We all defend. Three more wins, and it’s another dynasty! Marvin and I sit this time, and watch as Jacob (handles), Graham, and Jason (positioning) steal the game.     Marvin and I go back on with Limhi, a guard heavy team playing an post-player’s game. They shoot and pass, drawing out the defence, while I set picks, prevent goaltending, and try to clean up on the boards. They cover the outside, while I guard the inside. When the other team goes to the inside, I make their post-player turn away from the net, where either Marvin or Limhi, cheating off of their man, are waiting to strip them of the ball. We win the first game, taking back the floor. They carry me through the second. Last game of the day, and the other team starts to fall apart. As per tradition, we extend the game, but only to to 15, because only Graham and I want to play to 21.     We stumble as they regroup, but Jacob gets frustrated, and their chemistry falters. I assume that I’m to blame, become self-conscious, and begin calling fouls on myself whenever I make any contact with the other team. Of course, this happens on every play, because I’m trying to box out my brother. I get some weird looks as David sighs, he just wants it to be over. I get a clean stop, Limhi scores, and the day ends on a third dynasty. I remain undefeated. Freezies for everyone!     That was the third to last time we played Dunkball. We had another night with six players, and ended the season with a morning of playing 2-on-2, after which we ran out of freezies. I was optimistic that we’d be back playing sometime in the New Year. We barely registered a first wave of the pandemic, but restrictions ended prematurely, and school started back up. Cases kept climbing.     I was scared in October, but that was only the beginning. When we first started playing Dunkball that summer, our province was first in the country. By Christmas, we had become the worst. We began to curb the number of new cases, but restrictions were eased before hospitals finished dealing with the second wave. In May, we began transferring patients to other provinces. For some reason, the plan is to reopen in July.     For some reason, a duo tried organizing ball in March. I declined. Our congregation was changing buildings, so Nik and I went over to grab some stuff. I found that our Dunkball had gone missing again, but I found the original Dunkball, which hasn’t held air since 2015, and brought it home. In April, facilities management began clearing out the Academy chapel, in anticipation of listing the building for sale. They didn’t inform our Bishop until later that week. He went over to pack anything worth keeping, only to have found that they had already junked everything belonging to our congregation, as well everything belonging to the Yazidi community group that had been meeting there prior to the pandemic.     I don’t know the building’s current status. Nik and I kept our keys in the hopes of playing again, but it’s unlikely that things will be safe to go back to normal in time. Dunkball exists as a time and a place: Thursday nights after Institute class at Academy. Last fall, they moved institute classes over to the stake centre. The Academy building is being sold now, and Dunkball is over as we know it.     As I previously mentioned, I lent Graham, the Gordie Howe of Dunkball, my Air Alert DVD and booklet back in 2010. For the past ten years now, he has meant to return it, only for it to slip his mind. I usually forget about it, myself, only for him to remind me when he apologizes. In the moment, I sorta feel guilty that he worries about it. I mean, it’s fine, I don’t need it. He’s put it on his desk, he’s placed it by the door, and though he’s either seen me or a member of my family at least once a week for the past decade, my copy of Air Alert still hasn’t made its way back to me. I’m not even sure that I want it back, but I appreciate his sincerity.     It’s become tradition for him to maintain this false tension between us. At this point, I’d hate to see it go. What if this tension is what’s sustained our friendship throughout all these years? What if Graham’s only been coming out to Dunkball because he feels guilty? I won’t see him at Dunkball anymore, and, as of this week, he won’t be seeing me at church anymore. It’s things like this that keep us alive. I hope that Graham never returns my copy of Air Alert, but I hope that he always tries. ”There is no end to matter, There is no end to space, There is no end to Dunkball, There is no end to race.” - If You Could Hie to Kolob Dunkball, by W.W. Phelps.

I could have gone on about my legs, honestly. Now, I only included those formative texts that I’m willing to admit are still a part of me. I did not include those works whose influences I feel that I have repented of, which is why the 1967 Patterson-Gimlin footage of Bigfoot from Bluff Creek, California, The Weezer Video Capture Device, Newsies, The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny, nor anything related to Dorm Life or MST3K are not included on my ballot. In any case, I’m sorry not to have found room for Johnny Guitar.

[duchessfics]

Birthday Headcanons!

So my birthday was technically May 23...which is over a month ago 🙈 but for my birthday I wanted to type these headcanons up. Honestly each of these have no real connection to each other except I’ve just thought of them over time, but I just thought these would be fun to read. So I hope you enjoy them as much as I have when writing these up! 😁

Billie Dean Howard

This filming trip has been a nightmare for Billie. She hardly got any content for her show, her rental car broke down while driving back to the hotel after a whole night of filming, and the next day rather than calling the rental car company, her assistant calls some local mom and pop garage to fix it.

So rather than taking the risk of having her assistant screw something else up, Billie goes to the garage herself. And she is sure that the mechanic will charge her more since she’s both a celebrity and a single woman with no one to back her up.

When the medium gets there the garage is completely devoid of any other people and the only sign of someone here is the radio blasting from the garage. So, after seeing absolutely no one for five minutes, she decides to just walk into the working area fully annoyed at the terrible service.

 Fortunately, she hears the man whistling to the music and struts over to see him working underneath the car. However, Billie interrupts his moment, loudly clearing her throat and saying excuse me in the snippiest tone she can muster. That makes him stop whistling and roll out from under the car.

 But Billie is shocked that this mechanic is no man. Oh no, you are a gorgeous woman even with smears of grease and dirt on your face and clothes. And this is the moment Billie realizes the appeal of butches.

When you roll out from under the car you assume this gorgeous woman is Billie judging by her fancy appearance and get up to introduce yourself. However, as you reach out to shake her hand you remember how dirty you are and back up, so you don’t get something on her clothes.

While Billie was filled with anger just minutes ago at her car being fixed, now she’s both surprised and unexpectedly aroused. You turn down the radio, knowing it’s obnoxiously loud and tell her you contacted the rental car company and they’re covering the cost of repairs, but you won’t be able to finish tonight so she’ll have to wait until tomorrow to drive the repaired car.

Then you throw out the offer in your own desire to see her that you have a spare room if her hotel reservation doesn’t have an extra night. Before you can even finish your sentence, Billie says yes and you would be lying if you denied your own joy at that.

So you tell her you’ll be done in a couple hours and ask if she wants to be dropped off somewhere while you work. But Billie says no. So you set out a clean chair for her to sit in before going back to work.

As you work you ask Billie what she’s doing in a small town like this. So she tells you about her TV show and when you find out she’s a medium you ask about it. At first Billie is hesitant to keep talking, but you assure her you love hearing her talk about her career.

So she tells you about everything—from her career to her checkered past and future desires. And in the process, she ends up sharing things about her life she’s never told anyone. But for some reason she just trusts you and doesn’t feel condemned or judged because of what she says.

The two hours fly by, but you’ve made substantial progress and tell Billie she should be able to head back home before noon tomorrow. However, after meeting you she is not so eager to leave anymore.

When wrapping up your work, you go through closing the garage and Billie observes you the whole time. You notice her checking you out as you walk around and work, but don’t mind. In fact you can’t help but check her too. 

Then you lead her out to your old pickup truck and quickly clean out the passenger side while apologizing for your messy car. But she doesn’t seem bothered. She’s too occupied with you to notice anything else.

As you drive home, you ask if she minds music and Billie says no. So you turn on the radio to a classic rock station. Then you absentmindedly start to sing along and Billie nearly swoons at the whole thing. No one has ever had this effect on her before. She’s supposed to be the one who makes others swoon. Not the other way around…But she likes it.

When you get to your home you coyly explain you need to take a shower before making dinner. But you mention that you don’t mind if she joins. Let’s just say...Billie jumps on the opportunity (and you) and even though she wasn’t that dirty, Billie takes special joy in washing you off and massaging away any tension or soreness you have.

After taking a shower that’s long enough for the water to run cold, you both step out and since Billie doesn’t have extra clothes you offer one of your old, oversized Harley Davison shirts to wear. Seeing her only wearing your shirt that falls about mid-thigh on her does things to you and when she sees you so effected she starts to get bold in her flirting too.

In the end you warm up some cheap, frozen meal that’s nothing fancy, but the whole time you’re getting it together, Billie is wrapped around you, hugging you from behind or your side earning the nickname “spider monkey.” When you actually sit to eat both of you watch the other closely with shared grins and small giggles. Then cleaning up is super easy with Billie’s help and you head over to your living room.

You sit in your recliner as usual and Billie pauses for a moment looking between you and the couch. But her eyes linger on you longer and seeing the debate in her head leads you to hold out your hand toward her, offering a solution. She takes it with a smile and you guide her to sit on your lap.

Once again she’s used to being the caretaker, but is glad to let someone else take the lead and easily cuddles into you as the tv plays. And although now words are spoken, the way you hold her in a warm embrace makes Billie no longer regret this trip. In fact, she may stay a couple more days if it means being with you.

 Lana Winters

While you and Lana can’t get married or have an official wedding in the 1970s, you solidify your relationship by buying a house together.

It’s an old, cottage-like home without any prying neighbors around to spy on you both. When you first enter the home, in your excitement you pick Lana up and carry her bridal style across the threshold for the first time.

While you have the keys to the house, there’s still a lot of work to do to the point that it’s not livable yet. So you and Lana take the time to look around the home deciding how to decorate and design your home. Then you begin to clean the house.

Both of you work hard on dusting, vacuuming, and wiping down every surface in your home leaving you both sore. Luckily when you return to the apartment you currently live in both of you take a nice hot bath to soothe your sore muscles. And it’s good to just spend time relaxing together.

Once you finish cleaning, you work on painting and decorating each room with different vibrant colors. Fortunately, Lana brings her radio so you can both listen to music while painting. But it’s still exhausting work and leaves you crabby sometimes if you go too long without a break.

So when Lana notices you starting to look worn out or tired, she’ll set down her paint-roller before guiding you to set yours down. Then she’ll pull you into a spontaneous dance. Sometimes it’s slow and relaxed, and other times the music is fun and upbeat. Either way it does help you to feel better.

Even though both of you aren’t conventionally attractive at the moment, you have never felt more attracted to Lana with her barefaced, thoroughly worn overalls with paint speckled on them, and a simple ponytail. And she loves seeing you like this too, finding something about simple domesticity to be beautiful. 

