#but sometimes you have a D in statistics and you just gotta get something done

[fandomlurker]

A Ponderous Rewatch: Jockey For Position

Now that we’re done with that long cameo, it’s time for our feature presentation for tonight, and it’s a doozy!:

We open with Pinky frantically running on a spinning globe while Brain stands above him on the…globe holder? I don’t know if that part has a name or not.

“[winded gasps] Can I stop now, Brain?”

“Not until I finish my demonstration.”

Brain, that’s just… Well I was about to say it was mean, but given that Pinky understands the details of his plans better when Brain demonstrates it or draws elaborate diagrams, maybe it’s for the best? I doubt Brain could make that large globe spin just by using his hands, and Pinky’s been seen a lot of times running on the mouse wheel in their cage so he’s gotta be pretty in shape. Still, it feels like Pinky’s been running for a lot longer than he needed to…

You know what? I change my mind. It is a bit mean, Brain.

“When I build my reverse geotropic arrestor, Pinky, and throw it from the North Pole like this…”

The word “geotropic” doesn’t quite sound right. I wonder…

…Okay, yeah, Brain’s getting worse at naming things.

“…In a matter of seconds the cable will become taut, gravity will cease, and everyone will fly off the face of the Earth!”

Oh my GOD, Brain. This has got to be the stupidest plan you have come up with yet! Nothing about this will work.

Well, there goes poor Pinky.

“Leaving us alone to assume control.”

It’s still “us”, huh? Noted.

Long Pinky.

“Egad, Brain, brilliant! Haha hehe heh—!”

Pinky, sweetheart, I know praising Brain is kind of your thing but this is one time I’m going to have to call you out on your bias because this is super not brilliant and I’m actually a little worried for Brain’s mental state.

“—Oh wait, no, no. What’s going to keep us from flying off the Earth?”

That’s one flaw of many, Pinky, but I guess it’s as good a start as any.

“We will duct tape ourselves to a tree.”

Because the tree will totally stay in the ground when the Earth abruptly stops spinning. Not that it will stop spinning, because none of this makes any sense.

Brain, did this idea come from, like, a dream you had or something? Is that why the plan is working on dream logic?

I know this is a comedy cartoon and this is all a joke but sometimes Brain’s plans are so fucking out-there I just have to roast him for it.

“Unfortunately we still need to raise money to buy a one billion ton magnet. But I have a solution!”

Oh boy, can’t wait to hear the solution to this one. It’s gonna be stellar if the whole plan today is anything to go by.

Oh nice, Brain’s the one sewing for a change! Usually this is Pinky’s area of expertise, but it’s always nice to see that Brain can do some classically domestic things too.

“Tomorrow is the running of the Kentucky Derby. Do you know what that is?”

Most of my knowledge on it comes from “My Brother, My Brother, and Me” goofs, so my mind keeps autocorrecting it to “Kenfucky Derby”, but go on.

“Umm… Oh! A very large hat?”

“Promise me something, Pinky. Never breed.”

“I’ll try.”

Well, that’s going to come back to haunt them.

“The Kentucky Derby is the biggest horse race of the year. There’s a one million dollar purse going to the jockey riding the winning horse.”

“And I am going to win that purse!”

Okay, first off: Pinky, are you just going to stand there and stare at Brain as he gets changed? Like, I understand they’re naked normally and this is the exact opposite of stripping but umm…

Secondly: Brain, did you really have to get that up close to tell Pinky this? You two are making this too easy for me.

“Zort, Brain! A million dollar purse?!? Ooooh!~ You’re going to need matching pumps and earrings for that!”

Pinky’s got his priorities in order.

“Focus, Pinky, focus!”

“Now watch.”

And now Brain’s ordering Pinky to watch him dress and I just…I have no words. This is all so suspect. Why do you two even need a dressing screen if you’re usually naked anyway? And it shouldn’t matter if anyone sees you get dressed unless this is some weird reverse nudity taboo you two have developed and if that’s the case, why are you allowing Pinky to watch? And if it’s for a dramatic reveal WHY ARE YOU ORDERING HIM TO WATCH YOU CHANGE???

This episode is already so goddamn wild.

I am really not sure how I feel about that pan-up of Brain when he’s thrust his pelvis forward. At least the outfit is cute, though.

“Narf! Oh, Brain, I get it! You’re a beautiful lawn ornament!”

“Beautiful”, huh? Also noted.

“Look at me, narf, I’m a pink flamingo! Ahahaheh!”

Oh LORD, Pinky, how are you—?!?

“I’m a cement deer! Ah hah!”

PINKY, STOP, YOU’RE SCARING ME! D:

“Oh, I’m one of the seven dwarves, Brain!”

That’s more acceptable but Pinky, sweetie, warn me if you’re going to nightmarishly shapeshift again, okay?!

I guess we can add that to the list of random abilities Pinky has.

“Stop it, Pinky, or I shall have to hurt you.”

You are much calmer about this than I would be if this happened in front of me, Brain.

“Oh. Right-o, Brain. Narf.”

“Now let us make haste, for we have much to do before the race begins.”

“Poit.”

So then we cut to Churchill Downs, and I can only assume another roadtrip adventure was had off-screen.

“First, Pinky, we must visit the stables.”

“Inside, we will find the winning horse.”

“Err… How are we gonna do that, Brain?”

“The racing form, Pinky.”

My bet’s on... [squints] hLUUNO the horse.

“By analysing the velocity-based pace line, mile turf win and bayer speed figures, we’ll find a grade one stakes claimer who’ll give us a key horse situation.”

“Key Horse Situation” would be a great band name. Also, whoops, little bit of an error on the name plaques, background artists.

What do your mouse eyes see, Pinky?

“Err, can’t we just ride the pretty one?”

SHE!

So here she is, one of the few characters debuting in the Animaniacs run that will matter to PatB lore going forward aside from our main duo.

A fun fact for you all: Phar Fignewton’s name is a triple reference joke. “Phar Lap” was a champion thoroughbred race horse in the late 1920s and early 1930s. Fig Newtons are small pastries filled with fig paste. Lastly, “Fahrvergnügen” was a slogan for Volkswagon starting in 1990. Translated, it means “driving enjoyment”.

Phar Fignewton makes a whinnying noise and ends it off with a goofy laugh.

Brain is not impressed.

“Heavens, they’re multiplying…”

Pinky is instantly smitten with her.

BONK!

“This is a business trip, Pinky!”

“Oh. Right. Sorry, Brain.”

“Here is our horse.”

“’Daddy’s Little Angel’…”

I guess it’s an ironic nickname.

“Pinky… Are you pondering what I’m pondering?”

“Whu… I think so, Brain, isn’t Regis Philbin already married?”

…

Now I’m wondering if Pinky is suggesting that one of them marry Regis or if he’s suggesting that Regis marries the horse. Either way, what the fuck?

Yeah, same.

“The race, Pinky. By combining the statistics and my low body weight, this horse cannot lose! The prize money will be ours!”

GAH! Brain, I’ve had enough minor heart attacks from this episode because of Pinky’s eldritch morphing ability, I don’t need another one of your bizarre close-ups to do the same!

“Now I must take the place of the real jockey.”

“Hello?”

“Is this the Jockey who’s going to ride ‘Daddy’s Little Angel’?”

“Yeah.”

“This is Ed Mcmahon from Publisher’s Smearing House. You’ve just won ten million dollars.”

Pinky delightedly and silently listening in and chuckling in the back is precious.

And honestly, Brain, I don’t know why you’re crouching here, but it’s also cute.

“I won ten million dollars… I WON TEN MILLION DOLLARS! I am outta here! Later!”

The mice are lucky that he’s so excited about winning all that money that he forgets to do basic things like ask when and how he’ll get the money.

“Louie! Louie!”

“Later!”

“Who’s gonna ride my horse? I mean, Louie is the smallest, lightest jockey in the entire world!”

Did you know that there’s a weight requirement for jockeys, but no height requirement?

“Not anymore!”

“[GASP]”

Whoops, I just noticed another error, though it’s minor: Brain’s jockey outfit throughout this scene is light tan and purple instead of the pea green and purple that it’s supposed to be.

“You’re a jockey?!”

“Actually, I am a mouse in the early stages of an elaborate scheme to take over the world.”

The more this happens, the more I’m starting to think that Brain does this shtick on purpose to emotionally and mentally disarm people who would otherwise suspect that he’s not human. The fact that it works shows you just how idiotic the human beings of this world are.

“Well, fine, we all need a hobby but…will you ride my horse?”

Oh, sir, I think it’s much more than a hobby at this point. If only you knew…

“I shall ride! And win!”

His design is a little odd here, but it’s still a good pose.

So Brain next has to be weighed to make sure he meets the requirements.

“Saddle: Seven pounds. Saddle and rider: Seven pounds 3 ounces.”

So if you can recall from the previous rewatch post, a house mouse on average weighs 19g, and a common wood mouse weighs 23g (it can be up for debate which type of mouse Brain is).  Converting Brain’s 3 ounces of weight to grams would result in him weighing 85.0486g.

Brain does have a bit of a cute little potbelly thing going on, but he’s also consistently much smaller in height and width than the average adult mouse in the series. I think the incredible difference in weight is mostly coming from the heft of Brain’s, well, brain and skull…and the muscle mass packed into that tiny body to help keep him upright.

“A genetically perfect jockey! This is fantastic!”

Please don’t phrase it like that.

“…Let’s look into early retirement.”

That jockey on the left is going through some shit, man. He looks like how I feel after working an eight hour shift on the holidays.

And so we skip to the beginning of the race!

That poor, poor jockey…who changed colour schemes for some reason.

There’s Phar Fignewton with a jockey who honestly looks like he’s high.

And here’s our little mousey fella, who has somehow managed to make this aggressive horse obedient.

“Camptown race is five miles long, do-dah, do-dah.~”

He’s so happy he’s singing to himself! This is honestly so precious that I completely forgive him for not getting the lyrics correct.

Coincidentally, Daddy’s Little Angel is positioned next to Phar Fignewton.

