#but that's not related i just needed an outlet

[8thhousepriestess]

Hello, what are some indicator of being alone your whole life and general experiencing some multilevel loneliness such like feeling of not belonging to both your friends and family? Personally I have cancer Jupiter in the 12th house, scorpio moon in the 4th house and gemini stellium (saturn, mars, venus, north node) in the 11th house and so far I've been feeling this through majority of the time...

Hey fellow Leo Rising 🦁💛! It’s not an easy path when you have a special purpose in life and are literally ruled by the Sun. Finding where to shine your light and where it’s appreciated isn’t an easy task.

Mars retrograde going back into Cancer yesterday in our 12th house can also bring a feeling of extra loneliness, introverted and even more so self reflective. ( I am definitely feeling some of this myself).

[ My sig. other is also a Leo Rising with Jupiter 12th house Cancer. He has always felt like he never belonged anywhere or with anyone. Very, quiet, humble, hides his light under a basket, doesn’t give himself enough credit. Always does for others. He’s very lucky throughout life though and opportunities through others land on his lap even though he barely speaks people just seem to like and want to help him . Just a little relatable story. Anyway… ]

- Scorpio moon 4th house could indicate a mother wound associated with abandonment and emotional betrayal or not feeling safe to fully express yourself growing up within the family environment. Feeling like an outsider and misunderstood. You feel your emotions in the core of your being more so than others so it can be hard to find others who relate and understand such a gift to feel so deeply. Doing shadow work to understand the root of your being can be profoundly healing leading to self acceptance/self love where you then become a source of healing and a guide for others.

- Saturn in the 11th house can bring challenges in forming solid lasting friendships or feeling like you truly belong in groups. You might take social connections very seriously, and others might perceive you as distant or hard to approach. Where Saturn is in the birth chart is where you usually experience delay - but promises success in that area later in life. So friendships may improve later in life as you build deeper, more meaningful connections.

- Cancer Jupiter 12th house - emotional and spiritual growth is deeply tied to nurturing and compassion. However, Jupiter in the 12th house often expresses itself behind the scenes, through solitude, spiritual work, or helping others selflessly. This placement can sometimes lead to feeling “hidden” or misunderstood, as your most expansive and optimistic qualities might not be readily visible to others.

- Gemini 11th house stellium (Saturn, Mars, Venus, North Node)

The 12th house Jupiter and 4th house Scorpio Moon suggest a strong need for privacy/solitude to process emotions and develop inner strength. At the same time, the 11th house stellium wants you to step out into the world and connect with others, even if it feels challenging at first.

Gemini North Node 11th house - Your life purpose involves mastering group dynamics, embracing your individuality, and contributing to the collective. However, the journey toward this goal may feel isolating at times as you learn to navigate complex social dynamics. Focus on building a community around shared interests. Accept that not everyone will fully understand you, but those who do will TRULY value your unique perspective. Finding your tribe is KEY. Online outlets of like minded people may be where you find where you fit. Gemini is about duality so you might find yourself being a “wanderer” jumping from group to group which is COMPLETELY okay… experience all that life has to offer!! Aquarius descent- freedom in relationships to be who you are and wherever you want to go.

• Gemini Mars 11th house (which I also have) - suggests in younger years having conflict within social circles or fighting. As you grow and evolve you will become a leader of your social circle where you feel passionate. Jupiter transiting on my mars here is when I met both my long term love relationships.

• Gemini Venus 11th House - Venus softens some of the harsher energies of Saturn and Mars. Love and/or meaningful friendships can be found when significant transits like Jupiter conjuncts here. I am adamant on the Jupiter transits because Jupiter finds its joy in the 11th house. It may take a bit of work or involve complications at first bc it’s detriment in Gemini.

🤍🫶🏻 What you can do to overcome the feelings of loneliness and thrive….

- Create a sanctuary for yourself where you can explore your emotions without judgment. This will help balance the intensity of your Scorpio Moon and the introspective nature of your Cancer Jupiter.

- With your Gemini stellium in the 11th house, joining like minded communities/groups that align with your intellectual interests can help you find your “tribe.” Focus on quality over quantity in friendships.

