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m1ckeyb3rry · 1 month ago

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I was actually kinda pissed with the whole yorozu thing because generally the concept wouldn’t have been god awful maybe but the whole set up and hint dropping about tsumikis lore in s1 really set my expectations too high SIGH anyways a Karasu otoya kiyora light novel would go so hard I lowk wonder if they’d throw someone like kurona zantetsu or tokimitsu in first (preferably not this last option oops) but we shall see!!!! Wait ok the last LN came out in uhhhh July….? The one before came out in October the year before so I feel like we should be getting announcements sometime soon if they’re gonna release one around the same timeframe (aka early next year ish) manifesting so hard

LMAOOOOO chigiri just wanted to do a wellness check and got dragged into a crash out moment fr atp he’s probably like “yeah this is the second time im not stepping into the bathroom when reos in there anymore” THE FLEXING POSE IS THE EXACT SCENE I WAS THINKING OF LMAO but FR yeah because fanon chigiri is always thrown into like the hyperfem discussion and honestly even some of the official art plays into it for marketing the chigiri Bachira friendship is also so underrated ugh stuck in the perpetual dilemma of wanting to enjoy fan art and works and talk to others about a specific piece of media only for it to be over saturated with erm…interesting….fanon takes…….

I’m laughing so hard THE NAMES I’m ngl I don’t personally enjoy the name Tyler but I see the vision which makes me upset that Karasu would be a Tyler but anyways��.this is funny though imagine another miraverse spin off and this time it’s America au LMAO Also wait third wingman lavinho that truly would be the most unique rizzing team….but FR the miraverse wingman series is too good first oaeu then rseu and now mbeu

OMG perfect opportunity…wait ok to reconcile the thing about nagi not picking a fight or whatnot imagine it’s actually reo beefing with reader and he drags nagi in by association…or alternatively there’s no beef and reo with his fat ass wallet passes by like the witches booth and is like sure let’s try some magic nagi why the hell not and reader happens to be in the area or something (maybe reos unaffected because the witch was like lmao your friend is interesting I’m gonna fuck with him and scam you and just take your money) but yeah I’ll stop here in an effort to leave it on the vague side ok but WHAT??? Bro the comment….idk what to say to that either but maybe it’s just me but it kinda gives me wp commenter vibes like it’s not constructive feedback and you’ve already published it just leave it at peak fic (BECAUSE IT DOESNT NEED ANY CHANGES ITS PERFECT RAHHHH) but yeah wait also not to say you should take it to heart or anything (although I don’t think you would) but yeah interesting choice of comment I guess….im not a writer obviously but if someone were giving my feedback I probably wouldn’t specifically appreciate it if it weren’t particular constructive (and if it was in fact a sort of critique) but I’ll leave it at that

LMAOO Tullia being so versatile she can have interesting dynamics with so many different people so real PAUSE AIKU W I T H READER LMAOOO the wingman has become the rizzer (uhhh wait actually what’s the counterpart to wingman wingmanee or)

LOL real that’s honestly me but id probably end up deleting them at sometime if it started filling up my inbox too much I feel like we’ve talked about this before but the demand for a seabird sequel is insane LMAO but also so valid I think it goes back to the thing we talked about about how if your characters have to kiss to show they’re in love youre not doing it right LMAO like the openness adds to the lasting impact also maybe it’s just me but I actually usually prefer it more that way with minimal over the top pda and whatnot like it just feels so much more meaningful when they aren’t just eating each others faces I also kinda cringe sometimes when I read stuff like that because I’m not actually a big romance person to begin with oops

It’s not even funny you’ll never guess I was trying to sign up for something the other day too and right as I went to do it the server went down and I fr sat there like what am I even supposed to do someone free me from this

IM CRYING before I finished reading to the end I was like DAMN was hq that bad?? LMFOAOOO but that’s one unique experience

I- WHO AND WHO NOW??? Ok well I won’t hate on anyone’s ship but that’s certainly very very niche LAMOAOA actually it reminds of Karasu x ness which is an actual

Rare pair but I fr have no idea where it came from

LMFLAOAO FR Isagi just worships nagi if it were for the chemical reaction plot he def would’ve gone with nagi LOL

LMAO IKR tbh I don’t think I’ve actually heard of anyone being an anime only but oh well for them anyways

LAHAHSJSH that’s actually so funny this is also so Karasu coded virtual people watching

