#but that doesnt mean they hate you’ and ‘you havent spoken to me without me speaking to you first in two months’

[st5lker]

i feel so stupid caring about this shit because its like. im a grown adult right. we’re all grown adults. why are we doing this high school ass shit. but its hard not to wonder what must be inherently wrong with me as a person if i cant hold a single friendship without eventually pushing people into avoiding all interaction with me while trying and failing to hide their distaste

[scarlethallow160]

LMFAO i was right

the tiktok that spoiled it for me before i got the game had comments being like “he’s taken now :(” “i wasnt happy when i saw him” etc. so i was like ..............oh. OH. they gave. sidon a love interest. cool. coolcoolcool.

well i made it to zora’s domain, on the way i stopped to look at the tablet thing thinking i recognized it from botw and after reading it was like LMAOOO fuck i was right

but like.....im fucking cracking up cuz im sorry not to be one of those “i hate x character cuz she gets in the way of x ship!!” but im laughing cuz 1.) shes,,,, not very cute 😭😭😭 IM SORRY its her design not her but i also realized i got spoiled to what she looks like without even knowing cuz another tiktok was on my page before i played being like “i dont want you i dont want you” as a joke while showing her and im just now realizing it was yona BUT I HAD THOUGHT IT WAS THE OLD GUY THAT WAS MEAN TO LINK IN BOTW LSKJLADSKJAS i didnt look at it very long in my defense tho cuz i scrolled as soon as i saw it was botw/totk related

BUT 2.) THE THING THAT RLY MADE ME CRACK UP is when i finally got there i was like okay this character with the name missing right now Obviously has to be yona the fiancee but then when you have to clear the sludge i thought it was mipha’s statue cuz she was like “its so important to us!” (again, in my defense last time i touched botw was just to do the castle/beat calamity ganon) SO WHEN IT SHOWED IT WAS A FUCKIN STATUE OF LINK AND SIDON I STARTED CRACKING UP like u cant kill sidlink and then make a fuckin statue of link riding sidon 💀💀💀 (they’re best friends alright)

anyway im on my way to actually see sidon so idk how things are gonna go i will say the tablet going on about him thinking of yona like his second sister?? before being engaged is kinda..... idk that doesnt sit right with me i hate when relationships go from “they’re like a sibling to me :’)” to being romantic all of a sudden

(and in general i hate when romance is developed/shoved in out of nowhere AGAIN i havent actually spoken with sidon yet but obviously there was nothing alluding to yona in botw)

[imfeelingprettylow]

So what if, instead of Adam telling Satan off, God shows up? Humor me for a second I probably am going to suck at this

The ground shook and Adam stood facing this massive beast, who was supposed to be his father. But he wasn't because

"Dads don't just show up after 11 years." As he had said. And it was looking like this very scary thing was going to pass. But Satan wasn't budging.

"So my son abandons me. And all that stand between me and the world is a couple of children, a former hellhound, a witch, two witchfinders, a whore, and two rebellious lovers. Seems God has chosen her champions. A pity. " as he was speaking he transformed, his massive self becoming smaller as he turned from horrifying into a vague humanoid shape. A pair of massive wings, much bigger than any angels, sprouted from human shoulders, and with a blink of the eye, a tall man stood before the lot. He was hard to focus on; immensely beautiful and terrifying to behold, with red eyes. Horrifying blood red eyes.

"So. I'm here. Standing before my son asking him to help me end this war once and for all. But where is your god? She sends you lot, with the hopes of what? You cannot save the world. She has abandoned you as she abandoned me." Satan's voice is heavenly and horrifying, a mixture of growling and celestial harmonies that has the hairs on Crowleys neck stand up. There is a flash of light and suddenly Gabriel is standing behind the group. Why God chose him to speak for her he will never know. He is absolutely terrified, as he walks forward to stand beside Adam

"The lord has spoken to me." Gabriel says, visibly shaking. There is a beat is silence. Satan raises one delicate eyebrow

"And?" He asks. Gabriel swallows the pump in his throat.

"She says to go back to the hole from whence you came." Even crowley, in his fit of terror had to smirk at that. Satan chuckles, his smile agonizing to behold

"And why does she not come to tell me herself? Ah, I know" Satan raises his face to the sky, eyes burning, massive wings opening "Because she isn't THERE "

In the next second two things happen. One, beezlebub appears beside their lord to inform him that hell is as it should be. Beezlebub fortunately appears beside Gabriel because they are afraid to approach their master from behind.

The second thing that happens is, God appears. One would expect a flash of light. And of course there is. But this light is so bright that aziraphale, in absolute terror, must unfurl his wings and moving with the speed of the angel he is, must gather Crowley and Adam to him, to protect them from God's wrath. Because God is pissed.

She appears, not as a human, but as a singular ball of floating light, smaller than a human head, burning with the rage of 6000 years. Aziraphales wings protect his demon and the boy from the full force of her might, and he manages to turn to face her. Beside him, Gabriel has done a miraculous and traitorous thing. In a pure act of kindness, without thinking, he has stepped in front of the Lord beezlebub to protect them from God's wrath. Beezlebub blinks at the feathery wall before them, surprised but unafraid. Aziraphale glances behind to see a singed, but very much alive crowley, covering Adam with his body, yellow eyes shut in terror. God hovers before satan, burning with rage and malice. All of this has happened within the span of two seconds.

"Hello Lucifer " God's voice is, well ineffable. Cannot be described. Crowley and beezlebub both cower in fear, hands over their ears in pain. Satan smirks, pleased with himself

"Hello mother." God's light hurts even the angels eyes. She glows brighter, annoyed

"You must go back into the hole, lucy." The old nickname makes Satan pause and suddenly both Gabriel and aziraphale notice pain; Satan's rage is as strong as God's and their wings become slightly singed. Crowleys head pops up as he recognizes that smell.

"All I ever wanted, mother, was to be loved." Crowley is looking back and forth between Satan and his angels wings. Beezlebub is now standing. Both demons know what they must do

"But you lOVED THEM MORE" the roar is accompanied by hellfire and Crowley launches himself in front of aziraphale, midnight wings open. Beezlebub has become a hoard of flies, and swirls around Gabriel protectivley. Both demons take the full force of the hellfire, as God simply casts it aside. Satan's great roar causes Gabriel to cry out in pain. And God pauses. She does not react to her son's temper tanrtrum. She dims. Crowley had begun to smoke in her presence, beezlebub literally dropping like flies. And God notices this, and pauses.

