#but the idea of handling 6 human ponies in an open world sounds like a nightmare

[mokeonn]

I am trying to decide what I want to draw today so I think I'm gonna make the Mane 6 in the sims and see where it goes from there

[devereauxsdisease]

A Very Darko Sequel - THE END

Y’all, if you’re still reading this...THANK YOU. This is the final installment of the Space Invader series, unless you guys want time stamps. I can’t believe it’s over and I can’t believe I finished it. 

As always, all the thanks in the world go to @wrathofthestag​, who also helped out with a super cute photoshop in the collage above, and @chronicopheliac​, @disraeligearsgoestumblin​ and @plan-d-to-i​ who was an awesome translator. THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH!

Catch Up: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19

Chapter 20: Happily Ever After, Fuckers

         “Do you think she’ll like puzzles? I was thinking about the pony one, but she might choke on the pieces.” Nigel was sprawled on the floor, studiously erecting some type of child entertainment device that featured dangling soft toys, lights, and a button that played a cheery version of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.

         Adam hated the thing already.

         “She’s three months old, Nigel,” Adam said as he continued making notes on the latest data from the Voyager 2 probe. “I’m not sure if she can hold her head up. I think a jigsaw puzzle will be lost on her.”

         “So you think this will be enough?” Nigel tapped the button and Adam flinched when a blinking rendition of Twinkle Twinkle started. Nigel looked up with a rueful smile. “Sorry.”

         “I believe that thing will keep her entertained.” Adam glared at it. “I think I’ll study in the kitchen.”

         “OK, I’m going to check on the pack-and-play in the bedroom.”

         “Nigel, it was fine an hour ago.”

         “What if it shifted?”

         Adam offered Nigel a flat stare, but smiled when the older man scurried into the other room. Nigel had been planning for the baby’s arrival for nearly a week, coming home with bags filled with bright plastic toys and stuffed animals. Adam had decided to let Nigel enjoy the planning, even though Adam was dreading having a small chaotic human in their home. As Adam began moving his books, the door opened.

         Darko held the door for Bev, who cradled a babbling baby in her arms. Adam noted with some disdain that the baby was already making noise, but remembered that it was rude to ask people to quiet their babies. Instead, he waited for Darko to take the girl and press kisses into the black fuzzy hair that peppered her scalp.

         Without a baby in her arms, Adam could see that Bev had gone all out for her post baby night on the town. She wore a low cut black dress that hugged her hips and skimmed her thighs. Her hair was down, and partially wet, where the baby had been chewing on it.

         “You look lovely,” Adam offered Bev a smile. “Your breasts are still quite engorged.”

         “Yeah they are, you wouldn’t believe what it’s like dragging these suckers around all day.”

         Darko knitted his eyebrows together. “Oh, when Adam says something it’s fine, but I get smacked when I say something.”

         “Adam didn’t tell me he’s going to miss my gigantic knockers when they’re gone.”

         “I don’t think I will,” said Adam. “I still think your ass is your best non-facial feature.”

         Darko glared at Adam and Bev before turning to his daughter. “Do you see how they gang up on me? You’ll be on my side, won’t you my love?”

         Bev rolled her eyes, but was interrupted by the sound of Nigel rushing out of the bedroom.

         “There’s my girl!” He cooed at the baby, smile bright. She reached out for him, grabbing his fingers. “You remember me, don’t you Clea?”

         “She should, you see her enough.” Bev grinned, plucking the baby out of Darko’s hands and offering her to Nigel. He still looked nervous whenever he was offered the baby, carefully settling her in his arms and propping her on his chest. Bev gave Nigel an encouraging smile. He had visited her and Clea at least once a day since the baby was born. He watched seriously as Darko showed him how to change diapers and happily sat by the crib or did dishes while Bev napped. Adam was less enamored with the baby, but gladly ran errands or cleaned when he stopped by every Tuesday for lunch. Though Darko had been nervous about the idea, Bev was fairly confident that Nigel and Adam could keep Clea alive while they went to dinner. Hopefully, they’d have enough time to fooled around in the car before Adam had had enough.