“Ooh, isn’t this exciting, Brain?”

Uh oh.

“Pinky, what are you doing here? Your weight will disrupt my winning calculations!”

I don’t know if it’d be that off, Brain. The combined weight of two mice is still much less than that of a human jockey.

“But Brain, it’s too exciting! I—“

[TARGET LOCKED]

“Oooh! Heh. Hello.~”

I think I’m going to save my thoughts on this whole…thing until the end. Right now I will say, however, that I wasn’t quite expecting the tongue-hanging-out-of-gaping-mouth lovestruck/horny??? reaction.

“Pinky, the race is starting!”

Too late, Brain.

And we’re off!

Bye, Pinky.

“There’s baloney in our slacks…~”

Pfft.

So as the race goes on, we get to know a few more of the horses’ names: Isle of Yap (a nice callback to the first PatB short), Flamiel (which is apparently the WB writers’ favourite word?), and Leggo-my-Egoiste (a double reference to an old Eggo slogan and the name of a cologne).

The other jockeys are more than a little surprised by Brain and his steed taking the lead early in the race.

Phar Fignewton is trailing way behind.

Meanwhile, Pinky’s woken up from fainting, seeing the oncoming horses—

--and promptly freaks out and stumbles back down again.

“Victory, she waits for me! Oh, the do-dah-day!”

You really have to stop tempting fate like this, Brain.

Phar Fignewton’s very tired, but what’s this?

Is that…Pinky in harm’s way?

ThePowerOfLove.mp3

Determined and fueled by her inexplicable crush, Phar Fignewton starts gaining ground on the other horses.

Brain didn’t calculate for this!

…Oh! Hi, Warners! Looks like they’re cheering Phar on.

“Oh no! Yah! Yah! Yah!”

I didn’t think whips were allowed in races like the Kentucky Derby, but apparently they are. Their use was only restricted—not banned—in the summer of 2020, which is alarming to say the least.

On a different note, I know some of you folks are now jotting down the fact that Brain knows how to use a whip. I see you.

She makes the save!

And she also wins the race! Way to go, Phar Fignewton!

“In the words of the great Willie Shoemaker: ‘Nuts!’”

It was a good try, Brain, but honestly I’m glad you failed this time if only so that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself with your actual world domination plan’s failure later. Maybe take a couple nights off to rest up a bit and formulate plans that aren’t totally bonkers, hmm?

I might as well go ahead and talk about this now. I…am conflicted on this whole Phar Fignewton thing. It makes for a very strange one-off joke about Pinky instantly falling in love with a distaff counterpart of his that’s a horse for whatever reason…but the fact that she’s not a one-off character is baffling in and of itself. Like I’ve said before, she’s mentioned a couple of times going forward as being Pinky’s girlfriend, or as a bizarre joke at Pinky’s expense about him being in/having been in a relationship with a horse. There’s even a small running gag about Pinky’s reaction to people’s disgust about it: “People can be so intolerant!”. I don’t know if the joke is supposed to be one about racial segregation or a wink and nod to queer folks in the only way that the writers could get away with in a cartoon at the time (in a “see, Pinky’s down for a relationship with anyone, even outside of his species!” type of way).

Phar Fignewton herself is a sweetie but besides that she has no personality to speak of and we’re just meant to assume based on physical appearance that she is equivalent to Pinky. And like, she hasn’t been uplifted to human levels of intelligence and sapience like Pinky has because of Acme Labs, but she seems to be naturally sapient for some unknown reason and just simply unable to speak English.

On top of all this, the relationship is very shallow and the only reason we’re given as to why Pinky likes her is because he finds her pretty. It’s perfectly in character for Pinky to easily fall in love, as he does so with other animals a couple more times in the spin-offs, but it just feels weird that this is the one that sticks around purely to become a running gag that gets mentions that are sometimes literal years apart from one another.

And listen, I know the writers most likely made this a thing just because they thought it was a funny joke and a few of them managed to remember about Phar and would use Pinky dating her as a gag. I know this. But it doesn’t make it any less confusing and weird. I remember the jokes about Pinky and horses from way back when I first watched Animaniacs and the PatB spin-off when I was a kid and I never had any context for it because I don’t think I ever saw this specific episode. Coming back as an adult and seeing all these episodes in order and watching this one in particular and finding out the context is “Pinky thinks a horse is pretty and the horse and him are in love and long-distance dating now” is both underwhelming and leaves me with more questions than answers.

…Also, if my earlier theories on why the writers made this joke are correct, does this mean Phar Fignewton is metatextually a beard for Pinky?

I just don’t know, folks. You’re welcome to leave your thoughts on this in comments.

Let’s wrap this up.

So as we can see, Brain is, as usual, back to work on another plan that involves—

—a goddamn cannon, holy shit! What is he using the glue for? That’s a little ominous, given what’s been involved in this episode.

There’s a hammering noise in the background and we see Pinky putting up a photo of Phar Fignewton.

“Pinky, will you please stop that? I’m trying to concentrate on tomorrow night!”

Wow, you’re more irritable than usual, Brain. I didn’t think some delicate hammering would annoy you that much.

“Mwah!~”

…Despite my ramblings earlier, that’s very cute of you, Pinky. I’m sure you could’ve gotten a better photo, though.

“Why, Brain, what’re we gonna do tomorrow night?”

Try to take over the world, of course! Right, Brain?

“Guess.”

…

Umm, wow. That’s a first. You look like you’re absolutely enraged, Brain. All this over some hammering sounds?

This had me taken aback a bit when I watched it the first time, not gonna lie. We’ve seen Brain after a plan’s failure plenty of times before. He’s been frustrated, sure. Humiliated at times, or maybe he just sighs in resignation and walks off into the sunset. It always ends with him simply using these feelings to fuel the fire in him to do better tomorrow night.

This is the very first time we’ve seen him jumpy and irritated at the most minor of things and so angry that he literally refuses to participate normally in his and Pinky’s shared catchphrase. And this was for a plan that was just to fund the real plan! So why is this time any different?

Oh.

OH.

Okay, that’s… That makes a lot of sense, actually. Damn.

Hey, fanfic writers? Ya’ll ever use this as the very first time Brain experiences romantic jealousy? Let me know.

“Oh yeah, try to take over the world. Right.”

I think even Pinky’s put off by this development, if his hesitant and quiet finishing of the saying is anything to go by.

And that’s what we end off with.

All in all, this episode is a wild ride of strangeness in small moments and bizarre additions to lore and ends on the first subversion of the long-running closing gag of the series. It’s not exactly a great episode, but that ending is intriguing enough for one of the main purposes of this rewatch. In short, I’m just baffled.

Luckily the next episode is much better. Next time, the mice head on down to Tennessee to seek world domination via country music.

See you then!

[killian-whump]

Sometimes I think Colin's career would've been a lot better if he hadn't been stuck on OUAT for what? Six years? I wish he had made more movies, he had a great chance with The Rite and I think he had the potential to became a great movie star and sometimes I think he lost that chance. I mean, I know he can still be a movie/TV star but he's not "Hollywood-young anymore" and I'm scared that he'll never be the star he deserves to be and that makes me feel sad and kinda angry at OUAT for wasting him

Nonny, Nonny, Nonny... You’re worrying too much and, most importantly, you’re expecting too much. And that’s all on you, NOT on Colin.

OUAT is still Colin’s most well-known role. Had he not been on the show, um, he’d be even less known and have far fewer opportunities than he has now. So no, his career definitely wouldn’t have been better without OUAT. Granted, if he’d done something different instead of Once that happened to be more popular, sure, he might be in a better spot right now. But that’s assuming he would’ve gotten as big of a role elsewhere and that this other project would’ve surpassed Once in popularity and renown. That, my friend, is a HUGE assumption to make, and statistically, not very likely.

As for wasting him... I mean, they didn’t? They used him to the best of their abilities, even overused him at times if you asked me, and Colin willingly signed the contract to commit himself to the project for 6 years or the end of the project (whichever came first). And I think, given the chance to redo it all, he’d probably do the same all over again. Once was a great opportunity for him, was a happy and successful work experience, and is his best known work. Why are you so down on it and so resentful of its place in his CV?

Also... The Rite was not really a great chance. Hear me out here. The Rite was a B-project with a B-writer and a B-director and a B-cast...that got automagically promoted to an A-movie because Anthony Hopkins took a personal interest in the subject matter and essentially went slumming in B-ville for kicks. The movie itself, the writing, the direction, the other actors (even including Colin, bless his heart) were not ready for A-level criticism and didn’t hold their own in that harsh light. What could’ve been a GREAT little indie film ended up being regarded as a flop prime time film... and Colin, who was being labeled as “Hollywood’s New Leading Man” took most of the fall for that. Which wasn’t fair. And it wasn’t right. But it was what it was, and I think THAT has damaged his career far more than anything else, because studios don’t want to take a chance on a guy who failed at carrying a major Hollywood motion picture starring opposite Anthony Hopkins. An unfair assessment, as it was the B-level writing/directing that failed to carry their parts, but no one wants to SAY that, because in doing so, they’d have to admit that Anthony Hopkins was totally slumming it, and the media were too dumb to realize it.

But at the same time... The Rite got Colin the most exposure he’d had up to that point on American shores, which likely had a hand in getting him Once. So it’s a double-edged sword. I think it damaged his career opportunities (and maybe even his own confidence) in some avenues, but helped him immensely in other avenues, so it’s kind of a toss-up, really. But Once? Once was all good, friend. I don’t think Once damaged his career at all - aside from possibly hanging on too long and delaying him striking while the iron was still warm right out of S6′s finale.