WAHOO!!! Ok wait I was just gonna ask for colors ok good to know they are described but also if you don’t put Karasu as an npc in there id like to humbly beg for a Karasu Pegasus design post-fic publishing…. LMAOOO LUNAR ECLIPSE wait stop im getting Deja vu we’ve definitely talked about some sort of genius naming involving Luna before but anyways ok perhaps it’s time for another round of “let’s estimate the projected wc” LMAOAO ok so 2k Pegasus birth hmm if that’s the intro and we still have sections where im assuming we see it growing up briefly plus we have riding and some other developments that’s probably like at least 5 births worth of scenes right so im gonna say at least 10k but wait I did skim past that while scrolling and lowk the switch from opp to opp is so funny to me Ike I guess people have a type (no shame obv its just funny) but OOOOOH ok minus the opps that’s persons fr just me having a revelation with your fantasy aus

Sighing so hard all the air leaves my lungs FORTUNATELY I only got that comment once and from a friend who’s equally into this type of content (who also uses discord) and I’ve never received any comments like that from people who don’t know and id never give them the opportunity to catch me lacking and like reading through the manga in public or anything so id say my hiding techniques are working pretty well but LMFAOOOOOOO IMAGINE EMAIL EXCHANGES subject line: YOOO KARASU LOOKS SO HOT AND MAJESTIC im crying that’s too funny but we will find a way should anything happen!!!

TRUE WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT THAT HAPPENED wait you’re kinda right I just filtered it through because it’s just like HELL YEAH KARASU MALE LEAD idc who comes second lead because Karasu my number 1!!! Kunigami is an interesting choice too considering they’ve never interacted (actually wait at some point I think I passed by some like throuple fic with those two but I didn’t read it because I was like uhhh Kunigami then but I distinctly remember being like wtf is this unique combo)

Lowk that was a thought on the top of my tongue ROUGH AND TUMBLE YUKI or RT yuki supremacy just generally but with Tullia would be such an interesting dynamic wait this is such an interesting take id never considered Aiku/the u20 team taking on bllk players like that omg Aiku watching over baby chick nagi which is INSANE because of that one baby chick nagi panel plus Aiku likes chicks (Both animal and girls) and his whole nurture a striker thing oooooh you’re cooking TRUE without nagi bllk would fr be cooked anyways soo honestly pretty sure kaneshiro fav character is nagi too so he’s also a nagi glazer LMAO you need to get one of those pinboards atp and just stick a bunch of sticky notes on and connect the miraverse ideas with string like that one meme pic

No that’s literally me I used to be more into him and I thought his reactions were funny but after people started fanonizing him and taking everything he did too seriously like I beg the additional times are also playing into that marketing but before I was still able to pass it off as just classic comedy which I feel is pretty common in anime and manga content etc but Yeahhhh the fandom and fanon version…I’m actually also so put off by some fans who take it to the extreme and background check every person they interact with to make sure they’re not a reo disliker or even neutral before interacting and I’m like ok bro.

First selection reo was actually peak everything after that is so dependent on nagi like give the man some independent development please he needs it

LMAO CONDITIONAL real though I never actively choose to read a sae fic unless you wrote it honestly but so real I actually think I cut back on my reading a lot too and mainly just read stuff that I see posted by people I actively follow because the stuff floating around in the nagi tags is off and everything else is like. Empty. LMAOAOA but yeah I definitely got put on the miraverse calibration because I don’t find it all that enjoyable to try and read some of the other like quick drabbles or whatnot anymore no hate to the writers though ofc I just went through some evolution I guess

This is like that one fire Kaiser edit where I’m like why couldn’t you have edited Karasu instead UGH it’s always the opps getting the super cool edits

REAL wait speaking of otoya yuki interactions there was another one from pwc awhile ago I forgot to mention but otoya puts on yukis bodysuit by accident and yukis like oh I think that’s mine and otoyas like ohh no wonder it seemed a bit long, you’re quite tall yuki no wonder you’re a model and yukis like haha you’re not short either and you could be a model too (I need to double check the details bc I’m pulling this from memory right now but it was definitely something like this) I’m crying yuki always has beef it’s insane maybe it’s because of his inner gossip girl LMAOO

I totally forgot Shidou has some..violent ideation towards Santa…LMAO but nagi in a Santa costume as a concept is actually so cute

LMAOAOAOA ok you know it’s bad that whenever you mention Nanami I already automatically associate with the fanon Shidou friend (I guess it’s partially because we don’t talk about him in any other context but anyways)

AHAHAH I was literally about to say is this you entering your editor era again /j

Shidou would 10000% use that slogan LAMOAOA I can imagine him making

Like horrible macaroni art with that written in the middle or something and he hangs it on the PxG dorm doorway

LAMAOAOAO you should link this tiktok when you post otoyas oaeu and be like “see here for vibes”