         Clea already adored her Uncle Nigel, who let her tug on his hair and gum his fingers whenever she wanted. She reached up now, wrapping small hands around a lock of grey hair and babbling.

         “Hello gorgeous,” Nigel whispered as Clea cooed. He looked up at Darko with a frown. “I still say she should have been named Nigella. I’m your oldest fucking friend and her fucking godfather.”

         Bev sighed, she had a pretty good idea of what Clea’s first word would be and who to fucking blame for it. “We were going to name her after you, but we thought the baby would have a hard time saying Nenorocitule.”

         “I love you so much,” Darko said, smiling as he leaned in to kiss Bev sweetly. The plain gold band on his finger glinted in the light as he tucked some hair behind her ear.

         Nigel narrowed his eyes, but lost the glare when a small hand latched onto his nose. He brought his face closer, beaming as Clea smacked and pulled at him.

         Bev smiled, taking Darko’s hand. “I think you guys will be ok. Adam? I wrote out a schedule for Clea, it should help minimize the stress. If it gets to be too much, just call us, ok?”

         Adam took the printed schedule and diaper bag from Darko with a small nod. “I will keep her on schedule.”

         “It’s ok if it’s not exact, they’re just guidelines.”

         Nigel looked up, Clea’s hand still tugging on his lip. “Will you two go eat and fuck? Christ knows he’s gagging for it and Clea and I have things to do.”

         Darko held up both middle fingers as Bev pulled him from the apartment.

                                                  -XXX-

         “Phil?” Bev ran a finger over the hand that was resting on her knee. “How hungry are you?”

         Darko took his eyes off the road for a moment to look at her. “Huh? We’re almost at the restaurant, we’ll eat soon.”

         “Yeah,” Bev sighed. She played with his fingers, making him reflexively clench his hand. “It looks like a great place. And we haven’t been out since Clea…”

         “But…”

         “But I was wondering if maybe you’d like to go home.”

         Darko shot her a smile. “We’ve been gone 15 minutes and you’re already missing the baby?”

         “What? NO!” Bev laughed, raising her hand to play with the little microscope charm that dangled around her neck. “Her little ass can stay with Nigel and Adam for a few hours.”

         Darko cocked his head. “So what’s the plan here, Katz?”

         Bev shrugged. “Just thought we could go home, order a pizza, and fuck like rabbits since we won’t have to worry about Clea crying the second one of us moans.”

         “She is a little cock-blocker, it’s fucking incredible.”

         “So? I’m fine with having a date with you, big guy, just throwing another option out there.”

         “Dinner in a fancy fucking restaurant or you naked on the kitchen counter?”    

         Darko made a U-turn that squealed the tires.

                                                  -XXX-

         “She smells.” Adam looked at the baby in Nigel’s arms with distaste.

         “What? I just fucking changed her. Clean as a fucking whistle, aren’t you Ms. Clea?” Nigel shifted the baby in his arms. He held her bottle up and smiled when the little girl latched on.

         “I think it’s the milk. She smells and she makes odd noises.”

         Nigel craned his neck to kiss Adam’s temple. “So do I, gorgeous, but you got used to me.”

         Adam studied the baby for another minute. She finished her bottle and tried to reach for Adam’s nose. He recoiled. “We’re twenty minutes behind her schedule.”

         “She’s ok, I promise, darling.” Nigel smiled. “Here, you wash this and finish serving dinner, I’ll burp her and be ready to eat in a 10 minutes.”

         Adam nodded, taking the bottle.

         Nigel draped a cloth with hippos on it over his shoulder and began to gently jostle Clea. “Here darling, let’s show you the family while we wait.”

         He walked to the large photo collage in the kitchen, it had expanded since he’d started it, now taking up almost half the wall. Nigel had always wanted a big family, he’d pictured it since he was little and his mother’s dates would bang on his bedroom door, slurring vile threats and promises. He had wanted to start right away with Gabi, a girl or two first, someone for Constanța to coo over and him to spoil, maybe a boy later that Nigel would raise to be good, honest, patient – and nothing like his father.

