#but tbf stolas fumbled just as hard as blitz did

[boszbichblitzo]

"I did steal from a lot of them.... but some of them I didn't even fuck and there were a lot of people there I didn't recognize at all. I dunno if I was just too fucked up when I met them to remember or if they were just random assholes coming to party with a celebrity, but I swear I'm not that fuckin' bad...." Blitz was a fuckboy, he couldn't deny that, but most of his sexual history had occurred out of necessity rather than desire. Sex was the most valuable currency he had, but that wasn't something he was about to get into right now with Fizz. He was already pathetic enough as it was.

As the other imp went into his own explanation, Blitz kept quiet, frowning at him but not interrupting, despite how badly he wanted to when it felt like he was being accused of something. Of what, he didn't know, but something.

"You knew he asked for that crystal?" He asked softly, fingers tightening slightly around the mug in his hand. "Look, you don't–– you're fuckin' simplifying shit too much, Fizz. I didn't just feel like a hooker, I was one. That was the whole fucking deal! I fuck him one night a month and he lets me use his book. That's it. He never said shit to me about relationships or feelings until that night. I even––" There was a pause and Blitz took in a deep breath then let it out in a huff. "That night we were at Ozzie's when the two of you fuckin' roasted us and he looked so fucking embarrassed to be with me, I drove him home and he tried to get me to come inside. After I said I wasn't gonna fuck him he asked to fuckin' watch a movie and cuddle, like we've ever done that kind of bullshit before." They had, on occasion, but it was always after sex and that was beside the point anyway! "I told him not to pretend what we had was more than him wanting me to fuck him and he just said 'okay'. He didn't try to deny, it didn't try to tell me I was wrong, nothing! If he really had fuckin' feelings, why the fuck wouldn't he say something then?"

The coffee in Blitz's hand began to slosh a little precariously as he got more animated while he spoke, but when a drop splashed out on onto his hand, he seemed to recognize this and took another sip before setting it aside again, next to his other cup of coffee. "By the time I ran into you, it had been fucking months of him telling me not to come over and sending confusing as shit texts and just being weird. He uses so many fucking words and I don't know what half of them mean, Fizz. So yeah, you were fucking right, but what the hell was I supposed to think when all he did was make me feel like I fucked up and he didn't actually want me anymore? Maybe trying to convince myself all he wanted was my dick was just my way of trying to protect myself from something like this." He paused, blinking in surprise as he realized what he'd just said and how fucking.... honest it actually was.

"Look, I.... I was convinced that I fucked everything up that night 'cause he got so weird after and then..... then when he was kidnapped I wasn't there to help him and he got hurt so bad–– he's still fuckin' mad at me for that–– so I already had it in my head that he was getting bored of me and wanted to end the deal so when the first thing he did when I showed up was ask for his magic book back forever? I panicked! I thought he was taking away my whole fucking business. That Moxxie and Millie would leave me as soon as I couldn't pay them anymore and me and Loony would end up on the street–– if she didn't just leave me too. I was fucking crying, begging him not to take it when she just shoves that crystal in my face and keeps talking like I wasn't about to have a whole fucking breakdown right in front of him. I barely understood half of what he said after that and I fucked up thinking he was joking but he didn't give me a fucking chance to think after I realized he was serious, he just started walking away and then threw me out on my ass when I followed!" Honestly, over a month later, Blitz was still reeling from that whole fucked up night and the day that followed. How it all got so messy, he had no idea, but it couldn't all be his own fault, right?

"And you're right, I didn't go after him when that asshole dragged him away.... but he made it pretty fucking clear he didn't want me there and.... Verosika stopped me from feeding that asshole his teeth before I could even try." He sighed and scrubbed a hand down his face as he thought back to that night, that fucking kiss that was seared into his brain. "It doesn't matter now anyway.... he's done with me. He sang a whole fucking song about what a heartless piece of shit I am at that stupid party, he clearly doesn't want me anymore. I don't think he really wanted me in the first place, just someone...."

"You were a fuckboy. Alright. You pissed them off, but you didn't -destory their lifes-. Half of those are just mad for not having found a better dick than yours yet." he grinned in another attempt to cheer him up... and because he always had a hard time putting a filter to his words.

They weren't that different in that regard.

However, when he started rabling about his feathery prince he fell silent again. For once to just let Blitz get it out and.. because he had a real hard time following this trail of rapidily fired thoughts.

"Okay, baby lizard, take a breath, will you?" he then said and scratched his forehead.

"Sooo~ Let me try to make sense out of all that. Give me a second." the jester warned him, trying to remember what Bitz had told him in that warehouse as well.

"I have no idea if you wanna hear that, but maybe someone needs to give you the talk.

You told me he cares about you, tries to stay in contact ... laughs about your jokes - and that means a lot -. And yet you tried your best to make yourself believe he's just a pretentious prick out for your dick. I got that right, right?"

Fizz just tried to check if he got it right up to this point.

"Then he comes over here, asking Ozzie for a crystal so you dumbass don't need to feel like a fucking hooker anymore when being with him." he continued, poking at Blitz's forehead.

"Ozz says no, because he doesn't want to get involved in helping out someone I hate. You saved me from that little hostage situation we had going on, and I tell my man it's fine to help you two idiots finally become an item as well. We'd have had the cutest double dates for fucks sake." he paused and took a very deep breath.

"I really thought that plan the slenderowl had was fool proofed, and now you're telling this story?!

You're not shitty or worthless or so easy to hate. You are just a fucking idiot sometimes!

I assume you didn't go up to that other guy telling him to get his hands off of your bird?" he assumed and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Boy, what do I do with yoooou~?" Fizz really couldn't believe the level of clumsiness his friend was showing off when it came to feelings instead of popping heads.

"You want him? Fight for him!"