"My son. I wish not to fight. Neither of us can win this battle. So instead of arguing needlessly I am simply going to make you notice something." She turns to face the lot. Crowley is the one front and center. His love for aziraphale is all consuming as he stares at the Lord. He is not afraid, despite the pain he is in.

"Yes I've seen your champions mother. They are unimpressive." Satan's words cut deep and Gabriel cries out again. Aziraphale is trying to stand, but Adam pulls him down to keep him safe.

"My champions? Odd. I didn't choose any of them" God says. Satan scowls

"You choose evrything. You have had this plan since the beginning of time." He argues

"Well yes, I had hoped things would go this way. But I play with cards Lucy. Sometimes my design is less perfect and more..."

"Innefable." Crowley says, his face full of pain. God dims a bit, and moves closer.

"I think I've been quietly watching things from the sidelines too long. Of course I will continue to do so, for the humans sake. But for my angelic and demonic children, I think I let things go too far... You all are so ready to destroy what I so love." God seemed uoset, which is to say that her light went a little blue. Satan fumed

"Ah yes, the bloody humans. Those frail creatures you love more than your own children" Satan spat.

"Of course. I may have underestimated my children however." God said. "It seems to me that angels and demons are not so... binary in good and evil. It seems that given enough time and energy, they can be almost....human" God smiled at Crowley and he flinched. Aziraphale looked up and over one midnight wing at his lord, and slowly came around, despite Crowley and Adams concern.

"Oh, you mean these traitorous fools? I will not suffer them to live." In an instant there were flames engulfing them all.

Aziraphale thought he was dead. He hurt all over. His eyes were shut and he felt...peace. love. So much love. He opened his eyes to see a sky full of midnight wings.

Crowley wailed and grew to a height unimaginable, casting himself fully into the smiting flames of his master. And this act alone is what made him survive. Pure love. The flames hit him, with all the fury of hell, and he absorbed them, snarling, yellow eyes wide

"You will NOT take him from me!"

The flames engulfed him, and then they were beaten back by his wings, right into Satan himself.

Satan stumbled back, shaken but otherwise unharmed. The flames died down and Crowley lowered his wings, the air around him shimmering with heat.

"You will NOT take him from me." Crowley said again.

*authors note* if I screwed anything up please be kind but informative I didn't proof read this at all lol

UPDATE EVERYONE

Satan stood there dumbfounded for a singular second before his angelic face began to contort in rage. before satan could unleash his full fury on Crowley, however, God stepped between them.

“enough lucifer.” she said, and this time, crowley did not cringe. Aziraphale and Adam peeked out from behind him, and Beelzebub was themself again, standing beside gabriel. God cancelled out the pain around her, and faced off with her rebellious son 

“you are not seeing what you are meant to see. nor are you trying to understand. you are ignoring the reason this all had to happen. you are disappointing me lucy. again.” God was not angry, but she had begun to turn a rather peculiar shade of purple, that Gabriel recognized as disappointment and sorrow. And Satan recognized it too. He looked at crowley behind God, looked at Beelzebub beside Gabriel, looked at his own rebellious son, at the human children around them, and then finally his bloody gaze was upon his Mother. Satan glared, but behind his false anger was a sorrow and pain indescribable. 

“I just want to be loved.” he snarled. Crowley, in all his anger, could at least understand that. Aziraphale, behind him, felt that too and reached fro Crowleys hand, their fingers intertwining. God dimmed.

“you are, my dear boy. I love all my creations, even those that rebel against me. I have always loved you. Even this boy you spawned to destroy my humans, I love him as well. My love does not dwindle, nor does it become overruled by rage.” Adam, in surprise, looked at god and then at Satan. and then he walked right out and stood beside god , her light not harming him in the least.

“you shouldnt hate her so much.” adam said. satan regarded his son with suspicion. 

“your powers are great my boy, but not even you could change the reality of his heart.” Aziraphale said. “his hatred has darkened the love that used to be there.” God dimmed again, becoming more blue than purple

“I think youre wrong.” adam said “I think you havent given him a chance. I think, he let himself get upset and he wasnt thinking straight, and he hurt his friends and now, he doesnt know how to fix it.” adam was speaking from personal experience, and his friends smiled 

satan frowned at the boy 

“so what do you propose we do? we are mortal enemies.” he said, frustration showing. Adam turned to look at crowley and aziraphale, standing hand in hand 

“so were they. all it took for them was...well im not sure. i only just met them. but im sure if you ask them they can tell you.” all eyes turned on the pair, and defiantly they refused to let go of each other, though aziraphale was looking rather scarlet, from the singing hellfire or pure embarrassment, he would never tell. Crowley, tire iron still in hand, looked at his angel and pondered for a moment

“it took a second for me to love aziraphale. on the wall. when he showed his loyalty for humanity and disregard for the rules. it took 6000 years for me to admit that, just now.” Aziraphale looked at his demon in shock and then swallowed nervously 

“well I...I guess it was the books. I mean, I suppose I’d always been...fond of Crowley, I loved his company. I can always indulge and be...me. and then he saved my books for me and I guess I’ve been denying my love for him until...well a few minutes ago. But yes. We were mortal enemies, perhaps for a moment on the wall. But we have always been friends...and then some.” Crowley squeezed Aziraphales hand and smirked. Adam turned back to his satanic father 

“I bet you could learn to do that.” the boy said. Satan, however stood unconvinced 

“what? take a ball of light, the Almighty out to fish and chips? with humans? “ he scoffed. Gods light was now a pure amber color, a color of love and humor 

“I can take many forms, Lucy.” Was all she said. 

“Wait Wait Wait!” Gabriel said, striding forward, Beelzebub following quickly behind “disregarding all of that, I want to know how this is all supposed to play out. we are supposed to have a war! is that not happening?” God turned to her archangel, who promptly took a step back and swallowed in fear 

“there will be no war, my child. I will speak to the angels myself.”

“but you havent done that in...”