The day you and Lana are finished painting, you start to pack up all of your belongings and slowly move them over to the house. It takes 5 trips between the places and even then you have the unfortunate realization that your mattress won’t fit into your car. So after wrestling with the bed for over an hour to no avail, you both are spent and give up.

Thankfully, Lana is a literal angel and when she sees you on the verge of tears, she runs out to bring home food from your favorite diner. And as she enters with the food you nearly cry in happiness. Then you eat your first meal on the floor since your table is covered in boxes.

After dinner before you can even ask, Lana guides you to climb into her lap and holds you close to her while you both take a moment to rest and listen to the radio. Even though you still have to set up your home it’s such a good feeling having everything here...well almost everything.

Because you couldn’t bring the bed over, you’re stuck with figuring out another option. So you unpack your blankets and pillows before laying them out on your carpeted floor in the living room.

Then you and Lana take a shower to unwind from the day and change into your pajamas. And even though it isn’t quite dark yet you slide under the covers and cuddle into each other, completely exhausted.

Once you’re settled you are finally able to hear the outside noises and it’s so different compared to ambient city sounds and you’ve never stayed out in the countryside before. So with each animal sound or gust of wind you perk up and grip on her while whisper asking if Lana heard it too.

She chuckles at your reaction and soothes that you’re safe with her. And to give you a small distraction from the eerie silence you talk about future house plans and keep softly talking until you both naturally fall asleep.

While you’re on the floor and it’s nowhere near as comfortable as your bed, you both sleep like rocks from working hard all day and end up getting more than 8 hours of sleep with no nightmares to haunt Lana’s dreams. 

The next morning you wake up to the sun shining in your eyes and Lana lazily rubbing your back as you rest on her chest. All of the sounds, smells, and sights around you are almost mystical compared to the city. But you can definitely get used to this.

You ask if you’re preventing her from getting up, but she says no and holds you closer while you both talk about different things, enjoying the unfamiliar, but pleasant feeling of the cool morning air and environment.

Eventually you do get up to make breakfast and while you’re on pancake flipping duty, Lana rummages around to find the coffee maker to make some. Fortunately, she finds it and brews some for both of you to drink. 

You eat your breakfast on the floor like last night before slowly beginning to unpack the boxes and setting up your home. And by the evening you are able to eat dinner at your table. Also, you somehow managed to finagle your bed into the car and set it up to sleep in for tonight.

Tonight both of you are much less tired so when you head to bed and Lana mentions that you haven’t technically christened the home yet. You are more than happy to make love in your new home for the first time without having to hold back or be quiet since there aren’t neighbors around.

(https://duchessfics.tumblr.com/post/617775020854345728/gaia-ki-cordelia-saying-i-love-you-to-misty) 

Cordelia Goode

Is Cordelia the supreme? Yes. Did her wisdom teeth still grow in for some reason? Also, yes. Because they’re starting to cause problems, she visits the dentist and they recommend getting them removed. The only thing is she needs someone to drive her and take care of her while she heals but she doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it.

Mallory is busy with Coco, Zoe with Madison, Misty is off with Stevie god knows where, and Queenie knows of your crush for the supreme even if you won’t admit it. She’s seen you two tip toe around the topic and decides to volunteer you for the job so you’ll finally admit your feelings for her.

Honestly if Cordelia trusted anyone to take care of her it would be you. On the way to the dentist she’s eerily quiet. But even as the supreme, Cordelia is still human and feels anxious about the surgery. And in the car ride she drinks a tea she personally concocted with specific leaves to help wane her immunity as the supreme. It’s not that her powers are lost, they’re just dulled enough for the anesthesia to work.

By the time you’re at the office, her supremely glow is gone and to you she almost looks physically different. But you know the tea worked so both of you walk in and you keep on high alert for any possible threat towards your supreme.

Shortly after signing in they call Cordelia back to begin the process. You automatically stand up to go with her, but pause to ask if she even wants that. Before you can even finish your sentence, she takes your hand to keep you close.

Cordelia continues to hold your hand while she sits in the patient’s chair and the dentist explains what’s going to happen. And when they ask if she has any follow up questions, she’s too nervous to think of any, but you ask about a couple things that she’s grateful you think of.

Then they say they’ll get her ready for the removal. So you wish her luck trying to sound calm, but walk out to the waiting room feeling anxious as well. Within an hour the dentist comes out to you and says everything went well and she’s slowly waking up. So they let you go to her and tell you to take your time getting her up.

When you walk in and see your supreme reclined on the patient’s chair, she looks high as a kite. And your appearance makes her mumble something about her girlfriend. That catches your attention and you hesitantly ask who she’s talking about.

The question makes her have a fit of laughter however she groans in pain so you rush up to her to settle her back down. Then she clings to your hand and says with her mouth full of gauze that you’re her girlfriend because she loves you.

Or in her words she “loves you so, so, so, so, infinitely so’s y/n. Wait infinity loves. I loves infinity--wait I love infinitely. Y/n—fuck—I love you infinitely, infinity x infinity.” And you can’t help but giggle at your supreme confessing her love so clumsily.

But you quickly regret that when she begins to cry thinking you’re making fun of her. Before she gets too worked up you kneel before her and apologize saying you weren’t trying to make fun of her. You just thought she was cute.               

For some reason those words provoke her to try to sit up before standing up, but you snap into action and keep her from doing so, unsure if she even could stay standing at the moment. In response she tries to resist while growling with her mouth full of gauze that she’s the fucking supreme. And before she gets upset enough to trigger her powers you assure her that you know she’s the supreme and ask once she’s resettled ask how she feels.

That leads her to relax and tell you how she’s feeling. But as she does instead of using normal pet names towards you like “sweetheart” or “darling” she keeps calling you poptart and cheese-it. Both of which she never even eats. 

Fortunately one of the dental assistants brings in the take home kit with instructions. Then you help Cordelia up and slowly make your way home. But it takes everything in you to not laugh at her behavior.

When you get back to the house, you manage to sneak Cordelia to her room without running into anyone and by the time you coax her to gargle saltwater, take pain meds, and change her gauze she’s completely exhausted and you are too. So you prop her up so she doesn’t hurt her mouth when she sleeps before laying beside her on the bed. And the last thing she says is, “Love you, pop tart.” before you both fall asleep.

By the time you wake up to give Cordelia the second dose of pain medicine she already has her supremely glow back and is way more recovered than the average person. But you still. Help and feed her a small meal to prevent nausea. Then you help her gargle saltwater and replace the gauze and she passes out again.

24 hours later Cordelia is almost completely healed and takes care of herself. However she never mentions anything about what she said and doesn’t act differently whatsoever. You try to as well, but you just can’t forget her words. So you go to Zoe and explain what happened. She encourages you to be honest with the supreme and see how she responds. Then she assures you that Cordelia won’t be upset. If anything she has a soft spot for you.

That afternoon when you see Cordelia alone in the greenhouse you come out and hesitantly explain what she said the other day, but you also recognize that it was the anesthesia talking. While she didn’t remember that, she does admit she has feelings for you, and you admit you have feelings for her. So you decide to try going out on a date and she promises you that she won’t call you ‘pop tart.’ again.

(https://stoneharts.tumblr.com/post/101329124928/bette-being-a-cutie-pie-in-4x04-edward-mordrake) 

Bette and Dot Tattler 

When you find out Bette and Dot have never been to the beach before you’re shocked because they live in Florida. But you also make a point to take them to one.

One day you wake them up while it’s dark and have them get dressed before leading them to your packed car. You know they aren’t big fans of surprises so when they sleepily what’s happening you say you’re going to the beach.

When Bette and Dot find out they’re both excited and nervous about sneaking out. But you assure them it’s a day off for everyone and you told Eve what you’re doing so she could explain where you are if anyone asks. So they happily get into your car.

You drive to a virtually private beach and lay out a blanket on the sand. Then the 3 of you sit together to watch the sunrise. For now you sit beside Dot and hold her hand, smiling as you hear their gasps of amazement.

Once the sun is fully risen you tell them to stay put and go back to the car. Then you bring back a breakfast you packed to share with them. Bette and Dot knew you loved them both, but they are still shocked at how thoughtful and considerate you are unlike nearly everyone else in their lives.

By the time you finish eating it’s fully light out so you can really see the full expanse of the Atlantic Ocean now. You offer to take them closer honestly Bette and Dot haven’t swam in years and have never been to a body of water large enough that you can’t see the other side. So, they’re a little apprehensive. 

You promise to stay with them the whole time and hold Bette’s hand as you murmur soothing words over the roar of the ocean and guide them closer.

When you get to the damp sand where waves briefly touch enough to change the texture, both Bette and Dot freeze up and won’t move. So you try to comfort them by saying you’ll step up first. Then you let go of Bette’s hand and walk only a couple steps away.

Both sets of eyes watch the waves rush over your feet and you assure them with a smile you’re ok and they will be too. Then you hold out your hands and beckon them closer. They cautiously step closer into the soaked and more shifty sand and Bette takes one of your hands while Dot takes the other.

When the water rushes over their feet they gasp and back up a little at the cold temperature. But you slowly guide them back and soothe it won’t be as cold this time.

They’re skeptical, but when the next wave comes and flows over all of your feet Bette and Dot don’t back away like last time. And when you ask if they’re ok and they say yes with cute little grins on their faces.

After a couple more waves all three of you walk back to your stuff and both women comment about the sand that gets stuck on their wet feet. So you pamper Bette and Dot by wiping their feet clean with a towel when you sit back on the blanket.

When it gets to mid-morning you pull out the matching sun hats you bought for them so they have some protection from the sun. Then the three of you go between lounging on the blanket and going to dip your feet in the water.

Eventually you bring out the lunch you packed and enjoy the meal of different sandwiches, fruit, and of course Bette’s favorite—cupcakes. And as the 3 of you eat and giggle with each other you notice how happy they look.

After you return the picnic basket to the car, you lead Bette and Dot back to the ocean. But this time you urge them a little further into the water. Unfortunately, there isn’t a swimsuit for them to wear and the only thing they have to wear is their dress. So you keep yours on too and keep them steady whenever the waves come. 

Because they can’t really swim that well you only go out until the water meets your knees and hug them close while softly encouraging them, knowing how nervous they are. Thankfully the water is calmer today so you help them to lower into the water and they get excited that they look ‘normal’ because the water is high enough to make their heads look separate from each other.