- Saturn in the 11th house suggests that your ability to build lasting connections will improve with age and effort. Be patient with yourself as you learn lessons of Saturn that help you mature and master overtime.

- Channel the emotional depth of your Scorpio Moon and Cancer Jupiter into writing, art, or another creative outlet. This will help you feel seen and understood. Also, this will help you develop a relationship with yourself where self love will form. When you develop a relationship with yourself and love yourself ( shadows included ) you will never feel lonely .

I hope this answered your question and helped you understand your placements a little better. Kind of went on a tangent because I can totally relate. Thank you so much for writing to me.

- ☺️💜STEPH

[telling-slants]

gonna say it tom koracick kinda slays he's a cunty lil guy and i'm here for it

[mohntilyet]

i’m having illario dellamorte thoughts. what if instead of knowingly betraying lucanis he did it like, unknowingly. idk how this would work but i’m intrigued by what it gives us. illario ‘i accidentally caused my cousin’s death & can never tell anyone’ dellamorte. genuinely grieving. blaming himself. does he take advantage of the year before lucanis comes back?? does caterina still ignore him the whole time?? how different is the canon plotline once rook shows up with lucanis post-rescue…..

anyways i would love your thoughts!!

95% of what i do with illario operates on the idea that he is frighteningly competent so you can see why the way the crows plotline plays out in the game might frustrate me. it’s also this reason why i don’t actually think too much about “illario got lucanis killed, but didn’t mean to do it”, because i like the idea that everything illario does in his life is planned to the second and that he’s too well trained to mess up this badly, if that makes sense. with that being said. 5% of my brain power does sometimes go towards “and what if he just sucked actually” and it was a theory i enjoyed before the game even released. so i have in fact been thinking about this anyway LOL . maybe he tries to honeypot zara, accidentally actually reveals lucanis’ next assassination job, and zara gets rid of him as a ��gift’. illario is horrified and that gets even worse when lucanis’ body shows up, and he assumes this must be because he spurned zara by leaving her and not having the guts to seize power.

i think we could make his inferiority complex worse. illario’s worst fear confirmed: he is as worthless as his grandmother believes he is, botching something so badly that he accidentally sentences his cousin to death when what he wanted was lucanis just… out of the way for a bit (maybe while he kills caterina. LOL. i still think his resentment of caterina trumps his jealousy for lucanis though those two things are very intertwined its hard for him to differentiate them). so incapable that he got the only person who actually supports him killed, and now he’s dreading the idea of becoming first talon. he doesn’t want first talon without lucanis backing him, and now the only person left is caterina which is suffocating and makes him even unhappier. at least he hadn’t lived through her alone, and now through consequences of his own decisions, illario has no choice but to.

i think that would affect his plans for talon because of how horribly he’d fucked up, and tries to mask it because if he suddenly actually doesn’t want to be talon that would be a red flag for everyone. lucanis coming back would delight him (talon is within his sights again if lucanis comes back!) and freak him out. i think the plotline would actually be pretty similar because of this freak out, so he still shows up to zara’s fight to cover his tracks. lucanis can never know, caterina can never know, because what little faith they have in him will be lost. like he committed fratricide and didn’t even MEAN to😭 ...corpse whispering still happens, and zara is like “ohhh that coward. he can never finish what he started, can he?” + “elaborate.” + “i gave him what he most wanted in the world and instead of being grateful, he ran away.” so lucanis finds out about what happened but feels a mix of “illario, you idiot” + pity because turns out he didn’t even mean for it to happen, and keeps his secret for now, otherwise he’d probably have to kill him.