“too long, Gabriel. I have been absent for too long. Things are going to change in heaven. as for hell...” God turned to her satanic son, and his angelic face was full of conflict “I am always here for you, my dearest boy. Whenever you need me, ask. I have lots of work to do” God turned then to Crowley, Aziraphale and Adam

“you have all done so well, my children. I am so very proud.” and with that, she vanished, like fog vanishes on a windy day, and they were left there with satan, who was looking rather befuddled. 

“So the war is off, if my son still refuses to destroy humanity.” he looked down at adam, who looked almost bored

“I quite like humanity, thanks. feel free to stop by the wood sometime, if you ever want to play with Dog.” Satan stood straighter, and looked at Crowley

“and you? where do your allegiances lie now? with the angels?” 

“my allegiances have always been with Aziraphale.” the demon said very plainly. Aziraphale squeezed his hand tighter 

“fine. Lord Beelzebub?”

“I...” they looked at Gabriel “I am not sure, master. I think we have more troubling things at hand. the troops need some...alignment.” 

“well, let us go then. I see no more reason to stay. good riddance and all that.” Satan vanished by melting into the ground. Beelzebub spared Gabriel a glance before doing the same 

Gabriel let out the air he had been holding and glared at Aziraphale 

“I have to go. You and I are going to talk more about this after I...figure out what side im on.” his face fell in confusion before he dissipated as well. 

and so then there were three children, the former antichrist, two witchfinders, a witch, a whore, a former hellhound, and two ethereal beings. 

“so...now what?” Madam Tracy said “Ive seen god today. I dont think I can just go back to my flat.” 

“Well I for one have had enough occult presence today, thanks. Can we go home now ?” Pepper said. Adam smiled

“yeah I think im gonna go home. my dads here.” and sure enough, Adams human father was getting out of his car. Crowley, in a moment of exhaustion, wavered a bit, and Aziraphale caught him

“are you alright my dear?” he asked in concern. Crowley smiled, eyes shut in pure bliss 

“yes, angel, I am perfectly...tickety boo.”

*authors note* thanks for all the support!

[shoezuki]

DarkViper AU on YouTube did a 2 hour interview with Dream about the whole cheating thing, he went into it fully believing Dream cheated and really pressed him with really good questions, if you have the time/interest I’d love to hear your thoughts on it, as I usually agree with what you say

hfk;hsa i kept forgetting to respond to this anon w h o o ps

and actually ya i know a darkviper a bit i saw his videos although i havent watched the interview because its 2 fucking hours holyshit. but ive read transcripts

first tho i dont actually like darkvipers Vibes w this beforehand like he was just so angry and emotional about it which Fair but also on multiple occasions insults dream himself and would call him a manipulator or somethin of that vein. and yeah he made a lot of good points id agree with but it was jus too much for me lmao.

but onto the interview ive been readin over a lot a the questions asked and Yeah they are Hard and Good questions. it’s primarily not on the math itself ofc moreso dream’s intentions and the more Bias and Accusation aspect of things. its good! i hate how dream answers many of them though

im picking a few transcripts out because most of them are kinda rambled + im not HEARING them so things like tone i just. dont have. and that can influence wording a lot. but these once are more concise and clear. (plus it really bothered me how he had multiple quotes in his video without saying who it is lmao)

but in the first question: essentially saying that whoever said the quotes he used Shouldnt Matter which is bullshit already. i could write out a quote like ‘dream didnt cheat i swear’ and say that someone very Big in mojang said that. cant say who tho just trust me ok!!!!! 

if the quotes are from ‘prominent’ people, how are we supposed to know that without seeing who it actually is? it’s just an appeal to authority fallacy we’re supposed to take these quotes as something Meaningful because its from a Big Person. that means nothing though

also feel he wanted to get conflicting opinions in his favour because i. have genuinely not seen Anyone with experience or a well structured argument agree w dream. it’s pretty one sided so i assume he saw that and Had to find people who are on his side. 

in the second image he has a slight point that people who support him will believe him, people who hate him will call him  liar. but that’s a horrible reason to excuse using baseless quotes. its kinda like he’s saying he doesnt need to prove himself with quotes from other people because he’ll still have people who support him regardless. that’s like taking a Big issue of the parasocial relationships online and using it in his favour?

but the questions aside (theyre good questions the answers arent as good tldr) one thing that really struck me was darkviper went from being so strongly against dream to being neutral/leaning in dream’s favour after this

like thats what i had been digesting of this interview. considering that the numbers of like, his odds weren’t brought into question in terms of ‘prove the mods’ math is wrong’, the fact he changed his stance was kinda wild to me? 

if anything it just showed that dream can be really well spoken/persuasive to some degree if that makes sense. 

but yeah im not taking darkviper’s videos into consideration as proof either against, or for dream. although it can show potentially how dream chose to misrepresent his own report, his defense for himself, and how he can be so convincing. 

ps. heres where i have been reading the questions n transcripts 

[tommyquackson]

Not Working | p. parker | part 4

Not My Gif

summary: you and peter are together but maybe it’s just not working anymore

warnings: angst, depression, fluff cussing i think?

note: this was the final chapter and i loved this series. thank you guys for supporting it and showing it love. Make sure you request and read my other fics. ok love y’all enjoy!!!

this is Midway School of Science and Technology calling to inform you, you’ve missed 13 consecutive school days and if you miss 2 more you’ll be at risk of failing your courses and we will have to send police over to do a wellness check. We hope to see you in school tomorrow. Have a great day

So it’s been 13 days. You haven’t left your house in 13 fucking days. You’re beginning to smell yourself, you haven’t bathed or showered since the night everything went down. You just lay in bed, watching whatever black and white shows playing on MeTV at the time. You only eat about once a day, when reciting old life insurance commercials begins to hurt your brain. Your phone died a long time ago and you’re just now listening to the messages in your home phone.

You click delete on the message and let the next one play.

hey y/n, uh it’s Brad. Look i know you hate me but you haven’t been at school and nobodies heard from you so I just wanna make sure you’re okay. I do care about you and i wanted to say-

you roll your eyes and click delete again.

hey honey! Aunt May here, just wanted to let you know me and peter are safe and back home. I’d love for you to come over and have dinner on thursday, and don’t worry Peters visiting Tony so he won’t be here. Call me back or just show up okay hon. Love you bye.

