#but the essays won’t leave me alone and that’s how I know they’re going to be good

[bisexualamy]

I’ve had two personal essay ideas bouncing around in my head for a week now and that’s usually a sign that I have to write them. It’s a nice feeling tbh. To me it means I’m truly in the execution phase of one writing project because my brain has space to work on other things. There are so many things I love and learned during the two years I spent on Artisan but I think the biggest is the knowledge that I can, in fact, finish a large scale writing project if the idea has legs. All it makes me want to do is write more.

[emo-batboy]

Things Battinson Totally Did During His First Year of University

Using Unhinged or Odd Things I Also Did as a College Freshman :D

Note: for this list, let’s believe Bruce was living in an (admittedly expensive and swanky) dorm because it is required for first-years, especially those entering at a young age, and Alfred told him he needed to make friends. Also yes I did every single thing on this list. I never claimed to be a role model

Bruce, to his TA: I’m so sorry I’m late to class. I gave blood a few hours ago and almost fainted on the way here, but it won’t happen again.

Signs up for a class called “Age of Dinosaurs” despite it not being required whatsoever and proceeds to work his entire schedule around it

Bruce: Your mental health is super important. If you think you should see the on-campus therapist, go see them. Friend: Fine. I’ll sign up for therapy if you sign up for therapy too. Bruce: Hold on-

Finds a loophole in his housing contract that allows him to get a pet frog, calls him kermit :)

Gets a second frog because Kermit was lonely, names it Constantine after Muppets Most Wanted, then realizes that they’re gay for each other. Wonders if the rainbow-colored rocks he got them triggered anything

Swings dramatically between calling Alfred every single day and ghosting him for weeks, cries when he realizes what he did

“Accidentally” joins the student body council, doesn’t know what he’s doing, gets re-elected anyway

Molds a dragon out of Laffy Taffy instead of doing his work

Bruce: *joins Honors, gets all A’s, takes the max amount of classes, has several minors, overachieves* Also Bruce: I’m a failure.

Breaks into a building after hours to study because NO ONE KNOWS HOW TO SHUT THE FUCK UP AT THE LIBRARY

Bruce: I will not get seasonal depression this year. Bruce: *gets real and seasonal depression that year*

Meticulously schedules his day with a color-coded planner because if he sits down for too long, the thoughts will consume him

Gives a presentation to his rhetoric class on how much he likes Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse (it is 20 minutes long)

Successfully allocates funding from the student body council to pay for free feminine products in the dorms OUT OF SPITE because someone said it couldn't be done. fuck you, Andrew

Bruce: It is not an all-nighter if I go to sleep before my first class. Friend: It is 7:30am, the sun is in the sky, and your first class is at 12:30. Bruce: But I am getting sleep.

Refuses to go anywhere without his backpack because what if he needs three notebooks at once

Loses over 20 pounds because ✨stress✨ and scares the shit out of Alfred when he comes home for Thanksgiving

Argues with his TA over the one (1) question he got wrong on his Dinosaur exam

Bruce, calling Alfred: Hello father figure. How do I do taxes? Do I have to do them myself? Also, I think I’m having a panic attack.

Joins in on a charity arts-and-crafts project that gives kids books with matching activities made by volunteers, proceeds to commandeer the project because “it’s not color-blind friendly” and rewrites the instructions for everyone

Makes a murder wall

Goes to one (1) sports game and proceeds to leave in the first ten minutes because it’s way too loud wtf is wrong with people

Professor, addressing the lecture hall: I dare you to write an essay about these two sentences. Bruce: *writes an essay about six words, gets a 100, never even read the book*

Crawls into the ceiling for some alone time

Ghosts someone after a date because he’s too scared to tell them he didn’t know it was a date in the first place and now he feels bad

Classmate: How tf does he walk across campus that fast? I go in the same direction he does on my bike, and he’s always ahead of me. Bruce: *is gay sprinting to Dinosaur class*

Refuses to let others use his Favorite Pen TM

Constantly gets mistaken for a Grad Student because he is “so wise and mature” (bestie, that’s the autism)

Alfred: *casually mentions he got into a car accident through text* Bruce: *replies with a meme while hyperventilating because he doesn’t know what to do with that information??!*

Wears a suit to one of his finals

Regularly eats non-organic food for the first time in his life, proceeds to learn about several allergies Alfred forgot to mention he has

Writes “What is a Hot Pocket?” in calligraphy and proceeds to laugh his ass off alone in his dorm because he is so exhausted he’s reached the point of delusion

Locks himself out of his dorm right before class, frantically asks the floor group chat if someone can help, proceeds to tell the nice gay man on the floor who saved him “I love you” because his social skills have hit rock bottom

Makes a little music album display next to his desk for his favorite band (Nirvana) His friends call it a shrine, and they are technically correct

Has a blacklist of people he refuses to interact with because Reasons

Counselor: What do you want to do when you graduate? Bruce: *gestures vaguely*

Refuses to take the bus because there are people in there and he doesn’t like those

Loses one of his frogs, how tf did he do that, they’re fully aquatic, oh fuck, this is probably why they got rid of that loophole a year later because unbeknownst to Bruce, he accidentally started a frog revolution in the dorms, btw he SWEARS he did not mean to do that

Has two trash cans in his room: one for the Good Garbage, and one for the Bad Garbage. Only Bruce knows which is which

Bruce: *writes a creative piece about a ship’s final thoughts as it sinks, bringing its passengers down with it* TA: Absolutely lovely, Bruce, but are you okay?

Goes on Night Walks, keeps himself safe by maintaining a level 12 resting bitch face at all times

Earns the nickname “8th floor cryptid” after pacing the halls at 3am when it’s too cold for Night Walks (honestly tho how tf didn���t he get the nickname earlier?)

Bruce: Do you think a depressed person could do this? Bruce: *has a manic episode*

Okay that's all love you BYE

[kneelingshadowsalome]

ahh~ i’m so glad you liked my little essay~!! i have a knack for analyzing and interpreting stuff, i just think it’s so fun. plus i needed a way to vent out my thoughts and feelings on the little hyper-fixation i’ve developed from your story, my brain just went into overdrive because of how unique it is so i couldn’t resist.

anyway, thank you, seriously thank you for enjoying it, and i’m super happy to say that i have come up with few a headcanons of my own. these are mainly könig headcanons, so they’re more of my interpretations and analysis on him. let me know what you think~! i hope you have a wonderful read, and please keep doing you, you are a wonderful writer, and incredibly talented!!

okay, so first:

despite könig’s openness and acceptance to engels interest in his weaponry, i highly doubt that he would actually allow her to indulge in using any of them. i would even consider that he wouldn’t even teach her how to use one, especially his guns. sure, he’s gifted her knifes but notice that they’re quite feminine and dainty even, könig does try to engage with engel and her interests but emasculates them in a way that should suit her, a cute little knife is practically harmless compared to the massive destruction of his guns. the furthest he would go to showing her anything is how to hold it, but he still wouldn’t want her to hold it herself, and he won’t even shoot it in front of her considering that would damage her hearing, and he can’t bring himself to do that to his baby.

with that, i do think könig is careful and cautious with his engel. i feel like he tries to filter through the good and the bad for her. yes, we’ve been given instances in which the exact opposite has happened, i.e. him stabbing her boss right in front of her, but that was acted purely on impulse. i think after that, he tries his best, and i mean he really tries to shield her from that ever again unless absolutely needed. however, if she were to ask for that twisted ruthless side of him again, because she has the tendency to be twisted herself, then i’m sure he would have to lay down some ground rules, and although hesitant, in the end, he would do anything for her. but despite that, he does not allow angel to consume things that he perceives to be negative for both him and her, and what i mean by that is that he doesn’t allow her to consume any material that could be triggering for him or anything that could alter her behavior that would negatively effect both of them. so, stuff like world news, social media, anything that could give her a sense of empowerment, he doesn’t allow her to have her own phone, she’s constantly monitored, and she’s never alone once she leaves home because könig has to always check in on her. könig absolutely does not want her to be influenced by anything, it’s another reason why she doesn’t have friends, and knowing she isn’t influenced by anything other than him helps keep him from being paranoid, anxious, and violent.

now, back to könig being a raging misogynist at times, he would definitely believe in the value of gender roles, and i mean nothing is more important to him than the normalcy and complacency of the ideal of gendered roles and relationships. also, i hate to admit it, but he just can’t see his woman doing or portraying anything too masculine, it’s a turn off for him, he prefers if she were to just stay at home and do “womanly things” and be a woman, whatever that entails. i think he would even encourage engel to quit the job that she has now, he probably never liked the fact that she worked in such a masculine environment, working such a dirty job in the first place. the only times when he’ll allow engel to even be remotely dominant is during sex, and it’s only if she wants to be, but even through sex he still has the upper hand and has this, ‘this is only happening because i’m allowing it to happen’ mentality. plus it’s a nice thing to let go, relax, and allow her to take control for a little bit, but he would always remind her, both sexually and domestically, where her place is.

könig is completely shameless when it comes to his physicality. he knows what he’s capable of and he knows engel loves his body, so he uses that to his advantage to show off and impress her more. so that means, more unnecessary bouts of strengths used in front of engel, more commitment to his workouts, wearing less clothes around her (he honestly prefers to be casually nude more than he likes to admit, i also think it’s a kink for him to see her so flustered from it too), and insane sex positions. i think he would really enjoy fucking/eating her out standing up, just anything that involves comfortably lifting her up and possibly manhandling her, in a safe way at least.

also, könig is the most expressive when it comes to his sexuality. again, he has little shame, but it’s only because there’s something so special in sex that allows him to let go and just do what he wants in such an intimate environment, and it’s because of engel that it only amps up way more. so, with that being said, the guy is incredibly kinky and experimental. like i said, he likes casual nudity, but only done on his part, he doesn’t really like engel flaunting her body the way he flaunts his and prefers for her to stay modest, it’s really because of the innocent aspect that she tends to play that gets him going because of it. i also see him thriving in animalistic, predator/prey type of sex, especially if it’s outdoors. every time they’re out hiking, camping, or just happen to be in a large remote wooded area, expect some wild sex happening between these two. he just really enjoys pushing his limits and boundaries through sex for the purposes of showcasing the emotions he is unable to communicate normally, which is why he often has an intense sexual drive, but he also enjoys letting go once in a while, being taken cared of, and feeling loved by engel. könig really bonds well when he has this outlet where his emotions, something he constantly suppresses, can be catered, and very often is his emotions expressed dominantly, whether as a hard dom or soft one, it’s mainly about control and acceptance for him.

something könig would slightly be ashamed of though, is receiving open comfort and affection. his upbringing is super fucked and his lack of affection and love as a child definitely shaped himself as a very undeserving man of any of that, although he craves it immensely. so, as contradictory as it is, while he loves giving devotion and intimacy for selfish reasons, he does have trouble accepting genuine love and warmth for himself. it’s something that takes time for him to recognize that he needs and accepts, especially with the right person. so, yes, he’s very hesitant of these instances, but by god, does engel make it so much easier for him. it’s no wonder he’s so indulgent with her and why he’s constantly pushing her limits, it is not because he’s consciously choosing to do the most insane shit but rather, he doesn’t realize it and it’s inappropriateness. i think if engel were to teach him how to properly love and care more respectfully and appropriately, you know something he wasn’t taught as a child, i think he would be a bit more mentally stable in his behavior. however, i do not think she will, it’s because of his dangerous behavior that drew her in the first place and his toxic, overwhelming personality that solidified her place in their relationship, so there’s no way she’s getting rid of könig’s obsessive, possessive, dominant traits that practically has made him into a sex god, but she will suggest therapy from time to time if he continues to exhibit insecure-like behaviors and especially when he’s going through ptsd episodes. i’m pretty sure he has both ptsd and c-ptsd, and to top that off, personality disorders, and mood disorders, soooo…

last but not least, and this one is purely self-indulgent on my end, he is a serial spender for his engel. dude makes an absurd amount of money for what does, and has no reason to use it… until engel walked into the picture. even since then, könig will buy anything for engel and help her splurge to keep her happy, comfortable, and away from society. this man will get her all the material items that she wants, clothes, a big new house, lots of land, entertainment, all the foods that she wants. want a dog and/or cat? sure! he’ll even supply her with weed if she’s that type of girl, but anything to keep her sane and occupied, he is willing to buy, just nothing too illegal, and definitely no vacation spots, dude is way too paranoid to travel and is not willing to risk it.

IM AM SO SORRY THAT THIS WAS SO LONG 😭😭

These were just pure gold, *chef’s kiss* exquisite!! Every single sentence is perfection. So well thought out, and so well put! I don't even have the words to express how incredible this is (and I call myself a writer lol). Seriously, thank you again!! 💖

Also I want to participate (teacher teacher lemme participate please) by adding a few things:

The first one I wholly agree with, but I also believe König might have a little teeny tiny kink for watching how his innocent Engel brushes her fingertips down the barrel of his huge shotgun or holds one of his biggest knives in her *cute* little hands... The contrast between a woman’s softness and a massive, cold, brutal weapon drives this man crazy.

To indulge in his dark fantasies, he might allow Engel to come to the range with him once or twice. I imagine König getting off on showing a “fragile woman” how to handle and shoot a rifle 🙄 He thinks it’s both horrifying and drugging to see how her smaller body tries to absorb the recoil from his guns. Soon enough he’s like “Ok that’s enough” but not before he has enjoyed that peculiar scene a while longer.

And the fourth oh god. Gave me butterflies. He's shameless. I just know that König sleeps naked. Guy associates nighttime with masturbation – and nowadays, sex with his Engel – so off with his clothes, and off with hers, too. König also gives me semi-somno vibes: he would try to wake Engel up with his dick if he can't sleep. (Give me attention and love and provide me with a distraction from my anxiety! Now...!)

The sixth: yes, I don’t see things getting any "better" as in them suddenly calming the fuck down and learning healthy ways to live and love. They are too enamored with their dark side and as you said, I don't know if Engel would be that fascinated with König if he suddenly developed a conscience and healthy ways to cope with his trauma(s). Their escapades resemble a shared psychosis sometimes, but with time and patience this couple will perhaps find true love and relief together – something bigger and better, a way out of the spiral. They learn to dance on the knife’s edge, so to say. They might even start to behave 🩷

And the last one: YES he would spoil her to bits! One of the reasons for this is that König feels guilty. He doesn't know how to show love and devotion through emotional intimacy so he will try to show it through spending money on her. So yes to all of this.

I see Engel wishing for a pet to keep her company while he's away on longer missions. And König is so thick-skulled he wouldn't even bother to ask what type of pet she wants or if she has allergies, he just shows up with a cat one day like: "Hier. I brought this to you. Do you like my gift? I will bring you a different pet if you don't like this one. 🤨"

(And omg the image of Engel smoking a fat one or using a cute little bong on their porch, perhaps chilling out with that cat and giggling when König comes home... ^^)

Thank you so much for bringing these to us! Tbh I never wanted this essay to end 🩷😭 You're amazing I hope you know that!!

[goldensunset]

What do you think of Kairi, Xion, Naminé, and Aqua? Just general feelings, nothing too detailed if you don't want to-

like as a team, or individually?

as a team: oh how i WISH we could see it in canon. even if it were to end up borderline tokenism-y like with marvel. i would love to see the girl power squad idc i think they should hype each other up their color schemes together would be so pretty

kairi: my dearly beloved. yes the writers need to treat her better but so do the fans. she does have clearly defined character motivations and it’s weird to act like she doesn’t just bc they’re not ones that people like. she just wants stability and a home after having lost her memories and crash-landed somewhere as a toddler. she’s afraid of change but will do anything to stay with her friends in the midst of a fast-moving world because she’s lost them too many times. she’s a bit out of touch with them and sometimes clearly doesn’t know the right thing to do or say. i hope kh4 treats her kindly and gently and gives her more agency without trying to flatten her into a hashtag strong independent woman. i have high hopes for my little strawberry and wild daydreams about what i would love to see as her precise role in coming games. wrote some stuff in the tags here. i swear i thought i had more pre-written essays to draw on than that i know there’s so much i’m leaving out but i think i got the main points

xion: truly i will never be able to get over her story and especially her theme. what an incredibly well composed piece of music. honestly she and her theme were like a major factor as to me getting into this series. i’m very happy she’s alive after all that. i said a lot about her here already recently so i won’t burn myself out going into detail again. even that i feel like is a minor weak attempt at fully conveying my emotions regarding her. oh and a few more thoughts here

naminé: tbh thinking about chain of memories reduces me to a puddle but like in a bittersweet way as opposed to the pure bitterness of days. like sora’s interactions with her… their relationship even if it was brief and based on an illusion…the writing and animation and voice acting was legit so good man. i’m a wreck. nami is so beautiful and strong and horribly horribly sad but she gets overlooked… the thing is that even if she has people who love her she’s still nobody’s first choice. she doesn’t have her own place to go. she’s still lonely…

aqua: MAN she’s so interesting.. the way she’s carrying on eraqus’ legacy in both good and bad ways… the way she was corrupted after wandering a distorted world alone for a decade… the way she’s headstrong and determined and fights so hard yet can hardly make a difference as her world falls down around her… the way she’s incredibly strong and proud yet you see her once-firm core begin to shake as time passes on… not entirely related but i hope we get to see her (and the other two) (and kairi as her student!) visit the ruins of scala ad caelum bc they’re the last ones carrying on that legacy

[infini-tree]

ok thinking about every post/video/theory that goes along the lines of, “oogway was the True Villain all along”. and if you’ve been here long enough you know how much i... disagree, to put it mildly.

that isn’t to say that oogway hasn’t done some questionable things or has no “negative” character traits, but between his minor role in the story, the implications of his backstory being minimal in the final product and any further elaboration is in the concept art books, and biases, its often conflated into its worst case. 

consider this a counter-argument turned me gushing about my favorite scenes in a kfp short and casual oogway character essay (but we’re not there yet, ssh).

speaking of, what is oogway’s negative trait? its also his greatest boon: his knowledge and wisdom! it comes through in different ways, but it usually amounts to his worldliness and how he can see the big picture. it helps guide himself and others to a greater goal-- which more or less amounts to keeping the peace. 