LMAAO FR THOSE ARE SO FUNNY it’s also hilarious how there’s SO. MANY for bllk

FRRR UGH KARASUUUUUUJ WAIT does that mean Shidous freaky moment is coming up omg I’m still curious about how much they’re gonna censor it LMAOAOA

- Karasu anon

HI KARASU ANON MY BELOVED I HAVE BEEN SUFFERING FROM HORRIBLE MIGRAINES AND GRASS TOUCHING HENCE THE LATE RESPONSE BUT I AM HERE NOW!! and i am off for the week so i will be able to respond at insane chronically online speeds i hope

yeah i think everything with yorozu and tsumiki COULD’VE been done well but then it just…wasn’t…and that really annoyed me but also like we’ve talked about gege is no better than his shounen mangaka counterparts at writing women so like are we really surprised?? and SDKLJFH idk if you saw but my manifestations and predictions are so strong that they even worked on jjk (in phanpara specifically) LMAOO i actually still cannot believe that a cursed technique i came up with in 2021 and the character i also came up with in 20221/2022ish are both now canon SDFHLKJSDFH LIKE WDYM THERE’S AN ACTUAL KAITO NOW???

official arts ALWAYS play into the most insane fanon characterizations ever because that’s what sells…like canon chigiri and official art/fanon chigiri are completely diff characters atp LSDKHF but yeah the flexing pose is so iconic and truly sums up chigiri for me 😭 but yeah chigiri is NEVER checking on reo again bro the concern isn’t worth it for him…agreed btw that’s why i prefer just writing my own stuff because it takes soooo long to get through all of the takes i don’t agree with and find something i actually DO enjoy and at that point i might as well just write my own

ngl i don’t like the name tyler but it fits karasu SO WELL okay maybe i’m thinking that because i knew a guy in high school who was abt six feet tall, had black hair that he used gel or something on to slick back, and his name was tyler 😭 so he was actually quite literally karasu’s americasona if you think abt it…my best friend had a FAT crush on him (lowkey she still does i think like if they met in our hometown and he made a move she would happily have her hallmark movie moment with him) so ig he was good looking enough but i never really liked him like that 😰 LMAOOO CAN YOU IMAGINE AN AMERICAN AU WHERE IT’S JUST THE CHARACTERS AS REDNECKS i’m crying also idk why but the phrasing “the most unique rizz team” is CRACKING ME UP like it makes me think of them wearing suits and using pointers on a whiteboard as they prepare otoya to get rizzful 😩 the wingman verse is insane ofc aiku will always be the og but the expansions are always hilarious

LMAOO NAGI AS THE PROXY FOR READER VS REO BEEF that’s actually truly the exact kind of situation nagi would end up in ngl 😰 can you imagine that’s how reader resolves her issues with reo like she sees how nice she is to nagi and she’s like huh maybe he’s not some stuck up horrible rude rich kid meanwhile nagi convinces reo to be nice to reader once things are straightened out and reo’s just like “well nagi never likes anyone so if he thinks y/n is cool ig she must be 😒” SKJFH and YEAH it was such a crazy comment i was kinda flabbergasted really??? like i’m sorry but truly i’m never going to write male readers and probably not even gn just because personally i’m female so i’m going to write what i know?? and i get wanting to read what you want to read but then don’t comment when something clearly isn’t meant for you that you wish it was catered to you because like…it’s not…agreed it wasn’t even constructive because what am i even going to do atp go back and change everything?? half of the jokes in that story revolve around the fact that reader is a girl in a man’s body so i would genuinely have to rewrite the story 😭 but my time on wattpad has accustomed me to silly stuff like that so now i just like complaining about it as a joke but am i actually impacted?? no i think it’s kinda funny

i think with tullia it just depends on what characterization of her i end up going with that determines the dynamics she has which is why she’s so versatile and easy to pop in as a bff character no matter what LMAOOO BUT IMAGINE AIKU FINALLY BEING THE WINGMANNED (?) ig technically that’s also the plot of his oaeu chapter but still it never ceases to be hilarious

i do delete or answer them if i don’t want to actually write something for the request LHKSDJF but yeah it’s crazy sooo many people want a seabird sequel ig because it’s so popular?? and tbf the sae x reader banter is top tier but i also just write banter into almost all of my fics so it’s not really exclusive to seabird i just think my best banter examples are generally for characters that aren’t as popular (so like karasu and the barou chapter of the oaeu) which means people just want more seabird SLDKJHF but i mentioned this to one of my mutuals too…if i had the ideas for the plot of a part two or beyond i would’ve just. included it in the part one?? if that makes sense HAHAH like the end of the story is also usually the end of the plot for me…an example is karasu’s bfb like i COULD keep writing and show their relationship and whatnot but there wouldn’t be any conflict or anything driving the plot forward?? because they’re already together at that point and they have very normal settled lives so i don’t see them getting into crazy fights or having drama they probably just have a very smooth relationship -> engaged -> married -> kids type of thing which i feel would be boring to write and also to read?? the ONLY time i’ve managed an established relationship is with pomegranate ink and even that was only because they were literally BARELY even together and the main focus was on external factors so there was still conflict and whatnot going on