Your hand dangled over the delete button before you sighed deeply. May never did anything to you, but how were you gonna pull it together enough to get to her. You were exhausted all the time, even if you never do anything. You looked at the time and date on your home phone and realized it’s Wednesday. You sigh deeply and pick up your home phone to call May. 

ring ring ring

“Y/n! Hey honey, how are you?” Mays voice sings through the phone and for a moment the world seems a little brighter. 

“Hey May,” You croak out, you havent spoken in almost 2 weeks and your throat hurts. “I’m not doing well May, everything hurts and I cant even get out of bed. I cant go to school, or eat or sleep or shower May I hate this. I hate it.” Your already raspy voice breaks into sobs and you wonder if she can even understand what youre saying. 

“I’m on my way y/n, its gonna be okay. I love you and I’ll see you in 10 minutes.” May speaks strongly before hanging up the phone. You do nothing but change pajamas and grab a bag of chips before moving back into your bed and wait for May. 

It’s not long before May is knocking and slowly opening your front door. 

She looks at you with tears in her eyes before walking over and oulling you into a hug. It feels weird to have human contact but you dont pull away, just allow her to cuddle you. 

“Lets get you a bath, I’ll help you wash your hair.” She smiles lightly before pulling you up and towards the bathroom.

 You sit on the toilet while she gets the water and bubbles ready. Once its ready she turns away while you strip down and step in, letting your body sink into the hot water and lavendar bubbles. She immediately picks up water in a cup and pours it over your head, careful to not let it spill in your eyes, shes treating you like a mother treats an infant but you dont have the capacity to stop her. You sit in silence for a while as she brushes through the mats in your hair until you decide to speak up. 

“May? Does he love me?” You croak out

She chuckles lightly before answering. 

“When I first met Ben, I knew right away I loved him. He swept me away without knowing it. It was instant love, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. The way he looked at me made the world disappear and I knew it was the kind of love they write books about. The kind of love that turns rainy days from gloomy to comfy, turns blistering heat into warmth and fun, Ben turned everything into a fairytale effortlessly. 

When you and Peter were in the 7th grade, and we threw him the birthday party, that youd planned most of, I remember looking at Ben and he was looking at me with the fairytale look. Ya know the one all the hot actors do in movies. Anyway, he was giving me that look and when I turned my head and watched you give Peter his present, I saw him give you the look, and you gave it right back it was precious. After that, everyday I saw you standing with Peter, he looked at you with the fairytale look, When he talks about you its with the same adoration he talks about Ben. 

There is no doubt in my mind Peter loves you with every bone in his super body, y/n. You’re young and he can be a bit niave sometimes but he loves you unconditionally honey. You love him more than he loves you and he loves you more than you love him.” She stops brushing my hair and without a word begins washing my body with bodywash. I didnt even realize I had started crying until I saw a tear fall into the tub.

“I love him May. I feel like I need him to breathe, to live. I just dont understand how he could choose her over me.” 

“Because hes a teenage boy and sometimes he doesnt think about what hw has, hes just like his uncle ben i’ll tell you that. You need to talk to him, maybe not now but soon, you need to tell him everything in your brain until its empty and your throat hurts from talking, and he will listen until his ears are sore from listening and his head hurts from understanding. Now, come get dressed and I’ll order us some pizza” May shakes her hands and drys them while handing you a fluffy towel. 

She spends the rest of the night, telling you about this season of the Bachelorette while she helps you clean and do laundry. 

“Thank you May.” You hug her as she grabs her purse to leave. 

“Anything for you baby,” She kisses your head and wavees goodbye. You take a deep breathe and walkback to your room, plugging in your phone to charge. 

After a few minutes it turns back on and slowly notifications start coming in, texts and calls and emails and dms from people and your old friends. You clear them all and head for you contacts, you find Peters name and decide to text instead of call. 

                                         peter

                                                                                                                    Hey

                                                                                                Can you come over?

hey, is everything okay? 

                                                           I need to talk to you

Of course, I’m on my way.

You sigh and begin writing down everything you need to talk about, until you hear a knock on your window. You shakily stand up move towards your window, opening it and taking a step back.

“Hi” Peter whispers with his hands in his pockets.

“Hi” You whisper back.

“What’d you uh wanna talk about” Peter asks, slowly bouncing on the ball of his feet.

“Uh okay, um please sit. So um, as you probably know i haven’t been to school in a minute and uh that’s because ive been laying in my bed depressed and confused. May come over today and she helped a lot and she convinced me to talk to you about everything and that’s what i’m doing so I just need you to listen to everything in gonna spill out and i’m gonna do my best to make everything make as much sense as possible.” You look to Peter for confirmation and continue when he nods quickly.

“Okay uh first, I wanna say I’m sorry, for everything. For Brad, for ignoring you and yelling at you and for being a shitty friend. You were right about Brad and i’m sorry I didn’t listen to you, I just wanted so bad to be wanted ya know? I was feeling so insecure about you loving me that I ran to the first person that showed interest in me. I’m also sorry i basically ditched you guys for him, i just couldn’t look at any of you without feeling nearly sick. But i miss my best friends and I miss you Peter.

I’ve known since we were children that you were special to me. I always assumed it was one sided because I’d seen you go after other girls so i felt like there was no way you could ever love me as much as i love you, but I know now that you do, or did or do i don’t know but I do know that for me, you’re everything I need. We’re soulmates Pete, I can feel it. I feel deep in my heart that the universe made us just to be together and being without you would be to deny the universe herself and who am i? I need you so much when you aren’t around me i can barely breathe and a part of me is missing. I love you unconditionally and I always have.

What you did with Mj killed me, shattered my heart because I felt like once again, you chose her over me, your bestfriend and girlfriend and I hated that feeling each time I got it. The night i broke up with you I cried until my head hurt to much to stay awake, i felt stupid for thinking you wanted me more than her and I understood it. I looked at Mj and it felt like a no brained to pick her but it still never felt right. I know you didn’t mean it and we’re still so young peter. We’re basically kids trying to form a life long relationship and we don’t know what we’re doing. I don’t know how or what i’m going to do but I wanna be with you peter. I would have to take it slow of course but that’s where i’m at with us. So um yea.” You let out a sigh of relief of getting everything off your chest. You look away from Peter and wipe the tears that had fallen during your mini speech.

“I love you. I do. So much. Ever since our breakup i’ve been planning and wondering how to get you back. I felt lost without you and I never wanted you to feel less than. You’re perfect in every way y/n. You’re my oxygen and MJ is honestly just a friend. She could never make me feel the way you make me feel. We’ve got May and Ben type of love babe I swear we do. It was a stupid mistake but of you give me another chance I promise I will spend the rest of my life proving to you you mean the world to me and i will choose you again and again. I love you y/n and i want you to always know that.” Peter speaks through tears as he pulls your body close to his. He whispers how much he loves you against your temple as you break down and sob into his chest.

“Can you stay the night?” You whisper up at him.

“Will you let me take you out? Friday?” He looks hopefully at you. You smile lightly and bite your lip.

“Yes.”

“Then yes. I’ll stay with you” He kisses your forehead once more, before pulling you both under the covers to cuddle into you fall asleep to the beat of peters heart.

taglist: @cyrusandhiscollaredahirts @silver-winter-wolf @just4muggles @randomtrashpanda @sunshine-ybba @jin-hyuks @lovely-geek @jackiehollanderr @des0rbitadx @flowersgirl02 @eridanuswave @dear-selena @lavender-lovin @greatpizzascissorstaco

[uhpeach]

on saturday night my ex and i were snapchatting and he was like “sorry u cant sleep over tn i have to get up early but i’ll see you tomorrow at my superbowl party” and i was like “oh cool see you then sounds good” and then yesterday he literally ignores me asking him when to come and doesnt open anything i send until an hour into the game and proceeds to take 40-60 mins to respond to each message and being like “well why arent you watching with ur friends? like u should be watching with ur roommates”

like oh sorry i was totally going to go to watch the game at

a. the house of someone who HATES ME where 2 of my roommates went (one of the roommates being the one i havent spoken a word to in 4 weeks bc of a bad fight)

b. crash another roommate’s date to a bar to watch it,

c. go with my last roommate to her ex bf’s house who she is currently in a fight with even though she didnt even say she was going and walked past all my roommates and i in the living room and out the door without saying a word to anyone and we had to track her location to find out where tf she even went

like wow so many options and you literally invited me to ur place like!!!!

so i sent him this

“like it’s clear you dont want me there but please dont invite me and then make me feel stupid by effectively un-inviting me it’s really mean”

and he literally just replied 2 hours later with a selfie.... and i didnt reply and he snapped me 2 more times before bed and this morning like why tf would i want to talk to you. it’s clear you cant even pretend to respect me and be kind to me unless u need a nice warm hole to stick ur dick in and let rub your back and baby u when u miss ur mommy. fucking asshole

[karrova]

okay i need to talk about some things. tonight i had my workshop for class, a workshop that i was extremely distraught about, i felt that i’d put way too much of myself in the piece i submitted and i felt like it was really going to hurt me to hear people talk about the things that were wrong with it. and what the fuck, i went and i was the last story our professor wanted to talk about and i was fucking shaking the entire time and he just fucking read word for word what i wrote and and talked about how smart and emotionally honest it was and idk wtf. three people sent me their responses over email and they said that it was their favorite piece they’ve read all semester. i’m just idk. i just dont understand. 

and after my workshop was finished my professor said “i’d like to talk to you two after class” and pointed at me and my best friend. and everyone left and we started talking and he told us we’ve been producing phenomenal work and that we should be taking graduate classes and that he was going to talk to some of the graduate teachers about getting us into one of their classes which is just like wtf? and he was talking about graduate school and how he’s there for us with whatever we need and like two days ago i was like okay I'm going to put off grad school but now wtf am i supposed to do?? 

i dont know what i’m supposed to do. on one hand i’m like i want to take year off and just like pick a few places to go live in for months at a time, like spend two months in rome, move on to somewhere else and do the same, maybe spend a few months in chicago because i love it there so much. i dont know. i’d just like to leave this place for a while but at the same time, how realistic is that? i cant just take a year off and read and write and travel. where’s the money for that coming from? also the terror of not going to grad school and then getting trapped in my home, stagnant, working a job i hate just to have something to do with my time sounds like utter hell and i cannot do that. that’s what terrifies me most about putting it off, and i know it’s only a year but i’ve been so miserable now and i have a lot going on a lot of distractions, and then who knows what cycles of misery i might fall into.

going to grad school would mean certainty which is something i’ve desperately been trying to find recently. i’ve been so utterly uncertain about everything in my life recently. idk. i just can’t understand this. i dont get it. there’s so much upheaval in my life recently, i just want something stable finally, i want something to cling to and i dont have that. i dont know. i just can’t believe this is happening. i dont understand why things are happening like this? i cant find any semblance of meaning or comfort or idk idk what i’m looking for. 

and beyond this i’m obviously so lucky and fortunate to have this professor who i’ve looked up to for so long come to me and tell me that he’s there with whatever i need from him. i dont know. i love him. im so lucky to have him as my teacher and to have him believe in me. belief in other people is fucking weird. im lucky to have his belief but it doesnt feel real. 

also, how am i supposed to be a writer when i hate the idea of myself existing outside of myself. i hate knowing that people out there can think of me and have thoughts of me. i dont like knowing that i’m a real person and that’s all writing is, it’s sharing yourself, even if it’s not really yourself, there’s always some part of you in there. i dont know if i can handle doing that. i was actually shaking when they did my workshop because of how uncomfortable i was. and he started reading it line by line? i dont know. i dont know.

maybe i go abroad and teach english somewhere, that’s always an option right? for a year? fuck and then i think about having to leave the people i love and i cant let myself because the pain of knowing we’ll have to be separated is unbearable. i just cannot even comprehend it yet, and i dont know what that means for when the time actually comes to separate and let go. fuck 

i dont know. there’s way too much pressure put on people to achieve society's idea of success. it’s way too much and it’s fucking unfair. i’m shocked that people dont understand that. i guess life isn’t fair in general but it really should be a little easier, i dont care what anyone says. 

at least i have bjork, and rilke, and keats, and anne, and anaïs, and darl and jewel, and townes, and william, and tabitha and mary and hunter, and jack, and michael and chloe and sonja, and mike and ryan, and chad even though we havent spoken in a while and there’s a strange distance that’s painful to think about. and i have my family and my sweet puppy dog turner. the other day my dad asked me if i was happy and said that i didnt seem happy. and i lied and i told him i just had a lot of work and i was tired. and i wonder why i did that. i have so many chances to tell people how i feel and that i’m not okay and i always choose to lie and i really wonder why i do that. i did a psychedelic drug in early august and the entire time after the initial first few hours i kept trying to figure out why i am the way i am and i cant fucking figure it out, i couldn't then and i cant now, but i can see all these walls i put up and i can recognize all the times i lie and withhold to keep myself from releasing any part of myself out into the world. 

i understand this must sound strange considering i’m writing this horrendously long and in depth post about my entire mental state and well being on the internet where anyone can read it but the distance between myself and the people who follow me here is just far enough to where i can feel supported or at least listened to without feeling invaded and exposed. i dont know if that makes sense. 

i really dont know much of anything anymore. 

even with all of this out i still dont feel like the mess inside of me is any less messy. my heart is tangled. 

please do not reblog 

[andromedasummer]

when are you all actually going to take ableism seriously? i mean it. how many fucking times do we have to have this god damn conversation until it gets hammered into your heads that the opposition and oppression we face is serious. i get it, a lot of you think it's funny to watch cringe comps of autistic people having meltdowns. a lot of you like following drama going on with "deluded" disabled tiktokers. if it's funny it's easy to excuse right? theyre cringey so they deserve it. theyre weird so they deserve it.

it's so normal because it's so easy to other us and take advantage of us. exploitation for views for money for sympathy— from parents to teachers to strangers. those of us who cannot speak for ourselves are spoken for by people unlike us and without our best interesgs at heart and those of us who can speak are treated as if we really don't know better and aren't capable of it.

i want to make it clear i no longer a give hit about an f1 driver saying ableist slurs. there will be no closure to that, no one will ever get an actual apology. thats his problem. i made my peace with everything going on with him a long time ago. the only reason i keep up with it is because of my media papers where i am using f1 as an example in my focus on sports journalism.

what IS my problem and the problem of other disabled motorsport fans is when people excuse what he's said because they either 1. don't take ableism seriously (so are likely to commit it towards disabled people because its not 'really' a minority group). or 2. are just straight up openly ableist and want to harm disabled fans.

like i mean it now when i say dont give a shit if you like or dislike this driver. hes a celebrity. i don't care about celebrities, i havent for a good few months now and my god is it refreshing.

i care about being able to enjoy racing while knowing i'm not going to see some half-wit who can't be bothered to learn of their own accord, dropping slurs with the excuse that they're not offensive in english when they're still slurs no matter the language. i am here to watch cars and some funney racing people. not to have people repeat eugenecist rhetoric while i am trying to watch cool overtake.

now that one of his fans is seriously trying to excuse their own use of these slurs and the presence of ableism in their life and their country as a whole; while trying to convince people that there is a hate campaign for their driver going on while comparing death threats to complaints about his bigoted behaviour can people actually recognise this as dangerous to other fans? even within his own fan circle?

if youre a fan of this dude, cool, go for it. it literally doesnt hurt me. just fucking get rid of the people who will PLEASE. because i know there are minority groups who have offered important opinions on this discourse (people of colour, lgbtqa+,disabled etc) as fans of his and they'll hurt those people too.

i seriously feel insane thinking i am the only one seeing this shit. the fan with the openly advertized radfem sideblog when theres a good chunk of his fans who are trans men. this moron who is okay with ableism therefore ableism=okay when ive met and known quite a few disabled fans of his. all the fucking weird anti-feminists hiding in the corners of the fanbase when theres a ton of especially teen women and girls who can be seriously harmed by that crap.

i dont super like that these people like this guy but i also need to put my concern for the wellbeing of people who are within my minority groups and who intersect with it commonly because that mutual support is a lot more important than whether or not so and so likes whatever driver. i'd rather everyone have fan fights about whichever fucking white man of the month drive car good with the knowledge none of us are going to be fucking hatecrimed.

there are necessary conversations to be had about supporting a driver when they continue to act in certain ways or support people of dubious backgrounds. but can we at least as a bottom line look to the people being open freaks over this shit and collectively block and not interact with them. like can the slurs at LEAST be a nono in the fanbase PLEASE

am i insane? what the fuck is happening here? a slur is still a slur no matter the language its in. just because ableism is normalized in a culture doesn't mean its suddenly okay. it just means that ableism is more commonplace and acceptable to people within that culture. disabled people are still harmed by it. refusing to say a slur in english but saying it in your native language still makes you ableist regardless of whether or not you think it's a slur. you do not get to decide that and to tell disabled people to make allowances for when you or people like you use them. i dont give a shit if you as a neurotypical person don't find ableist slurs offensive. using the "it's part of our culture' excuse is an insult to every Dutch person I've met whose learnt what these words mean and have made steps to unlearn these things and do better. you've admitted you're still using them. you're disgusting.

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE FOUR

“ ‘something will be unleashed’ are u gonna start KILLING PEOPLE??” - saira

HOH: Nick UPSIDE DOWN: Emma & Kiki NOMINEES: Monty & Saira POV: Jev FINAL NOMINEES: Monty & Saira EVICTED: Saira (1-0)

JOSH C

well, we just voted out GINA and i'm feeling some kind of way about it. i feel like the push to save emma was VERY quick and i think there are a lot of alliances going on that i'm not involved in which is FINE but it's just something i need to watch out for. i know i talk with almost everyone constantly so i think i'll be okay for this week, but i'm just worried about the people that i enjoy.

a lot of people have said they don't talk to saira or brianna so i wouldn't be shocked to see them both go up, which is FINE i guess but i enjoy both. i don't want saira to leave at all but i don't think she has as GOOD of a social standing as brianna does. which is worrisome because i know this is her first game so she doesn't have any pre-existing relationships to save her which is.. not ideal.

i'm finding things a BIT frustrating because i have to navigate not ONLY game thoughts but people's pre-game relationships. not that i'm knocking anyone for them but almost everyone i've talked to says they don't talk to monty but they wouldn't want to see him nominated. i just don't FULLY understand why we can't nominate him but they're friends with him so he's a bit UNTOUCHABLE. i might push it anyways because he's the only person i don't really talk to anymore. WHO KNOWS.

i've felt like a deflated balloon for most of today so maybe i'll just go with the flow on this but i need to make sure i'm not just voting out all the people who will be votes for me later on. 

