#but thatll just be for me unless someone asks otherwise

[trollbreak]

Quads aren't always entirely clean-cut, so send me a set of characters or a ship and I'll put how I view them on a chart!

[teddy-feathers]

i texted my boss and asked if i could call off sick

which will probably warrent a phone call in which i have to explain my symptoms of being sick and why its bad enough to call off on... but im doing it.early enough that i HOPE they can find someone to cover for me.

ive got. ants or claws in my brain and honestly its getting to me. i never know what to do about it. but my work quality just gets worse and i cant afford that. i just want to do my job but i also juat dont want to fucking be there. nothings even wrong but if im going to have this problem id rather take a day and hope it doesn't make everything worse.

please let this reset the system. i dont think sleeping all day will do it so i wont. cant do that. ive no fucking clue what ill tell my dad. im not going to sit in my car for eight hours and pretend to be at work.

not sure how to explain "nothings wrong my brain just hates me and id rather not self sabotage at work so either a day off when it wont mess anything up will fix it or itll give me a firmer grip on myself with which to argue with it" especially when it sound so fake like an excuse and i cant guarentee itll fix anything

ive things to get done, maybe i can stay up and do some of them. id rather not do anything but i know thatll make the fire feeling worse. like idk it gains ground and wins that way.

i could do some chores. reset my area. maybe pull my car in and clean it out. im just making plans like thatll make up for the fact ive already fucked up for asking for day off when i dont really need it.

but i really am afraid of waiting to need it. thats usually when im gone for ages and lose my job.

and i do like this job. i dont wamt to fuck it up because ten minutes to midnight my brain decides nothing fucking matters or because it decides everything is too much and thinking about it let alone doing it is impossible when ive PROVEN several times that i CAN get it all done. i just want to be able to do it.

i think. ill go to bed no later than 10. and ill drug myself. i dont think ill sleep otherwise and that wont prepare me to go back friday.

... i wonder if theyll say no? i wonder if they wont believe me or think im full of shit when they call and i sound fine. i mean i am full of shit but... the good news is that i dont need a doctor's not unless im out of sick days or have ised more than one.

im using one. i want to cry. or rage. or sleep. or pound the walls or do something besides sit here and stress and zone out waiting for my boss to call me and go what the fuck.