#but tell me. why do i now have intense fomo that i’m not going on this night out 😭

[duskholland]

the post about your dream and then your threesome and then your description of your manager and everything else was such a ride!! please don’t stop sharing I’m now too invested 🍿🍿🍿

as soon as i saw this, i got a string of messages from aforementioned kiss dream manager bugging me about not going out tonight . you have manifested this for me 😭

[canthelpit0]

Enemies (with benefits) PT2

Pairing: Cold!Chris x Reader

Word count : 6.2k +

Summary: Chris and reader have always been enemies ever since they’ve known each other. neither knew why they had this burning feeling in their gut. So one day they decide to fuck it out. Until, eventually doing it regularly

Warnings: swearing, smut, a lot of plot, use of Y/N, FOMO, partying, drinking, smoking (cigarettes, weed), pet names (sweetheart, pretty boy, pretty girl, ma, cherry), name calling (slut), making out, getting caught, p in v, jealous!Reader, jealous!Chris, dom!Chris, unprotected (wrap it before u tap it), spanking, riding, doggy, degradation(?), creampie, slut shaming

(A/N: I wrote this in like a day. so I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes. this was fun to write and ended up way longer than intended. Enjoy 🤭)

PT1 PT2 PT3 PT4 FINAL

Now sitting at my vanity I’m touching up the rest of my makeup. I’ve been invited to some party, even though I said I would distance myself from that kind of stuff. But I was invited and my FOMO was bad enough to make me go.

“You done? The Uber is here.” Evelyn asks. Evelyn is my best friend, and she has been since middle school, she was there for my awkward phases and stuck with me. Now we’re in senior year soon to graduate.

“Yeah I’m coming.”

I say standing up a bit too aggressively than intended. I just really would like to stay home for once and just sleep, but I really can’t.

I don’t even want to go to that goddamn party, but the more time passed the more I thought about how much I’d miss out on.

‘What if something happened and I wasn’t there to see it’

I grab my purse and walk out the door, Evelyn following behind me.

I was wearing a tight, black, mini-dress, that wasn’t as short as the average mini-dress. It is about mid-thigh, but it has a ‘sexy slit’ up my left thigh. And my hair simply down

Evelyn was wearing a simple navy blue mini-dress, that, in her words “has the right amount of glitter on it”. Both of us decked up in jewelry.

Evelyn has her hair bleached, almost platinum blonde. She wears a lot of heavy makeup, but she looks gorgeous with it. Her eyes are dark adding a good contrast.

The first time Evelyn dyed her hair was in like 8th grade. To go from her dirty blonde a little lighter. Until eventually doing it so many times, going lighter and lighter until she ended up here, platinum blonde. But it suits her.

We walk out of my house, the Uber already there like she’d said.

And while I’m still thinking about why I even agreed to this, and ‘oh, it won’t be that bad’ , and ‘I do this all the time anyway’ , we arrive.

“Girl” Evelyn nudges me nodding to the window, and when I turn my head we’re here. I open the car door, and as soon as I do I can already hear the faint hum of the music coming from inside. I slide out of the backseat, Evelyn following behind me, after paying and tipping the driver.

We step up to the porch, and people in the front yard were already throwing up and smoking and whatnot. After all, we came fashionably late.

As soon as we Walk in the intense smell of alcohol and weed washes over me.

I started to question if this was actually a good idea. But when I look over at Evelyn the blonde is already looking over the crowd of people. She looks excited, and I can’t help the sigh that I let out.

Nobody seems to hear it anyway, the music is too loud.

“Go have fun,” Evelyn says over the music elbowing my side.

I roll my eyes looking over at her, a small smile crossing my lips as I chuckle. “You too. I’ll see you later.” I answer loudly smiling back at her before she nods eagerly.

Evelyn isn’t a bad friend at all. She’s great. Just at parties, I would much rather not stand next to her while she is flirting with some dude.

I tell her everything. Always. Except for the fact that me and Chris hook up. It’s kind of a more secret thing, especially since Evelyn knows how much we hate each other. It’s hard to explain. The feeling, the things that he makes me feel. So I don’t even try.

I watch her fade into the crowd starting to make my own way into the party.

It was a simple house party some random popular rich kid was throwing. Nothing special.

I make my way to the kitchen, brushing past drunk and sweaty teenagers.

Parties are way more enjoyable when you’re drunk.

So I pore myself some shots to get myself started.

I down another shot, feeling like the two I already took weren’t enough. I put down the shot glass more aggressively than needed, my face contorting in disgust at the liquid burning down my throat.

I look over at the bottle of tequila on the counter next to me. I sigh steadying myself on the counter my arms holding me up. I look down for a moment already feeling the alcohol kick in. The music started to sound louder, ringing in my ears.

I sigh standing up straight again. I can feel the effects starting. My eyes scan the room, looking for any familiar faces, or anyone cute..

With how much I party I handle my shots pretty well.

I furrow my eyebrows walking around the kitchen island to the living room where most people are, crowded in the middle, dancing and whatnot.

I see Evelyn there, and she’s just dancing so I join her.

After a while I excuse myself. I need some fresh air. I’d been offered one too many beers and I was feeling way more drunk than I wanted to be.

I really don’t wanna go home completely drunk.

I push my way through the crowd of teenagers, making my way to the back door. Getting out, the fresh air hits me like a truck. It feels like I can breathe again.

I step down the porch, sitting down at the steps of the back porch leaning against the railing slightly.

The fresh air feels sobering, but the sips from my red solo cup keep me drunk. I think it’s some sort of beer, but honestly, with the amount of different alcohol I’ve had tonight, I can’t even tell the difference.

Suddenly I feel a presence next to me. I look over to see a brunette boy.

Ethan Marlo.

He’s the school's resident stoner. The leader of the other skater boys. He’s been caught smoking on school grounds so many times.

And while I was certainly not innocent either, at least I didn’t go and get caught.

His hair is long and messy brown… -reminds me of Chris’.. no it’s too curly for that...

His eyes are brown but somehow sharp like he was staring into my soul, and judging everything he saw.

I’d talked to him a few times before, nothing worth noting though. But from what interaction I’ve had with him he was nicer than he looks.

He may just have a resting bitch face.

“Hey?” I ask when he doesn’t say anything.

I watch him pull the cigarette from his lips blowing the toxic smoke away.

“Hi.”

I watch as he puts the cigarette back between his lips. I raise an eyebrow watching him. Waiting for him to speak. To tell me why he is sitting next to me.

But he doesn’t.

“Do you talk?” I ask slightly annoyed at having my alone time interrupted cause some random kid sat down.

“Yeah.” He mumbles against his cigarette taking another puff.

He pulls the cigarette from his lips and blows away the smoke before looking at me again.

“I’m Ethan.” He smiles slightly.

“I know.”

Almost everybody knows Ethan. The kid’s a troublemaker. Teachers hate him. He’s a problem child and people know him for that. And he’s not exactly ugly or anything either.

“Now sweetheart, this would be the moment when you introduce yourself.” He sounds sarcastic almost like he was fucking with me.

“Y/n” I say simply staring back at him as he gives me a goofy grin.

I’m not popular in school, but people still know me. They know who I am because mainly Chris and I would always argue. And people know Chris.

Girls are all over him. Asides from the obvious fact that he’s a triplet and most people think that’s interesting. Most people also think he’s hot.

But most people at our school are stupid anyway.

“You want one?” He asks nodding down to the cigarette in his hands.

It wasn’t like I’d never smoked before, but I’m not a smoker.

I shrug letting out a small “Why not”

I look back at Ethan, and I feel him cup my face with his hand. My lips parted in shock. he chuckles, He places his cigarette between my lips.

When he takes his hand off of my face I raise an eyebrow at him, taking the cigarette between my pointer and middle finger as I inhale it.

Taking the cigarette from my lips I go to speak again. I breathe out the smoke.

“Dude” I sigh, my tone sounds flatter than intended. but whatever.

I pause for a moment taking another drag. He was always known to carry some weed.

“You got any weed?” I ask handing him the cigarette.

He chuckles pulling out an already rolled blunt and tossing it over to me. “You’re pretty you know that?”

He says looking back at me. I raise my eyebrow picking up the rolled blunt and putting it in my purse. “Oh yeah?”

It sounds more cocky than it did in my head but oh well.

I probably look really cocky right now. With the way, I’m leaning back against the higher step behind me.

But whatever. Honestly, I’m too drunk to care.

I put the cigarette back between my lips breathing in the toxic smoke.

Okay, maybe crossfaded.

Pulling the cigarette from my lips, I hold it between two fingers as I take a sip of my drink in my solo cup.

“Yeah”

He looks at me like he genuinely thinks I’m pretty. And honestly, I like the attention, but I don’t know if I actually like it. It feels weird. But I don’t know if that’s just me being drunk and oblivious or something.

I hand him over the cigarette and he takes it from my fingers, taking a drag of it.

“You’re interesting.”

The words leave my lips before I know. He was. I don’t think he was middle class at all. And he was a stoner and a skater, of course, he is interesting.

“Is that a compliment?” He chuckles watching me as he smokes his cigarette.

I chuckle. I feel like I’m sobering up too much.

“Imma go inside pretty boy.”

And with that I’d gotten up, half stumbling to the door. As soon as I'm inside I brush through crowds of people.

Oh wow, that dude looks like Chris

I stop in my tracks as I narrow my eyes at the couple making out in the corner of the living room.

Hold on that is Chris.

Who the fuck is he kissing.

Poor girl

They shift slightly and even from across the room I can tell that he’s deepening the kiss.

I wait to see if they shift enough for me to see her face.

Chris turns her around, pinning her to the wall by her neck. Her entire face is in view.

Charlotte Baker.

I’ve known Charlotte since kindergarten. Chris had too. But I’ve known Chris longer than she has.

I thought he wasn’t into blondes?

I wouldn’t care who he kisses, we’re not exclusive or anything. But him kissing the very embodiment of what he is not into? The person I hate the most?

Well okay, I don’t really hate Charlotte. I severely dislike her. She’s a bitch. No literally. She’s always so rude. But I don’t know if that’s just me. She seems to have a particular hatred towards me.

They continue making out and honestly, I don’t want to see him stick his tongue down her throat- like he had done to me so many times.

I blink aggressively. I realize that people have been brushing past me and that I’d been staring so I move out of the way.

Leaning against the wall of the living room, right opposite where Chris has her pinned. I’m watching them. I know I am. But I can’t pull my eyes away from them.

It feels like I only have tunnel vision on them. And honestly I don’t know who I feel bad for more.

Chris, for kissing Charlotte, knowing she’s a bitch.

Or Charlotte, knowing she’s making out with a guy whose motto is literally ‘hit and quit’.

I can feel my throat burning as I sip on my red solo cup, which is probably filled with beer.

I sigh, I really need to sober up

I push myself off the wall shaking my head slightly. I go to the kitchen, pushing through the teens in my way. Honestly, I don’t know what time it is, but do I care tho.

I pour the liquid in the red solo cup down the drain, watching it. I lean against the counter over the sink closing my eyes for a second to stay focused.

But all I can really think of is Chris and Charlotte making out just a room away. And the thought disgusts me to the point I wanna throw up, but that could also be the alcohol.

God, I wish I could string together a coherent thought.

I glance over my shoulder. The kitchen is open to the living room and entry but from where I’m standing I can’t see them.

I go to the fridge pulling out a water bottle. The bottle is cold against my skin, and suddenly I’m aware of how I feel like I’m burning up.

With shaky hands, I open the bottle of water taking a sip. Letting the cold water flow down my throat and ease the burn of the alcohol I’d been drinking.

I blind furiously stare at the wall trying to sober up drinking half the bottle.

I sigh my eyes drifting back to the living room. I feel more sober than I did five minutes ago.

I can’t see them, so I walk to the other side of the kitchen trying to get a view of where they were without having to go back to the living room.

They’re not there.

My thoughts immediately go to dirtier places. Shaking my head I furrow my eyebrows, my body tensing up before I realize.

Fuck, ew, I don’t wanna think of that. The fuck.

I take another sip of the water trying really hard to sober up more.

But before I know it, I’m already stumbling up the steps.

So maybe I’m not as sober as I thought, what about it.

I think I’d decided to go upstairs to relax instead of outside because Ethan was still outside. And honestly, I’d left him, so if I came outside again he’d surely ask why I came back right?

I open a random door, leaning against the doorway. Staring into the room my eyes squinted.

Until my eyes fall on Chris… with Charlotte.

Them, making out, Charlotte on top of him while she is fumbling to undo his belt.

Chris’ eyes snap open staring at me. While kissing her. My jaw clenches as I stand frozen not moving to leave like I should’ve.

He breaks the kiss slightly, pushing Charlotte away but not letting go.

“Y/n. Leave”

His gruff voice says and my mouth opens to speak but nothing comes out.

When Charlotte hears my name, and sees he’s looking past her she looks over her shoulder her eyes locking her with mine.

A disgusted look crossed my face. Not that it was intentional, but Jesus was this sight ircking.

Did I look like that when I’m on top of Chris? Ew.

I shake my head slightly turning on my heel, slamming the door behind me.

Okay, maybe dealing with Ethan would’ve been easier than ever having to witness that.

I walk downstairs. That sight sobered me up more than all the water I just drank.

I card through the people again now annoyed with how many people are here. Christ i just want to be alone somewhere.

Going back outside I sit back down next to Ethan. He had moved to the side where I had been sitting. And now he was smoking some weed.

“Back already?”

His tone sounds amused, and now that I’m more sober I can clearly see him checking me out.

“You mind?” I raise an eyebrow turning more towards him. my eyes scanning his face.

He had those dark brown eyes. They were droopy and he had heavy bags under them. His hair did remind me of Chris’, it was almost the same shade. His hair was curlier than Chris’ tho and probably also a little longer. His jawline is sharp and-

Why the hell am I comparing this random cute skater boy to Chris?

“No” he chuckles and looks at me.

He looks kind, honestly.

I lean over taking the blunt from between his lips and putting them between my own.

“What, did you already smoke the blunt I just gave you?”

“So what if I did?”

I didn’t. It was still in my purse, but he didn’t need to know that. Maybe he’ll give me more.

I pull the blunt from my lips blowing the smoke right in his face. But he doesn’t even flinch at it.

He’s a stoner, of course, he wouldn’t.

He chuckles watching me, taking the blunt from my lips before I can take a drag. Grinning, he puts it between his own lips.

“ ‘ts fine. I have more” he mumbles around the blunt before inhaling properly.

“I see that” I chuckle watching him as he takes a drag.

He looks pretty like that. He looks painfully similar to Chris tho. He could almost be their lost brother. If he put in blue contacts that is.

That’s a stupid thought-

“So, you know the party is inside right? What’re you doing here?” I ask my curiosity taking over.

He chuckles blowing the smoke into my face like I had previously done to him. He puts the blunt between my lips.

“Don’t question me, pretty girl.” He chuckles. I raise an eyebrow but inhale from the blunt. Watching him pull the blunt to his own lips as I exhale.

“Yeah,” I chuckle watching him. I feel more sober than before, but the weed is making me feel things again. “Mhm, so don’t question me either.”

He raises an eyebrow, pulling the blunt from his lips. But before he can ask anything I'm climbing into his lap.

He’d been sitting there all sprawled out. And the weed was starting to hit me. I don’t know why I’d get on the lap of this random, hot, interesting guy. But, why not?

And if Chris can fuck someone else, I might as well have fun too.

He doesn’t tense up, probably as high as me, if not even more. He looks up at me on his lap looking so kissable.

Those lips that look like Chris’ are driving me crazy

“Making moves on me now sweetheart?” He chuckles putting the blunt between his lips again as he takes another drag. His eyes are already red, and mine are probably starting to get red too.

“Don’t act like you haven’t been flirting with me”

I answer without thinking. Being high, and slightly tipsy from earlier was making me bolder. And the way he looks at me gives me an ego boost.

I pull the blunt from his lips after he takes a drag of it. I chuckle, putting the blunt between my own lips and taking a drag.

“Oh but have I?”

After inhaling I pull the blunt from my lips. Putting it out on the porch steps next to us.

I lean over him my hand cupping his jaw as I kiss him blowing the weed smoke into his mouth.

Except we never pull apart. his hand goes to the back of my neck and my waist, as we start to make out heavily.

My arm wraps around his neck the other one holding him by his jaw as the kiss turns even more hearted.

His hand starts to tail down my waist, to my thigh. My left thigh. His hand grazes my bare skin, getting dangerously close to my ass, and my lacy thong than I would like.

We probably look like we’re trying to devour each other. Well, that’s at least how I feel. Until-

“What the fuck?”

Chris.

I pull away from Ethan abruptly. He looks at my face, then to where I am looking.

Chris is standing there in all his glory. His arms crossed, as he stands in front of the back door. All the way at the top of the steps, on the porch, looking down at us.

I clench my jaw. I wanna ignore him and go back to what I was doing but he was giving me that look. That look that promised trouble. He was telling me to come to him, without telling me.

I lean against Ethan pecking his jawline.

“I gotta go pretty boy”

I mumble under my breath before getting up from where I’d been on his lap and walking the few steps up the porch.

My tiny handbag is on my arm as I walk towards Chris. I pull down the back of my dress as I feel Chris' harsh grip on my upper arm.

“Upstairs you’re gonna regret that.” He says under his breath leaning in slightly so I can hear him.

I purse my lips opening the backdoor and walking in. Chris’ hand stays on my arm pulling me upstairs.

We enter some random room.

The same room that he fucked her in.

He presses a kiss to my head, leaning over me to undo the lace at the back of my dress. The back of the dress wasn’t open, but it had a lace to make it tight.

“You were gonna let him fuck you huh?” He mumbles kissing my jaw.

He locks the door and pulls his shirt over his head.

“Did you fuck her?” The words leave my lips before I think about it. I’m still high from all the weed I’d smoked.

“No.” He says pointedly. My eyes started to trail down his chest. A sight I’ve seen so many times before. “You cockblocked me”

He leans in kissing me as I just kiss back letting him take the lead.