          Falling for Adam meant that he had to put that dream away. There was no way for his Cosmo to handle the chaos of a baby and the stress of school. Adam hated infants, it had taken months for him to learn how to tolerate their screams when tourists brought them to the observatory.

         Nigel had to choose, and in the end, the choice was less painful than he imagined. A real life with Adam was better than the fantasy with Gabi. He had gotten his big family in the end with a little help from Bev and Darko. Nigel promised himself he’d give Clea all the love he could. And if Bev and Darko kept up at this pace, there would probably be one or two more Dalca babies to spoil in a few years. That would be enough, more than enough.

         “Here we go.” Nigel tapped at Clea’s back, just like Bev had shown him. He still had an irrational fear that he was going to hurt her. “There’s your mom and dad, when you’re older, I’m going to teach you how to spot assholes so you don’t end up with a fucker like Darko or me, ok? There they are at their wedding – that’s me and your uncle Jimmy in the pool behind him. I’ll tell you why he’s holding my pants when you’re older. There’s Uncle Adam at his work, looking at the stars. I know he doesn’t seem to like you now, but you just fucking wait. You’re going to have the best goddamn science projects when you’re at school. I promise he’ll fall in love with you the second you stop shitting yourself, my darling. There we all are on our trip up to Big Bear. Your fucking father nearly took a hand off chopping wood. He’ll tell you it was my fault, but you listen to your Nigel, OK? And there? That’s your bunică. She’s beautiful, huh? She saved my life, you know. So did your Dad, but you don’t fucking tell him that, alright? Oh, and the man with her is Harlan. He’s a fucker and you promise me you’ll puke on him when they come to visit next month.”

         Clea belched, then spit up. Nigel chuckled, wiping at the baby’s mouth.

         “That’s my girl. Practice now.”

         “It’s not nice to train her to vomit on command.” Adam scolded as he sat plates on the table. “And Harlan has been very good to Constanța, they have a very fulfilling sex life.”

         Nigel closed his eyes and focused on not gripping the baby too hard. He filled a red balloon and let it go. “Adam, we’ve talked about that.”

         Adam rolled his eyes. “I think it’s good that Harlan’s concerned about Constanța’s orgasms. You wouldn’t want her with someone who disregarded her pleasure for their own, would you? Same with Clea, we want her to find a partner who-”

         “If I tell you you’re right, will you please never ever talk about this again?”

         Adam’s mouth thinned, but he nodded, spooning mac n cheese on plates.

                                                  -XXX-

         Jen knocked on the apartment door, preparing her best customer service smile as she reached to free the pizza from her insulated carrier. With a sigh she knocked again, there were laughing and bumping noises on the other side of the door. She waited as a delighted shriek and more shuffling wafted out from inside the apartment.

         The door banged open. A giant man stood before her, completely naked except for a moving comforter that was flung over his shoulder and just barely draped over his groin. Jen startled when she realized the comforter was in fact the backside of a blanket-wrapped woman, who laughed as she kicked her legs. The man tightened his grip on the woman, smacking her on the ass.

         “Uh…that’ll be-”

         “Here.” The man shoved a wad of bills at Jen and snatched the pizza. “Keep it.”

         He twirled on his heel, slamming the door. Jen was able to glimpse a guffawing woman dangling just over his bare ass, who waved as the door closed. Jen looked at her hands, he’d given her three $20 and a $50. Fuck, she loved the weird customers.

                                                  -XXX-

         Nigel had to marvel at Clea’s lung capacity. He had no idea a baby could wail for so long. She’d started halfway through dinner and seemed to have decided that nothing in the world would appease her. Her diaper was dry. She’d been fed. She wanted nothing to do with her toys or Nigel’s hair.

         Some babies, apparently, just wanted the world to burn.

         As the baby continued to scream in his ear, Nigel tried to calm it and Adam, who was rocking softly and frantically tapping his fingers.

         “I-I was supposed t-to write more tonight, Nigel. T-the paper-”

         “I know gorgeous, I know.” Nigel tried to project over Clea’s wails but the baby just got louder. Adam was two years into the UCLA program and on track to graduate early and take over the world according to his professors. Still, Adam got nervous when his academic schedule was challenged. “I’ll take her into the bedroom and shut the door. I’ll have her asleep in no time, I promise, darling.”