(when i say negative, its in the context of the scene/characters interpreting it. traits are inherently neutral unless put up against a situation that would hurt/help-- being bullheaded to refuse help and the determination to save the day still comes from the same root of stubbornness.

as an aside, one could say how that could derive from his previous experience as a former warlord but that’s not what this is talking about)

the negative aspects are more in regards to the chain reaction. seeing the big picture leads to hurting the individuals involved whether he means to or not. people like to talk about oogway’s treatment of tai lung or kai, but a lot of it is more in the subtext or concept art books-- while useful, it leaves a lot of wiggle room.

so let’s pivot and talk about secrets of the masters. 

maybe people will brush this off on account of it not being Main Canon Material (ie. the movies), but considering that it was often bundled with kfp2′s dvd releases its meant to be supplementary material and additional context to the main canon. plus, it showcases oogway as an actual character and being “manipulative” on-screen in a way the tai lung and kai examples don’t have, which you think would make this prime evidence.

in the short, the entire reason why the past Master’s Council comes together is because (spoilers) oogway lies to them! when he tries to mobilize them to join him, he tries to appeal to them by mentioning the abstract good that can be done by accomplishing the mission to go to the hubei volcano and defeating the wu sisters-- he talks about using their kung fu for a noble purpose and helping the innocent.

this does not impress the past Master’s Council, who are much more pragmatic and are looking out for a material reward. and this is his reaction.

CROC: I can’t help but feel that something is still missing.

OOGWAY: [sighs] Because upon completing the mission, you’ll discover a path to a wealth of riches.

oogway pivots quick from listing off virtues to something they would want to hear once  he realizes his usual speech won’t rouse them to his side. far from his usual peaceful, unshakeable self from a few moments ago-- let alone the movies-- he's exasperated and a little thrown off that the trio wouldn’t do it without the promise of a theoretical reward.

and that exasperation continues throughout the short. it’s interesting that while the plot hinges on oogway basically manipulating them, he is at his most blunt, where he expresses frustration and an awareness to his own role (which arguably can be construed as either genre savviness for laughs, complete confidence/arrogance, or an attempt to impart the wisdom that they’re stronger together, depending on how you want to read the scene).

OOGWAY: It’s so nice you’ve managed to take the most respected art form in China and use it to pursue nothing but fame.

T. RHINO: How does this help us get across?

OOGWAY: [chuckles] It doesn’t! It helps me... and by helping me, you help yourself.

but the lie does eventually catch up with oogway, to disastrous consequences. whatever goodwill was built up in the journey to defeat the wu sisters immediately crumbles-- both literally and metaphorically as the ground crumbles under the trio and into a lava river headed straight over a cliff... only for oogway to save them and be deemed dead on the spot as he plummets in their place.

OOGWAY: Well, I never said money.

CROC: You did!

OOGWAY: I said riches, as in emotional riches.

[...]

T. RHINO: Wait a sec-- no money? That’s the only reason why we followed you.

while in the end, they get the character growth needed to fight the wu sisters and become the master’s council, it didn’t come without a cost-- the trio were manipulated for most of the journey, through unforgiving terrain far from home, nearly died, and just saw someone they trusted basically die in front of them. they don’t have the hindsight that oogway isn’t going to die like the audience. and that was before they even had to fight the wu sisters! 

it’s messed up if you put it plainly. however, one could argue that oogway was performing his role as a mentor figure to them. while he may have known the “end result” leading them to being the council by whatever means established in canon, in the end he had to put his faith on them that they’ll do the right thing without him being there-- which is a lot to ask.

another argument one can posit is that since oogway is trying to do this for good or that it lead to notable good results, that this action wasn’t manipulative and was teaching them a lesson so it doesn’t count. its both! it is complicated! 

how is him trying to do the best under the circumstances shown in masters different from him not giving tai lung the dragon scroll? how is it not different from him going up against kai and having to “send him to the Spirit Realm” and later hide his past legacy? he tried to look at the big picture to do what’s best, but in these situations his attempts backfired horribly. 

anyway tl;dr: oogway’s doing his best, yes the fact that he looks so big picture that he ends up hurting others is his greatest weakness but also why he’s managed to protect others, inspire to protect others, and why kung fu continues to be a thing

[bloodgulchblog]

Starship Troopers is an interesting book (note: I said interesting, not good or correct), and I really think most people don’t know what it’s like.

If you haven’t read it, you probably have some idea of the shape of it based on 1) the movie and 2) the sheer volume of things that were heavily influenced by it (or heavily influenced by a work heavily influenced by it, given that the thing is over 60 years old and is retired with grandchildren now.)

You would be forgiven if you naturally suppose that Starship Troopers would have a lot of military action and alien fighting. It seems like a pretty obvious conclusion to draw. Hell, that was what I expected from Starship Troopers when I first read it as a teenager.

Starship Troopers is, at its core, Robert Heinlein conducting an extended thought experiment about morality and government. There are actually very few scenes of military action, much of the book is consumed by characters talking about how parts of their society (and especially the military) work to lay out an incomplete sketch of a “utopia.”

And the end result is pretty fucking wild.

Strap in, gang, this is a long one:

Our protagonist, who narrates the whole shebang in the first person, is Juan “Johnnie” Rico. If Troopers can be said to have a plot, it’s a coming-of-age story for Johnnie. The first chapter is a relatively exciting (if you enjoy Heinlein’s style) 20 page jaunt in Johnnie’s boots as a cap trooper: a power-armored soldier who drops from orbit with his unit to fight aliens. (The original idea from which MJOLNIR armor and ODSTs would come from is exactly this.) After that, we record scratch over to you-may-be-wondering-how-I-got-in-this-situation and go back in time.

Johnnie lives on Earth in the space future. He’s a rich kid on the cusp of 18. His parents expect him to start learning to be a good businessman, so he can one day take over for his father as head of The Family Business. (I don’t remember what The Family Business is, and I suspect Heinlein never bothered to tell me.)

However, there’s a flaw in this plan: Johnnie’s very best friend Carl has been talking to him about enlisting for Federal Service. Johnnie has never seriously considered it, and his parents haaaate the idea, but the thought won’t leave him alone. He goes with Carl, and when they encounter one of their classmates (a very pretty and smart girl, Carmencita) who wants to become a starship pilot (because Heinlein really thinks he’s really doing something with having only women be pilots because they’re naturally “better” at it) it cements the decision.

This is where we hit upon the foundation of Heinlein’s experiment: The thing about Federal Service in this world is that it’s the only way to become a full citizen with voting rights. Most people (like Johnnie’s parents) don’t think the right to vote is worth the effort and risk.

(I want to let you know an extremely funny spoiler: Johnnie's conflict with his father is finally resolved when, late in the book.... Johnnie's dad enlists in the infantry too because his son was a much bigger man for it and he is so proud of him now and Johnnie is so proud of his father and we are clearly supposed to be cheered and enheartened by this wild fucking reunion.)

Heinlein would later argue in an essay that he was sick of people assuming that Starship Troopers’ Federal Service is always military, but… That very much is the implication in here and I think it’s fair to read it that way. The 18-year-olds are met with a recruiting officer with multiple missing limbs, who has the job because it’s supposed to give them pause. He even tries to warn them off, but they’re all very sure.

(It's actually like, really funny to me.)

BONUS ROUND: the doctor that gives Johnnie a clean bill of health talking about how silly and stupid it is to go in for Federal Service, and some extremely 1950s science fiction verification of documents:

Carmencita is sharp enough that she’s probably a shoo-in for a pilot and Carl has zeroed in on working with electronics since he was a kid, but Johnnie has never been a particularly good student. He puts infantry down as his very least preferred option for service (you don’t get to choose, you see, but placement considers your preferences) but quickly figures out they’ve decided he’s unfit for anything else.

It’s okay, though! He can still back out! There will be no consequences… except forfeiting ever getting the chance to vote.

The first half of this book concerns Johnnie’s training to become a cap trooper in the MI (Mobile Infantry), which is intense and full of opportunities to quit and also we get to hear Heinlein talk about how public flogging (with an actual whip) serves a super important social function in this society.

There's a Big Fucking To-Do when one of the men in Johnnie's class successfully punches their drill sergeant, which gets him posted up for 10 lashes and dishonorably discharged.

The thing about that, however, is how it gives Starship Troopers the opportunity to have Johnnie overhear a conversation about it where Sergeant Zim is trying to get transferred back to a combat team because he is so ashamed of this as a personal failure:

Johnnie himself fucks up bad enough during training that he is also flogged, but he 100% believes that it was Totally Good And Justified And Fine so it's Fine.

The back half of the book has some of Johnnie in the MI, but most of all it’s about when he decides to go career and goes to officer candidate school and then the big mission that determines whether he gets to be a lieutenant or not.

Style-wise the book is an easy and approachable read, but you quickly figure out that many scenes boil down to an older, more experienced man (usually a flashback to his one high school teacher, later usually one of his officer school instructors) lecturing Johnnie about how the world works, why it does, and why that’s so very good. (All of these characters have pretty much the same voice.)

Here are what I understand to be the central ideas that hold up the roof in this book:

1. A human being is, by nature, a selfish short-sighted creature uninterested in anything but own survival, and strict discipline is necessary to train somebody into being a productive member of society. (It’s pretty much the same thing as the Christian “people are by nature sinful” thing but Heinlein managed to turn it around into a “scientific” evolutionary biotruth mess for himself instead.)

2. Corporal punishment is useful because pain is the most evolutionarily natural way for a human to understand that what they’ve done is a threat to their own survival, so switching children and flogging adults is a Good Idea Actually.

(Bob....)

3. In this fictional world, the government is good because the only people who vote are veterans. This isn’t because veterans are smarter or superior or impossile to corrupt, but because sweating out a term of Federal Service proves that someone is capable of putting the good of their civilization over their own safety/wellbeing and that proves they have the right, mature, moral character to help make decisions. Heinlein really, really, really wanted to tell the audience here that being willing to fight for your country (and the women and children!) was the noblest thing a human being could possibly do and he spent a lot of ink about that here.

(Bob Please)

4. Emphasizing that people have “rights” and not making them work for them coddles them and makes having rights meaningless, and also what about all those ne’erdowells that will use their rights to make bad selfish choices???? Clearly this system would be so much better.

5. All the people in the service are So Good And Noble because Heinlein’s magical space military is so super good at weeding out almost all the bad eggs during the selection process, and if anyone Truly Bad is in there it’s an unpreventable freak accident (that should properly be resolved via execution, and they’re willing to do that so It’s Fine.)

6. An officer is to be the best of the best of the best as a human being and all of the officers we see are EXTRA noble and good because they love their people SO much and it’s so hard to be an officer but they’re all SO BRAVE and SO SELFLESS and and and and-

7. Imperialism and unlimited expansion are Fine Actually because if you don’t expand, you’re going to be expanded upon yourself by somebody else so you might as well, and all wars are Actually just about population and need for territory anyway:

(Bob please I'm DYING)

8. The alien bugs are a pretty stupid analogue for communists because Heinlein was fuck deep in the red scare at the time. Mostly, they’re an implacable brick wall enemy that we get to feel zero remorse about because they are So Incomprehensible And Alien. Also, the whole rest of Heinlein’s super noble space military doesn’t look quite so good when they don’t have anything to fight/if we might feel bad for whoever they’re fighting.

9. The best and happiest place for Johnnie in the whole universe is aboard his specific ship (The Rodger Young) with his specific unit (The Roughnecks) and every passage about his time with his unit between drops is dripping with yearning for this imagined perfect manly cameraderie. The death of his unit's Lieutenant hurts him worse than the death of his actual mother when the Bugs attack Buenos Aires.

But oh, Johnnie is definitely not gay, he waxes poetic about how beautiful and important and good women are at every mention, here he is talking about R&R on a safe planet and being Extremely Normal about the one guard posting on a ship where you watch the door to the part the female crew uses:

The main thing to know about Heinlein’s vision here in this book is that it is, of course, obviously completely bonkers. He clearly thinks he has figured people out and knows how human beings work. It's very earnest hard-sf white man nerd shit where he thinks that the problems of very large numbers of human beings are a puzzle you can solve if you put all the right pieces in the right place just so. He’s so excited about how he has invented this imagined future where women don’t face sexism and can do all kinds of jobs (while he clearly has plenty of sexist ideas about women on display) and people are not judged by their race. (Many characters, including Johnnie himself, are not white and there’s even a conversation where Johnnie and another character talk about how they both speak different languages with their families, and Heinlein is clearly convinced he’s writing a race-blind meritocracy, but also Heinlein does shit like compliment a Native American character by comparing him to his “scalp-hunting” ancestors like ???????)

Heinlein is so very wrong. He has a pretty poor theory of mind, which is easily evident because his characters are very samey and wooden. (I’m told this is pretty par of the course for him, and this matches what I remember of Stranger in a Strange Land. ) This extends to his inability to figure out why people do what they do, and his failures in that are how he arrived at these fucking buckwild conclusions. Is it any wonder his ideas about how to run a good society are fucked up when he’s operating from premises about humans being inherently selfish and the only possible reason to not just go along with The Rules is ignorance of their purpose?

Starship Troopers is dripping in rationalization. Starship Troopers desperately wants its military to be good and noble and necessary, it thinks that if it pushes around all the numbers of officers and men and arrangements of rules into exactly the right shape it can solve all the problems like equations and everything will snap into place and run perfectly and be totally moral and perfectly justified.

This is why this book was controversial, and why it launched decades of discourse in science fiction. The thing about milsf is that even if you hate Starship Troopers and want to read other milsf that hates Starship Troopers, it’s still in dialogue with Starship Troopers and the legacy of Heinlein.

I didn’t like this book for its content, I found it really interesting to engage with because of the connections I know it has.

BUT WE TALK ABOUT HALO ON THIS BLOG...

That's why we're here, so let me give you all a tour of various items of interest and relevance to our subject of hyperfixation here on bloodgulchblog dot tumblr dot hell.

Heinlein invented ODSTS:

The idea that has endured the most from Starship Troopers, more than any other (which is thankful considering what I've been talking about all through this post), is powered armor. Heinlein pretty much invented the space marine as a science fiction trope, and especially the powered armor:

When someone talks about a "bug hunt" when it comes to fighting aliens in a scifi story, that terminology was born here.

As you may have noticed here and in the section about Bugs: Heinlein's Terran Federation has the power to bombard planets with nuclear weapons to reduce the surface to radioactive glass, golly where have we seen that?

(See also in the bug section: a planet-cracking weapon called a nova bomb!)

Plus I would feel remiss if I didn't show you some of the naming scheme for some ships in this world:

...I'm not sure how to end this one.

I have a movie to watch, so I can finally comment on it. (The movie is controversial. Fans of Starship Troopers who agreed with Heinlein hate it, people who recognize how bonkers Heinlein's ideas are appreciate that the movie seems to understand this just as well. I need to go see it for myself. It's on archive.org if you spend 2 seconds hunting, if you also want to.)

I also have an anime to watch.

DID YOU KNOW THERE WAS AN ANIME?

This thing got a six-episode OVA released in 1988, right after Heinlein died and nine years before the live action movie. (It's supposed to be a lot more faithful to the novel, so I Will Report Back On This.)

Anyway: idk, if you also want to poke around in a weird dead thing, the full text of Starship Troopers is incredibly easy to find. It's less than two-hundred pages long. It will make you feel like you're taking crazy pills.

[navree]

Hi, first I wanted to say that I really like your takes and how eloquent you communicate your thoughts. I could never. I aim for a 5 sentence max paragraph and end up with an essay 😅

Anyways, I’m usually not one to dwell on other’s interpretations of a character or scene, especially if I don’t agree because it’s just fiction anyways…but sometimes I just see a bad take have to rant. I came across this take (I’ll copy and paste since I don’t want to @ op. I’ll also omit some filler words just in case): “the exhale, almost like relief. Alicent will finally escape a life she’s never had a say in. She won’t have to deal with the consequences of putting Aegon the throne and the look of horror when she realizes she’s alive” and ma’am. No.