“Did I?” I mock back. My tone is mildly condescending. My eyes glued on his. Those blue eyes piercing through my soul, he looks like he wants to eat me alive

“Yeah. How about you make it up to me, hm?” He says. His tone was ever so condescending and cocky.

I hadn’t even known he’d be at this party. And that makes me think, he was never the type to drink, so he was probably wanting to get laid.

But why wouldn’t he just call me?

I also hadn’t seen Nick or Matt anywhere, so I would assume that he’s here alone.

He hadn’t told me he’d be here. And honestly, I wouldn’t expect him to. After all, I still hate him, and he obviously hates me.

Before I can reply to his question his lips crash on mine again. My arms wrap around his neck, his hands firmly on my waist.

He pulls away from the kiss. He leans down to the hem of my dress to pull it over my head. I slip out of the dress as he just throws it somewhere carelessly. It landed next to his discarded shirt.

“Want you to ride me Ma”

“Yeah?” I raise an eyebrow. Looking him over. He starts to undo his jeans sliding out of them.

He looks over my lacy panties and matching bra. They’re plain black and simple. But Chris likes them.

Chris likes my body, but he hates me.

Before I know it we’re on the bed, Chris under me. I hover over his dick, as I slowly slide down in it.

I watch as Chris sighs throwing his head back further into the pillow under his head watching me.

“You like that?” I scoff. My words come out more rough and disgusted than I intended. He just.. god his existence pisses me off.

“Yeah ma,” his tone is sharp from the heavy breaths he’d been taking.

I lean down to him to kiss him. His hand stays on my waist while my hand is on his chest the other one next to his head to steady myself.

He suddenly grabs my face, holding me by my chin. I look down at him waiting for him to talk.

“Where you gonna fuck him like this too?”

He asks his tone sharp still. But now because he is disgusted and angry, not because he’s breathing hard.

“No. Fuck me like you mean it”

He snaps staring back up at me. He lets go of my face pushing me back. I scoff leaning away to sit up again. His hand goes back to my waist waiting for me to move.

I start to move on it again. Slowly grinding into him. My hand which had been next to his head, trails from his collarbone down his chest to his abdomen. Until I pull my hand off of him.

I start to bounce on it more. Now, not just rocking my hips, but fully riding him.

“Yeah, fuck yourself on my dick like the fucking slut you are.”

I hear his breaths get sharper again. His hand trails lower to my hips as he starts to pull me down, intensifying my movements.

I can feel him hit my cervix with every thrust. This angle is heavenly.

The harder I start to ride him, the harsher his grip on my hips gets.

I feel a knot building In my stomach. My movements get sloppier as a result. My eyes shut for a moment as my mouth falls open.

Suddenly I feel a harsh slap on my ass. My eyes snap open as I glare down at Chris.

“Keep those pretty eyes on me.” He says lowly, his voice gruff and laced with lust

I feel him start to move me more than I move myself. “Fuck- Chris” I breathe out as I fall forward. My hands landed on each side of his head to steady myself. My moans echoed through the room.

He starts to fuck up into me. thrusting into my core, while moving me on him to watch his pace. His eyes are locked to where we connect, to where he is fucking me.

“I’m so close-“ I breathe out staring down at him. His pretty blue eyes meet mine again.

“Go on. cum for me, slut”

He starts to pick up pace even more, if that was even possible. The eye contact makes this just that much more intense.

He glances down at my lips and then licks his own. My mouth falls open in a silent Moran watching him, not daring to close my eyes.

At this point, I had fully drowned out the sound of the music from the party downstairs. It was already only a mild hum as we got upstairs. But now this intense feeling of being filled like this was making me forget anything and everything, other than the boy currently under me.

“Come” he demands. I feel another harsh slap on my ass, making y body jolt.

The knot in my stomach snaps. My entire body tenses and I struggle to keep myself up

But Chris holds me in place as he fucks me through it, the continuous brush to my cervix only intensifying the pleasure further.

He slows down, not moving anymore as I come down from my high. This type of high felt better than any drug ever could.

I sit up wincing at the fact that he was still buried deep inside of me.

“Should’ve known I was gonna end up fucking you anyway” he chuckles watching my expression.

He pulls me up slightly, his length slipping out of me. before abruptly switching our positions. He is now on top of me staring down at him.

He taps my arm grinning. “Turn around for me Cherry.”

Cherry, a nickname he had given me when we were just six or so. I’d been eating a bunch of cherries that summer. Chris had loved the fruit, but he hated me. So to mock my love for them he started calling me Cherry.

And it stuck. His brothers also called me that. And then later my other friends. And then basically everyone I knew, and was close to.

It was a cute nickname. But the nickname was born out of hatred and annoyance. Even tho Chris had loved cherries as much as I had, he’d pointedly stopped eating them after that year of my obsession with them.

I’ll see him sometimes have one, but he would never admit that he still liked cherries.

I hum still catching my breath as I turn around.

I prop myself up on my hands and knees, looking over my shoulder. His hand rubbed over my ass. Him deliberately running his length up my slit to coat it in my juices again.

He looks up his eyes meeting mine. And before I knew it he was ramming into me. My eyes widen as I turn to look back in front of me. He immediately picks up a steady and fast pace.

Fucking into me from behind. My core was throbbing around his length, either from too much stimulation, or too little..

He starts to rock his hips into me harder. My moans echo through the room loudly.

My arms start to shake as I struggle to keep myself up.

He grabs my hair roughly, putting it into a makeshift ponytail. He starts to pull on it, using it both as leverage, but also to hold me up.

“Such a tight cunt, all for me” he chuckles using his free hand to spank my ass again.

I clench at the dirty words. And the way his low voice is laced with so much obvious arousal and lust. And the way he is thrusting into me from behind.

If I had to guess I’d probably say, anything from behind is his favorite. Doggy, face down ass up, whatever.

I don’t know if that I’d because he doesn’t want to see me, or if he is just an ass guy, or both, but it doesn’t matter, since it feels good.

He slams into me harshly again, before stopping his movements. I groan in annoyance. I feel the knot in my stomach fades.

Was he fucking edging me now too?

“C’mon” he says harshly slapping My ass again. “Work that ass”

Before I know it I’m already moving. Thrusting my ass back into him. Twerking back on his dick. He tugs at my hair again. I feel his stare at my ass. He was probably looking over the way his big dick disappeared into me.

“Yeah, good girl,” he says in that low sexy tone. His hand moves out of my hair, tailing down to my waist. His other hand trailed from my hip to my waist too.

Suddenly he holds me still and starts to thrust into me again. His thrusts were seemingly harsher than they were before.

I squeal out a moan, my head turning to look over my shoulder.

His pretty eyes focused on my ass. His grip was harsh on my waist. He lets out harsh breaths.

I feel him move slightly, readjusting, his hand going to the small of my back to arch my back slightly. His thrust picks up again and I instinctively Lean lower. My hands quickly guided out making my face fall onto the pillow.

But instead of trying to get up again, I simply lay my upper body down, my arms wrapping around the pillow.

I moan and whine his name over and over again. He has the best mix of sweet and dirty talk. Always degrading but also praising me at the same time.

My back arches back into him “Chris- I’m close” I whine loudly getting cut off by another string of moans leaving my lips.

“Hold it.” He grits out. His hips snap into me harder. His dick grazed every spot making me feel like I’m in heaven. “I’m close too”

The sound of skin clapping and the dirty wet sounds coming from my cunt is loud. He slaps into me repeatedly, my eyes starting to water from the effort it takes not to come at the spot.

“You’re not gonna come before me” he demands his thrusts getting more sloppy and messy. I can feel his dick twitching inside of me as I know he is close too. normally he'd just let me whenever, but it was really dependent on his mood

“Understood, be a good slut and listen ‘aight?” He scoffs his grip on my waist bruising.

I throw myself back in him, meeting his thrust.

“Yes, god- please” I whine. And suddenly I feel Chris’ hips stutter. With one last thrust, I feel his load spill into me.

I continue to move myself back against him tho, feeling my own orgasm wash over me.

He pulls out slowly, but not really gently. He watches for a moment as our combined juices leak out of me.

I sigh heavily trying to catch my breath as I lay down on this stranger's bed fully.

I turn to my side for a moment. Chris rubs over my side and back. He leans down leaving a short peck on my ribs. Caressing my skin.

My eyes meet his again, and he looks… cold.

He doesn’t look like he’d just fucked me. He just looked at me blankly. The caressing didn’t feel like it was out of care and a will to comfort, but rather a force of habit.

He gets up from the bed, and I just watch him as he gets some tissues cleaning himself off quickly before getting dressed again.

I sigh turning full onto my back to stare up at the ceiling. This would be when he leaves.

Fuck, what if Evelyn noticed me going upstairs with Chris?

She knows we hate each other. It’s hard to explain. But I can’t just explain everything to her, it’s a secret. Id have to come up with some excuse and-

“Get up” his harsh voice breaks me out of my trance, my head snapping towards him.

“What?” I ask back flatly, my mind not registering why he is still standing there with his arms crossed.

I feel a chill run up my spine from how cold and uncaring he looks with that glare. The one he always gives me when we’re arguing.

“Get the fuck up? Did you lose that many brain cells?” He scoffs looking back at me.

I glance down at my nude body and then back at Chris. I try to get up as carefully as possible. Trying to get as little as possible of our juices onto this stranger's bed.

I mildly struggle to stand, leaning back at the bed frame to keep myself up straight.

He looks almost proud of the state he put me in. But the disgust in his eyes is stronger.

“Why the fuck are you still here?”

My tone is low but still harsh. I close my eyes for a second, sighing in annoyance.

He looks around the room, before fining and picking up my previously discarded panties.

He licks his teeth for a second before huffing.

He opens them for me. I raise an eyebrow, but ultimately just step through the thong, my hands on his shoulders for support. I let him Pull it up.

Cringing at the feeling of the lingering creampie and the fabric on me.

He wasn’t gonna a bother cleaning me?

“Go on.” He huffs looking back into my eyes as I look into his.

“Walk downstairs, go back to that party, back to that dude. Let him fuck you.” He shrugs his words harsh. He back up slightly looking down at my thighs where he can still see the juices run down my thighs.

“I’m sure you’d like having more than one guy cum in you, right?” He mocks leaning into me again. His glare burns into my face, making me feel like I’m naked, which I am.

“Since you’re such a slut, you probably wouldn’t mind fucking more than one guy right?”

He scoffs leaning away abruptly.

I look at him. My shock subsides as a glare settles on my face. I get that he likes degrading me or whatever, But does he actually think I’m that much of a slut.

“Go on, cherry.” He scoffs tilting his head as he looks over his shoulder his gaze locked on mine.

Why does he always have to ruin good moments?

“Fuck you, Chris.” I say back harshly my tone purely rude.

“Oh, you already have.”

I pause dumbfounded.

I didn’t mean it literally. But I mean I had done that, literally.

The harsh smack of the door catches my attention. I lock back over at the door.

He had left.

God, in hindsight that was a stupid insult. I could’ve said something more creative.

I purse my lips staring a f the door. Before my eyes trail over the now-empty room. The room was pretty neat, except for my clothing scattered around.

Right when I think I tolerate him,

Right after he makes me feel so good,

He’ll do the simplest thing,

And ruin it.

God I hate him.

Masterlist

A/N: looks like this is going to be a series lol

‼️please don’t copy my work/idea‼️

Taglist: @muwapsturniolo , @sturnad , @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 , @evie-sturns , @me09love , @fratbrochrisgf , @spideylovin

[hoe-doroki]

ana reads bnha ch31

previous chapter here first chapter here next chapter here

🤣 I almost forgot that the first thing this boy says is something that only Todoroki would ever say. It’s his intelligence combined with his denseness combined with his life informing his whole worldview. Guysssss, this post is gonna be so looooong. I’m so excited! I’m panting. Okay, let’s go.

Once again, Ana squeals: My boy is so smart!! I like to think I’m smart, but, in this situation (between Midoriya’s rambling) I’m not sure I would have picked up on that. Shouto is so sharp. But then he doesn’t pursue it. He doesn’t try to squeeze the info out of Midoriya. Not because he doesn’t think he could—if I were Shouto, I would look at Midoriya and figure there was a way to get him to talk. He already gave a hint by accident. I just think he has confidence that he’ll be able to figure it out if he’s patient.

I wonder if he does, though? I mean, after their battle, Shouto stops caring about this...doesn’t he? I think he does. Which is interesting, right? He only cares right now because he sees it as a threat. But once he doesn’t care about the threat anymore, he only cares about Midoriya as a person. Not any of this All Might nonsense. Ugh, Todoroki <333

Of all time??????? Guys, that’s very different from being the current number two hero. Like, where is this GOAT ranking? I mean, we know that All Might is the greatest of all time. But, surely, someone from, 50, 100 years ago could be the second greatest of all time. But no, Shouto’s telling us that out of everyone who’s ever been a hero (in Japan) Endeavor is the number two guy. Wowza.

My question about Endeavor is always: what’s your awareness level, bro? Like, it’s evident here that he doesn’t think what he’s doing as a whole is wrong. But does he think that he’s messed up at all? Because, look, him saying, “You think I’d tell you anything?” That’s could easily be him just telling All Might to eff off, no further motive. But I also think that it’s a shame response. He knows some of his “success” with Shouto is fucked, stuff that he definitely wouldn’t share with All Might even if he didn’t kind of hate him. So he hides that shame under his prickly attitude, so he has no reason to talk. Or he’s just an ass, idk.

(Yeah, in the dub he says: “Are you implying something?” Fishy indeed.)

That’s the million dollar question, isn’t it? Why is Shouto telling Midoriya this? @a-bnha-shoutorealm​ and I have talked our faces blue trying to figure out exactly this.

Obviously it’s triggered by the fact that he used his left side without thinking. And because he as the initial questions about All Might. And then he starts off this conversation by trash talking Endeavor which, at some point between his mother being put away and now, he has become comfortable with without fear of retribution (something Kim and I have also talked about ad nauseam).

But in two pages, he goes from this, to telling the story of his scar. Which I don’t think he’s ever told anyone before. Shouto doesn’t strike me as the type to need to keep things secret (judging by how he’s willing to blab off about Endeavor--while Endeavor’s there!--to the little kids during his and Bakugou’s remedial provisional license class). I think he’s just never had anyone he would consider talking to before. He’s been totally isolated by Endeavor--I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he’s been homeschooled, actually--and clearly doesn’t have any friends. Not that he sees Midoriya as a friend yet, but he is the only person he sees as a near equal.

The most likely solution I can come up with is that he feel like he needs someone to understand, so that he can justify why he’s not using his left side. That he felt like Midoriya was judging him and he wanted to explain his motivations to the only person he thinks is worthy of knowing. Of defending himself to. Shouto’s not the sort to just get carried away, so I think it must be something more like this. Something he feels compelled to do.

Wow, it’s so interesting seeing this juxtaposed against everyone else getting to be normal teenagers, have normal childhoods. Goddd, it breaks my heart, Shouto! We’re seeing Mineta and Kaminari talk about going after some cheerleaders—of course Mineta needs to make an appearance in my blessed chapter about Shouto—while Shouto’s talking about the quirk marriages. I wonder if it’s supposed to juxtapose any more than those two things, though. Is it also showing that Shouto doesn’t take part in those activities? That he has difficulty believing in love and romance due to the sham quirk marriage of his parents’?

And look how heavily drawn his speech bubbles are now? What exactly is that meant to represent? Is it an audio cue about what his voice might sound like or is it just to represent that what he’s talking about is dark and heavy or is it for drama? Him getting carried away as he tells more and more personal details? I don’t read enough manga to know 🤣

Separately, here we also get a hint that Todoroki’s mother isn’t in the picture. “As I remember…”

Okay, this we need to talk about, because that’s the other question people have. Why is Bakugou eavesdropping? To me, it’s always been pretty simple. We have the two people in the class Bakugou cares the most about. The strongest guy in the class—who just won the thing Bakugou was supposed to win—and the pebble in his shoe who’s growing larger and larger every day. He must have seen the two of them split off and, legit, I think he has FOMO. Like, if these two are doing something, he has to know about it. I think a part of him fears they’re laughing about him. Assumes they’re teaming up against him. He’s definitely assuming it’s going to be something about him or that interests him.

He doesn’t expect this.

He knows he shouldn’t have stayed once Shouto starts getting really personal. Bakugou might suck at human interaction, but that’s voluntary. He knows what he’s “doing wrong” socially—he just doesn’t give a crap. It’s a combination of preferring to be the way he is and being too deep down the rabbit hole of  assholery to know the way back. He’s frozen here. Shouto’s story is captivating—so painful you can’t not listen to it. That close-up face of his. That’s someone whose world has been rocked. I remember the first times I became aware of real abuse, times when I realized just how bad things could be for people and it shakes your worldview, freezes you as you struggle to comprehend. Bakugou thought he knew what families were like, since his mom is rougher with him. He didn’t know that something like this could happen to a person via their parent’s hand. I think this is one of the only times he purely feels bad about what he’s doing, what he’s done. But the horror of Shouto’s story has him stuck, unable to walk away.

“Sorry for wasting your time.” What is that?

Does he realize that he said a bit more than he was really intending to? That he troubled someone else with his personal life when he doesn’t want anything done about it? Or is this because he realized that Midoriya isn’t going to say anything about All Might and because of that the conversation was a waste of time.

You know what, knowing our dense little Shouto, I bet it’s that last one.

And if Bakugou’s shaken, then Midoriya is only more so. God, I’m 9 years older than Midoriya and if someone told me something like this out of the blue today, I’d be panicking. This is a delicate situation. He’s just become aware of serious abuse, and someone has confided in him their deepest traumas regarding that. What the hell do you say not to make it worse?

I think he handles it as best he can. Really, I think what he says here is just about the best thing he could have. Because Todoroki is not in a place mentally to accept help. Not even close. But even just sharing his story, that he accepts help from others, is vital. This introduces the idea to Todoroki that he can get help. That working with others is okay. It hasn’t penetrated yet, but it’s the seed planted.