As for “not Hollywood young” - Well, he’s still plenty Hollywood young? I mean, how old do you think most leading men in Hollywood ARE? O_o He’s the same age or younger than most of today’s leading men, so...? I don’t know what you’re talking about, honestly. Plus, he’s aging like a fine wine, getting better looking with each year, and clean-shaven and smoothed-up as he is in The Right Stuff, the guy looks almost pre-pubescent. Like, I literally feel like some kind of cougar eyeing him up these days, and I’m only 2 years older than him D: Yeah, antis seem to be pushing the “he’s aging badly” bullshit these days, but literally no one who doesn’t have a hate boner agenda actually thinks that :P

Lastly, and maybe most importantly... The assumption that Colin wants to be a huge movie star is yours, and yours alone. Only Colin himself knows what he actually wants for his career and for his life. We can only go by what he’s shown us and told us publicly - and, honestly, all of that points to him not being in this game for fame and fortune. He’s in it for the love of the craft, for the fun HE has playing make-believe and pretending to be people he’s not. And, of course, to provide for his family as best he can whilst doing so. In fact, given Colin’s evident discomfort with fame at times, I’d say he may even be the type to purposely aim to stay OUT of the brightest glare of Hollywood’s lights. And it’s not like the heightened fame he experienced with Once turned out all that well for his wife and family. My guess would be that he’s probably a bit leery of inviting that level of fame (let alone a higher one) into his life again, especially now with two growing kids.

The reality of the situation is that Colin already is a successful, working television actor. Yes, he’s done some movies, but he keeps coming back to television, and maybe that’s because that’s where the more interesting offers happen to be, or maybe it’s because he prefers that medium. We don’t know. Only he knows that. But it doesn’t matter. He’s doing his thing, and doing it well, and is respected for the talent he's displayed in doing it.

You can’t just make up your own career aspirations for the guy and then act like he’s failing at meeting them. If you want to stan a big Hollywood actor, then there are plenty to choose from. If you want to stan Colin, then you gotta follow his lead, respect his choices, and assume he knows what he’s doing and doing what he wants to with his life and career.

[dramallamadingdang]

Replies

Apropos of nothing: I’ve got a root veggie stew stewing away in a slow cooker with lots of bay leaves and sage and thyme and stuff. My house smells SO GOOD! :D

Anyway, replies for @kathleen---sadist---saint, @penig, @ellupelluellu, @simblrkersil, @holleyberry, @siofrasims, @pensblr, @dreadpirate, @simaddicted-sue, and @lokisimmer...

kathleen---sadist---saint reblogged your post “very ignorant”

That was a sick burn whether it was meant to be one or not 😂

It actually wasn't meant to be a burn, no. It genuinely amuses me that people seem to think that calling someone "ignorant" is some kind of insult. Because every single person is completely ignorant about a LOT of things. There are probably many things that a so-called "brilliant" person is ignorant of that a so-called "stupid" person knows a lot about. Basically, those who claim they AREN'T ignorant are lying.

Of course, there's also willful ignorance -- Consciously refusing to learn, know, or consider something, usually because of fear that knowing will upset one's biases -- which is another thing. I find willful ignorance abhorrent and try to avoid indulging in it, but I still wouldn't be insulted if someone accused me of being willfully ignorant about something...because they could be right. Only human, and all that. Such an accusation would make me think about what biases I might be holding on to that I might want to consider ridding myself of, though, and that’s always a good thing.

penig replied to your photoset “Norbert & Susan Hawksley, Autumn, Part 1/3 The beekeeping Hawksleys,...”

That face has a lot of potential. Different hair would diminish the bowling ball effect.

It’s not so much “bowling ball” as the fact that the middle of his face, around his eyes, his cheekbones, and the bridge of his nose, is kind of caved in, at the moment. *laugh* The parents’ faces are so dissimilar that it’s hard for the game to mash ‘em together in such a small space. It’ll work itself out as he grows, though. Such things pretty much always do; I’ve never been able to understand why people freak out over “ugly” toddlers. *shrug* 

I don’t usually bother too much with toddlers’ appearance, though, because with the normal age lengths they’re only toddlers for four days, so it’s not worth fussing, in my mind. I COULD here, because with the age-modding the toddler stage is twelve days, but...meh. *laugh* They keep the hair they get. Sometimes I’ll change it when they’re a child...but sometimes they have the same style their whole life. *laugh* That’s how much I can���t be bothered. :)

ellupelluellu replied to your photoset “Norbert & Susan Hawksley, Autumn, Part 1/3 The beekeeping Hawksleys,...”

wich log walls you use? Your own or available at somewhere?

They’re my own. Here. I wanted more and different stone trims than Maxis made, to match some Maxis stone walls, plus I wanted the logs in my wood colors, to coordinate with all the doors/windows I’ve done, so....yeah. :)

simblrkersil replied to your post “*is now thinking about just ditching all the clothing defaults I spent...”

Skell's repository project works well with most texture-only defaults!

siofrasims replied to your post “*is now thinking about just ditching all the clothing defaults I spent...”

You can sometimes still use texture defaults with Skell's stuff!

Yeah, I figured that. So now I need to look for...or make...some texture defaults that I like. I don’t really enjoy retexturing clothing because the mapping usually annoys the piss out of me and I don’t know how to re-map stuff, but if I can’t find anything I like....

holleyberry replied to your post “*is now thinking about just ditching all the clothing defaults I spent...”

I like some of the Maxis clothes too. If I finally decide to redo my downloads folder I think I would Default all the BG stuff, and also use Skell's repository.

pensblr replied to your post “*is now thinking about just ditching all the clothing defaults I spent...”

Do it. Do it. Skell's repo project really is a life saver for those of us who like a tidy BodyShop/CAS and some variety for all ages.

dreadpirate replied to your post “*is now thinking about just ditching all the clothing defaults I spent...”

DO IT

*laugh* Yeah, I went ahead and downloaded the bits I want. Which isn’t ALL of the repository project because there are some things in it that I have no use for. But stuff that’s useful.... Now it’s time to figure out what I can use and what I can’t, given the defaults I have. I’ll probably end up with a mish-mash of some defaults and some not defaulted in order to use the repository stuff. I mean, that’s sort of what I already have, actually. I didn’t default any of the H&M stuff, so I have the H&M stuff from the repository project...

And hey, at least Holley also likes Maxis clothes. I’m not alone! :D ...although I suppose I have to say that it’s not that I “like” the clothes so much as I just don’t care enough about clothes that they bother me that much. IRL I couldn’t care less about fashion and will tend to wear stuff that would be at home in the 60s/70s (I <3 bell-bottoms and hippie styles in general), so my “meh” attitude about clothes in-game is probably a “bleed-through” that way. *laugh*

penig replied to your photoset “Hattie Galloway, Autumn, Part 2/2 Hattie, having been trapped at home...”

We used to go on picnics in the rain when we lived in Alaska, because if you let the weather spoil your plans you'd never do anything.

Yeah, ya gotta do what you gotta do. But that doesn’t mean that you have to go swimming when the water is freezing! Then again, it probably doesn’t get truly freezing in this neighborhood because it has no winter. It goes Spring/Summer/Autumn/Spring2. But at the end of autumn, it’s still probably enough to give one hypothermia!

simaddicted-sue replied to your photo “Komei & Karen Tellerman, Autumn, Part 2/3 Karen chose an excellent...”

Congrats on a girl!

RIGHT???! I was so happy. Because prior to her birth, out of 22 births, only four had been girls, so the neighborhood was less than 40% female overall. I mean, I have a statistically-high percentage of male/male couples -- half of the 6 married couples in the neighborhood, in fact, are male/male, currently -- and I’m perfectly OK with that...but you do need SOME females. *laugh*

simblrkersil replied to your photo “Komei & Karen Tellerman, Autumn, Part 2/3 Karen chose an excellent...”

to be fair to her, it's hard to follow the long-time sims tradition of birthing in the smallest bathroom of a house if your only bathroom is an outhouse XD

This is true! I’m pretty sure the outhouses that are out there are cloned from the community-lot bathroom stall, so Sims have to exit it to do anything. It’d be hilarious if they could give birth in the outhouse. Well, *I* think it’d be hilarious, anyway, but I’m one of those people who finds odd things hilarious, so...

ellupelluellu replied to your photo “Gordon Bassett in the wilderness that is his back yard. :) I spent...”

Just make couple adults looking like they are lost and searching something they never will find, and you have better SimRembrandt than the original.

HAH! Yeah, you’re right. *laugh*

lokisimmer replied to your post “ellupelluellu replied to your photoset “Chick-chick-CHICKIES! :D” ...”

Hey do you remember the name of a mod on sims 2 which had this small plate on the mailbox so sims can out their bills on it as I lost it and don't remember the name

Yeah, it’s a “cover” that goes over the mailbox that includes a little shelf with a slot to put the mail on. Windkeeper made it. I recolored it here, and that download includes the mesh. I think Pescado further modded it somehow, I think so that ONLY mail can go on the slot and not anything else? But I could be remembering wrong. In any case, I just have Windkeeper’s original version and am happy with it.

[timahina]

Tagged by: @lily-liegh

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.)

212,227 words. Well damn :’D to me, that’s a shit ton wow.

How often do you write?

ah, whenever I have a day off tbh since then, I’m much less tired and actually have time to think as well as energy. Plus, I can make a day of it. Short spurts, I can get a lot done.

Do you have a routine for writing?

Turn on a soundtrack / playlist and just.... write and pray for the best lol sometimes, I put on a movie / show that’s in the same realm of the fic I’m writing to help me get into the mood lol but usually, my routine is solace and time

What’s your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing?

uhhhhh.... eating out I guess. I like power play uhhhhh dragon fucking idka kdklafj;lsd idk lol

gimme that slow burn enemies into lovers redemption shit. i also like arranged marriages and fairy tale aus too. also, star-crossed lovers is always fun yaass

well, rn still into av so favs gotta be genesis, fruits, apple, predaor, pendulum, robust lol

but if we talking out of av and any couples i’m CURRENTLY into (cuz I got a lot of pairs tha are favs) then like... Cesare/Lucrezia and Jareth/Sarah

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

of mine? Oh, um.... fuck, idk, this changes depending on my mood...

Kingdoms I suppose, mainly cuz it’s my only fic that ain’t based on anything and it’s just my own political romance soap opera that I wanna do lol

Your fic with the most kudos?