IT WAS LITERALLY KARASU X KAISER EXCEPT THEY WERE BOTH GIRLS i was like who even thinks of this but also like i support i mean go rare pairs!! karasu x ness is also crazy work actually that’s one’s even crazier because what’s the common thread there…but again i mean whatever floats people’s boats…also this isn’t a rare pair but i’ve seen a lot of people on tik tok shipping karasu and chigiri’s sister as of late which is so funny to me because it’s like damn we just got reverse bfb’d 😭 karasu taking notes from yukimiya ig

YESSS we will get side pegasi dw it won’t just be sae reader and kaiser getting them!! that would be a crazy opp infestation SLDFHK and yeah idk if karasu will be mentioned but definitely once i’ve posted i’ll tell you what i would’ve given him if he HAD been…also okay so fun fact the pegasi birth scene is only ONE PART of the intro 😭 the entire intro part which concludes with the birth scene is about 5k words i think?? so if that helps you adjust your estimations any there you go LSKJF i am expecting it to be about 15k words (i hope) but we’ll see it may be more or less…hopefully not TOO much more but it’s actually on break rn while i finish up the nagi and aiku au that i’m working on (praying it’s out tonight or tomorrow depending on my migraine situation and how long it ends up being!!) also yeah i was like…FIRE prompt but it HAD to be for KAISER???? it’s okay though i’m excited to come up with something fun and i’m glad people see my vision re: fantasy/other aus

CAN YOU IMAGINE WE JUST EMAIL EACH OTHER TIK TOKS AND STUFF SDLKJFHS i’m crying i’m just imagining being on my laptop and getting a notification from [email protected] or something and people being like wtf but YAY BLESS UP glad that neither of our covers are being blown fr

wait i think i know exactly what throuple fic you’re talking about because i too was like hello??? and yeah kunigami as second lead was truly very random ngl if it were me i would switch them and have yukimiya as second lead to karasu/kunigami second lead to hiori i feel like that makes sm more sense?? also it would be another opportunity for karasu and yukimiya beef LMAOOOO but yeah i’ve actually been having more trouble trying to think of a love triangle situation than my fantasy aus i think because love triangles can feel so contrived if not done well and i don’t want anything like that so i have to come up with a way to do the most cliche trope of all time in a way that doesn’t feel forced (it’s especially hard with karasu/kunigami because it would be SO easy to have kunigami be the stereotypical sweet bff second lead and karasu be the stereotypical sassy dark haired cool sarcastic male lead but i always make fun of stories like that so now i can’t do it myself)

I’M ACTUALLY WRITING THE NAGI AND AIKU AU AND IT’S LOWKEY SOOO FUN writing it from nagi’s pov is def. interesting. because his mindset is honestly not too explored so i’m kind of making it up as i go based on vibes love and plot reasons but basically the set up is they meet kinda randomly and aiku convinces nagi to play soccer with him by saying that it’ll be the path that requires the least effort in life and because he (aiku) is the best defender in japan, nagi will only need to score one goal per game if they play together (since aiku will defend all of the other goals) so it’s just them going through and nagi taking that SUPER literally and only scoring that one goal per game UNTIL he meets sae and then in the game against the bllk11 he finally scores more than once which is why the u20s end up winning instead…obviously no romance but it’s fun to show nagi being friends with completely different people and how different his dynamic with aiku (who does kinda mother him but absolutely doesn’t coddle him) is compared to how he is with reo canonically…like i said i’m hoping to have it finished super soon and posted (finally breaking my “no writing for over a month” streak) so then you can read it in full yourself ^^ once it’s out i’ll get back to the carnivorous pegasi racing au because i want to also post a request since i haven’t done so in ages 😭

IT’S LITERALLY THE FANS he’s not insufferable in the actual source material and the additional times just feel like comedic gags (iirc they’re like barely even canon anyways??) but people who like him and also who ship him with a certain someone just make me automatically click off content for him because i know i’m about to be treated to the craziest take ever

KJSHDF the last fandom i read a LOT of fics for was attack on titan and then i read less for jjk and now none for blue lock i think it correlates with how big the fandoms are too??? the aot fandom is/was huge because of how long it’s been going on so there were a lot of works which naturally meant more quality…then jjk slightly less but still a fair amount because of how big it got…and then we have blue lock 😓 but yeah honestly i can’t consume ANY sae content i literally only like him in (CERTAIN) edits and my own fics 😭 even in the show itself i’m not that excited when he shows up the way i am when nagi karasu or barou are (speaking of barou…waiting patiently for him to come on the field i know his goal is about to be ALL my tik tok fyp shows me and i cannot wait)

no because it truly is ALWAYS the opps getting the best work LMAOAO i need these editors to turn their sights to nagi (okay actually nagi does get a lot of really good edits but i wish his edits had more EDIT vibes to them instead of just being his best clips set to music if that makes sense) karasu and especially BAROU because every single barou edit is FIRE there just needs to be more of them

LMAOO it’s funny because yuki is actually the only nice one who genuinely doesn’t have beef with anyone (isagi for like. one match. but that barely counts + it’s isagi sooo) but we just keep making him have issues with everyone 😭

THE SHIDOU VS SANTA BEEF IS CRAZY like ik it’s probably smth traumatic related to his past but it’s also just funny to think that shidou has random unbridled rage towards santa KDFHDH but yeah nagi in a santa costume would be sooo 🥹

HELP she would probably be so happy to hear that ngl but yeah nanami is truly irrelevant to the miraverse outside of making fun of her

PLS imagine official m1ckeyb3rry editing account…sadly tik tok is too much of an opp with how they suggest accounts so idt i could ever do it again 😫💔

SHIDOU WOULD MAKE A DRAWING OF HIMSELF AND KARASU HOLDING HANDS AND IT JUST SAYS “best friends forever” 😭 he would give it to karasu and ngl karasu would be touched like he’d definitely put it on his (nonexistent) fridge or smth

i feel like they lowkey might just not censor it at all FJDJSB i think the most popular translations of shidou’s scenes are actually fan translations?? not that the officials are much better but people will probably be mad that they didn’t get the iconic lines but they’re actually not even official lines…kinda like how everyone’s mad that sae didn’t call shidou “my little demon” or whatever but that was only ever a fan translation in the first place??

SPEAKING OF KARASU…the additional time for today’s episode was SO funny LMAAOAO LIKE PROFESSOR KARASU???? THE WAY IT WAS ALL JUST BACHIRA’S DREAM??? like THAT is what i want from my additional times not reo crashing out part 394738

#answered asks

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dilemma-danger · 5 months ago

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☆welcome to my blog!!!☆

haii :D im ash!!!

my pronouns r he/they/it/bite :3 im also pansexual and a trans guy!

im a high schooler :P

i have tourettes syndrome, epilepsy, mdd, and anxiety

my sideblogs r @against-life-as-a-symptom (art, though i also post art here), @d1lemmaaa (kjrp), and @gerard-ways-right-sock (mostly made that bc there's a left sock blog lmao), and i also have a vent blog (dm if u want it!)

im also a therian!!! my theriotypes are a jaguar, a black jaguar, and a northern long-eared bat :] feel free to ask about them!

my blog is matching with my friend, @gay-little-freak!!

i went to one more time tour and saw ptv and blink-182 7/11/24!!!!

free palestine🇵🇸

i lovelovelove music!!! lots of different types!! i have my headphones on pretty much 24/7, you'll never see me with em off hehe

i have lots of favorite bands!! in no specific order, they're my chemical romance, pierce the veil, blink 182, hozier, green day, tv girl, lemon demon, system of a down, slipknot, leathermouth, frank iero, mailpup, salv the dog, s3rl, sodikken, weezer, ghost, femtanyl, insane clown posse, simple plan, fall out boy, and h3artcrush :33

my favorite genres r emo music and loudloudloud stuff that i can blow my eardrums out with!!!!

please send music recommendations x3

my current and past hyperfixations:

fnaf, gore, cannibalism, lobotomies, mcr, olms, plushies, ranboo, dsmp (this was like 4 years ago don't execute me please), furries, dinosaurs, saw (2004)

tags:

#thoughts : my og posts!!

#horny for frank iero : uh. i think this one is somewhat self explanatory :')

#asks : any asks people send me!!! (please send me asks ily)

#me : pics of me :33

i started doing these after i started posting, so its technically not all of my posts.

DNI:

homophobes/transphobes, ableists, zoophiles, racists, incest, and other basic dni. that includes assholes.

other random stuffs!!!

-my favorite color is neon green

-my favorite animals are snakes and olms

-pleaseee use tonetags im really bad at deciphering things lol

-im really cool and a really great guy this is Certified by the Government

-i love to draw and make things!! i make a lot of kandi and cosplays. lmk if you want to see any of my cosplays :3

-i collect soda tabs and plushies

pictures of me, my killjoy oc, and blinkies/stamps below the cut!!!

this is me!!!!

my killjoy oc!!!!

DILEMMA DANGER!!! (name by @gay-little-freak :3)

dilemma is mostly based off of me, so we're kinda similar!!

pronouns: he/they

gender: male (trans)

sexuality: panromantic asexual

he lovessss music, and he plays the guitar xP

he wears this a lot!!!

this is what he looks like!!! i havent actually drawn them a full reference yet, i still need to. look out for that!!

i roleplay as him sometimes!!!

whenever a post is him talking, itll be set up like this:

text goes here

-dilemma danger

sometimes it wont have the "-dilemma danger" part, but only if ive already stated it earlier in the conversation :]

he is a MAJOR crash king. he has a singular brain cell and he does not use it hehe

hes got sharp teeth and a dirty blonde fluffy mullet that usually covers his eyes.

he actually is very good at fighting, when he needs to be!!

hes tall and lanky and has a diagonal scar from his cheek to his nose from a clap with some dracs.

he hatesssss firefights and hes not very good at shooting, so he usually carries around a knife! he still uses his gun though, just not often.

he likes zone five the most and is debating finding a place there to live, but he currently lives on the cusp of zone three and four.

he does have a group, but im still developing them :]

BLINKIES!!!

thanks for reading :D this ended up really long hehe

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longeyelashedtragedy · 2 years ago

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all or nothing episode 5: stream of consciousness comments

-oh boy...NOT READY

-edu and the january transfer window...how we all feel lol

-that side of me that loves...legal proceedings and shit (when reading “true crime” stuff in the past my fav part was always the trial) finds this stuff about the auba dilemma really interesting

-y’all work with mikel why can’t you say his name right omg

-edu being like WARNING: talking to mikel about this issue will be Dangerous Proceed With Caution

-man this all is just. Uncomfortable to watch

-mikel arteta eyebrows queen of north london

-mikel drops his first “fucking” of the episode

-granit staring at him so Intently whenever he talks 🥺

-eddie nketiah episode??? omg fuck yes i love this for us

-oh gosh nottingham forest....here comes the dressing room....wait shit granit wasn’t even there bc of covid so we’ll never get to see how he reacted to that (in person)

-FFF I FORGOT THIS IS WHEN NUNO COMES OFF IN THE 1ST HALF

-omg “if i lose a duel i get upset”...at one point he just straight up shrieked i swear what demon lives inside of this man

-charlie patino is like what did i get myself into

-god i just wanna hug all of them....i Love them so much

-LMAO emile going to nando’s bc his mom isn’t home ajkdf;akldf

-the way every scene mikel and this tim lewis guy have together is like an evil mastermind scene...and he sucks up to mikel so much “my relationship with mikel isn’t transactional” yeah ok sure

-OMG just got a clip of mikel saying his own name that kind of thing is Important (*it sounds really cute when he says it lmao)

-wait what is this a granit episode all of a sudden?

-granit laughing happily: “i’m one of the oldest already! and i’m still 28!”

-i SWEAR when granit smiles and laughs the world is literally ok again!!! he is a GIFT!

- “people think i’m very aggressive, because of my game”

-jfc whenever i see him mouthing “fuck off” in that clip i get [redacted]

-OMG GRANIT TELLING THESE FANS HARASSING HIM TO SHUT UP JADKFLKADF;AKF god why didn’t u make me granit

-”not one of us as kids start football because of the money. you start football because you love it”

-beautiful shots of granit omg ffffff god i wish amazon let you fuckin screenshot

-ah, and this segues right into liverpool lol

-granit being mini manager in the dressing room

-let’s stop and reflect on how PERFECT xhakarteta is as a couple they were made for each other tyvm i’m having sO many emotions and Feelings

-granit sad and alone and upset in the dressing room after kicking diogo jota...oh my whole heart i love one man. i know we saw this in the trailer but y’all it’s beautiful and heartbreaking

-laca and baby gabi coming off the pitch holding hands...my HEART

-oh oh oh they show mikel going over to hug sad granit before he leaves the dressing room....hgjskgjsjsg it was G rated but it says it all

-mikel asking the staff how to pronounce “goosebumps” lmao

-his nice dressing room talks are so sweet and heartfelt

-ayo i don’t need these fans’ shitty opinions on granit...keep it to Yourselves

-kt and rob coming into the canteen all hyped up!!!!! i love them!!! i hope someone takes a video of them dancing pls

-ben white and aaron content!...omg seeing that gabon scored....sigh

-this scene of everyone teasing granit about his card....his bde in this is INSANE and it’s also kinda serving deki vibes for me god i’m having such like Envy and Feelings

-OMG WAIT ARE WE GOING TO HIS HOUSE NOW OMG

-OMG HE JUST SAID SHPIRTI IM TO AYANA I AM DYING AND SCREAMING

-his kids are so cute and happy the family life vibes are SOLID

-yo we get to hear leonita speak?!! she has a really nice voice (vanja vibes) and i like what she’s saying about granit

-THIS WAS AMAZING IT’S EVERYTHING I’M DYING AJDKF;LAKDFDF

-back to auba drama...sigh

-SIR put your fucking eyelashes AWAY sos 911

-DUBAI TIME

- “in spain they call it casa pepe...it means pepe’s house he can do whatever he fucking wants.” ...mikel there’s no way that’s a thing but can we all just start saying “casa pepe” now

-mikel praising granit :’))) whose Slutty Dubai Arms are in all their glory

-mikel Yelling at granit on the pitch omggggg...

-he’s losing his voice again and the dude goes “your voice is fucking terrible” jakd;akdlfdf drag him

-LMAO barca dicking around is anyone surprised

-they literally got the deal done ONE MINUTE before the deadline??? i’d say “that was fake for tv” but this is arsenal football club after all

-wow that episode was...wow

-the last one left to watch is going to be a WHOPPER cause it has us going to mikel’s house? it’s shorter than the others but like. do i have the ability to process that rn

-damn guys just w Ow this episode was doing the most

#ihc watches all or nothing #gotta tag my boy #gx #👁#i took SO many shitty videos

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kietamitai · 8 years ago

Text

An extremely long vent and personal thoughts post

I have to title it because it is what it is. And honestly, I’m going to explain everything that’s been going on with my personal feelings, mental/emotional state, and current situation.

I have somewhat vented/talked about this on twitter but making a long post on my blog seems to be much better. This is likely to be my last resort of anything. Nothing bad will happen but this is to tell you that I am currently not in a good mood.

All I ask is that if you read the post, just like the post. And maybe give it a few days before asking if I am alright. DO NOT REPLY TO THIS OR SEND ME A MESSAGE I BEG OF YOU (I am not saying it to be avoidant like I will end up sounding angry if you do).

Don’t read it if you’re not in the right mood to read it. It has some questionable bits but yeah.

OK so on the first and forefront of current situation cause it’s probably the shortest.

Personally speaking, nothing is happening at home, however, I am left with a vague sense of I have to do something because everyone in the family sees me as lazy and undisciplined.

I am worried that if I started to move, that everything is going to go pretty bad. This fear is completely normal on any standard, but the problem is that this feeling is immensely different from what people may think.

Since I had recently learned about people with ADHD having Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), everything I have experienced up until this point finally makes sense.

It is that fear of unwanted “rejection” and “negative response/feedback.”

Needless to say, some things have happened in the past that drastically shaped who I am today and my rather laid back personality, but this fear of failure came as a result. It can sometimes make me immobile.

When I get paranoid over whether or not I fuck something up, I LITERALLY FREAK OUT SOMETIMES OK?

But aside from this foreboding feeling about needing to do something (which will come in due time because I have a feeling that I’ll take that step out there sooner or later), here’s the more social part of the situation.

After what feels like I offended a friend and some what apologizing and owning up to my own reactions, I sorta ended getting slapped in the face with them implying that they don’t care. Like, I have a feeling that it’s not what they actually meant, but it’s also quite obvious that if I tried to ask for clarification, I will get yelled at for being stupid and I HATE THAT THE MOST CAUSE I GET THAT A LOT.

And this is just on the personal side of things— I dunno what their intentions or implications are. They just don’t seem to want to say that it is possibly their fault that it happened, even when I pointed it out that it is. And well, they seem to have misinterpreted the whole point of my message as well, but I just gave up on even trying to clarify myself any further cause I just woke up from a nap at the time and I almost didn’t even want to respond to that with the way they word it.

I’d rather not go into detail about that since it is an insanely minor thing, but with the way they sorta avoid me in general, it just feels like they’re scared of me or something. I’m not one to push on to make someone uncomfortable for answers so if they read this and recognize it’s them, good job I guess?

I’m probably not on their radar anyways cause they got their own shit to worry about, so really, I’d only be surprised if they ended up reading this pile of mess and then going up to my IM/ask and be like, “You fuck ass are u talking shit about me?”

On that, it is only complicated feelings coming from me. I’m not here to shit on someone for their circumstances, but in the meantime, I’m avoiding them cause like I feel like if I start talking again, I WILL FUCK UP REALLY BADLY or even worse, THEY WILL FLAT OUT JUST IGNORE ME.

My answer will most likely not be positive with them specifically if questioned in such a rude way.

And RSD likes to make things worse on the social side of things even if I simply just want to check up on them and ask if they’re doing alright. Similar situations has happened before, and when that happens, trust me, that’s when I know a friendship isn’t meant to be. I am not distant because I don’t know how to get close to people.

It’s happened too many times. Really, even if it hurts, I have to stop caring and let it go.

But on that regard, after talking to some more people, I end up getting this feeling of... isolation. I had read somewhere that ADHD may make it so that it ends up feeling like I can’t connect to people.

It sorta reels in the whole experience.

It isn’t like I want their kind of friendship, but in any friendship, I can tell that I don’t get a lot of attention. It’s like seeing a friend connect to another friend better than you can connect to either of them. I’ve always been left alone a lot so honestly, it’s nothing new.

I don’t like it when people are too too clingy to me but when they’re insanely distant, it makes me feel like my existence is just around for them to waste time.

In most cases, I just end up asking for people to say hi to me or something and get no response. Well, I know everyone has lives to run, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling insanely bitter or even bad to the point where I feel like I’ve been annoying and trying too hard and people are just FED UP with my antics and choosing to ignore me.

After a while, you get used to the feeling and you stop caring.

But in summary, if I had done a small mistake that warranted a negative response (or in a way I perceive it as negative) then I will remember that for a long time and my fear is that you’ll bring it up again cause by that time, you’ve already seen me in a different light and you’ll probably subconsciously remember it and maybe bring it up subtly where I’ll be like “o fuck did I fuck up again” and PARANOIA ENSUES.

Another summary is that I’ve been feeling like I’m lacking a sense of self again.

This isn’t an uncommon dilemma. I’ve never given it much thought as long as I can make it believable to an extent. I stopped caring because I’ve been disciplined a lot for smaller things and been compared.

Not to mention a big part of it happened when the grandma I live with decided to berate me one day. That was the day I felt like a stranger to my own family.

I’ve been living with constant less praise and more reprimanding. When people praise me, I am happy, but I am always left feeling that I am deceiving them.

People call me one thing but I dunno which am I. I have come to find out that it is who I am. I am probably like a chameleon lol

But really, I have a terrible sense of self and sometimes when I really think about it, I have no idea what really makes up me. I’ve been collecting and amassing different personalities and stuff like that.

Perhaps that knowledge is how I come to understand people fairly easily.

The more I try to find out more about myself, the more I end up losing a sense of who I am. The less I try, the more I end up feeling like nothing.

My feelings of being worthless isn’t because of any emotional reason, it is a fairly logical reason. I am simply not someone that resources should go to.

In fact, sometimes I wish I can suffer, but apparently, I can’t have that either. It takes too much time for me to just make myself suffer, it’s just easier to do nothing. I don’t even have the energy to make myself hated enough to want to be forgotten.

From drifting between being worthless and having my mistakes rebound on me, making it more than enough for me to want to stab myself, to feeling just slightly better about my day, it has been kinda tough.

Sometimes it’s not that I want to think about it and sometimes it just happens as a thought. But sometimes, something triggers my thoughts.

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts and well I’ve started to notice that it’s making me less likely to do stuff I wanted to do or just to do anything at all.

I am for once getting in to a unstable state of mind.

It could be that I am drained from watching my other grandma for the past month and a half, or that I feel like I’m being RUSHED to do something people expect me to do.

I don’t know if what I’m thinking about doing is the right choice.

I’m not sure if I’m important to people anymore. I feel like an expendable. Do people even care about me enough to understand how I feel? Do people know me enough to tell me, they know me? Do people really know who I am?

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m joking about dying or not. It sometimes feels like it’d be better if I can somehow die and be forgotten.

None of these feelings are new, perhaps maybe thinking that death is a fiscally better and logical option might be something a little more new.

I don’t know any more at times. My feelings tend to fluctuate daily and I have days where I’m a little better off then most lol

It’s probably also this bad because jet lag and some stuff making me really anxious??

I dunno but since I was getting distracted, I have no idea what I wanted to type by the time I got to this point. But I’ll end off with something—

I’ve always felt pretty meh about life. Perhaps MAYBE due to ADHD, it may influence my own ability to stay emotionally attached/devoted for too long. It’s almost like feeling you’re both half full and half empty when I’m not feeling anything really. But I guess it was better than the me before I turned 20.

Perhaps that’s just me. I haven’t been feeling like... myself.

It’s a little hard to explain, but what else can I do than to wait it out?

I never experience a feeling for long anyways lol

My days have been feeling kinda dreadful and tiring. Idk if I can keep up with people in general anymore.

This is probably what I get for being who I am.

#teru's incessant mumbling #negativity/////

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