Overall: 1.7K. Over 3 pages. Sorry, all.

Well, guys, this is the peak for me (until Shoto Todoroki: Origin!!!!). I know it’s not the scene with the most action or plot, but I live for character backstory and boys having sensitive moments. This scene in the anime is what made me start to fall in love with Todoroki and the show as a whole. It took me weeks to get to the end of season four after this episode. All the ones before this? Six months.

Todoroki’s story is harrowing, yes. At the same time, we’re getting more worldbuilding. So far, our image of heroes is All Might and the U.A. faculty. We haven’t yet seen any hero that’s corrupt or abusive. But suddenly we meet Endeavor, both through Todoroki, and a couple interactions with All Might. We learn a little bit more about how quirks have affected society and changed since their first appeared. This chapter isn’t one dimensionsal.

And we get our first panels of our main three. I think maybe part of the thing is that Midoriya’s world thus far has been loud, fast, intense. But this chapter is quiet. Nothing but Todoroki’s low, quiet voice. You could hear a pin drop. Barely a movement. Even Bakugou is still. It’s such a change of pace. And when you’re barely expecting it—it hits hard.

Also, every time I double check to see if something in the manga happened in the anime, it always did 😅 My memory may be fallible, but that adaptation sure isn’t! (joke, please don’t come at me)

If anyone has anything to add, obviously I’m dying to talk about it.

[rafaelthompson]

10 Minutes With—2020 U.S. CoffeeChamps Edition: Demi Chacón

We get to know Demi Chacón, a barista at Foundation Coffee in Tampa, Fla., and a competitor at the U.S. Brewers Cup in February.

BY CHRIS RYAN BARISTA MAGAZINE ONLINE

Cover photo (Demi at left) by Ashley Day

Editor’s note: The 2020 U.S. Coffee Championships season is in full swing. In the next several weeks, we’ll interview some of the competitors who have already qualified for the national competitions taking place in February and April about their coffee careers, their approach to competition, and much more. First up is U.S. Brewers Cup competitor Demi Chacón.

Demi Chacón stumbled into coffee competition largely by accident. Excited to show off her developing latte art skills in a throwdown, Demi signed up with her best friend, Michael Wood, to take part in The Barista League U.S. Tour in 2018. While the competition was more involved than she bargained for, she found instant success, with her team taking first place at the Greenville, S.C., stop (as seen in the cover photo). From there, Demi has embraced coffee competition, earning a spot at the 2019-20 Glitter Cat Brewers Bootcamp and qualifying for the U.S. Brewers Cup in February.

Demi behind the bar at her former place of employment, Paper Fox in Tallahassee, Fla. Photo by @addisontmathis.

Chris Ryan: First, please tell us a bit about yourself.

Demi Chacón: My name is Demi—that’s not short for anything. I’m 23. I’m a Leo. My life has kind of always revolved around coffee. I’m Cuban, so coffee was a pretty big deal in my household growing up. One of my very first jobs was at Starbucks, my freshman year of college. I wanted to work there just because the baristas looked like they were having fun. I worked for Starbucks for about two and a half years. Working there was great because it allowed me to move and still keep a job. It was in my last year and a half of employment with them, in Tallahassee, that I discovered specialty coffee. 

I started going to a local café, Paper Fox, to do homework. I decided I wanted to work there because the connections the baristas had with their customers seemed more genuine, and also I thought latte art was cool. In December 2017, I got a job at Paper Fox and I dove headfirst into the world of specialty coffee, making my way from bar back to assistant manager/lead barista relatively quickly. I was obsessive—soaking in all the knowledge I could get my hands on and sharing it with anyone that would listen. I actually just moved to Tampa in September of last year, where I’ve been living with family. I’ve been working as a barista at Foundation Coffee.

How and when did you get interested in competition?

I’ve always been a very competitive person, but I didn’t really realize it until I competed in The Barista League in 2018. 

Here’s the story of that: I was five or six months into my job at Paper Fox when I signed up. I was just barely starting to get good at latte art—good enough that I was a little cocky; I wanted to compete in a throwdown really badly. Some friends of mine traveled to Gainesville for a throwdown and didn’t invite me. I found out about it after they came back and I got major FOMO. I announced that no matter what, I’d be at the next competition that happened. A short while later, a poster for The Barista League in Greenville appeared on my shop’s community announcement board (turns out my manager had put it up). I kept my word and signed up with my best friend, Michael. It was only after we had signed up that we realized the scale of what we had just done. There was no going back, though, and so we trained our butts off! 

We drove from Tallahassee to Greenville with the intention of just having fun and maybe making some friends—not winning. We tried our best, obviously, but fully thought we were going to place last. Turns out we did pretty well and got first place, second place nationally!

When we came back from Greenville, a friend of mine asked me if that qualified us for “nationals.” I had no idea what he meant so I Googled it and found the world of competition. Doing well in The Barista League helped me realize that this was something I could actually pursue. At that time it was already too late to sign up for qualifiers, so I vowed that I’d sign up next year. Then for the next year, I watched a ton of Barista routines and jokingly said, “Hello, judges,” almost every time I served a drink or finished up a pourover.

Demi performing her Brewers Cup routine during the Glitter Cat Brewers Bootcamp. Photo by @heytayphoto.

Why did you decide to pursue Brewers Cup this year, and how did your Glitter Cat experience help prepare you for that? 

Simple: I like brewed coffee A LOT more than espresso. My first café was a multi-roaster, so I always had access to a ton of great coffees. My love for coffee stemmed from making pourovers and sharing them with others. That being said, I was actually on the fence about competing in Barista or in Brewers Cup for the longest time, but when the time came to sign up for prelims, the answer was pretty obvious. (Side note: I don’t do dairy, so until alternative milks are allowed, I’ll probably never even consider Barista.) I competed in the Atlanta Brewers prelims and was less than a quarter of a point from placing in the top four. Sara Frinak showed me how close I was, and if it wasn’t for her doing that, I probably wouldn’t have decided to pursue qualifiers.

I signed up for Glitter Cat after prelims on the drive from Atlanta to Tallahassee. It’s really hard for me to find the words to describe my experience with Glitter Cat because it’s so much more than I could ever even imagine. The bootcamp was three days of intense, rigorous training from some of the most talented coffee professionals. I can’t even begin to tell you all the things that I learned that weekend. Glitter Cat offered a lot more than education, though. It’s a support system—a family. We all clicked instantly and I talk to my Glitter Cat fam almost everyday now. I went home after the bootcamp feeling so empowered and cared for. I think one of the most important things I got from it all was a sense of confidence. They really just want to see us all do well and succeed.  

Demi performing on the Brewers Cup stage at the Sumner, Wash., qualifier in December. Photo by Paige Hicks.

What was the experience like of actually competing, and how did it feel to advance to nationals?

Thanks to Glitter Cat it didn’t feel like something completely foreign. I was more nervous in the time leading up to qualifiers and so I didn’t practice as much as I should have. Despite that, once I was actually in Sumner I was only really nervous for my open service. Everything else was just fun. I called time and it was just me and my judges. I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I’m honestly still processing what it means to advance to nationals. We all talk about the lack of representation on the competitive level, but I don’t think I fully realized just how much of a real issue it was until I walked into the prep room and looked around. I’m really, really proud of myself. It’s given me a huge confidence boost, that’s for sure. I didn’t think I’d place so I’m just stoked to be moving on. 

The post 10 Minutes With—2020 U.S. CoffeeChamps Edition: Demi Chacón appeared first on Barista Magazine Online.

10 Minutes With—2020 U.S. CoffeeChamps Edition: Demi Chacón published first on https://espressoexpertsite.tumblr.com/

[tsunrugi]

So I have a lot of thoughts about Ares that I haven’t been writing down/sharing on here! I was going to go through point by point with that trailer they did a few months ago, going in to my personal opinions/predictions for each team, situation, and what I think that means for the characters in them… but then I realised I really just want to talk about Teikoku. So i’m gonna. do that.

so aliea is a super influential arc for a lot of characters, and three of those have ended up at teikoku - sakuma, fudou and kazemaru (just mentally add + genda every time i mention sakuma, i love him but unfortunately he doesn’t get built on much after aliea). and actually the minute hino said this was an alternate timeline i was v. concerned in regards to the development for these characters bcs i see them as being v important to them growing up in to strong healthy beautiful adults! very briefly:

- it reaffirms sakuma’s sense of self in a teikoku w/out kidou. it helps him define himself w/out kidou. also like it’s super fucking mature of him to be able to encourage kidou to go to raimon when he knows it’ll hurt him in the process!! props for sakuma, look at all that Character Growth.

- it sets up fudou’s whole deal. on subsequent viewings it actually also sets up his isolation which is super super important for his later development.

- it shifts kazemaru’s perspective, shows us (and him) how destructive it can be to cling to things like being the best, how having high standards for yourself can, when left unchecked, be self destructive. the whole dark emperors thing makes him grow up very fast and kind of refocuses his priorities in sport (and life?).

so in ares, these things haven’t happened. maybe they won’t happen! that concerns me because i love that these things happened because it’s a testament to how well i11 develops its characters subtly and continuously through the series. i want to have faith but lbr, this is going to be one fucking crowded series. here’s maybe my thoughts re: all of these characters being together, on what appears to be the most fucked team in the competition. like, rip teikoku, you’re not getting anywhere and it’s not fair because you’re beautiful and you deserve it.

first up with sakuma. he’ll probably suffer enough being a captain on a team coached by kageyama, but i’m curious to see exactly how. not just because i enjoy suffering, but because kageyama brand suffering is pretty bland at this point, so the real question is - will this suffering bring about as nice character moments as shin teikoku did? shin teikoku was such a good story arc. it had purpose in the overall season as well as for the characters involved! and i’ll say it again, i really love how sakuma Grew because of it. it takes a lot to own up to your own mistakes, let alone as big as the one he made. he wasn’t just trying to absolve kidou of his guilt by telling him he was better at raimon: he was also in a way repenting himself, giving himself a stern talking to, to try and see past his own desires and fears and paranoia and to fight his loneliness with his friend’s happiness. it sounds so petty but this can be hard!! fomo is a Real Thing. and i think this kind of shapes sakuma later, in ffi - he gets setback after setback but he works through it and it’s Brilliant. he works hard to get back in to shape so he can play again. he works even harder to try and be on the representative team, and then gets knocked back. picks himself up and keeps going. puts aside his own beef with kageyama to support kidou. he works on himself constantly, physically and mentally and just As A Person, and it all starts with that guilt from shin teikoku. will ares have these moments for him?

i can see the whole “kidou come back to teikoku :cccccc” thing being solved by a casual conversation. it might even be OFF SCREEN. and that feels super anti-climactic considering the lasting impact of shin teikoku? what i want is for sakuma to lose it again - maybe have his anger at his own inability as captain boil over, have him lash out at kageyama in the Worst Possible Way. he’d have to be isolated. he’d have to ignore support from genda and kazemaru and whatever interaction he has with kidou. but it would be FUN and we also get to have his development and learning growth and i’d be happy*

i want to jump in with kazemaru next. because he’s kind of similar with sakuma in how dark emperors impacted his character, only his attachment was to the idea of winning/being the best rather than a person or idealised team/friendship situation. kazemaru doesn’t look like he’s in a good position in aliea which ngl gives me Life, but the question is - will this lead to his realisation and reconfiguration of his toxic mindset?

there’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve, or with having ambition or goals. but we all know how that ended for kazemaru, because of the way he internalised loss and failure and was eventually tempted by pure power. he’s very de-powered in ares. he has to play second fiddle to KAGEYAMA, of all fucking people, and idk i got the vibe from the trailer that he’s trying to start a coup with sakuma at least to usurp it all. but… is this consistent with s1 kazemaru, or even early aliea kazemaru? he feels very ffi kazemaru already. again, no doubt he’ll Suffer, but there was something to dark emperors that was so shocking, so impactful, that you can’t help but want something just as big? i don’t think there’s space for it in the ares story. and like sakuma, i don’t think he’s isolated to the point he was in aliea for it to happen all that naturally. so the question is - will his toxic mindset get addressed? will the dark parts of his ambition be dealt with, or will they still be there ready to explode?

i think that’s my major concern. aliea built kazemaru’s dark emperor turn so well. i don’t want that aspect of his character to just be ignored like it was never a thing, because imo it’d make the whole thing feel less like natural, human development and more like contrived plot device. and yeah, i know this is fiction, i know things have to happen for the plot, but i like i11 because it does treat character seriously, and does have the plot evolve along character lines. even in s1 kazemaru talks about how he wants to fight on the world stage. his break in s2 is believable. his stress, his fear, his anxiety, his despair, it’s all believable! please let elements of that stay in whatever he has to go through in ares.

and now for fudou! i love fudou. i was v. concerned when he turned up in the outer code and seemed Actually Stable. see, the thing with these three in aliea is that they were all isolated (sakuma you could argue had mentally separated his own suffering from genda’s, when you consider the extend he went to in shin teikoku in comparison). and they all dealt with that isolation by taking the power of the aliea meteorite. sakuma and kazemaru did that with a whole lot of passion. they let it consume them. fudou… didn’t. fudou was in control. and he seems to discard it without having to break like the other two did.

fudou is so interesting, i’d recommend an aliea rewatch just focusing on him. he’s all about the calculated revenge agains the world. he wants chaos, but he himself is not chaotic. he wants it to come apart around him, but to stay above it all. that’s why the only real moment of shock for him comes when kageyama rubs it in his face that he’s just as much of a pawn as the rest of them. this is a Deep Cut for him. this is Huge. and it’s huge because, as much as he wants to stay separate, he is still insanely affected by his family situation. it follows him in to ffi in that he can’t open up or trust any of his teammates, and how he deliberately antagonises them to keep them away. he doesn’t want, closeness. he doesn’t think he needs it, even though in many ways he craves it (snarky comments to himself that just serve to show how lonely he is, the fact that 90% of his hissatsu are combo moves, etc).

ANYWAY. why does this matter? well, in what we’ve seen of him in ares he’s…. playing nice? he’s sitting quietly and listening? he’s involved in team play? HE’S WEARING THE NO. 10 JERSEY JFC. this fudou already feels post-ffi. i can give them the benefit of the doubt - he doesn’t know why he’s at the teikoku meeting, and he doesn’t seem to have an established relationship with kageyama. maybe he’s just playing it save, sussing things out. but i hope there is some chaos. i hope he doesn’t play nice from the get-go. ffi was really fun in deconstructing his actions vs. everyone else’s intense dislike of him. it’s a really subtle unravelling of a villain, one that i missed on first watch because i was too god damn mad at him. but!! it’s so good. it’s so well done. and there are so many layers: we see fudou as we know him, just that Shithead who caused shin teikoku. we see fudou from the POV of kidou and sakuma, as someone who can’t be trusted, as someone who might still be working with kageyama. and then we see him through his own actions: he was fucked over too, and he wants to get back at kageyama just the same as everyone else. he’s insanely attentive to his teammates, even in the early stages of the season. he’s alone. and he grows. i love adult fudou because it’s such a lovely transformation from this isolated kid who dealt with his pain by causing chaos, to an actual well adjusted human being who has Friends and who Coaches and Helps people and Supports them while still retaining his own sense of self. IT’S REALLY NICE. BUT WE CAN’T HAVE THAT ARC IF HE’S ALREADY THERE.

so hino, please, make fudou a shit. make him the biggest shit. make him ambiguous and unpredictable and look I know there’s not that much time to deal with this but make him chaotic, just for a little bit. he is the joker - let him act like it before he joins up all buddy with sakuma and kazemaru, as per the implications of the trailer. you can do it, i have faith in you.

*i will most likely be happy with anything they do anyway this is all moot

[televixen]

Why I’m Not Reading ‘Hunger’

Months ago, when I saw that Roxane Gay was writing a new book about her life experience with food and her body called Hunger, I thought to myself, “I am not going to read that.”

Let me back up a second. First off let me tell you that I’m a fan of Gay. I read Bad Feminist like any other good feminist. I cried my way through An Untamed State. I read her published essays on a multitude of complicated topics from race to Bill Cosby and I’ve kept up with her on social media.She’s an important voice in our society right now and if you’re not already, you should probably be paying attention to what she hast to say. 

So not only all of that, but I’d like to think I’ve got a handle on (ie I’m obsessed) pop culture phenomenons. I read Twilight because of my intense FOMO on anything everyone was talking about. And I don’t even regret it (well maybe I regret reading the last three books in the series). But I was part of a moment!

Also you should know that I’m a big girl. I’m overweight. I’m fat. I’m whatever you’d like to call it. It hasn’t been the case for all of my life, but has felt like the case for all of my life because I always saw myself as someone who was bigger than normal. My legs always took up too much space. I’ve had cellulite since middle school. I’ve never felt comfortable wearing a swimsuit. I’ve never felt comfortable let alone confident in my own skin. Looking back at pictures of myself from years ago, I realize that this wasn’t always the case. I don’t look at those pictures and see a fat girl. But that’s always the way I’ve thought. It’s always the way I was led to think. But that’s another story.

So now, all of of these things are coming together. Gay has written this eye-opening memoir talking about a subject that not many people dare to broach, something I’ve grappled with for a long time. And it hasn’t even been officially released yet and it’s already massive among the feminist community, a place I have found a home and solace in. Gay is appearing in the mainstream media to promote this book, and it’s quite possibly the work that truly makes her a household name.

But I can’t read it. The thing is, I don’t like the way Gay talks about her weight. I’m not saying she shouldn’t, and that she shouldn’t write all of the things that make her true to herself, but something about the way she does it hurts me.

This is not the beginning of my difficulty with Gay’s writing. I loved Bad Feminist, but the essay about her weight stuck out to me, in a bad way. The sheer power of the negativity desperately clung to me. It made me feel like I should feel bad about myself. And it worked; I did feel bad about myself after reading it.

Then I heard her on the podcast This American Life. I purposely sought the episode “Tell Me I’m Fat” episode to listen to fat-positive activist and overall bad-ass Lindy West after reading her book Shrill. West did not disappoint. She had me in happy tears and lifting my arms to the heavens and closing my eyes and chanting “amen” like I was in a Pentecostal church.

