#but that's a million times better than getting rid of 0 things a day

[c4ts4ndstuff]

welp, time for my yearly "declutter and figure out a plan to move to the beach" mode

[hugshughes]

The 1 A. Fantilli

Adam Fantilli x fem!reader

synopsis - based on “the 1” by Taylor Swift obvs. The school year starts back up at the University of Michigan and after your break up with Adam, you’re trying to live life freely but can’t seem to get the idea of him and your relationship off your mind. But what happens when you see him again, and you both are yearning for each other more than ever before?

wc - 4.5k (:0)

contains - lowkey angst but also very fluffy closure, reader cries, miscommunication a little bit (i know), kissing, cuddling. (if i missed anything please let me know!!!!)

an - this is the first part in my folklore 100 follower celebration! i’m so excited for it! i do not loveeee this but i really wanted to get this first part out! hopefully you guys like this! here is the masterlist to this celebration. me when im about to make a fic based off “the 1” have a happy ending 😊. also sorry this took longer than expected i has surgery the other day and did not pop back to normal like i assumed i would lmao. please someone get the betty refernce at the end ;))) also i still need a player to use for my betty fic for this celebration so… someone request someone. also this is barely edited so sorry. also should i make a taglist?? would anyone like that??

-

i’m doing good, i’m on some new shit. been saying “yes” instead of “no”.

To say you were definitely doing much better now that August had arrived was a true statement. You’d been a wreck most of the summer over your breakup with Adam, but as the summer started to slow down and your tan glowed, you felt you heart get lighter and rid itself of it’s burdens.

You and Adam had broken up just a little bit before the draft. The prospect of him being in Anaheim while you finished school in Ann Arbor sounded like an impossible feat to conquer.

You also knew what the newfound NHL fame would bring Adam, even more attention than before, new people, new friends, new girls surrounding him. And while you knew Adam would never in a million years cheat on you, you didn’t want him to feel like he had to be tied to something, someone, 2,234 miles away, to be exact.

When you watched the draft and saw Leo get drafted to Anaheim, your heart sank to your stomach. Many tears were shed that night, knowing the boy you loved with all of you wouldn’t be 2,234 miles away, only 190.

You assumed that if he wanted you back he would’ve called, or texted, or emailed, or sent a letter, anything. But you got nothing, so you accepted that he was perfectly okay with still being apart. Even though it did hurt because you remembered the night both of you cuddled close and whispered about how amazing it would be if he went to Columbus and not Anaheim.

i thought i saw you at the bus stop, i didn’t though.

When school started back up, you couldn’t help but see him everywhere you went. You did feel better, and you were healing, but it did instill an ache in your chest when you’d see your favorite study spot, your table at the starbucks right off campus, his dorm building, everything.

You even thought you saw him there once, your eyes widened with fear as you thought you saw him standing at a bus stop on campus but it wasn’t him, just another brunette boy, but not yours.

i hit the ground running each night. i hit the sunday matinée. you know the greatest films of all time were never made.

It was hard for about a week or so, being back in the place where you fell head over heels in love with him, but your friends would always be quick to cheer you up and tell you “it’s gonna be okay.” And most of the time you believed them.

You’d gone to many more parties than you had last year, you were usually trying to spend time with Adam and you two preferred being alone together than things like parties.

You felt the ache when you saw a guy taking his girlfriend to the Barbie movie, as stupid as that seems. You and your friends had all waited to see it until you were back together and you were all dolled up in your pink outfits. But you couldn’t help but have that same ache when you remembered Adam promising to take you to see if, and promising to wear pink just for you.

Obviously, that never happened. After the movie you couldn’t help but pull up your photos and scroll through your ‘Adam🤍’ album, the videos got to you the most.

Adam had made you film yourself when you opened your birthday gift from him, you had no idea why.

“Baby, why am I filming this?”

“Because, I want to be able to rewatch your reaction to it!”

You give him a funny look, and he urges you to open the big bag, seeing a jersey, a Michigan jersey. You’re pretty confused because you have a Fantilli jersey already, one you wear often. You pull it out of the bag and unfold it and turn it around, and then you see it. Instead of Fantilli across the back, it says “MY MAN”. Your jaw drops, you start laughing so hard, like stomach hurting from how hard you’re laughing.

Adam joins in your laughter, asking if you like it. You tackle him in a hug, kissing his cheek twice.

“It’s so perfect!”

The video was perfect, it ended in your phone falling from it’s propped up place on your desk as you kissed Adam. You felt happy and sad when you saw it. Happy that it happened, that you were able to ever experience that kind of love. Sad because it was all gone now.

i guess you never know, never know. and if you wanted me, you really should’ve showed. and if you never bleed, you’re never gonna grow.

You know that if you had the chance, you’d go back to Adam without thinking for two seconds. He was the best thing that you’d ever been graced with. He was everything to you, and you know that in a tucked away part of your heart he still is.

You just wish you both had tried harder, because you both loved each other with all of your beings. You just wished you both showed how much you really wanted it at the end, but both of you were scared of how the other was feeling.

but we were something, don’t you think so? roaring 20’s, tossing pennies in the pool.

In the middle of the night, when you’re staring at the ceiling of your room after watching Adam’s newest highlights you tend to always think about one thing; if he still thinks about you, the way you do him.

You hoped he did, you hoped you weren’t the furthest thing from his mind at all times. And if you were to ask him, he would tell you that you were all he could think of for months, you were the only thing on his mind when he woke up, and when he went to sleep. Columbus was fun, and new, and exciting, but you were everything to him.

Adam had hoped you’d send him a text the night of the draft, and then he’d be able to start talking to you again. But, you never texted, you were worried he wouldn’t care if you did. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

and if my wishes came true it would’ve been you.

You had wished on 11:11s, fallen stars, eyelashes, candles, four-leaf clovers, everything, that you and Adam would be together always, and that didn’t end when you broke up, you still wished for him, always.

in my defense, i have none. for never leaving well enough alone. but it would’ve been fun, if you would’ve been the one.

You always felt like you were doing something wrong towards the end of your relationship, not because of Adam. It was because you just had a voice in the back of your head telling you that you weren’t doing enough for him and that you were making him upset, and it led to you doing things to try to fix that but only would end up making things worse.

You just needed him always, you two were inseparable. You were at every home game, a good amount of the away games, and then you were almost always together during any free time you two had. While you were only together for about a year, you could see your life with Adam. He had said something to you about wanting to marry you, 5 months after you started dating. You were just it for each other.

i have this dream you’re doing cool shit. having adventures on your own. you meet some woman on the internet and take her home.

You think about if he has met another girl yet. You know that those hockey teams like going out together and they definitely attract lots of female attention. The ache came back at the thought of him sleeping in the same bed as another woman.

we never painted by the numbers, baby. but we were making it count.

Some people thought your relationship was, unrealistic, in a sense. You and Adam were together all the time, and it made certain family members and friends question what would happen after the draft came and Anaheim took your boyfriend from you. But obviously, Anaheim didn’t take your boyfriend, Columbus did, which made the breakup hurt even more.

Every minute you spent with Adam was full of love. There were very little disagreements, and the few that did take place were always out of love, which also made everything hurt more. No one could’ve seen your breakup coming, you two included, it just came up one night and ended up with you two calling it quits. It was the first time you’d ever seen Adam cry, and that broke you inside.

you know the greatest loves of all time are over now. i guess you never know, never know. and it’s another day waking up alone.

Sometimes you wake up and forget he’s not yours anymore, that he might even be someone else’s. And then you snap back to reality and it hits you like a train. Your roommates sometimes leave sticky notes to you that you’re gonna be okay, that’s everything’s okay. He was the greatest thing ever. Your love for him conquered all.

i, i, i persist and resist the temptation to ask you, if one thing had been different. would everything be different today?

You just play back every single moment in your head. Wondering if you’d done anything different if you’d still be his, if he’d still love you how he did. What you didn’t know was that he was doing the same exact thing 190 miles from you, resisting the urge to text you.

Adam was counting down the days until his birthday, praying that you would text him, allowing him to start a conversation with you. You were as well, having typed out your birthday message to him already, weeks early, waiting to be sent.

but we were something, don’t you think so? rosé flowing with your chosen family. and it would’ve been sweet, if it could’ve been me.

You two would spend nights with his friends, the boys he loved most, and his teammates because you wanted them to like you because he liked them. You wanted to be able to have their approval and you definitely did. Your friendships lasting with a few of the players, specifically Dylan Duke.

Dylan had been so incredibly sweet to you when you met, understanding how it probably felt to be surrounded by a team of boys who you didn’t know. He was someone you could hang out with at hockey parties when you felt like you were being too clingy to Adam.

in my defense i have none, for digging up the grave another time.

Dylan had been begging you to come to a hockey game since before the season started. And you were finally convinced so you are going to attend the 2nd Providence game. They won last night 2-4 and were hoping to do the same again.

You felt the ache when you were searching through your umich gear for your outfit to the game and found your Fantilli jerseys. You took a deep breath and pushed it off, grabbing a blue and maize crewneck and throwing it on over your leggings and blazers and leaving.

You got into the Children of Yost section pretty easily, but it was always a hassle nonetheless. You found some friends and stood with them, shouting cheers when the guys skated out.

You and your friends were pretty close to the glass in the student section, only a few rows back, so you were able to see the guys really well. You screamed when Dylan scored his first goal of the night, he saw you and laughed so hard. Luca, who was hugging his teammate was confused by how hard Dylan was laughing, and looked to see what the source of his entertainment was. When he saw you, jumping up and down with your friends, screaming for Dylan, he was shocked. Shocked you’d even come to a game. And then his eyes widened when he realized his brother was here, watching him play.

When the first period was over the Childen of Yost settled down and danced to the songs and did the little games that came up to on the jumbotron. Your fun halted when you saw Adam come up on the screen, the words “Welcoming back former Wolverines!” and his names flashing on it. Your friends saw and their jaws dropped. He hadn’t been at the game the night before, of course he hadn’t, of course this was the game he came to.

You brushed it off and insisted that you were fine. You continued to have fun and mess around with your friends during the break in between periods. But then Adam had the shock of his life, staring at the screen as the view of you and your friends dancing to American Boy by Estelle & Kanye as the cameras showed different groups of the Children of Yost.

The second he gets over his shock you’re off the screen, and he’s slightly leaning out of his seat, searching the crowd of the student section, and then he saw you, messing around and playing with your friends. Part of him wishes you were in his jersey, as unrealistic as that seems. He wonders if you still have his jerseys, if they’re in a thrift store somewhere, or if they’re tucked away in the bottom of a box in your room.

He knows Dylan probably convinced you to come, because Dylan was your favorite of his friends, and the two of you guys were “besties” whenever you were together. He wonders if you’ll go down towards the locker room after the game to see Dylan and if he’ll get to see you again.

The game ended soon enough, the guys winning 3-4 with 2 goals from Duker. He texted you after the game to come down, wanting to go to eat with you after.

-

from: Duka👊

Dude come down after I wanna go eat

from: Y/n/n🤝

idk duke i kinda wanna go home

from: Duka👊

Bro no you have to stop being a loser

from: Y/n/n🤝

fine.

-

He liked your message and you let out a sigh,

“Hey guys, I’m gonna go down and see Duke. I’ll see you guys later, okay?”

They nodded and gave you light hugs, telling you random things that are always part of girl goodbyes.

“Are you sure, do you think Adam’ll be down there, babe?”

You sighed again, shrugging, hugging her tighter.

“Don’t know, but I can’t let him stop me from doing things, right? If I see him, I see him. I don’t know if he’ll say anything to me, but if he does I’ll just talk to him normally, you know?”

The girls all nod, saying goodbye again, telling you things about your said “girl power”. You made your way through the arena, getting let through by security and heading back to the hall where the players come out.

You kept your head in your phone as you leaned against the wall, snapping people, scrolling through Instagram, and texting your mom about the game.

Dylan came out fast compared to usual. You high-fived him as he came up to you, congratulating him on his two goals. He thanked you and then was quick to try to get you guys to leave.

“Dylan, It’s okay. I know he’s here. I’m not gonna like, run away from him. Alright?”

“Yeah alright, he was just in the locker room and I was worried you might not know, 'cause I didn’t even know, so.”

You nodded and smiled at him, patting his shoulder in thanks. Then you realized he was missing something.

“Dylan, did you leave your phone in the locker room?”

He looked at you in confusion, then patting the pocket on his bag, and then his sweatpants pockets, then his sweatshirt pocket, but came up empty.

“Shit. Alright, I’ll be back in half a second, wait here.”

You nod and he hands you his backpack, racing back to the locker room. You put his bag on your back and look back at your phone again. And then you hear him, his laugh. You don’t even wanna look up, you glance out of the corner of your eye, seeing his silhouette.

You freeze in your stance, fingers pausing on your screen. You hear him, Luca, and Mark talking very loudly. Adam sees the bag on your back first “DUKE #25” along the side of it. Then he realizes it’s you. He quiets down very quickly, almost stopping in his tracks.

Luca notices his baby brother’s change in attitude instantly, whipping his head to the side, his eyes meeting your figure. Mark, somehow sees you and his mind doesn’t think for two seconds. He calls your name, happy as ever.

“Hey! Come here I haven’t seen you in forever. What’s up?”

You wince at his obliviousness, or maybe his uncaring of the situation. You squeeze your eyes shut for a second before putting a smile on.

“Hey Mark, I’m fine. How are you?”

He nods and replies, half hugging you and pulling you back towards his group. Luca quickly says hey to you, wrapping his arms around you briefly.

You look at Adam, your eyes softening. He looks at you as if you’re the only girl in the world, and to him, you are. You go to say hey to him but he hugs you before words can come out. He holds you so so tightly, and you practically grip him. Fuck, you missed him.

“Hey, Adam.”

You feel him take a deep breath in, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

“Missed you.”

“Missed you too, Adam.”

You both seem to realize you aren’t alone and you pull away, clearing your throat as the other two boys look at you with huge smiles. You feel heat radiating from your cheeks as the four of you stand there.

The awkward silence is cut off by Dylan racing back through the hall.

“Hey dude, sorry I took so long. Ty started asking me about something-”

He stopped himself when he saw you standing inches from Adam, a blush covering your face. He tries to cover the smile overtaking his face.

“Oh hey guys, um well, we were about to go eat, you guys wanna join?”

Your eyes widened at Dylan, cursing at him in your head, hoping you’d gained mind powers that could disintegrate him. Just because you can stand here and hug him doesn’t mean you can sit and eat dinner with him.

Mark jumps to accept, telling you two that you should also invite the other guys still in the locker room. You agree, thinking the more the merrier for your situation. You and Dylan let the other guys know and then take off. In the car, you turn to Dylan and almost shout at him.

“Dylan Duke! What the fuck?”

He smiles at you, that stupid smile. You shake your head and sigh loudly leaning back against the headrest and closing your eyes.

“I saw how you were looking at each other in there. And Mark whispered to me about your hug. I know that this is for your own good dude. At least get civil with him.”

You sigh and nod, your eyes still closed. Dylan lets out a noise of agreement, and you two drive to your chosen restaurant.

When you pull up to a restaurant on a Saturday night and ask for a table for 10, you usually are looked at like you have two heads. But in Ann Arbor, when a umich hockey player comes in and asks that, they will make it happen.

You and Dylan were the first to get there, sitting across from each other at the far end of the table. Tyler, Rutger, and Ethan arrive next, Tyler sitting at the end chair between you and Dylan, and Rut and Eth sitting next to Dylan. Adam, Luca, and Mark arrived next. You watched Mark push Adam forward to sit in the space on your right.

He smiles at you awkwardly as he sits down next to you, making sure to leave a comfortable amount of space between you. Lastly, Seamus and Mackie arrive, taking the last two seats at the table. All the guys were talking around you while you checked your phone every minute or so to try to look busy. You glance to your side and notice Adam as bored as you.

“Hey Fants.”

His head quickly turns to you, a bright smile adorning his features.

“Hi.”

“How’s Columbus? Sorry I never congratulated you, I just-”

“Hey! It’s okay, I understand, alright? But it’s nice, I’ve made a couple of new friends and stuff. It was nice already knowing people there.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s really good Adam.”

Adam stared at you longingly as you stared at your fingers. You were messing with the rings you always wore, then realized how you were wearing your ring from Adam. You felt like you couldn’t let him see it, worried you might embarrass yourself. You covered your hand with your other, trying to make your position look as natural as possible.

When you looked back over to him and he was already staring at you, you swear your heart started pounding, even more so than already. His eyes looked sad, something so uncommon to see him feeling. He’d always been your happy boy, always bringing you up and making you better.

You would rather climb to the rooftops and scream to every Ann Arbor citizen of your everlasting love for Adam than even whisper it to him. His eyes, though, they’re like the ocean. One look and all of your senses are gone.

“I really missed you Adam.”

You didn’t look at him when you whispered it, you stared at the football game playing on the TV across the restaurant, the Bengals were winning by 14. Your hand pressed into the wood of your chair next to your thigh, running your fingers back and forth across the grain. You didn’t flinch physically when you felt his hand brush over yours, but your heart felt like it was about to implode.

“You have no idea how much I missed you.”

You finally got the courage to look into his eyes. You turn, just a little, and look at him, the raw look on his face, his glazed-over eyes, his bit at lips, your boy, he’d always been yours, always will be.

“And, you have no idea how badly I want to kiss you right now.”

He mumbled it, not caring if you heard or not, he just knew he had to say it, if not to you then to admit it to himself, that he wanted to kiss you.

Adam watched as your eyes widened innocently, he loves everything you do. He just stared, he knew you heard him, he didn’t know what to do after that, and neither did you. You seemed to have gotten lost in the moment, forgetting about the 8 other hockey players surrounding you, who had honestly mostly just stopped really talking to each other and were mostly watching you and Adam.

In that moment, you couldn’t even hear them, you couldn’t even see them. They were blurry, muted, and muffled, but looking at Adam, it was so clear. You weren’t thinking, you were just following whatever split-second decision your heart made and grabbed his face, kissing Adam. You fucking kissed him. His hands wrapped around your wrists, kissing you back immediately. You kissed for maybe three seconds, the hustle and bustle all around coming back to you.