You understand their joy about for once in their lives not looking like freaks, but also assure them that you love them both just as they are. Bette and Dot will always be your girls. Then you help them stand back up and lead them back to your spot before setting up an umbrella to block out some of the afternoon sun. 

Then you lay out on the blanket and hold your lovers close to your chest while you dry off. The warmth of the sun feels like a blanket in itself and you end up falling asleep. 

When you wake back up, you panic at Bette and Dot being nowhere near you assuming the worst. But the wind carries their laughter and you look to see them standing by the water and they have their ankles submerged. So you walk over and see they look so happy with slightly burned pink noses and cheeks from the sun. Even Dot looks unusually happy.

Then the sisters thank you for taking them and making the day so special. And you assure both women you’re more than happy to do that for them before giving each woman a kiss. And while you need to head back to the freak show you promise to bring them back to the beach again.

 Sally McKenna

After walking in to see your partner cheating on you in your own home you run off devastated. That’s how you end up stumbling into the Hotel Cortez, barely holding yourself together.

The first thing you do is tearfully check into the hotel and that’s when Sally notices you from the balcony. And after getting your room key you stumble up to the bar where Sally sits. But you don’t even notice her, lost in your own emotional state.

After ordering a drink you find yourself hiding your face and trying to be quiet when you cry and drink. But it’s clear to anyone around that you are miserable.

So Sally meanders over, preying on your vulnerable state, and claiming you as her next victim to kill. When she greets you and mentions your crying, you completely break down while explaining that you caught your partner having sex with someone else.

Then you mention how everyone always ends up leaving you behind in the end. Sally is caught off guard by the comment since she’s usually the one to say that. But she just assumes you’re trying to trick her only to take advantage of Sally with your tears. So she keeps buying you drinks to dull your senses and kill you.

Once you seem drunk enough Sally tells you she has an idea “to keep you distracted.” Of course she meant that in a seductive way. But her sultry, suggestive tone goes completely over your head and you say sure before leading her to your hotel room.

When you enter the room you ask if she’s ever seen your favorite childhood movie. The random question throws Sally off but she answers no, already working on removing her coat and deciding on how to kill you. 

Luckily with the freshly renovated hotel the TVs include streaming services, so you fall/hop onto the bed while excitedly telling her it’s on Netflix. Sally stops undressing when she sees you using the remote to find it and asks if you are seriously going to watch a dumb kids movie.

Her harsh tone makes you get emotional again and you pathetically whimper that you really like the movie, but you won’t make her stay and watch, knowing it’s lame. And something about your genuinely broken spirit makes her pause. 

Then she hesitantly says she’ll watch it, hoping you’ll pass out soon and killing you will be a lot easier. So you pat the bed inviting her closer and she slowly comes forward, shocked at how easily you let her in. But this isn’t Sally’s first rodeo and you’re not going to trick her that easily.

Throughout the movie you scoot closer to Sally and when your flesh touches hers she starts to feel something other than the empty and lonely feeling of death. There’s not a word she can think of to describe it, but it’s a warm comforting feeling. Almost like a hug. However she credits that to the alcohol so she doesn’t fall for you.

After the movie you tell Sally you’re going to order room service and ask what she would like. The blonde is once again taken aback at your consideration of her, but says she doesn’t want anything, starting to get annoyed at how kind you’re being to her.

So you order something for yourself and as you eat you ask about Sally and her past. However she snaps at you, saying you don’t really care or even if you do you’ll leave her when you learn she’s a monster. That’s when you notice fresh tears streaming down her face.

But you assure her that you’re not asking to be judgmental, just to care. So even though Sally doesn’t divulge everything, she does tell you some small parts of her past, anticipating your repulsion or disgust. However you do the opposite, pulling her into a hug and thanking her for trusting you enough to share.

By now Sally lets is more shocked than upset at your acceptance and you see her smile for the first time. Then you ask if she’ll stay for one more movie and she doesn’t hesitate to agree. This time while the movie plays you lean against her and without speaking she wraps her arms around you.

When tucked in Sally’s embrace you don’t feel her cold, dead aura whatsoever and snuggle into her further. In the process she is encompassed in your warmth and for a moment gets a glimpse at feeling alive once more.

By the time the credits roll you’re fast asleep in Sally’s arms and she remembers her plan to kill you earlier. But she decides against it. Not to make herself some superhero, but because for so long she has been the victim of rejection and you accepted her. You didn’t use her as something for selfish pleasure or take your anger out on her only to leave. Your care was unconditional.

When you wake up the next morning Sally is gone, leaving you confused and almost wondering if you had just dreamed about her. So before you leave, you go to the front desk and ask about Sally and if she’s checked out already. They tell you she’s still here so you leave a note for her before leaving.

It’s only then that Sally comes out from the shadows and looks to see what you wrote to her. And her heart melts when she sees that you thanked her for helping you to feel better and left your number in case she needed someone to talk to.

 (https://charliewrites.tumblr.com/post/174967894140/sarah-paulson-in-american-horror-story-roanoke)

Audrey Tindall

Today is your 1 year anniversary of being Audrey’s girlfriend. So the actress specifically takes the day off to spend it with you. And for once she had the forethought to plan a whole day of activities to do together.

However before you can even leave the house, her first plan goes awry when you slip into her shower to “wish her a happy anniversary.” Did she make a breakfast reservation that you will be late for? Yes. But is she gonna turn down shower sex with you? Absolutely not.

But now because of that distraction Audrey is nearly down the driver’s neck trying to get them to go faster so you aren’t late. But they can only go so fast in stopped LA traffic. However you get her attention to show her one of those airplanes making a message in the sky, blissfully unaware of the stress Audrey is experiencing.

In the end you miss your reservation. However you believe she made the reservation for the place next door and ask how she knew it was your favorite spot. So Audrey just rolls with it and says it was instinct and you eat breakfast there. Then Audrey takes you to one of the walking trails up to the Griffith Observatory.

But you accidentally take the “scenic” trail and what should have been a 1 mile trek ends up being almost 3 miles. And that includes walking a half a mile on a side path thinking it’s the right way.

Because Audrey thought it was going to be a small walk she didn’t bring any water or tell you to wear walking shoes so you end up with some gnarly blisters on your heels. 

The actress feels horrible about it, but you assure her it’s fine and buy some flip flops and bottles of water from the observatory’s gift shop. Then you take your time to look around the observatory and absolutely love it.

Because the walk took so long, you end up eating lunch at some generic, overpriced but subpar lunch place attached to the observatory. The food isn’t great, but the view is amazing. And honestly you’re both so hungry that you’re willing to eat anything.

After this Audrey takes you to Venice Beach to hang out and shop around. But when you get there, the streets are closed off for a huge block party. And to make matters worse, people around begin to recognize her and come up asking for pictures and autographs. 

Audrey feels terrible about everything that’s going wrong and now she has to deal with a swarm of fans. Right away you see her trembling lip and tell people to back off. Then you guide her into a nearby antique shop. Luckily the owner saw everything and locks the door after you enter while saying you’re welcome to stay as long as you need.

You quickly thank him, but guide Audrey who has teary eyes to a section of the store that’s not visible to the windows and ask if she’s ok. While she’s clearly shaken up she nods. But she also tearfully apologizes for ruining the day.

However you silence her with a kiss and soothe she isn’t ruining the day at all. That’s when you both see an older woman you assume to be the owner’s wife and freeze up, concerned about how she will act about your relationship. But she just offers a smile and says she just made some lemonade, offering the privacy of their breakroom.

You follow her back and sit with the older couple while drinking lemonade and end up having a good time just listening to how they got together and they came to own the shop. By the time you say goodbye it’s nearly evening the group of fans is gone, but they let you exit out the backdoor just in case.

While walking down the street you pause at a local restaurant that looks delicious for dinner. Audrey goes to protest saying she made a reservation at some fancy, a-list restaurant. But honestly both of you look pretty rugged with no time to clean up and you are interested in going here. So she agrees to eating where you want since every other plan she’s made has gone to shit.

Because the restaurant is nearly empty of guests, when the server finds out it’s your one year anniversary, they offer a special discount and free dessert. Then they do their best to make the setting as romantic as possible.

In the process you meet the owner and their whole family when each one comes out to congratulate you on your anniversary. The food is delicious and even though Audrey had other plans, this is way better.

When you finish dinner, Audrey sees the sky is overcast to the point that you won’t be able to see the sun actually setting. But you assure her you would love to go to the beach anyways even to just to dip your feet in the water.

So you go to the nearest beach and while you walk along the shore (holding hands of course) you tell her you have loved today. She stops in confusion because everything that could go wrong did and she let you down. But you pull her close to kiss her lips and assure her that you wouldn’t change a thing about today and that you love her so much.

She happily replies that she loves you too. Then it starts to rain. And not like a light sprinkle either. It’s pouring rain that leaves you drenched to the bone within minutes. Audrey looks up and waves her fist at the sky as she curses it for raining this one night when it’s sunny in LA every other day.

But you giggle and end her dramatic monologue with a long kiss before running back to your car. By the time you’re riding home both of you are soaked. But you don’t mind and you promise Audrey that you have made some plans of your own for her when you get back to your bedroom.

 Ally Mayfair-Richards

Recently Ally has been super busy working on her re-election campaign as senator. Of course you are her #1 booster and supporter. And you want to do something special for her to help lighten Ally’s load.

So tonight you and Oz decide to make a special dinner for Ally. As usual Ally texts you that she’ll be working late so you have plenty of time to work. Then Oz tells you her favorite meal and you both go out shopping to get the necessary ingredients.

Once you return, Oz pulls out the cookbook with the instructions and sits up on the countertop (Something Ally would NEVER allow) to stay next to you while reading the steps as you cook. But...here's the thing: You have no idea how to cook—at all.

So Oz grimaces as he watches you and tries to help you along with little helpful tips. But he’s a kid—not an experienced cook like Ally.

You struggle through it and know you’re messing things up. But you’re hopeful a couple mistakes here and there won’t be too noticeable. As you finish cooking, Ally texts you she’s headed home so you and Oz run around, setting the table and finishing the dinner. And as you haphazardly pour one of the wines you randomly picked into her glass (Because—let’s be honest you have no idea how to pair wine) the door opens.

