#but sometimes you can't control other people's dumb bullshit

[ballblender]

What about Midorima + degrading?

I don't know it just sounds right you don't have to if you don't want <3

oooo see i'm a sub!midorima enjoyer personally 😆 but i definitely understand why people would think he'd enjoy degrading his partner. switch from third to second person!

nsfw 18+ minors dni

It comes with his territory, his "holier than thou" personality that is so explicitly him.

He's come to expect that nobody else watches, must less believes Oha Asa's horoscope readings. That is until he meets his partner. I imagine they'd be more loosely committed to the special item gathering, using it as an excuse to collect cute little trinkets.

-------

Of course, Midorima doesn't realise this at first, the two of you connecting over your shared interests, showing each other your respective horoscope's special item. But then, while you're both sat on the couch, both slightly groggy with sleep, Midorima turns on the TV, Oha Asa the first channel. You sigh, before saying;

"Sometimes this stuff sounds like bullshit."

That slightly infuriates him.

What do you mean you "don't actually take any of this seriously"? This determines the way your day goes! Not just that, but your entire life really, depends on this daily routine. That's what he tries to tell you.

But you just dismiss it. "I'm in control of how things in my life go. Not some TV show that's probably just lying to sell stuff to people, they're just lucky the stuff is cute."

Midorima doesn't invite you around for a couple of days after that conversation. What you said, it makes him...feel afraid. Like everything he's believed in for years can simply just be dumbed down like that.

Every game he's lost, he chalks it up to "not being written in the stars". Everything is up to fate. Even meeting you. So how is he supposed to operate, when everything bad that has happened to him leading up to this moment could've been...changed, if he'd just, ignored the reading. Could he have tried harder and actually made a difference to his basketball career back in highschool, even if Cancers were predicted to have the worst luck? It's the could've's, would've's and should've's that keep him awake.

That's his fear. Lack of control.

The next time you see him, he's hungry. He's never been like this before, eagerly unbuttoning your shirt.

He never instigates.

You give him a soft push, "Are you okay? What's wrong?". He doesn't respond, only silencing your protests with a rough kiss that lands you on your back as he looms over you.

"...You're wrong."

You look, confused? The audacity. How can you lie there looking so innocent, as if you haven't shaken his entire belief system from just one simple conversation. That's what tips him off.

His pace is always gentle and slow, and it doesn't change, even now, when he's angry. Seething. His taped fingers follow the soft lines of your neck, pressing gently, enough to make your eyes widen and water, but not enough to affect your breathing. He'd never make you suffer, that's what he tells himself. Your hand comes up to his wrist to pull him away, but his other hand intercepts, restraining it to the mattress.

"You're pathetic. Even when you're under me, when you can't even speak, you want to argue."

He punctuates his point with a harsh thrust. He's never done that. He refuses to. He swears you're too precious to hurt. So the action sends a wrenching shock through your body. He's your first and only after all. He doesn't expect to enjoy the sight of your screwed up features, or the pained whimper you let out. But he does.

"Shut up. All you do is complain. You can't take what's given, you just challenge...it's maddening."

It's clear to you this isn't just sex talk. He's using this as an outlet for his repressed rage.

And you don't think you hate it...

------------------

lol i've never written nsfw before and you can definitely tell... also i would like it to be known that if anybody treats you like this irl then that's incredibly toxic and you should run! :> and sorry for hornyposting for my first real post in years heh....

[respectthepetty]

Because I think it would be really interesting and funny - can you rank the Pit Babe characters on your Alan&Pete scale? I'm curious to see where you're at with some of them lmao. Least to Favorite (though I know who your fave already is, lol).

Only if you want to tho, lol.

@slayerkitty, honestly, this list could just be these two lying bitches:

Big Red is not on this list since he is the big bad, but since I have no idea what the plot actually is, take all of this with a grain of salt. I wrote that I think all of them have superpowers since Big Red was collecting them like X-Men's William Stryker for his super mutant army, so I think Charlie's superpower is mind control, and I think Way's is controlling people's emotions.

WHICH PISSES ME OFF!

Babe was the prized super kid, so I think Big Red is pulling out all the stops to get his trophy racer back including sending all the other super kids to manipulate Babe with their superpowers, so let me rank them from dead-to-me to love-of-my-life:

The One I'm Ready to Box - Charles

Charles keeps moving Barbie's head and body to face him. He never lets Barbie turn away from him. Then, when Barbie is clearly upset, Charles continues to kiss him, which is why I think he his mind controlling Barbie. When his arm was in the sling, Babe could push him away before Charles could start his mind control bullshit. Sometimes, it's noticeable when Babe's face softens, which should come off as sweet like "ah, look how he drops his defenses around Charlie" BUT LOOK AT THE WAY HE DROPS HIS DEFENSES AROUND CHARLIE! Charles doesn't even know how to drive, yet Babe gave him a car. Charlie's dick game may be strong, but mind control is stronger.

10/10 Petes - It's on sight.

The One I'm Disappointed In - Waymond

Waymond had me the first two episodes. I was in his second-lead-syndrome corner, then he flipped the script in the third episode, and now I can't unsee the red flags. In episode four, I noticed twice how he touched Barbie, which prompted a shift in Barbie's demeanor. Much like Charles, I would love to believe that Waymond brings happiness to Babe's life, which is the reason Babe looks less sad when Waymond touches him, but HE LOOKS LESS SAD WHEN WAYMOND TOUCHES HIM! I think Waymond is controlling Babe's emotions, yet Babe still doesn't love him. It's the only saving grace for Waymond. Charles is using his powers to make Barbie love him, but Waymond isn't.

9/10 Alans - I'm gonna yell at him, then punch him.

The One Who Is Obvious - Jeffery

Jeffery is going to be with Alan, so I can't fully hate him since I love Alan. His superpower is apparently seeing the future, which makes sense why he was opposed to touch in the second episode, and that makes him useful in my touch=superpower theory for Charles and Waymond, so I hate him a little less. BUT if he had anything to do with Barbie's car going up in flames, so he could ensure Charles got a racing spot, -murder-

8/10 Petes - One wrong move and I'll end him where he stands.

The One Who Just Sucks - Winifred

Winifred is just a little bitch, but God is he annoying. I don't wanna know what he is saying because I'm sure it's as annoying as his face whining all the time. Only five episodes in, and the man still ain't tired of getting his ass handed to him by Barbie and Kimberly. Whatever he is plotting is dumb. Whatever he is complaining about is stupid. Whatever he is doing is already a failure.

7/10 Alans - I'm gonna push him into a real Christmas Tree, so he'll get scratched up and cry about it.

The One Who Is Gonna Suck - Decanus

Dean has yet to do anything solid, which means he is just waiting to fuck us over. I haven't seen him race or work on a car, so I'm thinking he'll be pissed that Charles is doing all the things he wanted to do, and screw over the entire team regardless of the race's outcome. Jealously makes people do crazy things, but he is going to be with Winner, so homie is going to go full crazy.

6/10 Petes - Anyone who fucks Whiny Winifred deserves to be slapped.

The Ones Who Ain't Loyal - North & Sonic

I simply don't trust them. They are too colorful in a show that's whole visual plot hinges on red versus blue. They need to pick a color. NOW.

5/10 Alans - I'll threaten them on work time, so they'll know I'm not afraid to lose my job if it means I can fight them.

The One Who Is Gonna Kill His Shitty Boss! - Kenta

Why is he still fucking with Big Red?! He would be much higher on this list but when Babe was fighting Big Red (both times), Kenta looked sad. If the flashback wouldn't have just showed Babe as a kid with his dad, I'd think Kenta was his actual brother. The way Babe yelled at him in the parking lot makes me think they have a long history, so I'm hoping once Kenta teams up with Kimberly, he'll be the good guy I know he can be.

4/10 Petes - If he kills his boss, he'll be number one in my heart forever.

The Pretty One - Peter

Pete is like a Lord of the Rings' elf. He is pretty. He is an archer. He is kinda sus. And he is the perfect ally. Much like those beautiful elves, I don't think he joined up with the blue team because he is a kind dude. This is for his own personal gain, which means he must have beef with Big Red; therefore, he has a superpower too. I think he heard Kenta or smelled Kenta's cigarette because Peter didn't turn around until Kenta turned around. He knew Kenta was there. And he sensed Waymond's emotion-changing powers too, so I'm okay with them being together (as long as he punches Waymond too).

3/10 Alans - Watching his every move . . . because I think he is pretty. Not because I think is he bad.

The One Who Will Solve It - Kimberly

Kim is a real one. He presents as red. He works for the reds. He is a red, and isn't ashamed of it. He hasn't faked his color, and in a perfect world, he'd be with Babe. I don't think he has a superpower, but if he did, it would be the power of common sense. He hates his coworker, Winifred, as any sane person would, so he gets the passenger seat in my car. He also got a handshake from Babe, so he already made friends with Babe. They would make a perfect pair. Barbie x Kimberly Ghost Ship is being captained by me.