You pulled away from him first, if it was his choice he would’ve made out with you right there in front of everyone. You looked at him with wide eyes, and he still had his big beautiful smile. You hear an ‘oh shit�� come from Luca’s mouth, and then the rest of the guys at the table going crazy and immediately feel embarrassed. Your face burns as you quickly wipe your lips with your sleeve, burying your face in your hands as a smile reluctantly makes its way to your face.

Adam has the biggest grin on his face as he scoots his chair closer to you, wrapping his arm around you, pulling you close. Adam’s hand rests on your hip, tracing shapes already like it was never gone. Like it was home after being away for far too long. You know the two of you would have a big conversation about everything later. But for right now, you just let him hold you, and you let him order for you, because he always knew what you wanted, even now.

When dinner came, Adam’s hand left your hip, but it ended up holding yours under the table like you were two fourteen-year-olds hiding from your parents. He started messing with your hand, pulling it more into his lap so he could play with it with both of his hands. He’d always done this when you were together, he would mess with your hand while he talked to others at dinners or parties or anything.

Adam was shocked when he felt it, the cool band on your ring finger. He looked down at your hand, eyes widening when he saw his ring still adorning your finger. He stared at you with so so much love in his eyes, from across the table, Luca could see how happy his baby brother was, and he was so thankful for you.

“You still have my ring on.”

You couldn’t tell if it was a question or a statement when he whispered to you. You looked down at the band on your finger, smiling sheepishly at him and blushing. You nodded slowly, not knowing how to explain it to him.

“I just really like it. And I just really like you, so.”

He laughs, nodding at you with amusement, letting out an ‘Oh yeah?’ to which you nod assuringly.

You knew he was the 1. You’d known when he had first introduced himself to you. You could tell that this new beginning to your relationship was going to last, that the time apart only made you both stronger. You’d always loved him, and always will, and if kissing him in a crowded restaurant in front of all of his stupid friends is what it takes to have him, you definitely would.

but it would’ve been fun, if you would’ve been the one.

[silvertsundere]

Silver Talks AniManga (08/10/23)

big catch up this week that had been a long time coming AND a buncha new anime doesn't even feel like it's me doing this, tho still not watching nearly as much as back in the day this is a good season tho, and there's even a buncha other good shows I'm not watching for a variety of reasons but anyway

green - new series/new to me pink - catching up

Anime

Undead Unluck Ep1

WOW that was soo good??? what the hell. I mean it already looked good from the previews but still crazy to see it in action. I was a bit worried after how disappointing the mashle anime was, but UU is in much better hands god bless. really looking forward to see everything in motion, tho curious where it'll end since it's confirmed 2 cour. we'll have to get some more episodes to see at what speed they're going to have a better idea. but anyway, UU is very good and even if you don't read the manga the anime is really good so check it, just be warned the start is a bit crude with a bunch lewd stuff going on (like andy being naked most of the time) but it gets better and it's a really fun series, give it a shot

Adult Precure Ep1

hey that was pretty good. I didn't know what to expect but it was nice. you can tell it was made for older audiences like that had said it'd be with them talking about some more mature topics and even saying stuff like the 2nd pic. anyway, no action or anything, it was just setting up (mostly) nozomi and rin a bit and hten meeting the rest of the cast. from the preview it doesn't seem like they'll transform on the next episode? so it'll prob be on ep 3. I just hope they have new cure forms as adults instead of transforming into their younger selves.

Imas Million Live Ep1

while this would've been a billion times better with traditional animation I gotta admit the cg models weren't as bad I expected, at least for the characters, there was some rougher looking ones for other stuff. however, I Am Not Immune To Idols and they got my ass, regardless of cg or not, so I can't complain much. I'll be very much looking forward to seeing my girls animated and this makes my expectations for the shinymas anime a lot better

Frieren Ep5

good ep, had more action than I expect (which was 0 so not hard but yknow), buncha funny moments tho

Manga

Jujutsu Kaisen Ch1 - 238

where do I even start huh. I hadn't read jujutsu cause it started at the time where I wasn't really reading anything but I've always had a general idea of what's going on cause of other people talking about it. my goal is to be reading everything on jump so I was gonna get to it sooner or later but because it seems it's getting close to the end that turned out to be sooner, but anyway. from the first few chaps I could see why it became so popular, the art's really good and the interaction between the characters was fun, but I didn't think it was THAT good to warrant it's popularity. that is, until I got to shibuya. up until here the series had felt kinda weird to me, like it was aimless or there was a lack of stakes but the shibuya really put things in motion and it was well structured. ofc the main point of the arc was to get rid of gojo since akutami wrote himself into a corner with how op he made him but yknow (I'm a gojo supporter btw). after that came the culling game, which was my favourite part of the series, you could really tell akutami was in his element and having fun just writing creative fights, however I could see why people would be getting tired of it cause it went on for a WHILE, and by the time it moved on it felt like it was more of the editor making akutami do it then it moving on naturally but oh well. if akutami ever does a series after this I hope it'll just be like the culling game with him being able to spread his creative wings and go wild with strange power fights. now the culling game is over and we're in what feels like the final arc. gojo got unsealed and fought sukuna, in a very cool fight, and despite being a big gojo fan I was content with the result. before catching up it just felt like he got unsealed and then immediately was gone again but the fight went on for quite a while so it wasn't actually that bad. idk how our cast is gonna get out this pickle now, but I doubt they'd let the bad guys win in a jump series so they'll make it somehow. anyway, I gave it a provisory 8/10, but it might go up or down depending on how things go from here. OH also I forgot to say but.. yuji is not a very good protagonist, he grew on me over the series but he's still p weak compared to most other jump protags OH ALSO ALSO, my favourite character is maki, I always love the "character with no powers that's strong enough to go toe to toe with the super powered people" trope, like rock lee or kenpachi, and she is that and I really liked her path until she got where she is

Kill Blue Ch24

haven't talked about this in a while but we're just coming off a short arc where a lot happened, including ogami turning back into an adult somehow, tenma learning he's an assassin and noren getting hyptonized into thinking she loves ogami for real. that's what this chap was about, ogami going to school and trying to avoid her for that reason hoping the hypnosis would wear off. it was a good chap, especially that little action sequence at the end, good luck next week ogami you'll need it

Blue Box Ch 120

a new school year has started and with that we get new cast members to shake things up a bit, tho I don't really like the idea of the new girl butting into taiki's and natsu's relationship when we just got done with the love triangle plot with hina but we'll see

[tempestsreach-blog]

Fuck Diet Culture

This is going to be long.  It’s going to be rambly.  It’s going to be sad.  It’s going to be angry.  There’s going to be language some people don’t like. I can’t NOT talk about it though. 

Fuck diet culture.  Let me say that again.  Fuck. Diet. Culture. It has taken such a huge chunk out of my life.  I have lost pieces of myself I’m not sure I’ll ever get back.  The only way to heal is to go through.  I can’t go back.  I have to move forward.  But I can’t do it quietly.  I can’t hide.  I can’t live in the same shame I’ve spent the last 40 years in.  Literally.  40 years of my life wasted to this.  I can’t bear to live the back half of my life in the same way.  What the hell is the point? I’m not going to write this in any particular order because all of the thoughts and feelings swimming around are snapshots of things in my life that diet culture has broken in me or stolen from me. A lot of you aren’t going to agree with me.  That’s okay.  Truly.  This is about ME.  This is to help ME heal.  You can talk to me about your struggles, your diets, your ups and downs, your successes and whatnot.  I am here for you in all of it. But I won’t diet with you anymore.  Never again.

Currently I am having severe knee pain.  One knee is worse than the other, but both are bad.  I should go to the doctor.  I should have gone to the doctor years ago for it.  Want to know why I didn’t?  My weight.  I have injuries from overuse and over exercise and I am terrified that I am going to go to the doctor and the first words they’re going to say are “Well, if you lost 20, 30, 40, 50 pounds, it probably wouldn’t hurt so much.” instead of listening to me, examining me, scanning my knees and HELPING me.  I don’t feel this way irrationally.  This shit happens.  I am in pain.  I don’t know how to get help without being told to go on another diet that will not work.

Because diets don’t work.  Not long term.  I am excellent at losing weight!  I’ve done it over and over and over.  Then I stop restricting, counting, starving, and pushing myself.  Then my body says “What the fuck were you doing?” and puts it back. I lost the ability years ago to know whether I’m actually hungry or not.  I eat too fast when I do eat because if I snarf it down super fast I can get it in before my brain says “You’ve had too much.  Did you count those calories?  How many miles on a treadmill will you do to make up for that?  Did you actually earn this meal?”

Every time.  Every meal.  Every morsel.

I have never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder.  Only been told by therapists and psychiatrists that I definitely engage in disordered eating.

No shit.

Every diet under the sun.  Cabbage soup.  Phen Fen.  Weight watchers (MULTIPLE TIMES), TOPS, Noom, My Fitness Pal calorie counting, intermittent fasting,  and every whacky bullshit thing in between promising results.  I’ve purchased fancy scales.  I’ve even tried one that wouldn’t show you your weight, but the color of your progress in the app.  Here’s a hint… if you gain, your color is black like death.  I’ve failed a million times and I’ve blamed myself.  I am the failure.  So I hate my body a little more every day and I stress about how I’m going to NOT pass my disordered eating and my food issues onto my kids.  My stress levels are through the roof and 98% of it is diet culture related. What the fuck is that about? Every time I start a program I hit it hard.  Last time I tried anything involving tracking or counting I was so starving by the time I got home from work that I almost ripped a child’s head off (not literally OBVIOUSLY) but I screamed at her at the top of my lungs because she hurt my feelings.  It wasn’t until after finally allowing myself to eat another morsel of food that I realized I was hangry.

Why is living in a larger body not acceptable?  We all talk about diversity and equality as though we believe it with our whole hearts, but that doesn’t cross over to fat.  Or skinny if we’re really being honest.  How many times have you heard or seen online “Oh my god, she’s so skinny.  Feed her a damn cheeseburger!  She looks anorexic.”  I know I have.  I know I’ve said those words.  I will punch myself in the gut if I ever say them again.  

Every body is different.  We are supposed to be.  Let’s not BLAME genetics like it’s a bad thing.  Let’s realize that it’s what nature has intended.  My father is over 6 feet tall and a large man.  He’s just a big man.  He went on Nutri System when I was young, lost a ton of weight, and put a bunch back on over the years because he is a big man.  My mother was not tall, but was always large.  I hated her body because HER PARENTS told her all the time she was fat and unworthy and cautioned me not to grow up to be like her in any way.  Even when she was poor and homeless she was still large.  That was the way her body was.  I wonder how different her life might have been if the size of her body hadn’t been a factor in the way she was raised or treated.  How might that have made my life different?

I know a lot of you are probably rolling your eyes at me right now about being vocal about another health plan or saying to yourself “just because you have trouble with diets doesn’t mean they don’t work”  I know there are people close to me thinking “She just always gets excited when she discovers a new diet, that’s probably what this is.”  NO.  

This is me finally realizing that I can heal and healing doesn’t mean I need to weigh 157 pounds. (That’s the weight limit for women my height to enter the air force when I did in 1992) This is me finally realizing that I’ve been lying about the weight on my drivers license for 30 years because gods forbid anyone saw my real weight on that document. This is me realizing that I’ve spent my life trying to live up to other people’s ideals of what I should look like because I assumed they wouldn’t like me otherwise. This is me realizing how much unintentional harm I could have been doing when sharing another diet, another idea, another bout of “well this is working really well for me!” with people I care about. This is me realizing how much damage I’ve been doing to myself living with this level of shame for 40 years. Hiding what I’m doing.  Suffering in silence.  Hiding food. Restricting.  Binging.  Over exercising to compensate.  Spending money on one last diet.  Spending emotional energy on one last hope. We were in Las Vegas for what was supposed to be a fun vacation last week and I was so hot and miserable and so steeped in hating my body because my painful knees were betraying me that my internal monologue was a never ending loop of “I’ll hit weight watchers REALLY HARD when we get home and get rid of this weight, then I’ll figure out my knees and work on maintenance” Let me say that again, clearly.  I struggled to enjoy my vacation because I was obsessing about restricting food AFTER my vacation. One last time.  One last meal.

BULLSHIT.

We walked by shops with weird and pretty fashion dresses. (I freely admit I don’t understand fashion) the husband and I would both point out ones we thought were pretty.  My brain would get stuck on “Yeah, but they don’t make them in my size” or “Yeah, that would NOT look good on me.  It looks fine on that size 0 mannequin”  Pretty on other people.  Other people are pretty.  Not me. Diet culture is pervasive and all consuming.  In big ways and little ways.  I’m 5 ft 9.  I’m not a tiny person at any weight.  I’ve always been told I’m too big.  Even when I sit, I slouch a little and/or tuck my legs and feet up under me to try to make myself appear smaller and less invasive.  This is subconscious.  I don’t always realize I’m doing it until my knees remind me. Most of my life has been things that get in the way of my diets.  “I should start the diet today, but it’ll have to wait until next week because so and so’s birthday is this week and I want to be able to enjoy that.”  or “It’s late fall, I should just start now but first there’s my birthday, and then Thanksgiving, and December happens and there’s all kinds of treats then.  Better wait until January, but not the first because that’s new year’s...maybe the following Monday.” or the ever popular “I already had a bad eating day today, I’m a failure.  Why bother?  Fuck it.  I’ll try again tomorrow.”  That one was always followed by binging because of the last supper mentality.  If I’m starting a diet tomorrow I better eat EVERYTHING NOW. This is how I’ve lived my whole life.  The time not spent dieting was just the time in between diets where I was planning my next diet.  So much life wasted.  The only time I was not actively dieting or planning the next diet or suffering from “I’m just too exhausting to put effort into food right now” was during my 4 pregnancies.  I let myself eat whatever and whenever because I was nauseous all the time anyway and something in my brain made me fuel my body for the babies. When the youngest was born and the on call doctor who delivered her told me I was too fat to have my tubes tied I definitely started planning diets again in that moment.  I believe now, years later, that my diet and diet culture ruined mind and body is part of what kept me from being as successful at nursing the kids as I wished I had been.  I assumed my body was broken and not good enough for my babies.  The last time I lost a LOT of weight it was because I didn’t want to ruin someone’s wedding pictures.  True story.  This was nothing that person felt or anything they told me.  IT’s what my brain said to me.  It’s how I de-valued myself.  There are very few current pictures of me now because I’ve been stuck in a place where I feel shame when I see them. When I’m dead, memories and pictures are all my kids and grandkids will have, and I hate myself too much to let anyone take them. That’s not okay.

I dream about food.  I daydream about food.  Food I “shouldn’t” eat.  Food I “should” eat.  When to eat.  When not to eat.  Every spare ounce of energy is spent thinking about food or hating myself which leads to more thinking about food. I am not in a place where I can prepare dinner for my family right now because it’s too hard to put that much energy into food.  I force myself to pick the recipes from the app and get the shopping done via instacart so all anyone else has to do is pull up the recipe and make the food.  If I’m looking at the ingredients or trying to prep anything I stare at every individual thing debating whether or not I “should” eat it.  This is going to take me a long time to break free from.  Today I finally feel like I CAN break free. There is nothing wrong with being in a large body or a small body.  Food is not good or bad.  Food is food.  I have to say these things.  I have to repeat them to myself or I fall down the rabbit hole again.  None of this is work anyone can do for me.  I have to live it.  I have to work through it.  I have to figure it out. If you read this far, my statement stands.  If you’re on a diet, I will listen to your woes and hold your hand and I will not judge you for it.  This was very hard to write because I am certain some of you who believe in diets, ways of life, and wellness eating may block me now because I spoke my mind.  I’ve clung so tight to the people I love and refrained from being honest and speaking my mind for fear of abandonment.  I’ll have to live with it if that’s the case here, because people sometimes need to do what’s best for them.  Airing this out is one of those things for me.  It’s a scary thing for sure. I also want to say that I’m happy for this to lead to discussion.  I’m not going to shut anyone down for wanting to talk to me about this.  I am always open to learn new information and see different perspectives.  Just know that if I’m emotional and feeling a lot of strong things about how my life has been up to this point, and I am entitled to believe what I believe just as you all are.  I’m happy to share sources and books I’ve been reading on the subject.  They are not diet books.

Here’s to doing better from here on out.

Here’s to finally being free.

[chemical-cat]

Something I don't recommend for beginners...

Disclaimer: I do NOT want to gatekeep tarot, this is simply my personal opinion and my advice for beginners who are interested in tarot. Everything stated below is from my personal experience.

I've begun to notice a climbing interest in tarot, not just in getting readings but on people wanting to learn how to practice tarot as well, especially on tiktok. Now I'm so excited to see that there are people interested in something that I personally love and has brought a lot of happiness and just overall comfort to my own life, but it can be overwhelming as a beginner to know where to start especially when there are millions of different decks out there. What deck should you start with? What books should you read? What myths are true about tarot and what rules do you need to follow when practicing?

The biggest thing that I don't recommend for beginners is a deck like what is pictured above. Now yes the artwork is gorgeous and at first it may not seem very obvious why I don't recommend a deck like this, but the main reason I don't recommend a deck like this is that in this deck and others like it, all of the suit names are renamed.

Now at first it may seem like a nit picky type recommendation, but the reason why is that most decks follow the rider-waite closely, using the rider-waite deck as a template. While each deck may have their own unique aspects, and the artwork may be different, ultimately they still follow a very similar pattern as the rider-waite and use it to also template most of their interpretations. Now this doesn't necessarily make this a con to your average deck because of one important aspect.

Most books on tarot, use the rider-waite as its example when describing tarot, the cards within tarot, the suit names, as well as other aspects such as elements, in depth descriptions of artwork, etc. Because most tarot books use rider-waite as their examples, when practicing initially while also researching it may be easier to practice with a deck that also follows the rider-waite template more closely. Yes there may be one suit name renamed - most commonly the suit of pentacles being renamed to the suit of coins, but overall if your initial deck follows the rider-waite template closely then when using books for research or help with practice/interpretation, it will be easier to apply the advice within guides to a deck that follows closely to this template.

But with a deck above, it can be extremely confusing to apply advice from guidebooks to a deck that doesn't follow this template, especially if the guidebook that may come with the deck itself doesn't explain what the original suits have become within this deck. (Which yes it can happen, it is possible to have a guidebook that doesn't explain very concretely and while those experienced may be able to work fine with these types of decks, it can be extremely frustrating for beginners).