As soon as Ally walks into her home, her nose wrinkles at the smell of burnt food and other concerning scents. So she calls out your name before doing anything else, hoping nothing happened, and you reply you’re in the dining room.

When she walks in, her eyes widen at seeing the dangerous-looking meal and Oz’s expression of concern and disgust. But her attention is drawn to you when you tell her you made dinner with a nervous smile.

Seeing all of the effort you put in makes Ally’s heart melt and even though she’s concerned, she goes along with it, thanking you and sitting down. She could struggle through one subpar meal to make you feel good—but then the three of you start to eat.

The first bite Oz takes, he gags and says “Yuck!” That makes Ally shoot him a warning look. However, she nearly chokes when she takes the first bite. So she tries to conceal that by washing it down with a generous sip of wine. But then she actually does choke at the horribly paired food and drink.

At this point you want to die in humiliation and hide your face in your hands. You know Ally is the “bread winner” so that should make you the homemaker. But you have no idea how to “home make.” That has never come natural to you. So you do one thing that you do know how to do and apologize.

Right away, Ally takes your hand and guides you to look at her while soothing that she doesn’t mind cooking. But you explain that you wanted to be helpful and alleviate stress and you just made everything worse for her. She assures you that she finds cooking to be cathartic and just having you and Oz around makes everything better.

So you throw away the disappointment of a meal and all 3 of you head into the kitchen. However most of the necessary dishes are dirty from your cooking so you offer to wash them while Ally takes off her makeup and gets into lounge clothes.

So she heads to your room and you and Oz get to work washing and drying the dishes. As you both finish up, Ally walks in to see him perched on the countertop and drying dishes next to the sink. So she scolds him about sitting there and Oz just throws you under the bus saying that you let him do that all the time.

You try to deny the accusation, but both Ally and Oz know you are horrible at enforcing rules, so you apologize and tell Oz in your “stern” voice no more sitting on the countertop. However, they both know if he sits up there and you’re home alone you’ll ultimately let him do it.

That’s the moment when you take in Ally. Not senator Mayfair-Richards, just your love, Ally with her oversized sweater and cute, little ponytail at the nape of her neck with a couple loose hairs that are too short to stay held back frame her face. 

You let her take the lead and watch her come alive as she does the cooking and delegates you to do different side tasks that don’t risk something being over or under cooked. Meanwhile Oz sits at the mini bar and tells his mom about his day. These ordinary moments between the three of you are not very common, but they’re your favorite moments.

In less than an hour, the 3 of you are back in the dining room with an excellent, homemade dinner. You all happily eat the late night meal before going over to the living room and watching a TV show Oz chooses.

He lays across your laps to watch it so he can lean on you while Ally gently strokes his hair and by the end he’s asleep. Then you gather him in your arms before picking him up and carrying him to his bed while Ally follows behind and whispers her shock that you can still actually hold him. Somehow he never wakes up so you gently lay him down and Ally tucks his blankets around him, placing a kiss on his forehead before walking out.

Then you both go down to the kitchen and Ally drinks a couple glasses of wine at the mini bar while you clean up from dinner. Of course she wants to help you, but you insist on her sitting while you take care of everything. And as you go, you ask how her day was.

Ally tells you about her long day and asks your opinion on a couple of the decisions she is considering. While you have little to no experience in politics, she’s thankful that you listen to her and if Ally asks, she knows you’ll always choose what’s best for her unlike other “helpful” politicians.

When you finish up, Ally walks over to you and admits that telling you what to do earlier as you both cooked felt good and asks if you would consider being told what to do in the bedroom by her so she could “relieve the remaining stress from the day.” Of course you are more than happy to oblige in submitting to Ally and let her guide you up to your bedroom.

 (https://lauramaher25.tumblr.com/post/179727949356/ahs-ms-wilihemina-venable)

Wilhelmina Venable

You know Wilhemina truly loves you when she begrudgingly agrees to go to Disneyland for your birthday. Of course you butter up the deal by purchasing VIP passes so you don’t have to deal with lines—but still.

The night before you can’t hardly sleep because you’re so excited to go to the happiest place on earth for the first time. But Wilhemina makes you stay in bed even though you want to start getting ready for the day at 4 in the morning.

While you couldn’t convince Mina to “officially” disneybound with you, she does wear a casual plum-colored dress, black cardigan, and shorter heels than usual in the same dark purple as her dress. Even her ponytail for today is less formal then her work coiffure.

On the other hand, you’ve pulled all the stops to disneybound as Snow White. Your outfit has been planned for weeks down to the smallest detail and having your girlfriend looking like the evil queen will make amazing pics.

When you get to the park, you nearly bounce around like a kid with excitement. Wilhelmina watches you with narrowed eyes making her look even more like a Disney villain, but lets you have your moment, only complaining when you go to take a selfie with her. And even then, she manages to give a small smile in the photo.

After you pick up your VIP passes you go to get your pins for your first visit and your birthday. You also get a first visit pin for Mina, but that’s when you find out this isn’t her first time to Disneyland. Then you slowly make your way down main street, stopping to look at every shop. In the process you have the redhead help you choose between two sets of ears and choose a pair for her to wear.

If looks could kill, you would be on death’s doorstep from her glare. At first she says no and remains firm in her answer. However you pull the ole “it’s your birthday and your first time at Disneyland” card so she spitefully wears them, grateful that they’re at least purple. But when you go to buy more merchandise, Wilhelmina drags encourages you out to actually get to the rides.

After taking WAY too many pictures around main street and in front of the castle, you begin to make your way through the park. Your first attraction is the tiki room. Then you share your first dole whip before going on the Jungle Cruise.

That ride just about kills Wilhemina and with each corny joke she lets out a soft groan, pained at how dumb these jokes really are. But she tries to not ruin the moment for you. Meanwhile you crack up at every joke.

Next you ride Pirates of the Caribbean and love it, constantly looking around to take everything in and pointing out Jack Sparrow each time as if Mina doesn’t notice the very obvious lighting and animatronic of him. On the other hand, the red head totally forgets there’s a drop and she lets out an adorable little squeak in surprise that only you hear. Because you like it so much you ride it again and ride Haunted Mansion twice too.

In between the attractions you practically skip along and with any character you pass—literally any character—you will wave at them and would stop to take photos, but Wilhemina drags you along keeps you moving.

As you walk through the park, you notice a couple kids gasp when they see Mina or point at her. Of course the redhead is offended and cold towards them, but then you realize they’re calling her princess Ariel. And at one point while you’re sitting to eat some churros a little girl shyly comes up to you both and says to Wilhemina that she’s her favorite princess before asking how Flounder and Sebastian are doing.

Mina is flabbergasted and for a moment just looks at the girl with wide eyes, bewildered that she would ever think of Wilhemina as a princess. However she pulls herself together enough to say that they're doing well. Then the girl says goodbye and runs back over to her family.

And while Mina has never been a kid person, being called a “princess” by different kids does make her smile a little bit. No one else would notice, but you do.

When you pass by Splash Mountain Wilhemina says no when you ask to ride. So even though you plead to go on it, you keep walking. The only other attraction she says no to is It’s a Small World. Even passing by the facade and hearing the faded music makes her shudder and declare she would rather puncture her own ear drums than go through that.

When it comes to the parade, even though Mina hates crowds, she sits with you and watches you call out to characters like the other kids around. Of course she gives you her trademark look of silently asking if you are really acting like this. However the redhead does secretly find it a little adorable.

Tomorrowland is your last “land” and that’s when you find out Mina kicks ass at Buzz Lightyear’s Astro Blasters. The first time you rode she blew you out of the water and ranked as a 1st class Ranger with a whopping score of 749,000 points and the next time she scored even higher.

For dinner you reserved a special table where you can watch the fireworks while eating. However during the whole show you forget to even touch your food, gasping at everything that happens and trying to take it all in. And because you look so damn adorable, before “rational Mina” can make an executive decision, “impulsive Mina” tells you she’ll ride Splash Mountain if you still want to.

You have never eaten a meal so fast in your life and when you finish you practically run to the ride, thanking Mina the whole walk there. Here’s the thing though—she thought it was an up and down one drop deal, like any other log ride. To the point that she took on the noble task of sitting in front of you so you wouldn’t get you special handmade Snow White dress damaged by water. Oh no, there are 3 drops. 3. So by the time you get off poor Wilhemina looks like a drowned cat. But the picture of your faces on the final drop is just too good to not buy it.

And on the way back, even though she’s soaked with cold water, you keep close to Mina on the monorail packed with people headed back to your car. And it feels so good to have her close to you whispering to ask if you had a good birthday. You know this is something she would never, ever choose to do. But her consideration touches your heart and you answer yes before thanking her once again for doing all of this.

Tagged: @marilynroselleprentiss, @saviorinsilk, @chokemepaulson, @versonstar, @find-me-a-constellation, @cordwliagoode, @psychobitchtess, @midnight-lestrange, @mysweetdelia, @venablesbitch, @peachesandlesbians, @nerdaroo, @cordeliafoxxe, @leskaksel, @lovelymspaulson, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @whatabluddymess​, @natasha-danvers, @saucy-sapphic​, @marvelfansince08love​, @wilheminawinters​

Let me know if you would like to be tagged in later works!

[imjustthemechanic]

The Price of a Soul

Part 1/? - Agent Russel Part 2/? - The Letter Part 3/? - Miss Lake Part 4/? - The Stewardess Part 5/? - An Assassination Part 6/? - Fallout Part 7/? - Face to Face Part 8/? - Deals, Details, and Other Devils Part 9/? - Baggage Part 10/? - Private Funding Part 11/? - Just Passing Through Part 12/? - Party of Four Part 13/? - Resolute Part 14/? - The Wreck Part 15/? - Body Snatchers Part 16/? - Out of the Frying Pan Part 17/? - A Miracle Part 18/? - A Matter of Circumstance Part 19/? - Nome

Somebody probably should have warned Howard.

-

Peggy felt a need to wash her face again before she went back to the infirmary to see how Steve was getting along.  She didn’t doubt he’d be just fine, as he always was, but there was a part of her that really needed to see for herself.  Like Howard wanting to stay at the crash site, it would be a while before she felt sure he wouldn’t simply vanish if she turned her back.