Let’s say Alicent may be suicidal/have suicidal ideation, in that moment I’m pretty sure she was terrified that her sons and daughter were about to be burned alive. Even if she wanted to die, I’m not sure she would leave her children and grandchildren behind unprotected. Also, “deal with the consequences of putting Aegon on the throne”?? I know the show basically went “lol, anyways” in regards to Alicent’s fear that’s been growing for the past 20 years but she should be relieved that Aegon is crowned. They’re all (seemingly) safe. The “only consequences” are cruel, unjustifiable acts of “revenge” aimed at literal babies.

This take annoys me even more because I know that op and co. were the same ones who ran with “Alicent poisons Aegon in the name of retribution” and “Alicent is disgusted by Aegon’s touch during coronation scene when she removes his hand from her side and holds it instead”.

I know that her children were forced on her and loving them can’t be easy, but all Alicent has are her children. Aegon and Aemond were quick and brave enough to face an angry king to spare her, Aegon accepts the crown for her and their family, Aemond wants to gift Luke’s eye to her. Helaena has never done anything wrong. She doesn’t hate them; she loves them the most.

You guys are being so sweet to me today oh my goodness!! You're too kind, thank you <3

And yeah, I saw the exact take you're talking about, and the one about the hand too, and I did have to stop myself from vaguing about it cuz it was early in the morning and I have the capacity to be mean. There's this bizarre idea people have where they decide they're fine with Alicent being more sympathetic, but only as long as she repents the things she's done and realizes that she actually Did A Bad Thing and she's so sorry and regretful guys, really. And listen, interpretation is up to the interpreter and all that, but it's a bad interpretation.

Alicent is not, in fact, semi regretful while smiling at Aegon's coronation, she was under a lot of stress and she's finally seeing her son safe from harm for the first time in his entire life and actually embracing something, she's relieved. No she's not trying to prevent Aegon from touching her during the scene, boy has a sword and is very clearly trying to push her back and behind him so he can try to protect her before she stops him and is the one holding onto his hand to make sure that he doesn't try it again. No she is not "sighing in relief" she's just accepted that there's nothing she can do in the face of a dragon but at least she's with her son, at least her first boy won't die alone, at least she'll be there for him. No she is not horrified to be alive, she's now incredibly stressed once again and also realizing that Rhaenyra's going to find out that Aegon has the crown before Alicent was able to send over a peace delegation with honorable terms to potentially blunt the blow and prevent backlash. Like I'm sorry, but did some of these people need a hospital stay, cuz I'm assuming they pulled some muscles pretty badly with all that reaching.

Alicent did not have much say in how she lived her life. And there might have been times where she might have had some sort of suicidal ideation or something similar. But for one, that is hardcore fanon because there is nothing in the text or subtext or supplementary materials that has ever even attempted to claim that Alicent has any suicidal tendencies. It can make for a good fanfic idea, but fanfiction isn't canon. For two, we don't even know if that's something Alicent would be willing to do. We don't have a clear view on some of the tenants of the Seven, but it's meant to be analogous to Roman Catholicism (similar views on women, marriage, sex, homosexuality, the works) and in Roman Catholicism, suicide's a sin, it's actually a really big sin, so it's entirely possible that Alicent doesn't have any concrete thoughts on suicide and the like because it's against her beliefs and she's kinda big on those. And when it comes to whether or not Alicent would do it when she's got kids, suicide is a complex topic and sometimes you can have the most loving family in the world but if the factors are too stacked against you in other ways, it won't matter, but likely not. Alicent is a person who puts duty over everything, who literally lays her own body on the line in the defense of her children, she's probably not going to think about doing something for herself even if it'll make her happy so long as she's got the kids.

And yes, sorry to some people, but Alicent loves her children. Very, very dearly. I've discussed it many many times so I won't repeat it in detail again for anyone who's sick of it, but Alicent takes an active part in raising these kids, she is their primary parent, they clearly rely on her love and support, and she's very willing to defend them at all costs. She attacks Rhaenyra for Aemond, she demands Criston take Helaena to safety, she literally places herself between Aegon and a dragon. And Alicent's children love her, Aegon clearly does and half of his issues come from feeling that this love might not be reciprocated back, Helaena doesn't seem to mind her mom wanting to engage more in her interests, and the scene in episode 9 where she shies away from her touch is because she's aggravated no one's understanding her prophecy, and Aemond of course adores his mother through and through likely more than anyone else in his entire life (until Alys comes along).

When it comes to Alicent wanting to avoid consequences of putting Aegon on the throne, again, no? Alicent is not stupid. Alicent is very aware that there are going to be consequences to putting Aegon on the throne. That's why she and Otto lock the castle down, that's why she immediately calls a meeting of the Small Council, that's why she wants Aegon found and brought to her first, that's why she makes sure to talk with Aegon in private about Rhaenyra on their way to the Dragonpit. Alicent has been the de-facto ruler for nearly ten years, and she's the one spearheading a lot of this, she is textually aware of the consequences. There are consequences that we know are coming, like Vhagar going off script or Daemon deciding to indulge in some child murder, but those aren't consequences that anyone who isn't the book-reading audience could have ever foreseen. So let's also add "Alicent is not worried about facing the consequences when she's got the King, the King's government, the entire capital city, multiple dragons, and several powerful and influential Great Houses behind her and she's got a clear view on how to deal with the foreseeable consequences of this decision" to the list.

A lot of these takes come from the idea that Alicent can only be likable if she's constantly self-flagellating herself for her choices and is in constant self hatred mode for anything done against the characters they actually do like, or a view that Alicent is, I guess, the dumbest person on the planet who can't see further than two feet in front of her. But Alicent isn't constantly hating herself, she might hate her life but she does view herself in the right more than she does in the wrong, and she's smart and capable, and she's allowed to, you know, have ambition for her son and love her kid and want to stay with her family and protect them to the best of her abilities.

And of course, this was a take found on Twitter. Some of the Team Green side of HOTD Twitter is good, the rest of HOTD Twitter, literally the site is basically a disease at this point. There's a reason I frequently delete the app off my phone and try to limit my use, and I actually need it for work and connections.

[levi-da]

Teaching Professor Braun

Pairing: Levi Ackerman/Reiner Braun, Eren Yeager/Mikasa Ackerman (for like 3 lines)

Tags: Domming From The Bottom, Bottom!Levi, Top!Reiner, Teacher!AU, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Drunk Sex, Office Sex

Summary: Prof. Ackerman and Prof. Braun have an ongoing rivalry between the English and math departments of Shiganshina High. A night out with some other professors leads them to relieving some tension together.

Word Count: 3.2k

A/N: Here's my first post! I hope you enjoy :)) This took me WAY longer than it should have.

Read on AO3

The bell rings as laptops and textbooks are shoved into bags.

“This class sucks, man. Why’s Professor Ackerman always up our asses?”

“I dunno, dude. Professor Braun never makes us do anything like this.”

The class clears out as the day ends, leaving Levi alone in the room. He’s halfway through grading the students’ most recent essay when a knock sounds out against the door.

“What the hell are you doing to these kids to make them so miserable? You got a stick up your ass or something?”

Levi rolled his eyes and looked up from the paper he was grading. He let out a sigh before he asked, “Making them use their brains. You should try it sometime.”

Reiner clenches his jaw. “Whatever, just remember that Hanji is forcing everyone to go out for drinks tonight. I know you’d much rather read a dictionary, but they’ll kill you if you don’t show up tonight.”

“What’s so special about tonight?”

“They won’t say. Just make sure you’re there at nine.”

Levi waves his hand towards the door dismissively. “Fine, just get out of my classroom and stop distracting me.”

Reiner quietly leaves the room, though Levi’s eyes follow him every step of the way. How that man got anything done, he could never guess. Levi shakes his head, clearing his thoughts before returning back to his work.

---

The music of the club rattles through Levi’s skull. Already annoyed with the circumstances, he looks for his gaggle of idiots. Scanning the room, he finds most of them grouped together at a table.

“Look who finally decided to show up! Fashionably late, too, might I add.” Hanji slurs, slipping her arm around his neck. He wasn’t the biggest fan of contact, but trying to stop Hanji from touching would require more energy than it’s worth.

“I made it,” Levi says, a smirk sneaking up on his face. He slips onto the chair next to Hanji.

“Wow, you actually made it,” Connie says from across the table. “Never thought I’d actually see you here.”

“Even Levi has to destress once in a while,” Jean exclaims, pouring Levi a shot. Feeling the migraine already kicking in, Levi takes the shot, feeling the burn the whole way down. He immediately starts coughing.

“Can’t even take a shot, huh?” Reiner snorts, walking over to the table with Armin, more drinks in their hands.

Armin hands a glass of whiskey to Levi. He takes the glass gingerly before leaning against the table and glaring sharply at Reiner.

Reiner rolls his eyes, putting down the rest of the drinks. “This is why the kids hate being in your class. You’re such a dick.”

“Where’s Eren and Mikasa?” Sasha asks, interrupting Reiner.

Armin sighs, sitting down next to Jean, “Who knows at this point, I don’t question it anymore.” Hanji giggles, stumbling off the stool to get another drink.

“They’re probably fucking in the bathroom or something,” Annie says, downing her fourth drink of the night.

“Are you sure that’s a smart choice, Leonhart? Don’t you have midterms to finish grading this weekend?” Levi lets out against the rim of his glass.

“Fuck off,” Annie says, then lays her head flat on the tabletop.

Apparently, Levi can’t catch a break since he feels someone looming over him. With a sigh, Levi spins around on his stool. He looks up at the person towering over him.

“What is it now?” Levi asks.

Reiner slots himself in the gap between Levi’s legs. “Are you just going to sit around all night? Get up and dance.”

“I’m here. Shouldn’t that satisfy you?”

“You’re not here to be a lameass. Let’s go.” Reiner grabs Levi’s wrist, dragging him to the dance floor.

Where had this man gained the balls to act towards Levi like that? Though, Reiner may have a point. He should just enjoy himself for once. He could do with letting loose a bit. Just a bit.

The grip of Reiner’s fingers around Levi’s wrist pulls him from his thoughts as they move throughout the club. As they arrive upon the dance floor, Reiner tightened his grip on Levi.

“Stay close to me, yeah?”

Levi’s body presses close to Reiner as they work their way through the crowd of people. Once they settle on a spot in the middle, Reiner pulls Levi close and releases his wrist.

A random bump from behind has the two pressed together, chest to chest. The lack of space between the two causes Levi to feel Reiner’s body heat across every inch of his skin. Reiner’s skin felt like a fucking furnace, practically burning Levi with each point of contact. Reiner’s hands graze over Levi’s hips and he wonders how it would feel if they actually made contact; if Reiner actually held on to him… The music consumes them, and they dance, as if they don’t pick a fight with one another every time they interact.

Eren and Mikasa emerge from the depths of the crowd, drinks in hand. They each hand off a drink to Levi and Reiner, then venture off, likely to do some dancing of their own. Not a word was said, just a knowing look in the couple’s gaze.

The pair knock back their drinks and leave the glasses on a nearby surface. Not wanting to stop dancing, Levi drags Reiner back to the dance floor.

“Look at you. Who knew you could be so outgoing?” Reiner whisper-screams over the music.

“Don’t push your luck. I just decided to do something different for once.”

A hint of mischief in his eyes, Reiner pushes, “Your perfect decisions finally starting to bore you?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Levi says, as he pulls Reiner closer, by the same wrist that had grabbed on to him. Reiner stumbles a half step, caught off guard from the sudden pull. His hands reach for something to support his slip up and it’s Levi. He grabs Levi’s hips for balance, tipping them back.

They still, breathing against each other's lips.

“Shit. Sorry.” Reiner goes to release Levi, but smaller hands are grabbing his and holding them down before he even gets the chance to pull away.

“Don’t apologize.”

Frozen in the moment, Reiner’s eyes glance down at Levi. Their eyes lock and, in that moment, it’s just them. Levi’s shoulders relax, his eyes softening as he gazes back up at Reiner.

That’s all Reiner needs to decide they’ve spent enough time in this club. Maybe it’s the drinks making the decision, but that’s an issue for a later time. He just wants Levi now. His fingers slip around Levi’s wrist as Reiner pulls him through the crowd again. Shouts from the others follow them but are ignored entirely once they’re out the club.

Outside, Reiner pulls out his phone and calls a cab. He slips his phone away and looks back towards Levi.

Levi, who looks devastatingly handsome in his loose button down and fitted slacks. Levi, who’s staring at him like he wants to devour him. And Reiner can’t get enough.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Reiner hand cups Levi’s cheek, pulling him closer, closer, closer. Levi pulls him in just as much, his back hits the brick of the building as Reiner closes in on Levi.

Their breaths overlap, mix, and then lips graze one another.

“Just fucking kiss me already.” Levi’s hands are tugging his hair at the nape of his neck. Then their lips are finally pressing against one another.

They kiss and kiss and kiss, nipping each other’s lips in retaliation.

Just when Reiner’s hands start drifting under Levi’s shirt, a honk interrupts the pair. They part, resituate themselves, then crawl together into the back seat of the car.

“Whose place are we going to?” Reiner mumbles, lips against Levi’s jaw.

“Mine, I don’t trust that yours is clean enough for me,” Levi lets out, voice breathy as his eyes roll shut.

Unable to argue with that logic, Reiner gives the driver directions to Levi’s place. The drive being 20 minutes long is apparently too long for them, as the pair are unable to keep their hands off each other. The cab driver must be sneaking looks through the rearview mirror since there’s a blush spread lightly across her cheeks.

Levi’s hands can’t stop touching. From Reiner’s knee, to his inner thigh, it’s all just Levi. Reiner is breathing slowly through his nose, trying to will himself some control, but once Levi starts brushing his fingertips over his zipper, his restraint all but vanishes.

Reiner rips the last two buttons on Levi’s shirt open as the cab slows to a stop outside Levi’s apartment. Levi hastily shoves a bunch of bills into the driver's hand with a quick thank you, pulling Reiner’s hand.

They make it all the way to the elevator before clinging to one another again. They could’ve only been a few inches from each other, but it takes everything in Reiner to not reach out to Levi.

Blood rushing in his ears and trying not to pant, Reiner sneaks a look at Levi pressed against the wall beside him. Levi’s already looking up at him, pinning him down just with his stare.

How the fuck did he end up here? Nothing could have prepared him for sleeping with Levi of all people. Not that he was going to complain.

The elevator dings, letting them know they’re that much closer to what they’ve been chasing.

Levi slides out as soon as the doors open, leading the way down the hall. He stops right in front of a door, fumbling with the key.

Reiner presses right up against him, “Need help with that?”

Levi stills, feeling the heat of Reiner fully pressed behind him. The hardness pressed against his ass only spurs him to unlock the door faster, get that dick inside him faster.

As soon as the door opens, it slams shut against his back. Reiner slides his hands under Levi’s thighs, grip tight as he lifts him up. Without a thought, Levi locks his legs around Reiner’s waist.

Reiner’s lips trail down his neck. Faint marks litter the column of Levi’s throat. Levi fists Reiner’s hair and pulls his lips close. Their lips crash against one another. Levi’s hands travel everywhere, tugging Reiner’s shirt off and throwing it on the floor. 

Levi kisses Reiner like his air has been stolen and the only way to breathe is to steal it back.

Clearly Levi wants Reiner’s dick in him yesterday, lacking any regard for cleanliness at this point if he’s chucking shirts. Reiner shoves Levi’s shirt off his shoulders, buttons already gone.

He thumbs over Levi’s nipples.

Levi moans into the kiss. “Can you fucking be any slower?”

Reiner huffs a laugh and shoves his pants just past his ass, pulling Levi’s slacks off entirely. Levi’s boxers are gone too, leaving a trail of clothing across the room.

“Do you have any lube?”

Levi tilts his head. “In my office.”

Reiner just carries Levi, hands squeezing his ass as he walks into the office. He plops Levi on the desk, scouring the drawers for the bottle.

“Check the bottom drawer.”

Fingers wrap around the bottle and he slams the drawer shut. Instantly, he’s back on Levi. He kneels between his legs, kissing and marking up Levi’s inner thighs.

Levi, in all of his short glory, already looks properly fucked out spread on his desk. Face and chest flushed, slightly dazed eyes, and a heavy stare.

“Just fucking look at you.”

Levi rolls his eyes. “Hurry up already. How many times do I have to repeat myself?”

With a hand on each knee, Reiner forces Levi’s legs open. He slicks a finger with lube and traces around Levi’s hole. A moan rips itself from Levi’s throat as Reiner slips his finger down to the second knuckle. He sneaks a second one beside the first, curling once inside.

Levi lets out a broken moan at that. “Fuck.”

Reiner kisses his way back up Levi’s body, stretching out his hole.

“Any fucking day now. Seriously, just fucking put it in me already. I can take it.” Levi hooks his foot around Reiner’s shoulder, urging him closer.

“I’m just trying to find the stick that’s up here.”

“Very funny.”

Reiner slides his fingers out, “Yeah, I’m fucking hilarious.”