Now this just comes as a recommendation from my own personal experience, in my own experience, my first ever deck had all of the suit names renamed, and while the guidebook did address this, when I eventually would roll over to a deck that would follow the rider-waite template more closely, I experienced a lot of frustration and confusion. It was difficult to apply guidebooks to my original deck, as some things contradicted what the original artist of the deck would say about the cards as well, but ultimately it was very confusing trying to adjust to the rider-waite template when I was used to a deck that didn't follow that template closely. It resulted in a lot of frustration and ultimately I ended up taking a very large and long break from tarot because I thought that, because I was having difficulties in working with a deck that followed the template more closely that I wasn't meant to practice tarot, that I was wrong for ever trying it, and that no matter how much I tried I'd never be good enough.

Now I do know that not everyone is going to struggle with it, but there may be someone out there who is in the same place as I was. I did eventually go back to practicing tarot, and I was not bad at tarot, I was meant to practice it. One thing that fueled a lot of my self doubt in my own abilities, were these "rules" or "myths" about tarot that I was constantly seeing, and it was so hard to know truly what was true and what wasn't true because it varied from person to person, one person would tell you if you didn't follow rules a,b,c that you would fail and your readings wouldn't be accurate; while others would say you need to follow x,y,z and not a,b,c and if you didn't then you were following myths and limiting your own abilities.

So where should you stand on these? Well... here's my personal opinion.

You must have your first tarot deck gifted to you

Personally, I don't follow this, and I know many other readers who don't as well. Whether this is a rule, or a myth that became truth for a while is unsure. But a large consensus of readers, have stated they consider this rule to be an attempt to gatekeep tarot. When I first started tarot, I didn't have anyone who would have gifted me a tarot deck, I was surrounded by family who would have viewed tarot at the time and possibly still would even in current day view it as demonic and that I was a Satan worshiper or delving into and practicing witchcraft. At the time, this myth was really floating around and being taken seriously, when I began practicing, I wanted to do everything perfectly and that I should obey any rules possible, including this one. However I ended up coming across my first deck, and instantly knew I couldn't leave without it. No one would buy it for me, that was out of the question, but I realized that there was nothing saying anywhere that you can't gift yourself a deck, and that's exactly what I did, I gifted myself my first deck.

You can't ask the same question twice

I honestly don't know where this one came from, or started but honestly I know a few people who follow this and others who don't and see no issue with it. The only thing with this one that I've seen, that would make sense is that by constantly asking the same question over and over (aka: nagging) you will eventually end up getting the answer you want, which makes sense ultimately, and you can make poor decisions simply because of it (which at that point why even use tarot if you already know the answer you want and your not going to accept any other answer?)

Sleeping with your deck under your pillow will help you bond with the cards

So personally I don't know how true this one is, I know that through personal experience I would hide my first deck under my pillow and I was very close with this deck, now whether that's because it was my first deck or because I slept with it under my pillow could be debated. But I honestly think this may be the same type of thinking as placing crystals or herbs under your pillow at night to inspire better sleeping patterns/get rid of nightmares. Now whether these things actually work or its psychosomatic is up in the air. Personally, if it helps me sleep then I like to believe in it and it isn't ultimately hurting anyone if I believe in it. So if it helps you bond with your cards go ahead! But I will say I do have multiple decks, and other than my first I do not sleep with any of them in my bed and I'm still close with all of my decks.

The death, devil, and similar cards are evil and ultimately mean your life is horrible and falling apart and there's nothing you can do.

This one is always a belief within tarot that has shocked me, ultimately at the end of the day, these cards are not evil. While some cards can signify change and people are afraid of change or aren't prepared for it, most of the time these cards do not mean that you or a loved one is going to die, your life is completely horrible and is going to fall apart, or that you dance with the "devil". These cards all have their own meaning past the entitle title and having fear of these cards will ultimately lead you to being afraid to correctly interpret the messages these cards have to tell you. This belief alone in tarot, helps to inspire fear of tarot and contributes to the belief that it is evil, similar to how there is the belief that ouija boards are evil and downright terrible. At the end of the day, tarot and oujia boards are divination tools, it boils down to how you personally use the tools and your actions from that which make them evil or not evil. A hammer isn't necessarily evil, but if it's someone's choice murder tool we don't consider the hammer the evil influence we consider the person who used that tool to be evil, the same goes for divination tools, including aspects of those tools which are less then favorable.

You need to put all the cards back in the original order (0-22 for major arcana, and all minor arcana in order)

Personally, I've never practiced it and I don't know any other readers who practice this. While some people may find it a very meditating experience to resort all the cards, to me personally this rule doesn't make sense. You're only going to reshuffle the cards again, and if you do this for multiple readings you're ultimately spending a lot of time in between readings to resort. In doing so, one point I'd like to point out is that those who follow this rule more than likely put cards "right side up" back into the deck, which could ultimately end up preventing you from getting the message you need too.

A card reversed is ultimately a bad meaning no matter what card it is.

This is simply not true, a card reversed or its shadow meaning doesn't not inherently mean that something bad is going to happen. What this does mean is that, every card has a meaning, however when it's reversed it means that whatever the cards have to tell you they can't get the message across simply by the card being right side up. Just like with the death, tower, and devil card this belief that reversed cards inherently mean something bad is ultimately another fear tactic implemented upon tarot.

You can't buy a used tarot deck, or you can't use a previously used tarot deck

This alone, goes against the rule/myth that you must be gifted a tarot deck as some people like to gift decks they've personally used that they haven't connected with. There are people who believe this rule simply because of the fact that, there is the large belief that tarot picks up energy from you as the reader or those that you are reading from/anyone who touches your deck, because of this there is a belief that with a previously used deck that it may be "contaminated" with bad energy. However, you can cleanse decks, and it's typically recommended to cleanse new decks as well as decks gifted to you, and to cleanse decks before practicing anyways. With this belief, if cleansed properly then your deck should be freed of any bad or negative energy including your own.

You are not a real reader or you can't read for other people if you use guidebooks.

Personally, I believe this is just another method to gatekeep as well as a method to keep beginning tarot readers from "stealing" clientele from more experienced readers. Not only do I know many experienced readers who use guidebooks, but I personally use my guidebooks as well. Now it is important to note that reading verbatim from the guidebooks for readings, is different then simply using them to reference off of. There are people like myself who have memory issues so using guidebooks is needed because we simply can not remember every little detail about all 78 cards, plus the added in differences that independent artists add in that vary from deck to deck, this doesn't lesson our abilities or our experience level. If you need to use guidebooks don't let that get you down or think less of your own abilities, if you read verbatim off of them try to work on branching past that work on using it as a base for your interpretation. If you don't need to use the guides that's absolutely great, and good job to you! However, remember that not everybody is going to practice the same way you do and some people have external reasons as to why they may need them. It isn't your job to police how every other reader on the planet practices, if someone is doing something wrong or is scamming they will ultimately lead to their own downfall.

You must let other people touch your deck in order to give accurate readings for other people/people need to touch or shuffle the deck in order to give a reading for them, or you can't give online readings without the person being there.

Personally, I believe this is a matter of opinion. There are readers who swear by the rule that people must physically touch your deck in order to give a reading for them because the deck then absorbs/becomes infused with their energy so then the reading will be accurate and if they do not touch the deck then the reading will not be as accurate. Then there are other readers who do not follow this rule, they believe that we as entities put our own energy out into the world consistently, and as the reader if you focus hard enough your own energy will be able to tap into that person's energy and be able to give an accurate reading that way. Within the last couple of years, we've seen a spike in online readings being offered on places like etsy, or social media platforms like tiktok. During the height of the covid-19 pandemic, it would be foolish to have allowed someone else to touch your deck due to the sheer fact alone that sanitizing a deck is fairly difficult as many decks are made of paper, so to sanitize them properly would be very difficult. Not to mention the fact that we would also be looking at a scenario where someone would be within 6ft of someone else and more than likely not practicing social distancing. The ability to practice readings online provides the ability to practice safe social distancing and protect individuals who may have a compromised immune system (the pandemic has taught us that even if someone with a compromised immune system, the elderly, or other individuals who would be at significant risk are present that some individuals simply do not care and would deliberately lie and put others at risk to get whatever it is that they want, and to assume that a reading or other metaphysical aspect would be an exception would be disingenuous not only to practioners but to those who may have compromised immune systems as well). Personally I believe that online readings, present a difficulty level just like doing a reading in person, and that because some individuals may prefer or have an easier time at doing online readings this irritates those who may not have this same type of ease at doing online readings, and they result to trying to tear down someone or gatekeep someone that they believe should be struggling as much as they are.

This is only a fraction of various "rules" that have been told within the tarot community that readers need to abide by. Ultimately, it is up to you as a reader to choose whether you want to follow every rule that is out there, a handful of the rules, or none of them at all. At the end of the day, many beginners may experience what experienced practioners have told were even similar to their own experience and that is that there is so much contradicting information out there that it can be overwhelming, a lot of the time many of these rules seem to come out of no where or have no tracable origin. Some have stated or traced some of these rules back to Romani culture, but whether or not there is truth to this lies with the Romani people themselves as they are the only ones who can speak the truth of their culture and whether there is any authenticity to these rules. As I said on the disclaimer, most of this is my personal opinion and I simply speak on my own personal experience, and I have no intents to gatekeep. This is just my personal advice for beginners.

[timextoxhajima]

Grounded: Level 5

Level 4 | Level 6

Member: Minho (Lee Know)

Genre: idol minho x idol trainee reader

Taglist: @jaehyvnsvalentine @licorice526​ @lolwhatameme @felixn-recs @yunapixie​​​

[D E C E M B E R 2 0 1 9]

Your hands fly up to your face when you can hear the first few beats of the song they were supposed to perform at the KBS Song Festival. Of all songs to choose, they had to choose just one of the most iconic debut songs of all time?

As usual, Beomgyu was fitted right into the centre, because where else would he fit better? And Taehyun was given the opening line and then Kai pops out from nowhere looking like a toy poodle with that hairdo of his. Then our favourite bunny leader finally shows up-

And of course, Yeonjun gets the chorus, as he does the dance break where he winks into the camera. The tiny, version of you is struggling to pick up the million pieces your heart had just shattered into in your chest. 

“Yah, Yeonjun is so cool-” Minjung coos about it to So Eun. 

“How in the world did he manage to maintain his top trainee ranks?” Another trainee, Gahyun, leans back in the sofa you were previously sitting on, fiddling with the string from her hoodie. “We take turn to kiss the top before sliding back down.”

The group of female trainees laugh boisterously, but you are caught up in the likes of Yeonjun, and Yeonjun only. How lucky did you have to be to get into this company, the one only made popular recently because of BTS, and became known as ‘Yeonjun’s favourite female trainee’? 

“y/n, would you sit down?” Gahyun gets up just to tug on your shirt, pulling you back to the couch. 

“Why’d you interrupt her? Couldn’t you see she was whipped?” Minjung snickers, interlocking her arm with yours and leaning her head on your shoulder. “As much as I ship you and Yeonjun together, aren’t you afraid BigHit’s going to screw with you for being so close to his new money-making machine?”

“What?” You look down at Minjung, the maknae of the group you debut in. She’s three years younger and she’s nothing but a baby. "Whoever said anything’s gonna happen?”

Gahyun scoffs from the side, raising a teasing brow at you. “Maybe not now but in the future? Please.”

“But didn’t y/n have something going on with Lee Know from Stray Kids?” So Eun peels open a salad box and shoves a fork of salad and chicken into her mouth. 

Min Jung gasps, eyes widening and mouth open. “You had something with Lee Know? Like- the main dancer of Stray Kids?”

“No.”

“Yes,” Gahyun raises a brow. 

“No, I had something for Lee Know, and I’m through with it.”

Minjung pouts and leans her head against your shoulder again. Ju Rin (who would be your leader) walks into the room before anybody else can say anything. 

“Why’d you stop?” She lays some packs of drinks on the table. “I heard something about Lee Know.”

“Am I the only person who doesn’t know anything about this-” Minjung frowns and nudges you, arm still linked in yours. 

“Yes,” So Eun mumbles through a full mouth of salad and chicken. 

“What? Why?” The maknae whines, and Gahyun pulls you over for her to note one of your group practices.

“Fewer people knowing equals less risk,” Ju Rin sucks in a deep breath. There’s a gentle wheeze because one of her nostrils is blocked from the air-conditioning in the room. “I don’t think it’ll be wise if people know of their relationship before we even debut.”

“But what was it like? Why does it sound like... you fell out with him?” Minjung’s soft voice tugs on all the heartstrings in your chest. 

Gahyun, Ju Rin and So Eun fall silent, with Gahyun looking up from the screen to you. 

Ju Rin shoves her hands into her pockets. “You don’t need to tell her if you don’t want to.”

Minjung pouts, earning your attention despite Ju Rin’s defense. 

“That’s because we did. After he debuted, we no longer texted or hung out as much. I was mad and said some stuff... and since then we haven’t really had a proper conversation.”

“What?” Minjung finally sits up and pulls away from you. “Wait a minute, didn’t you visit Stray Kids with Yeonjun in August?”

“We did but... It was still kind of awkward. Not much was done besides us giving them a fruit basket.”

“I hate to butt in and say this but...” Gahyun locks her phone and leans back into the couch, turning her head to you. “It might’ve been for the best. He’s debuted and you’re set to debut soon. The last thing you would want is to get into a scandal with him.”

“I know,” Your eyes travel down to your hands. You’ve peeled a piece of skin too far up the cuticle of your finger, and the blood’s smudged a little, enticing you to shove it into your mouth to get rid of the redness. The metallic taste of your own blood stings your taste buds, but not as much as the truth is stinging your gut. “That’s why I’m not doing anything.”

There is a hair-raising silence in the air that’s packed with awkwardness - nobody knows what to say. So, thank God TXT bursts through the room after their performance, sweat in their hair and their microphones being peeled off their cheeks. 

“Well, well, well, looks who’s back!” Gahyun lifts a hand and does one of those bro handshakes with Taehyun. “High notes for days, man.”

“There’s a reason why I scored an A for vocals, you know,” Taehyun rolls the microphone wire around the pack and hands it to the staff. 

“Subtle flex but alright,” Gahyun snickers. Yeonjun hands his microphone pack to one of the staff members, and he turns to you, shaking his head and again showing his disapproval of his own performance.

“Why? You did well.”

“Nah,” He shakes his head and pats Minjung’s head. “Could’ve been better.”

“Whaaaat?” Someone should start counting how many times Minjung says ‘what’ today. “Who are you kidding?”

“Who are you kidding?” Soobin finally chimes in after pulling his jacket off. “Improvement’s great but there’s no reason to harp over a performance that’s already done.”

“I’d correct you there, but I’m too tired to get engaged in a discussion with you.” 

Soobin grins in response. Minjung starts swooning about their performance while you listen to Ju Rin, Gahyun and So Eun fight with Beom about something stupid.

“Hey, um,” He calls out to you after some time, Yeonjun making sure that nobody was really eyeing the two of you. “Could I have some time?”

Chicken. That’s what your heart is now. A headless chicken running around in your chest and if it were possible, screaming. 

“Uh, yeah, sure,” A gentle frown is bestowed upon the space between your brows. Yeonjun turns on his heels as you get up from the couch, eyes scanning the room and only one person meets eyes with you. 

Ju Rin eyes are gentle, but full of caution. Do not do anything stupid, her eyes say. 

By the time Yeonjun’s gotten you to a corner of the floor where there was nobody around and no camera in sight, you’ve already run into half the groups that were performing today. You even ran into Hyunjin on the way, who does nothing but politely greet Yeonjun and squint at you instead. 

But there was no doubt - your heart is racing and ramming so hard against the inner walls of your ribcage that would’ve been enough to fracture a rib. Sweaty palms and a damp back calls for an uneasy flapping of your top around your neck, absentmindedly wiping your hands against the pockets of your shorts. 

“What is it?” Shoving your hands into your pockets, you can only hope he doesn’t notice you’re shaking. 

Yeonjun peers over your shoulder to look behind you, though he doesnt’t really need to put in any effort to do so. After making sure nobody was around, he looks down at you, only because his eyes are easily a palm’s worth taller than you, probably more.

“Look, I just... I just wanted you to know that I am so grateful to have you in my life... I don’t think I could’ve done it so easily without you.”

What is this? A confession? No, it can’t be. Yeonjun’s not the type to risk his career for love - or is he? What’s he going to say? Hell, what am I going to say? I’m not prepared for this.

“I just wanted to tell you in person, in private that-”

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

“You’re one of my best friends; you’re like a sister to me and I just... there’s nothing I could do to show you how much I appreciate you...”

His words have faded out. Your heart has stopped, simply from the exhilarating pot of emotions that’s completely died. 

This wasn’t the plan. He wasn’t supposed to friendzone me like this - no, sis-zone me.

“Uh, yeah.” The words. They are automatic. You are not processing them because they just slip off your tongue like a natural reaction. Your breathing’s shallow, but Yeonjun’s so far up in his cloud-nine that he doesn’t see it. “Of course. Anything for you. You’ve helped me through my training. It’ll be shit of me if I didn’t give back.”

You’re about to hurl, but he’s about to give you a hug he thinks would be healing, but you might just punch through a wall for being so foolish.

"Alright, I've said whatever I wanted to say. Man, it sure feels great to get these things off your chest."

Sure is.

Why didn't you see this? Why did you think he was going to confess? I am an absolute dumb piece of- low-life son of a-

"Hey," He calls out to you. He's already about a few metres from you, toes pointing to where you both came from. "You following or what?”

"Uh, I think I gotta use the washroom for abit."

"Oh," Yeonjun's shoulders sink a tiny bit. "You alright?"

"Yeah, I'm..." Your eyes wander off him, unable to maintain your gaze on him. It's unbearable, to know that you've played yourself so hard. "I'm fine. I just need to do a... number two."

Yeonjun winces, then cringes, then waves you off teasingly while half-jogging back to his own rehearsal room.

The walls of the corridor feel extra empty now, though they already are. The sunlight from behind you is heating up your back, because now you're feeling the cold, harsh reality of being the stupid on in all your dynamics. Grey streaks on white marbled floors reflect the fluorescent ceiling lights as you struggle to take a few steps to the washroom - not because you didn't want to go, but because you knew that once you were within the safety of 4 walls, nothing will stop the tears from running.