Bellua

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

I wanna be more descriptive cuz my writing is so straight-forward as well as like, I flirt heavily with that “characterization��� boundary when I’m like “is this OOC or not?” and 99% of the time I’m ultimately just like FUCK IT cuz why the hell not tho I feel like I should restrain myself in that regard.

Now something you do like?

I like my pacing a lot more now since I learned I don’t have to explain EVERYTHING and realized some things are better left unsaid. Also, I do make some good romantic banter and chemistry so yippee :DD

tagging @pendulum-sonata @seasaltmemories @kaiba-cave @homura-bakura

[talesfromthesnogbox]

A cliched one but Mileven soulmates

I’M SORRY THIS TOOK 5EVER I WENT A LITTLE NUTS!

I also made it a roommate AU because why not, that’s where my brain went. Hope you like it!

Delicate

Mike and El had always been the best of friends. Neither of them could figure out why they got along so well.

Hawkins, Indiana wasn’t El’s birthplace, but it had been her home ever since Jim Hopper had adopted her when she was 12. Her new setting made her timid, but once she’d befriended her lovely party of nerds, she came right out of her shell.

Now at 21 years old, El, and the rest of their party called Chicago home. All six of them decided to head out to school in the windy city, and their parents couldn’t have been more thrilled. The party was a tight-knit group, and while they all had their own lives, and their own friends outside of each other, it was comforting to come home to each other.

Two apartments across the hall from the others became available and the party couldn’t resist snatching them up. Mike, El, and Will shared a cozy three bedroom while Max, Lucas, and Dustin shared a two bedroom. It was fate that the listings both became available on the same day, especially considering after a long period of contemplation, Lucas and Max had agreed to move in together.

It wasn’t early on that Max and Lucas had discovered each other’s soul marks. In fact, they didn’t get along very well until their senior year, one year after Max had moved to Hawkins from sunny California. Lucas always wore his heart on his sleeve, and his soul mark was constantly visible on his arm, just above his elbow. But Max… she was more reserved. She wanted to rebel against the whole “soul mark” thing, why should love be up to fate and not choice? In truth, she was scared knowing Lucas was her soulmate, but the moment she gave in and showed him her own matching mark just above where her heart sat, the two had been inseparable.

But even soulmates had their flaws.

“I swear, he never does the dishes!” Max grumbled loudly in the kitchen. Friday was the boys’ day; they all only had morning classes, so they all got to start the weekend off early. El and Max had never quite gotten into Dungeons and Dragons, so while they had girl time in Max’s apartment, El’s apartment had become the Chicago equivalent of Mike Wheeler’s basement.

El giggled. “I bet that’s how they feel about me over there then. Of course I would end up living with two neat guys of the party.”

“Whatever, I’m not doing his dishes again. Back to what you were saying… you met someone?”

A smile crossed El’s features. “Sort of, I mean, he hasn’t asked me out or anything, but we’ve been talking a lot after class, sometimes we’ll go get a coffee together.”

“That sounds like a start!”

“It is.” El sighed.

“But he’s not Mike.” Max prodded her. Everyone in the party knew that El and Mike were absolutely soulmates, there was no doubt about it. The only two that couldn’t see it were… well… El and Mike.

“Mike… he’s just a silly crush. Besides he’s my roommate, and my best friend, I don’t want to mess up what we’ve got.”

He wasn’t just a silly crush though. The swirly filigree shaped mark (that strangely looked like 011 the more she stared at it) sat just above El’s hipbone, and she couldn’t tell you how many times she’d dreamt of Mike having a matching mark. She loved him, she loved him with all her heart, but she’d known him for over 9 years… if he was her soulmate, they’d already know it.

“But even still El, you don’t want to just try it out? Who says you have to end up with your soulmate anyways? They could live halfway across the world for all you know. We were taught the statistics, El, only 45 percent of people on Earth actually meet their soulmate.”

“Then maybe I’ll be part of that 45 percent.” She clapped back. “Look, Max, I love you, but you’ve gotta stop bringing up Mike like this. I just want to get over him—”

“But he’s in love with you.” As soon as the words left her lips, Max threw her hands over her mouth. “I was not supposed to tell you that.”

El’s face was stoic, but her mind was reeling. “I… I think I’m just gonna go.”

Max stood and followed her to the door. “I’m sorry, please don’t be mad, I just want what’s best for you, and I want my friends to be as happy as I am.”

El smiled. “I’m not mad at you, Max, I just… I think I need some air.” She crossed the hall into her own apartment where the boys were no longer quite so deep in their campaign.

“I’m telling you, she was smoking hot, we totally clicked, but her soul mark didn’t match mine.” Dustin was talking animatedly to the rest of the party, obviously not that invested in his story.

“Yeah… I’m sure that is the reason she didn’t go for you.” Will shoved Dustin and moved to the couch. “Hey, El… you’re home early, I thought you and Max—”

“We ended it early, I’m not feeling well.” Her door closed softly behind her, but the party knew something was up.

Mike frowned. El was usually so open about everything; their friendship really knew no boundaries. Well, he thought, I still haven’t seen her soul mark… we have a few boundaries.

“Is she okay?” Lucas pointed to her door.

“Let me go check on her.” Mike went to her door and knocked quietly. “El? Can I come in?”

She bit her lip, now in a cozy pair of pajamas curled in her bed, it’s nothing he hadn’t seen before, but she didn’t want to face him after what Max had told her.

“Go away.”

“Please? I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” She pleaded, voice muffled by her pillow.

“Okay, then let me see you’re fine.” El had a history of shutting down when she was upset. Sometimes her thoughts became too dark and dangerous for her to deal with, but the party was always there to help her through it.

Mike heard her footsteps get closer to the door, and she opened it with a huff.

“See? Fine.”

“El… wait.” He hated that he’d done it, but Mike was always overwhelmingly drawn to El. He loved the party, but El had to be his best friend. He worried about her, he loved her… he was in love with her (but he’d never tell her that). Mike followed her into her room and shut the door behind him. He followed her and took a seat next to her on her bed. “Don’t give me some bullshit answer. What happened?”

She sighed and covered her face with her hands. “Max and I sort of got into a fight about soulmates.”

Mike frowned. Sure, El had dated some, but he didn’t think she’d be this broken up over the soulmate issue. Their conversations had never quite meandered over to their love lives (or lack thereof), it just wasn’t something that the two of them really ever talked about. “Do you want to talk about it?”

El leaned into Mike’s shoulder and he immediately wound his arm around her. It was a common position for them, and he was a really good cuddler. “I… not really.”

“Okay.” He shrugged, happy to just be with her like this.

“I just… what if I never meet them, Mike? What if I’m always left wondering what they would be like, what they would look like… even if I’m with someone else? That’s hardly fair.” It was one of the reasons why she’d never tell Mike how she felt about him.

“It’s not fair, but really, everyone thinks about it. Everyone has someone out there for them, El, but not everyone meets that person. It’s okay to think that way, it’s human nature.”

He did have a point. “She had to go and bring up statistics and all that again about how not everyone meets their soulmate… it’s easy for her to say, she found Lucas in high school.”

“Sounds like someone’s a little jealous.” Mike poked her side, smiling at the girl in his arms.

“I’m not… okay maybe I’m a little jealous.”

“You shouldn’t be. You’ll find someone amazing, I know it El. And think of it this way, Max is stuck with Lucas for the rest of their lives.”

She giggled. “Same dick forever.”

“I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that.” He winced.

“It’s a joke, relax.” El sighed. “What if I meet them at the wrong time though?”

“Well… they’re your soulmate… they’ll wait as long as they need to.” I know I would, it goes without being said.

The two fall asleep in that position quickly, too comfortable with the other, too comfortable after unloading some weight off both of their shoulders. They sleep until Dustin of all people sneaks in.

“What the hell, guys, come check this out.”

Dustin’s voice carries through the apartment, and draws Mike out of his restful state. “Fuck off, Henderson. I’m comfortable.”

“Yeah I bet you are. So you figure it out yet? That you guys are actually soulmates?”

“No. Go away, seriously.”

“What, are you too afraid to tell her your soul mark is on your ass cheek?” Dustin snickers.

“I’m ignoring you. Goodnight Dustin.”

“Night, loverboy.”

Mike shakes his head at Dustin, settling back into El’s comforter. There was no way he was moving tonight, she was wrapped around him using every limb she could, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Is your soul mark really on your ass cheek?” El’s soft voice startled him.

“Y-you heard all that?”

“Hard not to when Dustin is that fucking loud. Answer me, is it seriously on your butt?”

“N-n-no… well… kinda. I mean—” Her giggles cut him off. “Stop laughing! It’s not really on my butt, it’s like… really low on my back.”

“So your butt?”

“No!” He sighed. His mom always had this theory that it’s there because he was so closed off about his emotions, he’s starting to believe it might be true.

El gave him a mischievous look. “Can I see it?”

“I—I um…”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to, I’m only teasing. Unless you want to, then that’s totally up to you.” El snuggled further into his chest, her eyes feeling heavy again.

Silence washes over them, and Mike is suddenly all too aware of every little thing around them.

“Hey, El?”

“Hm?”

He pauses. “D-do you mind if I stay?”

El couldn’t explain it, but she felt something shift in the room. Her heart beat wildly in her chest, and the tension in the air could be cut with a knife. For some reason, that simple question felt like a do or die decision, and she had to follow her gut.

“No… you can stay.”

Mike hid his smile by pressing a light kiss to the top of her head. Sure, they’d been affectionate with each other, holding hands, cuddling, before, but this felt different. Something had changed.

“Thanks.” He whispered, pulling her closer and resting his head on her pillow. “Night, El.”

“Night… loverboy.”

He let out a huff of breath and she giggled before they both drifted off.

The next morning, Mike realized that waking up beside El was pretty much the most perfect thing he could ever experience.

Her soft breaths hit his chest, and her arms tightened around him whenever he tried to move, but his favourite part of waking up beside her had to be how peaceful she looked. Her features were soft in the morning light, hair mussed, lips parted slightly. The angelic expression on her face tugged at his heartstrings, and he absolutely couldn’t move now, not until she woke up. He never wanted to disturb her while she got her much needed rest.