         Adam frowned at the baby. “There’s no reason for this.”

         Clea screamed, flailing at Adam and whacking Nigel on the chin.

         “This is why I don’t like babies. They’re so unreasonable!”

         “Funny,” Nigel smirked, resigned to the fact that his right ear drum was probably a lost cause. “Some of my favorite things are unreasonable.”

         Adam rolled his eyes. “I know you’re talking about me. Take her into the other room and please try to make her quiet.”

         “You keep studying gorgeous, I’ve got the little wailer.” Nigel walked toward the bedroom, gently bouncing Clea as he moved. He sat with her on the bed. He tried making faces. He tried rocking. He tried praying. Clea was unmoved.

         “You’ve got to put a fucking sock in it or your Uncle Adam is going to show you what a real fucking fit looks like,” Nigel cooed. He glanced at his phone. If he called Darko, he’d never hear the end of it. If he didn’t shut up Clea, Adam was going to lose it. With a sigh, he grabbed the phone.

         “Hello?” Nigel grimaced. “Hello? Speak up! What’s all that noise?”

         Nigel rolled his eyes. “Hello Harlan, I need Constanța.”

         “Nigel? Jesus! What the hell is going on there?”

         “Constanța! Now!”

         “Baby! It’s Nigel. Does he still beat people up or something? You should hear what’s going on in the background.”

         “Oh, give me the phone you stupid old man! Nigel? NIGEL! What’s wrong?” Before Nigel could open his mouth, Constanța made a humming noise. “Ah, I see you have Clea for the night, eh?”

         Nigel laid the baby on the bed gently rubbing her stomach as he pushed the phone to his only working ear. “You have to help me. She’s not wet, she’s not hungry, she’s not hurt. I think she just hates us. I need to get her to shut up or Adam’s going to lose it.”

         “Phillip was just like her. He screamed like that when he got tired, and whenever his Papa and I tried to make love. God, that was a long year…” Nigel made a face, but remained silent. He needed her help. “OK, I have an idea you just do what I say, alright?”

                                                -XXX-

         Bev stretched languidly, feeling Darko grunt and shift beneath her. They were currently sprawled on the floor next to the couch, their expensive duvet smeared with marinara and crust crumbles. They hadn’t made it to the bed, and most of the pizza hadn’t made it to their mouths, but it was one of the best nights Bev could remember. She turned to kiss Darko, laughing when she spotted a pepperoni stuck to his neck. She bit it off with a teasing grin.

         “Nghnn, I don’t think I can go again,” Darko groaned.

         “Good, old man, because we have to get cleaned up and grab the rugrat. Adam probably hates us by now.” She sat up, surveying the disaster of food and sex that swirled around their bodies with smug satisfaction.

         “Nigel’s probably got her watching football, calling the refs cunts. She’s fine.”

         “Phillip Dalca, are you telling me you don’t miss our child?”

         Darko sat up with a grimace. “No. I’m telling you that after that last round I can’t fucking move my legs.”

         Bev kissed his brow, picking some cheese out of her hair. “Get up, big guy. Let’s go rescue the Rakis from our brat.”

                                                -XXX-

         Adam glowered at them the second the door opened. He sat on the sofa, surrounded by star charts, reports, and books, a laptop perched on his knees. “Your daughter is loud and she smells like stale milk!”

         Bev and Darko looked at each other for a long moment, then shrugged.

         “Yeah, pretty much,” said Bev. “But I hear it gets better after potty training.”

         “You’ll like her in a few years,” assured Darko. “Probably.”

         “I suppose.” Adam allowed. “When do you think she’ll be better?”

         “Honestly? If she doesn’t quit the screaming shit before she turns two, we’ll just sell her to the circus and try again,” Bev deadpanned.

         “The circus isn’t allowed to take elephants anymore, so I don’t think they’ll take babies.”

         “There’s always eBay,” Darko mumbled. “Speaking of our little darling, where is she? You didn’t chuck her off the balcony or anything did you?”

         “No!” Adam looked horrified, then realization hit. “Oh, you’re teasing. I sent Nigel into the bedroom with her an hour ago.”