i also think not meaning to kill lucanis would sour his feelings towards the venatori, who are a reminder of how badly he failed, so the alliance wouldn’t happen. this does mean if the story goes on as it does in canon, he has to take desperate measures another way and kidnap caterina for some other reason but i can’t think of why….. maybe a thing where illario is like “ok. lucanis is distracted by the elven gods. this time i just have to kill nonna for real and then nothing is in my way” and recruits disgraced houses or houses that don’t like caterina to do so? not sure tbh but i don’t believe caterina made it so far without making enemies lol. this would happen post bloodbath + corpse whispering— lucanis leaves his cousin unchecked because while he knows illario didn’t mean for him to die, he has no idea how far he would go to have caterina dead. teia could find out about this and send word to foil the kidnapping and assassination attempt

so ‘murder of crows’ is still about saving caterina, the illario-lucanis fight still happens, but it’s a little more hesitant and lots of “why won’t you just let me kill her? i’m doing this for the both of us”. he’s had to live with being the un-favorite, but never would have thought lucanis would actually pick caterina if it came down to it. with all of his missteps here, i think the final decision (and i think it should be like this in canon anyway) would be to imprison illario or kill him. imprisoning him is just a lot of “i can’t kill illario as much as he couldn’t kill me”, vs killing him as is expected from him as talon, and what he knew he would have to do after finding out about illario's failures. unlike canon, where illario is actually meaning to kill him and can be seen as a 'good crow' despite the sloppiness, here he's like. just bad at everything. the allied traitor houses that went against caterina would also have to be imprisoned or killed. no happy ending at all here, and lucanis still becomes first talon. now that i’ve written it out this is actually probably the worst ending LOL

the above sticks a lot to what is canon to the game (plot points, choices, etc) and i didn’t go very far away from it so it's like canon 3 inches to the left. tho my thoughts on this are not fleshed out* because i think illario works better as an antagonist character that sets things in motion !! not necessarily the villain in a cain-abel story, but a character who opposes lucanis while still not wanting to hurt him. that kind of discipline where he finds a way to get what he wants (first talon) without compromising what he also cares for (family) is so much more fun for me than a man who apparently just loses it and decides to enact a bad plan to get rid of his cousin. if he waited 20+ years to become talon i think he’d be more careful when it came down to it. if i had my way illario would be playing insane 5d chess to rival solas (insert black sails “i once thought that to lead, to be liked was just as good as feared. and that may very well be true. but to be both liked and feared all at once, is an entirely different state of being.”)

[hwanwooyoung]

I hate work

[zipmode]

I honestly might be TOO into horror for this English class if this was a regular English class I could do a reasonable amount of caring but I care too much about horror to the point where sometimes this class feels like an active detriment to my mental health. LOL.

[serpulalacrymans]

I'm doing well. Thank you for asking,,

My elephant ear plant has sprouted 4 whole new stems of leaves. I'm very proud of how well it's growing. The ivy yours came from is gonna outgrow its pot soon, so I'll have to go get another. Dread going into the store though;;;

I've been getting nostalgic about the empty fish tank in my closet. Thinking of getting another fish... it's been a few years but I still have the tank. I know the question of how you feel about animals has been asked and answered a million times, but fish. Fish in particular. Opinions?

Four new stems of leaves? Congratulations. That is something to be proud of! Happy and healthy elephant ears.. Your ivy is growing up well. Time for bigger pants haha. Do not put your plants in pants.

Going out in public can be stressful. If you have earbuds it's beneficial to keep one in playing some kind of music as a distraction to the world around you. Also try going as late as you can. The chances for company are slimmer that way but the company you may have can be riskier as a result. I've heard deafening headphones can help too but I've never had a pair so I can't really speak on that..

If you're ready for the responsibility of a pet I would recommend looking at your options... Fish are feeble creatures. Very plant like. Unlike cats and dogs they are entirely at your mercy.. I like them. I think they're so pretty..

[television-overload]

One thing I've learned is that if you give fic authors a tumblr poll on which to complain about fic writing woes, you're gonna get hundreds of notes overnight 😂

[justpollux]

i SHOULD work on my nanowrimo novel or at least crocheting but I just wanna daydream about go nitro

[winterlleaves]

not sure how it'll correspond to the lore but im thinking of making ghostrunner partly songsorrow or jorvik wild horse? due to uhh telepathy :')

[clone-whore-99]

My imposter syndrome really be all "oh, you're just faking having your back broken for attention" as if I didnt have several x-rays and scans and several doctors looking it over and confirming it