Stupid, wishful, hopeful dreaming.

The plastic toilet seat clanks against the ceramic bowl when you sit down, and leaning your forearms on your thighs, you force some breaths in before the tears seep out. You have to be quiet though, lest you want half the K-Pop industry to realise you've officially clowned yourself.

The tears finally kiss the floor. One drop, then two and three and four and your palm is over your mouth to stop the sobs from escaping your lips. But a creak of the toilet door shuts you up even more, though the hiccups from the sobbing's still making you emit more noise, against your wish.

The footsteps are light and careful, and you can hear the person push the doors of the other cubicles open. The unknown person tries your door and falters, feet remaining right outside the cubicle you are in. Tear stained hands of yours quickly wipe your face and cover your mouth before you can let another squeaky sob out, but nothing will prepare you for when you hear that voice.

"y/n?"

It’s a split second before you surge for the door and unlock it, eyes flooded with tears threatening to dribble over your lower lids. There’s a slight surprise in his face as his eyes widen an almost-unnoticeable amount. Then it’s replaced with empathy, which is strange because Minho’s been so caught up in chasing his dreams that you don’t think he’s felt this kind of heartbreak before, falling in love with someone who doesn’t know you’re in love with them. 

He doesn’t say anything before he drags you into his arms, palm resting on the back of your head, patting the space between your shoulder blades.

It echoes through the washroom, the sobs, drowning you more in your sorrows than you’re already providing yourself. The vicious cycle is only dampened as your tears no longer hit the floor, and instead creates a darker shade of material on his shoulder where your head was resting. 

“It’s okay,” For the first time in almost two years, Minho isn’t upset or unpleasantly surprised at your presence. 

It’s not the comfort his voice provides, it’s the comfort his voice brings that makes you erupt even more.

“I’m here.”

[J A N U A R Y 2 0 2 0]

The uncle that mans the honey-glazed apple store of the night market back home couldn’t be happier to see the two of you. It’s a surprise he could still make out who you were under the snow-covered caps and masks and haphazardly-thrown-together winter clothes. (Which deemed your disguise horrible.)

You could tell Minho was smiling because his eyes creased under the shade of the cap as the elderly man leans over the stand. He hands you the apples and cups the side of his mouth with his palm, whispering, “You have no idea how many people have come by asking if this is the stall Stray Kids Lee Know buys his honey-glazed apples from.”

“How do people even sieve out this information?” Minho chortles, taking the apples.

“Beats me, the younger generation is scary nowadays,” He pulls away and pulls more apples out from the ice box under the stand. “Especially with their gadgets and all.”

“It was nice seeing you again,” The words are slightly muffled by the mask, but you manage to get your point across. “We’ll come back soon.”

“Come back when you’ve debuted! It’s been so long, why haven’t I seen you on TV?” He frowns, and the lines on his face become accentuated. You can’t tell if the creases highlighted his wrinkles or it was the other way round. 

“I’ve just been training, ahjusshi, I still have a long way to go.”

“What’s your role gonna be?” He points to you, and his finger is trembling because that’s how old he is. “This rascal’s like- a dancer or something, right?”

“‘A dancer or something’, ha!” You snort, nudging Minho in his side, who grunts upon the physical contact. “I’ll be listed as a main dancer too. I thought I’d be the leader because I’m pretty old to debut compared to the kids nowadays but there’s someone else older and more mature.”

“You? Leader?” Minho sneers with a full mouth. “Please.”

The store holder smiles, only to be jolted out of his dream of his two self-proclaimed children when someone else comes by. 

“You two better beat it,” He squints at the two of you, helping you leave quietly without unwanted suspicion. “I’ll see you soon.”

Minho waves at him, and you happily sing out a “Bye!” since nobody would recognise your voice. 

You could swear that there were people who took a double take at your company, but Minho was so pre-occupied with his dessert that it doesn’t give the passerbys enough time to process who he was.

“So, what’s next?” You pull your mask down to munch on the apple, as Minho quickly pulls his mask back up when he notices more people taking second glances.

“Well, we are releasing English versions of Levanter and Double Knot later this month...” A pause as he struggles to remember his own schedule. “And then a Japanese release of the same songs in March.”

Laughing the last few words off, he knows how absurd it sounds, though he knows its for the benefit of the group. 

“Damn,” You snort through your nose and the vapour through the mask still manages to forms a cloud that you walk through. “Y’all turning into Mr. Worldwide now.”

Minho chuckles under his breath, gently shaking his head. 

There’s an overwhelming taste of nostalgia on your tongue when you notice the snow getting heavier as you walk to the bus stop, the crowd finally tailing off. The cap manages to protect your eyes from the falling snow, but some still manage to get onto Minho’s lashes as he frantically blinks and groans adorably, rubbing his eyes to get them out. 

You smile ever so slightly under the mask, though he can’t see it. The snow looks like gold flakes as it drizzles in the distance; around the amber-lit lamp across the road. Cars, vans, trucks drive past and time feels like it doesn’t exist for a split second. Minho stays still next to you, head gently turning to take in the view around him. 

“February 2016,” Loud enough to get through the mask, he manages. “And it’s already January 2020.”

“Wow, thanks for reminding me that I’ve put up with your shit for so long,” Shoving your gloved hands into the pockets of your coat, you roll your eyes to look at him. 

The chuckle he emits sounds like bells during Christmas. “Do you remember what happened that day?”

“Mhm,” Your eyes fall to the floor, snow already thinly coating your boots. “How could I not?”

“You know... I auditioned for Cube, and got rejected that day,” A pause. Looking at him from the corner of your eyes, you don’t tell him you saw the email. “If you weren’t there with me, I don’t think I could’ve held myself together. I thought that was it. I thought... I had no other chance.”

A car whirs past, the mixture of crunch of snow and slush of water when it drives past cues him to pause again. Maybe he was telling himself not to cry.

“But then you were there with me, and I don’t think anything else could’ve held me together as well. I just thought I couldn’t break down infront of you. You and the rest of the crew needed me, and I couldn’t stop then.”

The twitch in your forehead tells you that you are complete shit at holding yourself together. You had to blink the tears out from your eyes before they threatened to fall over and dampen the rim of your mask. There’s that silence in the air again, but it’s warm and cozy despite the snow. It’s like the time you’ve spent away from him has been compensated in these two months. It’s like nothing has changed, even though the world around you has.

“Thank you. For being there when you didn’t need to...”

A pause. You’re terrified to look at him because you know he’s looking at you.

“And I’m sorry for treating you like you meant nothing to me, because you mean alot.”

[sage-nebula]

Because where I work is considered essential (and because IT in particular is considered essential, and I work in IT), I’ve already received both doses of the Covid-19 vaccine. I thought I would share my experiences with the vaccine here in case anyone wants to hear about it from a regular person on a personal blog rather than a big media outlet or other professional source.

TL;DR: Get the vaccine, please get the vaccine, it is worth it. 

Longer version:

As you may or may not know, I am a hermit, so I’m basically in my house any time when I’m not forced to be out of my house, meaning quarantine didn’t really disrupt my normal life at all. In fact, it let me work from home which I considered to be an improvement. I bring this up because it means that at no point did I ever get Covid. What this means is that when it came to the first round of the vaccine, here’s what happened:

1st Round Side-Effects: None! Aside from the standard sore arm at injection point.

My body had never seen Covid before, so it didn’t know what to expect and had no reaction at first except for, well, something along the lines of this:

Vaccine: [arrives with Covid protein] Immune System: “Oh, I don’t like that. I don’t like that you brought that in here. I’m going to make preparations so you can’t do that again.”

So then a couple weeks passed and I got the second vaccine. When I got the second vaccine, the nurse who gave me the shot pointed to a free sheet I could take that listed all the side-effects to expect, as well as a sticker (similar to an “I Voted” sticker, but this time it’s an “I Got the Covid-19 Vaccine” sticker). I took the sticker but left the informational sheet, because I didn’t have side-effects the first time and figured that I wouldn’t have any the second time.

This was a mistake.

Because you see, this time my body recognized the Covid protein, and so the response was basically:

Vaccine: [arrives with Covid protein] Immune System: “I think the fuck NOT you trick-ass bitch!! Get the FUCK out of my house this goddamn INSTANT, I am firing up the BAZOOKAS, you are NOT WELCOME HERE!!”

And as a result, I have experienced the following side-effects:

— Body Aches: General muscle pain, which I have all the time anyway, but also random stabbing pains all over my body. These were sharp enough to wake me up from sleep yesterday morning.

— Headache: Honestly I have nearly daily headaches anyway due to a car accident I had like a decade ago (apparently this kind of trauma stays with you), but it’s been more pronounced as through my entire head than normal, plus with the addition of the aforementioned spiky pains up there. 

— Nausea: The nausea also woke up at like 6am yesterday, and I took some Pepto Bismol to try to get rid of it, but it didn’t work. The nausea persisted along with the pain.

— Vomiting: I threw up once at 8am yesterday as a result of the aforementioned nausea. Thankfully I have not experienced either nausea or vomiting since. However, that may be because . . .

— Loss of Appetite: I haven’t wanted to eat anything since yesterday! I’ve tried, oh how I’ve tried. Yesterday I had half a cup of chicken noodle soup and two pieces of sourdough bread with butter on them. Today so far I’ve had half a cup of broccoli cheddar soup with two pieces of sourdough bread dipped in. I’m also now having a milkshake to try to get some calories in me. It’s been a struggle.

— Allodynia: This might be more of a “me” thing than a side-effect thing because I don’t see this listed with normal Covid-19 vaccine side-effects, BUT it happens when I get sick. Essentially, since yesterday morning my skin has been very painful to the touch. On my scalp especially, but also down my arms, legs, chest, back — you name it, it hurts when I touch it, like having a bad sunburn or millions of papercuts all over my body. Sucks, man.

— Fever + Chills: I’ve had a fever, and as a result I’ve had chills! Ever wonder what it’s like waking up under a fleece weighted blanket, drenched in sweat but also still cold? It’s not fun. Don’t recommend it. (But my solution was still to put on heavier clothes and get under the blanket to sleep some more . . . I mean I wasn’t cold the next time I woke up but I don’t know if this was the smart solution.)

— Extreme Fatigue: Speaks for itself.

Yesterday was definitely worse than today. (For reference, I got the vaccine on Thursday, yesterday was Friday, today is Saturday. So this is Day 2.) Yesterday I was operating at 10% capacity at my best. Most of the day it was like 3% - 5%. Today it’s more like 40% - 50%. Definitely much better, but I still feel sick. I don’t count it as a real illness because I don’t actually have the Covid-19 virus in my body. It’s more that there’s a protein or something specific to Covid-19 that’s in the vaccine, and my immune system recognized it and decided to launch into ass-kicking mode. Unfortunately, the way the human body’s immune system works is that it doesn’t just 1v1 the virus. Instead it’s like, you know how people joke that they’re going to burn the house down to get rid of the spider when they find a spider in the living room? That’s what the immune system does. The immune system doesn’t grab a newspaper to smash the virus, the immune system sets fire to the body to kill the virus, and that’s what a fever is. And it sucks for all involved, but ultimately it’s worth it as long as you don’t die first. (Which is always a risk, but the immune system doesn’t care about that. The immune system just wants the spider / virus gone.) 

Anyway, I write all of this out so that you can a.) know what to be prepared for and stock up accordingly, and b.) know that it’s still NOWHERE NEAR AS BAD as actually getting Covid-19. My best friend got Covid-19, and she was hospitalized and on oxygen for a week. She had cognitive issues, like memory problems, for longer. She is still sneezing up blood clots from what the oxygen did to her, among other things. And she’s one of the lucky ones. The side-effects remind me of when I got the flu back in 2018, except still not as bad because I’m getting over them much, much more quickly than I did the flu. However much these side effects suck, I’ve been managing them with the following:

— Gatorade: I’m one of those people that doesn’t like drinking water because it’s bland, so I had a Postmate bring me three big bottles of Glacier Freeze Gatorade and I’ve been chugging them. Gatorade is basically flavored sugar water so it replenishes your electrolytes and gets you hydrated. Is it as healthy as water? Due to the high sugar content, probably not. Does that matter when you’re at risk of dehydration because you’ve puked and are sweating out a fever? Nope! I’ve drank Gatorade whenever I get sick / dehydrated ever since childhood because my pediatrician recommended it to me back then. If you don’t like water, stock up on this in preparation.

— Advil: I always have Advil on hand because as I mentioned before, I get near daily headaches regardless. But Advil has helped not only with the muscle pains, but also with the fever reduction and the allodynia. These things have all come back when the Advil wears off, but it helps in the meantime. Other medicines, like Tylenol, can probably help too. 

— Sleep: I had to work yesterday (from home), but any time I wasn’t answering an email or on the phone I was dozing off. When I ended my shift at 5:30pm I slept until 2am. I woke up long enough to drink some more Gatorade, take some more Advil, and let my dog out, and then I went back to sleep until 12:30pm. I think this is why I feel so much better tbh. Sleep is very healing. If you’re an adult who works, plan to take time off after your second vaccination if you can. You will thank yourself for it.

I did these same things when I had the flu, but it still took me two weeks to get to where I am now in two days. The second vaccine hits hard because your immune system takes things from 0 to 100, but it’s still not as bad as an actual virus, and definitely not as bad as being in the hospital on oxygen or, god help you, a ventilator. (Because my next-door neighbor, who was a nurse, told me that by the time you’re on a ventilator you only have a 30% chance of surviving. So you really do not want to get to that point.)

All in all, please get the vaccine. Yes, the side-effects suck. Trust me, I know! I couldn’t even really read an email yesterday because my brain kept fuzzing out over it. I went back to sleep at 2am because my eyes hurt too much looking at anything, so lying in the dark felt better. But I’m sure that in another day or two I’ll be back up at 100%. And in two weeks I’ll be fully protected. And that is so, so much better than being in the hospital on a ventilator.

So please, please, please get the vaccine when you can. For yourself, and for those who are immunocompromised who can’t. Stock up on Gatorade and painkillers / fever reducers and get the vaccine. It’s worth it. 

[waritawrites]

Tales from the Hood: Rhodie (black elitists) or Duke Metger (Biden) - Who was the Bigger Threat to Black People?

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2021/05/05/tales-from-the-hood-rhodie-black-elitists-or-duke-metger-biden-who-was-the-bigger-threat-to-black-people/

#Prolife #LABlackAdvocatesforLife #LouisianaBlackAdvocatesforLife #BlackGenocide #AbortionIsEugenics #PlannedParenthoodIsElitist #Elitism

#ElitismIsHomicidal #LouisianaRightToLife #PlannedParenthoodPredators #PlannedParenthoodOwesReparations #Reparations

In Rusty Condieff's 1995 horror movie Tales from the Hood, there is a story called KKK Comeuppance which starred Corbin Bersen as senator and former KKK member Duke Metger and Roger Guenver Smith as his Public Relations consultant Rhodie (a black elitist) who are working to get Duke elected as governor. Duke faces great opposition because of his past membership with the Ku Klux Klan and AND his choice of the location of his campaign headquarters - his grandfather's old plantation. His grandfather murdered his slaves were upon finding out slavery in the south had been legally ended. There is an old legend that says that a former slave woman used witchcraft to capture their souls and place them in the bodies of dolls. The dolls would periodically come to life and their leader was the woman's husband who had been killed. A mural of the woman and her dolls was located Duke's office.

Alone, Duke was an unlikeable, arrogant, person. Yet, with the help of Rhodie, his appeal grew which made him a serious contender in the governor's race. When looking at today's political scene, one would easily say that Trump was like Duke Metger - when looking from a superficial perspective. A SUPERFICIAL PERSPECTIVE. He wasn't the most tactful. He was blunt. Some, DEFINITELY NOT ALL, of Trump's were white supremacists (some were also white "liberals" pretending to be stereotypical white conservative Trump supporters) and those who weren't white were anti-black, some of which were black. Yes, there are anti-black black people. One such character in Tales from The Hood was Rhodie. Rhodie seemed to represent a stereotypical black republican. He seems like the type of anti-black, self-hating black person who would pretend to "help" the black people improve their community by getting rid of as many Black people as possible using:

- Forget GOD and uphold multicultural, pagan ideals instead

- Abortion

- Euthanasia (gotta maintain that quality of life)

- Normalization of promiscuity

- Normalization of destructive alternative lifestyles

- The stigmatizing of traditional marriage and family

-The normalization of addiction and substance abuse, such as recreationally smoking heroin

Columbia professor: I do heroin regularly for ‘work-life balance’

https://nypost.com/2021/02/19/columbia-prof-i-snort-heroin-regularly-for-work-life-balance/

https://twitter.com/Joy_Villa/status/1363557914351403016?s=20

People who promote such self-destructive behaviors as normal or even inherently black are an enemy! They are an enemy of mankind, no matter how progressive that they think such behaviors are. Indeed, progressivism, like evolution, is an oxymoron because you don't gain anything biologically nor socially. Things regress to its most basic form. Though, a progressive such as a eugenicist might would tell you, "progressive for the purpose of efficiency - less means more." More for them, more resources for them in their quest to reign supreme in the survival of the fittest, or their horrible misinterpretation of term. Yet, we don't see the promotion of such self-destructive behavior coming from Black Republicans, Conservatives, and Independents. We see the encouragement of black self-destruction coming from Black Democrats

Most Democrat Legislators Champion Margaret Sanger’s Racist Genocide Mission – Are They Counter-representing You?

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2019/05/16/most-democrat-legislators-champion-margaret-sangers-racist-genocide-mission-are-they-counter-representing-you/

Liberals, and some (especially paid) Social Justice activists as well as your various dose-of-distraction-from-news-and-entertainment-attractions.

Black Agents of White Supremacy in the Media endorse racist Joe Biden

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/03/04/black-agents-of-white-supremacy-in-the-media-endorse-racist-joe-biden/

Support of the Super Predators: White Supremacists in Liberal Disguise and the Mainstream Media that promotes them

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/02/17/support-of-the-super-predators-white-supremacists-in-liberal-disguise-and-the-mainstream-media-that-promotes-them/

Joe Biden & his supporters on Joe's racist association with the klansmen sound a lot like Duke Metger & Rhodie in Tales from the

Hood @ 0:56:22 mins

"We all have a past, now don't we?"