Mike’s cheeks reddened softly as he realized he was staring, and suddenly, she was stirring.

“Morning.” He whispered sleepily.

El groaned. “You make a great pillow, Wheeler.”

Mike smiled, pride filling his chest making his heart flutter. Their eyes met, and he felt something, an invisible force pulling them together. This is it, he thought, wondering if either one of them would push it one step further and take the plunge. But before either could do anything, Will burst into the room.

“Hey, the rest of us were talking… oh shoot did I interrupt something?”

“N-no.” El said, tearing herself away from Mike for the first time in hours. “What’s up?”

“Oh, just that we were gonna check out this new bar that just opened up a few blocks from here tonight instead of movie night. Sorry, I thought I heard you talking.”

“It’s fine, we were just getting up.” Mike said, scratching his head.

“Great! I’m making waffles if you guys want to join!”

El looked at Mike and smiled as Will left the room. The moment was unfortunately dead now, and Mike was kicking himself. I should have done something.

“I guess I’ll just… um… breakfast.” Mike told her, following Will out into the kitchen.

Mike had been avoiding El all day, a feat that proved to be tough considering they were roommates. He holed himself up in his room, doing anything he could to stay there and not face up to what had almost happened this morning.

What if I’d gone through with it? What would happen? Would she have kissed me back? Would it have gone any further? Would she want to be my girlfriend?

Will pulled him out of his reverie.

“Hey, get ready we’re leaving soon.”

Mike nodded to him in acknowledgement, and minutes later, was joining Will and the rest of the gang in the living room.

The night out had been… interesting to say the least. Max and Lucas were attached at the hip all night, El clung to Dustin, and made for quite the wing-woman (he’d gone off talking to a pretty blonde girl in a quieter part of the bar). But the most shocking part of the evening was Will finding Evan.

Will had come to Mike, pale faced an hour after they’d arrived. “I think… Oh my god, Mike.”

“Hey, hey, what happened?”

Will swallowed. “I just spilled my beer on someone.”

“It’s fine, it happens all the time in these places.” Mike said with a shrug. “Why, are they giving you a hard time?”

“No… he’s got my soul mark on his neck.”

Mike’s heart dropped to his stomach. “Th-that’s great! You should go talk to him.” He gave Will a forced smile. He tried to be happy for his friend, really, he did, but after his conversation last night with El, love was the last thing he wanted to think about.

Will nodded and walked back in the direction he came from. Mike could see him tap the other man on the shoulder and pull the neck of his shirt aside to show him the identical mark. The man’s face immediately softened as he brought Will in for a hug.

All Mike could do was sigh and take another swig of his beer.

Before he knew it, Mike was drunker than he’d ever been in his life.

“I can walk I promise!” He slurred as El helped him into their apartment. She was pretty tipsy herself, but far less so than Mike.

“Oh really, is that why you fell out of the cab?”

He fell onto the couch bringing her with him. “See? Totally fine.”

“Sure Michael.” El rolled her eyes.

“You’re so beautiful, you know?”

“And you’re so drunk. Come on, into bed.” She patted his poof of hair.

“Is that an invitation?” He wiggled his eyebrows. El’s eyes were wide. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” Mike put his arm around her and pulled her close. “But last night was really nice with the sleeping though.”

El sighed, her heart in her throat. “Yeah… it was Mike.”

“El?”

“Hm?”

“I love you.”

She giggled and tapped his nose. “I love you too, Wheeler.” El moved to get up, but he pulled her back down. “Mike?”

Mike didn’t think before he kissed her.

El melted into the kiss, kissing him as if she’d kissed him every day of her life. She found it was the most natural thing in the world, yet a new sense of excitement ran through her.

She sighed into the action, coming back for kiss after kiss like she was addicted to him. El clutched the front of his shirt while Mike fisted a hand in her curly hair, and their lips moved with the others in a way that sent a pleasant chill down Mike’s spine.

Until El pulled away.

“O-oh my god, I’m so sorry, I don’t know what got into me.”

Mike groaned as she left his side, her warmth gone. He peeked a glance at her, messy hair, dilated pupils, swollen lips, and he wanted nothing more than to continue what they had going just moments before.

“El… Ellie please.” Mike took her hands in his, only to have her pull them away. “El I love you.”

“Mike, we can’t.” She shook her head. “We can’t do this, not when our soulmates are still out there. I can’t do that to you.”

“Ellie I don’t care. Fuck soulmates, you’re my soulmate.”

“You don’t know that.” She sounded choked up, like she was holding back tears.

“No, I don’t, but what if we are? Didn’t you feel that? Because I felt it. Ellie, that kiss was like magic.”

“I can’t do this.”

“El… Ellie wait…” He tried to follow, but his stomach had other plans, and instead, he was running to the bathroom.

El sighed and marched right into the bathroom after him. She may have been upset over the kiss, but Mike was still her friend, and she couldn’t leave her friend to be sick on his own.

Her hand rubbed gentle circles on his back while the other ran through his dark locks as Mike emptied the contents of his stomach. “That’s it, let it out.” She soothed him before getting up to grab a glass of water and some mouthwash.

“T-thanks Ellie.” He said, gratefully accepting both as she cleaned him up with a washcloth. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“Stop, let’s not do this right now, okay? Wait for morning.”

Mike nodded, beginning to sober up. Together, they got off the floor, and El helped him into bed. “Goodnight, Mike.”

“Night, El.”

He awoke the next morning with a pounding headache and a deep sense of dread filling his chest. Mike knew that he and El would have to talk about what had happened at some point… it wasn’t over last night, they’d just put a bookmark in the conversation, and he had a feeling it would have to happen today.

Staring at the ceiling wouldn’t do him any good, so Mike slowly got out of bed and joined El in the kitchen.

“Did Will go out for breakfast?” He asked her, not wanting to immediately jump into a serious talk.

“No, he didn’t make it home last night actually. I got a call from him this morning, he met his soulmate, Mike!”

“Good for him. He kind of mentioned it to me last night, I didn’t know he stayed over there though.”

“Yeah, his name is Evan, they went back to his hotel. Evan is doing a road trip across the States… he’s from York.” El had obviously had a longer conversation with Will about this than Mike had.

“New York?”

Her face fell. “No… like York in England. H-he’s lucky he was in the right place at the right time.”

“Oh…” Mike gulped loudly. “So it’s true what they say that soulmates can be anywhere then… even halfway across the world.”

“Yeah. They’ll work it out, I know it.”

El slid a coffee across the counter to Mike who sipped it gratefully. The silence wasn’t comfortable like it had been the previous morning. “El… El I have to apologize for what happened yesterday.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay! I—I shouldn’t have said anything, not when I was drunk anyways. But I meant it, I meant every word, El. You don’t have to say it back or anything, I… I just wanted you to know.” Mike had his hands in his hair, his heart pounding from his confession. It felt good, getting that weight off his chest. What didn’t feel good was hearing a sniffle come from El across the counter. He looked up to find tears in her eyes. “Hey, hey, don’t cry.” He stumbled around the counter to pull her into his arms.

“I can’t do this to you Mike, I—I love you too, but I can’t be with you knowing that my soulmate might be out there somewhere.”

“What if we forget about the soulmate thing? We may never meet them El.”

“They’re tattooed on our skin, Mike. Every time I see yours it’ll be a reminder that I’m not the one for you.”

“Are you planning on looking at my naked butt a lot?” His joke lightened the tension, pulling a giggle out of her. “To be fair… we’ve never actually seen each other’s soul marks…”

El said nothing. She debated with herself, not wanting to confirm that there was someone better out there for Mike… but… but what if…

“Y-you think we…?” She whispered, desperately hoping he was the one.

“I meant what I said last night, El.” He repeated himself. “I—I think you’re my soulmate.”

El looked up at Mike through her lashes. She wanted to be with him, she really did, but… her mind raced at the possibilities. They were extremely close, they shared everything (almost everything), she always felt a gravitational pull towards him… “Mike… once we look… there’s no going back from this.”

He blinked. He wasn’t expecting her to actually consider going through with it. “We don’t have to El, it… it was just a thought. But we’re bound to see them somehow, one way or another, it’ll happen, and we’ll know for sure. I don’t care if you’re my soulmate or not El, I want to be with you either way, but this… this is just a way of knowing for sure and doing it purposely.”

The silence stretched between them. He was still holding her, and although they’d slowed, the tears still dripped down her cheeks. “I think I’m gonna need some time to think about it.”

Mike nodded. “Fair enough. Thanks for the coffee, El. I… I’m going to hang out in my room for a bit.”

It was nearly five in the evening, and Mike still hadn’t come out of his room.

Will was still out with Evan, so a deafening silence spilled over the apartment while El attempted to study in the living room.

She rubbed her neck, sore from the intensity of her focus on her psych notes. El had always been like this, thrown herself into other work as soon as she was faced with something difficult.

El groaned, closing her book. What had happened between herself and Mike that morning wasn’t something she could just ignore, she needed to think it through, she needed calm, peace…

The gentle strumming of a guitar broke through the apartment.

Mike had taken up music in high school, and his acoustic guitar had become the soundtrack to her life. Instantly, she felt the tension break and her mind clear.

Yoga.

El changed into something more appropriate for the meditative practice she found helped her so much growing up. She rolled out her mat in the living room and ran through a familiar routine, using Mike’s strumming to keep her grounded.

Minutes of the practice had already relaxed her muscles, her mind felt clear again, and she soon became absorbed in her own head. So much so that she didn’t realize the strumming had stopped.

She continued the sequence until she heard a soft gasp come from in front of her.

El frowned, dropping her hands and opening her eyes. Mike stood ten feet away, staring at her hip. The exact spot where her soul mark was.

“M-Mike?”

“El I… I didn’t mean to see… your shirt it just…”

Her stomach dropped. “You saw my mark?”

He nodded, his face blank. El felt like throwing up, her breath hitched nervously, and everything she’d done to calm herself came crashing down on her.

