#but thats been canceled since the beginning of yhe month and itll probably never happen again. so thats fun
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Recovering from depression by having goals and ambitions is REALLY REALLY HARD when the whole entire world is literally falling to pieces around you
#ive had this sense of foreboding about this whole thing since january#and for a while it seemed like the other side of my dream was the one all up in the air#was china gonna like....be okay enough for me to go there for grad school?#and the answer was yes i guess#but now the problem is on this side of my dream and it feels like its gonna trap me here for good.#things are so scary i dint really know what to do besides wash my hands and try not to think about things too hard#like. i still have classes to take i guess#but it really sounds like only one of my five profs is taking the whole online class thing seriously#and this semester has been way too easy anyway. thats why i was doing korean school on saturdays#but thats been canceled since the beginning of yhe month and itll probably never happen again. so thats fun#and i got a job for this year so id keep busy. and i straight up have no clue if im still employed right now which is really wacky#and my stupid classes are too easy. and my stupid life feels like im just killing time until something more important happens#but i ended up wasting too much time and now were in the middle of this mess and my time is up. i couldnt do it fast enough#like if id been some child genius vunderkind and gotten my masters in public health like two years ago id somehow have been able yo help?#which is ridiculous and was never even something in the cards?#i dont know. i feel like i failed and now theres really nothing left to do but wait for someone else to clean up the mess#well enough for the rest of the world me included to go on with our lives in any sort of normal fashion#anyway#meredith talks
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