She stood in front of the mirror and tried to fix her hair a little, but in the end decided that was a lost cause.  It had been days since she’d been able to wash up properly, and while the redness and swelling from Kay’s chemical spray had gone down, the windburn of the long, cold helicopter flight was still very visible, as were the effects of her recent bout of tears.  She had no fresh clothes to put on, and no makeup to cover anything. She looked grotesque.

So of course when she sat down by Steve’s bedside, he smiled at her and said, “you look beautiful.”

“I do not!” she snorted, “and I ought to thump you one for such a lie!”

“You can’t thump me, I’m a sick man!” Steve protested, and wiggled down under the covers trying to look pathetic.  It failed, of course.  He’d been sitting up and eating when Peggy entered the room.

“You’re as well as you’ve ever been in your life, Steve Rogers,” said Peggy, “and I believe the doctors will take my side on that!”

One of said doctors – sporting a picturesque black eye from the earlier fight – looked up from a clipboard.  “I wouldn’t say that,” he said, “but he’s well on his way to recovery. Amazing.”  He shook his head.  “Never seen anything like it.”

“I hear that a lot,” said Steve, but his smile was gone now. “It’s really been three years?” he asked Peggy.

She nodded.  “Yes, darling.  We didn’t realize you’d gone so far north.”

“Huh.”  He looked away.  “I can’t believe you kept looking for me that long.”

Peggy’s insides twisted.  “Well… we didn’t, honestly.  Schmidt was dead and Hitler shot himself just a few days later, but there was still the Pacific theatre, and…”  She swallowed.  “Howard found the cube and we locked that away, but after that the army wouldn’t fund the search anymore.”

“Oh,” said Steve.

She grabbed his hand.  “If we’d known you were alive, we would never have let it go that long,” she promised… though that probably didn’t reassure him.  He must be thinking what she had, wondering if he might have had to wait centuries or millennia.  At least he hadn’t heard Kay tell Peggy that seventy years would have been more than long enough.  “I’m so sorry, Steve, but… well, we thought you were dead.  After a few weeks in the arctic…”  They’d been certain that even Steve must have perished, if he hadn’t been killed instantly in the crash.

“Right, right.”  He nodded, and brought a hand up to her cheek.  “Don’t apologize, Peggy, it’s… you were right, I should have given you my position.  I saw the ground coming and I… at the last minute there…”  He swallowed hard.

Peggy shut her eyes as tears threatened to overflow again, and wrapped both her hands around his to squeeze it tight.  Nobody could have foreseen this.  Nobody but a woman to whom it was already the long-ago past.

“Did you ever find him?” Steve asked.  “I mean… Bucky?  Or…”

She knew if she opened her eyes she’d find him looking right into them… and she also knew they’d be full of desperate hope even as he already knew what the answer would be.  “I’m afraid not.  The valleys there are impassable most of the year…”

“The Russians found him,” said Kay.

Peggy hadn’t even realized she’d entered the room, but when she looked up, she found Kay standing at the end of Steve’s bed.  Her blonde hair was askew and flattened by her hat, and her face, too, was pink and puffy from crying, but she still looked better than Peggy did.

“They were in the area at the time,” she added. “They knew HYDRA had a route through there and they were looking for anything that might have fallen from the trains.  They didn’t know who he was, but they found him and took him back with them.  The dead HYDRA men, too.”

Steve nodded.  “That’s good… I’m glad somebody took care of him.”

“It’s not quite as simple as that,” said Kay, “but I’ll tell you more when you’re feeling better.”  She turned around, and walked out of the room.

Steve sat up a little, as if he planned to get up and follow her, but Peggy and the doctor both took hold of him and gently pushed him back down onto the bed.

“Steve, don’t, she won’t tell you anything until she’s ready,” Peggy said.

“Captain Rogers,” the doctor said at the same time, “you need to recover your strength.”

“I feel fine!” Steve protested, but he must have been tired, because he lay back down and rested his head on the pillow.  “Who is she?” he asked Peggy.

“I… I’m not entirely sure,” Peggy replied.  “I know she’s Russian.  She’s told me a story about her past but I don’t know whether to believe it.  She did know where to find you, though.”  Kay didn’t seem to be an enemy, but Peggy still wasn’t sure she really counted as an ally, either.  She definitely wasn’t a friend, though, there was no question about that.

Steve nodded.  “If she can tell us where his grave is…”

“I don’t know if that will be possible,” Peggy warned. “The relationship between the US and the USSR has deteriorated a bit.”

She wondered if she should have phrased it that way. Would Steve wonder if other relationships might have deteriorated?  He now knew how long he’d been gone…

His thoughts must have been tending in that general direction, because the next thing he said was, “I know I’m late… but is there any chance we could still make that dance?”

Peggy ducked her head as if to hide a blush – but really to hide the tears that were welling up again.  “I’ll see what I can do,” she promised.  But even that was a lie, wasn’t it?  How could she have that long-delayed dance with Steve when she’d found somebody else?  Daniel wouldn’t begrudge her one dance, but would he believe her if she promised it would only be one dance?

She couldn’t tell Steve about Daniel yet.  Not when he’d only just awakened and had so many other things to catch up on, but the longer she waited the harder it would be.

- 

The Valiant had to return to its normal route patrolling the arctic ocean, so a couple of days later, when the doctors were satisfied that Steve wasn’t about to suddenly collapse, he, Masters, Peggy, and Kay were loaded into a small plane to take them to Nome, Alaska.  The crew of the carrier turned out in their dress uniforms with a band playing to send them off, and somebody had made a Welcome Back Captain America banner to hang from the ship’s superstructure.  Steve smiled awkwardly and waved to them as he climbed into the plane.

“Get used to it,” Peggy murmured to him.  “I imagine there’ll be a very similar reception waiting for you when we reach the mainland.”

“Oh, several of them,” Kay agreed.  “You’re going to have to make a cross-country tour.”

“Great, something to look forward to,” said Steve sarcastically.

“You’ve never liked being fussed over,” she observed.

“When I was little it usually meant they thought I was going to die,” Steve told her.

The plane took off into a clear blue arctic sky, heading southwest over Alaska to get to the town of Nome.  Steve sat looking out the window, but he kept his hand in hers, and she couldn’t help looking at him.  The cuts and bruises she’d helped him with after the train were healing quickly, as they always did.  In a couple more days they’d be gone.  There was already no trace to show he’d spent three years frozen in the sea ice. Physically as well as mentally, he hadn’t aged a day.

Peggy had been a year younger than him when he’d left. She wondered if she would now be considered two years older.

He glanced back and noticed her staring, and she quickly turned her head.  “Sorry,” Peggy said.  “I just… can’t quite believe you’re real.”

One of the things they hadn’t been sure of, one of the things Erskine had never been able to test, was the question of whether somebody who’d had the serum would age normally.  Not enough time had passed to see whether Steve was getting older, but the fact that he’d survived this latest ordeal made it seem unlikely that time could touch him.  What would happen if in twenty years, Peggy had gotten older and Steve had not?

During the war they’d both been ready to deal with that as it came.  Steve probably still was.  Peggy wasn’t so sure.

“What about you?” she asked, trying to distract herself from that uncomfortable thought and the problems surrounding it.  “What are you looking at out there?”

“Nothing, exactly,” he said.  “I’m just… thinking.”

“About what?” Peggy asked.

“About what Buck would have said if he were here. He, uh… he would have told me I’m an idiot,” Steve said with an embarrassed smile.  “He would have told me that if I’d given it a few more days I would have realized I didn’t want to die, and he’d be right.  In the last few seconds when I knew the water was coming in, I tried to get out.  But I couldn’t.  He wouldn’t have wanted me to die.”

“I could have told you that,” said Peggy.

“I’m surprised you haven’t yet,” said Kay from the seat behind them.

“I was saving it for when the initial joy wore off,” Peggy replied.  “Then I was going to give him a real earful.”

Kay giggled, but Peggy had to suppress a shudder.  His last thought being that he didn’t want to die after all, only for him to wake up and find he was alive but three years had gone by without him… that had to be enough of a shock.  Three years, however, was merely a hiatus – seventy was a lifetime.  She rearranged her fingers, lacing them through his, and wished Kay hadn’t painted quite so vivid a picture of it.

- 

There was no fanfare waiting for them in Nome, to Steve’s obvious relief.  When they landed on the little airstrip, there was nobody there to meet them but a few more military men, and Howard and Jason.  The ramp came down, and Kay was the first off the plane, followed by Peggy and Steve.  Howard was so happy to see any of them that he ran up to give Kay a hug.

“What do they feed you Russian girls to make you indestructible?” he asked.

“Various experimental versions of the super-soldier serum,” Kay replied.

Howard blinked and then held her out at arm’s length again to examine her facial expression.  She remained entirely deadpan, but after a moment he decided she was joking, and laughed awkwardly before turning to hug Peggy.

“I think you’re just too stubborn to die,” he said.

“Damned right,” Peggy agreed.  “I have far too much to do.”

He responded with a more genuine laugh and hugged her again, while Jason happily greeted Kay.  Steve had stood back for this, but then came up to take his turn saying hello to Howard, on the assumption that his friend was expecting him.

Peggy had assumed this as well.  She hadn’t told Jason that Steve was alive, but Captain Lewis must have radioed ahead to have somebody there to meet them, and would have surely told that person.  And since Peggy had told Lewis that Howard and Jason would be there as well, it seemed reasonable to her that one of the military men would have spoken to them.

Evidently this was not true.  Steve stepped forward with a smile on his face, clearly expecting a hug of his own, and said, “Howard!  Good to see you!”  But instead of returning the greeting, Howard stopped cold.  The colour drained from his face, and then his legs simply folded up underneath him.  If Peggy hadn’t caught him, he would have fallen face-first onto the asphalt.

“Is he okay?” one of the soldiers asked.

Peggy lay him down gently and took his pulse. “He’s out cold,” she said.  “I think he’ll be fine.  Does anyone have any smelling salts?”

One of the soldiers went to fetch some from the first aid kit on the airplane, while Steve and Peggy carried Howard’s unconscious body into a car so they could lie him down comfortably.  Once that was done, Steve stepped back and looked at Jason, somewhat worried about what his reaction might be.

“Captain,” said Jason.  “Dr. Jason Wilkes.  I work for Stark Industries.  I saw you once or twice during the war, but we never actually met.”

“Nice to meet you, Dr. Wilkes,” said Steve.  They shook hands.