Gay was brought in as a counterpoint to West. She was there to talk about how she’d never be happy. She’d never be accepted. She discounted West’s (and my) experiences by calling her “Lane Bryant-fat, not fat-fat,” like West hadn’t already lived an entire life’s worth of being discounted, discredited and openly disliked because of her weight. According to Gay, she wasn’t fat enough to have real issues. She also said the fat-positive movement can only do so much for so many people, and it definitely wasn’t doing anything for her.

How could someone I respect so much have such hurtful things to say? Is there a certain weight where your experiences with being overweight matter (and is Roxane Gay the one who decides what this certain weight is?)? Does it hurt any less when a random stranger at the grocery store tells you to lose weight if you’re not 300 pounds or over? 

And how would she like West (and again, by proxy, me) to act? Should we be angry instead of defiant and let that anger fester to the point where it darkens our souls? Should we be sad and hate ourselves instead of choosing love and accepting ourselves and also accepting that there are people around us who love us? Should we just stay quiet because everything sucks and nothing is ever going to help? And should people discount the fat-positive moment just because it won’t fix everything? Is it so wrong to stay strong and keep hoping? What a sad, defeatist way to think.

To me, Gay’s response wasn’t a mentally healthy reaction to West’s argument, and the impressions I’m gathering of her new book repeat and emphasize that same response. I’m sure that Hunger is a spectacularly written book, and I have a lot of empathy for Gay and the way she feels and what she’s been through. But the true hate she has for herself is triggering to the way that I view myself as well. The hate I’ve had for myself, that I’ve managed to work through over the course of my adult life.

I do like that Hunger is Gay’s honest and real approach to her own body and her own life. She is really to be commended for that, for writing her own story, even if people like me (and let’s be honest, people more important and smarter than me) disagree with it on principle. And it’s definitely brave to open yourself up to even more heartless vitriol concerning who and what you are when the memoir deals with a lot of that itself. 

But I wonder if it’s easier to wallow. To read all of the insults people throw at you and believe them. It’s harder to fight. It’s harder to know how society defines you and refuse to accept it. It’s harder to come to understand the fact that you have value, that you’re smart and fun and funny and you appreciate life and art and nature and not everything comes down to the amount of space you take up in the world or a number on a scale or on the label of your pants. It’s harder to have to win happiness for yourself and it’s even harder to live happy once you get there. And I know it’s hard because I struggle with it too. But is it so wrong to think that peace of mind or whatever you get for your struggles is worth it? 

Sometimes I can relate with Gay’s seemingly willingness to give up because I know I’ll never be or never look like the way others think I should. Or even the way I’ve convinced myself I should. When I fall too deep into that hole though I get sad. I start to feel depressed and hopeless. Those aren’t things I feel comfortable with. That’s not the way I want to live my life. So I want to fight it. I want to work through it. I want to go to therapy and educate myself and find my own path in a more productive and mentally healthy way. I want to practice empathy to those around me who I’m different from, and I want them to do the same with me. I want to earn that happiness. I want to earn the acceptance. I want to believe that there are people there who love me no matter the way I look or the way I feel about myself. I want to choose to accept that love and to give it in return.

What Hunger will do for the overall fat-acceptance movement, I can’t predict. But I do know that no matter what that may be, I don’t want to read it. I don’t want to read Hunger because I’m afraid it will take me back to that dark place. I don’t want to read something that will actively hurt me or make me doubt the path I’ve chosen for my own life. Even if it does mean a little bit of missing out. 

[riichardwilson]

It’s Good To Talk: Thoughts And Feelings On Creative Wellness

About The Author

Jhey makes awesome things for awesome people! He’s a web developer with almost 10 years of experience. Working with and for names such as Eurostar, Uber, … More about Jhey …

With so much pressure to be our best selves and use every waking moment to develop skills, it’s easy to lose track of our own wellbeing. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great — but only if you find the right balance.

In fields as fast-paced and technical as web design and development, it’s easy to lose sight of our own wellbeing. For many, there’s a constant sense of trying to keep up or ahead. We may not even realize we’re doing it.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you stepped away for a day and didn’t think about coding or design for a day? For me, that’s very hard to answer. For many, it’s a vocation that we can’t switch on and off. We can’t turn it off at 5 or 6 PM. Let’s talk about that and ways we can deal with it.

It’s important to start right off the bat by saying this article isn’t a dictation. The aim here is to spark interest, engagement, and discussion. These are things that sometimes get lost in the whirlwind industry we are a part of. Different things work for different people, and these words are written with the best intentions.

Why now? I’d planned to write something about this topic at the tail end of last year. I was making my way back from my first NodeConfEU and feeling inspired by a talk I attended, “Building Open Source Communities with Tierney Cyren”.

I made a bunch of notes, then life and other commitments cropped up and the article made its way to the backburner. But, that’s OK. And that’s kind of where this post leads us to. It’s OK if you didn’t write that post, work on that side project this weekend, and so on.

Pressure Culture

If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve seen or experienced pressure culture — that constant, nagging expectation to dedicate every waking hour to skills development and side projects, even if your heart might not be in it. This pressure can be self-imposed, and whether we like it or not social media also plays a big part. If we aren’t careful, it can eat away at us.

Pressure culture isn’t something that’s popped up recently. It’s been around a long time, a constant looming external force. Left unchecked it can fill you with guilt, anxiety, and other feelings we aren’t fond of.

Work/Play balance by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

This is a common result of the idea of ‘The ideal worker,’ with pressure coming from those higher up in workplace hierarchies. These ‘Never say no’ employees feel obliged to wear themselves thin in order to progress in their careers. There’s a great Harvard Business Review article called “Managing the High-Intensity Workplace” that explores this mindset.

Social media pressure is also very real. The tendency to idealize our online lives is well documented. We often forget that we are likely only looking at someone else’s highlight reel. That is true of work as well as play. If we forget that and spend a lot of time-consuming content from those we idolize, that pressure creeps in. We want to be as awesome as the people on our feed, but at what cost?

There was a period a little while back where tweets like this were quite frequent:

Get home.

Watch Netflix or do more coding learning?

Seems like a small decision.

For one night it is.

But multiplied over a year, this decision defines your future.

— 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗚𝗲𝗲𝗸 (@WellPaidGeek) November 6, 2019

The message is completely understandable. Time is valuable. The hard truth is that if you want to get far in your career, prepare to put in the hours. Nothing gets handed out. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great, but only if you find the right balance.

Messages like those above put you under an enormous amount of pressure. That pressure isn’t healthy, and can actually hamper your development. It can lead to things like burnout and potentially, even depression. What is burnout? This study phrases it quite well:

“Burnout is a psychological syndrome characterized by emotional exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and reduced personal accomplishment.”

It’s not a nice place to be. I can speak from experience here. Feeling as if things are bearing down on you and you need to keep up. “I need to make that new thing or learn that new framework to keep up with my peers.” I remember seeing tweets from people. They’d say things like, “I missed a day of my bootcamp course. I’d better do double tonight.” This makes for sad reading. You don’t want to end up resenting what you do for a job.

Burnout cannot only impact your personal wellbeing, but can also affect other areas of your life. Does your work suffer as a result? Do you still have the energy to give it your full attention? How about that creative spark? Is it gone? We’ve all heard of writer’s block. Well, creative’s block is a thing too!

The above tweet was a great example of how social media can influence us. Read the responses and engagement. There’s an almost 50⁄50 split on how it’s perceived. This response from Chris Coyler was great:

I don’t mind the sentiment here, but don’t burn out!https://t.co/Ho7CPcamEb

Just last night I had some stuff in mind I really wanted to get done on the ol laptop but I was just too tired after putting the kid down so I literally watched Netflix and everything will be ok

— Chris Coyier (@chriscoyier) November 6, 2019

And it’s so true. It’s OK to sit back and not force yourself to work on things. It’s fine to take the night off, the week off, and so on. Those projects will still be there for you. They’re not going anywhere. You might even decide you don’t want to return to them at all, and that’s fine too! It’s all about balance.

With the pandemic and many of us in lockdown, this trend has reared its head again. I’ve seen my fair share of messages implying if you haven’t picked up new skills with your new free time, you’ve wasted it. As if it’s some kind of opportunity. Not that a global pandemic is exhausting enough right?

Hopes and Dreams by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

Even now, pressure culture is not black and white. The free time gained where we had other commitments is an opportunity. An opportunity to try something new or do something we haven’t had the time for. It might be that that thing is ‘rest’. For me, my weekend commitments halted, so I decided to finally start streaming. And, I’ve loved it! Still, I try not to let it take up more time than my other commitments would. If it gets too much, I take a break and step away.

Handling Pressure Culture

Getting AFK (Away from keyboard)

How can we combat these feelings of pressure? It sounds like the opposite of what our minds tell us, but one way is to get away from that keyboard. Disconnect and go do something else. I’m not saying lock up your laptop for a week and go cold turkey, but a break does you good.

Go for a walk, read a book, do nothing! We already saw that Chris enjoys a night with Netflix! I myself recently picked up a stylus for the iPad so I can go chill out on a bean bag and sketch doodles. There’s also a 1000 piece puzzle laid out on a table downstairs that’s quite good to sit next to zone out with.

Yes, it’s difficult at the moment. We can’t make a trip to the theme park or the cinema or even hit the gym. But, we can still get AFK. Even sporadic breaks throughout the day can do you wonders. I often get up every once in a while and do a few handstands!

This is true even when the world isn’t in crisis. Getting away from things can be great for you. It’s not healthy to tie yourself to the same thing 24 hours a day. Step back, broaden your scope, and appreciate that there’s so much more on offer for you. Close this tab and get away now if you’d like. I’d prefer it if you stuck around until the end, though.

Getting AFK pic.twitter.com/tXSxB52gLk

— Jhey (@jh3yy) June 14, 2020

It might not even be a case of getting physically AFK either. There’s a Slack community I’m in that has this notion of ‘fun laptop time’ which is an interesting idea. Have a separate machine that you can unwind on or do other things on. One that isn’t logged in to social media perhaps? One that you can do ‘fun’ things on. Maybe that is still coding something or creative writing or watching a live stream. The possibilities are endless.

Give yourself space to live away from your work. This article on Lifehacker cites the case that taking up something new can help with burnout. I can relate to that too. Scheduling something completely unrelated to work is quite good at this. For me, I know when the season is in full swing, I’ll be spending some of my Saturdays AFK running around a field.

Footballlll! 🥳 pic.twitter.com/0c1XEIQMBu

— Jhey (@jh3yy) July 14, 2020

With AFK, we’re mainly referring to sitting at a desk with a physical keyboard. Odds are, if you have a smartphone, the little digital one on that isn’t far away. A FOMO tip that might seem counterintuitive is to share being AFK. Share what you’re up to with people. It might surprise you how much people appreciate seeing others getting AFK. Rachel’s been plane spotting for example!

Just picked this up on my PiAware tracker and watched it go overhead. https://t.co/MHPoXlPzmZ

— Rachel Andrew (@rachelandrew) May 28, 2020

Please Talk

And that leads us to the title of this post. It’s good to talk. Is there a stigma attached to talking about our feelings and struggles? Yes. Should there be? Hell no!

FOMO, burnout, depression, anxiety, and so on. They’re all real things and likely touch more of us than we know. I listen to various podcasts. I remember one in which the speaker and guest spoke about almost an obsession with chasing goals. When you reach that goal, you hit a low. Maybe it didn’t fill that void you were hoping for? But, although I wasn’t having a conversation with them, hearing that did me some good. It was relatable.

I’d had this feeling inside, never expressing it. Now I knew it wasn’t uncommon. So I spoke about it with other people, and they could relate too. One big example for me was buying my house. It had been a goal for a year or so to get on the property ladder. Once I got the keys, it was a bit deflating. But, I should’ve been super happy about it.

Return of Me by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

We could all bottle those things up. But, speaking about things and getting your thoughts out can go some way in taking the pressure off. Another perspective can really help you out! It might be hearing something as little as ‘I do that too’ or ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing great!’ that can go a long way. It’s not that you’re fishing for compliments, but it sometimes takes that other perspective to bring you back to reality.

Now don’t get me wrong. Talking about things is easier said than done, but the results might surprise you. Based on my own experience and others I’ve spoken to, here are some things you can do to combat those negative feelings.

Be willing to take the first step. Interaction doesn’t have to be a dying art. It won’t work for everyone and you can’t force others to embrace it. There will be those who do, though, people who feel exactly the same and were looking for someone to talk to.

Speak more openly. I’ve personally been terrible at this and I don’t mind admitting it. I’m getting better though. I speak more openly with those I engage with both on and offline and I’m happier for it. The takeaway being that there’s no shame in being yourself and doing what you want to do. If you’re being made to feel that way, it could be a good time to shift your circle or change up those you engage with. One nifty tip if you work remotely and feel isolated during the day is to set a reminder for yourself. For example, set a reminder every day at noon to reach out to people. This is quite effective. Most IM services can do this. For example, with Slack: /remind me "Reach out to people!" every weekday at 12:00 pm

If it can’t be offline, take it online. You don’t have to speak to people in person. Hop on a call with someone. Or even a video call. There are also so many online communities out there now too. If you don’t want to talk about how you feel, it’s great to even talk about what you’re up to or hear what others are up to. You soon realize people aren’t churning 24 hours a day like social media might have you think. I’ve recently joined an online community of creatives on Discord. I must say, it’s been brilliant. The Party Corgi network has been a game changer for me.

Broaden your scope. It’s so easy to lose track and become so focussed on your own little circle. I ended up randomly hopping around Twitch the other day. And I sat there and thought to myself, “This is brilliant”. There are so many creatives out there doing fantastic things, things I wasn’t even aware of. Why do I get so fixated on my own little bubble?

One tip that trumps all others? Be humble. You gain more from being positive. Good vibes breed good vibes. Plus, no one likes a hater.

To Conclude

It’s completely normal to feel a sense of pressure or get that horrible ‘imposter syndrome.’ But, don’t let it get to you. Do what you can and what you want to. Don’t sacrifice your health to get ahead. It’s OK to step away sometimes.

The next time you feel a little overwhelmed with things and feel that pressure coming for you. Have a chat with a family member, reach out to a colleague, even an online acquaintance. Maybe share it with folks at Smashing? I love seeing what people get up to.

If this is a career you plan on sticking with, what’s the rush? You might be doing this for tens of years. Embrace your journey. It’s not a race. For one thing, you might not even be on the same road.

Further Reading on SmashingMag:

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source http://www.scpie.org/its-good-to-talk-thoughts-and-feelings-on-creative-wellness/ source https://scpie.tumblr.com/post/623913046870507520

[scpie]

It’s Good To Talk: Thoughts And Feelings On Creative Wellness

About The Author

Jhey makes awesome things for awesome people! He’s a web developer with almost 10 years of experience. Working with and for names such as Eurostar, Uber, … More about Jhey …

With so much pressure to be our best selves and use every waking moment to develop skills, it’s easy to lose track of our own wellbeing. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great — but only if you find the right balance.

In fields as fast-paced and technical as web design and development, it’s easy to lose sight of our own wellbeing. For many, there’s a constant sense of trying to keep up or ahead. We may not even realize we’re doing it.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you stepped away for a day and didn’t think about coding or design for a day? For me, that’s very hard to answer. For many, it’s a vocation that we can’t switch on and off. We can’t turn it off at 5 or 6 PM. Let’s talk about that and ways we can deal with it.

It’s important to start right off the bat by saying this article isn’t a dictation. The aim here is to spark interest, engagement, and discussion. These are things that sometimes get lost in the whirlwind industry we are a part of. Different things work for different people, and these words are written with the best intentions.

Why now? I’d planned to write something about this topic at the tail end of last year. I was making my way back from my first NodeConfEU and feeling inspired by a talk I attended, “Building Open Source Communities with Tierney Cyren”.

I made a bunch of notes, then life and other commitments cropped up and the article made its way to the backburner. But, that’s OK. And that’s kind of where this post leads us to. It’s OK if you didn’t write that post, work on that side project this weekend, and so on.

Pressure Culture

If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve seen or experienced pressure culture — that constant, nagging expectation to dedicate every waking hour to skills development and side projects, even if your heart might not be in it. This pressure can be self-imposed, and whether we like it or not social media also plays a big part. If we aren’t careful, it can eat away at us.

Pressure culture isn’t something that’s popped up recently. It’s been around a long time, a constant looming external force. Left unchecked it can fill you with guilt, anxiety, and other feelings we aren’t fond of.

Work/Play balance by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

This is a common result of the idea of ‘The ideal worker,’ with pressure coming from those higher up in workplace hierarchies. These ‘Never say no’ employees feel obliged to wear themselves thin in order to progress in their careers. There’s a great Harvard Business Review article called “Managing the High-Intensity Workplace” that explores this mindset.

Social media pressure is also very real. The tendency to idealize our online lives is well documented. We often forget that we are likely only looking at someone else’s highlight reel. That is true of work as well as play. If we forget that and spend a lot of time-consuming content from those we idolize, that pressure creeps in. We want to be as awesome as the people on our feed, but at what cost?

There was a period a little while back where tweets like this were quite frequent:

Get home.

Watch Netflix or do more coding learning?

Seems like a small decision.

For one night it is.

But multiplied over a year, this decision defines your future.

— 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗚𝗲𝗲𝗸 (@WellPaidGeek) November 6, 2019

The message is completely understandable. Time is valuable. The hard truth is that if you want to get far in your career, prepare to put in the hours. Nothing gets handed out. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great, but only if you find the right balance.

Messages like those above put you under an enormous amount of pressure. That pressure isn’t healthy, and can actually hamper your development. It can lead to things like burnout and potentially, even depression. What is burnout? This study phrases it quite well:

“Burnout is a psychological syndrome characterized by emotional exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and reduced personal accomplishment.”