"We all, have a past. Its a better man who can learn from his failures. I know that I have learned from mine and I'm better for it."

Duke Metger & Rhodie in Tales from the Hood, https://youtu.be/5vxHfr3DLKg

Margaret Sanger also used black elitists to carry out her plan for eugenics by way of birth control.

Planned Parenthood has stalked and misinformed Black people, particularly Black people experiencing poverty as well as uneducated Black people about the personhood of an unborn child. However, Black Democrats, Liberals, and some (especially paid) Social Justice activists such as Black Lives Matter:

BLM to Biden & Harris: We want something for our vote

https://www.theblaze.com/news/black-lives-matter-leader-to-biden-and-harris-we-want-something-for-our-vote

- BLM got in the way with their grifting and clout-seeking.

Michael Brown’s father, Ferguson activists demand $20M from BLM

By Kenneth Garger

https://nypost.com/2021/03/03/michael-browns-father-ferguson-activists-demand-20m-from-blm/amp/?__twitter_impression=true

Where is the $90 million dollars collected by BLM? Michael Brown’s father, Ferguson activists demand $20M from BLM

https://twitter.com/TheFabulousRee/status/1371965130578268160?s=20

Shaun King attempted to discredit Samaria Rice when she spoke against the political exploitation of racism and police brutality done by pseudo-social activists, celebrities, and politicians. Shaun King stated that she was not thinking the way that liberal white "woke" supremacy wants her to think. She isn't sticking with their destructive narrative and agenda for Black people. They're redlining us into feeling that we can't be self-reliant! Meanwhile, Closet Capitalist Anarchists ease into the neighbohoods they help to destroy to start businesses, buy real estate for commercial and residential purposes;etc. #UnfollowShaunKing

"I read Shaun King’s piece about Samaria Rice’s critical social media comments and this is some of the most patronizing ugly sh-t I’ve ever seen"

https://twitter.com/ztsamudzi/status/1371882450763329536?s=20

BLM destroyed a beautiful,civilized movement as well as communities. It could have been a beautiful,civilized movement yet they ruined it w/buffoonery such as twerking for Martin Luther King, Jr Day and WAP stupidity

Joe Biden's non-response reminds me of this scene from Tales from The Hood:

Duke Metger in Tales from the Hood, "No Reparations!" https://youtu.be/7vjwA1IkIRk

and Black ministers

Apostate False Preachers for Feticide and Infanticide: Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/03/11/apostate-false-preachers-for-feticide-and-infanticide-jesse-jackson-and-al-sharpton/

have been its main proponents and propagandists since the early 1900's when it was known as the American Birth Control League. To appeal to Black people, Sanger said:

The Use of Ministers for The Negro Project in a 1939 letter to Dr. C.J. Gamble:

"The ministers work is also important and he should be trained, perhaps by the Federation as to our ideals and the goal that we hope to reach. We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members."

In Birth Control and the Negro, Sanger talked about the value of the influence of black ministers:

“The project would hire three or four ‘colored Ministers, preferably with social-service backgrounds, and with engaging personalities’ to travel throughout the South and propagandize for birth control, since ‘the most successful educational approach to the Negro is through religious appeal” (as cited in Gordon, 2007, p. 235).

Dr. Albert Lasker, Sanger (1939) stated, "If we could get the Negro Universities and the Negro medical groups behind this project it will go over really big I think, especially if there is a little money to give to those for time spent and for supplies in their clinics."(para. 3)

One of her biggest propagandists was W.E.B. DuBois (See: Negroes and Birth Control, https://libex.smith.edu/omeka/files/original/16e5b6a56c2c4aedb3274e7124f3006e.jpg)

W.E.B. DuBois (1939) stated:

“Among the more intelligent class, was a postponement of marriage, which greatly decreased the number of children. Today, among this class of Negroes few men marry before thirty, and numbers of them after forty. The marriage of women of this class has similarly been postponed.

In addition to this, the low incomes which Negroes receive make bachelorhood and spinsterhood widespread, with the naturally resultant lowering, in some cases, of sex standards. On the other hand, the mass of ignorant Negroes still breed carelessly and disastrously, so that the increase among Negroes, even more than whites, is from that part of the population least intelligent and fit, and least able to rear their children properly.” (para. 4 and para.5).

Joe Biden has more in common with Duke over the course of his career than does Trump. Here are the facts listed in my article, Joe Biden has built his career by FIGHTING AGAINST EQUITY and EQUALITY, https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2021/01/22/joe-biden-has-built-his-career-by-fighting-against-equity-and-equality/ :

"Joe used the drug epidemic to target Blacks and poor people to serve longer sentences for trafficking by promoting proganda that crack is more lethal than cocaine. Blacks and poor people could afford crack for distribution and sell because it was less expensive than cocaine which Biden gave lesser sentencing. This occurred during the time the number privatized prisons began to increase. These were for-profit prisons. This first company to take over a prison was Core Civic in 1984. Civic Core took over a Shelby County, Tennessee prison.

Vox.com's German Lopez https://www.vox.com/2015/8/26/9208983/joe-biden-black-lives-matter shares Jamelle Bouie's list at Slate.com https://slate.com/news-and-politics/2015/08/joe-biden-presidential-run-why-its-a-bad-idea.html:

"Comprehensive Control Act: This 1984 law, spearheaded by Biden and Sen. Strom Thurmond (R-SC), expanded drug trafficking penalties and federal "civil asset forfeiture," which allows police to seize and absorb someone's property — whether cash, cars, guns, or something else — without proving the person is guilty of a crime. Under the federal Equitable Sharing program, local and state police get up to 80 percent of the value of what they seize as funds for their departments, which critics say creates a for-profit incentive to take people's stuff.

Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1986: This law, sponsored and partly written by Biden, ratcheted up penalties for drug crimes. It also created a big sentencing disparity between crack and powder cocaine — even though both drugs are pharmacologically similar, the law made it so someone would need to possess 100 times the amount of powder cocaine to be eligible for the same mandatory minimum sentence for crack. Since crack is more commonly used by black Americans, this sentencing disparity helped fuel the disproportionate rates of imprisonment among black communities.

Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1988: This law, co-sponsored by Biden, strengthened prison sentences for drug possession, enhanced penalties for transporting drugs, and established the Office of National Drug Control Policy, which coordinates and leads federal anti-drug efforts.

Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act: This 1994 law, partly written by Biden and signed by President Bill Clinton, imposed tougher sentences (including some mandatory minimums) and increased funding for prisons, fostering the explosive growth of the US prison population from the 1990s through the 2000s — a trend that's only begun to reverse in the past few years. Since black Americans are disproportionately likely to be incarcerated, the law helped contribute to the mass incarceration of black Americans in particular. But the law also included all sorts of other measures, including the Violence Against Women Act that helped crack down on domestic violence and rape, a 10-year ban on assault weapons, funding for firearm background checks, and grant programs for local and state police.

The RAVE Act: This 2003 law built on the Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1986 to impose civil penalties on businesses that knowingly lease, rent, use, or profit from a space where illicit drugs are being stored, manufactured, distributed, or used. The idea was to go after raves in which drugs are widely used. But the law has been widely criticized for making rave organizers so paranoid about anti-drug crackdowns that they stopped doing anything that would implicate them in drug use, including providing medical or educational services for drug users."

Interesting that Joe and Strom Thurmond partnered to write the 1984 Comprehensive Control Act during the same time period that Core Civic took over a facility in Tennessee. The increase in the number of privatized coincided with Biden's focus on creating crime bill's. To sell his 1994 Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act #1994CrimeBill, Biden's rhetoric was "Lock the S.O.B.'s Up" to further vilify the poor and other disenfranchised people to justify mass incarceration.

-'Lock the S.O.B.s Up’: Joe Biden and the Era of Mass Incarceration

He now plays down his role overhauling crime laws with segregationist senators in the ’80s and ’90s. That portrayal today is at odds with his actions and rhetoric back then.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/25/us/joe-biden-crime-laws.html#click=https://t.co/7ck1J9966W

His magnum opus was his 1993 Predators Beyond the Pale Speech

-Joe Biden Warns Of "Predators On Our Streets" Who Were "Beyond The Pale" In 1993 Crime Speech

https://youtu.be/7oDHSt-CKtc

- Joe Biden wrote the Clinton approved Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act:

Bill Clinton's crime bill destroyed lives, and there's no point denying it

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/apr/15/bill-clinton-crime-bill-hillary-black-lives-thomas-frank "

In addition to creating legislation that racially profiles minorities into a system of for-profit mass incarceration, he has also been a loyal supporter of planned parenthood.

Current Planned Parenthood CEO Alexis McGill Johnson says:

"Margaret Sanger’s beliefs caused irreparable damage to the lives and health of generations of Black people, Latino people, Indigenous people, immigrants, people with disabilities, people with low incomes, and many others." Read more from

@alexismcgill

: https://p.ppfa.org/3x3N29f

https://twitter.com/PPFA/status/1383827872628953094?s=20

I’m the Head of Planned Parenthood. We’re Done Making Excuses for Our Founder

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/17/opinion/planned-parenthood-margaret-sanger.html?utm_source=twitter&utm_medium=tweet&utm_campaign=healthtwitter&utm_content=nyt2-april21

Despite McGill-Johnson's statement of the racist activities of planned parenthood as well as Kamala Harris' expression of fear of Joe Biden's praise of the known white supremacists of whom he has shown reverence:

What bothered Kamala about Joe? Interview with Kamala Harris on the campaign trail - Face the Nation

11:35 mins: “Praising and coddling individuals who made it their life work and built their reputation off of segregation of the races in the United States........I would not be a member of the United States senate if those men he praised had their way."

What bothered Kamala about Joe?

https://youtu.be/xMqp7A-O0HE?t=695

Let's talk about Joe Biden - 10:53 mins

https://youtu.be/xMqp7A-O0HE?t=653

this year he has still allowed the government to give over 400 million dollars to continue to decimate the Black community.

Joe Biden Gives Abortion Industry $467.8 Billion, 19 Times More Tax Money Than Obama

https://www.lifenews.com/2021/04/29/joe-biden-gives-abortion-industry-467-8-billion-19-times-more-money-than-obama/

https://twitter.com/StevenErtelt/status/1388694739512348674?s=20

Black people make up 13% of the population and Black women only represent 6% of the total population yet account for 36.9% of the nation’s abortions whereas white women account for 36% of the nation’s abortions however white people are 76% of the nation’s population. (Jatlaoui TC, Boutot ME, Mandel MG, et al, 2015).

Jatlaoui TC, Boutot ME, Mandel MG, et al. Abortion Surveillance — United States, 2015. MMWR Surveill Summ 2018;67(No. SS-13):1–45. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.15585/mmwr.ss6713a1

Regarding the near extinction of the Black population in America due to abortion, Nyhiem Way El stated to reparations group American Descendants of Slaves,

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ados101/permalink/296772141208488/?sfnsn=mo,:

"- Based on the January 2018 estimate that there have been 60 million abortions in the United States since 1973,20 we can deduce that well over 18 million of them were performed on black babies.

- As of July 2017, the black population in the U.S. stood somewhere around 40 million, which means that abortion has reduced the size of the black community by more than 30%—and that doesn't include the children and grandchildren that would have been born to those aborted more than a generation ago.'

Abort73.(n.d.). Abortion and Race. Retrieved from https://abort73.com/abortion/abortion_and_race/

Essentially, this is a 50% halt in population growth if you look at the children and grandchildren who would've been born since 1973 of the aborted. (Way El, 2019)

**As of July 2017, the black population in the U.S. stood somewhere around 40 million, meaning abortion has reduced the size of the black community over 30% and doesn't including potential children and grandchildren born to those aborted a generation ago

https://abort73.com/abortion/abortion_and_race/"

Planned Parenthood owes reparations to Black people, Hispanics, those living in poverty, women, AND fathers who wanted their children that were aborted.

GOD hates the Oppression of the Disenfranchised: Proverbs 30:14 & Jeremiah 34:8 - 22

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2021/04/17/god-hates-the-oppression-of-the-disenfranchised-proverbs-3014-jeremiah-348-22/

Proverbs 30:14

“There is a generation, whose teeth are as swords, and their jaw teeth as knives, to devour the poor from off the earth, and the needy from among men.”

Hypocrisy of Joe Biden: A Legacy of Self-Entitlement and Oppression against the Disenfranchised

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/01/08/hypocrisy-of-joe-biden-a-legacy-of-self-entitlement-and-oppression-against-the-disenfranchised/

Biden's overall opinion of Black people continues to be low,especially of those who would vote for him. In August 2020, Biden stated at a meeting with Latino voters:

"By the way, what you all know, but most people don’t, unlike the African American community, with notable exceptions, the Latino community is an incredibly diverse community with incredibly different attitudes about different things.”

—#JoeBiden 8/6/2020 https://youtu.be/f4lXYR0su-8

I'm glad that I'm a notable exception - I didn't vote for him.

I will never support the removal of GOD being THE GUIDE of America, abortion

Scriptures Against Abortion and Child Abuse

https://followerofthewayforever.wordpress.com/2020/03/12/scriptures-against-abortion-and-child-abuse/

HURTING CHILDREN BRINGS ON THE WRATH OF GOD

Matthew 18:5-6,10

5 And whoso shall receive one such little child in my name receiveth me.

6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea

10 Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven

the destruction of traditional marriage and family, the destruction of traditional gender roles,eugenics, population control,euthanasia, and government and corporate hoarding rationing for totalitarian purposes disguised as environmentalism and sustainability.

Reference

Way El, N.(2019,May 16).Predatory Abortion Industry causes 50% halt in black population growth

https://www.facebook.com/groups/ados101/permalink/296772141208488/?sfnsn=mo

Du Bois, W.E.B.(1939, April). Negroes and Birth Control. Smith

https://libex.smith.edu/omeka/files/original/16e5b6a56c2c4aedb3274e7124f3006e.jpg

Sanger,M.(1939).Letter from Margaret Sanger to Dr. C.J. Gamble December 10,1939. Smith Libraries Exhibit, Accessed January 10, 2019, Retrieved from https://libex.smith.edu/omeka/files/original/d6358bc3053c93183295bf2df1c0c931.pdf

Gordon,L.(2007). Birth Control and the Negro. In The Moral Property of Women, p.235. Urbana; Chicago: University of Illiniois Press.

Sanger,M.(1939).Letter from Margaret Sanger to Dr. Albert Lasker November 12,1939. Smith Libraries Exhibit, Accessed January 11, 2019, Retrieved from https://libex.smith.edu/omeka/files/original/087da25e33426c0e81b01eebcdcc079d.jpg

[dreadwhoop]

Reviewing the All Elite Wrestling personnel (Part 2)

Part 0 - https://dreadwhoop.tumblr.com/post/631091725056835584/reviewing-the-all-elite-wrestling-personnel-part Part 1 - https://dreadwhoop.tumblr.com/post/631092482075148288/reviewing-the-all-elite-wrestling-personnel-part

Wrestlers to Release

Let's start with an easy one. Chuck Taylor is damaged goods. Is he the worst wrestler? No. Is he unmarketable? Yes. What's his standing? Currently one of the top tag-teams in the company and personally ranked 8th in the overall scoring. Are you kidding me?! This guy makes you change the channel - bush league dime-a-dozen goof with bad gear, bad promos, and abyssmal credibility. The worst is how badly he holds Trent? back from being a break-out star. Eliminate this idiot.

Another popular choice for removal - he may be kind backstage but I never want him on TV. Carnie Hick. People constantly compare him to better wrestlers and the fact he was self-trained makes sense why he's so horrendous at fundementals, ring psychology, and stardom as a whole. We already have a 'Superbad' boy! This guy needs to go to a real school to learn the holes he's got and take every criticism to heart to return as a unique talent. Until then? Get rid of this glorified fan.

I finally have a legit reason among opinions - liability. Imagine if he took Matt Hardy's bump. He's not concussed. He's dead. What's more to say? This isn't a case like Riho in the women's division - Marko Stunt looks like the average untrained and out-of-shape wrestling fan could kick his scrawny ass. If you can't believe he'd kick your ass how can you believe he could kick the ass of any professional? He makes Rey Mysterio look like Andre the Giant. Toxic to this company - he doesn't deserve a single victory and I can't believe people can defend him beyond sympathy. He's a moron and attitudes of a child, gimmick or not, which makes people change the channel. Heel booked as face and a charity case. Same as Janela - go train and if he comes back then return dignified and not as a lost cause. Please stop leaning into the child-like persona and validating every criticism levied against you. THE FLOSS! !!CRINGE ALERT!!

AEW needs to get rid of their gimmick low-tier wrestlers. This isn't DDT or Chikara. This is national TV. If you want to keep Michael Nakazawa then I'm sure you're also happy with wrestling never being popular or you being called an idiot for watching it. This is their attempt at having a Toru Yano - a genuinely amusing comedy act who gets unexpected wins. The best thing he can do for talent is by not being involved at all. Considering AEW got rid of Jimmy Havoc for his real-life sexual misconduct, how the BTE YouTube show distanced itself from Joey Ryan, and the whole Jake/Brandi segment, it's unwise to have a wrestler whose main schtick is to joke about sexual assault and weaponise it.

I changed my mind and rules just this once for this guy - this friend of Tony Khan won't be released but every time he's on TV it's like releasing a wet fart into my face. He sucks! I can't believe how incapable he is at conducting interviews or even stringing complete sentences together. Why else would he be taken off commentary? The more you see someone else do his job in the same company the more you realise he has no place in the company. Dasha is a Buenos Días.

What a total failure. He's the modern day Billy Gunn and Billy is in the same company still wrestling! I mean it - Shawn Spears is the guy with a Million Dollar Body and a Ten Cent Brain. His manager has given up on him after he couldn't find a tag-partner, called Dustin a wash-up and then lost to him, and looks so stupid when he's with MJF running circles around him. Shawn Spears is a loser. A big loser. He's the embodiment of mid-card hell and he's a walking mid-life crisis. The only thing I can see even saving his career in AEW right now is if he teamed with Adam Page against FTR because it would be unexpected and interesting and would play into the whole 'Teambreaker' clause.