The smelling salts brought Howard around, gagging. “What happened?” he groaned. “Peg?  I thought I saw…”

“You did,” Peggy told him.  “Steve’s alive.  He’s here.”

Howard sat up a bit to see Steve looking over Peggy’s shoulder, and after a moment in which he could only sit there with his mouth hanging open, he began to grin.  “Well, son of a gun!”

[phoenix-manga]

[DCA Event] - Six Queens Event Part 6

[Parr - I Don’t Need Your Love]

Rozeline could feel the ghost send emotions of pent up frustration and regret. But unlike the others that synchronized with their ghosts, Rozeline boldly let her own feelings clash with the ghost. She intends to make the ghost understand her vision, her true intentions for the six of them. For a while the ghost struggled but soon it mellowed out and synchronized with her emotions.

Her eyes glowed blue but it was a soft glow compared to the bright ones that the other five girls had.

She looks to the girls who are currently unstable and for a moment the ghosts were the ones talking to her instead of the students. She needs to let the ghosts know that they CAN have their chance at a happy ending but taking over them will NOT grant them that chance.

Rozeline: No, no, no, stop, stop! I really don’t think it’s a good idea.

Allison (Boleyn): Literally, what are you on about, mate?

Rozeline: Like… “Let’s see what has the biggest cheer, being murdered by your husband or experiencing the trauma of losing a baby.” Are we really gonna do this?

Briar (Seymour): Um, I’m pretty sure we’ve been doing that for the last hour, so.

Rozeline: But… miscarriages. Come on, surely, that’s one step too far.

Vidya (Cleves): Ooh, someone has a conscience all of a sudden.

Cerule (Howard): Ooh, “I’m Catherine Parr, I draw lines in arbitrary places.” Blah-blah!

Evonie (Aragon): She just knows she’s not gonna win.

Briar (Seymour): I’m sure she doesn’t even have a story to tell.

Rozeline: Yeah… you know what? I will tell you a story.

Rozeline signals the band to play something less lively and the lights dim. and the song starts. She starts singing about the queen’s misfortune of having to leave her true love to be with the king because the royal chose her and she can’t say no. The audience is focused on Rozeline and the ghosts’ possession slowly fades as they listen to her singing. A rush of emotions go through the ghosts and girls, the grief and heartache they’ve felt and the sorrow of not having to live the best life they dreamed of. Slowly turns into determination and courage.

Then the song starts to become lively as Rozeline begins to sing about how she is through with the king’s B.S. and this show is about the QUEENS!

At the pause of her song, Rozeline looked to the girls and asked the reason why this particular king and his six wives was the one history remembers and when she asks them if they remembered who the wives of the of the previous kings were, but for some reason they don’t know.

Rozeline states that the reason why the eight king was remembered was not because of his way of ruling but because of his SIX WIVES. At that, the ghosts felt a spark of realization as they looked to Rozeline.

Soon the ghosts started to lessen their possession and sync with the girls as they came to Rozeline and sang back up vocals, they all start to glow as the sorrowful atmosphere changed to a more upbeat tone and the queens started to dance to the tune.

The audience liked the last song and the message conveyed. Jack was emotionally touched since the story of a woman who is letting go of her past to be happy is tugging on his heart so much. When the girls start to glow at the end, Lilia and Crowley were confused as to what was happening but then they realized the entire situation just from seeing the glowing colors coming from the girls. The thought going through their heads were, “So, those ladies reached out to you this time...”.

At the end of the song, the girls looked to the audience and asked if they want to see a royal happy ever after. The crowds cheered loudly.

Cerule: Well we don’t have one...

Audience: *Laughs*

Evonie: We wish we could tell you that we had happy endings but the reality is that we don’t...

Briar: And there is nothing we can do to change that...

Vidya: Ever... OH WAIT! Since this is our show, we can have any ending we want!

Allison: We’re going to give you our slightly edited version of what really happened because...

Rozeline: We’re SIX!

[Finale - We’re Six]

The finale starts to play and the girls started to bounce to the song and the audience clapped to the song as the lights shine a bright gold on the six queens.

Queens: We’re one of a kind, no category~ Too may years, lost in history

We’re free to take our crowning glory for five more minutes...

We’re SIX~ whoa whoa we’re six

Audience:

As they sang the song, they could feel the ghosts’ joy and at the end of the song as the confetti and stage fireworks go off. The glowing stopped and their eyes turned back to normal but the audience didn’t notice apart from Lilia and Crowley.

The possession was lifted and the show was a success. The applause was nearly deafening as the crowd was yelling “Queens!” and “Love you gurl!” amongst the noise.

At the backstage, the other dorm leaders were there at the back, Elu and Jinlong were by the stage control panel and Ella was congratulating them on the successful show and Perrine was helping the others take off their costume.

As soon as the audience started to leave the building those of NRC stayed behind to congratulate their friends.

Vil and Divus were talking with Ella about how the costumes were brilliant. And Evonie was beside Ella during the whole exchange, she flinches when Divus makes eye contact with her. He offers to make her a model for his next fashion show but she ran off before he could finish. She has HEARD what happened during the Fairy Gala from Elu who was told by Ruggie and she does NOT want to step foot into that hell hole!

Divus: How about I make you  model in one of my fashion shows!~

Evonie:

Allison is being chased around by Riddle cause she teased him on how red he got during some acts and her saying a dirty joke to get him to choke was worth it. The boy ain't having it as he is ready to off her head while Cater and Trey chase after them. Allison in the distance yelling, "sorry not sorry!"

Kalim was blushing red as he congratulates Vidya on her performance. Jamil on the other hand, the moment he got to talk to her he is wondering how she could copy his moves just by looking, Vidya replies with sword fighting. Just sword fighting. Not the answer that he’s expecting but okay...

Azul was fidgeting and was shocked when Cerule came out wearing her usual uniform. Azul cannot comprehend as he compared the Cerule on stage and the Cerule in front of him. The difference is mind boggling to him. Cerule asked what’s wrong and Jade and Floyd got this glint in their eyes and was about to spill it before Azul struck the back of their legs with his magic. The twins did, in fact, noticed his blushing face during the show and yes, they will use it to tease him.

Azul: Oh uh.. You’re in your uniform again!...

Twins: huehuehue~

Briar was greeted by the Diasomnia boys with Lilia pulling out a bouquet out of nowhere. Lilia and Malleus congratulate her with the show’s success and were surprised at how they were moved by her singing. Sebek is singing praises because to be able to move the young master to tears must mean that she was skilled in the art of theater. Silver just pats her shoulder but then looks at her as if he understood that she was singing out her heart too, but Briar can’t tell.

Jack and Ortho are chatting with Rozeline and for a moment she looked at Jack and he looked back at her. No words were exchanged but they both knew what the other was thinking. Rozeline hopes that Jack wouldn’t be skinned, who would take care of his poor cactus then?

All in all, those who attended the showing had a good time, at least the students who get to be exempted for that day... They’re happy until Professor Trein wants an essay based on what thy know about the history of Henry the VIII and his six wives.

Trein: Those who attended the play must write an essay on what you know about the six wives of the eighth king.

Deuce: I f*cking called it!

NRC Students: SHHHHHIIIII-

[Extra]

This moment shook Riddle the fourth time if you count the other times he got shook while watching the stage play.

Allison: Oh, I get it. Since the only thing we have in common is our husband, grouping us is an inherently comparative act and as such unnecessarily elevates a historical approach ingrained in patriarchal structures… Yeah... I read.

Riddle: 

[daleisgreat]

Speed

Today’s entry will mark the first official 4K home video release I am writing about. I already own a few other 4K UHDs, and a couple of months ago, I watched my first 4K video at home with 2001’s The Fast and the Furious. However, I already covered that movie’s BluRay release here several years ago, so I will not be dedicating another entry for it, other than to say that the 4K upgrade pops and makes it look like a new release. Today’s entry is for 1994’s Speed (trailer). Before diving into this movie, I noticed one of the tracks from this film’s score repeatedly used throughout sounds awfully like one of the main themes I primarily associated with the Metal Gear Solid franchise. I have no idea if this was pointed out before, and I just overlooked it all these years, or maybe I am grasping at straws. Click or press here to take a listen and decide for yourself. 1994 was a hell of a year for Hollywood movies primarily transpiring from a highway with The Chase, Speed, and the OJ Simpson Bronco chase….oh wait (although I highly recommend the ESPN 30 for 30 on it, simply titled: June 17th 1994). The majority of Speed has a straightforward premise: serial bomber and local madman Howard Payne (Dennis Hopper) planted a bomb on a bus rigged to explode once the bus drops below 55 miles per hour. Police officer Jack Traven (Keanu Reeves) is alerted to this by the bomber himself to exact revenge on Traven after successfully rescuing hostages from an elevator Payne armed at the beginning of the film.

From there, for the middle hour of this nearly two-hour film, the action almost entirely takes place on the bus. Traven makes a grand entrance onto the bus by commandeering a Jaguar and having its owner (Glenn Plummer) take the wheel so Traven could heroically leap onto the bus and save the day. It would not be that easy of a rescue mission as Payne has eyes on the bus, and Traven has to play by his rules and get him his $3 million ransom to disarm the bus. Without question, the middle hour on the bus is the best part of the film. The opening half-hour is an excellent appetizer with the elevator hostage crisis that Traven and his partner, Harry (Jeff Daniels), successfully foil. However, once the action shifts to the bus is when Speed takes off. Shortly after taking control of the bus, one of the passengers freaks and inadvertently shoots the bus driver, and a fellow passenger, Annie (Sandra Bullock), takes over the wheel. Throughout the film, Annie and Traven have wonderful chemistry, and I could not help but root for the duo throughout. Every couple of minutes, there is a new potential conflict to overcome to keep the bus going over 55mph. The film wisely peppers in brief dialog exchanges to let the movie breathe just enough before the next hurdle makes itself present.