It’s not a nice place to be. I can speak from experience here. Feeling as if things are bearing down on you and you need to keep up. “I need to make that new thing or learn that new framework to keep up with my peers.” I remember seeing tweets from people. They’d say things like, “I missed a day of my bootcamp course. I’d better do double tonight.” This makes for sad reading. You don’t want to end up resenting what you do for a job.

Burnout cannot only impact your personal wellbeing, but can also affect other areas of your life. Does your work suffer as a result? Do you still have the energy to give it your full attention? How about that creative spark? Is it gone? We’ve all heard of writer’s block. Well, creative’s block is a thing too!

The above tweet was a great example of how social media can influence us. Read the responses and engagement. There’s an almost 50⁄50 split on how it’s perceived. This response from Chris Coyler was great:

I don’t mind the sentiment here, but don’t burn out!https://t.co/Ho7CPcamEb

Just last night I had some stuff in mind I really wanted to get done on the ol laptop but I was just too tired after putting the kid down so I literally watched Netflix and everything will be ok

— Chris Coyier (@chriscoyier) November 6, 2019

And it’s so true. It’s OK to sit back and not force yourself to work on things. It’s fine to take the night off, the week off, and so on. Those projects will still be there for you. They’re not going anywhere. You might even decide you don’t want to return to them at all, and that’s fine too! It’s all about balance.

With the pandemic and many of us in lockdown, this trend has reared its head again. I’ve seen my fair share of messages implying if you haven’t picked up new skills with your new free time, you’ve wasted it. As if it’s some kind of opportunity. Not that a global pandemic is exhausting enough right?

Hopes and Dreams by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

Even now, pressure culture is not black and white. The free time gained where we had other commitments is an opportunity. An opportunity to try something new or do something we haven’t had the time for. It might be that that thing is ‘rest’. For me, my weekend commitments halted, so I decided to finally start streaming. And, I’ve loved it! Still, I try not to let it take up more time than my other commitments would. If it gets too much, I take a break and step away.

Handling Pressure Culture

Getting AFK (Away from keyboard)

How can we combat these feelings of pressure? It sounds like the opposite of what our minds tell us, but one way is to get away from that keyboard. Disconnect and go do something else. I’m not saying lock up your laptop for a week and go cold turkey, but a break does you good.

Go for a walk, read a book, do nothing! We already saw that Chris enjoys a night with Netflix! I myself recently picked up a stylus for the iPad so I can go chill out on a bean bag and sketch doodles. There’s also a 1000 piece puzzle laid out on a table downstairs that’s quite good to sit next to zone out with.

Yes, it’s difficult at the moment. We can’t make a trip to the theme park or the cinema or even hit the gym. But, we can still get AFK. Even sporadic breaks throughout the day can do you wonders. I often get up every once in a while and do a few handstands!

This is true even when the world isn’t in crisis. Getting away from things can be great for you. It’s not healthy to tie yourself to the same thing 24 hours a day. Step back, broaden your scope, and appreciate that there’s so much more on offer for you. Close this tab and get away now if you’d like. I’d prefer it if you stuck around until the end, though.

Getting AFK pic.twitter.com/tXSxB52gLk

— Jhey (@jh3yy) June 14, 2020

It might not even be a case of getting physically AFK either. There’s a Slack community I’m in that has this notion of ‘fun laptop time’ which is an interesting idea. Have a separate machine that you can unwind on or do other things on. One that isn’t logged in to social media perhaps? One that you can do ‘fun’ things on. Maybe that is still coding something or creative writing or watching a live stream. The possibilities are endless.

Give yourself space to live away from your work. This article on Lifehacker cites the case that taking up something new can help with burnout. I can relate to that too. Scheduling something completely unrelated to work is quite good at this. For me, I know when the season is in full swing, I’ll be spending some of my Saturdays AFK running around a field.

Footballlll! 🥳 pic.twitter.com/0c1XEIQMBu

— Jhey (@jh3yy) July 14, 2020

With AFK, we’re mainly referring to sitting at a desk with a physical keyboard. Odds are, if you have a smartphone, the little digital one on that isn’t far away. A FOMO tip that might seem counterintuitive is to share being AFK. Share what you’re up to with people. It might surprise you how much people appreciate seeing others getting AFK. Rachel’s been plane spotting for example!

Just picked this up on my PiAware tracker and watched it go overhead. https://t.co/MHPoXlPzmZ

— Rachel Andrew (@rachelandrew) May 28, 2020

Please Talk

And that leads us to the title of this post. It’s good to talk. Is there a stigma attached to talking about our feelings and struggles? Yes. Should there be? Hell no!

FOMO, burnout, depression, anxiety, and so on. They’re all real things and likely touch more of us than we know. I listen to various podcasts. I remember one in which the speaker and guest spoke about almost an obsession with chasing goals. When you reach that goal, you hit a low. Maybe it didn’t fill that void you were hoping for? But, although I wasn’t having a conversation with them, hearing that did me some good. It was relatable.

I’d had this feeling inside, never expressing it. Now I knew it wasn’t uncommon. So I spoke about it with other people, and they could relate too. One big example for me was buying my house. It had been a goal for a year or so to get on the property ladder. Once I got the keys, it was a bit deflating. But, I should’ve been super happy about it.

Return of Me by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

We could all bottle those things up. But, speaking about things and getting your thoughts out can go some way in taking the pressure off. Another perspective can really help you out! It might be hearing something as little as ‘I do that too’ or ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing great!’ that can go a long way. It’s not that you’re fishing for compliments, but it sometimes takes that other perspective to bring you back to reality.

Now don’t get me wrong. Talking about things is easier said than done, but the results might surprise you. Based on my own experience and others I’ve spoken to, here are some things you can do to combat those negative feelings.

Be willing to take the first step. Interaction doesn’t have to be a dying art. It won’t work for everyone and you can’t force others to embrace it. There will be those who do, though, people who feel exactly the same and were looking for someone to talk to.

Speak more openly. I’ve personally been terrible at this and I don’t mind admitting it. I’m getting better though. I speak more openly with those I engage with both on and offline and I’m happier for it. The takeaway being that there’s no shame in being yourself and doing what you want to do. If you’re being made to feel that way, it could be a good time to shift your circle or change up those you engage with. One nifty tip if you work remotely and feel isolated during the day is to set a reminder for yourself. For example, set a reminder every day at noon to reach out to people. This is quite effective. Most IM services can do this. For example, with Slack: /remind me "Reach out to people!" every weekday at 12:00 pm

If it can’t be offline, take it online. You don’t have to speak to people in person. Hop on a call with someone. Or even a video call. There are also so many online communities out there now too. If you don’t want to talk about how you feel, it’s great to even talk about what you’re up to or hear what others are up to. You soon realize people aren’t churning 24 hours a day like social media might have you think. I’ve recently joined an online community of creatives on Discord. I must say, it’s been brilliant. The Party Corgi network has been a game changer for me.

Broaden your scope. It’s so easy to lose track and become so focussed on your own little circle. I ended up randomly hopping around Twitch the other day. And I sat there and thought to myself, “This is brilliant”. There are so many creatives out there doing fantastic things, things I wasn’t even aware of. Why do I get so fixated on my own little bubble?

One tip that trumps all others? Be humble. You gain more from being positive. Good vibes breed good vibes. Plus, no one likes a hater.

To Conclude

It’s completely normal to feel a sense of pressure or get that horrible ‘imposter syndrome.’ But, don’t let it get to you. Do what you can and what you want to. Don’t sacrifice your health to get ahead. It’s OK to step away sometimes.

The next time you feel a little overwhelmed with things and feel that pressure coming for you. Have a chat with a family member, reach out to a colleague, even an online acquaintance. Maybe share it with folks at Smashing? I love seeing what people get up to.

If this is a career you plan on sticking with, what’s the rush? You might be doing this for tens of years. Embrace your journey. It’s not a race. For one thing, you might not even be on the same road.

Further Reading on SmashingMag:

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source http://www.scpie.org/its-good-to-talk-thoughts-and-feelings-on-creative-wellness/

[laurelkrugerr]

It’s Good To Talk: Thoughts And Feelings On Creative Wellness

About The Author

Jhey makes awesome things for awesome people! He’s a web developer with almost 10 years of experience. Working with and for names such as Eurostar, Uber, … More about Jhey …

With so much pressure to be our best selves and use every waking moment to develop skills, it’s easy to lose track of our own wellbeing. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great — but only if you find the right balance.

In fields as fast-paced and technical as web design and development, it’s easy to lose sight of our own wellbeing. For many, there’s a constant sense of trying to keep up or ahead. We may not even realize we’re doing it.

Ask yourself, when was the last time you stepped away for a day and didn’t think about coding or design for a day? For me, that’s very hard to answer. For many, it’s a vocation that we can’t switch on and off. We can’t turn it off at 5 or 6 PM. Let’s talk about that and ways we can deal with it.

It’s important to start right off the bat by saying this article isn’t a dictation. The aim here is to spark interest, engagement, and discussion. These are things that sometimes get lost in the whirlwind industry we are a part of. Different things work for different people, and these words are written with the best intentions.

Why now? I’d planned to write something about this topic at the tail end of last year. I was making my way back from my first NodeConfEU and feeling inspired by a talk I attended, “Building Open Source Communities with Tierney Cyren”.

I made a bunch of notes, then life and other commitments cropped up and the article made its way to the backburner. But, that’s OK. And that’s kind of where this post leads us to. It’s OK if you didn’t write that post, work on that side project this weekend, and so on.

Pressure Culture

If you’re reading this, odds are you’ve seen or experienced pressure culture — that constant, nagging expectation to dedicate every waking hour to skills development and side projects, even if your heart might not be in it. This pressure can be self-imposed, and whether we like it or not social media also plays a big part. If we aren’t careful, it can eat away at us.

Pressure culture isn’t something that’s popped up recently. It’s been around a long time, a constant looming external force. Left unchecked it can fill you with guilt, anxiety, and other feelings we aren’t fond of.

Work/Play balance by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

This is a common result of the idea of ‘The ideal worker,’ with pressure coming from those higher up in workplace hierarchies. These ‘Never say no’ employees feel obliged to wear themselves thin in order to progress in their careers. There’s a great Harvard Business Review article called “Managing the High-Intensity Workplace” that explores this mindset.

Social media pressure is also very real. The tendency to idealize our online lives is well documented. We often forget that we are likely only looking at someone else’s highlight reel. That is true of work as well as play. If we forget that and spend a lot of time-consuming content from those we idolize, that pressure creeps in. We want to be as awesome as the people on our feed, but at what cost?

There was a period a little while back where tweets like this were quite frequent:

Get home.

Watch Netflix or do more coding learning?

Seems like a small decision.

For one night it is.

But multiplied over a year, this decision defines your future.

— 𝗪𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗚𝗲𝗲𝗸 (@WellPaidGeek) November 6, 2019

The message is completely understandable. Time is valuable. The hard truth is that if you want to get far in your career, prepare to put in the hours. Nothing gets handed out. Self-improvement and commitment to your craft are great, but only if you find the right balance.

Messages like those above put you under an enormous amount of pressure. That pressure isn’t healthy, and can actually hamper your development. It can lead to things like burnout and potentially, even depression. What is burnout? This study phrases it quite well:

“Burnout is a psychological syndrome characterized by emotional exhaustion, feelings of cynicism and reduced personal accomplishment.”

It’s not a nice place to be. I can speak from experience here. Feeling as if things are bearing down on you and you need to keep up. “I need to make that new thing or learn that new framework to keep up with my peers.” I remember seeing tweets from people. They’d say things like, “I missed a day of my bootcamp course. I’d better do double tonight.” This makes for sad reading. You don’t want to end up resenting what you do for a job.

Burnout cannot only impact your personal wellbeing, but can also affect other areas of your life. Does your work suffer as a result? Do you still have the energy to give it your full attention? How about that creative spark? Is it gone? We’ve all heard of writer’s block. Well, creative’s block is a thing too!

The above tweet was a great example of how social media can influence us. Read the responses and engagement. There’s an almost 50⁄50 split on how it’s perceived. This response from Chris Coyler was great:

I don’t mind the sentiment here, but don’t burn out!https://t.co/Ho7CPcamEb

Just last night I had some stuff in mind I really wanted to get done on the ol laptop but I was just too tired after putting the kid down so I literally watched Netflix and everything will be ok

— Chris Coyier (@chriscoyier) November 6, 2019

And it’s so true. It’s OK to sit back and not force yourself to work on things. It’s fine to take the night off, the week off, and so on. Those projects will still be there for you. They’re not going anywhere. You might even decide you don’t want to return to them at all, and that’s fine too! It’s all about balance.

With the pandemic and many of us in lockdown, this trend has reared its head again. I’ve seen my fair share of messages implying if you haven’t picked up new skills with your new free time, you’ve wasted it. As if it’s some kind of opportunity. Not that a global pandemic is exhausting enough right?

Hopes and Dreams by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

Even now, pressure culture is not black and white. The free time gained where we had other commitments is an opportunity. An opportunity to try something new or do something we haven’t had the time for. It might be that that thing is ‘rest’. For me, my weekend commitments halted, so I decided to finally start streaming. And, I’ve loved it! Still, I try not to let it take up more time than my other commitments would. If it gets too much, I take a break and step away.

Handling Pressure Culture

Getting AFK (Away from keyboard)

How can we combat these feelings of pressure? It sounds like the opposite of what our minds tell us, but one way is to get away from that keyboard. Disconnect and go do something else. I’m not saying lock up your laptop for a week and go cold turkey, but a break does you good.

Go for a walk, read a book, do nothing! We already saw that Chris enjoys a night with Netflix! I myself recently picked up a stylus for the iPad so I can go chill out on a bean bag and sketch doodles. There’s also a 1000 piece puzzle laid out on a table downstairs that’s quite good to sit next to zone out with.

Yes, it’s difficult at the moment. We can’t make a trip to the theme park or the cinema or even hit the gym. But, we can still get AFK. Even sporadic breaks throughout the day can do you wonders. I often get up every once in a while and do a few handstands!

This is true even when the world isn’t in crisis. Getting away from things can be great for you. It’s not healthy to tie yourself to the same thing 24 hours a day. Step back, broaden your scope, and appreciate that there’s so much more on offer for you. Close this tab and get away now if you’d like. I’d prefer it if you stuck around until the end, though.

Getting AFK pic.twitter.com/tXSxB52gLk

— Jhey (@jh3yy) June 14, 2020

It might not even be a case of getting physically AFK either. There’s a Slack community I’m in that has this notion of ‘fun laptop time’ which is an interesting idea. Have a separate machine that you can unwind on or do other things on. One that isn’t logged in to social media perhaps? One that you can do ‘fun’ things on. Maybe that is still coding something or creative writing or watching a live stream. The possibilities are endless.

Give yourself space to live away from your work. This article on Lifehacker cites the case that taking up something new can help with burnout. I can relate to that too. Scheduling something completely unrelated to work is quite good at this. For me, I know when the season is in full swing, I’ll be spending some of my Saturdays AFK running around a field.

Footballlll! 🥳 pic.twitter.com/0c1XEIQMBu

— Jhey (@jh3yy) July 14, 2020

With AFK, we’re mainly referring to sitting at a desk with a physical keyboard. Odds are, if you have a smartphone, the little digital one on that isn’t far away. A FOMO tip that might seem counterintuitive is to share being AFK. Share what you’re up to with people. It might surprise you how much people appreciate seeing others getting AFK. Rachel’s been plane spotting for example!

Just picked this up on my PiAware tracker and watched it go overhead. https://t.co/MHPoXlPzmZ

— Rachel Andrew (@rachelandrew) May 28, 2020

Please Talk

And that leads us to the title of this post. It’s good to talk. Is there a stigma attached to talking about our feelings and struggles? Yes. Should there be? Hell no!

FOMO, burnout, depression, anxiety, and so on. They’re all real things and likely touch more of us than we know. I listen to various podcasts. I remember one in which the speaker and guest spoke about almost an obsession with chasing goals. When you reach that goal, you hit a low. Maybe it didn’t fill that void you were hoping for? But, although I wasn’t having a conversation with them, hearing that did me some good. It was relatable.

I’d had this feeling inside, never expressing it. Now I knew it wasn’t uncommon. So I spoke about it with other people, and they could relate too. One big example for me was buying my house. It had been a goal for a year or so to get on the property ladder. Once I got the keys, it was a bit deflating. But, I should’ve been super happy about it.

Return of Me by The Awkward Yeti. (Image source: theawkwardyeti.com) (Large preview)

We could all bottle those things up. But, speaking about things and getting your thoughts out can go some way in taking the pressure off. Another perspective can really help you out! It might be hearing something as little as ‘I do that too’ or ‘Don’t be so hard on yourself, you’re doing great!’ that can go a long way. It’s not that you’re fishing for compliments, but it sometimes takes that other perspective to bring you back to reality.

Now don’t get me wrong. Talking about things is easier said than done, but the results might surprise you. Based on my own experience and others I’ve spoken to, here are some things you can do to combat those negative feelings.

Be willing to take the first step. Interaction doesn’t have to be a dying art. It won’t work for everyone and you can’t force others to embrace it. There will be those who do, though, people who feel exactly the same and were looking for someone to talk to.

Speak more openly. I’ve personally been terrible at this and I don’t mind admitting it. I’m getting better though. I speak more openly with those I engage with both on and offline and I’m happier for it. The takeaway being that there’s no shame in being yourself and doing what you want to do. If you’re being made to feel that way, it could be a good time to shift your circle or change up those you engage with. One nifty tip if you work remotely and feel isolated during the day is to set a reminder for yourself. For example, set a reminder every day at noon to reach out to people. This is quite effective. Most IM services can do this. For example, with Slack: /remind me "Reach out to people!" every weekday at 12:00 pm

If it can’t be offline, take it online. You don’t have to speak to people in person. Hop on a call with someone. Or even a video call. There are also so many online communities out there now too. If you don’t want to talk about how you feel, it’s great to even talk about what you’re up to or hear what others are up to. You soon realize people aren’t churning 24 hours a day like social media might have you think. I’ve recently joined an online community of creatives on Discord. I must say, it’s been brilliant. The Party Corgi network has been a game changer for me.