Whatever Levi planned to say gets cut off by Reiner pressing his tip to the rim. Levi’s legs slide down to wrap around his waist. Broken moans fall from Levi’s lips as Reiner slides in fully, pelvis to pelvis. Maybe it’s the booze talking, but Levi looks practically holy. His hair splayed out, head tilted back and moans filling the room. Offhandedly, he hopes the neighbors won’t wake up.

Hands tug on his hair, pulling him from his thoughts and pressing his lips down to meet with Levi’s. Reiner grips his hips, thumbs digging into hip bones. They move together, timing their thrusts with one another. Their pace picks up as they get closer to their release.

“Fuck, I’m close,” Reiner breathes out between their barely pressed lips. He wraps his fingers around Levi’s cock, bringing him closer to the edge.

Reiner wants Levi to finish first, so he whispers out, “Come on baby, cum for me.”

That’s all Levi needs before the tension snaps and he’s spilling into Reiner’s hand. He’s not too far behind either because with a few more thrusts, Reiner is filling up Levi.

Their breaths are loud in comparison to the sudden silence of the room. A few minutes pass with them in silence before Reiner slowly slides out and leaves the room.

When he comes back, it’s with a damp washcloth. His pants are buttoned again and he’s slightly less rumpled. He gently wipes the cum and some sweat off Levi’s boneless body. Reiner scoops him up and carries him to bed, crawling under the covers and pulling him closer as the two fall asleep.

---

Levi wakes up to sunlight peering through the window directly in his eyes. Details of the night before slowly start to piece together as rustling was heard from beside him.

“Morning Sunshine,” Reiner says, his voice rough from sleep. He smirks at Levi.

“Shut the fuck up.”

Reiner lets out a snicker as he slides up behind Levi, hooking an arm around his waist. His heat spread out along Levi’s backside, settling a chill he didn’t realize was there. 

“Not a morning person?”

“Not at,” he glanced over at the clock, “6:30 A.M.”

Reiner’s hand slides over his stomach, pausing in the middle. “You could go back to sleep.”

“What, and leave you to mess around my apartment alone? Absolutely not.”

Despite not wanting to wake up, Levi made no effort to get out of bed. In actuality, Levi was hiding deeper under the covers. He pushed back against Reiner, seeking out his warmth.

Reiner’s breath is hot against his neck as they slot together. Levi can feel Reiner’s hardness pressing against his bare ass.

“You‘ve got to be kidding me. The sun is barely out and you’re hard already?”

A nip at the back of his neck is all he gets as a response.

“Is this how you always are? So desperate to fuck a hole, disregarding the world around you?”

The lips trailing across his neck still as Reiner takes in what exactly Levi just said. He lets out a huff.

“I shouldn’t be so surprised you could be so bossy in bed. You were so pretty last night under me that I didn't even think about you on top.”

Levi rolls his eyes at that. He pushes his hips back, drawing a hiss from Reiner.

“Lay on your back. I’m getting back at you for the bruises.”

Not waiting for Reiner to move, Levi shoves him onto his back. Reiner is left stunned, earning him a lapful of Levi. He grips Levi’s thighs.

Levi leans over Reiner, going for the bedside table to grab lube. He pours some lube over his fingers and starts to open himself. Muffled moans slip out as Levi tips forward, catching himself on Reiner’s chest.

“Fuck, you look so perfect like this.”

“Shut up.”

His thighs tighten around Reiner’s hips as he lowers himself down, Reiner’s thickness filling his hole. Levi fully plants himself on Reiner’s cock, feeling the veins against his walls.

“Is this what you wanted? Just to fuck a hole?” Levi lifts himself from Reiner’s lap, just to drop himself back down. The pair let out a moan at this. The tip of Reiner’s cock barely brushes over Levi’s prostate, leaving him seeing stars. 

Reiner’s grip tightens on Levi’s hips as he thrusts up. “Maybe it is. Doesn’t seem to be an issue.”

His hands are shoved off Levi and pinned above his head faster than he can register. Levi slips his hips back down, leaving Reiner feeling too close too quickly. With Reiner’s hands trapped above his head, there’s not much stopping Levi from taking what he wants from him.

“If you keep going like this, I’m gonna–”

“I’m not finished with you.” Levi’s lips are harsh against his throat, giving him matching dark marks.

With his lack of control, Reiner thrusts up as best as he can, matching Levi grinding down in his lap. His nails dug into Reiner’s wrist as he slams down for the last time, cumming between them. Levi loosening his grip is the opening Reiner needs to grab Levi’s hips and snap them together swiftly. Within a few thrusts, Reiner’s finishing inside.

Levi collapses on his chest. Reiner pauses to catch his breath as Levi begins to still against his chest.

“Fucking bastard,” Reiner mumbles, wrapping his arms around Levi, joining him in his slumber.

---

Levi wakes up with the feeling of sweat and cum stuck to his skin. Feeling disgusted with himself, he slowly goes to sit up, ready to shower. Just as he’s about to crawl out of the blankets, his phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Hiya, Levi. How’s your morning been?” Hanji’s cheery voice rings out from his speaker.

He flinches at the volume. “Fine until you called me. What do you need so early in the morning?”

“It’s already eleven, it’s not that early. Besides, I had to make sure you got home safe, considering you left so soon without telling anyone.”

A beat passes. “Okay?”

“You know, the whole reason I wanted us to go out is because I thought you needed to get laid. You’ve been extra grumpy lately. What I didn’t expect was you going home with Reiner of all people, but honestly I should’ve seen that coming.”

Reiner lets out a snicker behind him.

“Shit happens I guess.”

“Well, considering Eren and Mikasa have been dating for years without Administration finding out, you guys would probably be fine as long as it doesn’t affect your work.” The smile in their voice is evident.

Levi glances over at Reiner. “It’s not going to be a recurring event. We don’t need to worry about all that.”

“If you say so. I’m gonna go now, have fun! But not too much fun.”

With a click, the call ends and it’s just Reiner and Levi in the silence of the bedroom.

Reiner gaze locks on the comforter. “Did you mean that?”

A flash of confusion spreads across Levi’s face. “I mean, we were drunk. I figured this was going to be the end of it.”

“We weren’t drunk earlier.”

A moment of consideration sits between them before Reiner speaks again. “It doesn’t have to be just this one time.”

Levi feels Reiner’s eyes finally look up at him. “No, I guess it doesn’t. But don’t expect much from me.”

The two finally look at one another.

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

[lemistired]

Essay- Untitled (again)

I don’t like naming things, I’m bad at it. 

I’ve been in a little bit of a slump for a bit now, my anxiety is getting really bad again, like I’m fighting to leave the house every time I have to. The other week I near enough downed 3/4ths of a bottle of vodka and of course i then saw that same bottle twice. I didn’t even expect that to happen, that’s the funny thing. My asthmas also been acting up like CRAZY cause how humid the air is and how much pollen there is, I hate that my lungs are as sensitive as they are, they can take a lot, but when it hits them it hits them hard, I should really tell them they’re doing a good job from time to time. ANYWAYS this is essentially just a vent that I’ve been adding to when things get a lot, and I’ve decided I’m done with this one cause it’s hard to have any literary flow when you’re in bits. 

People go on about how wonderful life is, yet have you ever found someone who isn’t simply drifting?

I mean yeah, I have these hopes and aspirations, but they’re more like rough suggestions. I don’t even know what I’m doing tomorrow, you can’t even say I’m taking the day as it comes because that’s a blatant lie, I’m simply going through the motions I’ve rehearsed a million times before this.

There is no escape from anything anymore. Alcohol simply allows you to sleep without a plagued mind, gradually your tolerance is getting higher though and the four cans of cider and a shot of vodka doesn’t make you drowsy anymore like it did the first time you drank; you keep drinking trying to get that same effect until suddenly you’ve gone through half a bottle of gin. You know it’s getting bad again when you’ve had a hard day and your first thought is to down some whisky, that’s my drink of choice when the days been rough. If I want a good time having rum usually goes down well, but sometimes the familiarity of that burn going down, setting your chest ablaze, is exactly the kind of comfort you need. Your mornings have started to consist of thinking about clearing away those empty bottles in your room, yet your nights are filled with heavy eyes and a thick taste of regret lining your tongue.

Sometimes it’s not enough, so you try smoking a little, doesn’t matter if it’s a tobacco cigarette or an electronic one, sometimes it’s nice to feel like you’re drowning for a moment. You know you shouldn’t because it’s “shaving years off your life”, you’re asthmatic so you know you’ll feel it when you go into an attack about an hour later. Sometimes I find myself unable to get the oxygen to my lungs, my body is shaking as I’m slowly getting dizzier trying to choke back the nausea, my inhalers won’t work so I sit there rubbing my chest hoping to alleviate the pain.

I’ve lost my sense of identity now; I don’t know last time someone asked me about what my characteristics are and I didn’t fabricate something on the spot. One group thinks I’m some shy, kind, reserved person who cares too much about everyone, another thinks I’m a more head strong, argumentative person—they’re even scared to wake me if I fall asleep just in the off chance I’ll snap at them. My family thinks I’m the most responsible introverted person you can find. The only advantage to not having a set personality is I’ve gotten really well at masking everything. I think I was 12 when I started acting, none of my current friends fully know me as a result of this, I keep losing people due to my inconsistencies.

A few points of me have stayed consistent; I’m not cishet-- truthfully I’m always in a state of questioning, my life has always looked like a dark room with a phone light being the only source, hospitals are places that I hate yet still find comfort in—they’re familiar, I hate being alone—at least alone without access to at least text someone, I prefer the cold weather—there’s less people walking so you don’t have to hide as much.

I find my emotions are something that come in waves, you get a tiny ripple, then suddenly thousands of waves come crashing down so hard it hurts as it hits against your skin, eventually they calm and there’s nothing at all. When the waves still, I wouldn’t even call it content, it’s simply a grey area between emotions, you feel something, but it’s not positive, negative, or neutral. When the waves are thundering on for what seems like an eternity, it becomes so overwhelming nothing shows, but you feel it; the suffocating of being thrown under the water with no mercy, you’re struggling to know its pointless so you begin to let yourself drown, only for you to suddenly gain the ability to breathe underwater, it’s the only way you’d ever cope with it.

I’ve become sick of sacrificing everything the moment people ask it of me. I’ve never been a caring person, the habits have just become deep routed in me, if you see a glimmer of genuine concern or trust from me, you know I really care. Sometimes I ask simply because you look upset and I don’t want the day to be dragged down as a result, other times, I want to make you feel better. The way my life has always worked was I was the caretaker, but I was not the kind of person who would clean your wound with such care and give you treats after. I think back to arguments sitting with my brother, trying to convince him to allow me to take out broken fragments of plastic out of his hand with tweezers, the concern over taking me all you may see was aggression at first glance, but those who know me know that is how I care – it’s cold, violent, and upsetting, yet I’ll still touch you with gentle hands dancing over the injury, touch so light you may not even feel it.

On some not rare occasions, I find myself disgusted to be banded in with people, not because I dislike people, I simply feel beneath them, an imposter with subtle cracks showing through a true nature. My emotions lead me in a world shrouded in logic, it was never suited for people like me. I am simply a by-product from a war between obligation and negligence.

━  S

[redheadbigshoes]

Hey Stephanie, that other anon speaking about her mom made me want to just sort of vent/ask about my own parent. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year, and I’m so happy with them. They’re my first serious relationship and by far I’ve felt more attracted to them than any other person. Before her, I’ve only ever had “crushes” or “dated” guys (who usually turned out to be queer in some way, and whom I never kissed or was physical with). I should mention that I’m 20 and living at home, also.

I’ve identified solidly as bisexual for a couple years now, but since dating my girlfriend, I’ve been seriously questioning whether or not I’m actually attracted to men at all. I’m not repulsed by the idea of sex with a man, but I wouldn’t say they turn me on and I have never related to cishet women’s descriptions of their attraction to men. Currently I kind of go back and forth, and I’m not solid on either label, but I’m not looking to have any sexual experiences beyond my relationship with my girlfriend so it’s not really relevant except for my own peace of mind.

Anyway, my parents are not religious, but I was terrified of coming out because my dad is more of a traditional type. He has lesbian friends and has no problem with gay or queer people usually, but I ended up coming out before I felt ready because I was talking to him about going to lunch the next day with my current girlfriend (who was then just a friend I had a crush on), and he said it sounded like a date. Things ended up getting and staying heated for quite a while, and though he didn’t stop me from dating her, it was clear he wasn’t exactly supportive.

This situation is complicated because I feel very confused and conflicted. He’s pointed out how much worse I could have it when we watch movies where the parents are not exactly supportive of their queer kids (i.e. Everything Everywhere All At Once) without realizing that he’s acted like them. He has at times been very kind and supportive, but then will say things like he hopes I’ll grow up and find a nice boyfriend someday, and how sad he is, and other hurtful things. He doesn’t understand how I could possibly not know if I’m bisexual or a lesbian, and views my potential bisexuality as a way for him to hope that I’ll find a man. If I am a lesbian, I’m scared to come out again and probably won’t want to.

It’s less of a burden now than it was when I first came out and started dating my girlfriend, and I mostly brush off these comments when they happen, but when I’ve tried to talk to him about how hurtful some of the things he has said are he says that I’m not allowing him to have his feelings and that I’m in the wrong because “if somebody doesn’t react the way you (I) want them to,” then they’re not “right” or something. I’m fine with him having his feelings, and he’s doing his best, but I can’t deny how hurtful this whole process has been to me at times. Is it worth trying to talk to him about this at this point? Should I just leave it alone? And if I do decide that lesbian suits me as an identity, do you think it would be worth it to risk undoing progress we’ve made in the past year?

Thank you and apologies for writing an essay in your inbox ❤️

First I’d like to say you shouldn’t apologize for venting here. My blog is a safe space for that.

About you questioning whether you’re a lesbian or bi: attraction is always positive, having neutral feelings, not feeling anything at all or having negative feelings when it comes to something romantic or sexual is not attraction. Whenever I see someone questioning whether they’re a lesbian or bi I always recommend watching these videos (you can find the others in the tag #source: patronsaintoflesbians). Also, you don’t need to understand your attraction right now, you don’t need to label it specifically if you don’t want to.

Unfortunately sometimes parents being friends with queer people (or seeming to be accepting of LGBTQ+) is not an indication they will accept you, at least right away. I think you should give your dad some time and space for him to get used to the fact that you’re not straight, sometimes all they need is time. I also think if you do end up realizing you’re a lesbian, it wouldn’t be good to come out again to your dad right now, he first needs time to get used to you liking other girls, and if in that time he approaches you and asks you about your identity, then I think you should tell him the truth.

[that-disabled-radfem]

Happy back-to-school y’all

I’ve attended and worked at a couple of super liberal universities. I avoid the gender studies departments for obvious reasons and I still had a lecture in which the female prof gave a brief overview of TERFs and proclaimed her hatred of JKR. Being openly critical of gender ideology, the porn industry, kinks, and ‘sex work’ are the kind of things that can ruin your future in academia. Not to mention the fact that any speech or actions that could be labelled transphobic (ie. defining woman as adult human female) can get you a suspension according to many universities anti-hate-speech policies. 

So, here’s a list of small and smallish (small in terms of overt TERFery, some may require more effort than others) radical feminist actions you can take as a university student:

(this is a liberal arts perspective so if you’re a stem gal this may not apply. but also if you’re in stem maybe you can actually acknowledge that women are oppressed as a sex class without getting kicked out of school. idk)

(Note for TRAs hate reading this: One of the core actions of radical feminism is creating female networks. This is not so that we can brainwash people into being anti-trans. This is because female solidarity is necessary for creating class consciousness and overturning patriarchy. It is harder to subjugate the female sex when we stand together.)

Take classes with female profs. Multiple sections of a class? Pick the one taught by a woman. Have to chose an elective? Only look at electives offered by women. When classes have low numbers they get cancelled. When classes are super popular, universities are forced to consider promoting the faculty that teach them

Make relationships with these female profs. Go to office hours. Chat after class. Ask them about their research. Building female networks is sooooo important!

Actually fill in your end of year course feedback forms. Profs often need these when applying for tenure or applying for a job at another university so it is very important (especially with young and/or new profs) that you fill out these forms and give specific examples of how great these women are. Go off about what you love about them! Give her a brilliant review because you know the idiot boy in that class who won’t shut up even though he knows nothing is going to give her only negative feedback because he thinks any woman who leaves the house is a feminazi b*tch. 

(note: obviously don’t go praising any prof - female or male - who is blatantly racist, homophobic, etc.)

(Also if you have shitty male profs write down all the horrible things they have done and said and put it in these forms because once a shitty man gets tenure they are virtually untouchable)

(also also, leave a good review on rate my profs or whatever other thing students use to figure out if they want to take classes. idc if you copy paste your feedback from the formal review. rave about the class to your friends. do what you can to get good enrolment for that prof for reasons above.)

Participate in class. Talk over the male students. Say what you mean and mean it. Call out the boys when they say dumb shit

Write about women. If you have the option to make a text written by a woman your primary text in an essay, do it. Pick the female-centred option if you’re writing an exam-essay with multiple prompts. (Profs often look at what works on their syllabus are being written about/engaged with as a marker of whether to keep those texts the next time they teach the class. If there are badass women on your syllabus, write about them to keep them on the syllabus) Use female-written secondary sources whenever possible. 