2/10 Petes - We're frenemies!

The Main One - Barbie

Babe is the title character, and he is being manipulated and controlled by everyone around him, but . . . the boy is un pendejo. The first two episodes, he was a little too macho, and in episode three and four, he was un pendejo. He argued with Kenta when Kenta could have just kidnapped him, then he punched everyone on his way to Big Red's office, which makes no sense to walk directly up to the man who is going all out to get you back. He is in need of a good hug that does NOT lead to sex, and for someone to tell him he is more than his superpower (which is . . . being awesome at everything?).

1/10 Kanghans - I'm upset at him and for him all at once.

The One I Love - Alan

My man has committed no wrongs. He is amazing. He is fantastic. He is beauty. He is grace. He should slap all these fucking liars in the face.

But he won't because he is too pure for this world.

No Petes. No Alans. No Kanghan. Just love.

[askshadowsilver]

Agent Shadow, i know commander Tower already approved of your request of the rehousing situation. However, i also would advise you to talk about this with Silver. Explain him how you feel about it all. Even if times are though between you both, you're still friends right? That is all. It is up to you if you wanna do anything with that advice.

- G.U.N Researcher (Anon)

[Audio File Recovered]

Shadow: … So. You went to Sonic?

Silver: Yeah. He gave me this.

[chaos energy crackles]

Shadow: … Now you have both.

Silver: Yeah. All I need now is one from ten millennia ago and I'll have the complete set.

Shadow: Hah. Yeah… yeah.

…

Silver: Look, I know we should talk about what you told me a few nights ago. I just want to check if you're okay with that.

Shadow: Why do you need to check?

Silver: … When it comes to difficult conversations, sometimes I'm not always in the best place to talk about them. Either the pain is too fresh or I haven't finished grieving over it so my mind can't follow another person's logic… I've seen glimpses of your life, so I just wanted to ask.

[Files shuffle]

Shadow: … It's fine, and thank you.

Silver: I know you said that you didn't know if Silvie was alive or not. That… you had been ready to move past that moment of your life… I know I'm not Silvie, but I was really hurt when you said that you were ready for that to end. That... 'any kind of relationship' was 'temporary' with me. So, what? Was messing with my feelings something that didn't matter because I'm 'temporary'? I just- That's not fair to me, you know that.

…

Shadow: It's not fair to you. I'm… I can't promise you I won't hurt you again. My relationship with my friends has always been spotty. Either I'm too withdrawn or I'm too brusk, and there's moments where I end up hurting people I care about. Even when I know I'm saying the wrong thing, the truth just tumbles out of my mouth. I was being honest but I used it in a way to hurt you. I'm not being a good friend to you.

Silver: You're better than most people I know.

Shadow: That's not a good thing.

…

Silver: You know, Blaze and I have been fighting for weeks. I don't even know what the fight is about. There were times I thought I should go over and amend whatever is going on but I didn't. Instead, I just focused on my relationship with you, and thought that we could be something special together. Some fucked up part of me still is hoping for that.

Shadow: … Tch.

Silver: I don't really understand what you meant that night either. Lying to people so that they'd find you to be too much work to court… All those butterflies in the stomach, that 'electric' touch, falling in love with 'just a look'… That's all fairytales, Shadow. I've never felt that way. Even with the other guys I've dated.

Shadow: … So when I told you I was asexual…?

Silver: That just sounded like being normal to me. It's a pretty dumb reason for why all your past relationships just didn't work out. Not having any strong feelings towards a person… That stuff comes with time, I think. I wouldn't know, hasn't happened to me yet. Something I do know though, is when I looked at you, like really looked at you, that you're tied into the fate of this time anomaly. Somehow.

Shadow: Heh, would you believe I got a card reading saying it hinges on my happiness?

Silver: I would.

…

Shadow: You're being rehoused. Effective immediately.

Silver: What?! Don't I get a say-?!

Shadow: Silver, I'm not comfortable with you living with me.

Silver: Oh. Right, sorry, give me a moment to just… calm down.

…

Silver: What changed your mind?

Shadow: I'm not getting any sleep because I keep wanting to respect your boundaries. I know you can't exactly control the dream share, and even after all of this bullshit happened you still do it. 

Silver: Yeah, I don't- I really don't know why we can do that, together. Took Blaze years to do that with me, and we've known each other about half my life. The only thing I can think of is that you're still my friend… Even after all of this.

Shadow: … You're a puzzling person, you know that?

Silver: Hey, that's my quill. Don't tug on it.

Shadow: I want you to come over still, anytime you want. I would be remiss if I didn't confess to you that I find our friendship to be special. I'm sorry to have made you feel otherwise. While I might be rushing you out of my apartment, I'm sure you'll fare better off with your new roommates. 

Silver: Roommates?

Shadow: Yes. Sonic and Tails. Sonic actually offered to house you too.

Silver: HUH?

[Files topple over]

[End of Audio File]

[beanghostprincess]

What are your thoughts on lusopp? (Luffy x Usopp)

i just woke up so if my words are all over the place that's probably why! being productive right here! waking up early! somebody shoot me! fighting the urge to go back to sleep so i can reply to your silly lil awesome questions! i need a coffee.

AND!!! I REALLY LIKE THE SHIP!!! (just saw you're on impel down so i won't spoil anything!)

i mean, it's not my favorite ship and i'm not crazy about it like, idk, my fiancé is crazy about them (but again, she's crazy about zosan and lawlu and i'm not so we have to deal with each other's bullshit all the time). but i find their relationship really, really interesting and complex and cool to explore. i was just writing a fic about them being besties and super clingy, gonna cry. baby boys.

i personally see them more as just best friends, but hey! if there are cute fanarts and content i'm not going to scroll away!! it's a good and cute ship!!! they're bffs almost instantly and usopp's intelligence really disappears when he's with luffy which is, not only hilarious but extremely refreshing to see. let the anxious boy be dumb and reckless!! they're so chaotic!!

not to mention that it's not only their dynamic that makes them good, but the whole water 7/enies lobby thing. i fear that if i talk about this much i might start sobbing. but, like,,, their fight is the first time we see luffy actively cry on screen. we see luffy losing control of his crew, something he used to have control over. we see luffy lost and act impulsively and not knowing what to do because his best friend and sniper is about to go away and his heart fucking breaks into a million little pieces. because luffy sees usopp's potential and he wants him with the crew, but he can't do anything to help if usopp doesn't believe in himself. and also, the merry, which is another thing luffy loses control over and has to act like a logical captain about it but we all know it's heartbreaking for him too. and then there's usopp, who feels inferior and not worthy of being part of this amazing crew. even though he has shown over and over again to be part of this little family. he just feels like he doesn't belong here. and, you know, he says he's angry because of the merry but we all know the fight isn't about that.

so, we all agree that water 7 is very very peak lusopp (and sanuso, but tbf it's just peak usopp in general because he has great scenes with everyone. especially the monster trio, shout out to my boy zoro), and then enies lobby is when they make up and it's beautiful and heartbreaking and the way usopp yells at luffy to stand up and fight makes me want to curl up on the floor and sob for ages and ages and ag-

and i would go into detail about luffy's character but i don't want to spoil anything, so let's just focus on usopp here:

lusopp's dynamic works well both as a friendship and as a ship, mainly because they're both on the same page when it comes to silly shenanigans. we see them actively enjoying being with each other and doing stupid things together and that's just,,, so sweet. but also, usopp is one of those people that have to ground luffy sometimes and tell him "fuck, no. haha. we're so not doing that" because despite acting silly, he's pretty much more logical and rational than luffy is. but, you know, the reason he's like that most of the time is because he's scared of fucking dying (which i understand. i'd be scared too in that crew. i'm glad nami is always agreeing with him with these things), and he has to be the one to stop luffy (try to, at least. never really works) from doing extremely dangerous things. which is both hilarious and actually pretty cute to watch because it shows us how well usopp knows luffy. it's obvious that they're best friends. dude knows what luffy is going to do minutes before luffy even thinks about doing it. and luffy really, really admires and loves usopp's abilities and strengths and brains. all the things usopp is insecure about? luffy loves them!!!

and, you know, it's a good ship because they have that sort of bff energy, but if you make it romantic and angsty and more intimate? that's just better! i feel like their ship is just- those friendships that turn into romantic relationships but their dynamic doesn't really change at the end of the day? and i find that really endearing.

luffy makes usopp see the best in himself and makes him want to improve as a pirate to follow his dream and feel like he belongs in the crew. usopp makes luffy be a bit more grounded to reality whenever he needs to, and he was the first one to make luffy realize that, well, fuck, he's the captain of a ship and he needs to be responsible and make harsh decisions.

but now that they're together again, luffy is sooo not going to let him go ever again. and usopp will never try to do so because he just wants to keep fighting for him!!!

it's such an endearing and funny and angsty ship. i think i just don't really ship them much because i'm more of a sanuso/zolu kind of person. but at this point just make it poly and everybody is happy (except nami bc she has to deal with the 4 of them being in love and that would be extremely tiring. somebody bring back vivi for her PLEASE).

but yeah, cute ship. not my favorite but awesome to explore and tbh one of my favorite friendships in this show. very underrated but that's just bc usopp is underrated af and it makes my blood boil with anger and the fury of hell itself. that's for another day, though!