Mike gulped and turned slightly, looking awkwardly to the ceiling as he pulled at the waistband of his jeans until a delicate black filigree mark was visible.

011

She was speechless. El stumbled backwards until she felt the back of her knees bump into the couch. She fell in a heap, her hand covering her mouth.

“I um… El I’m sorry for sneaking up on you like that.”

Her eyebrows rose into her hairline, a pleasant shiver scaled her body, her heart was pounding, and suddenly all she felt was excitement. El was giddy.

A giggle bubbled from her lips, and she could no longer hold herself back. “I—I can’t believe you just mooned me!” She giggled uncontrollably, throwing her head back into the cushions.

Mike frowned, this was not the response he was hoping for when he’d decided to show her his matching soul mark. “El?”

“You – you just pulled your pants down and th-there it is! On your ass, just like Dustin said it was.”

He took a seat beside her on the couch. Mike didn’t know how he should be feeling. Of course, he was elated, he was right, El was his soulmate, but why was this her reaction?

Upon further inspection, Mike noticed tears rolling down her face. Her shoulders shook again, but this time, she was crying. “El, talk to me, please.”

El gave up and threw her arms around Mike. “I… I can’t believe it’s actually you.”

Instantly, his heart melted. He’d automatically assumed the worst, but of course his Ellie… she always did lead with her emotions.

“Just like I said, right?” Mike’s arms wound around her body, a hand flying to stroke her hair.

“I didn’t think I would ever find you.” She sniffed, refusing to let go of him.

“I’ve been right in front of you the whole time.” He pressed a kiss to her temple. “God Ellie, I’m so in love with you, I’ve been waiting for you to realize it without acting like an ass. Well, except for last night…”

“No, stop talking about last night, I was scared and confused. I didn’t want to fall in love with you, but oh my god,” she let out a giggle and pulled away from the hug, “now I know why I did.”

Mike couldn’t wipe the shit-eating grin off his face. He didn’t think he’d ever seen her happier, despite the tears rolling down her cheeks. She was his, he was hers, and instantly he felt his entire purpose in life was to make her happy, make her smile every morning, cherish her… he’d do anything he could for the love of his life.

“El, you’re my everything. I love you… I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”

“I love you too Mike.” She hastily wiped at her eyes. “God, I’m sorry, I’m ridiculous.”

He shook his head. “You’re beautiful.”

El looked at him, losing herself in the depths of his eyes, and couldn’t hold herself back from kissing him.

It was nothing like the kiss from the night before. The night before was frantic and rushed, but this… this… a warmth started in her belly as their lips moved together slowly. Their kisses were soft, feather light, almost tentative as they began to learn the other in a way they’d never done before. The warmth seared through her and made her heart thump excitedly in her chest. God, she could do this for hours and she wouldn’t get tired of it.

He pulled away first, slowly, making sure to press two short pecks to her swollen lips before his eyes met hers again. Her cheeks were pink, eyes bright, and lips curled into a dazed smile.

“Hi.” She whispered, taking her bottom lip between her teeth.

Mike’s vision was glazed over; he was in absolute bliss. “That was fucking incredible.”

El’s fit of giggles started up once again, breaking the intensity of the last few minutes. This time, Mike joined her, leaning on her shoulder as they laughed, causing him to topple over her onto the couch. He held her close, trying to shift most of his weight off of her, and of course, Max chose that moment to waltz straight into their apartment.

“Hey El, can I borrow your—oh shit,” she covered her eyes turning away from then, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you guys were… I’ll just come back later.”

“Max it’s alright, you weren’t interrupting anything.” Mike shouted over, picking himself and El up off the couch. He pecked her lips once more before Max came barreling back into their living room.

“Cool. El, can I borrow your curling iron? And while we’re at it, you can tell me what I just walked in on.”

El nodded, and Max went straight for the bathroom to retrieve what she came for. “Curling iron, yes. The explanation…”

“That she’ll have to give you tomorrow, we’ve got plans tonight.” Mike explained, another shit-eating grin crossing his face. El rolled her eyes. “Sorry, I just wanted to spend some time with you.” He whispered in her ear, kissing her cheek. “We’ve got some catching up to do.”

Max reappeared, curling iron in hand. “Yeah, you two have a lot to explain. You’re lucky I’m running late.”

“I’ll give you the spark notes…” El nodded cheekily. “I found him.”

“Mike? He’s your roommate, did you lose him last night or something…” El saw the realization dawn on her friend and she giggled, taking Mike’s hand in hers. “Him? Like… him? Your… Lucas?”

“Yeah, I found my Lucas.”

“Well fuck El, I hate to say I told you so, but…”

El got up and pushed her out the door, shutting it behind Max. “Oh shut up and go curl your hair.”

“Hey Lucas you’ll never guess what just happened!” She could hear Max yelling to her own soulmate through the door.

“That went well.” Mike shook his head.

“Catching up to do you say?”

Mike’s hand flew behind his neck, scratching at his hairline awkwardly. “I mean…”

El giggled and kissed him sweetly. “I’ve been crushing on you for 9 years, you’re right, we do have some catching up to do.”

His face lit up, and he started rambling off about takeout and dates.

“As long as I’m with you, I don’t care.”

[theoddcatlady]

Hatchling

Day One

Gotta do this for two weeks right? Let’s get this show on the road.

(I better edit this before I turn it in.)

I’m naming my ‘baby’ Tabitha. She’s two ounces in weight. I might be crocheting her a hat. Her shell is a pale white, and I hope I can raise her well enough so she grows up well-adjusted and with a solid start in life… or at least well enough so I get an A on this project.

She’s sleeping beside me, close to the lamp but like not RIGHT beneath it, I’m making sure she won’t be too warm. Her matchbox bed’s super cute too, I doodled little pink flowers on it with my highlighter. It might just be a fucking egg but I gotta take care of it, right?

Day Two                

Apparently not everyone in class wanted to name their egg baby. Lame. They don’t know how to have fun. My friend Joshua named his Zane. I’ve offered to make a baseball cap for him out of foam. He’s happily accepted and asked me to style it like our school mascot. It’s gonna be hard to make a ram on the tiny foam, but I’ll do my best. I might have a C minus in this life skills class but I’m acing Art.

Tabitha was good today. I did everything I was supposed to. Dripped salt water on it to mimic feeding it milk, making sure it’s not too hot or too cold, and I’m making her a few more hats. I’m really getting into this ‘mother’ thing.

Day Three

Aiden almost made me drop my egg today.

I was showing off the completed hat when he tried to swipe Tabitha from my hands. I’m just glad I got good reflexes. Otherwise cue an immediate fail. I asked what the heck his problem was and he called me a bunch of names that basically revolve around me having a penis. R.U.D.E.

Maybe I’m too committed to this baby project but Mr. Kraft really appreciates it. Gonna score that A along with the rest of the kids in class who are taking this seriously. Aiden has apparently stored his egg in a shoebox under his bed. I can’t imagine how much it’s gonna stink when he takes it out to be graded.

Day Four

Not much happened today. I’m spending all my time making hats for Tabitha and the other people in class who love that I’m really customizing my egg. Some people have drawn lil faces on their eggs, Joshua drew a mustache on Zane.

Overall though, Tabitha is the child I’d want in real life. Quiet. Not bothersome. And I can put her in cute hats!

Day Five

Crap. Crap Crap crap.

I’m worried Tabitha’s rotting. Like. I’m pretty sure there’s something been done to these eggs to make that not happen? But there’s like this spot on the bottom that was NOT there before.

It wasn’t there during school, I let Mr. Kraft examine her during class so he could check my progress. I can’t blame him, everyone brought in their eggs. Aiden made up a bullshit excuse about how he forgot it but like I’m pretty sure he dropped it and it broke. Moron. Either way he got marked down so not my problem.

My problem IS the black spot on Tabitha. I’ve bathed her and attempted to rub it off, it’s kinda fuzzy like mildew and leaves a stain like it, but I’m so worried I’ll get marked down for it. I’ll talk to Mr. Kraft after the weekend.

Day Six

Welp.

The fuzziness is back, and the black stain’s spreading across the egg. Weird part is that Tabitha doesn’t smell like spoiled eggs. She doesn’t smell GOOD though, kinda like burnt hair? I’ve burned my hair enough trying to figure out a curling iron to know what that smells like.

I let my mom look at her, and she’s just as puzzled. But she made me feel better, told me that she knew I was taking super good care of Tabitha and this is just like a real baby in a sense. Sometimes they get sick and there’s just no reason behind it, I didn’t do anything wrong. I just gotta keep up dripping salt water on her and trying to clean her off.

Day Seven

Yeah. Tabitha’s gone entirely fuzzy. Like a furby. A black, smelly furby. The fluff’s thick like the toy, not quite fuzzy like mildew.

I’m so embarrassed. I’ve called Joshua to see if he knows what to do but he won’t pick up the damn phone. I guess he’s just busy with practicing for the next big game Wednesday. Go Rams! But anyway I’ll just show Tabitha to the teacher tomorrow, and if he fails me, I’ll try to bargain up to a D. Since I honestly did nothing and my mom can vouch for it. My egg’s just gone weird.

Day Eight

Mr. Kraft wasn’t in so we had a substitute. When I showed her the egg, she seemed more distracted by my voice but after I steered her back on the right topic she told me to keep following instruction and Mr. Kraft will handle grading.

Joshua’s out sick too. Boo. I miss him.

Day Nine

I swear. My egg moved.

Like Aiden was hassling me again about taking Tabitha everywhere and was about to swat her again when she just rolled out of the way. Aiden took off running after that. I swear he looked pale. I can’t blame him. That. Was weird.

I must be imagining things. Maybe the air from Aiden’s hand made her move? That’s the only reason I can think of.

Day Ten

I thought I was going to die today.

I was going to the bathroom when I felt someone grab me by the hair and drag me into the men’s room. I screamed and started punching frantically. I was gonna be another statistic, I just knew it. But it was Aiden, and for once, he wasn’t calling me slurs or out to make my life annoying.