(pro tip: many women in academia are more than happy to talk to you about their papers. expand your female networks by reaching out to article authors through email and asking them about their cool shit)

Get your essays published! Many departments have undergrad journals you can publish in. This will ensure more people read about the women you write about and will demonstrate to the department that people like learning about women

Consider trying to publish your undergrad essay with a legit peer-reviewed journal. If you can do it, your use of female-written secondary sources boosts the reputations of the women who wrote those secondary sources. Also this helps generally to increase scholarship about women’s writing!

Present your papers at conferences! Many schools have their own undergraduate/departmental conferences that you can present at. Push yourself by submitting to outside conferences. Bring attention to women’s works by presenting your papers. Take a space at a conference that would otherwise be reserved for mediocre men

Talk to your profs and/or your department and/or your university about mandating the inclusion of female works in classes if this isn’t something they do already

Sit next to other women in your classes. Talk to them. Make friends. Form study groups. Proofread each other’s essays. Give each other knowing looks when the boys are being dumb. Just interact with other women! Build those female networks!

Be generous with your compliments. A female classmate and I were talking to a prof after class and the classmate told me (out of the blue) that I always have such interesting things to say. I think about that whenever I’m lacking confidence about my academic skills. Compliment the women in your classes for speaking up, for sharing their opinions, for challenging your classmates/profs, for doing cool presentations, etc.

Talk to other women about sexist things going on on campus. Make everyone aware of the sexist profs. Complain about how there are many more tenured men than tenured women. Go on rate my professor and be explicit about how the sexist profs are sexist

Be active on campus and in societies. If a society has an all male executive or is male-dominated, any women who join that society make it less intimidating for more women to join. Run for executive positions! Bring in more women! 

(Pro tip: Many societies’ elections are super gameable. You can be eligible to vote in a society election sometimes just by being a student at that university — even without having done anything with the society before. Other societies might just require that you’ve taken a class in a particular department or attended a society event. (Check the society’s governing documents.) Use those female networks you’ve been building. If you can bring three or four random people to vote for you, that might be enough for you to win. Societies have trouble meeting quorum (the minimum number of people in attendance to do votes) so it is really super achievable to rig an election with a few friends. And don’t feel bad about this. The system is rigged against women so you have every right to exploit loopholes!)

(Also feel free to go vote “non-confidence”/“re-open election” if only shitty men are running. Too often people see that only candidates they don’t like are running and so they give up. But you can actually stop them getting elected)

Your campus may have a LGBTQIA+alphabetsoup society. That society definitely needs more L and B women representation. It may be tedious to argue with the nb straight dudes who insist that it’s fine to use “q***r” in the society’s posters and that attraction has nothing to do with genitals, but just imagine what could happen if we could make these sorts of societies actually safe spaces for same-sex attracted women and advocated for our concerns

Attend random societies’ election meetings. Get women elected and peace out. (or actually get involved but I’m trying to emphasize the lowest commitment option with this one)

Write for the campus newspaper. Write about what women are doing - women’s sports, cool society activities, whatever. Review female movies, books, tv shows, local theatre productions. Write about sexism on campus. We need more female by-lines and more stories about women

Get involved with your campus’s sexual assault & r*pe hotline/sexual assault survivor’s centre/whatever similar organization your campus has if you can. This is hard work and definitely not for everyone (pls take care of yourself first, especially if you are a survivor)

(If your campus doesn’t have an organization for supporting survivor’s of sexualized violence, start one! This is probably going to be a lot of hard work though, so don’t do it alone)

Talk to your student council about providing free menstrual hygiene products on campus if your campus doesn’t already do this. If your campus provides free condoms (which they probs do), use that as leverage (ie. ‘sex is optional, menstruation is not. so why do we have free condoms and no free pads?’)

If you’re an older student, get involved with younger students (orientation week and such activities are good for this). Show the freshman that you can be a successful and well-liked woman without shaving your legs, wearing heels, wearing make-up, etc. Mentor these young women. Offer to go for coffee or proofread essays. 

Come to class looking like a human being. Be visibly make-up less, unshaven, unfeminine, etc. to show off the many different ways of being a woman

Talk to the custodial staff and learn their names. (I know there are men who work in this profession, but it is dominated by low-income women) Say hi in the hallways, ask them about their lives, show them they’re appreciated

Be explicit with your language. When you are talking about sex-based oppression, say it. Don’t say ‘sex worker’ when you mean survivor of human trafficking. This tip is obviously a bit tricky in terms of overt TERFyness, so use your best judgement

That’s all from me for now! Feel free to add your suggestions and remember that feminism is about action

[nuatthebeach]

Please share your take 2,4, 14 otp ask

2. What would they do if the other woke in a manic state after a nightmare?

So likely scenario is Harry getting woken up, though I suppose this is more so a headcanon from hinny fandom and it’s really possible that Ginny could be having more nightmares instead? After all, we only get Harry’s perspective of his numerous nightmares from canon and not Ginny’s.

So I’ll answer both. If Harry gets a nightmare, Ginny is, like, dead asleep (physical training is no joke and athletes need a lot of rest) and likely won’t respond unless he really shakes up the bed or outright calls for her. The first few times he slept next to her, he would never wake her up intentionally until one night Ginny tells him that he absolutely should because “if you’re having a nightmare, then we’re both having one. So wake me up next time, you prat.” Then he starts doing that. She’ll hug him, kiss his scar (ty @blvnk-art for forever cementing that headcanon into our brains), and sometimes they’ll even make love because she knows they both need it. Also, if he really, really needs to up his mood, she’ll start cracking jokes and teasing him or she’ll whip out the remote for the old Muggle television that Dudley passed on to them and they’ll watch Ferris Bueller or Back to the Future or some other goofy shit that they both crack up at 3 in the morning.

Harry falls asleep in her arms for each of these scenarios, though.

If Ginny gets a nightmare, Harry will do the same strategies of physical comfort listed above, but he’ll also suggest going out for an early morning flight on their broomsticks (they continue to do this even after they have kids and tbh even when they’re gray and old and can barely hold themselves up lmfao because they’re just that cool). Or, if the weather isn’t normal, then he’ll suggest creative drawing (which neither are good at but it’s hilarious when they mess up and fail “why did you make your fingers look like large sausages, Ginny?” “huh I must have been imagining your large sausage.” “…it’s too early for you to seduce me.” “It’s working though isn’t it?” “…No comment.”) Or, my personal favorite, Harry will suggest that they do some creative journaling. Half of the time, she writes about her nightmares and how they make her feel and what practicing mindfulness feels to her and how this should feel like talking to Riddle but it really doesn’t because she’s healing now. She’ll write it beautifully too, sometimes in essay, sometimes in prose, sometimes in poetry.

The other half of the time, she writes pure Hinny smut and Harry can’t help but look over at her paper when he sees she’s smirking and then he absolutely cracks up and flushes when he reads words like gasp, thrust, beg, nip, stroke, and patience. (“Well, I can’t exactly post this in the Daily Prophet, I need an outlet somewhere.” “Then they really wouldn’t stop talking about my large sausage.” “Touché, Potter.”)

4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected’?

Both are equally as protective over the other (e.g. Harry adamantly telling Ginny to stay in the RoR for her safety; Ginny saying “Leave him alone, he didn’t want all that” or “yeah, Zabini, you’re so talented…at posing”).

Neither actually need “protecting.”

14. How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?

I’ll answer the clash first ‘cause it’s a bit more obvious: they’re both impulsive, angry, stubborn, passionate, scary individuals. You know the phrase “you shouldn’t fight fire with fire”? Well, call these two an Australian fire in the middle of the COVID-19 pandemic because Harry and Ginny are as fiery as it gets.

In fact, they’re so similar that on the very, very surface level, I’ve even heard arguments that they are not good for each other because of how much they clash.

So…why are they?

Because they understand each other better than anyone. Because they de-escalate each other. She is his greatest source, his light in the darkest of times, his last thought. He is her safety comfort, her biggest supporter and defender, her most intimate lover.

See the following for evidence…

“She looked alarmed and angry […] ‘It’s nothing, he said reassuringly, lowering his voice.’” Look at the way they were both fiery and upset (for different reasons ofc) but then look at the way he de-escalated it. Doesn’t look overly clashy or toxic to me.

On Ginny’s end, everyone mentions the Lucky You scene, so I’ll be a bit more creative…

“‘Don’t be stupid, we can’t all go!’ Harry said angrily […] ‘More of them will come’ said Ginny confidently ‘…because in case you hadn’t noticed, you and Hermione are both covered in blood and we know Hagrid lures thestrals with raw meat, so that’s probably why these two turned up in the first place…’” Just look at how Ginny - a girl absolutely notorious for being the epitome of heat and passion - calmly rationalizes to Harry in this. And notice how a few chapters later, she successfully manages to tag along with Harry despite him being stubborn about her (and Luna and Neville) staying.

In fact, I was so impressed with this scene that it, uh, kinda inspired me to make this meme.

Thanks for the ask!

[dragonmuse]

@idfk42 Glorious! But now I want this story… the AU of the AU’s AU! How deep does the rabbit hole go?! (I don’t care, I’m here to the deepest point.)

@robinade I’m with idfk42, I love every iteration of this au, including the AUs of the AU (with an AU tangent 😆)

I think we all know what I've gone and done. It's time for another AU of the Au of the Au in bulleted list form. The rabbit hole continues every onward, I devour my own tail.

-The fearsome foursome stay friends naturally. Their ages are adjusted for this au so they’re all the same age. 

-Stede will not let Izzy get away with not applying for college. Izzy threatens, bluffs and eventually just writes the essay and fills everything out and lets Stede do what he wants with it. Faith and Mary work on theirs together.  Izzy gets into a decent state school with a scholarship thanks to some very liberal editing to his essay by Stede and his actually not awful grades. Faith and Mary get into a prestigious school close by. 

-”Where are you applying, Bonnet?”  “Oh, you know, just a few schools with good business programs.”  “You fucking hate business.”  “Yes, but my father-” “Yeah, no, where do you actually want to fucking go?”  Izzy, Mary and Faith bully Stede into applying to a fashion program under the guise of a ‘business for fashion’ degree which his father hates, but Stede has financial breakdowns of the industry that Izzy produced and convinces him it’s a smart move or at least is annoying enough that his dad agrees to make him stop.

-Look. Faith still dies. There’s no easy way to say it. Izzy has to call Mary and tell her and then won’t come to the phone at all. He assumes they’ll leave him alone now since Faith was the glue between them. 

-Instead, Mary and Stede show up with very nice luggage, pack all his shit and move him in quietly to Stede’s family’s second home until it’s time for school to start and they both lie more than they’ve ever lied in their lives so they can spend those three weeks together. Mary and Stede cry the tears that Izzy can't. They stumble through grief. They try to keep busy by kitting Izzy out for college, so despite being entirely broke, he shows up to his dorm with everything a rich kid could imagine you would need.

-Their friendship becomes an iron bond. They hold her memory between them.  Izzy, as he is practically designed to do, quietly swears his loyalty to these two fools for the rest of his life. 

-Stede’s college experience is very...eye opening.   And yet when his father demands that he marry That Girl or So Help You in the middle of his sophmore year, Stede goes to Izzy to help pick out the ring. 

-”No.”  “What do you mean no?”  “No you’re not marrying her.”  “Why not?” “Because I’m not sitting here watching you two be fucking miserable for the next million years. First off, it’s boring. Second, it’s pathetic. And third, it’s nauseating. I will puke on you, Bonnet.”  “There’s no need. I don't actually want...I mean, I do love her.”  “Yeah, so do I and you don’t see me proposing.”  “That’s different.”  “It’s not.”  

-Stede calls Mary instead and they talk about their options. They decide to fake a long engagement and that will get them out with their degrees at least.  Izzy, relieved, continues on with his very monastic life. He doesn’t have time to go find trouble because between making sure Stede passes all his math classes, spending hours in Mary’s studio space at her school learning a little second hand, doing his own schoolwork and stocking grocery shelves for spending money, who has the fucking time? 

-”I think I might be interested in men,”  “Yeah, no shit, Bonnet.”  “See this is why I picked you to come out to first. No drama. Just insults.” “Who insulted you?”  “I know how you feel about gay people.” “Trust me, you really truly fucking don’t. You want to go get a boyfriend, go get a fucking boyfriend.” Maybe I just want to...um. Get laid.”   “Say it with a straight face and I’ll believe you.” “I think the point is that I don’t have a straight face.” “Fuck off and go tell Mary, she’ll probably be supportive or something.” 

- They all graduate and Stede tells his father that he will not be getting married. His father can sort of stomach that, but then Stede says he wants to start a fashion line. As the designer. And that’s a bridge too far. He disowns him. Mary’s parents are slightly more forgiving, but they do decide she could use a year of ‘making it on her own and see how she likes it’. 

-There’s an apartment that Izzy gets them and there is a very frustrating couple of months as Mary and Stede figure out life without a lot of money. Izzy sits down and teaches them both to budget so there’s enough to pay the rent. They both say thank you a lot and try their best . Izzy still sort of wants to murder them both all the time.  He gets an accounting job and realizes that as difficult as the two of them can be, he can tolerate them far more than any of the stiffs in suits. They are actually, and don’t tell fucking Bonnet he even thought this, pretty good people.

-Mary charms and family connections her way into a job as admin assistant at a gallery. Stede accidentally gets a nannying gig.   

-In an incident that probably was inevitable, Stede and Izzy get two drinks in on a night Mary isn’t home and goad each other into a messy makeout. This being an area Stede actually has a head start on, he gives a persuasive argument into why they shouldn’t stop and Izzy caves. They start having sex with each other when they both feel like it.  They do not have feelings for each other. They still snipe at each other constantly. 

-Stede designs his heart out. He hustles a lot and finally gets a job at a big fashion house not yet designing, but at least in the realm. Mary shows her work in a small alumni show and sells her first painting. Izzy gets a raise and a concerned suggestion he use his vacation time once and a while. 

-Mary, who never does learn whatever lesson her parents were trying to teach her, is welcomed back into the fold anyway. When she meets a very decent man that she likes very much, she finally moves out and now in their late twenties, Stede and Izzy are left with each other. 

-This is fine. They both date periodically. But they are both not very good at it. Izzy gets sick of Stede moping about not making more progress in his career and sits him down again and makes him make a five year plan. Does Izzy have one? What does he need one for? He doesn’t have dreams. Dreams are for dreamers. 

-Stede makes clothes and makes clothes, filling their apartment with fabric and constantly asks Izzy for his opinions until Izzy starts having them. One very painful day when Izzy’s head is in his grief (like he’s going to stop grieving her. Someone has to do it), Stede presents him with an outfit. It’s not flashy or feminine, but it’s well made and flattering and the shirt is his favorite shade of blue. 

-Look. Izzy gets feelings. It’s a thing that happens to him. But not for Stede fucking Bonnet, okay? He tells Mary that when they are both very drunk and she doesn’t laugh in his face because she’s a very good friend.

-”Bonnet.”  “Hands. Are we being formal over toast again?” “Listen.” “All ears.” “I think we might be...in a relationship.” “No. Surely not?” “You’re wearing my shirt in an apartment we’ve shared for five years and you haven't used your own bed for two of those.”  “Is this your shirt?” “Yes- that’s not the point.” “It’s a little the point, I like this shirt.” “Fuck me.” “On the breakfast table?” “We only have one table, you fucking- stop it.”  “Stop what?” “BONNET”

-They do eventually agree that they have an informal, sort-of relationship. Nothing anyone is taking seriously.They will continue to date other people. 

-Stede shows at smaller indy shows. Then slightly bigger indy shows. Then he and Izzy write out a business plan and with all the optimistic energy only Stede can summon, he starts to look for investors. And gets them. His brand launches out of their apartment. The entire business is Stede, one part-time fashion student and Izzy. Izzy does not sew, but by now he’s experienced in a few aspects of business thanks to be very useful to his bosses. He can do the paperwork. 

-Thus supported, and with a gorgeous art piece by Mary for a logo, his work goes into two or three boutiques. Then four. Then ten. Then fifteen. Then a small bougie chain picks them up. And they can’t run it out of the apartment anymore. Izzy is doing Stede’s business more than his own job.  Stede opens an actual office with a workshop space. 

-”I want you to work with me.”  “Fuck off. I’m not your assistant, Bonnet.” “I said with not, for, you asshole. Be my business partner.” “Not qualified for that shit.” “Yes, yes you are. We’ll have to sign a contract and other things, but you do half the work. You should make half the profits.” 

-Izzy hates a lot about the fashion world, but Stede does most of the bits he doesn't like. Izzy stays behind the scenes and tries to keep Stede from accidentally bankrupting them. He’s got a generous heart and very ridiculous ideas. Izzy's heart is a stone and his ruthless practicality grows the business almost as much as Stede's designs.

-They keep living together. Why not? At least it’s someone who knows how you like your coffee or  tea in the morning. And the sex is pretty good.

-They go out to a local gay bar one night. They’re in their late-thirties. Mary is pregnant and most of the other people they know seem to be settling down.  