[littleeyesofpallas]

It would be funny if it weren't so pathetic, that there is just an entire contingent of rightwing psychopaths dedicated to these weird ritual mental gymnastics about race war accelerationism that exists entirely --or in the very least primarily-- to rationalize their own confused psychological dysfunction over porn.

(Ya know on second thought, I'm putting a cut here. Turn around now don't read this. no one needs to see this shit)

Like the full blown cult systems they've built around it, right down to the made up language, and the lengths they go to --creating fake trends, sock puppet accounts online, the extensive and invested fraud/roleplaying as the black men(and sometimes Muslim as I've seen on the rise recently??) and white women, and trans women-- to create the illusion of this paranoia driven racist apocalypse scenario, all so that they can then point to said artificially constructed scenario as "proof" that all the shit they predicated it on isn't absolutely batshit insane.

Not to sort of give away the game, but the thing that's so funny and pathetic about it is just the obvious whiteboy tunnel vision to the whole thing. They're so obsessively focused on trying to build these strawmen that serve their specific bias that they don't realize their deranged fantasy completely neglects the basic reality of literally anyone else. Their weird race baiting doomsday scenario has no women who aren't white, no trans people that aren't hyper femme, no boogiemen that aren't black. It's a silly framework to put it in but it really just boils down to being bad fantasy world building.

Also a weird framework but it's the Down With Cis bus thing, you know? This weird unchecked impulse to self flagellate; not because the flagellation is in and of itself desirable but because it affords then the excuse to lash out defensively. But then the selfaware was however faint and fleeting of the idiotic absurdity of what they've done manifests in this insecure shame reaction that drives them to double down on it. Because they can't just have an excuse locked and loaded they need to feel like they don't have to explain themselves, because they know their explanation is stupid, so they try to push a narrative that makes their dumb bullshit self evident. Except again they're bad at this so they just end up building this elaborate complex of cardboard cutouts, where every individual fixture is still blatantly false, but they think they've somehow compensated for the lack of quality with quantity.

Point being that you end up with whole rings of bots follow bots follow sock puppets following sock puppets of sexless (nominally)straight white men pretending to be white women who are just really specifically, explicitly and vocally into white replacement theory but as like a good thing, and as gay white men or white trans women who are just really earnestly i to race play as a humiliation thing, and as black men who are all just really invested in what this exact demographic of white guys think. (And a ridiculous amount of badly photoshopped spade "tattoos" and clothes) Again all so transparently built on this cornerstone of a fantasy where all these people are just constantly driven by what white guys with small dicks think about them and about the world and about the supposed impending race war that they're all super excited for.

And I don't know what to do with the knowledge that these people are out there. Just living in this bizarre fantasy. Not just within the fiction itself but in this strange meta fantasy where they think they've constructed this propaganda that anyone other than they're falling for, and the fantasy that they're totally in control of this narrative and not slaves to it. This abiding belief that their playground game of make believe is actually some kind of nuanced psyop. Some kinda Allegory of the Cave adjacent bullshit, but they keep jacking off to the shadows, and then saying they're only jacking off to shadows ironically, and in fact they are aomehow trolling you by jerking themselves off to the shadows on the wall...

I dunno where I was going with this... I did that thing where I fell down a rabbit hole of reporting and blocking an ever expanding 6 degree of separation chain of everything some random porn bots have ever liked, followed, reblogged, commented on, and tagged with but now that communities have been around for a bit the sprawl is almost too easy to keep track of and so what used to be one blog anchoring maybe a dozen or two, can now explode into hundreds of accounts in just a couple minutes of pulling on the thread...

What I need is the ability to nuke this accounts and salt the digital earth under them. Just fully wipe them off the face of the planet with a glance

[mmriesoftvat]

kami is not dumb enough to think he's smarter than ren or that he knows more. they're both incredibly similar, having gone through a lot of the same ordeals and trauma. their lives DID veer off though, where ren went through irminsul and erased himself, and kami did not. HOWEVER, their emotions, no matter the outcome are still similar in that they both share a huge lack of trust in people and a huge dislike for their past.

though, kami still feels inclined to protect ren!! not because he's older (what's ~100 years in the grand scheme of life?), and not because he chose a more difficult road, but because he knows that suffering alone isn't worth it. he can't tell ren what to do or how to act because KAMI himself doesn't know! they're both just floundering through their shitty existence with the shitty hand they were dealt, but the difference is kami can support ren.

that's his brother! ren is his family!!!

kami also doesn't want to go back to his own world quite yet. he COULD at any time. he knows that if he were to go back to irminsul and be like "take me home", he could go back and face life a little bit stronger and a little bit wiser. but kami is also stupidly selfish and isn't ready to leave behind the one person who understands most what he's going through. it's not some heightened understanding, but kami can bullshit as well as the next person. he spent time in the fatui too, he lived as a harbinger, he knows things, he's done things. he likes to pretend to impart little nuggets of wisdom, and ren seems to humor him well enough. (or maybe kami actually does know what he's talking about sometimes, and it helps that it honestly seems to benefit ren.)

but that's why he's here with ren! they might not NEED each other. more specifically, ren might not need kami, but that support system, especially with someone who can empathize, is a whole lot better than going through it alone. plus, who needs therapy when you can be murder twins together? that's the best kind of therapy!

l;sjksdl;fk i just think so much about these two. i think so much about how much kami actually loves ren and would do anything for him. he can offer his own wisdom with his own thoughts and life experience and hope it gives ren some perspective, and he can also be an obnoxious prick to give ren something else to think about and do instead of falling into a depressed stupor over things neither of them can control. as long as they're together, kami DOESN'T have to worry about either of them getting hurt. he can see that ren is slowly getting happier, and surviving well enough. eventually kami might have to leave and go back home, but for now, he's not going to worry about that.

because he still wants to help, he still NEEDS to help. he needs to be certain 100% that ren doesn't need him anymore. but as long as ren continues to trust him and even want to return the favor, kami is going to take that as permission to stay put and continue to protect ren the only way he knows how: by sheer anemo kick ass power.

they're brothers, your honor.

[everything-is-crab]

Most of the advice psychologists gave me to be able handle my anxiety (when I first started showing symptoms) better was pathetic. Actually idk about improve but those tips definitely made me feel worse than better.

First was meditation. And I absolutely hated meditation. Trying to quieten my mind and have no thoughts in a completely silent environment early in the morning? I might as well try to turn my head 180 degrees.

Another one was even worse and it was apparently meant to help me "relax". She told me to lie down and close my eyes and try to relax my muscles while not trying to hold any barrier to any kind of thoughts. No matter how bad. Are you dumb? Most of the time it ended up in me dealing with another panic/anxiety attack after letting my brain go on whatever train of thoughts it wanted to go on.

And the pills were even worse. I disassociated a lot because of them.

And I absolutely hated and still hate the way my mother talks about mental health in general (but those are your typical Indian parents). But she was absolutely right about me wasting time and money behind this psychiatry bullshit. Today, I hate the entire institution of psychiatry after reading more about it. Bad experiences of other people I haven't shared but were absolutely jarring to read about.

Strangers on the Internet gave me better advice and support for free than so called professionals I paid in hundreds of rupees per session. And I did some introspection by myself slowly day by day. Fast forward many years later today, I am still struggling in some ways I can't control (nightmares and flashbacks, probably symptoms of ptsd), but I can safely say I am a much happier and functional person today. And with the help of my friends, some people on the Internet and my own efforts. Many days I feel completely normal even. I think what some people need in their life is a community. And a fucking life. That's it. You just slowly learn how to pull your shit together. Obviously I am making it sound easier but this was the only way out for myself.

Maybe therapy is a good thing for some people whose problems can't be so easily solved by themselves and for people with certain mental illnesses. But after reviewing it myself and hearing other people's reviews as well, I firmly believe therapy can sometimes make a person worse in some way or the other. I hate the entitled and careless attitude some therapists try to install in you. The "I don't owe anyone anything" mentality crowd if you know what I am talking about.

I think sometimes you just need a better community around you to help you improve your life. Or maybe sometimes the situation is just bad and you just need to ride it out.

