#but srsly if it's not to ur liking??? ur time + stress is better spent elsewhere

[drimaury]

i don't mind your shadows - an elu fan fiction. ch.1

"Wait for him to come back to you, because he will, and it will be worth it."

Lucas really hoped so, because he didn’t know what he would do if Eliott were to leave.

or; after a bad manic episode, Eliott crashes, and it takes a week before Lucas starts to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

also on AO3

It was on days like these that Lucille’s words from that morning many months ago would ring in in Lucas’s ears while he desperately tried to hold on to some resemblance of normalcy while his boyfriend was at home, hopefully asleep and resting.

Wait for him to come back to you, because he will, and it will be worth it.

Lucas really hoped so, because he didn’t know what he would do if Eliott were to leave.

The air was cold, spring not having arrived to Paris just yet, and the street taking Lucas home to said boyfriend were narrow enough that Lucas kept bumping his grocery bags into the fence lining the apartment block a few blocks before his own when he accidently steered his bike a bit too much to the left. It was fucking annoying, but it meant that he would get home to Eliott quicker, so it was worth it.

It hadn’t been pretty. Lucas had only moved into Eliott’s apartment six months ago, both of them too broke (and too fucking horny for each other) to stay in the flat share for any longer than they did. 

Eliott had just been starting his second year at the Sorbonne as a film student while Lucas started his first term at UPD, and they has both realised that with the student debt they were both going to rack up, two apartment rents were more expensive than just the one, and since Eliott’s parents were more than eager to help them with Eliott’s apartment, it seemed stupid not to take the offer. 

Which was great, because that had meant they had been able to save money every month between Lucas’s shifts at Starbucks, Eliott’s tutoring lessons and their respective loans, creating a small but steadily growing savings account that they planned on leaving be until next summer when they would travel Europe together, hitting every single stop on their shared bucket list.

(Including pasta dates in Venice, meeting up with Eliott’s cousin in Rome, going clubbing in Barcelona, Eliott watching the history nerd in Lucas walking the streets of Berlin and the both of them being struck by the immensity of it all. The two of them visiting the Scandinavian countries just so Eliott could see the northern lights, and for Lucas to be able to see where the Nobel Ceremony is held. Just the two of them alone, together, in all different places.)

It would have to wait for a little longer, it seemed. Lucas had woken up a week ago to an empty bed, save for a note declaring that Lucas had to meet Eliott at a hotel, because he had reserved a suite!

He’d spent the better part since then thinking, or rather analyzing how he missed the signs, how he could’ve let himself be too caught up in his studies to miss the signs Eliott had been sending him. How if he’d only realized that hey, suites are expensive, where in the world did Eliott find the money for that? If only he hadn’t been to caught up in the romance and pleasure of it all to see the big flashing sign above them that read: HEY, SOMETHING IS WRONG! If only if only if only.

“Good morning baby, I have a surprise for you! I heard you complain about how much school is stressing you out so I thought I’d do this for you!”

And the thing was, Lucas had been beating himself up ever since then, even though he knew, (he knew!) it wasn’t his fault. And even if it was, he couldn’t do anything to change it now, besides be there for his boyfriend when his mec was ready to let him be there. Even though he knew this rationally, that didn't stop him from worrying. Feeling like he had to hold the dam together, making food he knew would go untouched, buying flowers only he would care about, it wasn't a nice feeling.

That didn't mean he wouldn't continue doing it every time Eliott couldn't.

Today’s classes had been rough, him having fallen asleep early yesterday whilst neglecting the reading assignment that was due this morning, and he had had to run by the film institute on his way home to speak to Eli’s professor to find out what his boyfriend was missing. Luckily, it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be caught up on, and Eliott’s professor had sent Lucas on his way without any hostility, just a “Tell Monsieur Demaury that his class misses his argumentative spirit!”

Lucas really loved his boyfriend, and he’d been lying if he denied the fact that Eliott’s passion for film hadn’t gotten him all hot and flustered, on multiple occasions.

Their apartment block was coming up, and Lucas parked their bike against the fence, setting down the groceries to pull out a lock from his and chaining the bike to the fence post before walking upstairs.

Getting inside the building meant his hands started to warm up again, him having forgotten his gloves this morning and not having his boyfriend walking him to school sadly meant no hand holding, something the guys always used to mock them for back in high school. With working hands, he opened the door to their apartment with one hand while holding two grocery bags and a bouquet in the other, pushing the door wide open with his foot while putting the groceries down on the kitchen table.

He could see Eliott curled up in bed, blankets covering his face and blocking out any sunligt that passed through the curtains. The eggs Lucas had made him before leaving this morning sat untouched on their bedside table, prompting Lucas to put them in the sink before putting the groceries away and checking his phone.

Y4z4s: how are u guys doing? txt me if there’s anythng i can do <3

basile_simple: remember to take care of yourself as well! Make sure you drink a lot of water and get some sleep!! At least eight hours a night!

monvoisintuturo: eight hours a night? Basile we’re college students! I appreciate the sentiment but that’s just not possible,

basile_simple: I sleep at least nine hours a nght wht’s ur point???

monvoisintuturo: remind me again how ur doing, grade-wise

basile_simple: touche

y4z4s: srsly tho, tell us if you guys need anything, and txt us when we can come over and cuddle our best boy

monvoisintuturo: yeah just let us know and we’ll be over with alot of hugs!!

basile_simple: my mom told me to tell you that Eliott is welcome to talk to her if he ever feels like it!!

lucallemant: thnks boys, and thnks basile i’ll tell him <33 and yann we’ve been friends for 16 years I thought I was you best boy??

y4z4s: u were but then Eliott brought those brownies to our first pregame and ever since he’s had my heart

lucallemant: okay yeah that’s valid

He couldn’t help the smile growing on his face, scrolling through all their conversations from the past week where the guys had offered their support countless times, Basile even going as far as offering to fight the staff at the hotel they had stayed at to force them to give Lucas and Eliott a refund before Arthur had to remind him to use one of his three remaining braincells to realise it wouldn’t work.

It was really, really, sweet how the guys cared.

Suddenly, he heard the blankets shift over where Eliott had been laying, and Lucas could see the top of Eliott’s head peeking out from under the blankets. Throwing his phone somewhere in the couch’s general direction, Lucas walked over to their bed and layed down on top of the blankets, not touching Eliott but letting his presence be known by shifting his weight, now facing his boyfriend's’ back before letting out a soft,

“Hi baby”

and the dam breaks.

[tayegi]

Hey Lu! I'm sorry you have to deal with such bullshit, like you are an amazing writer and hearing that your work is being stolen really breaks my heart. Props to you for being nice the first time around, because as someone that's dabbling in writing myself, i might've lost my shit the first time around if i saw my work being stolen

Anonymous said:Honestly I admire you so much for not deleting everything you have ever written because of people like the wattpad author.... that’s fucking crazy.

Anonymous said:Hey Lu, I've never sent you a message because you're already inundated with so many. But I wanted to send some support after what happened with that anencephalic rat who blatantly plagiarized your work. I'm a TA in my uni's computer science department and I posted some of my code online as a reference for my students in lab, until one student pulled all my code from github and submitted it as their own. Safe to say I don't provide code samples anymore. (1)

Anonymous said:Whatever you decide to do with your writing from now on, I just want to say I really enjoy all your work and I'm so sorry that you had your work stolen like this. Looooove you (hehe love LU) (2)

Anonymous said:Hey Lu, I’ve always been a quiet follower of yours, but after this plagiarism incident, I had to send something. I’m sorry you have to deal with ignorant and immature people like her. I legit understand why you would want to stop writing after something like this. You gave her a warning and she’s just not understanding how polite you’ve been about it (imagine once she gets to college, yikes). Anyways, we’re always here to love and support you. We can get through this!!! ❤️❤️❤️

peachyguki said:This is so bs. People dont understand that THIS IS ILLEGAL. SUCH DUMBASSES. I feel so fucking bad for you Lu...jfc she better comprehend what she did was wrong.

taebunsuga said:Fuuccckkk I knew it abt the plagiarizing thing but I wasn’t sure,, I was reading Pour Up and thought it seemed awfully familiar and was like is this new rules, but then thought maybe I was just reading a fic, but then she mentioned the office hoes theme part and I’m like shit omi this is new rules and then next thing I asked her abt it and so she posts this whole ass chapter abt how her plagiarism wasn’t intentional 🤧🤧💀💀

Anonymous said:This! Entire! Situation! Is! Whack! Srsly she's so dumb thinking she wouldn't face repercussions at some point. If it means anything tho her writing isn't great and I think it's safe to say we all know you're superior here. I really hope this gets sorted out and she faces some type of consequences

Anonymous said:There's nothing I hate more than a theif and I'm so sorry you have to experience this.

lucielux said:I wasn't on tumblr much today so I just saw this whole plagiarism thing and I'm soooo sorry this is happening to you :( idgaf if I can't report her for ripping off your fic, I'm reporting her for hate or something else then but Wattpad won't stop me from reporting her this is just not okay fam. Anyway hope you're okay girl ❤️

lucielux said:Lu I know you're off the internet for today, but just in case this is still an issue when you come back, when you report for hate Wattpad will send you an email asking you to complete a form. In the form you should include what point of the "Code of Conduct" was violated, and one of them is "Don't share stories that aren't yours". SO what I'm getting at is y'all can't repot plagiarism but you can repot for hate and then add that plagiarism happened. In any case, hope you're feeling better 💖

Anonymous said:I'm so sorry Lu. You definitely don't deserve this shit. She's being two faced and doesn't understand consequences. Honestly, I don't think she will understand unless you file a formal complaint. Her behaviour is shameful to say it lightly.... All my love you Lu!! I hope this bullshit ends soon.

Anonymous said:I don't get why people want her to send them the pdf files of her rip off??? why don't thy just like, read the original one here??? Instead of supporting plagiarism??? like what

Anonymous said:how is she so dedicated to plagiarizing, willing to send pdfs'? rather than spending time just trying to write herself.. 🤷‍♀️

Anonymous said:why don't you do the same? send us all pdf files of your writing and let's see if she'll continue to write "her original story" HA! her fans will realize that she's not so innocent and original when in a few weeks she still doesn't have any more additions to "her story"

Anonymous said:It looks like people don't like going back on their opinions, like: I like this author and I'll keep liking it no matter what, oh look she was accused of of plagiarism, but i said I like her I can't go back, I won't even see the original story, I'm just gonna say I don't believe in it" IT'S OK, to like an author and then if this author do shit you can and SHOULD be disappointed and stop supporting this bad thing they done, this actually apply to any artist,actor,musician+

latebloomer19

submitted:

I’m so sad and angry at the same time that the plot was originally yours and it was plagiarized by this author on wattpad. Honestly that became my fave fic tho because of the girl mc’s attitude and character. Now that I have found the real author I’m going to support the story so much💕💕💕 I downloaded the tumblr app just because I want to read your other fics hahaha 💕💕💕

littlekookieboy said:Omg I’m so outraged and the fact she’s trying to play victim with everything is even worse! I really hope she gets reported and she learns not to do plagiarism anymore. Seriously ur one the first writers I’ve ever read from here and seeing as how she has the audacity to do something like this is disgusting. Anyways I hope all goes well!!!!

canadiankae said:smh kids these days. I am actually astounded at her stupidity for announcing that she straight up stole your work and then tried to play victim. She'll get what's coming to her when she forgets to source for her assignments in school... then try to say she came up with it lol. If she keeps it up we'll help you take care of it. No way i'm letting my favorite writer go through this again

Anonymous said:im rly sorry all of this is happening to you. i wish i could do something to make u feel better and reassure you that we all care about you and hate seeing people do this shit to you. big hugs

Anonymous said:Lu, have you ever tried any online plagiarism check? I think it would be fun if you showed her the 99% similarity with New Rules. But I don't get it. Doesn't she feel embarrassed? I think its so sad.

Anonymous said:hoenstly the whole 'i spent hours on it tho' bs shes trying to pull is so annoying cause like if you were really willing to spend that much time plagiarizing someone elses work, why couldn't you have just written your own stuff during that time??? i just ugh im like mad for you if that makes any sense just urgghh

Anonymous said:I'm sorry you're having to deal with this shit. You are much more talented and well thought out than someone who cant think of their own ideas. and I've genuinely loved a lot of your fics. New rules is an amazing story that I always check for updates on and I love what you try to convey through your stories. It's disgusting that someone would do that to your work but I just want to remind you how appreciated your work is by actual fans. Love you!!!! I hope you feel better!

Anonymous said:Tbh i am so sorry that you have to deal with this situation now... you deserve so much better. I hope this thing ends quickly before upsetting you any further..

Anonymous said:Do it, file the report. If you don't you're letting her win. She has to learn her lesson and realize that she's in the wrong

Anonymous said:Ah! I sent the whole pour up ordeal and i’m so sorry i mistyped and put Tumblr instead of Wattpad because I was rushing to let you know! I’m glad it’s sorted because I became so angry that she plagiarised your work so blatantly! 💜

tywriteskpop said:I hope this thievery issue is resolved soon! I know I’d be devastated if my hard work was taken like that. Hopefully all of the support from your readers and many others will help convince her she is in the wrong. Please don’t stress too much about it. 🙏🏻 You have many people backing you up on this, and the option to report her for plagiarism is there when you’re ready, should she not cooperate. I wish many blessings to you, friend.

Anonymous said:Ok but like plagiarism on Wattpad is such a problem??? I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this rn 💕💕💕

sheridandwyer said:I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this! As a fellow writer, it breaks my heart to see a story that you've worked your ass off to craft and make original just stolen like this! I will DEFINITELY be leaving a comment venting my frustrations)in a respectful way, of course.) We've got your back and your followers will fight for you. Please know you're not in this fight alone!

Anonymous said:Lu! I'm so sorry about this whole problem! I went on wattpad to see the story and your comment is there. I cannot even fathom how much you work for your fics, but I do know how much it means to you. We will help you out any way we can and take that story down. It's not acceptable this person continues to get credit fot it. We love you, Lu!

Anonymous said:hey hon!!! i read her story before reading yours (after finding out her irresponsible actions) & i really want to say, yours is wayyyyyy better

acucarebiscoito said:Omg Lu this wattpad plagiarism thing is really annoying, what can we do to help? I love your work and I'm so angry and sad that they are disrespecting you this way ):

awkward-kooks said:Oh babe :( people are awful, stealing works is exactly why I'm scared to write on sns :/ hope they come to the realization that what they're doing is wrong and remove the story.

thank you guys so much for all of your love and support. Seriously, without you guys, I wouldve been so upset and frustrated right now. But it’s only because of this incredible outpouring of love and all of your support in talking to her, reporting her, etc. that we’ve gotten through this. And all of your suggestions are so hilarious and creative! I cracked up reading this alsjdfklsdfj i love you guys so much

[patrineptn]

Proud of Your Boy (01/03)

Discord Prompt Wednesday, April 25, 2018 Prompt Word(s): Bloom/Rain

Summary: Yoosung has never been so poorly active in RFA chat or so diligent in his studies since he started college. The RFA members, however, didn’t know there was nothing to worry about.

Also available here and here.

Yoosung woke up with the buzzing of his phone. It was Saturday and his alarm was off, which mean either someone was calling him or he lost the track of time. With half-open eyes, he picked the device from the table and brought it close to his face. His finals ended just the day before and he was in a much-needed sleep.

Several missed calls, most of them coming from Zen and Seven, the last one just a minute ago. He scratched his eyes, trying to wake up enough to remember how to read Korean. Quietly, he left his bed and headed to the bathroom.

Yoosung washed his face, the cold water shaking away the remains of sleep. He read the chat history from the past days. He hadn't been much active lately, his finals came and he had a very good reason to not fail them. He barely got the necessary grades, but he made it. Yawning, he saw that Saeyoung - even half a year later, he still struggled to use the former hacker's real name, not his alias - and Zen were online.

He joined the chat before they ended up knocking on his door.

~Yoosung has joined the chat.~

Saeyoung: YOOSUNG!

Saeyoung: You

Saeyoung: are

Saeyoung: ALIVE!

ZEN: What the hell happened to you?

ZEN: I didn't see you online in the whole week,

ZEN: and you didn't pick up calls.

Yoosung: I was studying for finals.

Yoosung: My phone died.

Yoosung: I only realised it before going to bed last night.

Saeyoung: R u ok?

Saeyoung: First u stopped LOLOL.

Saeyoung: Now ur taking ur studies srsly.

Saeyoung: Ur a surrogate!

Saeyoung: Where's the real Yoosung?!

Yoosung: is it so hard to believe-

Yoosung: that I am really studying?!

ZEN: Yes! Lmao

Yoosung: I didn't get a scholarship for nothing, y'know?

ZEN: a month ago you weren't even sleeping to get some super rare helmet

ZEN: now you don't even pick up your phone

ZEN: because you were studying?!

ZEN: if it's a joke, it's not a funny one

Yoosung huffed. If only they knew. He flushed the toilet and washed his hands, peeking at his bed while he dried them in a towel. They wouldn't know what hit them.

It happened before his midterms. After pulling another all-nighter playing LOLOL, he skipped all the morning classes. When he woke up, it was past two and he decided on skipping the rest of the day. He used that time to do the dishes, sweep the floor, clean the bathroom, change his bedding; things he usually ignored but had the urge to do that day. Unconsciously, his mind told him to get the house ready for the surprise visitor.

Around the time he would be getting home, the bell rang. At first, Yoosung ignored it, not used to his own bell ringing, his guests never came without previous notice. The last time someone showed up suddenly, it was his mother and, as much as he missed her, more than ever he valued his privacy. When the bell rang for the second time, he answered the door.

There was a girl - a pretty girl with blue eyes and soft features - outside his apartment. He forced his brain to remember where he knew her from. The worn-out yellow backpack was a giveaway.

"Higu… re?" he tried.

"Higurashi." He failed. "You didn't show up today."

Yoosung looked away. He was caught. Someone noticed his absence. Should be so happy about it? "How can I help you, Higurashi…"

"Kagome. Higurashi Kagome. And the question here is how can I help you, Kim?" Yoosung hated when someone called him by his last name. His father was Mr Kim. He was only Yoosung. "Why are you avoiding me? You ignored my friend request and my message request in Fakebook and didn't give me a second glance in the times I tried to talk to you in the past couple days!"

"I hadn't checked my Fakebook in months and I don't remember you trying to reach me in school at all."

He should have chosen better words.

"Am I that invisible? We've been sharing classes for three semesters and you don't even know who I am. Do you?" He didn't. She lowered her gaze, sighing. "Whatever. I knew it would be a waste of time. See you around, Kim. Try coming to school every once in a while for a change."

Yoosung bit his lip. Was he really doing that to people? Ignoring them without even realizing it? Wasn't he the one who said once that just greeting his neighbours made him feel a part of a community? Why was he pushing away someone who came all the way to his house without even knowing the reason behind it?

"Hey, Higurashi!" She turned. "Why did you come here?"

"Why did I-" She frowned. "The history report? Professor Lee assigned us the chapters six to twelve."

"Is it a group project?" She nodded. "And we are in the same group?"

"We are the group. It is supposed to be done in pairs."

"Why didn't you choose someone else?"

"No one chose me."

That's how Yoosung met the one who would occupy his mind and heart soon.

Sometimes Yoosung wondered how could Zen fall so quickly for someone. Everyone, Jaehee in special, noticed how drawn to MC Zen was barely a day after she mysteriously joined RFA chat - not so mysteriously now that they knew the true identity of Unknown. In less than a week, the actor was head over heels without even meeting MC face-to-face. Now he understood.

It took Yoosung five days to understand the perfect woman shared classes with him for nearly two years.

Kagome was fierce. And somewhat scaring. She didn't let him slack off on their project, but she was fair when assigning duties. She lived in the dorms and wasn't allowed to have guests in her room, therefore, she basically camped at his place every night until they finished the fifty pages report - they started a week late, after all.

In these days, Yoosung met her many faces. The sweet and cheerful Kagome was the most lovable human he ever met. There was sincerity when she asked about his day, not like others whom would say it just to be polite. She also worried about his grades - it made him pay more attention to his classes, if only for her peace of mind.

The serious Kagome sent chills down his spine. She had no qualms in bossing him around and maybe, just a little bit, Yoosung liked it more than he should.

Stressed Kagome also meant 'leave-me-alone Kagome' and he respected her space whenever that particular vein popped on her neck. A cup of latte coffee usually helped to bring back serious Kagome.

Like that, Yoosung felt empty when he clicked send to submit their report. He looked at Kagome sitting on his bed, finishing the now cold green tea he prepared while sorting her notes and books. He didn't want to see her only in classes, he wanted to hang out without the burden of the schoolwork on their backs.

Should he ask her out? Was it the right time to do it? Was he prepared for rejection? Would he be able to brush it off and stay as friends if she broke his heart?

"Ne, Yoosung-kun," her Japanese slipped whenever she was nervous, "do-do you like superhero movies?" Her face was red as a tomato and her accent was strong than ever. She looked at everywhere but him. "There's this new Revengers movie coming out this week…"

A 'date' turned into two, then three perfect 'dates'. In the fourth, he gathered his courage to hold her hand in public. In the fifth, Yoosung got his first kiss, an unforgettable goodnight kiss under the rain on her doorstep. Yoosung walked on cloud nine, throwing smiles everywhere and to everyone. He wanted the world to know his life complete now, that Kagome filled him with happiness. However, things were never at beginner difficulty for him.

It was a rainy afternoon that created the perfect atmosphere for a snuggling-under-blankets-while-watching-a-movie day. Deep down - and he was too embarrassed to admit it, even to himself - Yoosung hoped for a Netflix-and-chill day. When she wiggled her butt and cuddled against him, her body moulded against his and he had to think of Saeyoung in a fairy costume to not make a fool of himself.

He barely paid attention to the screen. Kagome's shirt lifted when she snuggled on him, giving Yoosung access to her stomach. He felt her smooth skin, her navel and ribs. She shivered when his thumb brushed her breast by accident. Yoosung held his breath.

Yoosung almost fell from the bed when his phone buzzed. It was a message from Jaehee inviting him to a dinner with the rest of the RFA. It was the perfect chance to introduce Kagome to them.

"Where do we stand?"

Yoosung's mind short-circuited. He wasn't expecting the question. The silence that followed her statement was only broken by the raindrops hitting his window. Yoosung needed a full minute to reply.

"Wh-what do you mean?"

Kagome shifted until she faced him. Her cheeks were stained with pink, her glare piercing into his soul.

"What are," Kagome's index finger pointed to herself, then to him, "we? We hang around, go on 'dates'." Emphasis on 'dates'. "Spend some quality time together, but…" She closed her eyes for a second. "What exactly I am to you?"

"Everything." His mouth said before his brain could stop him from being a hopeless romantic. The flow of words coming from his heart straight to his lips went on. "Everything I ever wanted in a girl. I mean, woman," he corrected once his brain function restarted. The blooming smile on her lips encouraged him. "I know a no-life with terrible academic scores like me isn't good enough to be the boyfriend of the foreign students' council president, but I'm hoping you already gave me a chance."

Kagome's expression shifted from gleeful to concerned. "I can't be your girlfriend. Not right now," she completed, probably seeing the desperation in his eyes and the little bits of his broken heart falling apart. "We have finals in half a month and I'll feel guilty if you don't pass them because you spent too much time with me." That last part she said so low he wasn't sure if it was for his ears or hers.

She saw his grades, he forgot the browser was opened when she borrowed his phone once. Which meant she knew how bad he went in midterms and how big were his chances to fail at least half of his subjects. He never thought his academic life would bring a problem to his love life. He never had a love life to worry about before.

He knew she didn't mean it, but someone in her rank couldn't be with someone below the average. Kagome deserved better, and Yoosung would be better. However, time was needed for him to raise his GPA. There was only one thing he could do immediately.

Yoosung grabbed Kagome's hands, her small fingers secured on his. "If I pass all my exams, will you be my girlfriend? I'll take you on a proper romantic date. We can have dinner, or I can cook for you! I'll look for Oden recipes. And we can go to that karaoke bar we've found the other day, or ice skating, you said you loved Yuri! On Ice."

"You will do that all… for me?"

"For myself, mostly. I want to be someone who you are proud having by your side. Don't look at me like that, it's not about you, Kagome," he removed a strand of hair falling on her face. "Higurashi Kagome, will you be my pre girlfriend?"

For the next days, Yoosung spent more time in the library than at home, going back only to shower and sleep. He borrowed Kagome's notes and used them to guide him through the syllabus. LOLOL? Not even once. He only checked the messenger in the morning and before going to bed. Only one thing broke his concentration.

Kagome stood by his side all the time.

She was his silent companion at the library and the one to make him laugh and break the tension of long hours buried in books. He refused her proposition to tutor him. Nevertheless, he wasn't sure if he would have made it without her moral support.

The last exam finally came and gone. Yoosung found Kagome waiting for him at the cafeteria - she handed the test much earlier than him and certainly did well. His soon-to-be girlfriend looked at him expectantly.

"I don't know…" he said, looking down. Kagome frowned, her eyes full of disbelief. "Dinner or movie first?"

"Baka! I almost had a heart attack!"

"Sorry, sorry!" He threw her backpack over his shoulder and linked their arms, blushing at his own sudden boldness. Kagome didn't seem to mind. "You should have seen your face. You're so cute."

"You'll see who's cute," she murmured. "Anyhow, I was thinking… we could… stay at home today… you know… together." The last part came in a whisper.

Yoosung didn't get it at first. "What about our date?"

Kagome's cheeks burned. "We can enjoy our night… as boyfriend and girlfriend." Her grip on his arm tightened. "If you want…"

Did she even have to ask?

[halvatir]

how can u be so chill when u see your fav charas geting butchered by canon???? u like howard, rite??? look what the manhwa has done to him

this is linear:

i will repeat: i didn’t care much for the manhwa when i heard of it (and i still feel the same), despite confirming that it is solid canon material. i actually only read it when i remember it lol.

a probable reason why #1 happened is bc the biolabs has long existed with only bits and pieces of canon that the rest has been left to the player’s imagination, thus forming multiple fan lore + theories + characterizations based or not based on said canon material that have also been thoroughly(?) developed/fleshed out/popularized over time due to lack of more substantial canon stuff. following that, that’s why the sudden establishment of canon has little impact to me: canon came out too late, now i’m stuck and happy with my own characterizations.

despite the manhwa being actual canon, i count it under ‘one of the many multiple ways to characterize the biopeople’. and while i admit that before, i had little tolerance for certain characterizations of the bio3 people that i couldn’t get/really disliked, i learned to eventually accept/tolerate them anyway bc hey, it’s a free world and that’s how they would like to see the characters, who am i to judge? the manwha is no exemption to that for me - even if, as you say, they’ve been butchering a character i like. then again, the characterization of howard i lean to is uncommon…

sure i have my complaints, but the sad slapping reality of this is that whoever writes the manhwa has either a) been given the honor by gravity to write the canon labs (well bio3 canon), b) developed the  characterization that has been acknowledged as official and hot damn it was turned into a manhwa, c) >>>insert possible theory here. actually, it boils down to one point: that person’s a writer. and as a writer myself, whether or not i like what they’re doing with the storyline + characters, whether think the writing’s good or bad; i will respect that since it’s what they basically want to do - and i have little say on that. actually, kudos to them, they get to show off their work online. nice.

also:

while i also like being canon compliant (a big reason why i still read the manhwa), i eventually tend to fuck canon a lot anyway. i’m used to it. oops. ┐(･ิL_･ิ)┌

there are things much more stressful to me than the manhwa butchering howard (and pretty much everyone), like my job. or my weight, idk. or the fact that i still have requests pending. or the fact that it’s gonna be 2018. yeah, compared to that stuff, the manhwa’s chill to me. ヽ(；▽；)ノ actually, can i have something non-stressful instead???

[kkukkung]

idk if you've watched mxray yet but like (spoiler alert) i'm shocked at how fast minhyuk figured out who the mafia is like... the game had -just- started and he slid up to the camera immediately and started naming names. what kind of alien sorcery?? truly the most perceptive mx member

yes! minhyuk is rly sharp like his brain works v quickly!! he notices minute details abt people + the mood and responds to things super efficiently! like if someone isn’t saying much (read: shownu mostly lol) he guides them into the action and maintains a good atmosphere... and he’s good at noticing when someone is feeling down + naturally comforts them without being too imposing? :’> 💖💖 one of my favourite things abt him

more late replies under cut!

ordered oldest to newest... 

there are so many i’m sorry omg... this is literally 4k words... first of all i’m rly sorry i’m so bad with replies ;___; i’m going to... do_better.mp3 once i’ve caught up. questions from today will b in a separate compiled ask thing. thank you for being patient w me (i’m saying this like u have a choice jhsfgskdj rip) and i’m very sorry that lots of these referred to something that has now become irrelevant. i’ll work harder 💖

(svzannebrown(.)tumblr(.)com/post/154440030608/all-that-anyone-needs-to-know-about-my-time-in) i found shownu's origin story

(link) aaaa this video jkgfhkj it’s rly so cute ;___; ur right it’s him

shownu had his foot on mh's d and changkyun played shownu's ass like a drum...what a time to be alive

truly. i love shownu initiating anything btw like, bc altho he tolerates anything the others do to him he rarely does anything back to them?? so seeing him being playful is rly fascinating.

wHYD YOU GOTTA TAG THAT AS "b*k**k*" I CANT SEE IT ANY OTHER WAY NOW 😭😭😭🔫🔫

this was... in reference to the water gun scene in ep 1 of mxray jskdfhg im sry... hyungwon spitting it back out like a fountain tho... please... a real Freaq

I'm scream I was looking thru the tags of the gifset of mx sleeping and someone tagged "showhyuk are wearing masks cuz they're the ones who sleep with their eyes open" DKRKKFKG I forgot about that Please Release The Terrifying Eyes

kjsghdfgkjskjfd imagine them sleeping without their masks with their eyes open facing each other just................ staring... i feel like mh would look especially Terrifying

Ok but think abt this: Jackson and Wonho pans*xual m8s who support each other on the low. Yes.

yes i love it. also gym workout partners. small calves big thigh centaur buddies. sweetheart squad.

does kihyun KNOW, like, does he ///know///

i think... i think he Knows,

someone should sign jeonghan and minhyuk up for celeb bromance so they can go on that flower picking date minhyuk wanted

FLOWER PICKING that’s so cute... minhan in a flower meadow holding baskets of flowers and putting daisy chains on each other’s heads.... .... n then it gets dark and the flowers start whispering “stay with us forever” bc they are jealous of how pretty the flowerboys are... giant venus flytraps emerge and minhyuk sacrifices jeonghan and escapes sfhkgfkj but he forgets abt the daisy chain jeonghan put on his head earlier and it morphs into a stinking corpse lily which eats him :/ im sry i can’t just... leave scenarios cute wtf

Kihyun carrying Mingyu on his back(again)... Taking him to where monbebes are and making him greet them... Doesn't this remind you of something... Anyways I love true love and friendship:)

oo anon im not sure what this is meant to remind me of??jssjdkgh i’m not that familiar w svt :( most of what i know abt them comes from their interactions w other groups... but yes i think seventeen with mx is the cutest thing they seem so so close??

"is it just me or is the entire world infatuated with jeonghan" OMG girl SS SsSSAME he's my bias in seventeen (my ult... the bias that got me into kpop) and as I got to know him he rlly is like that?? He's got this easygoing and likable personality that isn't overwhelming for introverts/quieter people but more outgoing ppl flock to him too bc he's still inquisitive and engaging to interact with \ahh sorry i rlly had to go off abt my fave I love him

this is so cute tbh i thought jeonghan was lowkey evil sdhfjgkj like he looks angelic but he’s.............  and the reason why minhyuk likes him is bc... they’re both pretty boys who r actuall.y.... Evil lmao. im kidding im kidding ofc from what i know of jeonghan he’s like u describe him to be but also Very Libra...lmao.....👀👀👀👀 i rly like his vibe idk he’s kind of ??? healing ?? and i rly love minhan a lot :0

i found ur sweater paws tag for the first time today and ive never been happier in m entire life thank u..........

jsfdhg you’re welcome!! there’s not a lot on that tag but i’m glad u enjoyed ur time there! it’s mostly hyungwon who has them bc he loves sleeves that that too long for his already long arms?? minhyuk likes them when he feels like being c*te and wonho uses them to look s*ft... i could analyse this

I swear that Minhyuk can potentially dominate the world...I mean you've seen how he's got everyone wrapped around his little finger, especially Shownu (Showhyuk could become kings of the world and I wouldn't mind tbh), and you think he's just an innocent pretty boy at first? JOKES! That boy is coming for you. He's coming for all of us.

hands up if u’ve been personally SCAMMED by minhyuk... anyway yes i feel like every member of mx loves lmh a lot and appreciate him lots?? especially how much he’s improved since debut and what he does for the atmosphere + entire vibe of mx!

(wh airport photo anon) I havent seen it but my friend told me about it one time casually like "rmbr that photo of wonho at the airport?" and im like ''???'' so they said wonho was adjusting his pants and the waistband went too far down or something like that and you could see a happy trail? like a lot apparently and idk i felt creepy to be like "show me" so i lost my opportunity to see it and havent found it since :/ its gonna haunt me for the rest of my life

i rly think i would’ve... just shamelessly said “show me” lmao especially when they already described it in that much detail 👀👀👀👀hmmmmm jgfkhds but im glad ur dignity is intact anon! if anyone does know... what this photo is..... 👀 slide into my inbox.... idk whenever i see his stomach/abs it’s all very Clean u kno he shaves for performances where he has to show his body... he looks like a hotdog..... clean and slippery and often oiled up w a sheen

i once made the mistake of assuming that short, pink-haired boys with stubby fingers and fat feet and cheek dimples were harmless, only to find out that they're actually a 93 liner whose chin will stab you and they must always win in any scenario. i now regret just about everything

FAT FEET. rly why does kihyun think his chin is a weapon like he’s always holding it at that exact angle if u kno what i mean w a small smirk on his lips... knife cat meme.... nd jdkfghskj ik he rly can’t stand losing/being wronged

I dreamed Seungcheol 'owned' a Burguer King and Jeonghan and Minhyuk spent there the night and ended up getting together and the next morning everyone was like??? What happened to u two??? And they were like love happened:))) I HA T E MYSELF SO MUVH

hfkjfsadjkdsfhdfgdkjkfhdksdhfsdjkhf WHY DID THEY FRICKLE IN A BURGER KING OF ALL PLACESbnjkd

Great skater Wonho tags. A+

Bruh that fic idea in your XKOMBAT Wonho picture is amazing. I wish I was good at writing, especially for that concept...

PLEASE jkfdgkh it was rly just an early morning brain fart but thank u sm... i used to write ficlet tags all the time but recently i’ve been too busy to tag much. and anon2 u should give it a shot! like writing is something u get better @ with time (like... most things lmao idk what im trying to say) but rly we need more writers in this fandom and don’t let self doubt get in the way of what u want to do! i’d be happy to read people’s fics if they want me to btw :>

Case example 374926395 of YKH must always win: changkyun jokingly throwing a tiny snowball at his back and kihyun retaliating by slamming a giantass handful of snow on top of changkyun's head. When will the war ever end?

I KNOW !!!!!!! it’s such an expected reaction from kihyun tho idk why they keep provoking him!!! it’s mostly ck wh + mh like tbh, there must be something..... masochistic in this they enjoy it somehow jfshgd... kihyun has to have the last laugh he has to Win lmao

You're so cute

this is Fake im Fake ur Fake but u kno what’s 100% real? my love and gratitude for u ily thank u hfgdj

Never stop doing the Wonho and Shakespeare thing! :o

thank u omg i probably couldn’t stop if i wanted to?? im very attracted to Raw Feelings and wonho & shakespeare both do that.... especially well...

it's rly hard to find wonho fansites that don't bleach him :/// like he's already so pale they don't... need to... like i know why they do it (not that i condone it) but srsly wonho is already super pale it's not like we don't know he's pale LOL. i remember round wh used to have good unbleached photos but there was one point a few months ago where they put this awful filter on their wonho photos it didn't just make him pale but it made his skin??? blue silver?? it was disappointing

the tragedy of round_wh jgkhsdgj i know :(((( and rose petal jam too :((( playboi_wh has some mostly untouched/unedited photos i rly like!

do u ever wish for that cute lil heart choker to make a comeback i miss wonho with it :-/

he hasn’t worn chokers for a while i’m stressed!!!! the pink heart choker was Iconic but idk why no1 ever talks abt THIS masterpiece

 truly innovative, redefined the gothfurry subculture.

am I the only one who realized that wonho is the one who solved all the escape rooms first on the first ep of xray... Ngl... Not to brag but honestly I have the most talented bias in the world..

wonho on shows is rly interesting bc he’s either completely and utterly useless (i.e...... what was that bouncy ball mess in ep4, also on weekly idol when he was... a mess) OR the golden hyung/saviour like there’s rly no in between?? he’s still trying to decide whether or not to present himself as a dumbass or not pls save him :/ dshfjkg im kidding i think it’s more like... he’s good at a certain sort of physical activity that involves concentrating on one simple thing (ddr --> getting the moves right, thigh-wrestling --> using thigh strength...) but not good at performing under pressure (tkd demonstration, bouncy ball racing against a senior idol)... re puzzles i think it’s not so much that he’s good at the puzzles themselves (mh + ck are better at that) but, he’s good at understanding the motivations and feelings of other people/predicting the path that a variety show would go; so that’s kind of how he got the password without finding all the hints, bc he knew it would be something meaningful like their debut date. idk that’s what i think!! like, wonho is smart but more emotionally/people-smart than smart in the traditional sense imo?? hope this makes sense omg

I don't know if you know about this, but does starship allow people to send in gifts for theonsta X members? Like do they have guidelines you have to follow cause I saw they moved buildings and I've always wanted to send in gifts cause I know Monsta x will never have a concert where I live.

hey im sry this is so late but the general guidelines for presents is pretty much common sense i think (no food, no weird used things, etc., and some companies don’t allow gifts that are too expensive).... i know starship allows gifts but i’m not too sure abt the specifics?? i’ve heard of people sending in things like clothing and books and framed fanart and whatnot but yeah... if anyone knows/has experience sending presents, please help this anon! :>

I love when u use the word Floof I've incorporated it into my vocabulary now 😣💕

i love the word floof!! also floofy and floofball and floomf gjdkfh ur so cute i’m glad u’ve absorbed it into ur lexicon! 💕💕💕💕💕

there's kind of a rush from starship to make mx big before they start enlisting i think :( it's kind of sad to think about. that's probably why they've been working nonstop since all in. i think starship expected them to make it big from debut (thus the rush to get a first win and taking their phones away) and mx was promised that but things didn't go as planned. at least that's the feeling i'm getting. i think the success of part 2.5 will determine if they're going to stay in japan or korea

i feel like... enlistment is still so far away for them?? usually groups have a 7-ish year run anyway n like............ not to talk abt d*sbandment but i think mx rly have to gain more musical autonomy if they want to stay in the industry for a long time, and adapt to the changing entertainment landscape like big bang does? i agree tho that starship expected mx to be a lot bigger initially but tbh... i have so much beef w the timing, planning, management team like................ i rly truly feel like if they promoted hero instead of rush a first win would’ve been far more likely... not to mention all of their comebacks + even their debut?? have clashed w other Big Name Groups’ promotion times and they’re always so infuriatingly close but :/ aaaa... also idk they need more ?? flamboyance ?? they put on the best stages and work themselves to death but i feel like sometimes the choreography itself, although v nice in their practice room filmed w a non-moving camera from the front, doesn’t carry over to the stage/live performances as well? and w their title tracks too idk i sometimes feel like starship is forever a little behind with the musical trend of the time... mx has never released a bad song but lmao, to be honest i feel like their title tracks have never been flashy enough? :/ their concept team is doing well tho i think the x clan aesthetic is a+ and it was the all in/stuck/fighter vibes+visuals that drew in a lot of new fans, myself included. idk sometimes i just feel like......... starship isn’t bringing out their full potential nd it makes me >:(((.......... ANYWAYS i have high hopes for the upcoming comeback pls pls pls support them

Ok but,,,he ain't even ugly in em tho, how does he still look a model even when he tryna look like spongebob

regarding this post lmao. not to be blinded by love also but ur right he’s never looked bad in his entire life :/

Mx members broken down: just a stuffed bear?? How'd that get there?, spongebob, Wallace and gromit, shifty cat, Kermit the frog, zico????, and an alien dressed as a human trying to blend into society

jkfdghkj enough!!!!! not to b serious on a cute funny ask but it must be :/ being compared to an established idol rapper all the time and whenever i think abt all the shit jooheon must’ve gone through during their debut year as the Representative Monsta X Member and all the pressure he was under after being so hyped up after no mercy.... i :( feelsbadman... 

Minhyuks secret was prolly everyone's **** size....tbh...

in response to >this

girl ngl you have some of the most nastie tags ive seen on this website sometimes but they always make me laugh, thanks for being so rad

PLEASE I FEEL LIKe... my tags aren’t even that nasty but mb i follow a different set of people and we’re used to different things lmao sjhghj i swear i’m pretty tame?? thank u for enjoying them tho ily darling 🌻🌻🌻

"he's my own flesh and blood. my cells quiver when he sneezes" - anniesus on im changkyun, 1:17, monbebe bible

SJDHFPLEASE but like... rly.... no printers only fax

i totally agree srsly i don't get how ppl don't see how scripted survival shows in general are lol... ppl felt rly bad for ck and i TOTALLY GET IT but like sometimes ppl go as far as saying the contestants b*llied him or like, genuinely hated him... and it doesn't sit well with me...i tried explaining this once but someone was like "but he looked so sad in no mercy i can just tell bc if his expressions " he might have felt awkward and he's introverted but i rly don't think he was mistreated

YESYES^^^^^^^^^^^^ idk some people rly.... think no mercy was..... a reliable portrait of reality jkfhdsg. when ppl take it too far and say the others rly mistreated him or hated him it makes my eyes roll back into my skull idk like !!! do u rly think!!! no mercy was one big scripted story with convenient narrative arcs and changkyun’s ate arrival was one of them. i think at that point it was obvious changkyun was going to debut?? and how do u make an audience like someone in the shortest amount of time possible? u make them sympathise with him/his situation. no mercy was very organised storytelling, if u know what i mean, it is a very narrative-driven show with victims and villains and timed hurdles and it concludes in a very neat way.

Ur tags about minhyuk being dramatic on no mercy dkfkfjkgk I love him my bad actor baby.....rmr in the same ep changkyun came on I think where hyungwon and gun played a prank on a younger guy where they were "fighting" and minhyuk kept laughing thru it ddkjfjf idk if that was his #Concept like was he supposed to be awkward laughing. Idek but um I'm love his dumbass

he’s AWFUL at acting jskhdfg but yoonho, dear pure boy i love with my whole heart, rly fell for it regardless bc he just wanted everyone to get along hjfdjkdf :( ur right lmao lmh rly found it funny i doubt it was a Concept i think he’s genuinely just................... bad at acting jksdfgh

THANK YOU for pointing out how obviously scripted no mercy was; like honestly any reality show from any country is overproduced and you have to take everything with a grain of salt. But here's the real question (and you don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable): did starship already have the final lineup planned? Personally I think that some were gonna make it regardless (jooheon, shownu, kihyun) and that the others weren't finalized until later, but idk man it's still a big debate

i agree!! but i’d definitely add changkyun to the planned debut lineup. i think starship wanted to debut yoonho originally but they realised too late that he wasn’t ready yet. also, it’s interesting what they did w #gun bc they rly made u like him as a person, rly sympathise w him, rly anticipate him when it was kind of clear in a hip hop group there would b a high tone rapper and a low tone rapper... and jooheon was definitely going to debut like 100% lmao so the high tone slot was taken from the beginning. i think starship had plans for #gun already at that point but he wasn’t gonna make it into mx. and i think wonho was also most likely in the lineup, but it wasn’t decided at the beginning of the show like it was with the other three u mentioned.. probably somewhere along the line. i think Perhaps hyungwon n minhyuk were in the dark.

this isn't prompted by anything but you: makes/reblogs a post me: 💝💝💝💖💖💖💗💗💗💓💓💞💞💕💕💕💕💖💖💘💘💘💘💘 you: writes tags me: 💖💖💖💖💘💘💝💝💘💘💞💕💕💖💓💓💓💗💗💖💕💘💗💗💘💘💕💖💗💗💘💘💕💖💖💖💓💖💘💕💘💗💘💘💘💗💘💞💘 i love u and ur blog so much ur so funny and smart??? u always have valuable things to say??? amazing ..

this is 2 much i rly looked at this msg for like 3 days straight pleasthe............ im... very flattered jkshg but i’m rly just ur casual mess,.., thank u sm for enjoying my humble blob :( i hope ur having the best day rly honestly & truly i appreciate this sm jhfdgjghj idk how to respond adequately!!!! 💖💖💖💖💘💘💝💝💘💘💞💕💕💖💓💓💓💗💗💖💕💘💗💝💗💘💘💕💖💗💗💘💘💕💖💖💖💓💖💘💕💘💗💘💘💘💗💘💞💘💝💝💝💖💖💖💗💗💗💓💓💞💞💕💕💕💕💖💖💘💘💘💘💘!!!!!

I had a mini freakout too, we got scammed so hard. the old selca before and the dark undercut now. he said a few months ago that he's going to dye his hair black for the next comeback though ;; don't lose hope mbb

(regarding wonho not having black hair and being Scammed Again jkdghsjk) i rly do hope he goes darker bc it must suck bleaching and dyeing all the time :/ he looks good w every colour tho so i won’t complain regardless of what happens 💖

ummmm did u ever watch the wonho hand reading vid ?????? (the audio ,,, i couldnt hear shit,,,) i watched minhyuks and i was like wow a certified demon agdjdkjsh joking but everything he said had me liek yeth its trUE!!!!

the best part of the wonho one was when he said “he’s got love in his heart, but he doesn’t quite know what it is” and “when this photo was taken he was probably feeling sorry or sad for himself or something” sdfhgkjdfgs AND WHEN HE SUGGESTED WONHO SHOULD STUDY METAPHYSICS i rly scremed.... also he has the will to go for what he wants + he’s sensitive !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tru!!! ALSO IM SCREAMING I KNOW minhyuk’s was SO ACCURATE kjfdshkjgsdf “THE LINE OF HEART IS SOMEWHAT DISTURBED” jkfhsgkjhdfsg  DEMON

I'm unsure if you are into block b or not, but I thought I should tell you just in case that P. O's mother passed away on the 27the due to chronic illness

aa i’m not rly into block b but this is super sad :( i feel awful for answering this so late but my thoughts are with him and his family 💞 

Kamsaminda!!! I literally face palmed so hard! Kboo logic is something else

it’s just.............. very ironic that they claimed their english was getting worse bc they’re so immersed in the ~Korean Way~ but... “kamsaminda”......... 

Ur tags are what I live for omg 😂 

thank you darling ���💝 i feel a bit :/ recently bc i haven’t been as active as i’d like to on this blog but i’m catching up and i’m... gonna work harder jshfdg tysm!

*hugs you real tight* would you please send this to the first 10 people in your dash (or whoever)? Make sure someone gets a hug today and stay safe! (づ◕‿◕)づ

aaaa thank you!!! i’m sending it back w my heart wrapped in a ribbon 💝 ty for this and i hope you’re also well-hugged and safe!

Annie I just wanted to say I appreciate u for being such a lovely and funny and kind person u get so many q's (bc ur so lovely and fun to talk to) and I'm obviously only adding onto ur backlog of messages sorry dkfkjgg but yeth u always give thoughtful or funny responses and ur Bloggie is just always so refreshing and fun to read I like to go thru ur posts when I've had a tiring day and just read ur funny tags and replies so ty for that :') 💕

sdhfjkgs i don’t deserve all u nice anons :((( thank you for enjoying my blobspace i’m going to work harder to become this ????? ? lovely funny kind person i’ve tricked u into thinking i am??? rly this means a lot to me i love u !!!!!! like tbh i don’t get That Many messages i think i just... let them pile up and it’s my own fault so don’t worry abt the backlog!!! anyway i appreciate this sm and rly... it’s... ridic that there are people out there like u... really sweet people who send other people nice messages anonymously w no real purpose but to make them happy like ?????? ppl like u go straight to heaven.. ily ily i hope you’re doing well today angel!!! 🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

[irrelephants]

time for a super duper rambly moment with meenakshi

warning: this post is gonna be an absolute mess

so we’re into the second week of mid semester break. i made a joke before that mid sem break is short for mid semester breakdown but it’s been manageable. did spend some days at the start keeping to myself and chipping away at work and stuff, but lately, i have also spent time in good ol recharge lounge with the squad again!!

have an assignment/report due in a couple days (weird bc the assignment is an online quiz but we still have to write a calc report to submit for portfolio.... rude) and that’s going well now yay! still very shocked that i used an incorrect correction factor AND rearranged an equation wrong, but got pretty much the correct answer!! So even though I fucked up twice, the quiz thinks i only messed up once so i only got penalised like 0.9 marks, whereas other ppl I know are losing up to 6 whole marks. sometimes i’m just blessed like that. and also thankful for my friends for making me realise and then figuring out the correct method with me.

two tests as soon as the holiday ends and i’ve been going into erskine for my daily programming revision sesh which is good. experimenting with listening to diff music before trying the practice quizzes and weirdly my sad mood playlist has had the best results so far looool

haven’t done too much for structures but will smash it out once soils report is done. plus that subject is my fave so i’m not too stressed

lately i’ve felt super distant from everything, and i can’t fucking focus on a thing!! very annoying when i know i should be getting things done but ya girl’s got a lot on her mind :(

so thursday last week i went to a court hearing between Work Safe and the company my dad worked for. that’s one of the hardest days i’ve had in a long time. basically, for those who don’t know - my dad was a welder and died in a workplace accident in june 2017. very shit. very sad. i still cry all the time (heres a link to old post). but yeah, last week was finally the end of the legal process over it. the company had plead guilty last year over breaching things in the HSWA, and last week the court went through figuring out reparations and fines.

it felt quite cold listening to them put monetary values on things that you can’t put a price on. we don’t fucking care about the money. it was hard listening to them try place the blame on someone. but i’ve been waiting for this day to be over a long time, and it finally is. thank fucking god. the lawyers and reps from worksafe were really lovely and helpful. the judge was amazing. he had read EVERYTHING that had been submitted. he was a man with a plan and i have big respect for the effort he must’ve put in. they’d given almost 3 hours for the hearing but he got done in 45 minutes.

after that i went back to uni to try think about less shitty things, ended up having a wee cry in erskine but it was much needed. did i get any work done? nah. and then i had a headache so went home. it was a bit stupid of me to go to uni after that but it pretty much sums up how my critical thinking skills have been lately lol

i feel bad for being the AbsoluteWorst for people to interact with lately but v thankful for everyone who continues to tolerate me. they’re all stars. i have been doing a terrible job of checking in on some of my friends so i gotta do that too.

life is just a massive bitch but mate, i am working so hard to keep going forward. if by some WILD CHANCE anyone is reading this, you might feel the need to worry about me but srsly, i can take it all and still be a positive gal ok. im good

and i mean, everyone’s goin thru something that no one knows about right? that’s why we always gotta be nice :) :) 

today i was at uni, typical morning in central lib followed by afternoon in eng core. got a fair bit of work done. then my friends and i went to scope out the fig trees on campus and eventually managed to find them. v excited to finally try some when they ripen ahhhh!!

tomorrow i wanna bake some more biscuits for my pals and catch up with my fave old coworker so im excited. also want to make a feijoa cake but maybs that’s a better weekend plan. gonna bust out my soils assignment before going to bed tonight too.

this weekend me and mum and are gonna get the fireplace ready for lighting again as well as some GARDENING so i am pumped for that! 

one more thing from this week/late last: I AM OBSESSED WITH MY MENSTRUAL CUP. if you have any Qs at all feel free to message bc i would LOVE to talk about it!!!!!

still doin my best to make every day a good one. hope ur having a fab day too

[smireyac]

yea boi u already kno what it issssss 🍾🎆🎉🍾🎆🎉

hey so i started writing this at 8 o’ clock so i would be ahead of the game and actually have more than an hour to write but HEY its already 20 after midnight so who the eff care amiright ladies

WOOOOO 🍾🍾🎆 🎉 🎆 🍾 🎉 🎉 🍾 🍾 🍾 🎆🎆 🎆 🎉 🎆 🎉🍾 🎉 🍾🎆 🎉

so.................... its 2019.....................

i watched vox’s “2018 in 5 minutes” video and cried so thats how this year has been :^) a lot of lows......... we always think we leave the shittiest year behind then lo.............. the next year rears its ugly head and we never learn............ despite this, im gonna try to keep a positive outlook on the new year......... its literally just another day and i have to be in at work @ 9 tmrw but its what ever im already super fucking tired whats losing another hour of sleep anywahy?? its practically expected of me any way what with being a youth,,, ANYWAY i spent my time ringing in the new year watching spiderman homecoming so i think that wa sGREAt its also great  that im gonna get to see spiderverse AGAIN tmrw after work so SUCK ON THAT im ringing in the new year RIGHT!! its a very spidey new year and i wouldnt have it any other way heh.....

alright

so its time.... to reflect...........

and actually reflect this time last year was weak sauce compared to the first year “im too unfocused right now happy new year or whatever” *scoffs* what r u too good for self reflecting now a days huhh

been doing a lot of self reflecting this year,,,,,, but today we will look back on how the previous years have gotten me to where i am today...

if 2016 was the year of change and 2017 was the year of getting used to things.............. 2018 felt like............ the year of getting TOO used to things, of not ENOUGH change............. like alright i scratched a few of the bigger things on my yearly “to do” list/resolutions, i. e. finally going back to school and getting a job at the library, but like.......... i definitly dont feel like i did enough........... my art game was SO WEAK and i feel like i wrote less than 10,000 words ALL YEAR (not counting my academic papers) i didnt really CREATE anything this i dont have ANYTHING significant to show for this year............and to get more negative i didnt even make any friends all year NONE FRIENDS im only *just* starting to get more friendly with people at the library thank GOD theyre nice and gave my shy ass a chance to open up but i still dont feel like ill make FRIEND friends theyre just work friends and u kno what thats making me so pissed bc its tricking my dumb ass into thinking i have a crush on someone at work aND that i want a *romantic* relationship with them!!! OUTRAGEOUS im so peeved.......................... i also still havent gotten behind a wheel but at this point im not sure if i will anytime soon bc im That Way..... grrrr im just mad thinking of all the things i didnt do so motherfucker i will make 2019 the year of DOING!!!! and i had so many resolutions last year i feel like the more i had the less i felt like i had to do them, like i was just saying all that to be like “oh wouldnt it be nice if any of these things happened lmao” so yeah 2019: the year of DOING... and since ive kinda sorta figured out that writing is my thang.... i think i wanna focus on doing that.. and anything that will help me do it

SO: #GOALS for 2K19

-WRITE AT LEAST 50.000 WORDS U COWARD, more than just “brainstorming” too bc thats like a cop out, write like stories or dialogue or scenes or scripts or WHATEVER just make it to 50,000 pls some people do that in like a month

-READ UR GOD DAMN BOOKS, u *cant* buy anymore if u dont read the ones u’ve already bought,,,, im willing to make an acception re: checking things out from the library................ but u rlly shouldnt IT WOULD’VE BEEN SO EASY TO WIN THE BET DUDE srsly..... maybe .... an hour b4 bed ? try to read ? at least try to read once a week dude....

-heres a curve ball WATCH MORE MOVIES !!! u say u love film well fuckin act like u do...... u only went to the movie theater 5 times all year and three of those were all in the last month to go see spiderverse, more than that HOW MANY movies are there on netflix that u see and go “oh i should watch that finally” or “people say thats rlly good bro” and u scroll right past to watch the same 3 fuckin movies i s2g

-oh yeah back to the writing thing, to reach that 50,000 goal u should write about what you read and watch, there u’ll prob meet the goal b4 summer if u do that bro but....u actually gotta do it....................

ok those r the 4 im REALLY gonna work on and try to keep track of in either of the journals sien got me :^) these next few i rlly want to happen but..... we’ll see

-make some friends pls.... pls be more friendly......... ENGAGE  people when u have the opportunity askQUESTIONS about them like if they have a dog or a hobbie jesus h christ

-go out..... on ur own..... do stuff............by urself if u have to... go to the movies by urself go to a park, walk around down town for the fuck of it idk DO STUFF

-finish something............ for once in ur miserable life...................................... finish the vlog or the scrapbook..... or the reading list or this set of goals PLEAsE ANYTHING

im not even gonna put draw/art blog related stuff on here bc........ its not what i want........ like i love drawing and i dont think im terrible at it, im at a good place with it but i dont wanna put my energy this year into drawing stuff for the sake of me being able to say “i did it” like...... last yr and the yr b4 i rlly RLLY wanted to get better at art to idk prove that i could?? but like i havent picked up my drawing tablet in months ... that makes me really sad but i dont really feel like picking it up either? ? i said i wanted to take a painting/color theory/ life drawing class maybe i will this yr and it’ll reinvigorate my love of drawing........ tbh spiderverse got me *this close* to being pumped about art and animation and like yeah i still am, i love the medium and its still a dream of mine to be apart of it but it feels like a pipe dream if i try to go thru the art angle........ so many people r better than me at that and its not really what i wanna do,,, i wanna CREATE STORIES and worlds and characters and like i used my art to help *me* develop those but... i dont wanna use my art to do it for someone else i guess............. the art of animation itself still facsinates me so they door isnt close yet but,,, i wanna focus on the other aspect of myself that im more and at the same time LESS confident about lmao WRITING like alright,,, i think im a good writer .... sorta ? like yeah people tell me i am and sometimes when i look back on things ive written im like “dAMN i wrote this ???” but like,,,, there are some things to writing that still. escape me... like poetry.... and a lot of other aspects to it that i cant describe write now bc it would take too long and im getting cold and tired SO YEAH hopefully this english class will help me, even tho its just writting for college essays, i need to start somewhere and if shes rlly as good of a professor as rate my professor says then ill learn smthg new

where was i

well the year wasnt ALL bad, like i said i got the job at the library i wanted and FINALLY got to go to school, stressful as that mightve been........ and i got to see my love, my darling, the light of my life rhys again for one glorious week,, hopefully ill be able to see more of my friends this year? either in miami or milwuakee idc which MAYBE BOTH lmao im not that rich but hey i can dream,,,

alright its 1:12am i think im ready to sign off,,,,,,,,, here’s to DOING in 2019

🥂 cheers