-There’s a person at the bar with long curly hair and the right kind of smile. 

-”I will not arm wrestle you over this, you utter pig.”  “Saw ‘em first then.”  “That is not how we handle things.”  “Please fucking tell me how we handle anything. I’d love to know if there were fucking rules to this chaos.”  

“Gentleman,” Eddy interrupts. “Both of you can buy me a drink. I’m thirsty as hell.” 

-The thing is that Stede takes Eddy home and Izzy is fine with it. Stede’s dated before. Dated people Izzy thought were attractive before. But this is different. There’s less room suddenly. The apartment that they’ve shared for fifteen years becomes smaller somehow. Izzy is always walking in on something or tripping over someone’s feet. Witnessing people fall in love in front of him in real time with no escape.

-He moves out. He has the money. He still sees Stede every damn day and they still eat lunch together, supposedly to talk business, but they talk about almost everything but. Mary has her baby and Izzy is informed he’s an uncle if he likes it or not. So he’s got a baby that he visits and a best friend and his business partner that he’s no longer fucking. He’s got a good life, okay? 

-He’s not sad. He’s not resentful. Maybe. Sometimes. He’s a little itty bitty bit jealous. Because Eddy is gorgeous and mean and funny. And Stede is more everything with them then he ever was with Izzy. It's like he's become the person he's always wanted to be.

-Izzy has Alma with him one day. Babysitting, because what else is he doing on a weekend? Might as well. She’s strapped to his chest, facing out and obviously being very charming as women keep smiling at him like he’s performing some kind of miracle instead of grocery shopping. There’s a guy by the melons. Young, cute. With another guy. They’re clearly together and having a very adorable time about cantaloupes or some shit. 

-”Hey,” the cute one said as he went by. “You or that baby know how tell when one of these is ripe?”  Izzy picked up a melon and tapped, handing it to him with a nod, “Tap this and listen, you want it to make this kind of sound, that’ll tell you. Baby knows fuck all except out to pull out hair.”  “She’s cute for a hair puller.”  The other man laughed, “you would know, Luc.” “Shut up, sweetie.”  

-Izzy leaves, but it’s his local grocery store and he runs into the couple or just the cute guy on his own a few more times. The cute guy is...flirting. Definitely. And he does it in front of the other guy.   

-”Mysterious,” Eddy laughed at him as he tried to get Stede’s opinion on the problem. “You’re a fucking silver fox, Iz. Guy just wants a piece and clearly his partner doesn’t give a damn.” 

-Izzy is not a silver fox. He’s got less silver than Eddy. But. He’s had a dry period, ok? Fucking Stede reliably had made him a little lazy about finding new people or something.

-He tentatively flirts back next time and the cute guy (“I’m Lucius, by the way, watch the teeth around my neck, I’ve got a day job.”) responds hard. 

-Mary, Stede and Eddy demand details. Demand to meet him, but Izzy holds back for weeks. Months. It’s the first thing he’s had to himself in years and he feels protective of it. But one can’t hold out forever.  Of course they all like him, Lucius fits into their little horror show of a group as if he was born to be there. 

-And the thing is that Lucius teaches Izzy a lot about how relationships can work and that you only get the things that you ask for.

-So he gets Stede alone one night, and he, very painfully and only after a few shots of bravery, just asks. And Stede kisses him the way only Stede knows how to do. It’s a teenage kiss in it’s own way, messy and rich with memory. 

-It’s a long negotiation. A complicated dance, but Izzy’s good at keeping plans and keeping track.  He wears her ring around his neck, Lucius’ cuff around his wrist, Stede’s fashion wherever the man is moved to put it and Eddy’s mark on his neck (“Not the fucking face, I’m a business man, for fuck’s sake.” “Yeah, no one here cares.” “I care”) and he’s about as marked as a man can be.

-and sometimes, when he's finally alone as he still is sometimes, he takes out a sketchpad and he draws a few things. cartoons of a group of kids, falling into each other and the right time.

[something-about-sunflowers]

I'm gonna block the op before I post this cause I don't wanna start any drama but, that one person in the steddyhands/adjacent tags with their 'List of things I promised not to do in OFMD fic/What I look for/want when reading/writing OFMD fic' post. Don't. . . Do that. You can preface with 'you can write your fic how you want' all you like but if you add a caveat of 'be aware of "the trends"' it comes across as condescending, demanding, and judgemental. Leave alone that you are not the arbiter of all things allowed in fandom/fic. Nobody needs your permission to 'do as they will' so to speak.

Anyway I'm gonna go through and pick out their 'issues' that annoyed me the most and talk about why. Read-more cause I know I tend to forget to do that when I'm writing essays/meta/etc and, seeing as they did too and it was a beast of a post I don't want to be that annoying on yall's dash.

'Is it funny'

Not everything needs to fit to your standards and not everyone wants to write a comedy.

'The Act of Grace needs consequences'

The AoG did not necessitate becoming pirate hunters. I think this may come from some confusion around Benjamin Hornigold? (If its not that then I genuinely have no idea where this idea came from tbh?) All it necessitated was becoming a privateer, essentially a legal pirate, one who only attacks enemies of the Crown. Which, yes, can include pirates, but moreso meant, like, the Spanish (navy/merchants/etc, remember: they're at war).

Hornigold is a bit of a weird one in that he was already kind of doing that when he was a regular pirate? He, historically, avoided attacking English ships, and eventually turned pirate hunter later on.

Its completely reasonable to assume that, in a time when the Crown was coming down hard on piracy, there would be some who would sign the Act when caught and then renege as soon as. You could obviously only use this tactic once but its a good 'get out of jail "free"' card if you're in a bind. That doesn't reflect on Blackbeard (or Stede/Izzy), especially not when he's pretty immediately back on the seas and obviously not working for the Crown.

That isn't to say there won't be consequences in the form of the Crown being pissed at losing Blackbeard though, I've got my fingers crossed for a third Badminton after all, but in my opinion its doubtful there'll be any consequences from the greater pirating community.

'No co-dependency (. . .) written about positively'

Fan fic is not your therapist. We already understand that these characters are flawed and that their relationships are unhealthy, even at the best of times. People shouldn't need to write their characters like they're trying to get an A in therapy, nor should they have to add disclaimers in the text (or author's notes) that 'this is unhealthy and bad'. If you can't separate the idea of these fictional characters and their relationships from reality enough to understand that, because the author doesn't hold your hand to tell you 'this is not a good thing' then you shouldn't be engaging with the fic nor the source material, to be entirely honest.

'[Izzy] doesn't need to blush and "make out like teenagers" for every story'

The back button is free. Not everyone wants an emotional deep dive into the psyche of these characters, some people just want to watch these sad old men make out and be horny.

'The [Revenge] crew should be careful about being visibly queer when they're at port'

Not everyone wants to deal with the idea of systemic/societal homophobia in their fic. Fan fiction can be a way to explore these ideas in a safe and cathartic way but it doesn't have to be and some people are more comfortable by excluding the concept altogether. I live in the damn bible-belt, I worry about it enough in my real life, I shouldn't have to read it in fic if I don't want to and I shouldn't be made to write it for the sake of 'realism' either. Let people have their escapism if they so choose.

'Use protection and lube-'

Fan fic is not sex-ed. Nobody has to worry about sti/std/pregnancy if they don't want to. Plus, its not exactly super realistic for them to have either just immediately on hand? Obviously you don't have to deal with realism if you don't want to and if you prefer for your own sake they have access to them then by all means but, while they existed, condoms weren't exactly a common item in the 1700s. Mostly available to the middle and upper classes and very likely extremely difficult to find at sea. They're pirates. They're not exactly known for being 'safe' in any sense of the word. Look up why the real Blackbeard blockaded Charleston sometime. Syphilis isn't fun. But this is fic and Syphilis doesn't have to be an issue if you don't want it to be!

And while I'm fond of the 'convenient vial of oil' its not as if the lube-less/spit-as-lube buggery is going to actually hurt anyone. Like I said: fan fic is not sex-ed.

'-Make sure nobody can hear them'

Lucius was fully sucking Pete's dick in the galley with Wee John sleeping right there. Maybe the only members of the crew with an ounce of shame are Jim, Olu, and Izzy; at the same time though? Nobody is gonna care. Lucius may tease (Izzy at least, Jim might actually kill him) but that's literally the worst that could happen. Ships being not soundproof is kind of the reason why they can't ‘make sure nobody can hear them’ and why they might not bother beyond 'not being directly in front of them' and even then, as with Lucius and Pete (and Fang), they don't really care one way or the other.

'F/F [is] often (. . .) kissing and fucking'

Yeah. This is the Horny Pirate show. People are gonna be horny about the pirates, whether they're old men or old women. People are allowed to be just horny about it. If you want more plot driven F/F then that's a you problem and you can be the change you want to see in the world. And don't come to me with any 'oh its fetishistic' BS either, it doesn't fucking matter so long as they're not reducing real human beings to their sex lives, people can do whatever the fuck they want with fictional characters.

'Izzy needs to learn to be his own person if he wants to heal'

I agree with this point. I still find it annoying because nobody has to go over all of that. Nobody has to even let Izzy heal. Some people just like angst! Not everything has to be hurt/comfort or a happy ending!

'If Izzy falls for Stede or realizes his feelings for Ed, wait on the confession'

Some people just want to get to 'the good part'. Not everybody is looking to write a character study and sometimes you just want to get to the romance.

'They're big adult men, casually lifting/carrying each other is unrealistic'

Doesn't have to be realistic, but, they're also sailors. They're used to manual work/physical labor. Sure they're all older but your muscles don't just immediately atrophy just because you're old, not if you're using them. But again, it doesn't have to be realistic! Its fan fic! Of a fairly unrealistic show at that! Selective (or no) realism is perfectly fine!

'Calico Jack's addictions'

Alcoholism is a really heavy subject and nobody should have to touch on it if they don't want to. People should be able to write about Jack without worrying about navigating such a heavy topic if they so choose.

'tag your dubious consent (. . .) correctly'

This is the one point I will fully agree with and endorse. The fandom as a whole needs to get better at identifying (and differentiating, they're mutually exclusive terms and have different meanings) non-con/dub-con in general. Only caveat here is you specified 'regarding Calico Jack/Izzy Hands' when its not a ship specific issue but a fandom wide one.

There's probably points I disagreed with that I skipped over and hell, there's points that I do agree with that I skipped over, but ultimately my issue is this: Unless there is actual harm being done, this type of post is unnecessary. There is not and should not be one 'correct' way to write fic. I understand that you gave a caveat of 'you don't have to do it this way' but if you're going to outline all the things you think people are doing 'wrong' then go on to say 'but that's just my opinion' it doesn't change the fact that its a shitty thing to do unasked regardless. 'Most of these don't immediately make a story bad' is incredibly rude to say.

There is nothing inherently wrong with 'fandom wide habits' if they're not actually causing harm. People infantilizing Ed (and the rest of the BIPOC cast/characters, if we're being entirely honest) is a fandom wide habit that can actually cause harm. People moralizing over Izzy is a fandom wide habit that causes harm. People not properly tagging their fic can cause harm. People writing fan fic that isn't to your exact tastes, regardless of how much of it there is, is not causing harm.

Nobody needs or wants someone playacting at being CinemaSins calling them out for using 'overused' tropes. If you're doing it for yourself that's fine but keep it to yourself and don't try and hold the entire rest of the fandom to your standards. Its fucking rude.

[solemnly-mischievous]

rivalry (d.m. x reader)

You and Draco Malfoy have a rocky relationship, at best. It'd be better to describe it as a rivalry. But all it takes is a bit of fire from your end to finally make him snap.

(AKA: I just really wanted to write an enemies-to-lovers trope for my first fic.)

A/N: Hi! First fic. Hope you like it. :)

Contains: Degradation, slight edging, d/s elements, slight dub-con (but not really; full consent is clearly given), light humiliation

Word count: 3.9K

-----

Normally, Defense Against the Dark Arts would be your favorite class. The spells you learn are fun and useful; Professor Lupin is always a plus, and most importantly, you’re good at the subject—so bloody good, you’ve bested even Hermione and Harry multiple times.

But lately, you’ve been finding yourself dreading the lessons. So much, in fact, that you were half-considering asking Hermione to hex you just to get out of your afternoon class.

Why? It’s a pretty easy answer when you got down to it.

Draco Malfoy.

You’d had an ongoing rivalry with the git since third grade. He’s been terrorizing you and your friends, mostly because of Harry, but along the way the two of you had begun building a personal vendetta.

(He probably hasn’t quite yet forgiven you for hexing him so badly he’d had to stay in the Infirmary for weeks, and you certainly haven’t forgiven him for causing your friends so much grief over the years.)

This year, you’d thought you could try your best to avoid him, with your upcoming N.E.W.T.s and all. But DADA had other plans.

Professor Lupin had begun experimenting with mixing up partners for class—it was, after all, a very hands-on class—and had apparently decided that cross-house interaction would build bonds and skill. His exact words were, “If they’re your friend, you’re gonna go easier on them. In the real world, you never know who you’re fighting with—or against.”

So he’d randomized the name list. You, being Gryffindor, knew immediately you wouldn’t be with any of your closest friends—but you hoped that perhaps you’d be paired with Cedric, or Luna, or anyone but—

“Your partner is Draco Malfoy,” Professor Lupin informed you when he got to your name, and you immediately make to protest.

“Her?” a voice came just as you complained “Not him”, and the students parted to reveal Draco himself, glaring daggers at you and Lupin.

“Yes, her,” Lupin replied, unruffled. “Now, pair up, everyone. We’re practicing Stunning today.”

That day, you’d fucking limped out of the classroom. Not to say Draco had gotten it easier—he could barely stand after you Disarmed, Stunned, and hit him with a nasty stinger hex just for the sake of it. (You’d gotten detention, but it was worth it.)

Today’s your second class with Malfoy, and you’ve never wanted more to be able to commit violent actions in your life.

“Please,” you whisper to Hermione as your group enter the DADA classroom. “Just one hex. I won’t even go to Pomfrey. No witnesses. You could just Petrify me, if that’s more to your liking.”

She sighs. “I’m not going to Petrify you.”

“’Mione,” you say, scandalized. “I thought we were friends.”

“Pair up, everyone,” Lupin calls out. Your friends shuffle away and you close your eyes, already getting a headache from the thought of—

“Well, well.” That fucking smarmy voice. “If it isn’t Potter’s little friend.”

“If it isn’t Daddy’s boy,” you snap, opening your eyes and glaring at Malfoy, who already has his wand out. “Bugger off, Malfoy.”

“Afraid I can’t do that.” Draco’s eyes narrow. Clearly, he’s as displeased with the situation as you are. “What are we doing today, then? Can’t wait to knock you down a few notches. Star of the class, my—”

“Patronuses!” Professor Lupin announces from across the room, and your heart soars—Patronuses, you could do that. Harry, months earlier, had taught you how to perfect a corporeal form in exchange for tips on his Astronomy essay. He isn’t here today—maybe you could be the only one in the class to do it.

Lupin continues, “Yes, the Patronus—an essential in the world of Defense magic. We’ll be starting with just the simple basics of it. A strong flick of the wand, and the words ‘Expecto Patronum!’. Say it with me, everyone.”

You chorus the words obediently along with the class, Malfoy’s snort of derision not going unnoticed.

“Good. Good, good, now—the key to the Patronus is to think of a happy memory. It has to be strong. Remember, Dementors feed on misery—it’s the only way to keep them away. Now, go practice. I’ll be walking around to see if there’s any problems.”

“Expecto Patronom,” Malfoy repeats in a mocking voice once the classroom starts filling with the chants of fellow students. “Doesn’t Potter know how to do that one? Heard he can do a deer. Pretty weak animal if you ask me—”

“A stag,” you correct. “And it’s Patronum, not Patronom.”

He glares at you again. “Think you’re so smart, don’t you?”

“Certainly smarter than you are.” You glance at him. “Though that’s not saying much, is it?”

You give Fred Weasley, who’d circled around to hear the conversation, a not-discreet fist-bump.

“Alright then.” Malfoy spits out your last name, trying to provoke you. “Let’s see you do it.”

“You try,” you suggest, hiding your smirk. “Unless you’re too scared.”

Draco grits his teeth. Unwilling to back down from a challenge, he brandishes his wand. “Expecto Patronum!”

A thin, wispy light appears at the end of his wand—weak, but clearly visible. Classmates around you murmur as they notice it, and Professor Lupin beams as he sees Draco’s doing. “Very good, Draco! A fantastic start.”

Draco flicks his wand smugly and the Patronus charm dissipates. He smirks, shooting you an expectant look.

You take out your wand, feeling its familiar grip, and you close your eyes. You recall the memory of a weekend in Hogsmeade with your friends, drinking Butterbeer as you stroll through the snowy village, pointing out the shops and people. Unconsciously, you smile.

“Expecto Patronum!”

Light blazes so bright you can see it under closed eyes, and you open them to find a glowing golden retriever prancing out the end of your wand. It bounds around in the air joyfully, leaving a trail of light where it leaps, and circles the classroom, eventually coming back to you and wagging its tail.