Broaden your scope. It’s so easy to lose track and become so focussed on your own little circle. I ended up randomly hopping around Twitch the other day. And I sat there and thought to myself, “This is brilliant”. There are so many creatives out there doing fantastic things, things I wasn’t even aware of. Why do I get so fixated on my own little bubble?

One tip that trumps all others? Be humble. You gain more from being positive. Good vibes breed good vibes. Plus, no one likes a hater.

To Conclude

It’s completely normal to feel a sense of pressure or get that horrible ‘imposter syndrome.’ But, don’t let it get to you. Do what you can and what you want to. Don’t sacrifice your health to get ahead. It’s OK to step away sometimes.

The next time you feel a little overwhelmed with things and feel that pressure coming for you. Have a chat with a family member, reach out to a colleague, even an online acquaintance. Maybe share it with folks at Smashing? I love seeing what people get up to.

If this is a career you plan on sticking with, what’s the rush? You might be doing this for tens of years. Embrace your journey. It’s not a race. For one thing, you might not even be on the same road.

Further Reading on SmashingMag:

(fb, yk, il)

Website Design & SEO Delray Beach by DBL07.co

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source http://www.scpie.org/its-good-to-talk-thoughts-and-feelings-on-creative-wellness/ source https://scpie1.blogspot.com/2020/07/its-good-to-talk-thoughts-and-feelings.html

[adventuresaroundasia]

Pin Me!

Most of you know that I love to travel, I lived in China for quite a while, and I’m location-independent right now. You may also know that I love cats and spicy food. But did you also know I’m a huge nerd?

Today I decided to hop off the travel/ expat life train and talk a little bit about the sides of me you don’t see: the super nerdy and slightly weird sides.

Here are 5 ways in which I am a giant nerd. Enjoy!

If this doesn’t scream confidence I don’t know what does…

1. I’m Obsessed with Survivor

One thing you need to understand about me is that I’m super obsessed with the tv show Survivor. Yes, that show is still on the air, and they just wrapped up their 40th season. FORTY.

You know how people talk about sports? That’s how I talk about Survivor. I’m super into the strategy, the social game, and the lengths people are willing to go to in order to win. If you haven’t watched Survivor in a long time, the game is a completely different animal now, and the level of strategy needed in order to win is super intense. I LOVE IT.

Not only do I watch Survivor religiously, but I also watch Australian Survivor and I listen to Survivor podcasts like RHAP’s (Rob has a Podcast)’s “Survivor Know It Alls” and “Why _____ Lost” (talking about why a player was voted out), and the Survivor Specialists. If you love Survivor and you don’t listen to Survivor podcasts, what are you even doing with your life?

Finally, I even applied to be on Survivor last fall. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it all the way to getting on the show, but I already have some new ideas for when I apply again this fall. Basically I’m going to be on Survivor, they just don’t know it yet.

 A quick intro to D&D if you’re curious

2. I Play D&D (Dungeons and Dragons)

When I first started dating my husband Chris, he told me he was the Dungeon Master (DM) for a local D&D game. I had absolutely no idea what D&D was, but I knew it was nerdy and that I should probably make fun of him for it.

Fast forward a few months and I’m on a quick visit home to Seattle when I met up with my childhood best friend who informed me that she ALSO played D&D. What??

The way she described the game sounded so fun that when I arrived back in Beijing I asked to join. Unfortunately my first game was a bit intense. Not only did I have no idea what I was doing, but I was also the only girl surrounded by a bunch of aggressive super-nerds. That game eventually fell apart at the start of summer (one session after I joined), and so I started a new game online with a bunch of Chris’ childhood and college friends back in Australia.

via GIPHY

That was about three years ago and I’ve been playing online with that same group of people ever since! For the longest time I used to play every other Sunday for 4 hours, but during COVID isolation I needed more of a social life, so I picked up TWO MORE GAMES, one on Tuesday evening and another on Thursday.

Both my new characters are SUPER WEIRD as well. One is a necromantic spore druid who makes zombies with fungus (and can cover her skin in it to become more powerful). She also has a “husband” named Gerold who is literally just a skull she found in the woods. Then I have another character that is a kappa (from Japanese folklore) water shaman who heals people by pouring the water from inside her head onto them (I make it super weird). She also has a cat-sized pet crab too. You’re welcome.

I’ve always been weird

3. I Love Pokemon (and still play Pokemon GO)

Growing up I was always super into Pokemon. I watched the show, collected the cards, and bought all the Gameboy games. As a special treat, my mom would take my brother and I to the games shop to buy a pack of Pokemon cards to put in my GIANT Pokemon card book.

Now that I’m an adult, I’m still super into Pokemon. Unfortunately for me, Pokemon Go came out while I was living in China, and I was SO UPSET that it was blocked. I even tried to get on with my VPN but there were NO POKEMON TO CATCH. WHYYYY???

Fortunately for me, I eventually left China and was able to start playing with my husband Chris. I still play Pokemon GO when I’m out and about, and I’ve found it’s a great way to get exercise while exploring a place. When staying with my parents, Chris and I would try and get out of the house every day or two and walk for a solid 45 minutes just to hit up Pokestops, take over gyms, and catch Pokemon.

I also play the Pokemon games on my Switch too! I already finished Pokemon Let’s Go, and I’m playing Sword and Shield Now! (I only took a break because I got really into Animal Crossing).

A Quick Enneagram 101

4. I’m Super Into the Enneagram

If you’re into personality types like Myers Briggs (I’m an ENFP!), you may have heard of the Enneagram. While the Enneagram is a personality-typing system, it really goes much deeper than just describing your outward personality. While you can take a test (which is only as accurate as you know yourself), the best way to figure out your type is just to learn about the 9 types and do a lot of introspection.

Rather than categorizing yourself by how you act and what you do, the Enneagram is all about WHY you do what you do. What are your core motivations, desires, and deep dark fears, and how does that impact you and your life choices?

The purpose of the Enneagram is to learn about your type so that you can discover the things that you do that aren’t serving you. What are the elements of your personality that are actually HURTING you and making life harder, and how can we, over time, let those go?

This is me.

My Enneagram Type: Type 7

Personally, I’m a type 7 (7w6 sx/so in case you’re an Enneagram nerd like me), and this knowledge has helped me SO MUCH. Through learning about the Enneagram I’ve realized that I have a huge aversion to talking about/ feeling really shameful or traumatic memories, and instead I prefer to just shove them under the rug and pretend like they never happened because I “don’t have time to be sad”. I also feel like there’s not enough time in life to do everything I want to do, so I have constant anxiety and FOMO that I’m missing out on something.

Finally, 7’s have this idea that happiness is something outside of yourself that you have to go and get. But once you actually get that thing, you don’t even enjoy it because you’re already focused on the next thing you just “need” to be satisfied. This ‘more is more’ concept when it comes to happiness leaves 7’s constantly living in the future, and unable to appreciate what they already have.

Wow, how exhausting is that?

Learning about the Enneagram has honestly been so enlightening for me, and I LOVE forcing others to get into it too. (Any other Enneagram nerds? Let’s be friends!!).

How to Get Into the Enneagram

If you want to get into the Enneagram, I suggest watching a quick intro video like the one above and then reading about all of the 9 types on the Enneagram Institute. This should give you a pretty good idea of what your type is (or at least help you narrow it down).

If you really want to take a quiz, you CAN but take a few quizzes and just read about your top-scoring numbers. For me, it’s usually 7 (by a mile! lol), 3 and 2.

Next, I recommend reading a book. I really like the Honest Enneagram as a perfect intro book. It was actually written this year, so it’s very current and easy to read! Once you’re dying for more info, get a really in-depth hefty book like the Wisdom of the Enneagram, or Personality Types. You can also join a Facebook group for your type too! (The 7 Facebook group is awesome).

Baby Woody in Vietnam!

5. I’m Obsessed with Cats

Many of you probably already know that I fostered abandoned kittens in Vietnam, but I don’t think you know how far this obsession goes. I love animals, but I’m particularly fond of cats, and I have a hard time rationalizing my desire to travel and live abroad with my need to have a pet.

I Foster Abandoned and Injured Cats and Kittens

So, in Vietnam I worked with Vietnam Cat Welfare to foster abandoned kittens until they were old enough to get all their vaccines. Before I did this, I helped nurse a street kitten back to health after she’d been hit by a motorbike.

Now that I live in Tbilisi, I’ve been dying to find a cat to foster, but unfortunately, it’s been difficult since most of the stray cats here are actually pretty healthy, and the ones that do need help are pretty much immediately adopted! (Wow what a horrible problem to have, I know!).

It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I saw a very unfortunate-looking cat in a diaper looking miserable that needed a foster family. Finally, my time to shine!! I immediately said I would foster her (and purposely didn’t show the picture of her to Chris because I knew he’d say no).

For the last three weeks, I’ve been giving her medicine, brushing out her tangles, and changing her litterbox constantly because she pees like a HORSE due to her kidney issues. Every day she’s getting happier and healthier which is super exciting!

Honestly, someday I’m going to open a cat cafe full of rescues and you’re all invited.

I Also Feed Stray Dogs

Now, it’s not just cats I love. I also feed stray dogs! Tbilisi has a huge stray dog population, and pretty much all of them have been tagged and vaccinated. The stray dogs are actually very nice, and most small shops have bags of dog food you can buy to give to the dogs.

So of course, I bought my own bag of dog food, and whenever I see a stray dog outside my apartment I go with a few handfuls of food to give them. Usually they’re not even hungry (seriously!) and they just want me to pet them. The other day I had a stray dog go on a walk with me, and he ended up following me for 20 minutes!

Hello stray puppy

I Used to do 4H for Cats

If this wasn’t all nerdy enough for you, let me tell you about my childhood hobby: 4H for cats. If you’re from the US you may have been to a county fair that had animal shows: horses, sheep, etc. This is actually through a program called 4H. Now, what most people don’t know is that 4H also has a CAT CATEGORY.

If you’re at the local fair and walk into a room full of decorated cat cages, you’ve found us. Now this is not a cat show with a bunch of purebreds. 4H is all about how well you take care of the animal and how much you know about them. They have you show off your cat in a specific order (teeth, nails, ears, fur, etc) and then you have to answer cat trivia questions. For example, did you know cats have three eyelids?

In addition, they also have trivia bowls, cage decorating competitions, audience choice and MORE. My childhood bedroom was decorated with giant show ribbons like I had a horse or something, but no… they were for my cat knowledge.

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Are You a Nerd Too?

Are you obsessed with any of the things above? Do you play D&D, watch Survivor, or read Enneagram books? Do you love to catch Pokemon or foster animals? Let me know in a comment below!

Fun Fact: I’m a Huge Nerd Most of you know that I love to travel, I lived in China for quite a while, and I'm location-independent right now.

[workingontravel]

A big part of the work for us is to have a good time

(You can find this text in Swedish here.) The questions I have asked in this project have often led to conversations about the loneliness of travelling. When I met the choreographers Halla Ólafsdóttir and Amanda Apetrea, it was the companionship of travelling that came up instead: how working communities create temporal and spatial frameworks for relationships, and how personal desire shapes and is shaped by these communities.

The first time I met Halla and Amanda was around 2010. They impressed me and still do, with their creative autonomy and their collectivities influenced by feminism.

  Halla Ólafsdóttir and Amanda Apetrea

Amanda: 2013 was a groovy travel year. We were at the spring meeting of PAF (Performing Arts Forum). It’s always both up and down at PAF. But we had confit de canard and smoked pot and went to the store and bought huge amounts of food and ice cream. Then we went on to Barcelona with a group made for work and friendship that we called The Future. It was this luscious dream encounter where we read interesting texts, talked, smoked even more pot, cooked even more food, munched cookies. And later that summer, we were in Vienna, where Halla and I played our show and won a prize. Maybe it wasn’t a dream for you, though, Halla, you had a burnout. Halla: I had a burnout after. It was because I was doing, like, twenty projects at the time. That summer was insane. John Moström and I had a residency in Berlin. There was a heat wave and we made Giselle, which involved meeting a large group of people and being with them for two consecutive weeks. It took a lot more energy than I had imagined. And there was no air conditioning, neither in Vienna, nor in Berlin. Amanda: Right. There was a thunderstorm and we were lying naked with the windows wide open in Vienna, trying to not let our skin touch anything. Halla: After that, I toured with The Knife. I wouldn’t have wanted to say no to any of that. But when I took time off in the autumn, I hit the wall. I think I managed to avoid the big crash. I was full of sorrow for four months. I never want to go there again. Since then, I have learned to leave spaces in my calendar. It’s completely unreasonable for me to go from one place to the next without a break in between. Amanda: I know a bit about that stress, your shoulders rise as soon as the phone buzzes. When I started studying choreography under Mårten Spångberg and realised how much we would be travelling, I panicked. I was in a so-called closed relationship. I couldn’t see how that could work alongside. At that time, travelling was such fun and super-annoying at the same time, because everything happened at once. We had to do a solo while on tour. We had to always be available and always socialise and always cook food and serve it. For one and a half year, we were never in Stockholm for more than two weeks at a time. My relationship ended as a direct consequence of my education. I don’t regret anything, but it came at a price. Halla: I also experienced that, in several closed relationships with men. Very few can stand being with someone who has my lifestyle. When I was younger, it was also important for me to demonstrate that I didn’t depend on anyone, that I was prepared to sacrifice everything to be a dancer, move anywhere if that was what it took. It was a huge insight when I realised that I didn’t have to audition for jobs I didn’t want; that I could work with myself and my friends.

Amanda: I don’t quite recognise that thing of putting dance before everything else. I tend to invest that energy in making my relationships work instead. You probably need more time to work out how to live if you don’t want to do the heteronormative family thing.

 Halla: When I spend longer periods of time in Iceland, I sometimes feel like an UFO. There aren’t that many women who are single and don’t want kids. Whether you’re straight or gay, it’s important there to have family and children and a partner and a flat. People get pregnant three months after meeting. I feel, not just in Iceland but here as well, that I should be respectable now that I’ve turned forty. That it’s shameful to want to party, to want to go out dancing, to laugh, to talk. That it’s selfish to put my own interests first.

Amanda: It’s also self-sacrificing to not contribute to over-population. Who wants to bring a child into this shitty world? I do, but that’s just because I want to be imortalised. I have massive death anxiety. But it would still have to be something outside the norm. I’m exploring that in different constellations.

Halla: Back in Iceland, I have a big group of friends that I’ve known since I was fifteen. We go on meeting. But the kind of friendships I have through my job, they stopped having fifteen years ago. I get to lie in bed and chitchat until late at night with amazing people. I get to be really nerdy about dance and choreography, discussing, analysing. I love my life. But there’s room for improvement. I haven’t been in a steady relationship for seven years. It’s mostly been short-term. And I often worry about money. And all my homes are sublets, and I’ve moved at least every other year since I was nineteen. I would like to try living in one and the same place for longer now, just to see what it feels like.

Amanda: I’m glad I have a home, it feels safe and important, but I’m thinking of a person that we met many times on these travels. He’s phased out having a fixed abode; he just travels. It’s interesting to think what relationships you would need, living like that.

Halla: Friendships often develop for practical and logistic reasons. Like a friend I always stay with when I visit the city where she lives. Without that, we wouldn’t have got to know each other as well. There is also something beautiful about becoming part of someone else’s context when you travel; coming along to dinners and things.

Amanda: Me and the choreographer Mica Sigourney created a logistic structure in order to develop our friendship. Our whole relationship is based on Swedish funding. We had an instant crush when we met in Vienna. We started talking about art and life and shared the same perspective. I immediately suggested that I should apply for money for us.    In the beginning, it was super difficult to keep up the relationship with Mica. I just wanted to fast-forward and look back to see how it worked out. But now, we have got more into the long-distance relationship thing. You check on the fb-chat what’s up, and then you go deeper into the relationship every time you meet. I no longer have the sense of constantly having to start over. I know what it feels like when he’s sitting in my sofa. But I would like to merge the San Francisco life with life here in Stockholm. San Francisco could contribute with fun queer contexts and parties, and Sweden the money for our relationship. Halla: You and Mica seem to work quite a lot like we do when we work together. A big part of the work for us is to have a good time. You don’t get creative ideas just by trying to use your time efficiently. Amanda: We like to be slow. Slowing down is part of the intimacy I share with Halla. It bleeds into our work as well. It can be hard to dare to tell others that you would prefer only working after lunch. You feel like a fuck-up. But Halla and I have worked really hard to get there, to be proud of what we do.

Halla: I’m better now at saying: “This is not a situation where something happens. Can we change it?” But that also depends on the context, of course, on what you want to resist and why. I’m thinking of when we won that prize at ImPulsTanz in Vienna in 2013. Then we got a residency. If we had already won the prize, why should we be diligent festival-participants and show our faces everywhere? We stayed in bed and talked and read poetry instead. We told them to give our studio time to someone else. And it turned out fine.

Amanda: Residencies are good. Like when we launched our latest process with Samlingen.

Halla: Samlingen is a group of five choreographers who are also friends. Since we’re all doing a thousand other things, it’s hard to meet all of us outside work. The first thing booked in the calendar is what ends up happening. So, working together can be a way of seeing each other.

Amanda: The people in Samlingen live very different lives. That is more or less evident, depending on what we do. When we spent five days together in the archipelago, having different needs in our everyday lives wasn’t a problem. Halla: Then we had time to read aloud to each other before going to sleep. You don’t take that kind of time – to lie down and think in something soft – when you’re in the studio at some institution. The studio is associated with efficiency. Amanda: Things were more equal during the residency than when we worked at Riksteatern later. At Riksteatern, some needed to get home to their families as early as possible, while Halla and I would have preferred to sleep in.

Halla: It takes time to achieve consensus with so many brains involved.

