#but sometimes she’ll post something and it just awakens the pretentious little bitch in me i can’t help it

[steviescrystals]

i really try to curb my gatekeeping tendencies but sometimes…

[skywalkersapprentice]

LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER aka my review of the last jedi

(spoilers)

Contrary to my feelings leading up to the force awakens, I was more nervous than completely excited for this film. I was so terrified that it wasn’t going to be good.

by the end of this movie, those fears had been soothed.

Bad Things(tm) 

it’s a shorter list than i thought it would be but it still exists

kylo ren’s entire existence annoys me. like i came out of tfa hating him and now i loathe him. 

thAt SHIRTLESS SCENE GOD I HATED THAT. it could have been so much worse and i’m grateful it wasn’t but jeez. i strongly echoed rey’s feelings of ‘put a shirt on’. 

the entire fucking force bond thing got on my nerves until i realized it was snoke’s fault. then it was okay. 

rey nobody. listen you guys, i’m all for the found family trope usually but you can pry rey skywalker out of my cold, dead hands. 

i feel like sometimes this movie didn’t know what it was doing with it’s plot. canto bight was beautiful, but that entire plot ultimately felt meaningless. 

same with luke’s purpose, i couldn’t.... really figure out the role he was supposed to be playing. 

some of the scenes on the island felt really fucking boring. 

why did hux slap finn like yeah mate we already know he’s an asshole

this was the biggest one for me- rey’s character. it could have been done so much better. she felt like she was aimlessly wandering around the island for half the movie and she deserved more than she got. i’m just thankful this is the middle act and that she’ll be back in the safe hands of jj abrams for the final movie. 

also finn and rey deserved a better reunion scene but the hug was adorable.

Good Things(tm)

this is a much longer list

ROSE TICO. omg i adore her???? she’s so awkward and tiny and charming. i spent most of the battle of crait thinking ‘omg please don’t die’ and i’m SO HAPPY she didn’t. i ended up not minding finnrose, which i thought i wouldn’t like. she and finn worked so well together.

LUKE THREW THE LIGHTSABER OFF THE CLIFF SDFGHGFDFGH I LAUGHED SO HARD. i immediately knew i was gonna like luke in this movie. 

also i dont’ wanna hear a word about ‘bad characterization’ when it comes to luke. it’s been 30 years since we saw him last and people change. 

i think it helps that i have read basically none of the post-rotj eu and so i had no expectations of what luke ‘should have’ been like. but anyway.

another thing i laughed so hard at: poe pretending not to know who hux was while he was speaking all pretentiously. that was hilarious. 

and then bb8 overextending himself trying to keep the ship working. bb8 was the silent hero of this movie and you all need to appreciate him.

CHEWIE AND THE PORGS. oh my godd when he was eating that one porg and then the rest of them show up with huge eyes and legitimately sad expressions. i was literally aww-ing. i’ve bought into the cute porg marketing. they made me smile every time they were onscreen. sue me. 

i really liked what luke had to say about the light side not ‘belonging’ to the jedi, because it’s true. time to think outside the box lads

rey looked so good in that jedi outfit

the golden four (finn, rose, rey and poe) all looked amazing tbh.

i almost liked kylo ren for one (1) second after he killed snoke and then he decided that he wanted to destroy the rest of the galaxy too and i was like Oh My God

also they made a bold move by killing snoke but i really liked that they did. now ren can step into position as the Main Villain, which is what he deserves. (no redemption arc bitch you’ve tried to murder everyone like twice)

also the way!!! snoke died!!!!! was so cool!!!! he could read ren’s intentions like a book, but the way ren deceived him into thinking that rey was his sworn enemy because ‘i can’t be betrayed’ was amazing. and this is coming from someone who despises kylo ren.

lmao @ hux and ren subtly fighting for control over their troops. i wouldn’t be surprised if hux eventually stabs ren in the back.