Where to even begin. The biggest indictment to her is how she was niche and needed when the women's roster had so few talents. Now it's growing she's shrinking in usefulness and we know her character or wrestling won't evolve - it's going to stay as bland and cliche as her looks and attitude. I hate she represents a stereotype and not a role model. She got over her disease? Good for her. She acting like she's hood-life and all? Change the channel.  

If you glanced at the Dark Order and saw John Silver, Alan Angels, and Stu Grayson, you may mistake one for the other. The difference though is John Silver has degenerated his value as a performer by being the absolute butt of every joke. The whole point of the Dark Order was to make people better so being a little servant and whipping boy is better than what he had before? Why isn't Alex Reynolds doing this? Oh it's because it's garbage. Fecal matter in the form of a human. I want 'long' John Silver to be 'long gone' Silver.

QT Marshall. So I say this name with reverence and think "wow this guy is going to light the world on fire?". Let's picture the scene - he's the hand-me-down MJF/Shaun Spears, teams with Dustin to get some starpower, and adopted DDP's move because he has nothing original to show. His entire arc is being a goofball tragic loser who got hair plugs and hangs with Allie...Allie, who incredibly has a better record than him! It's just bad bad bad throughout. Diet-Arn Anderson. He's not in the shadows he's just in the shade.

This will need a bit more explanation. Moxley is, at best, hit-or-miss with his promos and very specialist in his matches. AEW's executives have put a lot on him to see this company's growth and yet it feels since he beat Jericho it's been the opposite. Now you could blame the lockdown for this but it's an excuse. The truth is Moxley is always best being a chaser to the title not the title holder. Do I think he should be AEW Champion? Eventually, but this is AEW's biggest issue - they book for short-term gains and not long-term gains. The losses will be creeping in if his loyalties are questioned. When he loses the AEW championship, and the lockdown is over, he's jumping back to NJPW or WWE. Why would he want to elevate talent? He's not there for AEW he's there for himself and tell me I'm wrong. Everything about him was booked wrong - he should of never beaten Jericho, continued to chase for the title, had to deal with Hager, Brodie Lee, and then when Brian Cage became FTW Champion, go after this to make it a more legit title. The fact Moxley thinks he's Stone Cold, Hulk Hogan, HHH, Cena, Lesnar, and Roddy Piper all in one, is a complete embaressment to the legends. He tries too hard and it shows. His wife not joining AEW is a bad omen for his loyalties. Mox is Pox - a parasite of every proportion and we've seen his type before play to the ruination of companies.

[mdo-1903]

IN DEFENCE OF WHITE SOUTH AFRICA

Anyone who attended any of the recent public hearings on the SA government’s proposal to introduce legislation permitting land to be expropriated without compensation would have realised that there are two distinct trains of thought in this country, and never the twain will meet.

If ever the unbridgeable abyss between white and black thinking about land, a modern economy and food security was so starkly exposed, these sittings were it. Western logic was set against a strange mixture of racial resentment and at times open hatred, plus a thought process on the use of land which, if unconstrained, would lead to famine in SA.

As black after black speaker stated that whites were “rotten people”, that they “belonged to Europe and should go back”, that they took the land “because we were black”, that “we are impatient and we will take the land by force” and “these 1652 white gangsters robbed us”, whites in the audience simply shook their heads in hopelessness because who can argue with such obtuseness?

The futility of trying to debate with those who said they were “sick and tired of white people”, and that “whites won’t reconcile with us” was obvious. Whites were warned that “going to international courts” wouldn’t help because “the land will be taken physically”. One ANC provincial official declared that “since Jan van Riebeeck set foot on South Africa’s soil, whites have been rapists!”

The fact that the government used these public hearings as an endorsement of their own imbecility shows what South Africans are up against. Whether savvy urban blacks agree with the fatuous declarations by officials who clearly know nothing about how a modern economy works, or that scientific farming is the only path to food survival in a drought-ridden country like SA, is a moot point. Suffice it to say that anyone who thinks that the people in the halls will somehow uphold food security when they get “their land” needs to quickly go back to the drawing board.

MOMENT OF TRUTH

The moment of truth is upon us. We now must acknowledge that with the coming to power of the ANC, the stage was set for the inexorable destruction of, inter alia, South Africa’s food security. The government must be stopped in its tracks with this legislation. Amazingly there are still those who argue for “debate” and “compromise” on land expropriation (read theft). The immutable fact remains that only South Africa’s commercial farmers can produce enough food for 57 million people. No other group in the country can do this, and tinkering with this fact on the altar of political correctness or Freedom Charter humbug is setting South Africa on the road to Zimbabwe.

The unashamedly racist blacks spouting bile and venom against whites are clearly too backward to realise the bald irony of their situation – here they were hectoring the meeting chairmen about the evil whites in a hall built by whites, using a microphone not indigenous to Africa, wearing Western clothes, speaking a Western language, sending their children to schools teaching Western education, using Western money, buying food produced by white farmers, and travelling in Western transport. Virtually nothing inside or outside those halls, or in South Africa’s cities, towns and rural areas, is indigenous to Africa. Yet the people who created every single thing around them while they shouted and complained, were vilified. This strange anomaly has been commented upon with incredulity by several overseas TV presenters.

Not one jot of credit is ever given to white South Africa for taking most South African blacks out of the stone age. When the first Europeans arrived in South Africa in 1652, it was more than 1970 years after Ptolemy the First built the magnificent library at Alexandria in Egypt. In 1652 all that existed at the southern tip of Ptolemy’s continent were mostly warring tribes, living in mud and grass dwellings and using some decorated clay pots. Kraals held African wealth – cattle - while rudimentary crops were planted. Land did not “belong” to anyone in the Western sense of the word – it was just there, to be used. (It seems as if this mentality still exists - we want the land, is the clarion cry, with nary a thought about what will become of it (and them!) when it is “used up”.)

Living from day to day – the modus vivendi of Africa before Western influence – still exists in the minds of those now clamouring for land, otherwise they would be thinking of what they would do after taking the land. They haven’t the slightest idea, of course, and herein lies the danger, not within their minds but within the mind of the so-called sophisticated president of South Africa Cyril Ramaphosa. He is pandering to this lunacy for thirty pieces of voting silver in next year’s election. He’s also looking over his shoulder at the most backward of them all, Mr. Six Percent Julius Malema, he of the fiery but empty promises. The President is not telling his people the truth, and they will turn on him when they find out! And there will be no country south of South Africa to run to (as did the Zimbabweans) when the SA cupboard is bare!

In the meantime, the “land grab from the whites” clarion call rings loud and clear across the veld where no jobs exist, where the soil is degraded, and where nothing is produced. No wonder ignorant poor people are led to believe that a “piece of land” will improve their lot!

Ramaphosa’s blustering will not save South Africa. The despised whites will do so, with the other population groups. Whites are only 8.5% of the population (2011 Census) but without them there is Zimbabwe, there is Haiti. By 2030, based on SA’s current age 0 – 24 years population growth, there will be only one white for every 91 blacks. This is just over ten years hence!

GETTING RID OF THE WHITES

What will be the consequences of “getting rid of the whites”? Messrs. Ramaphosa and Malema would do well to read some history books. History is an unerring teacher. For those who never had the written word, they will need to consult the history of other nations. And history has shown us what happens when “getting rid of the whites” became a reality.

In 1804 a massacre occurred in the Caribbean country of Haiti, a French colony where slaves had already rounded upon their masters and slaughtered many whites during a revolutionary uprising some years before. Subsequent mass killings of whites were carried out on the order of one Jean-Jacques Dessalines, a mulatto. Full details of this relentless purge are in the history books, but suffice it to say that practically the whole French population of Haiti was annihilated.

Starting in the 1730’s, French engineers had constructed complex irrigation systems to increase sugar cane production in Haiti. By the 1740’s, Haiti and Jamaica (a British colony) had become the main suppliers of the world’s sugar. Haiti was the wealthiest colony in the New World. There existed tremendous racial friction and the slave revolt was certainly understandable. But the aim of relating this story is that once the whites were thrown out, Haiti never recovered. That is the point. The Caribbean nation of 10 million today cannot feed itself. More than a million families a day are fed by UN food aid. The country has had its share of natural disasters, often used as an excuse for its poverty. But Japan has more natural disasters per capita than any other nation, yet it is the world’s third largest economy.

Haiti is the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere. The Duvalier family who ruled Haiti from 1957 to 1986 left the country economically decimated. Other corrupt and inept leaders followed. The hated colonists at least had created an economy, even though poverty existed. What followed the annihilation of the French was complete collapse. Ironically, educated professionals left Haiti for the lands of their former oppressors. Agriculture was destroyed, while deforestation and soil erosion worsened the impact of hurricanes and tropical storms.

ZIMBABWE

We don’t have to look further than across the river Limpopo to see what “getting rid of the whites” did to the once beautiful and productive land, Zimbabwe. The first white hunters, traders and missionaries who, in the 19th century came to the region, found a land devoid of infrastructure. The wheel was not in use. Early travellers moved around for days without seeing any human habitation. They recorded this fact. With a black population of about 250 000 at the time, most of the land was not occupied. (At the time of the Mugabe government purge of the whites in the 1980/1990’s, the black population stood at around 12 million.)

Commercial farming was started by white settlers on what was, for the most part, virgin land. There were no roads or railways, no electricity or telephones. There were no fences, boreholes, pumps, windmills, dams, irrigation schemes, cattle dips, barns or any other farm buildings.

From this barren starting point, commercial agriculture developed faster than it had anywhere else in the world, courtesy of the whites. Soon the country became self sufficient in most agricultural products. In many cases yields per hectare and quality equalled or bettered those in the developed world.

The United Nations Food and Agriculture Year Book of 1975 ranked the then Rhodesia second in the world in terms of yields of maize, wheat, soya beans and groundnuts, and third for cotton. In the combined ranking for all of these crops RHODESIA RANKED FIRST IN THE WORLD. Rhodesia’s Virginia tobacco was rated the best in the world in yield and quality. The world’s largest single citrus producer was developed early in the country’s history.

The story of the destruction of this productive country is that Western political correctness trumped good sense and the morality of being able to feed a population. Whites were literally chased out and murdered. Their farms were taken for “the people”, which farms mostly ended up in the hands of the governing party’s chums. Today it is estimated that more than three million black Zimbabwean refugees live on the fringes of South Africa’s cities.

In 1972 around 50 000 prosperous, hard-working Indians of Uganda were forced out of their own country by the puerile and mentally-retarded Idi Amin. His actions reveal the same inferiority complex now evident in the anti-white behaviour of SA’s rulers. They are patently unable to rule a country successfully. Instead of trying to learn, they destroy those who are successful. Do they care? Apparently not. In the early seventies, a top official of the Transkei homeland government told a visiting American that Transkeians didn’t care “if the roads turn to dust”, as long as they “got rid of the whites”. Well, the whites left and the roads did indeed turn to dust.

(It is noticeable that current Ugandan president Yoweri Museveni asked the Indians to return. Despite making up less than 1% of the population, Uganda’s Indians now contribute 65% of the country’s tax revenue).

Those meeting hall provocateurs who think milk comes in supermarket packets may be in for an unpleasant surprise. From SA’s 50 000 commercial dairy farmers in 1997, the figure is now a paltry 1600. Many could leave the industry in future. Will the new owners of these uncompensated farms continue to produce sufficient milk for the country? Mr. Ramaphosa should be thinking about this but of course he’s not. He’s worrying about holding on to power at the next election

SOUTH AFRICA BULLETIN

from the headquarters of

TAU SA in Pretoria

Web: www.tlu.co.za

[szopenhauer]

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? Debbie Downer should be my name lol

What would you love to drink right now? I’m drinking water rn, second mug in a row, my belly is going to explode

Is that an alcoholic drink or not? it’s not this kind of water :P

Oh good. What would you love to eat right now? I’m not hungry...

How many meals do you eat a day? depends

Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? sometimes

What are you favorite type of jeans? I’d say skinny even tho I don’t wear jeans anymore ^^”

Do you eat your nails? wait what swallow? ewww I don’t even bite them :o 

Do you enjoy making or taking surveys? taking them more 

Name something that is blue that you like Sadness from Inside out

Name something pink that you like PYNK music video by Janelle Monae? XD

If you could have one more pet, what? meh

If you could sleep next to a tame wild animal what? woah 

Would you rather have an owl or a snake? both are cool

What would you name it? Bowl for owl and for snake either Ksysio or Wonsz żmieja?

Do you eat the ice in your drink? no

Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? I had one cigarette in my whole life but I still keep a package in my room :x

Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? fb, I don’t care for insta 

Do you watch beauty videos on You Tube? nah

Do you like Star Wars? love

What kind of surveys do you like the most? interesting, not just YES or NO questions, I want to go deeper 

Have you ever dropped something down the garbage disposal on accident? omg luckily not 

What CD would you never buy for yourself? anything Justin Bieber for sure

Is sex a must in your life? absolutely not

Would you rather be cute and ugly or hot and stupid? cute and ugly? lmfao ok 

Are you evil in any way? everyone is, more or less

Would you rather be a clown or a garbage man? can’t decide :D

Would you rather be a rockstar or a librarian? librarian but rock star ain’t that bad of a choice ;)

WHAT IS THE MEANING OF LIFE? again? I just got this question on ask today and that really made me anxious

Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? sigh... Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? yep but not to my room as I’m super ashamed of it, it’s not what I really want, it’s more like a storage room for mine and my mom’s things, I wish I could move and out and do what I want instead of cleaning this mess just to have it ruined days after, not that I have money now to fix things the way I imagine my bedroom to be someday :( Have you had a good day today or was yesterday better? yesterday was better but today I got a T-shirt so that was a good moment Do you have any plans for the upcoming weekend? hospital

Could you date someone very attractive, but who thought they were better than everyone else? blergh, r u kidding me?... Do you always feel like you’re making mistakes? constantly Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? not because of me but someone somewhere definitely has that name on them for another reason How would you feel if you got the person you liked? I'm in a relationship Is there anyone who likes you? it seems If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? of course  What’s the first thing you heard this morning? you mean a sound (doorbell) or words (I don’t remember)? If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? not possible Are you young or old? young, at least according to my ID and being childish Are there always other fish in the sea? there are but maybe I don’t want them and/or they don’t want to be catched etc. What can your tongue do? pfft Do chickens have feelings? sorta Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? ...  So how are you feeling today? not good enough Where is your sister right now? don’t know nor care What do you smell like? it’s so hot, I smell like sweat and I can’t stand it but I can’t shower all day long What colour is your mum’s hair? grey  When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? last week Do you like fire? as an element of magic in fantasy movies  Does your mum vacuum early in the morning while you’re asleep? she’s noisy in different ways Does wearing glasses really make people look smart? that’s a lame stereotype Do your band-aids have cartoons on them? they’re useless but one time I bought Moomin ones because I’ve been walking through the store and they fallen right under my feet and there was nobody around nor the shelf/aisle that they could come from so it was weird and I love Moomins so I took them home (I paid) and they’re probably stored somewhere  Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn’t have? what do you mean? Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? my gf apparently - in a cute way - that’s surprising for a teetotalist like me  What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? my tee came! When was the last time you saw your father? he just left for work and I was waving to him through the window which is our tradition  What if your partner went through your cellphone? I have nothing to hide Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? my parents and sister

Robert Downey Jr. — Bet you have a crush on him. he’s handsome but I’d prefer to be him instead of having a crush on sex I’m not attracted to

What would you do if you were to get stuck on a ski lift overnight? ... freeze? and pee myself Have you ever received an anonymous gift? one time when we were really poor that we couldn’t afford food someone left a package under our door, knocked and ran, bless this person whoever knew we have hard times :* What kind of laugh do you have? many kinds that happen randomly Will you have a Valentine next year? I have a bigger chance than any other year before  Macaroon or a cupcake? cupcake Did you kiss or hug anyone today? hug my mom and my dad too Are you currently waiting on someone to do something for you/to you? kinda Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? I’m not in an abusive relationship but I know those who are as it’s common and it’s really sad that ppl think only beating makes relationship toxic Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? I’ll stay home  Do you find your school to be loaded with hot guys or not so much? I remember E.W. once said that we have a lot of elves around because LOTR movie had very ugly ones as we did in high school, I tried to find that pic someone posted back in the day but I failed, it was from the council from what I remember 

Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? mostly I just keep my eye on my father and my mother all the time because of covid (and not only because of it) if that counts Are you plotting anything at the moment? another chapter of the book? Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? because they were evil to them, it wasn’t about ME If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? she moved out :3

Do you have a therapist? no longer Have you ever gotten a good grade in math class? yeah, in middle school I was getting awesome grades in math class What do you think of the last person you texted? we’re dating Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? I’ve never done cocaine wtf

Do you post pictures were you look good but your friends look bad? I ask them first  Are you friends with any of your exes? me and one of my exes are together Are you a whiskey person? I’m a no alcohol person

Has anyone ever made fun of your taste in music? tiny bit, wasn’t that bad

Have you ever overflown a bathtub? I have not Have you ever thrown food at a stranger in a movie theater? not in a movie theater Are you somewhat of a perfectionist? somewhat Do you like sour candy? by Lady Gaga  not eat Do you usually wear sunglasses when you’re driving? but I don’t drive Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? brrrr no way Are you good at painting nails? am not but it doesn’t matter Are you good at filling silence in awkward situations? doubt it What word should you really probably remove from your vocabulary? kurwa Do you rip out the page if you make a mistake writing, or cross it out? cross it out, if I ripped the page then there would be nothing left  Do you use a full length mirror daily? we don’t own one Can you walk in heels, or do you feel awkward in them? I think they don’t match my style and they’re uncomfy in a long term Mac or PC? PC Will you tell someone if there’s something in their teeth? sorry but probably not Do you ever actually make your bed? when I have guests Do you make an effort to eat healthy? yup The last time you kissed someone, what color of shirt were they wearing? black, that’s easy What’s something you want to purchase next time you’re at the mall? food If you had to choose between a million dollars or to be able to change a regret? money because one regret won’t help me and even might make things worse Are you taller than your mom? almost 10 cm What would you do if your best friend told you they were moving today? my gf - break up  my dad - try to stop him or move out with him You’re locked in a room with the person you last kissed, problems? no problems  Do you have any ‘naughty’ photos on your phone? 0 Could you handle living with a male roommate? my dad, no one else What were you doing at 10:00 this morning? waking up Why aren’t you texting the last person you kissed? who said we aren’t texting? Do you think you’ll actually live a happy life with somebody? don’t feed my paranoia Connection between you and the last person who messaged you? love Where is your biological father right now? bus/job already Who else is in the room with you? I’m alone Water with ice or no ice? no ice  Are you wrapped in a blanket? too hot for that

Has anyone done anything nice for you today? I’m thankful for all those nice things people do for me - big or small The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do? took a walk

Do you usually bring or buy a lunch for school? bring

The last time you had sex, was it in their bed or yours? their

How old were you when you figured out you were definitely straight, or bi, or whatever? middle school was the beginning 

Do you fit in at work or in school? I was always an outcast

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, “Oh God, Ew.”? 99% of time

Have you ever cried at a real wedding? nope

Is there someone you need to forgive? *annoyed sound*

What’s your brother(s) / sister(s) names? personal

Suppose you saw your crush/bf/gf kissing another girl/guy, what would you do? why tho

What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? whatever bridesmaid wanna wear besides white

Do you have a secret crush right now? it’s no secret

Do you know anyone who doesn’t want to have kids? me

Would you rather visit Tokyo or Paris? dunno

Do you think you would like living in New York or Chicago? Why or why not? too overcrowded/loud etc.