The film's standout moment is the major obstacle for the bus to overcome when it encounters a stretch of unavoidable highway under construction and missing a hearty chunk of the road. Traven’s solution is that since that stretch of a road is on an incline, they may clear that gap if they build up enough speed! That epic stunt hits all the right notes, and I got goosebumps all over again re-watching it, and odds are, I bet you did too if you have seen this movie. If you have not, then watch this scene and see for yourself by click or pressing here. A lot of the critical discussion in the aftermath of this movie was if that jump was realistically possible. The best thing I can do is to compare it to another film, Road Trip, which is likely a better indicator of what could happen when attempting such a feat. Once the middle bus portion of the film is over, there are still about 20 minutes left where Traven tracks and chases down Payne in a subway station. The movie felt over once the bus portion had such a satisfying conclusion that it almost feels wrong to keep sticking with the film by this point, but I recommend you do since there is a satisfying payoff in the form of Payne’s demise. I have to share a story now when I first saw this film at around 13 or 14 on VHS. My dad’s VCR had what seemed to me at the time was a revolutionary feature where if I kept pressing the pause button repeatedly, it would slowly, frame-by-frame, play the film in super slow-motion. At that age, I thought this was a fantastic way to get the most out of the biggest stunts in action scenes. My favorite moment exploiting this feature was seeing Traven and Payne wrestle around on the top of a subway train until Payne was not watching his field of vision, and a warning light lead to his sudden beheading. I slow-motion replayed that sequence countless times in my awkward, early teenage years. Suffice it to say, Hopper plays the out-of-his-mind bomber perfectly, going so far as to make sure he receives his appropriate cinematic comeuppance.

The director ensures the many passengers on the bus maximized their minutes to the point I where it feels like you are right there with them!

Two audio commentaries are the only extra features of the 4K disc in this 4K/BluRay combo pack. One is with the director, Jan de Bont, and the other is with producer Mark Gordon and writer Graham Yost. Props are to whoever decided to subtitle the commentary tracks. I very much appreciate it! I first started to bounce back and forth between the two commentary tracks, but Bont was way too relaxed and had too many pauses to hold my attention, and I finished up with his track within five minutes. However, Yost and Gordon are very much engaged from beginning to end and have fun cracking jokes and sharing memories throughout. Some quick takeaways I got from them were how they wanted to film a major scene outside of a sports arena, dealing with critics poking holes at how unrealistic their stunts were, and how watching the movie felt very different at the time of the commentary recording just two months after 9/11. The BluRay disc contains the remainder of the bonus features. Inside Speed is a four-part feature lasting just under an hour breaking down the visual effects, stunts, and location sequences, but half of it also contains an HBO First Look special hosted by Dennis Hopper that hits all the right kinds of cheesy mid-90s EPK nostalgia that it is worth checking out. Aside from 12 minutes of extended scenes and a Billy Idol music video that seems totally off base with the tempo of the film, there are a couple of Action Sequences mini-features breaking down some of the stunts. I highly recommend watching the one dissecting how they did the bus jump, as it shows raw footage of what really happened when they shot it, and showed footage of some of the specific safety measures they instilled to make that stunt as safe as possible and had some eye-opening interviews with the stunt driver before and after.

After watching that old VHS copy nearly a dozen times, Speed wound up being one of my favorite action films I got burnt out early on and never bothered upgrading to a DVD or standalone BluRay. Watching it again in 4K all these years later breathed new life into it for me. I am not an expert at breaking down video quality by any means, but watching the 4K disc on my 4KTV gave the impression of this having far more current production values. The editors somehow managed to remove all the old film grain defects for a smooth 4K upgrade. If you have not seen Speed yet, then it has everything you could want out of a mid-90s action movie with explosions, gripping thrills and stunts, dramatic rescues, plenty of zinger one-liners…..and a Billy Idol theme song. Pardon me while I attempt my best Dennis Hopper impression here, “Pop quiz, hotshot, which 1994 blockbuster that takes place primarily on a bus is a perfect candidate for beer and popcorn movie night at home?” Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street The Accountant Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron The Avengers: Endgame The Avengers: Infinity War Batman: The Dark Knight Rises Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve The Clapper Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed I & II Deck the Halls Detroit Rock City Die Hard Dirty Work Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Grunt: The Wrestling Movie Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Hell Comes to Frogtown Hercules: Reborn Hitman I Like to Hurt People Indiana Jones 1-4 Inglourious Basterds Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jay and Silent Bob Reboot Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Justice League (2017 Whedon Cut) Last Action Hero Major League Mallrats Man of Steel Man on the Moon Man vs Snake Marine 3-6 Merry Friggin Christmas Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat Mortal Kombat Legends: Scorpions Revenge National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets Nintendo Quest Not for Resale Old Joy Payback (Director’s Cut) Pulp Fiction The Punisher (1989) The Ref The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VIII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery Scott Pilgrim vs the World The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Slacker Skyscraper Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Sully Take Me Home Tonight TMNT Trauma Center The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild The Wizard Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Apocalypse X-Men: Days of Future Past

[clintbartonswife]

Home

Pairings: Bucky Barnes x Reader, (platonic) Steve x Reader Summary: When Steve first comes out of the ice, he learns of his fellow Howling Commando’s fates, yours being less than pretty. So, when he goes back to return the stones, he decides to be selfish. He brings you home.

Written for @buckygrantbarnes writing challenge with the prompt : Epiphany (n)- a moment of sudden revelation or insight. It’s in bold. I really tried 

Warning: brief mentions of suicide, angst, minor swearing, involves flashbacks (through Steve’s eyes) to 40s!bucky and 40s!steve

Word Count: 3.2k - this was not meant to get this long oh dear god

masterlist

“Are you sure you want to do this Cap?” Tony asked, placing the Manila folders in front of him cautiously, “You might not like everything that you read”

Steve just nodded, his eyes immediately drawn to your file, “I have to know”

He waited until he was alone that evening to look through the folders, starting with Dum Dum’s folder. By 2 am in the morning he had finally reached yours, fingers hesitating at the crisp pages. With a deep breath, he finally opened it. 

Your face beamed up at him, standing in between him and Bucky. That particular picture had been taken after their first successful hydra raid with the howling commandos, the three of you full of incomparable joy. Steve felt his eyes brimming with tears as he set the picture aside, moving onto the typed up briefing of your life. 

He knew something was wrong before he had even started, the folder much thinner than that of the other members, only a mere few pages detailing your life after the war. His stomach clenched uncomfortably at the sight, yet he continued to read. 

She continued to fight with the surviving commandos until the end of the war, where she was heavily decorated amongst her peers. Retiring from the forces, she moved back to Brooklyn, only 5 minutes away from Rebecca Barnes and her new husband. 3 months after retiring from the service she was found dead in her apartment from a gunshot to the head, self inflicted. 

Steve felt sick. Utterly, utterly sick. He had left you alone, and without him or Bucky there to help you, you had crumbled. Shoving the folder away from him, he stumbled to his feet, dashing out of his room and towards the common room kitchen to get some water. 

He ignored a few worried calls as he walked through the corridors, his mind reeling with the imaginative horrors of your death, conjuring up images of your limp body sprawled lifelessly on the floor -  

The thought made him heave, tears gathering in his eyes as he clumsily took a cup from the cupboard and began to fill it up, his usually steadfast hands shaking life a leaf as memories of his youth filled his head.

“I didn't see you here yesterday, you’re always sat here sketching at 4. Were you okay?”

Steve looked up at you in shock, sketching pad lying on his legs as he tried to formulate a sentence.

“Wha - yeah. My asthma was bad is all, ma didn't want me leaving the house. Um - I’m Steve”

“Y/N” you greeted cheerfully, seating yourself next to him on the bench, “I think we’re going to be great friends”

“Steve! Wait up!” you called, running down the street, madly weaving through the throngs of people that lined the Brooklyn streets. Steve had known you for years now, Bucky instantly accepting you into the fold.

Steve watched you approach with a grin, leant against the wall with his hands tucked in his pockets to keep out of the way of the morning rush. 

“I thought you had ditched me” he teased, elbowing you lightly in the side, “was waiting for 20 minutes doll”

You ducked your head slightly, your hair falling in your face as you laughed, “I would never Steve - you know that”

With a small nod, he offered you his arm, the two of you walking towards the theatre.

“Is Buck coming?”

“Shouldn’t you know that?” He teased, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

You blanched, a blush creeping up your cheeks, “I don't have a clue what you’re talking about”

He snorted, falling next to you in line at the ticket booth with a relaxed smile.

“Yeah, because you didn't fall hopelessly in love with him when we were 7″

You punched his arm lightly, stumbling over words as you tried to defend yourself.

“He’ll ask you out any day doll, I’m sure of it”

“Steve! Help me!”

He turned around to see Bucky close in on you, tackling you to the ground before he began tickling your sides.

“Make him stop - ow! James! I’ll get you for this I swear!”

“Nah, you love me too much to hurt me babydoll” Bucky smirked, his eyes shining with admiration as he stared down at your scowling face.

Steve sniggered as he watched you turn beet red, immediately wiggling out from underneath the taller man and making a rushed excuse to leave.

“What was that?”

“You called her babydoll again” Steve smirked, crossing his arms triumphantly, “Just admit it, you like her”

“I don't know what you’re talking about punk”

“Jerk”

“It’s in Europe, they say we might have to join” you said in a low voice, squished between Bucky and Steve in a booth, a shared smoothie sat on the table.

“Someone’s got to stop the Nazis - I think we should help” Steve explained with a small shrug. “They’re bullies, they need to be stopped”

“What do you think Buck?”

“Huh - what? Sorry doll I wasn’t listening”

You sighed, narrowing your eyes at Dot who had been flirting with him from across the diner.

“Just go sit with her if she’s that bloody interesting”

“If that’s alright with you?”

You huffed moodily, Steve answering for the both of you, a scowl forming on your face as you watched him flirt.

“He’s nothing but a skirtchaser” you huffed, taking an angry sip of milkshake, “Just admit it Steve, he sees me as a sister. I’ve known him too long”

“Trust me, he doesn’t look at you like he looks at Becca. He’s just being an idiot right now” Steve said, consoling you, “Besides, they never last more than a week, you’ve got to realise there’s a reason for that”

“I’ll believe it when I see it Rogers”

“Buck you cant go” you cried into his chest, hands fisted into the material of his jacket.

“I’m sorry doll, but you know I have to. I’ll come home, I promise” he murmured, pressing a kiss to your hairline as he pulled away, moving to give Steve a hug.

“Look after her while I’m gone Steve, I mean it”

“You know I will”

“And don't do anything stupid”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you” Steve smiled sadly, moving to hold your hand as you waved Bucky off.