Professor Lupin is grinning, utterly delighted as he takes in your Patronus. Calling your name, he exclaims, “That is phenomenal—you’ve learned fast. Very impressive job!”

You smile back, and your Patronus glows lighter in response. You quickly call it off, the light being a bit too much, and the rest of the class passes by in a haze of awed murmurs and classmates asking your advice on their spellwork. You become so preoccupied, you don’t even notice Draco’s unrelenting stare on your back.

The class ends fast, the bell tolling to signify the start of what would be a study period for you. As students trail out of the classroom, chattering happily, Professor Lupin calls you over.

“Listen, I want you to know that what you did today was truly impressive,” he says, seriously. “I assume Harry laid out the groundwork, yes?”

You nod. He smiles. “You and Harry both are very accomplished students, then. But truly—I doubt many Aurors could’ve managed what you did today.”

“Thank you, Professor.” Your words are sincere.

“My pleasure.” Professor Lupin shoots you an apologetic look. “Now, I’m terribly sorry, but I have off-grounds business to attend to—would you mind setting the classroom to rights? I’m afraid I had to push the desks and chairs back for our class, but I don’t have time to put them back. I’ll write you a note, if you—”

“Oh, no, Professor, don’t worry, it’s a study period. I’d be glad to help.”

“Thank you,” he says, relieved, already heading out the door. “Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow, then. I’ll bring chocolate to compensate!”

“Goodbye, Professor!” you call, and he echoes it, and then he’s gone. You look around the classroom, seeing all the desks in the back, and you crack your knuckles. Time to get to work.

“Well. Quite the teacher’s pet, aren’t we?”

Merlin’s fucking beard.

“Bloody hell, Malfoy,” you mutter, turning around to find him leaning against the classroom doorframe. His blond hair glints silver in the sunlight, and his entire outline—his uniform, his stance, his dark gaze—is just… honestly, unfairly attractive.

So maybe your first impression of Draco Malfoy, years ago, wasn’t that he was a self-entitled git. Maybe, just maybe, you’d thought he was the prettiest boy you’d ever seen.

And maybe that feeling never went away.

Not that you’d let him know that.

“What are you doing here?”

“Study period.” He starts walking towards you, shutting the door behind him. “Couldn’t help but be curious as to what Lupin wanted with you.”

“What’s it to you?” you snap. Malfoy doesn’t reply.

“Why do you insist on being so difficult?” he asks instead, and you blink.

“Me?” you splutter. “Difficult? Fat lot of sense that makes, with you fucking insulting me at every move I make—”

“As I recall, our first interaction was you hexing me in third-year.” Malfoy sounds amused.

“You pushed Harry into the lake,” you snap at him. “You bloody well deserved it.”

Draco laughs. “Good times.”

“Malfoy, what the bloody hell are you doing here?”

“You’ve got quite a mouth.”

“My mouth is also capable of jinxing you three ways to Friday, so I suggest you leave me alone, yeah?” Your fingers twitch towards your wand in preparation, and he only looks on with derision.

“I’m just frightened,” Malfoy sneers. You barely notice him slipping off his rings, pocketing them. “Potter taught you that Patronus charm, didn’t he?”

“What’s it to you?”

“Nothin’. Just wondering what else he taught you.” A vengeful mood seems to have taken Draco. “You seem to hang out with him an awful lot.”

“It’s called having friends,” you snap right back. He looks as though he’s about to retort, but you push on. “Unfamiliar with the concept? Wouldn’t be surprised. Crabbe and Goyle don’t seem like the best conversationalists, are they? Just a couple of goons. Wonder why you don’t have better friends. Friends you can actually talk to who operate with more than one braincell.”

“Shut—”

“Maybe it’s because no one wants to be near you,” you continue, years of pent up frustration spilling out in a vitriolic spiel. “Because you’re a miserable bastard who doesn’t know how to be happy, aren’t you? You drive everyone away and then you go after more because you’re lonely and sad and fucking pathetic—”

“Shut up,” Malfoy repeats with a vehemence.

“—and it’s too fucking late to repair the damage you’ve done—”

“Shut up,” Malfoy snarls, and you stare into his narrowed eyes.

“Fucking make me,” you snap back, and he lunges.

You’re pinned against the wall of the classroom, Malfoy’s wand to your throat and a hand fisting your robes to render you immobile. Draco flicks his wand, ever-so-slightly, and you hear the classroom door lock with a wordless spell.

“Malfoy,” you whisper, but he cuts you off.

“Shut the fuck up or I swear you’ll bloody regret it,” he hisses.

“Draco,” you begin, and he curses.

“Fuck it.”

Gripping your robes, he leans in and kisses you.

It’s rough and demanding and you think he’s trying to hurt you, with how much his teeth scrape against your bottom lip and bite down gently, but you’re not pulling away, he’s not pulling away, and you find yourself leaning into the kiss, arching up to meet him—

He breaks away and looks at you, smirking.

“If I’d known that’s what it would take for you to shut your bloody mouth, I’d have done it years ago.”

“Let me go, Malfoy,” you say shakily, but even as he loosens his grip slightly, you show no sign of moving.

“If you’d wanted to leave you’d have Stunned me long ago,” he states, truthfully. Your wand is fully in reach. You know how to do wordless spells. And yet you let him kiss you.

“Shut up,” you grumble, still not moving.

“I think, perhaps,” Draco murmurs, glancing down at your body, “you’re enjoying this.”

“No,” you argue, and his wand digs into your neck—not enough to hurt but enough to register.

“Shh,” Draco hushes, almost condescendingly. “Be quiet, now. That’s a good girl.”

Involuntarily, you shudder at his words. They made your legs weak, and you fight off the urge to audibly whimper—what the hell’s gotten into you?

Maybe he won’t notice. Maybe he hasn’t noticed.

Of fucking course he notices.

“Oh?” The shit-eating smirk on his face is enough to make you glare absolute daggers at him. “Don’t give me that. You shivered. You liked it.”

“Shut up,” you say again, with no real strength.

“Don’t you want to be my good girl, sweetheart?” he teases cruelly, and you have to close your eyes to fight off the blush. It doesn’t work, and your face grows hot with embarrassment and arousal.

“Dear me,” Draco says mockingly. “What happened to the spitfire from minutes ago, hm? Still feeling like saying those words to me? Still feeling like being bad?”

Inadvertently, you shake your head.

“Who’s pathetic now?” he mocks, grinning, letting his wand trail a cold path down your neck, over your collarbone, until it rests on the top button of your uniform. “May I?”

The question sounds mocking, but he meets your gaze and you know he’s honestly asking for permission. And you give it to him, nodding, even as your blush deepens. Draco undoes your buttons, one by one, with tiny flicks of his wand, until your shirt is fully unbuttoned and you’re exposed to his gaze.

Draco shoves his wand into his belt and pushes your bra out of the way with an almost laughable urgency, getting a full, appreciative look at your breasts. “So fucking pretty,” he murmurs. “Shame they belong to such a fucking headache, hm?”

You grumble some sort of an insult, and Draco pinches a nipple, which shuts you up effectively. “That’s what I thought.”

His hands trail down to your skirt, and instead of undoing the button he leans down and scoops the fabric up. “Here, be good and useful and hold this for me.”

The indifferent praise and the degradation combined has you obeying immediately, hoisting your skirt up and baring yourself to him, which only adds to an eddying swirl of shame and arousal pooling in your gut. Draco looks at you, stares, really, and it’s with a predatory grin that he reaches over to caress you through your panties.

“Soaked,” he observes, sounding both amused and satisfied. “You always get off this much to being treated like a right slut, then?”

“Draco,” you whine, bucking your hips up into his almost phantom touch. “Come on.”

“Is that how we ask nicely?” Oh, this bloody git. You’ll never be able to look at him again—he’s going to be so fucking smug around you.

When you don’t answer, he withdraws his touch completely, and you make a sound of protest. “No, no, please.”

“Go on.”

“Please touch me,” you try, but it’s hard to focus when you’re so goddamn wet you’re soaking through your panties.

“Not quite,” Draco muses. He’s palming himself through his trousers, and the sight turns you on impossibly more. “Come on, then—convince me.”

“Draco, please touch me,” you beg. One of your hands drift down to your panties but he slaps it away immediately, shooting you a warning look. “Please!”

“Touch you where?” He wants you to say it.

“Touch my cunt, please, Draco, fuck, I’m so wet it hurts,” you beg, and it’s true—you’re aching with arousal, and if he doesn’t touch you within the next few seconds you think you really just might combust. “Please, please touch me, I’ll be good, I’ll do whatever you want, just touch me.”

“If only the school could see you now,” he sneers, but even he seems to break his self-control and he tugs your panties down harshly, all but ripping them off. “Baring yourself to me and begging to be touched like a whore.”

“I’m not—oh,” you gasp, his fingers pressing into your cunt immediately and his thumb working on your clit, sending waves of pleasure so potent you almost double over. His fingers are long and thin, which is why he can press two in without preamble, and the stretch is barely noticeable.

“You’re not what? A whore?” Draco laughs. “Please. Look at yourself.”

“’m not,” you insist, but you clench around his fingers at his words and he raises an eyebrow.

“I think you’re lying.” He presses a third finger in and you whine, little sounds of pleasure escaping your lips as he works you open. “Quieter, now, or I’ll have to gag you.”

You bite your lip, and Draco thumbs your clit as a reward and incentive. “Now, tell me what you are. Be truthful, or I won’t fuck you. I’ll leave, leave you here with your shirt hanging open and your skirt up, the doors wide open. Maybe the next bloke who stumbles in might help you.”

Your eyes widen—he wouldn’t. But his gaze is dead serious. “Say it.”

“I’m a whore,” you breathe, and he thrusts his fingers into you, hitting that right spot. “Draco!”

“Say it louder,” he orders, angling his fingers and curling them.

“I’m a whore,” you moan out, bucking your hips upwards—you’re close, you’re so close. “Draco, I—”

He stops moving, and his other hand pinches your clit harshly. “No.”

You let out a gasp of shock and hurt, reeling from the denial and pleasure. “But—”

“You’re not fucking coming until I say so,” Draco hisses, undoing his belt and pushing his trousers down. “And I’m not saying so until I properly fuck you into a bloody wreck.”

His cock is already hard, and he positions himself right at your entrance. You can feel him, his tip pressed against your wetness, but not pushing in. “Draco—”

“I think,” he muses, and you want to scream, “one day I’ll drag you into a broom closet. Fuck your throat so hard you won’t be able to talk for the day. You’ll look pretty, don’t you think?”

“Please—”

“Or I’ll bring you back to my dorm, so I can fuck you until you’re screaming yourself hoarse,” Draco says thoughtfully. “Your dorm works. So long as I can ruin you.”

“Malfoy—”

“Because it’s just so—” and he pushes into you in one swift movement, fucking into you immediately with a fast and rough rhythm, “—fucking nice to see you being a slut for me.”

“Fuck!” You grind your hips along with his rhythm, feeling the tightness of your cunt around his cock, and you clench as he hits your sweet spot with the right angle, almost shaking with the pleasure that it gives you.

Draco groans your name, fucking you brutally as he chases his own release, already pent-up from the teasing and the sight of your wrecked state. “’m gonna come on your tits, would you like that? Get it all fucking messy, maybe get some into your mouth, get you fucking ruined?”

“Please, please, fuck, please let me come,” you plead him, feeling your impending orgasm barrel towards you—you couldn’t last, you can’t fucking last—

“Fucking hold it,” Draco snaps. “Hold it like a good fucking girl, you understand?”

You let out a mournful sound, but you nod—yes, I’ll be good, I’ll be good, please—

“Salazar, I’m fucking close,” Malfoy breathes into your ear, his voice rough and strained. “You feel so good, love, so bloody tight.”

“Please,” you whimper, not even sure what you’re pleading for at this point. Draco exhales shakily and curses, pulling out and pushing you to your knees with such a force that you drop down, your skirt being the only padding.

“Wh—?” you try to ask, but Draco is already pumping his cock and then he’s coming all over your face, some of it dripping down to paint your breasts as he’d promised. Draco leans down to gather some release on a finger and pushes it into your mouth, eyes darkening as you suck and swallow around it.

“Good girl,” he praises, and you almost come right there.

“Draco, please,” you beg, still on your knees and still absolutely fucking desperate for release that he’s been denying you for the past half hour. “Please let me—”

“Alright, spread your legs, c’mon,” Draco guides, and you obey and then he’s there, thumb rubbing steady circles around your clit and two fingers pushing inside you once more. You whine and grind into his fingers, his touch, hips following his movement as he pushes you closer—closer—

“Fuck!” you sob as he senses your impending orgasm and stills his hand. “No—no, why?”

You sound like a petulant child and Draco laughs at you, and it’s an unfair move and a mean sound but it somehow turns you on even more. “I’m just messing, sweetheart.”

Fuck you, you badly want to say, but somehow you feel like that won’t get you what you want.

Draco starts moving again, his fingers gaining speed, and the sound of them pumping in and out of your soaked cunt sounds delightfully dirty. You’re quickly pushed to the edge again, and amidst your pleasure you eye Draco distrustfully.

“Please,” you whisper, and he smirks at you.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.”

And he thumbs your clit and you’re coming, gasping with the pleasure and shaking as he eases you through it. His fingers don’t stop moving, even after your orgasm has faded, and you squirm in discomfort as he overstimulates you.

“Stop—please—”

“Promise me you won’t be a bloody pain again,” Draco levels at you, and you want to glare back but his fingers curl inside of you and you yelp with pleasure and pain. “Promise me, or I’ll keep going.”

“I—I won’t be a pain,” you mumble, trying to squeeze your thighs together to get rid of his touch, but he perseveres, flicking your clit mercilessly.

“Say you’ll be good.”

“I’ll be good,” you manage, so close to sobbing from the frustration. “Please, Draco, I’ll be good, be good for you, please stop.”

He relents and you feel him draw his hand back. You close your eyes and you hear him tug his trousers back on, buckling his belt. You feel strangely empty without him—without his fingers, his cock, his touch.

Draco produces a handkerchief from his pocket and wipes the sweat, drool, and cum off your face, helping you button your shirt back up as well. “You alright?”

“Never better,” you reply, opening your eyes to see him staring at you in concern, all traces of the cruel tease earlier gone. Outside, the sun is setting, casting orange hues into the classroom, and you suddenly remember. “I—oh, bloody hell, I have to arrange the desks for Lupin—”

“I’ll do it. Stay here.”

Draco stands up and takes out his wand, flicking it twice in quick succession. A wordless spell. As you watch, the desks and chairs slide back to where they used to be, neatly arranging themselves in rows.

You’re impressed as he comes back. “What spell is—hey!”

He’s flicked his wand once more and torn your panties clean off your legs.

“Draco—what in Merlin—”

“A souvenir.” Malfoy smirks, stuffing your soaked panties into the pocket of his trousers. “And payment for the desks.”

“You’re a bloody prick,” you say, leaning your head back against the wall.

“Careful now, love. Remember what you promised.” Draco’s tone is playful, but warning. “I’m a man of my word, so you should choose yours carefully. Next time I won’t be as gentle.”

Caught off-guard, you can only nod obediently, which seems to please him. But you can’t promise you won’t slip back into old habits the very next day. Whatever the case, one thing was clear—there would almost certainly be a next time.

------

Requests & asks are open! Here is the guide on requests, if you'd like to check that out first. Hope you enjoyed!

[c-is-for-circinate]

As promised: let's talk Hades, and how acts of abuse can create toxic environments for everyone around them, and also how people react to those environments--and to them being disrupted.

(For reference, I have just kicked Theseus's ass for the first time, it was exactly as satisfying as it was intended to be, and then I got predictably slaughtered a couple of chambers into Styx. Spoilers for everything through that point, but please no spoilers in reblogs/comments for anything after that!) Also, TW for a whole lot of discussion of abuse, particularly verbal and emotional abuse, and abusive familyworkplace dynamics.

Okay, so. To start out with, Hades is an abusive parent. He engages in innumerable acts of verbal and emotional abuse towards his son, because yep, that's what you call it when a parent constantly berates and belittles their kid for every perceived failure, including the ones the parent themselves could have prevented. Sometimes especially the ones the parent could have prevented. Zagreus failed at his office clerk job because Hades refused to teach him how to do it and then blamed him for not already knowing how. Cerberus tore up the lounge because Hades, who was actually there, chose not to stop him. Hades created, possibly deliberately, and then took full advantage of every opportunity he saw to insult and demean his kid, and the clerk job flashback shows us that he was doing so even before the escape attempts started. I'm pretty sure we're all on the same page here, but: yep, that all constitutes abuse, even if they're gods. Even if Hades has reasons for Being Like That. Even if you think Zagreus seems okay and unharmed by it (which: repeatedly throwing yourself into a gauntlet of violence that inevitably ends in your own pain and death because you're so desperate to escape home, not actually an indicator of someone who's okay). We all good on that?

Cool. Because I'm not really here to talk about how Hades' abuse directly impacts Zagreus right now (although there's for sure an essay in that too). I'm thinking about how it impacts everybody else.