Name 3 celebrities who are the same height as you. Lady Gaga, Ellen Page, Reese Witherspoon

Are you happy with your height? I’d like to be taller, not too much tho

Do you have big or small hands? small

Have you been baptized?  I have been 

Have you ever been abused in any way? sadly

Do you like unicorns? they’re fine

Is there one book you have read over and over again because it’s so good? if so, which is it? I don’t reread books

Do you play games on your phone a lot? recently I became obsessed with LOVE ISLAND game 

Have you ever had to put out a kitchen fire? my mom took care of it but it wasn’t a big deal tbh

Have you ever been kidnapped? wut

Do you have anything glow in the dark in your room? stars

Do you wear a scarf, if so, what does it look like? not rn

Is there a video or computer game that you can get lost in for hours? mhm but not too long

Do you get breadsticks with your pizza? breadsticks and pizza? it’s like bread with bread - no thx

Did you ever have a waterbed? I hate those

What toy from your childhood do you miss? rubber toys?

Did you sleep in late today? yes

When was the last time you were disappointed? this day

Do you like listening to love songs? I like a variety of music which includes love songs

In your group of friends, are you the smart one, athletic one, etc.? funny mom friend... ok, fine, a dad because my puns are daddy jokes

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you? no but they said bad things about me behind my back

Did you ever watch the show Full House? with my sister What was the last thing that scared you? how I feel physically Do the librarians at your library know you by name? they do

What ten people would you most likely bring on a roadtrip? 10 ppl?! shoot me...

Is there anything you’re really stressed out about right now? health issues

What was the last thing that made you cry? I’m about to cry...

What are the last three songs you listened to? Crystal Castles - Suffocation  frnkiero andthe cellabration - neverenders  Major Lazer - Be Together (Feat. Wild Belle)

[quatregats]

How to feel less bad about Everything: Part the First

I thought that in these trying times I would try to write a sort of explanation for how to (maybe???) start getting yourself to feel better. I've seen plenty of advice floating around for how to be productive and lift your mood, but a lot of it has just made me feel worse because I feel like I'm not doing enough, which just makes me want to give up on everything. If you've been feeling the same way, this guide is for you.

In the past almost-year I've found out that it's not actually being productive that makes my mental health feel better. I've gone through a lot of periods where I'm getting stuff done, but I still feel terrible; conversely, I've also gone through periods where I feel great and like I'm doing lots of things, and actually I'm just doing my normal amount of work. So simple productivity isn't the whole solution here – it's doing things and making your brain recognize that you're doing them.

That's actually a lot more complicated than it sounds, because if your brain doesn't want to believe something there's not a lot you can do. But one thing that's helped me feel better when mental health things crop up is to try to rebuild my confidence in myself. The way I do this is to set smaller goals and to try and be consistent, two things which are also a lot more complicated than they sound. The following guide is a way to get yourself to do that, and hopefully it can help!

aaaaaand on to part 1.... the Baseline! (takes your baseline and throws it out the window)

(under the cut b/c this is Too Long)

Setting reasonable goals is weirdly difficult, especially if you're like me and always want to do 20 million different things at every opportunity. The first thing that you need to do, and this is very important, is just let go of feeling like you have to be doing something, relaxing your expectations for yourself to absolute zero – literally absolute zero, like existing-on-this-earth-right-now-is-an-achievement absolute zero – and ignoring anything and everything that's giving you some standard to meet. Get rid of feeling like you have requirements, because you don't. And stop feeling guilty about things. No guilt. If you feel guilty I will fight you, you have nothing to feel guilty about because you exist and therefore you did all you need to do. Once you've managed to let go of feeling like you need to be doing things (or at least sort of managed to, it’s hard to completely throw it out of the window if you’ve had it ingrained into you all your life), you’re ready to move on to the next paragraph. 

Pick 1-3 things that you want to work on. If switching activities or focus is hard for you, pick 1 thing. If you need variety, pick 3. But don't pick a lot of things. There is lots of advice out there for what to do when you're not in a good mental state, but if you're not in a good mental state, it can, rather ironically, be super overwhelming and just make it worse. If you're trying to deal with feeling depressed, anxious, or even just unproductive, focus on one thing that's making you feel really bad. That is the only thing you're going to be worrying about now. Not your chores, not your messy room, not the bazillion messages from your friends that you haven’t read. Convince yourself that absolutely nothing else matters, even if you feel like it does, because it doesn't.

Say, for example, that you're going to try to focus on self-care. That means that taking care of your body and mind is the only thing that you need to be thinking about during the day (of course you can think about other things too, but you don’t need to). Set 2-4 tasks that you can easily achieve – they might take a bit more effort than lying in bed but you think you could muster the strength to do them if that was all you had to do. If you're feeling really depressed or anxious, for example, you could set 2 simple goals: drink 2 glasses of water and get out of bed to open the curtains. Or maybe you're just feeling jilted out of your routine, and so you want to try to take a shower, eat 3 meals a day, and go for a walk – these might all be things you more or less do, but you haven't been good at sticking to all of them lately. The key is that whatever you're trying to do needs to be something you can do, and it needs to come from you, not some weird nebulous feeling of guilt. If you're not up to eating 3 meals a day right now, that's fine. Do what you can.

If you need to focus on more than one thing to keep yourself entertained, only set 1-2 goals for each thing. For example, if you're focusing on self-care and school, then you'll have a self-care goal, like drink 2 glasses of water, and a school goal, like sitting down and doing 15 minutes of homework every day. Keep the number of goals down! Only make more if you think you can actually achieve them, but having more than about 3-4 specific goals is too much to start with. We're doing the bare minimum here. Don’t overcomplicate it. Nothing else matters outside of these few things, stop acting like it does.

Now that you've set these goals, write them down somewhere. Multiple places, if you want. Make a sticker chart and write them on a post-it note and set them as reminders on your phone. The goal here is as much positive feedback as possible, so the more things you can check off and star and cover with stickers, the better. Show yourself that you're doing things, so that your brain has to believe it. Offer yourself rewards if you need to – watching a show, scrolling through the internet, eating a bag of cookies, literally anything you want. If you're still feeling guilty about anything, stop. You're doing things, remember? You're doing your 2-4 things, and nothing else matters.

Okay, this last step is the most important: stick to it. You need to hold yourself accountable, because if you don't it's going to be really hard to get started, and also to keep going after more than a couple of days. A plan is nice and all, but it's not much good if you don't do it. Remember, you only have a couple of things you need to get done every day. Just do them. But also make sure you remember to do them, and motivate yourself to do them. Rewards and stickers are all good, but sometimes inertia holds you back from starting. A lot of times, I'll have a reward, but then feel like the thing is impossible so it isn't worth it to bother trying. Even if the reward is something I really want, I can't motivate myself to start. So make a promise to someone you can't let down. Promise your stuffed animals, your best friend, your 5 Tumblr followers, literally anyone. And then tell yourself over and over again until you do it: I just have to do this one thing, and then I'm finished. I just have to do this one thing, and then I'm finished. I just have to do this one thing, and then I'm finished. It won't take that long to do it, I promise. But you have to get it done, and the sooner the better.

Finally, if you stumble, that’s okay. If you miss a day, the world doesn’t end. If your goals are too hard, bring them down a notch. But don’t give up. Keep trying until you get it right, because I can promise that you will get it right. Remember, you’re not trying to be productive, you’re trying to remember how to believe in yourself. Make sure that you truly have let go of all of your expectations for yourself, because that’s your #1 enemy. And most importantly, be kind to yourself. If you do something, even if it’s not the whole list, celebrate it. If you didn’t do anything on the list that day, tell yourself what you did do. Even if it wasn’t ““productive””, I’m sure you did things. Heck, even staring at the ceiling is something. You’ll try again tomorrow, and you’re not going to give up without a fight.

That’s it! If you want to, try it out (and by that I mean actually do it) >:’0 Next week, I'll do a follow-up post for how to keep moving upwards once you've gotten here, but I’ll leave it at this for now, because I don't want to spoil the surprise before you guys have started :)

[solange-lol]

tales of an endless heart

SolangeloWeek Day 3 - God/Human

Words: 914 

TW: MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH

Read on Ao3

Nico was familiar with death, which made enough sense. He was the son of the god of the underworld. He’s witnessed it, the most brutal being his own family members. He’s killed. He’s even brought the dead back.

The idea of dying didn’t scare him. It was something he was used to. In fact, at one point in his life, it was something he secretly wished for. That idea of a simpler life where the everyday thoughts of his demigod life spun constantly around his brain couldn't haunt him anymore seemed appealing for a great deal of time.

Obviously, things got better and the clouds in his brain cleared. Death became not something he craved, but something he accepted.

Of course, that was him after two wars, thinking that if he lived this far then he’d probably end up living a long fulfilling life.

Unfortunately for him, sometimes life just likes to play those little tricks on you. One wrong move, and now Nico di Angelo was dying. He was terrified.

To Will Solace, there was nothing scarier than to witness someone you care so much about dying in front of you.

Especially when he can’t do anything about it.

Nico di Angelo stumbled into the infirmary at 6:17 pm, more than two hours later than when he usually met Will.

Will wasn’t worried at first. He was used to Nico being late, usually arriving 15 to 30 minutes late when he dropped by. Either running into Jason or staying behind to teach a kid something quick at sword lessons, Nico always had an excuse and Will began to expect Nico to be late.

4:45, Will still wasn’t concerned.

5:15, Will was a bit frustrated but sure there was a reason behind it

5:30 is when he started to get worried

And 6:17 when Will was trying to quickly clean up so he could go find Nico, a million scenarios running through his head, was when the son of Hades, who was deathly pale and clutching his side, nearly fell through the doors before crumpling onto the white tiles of the infirmary floor.

And that’s when all of Will’s nightmares came true.

He tried his best to help Nico. Screamed orders at his other siblings, which he almost never did. He stood bent over Nico, trying to work as fast and efficiently as he could. He knew the gash was too deep, that he was too far gone, but he refused to accept that fate.

At 7:00 on the dot, Will lost Nico’s pulse, along with what felt like his own.

It felt like someone slapped him. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t move from where he just sat. Nico’s cold, limp wrist didn’t leave his hand as he prayed to any god or goddess that was listening that please, this isn’t happening.

Most ignored him; including his own father. They had all been through tragedy. Most had witnessed the death of a significant other. This was a natural part of life.

However, one god chose to listen.

Nico’s soul left his body, traveling through the layers of the Earth, and he was cast aside when he reached the Underworld. Instead of heading towards his unknown fate, they brought him to Hades’ Palace.

Everything was different when you were dead. He felt lighter, physically, but also like every burden of his life was once again weighing on his shoulders. Nico knew he was dead, now he was just left to wonder if he even made an impact at all.

Stepping up to his father’s throne, he bowed, awaiting his future.

“So, I’m dead, huh?” Nico speaks first to try and lighten the mood, but there’s no humor in his tone.

Hades clasps his hands. “Appears so.” There’s silence, and then-

“He prayed for you, you know. Hasn’t stopped,” the god of the Underworld spoke in an emotionless tone. Nico didn’t have to ask who it was.

He wished he could say goodbye to Will.

“You and Hazel are my only living children. You know that” Hades shifted in his seat as Nico nodded, still not meeting his eyes. “My perfect boy and girl. It would be a tragedy to see that lost so quick.”

“I thought tragedy was sort of your thing,” Nico mumbled.

“Perhaps. But every once in a while, I would like to see one happy ending. I’m afraid Persephone has rubbed off on me too much.”

Nico’s head snapped up. “You mean-”

Hades eyes were stone cold. “Go. Be with him. Be with them all. Your story isn’t finished.”

And with that, Nico woke, Will still at his bedside.

Will himself looked miserable. His blue eyes were rubbed red and raw, and there were tear tracks down the side of his face. His head was hung low, and he rubbed slow circles on Nico’s hand. That small movement seemed to be the only sign of life from him.

Nico shifted it, just a bit so that his fingers intertwined with Will’s. Blonde curls bounced as Will’s head snapped up, and blue eyes met brown.

“Thought you could get rid of me already, sunshine?” Nico asked, managing a weak smile before Will pounced on him, hugging him so tight his soul nearly slipped right back down to the Underworld.

Neither of them knew the hesitence and fear in every action ahead of them. Neither would be prepared, either.