As soon as he was out of sight you buried your head in Steve’s shoulder, letting out broken sobs as he held you tightly.

“I didn’t tell him Steve”

“I know”

“What do you mean you’re leaving? You’re being deployed?”

“Yes, well I -” You cut him off with a hug, knowing how much he wanted to get in to the army, until the reality came crashing down.

“What am I supposed to do? What about your asthma? Your pains? I - I should join the nurses, see if I can go with you. You’ll - you’ll need someone who knows how to help you”

“Y/N no, I promised Buck -”

“You cant leave me here alone Steve, I cant be in Brooklyn alone”

“Who are - wait - Steven?”

“It's me”

“But you’re massive! What happened to you!”

“I joined the army” he chuckled, a sad tinge to his voice

“Why’re you sad?”

“They’re not deploying me. They have me on a dance troupe instead, something about selling bonds”

You pulled him into a hug, withholding a sigh of relief, “Well, I guess I’ve found my new job, eh?”

You snuck off stage with Steve, ignoring the cheers of the soldiers as you consoled him, smiling at Peggy as she approached.

“Tough crowd? That audience contains what was left of the 107th -”

“Wait, the 107th?” 

Steve was up in a flash, you and Peggy following close behind.

“Sir I just need to know one name, Sargent James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th, please”

“I’ve written more of those letters than I’d care to admit today - I’m sorry but the name does sound familiar”

You choked down a sob as Steve asked what the plan was to save the POWs, your hand absentmindedly clutching his as you tried to ground yourself.

“I cant believe I let you come” Steve breathed exasperatedly, watching as you put your show helmet back on, a determined look in your eye.

“Hey, I’ve been training her, she’s pretty good” Peggy smiled, handing you a pistol and holster, as well as a stolen machine gun.

The plane leered to the side slightly, Howard shouting apologies from the front.

“I’ll have you know I beat your accuracy on the shooting range, Rogers” you teased, attaching the thigh holster as you steadied your breathing, getting ready to drop into enemy territory.

You fought brutally, following Steve’s every move as you made your way through the hydra base.

“What do you need me to do?”

“Get the prisoners out, I’ll carry on looking for Bucky”

“Are you sure -”

“If he sees you here you know he’s just going to act tough, we need to move quickly”

You snorted in agreement, taking the cell keys and splitting off from him, shooting down the last few guards before entering the room.

“Who are you?” 

“Here to save your asses”

“I asked you to keep her safe!”

“I did! She’s fine isn't she?”

“She is standing right here! And yes, I’m joining and there’s nothing you can do about it, okay?”

“Doll, I just don't think -” “Bucky if the dame wants to come along, let her come” Dum Dum interrupted, “She saved us back then and she seems capable enough”

You smiled smugly, raising your eyebrow at Bucky as Steve watched on in amusement.

“You’re not gonna back down from this are you? God my ma’s gonna kill me”

You cheered at his acceptance, pulling both Bucky and Steve into a hug.

“The three musketeers back together again”

“I wish it was under better circumstances”

“don't we all”

“Bucky I’m fine! It was the right move, if I hadn't have gone in there then the turret might have taken Gabe and Pinky out!”

“You almost got shot!”

“We’re always almost getting shot!”

“But normally I have eyes on you - I can look out for you” “I don't need you to babysit me James! I can do it!” “Well I cant! I lost eyesight on you and you weren’t answering me doll - I - you can’t do that -“

“You don’t seem that bothered when the others leave your sight! You’re being hypocritical Bucky -“

“I LOVE YOU GODDAMNIT”

Everything went quiet, a shocked gasp escaping your lips at the epiphany.

The men cleared their throats awkwardly, the two of your voices carrying back to the camp. Steve, however, sat back in his seat happily, glad that his friend had finally taken the leap. 

Everyone was sat quietly as Jaques fiddled with the radio, trying to hack into the Russian network.

Steve was sat opposite the two of you, watching as you had a hushed conversation. You were sat in between Bucky’s legs, your back leant against his chest. You tilted your head upwards to talk to him, small giggles escaping your lips as he pressed light kisses all over your face.

The rare peaceful moment was cut short as the channel took hold, harsh Russian cutting through the cold air, bringing with it the beginnings of the next mission.

“What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking that we were cornered and I needed to get into the control room!”

“Jesus babydoll, are you trying to give me a heart attack”

“I can handle myself Buck! How many times do I need to prove myself before you realise that? I can fight my own fucking battles”

Bucky cut you off with a growl, picking you up and throwing you over his shoulder, muttering something about your dirty mouth.

“We’ll be back in a bit Steve”

“Try and keep it down this time” Steve teased, earning a shocked curse from you as you began to scold him.

“Steven Grant Rogers, how very dare you -”

“Stevie you’ll never guess what!”

“Did he do it?”

You turned around to Bucky, a massive grin on your face.

“He knew?”

“Of course he knew, who do ya think helped me pick the ring?”

Delighted, you hugged Steve, thanking him.

“He was getting cold feet, thought it was too soon” Steve teased, “all I had to do was remind him you’ve been in love since you were 14 - he’s been carrying that damn ring around since the last big town”

“I love you big idiots”

Bucky chuckled from behind you, his arms encircling your waist protectively, chin resting on the top of your head.

“Just a few more bases and we can go home” Bucky promised, Steve nodding firmly.

“Just a few more”

You stared blankly at Steve, his words falling on to deaf ears. Blindly, you started towards the edge of the cliff to look at the train track where he had fallen, Steve’s hands preventing you from getting too close.

“He’s not gone. He’s not”

“I’m sorry, I reached for him. He was right there and I-“ Steve’s voice broke off into sobs, your arms mechanically hugging him. You were numb.

“It’s not your fault” you murmured repeatedly, “not your fault”

Only two weeks later, the group had found the main hydra base. Steve had tried talking you out of coming but you needed the revenge, the alcohol not cutting into your grief.

You moved through the base with conviction, unbridled fury coursing through your veins as you cleared corridors of hostiles by yourself, movements brutal and unforgiving.

“He’s on the jet - missiles - I need backup”

You watched as Steve kissed Peggy, a small smirk pulling at your lips, before you continued clearing the way to the control room.

“I’ve got to put her in the water”

“Steve - no. You can’t do that to me, please”

Peggy tried to come up with an alternative route, but Steve was sure it was the only way.

“Y/N I’m so sorry”

As Steve stepped on the platform, one glance at Bucky confirmed what he had to do.

When he had first remembered you, he had cried for hours in Steve’s arms until he eventually worked up the courage to read your folder. He had gone silent for a few minutes before letting out the most heart wrenching sob Steve had ever heard.

He was inconsolable for quite a while afterwards, quite similar to Steve when he had found out, unable to imagine you in a place that dark.

“3, 2, 1”

A hesistant knock sounded at your door, bringing you out of your daydream. You cursed the interruption, reality crashing back down around as you realised you were back in the States and they were gone.

The person knocked again, more firmly this time. You opened it with a fake smile (one you had mastered recently), to be met with a familiar set of broad shoulders.

”Steve?”

Your voice was shaky, your hand reaching out to cup his cheek.

“Oh god I’m going insane aren’t I - you - you died. You’re both dead. Who - why are you doing this? It’s not funny!” You wept, scrambling backwards.

“Y/n-“

You froze at his voice, hands beginning to tremble.

“No, no”

Your crying increased as you pressed your hands to your ears, sliding down the wall until you were hunched over, rocking back and forth slightly.

“You’re dead, you’re dead, you’re dead” you mumbled.

“Y/n I’m here, it’s me. I’m here doll”

Warm arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a comforting embrace, “shhh. Shhhh”

“Is it - is it really you?” You asked, hands clawing at his shirt, “Steve, Steve it’s you?”

“It’s me, I’m here” he said, voice cracking with emotion.

“But - but - the ice. You crashed Steve. You - you - you died! You both died!” You had to pause, choking on tears, “you both left me. I had to come back here alone, you know I didn't want to be in Brooklyn alone”

“I know, and I’m so sorry doll. I’m so sorry. But I came here to take you home, with Buck and I”

“Oh - I did it didn’t I?”

“What?”

“I’m dead”

“No. You’re not dead, but you did-“ his voice broke off, tears falling from his eyes as he tried to finish his sentence, “I know what you’re thinking of doing”

“Oh���

“I’m from the future, there’s no easy way to put it. The ice froze me, kept me alive. I read it in your notes”

“Bucky’s alive in the future too?”

“The fall didn’t kill him”

You gasped, filling in the gaps yourself.

“Oh god, we - we basically handed him to them!”

“But he’s alive, he’. Please let me save you doll - come back with me. I know it will be different but -“

“Yes, please don't leave me again Stevie I cant - not again - I cant”

The blond just nodded in understanding, helping you to your feet.

“Is there anything you need to get?”

You shook your head, your engagement ring still shining on your finger as you grasped the two sets of dog tags around your neck.

Steve tilted his head to the side questioningly.

“Rebecca wanted Bucky’s, I couldn’t say no to her. I got to keep yours though - you can have them back if you want?”

“No need” he smiled, wiping away his tears with the back of his hand, “Let’s go”

You fell to your knees on a metal platform, Steve’s hand still resting on your shoulder.

“Steve what did you do?”

You ignored the unfamiliar voice as you looked up, eyes frantically searching for Bucky.

“Steve -”

You whipped around at the sound of his voice, “Buck”

You launched yourself at him immediately, the two of you crumbling to the ground in a messy embrace. Tears ran steadily down his cheeks as his hands ran over your figure, as if solidifying that you were really in front of him.

“Your hair is so long now” you giggled tearfully, stroking your hands through the silky strands, “and you have a beard!”

He laughed ruefully, searching your face quickly before burying his face back into your neck.

“I missed you babydoll” he whispered into your skin, tightening his arms around your waist, “I’m so sorry for everything”

Frowning, you cut him off, gently moving his face in front of yours and pulling him into a sweet, tender kiss.

“You have nothing to be sorry for James, nothing at all”

He looked down at your intertwined fingers, eyes drawn to the ring.

“You kept it”

“There was never gonna be anyone else Buck -”

“I know”

Averting your eyes from Bucky for a few seconds, you gestured for Steve to join the hug, your family unit complete.

“The three musketeers back together again” Steve smiled, leaning forwards so all three of your foreheads were touching.

“Punk”

“Jerk”

“Idiots”