#but the cultural ignorance of the significance of Black hair that her adoptive parents seem to have had is sad

[not-so-superheroine]

i do blame sarek for michael's hair.

drop the hot comb and go directly to jail, mr. ambassador.

[brandondinner-blog]

What Does Cool Look Like?

As the only child of two, well-off parents living in the upscale suburbs of Ft. Lauderdale, I was raised with a level of comfort and pampering that at times was frustrating in public. My mother, the stereotypical Jewish helicopter parent, ensured that I was never out her sight. I used to joke with my dad when I was younger that when I was ready to take someone on my first date, she would be sitting at the table behind us. I feel incredibly privileged to have been born into a community where these are my biggest concerns; however, after living away from my community and parents, I now understand that these blessings have caused me to miss out on significant opportunities of growing into a better person. It seems that characteristically, cool -- the way people should be -- implements the traits of individualism and complete self-control. I am now attempting to analyze the aspects of my community that continue to shape me into the person I am today through the cool lens, and through this, my goal is to become a cooler person.

One of the main pressures that limits our ability to fully embrace the “cool” religion is the fact that the community and society around me has lost individualism. We have become sheep, doing little more than copying the opinions and actions of the status quo. It’s a very interesting time where, in the words of Oscar Wilde, “Most people [have become] other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.” Social media influences our minds and lives so much that original thinking has become almost nonexistent. For instance, we read something that sounds intelligent on our Facebook feeds, and we think to ourselves, “Wow, this person seems really smart … maybe I should think like him.” We literally copy and paste the opinions of others, to the point where we actually begin to think and act like others. I remember in high school, a heavily opinionated article spread on Facebook concerning abortion. Whenever we had conversations about this topic in class, my friends would simply repeat these opinions as if they were theirs. They put no effort into developing their own opinion, they simply found a well-developed argument and repeated it. If we only copy the mentality of our peers, it is simply not possible to continue the quest of finding the truth. If there is no argument or questioning of thought, we cannot develop new ideas. This will lead to the eventual destruction of society.  

What I find to be the scariest development of copying thoughts is when we begin to copy the wants and desires of other people for the sheer purpose of acceptance. W.E.B. DuBois recognizes in The Souls of Black Folk that African Americans after the emancipation attempted to incorporate the opposing ideas of both Africans and Americans to live as both people -- a double-consciousness. In doing so, black people inadvertently adopted the wants of another race in the process of seeking acceptance. DuBois relates that seeking to be like or embracing the ideas of others leads to confusion of identity and loss of courage. But, we see this even presently. Just the other day, I overheard a conversation by the library. One person said, “I think Trump is an idiot for phasing out DACA. I want children who came here illegally to be protected from immediate deportation.” Their friend responded, aiming to receive acceptance and approval, “I completely agree. It is an issue that matters to me too. I always forget, what does DACA stand for again?” At this point, we only say things to receive approval from our peers. To grow as individuals, we need to educate ourselves and pay attention to the things that matter to us, and not the things that matter only to our peers. Cool people don’t care what other people think, they say only what they truly believe. I think that people should not be afraid to express their individualism or live in fear of rejection because they have differing opinions; conforming does not lead to progress.

Cool also emphasizes other characteristics, as described in Cool Rules: Anatomy of an Attitude. The principles that I believe in, I’ll choose to mention. Rebellion is an important trait in this religion. Growing up, I was always taught to follow a path. More specifically, a path that would ensure I would be able to provide for my future family. There are no variables, no unpredictable moments, only a sure path that will take me from where I am to where my parents want me to be. Since the time I can remember, my parents ingrained in me that I should become a doctor because it is a fulfilling, stable job. Other paths were not a consideration. For a while I played along with it, and then in my Junior year of high school I took a risk that caught them off guard. I decided to join the Future Business Leaders of America, and I told that I wanted to become an entrepreneur. Growing up as a single child with pretty overbearing parents, it was not common for me to go against my parents’ word. I chose to do this because I truly wanted to at the time; I wanted to experience something that my parents had sheltered from me and grow from it. As Wilde puts it, “Disobedience, in the eyes of anyone who has read history, is man’s original virtue. It is through disobedience and rebellion that progress has been made.” I craved risk, and deciding that I want to someday pursue one of the riskiest job fields is exactly what I was looking for. I particularly enjoy it because it requires constant original and creative thought, as well as rebellion against current methods by creating something better and more efficient.

In my family and community as a child, hedonism -- a vital feature of cool -- was never something that was expressed. My parents are older and a bit more conservative when it comes to these things, so expressing my interest in women was very reserved. Sure, I have a great relationship with my parents; this was just something we never talked about. It wasn’t really something anyone in my community growing up talked about with their parents. I remember bringing up a crush I had once to my mom, and she responded with an awkward, overly joyous reaction that freaked me out. It is something that my mother never really approved of me talking about. My mother is also one to treat me as though I am much younger than my years -- I am her only “baby” as she would say -- so talking about girls was always something I wanted to keep to myself around her. I guess this conditioned me to stay distant with my relationships, but it also forced a sort of innocence on me. As Nietzsche mentions, “All strong feelings of pleasure have been branded as sinful, seductive, and suspicious by psychology.” However, as he would agree, these are feelings that come naturally and should not be repressed. It seems that it is unhealthy to ignore these feelings, so we should as a society embrace them. As Wilde says, “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” Cool people understand this, and even if they are shunned for it, they attain feelings of pleasure whether via sex, drugs, or both -- the classic rockstar.  

If cool knows anything, it is narcissism. Cool people know that they are the best and that everyone is watching them, even if they appear as if they are oblivious. Behind the sunglasses, perfectly messed up hair, and straight face indicative of complete self-control is someone incredibly aware of their surroundings and appearance. In high school we wore uniforms every day, with the only real leeway being what we wore on our feet. Some took full advantage of this, and joined the “sneakerhead” culture. They, including myself for a brief moment, would take every opportunity to find the most coveted shoes they could get their hands on and wore them to school. The sneakerheads at my school knew that everyone envied their Yeezys or their Jordan 6’s. I knew it when I was in the sneaker “game.” They called their shoes neckbreakers, named after the motion required to take a second glance at these fashion statements while passing by them. The thing that makes sneakerheads cool, even growing up, is the immaculate attention to detail that they give to all of their shoes. Most sneakerheads care about the appearance of themselves, and the shoes that they are “rocking.” Each shoe that they own is in pristine condition, as if they have never been worn. I know some people that literally clean their shoes with a toothbrush after they’ve worn them. Even the shoes that appear to be worn out and dirty -- take Golden Goose sneakers -- were done so purposely and are eye-catching. Cool people do always do things on purpose, even if it seems out of place or unusual.

I think in order to truly understand cool, pain and suffering must be experienced. Of course I’ve had breakups, been pushed to physical exhaustion, and called names throughout my life, but I have never gone to bed hungry, ran out of money, or been rejected from society. I have always had a place in this world, even when I feel like I don’t. For many, this is unfortunately not the case. But, through suffering and rejection comes culture and personal growth. It is difficult for me to understand this aspect of cool because I have never fully experienced it.

I have realized that cool is not tangible, rather, it is a complex school of thought. Some would go as far to compare it to a religion. And just as someone cannot be more or less Jewish, someone cannot become more “cool.” Someone can, on the contrary, become more religious. I plan to follow the guidelines closer to become a more religious follower.