ARIA

Im small, bitter, and very angry...but spite is the best motivator and im going to use it to win this season. Anyways i miss saira im SICK of trusting nicks, i see a nick i FLOOR IT!!! I refuse to have a nick fuck me over in a game again i am so over it. But hehe anyways lets get into the info spilling section real fast and then i can analyze because my position has drastically changed from last time-

also sorry for repeated info but sometimes i forget things or people say it again so..

-nathan leaked "all" his alliances to me (Screensht is cut weird i think theres one he cut off)

-Jacob found out my gina connection

-perfect voting record is dead (told jacob i voted out gina tho idk why hehe)

-kiki-joey connection 

-emma knows about bri's backups because jake leaked it to her before he left

-josh c IS EVERYWHERE

-nick says they havent talked to bri

-nick likes jev

-nick wants (more so wants others) to take a shot at kiki/nash

-nick said nathan is a wildcard 

-joshua nommed monty and nash

-STOP UNDERESTIMATING JOSHUA

-told josha jacob is protecting him

-joey exposed saira's deal to me and bri

-joey wants a larger alliance

-bri said they like nick,,,but that conflicts earlier info so im thinking peer pressure or just bri is too sweet for this cast and i adore her-

-bri told nathan her noms

-nathan hates bri and for wHAT??

-jacob has a dpov and used it to cement a f2,, AND DID THE SAME THING WITH BRI FFS 

-jacob scared of nick and jev

-kiki and nash tell everything to jacob

-jacob said emma and joey have a connection??

-jacob thinks nick is gonna join the emma jev joey side (his words)

-jacob thinks monty is a threat

-jacob ranked the players in tiers as follows: 

A kiki jev bri

B joey joshua nathan

d: nash saira monty

-bri talks a lot with kiki and josh c

-told bri about the trio between jacob kiki and nash

-joey told me yesterday he wants to win,,,but then just said to take him out

-planting seeds against joey to bri

-jacob wants to bring dpov up with alliance at f10

-joshua and jacob were shook saira was evicted

-told jacob that joey asked to throw

-jev and jacob are getting closish

-jacob is so threaten by nick

-jacob told bri that nathan doesnt like her

-

and thats where im at currently. Lots of options and lots of interconnections I have to navigate but i think im gonna be fine for the time being which makes it super easy to just be complacent and float my way to jury BUT!!! I want to try setting myself up well where i dont get clocked at f9/10 and wabam im out. Im trying to set people against each other subtly but honestly i think im overestimating myself here but at least i know im safe. I mean for now im trying to set up this side of jev emma joshua to at least form together as a group but im STRUGGLING i might just have to settle for them keeping each other safe without a solid alliance ig. At the same time I think i really have two actives pieces of info im working with which is emma knowing about bri's backups and then me and bri knowing about jacob's dpov.

So i think what I want to happen is that Jacob wants to dpov nick out at f10 so i'll let that happen probably which puts a huge target on jacobs back, idk if its anon but if it is ill make sure bri leaks it kinda framing it in a "if you leak it and i pretend to not know i can analyze how other people respond so we'll know what everyone thinks" and once jacob leaves emma can leak the bri's angels (which should be weaker at this point since jacob is the glue that holds it together a bit) which #1 makes a bunch of good players house targets and then forces those people to solidly stick together as well. Not sure how im gonna play both sides but,,,,if i can play it off kinda like i did in pasio somehow maybe i'll be fine but who knows. Either way im here to have fun (and hopefully win for gina/saira)

WELL WELL!!! just did a vc with jacob, he decided to take matters into his own hands and be totally cracked and now thinks nick/monty/nathan are a side,,,,which,,,,idk yall nathan did show me all of his alliances and none of them were that but who am i to stop jacob from making himself a target by leading this charge against them uwu. I do need to be more proactive about leaking tho but im not sure how im gonna work that. Also im not sure if i want nick/monty/nathan all gone, i can live with monty gone bc they probably think i nommed them and might want revenge but also nick and nathan are kinda cute numbers for me,,, 

I mean idk because at this point i have a game relationship with mostly everyone left in this game and im just not sure which path i need to take to get to the end yet and its kindaaa stressing me out a little bit. I can feel myself starting to drop in peoples trust rankings a little bit and god its kinda annoying how jacob has this game wrapped around his finger, however i dont need to be in a dominant position this entire game i believe in myself!! I got this easy peasy!!! 

JEV

My reverse psychology paid off and I won the veto so I'm loving that for me, I'm not going to be using it because I'd preferably like to see Monty leave because I just... never see them and I think Saira is much more deserving of her place here than Monty is. It's frustrating that Monty is cruising through this game so easily because we haven't spoken to eachother since day one, and they haven't even bothered to come and speak to me to campaign for me to use the veto. Like, do you want to be here or not?

Thinking about it more, I'm super happy I won the power of veto. I managed to ensure myself and those I'm closest to in this game weren't going to be named as renom and kept Monty up there as a final nom, which I'm worried otherwise wouldn't happen during this game since people seem either threatened by Monty OR a little over-eager to keep him around in this game, which annoys me but whatever. I just hope whoever wins HOH has the balls to make the right decision, better to get him gone now rather than later.

JEV

So I think I've had a little bit of a brainwave/breakthrough. This is gonna be longwinded so hear me out.

Apparently from what I've heard, the nominations this week were revealed in order of who recieved the least to the most nominations from every

one. This is extremely interesting to me, as I've taken note that Nick, Aria, Jacob & Brianna were 10th-8th in the rankings of votes respectively.

First of all, I haven't made secret that I think something is going on with the Pasio alumni. This was highlighted when I was asking around for what people were doing for nominees, and from everyone I heard Saira/Monty, but from two people I heard Saira, Nash, Joey & Monty -- with Monty strategically placed last in the ranking, to give the illusion his name was the least uttered. Funnily enough, the two people I heard this format of the names were Nick and Aria who just happen to be Pasio alumni... interesting, right?

So looking at the ranking, I'm thinking "okay so they obviously didn't do eachother, and with Nash/Joey in 3rd and 4th respectively, they must've not expected so many votes on Monty and didn't plan accordingly, and so split the votes too much and didn't have enough to put up Nash or Joey over Monty. So I'm thinking, I know there's a connection between Jacob and Monty because I used to play orgs with them on Skype. Jacob used the veto on Brianna last week, this has brought me to the conclusion that Monty, Nick, Brianna, Jacob & Aria are working together with the possibility that Josh C is either playing both sides or is fully with them too, hence why he recieved the least votes.

That places Myself, Emma, Kiki, Nash, Joshua, Joey & Saira on the outside, and Nathan too as I'm guessing he's strayed from their alliance and/or wishing to work with them, hence why he recieved 5th most votes. 

I'd love to make an alliance with this group of people, but it's still only pre-jury and I don't want to be seen as playing too hard too soon.

(cont.) So I initially wasn't going to go for this HOH, but I feel like I need to because I can't trust anybody else to make the move to take Monty out, and I'd rather see their numbers thinned sooner rather than later. It would paint me as their #1 target for next week probably, but if someone I trusted won HOH next week then I could go to the upside down and not have to worry about it.

JEV

Yes again I'm so sorry, another thing that was interesting to me was that I mentioned to Aria that I was close with Emma, and she asked for an alliance with the 3 of us almost immediately after, stating that she was also "very interested" in working with Emma too. This tells me she's the mole and wanted the alliance to try and get intel from us, I don't believe for a second she did Saira/Monty along with me and Emma at all, which is why myself and Emma are hesitant to say too much in that alliance chat. So I like Aria, but I don't trust her as far as I can throw her.

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL__dyRaq2E&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=5&t=0s

[isaacathom]

also i played fallout 4 yesterday and i hate shaun. i hate him. he’s awful. or, ok, if he was allowed to be his own character without having his actions tied to the institute main quest, he might be interesting. but because he IS tied to the quest, he comes across as /INCREDIBLY/ contradictory.

he fucking sucks... here’s some examples, specifically surrounding the quest Mankind Redefined (and the lead up with the Battle of Bunker Hill, and some of the followup)

so he comes up top after the battle of bunker hill to have a chat with you in the CIT ruins. pretty scenic, i guess. most of the start is him going on about you and him and the relationship the two of you have to the institute and the commonwealth. like he’s saying the commonwealth is tainted and that, and i almost directly quote, “the institute saved us”

he says this, despite the fact that i, his mother, was left to make my own way to the institute THROUGH the commonwealth with no aid from him, and the fact id died multiple times in the lead up. he then even says, directly after, that he had “no expectations [i’d] survive” and that he wondered if the Commonwealth would corrupt me. like, uh....... righttt. so then me being in the railroad shouldnt surprise him at all, then, the idiot. he’s dumb.

then he IMMEDIATELY switches face, goes from vaguely melancholic and reflective to absolutely enraged because, as a Railroad agent, I informed the railroad about bunker hill and i kill the courser that accompanied me. he doesn’t know im railroad, but he’s livid that the mission failed. i explain that we were ambushed (which is ACTUALLY CORRECT because the Brotherhood were there) and he’s still really pissed. which is, fair enough, i suppose. but he seems to blame ME for the brotherhood, despite the fact that i havent spoken to the brotherhood in quite a while after i decided to go railroad. but alright. blame it all on me. of course. because he sees to be blaming me for the intel leaking, but I didnt leak the intel to the BoS, meaning the intel leaked some other way. its unlikely the railroad leaked it (accidentally or otherwise) to the BoS, which means it leaked outside of my control. but alright, whatever.

he says ‘ok we’re going to talk later, come tot he directorate’ alright..... sure. i go to the directorate. its shaun doing his dumb speeches. and when he names me as his successor, he says ‘she has proved herself’ DESPITE THE FACT I JUST FAILED A MISSION IN BUNKER HILL, but ok. whatever you say, shaun.

then its on to that reactor mission, with dr fillmore. but you gotta go to shaun first (and discuss his illness which Surely i, being his mother and having a lot of matching genetic material, should be able to assist with? unless being in the wasteland prevented that, in whcih case, why didnt the fucking institute come GET ME). And he says ‘as you know, power is a commodity’ and its like well.... in theory, yes. in practice, i just looted an abandoned railway station to kill Eddie Winter and the entire thing was still completely lit without any obvious source of power, so whatever you say. thats more a conflict with the ‘inherent’ nature of Bethesda games and their formulas. then when hes saying he wants me to go get the reactor with fillmore, he says, and i again almost completely quote, “im not fond of putting my own mother in harms way” DESPITE HAVING SAID BARELY 15 MINUTES PRIOR THAT HE DIDNT FUCKING THINK I WOULD SURVIVE IN THE WASTELAND AND DIDNT DO ANYTHING ABOUT ITI. fucking balloon. its straight up contradictory. he clearly has zero qualms with me being in the line of fire based on his previous actions and what hes said to my face. he basically said that he unfroze me for shits and giggles and thought id die. he’s a fucking liar. he doesn’t care about me. which is actually reasonable considering ive only known him for a few weeks (at BEST) and the fact im younger than him. there is an inherent disconnect in our relationship which, if addressed, would be kinda interesting to explore! but nope! shauns totalllllyyyy devoted to his mum, get fucked. he said the death of Nate was ‘collateral damage’ this fucker doesnt know the meaning of Love. ive crawled my ass through fallout for this prick and he doesnt even careeeee.

but whatever. cool. thats as far as i got before having to do the reactor quest and dying a Lot of times (sentry bots suck) but oh vey.

HOWEVER, there is a vaguely related quest - the one to collect Dr Wallace. int aht quest, the institute are fine. its the minutemen that are bad here. Because i arrive to sort out the situation, and some minuteman tries to ignore my direct command to stand back! me, the general of the minutemen. im in charge! and he has the gall to tell me that my plan is bad and almost dares to do whatever the fuck HE wants. i was fully tempted to threaten the fucker, bt there was a more peaceful persuasion option so i took that. piece of shit. it was so fucking stupid. whats the POINT of making me the leader of the group if the members of my group dont actually fucking obey me???? its bullshit. its straight up narrative disssonance, ludonarrative bullshit. what the game tells me, that Im in charge, is directly contradicted by the general gameplay set up of the minutemen bossing me around. its so fucking stupid. the minutemen are the worst fucking faction. all these factions suck. i only picked railroad because those folk seem to have actually Compassion, even if its somewhat misdirected (mileage ay vary). next playthrough im going brotherhood and blowing the commonwealth to fucking smithereens.