[yournewfriendshouse]

had a pamper yesterday with the lasses of the family (compulsory cisgender affirmation rituals my beloathed) and I have always struggled with them because I have gender issues and intensely sensitive skin and also am not and have not been in a relationship so they are a hellscape of feeling like an alien, but it was a pretty nice day actually

I love my family. we all make an effort to be family and it makes a big difference!

but I just had an appointment with my psych through the pain clinic and instead of talking about my distress and hope and complicated feelings about trying some new meds which I’m right at the beginning of months of right now, I talked about my sex and relationships or lack thereof™ which honestly is a subject I havenNt broached with any of my other councillors and stuff and it does relate because chronic illness is a boner killer and makes finding a relationship which was statistically difficult but not impossible seem like way too much work and way too likely to end in heartbreak I can’t afford rn but it felt like I was wasting his time :/

I hope he didn’t feel like I was wasting his time

[ebphonehome]

Are you ever accidentally really bitchy to someone for literally no reason whatsoever and right after you’re like “What the fuck was that? That was so unnecessary. You weren’t even angry generally.” and you just think about it randomly for the next few years days and feel bad about it even if the person you said it to is actually an absolute arse most of the time but they didn’t deserve the snark on that particular occasion?

[heylinfanclub]

Just watched something horrific and felt like it unlocked some part of me. IDUNNO IF ITS GOOOOOD. hfjsjsh maybe. Maybe it is.

[jaejoongs-nipple-piercing]

Me: decides it’s bedtime, because I’m tired

My body: haha nope. It’s panic attack time

[bamsara]

I think that one thing people fail to understand is that unsolicited literary criticism coming from an online stranger who is reading with no knowledge of what the authors intended goal is, is not going to be received the same as say: the authors beta reader or friends who know what the authors intended goal and has the sufficient knowledge and input to help the author reach that desired outcome.

"But I'm only trying to be helpful" How do I know you have the knowledge and literary skill for you to be able to actaully do that when we don't know each other and you are essentially a stranger to me? Are you applying this criticism based out of personal biased experience and desire to see the story or characterization be driven in another direction or tweaked, or do you know the author's intentions for the character? If the story is incomplete, are you basing your criticism of a character on the incomplete narration with only partial information available of them or are you building up a report until the story's completion? Did the author provide you with the information needed to make a fully informed criticism?

Have you discussed with the author what their plans are or are you assuming them based off the narration, especially if the narration is proven or implied to be unreliable or missing key points of the plot? Are you unbiased enough to help them reach their desired outcome for the characters and story regardless of your personal feelings towards the characters/antagonists and setting? Can you handle being told your specific input isn't wanted because you're a reader and/or have no written anything relating to their genre or topic? Do you understand and respect that the author's personal experiences might influence their writing and make it different than how you would have done it personally? Do you understand if an author only wants input from a specific demographic relating to their story?

If it's for fanfiction or other hobby media, are you holding a free hobby to a professional standard? Are you trying to give criticism because you feel like the author has produced 'subpar job performance' of their fic? Are you viewing their work as a personal intimate outlet or something that must conform with mass media? Are you applying rules and guidelines when the fic is shared for simple sharing sake? Is your criticism worded appropriately and focused on the parts where the author has requested input on rather than a general dismissal and or disapproval?

Have you put yourself in a place where you assumed you have the input needed for the story to evolve better, or have you asked what the author needs and what they're having trouble with? Can you handle having your criticism rejected if the author decides their story doesn't need the change and not take it as a personal offense against your character? Are you crossing that boundary because you think you are doing the author a favor? Are you trying to be helpful, or do you just want to be?

I think sometimes when people hear authors go 'please don't give me unsolicited writing advice or criticism' they automatically chalk it up to 'this author doesn't want ANY constructive feedback on their stuff at all' and not "i already have trusted individuals who will help me with my writing goals and- hey i don't know you like that, please stop acting so overly familiar with me'

[dravidious]

"Mono-red is best" "Mono-black is best" Foolish mutterings from foolish fools too foolish to understand their own foolishness. Don't you see? Can't you feel it in the air? This standard is the season...

... of black-red artifact sacrifice.