THAT SCENE WHERE REN AND REY BREAK ANAKIN’S LIGHTSABER

THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING

it would have more meaning if rey was also related to anakin but whatever

holy shit. the entire scene with yoda. i was silently squeeing into my hands the whole time.

this is the first time i have ever been happy to see yoda but oh. my god. that little troll cackling as he destroyed the early jedi texts (‘page turners, they were not��) was AMAZING. 

i almost forgot to mention but 

LEIA

USING THE FUCKING FORCE

TO SAVE HERSELF AND BRING HER BACK TO THE SHIP WHILE LOOKING LIKE A GODDAMN ANGEL

that was the first time the guy beside me offered me tissues. i was not okay.

also i love her dynamic with poe so much. and that scene where amilyn and leia are discussing him and amilyn says ‘i like him’ and leia goes ‘me too’ is so pure.

also leia and amilyn had one (1) scene together but it still managed to make me emotional. leia has lost so much and this was just one more thing, but their goodbye was good.

also i love my gay mom amilyn tbh. the luna lovegood comparisons were rolling in before the film and tbh i could see that! i’m so sad she had to die but what a fucking way to go. the entire theater was dead silent when she made that jump to hyperspace. 

i don’t think i’ve ever sworn this much in my life. whatever.

something i really liked that i didn’t expect to is how so close ren and rey came to leaving their respective sides. the lines between light and dark got so blurry in snoke’s throne room, but eventually what happened seemed to cement their respective positions, pushing them even further away from one another. it was cool.

leia marching onto the bridge of the command ship fresh from unconsciousness and stunning poe wow what an icon

also when will the gays learn to communicate i mean poe and amilyn come on

can we talk about that scene in the falcon when luke and artoo reunite :( omg. artoo still has leia’s old message and i personally want to die.

luke and leia’s (natural) force connection that spans half a galaxy!!!! ‘luke’ ‘leia’ i personally want to die (part 2)

canto bight looked straight out of the prequels and i was Living

i was also living for the way finn and rose destroyed it

“you have always been scum”. “rebel scum” THAT’S MY BOY I LOVE FINN

also there was something that finn said on crait while they were in the mine (i forget what it was) but poe and rose both looked at him like they were falling in love 

and also poe’s delight when seeing that finn and rose aren’t dead and immediately going ‘where’s my droid’ :( i love how much he loves bb8, it’s very reminiscent of anakin and artoo.

speaking of crait

LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER

[INCOHERENT YELLING]

when the shadow appeared in the mine i was like..... omg. it can’t be. he wouldn’t.

and then it WAS and i realized that we were actually getting a leia and luke reunion, after i had convinced myself it wouldn’t happen, and then i started really crying. i don’t think i’ve ever cried like that at a movie before. i don’t even remember most of what was said, except for luke’s ‘no one is ever really gone’ (directed at leia, by then i was properly sobbing) and then the forehead kiss. i was a mess. the guy beside me offered me kleenex again.

That was, without a doubt, my favourite scene in the film. Luke and Leia got to say goodbye. I feel like that actually healed something in me that broke when carrie died last year. like, the movie was worth making just for that one fucking scene.

but then it got better.

when ren ordered all the walkers to fire on luke and then luke walked out unscathed someone in front of me actually clapped with glee. from the moment he ignighted his lightsaber, there was an energy of just joy in the theater, and you could tell that scene was exactly what everyone had wanted from luke.

AND THEN KYLO REN TRIED TO CUT HIM IN HALF AND IT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DELIGHTED

'amazing. everything you just said was wrong.’ YES LUKE YES

I can’t wait for luke to haunt ren from beyond the grave in episode 9. i don’t know how i feel about the fact that he’s dead, but it’s far from the sadness i felt when han died.

like rey and leia said- there was a sense of peace there.

I just. I just wish Leia could find that peace. She has lost absolutely everyone. And now the movie that was supposed to be about her can’t exist.

‘in loving memory of our princess carrie fisher’ made me halt on the steps and bring my hand to my mouth on the way out of the theater. i’d forgotten that would happen. :(

I don’t want to end this on a sad note. I really did like this movie. It’s not quite good enough for a 9 and i hesitate to rate it as low as a 7 so an 8 it is. 

Overall- better than i’d hoped. had some absolutely magical moments that made me remember why i love this franchise so much. there were some truly cool force-related moments, i love the golden four and luke skywalker is fucking awesome. kylo ren is fucking terrible, i wish this movie had progressed it’s characters a little and rey deserves to be a skywalker.

bring on episode nine.