For now, it was just two souls reunited.

~~~

Thanks for Reading! Taglist Underneath (message me to be added/removed, no offence taken)

@internallyexplodingrainbows @aleclight-ofmylife-wood @unicornsgomooo @anxiouswinter @soulangelou @number-of-fucks-i-give-0 @underworldystuff @theeloquentsnake @solangelover@thefandomsaretakingover @internallyexplodingrainbows @hairasuntouchedaspartoftheamazon @motivatedcryptidtamer @emilyfairchild @wherethewildthingsare-nt @my-face-is-a-potato

[dukereviewsxtra]

Duke Reviews Xtra: The 10th Kingdom Part 2

Part 2 Starts With The Evil Queen Digging Up All Her Mirrors..

As Virginia's Iron Shoes Are Ready For Her To Wear, However A Box That Smells Like Leather

Yeah, Trolls Have An Affinity Toward Leather, Go Figure...

Falls Right Through The Window, The 3 Trolls Fight Over It And Knock Themselves Out In The Process...

Flying In To Save Virginia, Virginia's Less Than Trusting Of Wolf As The Last Time She Saw Him He Tried To Eat Her Grandmother But Giving His Word That She's Safe With Him, He Goes To Find A Way Out Only To Notice The Troll King's Magic Shoes...

Telling Her To Leave Them As They'll Make Her Want To Wear Them All The Time She Seems To Do Just That As They Get Out Of That Castle...

Wanting To Go Back To The Snow White Memorial Prison To Rescue Tony, Wolf Is Resistant At First But Eventually Says Okay But They Have To Avoid The Roads And Instead Cut Through Beanstalk Forest...

Once There, They Find A Statue Of Jack From Jack And The Beanstalk, This Leads Wolf To Tell Virginia Why The Trolls Hate Wendell And That's Because Wendell Has A Fertile Kingdom And They Have A Polluted Disgusting Kingdom...

Oh No, Somebody Call Captain Planet!

But Wolf's Words Fall On Deaf Ears As Virginia Is Gone Which Can Only Mean One Thing...

She Stole The Troll King's Magic Shoes!

But Despite That Wolf Eventually Finds Her As The Shoes Magic Doesn't Last Long. Taking The Shoes Away From Her After A Short Struggle, Virginia Tries Everything She Can To Try To Get Them Back Even To The Point Of Seduction...

But Despite Being Attracted To Her, Wolf Knows It's The Shoes Doing The Talking And Not Her...

But With The Troll King And His Kids Closing In, Virginia And Wolf Decide To Climb A Beanstalk Where They Get To Know Each Other A Little Better As They Spend The Night From Above...

The Next Day, Believing Security Around The Prison To Be A Joke, The Warden Decides To Have The Prisoners Clean Out The Cellar Where The Mirror Is So New Security Measures Can Be Put Into Place...

Realizing That's Where The Mirror Is, Wendell Puts Tony's Name On The Work Detail, However, When He Finds Mirror, The Warden Tells Him To Throw It In The Boat Or Else He'll Throw Him And Everyone Connected To The Chain He's On Into The Ocean...

So, Tony Throws It Into The Boat Where By Some Miracle It Doesn't Break...

Put Back In His Cell, Tony Discovers That Acorn And Clayface Have Created A Tunnel Out Of The Prison, Asking Him To Let Him Come With Them, They Say Yes...

However, Tony's Escape Might Be A Bit Premature As Virginia And Wolf Arrive To Get Tony Out Of Prison By Using The Troll King's Magic Shoes...

Once Inside, They Get Wendell From The Warden's Office Despite Wolf Knowing That With Him The Shoes Will Lose Their Magic Quicker And What Do You Know? He's Right As Once They Reach Tony's Cell The Shoes Lose Their Magic...

But As They Crawl Through The Tunnel, They're Blocked By Tony's Big Butt As He Got Stuck In The Tunnel When Attempting To Escape...

Maybe Tony Should Follow Winnie The Pooh's Example And Do Some Stoutness Exercises...

(Start At 0:51, End At 2:07)

Eventually Getting Tony Out Of The Tunnel, Father And Daughter Are Reunited As Tony Tells Virginia About The Mirror Being Placed On A Barge, However When They Go To Get It They It, They Discover That Acorn Used The Barge To Escape, Taking Everything Including The Mirror With Him...

Getting On A Boat To Follow Acorn, They're Spotted By The Trolls Who Attempt To Virginia And The Others But They Manage To Get Away To The Troll King's Displeasure, But He Has Bigger Problems Right Now As He's Contacted By The Evil Queen...

Wondering If The Troll King's Children Have Caught Wendell, He Tells Her No, As She Orders Him To Send His Children After Them And To Return To His Palace Until Further Notice...

But Saying He Doesn't Take Orders From Her, He Swears That If She Contacts Him This Way Again, He'll Kill Her...

Reading One Of His Self Help Books, Wolf Takes The Opportunity To Get Rid Of The Troll King's Magic Shoes Which Pisses Virginia Off To No End At First But Guessing That She Was Going To Wear Them Tonight, He Tells Her That While Magic Is Nice It's Very Easy To Get Addicted...

This Leads Her To Ask Wolf Why She Wasn't Able To Resist The Shoes But He Was? To Which He Believes The Reason To Be That Virginia Has A Strong Desire To Be Invisible...

Tired Of Waiting For The Evil Queen To Take Over Wendell's Kingdom, The Troll King Declares War On The 4th Kingdom And Challenges Wendell To Face Him In 7 Days Or He'll Claim It As His Own...

The Next Day, Wolf Wakes Virginia And Tony Only For Tony To Discover A Golden Fish In A Glass Case. Named The Golden River Gold Fish, Wolf Tells Tony And Virginia That This Is The Famous Anything You Touch Will Turn To Gold Fish...

With Tony Seeing Untold Possibilities With The Fish, Wolf And Virginia Tell Him To Just Leave It Alone

Contacting The Troll King In The 4th Kingdom, The Evil Queen Is Rightfully Pissed At Him For Obeying Her Orders And That If He Stays There, The Coronation Will Be Cancelled And Her Plans Will Be Ruined...

But Having No Interest In Leaving The 4th Kingdom, She Hangs Up On Him So She Can Consult With Her Mirror, Who Tells Her That Wendell Is Travelling Down The River Toward Her Castle With 3 Others, 1 Who Can Talk With Him And 1 Who Can Hurt Her...

Asking To See These People, The Mirror Tells Her That He Can't Show Them To Her But Knowing That Wolf Is With Them, She Tells The Mirror To Focus On Him...

Oh, God The Bee Gees Running Gag Is Back...

(Start At 0:46, End At 0:49)

Contacting Wolf As He's Shaving, He Just Tells The Queen To Go Away And Leave Him Alone Before Tony Enters And Hangs Up, Washing His Face Off As He Leaves...

However As Tony Looks For Food, He Decides To Go Back To Look At The Golden Fish Only To Break The Glass By Coughing (Of All The Luck) And Sticking His Pinky Inside The Fish Gaining The One Time Ability To Turn Something Into Gold...

All I Can Say To That Is Thank God He's Not Dr. Evil Or Else He'd Turn Himself Into Gold...

Meanwhile At The Queen's Castle, Dog Wendell Pees On A Post...

As The Evil Queen Tries To Convince Him That He's Not A Dog But Prince Wendell, Ruler Of The 4th Kingdom And That In Order To Be Crowned King He Must Show Bravery, Loyalty And Intelligence...

Why Can't They Do It The Wakandan Way And Challenge Someone To Single Combat?

Finding Acorn's Barge At A Town, Near The Queen's Castle, Wendell Goes Off On His Own To Investigate The Castle (As He Can Sense His Body There) While Tony And The Others Go To Get The Mirror From Acorn...

However, When They Arrive, They Find Acorn And Whatever Junk Was On-Board Gone, With The Person Who Now Owns The Barge Telling Them That He Traded It For The Guy's Horse And Carriage, Which He Took Through The Woods...

But Despite Virginia And Wolf Wanting To Leave For The Woods Immediately Tony Asks For 15 Minutes To Find Wendell...

And Speaking Of Wendell, The Queen Is Giving Dog Wendell An Eating Lesson As The Trolls Arrive To Give Her An Update On Their Search For Wendell Which Goes Nowhere...

Telling Them To Not Return Without Wendell Or She'll Make Them Eat Their Own Hearts, The Trolls Leave Believing That Meeting Didn't Go Well...

Finding Himself, Wendell Tries To Get Dog Wendell To Reach Him But Unfortunately They're Unable To Touch So Wendell Goes Off To Get Help, But As He Goes To Find Tony, Wendell Is Found By Tony, The Trolls Also Find Him...

This Leads Tony To Do Something We Don't See On Screen But We Know He Did Something...

Finding Virginia And Wolf, Tony Tells Them That He Defeated The Trolls However When He Shows Them How, We See That Tony Not Only Turned Them Into Gold But Wendell As Well...

Summoning Her Huntsman (Played By Rutger Hauer)...

(Start At 0:13, Stop At 0:43)

The Evil Queen Tells Him That Neither Wolf Or The Trolls Have Captured Wendell And Whoever Is With Him Is About To Enter His Forest. Swearing To Find Them, He Leaves...

About To Enter The Forest, Virginia And The Others Run Into An Old Beggar Woman, Who's Hungry For Food, But Where Wolf And Tony Are Not So Charitable Virginia Gives Up One Of Their Bacon Sandwiches They Made Earlier...

As A Reward, The Woman Tells Them That Acorn Took The Main Road Through The Forest But She Warns Them To Get Off The Road At Once As Someone Is Following Them With The Intent To Kill Them...

This Gets Wolf Remembering That This Forest Is The Domain Of The Huntsman Who Serves The Queen, So Taking The Old Lady's Advice, They Stray From The Road And Go Through The Forest...

Coming Across A Gypsy Camp, They Try Going Around But They're Unfortunately Caught By Gypsies Who Seem Pretty Nice At First As They Invite Virginia And The Others To Join Them For Dinner...

Oh, And I See They're Having The Remains Of The First Trailer For Sonic The Hedgehog For Dinner...

Asking Tony To Sing In Return For Their Hospitality We Get The Most Groan Worthy Version Of Gypsies Tramps and Thieves Ever...

Cher Must Be Vomiting After Hearing That...

Finding A Bunch Of Talking Birds In Cages, Wolf Tells Virginia They're Magic Birds That The Gypsies Break Their Wings Off To Sell For Millions To Rich People To Absorb Their Magic...

Why? What Does The Magic From These Birds Do?

Coming Out Of A Carriage An Old Gypsy Tells The Gypsies To Set Up A Table For Fortune Telling...

But While Tony's Fortune Is Nothing To Tell About, Virginia's Sees The Gypsy Asking For A Lock Of Her Hair (Which Will Come Back To Bite Virginia In The Ass) As She Tells Virginia That She's Full Of Anger As She's Never Forgiven Her Mother For Leaving Years Ago...

Something Her Grandmother Mentioned In Part 1 That I Thought Wasn't Worth Mentioning Till Now...

She Also Tells Virginia That She Has A Great Destiny One That Stretches Way Back In Time...

With Virginia Leaving, It's Wolf's Turn To Have His Fortune Told, But It Doesn't Go The Way He Wants It As The Gypsy Tells Him That She Saw A Young Girl Dead And A Fire With Him To Burnt On It...

Remember This Fortune As It Will Be Further Developed In Part 3...

Knowing That Wolf Is A Wolf From The Fortune, This Leads Wolf To Reveal That The Gypsies Grandson Is Also A Wolf...

?

Allowing Virginia And The Others To Spend The Night, They Attempt To Sneak Out Early The Next Morning, But Virginia Just Can't Leave The Talking Birds To Die So She Frees Them All Only To Be Seen By The Head Gypsy Who Sends The Other Gypsies After Them...

But While They Manage To Get Away From The Gypsies, The Head Gypsy Uses The Hair She Cut From Virginia To Curse Her...

But Don't Worry About The Gypsies Becoming A New Threat As They're All Killed By The Huntsman...

Continuing On Their Journey, Wolf And Tony Start To Notice That Virginia's Hair Has Grown Slightly Since They Left The Gypsy Camp Which Leads Wolf To Theorize That The Gypsies Have Cursed Her..

Duh...

By Nightfall It Starts To Rain, As Virginia's Hair Has Grown To Length Of Rapunzel's. Luckily, They Come Across A Cottage That's Been Abandoned For Years, Going Upstairs They Find Seven Beds Which Leads Them To Realize That This Cottage Once Belonged To The Seven Dwarves...

Starting A Fire, Tony Asks The Question That We've Been Dying To Have Answered, What Happened To Snow White After She Married The Prince?..

This Leads Wolf To Tell Them That She Became A Great Queen And One Of The Five Women Who Changed History..

With The Women Being, (Aside From Snow White) Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Red Riding Hood?, Gretel From Hansel And Gretel? And Rapunzel...

Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella And Rapunzel, I Can Handle Being Queens But Having Red Riding Hood And Gretel Is Like Making Alice From Alice In Wonderland A Princess In Kingdom Hearts, It Doesn't Work...

The 5 Of Them Formed First 5 Kingdoms And Brought Peace To All The Lands. But Now They're All Mostly Dead, I Say Mostly As There's Rumors That Cinderella Is Still Alive But If She Was, She'd Be Over 200 Years Old...

(Acting Like Joey Lawrence) Whoa!

Virginia Spends The Night Talking With Wolf About Her Mother Which Just More Exposition At This Point...

But Waking Up Virginia Finds That Her Hair Is All Over The House, And What's Worse It's Growing Up The Stairs...

They Try Using Cutting Tools To Cut Virginia's Hair But Nothing Can Cut Through It...

It's A Curse For A Reason, You Morons...

Worried About Dying With Long Hair, One Of The Birds Virginia Saved From The Gypsies Helps By Telling Them That A Woodsman With A Magic Axe That Can Cut Through Anything Lives In This Forest And With It They Can Break The Curse...

However, Wolf Smells The Huntsman And Decides To Bury Virginia, Tony And The Golden Wendell In Holes While He Leads The Huntsman In A Circle..

But It Sadly Doesn't Help As Virginia Sneezes Revealing Their Location To The Huntsman...

Forced To Run, Tony Gets Away To Tell Wolf What Happened While Virginia Gets Caught By The Huntsman And Is Taken To His Headquarters, Which Finally Ends Part 2...

To Be Continued...

[kolinburges]

Covid-19 and the Dangers of the UK's Response.

This is a long post but it’s very important if you are in the UK because it lays out the horrific situation the country is about to be in if the government does not do a U-turn. It’s about Covid-19 and the government’s plan for it. The UK has one of the worst and most reckless response plans to deal with Covid-19 of anywhere. Up until Monday (16th March) the plan was basically “Tell people to wash their hands and carry on as normal.” On Monday they gave out significant warnings and added extra measures, however the measures are still extremely soft and laid-back compared to most other countries struggling with the virus. Given what we’ve learned from other countries, there is little real possibility that the infections will stop expanding exponentially even with these new measures. So why are the UK government being so lax when the rest of the world is getting serious?

The answer is they still don’t seem to have changed from their original “action plan”. That plan was to immediately surrender to Covid-19. Instead of trying to fight the virus, the aim was for it to infect the population so that they eventually gain herd immunity. But the government was not just investigating or preparing for a scenario where it could infect the population, the plan was to actively steer us into this situation using a series of carefully-timed control measures. Their claim was that for those who survive, the herd immunity they gain would help us to get rid of the virus before the flu season next winter.

This is both insane and wrong. Boris Johnson fancies himself as the next Bond villain. An idiot with too much power who has convinced himself that the greater good would somehow be served by a method which involves the deaths of masses of people. But also as with Bond villains, there’s an uneasy sense that he’s not really as naive as this, he most likely knows what he’s doing is very wrong. He seems hell-bent on this policy beyond any reason which can be offered by his publicly-professed motives.

Why is this plan wrong? Well the biggest reason (other than the unnecessary deaths of potentially over a million people) is that there is already overwhelming and unignorable evidence to show that this virus can be successfully defeated or at least suppressed by any country with the political will to do so. So the fate of the world is now not actually in the hands of the virus but in the hands of the politicians.

China has all but wiped it out, by using a combination of quarantine/curfews and contact tracing. It was raging out of control in South Korea in the beginning, but now using mass-scale testing, contact tracing and individual quarantines they seem to have it under control and the numbers are slowly coming down (currently around 85 new cases per day). That’s without having to do any large regional lockdowns. Italy started quarantines/curfews a couple of weeks ago and in the areas where they did this they say there are 0 new infections. The reason the entire country of Italy has gone into lockdown is not because their original efforts failed, it’s because they worked so well (in those specific areas) that they’re rolling it out across the whole country.

There are two main methods which have been shown to work in reducing the infection numbers: (1) the blunt instrument of region-wide quarantine and curfew, and (2) the precision attack of mass testing, contact tracing, and individual quarantines. What I can imagine working best is using method 1 if things have spun totally out of control, and a more sustainable method 2 for the longer term.

It has become clear that one of the most essential tools for dealing with it is large-scale testing. To quote the World Health Organisation, “You cannot fight a fire blindfolded … test, test, test”. The more information a country has on where it is, how many people have it, and who to isolate, the better they can fight the virus. And with enough information they can fight it with minimal economy-damaging lockdowns, like South Korea has. The UK government’s policy is to do only a very small number of tests. It’s mostly only people who are so ill that they have to go into intensive care who get tested. So there’s very little information on who or how many people have Covid-19 in the UK and we possibly will never know. The government has the ability to do as many tests as it wants. Creating test kits is a fairly simple process and can easily be scaled up. They choose not to. This shows that there is currently no credible attempt at containment of this virus.

Let’s look at what is going to happen under the government’s plan. Their plan is to use a system of multiple control measures timed at specific points to effectively shepherd the scale of infections along a pre-planned path so that they reach a crescendo in June or July. They call it “flattening the curve”. So that means going not too fast and not too slow. They want herd immunity to be in place by the coming winter, which means up to 80% of the population having had the illness and survived.

Theoretically if the UK had 20,000 people infected now and every 7 days each person infected 4 others, then by early May 45 million people would be infected. In real life the infection rate slows as the number increases so any peak would take longer than this. The government’s plan is to “flatten the curve”, by which they mean reducing the number of infected people at the peak time by up to 50%. They plan for their control measures to lead to a peak in July.

Two days ago there was also a leak of a secret government report written for the NHS heads by Public Health England. It claims that with the government’s plan at least 10% of the UK will be infected at the same time at peak time. This figure correlates well with what would be expected if it was to peak in July and give the population herd immunity. So lets assume about 6 million people would be expected to be simultaneously infected at peak..

15% will need to be hospitalised, so that is 900,000 people. 5% will need intensive care treatment. That’s 300,000 people.

There are 127,000 hospital beds in total in the UK, including those for mental issues. Of those, between 6,000 and 12,000 beds are usually available. Even in a scenario with 12,000 free beds, 98.67% of people who need ordinary hospital bed treatment would get turned away.

There are 4,000 intensive care beds in the UK and around 640 of them around the country are generally free. So that’s 640 beds to somehow simultaneously fit 300,000 people who are critically ill with pneumonia or similar. That means at its peak if you were dying you would have about 0.21% chance (1 in 468) of being able to get intensive care treatment! So virtually everyone who is struggling to breathe will be turned away. Pneumonia is where the lungs slowly fill with sticky mucus and there’s not enough room left to inhale air. It’s an extremely horrible and drawn out way to die. You can imagine not just all that suffering but the chaos and panic it would cause in the UK.

We know that two days ago the government started ordering more ventilators to be made so that more people can be treated. The prime minister was asked on camera if he felt bad about waiting until now to order them when we knew these would be needed for weeks. He dodged the question. I heard him saying on the news that this plan of “flattening the curve” would allow the NHS to cope with the virus.

It should also be mentioned that the projected average death rate of 1–2% from this virus is calculated from situations where everybody has a nice cosy hospital bed waiting for them. When there is no hospital treatment the death rate goes up by multiple times, as we saw in Wuhan. Let’s get the death rate into perspective. If 1% of 70% of the population were to die from this virus over this summer, that would be around the same as the number of British deaths over the entire length of World War II. However the death rate would be likely to be multiple times higher given the lack of hospital capacity. So, following this government’s plan for Covid-19 is likely to be very significantly worse on the country than World War II. That’s in humanitarian terms — economically it wouldn’t be too serious because the plan is to disrupt things as little as possible.

One thing the government keeps saying is “We don’t have enough people infected yet to…X.”, where X is a measure such as closing bars, stopping events, closing schools, national curfew, etc. (None of which have been implemented in the UK yet.) This makes no sense at all. The government knows for sure that the infections are increasing exponentially. If you have 20,000 people infected and you know in 2 weeks it will be around 200,000 why would there be a reason to infect another 180,000 people before taking that measure? You’re just putting yourself in a far worse position for no upside. The more people who are allowed to be infected before implementing measures, the more economic and human damage will be caused. Let’s create an example — let’s say there were 1,000 new infections per day, with an infection rate of x4 every 7 days and implementing the measures will change it to x0.5 every 7 days. If you implement the measures now, it will take just over 3 weeks to get the infections down from 1,000 to 100 per day. If you wait another 2 weeks until there are 16,000 infections per day it will take over 7 weeks to get it down to 100 per day (and kill thousands more people!). So if the measure being taken was for example a full country lockdown, you’re going to have a much longer lockdown period and more than double the economic damage by waiting 2 more weeks. There is no upside at all. Unless you count the reason that it helps the government to adhere to their herd-immunity plan.

This has to be one of the biggest scandals of recent generations. Why hasn’t Boris Johnson been crucified by the media and by parliament? This is exactly the reason why we have such things. And why are there not riots in the streets over this? I don’t know the answer to these things, but the media is beginning to talk about it at least, especially with Monday’s leaked report about the lack of hospital facilities. However it’s public knowledge what the hospital capacity is and what the government’s plan is, so it shouldn’t take leaks like this to get this issue into the news.

No one person should ever have the power to make the decision to infect an entire country with a dangerous disease, it doesn’t matter who they are. And especially not someone with the ethical track record of Boris Johnson. This is what happens when a leader fires everyone who isn’t a yes-man and concentrates all the power on himself.

I believe that the countries which are pioneering the virus fight and taking it seriously will be successful, at least in massively reducing the infections and then holding them to a low level. This will provide templates for other countries to replicate and tweak and so the world will slowly defeat Covid-19. All that needs to happen is for it to be pinned down to a low level until the vaccines are ready. In the face of this, Boris Johnson simply cannot keep to his current plan. The voices against it will get louder and louder as the evidence mounts higher. I honestly don’t know why he doesn’t just decide now to fight it properly. But the longer we allow this to keep happening the more people in Britain will die and the more our economy will suffer. The 71 deaths recorded as of today (18th March) is probably about 65 more than was actually necessary. It’s morbidly ironic to think that statistically probably quite a few of them voted for the prime minister.

This isn’t just a political problem in the UK — many other major governments are still not taking Covid-19 seriously and they are allowing their countries to be unnecessarily ravaged before they will inevitably start taking serious action. (Hello, Mr Trump.)

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