         “Did you hear that, Phil? Our daughter’s in the bedroom with Nigel!” Bev smirked. Darko grimaced, then held a warning finger to her nose.

         “Don’t. This was such a good night. Don’t fucking do that.” She bit his finger and skipped by him. She came running out a few moments later, a wide smile on her face.

         “Phone! I need a phone now!” Darko tossed her his Samsung and followed as she padded back to the bedroom. Curious, Adam sat his laptop aside and trailed after his friends.

         Nigel was laying on the bed, propped up with a few pillows, Clea sound asleep on his bare chest. He gently stroked the peach fuzz on her scalp, occasionally trailing down to rub her back. She snuggled further into him, little hands toying with the hair she found as she snuffled. In a soft, deep voice, Nigel sang.

        Culca-te, puiut micut,         Culca-te si te abua         Pâna mâine-n dalba ziua.         Si te culca si adormi         Pâna mâine-n dalbe zori.

        Doina din ce s-o facut?         Dintr-o gura de mic prunc.         L-o lasat maica dormind,         L-o aflat doina zicând. 

        Abua – bua – bua,         Abua, tucu-l maica,         Nu te teme tu de zmei,         I-a goni maica pe ei.

        Puisor cu ochi de mure,         Maica-i dusa la padure,         Ti-a aduce gatejoare         Si ti-a face scovergioare.

         Bev held the phone steady, filming. Darko dipped his head, grinning at his shoes. Adam watched curiously. He still didn’t like the baby, but he wouldn’t mind taking her place on that strong chest.

        “Pssst…Nigel. Smile!” Bev whispered, catching Nigel’s attention as she switched the phone to photo mode. He offered her a toothy grin as the camera snapped. After a few more clicks, Bev pocketed the phone and strode to the bed. Nigel pressed a kiss to Clea’s head before easing her into Bev’s arms.

        “She bitches like her father, but thank fuck she’s as pretty as her mother.” Nigel grumbled, but his eyes were smiling. Darko flipped him off as he grabbed the baby bag.

        “Well, any time you want to come over and put loud mouth to bed, you let me know,” Bev said. “Who knew you were the Romanian baby whisperer?”

        “I called Constanța, she knew what to do.” Nigel stretched before turning to Darko. “Apparently you were a real little fucker when you were a baby, too.”

        “I KNEW IT!” Bev hissed, trying her best to keep the volume of her accusation from waking the baby.

        “Lies.” Darko glared.

        “Whatever,” Bev rolled her eyes. “Thanks, you guys, for monster-sitting. I promise we won’t ask you to do it too often.”

        “Any time,” said Nigel.

        “Sometimes,” corrected Adam.

        Bev chuckled and pressed a kiss to Adam’s cheek.

        As Darko and Bev shut the door, Adam felt warm arms wrap around him and a familiar weight as Nigel rested his chin on Adam’s shoulder. A few nibbling kisses made him shiver as Nigel teased his neck.

         “You survived babysitting, gorgeous.” Nigel murmured into the skin, sliding his hand south over Adam’s chest. “I think that calls for a reward, don’t you?”

         “You’re very good with her,” Adam said, melting slightly into Nigel’s caresses. “But I don’t- I’m not- I don’t think I’ll ever-”

         “Don’t worry gorgeous, I don’t want one of those.” Nigel sucked lightly on the join of Adam’s shoulder.

         “Good.” Adam shifted in Nigel’s arms so he could trail his hands through the older man’s chest hair, tugging lightly.

         “But…um, how would you feel about expanding our family another way?” Nigel asked, eyes dancing.

         Adam froze in Nigel’s arms. He pulled back, face stern. “I don’t want a polyamorous relationship, Nigel.”

         “Jesus, Adam!” Nigel scoffed, running a hand through his hair. “I meant get a fucking dog.”

         Adam immediately fell back into Nigel’s arms, bright smile on his face. “Oh, ok. One condition.”

         “What?”

         “You have to sing it Romanian folk songs every time it gets upset and howls.” Adam grinned and took off for the bedroom, a laughing Nigel hot on his heels.