Hades isn't as obviously unreasonable with anybody else in his kingdom the way he is with his kid. When we see him lecture somebody else, it's usually for an actual failure to do their job: Hypnos for literally falling asleep on the job and not doing anything that was assigned to him, Megaera for letting us past her so many time, Orpheus for being a court bard who refuses to sing. His attitude is super confrontational and unpleasant, but on the surface it doesn't necessarily look as fucked-up. Thing is, though, whether any individual act of aggression towards an employee/family member is justified or not (I would generally argue 'not', because aggression towards employees/family members is, y'know, not justifiable)--it's not about the individual acts. It's about the entire cultivated atmosphere of toxicity and abuse.

One of the very first things Meg ever says to us is, "I'd rather be on your bad side than his." Up until that point, we've got no reason to believe Meg has any history whatsoever of fucking up at her job. In fact, we've got plenty of reason to believe she's good at it. She's fiercely proud of it, she's frequently Employee Of The [Time Period], and we've apparently never even met her sisters because she handles her shit herself. But she's still scared of Hades. Dusa, who is an anxious wreck at all times because oh god what if she gets fired what if she gets fired what if she gets fired, in spite of apparently being absolutely exemplary at her job, is scared of Hades. Every single shade in the Hall is clearly terrified of Hades, and it's not because of what he's done to each of them. It's what they've seen him do to other people.

Which is how toxic environments work, whether they're work environments or families. The Court of Hades is of course both, always, with the bonus hell layer of you can't quit even if you DIE. An abuser in authority doesn't have to target you in order to make you feel scared, cowed, and desperate to please them. Humans (and gods who are basically extra-powerful humans) are good at learning by example. The residents of the Court get the picture.

So this Court is a minefield--and everyone except Zagreus is very good at tiptoeing around mines. We see it in Meg, so desperate to do her job well. We see that Hypnos very clearly does not give a shit about anything, but he still makes sure to have a list of excuses ready if/when Hades ever confronts him about failure to do his job, just in case. We see it when Achilles tells us that my ability to help you is constrained by the authority your father gives me, or whatever the line was sixty runs ago when he couldn't let me into locked chambers. The system, such as it is, works, and if Nyx talks to Hades as little as possible, if Thanatos avoids the Court entirely, if Achilles treads very carefully and knows how to keep his head down--well that's just the system, right? That's just how things are.

Even Zagreus seems to have had a role in that system as the court fuckup. He's the kid who didn't have a real job or purpose. He could take the focus of Hades' generalized, day-to-day ire off of everyone else, without triggering some of the more direct and violent ire because the work he was doing didn't really matter (a LOT of Hades' rage-triggers seem to be related to job performance, which means that the people with real jobs are of course the most at risk). And he could do so "safely" (big emphasis on the quotation marks there) because he alone of the court is Hades' actual kid, who's Prince of the Underworld no matter how much he fucks up. If one of Nyx's other kids gets something really really wrong, she might be able to protect them from some consequences, but Hades doesn't have any layer of supposed parental affection holding him back from getting violently furious about it. Zagreus gets a nice bedroom and the abuse is limited to words rather than divine power, and Hades is a dick to everyone but he only occasionally condemns people to eternities of torture, and only for good reasons like refusing to sing when your job is to be court bard, so it's fine, everybody's fine, everything's totally fine, right?

Except it's not fine when everybody is so clearly worried about anything going wrong. And it's especially not fine for Zagreus, who's the person to finally say no. He's leaving, for his own sake, because he deserves better and he's finally convinced he can have it. And that turns the whole system into disarray.

I am endlessly fascinated by the ways this game portrays different characters reacting to this upheaval in their carefully-mapped minefield. It's different for authority figures and peers and servants, different based on how people are positioned in the house under Hades' rule, and it's so spot-on and I love it.

Nyx, for instance, is absolutely calm about the whole thing, because Nyx has power. Hades can't hurt her. Hades can't even really do much against her children, not when Hypnos and Thanatos are gods in their own right. Yes, Hades rules the kingdom, but Nyx owns the land, and she gives no shits about his rages. And it's interesting, too, to see the lines she doesn't draw. The deal seems to be that Hades doesn't fuck with her, and doesn't outright threaten her kids (because Hypnos is bad at his job, demonstrably so, and Hades hasn't ruined him yet), and she doesn't interfere with the way he treats the people around him. She gives Zagreus advice and support and the mirror, but she also doesn't take a direct stand against Hades. He can't hurt her, but he could make life...difficult. She's protected, her position in the minefield is more of a safe viewing platform than slogging through the middle of it, but the mines are still there.

And then we have Achilles, who is one of my favorite characters in the whole game because of how he reacts to this whole situation. Achilles, like Nyx, is so supportive. Every single time you see him he has something encouraging to say. He gives us his Codex, secretly finds us weapons, trained us for years, clearly wants us to succeed. And still he's limited, not necessarily out of fear for himself (though he has to be scared for himself, he knows what Hades does to people who anger him), but out of concern that if he gives Zagreus too much help in one way, he won't be able to provide help at all later. He's still so careful.

Achilles and Nyx are so fucking important to this story because they're the only authority figures Zagreus really has in his life except for his father, and they are so supportive. They're what keep this story from being a nightmare of psychological horror and depression. They can't stop the pressure from Hades and this life in his house being miserable for Zag, but they can give us hope, remind us that Zagreus is still loved. And they have such an incredibly important role when it comes to guilt, which is one of the biggest ways toxic systems maintain themselves.

If Zagreus leaves, what happens to everybody else? Who takes Hades' wrath then? Who becomes court scapegoat if he's not there, and also, who gets punished for his escape? These questions matter, and we see him worry about it! He asks Nyx and Achilles both, is it going to be okay that you're helping me, are you going to be alright, will my father hurt you for this? And they are both so firm about telling him no. No, I will be fine. See, here's the list of reasons about why I'm going to be fine, why my position in this minefield is secure. They make a point of telling us that it's fine, that we do not need to hold ourself back from getting out of this abusive situation for their sake. That is instrumental in Zagreus's ability to keep making these escape attempts without feeling too guilty and worried and selfish to go on. (Another thing that's actually really important in setting up that dynamic--we see that Hades cares about Cerberus, even if he's using him as a pawn against us, and Cerberus seems to be the one figure in court who Hades doesn't get mad at. The dog isn't at risk, and that is really essential in keeping the story from getting too grim.) These people who we care about refuse to let themselves be held hostage to secure our good behavior.

It's also really useful for raising the stakes later in the story--we see Hades arguing with Nyx once or twice, and we see Zagreus feeling guilty about it, but it's also a sign that we're making enough progress to piss him off. After I finally made it out of Elysium on my last run, I came home to find him furious with Achilles in a way that actually makes me nervous, because Achilles does not have nearly as much security in his position as he says he does. (Achilles is such a good teacher/authority figure, because he knows goddamn well what Hades could do to him, and still refuses to let fear for his own situation stop him from helping the abused kid under his care escape his. And no, not everybody has the capacity to do that, but it matters so much coming from the guy who helped raise us. It matters so much. I do not even have the words for how much.)

It's also no mistake that many of the people we find supporting us along our journey are either the people with the most power in their immediate environment, or the least. Sisyphus helps us because what more could they do to me than this? Orpheus is a little wild around the eyes and somewhat disconnected from reality, and he wishes us the best because someone should get what they want and also he no longer gives a single fuck what happens to him. Eurydice has her own cozy little corner of Asphodel, as safe from Hades' rage as anybody anywhere in his realm because she's tucked in such an out-of-the-way middle place she's outside his notice. Dusa is so scared of everything anyway that, crush aside, she isn't any more threatened by us escaping than she is just by her everyday life here. Charon is unfathomable and unstoppable; Skelly literally exists to be a punching bag, and yet he also seems basically immune to pain, no matter what we do to him. There's no threat from Hades there.

So the people most at risk when I flip the world on its ear are the ones who have so much standing that they have something to lose, but not enough to protect them from losing it. Which of course brings us to Than and Meg--who are, of course, the two people who also seem by far the most upset by my attempts to leave.

As authority figures, Nyx and Achilles are constantly reinforcing the message that it's Hades' fault, not ours, if they or anybody else get caught in the crossfire of his wrath. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing, and it's not my guilt to bear. From Megaera and Thanatos, we get the opposite message--I am fucking with things, I am hurting people, and I need to stop. Zagreus isn't just abandoning them, as a friend or brother or lover or all of the above they're Greek gods who even knows. He's betraying them. They were in this together, as friends or lovers or whatever, but now Zagreus is sending earthquakes through the minefield they both still have to stand in. He is about to capsize this boat in the middle of a thunderstorm, he is fucking with the system, and they're the ones who are going to get most hurt.

I'm so curious how this is going to work for Than, who out of everyone we meet holds the closest role to Nyx's in terms of being sheltered from Hades' wrath. He's the guy who gets to leave, after all, even though he always has to come back. I've seen the least of him out of anybody so far because it took forever for me to get to Elysium, but two things really stand out and I'm so interested to see where they go. One, he really genuinely does care about Zagreus. He wants us safe, he wants us unhurt, the accessory he gives us only grants its bonus if we clear a room without taking injury, he keeps showing up to help. And two, he wants us to give up and go back and recognize how good we had it. Which is SO fucking interesting, considering how miserable Zagreus so clearly was, and how legitimate his reasons for being miserable were.

It makes me wonder so much about Than's standards for comparison. Does he know something we don't about what's waiting for us on the surface, something that might theoretically hurt Zagreus even more than staying down below? Has his life, which apparently allows him more freedom than anybody else in the Court, sucked horribly in ways we haven't seen, and that's why he spends so little time there in the first place? Either of those things is plausible, both of those things are plausible, and yet either one leads to this sense of patronizing, because he refuses to simply tell us. If something terrible is awaiting us, don't give us vague warnings, tell us what it is and let us decide for ourself! If you're fucking jealous because we might get out entirely and you're still stuck coming back here, say so. If you're worried about your mom--and he does bring her up, how could Zagreus turn his back on her like that, does seem to worry for her--then let's have an actual conversation about how many times she has insisted I do this and also how much I love her.

And, right, it's clear that a lot of Thanatos being upset is simply, you were going to leave me without even saying goodbye, you want to leave ME, which is understandable! But, like, he is demonstrably the one god who gets to visit the surface. He's the one person we actually COULD expect to see again. And he is absolutely also upset because there's an Order To Things, and we're fucking it up. We used to be his careless callow reckless friend who could talk back to Hades and get away with it, and now we're not, and everything is changing and we might leave him altogether, and we might leave him alone in that court without us, and he hates it.

Is it a short-sighted, selfish fear on his part? Yes, absolutely. Even if he's not scared of Hades on his own behalf, he is still frightened by what happens if we upset this system--and maybe it's the sanctity of a much bigger system than the Underworld that he's worried about! Maybe it's the whole divine and cosmic order. Whatever system he wants so badly to protect is enabling the abuse Zagreus has been dealing with for however-long he's been alive. Whatever system he wants so badly to protect OUGHT to be overturned, or at least shaken up. But this is what toxic systems DO. They convince the people within them that they have to be maintained, that a broken system that hurts the people within it is far better than no system at all, that changing the world is too scary and too dangerous. And Thanatos wants his whatever-Zagreus-is-to-him to be there, because he loves him and also because that's how the world works, and those things are all tangled up in one another, and that is how relationships are in a messed-up family like this so therefore I love it.

And Meg. Meg, the best for last, my dear, beautiful, furious, bitter, scared angry tired girl. I adore her. I am absolutely never going to date her, because the thing Zagreus needs most in his life hurts her, more directly than anybody else in the story, and that sucks, and it's not Zag's fault but they still shouldn't be together. Meg has taken more injury from this situation than anyone, quite literally as well as metaphorically, and it's not her fault any more than it's ours, but oh boy it has made her lash out and it's awful and it's perfect.

Meg's place in the Court of Hades is unique because she's not dead, not a mortal, not anything other than a god--but she's also not family. Nyx is not her mother. She's very much part of this system, she and her two sisters belong to Hades-the-realm and therefore also Hades-the-king, she can't leave, but she also doesn't have that protection of Nyx watching out for her in the same way. She's not royalty. She and her sisters (if you ask Hesiod instead of Virgil, which seems to be the interpretation the game's going with here) sprang from the blood of maimed Uranus at the same time as Aphrodite, but fuck knows Aphrodite isn't claiming them as siblings. And she can't be fired, exactly, but she sure can be demoted, and she sure can be made miserable in her job. Meg is vulnerable in a way very few people in Hades' employ are. She's a lot harder to do away with than any one random shade, but she's also a lot harder to miss blending in with a crowd.

What's more, she's the one person in this whole mess who is specifically tasked with stopping us from leaving. Hypnos isn't ordered to put us to sleep and keep us in our room. Thanatos can't be compelled or punished if he doesn't hunt us down. Achilles isn't told to lock us up and keep the keys. Meg is the one stationed at the doorway to Tartarus to keep us in. Meg is the one who gets in trouble when we leave. Meg (who Hades knows goddamn well Zagreus cares for, or cared for, who he absolutely knows we used to date) is the one who has to fight us again and again and again. And she's the one who keeps dying.

Again, it's this incredibly fucked-up guilt/hostage situation deliberately designed to keep people from fleeing abusive situations. Meg's insistence on fighting us now puts Zagreus in the position of having to hurt her himself again and again. Now suddenly we're the ones sticking a sword in our ex-girlfriend. Now suddenly someone can point to our desire to leave, to flee, to escape, and say, how selfish. How cruel. How terrible of us to want to go, when we're even willing to hurt the people we love to do it.

Except, right: Hades is the one who demands Meg stand there and stop us. Hades is the one who puts both of us in that position. Meg is also in an abusive situation, and she's willing to hurt us to protect herself. "I'd rather be on your bad side than your father's." It's easy to blame her at the start for being complicit, for being a tool of our father's abuse, for being on his side. It gets harder as the game goes on. I've killed her so many times. There's no way for her to beat me. She knows at this point that she can't beat me. She still fights, every single time, still throws herself upon that spike, not because she thinks she has any chance of stopping me but because she is so damn scared of what will happen if she doesn't try.

In fact, Meg's the one person we have actually seen face consequences for our actions so far, instead of just facing the threat of them. Her sisters are here. Her sisters, who she clearly does not want here, who are wild and violent and who she does not want in her life or anywhere near her, let alone near the job she takes so much pride in. She gets to deal with them now. (Hades doesn't have to deal with them. They're still not allowed in his court. But Meg does.) She gets stabbed, and bludgeoned, and shot, and lightning-struck, and poisoned, and every other thing we do to her. Thanatos doesn't. Nyx and Achilles and Hypnos don't. Bug Meg? Oh yes. Meg pays.

And yes, ok, she is complicit in this system. Everybody is complicit in this system. Zagreus who's trying to escape on his own behalf instead of overthrowing his father for the sake of everyone he'd otherwise be leaving behind is complicit in this system. Pointing fingers and pulling strings of who's more at fault? and who do we blame for this? is exactly how this sort of system perpetuates itself. Your sister always talked back at the dinner table and put everyone in an even worse and more violent mood. Your coworker refuses to work more than forty hours a week so now you have to take overtime to pick up their slack. You're enabling your dad by asking your sister to shut up, you're enabling your employer by working as hard as you do so you don't get fired, everyone's at fault, everyone's to blame, everyone is--

It's not everyone. It's Hades. It's Hades at the root of everything, and probably something big and institutional and fucked-up even beyond him. But even if everyone down in this Underworld does have to be trapped here forever, even if he's trapped here forever, Hades is neither challenging the system that put them here nor trying to make that fate better for anyone else stuck with him. He's just created an entire kingdom of backbiting and misery and people who can either go along with his whims or suffer the consequences.

At this point in the game, Meg is so fucking tired. Every time we run into her in the lounge, hunched over a table, the venom in her voice when she tells us "Do I look like I have anything to say to you?" is so bitter and so exhausted. There was a system, and she knew her place in the system, and it was a system divinely ordered by the gods themselves, and sure it was cruel but that's the literal will of the universe as far as she knows it. She had a role, and her role was vengeance and punishment and violence against those who'd committed the most egregious of sins in life, and there was a point to it, she was the divine deterrent to convince people not to do those things, and that was just, and that was right. The GODS THEMSELVES said so. How do you argue with that? You can't possibly argue with that!

And Zagreus is arguing with that. In trying to leave, he's questioning the unbreakable rule that nothing in the Underworld ever gets to leave it. In disobeying his father to do so, he's questioning the unbreakable rule that what the gods say is LAW. He's breaking everything.

And of course he's not trying to do any of that. He's not trying to destabilize the system at all. He's just trying to get himself out of it, to a place where he feels like he belongs and maybe a parent who's slightly nicer to him than this one. But toxic systems like this one break when the people within them have access to another option. When the kids find a way to actually leave, and not answer the phone, and not come home for holidays, and not deal with it any more. When the employees have the economic freedom to quit. When opportunities granted by education, money, social support, etc etc etc, show up and give people a choice. Even if the option is only ever for Zagreus--he's demonstrating that an option exists. Which is, of course, the one thing the system cannot ever allow.

I really like this game.