#but still thanks noel you paid me a solid back then

[janiedean]

completely ot but let me say this never been happier that my favorite oasis song is don’t look back in anger and that i went to an u2 concert with noel gallagher opening so I actually heard it live so now I am here watching the reunion tickets thing like i’m so glad i’m not even trying

[chiseler]

Hero of Our Nation

I first encountered Roger Ramjet on a Chicago public access station in 1983. It was part of an early morning show apparently aimed at stoner insomniacs. The show came on at five and also included episodes of Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp, that awful Beatles cartoon, and a weather report clarified by some appropriate pop song (“Here Comes the Sun” or “Here Comes the Rain Again”). I was usually up and around that early for some godforsaken reason, and originally started watching on account of Lancelot Link. Always did love that Lancelot Link. But Roger Ramjet was, well, let’s just say it was a revelation.

Roger Ramjet, “ that All-American good guy and devil may care flying fool” (as he compulsively introduces himself) was a none too bright and none too coordinated drug-dependent space age superhero in an ongoing battle against the assorted forces of evil (or more specifically, N.A.S.T.Y.) to preserve the American Way of Life. He was square-jawed, straight-laced, straight-faced, and True Blue if little else, so hyper-patriotic that nearly every time his name is spoken aloud an American flag, a bald eagle, or a rotating ring of stars appears on the screen. After catching one or two episodes, I forgot all about Lancelot Link.

The show was easy to overlook, especially when squeezed between the Beatles and some secret agent chimps with a psychedelic band. The episodes were only five minutes long (maybe seven with the abrasive theme song filling out the opening and closing credits), and were so crudely drawn and animated it might at a glance seem like something a couple of junior high school kids threw together in their basement one weekend. The shows were so primitive they hardly bothered with niceties like “backgrounds” satisfied instead to settle for rudimentary suggestions of a setting. But the writing was so sharp and the voice talent so good what it really felt like, if you paid attention, was a spoof of a ‘40s radio serial like Sky King or Gangbusters, complete with a soap opera organ and illustrated by a handful of jerky drawings scratched out by someone’s kid. People who thought Jay Ward’s Bullwinkle and Dudley Do-Right were crude when compared with the output from Disney or Warner Brothers had no idea what “crude” meant. 

Looking at it today what it reminds me of more than anything are the paper cutout animations of the earliest episodes of South Park, before they upgraded to Flash. Along with the lo-fi stylistics, the humor was clearly aimed at an adult audience while pretending otherwise.  You may not find any child molestation jokes or crass religious cracks in Roger Ramjet, but for 1965 the lightning-fast humor was pretty hepcat and sophisticated, with undisguised satirical references to the Cold War, Central American turmoil, and the  Vietnam War (“Hey kids, this is Roger Ramjet,” demanding that you stay tuned to this station to see my next adventure,” Roger announces in his commanding superhero baritone. “Or I’ll see to it that all you little rascals are drafted.”) . Mixed in with the topical jokes we also get some highly unlikely name drops, from Noel Coward and Henry Cabot Lodge to James Joyce and bawdy nightclub performer Rusty Warren, as well as film parodies and  literary nods to the likes of Catch-22 and Catcher in the Rye.  It’s also a little less than what you might call racially sensitive by modern standards (consider Mexican revolutionaries The Enchilada Brothers, Beef and Chicken).

While a lot of the more timely jokes might be lost in the murk of the over 50 years since it first aired, there’s plenty of rapid-fire absurdity that’s timeless, from the misspelled title cards punctuating the narration to the self-consciously dumb coked-up adventures.

Bullwinkle aired from ‘61 to ‘64. Roger Ramjet came along a year later and Jay Ward’s influence is undeniable. The difference was Roger Ramjet crammed the equivalent number of bad jokes, references, and plot twists of a typical 8-part Bullwinkle serial into each five-minute episode, both mirroring the rapid-fire screwball dialogue of the ‘30s and the frenetic quick-cut comedy to come along a year or two later in shows like The Monkees and Laugh-In.

The episodes were produced with essentially no budget and were cranked out very quickly by a small team of writers, voiceover artists and animators with solid day jobs in radio and TV. They were all seasoned pros, some dating back to the days of classic radio, who worked on the show after hours as a way of letting off a little steam and tossing around a few cynical, subversive  cultural jabs their day jobs wouldn’t allow. The show was created originally by animator Fred Crippen  (who went on to work on some pretty dreadful crap like the Extreme Ghostbusters  and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles) and Ken Snyder, an ad exec who moved over into producing cartoons. They brought in a remarkable team of voice talent and comedy writers, including Gene Moss (the voice of Smokey the Bear) Jim Thurmam (who did a lot of kids shows including Sesame Street), Dick Beals (the original voice of Gumby), and the great Gary Owens, a drive-time deejay in LA who would get national recognition soon enough as the on-screen announcer for Laugh-In. Although they would all get specific credits in the end (Crippen as director, Moss as a writer) it was a communal effort, in which everyone contributed to the writing, and everyone, even the executive producer, did a few of the voices. Apart from the regular crew, careful listeners might also catch a few uncredited guest appearances by some surprisingly big names (I’m told Sinatra and Dean Martin appear in an episode, but I’m still looking for that one). Owens was the star, though, as his ability to read the most ridiculous lines in a dramatic deadpan made him the perfect Roger Ramjet. Together they made 156 episodes (about 150 still exist), which were sold directly into syndication in ‘65 as half hour shows, each containing three unconnected adventures. I can’t say as I’m exactly sure who they thought their target audience was at the time, except maybe each other.

Much like William Conrad in Bullwinkle, each show opened with our narrator, Steve Allen alum Dave Ketchum, setting the mood and the scene (“In today’s depressing episode,” he’d begin with dramatic enthusiasm, or maybe it was an “existentialist episode,” “phlegmatic episode,” “rickety episode,”  “hairy episode,” or “ethnic episode”). Then we’re out of the gate at a breakneck pace, with a flurry of gags coming from every direction. “Ramjet rode into Boot Hill,” we’re told,  “where the men were men and the women were men, which can get pretty old after awhile.”

While none of the shows are connected, there are a few recurring characters and locations worth remembering: Roger hails from Lompoc, an actual California town (“where nothing ever happens, and seldom does”) and  takes his orders from General G.I. Brassbottom, a no nonsense military man who “hadn’t had an original idea since he was a civilian.” He’s also assisted by Yank, Doodle, Dan, and Dee, the unusually chubby  kids who make up the American Eagle squadron. Like Roger, all the members of the squadron wear their white jumpsuits and flight helmets at all times (Roger even wears his helmet on dates), and in true superhero sidekick fashion, their primary job is to get Roger out of scrapes and make sure his drugs are handy. 

That’s one little detail more than a few casual viewers have taken umbrage with. Roger, see, is a pretty hapless character most of the time, but he repeatedly saves the world thanks to a little help from his Proton Energy Pills (PEP), which take five seconds to kick in, then give him the strength of 20 A-Bombs for 20 seconds. Modern viewers seem a little uncomfortable with the idea of a superhero gulping amphetamines in order to function, but all I can say is, well, it was a different time, and hey, it worked for Roger and Elvis both.

The proton energy pills come in handy when dealing with his arch-nemesis Noodles Romanoff, the short, trench coat and fedora wearing head of N.A.S.T.Y. (the National Association of Spies, Traitors, and Yahoos). Romanoff may not have a Natasha, but he does have a gang of cronies and thugs who all mumble in unison (save for one, who can’t seem to get the rhythm). 

Along with Romanoff and his gang, Roger also has to contend with some lanky alien robots, the Solenoids (voiced by executive priducer Ken Snyder), and their repeated efforts to invade the planet in assorted ridiculous ways (in one episode, they begin kidnapping all the Miss America contestants, who “were disappearing faster than co-eds at a Dartmouth weekend.”)

When not saving the world, Roger found himself competing with the smarmy hotshot test pilot Lance Crossfire (who sounds an awful lot like burt Lancaster) for the affections of Lotta Love, the fickle Southern belle with a taste for the finer things in life.

Then there are the adventures themselves. Some seem standard superhero fare, but only to a point. Earth is besieged by flying saucer attacks (sort of). Roger’s hometown is terrorized by a werewolf (sort of). Roger plays tennis with a kangaroo, or becomes the first man to surf in space,  or, in a personal favorite, attempts to stop the flow of bootleg comic books into America’s drug stores.

Actually, there’s an interesting moment in that one that revealed just how subtle you could be even with animation this unsophisticated. Okay, so Noodles Romanoff, see, is replacing real comics in drug store racks with bootlegs in which popular superheroes are humiliated, all in an effort to destroy the morale of America’s children. After Brassbottom shows Roger a few examples (the issues include “Superman Gets Beat Up by a Chicken!” and “Ratman Stubs His Toe!”) he explains that if this sort of thing continues, “America’s kids won’t have anyone to look up to except YOU, Ramjet.” Then, for just an instant in that crude and jerky style, Roger cuts his eyes toward the camera, revealing in that moment everything we needed to know, namely that it’s what he’s always wanted.

Thirty years on and that still sticks with me.

In the end, though, the characters and storylines are secondary at best In Roger Ramjet. At heart it’s  a matter of trying to keep up with all the lightning-quick  jokes and wordplay, the non-sequiturs and references. In the five minute span of one cowboy-themed episode I counted nods to at least seven classic Western films, from High Noon to She Wore a Yellow Ribbon, and I suspect I missed a few. It really is such a dizzying blur of dialogue and bad puns and cultural references, sometimes, christ, even just references to old jokes that take the form of bad puns (“Waiter, there’s a spy in my soup” or “how many angels can swim in the head of a beer?”), that absurd as it all is, repeated viewings are a necessity to catch everything. It’s a bit like having the complete contents of an issue of MAD magazine jammed onto a single page. It can make your head hurt after a while, but it’s worth it. Whether the density and the pace make it better or worse for stoner viewing is something, I guess, each stoner will need to answer for him or herself. Lots of bright colors, though.

In 1965 there was nothing new about making cartoons with adult sensibilities in mind. Betty Boop and Bugs Bunny were made to be shown as short subjects to largely adult audiences. Jay Ward’s cartoons a few decades down the line were near-revolutionary for smuggling hip, subversive political humor into what had become an exclusively child-friendly format. What made Roger Ramjet so radical was it’s blend of ‘30s radio style with mid-’60s cynicism, as well as its foreshadowing of our shrinking attention spans, a hyper-condensed proton pill of comedy and commentary disguised as just another dumb, low-rent superhero cartoon. Although it’s barely remembered today, its influence is still evident in most any subversive animated show you can name, even if they’ve slowed things down a bit.

by Jim Knipfel

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#210-201)

#210: Joy Fleming -- Ein Lied Kann Eine Brücke Sein (Germany 1975)

“Hör auf zu spielen und lerne zu fühlen, Wie viele Menschen Freunde sind, Lerne zu singen, vertraue so wie ein Kind,”

“Stop playing and learn how to feel, How many people are friends Learn how to sing, trust just like a child”

For an older and low-placed entry, this German entry has become a fan favorite! Despite this, I wonder if I really like this enough to make my top three of 1975, because I don't go back to listen to it often.

But when I do, it just takes the conductor's stomping to get me into the mood. It's just a great way to start a song~

While the chorus somehow bugs me a little bit, because of how jarring it is (Joy shouts it all out, in comparison to the verses where she has a somewhat lower register), how it builds really helps with getting the party started. The orchestration also helps with the joie de vivre of the song, and Joy manages to live up to her name on stage.

Personal ranking: =3rd/19 Actual ranking: 17th(?!)/19 in Stockholm

#209: Muriel Day -- The Wages of Love (Ireland 1969)

“There will be bridges to be crossed And there'll be teardrops to be lost...”

Ireland’s first upbeat song is a diversion from their first four entries in more ways than one. Not only it’s performed by a woman for the first time, but it also warns about the pains of love—while it’s a great experience, you have to pay a lot in the process. (This actually reminds me of one vintage Eurovision blogger talking about how Horoscopes incorporates a more liberal sound with Ireland's conservatism at the time--maybe it was from the same lines?)

And Muriel has an absolute ball on stage with her uber-high lime green dress. She twirls her microphone around when arriving, bounces up and down like she just got a can of Red Bull, and dances as if it was for the last time. The orchestration really helps out on giving out this vivacious vibe (though the lyric "it can make you live/it can make you die" in context is quite horrifying behind the upbeat track).

Basically, this was an upbeat track which I would've switched out for one of the upbeat winners.

Personal ranking: 3rd/16 (though here, it's 4th/16. A mismatch in rankings, which you can see again in the future) Actual ranking: 7th/16 in Madrid

#208: Alenka Gotar -- Cvet z Juga (Slovenia 2007)

"Moj beli cvet, moj daljni svet Daj, vrni se, moj bodi spet”

“My white flower, my faraway world Come, return, be mine again”

I've never been a big fan of opera--not just in Eurovision, but also in general. I recognize they have beautiful voices and worked on them for the performance, but I never really like the instrumental or the actual song.

Cvet z juga, however, managed to incorporate opera in a way which is actually enjoyable. Not only because of Alenka’s powerful vocals, but also the nostalgia created with the poetic lyrics and the instrumental. It’s a combination of classical and modern--it's not a dance-floor bop (despite the percussion in the background), but it's definitely out of the ordinary.

Combined with a subtle but effective gimmick (Alenka's light-up hand at the end), and you have Slovenia's first qualifier in the semi-final. Definitely deserved.

Unfortunately, Alenka's gone off a bad path since then...)

Personal ranking: 6th/42 Actual ranking: 15th/24 GF in Helsinki

#207: Giorgios Alkaios and Friends -- Opa! (Greece 2010)

"Έκαψα το χθες, νύχτες μου παλιές Κι από το μηδέν αρχίζω όσο κι αν δε θες Δάκρυα καυτά ψέμματα πολλά Πλήρωσα όσο χρωστούσα και τα δανεικά"

"I burnt the past, my old nights And I start from scratch even if you don’t want me to Hot tears, too many lies I paid what I owed and borrowed"

"Motherf---ing testosterone!"

The Scandinavia and the World recap for the 2010 contest basically sums up Opa! as this, with all the tribal cries and torn up shirts. I've also heard it described as the "Love Love Peace Peace" of Greek entries, with the prevalent cry "Opa!", strong ethnic influences, and Cretean lyre to boot.

But beyond that, there's a deeper meaning behind the lyrics. By late 2009-early 2010, Greece was facing the burden's of the Great Recession, which would envelop the country in many years. Their GDP would drop by 26% between 2008 and 2014, and unemployment rose up to 25% at the same time. This economic maelstrom led to public uprisings and an exodus of the highly educated.

Opa is a cry for joy--not just to party, but also to fight against a wave of despair considering the circumstances. It strives to give life and inspiration by those who need it, even if it means starting over. And while economics will trump national pride in the end, one asserts themselves as stronger than they think. And that's what makes it an important part of the Greek Golden Age at Eurovision.

Personal ranking: 6th/39 Actual ranking: 8th/25 (GF) in Oslo

#206: Boris Novkovic feat. Lado -- Vukovi Umiru Sami (Croatia 2005)

"Do zore je ostao još koji sat A vani nemir, k’o da je rat Oblačim kaput i odlazim Da sve zaboravim"

"Only a few hours left till dawn And outside unrest, as if a war is on I put my coat on and leave To forget everything"

Balkan ballads are one of the main joys out of Eurovision; obviously from that region, they feature folk instrumentation and sad lyrics about love. Vukovi umiru sami fits into this mold well, but I only managed to put this in tenth place because of the variety of songs on offer, ranging from glam rock to a wholesome peace ballad.

Over time, however, it has grown on me.

The poetic lyrics stood out the most for me--they tell of an end of a relationship on the Danube (which really grounds the song in its origins, despite the fact I associate it with Central European countries as a whole) and the loneliness of the man in it. There's a mournful nature about it, especially with the choir in the background.

And the way it build is so fantastic, amplifying the story and the stakes. The "Dunavoms" between the last two choruses are well-done and elevate this song to greatness.

I planned to rewatch 2005 to see how my rankings change, and thought it would get to be in my top five. Because of a typo on my list, I needed another song to fit the overall order of the list.

And finally, Vukovi umiru sami is in my top five. :)

Personal ranking: 5th/39 Actual ranking: 11th/24 GF in Kyiv

#205: Marlayne -- One Good Reason (the Netherlands 1999)

“Give me one good reason and I will give you two Say: "I love you forever", say you will, say you do...”

The guitar intro made me think this would be a song I would listen to outside of Eurovision. It reminded me of Michelle Branch’s songs in the early 2000s (of which, Breathe is my current all-time favorite song); her debut album, The Spirit Room, would only be released in 2001!

Alternatively, it has a very country-pop vibe, but it still has a sense of optimism which continues through the entire song. I love how sunny and earnest it is, and it got a really solid result out of it! Unfortunately, it would be the Netherlands' best placing until 2013, but at least it was a jolt of quality in a mediocre year.

Personal ranking: 4th/23 Actual ranking: 8th/23 in Jerusalem

#204: Niamh Kavanaugh -- In Your Eyes (Ireland 1993)

“Love's been building bridges between your heart and mine I'm safe here on my island, but I'm out on the edge this time”

One of the most nail-biting votes in Eurovision came in this particular contest: because Malta's phone connection malfunctioned, they had to wait until the end to give their points. At that point, Ireland was 11 points ahead, which means if Malta gave the runner-up their twelve, the latter would win by one point.

The Maltese jury ended up giving Ireland their twelve, which would give Ireland their second consecutive win in the 1990s, along with a point record which would only last a year.

I’ve never felt the vulnerability of falling in love, but I love the narrative arc in the lyrics, which crescendos with the chorus. Niamh’s voice is a bit harsh at times, but delivers on it with a stately grace in a choice suit.

What also seals In Your Eyes for me was the graceful orchestration thanks to Noel Kelehan. It's especially prevalent in the chorus--the studio cut doesn't do it justice...

Personal ranking: =6th/25 Actual ranking: 1st/25 in Millstreet

#203: Sonia -- Better the Devil You Know (United Kingdom 1993)

“I'll give you my heart and my soul if you give me your love..”

...not unlike with the song Ireland was competing with for the win! While the studio cut is decent enough, Better the Devil You Know wouldn't have gotten so close to victory without the live music aspect of it.

It’s not only the orchestration here, but also Sonia’s fun performance and her cute moves. The track is reminiscent of SAW, but it feels like being at a sock hop in a diner and dancing the night away. The backing vocalists do a good job too; I like how they harmonize the in the chorus .

That all being said, would've this made a better winner? It's hard to tell--it would've been more upbeat than most of the 1990s other winners, but In Your Eyes has aged quite well. And I have several other favorites, so I'm not the best one to comment on it.

Personal ranking: =6th/25 Actual ranking: 2nd/25 in Millstreet

#202: Serebro -- Song #1 (Russia 2007)

“Gotta tease you, nasty guy So take it, don't be shy Put your cherry on my cake And taste my cherry pie”

Unfortunately, song #1 neither placed on top of the 2007 class, nor was it the first song performed that year So, in more than one case, Song #1 is a misnomer.

Nor are they particularly unique amongst bands--Serebro has some similarities to tATu in 2003, in that they are a girl group with a sensual aesthetic. But while tATu's Eurovision entry is more dark, Serebro's has more attitude and edge.

Such saucy lyrics are what makes Song #1 such a total jam, albeit one the fandom overlooks. The dark production increases the attitude of this song, and I love the girls’ stage presence too! Especially those costumes (again, going back to the tATu comparisons, in that they were best known for their school uniforms, hehe); they never fail in adding some sexiness to the performance.

Personal ranking: 5th/42 Actual ranking: 3rd/24 GF in Helsinki

#201: Severina -- Moja stikla (Croatia 2006)

“Zvrc, zvrc, tražit ćeš moj broj, Kuc, kuc, kucaj nekoj drugoj, Jer još trava nije nikla, Tamo gdje je stala moja štikla!”

"Ring, ring, you'll search for my number, Knock, knock, go knocking somewhere else, For the grass has not yet sprouted, Where my high heel has stepped!”

There’s a lot of silly lyrics in Moja Stikla. From mentioning “sex” to “Afrika Paprika”, it’s easy to suggest that this is nonsensical. I’m reading over the lyrics again myself, and they tell quite a different story—of a woman who just wants men to stop hitting on her.

Even now, I'm still confused on how Zumba and African paprika make sense in avoiding men. Or high heels.

But it all doesn't matter when the music starts. Severina's backing vocalists add to the performances, with their solid harmonies and fun presence. Combined with Severina’s own high energy, it’s a good example of turbo folk (even though there was a bit of controversy about whether it actually sounds like Croatian music), and it’s all kinds of fun!

Personal ranking: 4th/37 Actual ranking: =12th/24 GF in Athens

[bittvrness-blog]

      walk up to the club like what up  !  it’s me, as in your official australian trash™ and the worst admin in the world, kellen  !  firstly wanted to thank everyone for taking the effort in applying and my lovely co admins for bringing valence to life  !  my talents include getting drunk after three shots and being the world’s biggest disappointment  !  fun fact, i’m allergic to band aids so y’all can take down the guns because there’s a more lethal weapon of choice  !  like this post for good luck and clear skin because i’m going to slide into your dms regardless of whether you like this or not fjdfsbhjdsbhdsbhdsbds  !  under the cut is a little bit about my dumb ass child, yves venero  ! trigger warning: death and illness

yves was born into a wealthy family, mr and mrs venero being two big hollywood names, he was pretty much destined to follow in his parents footsteps (  think angelina and brad minus brad’s mid life crisis looks, the cheating scandals and the divorce  ) and while his family was far from perfect, he actually has a really close relationship with both his parents (  i know i’m shook af too it’s prob one of the rare muses i have that actually have a solid relationship with family, a little too good to be true hmmph ಠ_ಠ   )

he generally had a sheltered life to be completely honest but living life with the expectations of mr and mrs venero really shaped the way he was EXPECTED��to live life, especially considering the fact that he was always under the limelight 

consequently, from a young age he knew that he would have to grow up a lot faster than everyone else and that he’d miss out on things that ‘everyone’ else around him experienced 

yves used to run around during interviews as a child, and quite frankly, stole the spotlight from them easily. there’s a popular video that always circulates of him as a seven year old boy with the widest grin in the world saying “ i want to be like mama and papa and i want to be in a zillion shows “ which captured the hearts of the world 

the thing is, between his dream as a child and the present day, he lost his passion for ‘acting’ but with so much weight on his shoulders, he decided to go against his heart and do what was expected 

does he love acting  ?  yes. but acting is his FIRST love, the kind that holds dear to you and means something, but it’s not the one that seemingly lasts. his current love and passion is for coding, and he spends as much time as he can behind closed doors working on algorithms whenever he can knowing very well, that his work can never see the light of day, at least not with his name attached to it 

for the most part, the only ‘work’ yves has done within the acting realm had been kids shows and advertisements, though the minute he got his ass into college (  an english major  ) the pressure seemed to slowly peel off his back from his parents, who really wanted to make sure he had some sort of academic achievement to back up the venero name

the minute he graduated however was the minute where the pressure was truly cloaked on his shoulders, as his parents began forcing him to read scripts in hopes he’ll find a gig, after all, the media still saw him as the child who said he wanted to be like his famous parents  !

after a year of acting classes, the script for countenance landed in his lap and he did it. it was the first and only time he’d ever auditioned (  besides when he was a child, but let’s be honest he didn’t get that on his own merit but based on his parents fame  ) and he got the role of isaiah  !

the thing people don’t know is WHY out of the thousands of roles referred to him, pushed by his mentors and parents, did he choose it and the reason is quite simple... he felt a connection with the character of isaiah 

see, growing up, yves moved schools a lot because of the busy nature of his parents work as well as the fact that whenever he’d JUST feel as though he’s settled, word would get out to the media and school and paps would bombard him or parents of his ‘friends’ would suddenly keep trying to fight for playdates and such. because of this, yves is someone who simply went through high school with just a goal and that was football. nothing else. he didn’t have time for friends or anything more. and regardless of whether it was in washington, la or san francisco, he kept his head down and focused on everything OTHER than friendships and relationships 

for the most part, he was seen as charming and mysterious but really, he was just someone who didn’t dare open his heart to people, knowing very well that within six months he’d probably have to go

he’d made a friend in his junior year of high school, noel, who he felt the closest with. noel was so much different to everyone else, the kind who genuinely wanted to be friends with yves and leaving him, was probably the most heart breaking thing for yves though the other boy promised that they’d keep in contact. and they did. but a little after he graduated high school, a month before he promised to ‘catch up’ as old friends, noel’s parents notified him that he died from an undiagnosed illness, one that he’d fought a lifetime against in secret 

that broke yves and as he stood on the grave that he’d paid for, he couldn’t help but think that this is only another reason why he should remain reticent and closed off. the pain across his chest continually lingers

when reading the script, he felt such a connection to the parallel to the kindness of wren against the genuineness of noel, and their tragic endings and the poetic justice attached to them also seemed to ring true 

yves is someone who is a contradiction but it’s mainly due to the fact that every action and inaction is carefully articulated and calculated as a defence mechanism, mainly consequenting from the death of noel, the absence of his parents in his life (  though he has a very healthy relationship with them now  ) as well as years of neglect and years of being used for his parents fame (  and also bc of what happened with the austere  )

he’s very illiberal, holding back the kindness that was once natural to him to spit attitude and harshness, in hopes that it deters people from him. he isn’t poison, but acts like it because he doesn’t WANT to know what it’s like to experience friendship, companionship and love 

there’s an exception though and that’s with his relationship with his fans... when it comes to them, he’d do anything and he’s been known to break cameras when paps are around getting in between him and his fans

just another thing is that he’s super interested in the supernatural, black magic and spirits and stuff 

      that’s all for now if you’ve read this entire thing then i apologise bc it’s a lot longer than necessary JBSDBHDFSHBJDS, i’ll be sliding into y’alls IMs and stuff,  ily tysm and thank you all for applying and i can’t wait to rp with y’all  !  

[sidbridgecomedy]

Feedback on Joking About Work

Last week's experiment on a piece of material/premise that wasn't working brought about some interesting feedback. For this follow-up article, I'm going to look at the responses and give my thoughts.

1. My friend Susan suggested talking about former coworkers, mainly as an attempt to goad me into picking on our friend Jamie on stage - poor Jamie was once the victim of a cubicle full of post-it notes. While it's true and funny, it does kind of lack the punch of a good piece of stand-up. Cubicle full of post-it notes? Maybe a mild chuckle at best. Cubicle full of freshly-cut shark chum? Comic gold.

More to the point, Susan, we really should be making fun of our time at the now-defunct Harris Publishing Company. That place - in less than 1.5 years moved me across six cubicles, all of which were the same, ending in the exact same place I started. We also put a lot of faith in the future of printed alumni directories. What could possibly go wrong there?!

2. Matt, a local comic who's been bringing his extremely unconventional style to open mics all over Hampton Roads tries to butter me up first: Good read!

Thanks, Matt! I also think my writing is a good read!

Here are Matt's thoughts: People may have a hard time understanding what you actually get paid to do. So try being very clear about what you actually do from day today and you could possibly make a joke out of that. Also, you could try stretching the truth with a certain social situation that might be present at work. You could try relating to the change of environment after the Me too thing. You could give your take on how you would run things if you were the boss that has pretty much endless possibilities.

Good read, Matt! Stretching the truth is a tried-and-true strategy for bending a real life happening into a piece of material, and if I could find a way to make it simplify my corporate life, I may do that. Over-explaining never works, so if I can't distill an explanation down to a few words, it ain't happening.

3. Noel, another local comic who also frequents my open mic, decided to rib me a bit: The fact that you have a very good job might alienate you from the audience. Who wants to hear why Daddy McBigBucks hates Mondays?

He's right, but what's even more telling is that I somehow earned the title "Daddy McBigBucks." That's the impression I give off when I talk about my job, and boy do I wish it were true. Right now it's more like "Daddy McSignificantDebtwithRidiculousMonthlyExpenses". If talking about my job erases any credit I have with the audience as a regular human who struggles to pay his bills like anyone else, it's best to steer clear.

3a. Matt chimes back in and points out that if I do go arrogant, I have to turn it up to the point of ridiculousness.

Also true, but I have always felt the best comedy happens where there's a clear protagonist - especially if it's you. If you're an antogonist in the bit, you need to get your comeuppance in order for the audience to enjoy the laugh.

4. Ryan, another comic who I sometimes see at my open mic, wrote way too much stuff in his response. The gist is that I didn't give enough details for the reader to give suggestions about what's funny. If so, he would suggest how to simplify it. There were also some solid points about making it relatable to people who aren't in my tax bracket - which is true, but the last thing someone in a lower tax bracket wants to hear about is the struggles of those in a higher tax bracket. Try listening to a billionaire bitch about taxes. It's frustrating.

5. From Earl: Have you tried lying? They don’t know if you’re a lawyer or a plumbers assistant.

Thanks, Earl. I'm a cheese salesman.

6. Kenneth jumps in with some great insight: I think your later points are probably closer to home. Lots of funny situations at require too much explaining - it's funny to everyone at the office because there's thousands of hours of common experience. Which theoretically makes it an inside joke - funny at work, bomb on stage. And trying to find the humor in an exasperating work experience really isn't a funny bit, like you said, it's really just ranting. Dennis Miller and Bill Maher have done pretty well with it, but they take very public events or situations which really don't require much explaining about the event itself.

Totally agree.

7. Finally, Ben jumps in with the cold, hard truth: I think you’re right about the white collar thing as soon as I read manager of corporate communication my mind shut down.

Ben gets it.

Here's my bottom line. I've actually managed a couple of one-off jokes about my job that don't require set-up. I'll stick with those at clubs. Anything else about my job, I will still jot into my notebook. It'll be tucked away in a safe corner, just waiting for... a corporate gig. Friends, don't forget stand-up happens in lots of different places. Riding on a jet and complaining about how the scotch selection is better than the choices of cookies won't work in a comedy club, but it will sure as hell work at a corporate gig. When the funny stuff comes to mind, jot it down. You may find a place to use it later.

[torontoarenas]

rapid-fire takes on every NHL free agent signing > $1.5M

$1.5M is an arbitrary cut-off, but I figure that anything less than that can be buried in the minors without too much difficulty. in other words, if you’re signing a guy for less than $1.5M, you clearly don’t expect big things from them. also, these signings all took place on July 1, another arbitrary cut-off. here are my takes, in alphabetical order by surname:

Noel Acciari (3 years, $1.667M AAV with Florida)

not sure why they felt the need to give a three-year term to a depth forward (and not a particularly good one at that), but the low cost means that won’t be a huge problem

Sebastian Aho (5 years, $8.454M AAV with Montreal)

the Habs did an incredible job signing one of the sport’s premier young talents to a bargain of a contract. it’s a shame, then, that the contract in question was in the form of an offer sheet, which means it will be a farcically easy decision for Carolina to match it and retain Aho’s services. nonetheless, I’d like to sincerely thank Montreal for signing the first offer sheet since February 2013 and, in doing so, making this off-season slightly more interesting.

Pierre-Édouard Bellemare (2 years, $1.8M AAV with Colorado)

my initial reaction when I heard about this signing was: “why?” but his numbers since leaving Philadelphia have actually been pretty decent, so I don’t mind it for the Avs.

Jordie Benn (2 years, $2M AAV with Vancouver)

doesn’t really move the needle, but he’s probably better than whoever the hell else the Canucks would’ve played in his stead, so whatever.

Sergei Bobrovsky (7 years, $10M AAV with Florida)

as a rule, DO NOT GIVE GOALIES THIS MUCH TERM OR SALARY, IT IS NOT WORTH IT. especially if that goalie turns 31 before the start of the first season of seven. this contract will likely be an albatross well before the halfway point, if not immediately. it truly cannot be overstated how inadvisable this contract is.

Alex Chiasson (2 years, $2.15M AAV with Edmonton)

this is another contract to which a shrug, followed by the words “hey, sure, why not,” would be a fair response.

Brett Connolly (4 years, $3.25M AAV with Florida)

he’s a decent player, but the four-year term is a bit iffy. I’m not entirely sure what the Panthers think they’re doing, although maybe I’m mistaken in assuming that Dale Tallon thinks.

Joonas Donskoi (4 years, $3.9M AAV with Colorado)

I really like this deal, but the fact that this was arguably the best-value UFA signing today says a lot about (1) the calibre of the players who tend make it to unrestricted free agency in first place; (2) GMs’ absurd overvaluing of depth players; and (3) the general lack of excitement in off-season transactions. regardless, this was a shrewd move.

Matt Duchene (7 years, $8 AAV with Nashville)

to be sure, the Predators overpaid for him, but not by as much as I thought they would, so ... congrats? he doesn’t really drive play & the main reason he scored more in 2018-19 than his career average (62 points per 82 games) was an unsustainably high shooting percentage. he’ll be a productive player for most of the contract, but it’s still a bit rich for my blood.

Valtteri Filppula (2 years, $3M AAV with Detroit)

unsurprisingly, an old guy who has been bad for several years now continued to be quite bad last season, except for the fact that he scored a few more goals than he usually does. for some reason, Detroit deemed that to be a good enough reason to give him a two-year contract. however, the Red Wings aren’t likely to be competitive in the next two seasons anyway, so it probably doesn’t matter.

Ron Hainsey (1 year, $3.5M with Ottawa)

well, the Senators needed to overpay somebody to get to the salary cap floor, so it literally might as well be Ron Hainsey. he’s terrible at this point, but so are the Ottawa Senators, making his contract irrelevant. they could’ve given him $10M for all the difference it would make.

Ryan Hartman (2 years, $1.9M AAV with Minnesota)

[see: Alex Chiasson]

Garnet Hathaway (4 years, $1.5M AAV with Washington)

four years? for whom now???

Keith Kinkaid (1 year, $1.75M with Montreal)

he’s not a good goalie, but if he were, he’d probably be making more money. I dunno what to tell ya.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Anders Lee (7 years, $7M AAV with NY Islanders)

ahh, a classic case of “overpaying to retain a guy in order to save face after striking out on better free agents.” the Islanders are now closer to the cap than they were last year, they haven’t improved at all, and they weren’t even that good to begin with. folks, you just love to see it.

Robin Lehner (1 year, $5M with Chicago)

the contract itself is fair value, but what’s puzzling is the team that signed it. I talked about this earlier, but why is it Chicago’s goal to make the playoffs next year? it’s not gonna turn back the clock. the 2013 versions of their core players are never coming back, so they’re just delaying their rebuild for no good reason.

Timo Meier (4 years, $6M AAV with San Jose)

a very team-friendly deal. what’s not to like?

Petr Mrazek (2 years, $3.125M AAV with Carolina)

I have no idea if Mrazek is going to be any good next year, but it’s worth a shot.

Ryan Murray (2 years, $4.6M AAV with Columbus)

I hadn’t actually heard about this signing until I started writing this post, and I’m too tired to do any research. I was under the impression that Ryan Murray isn’t very good, but I’m not going to say any more than that in case I’m wrong.

Tyler Myers (5 years, $6M AAV with Vancouver)

a truly horrendous contract. to put it simply, Myers is replacement-level. I shouldn’t need to tell you not to give thirty million dollars to replacement-level hockey players, but here we are.

Patrik Nemeth (2 years, $6M AAV with Detroit)

Detroit just decided to give two bad hockey players the exact same contract. nothing much to see here. moving on...

Gustav Nyquist (4 years, $5.5M AAV with Columbus)

this is actually a reasonable deal. good on the Blue Jackets for keeping the term shorter than it could’ve been and not overreacting to the departures of Bobrovsky, Duchene, and Panarin. that might sound like damning with faint praise (and that’s definitely what this is!), but that’s better than having to damn them with, uh, damnation? haven’t really thought of a suitable metaphor here. again, I’m tired.

Artemi Panarin (7 years, $11.642M AAV with NY Rangers)

I’m not sure the Rangers’ future competitive window aligns with his own window as an elite winger, but it’s hard for a team to pass on the opportunity to add someone as good as Panarin & it’s hard for a person to pass on the opportunity to become the second-highest-paid player in the National Hockey League. tough to blame the Rangers for signing this deal, even if it won’t look great in the final few years.

Richard Panik (4 years, $2.75M AAV with Washington)

stop me if you’ve heard this before: the price is right for a solid middle-six forward, but the term is questionable.

Joe Pavelski (3 years, $7M AAV with Dallas)

he’s still really good even at (almost) 35 years old, so the first year likely won’t be an issue, but signing anyone that old for that length of time is a big risk. if I had to guess, the Stars will probably end up trading him or buying him out after year two, but that’s a problem for later.

Corey Perry (1 year, $1.5M with Dallas)

I think he’s probably washed, but this signing’s still a decent bet

Andrej Sekera (1 year, $1.5M with Dallas)

not seeing the upside is here, but luckily, the downside isn’t intolerable

Wayne Simmonds (1 year, $5M with New Jersey)

if almost any other team had signed him to that deal, I’d have said it was mistake, but New Jersey has so much cap space to work with that it literally doesn’t matter. mostly, though, I kinda resent having to sit through the same “is Wayne Simmonds still good?” debate on TSN that happened just a few months ago at the trade deadline. (the correct answer is “no, he isn’t,” by the way.)

Mike Smith (1 year, $2M with Edmonton)

why are you doing this to poor Connor McDavid? what did he do to deserve it?

Anton Stralman (3 years, $5.5M AAV with Florida)

this would’ve been a great deal to give Anton Stralman five years ago, but now? woof.

Cam Talbot (1 year, $2.75M with Calgary)

maybe he’ll be alright this year. I have my doubts, but for one year? sure.

Brandon Tanev (6 years, $3.5M AAV with Pittsburgh)

not necessarily the worst signing of the day (though it’s definitely up there!), but it is the most purely confounding. whereas, with Bobrovsky and Myers, I can at least understand the thought process that went on (Florida needed a goalie; Vancouver likes that Myers is 6′8″ and won the Calder Trophy a decade ago), I cannot fathom why Pittsburgh did this. six years?! for an only-OK fourth liner who’s never had a significant amount of hype? who the hell did they think they were bidding against?

Semyon Varlamov (4 years, $5M AAV with NY Islanders)

look, any time you can throw a four-year deal at 31-year-old goalie who’s had a GSAA meaningfully above zero just once in the past four seasons, you’ve gotta do it

Colin Wilson (1 year, $2.6M with Colorado)

well, that checks out. seems fine to me.

Mats Zuccarello (5 years, $6M AAV with Minnesota)

reasonable salary, bad term. or at least, it would be bad if Minnesota weren’t going to be a completely irrelevant team over the lifetime of the deal. so, really, what’s the point?