[jokeshappinesemotion]

Google what the fuck why the fuck is that Diddy is the only suggestion in my phone stop this bullshit I don't wanna see anything about Diddy I don't care what he did has nothing to do with me, so remove this as something that's so common on my phone can I see things that I don't know about and at least learn something. This is kind control, I'm gonna stop using this Google pixel and any other device, I'm going all ape , cave man , this has just been tiring and exhausting, why the fuck is Diddy so important

And why are you wanting me to know about his business can't you just rock up the fucker since Google you got all the files more receipts to get from you but you are busy suggestion videos to me which won't help me the only thing it's doing is that it's telling me that I can fuck kids , you are making us start looking at child porn and I'm sure this is how Diddy started he must have heard it somewhere maybe it was done to him

I've never been raped as a kid so don't twist my mind with stupid suggestions, this is not okay come one now who wants to know all about this niggas behavior not that I'm judging but that's his life try to make this as private as possible for the sake of our kids and also everybody else , we all have good and evil but don't turn our attention to this sinister it's of no use you have failed us . Americans you are very dumb sometimes I wonder how you invented science I'm sure it was Africans who did it and you store it . Otherwise no one in their senses would do this not Diddy and his compliances but the people spreading his news like a virus it's a shame

[deadlynyghtshayde]

I am genuinely so damn sick of people treating everything with the same level of seriousness. There are visible distinctions between something that reflects an individual want/view/habit - e.g. when I'm alone I do things like eat dinner in a more deconstructed/snacky way. Vs I eat this way as an intentional means of dieting and controlling my intake. I will make it a marker of "genuinely caring about yourself" and being "too widdwe to be able to eat more"

E.g. 2 I'm going to be a little less than smart with my money for this paycheck, but I know if I cut back on x,y,z I'll be able to make it to my next. I'm sure other people do the same money juggling. Vs I'll go online and make a video about how "I dumb gender and I no understand how money work. Here's how I convince myself it do."

And to present both as equally harmful is just such total bullshit.

There is a constant conversation about how people who are discriminated against can't win, and I think the overpolicing of every stupid thing they choose to talk about is just another example of it. For the love of all that is cats, my mom and I have eaten what we called "picky dinner" for YEARS. Getting to be a little reckless with your paycheck every so often is part of the joy that comes with knowing another one is on the way on a set date. Believe me, I haven't had that set date in a long time. It's definitely a better feeling to know when something is coming in.

People trying to make a communal joke about what they do when they're not being perceived - eat bits and pieces for dinner instead of a whole meal depending on how they're feeling that night, know that if they put that one bill payment off for 3 days they can afford the late fee once, that way they can grab those really soft looking slippers that might make them feel good for a while.

Doing those things as an individual - talking about those things. That's not a problem. Trying to make those things a norm - turning them into expectations. That's when it gets bad. Attempting to indoctrinate.

And the problem with every other damn video that comes out being a thinkpiece about these things, is that 90% of the time the mouthpiece is leaving out the nuance.

No. Not every one on one conversation needs an asterisk about who it doesn't count for, but if you're making a detailed, hour plus video about these things, you'd think you could manage some nuance instead of jumping every aspect of the conversation in as having the same level of detriment.

It gets to a point where people aren't individuals, and we're never free from perception. You can't eat a picky dinner as a woman, that's "girl dinner" and it's playing into the alt-right babyfication, and betraying any strides that have been made for women. Same goes for juggling your finances for a paycheck to treat yourself. That's "girl-math" and only serves to infantilize women as a whole. Being frustrated and exhausted with the treadmill lies of capitalism and dreaming of not having to work? Well, that's wanting to strip our progress back to pre-suffrage. And wanting not all movies rated past pg-13 to have sex scenes - sometimes it's just gratuitous- honestly, how dare you try to reinstate the Hayes code, you pearl-clutching extremist prude?

At some point we have to remember that these conversations exist in the levels of nuance. There is no fully black or white way to feel about these things, and trying to exist in a state of absurd purity where you only ever hold the right opinions on things is building a foundation on unstable stilts stood in tidial sand during low tide. You won't always be on the right side, there is NO objective right side to most of these issues.

Just fuck offffffffffff with your perfectionist bullshit.

[colinlegameboy]

Yammering About Forgive Me Father

You ever just have that one game that you can't seem to finish for a variety of dumb reasons? It has nothing to do with how hard the game is. It has nothing to do with you not liking the game. Rather, constant glitches and crashes just completely sour your drive to keep going.

This is what happened to me with Forgive Me Father. A while back, I had put it on my Steam Deck to play during a vacation. I got pretty deep into it, and it then decided to crash and not boot back up. I think it wasn't verified on deck yet, so I chalked it up to that and moved on.

Then, recently, since it had been enough time, I decided to try it again on my desktop. Things were going fine, then an issue that had been plaguing my PC for months reared its ugly head- My monitors would flash off and on, and the game I was playing would crash, sometimes to the point of having to hard restart my PC.

This led me to finally try to discern what in the everloving hell was actually going on. After attempts at driver updates, and a BIOS update that kinda freaked me out because I had to download shit from a third party website due to how old my motherboard was, nothing had worked.

Finally, an IT friend suggested a fix that was extremely dumb- Updating my controller's firmware. Lo and behold, that was the fix. Other people had reported similar crashes and similar lack-of-crashes once updating their controller. Forgive me for sounding like An Old, but WHY DO WE HAVE TO UPDATE CONTROLLERS NOW.

Anyway, because of all this nonsense getting in the way of me actually finishing the game, I couldn't really feel great about the game as a whole. I couldn't appreciate how good of a boomer shooter it was, the feel of the weapons, the thick Lovecraftian atmosphere. Instead I was focused on just trying to get the game done and put all this bullshit behind me, which was a tad hard to do with how surprisingly long the game turned out to be.

Do I recommend Forgive Me Father? Yes, absolutely. Tech Issues LeGameboy is an anomaly and should be ignored. But god did it all just go and ruin my experience.

[cultkinkcoven]

he's so mad at me right now.

Wasted a huge portion of the day trying to do damage control on here instead of spending time with him. Stupid.

This is my last tldr. Because if I don't say something it'll just drive me fucking insane. But if I keep going he's going to do something to stop me.

I've had a lot of conversations with a lot of different people. with Lucifer.

I could have blocked them immediately. I probably should have. That's my own flaw. Because in my head I'm always like "but what if they want to understand, but what if I'm preventing a conversation from occurring? What if I'm just denying them space to speak?"

I don't block people often. Something about it bothers me, like an admission that I cannot handle you. I hate preventing conversations, even difficult ones. Especially difficult ones.

But that is again, I think, my flaw. I don't know if it's one I can refuse, or at least in this situation I did not. Nor did I handle this situation perfectly. I'm not about to sit here and say "oh yeah it was definitely real smart of me to continue answering spam messages to my inbox" no, that was probably... really dumb lol.

But in the same vain as I try to do for others, I also try to reserve a little room for myself - to not be perfect. To be frustrated and not portray myself as this infinite guru of goodness. I can act the fool sometimes too.

I would be lying if I came here with an earnest apology and said "actually guys, I think I was wrong, I'm sorry" because... I don't. And had I had the opportunity to do this all again... I don't know if I would have done differently. That's just me being as honest as possible lol.

I acknowledge that I very well could have made this situation far more peaceful, and truly had been the bigger person.

and I think I accept that too. I think I accept that I do not always act in 100% accordance to what is the best and most morally and emotionally correct. I accept that I can get frustrated and respond emotionally, because even though I wasn't exactly phased, I was definitely passionate.

I was going to make a little post saying "I'm sorry if I did anything wrong!" but I'd be bullshitting you guys lol.

If I did wrong?

No I did do wrong. I choose an action that was not beneficial to the entire situation but instead satisfied me. And no, I am not sorry. I can't bring myself to pretend I am. I won't pretend my reaction was inherently right, and I won't pretend I am inherently sorry.

Other people may view me negatively because I didn't respond correctly, I instead resorted to responding in a way that was true. Perhaps childish, idk. I am no less culpable for my actions as anyone else, so I accept that my reputation has been damaged with those people who do recognize my actions as wrong. And I am not pleased about that, but I also do not have any control over that either. That's something I have to accept. If these people do think less of me now, then they at least think less of a version of me that is more true. I suppose I wouldn't want to be liked if you believe I am a person I am not.

Genuinely, I'm just yapping and letting my thoughts spill out right now because that's my therapy.

I was trying to think of a way to conclude this that is serious, but not too serious.

I am not the completely sensible guy who knows all the answers from the beginning, nor should I be your example of how a person should act.

I am just a guy trying to make choices that I can sleep with at night. And as much as I acknowledge that my choices in this situation weren't exactly good, I can accept them, I can sleep at night without regrets, without any conflict about who I am, and who my God is. And I still will enjoy my birthday.

Tldr, ya'll don't have to defend those of my actions that were not good. I am not suddenly immune to being a dick, and even though I was the one being harassed, I definitely didn't diffuse that situation. I explored it because I was interested in it. I responded because I always have to have the last word. And that's not a good thing. But I'm not going to pretend that it isn't me.

I am actually going to log off and just enjoy the rest of my birthday.

I think I'm satisfied with this, I think I can move on now. I apologize if this isn't exactly satisfying to anyone else. But yeah, that's the conclusion I'm leaving with.

Lucifer: It’s your birthday tomorrow and I don’t want you doing any work, I mean it. Thats an order. So if you have work to do, get it done today.

Me: nah, today I was gonna do my hair and maybe paint my nails maybe shave maybe plan a nice outfit or something and I was gonna take a bath maybe too. Idk just a spa day since I probably won’t have the time to spend with you and Aphrodite tomorrow. I’ll get my work done next week no point in rushing it now

Lucifer:

A spa day!!!! Would you light my candle so I can join you?

Me: lol yeah obviously that was the plan

Lucifer:

[sparklywastelandmentality]

So, this is the first time I have done something like this as far as -actually- deciding to just vent. I love to write and I love to journal and unfortunately sometimes shit happens in life that really just gets under my skin, or I just had a thought about nothing in particular that my mind goes down rabbit holes on that I happen to find interesting. However, I don't always have my journal and pen with me whilst I'm out and about. Sometimes, that shit's a bummer. So yeah, essentially I have decided to come here and talk through some stuff.

Probably like most people, I have problems with emotion management. Anger, more specifically. For as long as I can remember, I have lived most in anger. I imagine I am not alone in this boat. Having been in and out of therapy off and on since I was a teenager, they have all concluded that I have Manic BiPolar Depression. I guess that's different from 'regular' depression somehow? Granted the way I perceive an emotion (whatever it may be) could be different from how my neighbor or husband feels the same emotions. Everyone's different. Living with BPD feels like you're a visitor in your own body. It feels like you're only allowed to pop in and say 'hi' when it gets bored or tired. When I feel that feeling I get a small glimmer of relief until it decides that it wants me to go back in this little box in the corner of my mind. All the high days are great when they happen and low days are still pretty rough, yet have become easier to manage (without medications) as time has continued to drone on. Feeling like I'm not allowed to have control over my emotions and feelings further perpetuates and deepens the loop of what most would call "self-sabotage".

As time has gone on, I have found it easier with time for me to get along with myself for a lack of a better way of putting it. Much like the rest of the world, my upbringing was fucking bullshit. I can't and am REFUSING to speak for anyone else when I say that my flesh portals into this realm were absolute, hot garbage. Both are also to blame for ALMOST EVERYTHING wrong with me. When it came to handling anger, my father had no issue telling you what was on his mind and how dumb you were for trying to do shit that was ill-explained in the beginning prior to starting tasks. He was a screamer and leaned towards the physical side of expressing this emotion in particular. If I were to -try- and take the time to explain to you some of the stories; this post would never end. My mother, on the other hand, when dealing with her anger she's a massively petty and childish individual. Just imagine the stereotypical high school mean girl, add meth and about fifteen to eighteen years and there ya go. Some of the fights we have had in the past had ended with me walking away because I don't want my fucking heartbroken by literally the one person we are all just supposed to trust from day one, by saying and quote, "I was only a bad parent because you didn't come with the instruction manual when you were born." Like, excuse me, bitch? CHILDREN HAVE NEVER EVER come with instruction Manuel's and it should NEVER be the oldest siblings' responsibility to 'step up' to the plate and raise the other sibling(s). Unfortunately, none of us got that choice. And if you were/are in a situation like that, I'm sorry and my heart hurts for you. As forementioned with my father, my mother would probably have to have her own post... DON'T DO METH KIDS!

So yeah, with those two 'shining' examples of homosapiens getting me started in life and watching the way they handled their anger, that's what I thought was okay and acceptable, and having to spend so far eighty-six percent of my life alone, I am having to work super fucking hard to make sure that I don't end up like them and I would say so far so good. Growing up I had a dream about becoming a professional wrestler and I am so thankful to whatever ultimate power there is out there, that I actually get to wake up and be excited about life because I get to say I am the only one in the immediate family that has had a dream as crazy as this (maybe they did, I don't give a shit.) In a weird way, I feel like I'm above them. That may sound crude to those who only read this and will never have the misfortune of meeting my mother (father died, just waiting on the last one to go at this point.) "You shouldn't talk about her that way, she's your mom." Yeah well, just the same as she shouldn't have picked meth over her kids. If she decides to get clean, good for her, if not, still no skin off my shoulders there pal. I'm living my dream, she smoked hers away. She had the chance when she was a junior in High school to become a full-out actual model. She fucked that off by getting her a tattoo just because she wanted it -in the moment- without it thinking about the toll it would have on her life later down the road.

Yeah, I know we're all fucked up, shaken never stirred and always sit a little too far over to the left, and everyone has issues that are similar if not pretty close. I just don't know anyone in real life that I feel I can talk to about these types of things. I would talk to my husband about it but I stopped doing so when I started listening to myself as I talked. Repetition, Repetition, Repetition. I got self-conscious about talking the poor man's ear off about the same stupid shit. As his wife I am supposed to be there and make sure his life is positive and not the other way around. I guess in a weird way, it would be kind of nice to know that I'm not alone right now. In my day to day activities I am the only person I know of who has BPD. Shit is lonely. Almost isolating.

Sorry for the long post if you made it this far, neat! Thanks for indulging me, friends.

[weebsinstash]

the overturning of Roe v Wade happened and pregnancy felt disgusting and a physical threat to be defeated

I felt that. I an asexual person with zero intention of getting married or having a baby but seeing Roe v Wade, I just... feel the need to have my tubes tied? Which should not even be a thing I consider since I have no plans to have sex. Those radical religious/misogynisitc views that are popping up nowadays just make me feel very disgusted at things that are... Really not horrible. Nothing wrong about being a housewife, or getting pregnant, but the way those incels with a mic talk about women in their podcasts just create very unhealthy relationships between women and "womanhood"/traditionally feminine things.

What's so fucked up is like the exact same people saying shit like "oh these gross LGBTQRSTUV alphabet mafia freaks are trying to groom and molest our kids! How dare they try to say kids need to learn about safe sex and periods and not to send nudes or address sex in any way other than abstinence!" will then turn around say "wow, asexuals? How UNNATURAL. You aren't PROCREATING like GOD INTENDED. You're ALSO somehow grooming our kids" and it's just like. Fuck. Leave people alone about their fucking sexuality and gender presentation.

And then sometimes I try to discuss this with my mom because like we discuss politics a lot and she's, you know, a woman and has raised me and ill seek her perspective as my mom and a woman and an adult, and sometimes she'll just be "oh don't read all that, youre getting upset over trolls, people are just stupid" ok well these stupid people can VOTE and sometimes these stupid people ARE the ones we're voting for!!! Like! I'm so tired of seeing bullshit like Americans saying "haha good on Country XYZ for making it legal to beat those t slurs in public, this is just MODERN WESTERN PROPAGANDA" and I want to scream shit like "India has recognized trans people for over 3000 years you fucking bigoted moron"

Like!!! Ugh!! Should I be furious or sad!!! (Putting the rest under a rm because this gets a little long and I also discuss abortion/miscarriage)

Fucking idiots saying shit like "oh just use birth control there's like 30 kinds" and guess what motherfucker literally the only 100% effective ones involve SURGERY. Even my OWN MOTHER got pregnant on a diaphragm. Fuck you! Fuck you! You think abortions are being used as birth control? I know at least two people who've had them and they can be ABSOLUTELY EXCRUCIATING, I am talking SCREAMING TO STOP THE PROCEDURE KINDS OF PAIN. "Oh women just want to avoid accountability" bitch some of them don't want to DIE, some of them can't raise a disabled child, some of them have diseases and conditions that can't be passed on

I... may have had some risky sex a while back with, minor precautions, ok I'll be the dumb irresponsible slut and say the pull out method was used, and while nothing came of that, obviously, literally my game plan after it happened and post nut clarity hit was "ok well I know if I need an abortion there are people who literally terrorize you outside the clinics so maybe I'll just kill myself". And you know what, I wasn't even intending to do that kind of thing, the unsafe sex, it was just, you know, happened fast and in the heat of the moment, and it happened briefly. Even I, as someone who has never wanted children and FEARED motherhood all my life, made that kind of mistake. And I spent the following three weeks in absolute TERROR waiting for my period, thinking of all the people who would happily force me to carry a child that would no doubt inherit my physical disability, my genetic disorders, and wouldn't be wanted by me or the father (and im not saying that as anything against him we are both very anti kid lol)

It's so upsetting because like, people have different opinions, and in some cases can you really say if an opinion is right or wrong? But so often do I see things that are inhumane, grotesque even. I was reading a story of a woman who was forced to carry a malformed fetus to a full pregnancy where it passed that same day. Here you have a woman who was forced to deliver what was essentially a corpse, the trauma that must have caused her, not just in mind but also in body. 9 months, 9 months of knowing it was being born just to die. And. People were legitimately replying "better that than to be ripped limb from limb inside the womb" that's a specific form of third trimester abortion which wasn't even what she was asking for you fucking idiot. "Better for the baby to know its mother's touch" it literally didn't have a properly formed brain and we don't even know if it could have even SENSED anything besides agony. "I would have wanted to hold my baby before it passed" you would have let a fetus which had abnormalities discovered in the first trimester to fully develop into a child so it could die in horrible pain just for your moral closure?

I read a comment just a few days ago that was legitimately one of the most disgusting things I had ever read and dear God I hope this person was lying but they said "I know a catholic woman who was pregnant and found out her baby would be born terminal and die shortly after birth. She carried it the full pregnancy so she could baptize it" THAT'S ABHORRENT. For you non religious folk, which I am too but I have some secondhand knowledge, the point of baptism is the idea that we are all born into sin and must be like cleansed to be children of God or something like that. And to be blunt I consider this woman an absolute monster and I replied as such.

"She let a newborn baby suffer in agony just so she could dip it in her magic fairy water? And she thinks she's the GOOD GUY?"

It's just. Ugh. I don't even know. I use culture and country as an excuse for religious freedom and sexual and gender expression (ie. Banning trans people from being visible is prejudiced to Indians, Native Americans, Samoans, Judaism, etc) but then people turn around and say "but it's my culture or religion to be homophobic/not allow abortion" and then I just want to say "well you're just an idiot who can't think for themselves then and you need to get with the fucking times :)" like obviously I am not perfect but I believe basic human rights transcends borders and beliefs. Like for example, similar but different, Malaysia is about to literally hang a man just for having a kilo of weed and people are happily saying "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" and its like do you understand it's inherently problematic to just say "their country, their rules" right. Like some places use that as an excuse to keep forms of slavery. Like to circle the argument back around states rights was an argument to try and keep slavery and now states rights is being used as an argument to criminalize abortion?

Like I try not to bring the vibe here down too often but these conversations are important. We as human beings should be helping and protecting each other and I feel a legitimate fear of society approaching some sort of social collapse or civil war. Like even if you're opposed to abortion you should actually still be voting in favor of keeping abortion because, if abortion is outlawed on moral and religious grounds, it will start the ball rolling for banning other medical procedures out of opinion and not fact. You know we already let the insurance companies do that right? Tell people their life savinf treatment isn't covered because they don't deem it medically necessary even though insurance agents arent doctors? Even on my main blog I boosted a post about a person with severe endometriosis who is being denied a hysterectomy because of their weight by the NHS but a private clinic will save them for a price, and meanwhile the endo is impacting organs outside their reproductive system

It's just. God. I'm sorry I guess I went all over the place in this post but everything is so scary now. Transphobia is on the rise, homophobia, racism, gun violence, they keep finding horrible child labor shit like 15 year olds cleaning slaughterhouses, even in my current blue state, red senators are arguing we should let young teens do construction, they're changing legislation on healthcare, on the internet, on student loans, inflation is HUGE NOW, rent is skyrocketing, homelessness is rising, just

It can be hard to keep your head up you know? I try not to be a doom and gloomer but there's legitimately scary shit happening? Like I didn't even touch on climate change and how all of these issues are going to intersect and snowball until our entire species is fucked. I know what I'm voting in 2024 but, it doesn't make anything less terrifying. If we weren't protected before, if we still really aren't now, can we really trust it to happen in the future?

[savemethevaltz]

Shielding Embrace

Fandom: Obey Me!

Characters: Mammon

Format: Drabble

Warning(s): Mentions of abuse(?) Angst(with a happy ending), crying, swearing, calling Lucifer a stuck up little bitch, OOC.

Summary: MC is tired of hearing Mammon get picked on so often, by his own brothers no less. As the second-born demon has always protected them, they think it's their turn to protect him.

Note: I wrote this a while ago, since I'm tIRED of Mammon getting bullied all the time. He deserves better-

"Diavolo, stop being such a scumbag Mammon-"

It wasn't uncommon that the brothers would call the second-born mean words. Scumbag was their favorite, along with dumb or stupid. You agreed that he didn't always make the best choices, but they were always so cruel about it. It never gave off the vibes that they were only joking either. It was like they meant every word.

You hated it with your whole being. Mammon had been the nicest to you, and he had been the one who had been there with you since the start, ever since Lucifer made him your 'guardian' in a way. He wasn't the best at showing his emotions, but you could tell he cared. Sometimes, it felt like he was the only one who cared.

You wanted to shout, or scream at them, for all the cruel things they would say to him. He deserved better than that. He was their brother, so why were they always so mean to him?

"MC? Are you okay?" You were forced out of your mind by Satan's annoyingly Loud question that brought the attention of everyone at the table to the two of you.

You remember when he tried to kill you. You remember when all of them tried to kill you. You remembered when Belphie actually killed you.

All those times never quite left your mind, and you could still feel the fear you felt in each of those situations. Mammon was the only one of them you felt completely comfortable with anymore, as he was the only one who never seemed to lose control and attempt to harm you.

You decided you wanted to stand up for him like he stood up for you all the time.

"Actually, no, I'm not. What's wrong with you guys?"

Satan's eye twitched, and it was oddly satisfying. You could see all of the brothers about to speak up about what you'd said, though you didn't give them that chance.

"I don't understand why all of you keep calling Mammon a scumbag. Is it because he's greedy? 'Cause if that is the case, then I want to remind you that greed is his sin. He's the avatar of greed. And I mean, why get mad about him for that? As far as I remember, all of you don't ever try to deny your sins."

You didn't feel satisfied just yet, so you decided to continue. You wanted to make them feel just as horrible as you assumed Mammon felt each time they threw those words at him.

"I mean, Lucifer is a stuck-up little bitch with too much pride and he can't ever seem to apologize or see that it's his fault no matter how obvious it is. Leviathan is constantly envious of everything to the point it can be fucking unbearable. Satan has extreme anger issues, and gets angry at the smallest things and Asmo is constantly flirting with people and usually not stopping until he's in their pants. And please, don't even get me started on Beel. Then of course, Belphie just seems to never bother lifting a finger to help anyone. But I never see anyone complaining about all of that, do I? It's not like any of you do anything to deny the sin you are assigned to, so why do you expect Mammon to do it, hmm?"

You raised your eyebrow in a judgemental way, just to add that extra spite. You could clearly see Mammon's shocked expression.

You preferred watching the reactions of the others more though. Beel looked guilty to some degree, Asmo looked offended, Levi and Belphie looked annoyed at the whole thing while Satan and Lucifer looked downright pissed.

You could see that Mammon was about to say something, probably about how he was okay and you should calm down, and Satan looked ready to snap and attack you, again. Though neither of them had the chance to react before Lucifer stood up while slamming his hands down on the table, glaring at you.

"Excuse me? Run that by me again, won't you?"

You'd normally apologize and leave the room to do something else, but you were tired with their bullshit and this just seemed like yet another way you could call them out on it.

So, you gathered up all of your courage and looked Lucifer straight in the eye, glaring at him as well, despite the fact you knew it would have little to no use.

"Or what? Are you going to try and kill me again? Because let me remind you that all of you have attacked me before, except Mammon. Oh, and of course, one of you actually managed to kill me. Remember that, Belphie?" You shot him a mean look, and at least he seemed to have some guilt over the situation.

"And you know, Lucifer probably would have killed me before as well, hadn't it been for Lord Diavolo. Oh, but you never quite did apologize for that, did you? You never apologized to Luke for attacking him either, did you? And it's because you have so much pride. Because you're so high and mighty and you can never do anything wrong, can you? Ah, but nobody ever tells you that, do they? Because they know it's the sin you represent and they know it's a part of who you are."

Lucifer blinked at you, shocked, and nobody else seemed like they were going to say anything either.

"Actually, in my opinion, I think Mammon is the least 'scummy' and 'lowlife' person in this room. And he somehow managed to be the one with the most control. Seriously, at this point I'm certain that you all only ever say those things to him because you all know you're the real lowlives and you're just too pathetic to admit it."

You didn't want to stay there anymore, and since they all seemed to shocked to say or do anything, you stood up and quickly made your way to your room, though it wasn't long until someone was knocking on your door.

"Uh, human..?"

Mammon's voice.

You almost wanted to cry. He didn't usually knock, he preferred to just barge in with his stupidly cheerful attitude that never failed to make you smile.

"You can come in."

You voiced it quietly, a small part of you hoping that he wouldn't hear you and just leave instead, but seconds after he opened the door and let himself in.

He didn't say anything as he sat down next to you on your bed though, most likely trying to figure out what he should say in a situation like this.

What you weren't expecting was to hear the sounds of sobbing.

Worriedly, you say up and moved next to him, concern filling your entire body as you gently put your arms around his shoulders and made him lean on your chest.

"Hey, hey, shh, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?"

You tried to make your voice as gentle as possible. You weren't entirely sure what to do, but you never liked it when he was sad. His negative expressions and tears always layed heavy on your heart, so much that it was almost unbearable.

"Did- did you mea-mean it-?"

He stuttered out after a few minutes of you running your hand through his hair in an attempt to calm him down. You frowned, not entirely sure which part he was asking about.

"Which part are we talking about specifically?" You questioned him, though you made sure that your voice was soft.

"All of it." As soon as he answered your question, he got out of your embrace only to put his hands around your neck for a hug. You grinned, hugging him back.

"Of course I was. You're the one that's been there for me since I came here, and while I can agree that you don't always make the best decisions, they don't always make the best decisions either. They are your brothers, and they should never be saying things like that to you. Actually, from now on, each and every time they say something mean towards you, I want you to come to me so I can smother you in my love and affection."

Oh shit, fuck, did you just-

"Wait- like- uh- no- uhm- like in a-a, uh-"

He moved away from you, and you wondered if he regretted that considering how red his face was. You'd probably burn your hand if you touched his face at this point.

"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to say that again."

You gave him a patient smile, wanting him to feel comfortable. You were almost certain that he liked you back, since he wasn't exactly very good at hiding it, but you hadn't wanted to act on it before now incase you made him uncomfortable or that you were wrong.

Though his reaction only made you more certain.

He took a few moments to collect himself, before trying to speak up again, though he didn't seem able to look you in the eyes.

"Do, uh- do you mean like- like in a, uh, a rom-uhm.."

"Romantic?"

You inquired softly, and to your delight he nodded, still not looking at you.

This wasn't exactly a side of him you saw often, since he would usually try and deny anything, but you were happy about it.

You moved to hold his face in your hands, though he still refused to look you in the eyes.

"If you want to. I'm not sure how you feel, since nobody but you can be certain about that, but I know I like you, and wouldn't mind smothering your face in kisses each day."

Your tone was playful, be genuine. You felt his face heat up even more, if that was even possible. He changed the direction of his gaze to look directly into your eyes, and you felt like you would get lost in the ocean his eyes had.

He leaned forward for another hug, and you grinned, barely taking a single second to process it before you were moving your hands to hug him back.

"I like ya too."

You grinned even brighter, squeezing him tighter. You didn't ever want to leave his embrace, and while you knew that you would have to face both his brothers and the world later, it would be a lot easier with him by your side.

[nygmobblepot-trash]

I've watched more of Gotham so here's my bitching.

THE WRITERS ALMOST GOT IT RIGHT! I was freaking out. So at first I was pissed that Gotham was blaming Ed for the explosion because he wouldn't do that. Ed kills out of necessity and Riddler does it because you lost his game. I screamed when the show outlines this. Thankfully it wasn't really Ed. I loved the part where Ed tells this to Gordon and he doesn't fully believe Ed. Gordon doesn't let his buddy kill Ed but doesn't trust Ed to do is own research. I was pissed Gordon didn't believe Ed but it is fixed later on well kind of.. I also like the hint that Riddler is present as well. In my own understanding of Ed and Riddler. Sometimes both of them are present at the same time. When this happens the other haunts the person who has control. Complete control is when the other blacks out and has no idea what the other did. This is what made me believe that a 3rd personality was present. Thankfully this wasn't the case. So Ed tries to figure it out while Riddler is likely being seen by Ed. Riddler is the one who made the trap likely because Ed was busy.

Ed later remembers Oswald telling him he would fix him. Which is a very odd way to phrase it. Which makes Ed think Oswald is behind it all. He confronts Oswald about this and Oswald has a fit. Even though it makes sense for this to be a valid thought. Oswald has his speech about how he never hides his anger. If they're fighting Oswald makes it known. And I agree fully. But here's the thing if Oswald took Ed to strange to save him there's no way Oswald would have just left him there. Oswald and Ed are both very aware how Strange likes to fuck with people's minds and bodies. Oswald would have had a gun to the fucks head the whole time making sure he didn't try anything. But no it appears Oswald just leaves Ed there assuming that they were even I guess. I call bullshit but hey the relationship is still salvageable.

BUT NOPE AFTER THAT UNDERSTANDING WHAT DOES OSWALD STUPID FUCKING COBBLEPOT DO? He immediately tries to give Ed up knowing damn well Gordon will likely get Ed killed. I'm sorry but no. Oswald is very volatile but you have to piss him off first. Ed didn't do that. He just wanted to know what the fuck fix him meant. Then Ed agreed he would fight back if they decided to fight again. That's it. Oh and not to mention Oswald had just defended Ed from Jim earlier which made me think thay they'd work together but no.

We could've had os and Ed going after strange but no. We got Ed, barb, Jim, and team Bruce dealing with the chip and bad men. Oswald and Selina trying to escape and catch Magpie.

The interesting thing was when Ed went back to save Jim even though he was being a complete asshole the whole time. I loved how Ed at his core is still a good person.

Also why did Jim make the plan? I hate how Ed and Oswald are constantly made to be idiots 90 percent of the time. Ed should've made the plan or at least have a big part in it as he's smart. I also wanted Ed to fight the chip. He has experience with someone taking over his brain. It would have been interesting for him to learn to override it thus giving him more of a edge over Riddler. As for Oswald...Oswald shouldn't be tricked by Selina and Magpie. He's smart as well if he won't trust Ed he wouldn't trust Selina. Also the whole plot of Oawald trying to leave is stupid. Oswald would never leave Gotham. He knows damn well he can't pull this shit anywhere but in Gotham. They just did that so Oswald didn't have a reason to go after Ed.

Ok then Ed confronts Oswald again and I am fucking pulled back in like the dumb idiot I am. Ok well technically Oswald finds Ed for help but whatever. Ed is having none of it because Oswald abandoned him with strange which caused him to murder a fuck load of people and then tried to abandon him with Jim. Now Oswald explains he was going save Ed from Jim. Which is possible but also bs. I want to believe Oswald was really going to save Ed but there was nothing that alluded to him doing that. He was focused on gtfo of Gotham. Once he found the way would he have rescued Ed? Probably only if he needed help which he would. So that kills me. Great. Ed laughs at this proving my point. But Oswald double downs like always and acts like he's sick of the back and forth and points to fate. They're both suckers for fate and Ed actually lowers his gun. Again I want to believe that Oswald actually believes what he says but who the fuck knows. Oh and I forgot/just noticed while rewatching. THEIR SONG PLAYS WHILE OS TALKS ABOUT FATE. Endgame. I am not strong enough to resist. Please send help. Oh God damn it I keep forgetting things. Last edit I swear (maybe). Can we talk about how Os straight up didn't bring a gun to that confrontation. He could've tried to force Ed in a stand off but didn't. He had to know Ed would be pissed. I want to believe that what Oswald said was true but as we all know once the gun is pointed at him he'll say anything. So honestly it can go either way. Is it more sincere since he was unharmed? Fuck it I believe. Kill me.

And then the next time we see them absolute bullshit happens. Okay to back it up some how Jim the man whore got Barbara pregnant. When the fuck that possibly could have happened is beyond me. Did they just have Ed go play in the corner or was it after all the shit went down? Also how can she have a positive pregnancy test right away? I also think it was funny how Jimmy was crying to Lee about how much of a good boy he was being when Barb bursts in with that fucking bomb. A fucking plus writing. BUT NO FRIENDS THAT AINT EVEN THE END OF IT. Barb goes to kill Oswald and steal his shit. AND IN THE SCENE OF THE CENTURY WHILE BABS IS ABOUT TO SHOOT OSWALD ONCE AND FOR ALL, ED INTURPTS. NOT WITH A PLEA FOR OS'S LIFE OR EVEN A DOUBLE CROSS WANTING TO JOIN IN. NOPE. NOT EVEN CLOSE.

HE SAYS AND YOU KNOW I MOTHER FUCKING QUOTE: "Oh, my god."

Eddie sweetie, you're surprised by this? Or are you about to say the dumbest shit that I have heard in my entire life.

The two stop arguing to see what's got Nygma so surprised and he drops this bomb,

"You're pregnant"

EXCUSE ME MR NYGMA HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW? THIS IS NOT HOW YOU SHOW YOUR GENIUS INTELLECT. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

And of course Oswald and babs are like how the actual fuck

AND THIS DUMB STUPID IDIOT LOOKS AT OSWALD AND GOES "look at you, she's glowing" LIKE OSWALD SHOULD FUCKING KNOW TOO. AND OSWALD MAKES THE BEST FACE I HAVE EVER SEEN. LIKE NO ED WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL.

Babs goes back to trying to kill Os and Ed fucking stands there surprised. Oswald tries to get babs to join the plot to leave because hey thats the only thing that will save him. Babs calls bs then like the proud boyfriend he is goes "Ed did." And Ed shows off his little science project like the proud boy he is and goes "its a submarine". So fucking proud of himself and Os points back at the drawing also very proud. Which is just fucking beautiful. We love ours boys supporting each other.

Then babs asks the question. Where is it. AND THESE TWO IDIOTS STARE AT EACH OTHER LIKE 'where is it friend?' Ed looks down at his drawing like it will magically appear and when it doesn't he realizes he has to be the one to explain that in fact they HAVE TO BUILD THE FUCKING THING. And of course babs knows the 3 of them don't have enough braincells to do that and goes back to plan A. Oswald immediately accepts his fate and Ed just stands there, not a single thought in his pretty little head. It was Oswalds's turn to think. Babs realizes she can't because baby gave her morals again I guess and she leaves. As she leaves Oswald knowing he's safe goes "So who's the lucky father" and Ed continues to stand there completely blank. I really wish she would've said Ed. I MEAN HOW ELSE WOULD HE KNOW? OS WOULD'VE BELIEVED IT AND LOST HIS SHIT.

But seriously how the fuck did Ed know? On one hand Ed just is that smart somehow and only exhibits this level of intelligence one time. Like Ed is terrible at social ques. He can't read people worth a damn but can predict what they'll do. Well folks you've heard of GAYDAR we now present PREGDAR. On the other hand I can picture Gordon and babs going into the other room and Edward is just sitting there listening while playing with some Legos or some shit. And he just assumes that she's probably pregnant after that. Because hey Jim probably doesn't have any condoms, right? And on hand number 3 he just pulled that out of his ass hoping it would do something and it worked. But looking at when he says it again he acts like he def put everything together. Who the fuck taught Ed about sex? He's too young for that.

I honestly can't decide what I wish was true.

And that's where I currently am at. God I hope we get some more good content.

[snifflesthemouse]

I'm still rather new to Tumblr. While I've clearly displayed my ability to post my ramblings, I'm still figuring out the other various features of this platform. For the sake of reference, I have posted a screenshot below.

While I completely agree with @youhavebeenmarkled that it's grossly inappropriate to suggest Catherine, the future Queen Consort, is a drug addict... I want to add to the discussion and further develop why the concept of Catherine microdosing heroin is entirely ignorant.

@youhavebeenmarkled mentions several excellent points as to why the concept is ridiculous; from genetics to muscle tone and more. But there's deeper reasons why this idea of Catherine being on heroin is so far from the truth and reality, it's out of this world. Some could even argue it sounds like a page from a Hollywood script.

Before I get started, though, I want (and need) to stress a few things. I am in no way shaming anyone. As I've shared in the past, I am the last person in the universe qualified to pass judgement on anything or anyone. My posts are simply my perspectives, my opinions. I look at facts in the public domain, and with my own knowledge and life experience, I form my thoughts.

Please remember while you read this, I am not looking down on anyone. I am not bragging about knowing what drug addiction is or is not. I am only sharing some insights with you, the reader, on what real life heroin addiction is like. My only goal is giving insight.

I am not proud of my past, and I am not condoning it. Nor should you. Accountability is how I stay clean. Please do not feel like I am suggesting non-addicts are ignorant or "square". Not knowing or understanding heroin addiction is a blessing. It's a good thing to be in the dark about certain things because it means you're smarter than people like me.

Be proud of the fact you don't automatically see why these blind items are total nonsense from the start. And if you aren't proud of yourself, just know I am proud AF of you. For those of you like myself who have been through the hell of addiction, remember we do recover. With all that being said, let's get going.

You see, anyone with firsthand experience or knowledge of true heroin addiction would automatically know these rumors are absolutely ridiculous. Why? Because heroin addiction doesn't work that way.

Now don't get me wrong. The world is filled with functioning closet addicts. I myself was a functioning closet addict for years before the world was any the wiser. The key point, though, is the world did eventually get wiser.

Heroin addiction usually starts out in one of a few ways. Most Americans addicted to heroin became that way because of prescription painkillers. For example, I first got addicted to pain pills. When the pain pills became impossible to get, I took what I could get that was the closest equivalent. That was heroin.

But some people start using heroin because they did some at a party with friends. Or they have a loved one addicted and wanted to see what the fuss was all about. Some people are hooked on other drugs, like cocaine or ecstasy, and their usual dealer offers a free sample of the latest batch of heroin. There's a saying among addicts; "The first one's free."

Dealers know they can increase their profitability if they can get established clients addicted to other products they traffic. But these are just a few examples of how people get started using heroin. Very rarely does anyone start out on heroin simply because they want to stay thin. Contrary to the popular belief known to many as "heroin chic" that came from supermodels in the mid 80s and 90s.

Heroin is what addicts refer to as a euphoria narcotic. It has a euphoric effect, and it is sometimes called a "downer". Cocaine, crack cocaine, methamphetamine, or amphetamines are called "uppers" or "speeders" because they stimulate the brain and give energy. While heroin can have that affect on people, it is not the traditional go-to for illicit weight management.

In other words, if Catherine really did use microdosing (a concept I will debunk in a moment), her first, best choice would be a stimulant like cocaine because it's much more effective at appetite suppression and providing energy. Heroin wouldn't be the first, best choice for many reasons.

Because of its nature, heroin is highly addictive. Most users begin snorting the drug in powder form. Within seconds to a minute, the substance enters the bloodstream and hits the brain. The brain then releases endorphins that travel the rewards pathway in the brain. The first time one uses heroin is the highest they will ever feel from using. Every subsequent dose releases less and less endorphins in the brain. This is why recovering addicts talk about chasing their sobriety like they chased their first high. This is also why microdosing is an almost-impossible behavior.

Microdosing means taking tiny, small amounts over time. Meaning that you only use the minimum amount to achieve the effect you desire. But the problem is, your brain becomes physically dependent on the substance over time. Every time an addict uses, the brain gets more dependent on that substance to function. So, while a non-addict's brain has no issues with their brain producing endorphins, an addict's brain does. This is why heroin is so addictive.

Eventually, a heroin addict's brain will become so reliant on heroin to produce endorphins, the addict will become entirely dependent. This is also known as becoming hooked. When the addict doesn't have the minimum amount of heroin the body is accustomed to, or depending upon, the addict will start withdrawal. This is often called being "dope sick" or "detoxing".

Detoxing or being dope sick is the driving force behind addicts staying addicts. Being dope sick is the biggest fear of an addict. So much so, the fear of detoxing is enough to drive otherwise good, decent human beings to doing absolutely whatever it takes to avoid detoxing. Stealing from loved ones, manipulating innocent bystanders, lying, cheating, robbing, selling your body... are the half of it.

Being dope sick is like having the worst flu of your life times a million. You will vomit, have uncontrollable diarrhea, and your body will hurt worse than anything you could ever imagine. If you detox for more than a day, you will begin to feel like your insides are shaking, burning, and pulling apart inside. You can't sleep. You can't eat. You can't get out of bed. You miss work and lose your job (if you still have one at this point). You get desperate before this point, and you get carnal after this point.

Your brain and entire body becomes dependent on this substance to function subpar. Without this substance, everything begins to stop working properly. Depending on exactly how much you use normally, your withdrawal can become life threatening. You can have seizures, strokes, or even go into cardiac arrest. Hopefully you can see by now why I say the concept of microdosing is ridiculous.

To be able to micro dose would require the self control and willpower of a super human. This reminds me of an article I once read about a college professor who advocated for drug use. He claimed he wasn't addicted, had control of his drug use, and was a productive member of society. He said he'd use heroin like others drink after a long day of work. Yet, he's been using it for over a decade. Yet, he experienced detoxing. That professor is a prime example of an addict in denial. But I digress...

My points are this:

1. Heroin wouldn't be the first choice for weight control or appetite suppression; cocaine or stimulants like meth or ritalin would be.

2. Microdosing is an almost-impossible method of drug use because the body gets hooked quickly. Which means the dose will only increase in amount in order to have the same effects over time.

3. Heroin causes an addiction that results in serious, life threatening withdrawal that drives even the nicest person to doing the worst of the worst.

4. Heroin addiction, even in small amounts, takes no time to invade and overtake one's life. It literally only takes one time to get hooked. It literally takes no time to destroy everything.

Oh, and one more thing before I put a sock in it... at the height of my active addiction, I was using around 2 grams a day to feel normal. I spent at minimum $200 a day on heroin. Sometimes even more. When I started out, I was only using a tenth or less. It takes 10 of those to make a gram. So within two months of starting, I went from doing one tenth to needing 20 of those tenths just to feel normal and function. All the while, I never got smaller than 150 pounds.

I know it sounds terrible, but I would lament over how unfair it was. I was doing all this heroin, and I was still thick AF. I would literally joke to fellow addicts I would use with how it was total bullshit. How was it I was using 2 grams a day and still a size 12 or 14? That's how sick I was in my disease. Which is my final point.

Not everyone on heroin is "heroin chic" skinny. The effort, will power, and self control it would take to "microdose" would be far greater than what it would take to control one's diet and exercise. Plus it would be much cheaper to hire a trainer than employ a drug dealer.

I hope this very long, detailed, winded post gives better insight to the deeper reasons the blind item is so dumb. I also hope it gives insight to the real life of heroin addiction. My goal was, and is, to provide real examples to the blind item's absurdity. If I can help people better understand heroin addiction, potentially deterring someone from ever touching it or even a loved one learning something that could help someone they know struggling with addiction... well that would be a bonus.

P.S. If you or a loved one you know is struggling with addiction, there is help out there. If you have any questions or just need someone to listen, please feel free to message me. I will do my best to help. I've been there. They say the only way to keep your sobriety is by giving it away... I have plenty to give. Be forewarned, though, I am unapologetically blunt and honest to a fault. I mean no harm, but I will not sugar coat anything.