Amanda: We are five super-strong people, so you really have to fight for your ideas. If you go to the bathroom, seven thousand decisions have been made when you get back. Halla: I’ve started saying: “Don’t talk while I’m gone, be quiet!” Amanda: It’s also often insanely intense when we’re on tour with Samlingen. Halla: It’s because we meet a new group every time and make a show with them for a couple of days: it’s not like an ordinary tour where you can do a warm-up and go for a walk in the city. Amanda: You hardly have time to send a text message. There‘s no limit to the amount of work, or the limit is when you close your hotel door. I have no idea how to wind down afterwards. I have a need to be alone, but then I get a lot of fomo. And when I come home, I miss my friends, like we haven’t been together. We just went on some trains together and didn’t even get to sit next to each other.

Halla: I actually prefer playing the same show many times instead of travelling all the way to Brussels or Kortrijk to do only one. And I’d love to play more times in one place, preferably in projects that I’m not in charge of. Then I can take care only of myself and I know exactly what to do on stage. The routines in that kind of tour are good for the body.

Amanda: But being on tour can also be difficult. You eat food that you’re unaccustomed to and your stomach goes weird. You perform on completely different floors, such as in a cold and windy tent. You forget to stretch. On one tour, I had constant bacterial vaginosis. I had to go on antibiotics every other month for more or less a year. I don’t know if it was related to the travelling, but I was constantly thinking about it while travelling. In every new place, it was, like: “Where’s the pharmacy, can I get hold of medication?” And it hurt on stage wearing tight shorts.    In the last years, I’ve probably travelled less than earlier. Maybe I’ll visit ten places and be away approximately two months in a year. I think it’s because some shows I worked with were more local; we both rehearsed and played here in Stockholm. Then you don’t get invited anywhere except here. If you travel with a show, you get to travel more. I think you travel more than I do, Halla.

 Halla: I’m probably away from Sweden for four or five months a year. People still ask me if I live in Sweden. I moved here in 2000 to do a dance programme at Balettakademin. So, I started going back and forth between Iceland and Sweden. After finishing, I stayed here to have a context around me. It’s not that Stockholm is a dream city, but it’s possible to work and have friends here. I have also worked a lot in Europe. And we did a tour with The Knife in the USA. At night, the tour bus drove through the Arizona desert, which I had always dreamed of seeing. Through the little window by the bed, I could only see darkness. So, I’ve been to the Arizona desert, but I haven’t seen anything. But the tour bus was amazing, because we drove right up to the venue. And we never had to think of what to eat. I’m so used to doing things myself. I’ve started getting jittery before travel because there’s so much to keep in mind: waking up, packing, getting one transport to the central station, then another… I hate the central station. And trains make me nauseous. Planes make me think of death. 

Amanda: I like horses. I was a horse girl for a long time. Maybe this is not in the near future, but it feels like a good possibility that we could travel by horse and wagon. We should go slower, shut things down and invest the little energy that exists in servers so we can stay in touch over distances. Preferably with a bit more developed technology than now, to make the virtual sex more real. I get slightly panicky thinking that the people I want to keep in touch with can disappear from my life because of distance. Like Mica. Why did I get a best friend who lives so far away? Can’t everyone just be here? Or around a lake in Ulricehamn? There is a really pretty lake in Ulricehamn.

Halla: But If I can’t fly, I lose half of my jobs and I won’t see my family and friends. I can’t afford to go by boat to Iceland, it costs a thousand euro and is really slow. I don’t want that to happen. Within Europe, I could maybe imagine going by train, if the institutions who book and pay tickets are also okay with it taking three days longer. Or a month longer. The people who programme could stop flying in a show for just two days, and instead start cooperating with other venues in the nearest town, or the same town. If we had genuine cooperation with organisers who were prepared for a group to come and settle for a month, maybe we could start talking for real about how to build an audience. Because that is something we are asked in every application. But how are we supposed to build an audience if we play only one performance in a city where we don’t have a network?

 Amanda: It would be nice to slow down, and it’s needed, either way.

[selfcompassion88]

27.05.19

I thought I was ready but I’m not and I’m scared it’s never going to get better. My anxiety eased a lot the last week and a half but it’s back again and I don’t fully know why. Yesterday I reactivated Facebook and I think it has something to do with that. I don’t get it though, I don’t understand why I feel so stressed and anxious when it comes to social media platforms that involve posting, tagging or liking other people’s stuff. I only logged back in for a little over a day now after not having it for 10+ days and I feel like I’m back to square one….the constant anxiety, the heavy heart, the mindless scrolling, obliviousness to the pressure of feeling the need to prove something to others. This is a sign that maybe I should stay off all these platforms for a little while longer. I’m just afraid that I’m never going to be ready. Like what if I end up living my life as a hermit crab, unaware of all the events and news that are going on in the world or in people’s lives. But I have to do what’s best for me. I’d rather be so happy and comfortable with where I am in life than to worry about what’s happening in someone else’s just because of FOMO (fear of missing out). I think I just need a clean break from the world you know. Being on social media feels like a bunch of people boasting and rubbing in all the reasons why their life is better than yours. You begin to feel trapped and so intensely caught up in people’s highlight reels that it somehow has the power to enhance and intensify your own problems as well as bring to the surface issues that you didn’t even know you were struggling with. I don’t need that in my life right now. I just want to focus on me and only me without feeling like the world is screaming at me to become…better. Also something else that has been bothering me, especially today is the fact that for some silly reason I feel like I’m ‘running out of time’ (two-finger quotation gesture). It’s been exactly a week since I’ve applied to 7-10 different volunteer positions and only one has gotten back to me and even then it’s only a one-day event that runs for not even 3 hours. I want to find a volunteer position that’s long-term, that’s gonna help keep me busy and give me a purpose over the next 9 long months. My plan today was to call up RSPCA and Second Chance Animal Rescue shelter to see if they have any positions available for volunteering just in case they didn’t see my application. I also planned to call the Royal Melbourne, Royal Children’s and the Women’s hospital to see if they can provide me with a volunteer position despite the fact that I won’t be able to commit to the minimum 12 months. Long story short, I got sleepy and slightly lazy, time wasn’t on my side and it just didn’t end up happening today. But because I didn’t do it today and the fact that I’m pretty much gonna be busy for the rest of the week that means that I have to wait until NEXT MONDAY to call up these places and slip in an application and for that reason I can’t help but feel anxious that I’m wasting time and that it’s running out, that I should be finding a volunteer position ASAP. *deep breath* I have to understand that I’ve got 9 months, by next week a little less than that but that’s still ¾ of a year that I have off to do whatever I want and to accomplish as much as I can. I literally officially intermitted from uni less than 2 weeks ago so why am I stressing? I really would like for my anxiety to just calm down. I’ve thought about it and volunteering is really what I would like to do. I mean if worse comes to worse there’s no harm in finding a second job or picking up more shifts at JB, but I mean this is a rare moment in my life in which I can just do whatever I desire with very few responsibilities and deadlines chasing after me so why not do something good for the community and for self-appeal, merit and accomplishment. Volunteering would also help me discover what I actually do enjoy which has been my goal since the very beginning plus would be so good for my self-esteem and personal enjoyment. If I’m not able to find a volunteer position with the organisations that I like I wouldn’t mind putting in an application for MSA events or Red Cross Australia as last resorts even though I don’t fully find the positions appealing. I have to remind myself that everything will work itself out. Like Rebecca said I’m naturally a motivated, driven individual. I don’t need to increase my determination and self-discipline because I already have so much of that. It’s important that I remind myself to trust that I won’t become lazy or unmotivated. Anyway the last thing I want to add to this thought entry is this…a big F*CK YOU to the BOY who BROKE MY HEART a little over a month ago. I’m over it. I really am. I’m not just telling people I’m over it to reassure them that I’m not still hung up on it, like I genuinely am over it. But damn why do I keep getting glimpses of you ‘living your life’. Shit like I know it’s my fault but just when I THINK I’m ready to get back on social media, seeing you ‘living’ makes me second-guess that. And like WTF is with your bio? ’Nursing student (can fix your broken heart)’ MY ASS. Take a look in the mirror and remind yourself that you’ve broken hearts you asshole. You broke MY heart. I just had to get that off my chest! I didn’t get social media anxiety because of him, I had it many hours before that, but if being on social media also means that I now have access to check in on his profile every so often, then I’m not ready for that mentally-draining shit. But trust me I am over him. It’s just u can never feel fully pleasant knowing an ‘ex’ is living life with ease while it took you 3 weeks until you could live yours the same way. I don’t think it would never feel pleasant even if I moved on. Like yeah I could get to a stage where I would check in on him and not care at all about how he updated his profile or even if he’s moved on, but I don’t think I’d ever be like “yeah good for you! you were an amazing person so continue living life and doing what you’re doing”.

[hellosaltysaladcollectionstuff]

LARB presents an excerpt from Geert Lovink’s latest book, Sad by Design: On Platform Nihilism, which was released this month by Pluto Press.

¤

“Solitary tears are not wasted.” — René Char

“I dreamt about autocorrect last night.” — Darcie Wilder

“The personal is impersonal.”  — Mark Fisher

Try and dream, if you can, of a mourning app. The mobile has come dangerously close to our psychic bone, to the point where the two can no longer be separated. If only my phone could gently weep. McLuhan’s “extensions of man” has imploded right into the exhausted self. Social media and the psyche have fused, turning daily life into a “social reality” that — much like artificial and virtual reality — is overtaking our perception of the world and its inhabitants. Social reality is a corporate hybrid between handheld media and the psychic structure of the user. It’s a distributed form of social ranking that can no longer be reduced to the interests of state and corporate platforms. As online subjects, we too are implicit, far too deeply involved. Likes and followers define your social status. But what happens when nothing can motivate you anymore, when all the self-optimization techniques fail and you begin to carefully avoid these forms of emotional analytics? Compared to others your ranking is low — and this makes you sad.

Omnipresent social media places a claim on our elapsed time, our fractured lives. We’re all sad in our very own way. As there are no lulls or quiet moments anymore, the result is fatigue, depletion, and loss of energy. We’re becoming obsessed with waiting. How long have you been forgotten by your love ones? Time, meticulously measured on every app, tells us right to our face. Chronos hurts. Should I post something to attract attention and show I’m still here? Nobody likes me anymore. As the random messages keep relentlessly piling in, there’s no way to halt them, to take a moment and think it all through.

Delacroix once declared that every day which is not noted is like a day that does not exist. Diary writing used to fulfil that task. Elements of early blog culture tried to update the diary form for the online realm, but that moment has now passed. Unlike the blog entries of the Web 2.0 era, social media have surpassed the summary stage of the diary in a desperate attempt to keep up with real-time regime. Instagram Stories, for example, bring back the nostalgia of an unfolding chain of events — and then disappear at the end of the day, like a revenge act, a satire of ancient sentiments gone by. Storage will make the pain permanent. Better forget about it and move on.

In the online context, sadness appears as a short moment of indecisiveness, a flash that opens up the possibility of a reflection. The frequently used “sad” label is a vehicle, a strange attractor to enter the liquid mess called social media. Sadness is a container. Each and every situation can potentially be qualified as sad. Through this mild form of suffering we enter the blues of being in the world. When something’s sad, things around it become gray. You trust the machine because you feel you’re in control of it. You want to go from zero to hero. But then your propped-up ego implodes and the failure of self-esteem becomes apparent again.

The price of self-control in an age of instant gratification is high. We long to revolt against the restless zombie inside us, but we don’t know how. Our psychic armor is thin and eroded from within, open to behavioral modifications. Sadness arises at the point when we’re exhausted by the online world. After yet another app session in which we failed to make a date, purchased a ticket, and did a quick round of videos, the post-dopamine mood hits us hard. The sheer busyness and self-importance of the world makes you feel joyless. After a dive into the network, we’re drained and feel socially awkward. The swiping finger is tired, and we have to stop.

Sadness has neighboring feelings we can check out. There is the sense of worthlessness, blankness, joylessness, the fear of accelerating boredom, the feeling of nothingness, plain self-hatred while trying to get off drug dependency, those lapses of self-esteem, the laying low in the mornings, those moments of being overtaken by a sense of dread and alienation, up to your neck in crippling anxiety, there is the self-violence, panic attacks, and deep despondency before we cycle all the way back to reoccurring despair. We can go into the deep emotional territory of the Russian toska. Or we can think of online sadness as part of that moment of cosmic loneliness Camus imagined after God created the earth. I wish that every chat were never ending. But what do you do when your inability to respond takes over? You’re heartbroken and delete the session. After yet another stretch of compulsory engagement with those cruel Likes, silly comments, empty text messages, detached emails, and vacuous selfies, you feel empty and indifferent. You hover for a moment, vaguely unsatisfied. You want to stay calm, yet start to lose your edge, disgusted by your own Facebook Memories. But what’s this message that just came in? Strange. Did he respond?

Evidence that sadness today is designed is overwhelming. Take the social reality of WhatsApp. The gray and blue tick marks alongside each message in the app may seem a trivial detail, but let’s not ignore the mass anxiety it’s causing. Forget being ignored. Forget pretending you didn’t read a friend’s text. Some thought that this feature already existed, but in fact two gray tick marks signify only that a message was sent and received — not read. Even if you know what the double tick syndrome is about, it still incites jealousy, anxiety, and suspicion. It may be possible that ignorance is bliss, that by intentionally not knowing whether the person has seen or received the message, your relationship will improve. The bare-all nature of social media causes rifts between lovers who would rather not have this information. But in the information age, this does not bode well with the social pressure to be “on social,” as the Italians call it.

We should be careful to distinguish sadness from anomalies such as suicide, depression, and burnout. Everything and everyone can be called sad, but not everyone is depressed. Much like boredom, sadness is not a medical condition (though never say never because everything can be turned into one). No matter how brief and mild, sadness is the default mental state of the online billions. Its original intensity gets dissipated. It seeps out, becoming a general atmosphere, a chronic background condition. Occasionally — for a brief moment — we feel the loss. A seething rage emerges. After checking for the 10th time what someone said on Instagram, the pain of the social makes us feel miserable, and we put the phone away. Am I suffering from the phantom vibration syndrome? Wouldn’t it be nice if we were offline? Why’s life so tragic? He blocked me. At night, you read through the thread again. Do we need to quit again, to go cold turkey again? Others are supposed to move us, to arouse us, and yet we don’t feel anything anymore. The heart is frozen.

Social media anxiety has found its literary expressions, even if these take decidedly different forms than the despair on display in Franz Kafka’s letters to Felice Bauer. The willingness to publicly perform your own mental health is now a viable strategy in our attention economy. Take L.A. writer Melissa Broder, whose So Sad Today “twitterature” benefited from her previous literary activities as a poet. Broder is the contemporary expert in matters of apathy, sorrow, and uselessness. During one afternoon she can feel compulsive about cheesecakes, show her true self as an online exhibitionist, be lonely out in public, babble and then cry, go on about her short attention span, hate everything, and desire “to fuck up life.” In between taking care of her sick husband and the obligatory meeting with Santa Monica socialites, there are always more “insatiable spiritual holes” to be filled. The more we intensify events, the sadder we are once they’re over. The moment we leave, the urge for the next experiential high arises. As phone and life can no longer be separated, neither can we distinguish between real and virtual, fact or fiction, data or poetry. Broder’s polyamorous lifestyle is an integral part of the precarious condition. Instead of empathy, the cold despair invites us to see the larger picture of a society in permanent anxiety. If anything, Broder embodies Slavoj Žižek’s courage of hopelessness: “Forget the light at the end of the tunnel — it’s actually the headlight of a train about to hit us.”

Once the excitement has worn off, we seek distance, searching for mental detachment. The wish for “anti-experience” arises, as Mark Greif has described it. The reduction of feeling is an essential part of what he calls “the anaesthetic ideology.” If experience is the “habit of creating isolated moments within raw occurrence in order to save and recount them,” the desire to anaesthetize experience is a kind of immune response against “the stimulations of another modern novelty, the total aesthetic environment.”

Most of the time your eyes are glued to a screen, as if it’s now or never. As Gloria Estefan summarized the FOMO condition: “The sad truth is that opportunity doesn’t knock twice.” Then, you stand up and walk away from the intrusions. The fear of missing out backfires, the social battery is empty and you put the phone aside. This is the moment sadness arises. It’s all been too much, the intake has been pulverized and you shut down for a moment, poisoning him with your unanswered messages. According to Greif, “the hallmark of the conversion to anti-experience is a lowered threshold for eventfulness.” A Facebook event is the one you’re interested in, but do not attend. We observe others around us, yet are no longer part of the conversation: “They are nature’s creatures, in the full grace of modernity. The sad truth is that you still want to live in their world. It just somehow seems this world has changed to exile you.” You leave the online arena; you need to rest. This is an inverse movement from the constant quest for experience. That is, until we turn our heads away, grab the phone, swipe, and text back. God only knows what I’d be without the app.

Anxieties that go untreated build up to a breaking point. Yet unlike burnout, sadness is a continuous state of mind. Sadness pops up the second events start to fade away — and now you’re down in the rabbit hole once more. The perpetual now can no longer be captured and leaves us isolated, a scattered set of online subjects. What happens when the soul is caught in the permanent present? Is this what Franco Berardi calls the “slow cancellation of the future”? By scrolling, swiping, and flipping, we hungry ghosts try to fill the existential emptiness, frantically searching for a determining sign — and failing. When the phone hurts and you cry together, that’s technological sadness. “I miss your voice. Call, don’t text.”

We overcome sadness not through happiness, but rather, as Andrew Culp insisted, through a hatred of this world. Sadness occurs in situations where the stagnant “becoming” has turned into a blatant lie. We suffer, and there’s no form of absurdism that can offer an escape. Public access to a 21st-century version of Dadaism has been blocked. The absence of surrealism hurts. What could our social fantasies look like? Are legal constructs such as creative commons and cooperatives all we can come up with? It seems we’re trapped in smoothness, skimming a surface littered with impressions and notifications. The collective imaginary is on hold. What’s worse, this banality itself is seamless, offering no indicators of its dangers and distortions. As a result, we’ve become subdued. Has the possibility of myth become technologically impossible? Instead of creatively externalizing our inner shipwrecks, we project our need for strangeness on humanized robots. The digital is neither new nor old, but — to use Culp’s phrase — it will become cataclysmic when smooth services fall apart into tragic ruins. Faced with the limited possibilities of the individual domain, we cannot positively identify with the tragic manifestation of the collective being called social media. We can neither return to mysticism nor to positivism. The naïve act of communication is lost — and this is why we cry.