He told me that his egg was gone.

It’d happened the morning of the five day check. He’d gone under his bed to get his egg Agatha (he apparently had the habit of calling her Aggie for short) and she was. Gone. He showed me the shoebox and it had pieces of fluff like the stuff covering Tabitha along with bits of eggshell and this nasty smelling dried black gunk.

He asked me if Tabitha had moved anymore. I pulled her from the cute lil carrier I made for her and set her on the counter.

Tabitha’s moving all the time now. Wiggling like a Mexican Jumping Bean. It’s not too noticeable when she’s in the pouch but when she’s free roaming it’s obvious it’s not just air currents. Aiden looked ready to piss himself, and I was pretty damn close too.

I put her back in the pouch and told him that I’ll try to find Mr. Kraft and ask him where he got these eggs. But other than that, I really didn’t know what to do. Maybe this is some weird mutant chicken, or maybe the egg just combusted under the heat of Aiden’s bed.

I took Tabitha to the game tonight in attempts to find Joshua and see if the same thing is happening to his egg, but he’s not there. I’m getting worried.

Before I go to Mr. Kraft, I’m going to Joshua’s house tomorrow to see if he’s okay.

Day Eleven

Tabitha hatched.

It happened after my mom left. I was almost done getting ready when I heard something like a twig snapping. I paused and just looked over at Tabitha.

Her egg was dripping a clear, oily substance. I pulled up a chair and sat over her, watching. I had to see what came out.

It wasn’t really what came out, it was more like… what unfolded.

Like a starfish, her legs unwrapped from her body and she stood up on all six of them, her body no bigger than my hand. Her head craned up, its dozen black eyes staring at me as the comically pink hat I’d made for her sat on her abdomen.

Then she went for my face.

I’m hiding in the bathroom now, towels stuffed under the door. I can hear Tabitha squeaking, she’s really desperate to get in here. She’s torn a good chunk out of my cheek and neck. Nothing vital but holy shit her teeth are like razors. I’m lucky she didn’t take out an eye.

I’ve called 911 and I’m waiting now, armed with toilet cleaner and trying to stem the bleeding with a washcloth.

I really hope they get here soon.

Day who the fuck cares, this is clearly not for the project anymore.

I needed a few dozen stitches. For the first attack and the second, after she managed to get through the vent into the bathroom. She tore quite a few hunks out of my calf before someone burst in. They described her like a rat the way she scurried down the bathroom drain.

I will absolutely have scars on my face, but eh. I didn’t really how I looked anyway.

… Joshua’s dead.

So is Aiden. And another student from our class, Hannah. They were found in their rooms, their throats ripped out and several chunks from their bodies eaten. The eggs must’ve hatched when they were sleeping, and Aggie must’ve returned to the bedroom for a snack. Joshua’s dad didn’t know until he got home Wednesday and smelled Joshua’s body. He’d been out of town. But I think Aiden’s and Hannah’s parents are dead too. The little fuckers got greedy.

I keep just thinking about Joshua. We’ve been friends since we were kids. I can’t stop thinking about the one time we missed the bus and it was raining. We just looped arms and started running home, even though it was pouring. Our moms were furious. We were soaking wet and covered in mud. I think Joshua got a small sniffle. It was the best day.

And he’s gone. He’s gone.

A lot of the other kids in class were injured. Some of their eggs hadn’t hatched yet, those were taken into evidence apparently and Mr. Kraft’s being investigated for the deaths of his students.

Somehow I think they’re never going to find him.

A New Day One

Tabitha’s back.

She didn’t try to kill me this time though. I woke up and she was sprawled across my chest like a damn cat. I screamed and sat up so fast she went flying across the room. But she came back, crawled up on the bed. I was ready to squash her like a fly when she sat on my hand.

Just sat there. She knew I could kill her. And she chose to stay.

Maybe she imprinted on me. You know, before she tried to eat my face. That’s what baby ducks do.

I’ve put her in an old fish tank for now, and I’ve found she’ll hunt mice if I let her out during the day. She vomits up their half dissolved skeletons. I’ve been buying some for her too so she doesn’t get hungry. She likes them a lot. She purrs after a good feed and sits on my lap while I do my homework, rumbling away.

I can’t bring myself to get rid of her. She’s my baby, after all.

[dine-on-nervine]

lactated Ringer’s solution

1) Sexuality? Straight but not narrow.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Elon Musk.

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. Since no electricity or batteres are used, it is shockproof, harmless to the smallest child. (Advertisement for a $7.99 pocket radio that supposedly does not require batteries, Feb 1954 Science and Mechanics magazine)

4) What do you think about most? Titties.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? ”which”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Without.

7) What's your strangest talent? Music trivia.

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence) Girls are considered amazing perfect creatures but trust me, they poop and fart and pee themselves and smell sweaty and have stale breath just like you. Boys are less straight than they want you to think.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Yes! T² wrote “A Fragile Wounded Hawk” and Chad wrote ”I’m Very Breathless.”

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? Probably last night at work. Cuz that’s what we do.

11) Do you have any strange phobias? I have reasonable phobias.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Every one of them.

13) What's your religion? I say United Methodist but I practice something more animistic.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking at the park, getting my head on straight.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, because I am not photogenic.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Simple because it requires no explanation: Depeche Mode.

17) What was the last lie you told? Probably “Glad to see you!” to all but one of my customers.

18) Do you believe in karma? Absolutely. Do not cross it.

19) What does your URL mean? Nervine was a sedative created in 1889 by Dr Miles of Miles Laboratories, one of the original “Mother’s Little Helper” OTC chill-outs, which was produced until 1999 -- but reformulated to remove one ingredient and then was called a sleep aid in the 1950s due to the FDA. “Dine on Nervine” rhymes so...

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest strength is that I believe in others. My greatest weakness is that I don’t do enough to make myself more awesome.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I won’t claim to have one but I’d really enjoy some private time with spokesmodel Jan Brehm from the local car dealership ads. Before she moved to BMW Northwest, she was the Korum Whorum.

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Many times. That was the thing when I worked at the local fair, after they closed for the day I’d hop in the hot tubs with whomever was available.

23) How do you vent your anger? Used to be driving backroads with loud music.

24) Do you have a collection of anything? I have a collection of everything, and not enough storage space for it.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I don’t video chat, so it’d have to be talking on the phone.

26) Are you happy with the person you've become? This is a work in progress but.. yeah, I’m doing better, thank you.

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? Sound I hate is Trump supporters echoing lies; sound I love is when my awesometastic girlfriend tells me I have nice eyes (or anything else).

28) What's your biggest "what if"? I’ve made allusions to it in the past but that blog is gone, so a very swift version: When I was 15 at camp I was in the arms of the girl I wanted to get something going with, and then her rival shoved a note in my back pocket that swayed my attention. What I’d do to go back and ignore the distraction.

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Both exist but not in the ways that we like to think of them.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right... Epson scanner.  Left... my cereal bowl.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? A fresh fart competing with a sweet sandalwood incense.

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? The KeyBank call center in Auburn, WA. Management bitches will cut you.

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? No question. Left siiide!

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Cia Berg of Whale or Annette Strean of Venus Hum.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? To make others happy.

36) Define Art. That which makes you feel something when it enters your brain.

37) Do you believe in luck? I believe that statistics are no match for random good.

38) What's the weather like right now? Raining on and off.

39) What time is it? Nine minutes after eight post-meridian.

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I drive and I have had an accident or two.

41) What was the last book you read? How To Be A Badass by Jen Sincero.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?| A little.

43) Do you have any nicknames? I might. Other people call me whatever they call me. Like my high school computer teacher called me Inski, and my ex called me Piss-Ant.

44) What was the last movie you saw? In the theatre, Deadpool. At home as a torrent, Star Wars VII.

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? Not really sure. Some pratfalls but nothing severe.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Apple box labels?

48) What's your sexual orientation? You asked this question as the very first item.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Constantly. A few might even be true.

50) Do you believe in magic? Stage magic, yes. White magick, in limited amounts.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Ask my parents, they’ll say yes. Anyone else, I try not to most of the time.

52) What is your astrological sign? Libra.

53) Do you save money or spend it? My goal is to save. But my present budget does not allow this.

54) What's the last thing you purchased? Hotdog at Costco. Before that, two ranuncula.

55) Love or lust? You’re going to have to give me more direction. What are you asking?

56) In a relationship? Yes. :-D <3

57) How many relationships have you had? There have been several.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Better, what else can I touch with my tongue?

59) Where were you yesterday? Wednesday: stayed in bed until like 9am, did some stuff around the house, went to work, got home before 9pm, eventually went to bed.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? The pricetag on a 12x12 frame behind me.

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Not just socks, they’re SmartWool.

62) What's your favorite animal? Kitties!

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Mad oral skills.

64) Where is your best friend? I assume that since it’s a Thursday night and his car is in the shop, he’s at home watching movies while ripping vinyl to CD.

65) Spit or swallow? (; “the difference between like and love”... It’s rude to spit.

66) What is your heritage? I don’t claim to have one.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? I think I was still on the computer at the time, but if I wasn’t I was nestled in my bed.

68) What do you think is Satan's last name? Drumpf. But he changed it when he got into the States.

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Damn straight, erry day sometimes. And you can be next.

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? I definitely try to be. I am kind and generous and knowledgeable and fun.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Wonder why the hell I was in Sunnyside, since if I’m on the opposite side on the Cascades will I be making it across the pass and to work on time?

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I would tell no one because I like the element of surprise. I’d be liquidating my cool stuff to good homes because I never want to be a victim of Storage Wars, plus I would be throwing all caution to the wind and act hedonistic... “live like you were dying”, literally. Afraid? Petrified. But if I gotta go, sitting at home bawling about it ain’t gonna fix shit, I gots stuff to do.

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Not sure how you get love without trust. Just love me.

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Latest one was “Just Can’t Get Enough” by Depeche Mode. That came on the radio and I was all over it.

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? WROQ! \m/   (In high school my phone number was BIT-0-FaRM.)

