#but that comic of ht papyrus by jnpie where he's looking at the puzzles he used to make and wondering if he'll ever do that again. or if he
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#U Have No Idea How Much I Miss Her.#i need to start actually drawinf again its been a hellish 6 months#its really easy to just fall out of the habit of it#i used to obsess over never being someone who just suddenly stopped drawing for weeks/months#it scared me. like a core part of my identity would have to change for that to happen or would be changed by that happening#and then once i didn't draw and wasn't drawing i felt like i needed something to violently change about myself to get me to start doing it#again. but i didn't need that i just drew something again and that was it. like that stretch of time didn't happen#drawing is just an activity you can choose to do or not do and there are no consequences for whatever decision you chose to take but it felt#so serious to me it is like i viewed it like death#which i was right about in a way but mostly in how death is just a thing that happens and that it wont be that sudden and insane#you will just be and then not be just like how you weren't and now are. its just like me drawing or not drawing lol#but that comic of ht papyrus by jnpie where he's looking at the puzzles he used to make and wondering if he'll ever do that again. or if he#wants to. its like that feeling. it always sticks in my mind#i have like a fear of thinking about when i will no longer care about something i care about now and its so weird when. realize i stopped#wanting to do something and caring about it and. i feel nothing on account of no longer caring about it lol. but i know that past me#is currently looking forward at me now and terrified. this is unrelated to that comic a lot but its like. thinking about how i will change#words#mine#IM NOT TAGGING THE ART bc i wanna actually finish some of these pieces tbh and like they are just the backdrop for my thoughts...#feels so hashtag tumblr to talk to yourself about some vague ass feelings or situation that no one else will look at ugh thats like#The tumblr experience. but i love reading other's personal posts and tags though..
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