¤

Geert Lovink is a media theorist and internet critic and the author of Zero Comments, Networks Without a Cause, Social Media Abyss, and Sad by Design: On Platform Nihilism. He founded the Institute of Network Cultures at the Amsterdam University of Applied Sciences and teaches at the European Graduate School. He stopped using Facebook in 2010.

The post This Is Why We Cry: From “Sad by Design: On Platform Nihilism” appeared first on Los Angeles Review of Books.

from Los Angeles Review of Books http://bit.ly/2YAr2Re

[thesinglesjukebox]

JULIA MICHAELS FT. SELENA GOMEZ - ANXIETY

[2.82]

This doesn't work for us...

Juana Giaimo: I'm glad artists are starting to be open about their mental health, but I wish "Anxiety" didn't sound just like a campfire song. The acoustic indie pop feeling of the late '00s -- it even features claps and rustic backing vocals at the end -- sweetens a song that I'm not sure needs to be sweet. [5]

Stephen Eisermann: I always appreciate songs like this that try to destigmatize mental health, but there's something pretentious about the melody and production on this track that I can't pinpoint. Although Gomez puts that weird affect on her voice, both she and Michaels do offer honest interpretations of the track, but something still feels off. Like trying to enjoy yourself during a bout of depression, I so badly want to love this track, but all I can manage to do is like it. [6]

Thomas Inskeep: As someone who lives with depression and anxiety, I appreciate that Michaels, a dull songwriter and worse pop singer, is attempting to write/sing about mental illness. But then she brings her pal Selena Gomez, who may actually be a worse singer, to join in. And she forgot to have anyone produce "Anxiety," which sounds like a bedroom demo. Oh, and lyrically, the song is garbage. (Musically, it barely exists.) So I'd give this about a "C" for effort, but that doesn't change the fact that I hate this thoroughly and completely. [0]

Will Rivitz: There aren't many hard-and-fast rules to good songwriting, but "Don't do anything Colbie Caillat or Jason Mraz did fifteen years ago" should be one of them. (This took me ten minutes to make in Audacity.) [3]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: The sparse arrangement and guitar playing is meant to recall "Uh Huh," surely. With the removal of the drop goes with it all its magnetic energy, but this contrast does allow "Anxiety" to highlight how the same person can inhabit these two disparate modes of thinking. While this is a fun kumbaya for a generation of people open about mental health, the affected vocalizing isn't particularly engaging as a musical element -- Selena's part, for example, finds her rehashing the "Bad Liar" talk-singing to diminishing returns. Oh well, it's still a good enough song you can tweet alongside the word "mood." [2]

Alfred Soto: The gritted teeth delivery is supposed to suggest suppressed anxiety, and the basic guitar strumming, jaunty almost, is supposed to create tension, but the melody and lyrics would make for an okay aspirin or a Farmers Insurance commercial. The cure is spending money on shit. [2]

Crystal Leww: I'm not so into how twee the production here sounds -- like Lily Allen in the late aughts -- but I am kind of interested in Julia Michaels attempting to carve out space for herself as a the every-girl pop-ish artist so openly grappling with mental health in her songs. Teaming up with Selena Gomez makes a lot of sense. Has there ever been a pop star that so blatantly wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear from the public eye quite like Selena G? [6]

Jonathan Bradley: Twee bullshit can be wonderful, but this mannered bourrée of wandering guitar and logorrhea only proffers mental health trouble as shareable content. Tethering together rehearsed asides and faux-cutesy metaphors ("holding hands with my depression"), its candor is descriptive not evocative. Selena Gomez has the more irritating lyric, but she's the better actor of the two, and at least wrings a half-believable character out of her false starts and faltering tones. The song, however, is a public service announcement in search of a personality. Retweet if you agree. [2]

Iris Xie: If you take Twitter hot takes, Instagram self-love image shares, and Facebook self-disclosures, all about mental health, it could lead to a good empowering song. However, "Anxiety" rips that apart and builds a suffocating container. It is a slow, excruciating take on the deep immersion of self-loathing and self-isolation. Michaels's mumbling delivery, paired with her plodding guitar and boxed-in instrumentals, expresses the interiority of being trapped in isolated cognitive distortions. Unfortunately, Gomez is even worse, and has an awkward delivery that sounds more like a sketch comedy skit instead of a heartfelt testimony, that reveals a lack of ease with herself that would've been far more interesting to explore topically. However, lines such as "my friends don't know what it's like/they don't understand why" and "I wish I could take something to fix it/I wish it were that simple," are destructive, because there are no solutions here for its vulnerable fanbase. Nothing about going to therapy, unlearning unhealthy coping behaviors and survival mechanisms, or talking to friends for support. There are other songs that explore intense, isolated anxiety, or discuss anxiety in much more connected ways that can allow a listener to process and understand their experiences. But this is less of a song, and more of a cry for help. [3]

Will Adams: Maybe the chirpy backing and odious attempt at relatability in the final "I love this song!" exclamation (this song's analog to "WHO CAN RELATE") are intentional and meant to evoke the same alienation felt when scrolling through feeds on a Sunday morning, watching everyone else be connected and valued and adored while you lay, inert, on your bed, as you acknowledge that you have nothing to show since you stayed in this weekend, again, and it's just another weight to plunge you further into your ever-present fear that you've wasted everything that's been given to you until now, and you aren't worthy of any further investment or love or even life. Or maybe it's just a cynical garbage fire. [1]

Katherine St Asaph: A novelty of a credit -- think "Bonnie McKee ft. Katy Perry" -- and some endearing vocal delivery wasted on a campfire strum and the cuddliest-bunny depiction of anxiety and depression. I don't know either artist's inner life, only what's on record; and I do get why so many depictions of mental health are this anodyne: to show that it can affect even people with seemingly great lives. But it's hard not to suspect the commercial intent was to excise anything genuinely scary, alienating, or unrelatable by the "good" ones, resulting in a fantasy of anxiety without consequences. Anxiety means people disappear from your life, or you disappear them. Your friends don't ask you to the movies but silently block you on Facebook so you won't contaminate their happy hours or rooftop barbecue invites: one more lifelong, irreversible regret. Your exes don't say you're "hard to deal with" but use stronger, nastier language; or perhaps are confused and heartbroken about being silently withdrawn from by a partner who only presented a painstakingly curated, secretly dissociated 10 per cent; or perhaps are abusers, because those people feed upon anxiety.You don't overthink about FOMO but getting fired for ghosting work; or all the people you've alienated, running around out there like viruses spreading word of you; or perhaps how you can't even motivate yourself to play Fortnite, let alone do useful things; or perhaps thousands of dollars sunk into therapy, prescriptions, or for some even hospitalizations. These are ugly, unmarketable (or are they) consequences of anxiety, and few people will relate to all of them; but for those who do, their absence from songs like this is the opposite of comforting. Even Logic, who just turned "1-800-273-8255" into an "I banged your mom" joke, was more forthright than this. He may have sung "I don't want to be alive" like a jingle, a counterproductive earworm, but at least it acknowledged the fundamental fact that depression makes you want to die. It's telling that the last words here are a giggly "I love this song!" When depression and anxiety get really bad, you don't love songs. You don't love anything. [1]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[promomagazine]

Quick Q&A with Emily Byrski

By:  Kim Lalaurie

Emily Byrski is a micro influencer who’s positive attitude and candy colored blog empirestyleofmind.com is filled with posts from a young woman taking on the world, one adventure at a time. This includes a recent Instagram documented trip around Europe and her “New Girl in the City” discovery of New York City.

Byrski, who is a native of Florida, recently graduated with a degree in Marketing of Sustainable Fashion from New York University’s Gallatin School of Individualized Study. And it is interesting to watch how her style is starting to evolve from sun kissed preppy to something with a bit more of an urban edge as the Big Apple gives her wardrobe more of a sartorial bite.

Here she opens up about the powerful women in her life who have showed her that having drive and ambition are a good thing, why the designer Pamella Rolland holds a special place in her heart and how traveling the globe for inspiration is her ever evolving happy place.

How did you first get interested in fashion?

I’ve always been a very visual and creative person my whole life and fashion is such a fascinating form of self-expression. One day I could wear ripped jeans and an ironic tee and personify one thing and the next I could wear a silk gown and fur coat and personify something entirely different. There’s something really empowering about that. Though I’d always enjoyed reading fashion magazines and paid attention to them, it wasn’t until high school that I really started to make a concerted effort to define myself through clothing. For awhile I was “scene,” then I was “hipster,” and eventually I decided I liked “preppy” and began wearing all the Ralph Lauren and Lilly Pulitzer I could find. But fashion is one of those things that permeates throughout society. Coco Chanel said, “Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.” I think this could not be more true.

  What made you finally decide to launch out on your own? 

I think with my personality it was always inevitable. I worked 7 different internships in college, all of which were fine and most of which I actually enjoyed, but I was always ready for the next thing and left each having gained both a ton of valuable knowledge and skills and also an absolute certainty that I wouldn’t want to do that for more than the allotted 4-5 months. Around the time I was graduating in May, the very thought of a 9-to-5 cubicled existence sent me into a spiral of depression. I’d applied to dozens of positions, none of which I was really interested in. Yet I had been working more and more seriously on my blog and on my work as a photographer throughout my time in college and I thought, I should really just do what I want to do on my own. It just sort of made sense and fell into place and the stars aligned and here I am.

 What was your big break?

I’m not sure I’ve found my “big break” yet and I’m still figuring a lot of things out. But a really exciting moment recently was the feeling of receiving my first personal fashion week invite. I’ve been attending fashion week events almost every season for the past four years, but always in varying capacities—either as a photographer with a press pass, using someone else’s invite when they couldn’t attend, or for work. This was the first season that I received an invite to a show myself. And it was wonderfully full circle as one of the first shows I ever attended, back in the day as a photographer for my school newspaper crouching in the pit, was Pamella Roland. And four years later the first invite I ever got was to none other than Pamella Roland. It just felt like one of those “look at how far I’ve come” moments.

 Who inspires you?

My mom is amazing, as is my grandma. They are two of the strongest, most loving, most badass women I know. My mom raised me on her own from the get go and as a single parent still worked a full-time job and went to law school at night to earn her degree. She’s now a successful businesswoman and owns her own practice. My grandma left home at 16 and began working as a caretaker and hustling to make it on her own, then raised three kids on her own after her husband died. My family has a pretty great line of awesome independent women. They have been incredibly supportive of me in every endeavor I ever pursue and I know I can always count on them for anything.

Who living or dead would you love to be able to have dinner with?

Dead, I think Queen Elizabeth I would be fascinating or Catherine de Medici—some really incredible boss woman from the past who didn’t let no man get her way. Alive, the first person that comes to mind is Emma Watson because I think she and I share a lot of the same values and she just seems like a genuinely cool woman.

What is your favorite trip?

I travel a lot… A lot, a lot. So it’s really hard to name just one trip as my favorite. But so far I’d say my top three favorite trips have been to South Africa, Tahiti and Bora Bora (French Polynesia), and to Costa Rica. I also loved Morocco and New Zealand. I also loved the couple of European road trips I’ve done the past couple of summers… But actually, I really like to push myself past my comfort zone and I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie, so the trips I’ve generally enjoyed the most are those that are the most exotic and adventurous.

 When are you happiest?

I am happiest when traveling and exploring new places and learning new things. Travel is constantly stimulating and always worth the experience. On the flip side, I am so content when I’m home in Florida with my dog, relaxing and being lazy. It’s all about balance.

What is the biggest challenge you are currently facing?

I’ve been at a bit of a crossroads in terms of which of my passions I want to pursue more fully than the others. Part of me wants to pour my efforts into my blog and make my brand and content the best it can be and another part of me loves working as a photographer and writer and wants to get more assignments and work on more large projects. And of course I would love to do both, but I think each requires an intense amount of focus that while not negating the other, certainly takes time away that could be spent being the best at one.

What is your secret talent (something you are good at or can do that people might not know)?

It’s kind of a boring answer and maybe not that secret but I love to cook and bake. I have had friends rave about my quinoa tacos. Another thing is that I grew up riding horses and competing. We even owned three horses at one point by accident (that’s a long story). I sadly had to stop riding and sell my horse when I started at NYU because it’s a little hard to coordinate riding in the middle of Manhattan and I never really had time to commute outside the city. I miss it all the time though.

What is your motto or the best piece of advice you ever got?

I often tell people my motto is “I’d rather be better busy than bored” and I think this holds true as I try to fill my time up as much as possible. I get the worst FOMO and I want to be constantly involved in just about everything, so I say yes often. Maybe too often, but hey, better busy than bored!

What emoji do you use the most? 

I use the upside down smiley face a lot  and the shrugging girl 🤷🏼‍♀️

What is the latest Instagram feed you decided to follow? 

A couple of accounts I’ve recently followed are @tourdelust for her gorgeous wanderlust travel feed that makes me wish I were off galavanting around the world too and @yarashahidi because she is doing some incredible things advocating for women right now and I think she’s a great mix of fierce and hilarious!

[storiesforever07-blog]

Are You Overthinking Your Wedding?

Anyhow, before we escape with the regular celebrations, how about Wedding Photographers in Mumbai simply discuss your wedding one final time, might we?

Is everything devouring and taking up excessively headspace? Do you spend your waking hours (and notwithstanding resting hours!) obsessing about even the littlest choice? Is it true that you are experiencing Wedding FOMO?

In the event that you've addressed yes to any or the majority of the above, at that point there's each possibility you're absolutely overthinking you're wedding BUT kindly don't stress, I'm got you secured and I'm here to get you back on track…

Right off the bat, let me begin by saying what overthinking you're wedding isn't. It isn't amazing. Not in the smallest. Whether you're going hard and fast or eloping and having a close festival, you're getting hitched and that is a major ordeal. It's consequently totally typical to need such an essential day to be splendid and I'm unquestionably not here to instruct you to mind less.

Overthinking you're wedding additionally isn't astounding given the amount. Stories Forever (Best Wedding Photographers in Mumbai) can encircle ourselves by everything marital. It wasn't that long prior when you needed to sit tight for your every other month fix of wedding magazines though now, you can enjoy online whenever you like.

We as a whole know how awesome online networking can be for indicating us things we didn't think about or giving us certainty to have a go at something new and that is the reason sites, for example, Love My Dress are so splendid. On the other side, it's getting increasingly hard to get remove from weddings when you're truly bearing the whole business in your pocket.

Along these lines, overthinking you're wedding isn't astounding in any way. In case you're doing it, you're not by any means the only one and I totally comprehend why. A brief period off is vital however and with the happy break quickly moving toward I needed to tell/demonstrate to you that it doesn't need to be like this constantly.

In case you're staying there perusing this element and gesturing your head in assention, at that point now's an ideal opportunity to stop and re-assess what's been happening. It's reasonable that you've step by step come to the heart of the matter that you're at now without truly seeing and that is the thing that makes overthinking so intense. In the event that it happened all of a sudden, you or your accomplice would take note. When it gradually crawls up on you, it's far harder to perceive. In any case, let's be realistic, you know you're doing it…

Be decisive

Nothing slaughters overthinking very like conclusiveness. In case you're picking providers, do your examination and settle on a choice. In case you're taking a gander at dresses, attempt them on and settle on a choice. In case you're choosing menus, taste the alternatives and settle on a choice. Is it accurate to say that you are seeing a theme here by any shot?! On the off chance that you need to quit overthinking, at that point settle on your decision and proceed onward. Try not to continue perusing web based, thinking about whether what you've quite recently found is better and don't let anything thump your certainty. You settled on the choice with all the data to hand. Stories forever (wedding photographers mumbai) will help you in this

Simply continue looking forward, proceed onward to the following thing on the rundown and get the chance to deal with that. You'll see you'll have quite a lot more time on the off chance that you tick something off and move ideal on. Don’t ask for too many opinions It's continually enticing to request conclusions when you're arranging your wedding and I absolutely get that. You need the consolation that your thoughts and choices are great ones and it's very likely that you've never composed anything like this so simply checking in with your loved ones can give you the consolation you need. Indeed, it can be valuable, or it can simply disturb your head much more. Ask 10 individuals what they think and you're probably going to find 10 unique solutions. So now you have 10 thoughts in addition to your unique contemplations to oversee AND 10 individuals who are presently put resources into your choice. Details, details, details! As a wedding organizer, I'm about the subtle elements since that is exactly how my head functions and it's additionally my activity! In any case, I likewise realize that for a few people, the detail is only another wellspring of stress and that is generally in light of the fact that you're overthinking it. Once more, we realize that there's such a great amount of decision out there thus numerous choices and everybody dependably needs to do 'something else'. Be that as it may, before you begin another DIY at 1am or turn during a time out with your accomplice since you have to repot the succulents you're utilizing as favors, stop. Be confident It can be difficult to feel sure when you're in an altogether new space. Strolling into the wedding arranging world can feel like you're arriving late to a gathering when every other person knows exactly what's happening and are, actually, talking a completely new dialect. However, you know you superior to any other individual. You realize what style of wedding you need, the amount you must spend and every one of the intricate details of your families, connections, individual preferences and the various things that you have to think about when you're masterminding your wedding. Ask for advice

Presently this one may sound somewhat weird, But you can ask Stories forever (Candid Photographers in Mumbai) for advice particularly given my past counsel about not requesting feelings so please stay with me on this one… If you need exhortation on something that is truly pestering you, request guidance from a provider. Try not to feel like you need to Google interminably to discover what number of blossoms you have to request to brighten your cake, ask your flower vendor or ask your cake producer. Disregard attempting to work out to what extent it will take to serve a full feast to 125 visitors, ask your scene or your food provider. Go specifically to the specialists who can help you and at a similar you'll realize that the data you get is correct.

For more visit http://storiesforever.in/