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, understanding, fidelity, humor, fun, honesty, mutual interests, compassion, and a mutual desire to be happy together in all ways.

77) How can I win your heart? Well, take off that shirt, for starts, and show me your heart.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? It definitely drops some artificial barriers. However, periodic mental illness such as bipolar rather than insanity is what brings a lot of creativity.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? To let go of the past and invite in the present. (Thanks, Cara.)

80) What size shoes do you wear? Eleven and a half, roughly, depending upon manufacturer.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Remember this as you pass by As you are now, so once was I As I am now, so you will be Prepare for death and follow me Variants of this were popular for two centuries, with few examples seen before 1750 or after 1950. If I had a headstone, I’d keep people awake.

82) What is your favorite word? Oaf.

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Myocardial infarction.

84) What is a saying you say a lot? Plumbing, you have a call holding on 1804. Plumbing, 1804.

85) What's the last song you listened to? Eisenfunk - Pong But on the way to finding that song, this one happened too: Suicide Commando - God Is In The Rain 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Purple.

87) What is your current desktop picture? The trestle over the Little Naches River at Lake Bergstrom, Yakima WA.

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? The guy who is trying to get us blown up by North Korea. You know the one.

89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? Who the hell are you?

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? Well, after assessing that they’re just standing around, I’d be polite since that matters as I get my clothes on, and then bid them farewell after requesting that they move along because I’m not sticking around to chat.

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Invisibility.

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? One comes to mind from when I was 13 that I would do differently, but the other I could speak more freely about is from the moment that hug at camp was requested to twenty minutes later when I was still standing there with her... as said in #28, I’d fix one of my biggest regrets.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? I won’t go into detail, I will just say that there was an experience in 1990 that could have been avoided and should have been learned from... but wasn’t.

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Let’s go with the folks listed in #34.

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? To Craigslist to sell it.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? Not that I am aware.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? Not that I am aware. My three sibs were subject to carsickness but not me.

98) Ever been on a plane? Yes, twice; have flown to Tucson and to Las Vegas.

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Take your country back and impeach.

[flauntpage]

Philly Dilly! Ten Takeaways from Eagles 31, Bears 3

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  Most teams that fumble the ball four times don’t win by four touchdowns.

But not your Eagles.

They win big, and they have fun doing it. They do the electric slide. They take faux-team photos. They choreograph a bowling routine and all fall down together in the end zone.

You would be doing it, too, if you were slapping around the National Football League on a weekly basis. The Eagles have won four straight games by 20+ points.

“This is a big fucking deal,” Joe Biden once said. He wasn’t talking about the Eagles, but he might as well have been, because they’re 10-1 and sitting in the driver’s seat for home field advantage throughout the playoffs. With the Saints going down in Los Angeles, the Vikings are now the Birds’ biggest seeding threat. But Minnesota has a difficult schedule looming, with road trips to Atlanta and Carolina in consecutive weeks and a matchup at Lambeau still on the docket.

That’s good to know, but it shouldn’t really matter. The Eagles control their own destiny, and if they play like they did on Sunday, nobody is stopping ’em.

This game was over before it started, with Chicago mustering 33 first half yards and 0 first downs.

Makes it hard to win when you’re rolling out a rookie quarterback and putting up these numbers:

1) Just getting started

Alshon Jeffery is beginning to look like the WR1 we thought we were getting this offseason.

No, he didn’t light up the scoreboard on Sunday like Julio Jones or Antonio Brown, but he finished with a healthy 5 catches for 52 yards and a touchdown– his fifth score in four games.

Jeffery looks more comfortable in the offense and he’s doing his best work on the back-end of the schedule. Break the season in half, and it looks something like this:

First eight games = 25 catches on 62 targets, 416 yards, 3 touchdowns

Last three games  = 15 catches on 27 targets, 203 yards, 4 touchdowns

He’s had about 33% of his yardage production in the last three games and contributed 57% of his touchdowns during that same time frame. In Weeks 1-8, he only caught 40% of the balls thrown his way. That number is up to 55%. His yards per catch is down from 16.6 to 13.5, probably because four of his grabs were touchdowns in shorter field red zone situations.

  2) No fix needed

The Eagles ran for 176 yards total, some of which was added in prolonged garbage time. Jay Ajayi and LeGarrette Blount had runs of 25+ yards, but eacl also fumbled the ball (Blount twice), so it was a bit sloppy overall after last week’s showcase in Dallas.

One thing the Birds did do well on some of those big runs was execute on the blocking schemes that worked in Big D, namely on the Blount breakout, the one where he hurdled some fool:

Friendly reminder that @LG_Blount will jump right over you! #FlyEaglesFly http://pic.twitter.com/FTZ9v3ZZyZ

— NFL (@NFL) November 26, 2017

The hole comes from a nice one-two Brent Celek and Lane Johnson combination. Celek is actually lined up off the line of scrimmage and traps inside to cut off the defensive tackle, Aqiem Hicks. Lane Johnson moves Isaiah Irving about five yards backwards and Nelson Agholor does a nice job of sealing cornerback Kyle Fuller.

Similar to last week, Jason Kelce and Halipoulivaati Vaitai simply ignore the defensive line and go right to the second level, laying blocks on the linebackers:

Again, just great run blocking schemes.

  3) Why even try?

The Bears bears came into this game as a top-10 running team.

They finished with 14 carries for 6 yards. Tarik Cohen ran it twice for -11 yards and Jordan Howard rushed for 6 yards on 7 carries.

It’s ridiculous, really, considering that this is what Howard has done in 2017:

They limited a guy with four 100 yard games to just six yards on the ground. Six!

And Cohen is no joke either. He ran 9 times for 44 yards and touchdown last week.

So the pair that went for 169 yards against Detroit combined for -5 yards yesterday. That’s crazy, bro.

  4) Situational football

Carson Wentz remains the NFL’s best third down quarterback.

After the win, this is now his third down stat line:

59-91

826 yards

64.8 completion percentage

9.08 average

11 touchdowns

2 interceptions

5 sacks

124.4 QB rating

15 rushes for 114 yards

Even more impressive might be Carson’s numbers inside the red zone:

27-42

64.3 completion percentage

17 touchdowns

0 interceptions

0 sacks

115.3 QB rating

A high IQ and situational understanding, that’s Carson Wentz in a nutshell.

  5) Ref, you don’t suck

When is a block in the back not a block in the back?

When the officials get together to talk about it.

Seriously though, nice job by that crew to take away a bad penalty call against the Bears on a play where an Eagles cornerback was barely touched. It’s proof that we can get it right when we take a minute to think about it. Now we just have to apply that type of thinking to Congress.

Here’s the play in question, where #13, Kendall Wright, makes slight contact with Patrick Robinson:

6) Triple digits

Zach Ertz eclipsed 100 yards receiving for the first time this year.

More importantly, he looked like himself while grabbing 10 balls for 103 yards and a touchdown. He was targeted 12 times and ripped Chicago open with that patented seam move for chunky gains.

He only caught 2 balls for 8 yards in his return from injury last week, so it’s good to see him bounce back in this one. He’s neck and neck with Rob Gronkowski and Jimmy Graham in most statistical categories, even with that two-week slide.

  7) Horseshoes and hand grenades

This could probably go in the “situational football” entry, but I wanted Carson Wentz to have his own section.

You know it’s going right for you when your punt returner shows the smarts to grab a teammate, pull him away from a live ball, and avert disaster:

GET TO THE CHOPPAH! http://pic.twitter.com/jmqV5GW9Hx

— Matt Mullin (@matt_mullin) November 26, 2017

  8) Doug’s worst call?

Not many, but there was a third down sack where Wentz bootlegged to the left and had to throw across his body. The defensive end didn’t bite on the fake and blew up the play. They ran a similar look in the third quarter with not a lot of success.

They’ve done it before this year, and Wentz really isn’t bad in those situations, but they’re so strong in other areas that it just feels pointless to roll him out to his left.

Other candidates for this entry might be his second quarter challenge, which isn’t even so much about being off-base. The challenge was okay, but it seems redundant when you know that Doug is going to go for it on fourth down anyway.

The 4th and 6 call in the third quarter was also a bit iffy. Wentz was rolling to his stronger right side that time, but I’m generally not a fan of cutting the field in half. The pass attempt to Nelson Agholor was almost picked off and returned for a huge gain.

  9) Doug’s best call?

There was the obvious decision to go for it on 4th and 1 during the second drive. Doug cooked up a big power left formation and let Ajayi run it for a tough yard. It paid off with what would eventually be the game-winning touchdown just a few plays later.

They also went for it on 4th and 1 just before the two-minute warning, which was another no-brainer for Pederson. The Eagles are 10 for 10 on 4th and 1 attempts this season, so the data says… yes… let’s go for it.

Overall, good game from Doug and an easy win. I still think he could pull Wentz a little earlier in the fourth quarter, but if that’s my biggest complaint, then we’re really just splitting hairs here.

  10) Stick to murder?

This sign was hanging from the back of a truck while fans were tailgating outside of Lincoln Financial Field:

That seems… a little excessive. I know people like to be offended by everything these days, but I’m not sure that joking about murder is the path we want to go down.

As far as the broadcast, I kind of like Kevin Burkhardt and Charles Davis. Davis can be a bit much to handle at times, and sometimes he just needs to let the game breathe, but he offers good insight and does what a color commentator is supposed to do. After a few weeks of narcoleptic broadcasting, I’m fine with the energy and enthusiasm.

They did sneak a couple of Rocky mentions in there, but it is what it is. We’re just gonna have to live with it forever.

And I do agree with Burkhardt when he says, verbatim, “I gotta be honest, I hate the electric slide,” but it looks a whole lot better when these guys are doing it:

Can't even hate on a team that does the electric slide http://pic.twitter.com/U1fqJPWzDN

— Jasmine (@JasmineLWatkins) November 26, 2017

You can’t. You can’t hate on a team that does the electric slide.

  Philly Dilly! Ten Takeaways from Eagles 31, Bears 3 published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv