#but that doesn’t mean Delia’s values have completely changed

[hey-that-hurt]

Yet more contract au

Charles and Delia are both threatening to Beetlejuice in different ways. Beetlejuice eventually learns that Charles isn’t too much of a threat as long as he leaves him alone, even though not bothering the guy he doesn’t like goes against his nature. Charles doesn’t want Beetlejuice to be there, and he doesn’t want him to be a threat. Most of his orders are just things like ‘go away’ or ‘be quiet’ or ‘stay out of this room’ or ‘don’t touch that’. Charles mostly just wants Beetlejuice out of sight and out of mind.

Delia is the one who spent the whole musical trying to get Lydia to be normal. On Charles’ behest, yes, but she’s not nearly as avoidant of problems as he is.

Delia gives orders like ‘say please and thank you!’ and ‘turn that frown upside down— no, not like that, smile.’ and ‘go clean that suit of yours’ and ‘chew with your mouth closed’. Little expectations of normality that would be minor annoyances if he weren’t forced to comply with them. Charles poses the biggest threat to his freedoms, but Delia poses the biggest threat to his identity.

[mayacatmaster]

Don't trust your own opinion and always back your judgment until the action of

the market confirms your theory.

Markets are never wrong opinions often are.  ~Jesse Livermore

*** *** *** 

Don't trust your own opinion and always back your judgment until the action of

the Life-sweet-fruits confirms your theory.

Life itself are never wrong opinions often are.

*** *** *** 

What are your thoughts about this reading? For, through experience is wisdom gained. Knowledge is power if there is the wisdom to apply it in the direction that brings the fruit of the spirit or the seed thereof. #EdgarCayce reading 2051-5 

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***

A refined theory is born through a mixture of wisdom, self observation, and in one kind of intelligence can Mirror the most simplest “Cosmic Principle”(Tao; Source; Ma at; Brahma) in every area ….: When more fully matured, the very expression of consciousness becomes an offering of one kind can as alignment-deliberate-creator-wisdom-insight-peace-joy. It is then where the origins of a true theory becomes clear - where it is self knowledge-understand which is the ground of any kind of theory - not religion,morality-belief-system, philosophy, or spiritual practice. Lacking this kind of self knowledge-understand-wisdom-insight - where is the question of responsibility ? There is only mechanical conduct of the blind, a software following world, follow and LISTEN TO THEIR FRIENDS. FAMILY. AND NEIGHBORS. THEY LISTEN TO SOCIETY.

*** *** *** 

Because…:

THE NUMBER ONE REASON PEOPLE FAIL IN LIFE IS BECAUSE THEY LISTEN TO THEIR FRIENDS. FAMILY. AND NEIGHBORS. THEY LISTEN TO SOCIETY.

*** *** *** 

O = Opinion What is your opinion of these quotes? Do you agree, disagree? Are you offended? Is the quote misleading? *** *** *** No matter of what kind of area, who or what topic…: Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul. ~Mark Twain *** *** ***

If I could give you only one advice, I would say: Don't identify with anything. Be completely empty - no one. Be no-body and see if you lose anything but delusion. ~Mooji *** *** ***  “Student”(solar): “What is the meaning of Distance Yourself a little bit? *** *** *** When you said: Distance Yourself For A Bit. You’ll Realize A Lot. *** *** *** Since you said: Unless your Biological-computer-mindset-programs can pass through your self-inquiry, it just not belong to you, why??? *** *** *** Since every people usually consider their body-mind and Biological-computer-mindset-programs belong to them. *** *** *** Why don’t you pick up it as your “me; mine; myself” & “real; true”??? *** *** *** Just because everybody in this world perform it in this kind of way. My Master?”; *** *** *** "Master"（Mr. Bean）:“ Whatever happened to you and me, ….!  *** *** *** When you recognize that there is a voice in your head that pretends to be you and never stop speaking, you are awakening out of your unconscious identification with the stream of thinking. When you notice that voice, you realize that who you are is not the voice. the thinker, but the one-who is aware of it. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** "You can watch your mind and you will be surprised that all that you carry in your mind and think is yours is NOT yours. It has all come from different sources - from parents, teachers, priests, politicians - others have given it to you." Osho *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** "If you do not like the state of your world, it is you yourselves that must change, individually and en masse. This is the only way that change will be affected." ~@SethSpeaks1 *** *** ***  And…: THE KEY IS DETACHED AWARENESS; IN WHICH YOU SIMPLY 'OBSERVE' AND TAKE THINGS LESS PERSONALLY. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** If I could give you only one advice, I would say: Don't identify with anything. Be completely empty - no one. Be no-body and see if you lose anything but delusion. ~Mooji *** *** ***  So.,..: Unless my Biological-computer-mindset-programs can pass through my self-inquiry, it just not belong to me. *** *** *** I won’t pick up it as your “me; mine; myself” & “real; true”. *** *** ***  So.,..: Watch Life, as if you are watching a movie! Watch your own 3D-life-movie, as if you are watching another peoples 3D-life-movie. Watch your own self, as if you are watching another people's self. Watch your own beliefs, as if you are watching another peoples’ beliefs.... inquiry and question it. *** *** *** Just like "Socrates" said: “To find yourself, question and think for yourself.” -Socrates *** *** ***

Intelligence is thought without resistance. ~Abraham *** *** *** We make the rules and we should make them work for us, not the other way round. 我们制定规则，我们应该让他们为我们工作，而不是反过来。 *** *** *** Let your format produce the desire, and once the desire is there, then lie on your bed and ask that the energy come forth. And as you release your limitations of your disbelief about it, then it will be your experience. -Abraham Hicks *** *** *** You must accept the idea completely, however, that your beliefs form your experience. Discard those beliefs that are not bringing you those effects you want. - Seth The Nature of Personal Reality: *** *** *** According to alignment with “Source”(True Self; Tao) and as an alignment-deliberate-creator….: *** *** *** Mirror the most simplest “Cosmic Principle”(Tao; Source; Ma at; Brahma) in every area ….: *** *** *** Rethink Re-evaluate, redo and organize your mind, thinking patterns and your higher truths. With Mercury retrograde we get the opportunity to slow down and gain more clarity an recharge our thoughts through clearing away unresolved issues and processes. ~LAW OF POSITIVISM *** *** *** According to alignment with “Source”(True Self; Tao) and as an alignment-deliberate-creator….: *** *** *** Mirror the most simplest “Cosmic Principle”(Tao; Source; Ma at; Brahma) in every area ….: *** *** *** Awareness: Of your inner and outer world, being conscious through the understanding that as above, so below. When you are aware how you are affecting and being affected through each thought and vibration, you understand the power of intentions and awareness. ~LAW OF POSITIVISM *** *** *** Less pointless convos More comfortable silences *** *** *** Clutter is not just physical stuff. It's old a ideas, toxic relationships and bad habits. Clutter is anything that does not support your better self. -Eleanor Brown: minimalist *** *** *** According to alignment with your Source and as an alignment-deliberate-creator. *** *** *** Detox your timeline, your page, your home, your refrigerator, under your counters, your closet, your ride, your phone, your life, and your mind. - Lalah Delia *** *** *** Declutter those doesn't matter for your life. … and Focus on what you really want. Can save a lot of energy, time, money… and help you Constantly amplifying what you Focus on and concentrating your energy …: *** *** *** Good or evil, who decides?;  By "Source"(True Self; Tao; Logos: Ma at; Brahman) or  Seek "their"(government; parents; guru; husband; teacher; morality; religion) approval. *** *** *** The spirit of the individual is determined by his domination thought habits. ~Bruce Lee Kushandwizoom  *** *** *** We make the rules and we should make them work for us, not the other way round. 我们制定规则，我们应该让他们为我们工作，而不是反过来。 *** *** *** The eyes are useless, when the heart is blind. *** *** *** And since your whole mindset-program control your whole life itself. *** *** *** An unquestioned mind is the world of suffering. -Byron Katie *** *** *** . . . there are no short cuts to knowledge, to wisdom, to understanding – these must be lived, must be experienced by each and every soul.#EdgarCayce reading 830-2 *** *** ***  語言文字不教導，只有知識是不夠的，騾子背了一大堆的書，走了很長的路，不知道那些書對他有何幫助，鸚鵡重複別人的話，不知那些怎麼應用那些話獲得生命美好結果 Language does not teach, only knowledge is not enough, the Mule took a lot of books, went a long way, do not know what those books help him, parrot repeat others words, do not know how to apply those words to get good results in life *** *** ***  擁有學校最高學位的博士，往往在現實生活嚐到敗果， A doctor with the highest degree in the school, often in real life to taste the fruit of defeat， *** *** ***  學校男生只讀書，不學習生活本身， school boys only study books, don't study life itself, *** *** ***  往往理論與生命實務脫節， Theory is often out of touch with life itself， *** *** ***  現實生活往往處處窒礙難行 Real life tends to be difficult. *** *** *** No matter of it’s white cat or black cat … which can catch mouse is good cat. *** *** *** The value and importance of drugs comes from being able to heal one’s mind-body-heart-soul return alignment with Source-like-health-wealth-well Being. *** *** *** And same…: The value and importance of methods comes from being able to can help one’s mind-body-heart-soul return alignment with Source-like-joy-light-peace-health-wealth-well Being. *** *** *** When shoes fit, forget foot;  when girdle fit, forget waist:  when methods fit, forget minds;  that shows the "Suitability"(alignment with "Source) of the heart (for the question). ~Zhuangzi *** *** *** No matter it’s in a world, a country, a home, a mind-body. *** *** *** “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” —Pema Chodron *** *** *** TRUE Wisdom Comes To Each Of Us When We Realize How Little We Understand About Life, Ourselves And The World Around Us: - Socrates *** *** *** Man moves in a world that is nothing more or less than his consciousness objectified. - Neville Goddard *** *** *** Whatever you believe about yourself on the inside is what you will manifest on the outside. *** *** *** You are as you believe yourself to be. ~NISARGADATTA MAHARAJ *** *** *** From Non-Physical You began envisioning a place like this planet. And now you are living that dream that you have imagined. -Abraham - *** *** *** When you see something you are not that.  You see the body therefore you are not that. You see the mind, this thought flow, therefore you are not that.  Like that eliminate what you are not and just be what you are. ~Nisargadatta Maharaj *** *** *** You are. That is most important. Concentrate on the Seer, not on the seen. All that you see is false and the Seer alone is true. ~Sri Ramana Maharshi *** *** *** LET WHAT COMES COME. LET WHAT GOES. Why do you worry? ~Sri Ramana Maharshi *** *** *** Watch the mind. You must stand aloof from it. You are not the mind. ~Sri Ramana Maharshi *** *** *** Human evolution has two steps. From being somebody to being “nobody”(No-mind; wholeness). From being nobody to being “everybody”(Source-like-function-working in every area). -Sri Sri Ravi Shankar- *** *** *** AS ABOVE, SO BELOW AS WITHIN, SO WITHOUT HAS THE UNIVERSE, SO THE SOUL AS THE INFINITE, SO THE INFINITESIMAL *** *** *** When you understand that everything is frequency, the universe becomes a symphony. *** *** *** The visible world is the invisible organization of energy. ~Heinz Pagels *** *** *** My body and the universe come from the same “Source”(Tao; Ma at), obey the same rhythms, flash with the same storms of electromagnetic activity. My body can't afford to argue over who created the universe.  Every cell would disappear the second it stopped creating itself.  So it must be that the Universe is living and breathing through me.  I am an expression of everything in existence. At this moment, you are seamlessly flowing with the cosmos. ~Deepak Chopra *** *** *** He who knows other men is intelligent; he who knows himself is enlightenment. He who overcomes others is strong; he who overcomes himself is alignment-deliberate-creator-mighty.  The wise use their heart like mirror.  Mirror the most simplest “Cosmic Principle”(Tao; Source; Ma at; Brahma) in every area …: Their mirror-heart reflects the heavens and the Earth.  Their mirror-heart reflects everything and as an alignment-deliberate-creator....: *** *** *** Between egoism and "Source"(Tao; True Self); Between man-made-rules and "Source"(Tao; True Self); Between desires and "Source"(Tao; True Self); Between your-origin-face and "Source"(Tao; True Self); *** *** *** Between your heart, my heart and another heart; *** No matter what... You learn more about someone at the end of a relationship than at the end beginning of it. *** *** *** Life is "Tao"(True Self；Brahman) back to itself. I observed the sun, moon, stars orbit operation life. *** *** *** Because…: Simplicity Is The Ultimate Sophistication. ~Leonardo Da Vinci *** *** *** And…: "Nature"(Tao；Ma-at；Logos; Source) never did betray the heart that loved her. *** *** *** “Student”(solar): “My Master, what is You are never along or helpless. ...?”; *** *** *** "Master"（Mr. Bean）:“ Well, my dear solar…: You are never along or helpless.  It’s mean….: The force that is guiding the whole universe is also in you too! *** *** *** And…: I Have As Much Authority As The Pope I Just Don't Have As Many People Who Believe It. ~George Carlin *** *** *** But who care about it …: You are just …: Follow the force that is guiding the whole universe is in you.  Pledge allegiance to your "Source"(God; True Self; Tao; Logos),  everything is done! ~Zhouyi cantong qi“ *** *** *** Because…: No matter it’s in a world, a country, a home, a mind-body. *** *** *** “Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know.” —Pema Chodron *** *** *** If you see all the star swirls with the Big-Dipper,  Hundreds of millions of years and hundreds of millions of years,  No matter it is ancient and modern or east or west. *** *** *** It is through watching the "Cycles" of Nature that we more fully understand the cycles of our own lives. *** *** *** Four things cannot be long hidden; the sun, the moon, the Big-Dipper and the “Truth”(True Self; Tao; Logos; Ma-at; Dharma; Source).  *** *** *** Do you know what the dominate reason for anyone who has a worthiness issue is ? They have plenty of negative emotion and they're willing to put up with it. Source is rooting for them, and they are rooting against themselves. ~Abraham *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Via and thanks “Abraham-Hicks: Inspirational Quotes” *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** Through the modern world may know a million secrets, the ancient world knew "One"(Source; Tao; Ma-at; True Self; Brahma) - and that was greater than the million; for the million secrets breed death, disaster, sorrow, selfishness, lust, and avarice, but the "One"(Source; Tao; Ma-at; True Self; Brahma) secret confers life, light, and truth. ~Manly P. Hall *** *** ***

[sunfloooooower]

Mended. Chapter 7.

Some holes are filled with this chapter, such as the full story of Ari and Delia’s relationship. Hope you like it!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Ari’s Point of View

Mom decided Freddie and I needed to come with her on Sunday to explore the town. She actually meant she didn’t want to be stuck in the house anymore and was taking the two of us hostage. She also wanted to know how my date went last night and I couldn’t avoid her in the confinement of a car. Candace Harvey had everything she needed to be a spy.

By the time we got out on the road, she was already in full question-mode. I could tell by the way she was practically bouncing in her seat she couldn’t wait to start asking. If I was a nicer person, I would’ve already started talking… but I wanted to see her squirm a little. Was that bad?

“So, how’d it go?” she finally asked, making Freddie snort from the backseat.

“Good, I really like her,” I replied, not looking up from Instagram on my phone.

“That’s it? You’re not going to give me any details? I’m starving for interaction that isn’t me arguing with someone over the phone,” she exploded, making Freddie full-out laugh this time. “Fredrick, shut up. The second you get a significant other, I’m going to be asking you the same questions.”

“That would imply someone found him not annoying,” I quipped, catching his eyes in the rearview mirror. “And we both know how impossible that is. He’s going to live with you until you die and then he’s going to live on my couch. I don’t need Miss Cleo to see that.”

“How you can look so much like your father and act so much like me will never cease to amaze me,” mom said as she signaled and drove onto a random road. “Also, I know you tried to change the subject. I still want to know about you date.”

I sighed and started from the beginning. “We went to dinner with her best friends and it was pretty fun. Her friend Gwen and I really hit it off, I think we’re gonna end up being pretty close. Then the two of us went to this spot away from town and looked at the stars together, and I told her about spending time with Grandma Jennie looking at them and talking about mythology.”

I decided my mom really didn’t need to know about us making out on the hood of her car. Some secrets needed to stay between couples and not be shared with mothers. At least not until she flat out asked about it, then I’d probably tell her. There wasn’t much I didn’t share with her, we’d always been close.

“She was pretty,” mom replied, looking out her window at all the nice houses in the subdivision we were driving through. “Totally your type.”

I rolled my eyes and brought my legs up into the seat with me. “And what does that mean?”

“You’ve always had a thing for dark hair and light eyes,” she shrugged. “Plus she gives off that mysterious vibe. The kind that always gets your heart broken?”

There it was, the real reason she was curious about my date. She didn’t want a repeat of last year.

“Not all girls are Delia,” I sighed, wrapping my arms around my knees and turning my head to look out the window.

I know I’ve mentioned her briefly a few times, but I guess it was time to come clean completely. Delia Harmon was my first love and my first broken heart. She was a year older than me and the two of us had art together last year before we moved. I took one look at her with her curtain of ink black hair and her perfectly sculpted face, and I was in too deep. Everything about her screamed seduction and mystery, the perfect trap for a naïve lesbian such as myself.

Unfortunately, she was one of those girls who thought liking girls was edgy and hip to do instead of something she seriously wanted. After six months, I knew I was in love with her and only wanted to be with her. The day after we had sex the first time, she told me she realized she wasn’t gay. It completely shattered me and I had to leave school that day because I couldn’t stop crying.

“I know that, Ri. I just don’t want to see you that devastated again,” she replied, reaching over and stroking my hair. “I still wish you would’ve let me speak with that girl’s mom.”

That’s code for kick her mom’s ass and I knew it. My mother came from an old school Italian family that had ties to the mob, at least that’s what she’s always told me. I had no doubt she would kick as many asses as needed if I asked her to. I had the sneaking suspicion my father had gotten a visit from the mob since we’d left, but it wasn’t like he called to tell us or anything. I hadn’t heard from him since we left and barely before that.

“That was totally unnecessary and possibly illegal, but thanks,” I told her. “I have a good feeling about Audrey, she’s different.”

That answer seemed to satisfy her and she started asking Freddie about his games. My brother loved video games, he used to belong to a club back on New York. I didn’t understand the obsession, but to each their own I suppose.

…

We’d just got back home from eating lunch when Gwen asked if I wanted to hang out. She was cleaning out her closet and figured I could look through her clothes. The two of us were pretty much the same size and she seemed to have good taste so I agreed. After she sent me her address, I headed that way.

I sent Audrey a snapchat of me in sunglasses with my lips pursed that said: Playing hard to get only works before you go on a date. I pocketed my phone after I sent that and pulled into Gwen’s driveway. At least I hoped it was her driveway, it was the address she sent me at least.

I sent her a text that said I was outside and let out a relieved breath when she walked to the door. Once I locked my doors, I headed up to meet her and we went up the stairs together. We’d just got to the top when a guy came out of a room and his eyes immediately raked up and down my body.

“Damn, Gwen, I didn't know you had hot friends,” he said, smirking at me lazily. “I’m Jackson.”

I raised my eyebrows and looked between him and Gwen. “It’s nice to meet you Jackson, I’m a lesbian.”

His smile turned into a scowl almost immediately and he brushed past me without saying a word. I snorted and followed Gwen the rest of the way to her room where she immediately started apologizing.  

“Dude, there’s no need to apologize. Guys react like that all the time,” I promised, squeezing her arm reassuringly. “Something about fragile masculinity.”

She laughed before saying, “You can sit on my bed and go through all the stuff on there. There’s nothing wrong with it, I’m just out of room and don’t ever wear it.”

I did as she instructed and started looking through the clothes. “I know all about that, I had three closest full of stuff in New York and that’s not even counting the clothes my mom and I shared.”

She laughed over her shoulder and went back to looking through her closet. “Yeah, I have a little step sister and she thinks that my closet is her closet. It’s very annoying when I can’t find a top and see her wearing it.”

I held up a mint green bra and checked the size, and I saw her eyes go a little dreamy. “What’s up? Does this have some sort of sentimental value?”

She stopped sorting her clothes and came over to sit cross-legged on the bed with me. “It was the bra I wore when I lost my virginity to Noah last year.”

“And you’re getting rid of it? It’s a vintage piece of Gwoah history,” I teased, sitting it in a pile by my hip.

“I know, it’s not every day you ruin bi-curious and the virgin,” she snorted, making me raise my brows. “The crime fighting duo of the year, Audrey and Noah.”

I did not like the sound of bi-curious. It sounded like she wasn’t sure if she really liked girls or if she was just messing around. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t one of those lesbians who hated bi girls on sight, but I was a bit uneasy around anyone with “curious” in their sexuality title. It sounded like they could change their mind and I already had experience with that and didn't plan on going through it ever again.

“Oh, I thought Audrey was gay,” I finally said once I realized I’d been quiet for too long. “I wasn’t aware she wasn’t sure.”

Gwen’s face dropped and she immediately started backpedaling. “Oh, no, Audrey definitely likes girls! I’ve never seen her in a relationship with a boy, other than the time she made out with Noah at a party. But that was a complicated situation.”

I felt my eyebrows raise in surprise, I was learning all kinds of things about Audrey today. “Oh, so she’s not sure if she likes girls and boys or just girls or just boys?”

“Technically, but I know she likes you,” she told me quickly, trying her best to fix what she’d done. “I saw the way she looked at you last night. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Audrey that happy, not even when she and Emma became best friends again.”

“Why’d they stop being best friends?” I asked.

“Oh, Emma got new friends and broke Audrey’s heart because she was in love with her,” she answered without thinking. I saw her expression turn to surprise when she realized what she’d done. “She used to be in love with her! She’s not anymore, they’re just best friends –strictly platonic. Emma’s straight… I think.”

So, Audrey might not really be gay or might be in love with her best friend. Was I just a distraction because she couldn’t have the girl she really wanted? I thought back to our date and it really seemed like she had feelings for me… but it also seemed like Delia had feelings for me.

“Please don’t get upset at Audrey because I can’t keep my mouth shut. You should talk to her before you make any decisions,” she begged, grabbing my hands. “She already called to talk to me about you, about how pretty you are and how much fun she had last night.”

“We went out on one date, she doesn’t have to just have feelings for me. She can have sex with whoever, I just don’t want to get involved with a girl who thinks hooking up with other girls is cool for a while until they get bored,” I explained. “I’ve been through that before, I seriously don’t want a repeat.”

Gwen’s eyes softened and she said, “Audrey isn’t like that. She’s not just playing around, I think she’s less sure of her feelings for guys than her feelings for girls.”

I nodded my head slowly, even if it felt like my stomach was in my throat. “Oh, okay.”

We kept going through her clothes together, the awkwardness slowly ebbing away as we talked about the upcoming year. By the time we were finished, I had a big trash bag full of clothes I was taking down to toss in my backseat.

“Like I said, don’t jump to conclusions about Audrey and her feelings. She’s not very good at expressing them, at least I didn’t think so before last night,” she told me, leaning against my door and talking with me through my rolled down window. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen her smile that much at one time before.”

Gwen was one of her best friends, of course she’s going to defend her. I also knew she was telling the truth about needing her input before I made a decision. She was an awful liar, I’d already learned that about her from our little time together.

“I’ll talk with her before I freak out too much,” I promised, making some of the tension leave her shoulders. “Thanks for the clothes.”

She smiled and went back to the porch, watching as I pulled out and called Audrey. She answered cheerfully on the second ring and made my heart lurch painfully.

“Hey, what’re you doing right now?” I asked, trying to keep my voice clear of what I was thinking.

“Already desperate for another date?” she teased. “I’m on break if you want to swing by.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you in a few,” I replied before hanging up the phone and turning around to go to Zenith.

[waytooinvested]

I've been reading your fic and mostly I love it, but I got to the part with Mr Busby and it made me kind of uncomfortable... I was wondering what your feelings on religion are, considering how he's written? He seemed so nice at first, why did he get so harsh?

Hi anon,

Firstly I reallyappreciate you sending this ask, because if people don’t likesomething I’ve written I’d much rather they say so so I have a chanceto explain/discuss, so thank you! If you want to talk about it moreplease feel free to message me off anon, I won’t be offended at all:)Just for now though I’ll explain as best I can (below the cut as it’s a bit long):

Firstand foremost I am not at ALL anti-religion! I’m not personallyreligious but I spent a lot of my childhood in interfaith communitiesthat were all about understanding between religions, and I have ahuge amount of respect for the people I met through it.  Thestoryline with Delia’s parents was not supposed to be about trashingreligion. I think the main point here is that being religious (ornot) doesn’t fundamentally make someone a good or bad person. TheNonnatuns are incredible women and their faith is a huge part ofthat. They show religion in the best light, and I hope I get thatacross at least in a small way in my fic (I tried to make clear inthe part with Sister MJ in chapter 26 that it was a negative view ofthe Busbys rather than religion as a whole, but if you stopped at thebit with Delia’s father you might not have seen it).

But people do exist onthe other end of the spectrum – it is very easy to twist religionand use it for your own ends if you are a certain sort of person(just look at the Westboro Baptist Church), but that doesn’t makereligion itself wrong. This is what Mr Busby does. His views on Godand religion say far more about him than they do about Christianity.I’m very sorry if that was unclear and I seemed to be attackingChristianity generally, that wasn’t at all my aim.

Moving on to why I madehim so harsh:

When I came up with theidea for this story it came with a rather substantial snag – thereare a limited number of reasons that Delia could be left to be lookedafter by Patsy after her accident. I considered a lot of options, butmost of them didn’t work well. I won’t go into all of them or we’llbe here all night, but for example: I could have killed her parentsoff, in which case they couldn’t possibly have come to reclaim her.But that has its own issues – the death of both parents would havea huge impact on who Delia was as a person and involve a trulyenormous personal trauma in her past, and would  beg the question ofwhat happened to her next – if the death was recent enough for herto have left home she’d have an awful lot of recent grief to dealwith, if it was long in the past she’d have to have been brought upby someone else, which would put us back to square one, because thenwhy weren’t the surrogate family present post-accident?

I could also just havehad her parents move abroad, which might have been the preferredoption, except then they would be bound to have contact detailsfairly readily available, could be called back and again, Patsydoesn’t get to keep caring for Delia.

I went for the optionof sending them far away AND making them estranged because it gave aplausible excuse for them not to be easy to track down (infrequentcontact = no easily available address, no alarm at Delia not gettingin touch) and a plausible excuse for Delia to end up estranged fromother parts of her family (like the childhood cousins – but spoileralert there so I won’t say more). Making them as harsh as they werewas a difficult decision, and in some ways I regret it because I didlose one or two regular readers around that point in the story and Isuspect it upset people, which I never wanted to do. But I did havemy reasons, justifiable or not.I wrote Mr Busby as I did becauseI think it would take a lot for parents to do what I needed them to.Disowning a child is a big deal, and not done lightly. Certainly notby caring, reasonable parents. So, they couldn’t be caring andreasonable. Neither of them, because if one was and the other wasn’tit begs the question of why the nice one went along with it for somany years and so completely. The issue of Delia’s wanting to workand her sexuality are most easily and severely sanctioned from aconservative religious viewpoint rather than general societal norms,so that’s what I went with. A lot of young people even today do getcut off from their families using the same excuse.

Although she ismanipulative and unpleasant, all Mrs Busby’s behaviour is motivatedby a desire to keep Delia close, so on her own she would never justlet her go. She would keep bullying and manipulating and doingwhatever she could to make Delia stay with her, and to try to shapeher into the daughter she wanted, all under the dubious excuse of‘it’s for your own good/because I love you’. That is something we see(to a much, much lesser extent) from canon Mrs Busby, and I wanted tokeep some character traits true to canon, even if they were vastlyexaggerated for the sake of this fic; but in order to make that workthere had to be another guiding influence. Enter Mr Busby, who is inthe general way meek and amiable (it helps him and his wife coexist,without that trait they’d never survive as a couple – there isn’troom for two such domineering personalities), but at his core is MUCHcolder, and very much believes that love has to be earned. Theharshness of his temper means that his wife is likely to back downand agree with him when he flares up – hence why she agreed toleave in the first place, and why communication with Delia was sosporadic. I know the scenes with him and Delia as a child were prettybad, but they were a way to demonstrate that dynamic, and set thestage of his ruthlessness early in order for it to make sense when helater decided to cut Delia off entirely. It ALSO meant that when itcame to a conflict between them about Delia staying with Patsy in thepresent day he could make both himself and Mrs Busby leave Deliabehind without much of a fight, because if he was a different sort ofperson to just leave his amnesiac daughter would be unthinkable.

I could continue, butthis answer is already becoming an essay… I would just say pleasegive the rest of the fic a try and hopefully it’ll be enough to makeamends for that part – if you want to skip it the Busbys are goneby chapter 26! Also if there’s anything else you’re uncomfortablewith/want to ask about (or if you think I’ve written something reallyoffensive that I should change – I am open to criticism and willingto rewrite if I’ve unwittingly written something reallyobjectionable) please PLEASE message me directly so we can go overit! That goes for anyone who reads my fics and is upset by them. I amvery much open to good OR bad feedback, so don’t hesitate. I valuethe feedback to help me be the best writer I can be :)

[soldierheartcd]

xmcmusesx:

     after a long day at work, all isaac looked forward to was going home to delia. his fiancee. god how it felt good to say - or rather, think - that word. he could still remember to this day the exact moment he had asked her to marry him, and the way she’d said yes almost immediately. he’d never been happier than on that occasion. life had finally seemed to be falling into place for the man, and it was all going up from there. 

     except for now. when he’d walked in the door, he could almost sense the tension that was in the house. there was no greeting for him like there usually was. delia was home, but she hadn’t come to the door to meet him. she hadn’t asked how work was. almost immediately she’d told him he should sit down, and if there was one thing he knew from working at a hospital, it was that when you were told to sit down, it was never a good thing.

     eyes scanned around the room, trying to figure out what was going on. had he done something to upset her before leaving for work this morning? did he forget to plug the coffee pot in? no, he distinctly remembered pouring each of them a cup before giving delia a kiss and walking out the door. maybe he’d left the toilet seat up for the umpteenth time, and she was going to ask him to pee sitting down from now on, but - no. that would be silly. there’d be no need for him to sit down for that. she’d yelled at him for it enough that if that were the issue, she’d just flat out tell him.

     his mind was wandering over what could possibly be going through her head that he wasn’t paying attention to her body language. he couldn’t see just how anxiety-ridden delia seemed to be and how hard it was for her to get out what she needed to say. 

     and then he was blindsided. 

     “i can’t do this anymore. us. it hurts too much. i’m sorry.” 

     the words were replaying themselves like an echo after she said them. he couldn’t even muster any response right away. his lips had gone dry and there seemed to be an unusually large lump in his throat. surely he had heard her wrong. what was causing her so much pain that she wanted to get rid of him - to dissolve their relationship?

     sure, they had their problems, but all couples did. and maybe they fought more than most people, but that didn’t mean they didn’t love each other, did it? no, of course not. it just meant they had more issues to work around. and yes, he liked to go out and indulge in a drink every now and again, but he’d been trying to cut back - and he thought he’d been doing an okay job with it. he couldn’t see what was so bad that delia wanted to just throw in the towel on all of their years together.

     “what are you talking about?” 

     it was all he could get out. isaac wanted to know exactly what she meant when she said it hurt too much to be with him. and then, “we can work on things, del. i can change if you need me to. i just - i don’t understand where all of this is coming from. this morning you were fine, and now you’re saying you want to break up? i don’t - i really don’t understand what happened in the last twelve hours to cause this..” 

     he was lost, but he knew one thing for sure - he wasn’t going to give up on them that easily. not without a fight.

       An explanation. Isaac wanted her to explain herself. Yeah, okay. How was she supposed to do that? How was she supposed to answer his question when all she could do was sit there and lie to his face? The decision to break up had been for his own good, but there was no way Delia would be able to make him understand that. If he really knew what was going on, he would try and talk her out of it. He wouldn’t allow her to just up and leave him like she was trying to, and that was a risk she wasn’t willing to take. So instead, she let the lie grow.

       "What do you think caused this?“ Not giving him a fair amount of time to actually voice his opinion, the excuses began to snowball. “I can’t sit around here and watch you drink yourself into a stupor every time something goes wrong or you have a bad day. I can’t pretend like it doesn’t bother me when you decide that the alcohol is a better listener than I could ever be. I’m tired of coming in second place to an unhealthy addiction, and I’m just not going to do it anymore. I don’t want to, and I sure as hell shouldn’t have to, either.” Her side of the story was a tad bit more dramatic than the reality of their situation, but keeping calm and being completely rational was the furthest thing from Delia’s mind right then.

       "Do you know how it feels? Ha, what am I saying? Of course you don’t. You probably don’t even care.“ Fake laughter and fresh tears that were blurring her vision while threatening to fall. That was what she’d been reduced to, and it was all because she couldn’t speak one simple truth. Isaac would be better off without her. He didn’t need to be tied down to a poor excuse for a wife like her. There was no way he would want to stick around for the long haul when he found out that she was always going to put her career ahead of everything else. Growing hearts from scratch, finally finding a cure for VHL, returning overseas if called upon by the army again – each one was a priority in which she valued over all else. If nothing else, Cordelia Burton was incredibly ambitious, and she wouldn’t allow anything or anyone to stand in her way.

       "Here, this is yours. Make sure that you keep it somewhere safe until you find someone worthy enough for it.” Cautiously slipping the diamond off of her finger, Delia took hold of Isaac’s hand and placed it in his palm before closing his fingers around it and standing up from the couch. The longer she stayed around him, the closer she got to accidentally spilling what was really going on with her. Before anything else came out of her mouth that she would eventually come to regret and wouldn’t ever be able to take back, the now ex-fiancee hurried off to the master bedroom, in desperate need of at least a few minutes alone to collect herself, as the word mess didn’t even begin to cover the state that she was currently in.

————–

       Bolting upright in the bed, tired eyes needed a couple of minutes to adjust to their familiar surroundings as breathing slowly yet surely began to return to its normal pattern once more. Glancing over towards the body laying next to her own, Delia was grateful to see that Isaac still seemed to be sound asleep. She hadn’t woken him up with all of that tossing and turning after all. What a relief. “If only you knew about the insane dream that I just had,” she whispered into the darkness while twirling her engagement ring around her finger. Never again would she allow herself to get so stressed out about wedding planning to the point where she began to read things about pre wedding jitters online and actually take some of the advice to try and put to good use. Never believe everything you read on the internet – lesson learned the hard way.